2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer - Ep. 66 | 2 Bears 1 Cave w/ Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer

Episode Date: February 1, 2021

Are you ready for the Big Game on February 7th?! Come hang out with the bears and special guest Warren Sapp as they watch both teams face off in the final game of the season. Get tickets at https://livestream.ymhstudios.com SPONSORS: - Get the new Bud Light Seltzer Lemonade delivered at https://BudLight.com/delivery - Get your first visit absolutely free at https://ForHims.com/bears - Go to https://Squarespace.com for a free trial and when you’re ready to launch, use the offer code BEARS to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain - Get 15% off your order at https://BuyRaycon.com/bears - Download the DraftKings app and use code BEARS to get a free shot at millions of dollars in total prizes! Tom Segura and Bert Kreischer start off this episode of 2 Bears, 1 Cave by discussing how Bert is celebrating his power. Bert recaps his "Winston Churchill Day," discusses his house getting broken into, and explains why he loves sunsets. They reveal that the trauma Bert incurred from being cheated on, was actually the result of him cheating first, and watch a clip of AEW commentators flubbing Bert's name once again. They call Cody Rhodes and Snoop Dogg, and Snoop agrees to go fishing with the Bears and Warren Sapp!

Super Bowl! The fucking Super Bowl! You can't say that! That's a registered trademark for the National Football League! I'm gonna be watching the big final game of the season with my buddies. Super Bowl Sunday! Me, Townsagram! And me, Warnsapp! It all going down on Sunday, February 7th, 315 Pacific, 615 East Coast. Watch the big game with us and you know we're going to town plenty of shit.

We're going to be drinking, smoking, eating, watching football. I can't wait to hang out with my good friends, Trent and Bob. Livestream.wmhstudios.com. Finally, two bears won and sat. We'll see you February 7th for the big gay you smoking your bed spoke to my bed smoked cigar in my bed how did that didn't didn't know harm no foul really yeah it was like

wearing a condom on spring break not wearing a condom on spring break I don't know anyway under a percent I don't know. Anyway, 100% I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I He's Bruce Kirschner. I'm Tom Segura. This is how we do it now We ain't Go in nowhere We ain't that's gonna play them we were canceled. Don't don't don't don't So real quick what real quick? We're gonna drink bud fucking celters by light celters Let's do it at the front cuz I got shit to do today. Okay. I? Real quick. And we're gonna drink bud fucking celters, bud-like celters. Let's do it at the front, cause I got shit to do today.

Okay. I am celebrating my power, brother. I am celebrating. Come tell you I'm like one drink. I need a, I need a like a, whoa we're drinking the tall boys. Yeah. You don't have that much shit to do. Yeah.

Cheers. Oh, motherfucker. I thought we were getting the little skinny ones. Yeah. All right. These are burp drinks. This is, let's see how many calories. Here cheers mother fucker. I thought we were getting a little skinny one These are bird drinks. This is let's see how many calories you know I'm very calorie-con That's for the whole thing. Oh, well who's drinking half well? I think most of us are gonna ration it out No Tommy can I tell you mine? Can I tell you my new thing my new thing is Powered down that drink. Yeah, enjoy the buzz. I I'm sure both lights like he's he birds the taste

I would revision that and say you are Super Bowl to the big game to the Super Bowl. To the Super Bowl. To the big game. To the big game, right? To the big game. The big game. Right? How's that sip? This is tasty. Yeah. 220 calories, I guess I'm skipping one.

Are you done? No. No, I want to, can I tell you? This is my realization. I called you last night celebrating. You did. Yeah, last night you were celebrating. I'm celebrating my power, Tom.

So the other day, I did Winston Churchill day, right? And so I had, Liam woke me up, or I woke myself up, my weighted, and then they brought in eggs, bacon, coffee, toast in like the, where the sleeve where you stand the toast. Yes. You can find a picture of it in the dob. Yeah. Go to my Instagram. Jesus, are you alright? Yeah. You're gonna throw up. Not even close. Yeah, almost threw up on the treadmill this morning celebrating my power. What a pew. So that's the other ones like I'm breaking into my house. There we go. Here we go.

So this is my breakfast. If you can zoom in, take a look at what the toast is on and not look bad Astley and got me that for Christmas. Yes. Look at all the really nice silverware and the fine China. Is this the first time you've done this? The first time I've ever done it and I didn't even do it on the right day. It's apparently supposed to do it on April 9th. What made you choose? Because yesterday I died and I wanted to be a part. I just wanted to do it. And I've been holding up my drinking days.

So I've been wanting to save them for good days. I don't know if that'll be a good day. Problem is, I can't roll into a drinking scotch at 8 a.m. without having a little Taiwan on at night. Yeah, yeah So I Taiwan on at night. Can I tell you something you should do this more regularly? I don't think I tell you something I'm gonna okay. Yeah, I'm fucking definitely gonna I'm gonna gonna like I'm fucking I mean I got park here for one second. Okay, okay So before we get into celebrating your power

Okay, okay, so before we get into celebrating your power I want to mention that for the big game which is February Sunday February 7th 3 p.m. Pacific 6 p.m. Eastern hurt I think myself it's okay. Okay, okay You me and Hall of Famer and Super Bowl champion Warren sap We're gonna be here in studio. I don't know if it's been made clear or not Some people were like what is it? It is a companion show party To the big game so the idea is that you're watching the game with us We're gonna watch the game you can have us on the laptop on your phone Whatever a second TV as you're watching the game you can just honestly grab our audio and play it while you watch the game. You can have us on the laptop, on your phone, whatever, a second TV, as you're watching the game.

You can just honestly grab our audio and play it while you watch the big game. Yeah, exactly. But I think pair it up nicely, two and two, because we're putting the video component together. And we have our own half time show. We have some of our own ads. We have extra content.

And we have Warren's app. And I think, are we, did we get a betting sponsor? No. Oh. Well, are we, did we get a betting sponsor? No. Oh. Well, we'll be gambling. I think that was a misstep on the betting gant of people. No, that was the, we'll be betting for sure. We'll be betting and then we'll be setting up a lot of the bets

that someone would do, we'll do it with each other and then you can do it at home. It's gonna be a fucking blast. Can't tell you, we are going to get, I want Warren to get fucking wasted. Me too. And you're the guy to make it happen. Oh I am so I already have like like I was like maybe I should learn about some of the people to play on the game teams. And I was like nope. Yeah. I was like I was like what a great I mean I have like a list of questions. I just want you to be like, Patrick from my homes, I want you to be like, is he good? Like, that's what I'm hoping for.

Yeah, I tell you, I'm telling you, man, I'm fucking Brady Grunk all the way. I'm a Bucks fan. If you're a hometown team. By the way, hold on, let's be fair, because I will get called out, because I have done this before. I'm also a Rams fan. I'm also a Rams fan. This is a win-win year for me. We have season tickets to the Rams.

My girls were big Rams fan. You're from Tampa. But I'm from Tampa. I grew up is a win-win year for me. We have season tickets to the Rams. My girls were big Rams fan You're from the Tampa but I'm from Tampa. I grew up in Tampa when the buck sucked when people I I mean, I hate to get too specific, but I remember when Doug Williams was our quarterback and People didn't wear shirts in the stadium and I remember people I was my introduction to racism people saying horrific things About Doug Williams and I was a biggest to racism people saying horrific things about Doug Williams And I was a biggest Doug Williams fan the biggest I want to have a moment my fucking podcast you are would love to dude that guy that guy You know all those guys all those guys Ricky Bell

Fucking Batman James Woods Do he sell them? He literally sellman passed away. Do he Selman was the reason I learned about sickle cell anemia? I never heard about sickle cell anemia. I remember my dad, his kid was chewing it back, we eating M&M's next to me, and my dad's like, man, do he Selman's a fucking monster. He's got sickle cell, you know what that is, buddy? I go, what?

It's when you're fucking blood hurts, and I went, and I'm watching this guy play, I mean, I was such a fucking box fan. Sure, and then, and then, you know, when Warren had his run there and they won the Super Bowl, those teams were pretty incredible too, man. Dude, Derek Brooks, John Lynch. John, or Mike Alstad, John,

what's the name, John Lynch? John Lynch, John Lynch. He became a GM. I think it's a white privilege. What is? I think he's like, I think,, I don't wanna shit on John Lynch. Yeah. You know what we'll bring it up in the morning?

It's a great idea. Yeah. Cause I think John Lynch is like the f*** of football. Wow, I think that might get us sued. And by us, you mean you. Just can't just bleep leap out the the army hammer bar Believe that went in wait. Why are we celebrating your power? Okay?

Oh, I'm off track you did you did have an I won't say it But you did have a really good reason to celebrate last day We'll share that one day as soon as we're allowed to okay, but um so But is that the catalyst for you celebrating your power so okay? So I've been having I'm gonna have an a hard time drinking over quarantine But is that the catalyst for you celebrating your power? So, okay. So I'm gonna have a hard time drinking over quarantine. So why I haven't been drinking is because,

for whatever reason I'm just living at home, so I don't really, it's not fucking super fun, just drinking, I'm the only one drinking. And then Leanne started drinking a lot. And so I was like, oh, I have a cocktail with her. So I did, but then all of a sudden, I drink a bottle of wine and black out. I drink a, and it was not fun.

And I wake up, I'd be hungover and I didn't want to run. And I was like, ah, what the fuck am I doing? So then someone breaks into our house. We'll talk about that with sex. Someone breaks into our house. The next night we go up and we lock everything up. I'm feeling good. And in the next days, when the church will day and I decide, I'm going to Taiwan on a little bit, if I'm going to go and drink tomorrow. And so I get a little loose day and I decided I'm gonna tie one on a little bit if I'm gonna go and drink tomorrow And so I get a little loose looser than I wanted to be a Bala wine fucking cut for a couple of food fights a shotgun had to take that picture down off Instagram

Everyone hit me up. They're like, hey man. You're drinking. You have a gun in your hand. It's not funny It's like Dave Williams said it me up. He's like, hey man, you're drinking, you have a gun in your hand, it's not funny. It's like Dave Williams said, I'll be up, he's like, hey man, I'd take that down. I was like, huh? He was like, I don't know, you're talking about killing somebody. You can't find it anymore. Anyway. Let's celebrate our power.

So, so the next morning, Leigh Ann comes in, everything, eggs, bacon, toast, in the little sleeve toast thing, great, she bought expensive glassware. Yeah. And then fine china, bacon, toast, in the little sleeve toast then great. She bought expensive glassware Yeah, and then fine china have my breakfast and I'd be honest with you Did you smoke in your bed smoke to my bed smoke to cigar in my fucking bed? How did that? Didn't didn't know harm no foul really? Yeah, it was like wearing an animal and spring break not wearing an animal spring break I don't know anyway, so so go in. I hated by the way.

So spring break. No, senior week. Senior week, we go to Myrtle Beach, right? And I'm this check. I was like looking for me. And they're like, I think he's in his room. And I'm taking a shower. And she's like, I can I tell you, I think I've taking a shower and she's like, I can't tell you I think I've heard this story.

Really? I think I've heard this story keep going. Well, does it end with, AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH So this girl gets in the shower. I've, you know, I went to school with her, but I've never like made out with her anything. She's just getting a shower with me. I'm a little loose, right? It's spring break, middle piece.

Yeah, yeah, I've smoked a blunt. I'm like, you know, drink beers. So we're showering and I was like, I'll put it in, you know, so I, I, I, I go to and then after it's in, she goes, you should put on an condom. I'm like, it's already in you, you know? But I took it out. And then put on the condom?

No. You didn't fuck her? Yes. Yeah. I was like, why don't you get out? I guess I'm done. She was like, when, uh, didn't you get out? I guess I'm done. She was like, oh, uh, she just left. Well, you know, I mean, she stayed there for a while and I was like, come on.

She was like, all right. And then I would start and she was like, you should really wear a condom. I'm like, okay, I don't have one in the shower. Oh, I, you know, I wonder if you count just putting your dick in someone. Yeah. I probably have two more people in my list Really yeah, there's a couple people I put my dick in once and I was like all right, I don't know what kind of is a bad idea This apparently I learned later that I should have used

Did someone tell you a story? Yeah, they're like wow, she was actually being pretty cool. Yeah, she was being nice to you. Oh, shit. All right, back to my power. So, I take my time. I'm not a take your time kind of guy. So like, I take my time with my eggs, my bacon, I make some toast, put some jam on it, and I'm about to put me a little jam thing.

Done my food, have a little fruit, and then I like my cigar in bed. Now, in everything right now. Did you have any apprehension about doing that? I did, I had a lot of apprehension about that. Did you bed room and everything? Oh, yeah. I had a lot of apprehension. I had a lot of apprehension,

because I was like, this is a really bad idea. I was like, you know, this... And did she give you any shit about it? She was like, she was like, this is a really bad idea. I was like, you know, this, I bet she give you any shit about it. She was like, she was like, light it. And then if you, you know, if you're gonna smoke, it just go step outside. Like, enjoy, have a drink, have a little sip. Have, you know, so I light it.

She opens up all the windows and puts a fan on. We've been church-o-libbed in like a room. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, this guy- I probably smelled. I'm sure it smelled so bad. Yeah, so bad. Cause you mean, this guy probably smelled. Sure. It smelled so bad. Yeah. So bad. Cause you know, he's ripping ass all day. Oh, fuck yeah. Shit and drink. Oh, I mean, it's a guy like one after

another. It's just, oh, he smoked probably four scars a day. Oh my god. He lived to be 90. Yeah, that's crazy. And so I decided to go, I so you, it really is. But I, and then I think that's what inspired me about this was watching the darkest hour, and then reading, I've been obsessed with history, and reading everything I have. And it's fucking crazy. It's funny that you say that.

It's such a burnt thing to be like, I watch the show, and be like, I'm obsessed with this topic now. I can talk at length about ZARS. So, so I, I'm like, all right, I'm gonna just try it. I'll try it and then, you know, because I also wanted to jog and I felt pretty good. And I was like, I don't wanna drink a glass of Scotch if I'm gonna get workout.

Maybe I'll just do a little bit, don't on Instagram and then be done my day. I like this cigar. I take a sip of Scotch and it feels good. All of a sudden it's warm and it feels good and I went, hmm. And then Leanne opens the door, starts to fan on, and the smoke's all kind of pulling out. I'm like, you know, and I'm feeling good and bad.

I'm in bad with the cigar and I'm like, and scotch. And I took my time with it, right? I got the important thing about drinking. I think people miss. Yeah. And by the way, I talked about this ad nauseam and therapy. My fucking therapist goes, I mean, I'm not, I, maybe I've had a drink once this year

or once last year and I went once. And he goes, you know, if I go to dinner, I'll get a jack-in-cook and I went jack-in-cook. I go, what do we, sophomores in college? And he goes, actually, I found my drink was a sophomore in college. I was like, no shit. I was like, drink like a fucking man. I go, you're, get like, like, and then I go, what do we, sophomores in college? And he goes, actually, I found my drink was a sophomore in college. I was like, no shit. I was like, drink like a fucking man.

I go, you're like, get like, like, and then I started, this is what you tell your therapist. Yeah. And I was like, you got, I go, there are drinks for, I go like, if you tell me an occasion, I'll tell you what drink you should have. If we're going to have golf and someone says, bloody Mary, I go double, I want teetos

and I better see you again on the front nine. Like, that's the drink I want in a pool on a Saturday at around 11 to gin and tonic are you fucking kidding me like there are drinks to have at certain times in your life Where you go where you go? This is what I'm gonna have in a sauna not bad with they're probably not a fan of that But but like Seltzer and I had the Christmas edition. And so, so I, I take my time and I think all you really want out of alcohol, really, honestly, the only good thing about alcohol is that first drink buzz, that first drink buzz that goes, I remember this so specifically, we did so broctober 9, been on a tear for fucking really bad up until we did the first Sober October and then me and R.E. go to

good go to New Orleans and We have that first drink and we bought really nice first drink so first drink and I was like oh I don't know if I want to drink so I had in drank in a month and I felt really good and then we went on the street and The butt that buzz from the first drink, drinking a half kicked in. Now there's a girl, I won't say her name because I, but I know her dad's name's John and her mom's name's Claire. But I want, I just, this is a true story. This little girl would come to our house growing up with our daughters.

She would dance. She would dance by herself with no music. And she would just sit, everyone would go do something and she'd just sit in our room and just dance and do like moves. We're like her own little moves. And she was like maybe seven years old. And they used to stare at this kid and go, what the fuck is she dancing to?

Like what makes her dance? And all of a sudden, I'm in New Orleans on the street and that buzz kicks in and I go, I know why she dances. It's this feeling. And when you're a kid, that's pure. You get that as a kid. And when you're an kid, that's pure. You get that as a kid. And when you're an adult, you need one drink. One drink and you, all the sudden,

you feel the lightness of like, hey man, fuck coronavirus, fuck cancer, fuck all this. I got alcohol. Alcohol, it makes it all go away. And it's such a beautiful, beautiful thing. But what happens is with me, and with people watching this,

is all the sudden you go, all right, let's turn it into a night. Yeah. And if you can find, and this is what I really respect about you, because you can do this, Joe can do this. I don't know, I think Ari can do it. But if you can find that one drink,

where you get the lightness, and then you go, I'm gonna get my shit together. I'm gonna get it gotta sleep. I gotta busy day tomorrow. Yeah. And that's your power. And once you get that power, you can celebrate that power.

I got, so last night, so I do that. I have one drink and I enjoy it. I never enjoyed a fucking scotch. I've never sat and enjoyed the scotch. I enjoyed the scotch. Smoked the whole scar down to the nub. Finished the Scotch, chewed on the ice, when the ice is perfect and it tilts days like Scotch.

And my glass is empty. I get done, put on my workout gear, run six miles, right? Run six fucking miles. The whole time I'm like suck my dick Winston Churchill. Did you run six miles after your fucking day? Definitely not. He also fought the fucking Nazis. But anyway, there's a lot of things I didn't do that he did.

So I find my power. Now, here's the sketchy part. When you don't always have that power, you're fluctuating between weakness and power. Your weakness is, I'm on the treadmill, I'm almost done. It's my last mile, maybe I'll grab a beer. Oh, what are you watching a brain saying that? Well, do you know what, let's open a bottle of rosé. It's new. Well, why wait? Why's your brain saying that? Oh, you know what? Let's smoke a blunt. Let's smoke one of snooze blunts. Just take a hit. Wait, why is your brain saying that?

Let's have another cigar. That's the weakness, right? Yeah. If you can conquer the weakness, then you celebrate your power and your power is that one drink and 8 a.m. With a cigar and I will be doing this again because it's such a great feeling to be at 11.30 at night to have no buzz whatsoever, feel totally sober and go, I had a fucking pretty amazing day. So last night, good news comes, Leanne opens a bottle of champagne and I go, I don't even question it, I'm celebrating my power, right? So we have a couple glasses of champagne,

I never feel champagne, that's not real, right? Felt for chicks, Jesus Christ. Chick drink. Sidebar, Winston Churchill used real, right? For chicks, pieces, rice, chick drink. Sidebar, Winston Churchill used to drink a bottle of champagne at lunch, which I might start doing. Who don't want a little treat? It's called, it's called champagne. First of all, it's champagne.

It's like fucking, you know, sparkling water. Cool it, it's like cool it. It's like cool it, it's like cool it, and someone's back. So, that's my weakness. Is I been back to cool eight when I was celebrating my power. So, so, so, last night, this is so fantastic.

A couple blocks of the champagne and like a couple zoom conference, you know, things. Everyone's cheers in each other. And I go, Johnny Walker, blue, I go Johnny Walker blue. I'm coming for you. I'm coming for you with a cigar. Celebrate my power. And I say, Haley, and let's go take the dogs on a walk, right? In between celebrations. I would never do that. I would sit there with a fucking fucking make a drink. Take a walk, you know, ready. Yeah. I don't celebrate my power. I come back. I have a drink. Lindsay text me, hey,

I need that. And I'm like, ah, you know what, I'm celebrating. I FaceTimed three people to thank them. You, uh, Rogan and Dr. Drew, or the three people I FaceTimed, that were separate. I'll tell you, I'll tell you why in a second, but, um, or later, but, and then I had, I talked to you and push on the phone. I finished my glass of Johnny Walker blue. I I had, I talked to you and push on the phone. I finished my glass of Johnny Walker blue. I finished my, I didn't even smoke my whole scar. I'm still a little bit of power. And then I went in, I sat with my daughters,

I started drinking Kool-Aid, and I hydrated, I went to sleep, and I woke up feeling amazing. And I ran the fastest three miles I've run to date this morning because I didn't feel hungover. Yeah. I was like, you know how me, I am, I still work out when I'm hungover as fuck. Oh, I know. And can I tell you the best part of it is,

and this is what fucks my brain up. Is I knew I could run hard because I knew I was having this bud light shelter this morning. And in celebrating my power, I said, I'm gonna have one, I didn't know it was gonna be a tall boy. I was like, I'm gonna have one bud light shelter and then I'm gonna keep doing my day. Yeah, celebrate my power, I said I'm gonna have one. I didn't know it was gonna be a tall boy. I was like, I'm gonna have one bud light seltzer, and then I'm gonna keep doing my day.

Yeah. Celebrate my power. Well, this seems like a really like, but like I think I'm crazy. Well, I really think, hey, you switched guests. Oh, it's just a brace, I worked with you. Okay, okay.

This shows better when we drink. This is, I was gonna say- I can't wait till you move to Austin. We are just gonna get fucking tossed every time. I feel like you really had a revelation. This is like a breakthrough. I think we should snip the last 20 minutes and you should send that to your therapist for sure.

Oh, I talked to him about it yesterday. And, and he was, you know, I don't know if I con my therapist and just telling me I don't have a problem. Or like telling me I'm like normal. Yeah, but like, the thing, he goes, you need to write a book about drinking. Like he goes, you make me want to drink. And I was like, yeah, but the thing is,

it's like, seems like the effect you want. And from like, you know, he goes, it was, I go, you know what he said to me yesterday, he's like, yeah, but the thing is, it's like, it seems like the effect you want. He goes, you know, he goes, I go, you know what he said to me yesterday, he's like, he's like, you know, I said to him, I see a sunset. Now, I don't know if Leanne's ever seen a sunset. I don't know if she has ever stopped

to look at a sunset. There are certain people that don't see a sunset. They just don't see them. Like, I don't always looking for them. The same way I guess that certain people see and talk to ghosts, or like I look do that What's that? I do mention sunsets a lot. I'm obsessed. I'm obsessed that

Can I tell you what I love about a sunset? And this is what I love about my power is we're one beer in and I'm having beautiful thoughts Yeah, you definitely are um They're so fleeting. There's beautiful. You know what it's like women It's like they're beautiful beautiful beautiful. then they turn 50 and they're like, I was all dark. Hey dude. Oh, that was horrible. Oh, especially because you're married to a 50.

Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. You basically just said, my wife's not beautiful anymore. She's a beautiful in her own way.

Hey. If you like a domineering woman who likes to tell you what to do, and then drive, she drove me to do barricade because I was like, I'm definitely having one drink. And then I was like, I don't drink a drive. So she's driving me here and then to my... You are, by the way, for a guy known for partying and drinking and really going over the top,

you always responsibly get yourself transported. I have a lot of rules, I think, in my head, where I follow a lot of certain rules that maybe not everyone follows. The vaccine stuff, someone hit me up and was like, hey man, I can get you a hook-up on a vaccine and I was like, I can't do that. And then I kept it, but you know, it would be better for you and the people who work with, I go, I can't do that. And then I can't be it, but you know, it would be better for you and the people you work with, I go, I can't do that. I'm like, not that guy. Like I appreciate it.

And I don't have a problem with people cheating and getting a vaccine at all. I would never call someone on it. I know people that have done it, but I'm not, I don't give a fuck. Like my rules are weird in my head. Here's the thing about sunsets, right? I think it's growing up in Florida is like, there's's something about I would love to know if this is a Florida thing

Laying in the sun Mm-hmm is like meditation like if I lay in the sun. I could feel the sun hitting my skin and warming me I all of a sudden it's like a Xanax. It just pulls all my energy out and it but it's got to be like a nice hot sun We're like we're like guys breathing on you Sunsets and I tell this to my therapist. I said I Said I don't think I'll ever see a sunset and not want to have a cocktail Because the sunset's great. It is great. I love I beautiful him. Yeah But when you have one cocktail and a sunset all of the sunsets got like hopes and dreams and it's just so much bigger

And then he goes, he goes, you know, Bert, alcohol does pair nicely with a sunset. And I was like, uh, it also pairs nicely with boredom. If you're doing nothing, alcohol is a fucking great companion. Yeah, yeah. It's a great companion for a lot of things, right? I want to find, I want marijuana to do that for me. It can. I gotta, do that for me it can I gotta do you fuck me up about trauma Really? Yeah, oh hey you fucked everybody up with your story that we found out you left a little detail out of what story

I don't know so we talked about how There's events that can traumatize you and have an effect. And you said when we talked about it last, that it was like eye opening to you, that yeah, you've been traumatized, you know. Oh my God. And you shared a story about getting back from, I think, Russia. And hold on, let me plug these in.

Yeah. Who watches Leanne's fucking podcast? That's like, I feel like Kevin Brennan when he talked about cheating on his wife at the end of the Opian Anthony show, and he goes, you listen to the end of the show. Well, so you told us this story about you got back, and you had an STD scare,

and that the horrific thing that happened to you is that you were cheated on while you were in Russia, I believe. And then a couple days later, after that podcast comes out, you do liens, and this is on there. Look at that. That's a glad... See, this was a blackout night. This was a blackout night? Yeah, because we opened a bottle of champagne to do the podcast. It was with 300th... Erna, or three-year anniversary. And then it just, and I ended up listening to the grateful dead fucking drinking wine by myself and the man cave smoking a cigar silently Wasn't like a fun buzz. I look at that that young lady or the woman now the woman that that treated me that way and I go

Oh, I may mistakes. I cheated on her with Erica. Yeah, I definitely did she caught me. She deserved to do it I don't I don't think she ever In fact, I'm not Her first. Oh yeah, listen, listen, why are we gonna hold on? That's the time out that's the part I never hold on you cheated on her first Hold on no, no, no, you cheated on her first and then you claim to be traumatized by her Okay, you left that out of the story. Sometimes, man. You're on narrative. So, you were so, you were like, uh, you really hurt me.

Like she broke me in. I was so hurt and you leave out the detail. So when did you cheat on her? Like, before you left Russia or? Oh yeah, yeah, no before. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah when did you cheat on her? Like before you left Russia or? Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, no before, yeah, yeah, yeah, I'm cheating on her pretty aggressively. You don't think that's an important detail? No.

You just want to be like, she hurt me. It's about how it affects you, correct? Right. Like, oh fuck yeah, I wish I'd never said that. Oh god, yeah, I was so bad. I was like, I watched the, it was in my story, it's not like what? Fuckingly and such a bitch.

Yeah, I wish he put that in. I told Halson to edit that out. Yeah, it was a fucking man. Have you ever been walking on getting cheap when you're cheap? No, no. You had that happen? So wait, paint the picture. You want to call the check, talk about it.

Well, wait, paint the picture first. So the whole picture, just that little bit. Well, like paint the picture of the incident. Like, so you have a girlfriend. What's her name? Or, can't say. Okay, but- Can't say it because it's not fair to her.

That's fair, that's fine. So can we give her a name, Sarah? You're like, oh, it's black in her name. So- Skiber Jennifer, I did it a minute million, Jennifer. a name, Sarah? You're like, oh, it's black in her name. So I'll... I dated a million Jennifer's. Right now, Jen's like, fuck off. Okay, so you're dating Jennifer and you end up, you did say the name Erica, right?

You can't say that. Erica, I can tell you. Erica's the one that you like cheat with. Erica was, I ended up living with Erica in New York. Okay, but for this particular incident, you're dating Jennifer and wait, are you back at your place? So I just to give you a little context,

who may hold on, let's, you're right, let's pull it back to there. So I, yeah, I, I mean, Erica, a spring break and she's just different than the other person I'm in dating, and Jennifer. Yeah, different and Yeah, different. And really fun and not as heavy as,

and doesn't know anything that's going on in my life at the time, which was really nice. Cause my parents were splitting up. And so I started hanging out with Erica. And then I'm like, they're in the same city, but I tell one girl, I tell the Jennifer that I was going out with my friends and then I go out with my buddy Obie and this girl Susan and then Erica and the four of us would go out

and hang out. And it didn't seem bad at first and then Erica and I started hooking up and then I'm up. We lived Obie and I lived in an attic and fucking Eddie is such a cunt. She walks in and she's like, hey, his bird here and Eddie's like upstairs. Fucking Eddie. I just, Eddie, what? Tells her. Yeah, it tells her.

No, yeah, because we were fighting at the time. Me and Eddie were fighting at the time. And he's like upstairs and she walks upstairs. He could have just said no. Yeah. And he walks, she walks upstairs and she walks walks in and Eric and I are on a futon And she sees us and she goes hi. I'm Jennifer. I'm Bert's girlfriend and Erica is still one of the funniest people She goes I think he's talked about you

Fuck him. Oh, and then She looks at me and she goes I'm gonna leave and I was like, yeah, it's good call It was like it was chill bumps. It was gross. It was so douche chills I fucked up big time and I was like I was like, I don't know you talked it out with her like the right then and there We talked it out. We broke up. I started dating Erica and then Eric and I broke up But dating Erica is a weird thing to say because we dated, but I don't know, we were still really close. So it was like a weird,

Erica and I had a kind of a bond that formed then that wasn't as much sexual as it was like, sincerely just finding a best friend. Finding someone you could talk to, that all of a sudden you couldn't talk to other people. Like it was like you. I honestly, there's a handful of people I've run into in my life that I hold on to.

Eric is, by far, I talked to him the other day. I literally talked to him the other day for a long time. And so yeah, and then it was we broke up, and then Eric and I had just kind of just, oh, what, we still hung out. We hung out, we ended up living together in New York. Like we always hung out. But you weren't dating when you were in New York.

Or you were. Yeah, okay. Kind of, but not really, but kind of, I don't know. Eric and I have always been very complicated and I think that, you know, even Leanne always was like awkward with Eric and I, my relationship. Never because we hooked up, because we have a real sincere closeness.

Yeah. That she knows me really well and she can make me giggle really hard. She's just, she's a really cool chick. can make me giggle really hard. She's just a really cool check She's always been a cool check and fucking very different like just the way her brain works is like And so a man it was awkward getting walked in on cheating. That sounds yeah, it sounds cool Were you guys in actually doing it when she walked in? I think we were I think we might have been kissing or something Yeah

Because if it's in like if you have it in and somebody walks in, that's totally. Oh, my buddy had that happen. Yeah. Get ready to bleep all the fucking names. Ready? Or just don't say them. No, no, just bleep the names. Okay. Bleep the names. Walked in on. Fucking his girlfriend. Oh my god. I know. on f***ing his girlfriend. Oh my God. I know.

Oh! Can I tell you that because of that experience, you ready for this? Because of that experience, I started headlining the improvs. Yeah. Yup. This guy, witnesses that,

walks in on it. Walks in on it. First thing he says is, oh my God, your f on it. Walks in on it. First thing he says is, oh my God, your ****. **** Okay. And he's like, what the fuck comes over

to me and Lee Ann's house and he's crying. And I ended up writing a joke about it because it was like, I was like, you know, it's fun to make someone laugh, but it's more fun to really twist the screws and make someone cry harder. And so, because he would talk about it and I was hung over and I didn't really have any connection

to it, I was like, I know this hurts, but then I was like, it's kind of fun to make fun of. I was like, yeah, you're gonna have a hard time watching. BEEP now. And he was like, just edit all the ones that I cover my hands out of with. So, that night I go to the improv and Chris Porter's headlining.

They call me up and they're like, hey, we up Chris Porter, he's just gonna do 30 minutes because he's showcasing for all the improv and Chris Porter's headlining. They call me up and they're like, hey, we have Chris Porter, he's just gonna do 30 minutes because he's showcasing for all the improv owners. Can you come out and do another 30 minutes after him and I'm on the course, Matt, Foltron's there, it's me, Chris Porter, Matt Foltron.

And you're here and I live? In Burvine, yeah, in Irvine. Erber, Brea, and so Chris Porter fucking destroys and I have to follow him. And so, and as I follow him I want it's kind of a part of my career where you're like, oh of course that's me I watch everyone that owns an improv get up and walk out of the room and follow Chris I'm like cool with it whatever. I'm still getting a spot and I'm getting paid

I don't give a fuck so I get up and I just tell the story of I had a weird day today I had my friend come over and he was crying and it's so much fun to watch someone cry and then really twist the screws and you go you're like oh my god did you and I make a joke about it right Aaron from the improv stays she stays that night and watches my set and in the middle of the set the guy calls that guy right yeah and he goes hey what are you doing and I literally I see his name I go oh my god do you remember at the beginning of the night when I said that my friend came over crying? He's calling right now, let's see if we can get him to cry.

So I answer the phone, I go, hey buddy, how you doing? And he was like, oh, not so good. And the place is grabbing their tears going like, oh, and I go, hey, and I had, and by the way, this is back when I was completely reckless. I said the guy's name, the guy who he walked in on his name. I said everyone's name, right? I said everyone's name.

I was like, is back before the internet. No, it wasn't. No, but before social media where they tweeted out and then all of a sudden it would go viral, right? So, so I started, this wasn't 85. I started. I started making jokes about it to him and he starts crying harder and harder and harder And he's sobbing and the room is fucking falling apart But it's the best laugh because they want to laugh, but they can't right because it's like study hall

They're like holding on And then I get done and Aaron comes back to the green room. She's like was was that real? And I was like, oh yeah, she was like, uh, you're headlining all the props. She's like, you're my new favorite comic. And she's like, that was the most amazing set I've ever seen. And it was just, it was just fun because I remember those brass sets were. Yeah. God, man, I go back to that any day. The braia shows with my, braia, I prefer. I got to kill this wickly. Go ahead. Yeah, yeah. I have, I like the original this. The original go ahead. Yeah. Yeah. I have I like the original space the one that before the one that every at 11 45 would start smelling like shit. Yes, I like that. I had to duct tape all the fucking. That's my club the original space for All right, and there we go

11 a.m. All right, we have voice over it. It's 11 a.m. All right, we have voice over it too. Okay, you want to crack another? Nope. Okay, we're celebrating my power. Celebrate your power. You want to finish mine? Nope.

It's completely full. Why don't you want a little buzz? Yeah, yeah. I got intense taste. Let me see. Mmm. It's really tastes strong. Is it?

No, but it's good. How many beers is in one of these? How many beers is in one of these? I mean, like, you know what I mean? Like, I can write. That's two beers. Is it? Yes, 25 ounces.

Perfect buzz. A two beer buzz? Yeah. Dude, let's write a fucking summer hit. That's a two beer buzz. You just named it. Let's write a summer, a summer hit. We're me and you sing it. You're moving. Oh, a song. Yeah, yeah.

Okay, yeah. I thought you were talking about a movie. No, no, no, no. We're definitely doing that. Okay. We're definitely doing that. We are. We sing songs.

We'll be movie stars in like a year. Yeah. That's gonna be crazy. It's gonna be movie stars in like a year. Yeah. That's gonna be crazy. It's gonna be pretty cool. Do you think we'll still do this one with billionaires? Probably not. Let's do a, oh my God, did you see the king?

We were till looking for princes. The king of Thailand had his sister's ankles broken? No. Take him off the list, please. Type in king of Thailand, Angles broken. Holy shit. Like, misery. He broke his sister's Angles because she disagreed with him.

He broke her Angles or had them broken. I guess he probably didn't break her. Here we go. King of Thailand reportedly accused of breaking. There it is. Click that link, yeah. After she questions, plan to name second queen. Okay, holy shit.

Yeah, he's not playing games. I like that, I respect this guy. Let's see, the unpredictable King of Thailand, I'll let you say his name is suffering mass protest and bankhides that one accused of breaking his sister's ankle. The shocking allegation was reported by Andrew Magruder, Marshall, the former rotors bureau chief in Bangkok in his subscription only newsletter. Marshall who is free to quote his Thai sources without fear of the country's vicious censorship laws. Can you make that bigger? Since he left Asia, reports the king is alleged to have attacked his sister after she was knocked over by his dogs inside his claim that he either jumped on her leg

Oh my god, or beat her with a cane. What the fuck? I Think it wasn't an accident So it wasn't an accident? I think so. The assault was allegedly prompted when she, after she confronted him over his plans to make his official consort a second queen alongside his present wife, Queen Sutheta. Wow. The titan ability has recently been alive with rumors that King Maha, the tenth, is set

to elevate his official consort to the status of full queen. Alright, so the sister didn't like that and he was like, you fucking cunt. And then he dogs get her, smacks, smacks, smacks. And they're like, we don't know if he jumped on her legs or beat her with a cane. Put something happened. Her legs don't work anymore. Holy shit.

Yeah. All right, yeah, take him off the king list. Yeah, the royalty list we're not going to- Unless. Unless he's down with us and it's fine What if he's like hey, they have a good gentleman about the way I beat legs. Do you want to see your cry watch this? Raise us over that she just healed. I'm gonna break her legs again. Hey, I want you to bring your wives over, huh? I don't bring icegates I don't know what accident that is either.

I like doing a non-discript accent so it doesn't get called racist. Do you know how hard it was? Do you know how many takes I did of the video of the guy breaking into my house? Where, you know, hard was. That was fantastic. That was really good, man.

Oh, thank you. Thank you. That was a really good promo. Thank you. Thank you. A lot of it did very well. I think a lot of people didn't know if it was true good man. Oh, thank you. Thank you. That was a really good promo. Thank you. Thank you. A lot of it did very well. I think a lot of people didn't know if it was true or not.

That's true. You fooled people. Well, I know, but the first part of the video was the real guy. It's the real guy. Is the real guy the broken man? How often is this happening? It's not happening a lot. The same guys.

They keep coming back. Yeah, they're like, uh. They didn't take anything this time. The alarm goes off and it scares them. And as soon as the alarm goes off, it calls the cops and the cops show up within. It's really as stupid to even try. The first time they did it, they should have tried it

and then literally ran away and watched see if the cops came and then if the cops came they were like, oh, this is a system, but they're not that intelligent. So they broke in, the alarm blown off, they ran away, and then the cops showed up. Next time they did it again, ran away, cops showed up. Next time they did it, ran away, cops showed up again.

It was every time. And so they don't, and there's nothing in there. There's nothing in the room because we know they're breaking in there, so we've taken everything out. So it's just pictures of me. So then I was like, I was very frustrated, and I was like, you know what? I was very frustrated and I was like, you know what?

I was very frustrated and I was having a conversation with my daughters and I was trying to say, I feel bad for these guys. I do, I sincerely do. Because if I want something, if I want to provide for my daughters, at the lowest I was, I decided to start creating content

so that I could make money to sell tickets. Like I have a way to make money. I got these guys on my way to make money. Like I said to them, I actually feel really bad for them is that they're sitting in their living room in front of a bag of McDonald's going like, so how do we get another bag of McDonald's? And one of the guys like, you know that one house?

The alarm keeps going off, but I bet it for really quick. And like they're not that intelligent, but I bet it for really quick. And they're not that intelligent, and I feel bad for them. I go, I could make money for them. Like if they just came to me, and like just went to break in and they're like,

hey stop, stop, stop, we won't take anything. We don't understand how to make money. Can you help us? Like we're just breaking into houses because we can't come up with any good ideas. Yeah. And then I would be like, hey guys, stay there. I'll be over in 10 minutes

and I will come up with a plan for you to make money. Like, and I could do that. And I'm not saying like, By the way, that'd be a great video. If you could make that happen. Yeah, just, and I literally say, I wanna say, how about this? Show up whenever you really need money,

I'll then buy you a 200 bucks and then don't break into my house so I have to come over there. Like just don't, like just don't make me wake up at four in the morning or two in the morning is when they do it two in four in the morning every time. And so now I'm like up a two going like, well it's gonna happen, they're just sure enough

it happened, call the cops. Hey man, cops show up, there's fucking nine of them that guns drawn, they're gonna get shot. These guys are gonna get shot one day for nothing, for a poster of my Netflix special, like that fucking seriously. So then I was like, well, if I could make these guys money, I bet I could make us money.

In my head, you know, my brain works. So I wake up towards it like fucking 10, or midnight, and I go, hey, let's drive over to the house. She goes, why? I go, I wanna break into the house, let the alarm go off, and I wanna pretend I'm those guys, I almost shoot a promo video for it. She was like

It's a fucking good idea. Let's go So She's broken my own house let the alarm go off. That's great. It was a great. It's a great video Then it's yeah, it's that first that one there. I mean this is maybe what I was hoping they were doing. Yeah, and this Is the real footage right here at the top. Yeah, this is the real guy. Right there. You can't see him, he's got a mask on. Thank God he's not bringing coronavirus in there.

Is there a door on that door? Not yet. Okay. We're putting a... So he walks in, he's looking around. What, and the alarm goes off and he's like, oh, fuck. And then it jump cuts, that's you. That's me.

And you're like, oh. It's birth pressure. It's birth pressure. He's the one who will rise to the more of seven thumbs up, the number of whoever has been at three-group TV. He's the first. $10.

Yeah. You know, this is just what I was hoping they would do. Yeah. That's a great one, man. Yeah. And so I just, and then I woke up and I saw many music on. I felt bad again for the guys because I was like, ah, what if they're just like constantly on your Instagram? Oh, that's what it's on. I mean, here's the other part is that I know that, my name's, it's all posters, I mean. Speak of your name. Yeah.

So a plate for you, the original, AW, TBS broadcasters saying your name wrong, you have the original, like the first, the first time where the guy corrected him, and then Cody's looking bigger. He looks huge, dude. So this is the first time.

This is great. Let's see if we can get Cody on the phone, too. Oh, that'd be great. All right, so hold on, hold on, hold on. Let me hear this one, because this is like, you have to set up, you have to do the whole treatment. Okay, ready? Let's hear it. Snoop and Cody Rhodes, a part of Go Big Show.

Set your DVRs now to watch Snoop, Rosario Dawson, Jennifer Nettles, Cody Rhodes, Brent Kersher. That's your regional one, right? Bruce Chrysler, and Bruce Chrysler. And then a week later, another episode comes out and they talk about Cody. Go Big Show right here. Thursday night on TBS, Cody Rhodes, of course,

Snoop Dogg, Jennifer Nettles, Rosario Dawson, and Bert Krishna. I mean, it's funny at this point. At this point, I go, I hope the guy never learns my name. Yeah, me too. Yeah. I messaged Cody about it. Are you serious? Yeah. I just gave him a bunch of suggestions. I was like could you please have them continue this. It's called Cody.

Okay. It's Excalibur is the guy's name. Yeah. Per Krishna. I mean that's not even trying. Hello. Cody Rhodes is Berk. Berk. Kreischer. Berk. Krishna. Hey Berk. How are you doing? Hey listen I'm Hello Cody Rhodes is Burr Christ hurt Christher Burr Krishna hey Listen I'm gonna pass the phone. Oh, you're on the two bears one cave with me and Tom Sagarah Do you know who Tom's girl is oh hang on I'm passing the phone Cody How are you buddy? I'm good. How are you guys doing? We're doing great man, congratulations on the show.

It's a big hit, everybody loves it. I wanted to tell you, nothing is bringing this audience more joy than the broadcasters mispronouncing Bruce's name. Is that a calculated thing you guys are doing? I really can't confirm or deny it being calculated. Nefarious or malicious intent. I can say that it will continue.

On the first show, I did put a sheet of paper with all the copy in front of the team to hit the names. And then they just went, hey, I mean, it's a live show. Jericho's one really put it in the end zone with the Bruce thing. I know his name. Yeah, I know, Bert's name. But Bert, I mean, in wrestling,

we might consider this a slight receipt because on the very first go big show, Bert can't say the, he can't say the fucking word nightmare. He literally said nightmare. Look at this. He's like, two years nightmare. Like it's the year. I'm already on the show. I'm already on the show with people who are like it's Snoop Dogg, Rosaria Dawson, Jennifer Nettles, and the wrestler. So yeah, I really need some help when it comes to nightmare. It didn't seem that hard. No, I got to tell you something.

He did not well. He's just that way, I'll say. He pronounces that word, night, mirror. Yeah, it's, I know. I could hear your eyes rolling to the top of your head. Yeah. It's like a mirror cat coming out of the ground. Like that comes out at night. That's a freaking nocturnal mirror cat.

Thank you. I mean, yes. Hey, how do you pronounce W-O-N? W-O-N, one. One. Oh, yeah. Not one? Not one?

No, not one. Thank you. You should have, I mean, this is one. I don't know about that. Maybe you should talk to Bert. Hold on a second. No. Cody, please, please. Hey, what can we do wrestling wise, me and Tommy? I should probably to Bert, hold on a second. No, Cody, please, please.

Hey, what can we do wrestling wise, me and Tommy? I should probably heal first. What do you, you could do it, you could do a lot wrestling wise. I think it's always better if you pair yourself with an actual wrestler, because I don't want you guys, yeah, I'd hate to get hurt. Well, I don't want your first, I think, Tom, you're probably more athletic than Bert.

Whoa! Cody! I don't want your first outing in the ring to go bad, so we put you with somebody really good, and we get Bert somebody pretty decent too. You guys really should go at it. You should do bears going at it. Dude, I'm so down and so is Bruce. We should definitely keep talking about it. We should do a jar of honey match. Yes, I'm not. Whenever you guys want to do it, the ring is literally always set up.

Dude, we're in. Thank you so much. And please, please keep the mispronunciations of his name going. It is the greatest joy to literally hundreds of thousands of people. I'll do it. I'll do my best.

Thank you so much. Cody, pass you back to Bruce Cody, I love you What a big B We're gonna go back to the show Congratulations man everything is I'm literally so impressed with the success of our show is because of you so thank you Oh man, dude. No, it's you baby. Thank you for very very much. I'll do everything I can for them to get your name how you'd like it. Hey, hey Just make me keep giggling when your wife tweeted. She was like, oh shit. You got done bad again brother

So that gave a pregnant lady a lot of joy with Jericho screen Bruce because it just was the full-trained being off the tracks Yeah, so it gave her a lot of joy. She almost hyperventilated laughing. All right, love you, man. Take care. Love you, buddy. Bye. God, he is fantastic. Cody Rhodes. That's fantastic.

You know, I, I, I got a real treat because when I started working with him, it was right, right after all the wrestling shit went down with you. Yeah. And he was like, what's up with Tom? Is it a work? You know, it's like using a wrestler.

He's like a jobber. Yeah. And whatever the wrestling stuff is. And then I was like, I don't know, man, I'm not that big of a wrestling fan. And he was like, know, it's like using a jobber or whatever the wrestling stuff is. And then I was like, I don't know, man, I'm not that big of a wrestling fan. And he was like, hey, Gar. And I was like, what? And he's like, you're a big wrestling fan. And I was like, no, I'm not. And he was like, give me a seat.

No, he goes, you know, he goes, you ever see a wrestling match? And I go, well, yeah, I saw your dad wrestle. And he was like, where? I said Tampa, Armory. And he was like, so my dad wrestle. And I was like, yeah. And he's like, and you're selling you mean you're not a wrestling fan? And I was like, yeah, and he's like, and you're selling me about a wrestling fan?

I was like, nah, like I was a big fan of the Von Erich brothers and he was like, hold on, you know who the Von Erichs are? And I was like, well, yeah, and he's like, I was like, everyone does. He goes, no only people from Florida do. I was like, huge wrestling fan. It was the best when you FaceTime me from the set one day. And you're like, hey, this is so,

and then you're like, yeah, here's Cody. and he was like, Hey, he goes, Hey, man, come on, man, with the wrestling shit, could you fucking knock it off? They totally broke me when he did that. He was a dude, he's like, honestly, out of all the people that are doing the go big show, I think Snoop is the reason the show's doing well because everyone, everyone loves Snoop. Yeah, I mean, everyone loves Snoop. International iconic.

We should do a Snoop dog day, like we did Winston Churchill day and just smoke blunts in bed with a scarf on our head. You know how quick our day would be over? Let's see if we can call Snoop. Okay. Oh, now. Do you think it'll answer?

Here's the better question. Do you think he gave me the right number? No. I've got three Snoop numbers. No, they're definitely people on the team. Let's call Snoop. See the answers. What time is it? 11 o'clock.

We'll do an international Snoop Dogg Day. Okay. I'd be creative if he was like, this is Snoop's phone. I can already tell he's not answering. Snoop. Calvin. Snoop. Calvin snoop snoop It's Bert

What you doing? Hey listen, well, I'm on a podcast right now. We're talking about Go Big Show. And we want to do, we want to do a Snoop Dogg day, where we wake up like you do and smoke a blunt the morning in bed. You think we can greenlight something like that? I think we can, because that's what I'm putting it to right now.

Put me in the mood, I'm reaching for more right now. And then you pick the playlist, the music we listen to. I'm fucking loud, they tell me when to go. All right, perfect. I'll set it up. How's everything going good? Man, bro, you a bad motherfucker, man. I've been watching you as the way from this shit.

You a bad motherfucker, man. That is the biggest compliment I could ever get paid. I'm cracking another drink. I got to go and do ADR for a Go Big Show today at two, and I am toasted. I want to go on that cap and show which next time you shoot that shit. That shit's fucking a hundred times. I gotta go and do ADR for a go big show today too, and I am toasted Dundeele snoop done deal done deal. I'm sitting here with Tom's agree. You know Tom What's up, snoop

You know Tom and I you know Tom and I are doing a super bowl show with Warren sap Yeah, we're going fishing you want to go fishing with me Tom and Warren? Hey, we're going what are we going do you know we're going Friday on February 5th if you want to go I'll send you a text No, no in L.A. Oh, hey, oh, yeah, fuck you. Okay. I'll text you. I'll send you that'd be fun man. War with love it Okay, I'll send you a text and let's do it All right much love take care of snoop guess get a good see you all right, bye We should wrap up the show. That's it. That's fucking. Bert, let's celebrate your power. And murder that.

I'll murder this. Ladies and gentlemen, this is Two Bears One Cave. I'm tingling right now. That's pretty exciting. Oh, it's a lion, it's gonna wrap me. Ah! Bert, Tom, the most iconic rapper from our youth, just called you a bad motherfucker, is coming fishing. Ha. Oh, about to cry.

Yeah, that was pretty great. He gave me his real number. Yeah. I didn't expect that at all. I would mark that once since you have three. Yeah, he definitely was. He woke his ass up. It's 11 30.

We got to do two bears one cave national Snoop day. Yes. Where everyone smokes blunts and beds, puts scars on their head, and listens to a Snoop dog playlist of just great fucking you. You know what we could do? What?

We could do two bears one cave live, right? Oh my god. Two bears one cave live with Snoop, right? Oh yeah. With Snoop, and we'll do it early. We'll take this and we'll put a bed in here. Well, there's already, I think Snoop's gonna be like, I'm we're all in the same bed.

I don't think he would like that. But what we do is we just have a playlist and Snoop is like the DJ and he does the playlist. And we're all smoking blunts and everyone can go wake up and they can play, wake up with us and hit that playlist and then just chill. Like, you know, like, like, watch, I'm a little buzzed, I'm way too buzzed, I'm losing my power right now. I still feel it.

Where everyone gets that playlist, so then you can do it at your leisure and you can do it on repeat, you can save it. So then one morning when you're like, I'm having a fucked up day, I want to do a wake and bake with snoop tommonbert It's like almost something that's like a treat for you all the time. Yeah, so then you go I want to listen to great music They can listen to the best music snoopics playlist and me and Tom and me when it's new pero I'll just poke a blunts it and listen to that

I love it. I love it. This is fucking great. Yeah. This can be a great day. I believe you fucking after the phone I know you You definitely woke him up. I definitely woke him up. He's like, what? No. I wonder what his night was like. Did he go to bed like four hours ago? He does not party, man.

Really? Really? Honestly, he's like a workout. Like he gets every night, you'd be like, soon what are you doing? He's like, I gotta go to work. And he just go back and he'd work on beats and put down wraps and then he'd wake up and he's like, oh, I wrote a rap about the show. And you're like, I gotta go to work and he'd just go back and he'd work on beats and put down wraps and then he'd wake up and he's like,

oh, I wrote a rap about the show and you're like, what? And he's like, wrote a rap about the Go Big Show. But what was he saying? What was his rap about me? Bert, Bert, do it till it hurts, Bert, Bert, something like. And that's the way he is. And doesn't, not a big drinker,

I was telling my dad, my dad's like, is he a big drinker? When we drank together, he pulled out the mixer of margaritas. I was like, you want a shot? And I was like, there's nothing in that. And he was like, I was like, yeah, he's like, I'm not a big drinker.

And I was like, no shit, you're about to drink the margarita mix. And it gets tequila. So he is what you want your alcohol converting to weed to be. You realize that? Like he's all about weed. He's all about weed. I asked him why he doesn't drink.

Man, maybe he should answer that question. Okay. It wasn't bad though, but it was like, it was just, he didn't like, he doesn't like being out of control. Yeah, I understand that. And I was like, oh, I love it not being in control. I, I, I definitely identify with that. That's why I don't so funny my therapist does too Yeah, I don't like I don't like

drinking Too much especially in an environment where I'm not like you know for real. Yeah Cuz I don't want to feel I don't want to feel out exactly that. I don't feel a control I do I would never drink like if Netflix do a party and they were like hey We're gonna buy a bunch of the comics and you know the banana thing. I wouldn't drink there You know, yeah, but if we go to the storm drinking and if we go like like I would never drink a travel channel stuff When I work to travel to and I would never drink at any of their events. I don't like drinking like before We're during standup though. I don't like drinking before standup.

I don't mind having a drink at the end of my set. Yeah. The last 15, 20 minutes having a cocktail. Yeah. I don't mind that. I love that. I love that. This is my favorite part.

Really? Yeah, I really love that. Tell me about, you said you watched a new Ted Bundy? Yeah. I didn't really think you were this. I should probably not. It's interesting. I could be very wrong. He was a real rascal that guy.

He was. He was, man, he was a roust about. He was a knucklehead if I ever saw one. It's so was Hitler, by the way. I'm not gonna talk about that. I'm not gonna talk about that. I'm not gonna talk about that. I'm not gonna talk about that. I'm not gonna talk about that. I'm not gonna talk about that. I'm not gonna talk about that. I'm not gonna talk about that.

I'm not gonna talk about that. I'm not gonna talk about that. I'm not gonna talk about that. I'm not gonna talk about that. I'm not gonna talk about that. I think it's to promote feminism. Hmm, where did you see this? On Netflix, I think on Netflix. And it's new?

It's brand new. Ted Bundy, Netflix, it's a brand new one. No, it's not in conversations with the killer, it's about the, it's interesting. So my wife was like, the girls need to watch this. Which I was like, I don't think they need to see me. That's not it. It's not, my wife was like, the girls need to watch this. Which I was like, I don't think that's not it. It's not that one. And maybe it's falling for a killer.

Yeah, it's probably that one. Yeah, I think it's that one. Oh, it's on Amazon, it's on Amazon. Okay. But that's not it. Yeah, no, no, no, this one. Have you seen the picture of this lady? Yeah, so this is the lady who actually had a kid with it.

No, that dated him before dated him. I mean, she had a kid. Yeah, by the way, I have to say this her daughter who I think Ted Bunny might have molested. Are you gonna click on the thing? Is that from this year or from last year though? Okay, so it from last year though? Okay, so it's last year.

Oh, is that, oh, is it last year? Yeah. It's really fucking fascinating. But I think it's done, I could be wrong or maybe I'm just jaded as fuck as a dude, but I think it's meant to promote feminism. Meaning this whole thing is mostly about how rape culture was permissible and the idea back then was like, if a guy's raping you, let it happen.

And then they don't kill you. And I think that's what this is about. But it's fascinating because my daughters and my wife kept, I don't even know if they were doing it on a purpose they were like how powerful how strong she is how brave she is is that was the thing going around the room and then I was like I was kind of a you know I'm gonna ask whole little bit but I was like she didn't they were saying hey there's a guy named Ted killing women in a brown VW who looks like this.

And she's like, that's my boyfriend. And and then, but what's interesting is that the cops wouldn't listen to her because she was a woman. Yeah. So, so it was, I don't know, I could be very off on this. All I'll tell you is that the girls are obsessed with it. We should enter with the snoop thing. We should have definitely closed on snoop dog answered the phone. Well, let's keep it simple. Hold on a second. If you told me, if you told me right now, if you said to me in

to me in 1991. I'm sitting at Florida State, Doe Campbell Stadium and an an an an an an an operative from the future, meaning like a guy in a time problem machine comes back. He's got glasses on. He looks kind of suspicious, but he comes up to me at a football game and I'm I'm drinking beer out of a Ziploc bag or drinking whiskey out of a Ziploc bag with my buddies. Jesus. He's like, he's like, hey See that guy on the field right there. I go you mean Warren Sap. He's like, yeah He's like, okay, he's like you'll be doing a show with him. Like wait, what? You'll be doing the TV you'll be doing a show with Warren Sap and Tom's Grat. Who the fuck's Tom's Grat? That's not important. That's okay. He's an elementary school. He's an elementary school right now. You know it's even funnier?

You're going fishing with him and Snoop Dogg. I go the rapper. He's like, you him and Snoop Dog and Tom's Grat. Who the fuck's Tom's Grat? You're going, I would never believe this is my life. It's incredible. That phone call, I'm so glad it's recorded. It's so great. It really is. He, Snoop woke up, you woke him up. He took a fucking 15 seconds to say hello. And then, and then, he told you you're a bad motherfucker.

He's been watching your shit. Loves the idea of Snoop celebration day and then is open to coming fishing. It's pretty amazing, man. And that's all because you own your power. How fucked up we're going to get on that fishing trip. I think you are. You don't think you're going to smoke a blunt or 100 if Snoop. Yeah, if Snoop comes. Yeah, yeah, I mean, it's going to be you know like whoever's like you know the captain of the ship is gonna be like guys Tell them in gentlemen Could you tell a doggy dog to

Mr dog mr dog dog dog throw that in the ocean a few minutes. Oh How great that gonna be we should call warn and tell them we're going to see with snoop tell him Can you believe the people are calling? What? I wish I could get rid of that. I wish I could be like cool with it. Yeah. I'll never get cool with it.

I know that people go, Bert, you're also on television, but I don't give a fuck. It's so exciting that you have Snoop Dogg's number of course Warren's staff's number. Why the fuck does, like, how does anyone get comfortable with that? Do you realize how much I would abuse?

What's the guy's name who did, Seinfeld, Rostimefeld? Larry David? If I had Larry David's number, fuck. Can I tell you when I walked by his house? No. I walked by his house like a few months ago. And a kid, like a college kid,

was walking around to me and he's like, hey, Tom. I go, he goes, I can't believe you're here. I go, yeah, I'm just going for a walk. He goes, slurry David's house. And I go, oh cool, I don't think he probably wants you to do that. And he goes, he lives right here. I go, yeah, yeah, you said it.

And he goes, keep leaving it. Like, you're here right now. You're standing in front of Larry David's house. Like, stop saying that. You make it sound like I'm looking for him. And he's like, Larry! He comes to grow! He's like, yeah, yeah, man.

And then he sees me walk by again. And he goes, Larry David right here, points to his house. Oh my god damn it man They're gonna think I'm stalking him. You call it? I'm more sap. Okay The odds he answers 20% 15 I guarantee scuba diving right now. Oh yeah. 10% you know he's at row I think he's at Rohan Marley's.

Oh nice thing and I think that's where he's been scuba diving every fucking day. He is. He's gonna be the best. Your call has been forwarded to an automated win. He's gonna love it though when he hears it. Well, there's gonna be a fucking great win. Real quick though, before we go. This is a great celebrity day for sure, so far.

What was your dream about? It made me smile today. It made me smile. Garrett, you're having a great day. It's not even new. I'm having the best day of my life. Yeah. I don't think people say that enough. I don't either.

I think you just got to lower your threshold for what you believe is a great day. Yeah. And then start telling people, this is the greatest day I've ever had in my life. Yeah. And then that, and then you start believing it. It's like the self-fulfilling prophecy,

dude, I listen to Jocco Wilnings. Wilnings, Jocco Wilik. Wilik, yeah, listen to his book last night. It's really fucking good. It's really fucking good, I believe it. So listening to Jocco's book, on to audio book, and then sleeping throughout it, and I have the greatest

dream I've ever had in my life. Now I have out a lot of great dreams. All I'm saying is that I woke up smiling. Okay. I woke up smiling and then I remembered this dream and I smiled throughout remembering this dream. Yeah. On the treadmill, I started smiling going, oh, great dream. So I guess I read an article that Paris Hilton is trying to have a child. Okay. With her boyfriend Google it in a dog. If you could her boyfriend, Google it in a dog. If you could, her boyfriend, I'm sure 23 is a DJ. I don't know anything about him, but I'm just, I'm, I'm, I'm ballparking it.

Okay. What did he search? I made a drink all day long and lose my power. Her boyfriend Carter room. Yeah. How old is he and what does he do? lose my power. Her boyfriend Carter room. Yeah, how old is he and what does he do?

Let's see. Go to his, I'm sure it's a snapchat or a TikTok. Parasal looks so good. She's 39. She looks great. That's a young in my opinion. Yeah. I know that she's trying to get pregnant.

They want twins. Of course they want twins. Three or four children, I love parasol. Oh, he's got weird nipples. Okay. I don't like his nipples. You got to play that video. I want to see those nipples.

Got him. You got him. You got him. You got him. And they don't move. Okay. Okay. Anyway.

So I have a dream. Look up the guy's name and let's get his age So you're gonna get a little bit of this okay, so in this dream I'm making a movie Okay, okay, and there they they want to keep my cast Carter rerun is his name I don't think it's Carter rerun Oh 39 to same age what does do? Says he's a businessman. Oh God damn it Carter. I'm sorry

Anyway So in this dream I'm making a movie and they tell me I want to keep your cast secret Okay, and I was like all right. I should know who they are. So they're like no, no, no, no You guys are gonna live together for a week. We're gonna put you guys in like a one bedroom hostel where you guys are, it's like big, but it's like summer parties because you love summer parties. I was like, I love summer parties. Yes.

And I'm like, all right, so just so you know, you'll wake up in the morning and everyone will be there. So I'm like, okay, so I get drunk, I fly all the way to the s***, I pass, you probably take the country out that that I'm saying so just take it out both time just in case So I get I get drunk I sneak into the one bedroom hustle I get in my bed and I pass out and I wake up the next morning And I'm looking around I don't recognize anybody the girl next to me is totally make it I can only see her back. I don't recognize her but she looks in your bed. No, no, no different beds different beds Okay, so I'm in a bed. No, no, no, different beds, different beds.

Okay. So I'm in a bed, there's a, like a rotunda right here, there's a bed to the far where he's up on a ledge, and then there's this girl next to me, and a couple of like other girls, I don't really recognize them. And I'm like looking around all of a sudden, the bed that's up on the level,

the guy sits up and it's Tom Brady. And I'm like, Tom Brady, and he's like, hey, and it's Tom Brady. And I'm like, Tom Brady? And he was like, hey, I'm in your movie. And I was like, shut the fuck up. And he's like, yeah, he was like, hey, did you go online last night? Did you know that Parasilton's doing this like, this like cameo for $600 and $8.

You can see her naked and the money goes to a good thing. And then the girl next to me is Parasilton. She sits up and she goes Tom and he goes You're naked right now and she goes you better pay that money, right? So then he goes Okay, so he hits his phone and he goes 608 bucks that money's going a good reason I'm seeing it in person. I still can't see your naked yet. She won't show me and so I pop up I'm naked and they go hey Tom 12 bucks up by a coffee in a donut, right? And I show my dick, everyone starts laughing.

And Parasilton turns around and she goes, you're hilarious. Immediately it's on, right? So like, and we're all laying in bed and we're doing that slumber party morning joking. And I'm killing, I'm killing. Parasilton thinks I'm the funniest fucking guy in the world. She is like crying laughing.

And then she says to me, I think you should stop drinking forever. And I went, uh, hold on. Oh, okay. She goes, what I'm gonna do is I'm gonna surround you with morons who drink for the rest of your life. And you're gonna love it and she shows me on her phone a video of us in like Greece, where it's just guys go, BIRT, Bruce Ghee and I'm like, I'm good guys and me and Paris are in a hiltner in love

And then we have an affair and I get her pregnant right? I get her pregnant I get her pregnant Tell me that sex in the stream. We had sex in the stream I had to I had to go back to me to talk to Leanne about it. It's in the new house the house. We haven't even built yet I'm in the new house. I tell Leanne. I think I might have had a kid with Paris Elton. And all, she didn't even get mad at me. She's keep going, Paris Elton. Paris Elton.

But Paris was so engaging in this dream, so engaging that I was like, I literally have nothing but great memories of our relationship. You're amazing. I think I might have gone one drink over. Nope. It was perfect. Listen, I love you.

Congratulations on the great news that you'll share at some point. And just having one of the greatest days of your life so far. It's not even news still. And you know, if I can just reel it in a little bit, I got to run still run 1.5 miles today. Okay. And then, yeah, reel it in a little bit. I might turn it on tonight. You're looking skinny. I feel skinny. I feel good. I ran the fastest I've run in a

very long time. Today I feel good. I'm really shipping my daughters isn't perfect. Okay, I'll tell you about that after. We have great shoots planned for our live show. We've shooting some stuff. We've got I think we all giggled about those. We're going fishing with Snoop Dogg and Warren Samp. I really hope Snoop comes. Because I think Snoop is a follow-through dude. He is. He isn't a guy that promises a lot of shit to a lot of people.

Because he gets asked so much shit, he just says no to a lot of people. Okay. And I think, you know, in all honesty, Snoop's a huge raiders fan. And I think, oh, actually, he's a big Steelers fan. But he's a big Warren Samp fan. And we can get, just all we need is a forward fan. So it's a huge Raiders fan and I think oh actually it's a big Steelers fan

But like but he's a big war in sap fan and we can get just all we need is a four-way text me. Yes, nooping It's gonna happen Cheers Congratulations podcast on all the ones we've done. Yeah, this is it's up there top five. Yeah, I think so I think so All right, we have to run. We will see you guys next week. Congratulations again. Thank you. I chance in hell that they'll keep the clean. Here's what we call, to bears one cave. No scripts of bed of booze, amateur,

fatology, dirty jokes, ranchie humor, no apologies. Here's what we call, to bears one cave. you