2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer - Ep. 72 | 2 Bears 1 Cave w/ Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer

Episode Date: March 15, 2021

Get your own custom handshake from the #HandshakeKing on cameo: https://www.cameo.com/handshakeking15 SPONSORS: - Go to https://Squarespace.com for a free trial and when you’re ready to launch, use the offer code BEARS to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain - Grab the Bud Light Seltzer Out of Office Variety pack for a very limited time only at a store near you! - Go to https://BlueChew.com and get your first month FREE when you use our promo code BEARS at checkout, just pay $5 shipping. - Get an extra three months of ExpressVPN for free at https://ExpressVPN.com/CAVE - Download the DraftKings app and use code BEARS during sign up to enter the FREE ONE MILLION DOLLAR Survivor Pool - Go to https://Whoop.com and use code "Bears” at checkout to save yourself 15% off today. Tom Segura and Bert Kreischer call former college football player, and "handshake king" Cortez Lewis. Lewis teaches Tom and Bert a "2 Bears" handshake. The call with Cortez gives Bert the idea to start a sports agency. The Bears also discuss Hugh Jackman's best films, Tom's former acting classmate Minka Kelly's dating history, Deion Sanders' hair transplant, and more!

If you're walking through the store and you got a red socks hat on, some jackass who went to college at Emerson is like, yo bro, it's a socks score today. You're like, I'm not a fan, I have a big head. And he's like, why are you wearing the hat? You're like, I have a big head. I've got a big head, no, mine's bigger. No, I got a what size hat do you have?

And then I'm in the conversation with a guy I don't want to be in. Of course. My mind's like, just kissing. And so, 100% Welcome another episode of two bears went cave. He's Bert Kreischer. I'm Tom Segura Probably the most excited I've ever been to start a show. I mean this is super exciting man So for those who don't know about We could go we were talking about how I've seen videos of guys especially like some football players who had unique handshakes for everybody on the team.

So we just Googled it and the first video that came up. You said, you said Cortez Lewis. That's the first, you said it. Well, we did our search and then Cortez came up first. Cortez played it with Forrest and there is a montage video of him doing completely different handshakes with everybody on the team, and really unique, some of them really complicated.

And I tried to come up with an email to send to Cortez where I said, hey, we're big fans, we're looking for a signature handshake for our... For our show. Could you do what it was horrible? And I didn't think in a million years we would ever get a reply. Yeah, and not only did you get a reply

that he would do this for us, but we actually have him on the line right now. So without further ado, please welcome Cortez Lewis to the show Cortez, can you hear us? Can you see us? Yes, I can hear it. See you guys. Hey, man.

This is it. So before we get to what you got for us, tell me about, so like how did that develop for you doing the handshakes for everybody on the team where you always handshake dude grow like as a kid in high school? Yeah, so that was the thing that I had started when I was in high school, middle school.

Like I had a group of guys and we all had different signature handshakes. And so once I got school. Like I had a group of guys, and we all had different signature handshakes. And so once I got to college, I had went to college with a former teammate of mine, the Meetress Count. He played with me at my high school, and he went to college with me. And we had our own secret handshake from back home.

Right. And so people saw that, and it was like, damn, that's neat. So I ended up having buddies that I played on the team when they was like, no, we want a handshake, dawg. So one day, one day is crazy. One day my assistant coach, he was like a assistant GA, and we were at practice.

And I didn't even know. He's just recording me walking up behind me as I'm going through my daily routine at practice. And he's recording all my handshake. And I get in the locker room after practice and everybody's going nuts. Like, Cortez, bro, you on sports center. Take your phone, woo, woo, woo, woo.

And I'm like, okay, I take my phone and here I go on sports center. The next day is being called interview me and they call me and named me handshake King over LeBron. And I was still a little bit, you know, shock about that. Yeah, so Once I made that handshake with like 10 to 20 50 people everybody wanted handshake the president of University That was even listen They was even standing at the football games like win a free handshake with quartets

and they was even standing at the football game like win a free handshake with Quartez Loos and then wait. So wait, is it, because one of the things that's like, is wild when you watch it, right? Is you go like, all right, he's got a handshake with this dude, Natu. But once you start getting to like six, seven, eight, nine,

10, dude, you're like, yo, so is it hard to remember each person? You know what I mean? So honestly, you gotta think. So it's crazy, I'm gonna blow your mind. I have over currently 200 plus different handshake. I'm on the man. I'm on seriously, seriously.

Because once everybody started to make ESPN, everybody figured that if they had a handshake with me, then they would be on ESPN too. So I'm talking about the sororities, the fraternities, the president, everybody wanted to free-conhandshake. And it was cool because I got to see these people on my daily, like throughout one of class and in cafeteria. So once I saw them, it was like a muscle memory thing.

Like we knew we had that connection in with each other and it was just on cool. One of the favorite ones that we both loved when we were watching like the montage was the one where it looks like it's over and the dude turns around and it comes back. Oh yeah. That was the only man. He's the middle line backer for the Oakland Raider. Oh Jesus. Wow. Hey, where'd you go to high school by the way? I'm from Born and Raider in the Mopleths Alabama. Okay. Yeah, I received a four-scala ship to play ball that way for is my junior in high school. Congratulations.

Wow. That's not so much. So wait, were you living now? I'm in North Carolina. Okay. I'm still in Wisconsin, Salem, actually. Oh, really? I went to college in North Carolina too.

I went to college. What do you think? I went to LaNoor, Ryan, in Hickory, North Carolina. Oh, yeah, I know you, man. Yeah. The furniture capital, man. That's the way North Korea. Oh, yeah, I know you. Yeah. The furniture capital, man. That's the way it felt.

He didn't get a full ride. He's just a full sized body. Yeah, that's right. That's right. No full ride for you. I paid the full tuition. I ain't like wrong. So wait, how do we monetize you coming up?

There's gotta be a way. You know the old thing for like come up with your porn star name. It's your name your first pet in the street you lived on. Yeah. What's the way to come up with an app for you? Were you, were people can go me and my friend need a handshake? Cause that's what's happening here. Me and my friends. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, do you have the website handshake king.com? No, but I need to get that. We just locked that down. We'll give that to you. Here's King.com. We have it now. We got it. So that's how fast we move, Cortez. I like that. I like that. We got to get you an app. Are you a painter? I mean, you're a Tom Brady fan.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know, that's my guy, right? No, no, you got a handshake with him. I end up graduating from Wake Forest, and I rupture my Achilles completely out of the bone. Damn. And we were playing Texas and them in the belt bowl, and graduated from Wake, and I just looked up the best rehabilitation place in the country, because Wake, once my scholarship was up, I could no longer receive rehab.

So, I Googled Tom Brady Foundation. It's called TV 12 Sports. And I flew the Boston, they said it was like $350 for our treatment session. And I go there, and while I'm there, I'm in there encouraging people that I don't even know, like let's go, let's get right, just high in with football.

So I go there and I'm motivating people to get, get this together. And as I lead, Alex Guerrero, Tom Brady's right hand man was training me that day. So when I was leaving I paid my money. He was like, I hate Quartet. He was like, it was a pleasure to meet you. He was like, we need more people like you around here. He was like, I'm going to take you to this foundation application. If you take your time and feel this out, then we'll take care any injury you have for the rest of your life. And by the grace of God, I got a sip.

And so they was finally back and forth every four weeks doing treatment on my Achilles and got me back, got me a full scholarship to play at West Michigan, went there. The answer very fast while he was a former quarterback before the state, he ended up was supposed to go to FAU, but went to happy universe. So I was at Western training for two months, and he called me like broke, complaining me and happy. Went to happy and then we both got our message from

happy and then declare from draft from head. Holy shit, man. I had no idea. Jesus. I remember dirty. That's what they called them, right? That's my God dirty. Yeah, I remember that, man.

Wait, what, and so what are you doing now? So right now, I got to say I declare for the draft my age is working to give me side to NFL team. I'm driving trucks for UPS right now. In North Carolina. Alright, well, this is what we're going to do. This is, this is the way our brains work. See, we like to put out big feelers. Like the reason we're talking to you. I don't know if you're familiar with Jenna Raniston but she's like one of our close friends and we just put it out on the podcast that we wanted to meet her and that she should probably have a dude there for safety. And next you know, Jenna, Raniston's blowing up our spot. Dearest Bert, you're my favorite. And so this what we think we're gonna get

we're gonna get you we're gonna get you big corporate deals before you get drafted so that you getting drafted as a no-brainer and I'm hoping you go to the box. Now I'm good friends with the glazers. Tom Brady's there right now. Yeah, we're gonna get you on the box. We're gonna get and I'm gonna start. I like it.

I'm gonna start and what we're gonna start with is with your jersey. Yeah, and like I mean just just, you're just bigger, see some people, you're bigger than, you're a blessing, yeah, you got good energy. You definitely have great energy. You got good energy, and this is what the world needs. Yes, there's certain people where I go, I go, I'd buy his jersey, and they're like,

yeah, but he's the kicker for the Rams. I was like, I don't know, Johnny Hacker challenging Jared Goff to see who could hit the field goal pole from 30 yards out and bet money on it. I go, that's my guy. I like Johnny Hacker now. And he's just a punner, I like that guy. And that's what teams need or more guys like you.

Positive vibes only, man. And you can play, so I'm telling you. That's me. That's me. All right, well, let's, we gotta, we gotta gotta ask what is gonna be burnt in my secret handshake? What's our handshake gonna be? All right, you ready? I'm ready. Yeah, yeah, we're super ready And listen I did a little research. I see you had that little accident with basketball So I wasn't sure how quick you can move it shit that one shit just so you know

I'm kidding it hurt like a motherfucker Well, you're like like this. Okay, all right, all right, so this so you guys stand up and you don't Yeah, twice Yeah, our hands I'm sorry. Yeah, you guys Twice and you gonna I wish you guys wasn't in that title for space because I had a little euro step move It was only like three steps. Let's see it. Let's see it. Let's see it So it's right

Left and you gonna walk two steps past each other turn around Step up and you gonna grow like a grizzly back Let's go let's go. Hold on. We gotta make some room. He can't handle it. Step step. One pass each other. Turn around. We gotta do baby steps again. Step up. One, two. You're not gonna just give it right off top. All right, okay, we got we got to do baby steps again. All right, so okay step up

Right repetition right okay, all right, so one two two tasks one two And you guys take your head like you got a basketball, okay, you go right, okay, okay, but you guys go so stand close You right you right, okay, right? You guys will be going obviously and you go left. Yeah, and take two steps past him Okay, so I go past you this way So you got right right left You go that way. Yeah, yeah, and you take two steps. So you want to you turn it around you You What's up to bear secret handshake to bear secret handshake. Oh, I love it. I love it We're gonna practice the fuck Handshake King gave it up man. This is this is good stuff. Oh, this is great

You know what we're doing for an hour after we finished today Oh, this is so great. I can't wait to your playing for the box. I'm on this right now. I'm on this right now Man Alice Guerrero gonna gonna talk about, hey, we say it was gonna happen. So, it'll happen. If this man bro is gonna happen. It's gonna happen man. I'm telling you, I will shit into the universe.

I got lucky as guy in the entire world. And I can make shit happen. I can will stuff into the universe. I got a career and I'm not that funny and I just take my shirt off on stage. I mean, can you believe it? Yeah, I love that shit. I love it. I love it.

I love it. Hey, listen, that's what made me give you that flex today. And you're the shake. Ah! Ah! This is so great, man. This is great, man. This handshake, I'm not telling you, man.

We're going to give you that site. And we got to build a site that's just about this. I mean, super positive, but have, you know, have your montage, have the videos, have maybe like tips, points on it. What would be great is if you could just enter things in. So say you and your buddy are looking for a website. You're like, how old are you?

And you type that in. And then all the aspects of a handshake, you go, well, they're already too old for that. Okay, so we're gonna. They're there. Yeah, I like, like, yeah, like what kind of music do you like you're like okay I get it yeah if you're unfamiliar with dot dot dot you're not gonna get dot dot dot dot yeah there's no what's the this one yeah you know yeah you know what I was

trying to do sorry this one like we throw in the air in catch it. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, okay. Uh, oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, so we're gonna, uh, we're, we're on top of it. And by the way, we'd like to be your agent also. Okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, that's fine. Hey, let's, let's, let's do this. Let's, let's start an agency. Master P did it. Okay. And we'll, and I think he's buying Reebok for real. Yeah, dude. We can do this

We can you're our first you're our first client. We've just we have just started two bear sports management Two bear stores management Run this by your legal team I can't wait. I can't wait. Two Bears sports management. Look man, and we just signed our first client, the handshake, King Cortez Lewis. This, listen. Yes sir.

We're gonna stay in touch with you man. We wanna keep in touch with you. No doubt, hold on. We're definitely, they'll be in touch about the site and we'll get working on that for you. And man, we just, we really appreciate you man. This is a lot of fun. So let's like, you know what we're doing?

We're gonna work on our handshake. We're gonna shoot it. And then we're gonna send you the video. You gotta give us like a rating Say no more and you guys like I say it's repetition and you get once you speed it up a little bit more It looks so more sweeter. Yeah, okay. Yeah, yeah Two three half Absolutely no, thank you. the best. But thank you guys for having me, man. Absolutely. No, thank you. Thank you. Thank you, Cortez. Appreciate you, man. Stay safe, brother. Thank you. Take care, brother. All right. Uh, hell, that was amazing. That was amazing. Thank you for that call. Cortez, uh, we will be right back. Oh, I hope, Jennifer.

And it's the seas that goes, I'm going to blow Cortez out of the water. When they meet me, wait a little, I'll do their secret and shake to them Unbelievable. I'm so excited. We started a sports management company I mind the what see what quartets doesn't know is he just gotten the car with a fucking lunatic. Yeah Yeah, he doesn't understand and now look let's be very fair. I am a I Obviously, I have big ideas and I and I look trust me when I know how crazy I am I'm with me all the time He doesn't nobody just signed up for because I can also will shit into existence We case in point we got him on the phone today and and we have our own secret answer

Secret hatching that we see a shower thinking to myself two weeks ago think a week ago thinking we need a secret Ancik you're fucking idiot. Oh, we're fucking idiot 40 eight-year-old man Sit through the shower and goes me and my friend need a secret ancik. What fucking grown man? Like this is but this is what is this is what's good with me and what's wrong with me what fucking If you're a man right now a man, and I you're a man right now, I'm just doing a man right now, I'm just doing a man. If you're a man, how many times have you sat in a shower and thought to yourself earnestly, me and my best friend need a secret handshake? Probably never. Probably never.

Now I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna small pool of individuals that that's where their brain lands, right? Now, I'm also in a small pool that grows, I'm getting one. And, but, and I don't even see the mountain in front of me. I go, I'm also in a small pool that goes I'm getting one and but and I don't even see the mountain in front of me I go I'm getting one all I gotta do is well new existence now this is why Quattas is going to be we are going to be in Hawaii at the Pro Bowl menu we're gonna have matching Hawaiian full pants suits full shirts why do we do Hawaiian tracksuits by the sewing brothers? Oh, God, dammit, this is why we're good together. Yeah.

Hey, sewing brothers. Hawaiian tracksuits. No one, nope, but I, and this is what's even crazier. This is what Christ wants to felt like. When Christ was like, when he was like, I, I'm the son of God. Like I'm the son of God, I know, I know that, that shit's gonna happen to me,

but guess what? Yeah. You're gonna remember me. Now, this is what Quartite doesn't know. He just got in the car with me and you. Now I'm the fucking lunatic who's like, take a left, take a left, take it on the left. You're like, that's a circle.

I'm like, don't worry, it'll work. Yeah, yeah. Right? But I'm already envisioning us in Tampa, right? Me and you. Yeah. As agents. Mm-hmm. By the way, I'm already envisioning us in Tampa, right? Me and you. Yeah, as agents. By the way, our percentage, zero percent. We don't want any of the most money.

I'm okay, maybe five, 10. You, she, Tom does the business. I think in that field they take three percent actually. For real? Yeah. I really did. See real? Look up how much NFL agents commissions are.

Three percent. How much? I'll let me work it out for you. How much are NFL agents commissions? Four percent. Okay. Uh, no, three percent. Okay, that's what I was remembering.

Not more than four. Oh, no. Not more than four. Not more than four. Oh, no. Not more than four. Not more than four. 4% okay. Uh, no, 3%. Okay, that's what I was remembering. Not more than 4. Oh, no, NFLH are not permitted to receive more than 3%.

See? Okay, that's fine. An MBA agents not more than 4% of their players playing contracts. I think maybe, okay, you can get more of an endorsement contract. We're already going to do shoe deals. We're going to do love deals for agency. I think most agents have been to law school. Can we call your dad? Yeah, my dad can look over the contract. Okay. Yeah. My dad will look over the contracts. Me and you are just the face of our agency. Okay. On the

sidelines, one butt place, right? Yes. They come up to bears sportsmanagement.com if you're an athlete and you want representation from people who don't work in the field But but we can make magic and make magic happen we can make magic happen We're gonna get an agent. I do think we could hustle right now and get Cortes some type of endorsement. Oh I think that's illegal in college right he's not in college anymore. Okay. He's declared for the draft Oh, we can definitely get an endorsement. I I'm saying like, we should get training camp endorsed. Oh my God, I know a great college in supplement. I know, we, Tom, this is what we do.

Yeah. This is what, oh my God, we can totally, we got, do you like Viori clothing? Yes. Because it's comfortable, but then you can work out in it. That's perfect for him. And we can do some commercials with more tattoos. Viori, can we fucking reach out to Cortez and hook him up?

Yeah, we hook up Cortez with an athlete So anything like what about your socks do you like features? Oh, they're fantastic I mean we could really hook it up. Let's go with today's what it's a Bear bottom I just got all that close Oh, by the way, they're at a Tampa that Kim went to Berkeley prep. I know that guy bear bottom's comfortable Spock their sweatshirt looks amazing Cortez do you own property? Do you want to ensure it? Yeah? Oh, oh never mind I know that guy bear bottoms comfortable, fuck, their sweatshirt looks amazing. Paul, are we doing genius right now? Cortez, do you own property?

Do you want to ensure it? Yeah. Cortez, never mind. Those are previous episodes ads, okay. Fuck. But you get it. We have other sponsors. How do you relax after a practice?

Are they refreshing low calorie Bud Light? Yeah, of course you do. Salzer, when I'm done working out, there's only one thing that makes me feel right. And that's bud light, Salzer. Coming in mango, strawberry, daquery, and classic margarita. Which one are you gonna try?

I'm gonna try. I'm trying the strawberry deck. I'm gonna my time, mango my time. By the way, I'm gonna a little bit of a drinking kick lately. You? And I have to meet with my trainer, but that's okay. It's only a hundred calories. That is good. Mm, that is really good. That's how you I love something's like strawberry grape rat and like yep, you're talking with a cool-aid king over here. Yeah. We have so many big deals.'re going to get and send.

I guarantee you, how, here's what we're going to do. We're going to start with Quartet. He's going to be a like our, and I, and I, don't, I'm, this isn't how I'm going to pitch you to the bucks. He's going to be our pop-up shop, right? Yeah. Meaning we're going to try all our shit out on him. Yeah.

We're going to blow his spot up. He's going to sign a contract. We're going to probably go three years, $10 million. Is what we're looking for. First from. By the way by what position does he play? You know every seaver yeah, why do seaver fucking done Mike Evans is gonna take him under his wing they get tatted up secret handshake Right whatever and Oh, he's gonna be yeah, of course. This is such a fucking no-brainer

We're gonna get him boat sponsorships in Tampa. Yeah, we'll get him on cow head all the time Yeah, he'll be like guy on the street, like come in, third mic with Cowhead. Dude, we can blow this fucking guy up. I can get him a car immediately. I know all the car people, I know all the car people in Tampa. All right. Dude, I can fucking, we can do this man.

We can start a sports company. How much does this is how we're gonna become billionaires? Your new representation Cortez. If this is how I'm talking about you to strangers, imagine how I'm gonna talk to people who wanna work with you. Yeah, that didn't, I don't think that's paying out. It's all right, he gets it. I know how he's gonna stay hydrated.

Liquid death. How you know what you get him on? F. Please, please, please tell me. It's in, after this, his next immediate thing is cameo. Hey, cake, hey Cortez, can I get a secret handshake? He'll be fucking, okay, we should probably get his phone number. Yeah.

We need, get him on cameo and he immediately. Dude, we're talking about, we're talking about. And someone's like, hey, you know, my wife and I are having an anniversary, we want a secret handshake. Cortez, like, hey, happy anniversary. What's our price point? We're being as as agents. I mean, I think he's good.

What's Kevin Nealand's? Whatever Kevin Nealand says, he can do that. I mean, just like I do Kevin Nealand. I'd pay for Kevin Nealand. He's a fucking celebrity. Is he out there? I don't know. Let's find out.

Camille, Kevin Nealand. Oh, wait, I really like Kevin Nealand. Kevin Nealand's fantastic, man. Oh, how about this? I'm gonna fucking call this little fucking almost call it a account, but it's my wife. You ready for this? Think you did.

You ready? I'm still doing fucking her back all day. I, I had a premise I wanted to talk to you about. And I couldn't remember that I ran up by Leanne and she goes, actually, that's pretty funny. She never says that. And I woke up this morning, I go, what was that premise?

She goes, I don't know. You have so many stupid fucking ideas. And I was like, I had a fucking great premise. This is where I know where this premise is going. I wish, I wish all the women I didn't make feel sexually uncomfortable in life, which is hundreds of millions would come forward at once and be like, oh, just so you know, birth's a good guy.

Oh, I got you. I went on five days with him and he never tried to kiss me. I thought he was gay. I told my friends he was gay. And like, I wouldn't have been, and then I had to be like, oh, I'm gonna, she's gonna go, oh, that is the idea. Hey, do you remember the idea? I was like, what was that idea we were talking about

for the podcast? Maybe I don't remember the idea? I was like what was that idea? We were talking about for the podcast Yeah, I don't remember no No, I know but I'd finally remembered it and I wanted to tell you Okay, I wish all the women that I that I didn't make feel section uncomfortable would come for it at one time She likes it and then my wife would be the last one. Actually, I had to ask him out in the date and he had a hard time giving me my first gift. And the first time we had sex, it was so fast.

I don't think anyone would consider it even sex. So, what did you think? Yeah, awesome, sounds great. That's super dismissive. Thank you. That is so condescending. My point is Kevin Neelan is a fucking solid dude. Yeah, he is. And, and, and, and and and and I like home. You know him? Yeah

What are we what are we gonna ask him? He's on cameo. Let's not on cameo. They looked it up. Oh, he's not no Let's go. I think Cortez should do Cortez is on cameo. We're getting him on cameo today. I think you Obviously, we're not having air in this, but we need to get Cortez on cameo today as his agents This is already Hunter bucks. This is by the way Hunter bucks. This is in the future Is Hunter bucks is a lot that's no much would how much would you pay for a secret handshake hundred bucks? That's cool. You're getting the high-end shake king to give you a handshake

Hunter bucks hundred bucks. Hunter bucks. You have to invest. You can't be like I want Yeah, you're right. I'm like come on man. He hundred bucks. A hundred bucks. You have to invest, you can't be like, I want to tell you right. A hundred bucks. A hundred bucks. Come on man. He's like, yeah, a hundred bucks. You're right, a hundred bucks. A hundred bucks.

And if you don't want to spend a hundred bucks on it, then you don't get to see your handshake. And by the way, can you get Cortez, Lewis, like, now that this is out, we've already set up his cameo on guessing, right? But yeah, by the time the, yes. By the time this errors, his cameo is already up and running yes So now we're in the future if you would like your own signature handshake from Cortez Lewis

Go to cameo look up Cortez Lewis the handshake king Submit and he will make you your own signature handshake. We get 3% of that I mean we really can't fuck this NFL agents. Yeah we are. This fucking oh we can get 4% no. Oh no. You know what he can I don't want to do the fuck. Yeah we're not gonna take any of this. I don't want to do the math and be like how many did you do today? No no no. Well this is why we're great agents is we're gonna be like I fuck whatever. We're just gonna be you know super positive about it, and hope that he does a bunch of them, but.

Look, we also have that. These are, this is, you know what this is? We have to make one point real clear. We haven't cleared any of this with him. So, he might not be on Campio. And he might be. Well, he might be. As his agents, we pretty much talked him into it.

We should definitely talk to legal counsel and see if this is what we're doing is highly illegal. Talk to your dad He's a lead. He's a lawyer. All right. Yeah, he definitely knows what you want to hear you this is my impression of my dad my whole life Okay, hearing my hair brain died. He is where he's like buddy. What okay, hold on. Where the fuck are you drinking? Is it better if I'm in my dad's a bad fucking call? Because I'm afraid he's gonna be like, what the fuck? What a dad buddy, I'm sitting with your grandmother, she's turning 100.

Can we just fucking talk about something else? I hope he shoots this down so hard. Hey, Dad, how you doing? Good, what's going on? Good, I'm on a podcast with Tom, and I want to run a business idea by you and get your take, your honest knee jerk reaction. Is this billable time? No, it's not billable time.

Well, maybe, Tom and I have started a sports management company, And we are now representing a free draft agent, free draft agent, free agent. And we are going to be his agents. What is the legality of that? Yeah, I do that. Why don't you jump both feet in? I do that. Why don't you jump both feet in? Do you need any license to be an agent? You know?

Well, hey, here's the pitch big guy. You know how you were looking thinking about retiring? Well, how about you screw into retirement as a sports management's attorney? So what we'll do is we'll get the contracts, we'll send them to you, we're just the face of the company. Yeah. Would you have a decline, big boy? Yeah, Cortez Lewis, hold on, I'm passing into my business side of my team, Tom. I just, how you doing, Mr. Kay?

I'm doing great, but I can't wait to get started. I just wanted something to be clear. This is not a we thing. This is all birds, I do. Yeah, well, I thought you were the smart one, bud. I'm the one who said, call your dad. You have a right call. That's well, wait, where do you get your first bike to be called?

Well, we got one. We got one. We got one. We got Cortez Lewis. He's a free agent and he just signed with us. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, Oh yeah, it will get you three years 10 million dollars contract Yeah, we're gonna get it for the boss. Yeah, oh Ben Burr also said we'll get you signed with the box Oh, by the way, and I'll get you a car. He said I know everybody Yeah, he does see if there's someone in Tampa who can get him a car. Do you know anyone can get him a car? Do you know anyone it can get him a car in Tampa? Do you know anyone can get him a car? No, well, I do but I would never ask That's why you that's where you're part of the team dad

Listen, we'll we'll do a zoom to call me you and Tom and figure that out the logistics But let's get someone on the line welcome to the team. Yeah, welcome to team dad. What are we? We're gonna come up with a name for our company, and then we'll call you back I love you. God, like everything, like he didn't have to say it, but like you could hear in his voice that he's like, you guys are fucking stupid. Two-bear sports management. Two-bear sports management limited. I'm trying to think, two-bear sports management is just perfect. That's it. It's perfect. Two-bear sports management limited or I'm trying to think two bear sports management. It's just perfect. It's perfect

It's perfect. Two bear sports management. Yeah, and that's the the Diverse find remember when I told you we need to become billionaires. Yes when you had the whole Yeah, and this is how we're gonna do it. We're gonna start holding company. What's gonna happen is he's gonna walk on a I guarantee you I guarantee you last year Brady's contract he leans over to us and he's like hey man I like me to do bit Cortez. Yeah, you guarantee you I guarantee you, last year Brady's contract, he leans over to us and he's like, hey man, I like what you do with Cortez. Yeah, I'm going to go. You guarantee you. I guarantee you.

I guarantee you. I guarantee you, I guarantee you, when we get him signed to the box, I guarantee you we pick up five clients immediately. Immediately guys going, I like what you do with Cortez. Yeah, Cortez, first of all, we gotta get him a fucking sick ride, sick track suits.

We need to really kind of mold him in our, in like, in like, or glow. Let's get Cortez's sizing, and let's get him some sewing brothers traxuits too. Because we're showing up first day at Training Camp. Yeah. Me and you were coming with him. We're all having matching, whatever car we get in Tampa.

I guarantee you, I get him a car. I guarantee you, I can get a car. I believe you. I know I can get him a car. We can get him a boat I'm so excited about that. I can tell you I'm actually thinking about putting my career on pause to focus on courtesis Which is a good idea which is a great idea. I can definitely get him a part in a sitcom. Oh my god Oh This is so big. This is gonna be huge. This is gonna be huge. He just needed guys like us

Yeah, yeah, yeah, and now we have a secret handshake. I mean like I'm so excited for it I like we walk past the other oh shit Fuck I'm like I'm bubbling with okay, let's change subjects Let's change subjects because I'll do this all day. I'll stop and And then by the way, we'll keep coming back to Cortes Lewis. Yeah, yeah, yeah, for sure we will. We can pick up their field goal kick or we're gonna fucking heartbeat. Who's there, like whoever that is,

what's his name of the fair? I know it, it's a weird name. It is? The field goalkeeper for the box. We're gonna pick up this guy, their punner, right? Okay. We're gonna clean up on the box. And then we're gonna, who is their kicker?

I forget his name, it's a suck up. Oh. Ryan's suck up. I every time I hear it, I always think it's a weird name. I feel bad saying that about a future client, but... Yeah, you'll understand. How many agents have fucking done you dirty and then kind of raw dogs you and then fucking fucked with you?

We aren't gonna be those guys. See, that's what is beautiful about our management company. Is we've been through the ring or we've been talent. We know how to treat talent. Oh my God, this company's selling itself, Tom. I think we're gonna have a number of calls after this show comes out. We might be signing multiple people at the same time.

We can start signing pro-servers. I'm so deeply involved in the pro-serving community. Deeply involved? I watch a lot of videos, I watch a lot of videos and I know their names. Nathan Florence is our first sign. Okay. We're getting Nathan Florence is our first.

Do you have any, do you ever talk to him? Not, I have texted with him. You've texted with him? I've texted with him. Okay. Nathan Florence. Where's the AC and Hawaii? Yep and Hawaii.

By the way, what? This is next level. This is next fucking level. We're gonna look at, take sports to this is next level. This is next fucking level. We're gonna look at take sports to a brand new level. We're gonna sign the professional pickleball player, right? We should sign a golfer. We sign, we should get one from every sport

so that when you go to our front page of our website, you can see all our athletes. Yeah, that's a good idea. And very loose contracts. You know, we can also do for that website. What? Have a subcategory that's called potential signings and just put like the biggest stars in the in sports So it was like oh you have like fucking Christiana Ronaldo and LeBron James like potentially yeah We're gonna talk to him this week

But then you'll say it and then we should have clients we won't sign Yeah, I got a few names for you You know who would be a great potential signing for us. I just did a podcast with Dion Sanders Yeah, let's sign them. Let's give him a shout fuck yeah. Yeah, it was not a prime I know everything's working out, but do you want to go better? Yeah, it was like, Hey, prime, I know everything's working out, but do you want it to go better? Yeah. Oh, my God, this is great. This is fucking, this is, see, this is what's great about a podcast.

Oh, by the way, he told me that he could bring us back hair wise. See how he got his hair back? I wanna go full tilt. I started thinking I'm been using Rogan from... Why don't we do this? You want to get hair? That's what I said.

So it's a company called Restore. That's brand new hair. That's what he got. New hair. Where did they take it from? From the side of your head. I'm not, but I'm fitting there too, I think. No, but you got enough.

For real? Yes. Go to Restore. Go to Restore. Go to Restore. Go to Restore. Go to Restore. Yeah. If I could do it on the DL you can man, I don't want to let me end to know I want to be like um, okay I wear hats enough anyway. Yeah pretty Does it say like we look look I'm like that. I'm like

Look after five months. Merrill I restore Let me see female clients Bro, so what do they do they just take care of it? Is there like a how it works kind of thing? Is there how we do it? Everyone who's gotten hair The stuff has hated it gotten Got him what, the stuff? No, the old school ones. Oh, the old school ones were bad.

I don't know what you're doing. Is this it? And then what if they do the lasers penetrate through hair or should be part? Just looking on their free-go-line. Yeah, what if they put hair in it, but then they put a part that you didn't expect and you have a calic. They put in calics? I don't think they can put those in. I think those grow they what if they put hair in it But then they put a part that you didn't expect and you have a cowlick and they put in cowlicks

I don't think they can put those in I think those grow naturally They just put it upside down. Wait, is it telling you anything? No, I'm not finding any info right now Okay, what is it like what's up with a cowlick? What is a cowlick a cowlick? That's it interesting. That's like just like a pattern growth. No type in cowlicks aggressive cowlicks aggressive Okay, I remember Brian Callahan had a cowlick Okay, who's got cowlicks?

That's fixed I have a couple crazy ones. For real? Yeah. You just can't see it because I fucking bugged. Jake Tillinol has a cow lick? Yeah. I'm not seeing what I'm looking for.

You want to see a romantic... I want to see people that are... They're lives have been drastically affected. Wait, can you have... Is there no info on that site? About on the other site? There has to be About right there right no

We'll push people with you just getting a full head of hair and where it's said about Not there with the lunch. I Restore hair growth system Okay A non-none drug-free non-invasive way. Nicotine-free, pain-free. Nicotine-free. Yeah, what are they really talking about?

Where's the say nicotine- Just scroll, scroll, they're right there. And as part of this great solution, people have a grow health and beauty without compromising their health. We started laser clinic uses, lasers to help smokers overcome their addiction to a Okay, so wait would you do this?

Yeah, yeah, I'll do it. Yeah, let's get rest Irish door and see if they want to sponsor the podcast Okay, and you'll do will you rock full head of hair? Oh go full head of hair and I'll go curly Like I'll tell you what I would be fun if you didn't know what you were getting and they were like, I would give you hair, but good luck and like the new ones were all long, long ones. What would you do ponytail? Would you man bun it? Oh, I would be. So here's the problem is that every time I've seen someone who has hair, they have to have someone come in and help them do their hair. You can't just, like no, no one's gotten hair

and then just been like flip, flip, you know? Wait, is this, is this even the thing that we were talking about though? This is a restore hair growth system. I don't, this might not be the one that Dion was using. Can we look that up so that we're looking at the one he used? Like, what the fuck is that?

Oh, like I see every time I've known people with hair that it's had hair replacements, they also have to like, it's like they can't, they don't just have like a free head of hair. Right. Like it's like very delicate hair. Like they're like, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, you can do it, but I need someone to come in

and then do it and then put some topics on it and then, and then it's gotta be done. This is what, this is the company no, no, you can do it, but I need someone to come in and do it and then put some topics on it and then, and then it's gotta be done. Why is what? This is the company. This is, oh, wow. Yeah. This is the company that they did it with.

See, oh, reach your brands into it. That's not reach your brands into it. Yeah, that's, no. Oh, that's not, no. Okay, so what does it say about it? It's not your fault. Your father's hair, fault your father's hair Not your father's hair restoration

I'm my fucking dyslexia's gotten so badly. Yeah, you've been saying all kinds of crazy shit. You're okay Is there anything here here? Here we go. Here we go short video on Michael's procedure day Okay, you know someone just saw that video that's going here and they're like, wait, I grew up with that dude. Look at that. Look man. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's actually not bad. And it looks real. Yeah.

And it's restore. Okay. And so what's he saying? He's like, I wouldn't get any pussy. He's like, yeah, kind of. And then this guy's like, Hey, that doctor looks like me. Ooh, he's got like the full dome.

Like he's full golf. Yeah, and they're like, yo, we can only do this much for you. Erlockers looks crazy. Erlockers, but so you can't just full head hair. Does Matthew McConaughey have hair replacement? Yeah, his looks fucking legit. Yeah. See, that's what I want.

I want Matthew McConaughey's hair. You want McConaughey's? But I never had good hair to begin with. Like my whole life until I got short hair and then I started losing it. Yeah. When I had long hair, it looked horrific. It did?

Yeah, I'll show you. Why do you think it looked bad? Okay, look, he's a while. Look, they show him awake and laughing. So he's like, so he's just sitting there? Yeah, I could do this. And what do they do? They just plug it in?

I think so. Oh, how long he's to take? I don't know can you run your fingers through it and shampoo it or do you have to be like? You can run your fingers through it. Yeah Look look how happy he is show me activities. He's doing I want to see him wakeboarding I guess he's not gonna probably all those other good's hair and he becomes athletic Bording I guess he's not gonna probably all those in the good's hair and he becomes athletic Look at this guy that's the team by the way they better all have fucking amazing hair Yeah, yeah, yeah, if that you tell me that guy on the right the of Dr. Farhan. Yeah, if Dr. Farhan With ball going into there. Yeah, if that's his real hair then I'm like whatever fucking cheater

But if that's fucking new hair, come on dude, that's amazing. So what does it say, like what's this say on the top left there? Breakthrough procedure? This is what we're gonna do. Breakthrough procedure. Give us a day, results laugh up.

No scalp, no stitches, no linear scarring. That's the thing you don't wanna see, right? Yeah. Yeah, awful looking hair plugs, permanently scarring. Those are things of the past. We're going to do the restore way. So do I go...

Let's just do a video. Let's do a video. That's the old school way there. Joe had that, right? Yep. Yep, yep. And then let me see some guys. Yeah.

And tell. Look at those guys in the left there. Hey, did Floyd Mayweather get his beard? He got beard implants. What? Yeah, Floyd Mayweather got beard implants. Really? Hair, it gets hair transplant for his beard. Yeah, he took it from his head and transplants for his beard. Uh-uh. Yeah, I

Took him from his head and put it in his face No way I would love If my beard was the texture of my hair just just blowing and soft. He just do that. Wait what hairstyle will you rock with a forehead of hair? I would grow it out. I think I would do one of these first, you know, like a short side. I would love to come back. Yeah, I would grow it out. I do like a bob.

Like a nice tight bob. I would have so much, I'd have so many fun hairstyles. You know what I was talking to Snoop about the shoulder length hair? You do like this head. Oh yeah. I'm growing it out. I'm probably going to get a hair extension. I didn't even know you could do that until now. I'll get hair instructions. I

Would definitely want a ponytail. I would I just would want it. I'd have a I'd fucking rock a mullet one day There's so many things I do with great hair That's one I see people with hair that like Nadov and you're like what are you doing? Yeah, like you got a great head of hair Yeah, and you just you're doing, what are you doing? Yeah. Like, you got a gray head of hair. Yeah. And you're just, you're doing a Caesar? Yeah. Like, if I was in a doll, I would grow it out crazy long. Uh huh. How old are you, Nidav?

I'm 32. God, you're young. God, you get your whole life ahead of you. Do you know what I was doing? When I was 32, I was having kids. When I was 28, when I was 28, I said to myself, I'm gonna be the most attractive I can be so I can find my partner.

I'm gonna lose weight. I still have hair, my teeth are okay. I go, I'm gonna do everything I can to get the partner. That really was your thought? Uh-huh. I did it. I got Leigh Ann.

So you got you worked to get? I actually worked to get Leigh Ann. I thought I don't like, this is really probably fucking shallow thinking, but I was like, I don't like the women that are in the pool that I can get based on what I look like. And I was like, I'm overweight.

And you were at 28? 28, yeah. I was at 28, I was like, I was, by the way, now I look at it, I was like, I was at Was 28 I was like I was By the way now I look at I was like I was 220. I was fucking looking good Yeah, and then and there's nothing like resenting the people that are attracted to you I had that before too. You're like hey, what the fuck like you're you think that we we should be together This is really insulting you're fucking Like, you think that we should be together? This is really insulting. You're fucking gross, you know?

What is that damn that people that are attracted to you? You're like, why do you even think that we're this is an option? Can I tell you, can I tell you a game show I pitched? I had a fucking acting teacher one time, who was like, so there was a, this was, you know who was in my acting class? No. So there were a few celebrities, including one know who was in my acting class? No.

There were a few celebrities, including one, two of the Backstreet Boys were in the class. Who else was in your class? This isn't AA, tell me all of them. No, so, but then like, people would pop in. So like, like Danny Glover would like pop into the back of the room, like shit like that. And then he walked into an acting class, he's like, I'm getting too old for this shit. I mean, it was just like, it was wild. She had one-on-one coached huge, huge names.

Who is she? What was the actor coach? I don't know if we should say her name or not. To say it and edit it out, because I think I had the same one. BEEP. Not that's not the one I had. But there was like real legit actors there.

And then sometimes you'd go to this class and you know, you do scene work. And you'd see people, you're like, oh, that's good. And then a highly trained actor would go on. You're like, oh my god. Like it would be so moving, how talented they were. You're like, holy shit. And she would be the toughest on those actors.

Really? Yeah, the actor would do a scene. And the students would be like, oh, you know who Really? Yeah, yeah, the actor would do a scene and the students would be like, you know, oh, you know, who was in Minka Kelly? Was in my- Pull her up, pull her up, she looks like that's, she sounds gorgeous. Oh.

She sounds gorgeous. Oh my God! Yeah, she was in my acting class. She was in my acting class and she would wear scrubs. She's married to Trevor Noah. What? I don't think so. Oh, they've been quietly dating She would wear out to try to fucking know what scrubs because she was working as like a

Tech I don't think she was a nurse, but you know, so you should show up this checkers up in scrubs to acting class Minka Kelly. Yeah, she dated Derek Jeter for a while. Holy fuck. Yeah. A couple other. Dude, that makes me respect Trevor Noah so much more than anything he's ever done. That he's dating her? The fact that he can date her and then not be like jealous. What do you mean?

Look, I couldn't. You couldn't date her. I couldn't date her and then be like Did you do do this I'd be like I would ruin the relationship I would sabotage you own relate my own relationship with her Because I would be jealous of all the people pull up people Minka Kelly dated. Oh, I already know phase on Glover is phase on love No phase on love Donald phase on Donald phase on by the way you said Danny Glover I thought Donald Glover and I know and I saw a picture of Donald phase on and I thought of phase on. By the way, you said Danny Glover. I thought Donald Glover. And I saw a picture of Donald phase on, and I thought of phase on love. She dated him.

How did you know she dated him? I just saw a picture of the two of them together, and I first thought it was Tiger Woods, and I was like, wait, she dated Tiger Woods, and I was like, nevermind, this phase on. It was from a far away. She dated that guy, who's this guy? Brian White, what's he do?

Stomp the yard and scandal. Stomp the yard? Oh, actors, actors. Okay. Taylor Nick. No, don't know who that is. Oh, Taylor Kitch. That's, I know who that is.

He was in, he was in, I can't read from here. That was a Taylor Nick. Taylor Kitch is a good looking dude Taylor Kitch is good looking dude. He's a good looking dude. Keep going Friday night lights. She did it Chris Evans.

I guess so. Fucking I have getting so much respect for mayor. She did it on mayor. Right now Trevor Noah is watching this going, what the fuck? Holy shit is there anyone you didn't date? Toe for Grace is the sweetest guy in the world. By the way, this woman and Derek Cheter, seven keep going.

Raymaw Ramon Rodriguez. That was after Derek. Looks like Charlie's Angels TV pilot. Okay. The Wilmer Van Llan, you know that is. I do know, but I don't know how to say it. Okay, we'll just. Wilmer Van Llan, there you go.

There you go. Val, Val I don't not a say it. Okay. We'll merven the lime aroma. There you go Val Val You say it you can't say it either and you grew up around he where he grew up. I did not will live out drama. Okay, you did it She's a fuck off This fucking chick. They did everyone. That's crazy. Yeah, she's like no No, okay right, right now. Okay, do you think, so no, Trevor, no, I wish we had Trevor, no, is fucking number. By the way, not the phone call I wanna make.

By the way, in that class, whatever, wherever. Josh Radner, who's he? How I met your mother, I don't know, keep going. Jesse Williams, what's that? What's that? Trevor Noah. Oh, by the way, I wouldn't mind being three of 14. 14 or 14.

You know, he's like, put me in the middle, man. I'm dead right now. Don't put me in the last. I don't put me in the number one. What the fuck? I think it's chronological. I Think it's chronological And number 27 14 just you five I 27 Yeah, I respect Trevor Noah's so much. Yeah, oh my god. He's that he Is a confident dude. I would I would be so I would I would ruin it said it didn't say that he bought a 27 million

It's so beautiful. It's so beautiful So get go to tail he's gonna Trevor Noah's house Trevor Noah's house Okay, he said what it would be It's got it's got $14 million 27 27.25 million. $25.05 million. Oh my God.

Let's see some fucking tours of this thing. It sells a house. That's what it says it sells. No, I think you lost money on it. No, he's just bought. He put it to the one that he bought. That one goes to the buys. Look at this. It looks like a fucking suit. A layer.

Can I tell you, and I hope this doesn't sound bad. I really do like Trevor Noah. He was at an event one time and my little sister went up and was like, hey, my brother's a comedian. And he was like, yeah, she's like his name's Berk Khrysher and he didn't know who the fuck I was. But he talked very nicely of me to my sister. She's like, I'm in your friend Trevor Noah

and I was like, I never met Trevor Noah. Yeah. Keep it what? What's crazy is he doesn't even live here. This is a, this is his second home. How, what the fuck? He lives in New York. He shoots the show in New York, right?

That's what he's done. And by the way, I don't need to place this day when I go to the West Coast. That's fucking crazy. Yeah, that's crazy. The day before New Year's Eve, the host of the day, she'll show it out 27.5 million. In 19, he dropped 20 million on a similar.

What does he, how does he make his money? He ended up selling it last summer. So he made a little money on the other. How does he make money? Well, like, host of the Daily Show. But that can't, what is it? I'm not even being crashed or like, or an obstinate, obtruse.

I, what does that pay? I can't pay. I have no idea. I have no idea what that pay. What does it, I mean, how much can you make on a TV show? I mean, I, I think I'm a show like that, where it's kind of, that show is the brand, it's the flagship brand of Comedy Central.

You know, the Daily Show, like that is, like world renowned and it was, it's the flagship brand of Comedy Central, you know, the Daily Show, like that is like world renowned and it's so well known. I guarantee you they tell you what he gets paid for the Daily Show. Who do we know that, who do we know that could tell us what you get paid for the show? For sure, I don't know, I mean, I know that John Stewart was making crazy. John Stewart's even the Travinoa, no disrespect.

No, I know, I was saying he was making crazy money. Yeah, but he did, he created that show, like he made that show. Craig Killbrom was the first host, actually, Lins Wednesday, Lins Wednesday, she created the show, she the show. Yeah, and then fucking she's gotta be looking at Trevor knows house going I don't get a little taste. Yeah, that would fucking nice house man. This is How do we know do we know do you know have you ever met Trevor Noah? Uh-huh I met him in New York at the comedy festival would you like know him to be like hey man?

I mean I have no no no no no no no he's definitely not gonna buy this now Uh-huh. I met him in New York at the comedy festival. Would you like know him to be like, hey man, would you like come to your house? No, no, no, no, no, no. But now he's definitely not going to buy this now. He's like, wait a minute, my girlfriend, Minka, and we're like, oh, we don't always see this. I know you're number 14, Doug. I'm getting trapped. I'm getting trapped.

A 15 by 60 foot infinity pool. I think looks like that. That is beautiful. Yeah. That is fucking. Let me tell you something. Beautiful. M Ninka is this is a long time ago. So when I met her, when we were in acting class together, we held her she now, look at her age.

Oh, please say she's 45. No way, she's in her late 30s, I bet. She's 40. Okay, so we're about the same age. I'm one year older. When we were in acting class, we were 40. By the way, 14 is not class, we were 40 by the way 14 is not bad for a 40 year old woman 14 is not bad for a 30 year old woman, but like she's fucking lived up goddamn life Like I'm just just to be fair Trevor's I'm sure is going like she's fucking 40, bro

So we were down the fuck ground. Of course. We were 23 and 22 in this class. So like I'm just saying You could not pay attention to what's going on in class. And she would sit there in the scrubs, no makeup, nothing. And basically, every guy would just be like, just staring at her. Just staring at her. What a cool name, Minka.

Did I remember this acting teacher? So there was also a couple of models and shit, you know, like, people wanted to be actors, so everyone heard that this is the person to go to. So I got referred there by an actual, like, a working actress who's like, this is the girl, this lady's a shit. One time, there's a, there's a beautiful girl in class, and then there was a not so. Good looking one. And, wait, remember to tell you story off camera. Oh, okay. Teacher is like, I mean, I don't know, memory names. I was just say, hey, I think you should go out with.

I was like, oh, and then, you know, my class has like, Minka and like, beautiful woman. She was like, fucking Emily. I was like, the full back that sits in the, in the third row, the fuck are you talking about? She's like, she's sweet, so are you. I was like, God damn. That's been a long fucking life.

Oh yeah, and this was like the best I've ever looked. I was like, hey fuck you lady. Best I've ever looked. Yeah, I was like, why would you think that's a pair up? Why is it? Cause she's nice and you're nice. So I was like, oh man you think that's a pair up? Why is it? Cause she's nice and you're nice. So I was like, oh man. I went out with that model though.

It didn't work out. You alright? I don't wanna go out with someone that is too hot. Meaning like, Liam's perfect for me. Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah!

Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! I Didn't come out right here. I'm out right. You're such an ass. I'm bleep bleep Shit oh oh fuck me Oh Fuck me Oh my god, I'm gonna fall I'm like I'm today's been a how how can I supposed to go on a date with the Anta night How was our conversation gonna fucking compare to this? That's not it's not yeah, where you guys gonna go dinner? Oh, no can you text or talking points? Like are you going where you going? We're going

To this one out is an outdoor dining place. I don't know. That's hard to explain It's the outdoor dining place up by the girls school. You ready to switch switch up what you ready to start dating That's what's going on. Oh, I wouldn't you know I Would mind like her getting lost at sea. Yeah. And then me being like, heart broke and then doing some stuff to try to get my side straight. And then her coming back and be like,

oh, I didn't know. No home no foul, right? We've never done. All right, all right, all right. But as long as you've gone for it in this scenario, a year, and she brought her in visit line So she comes back and she's like it's so funny. I'm back and I don't need to wear a vis line anymore I'm like, oh the fuck is it?

And then she's like, what's going on? You're like, I've been dating We're updating We got the house set up. I hope you're excited the girls are gonna be pumped to see you there in college when I say girls There's also a couple living here. Yeah, yeah, oh Hey, Minka Miska Mickey Mouse God damn it. Oh my god What else what do we not cover today what did we not cover yeah, well you're training you're looking great I'm feeling great. I had to wait today

No, I didn't wait it when's the last time you wait? I went a little bit of a bend or this weekend. Can I see the scale thing? scale up. No, please let me see it. You don't have to look I Why not I've been I've been looking okay if you weren't looking before yeah, I started looking 243 is the last weight. Oh. Yeah. All right.

But I'm a lifting like, fuck, I love lifting weights. It's great. But it really does instigate like a moron side of my brain. It does what? Like it really kind, like I think, I'm not certain, but if you lift weights, I feel like it does increase your testosterone. And if it does increase your testosterone,

I feel that insanely quickly. And I become a little bit of a meathead. And I start doing meathead things. What kind of things are you doing? Shoulder checking my wife into a wall. Like out of the way, nerd. No, no, just like vanity things, where you're like put your arm in a shirt and you don't stretch it out

as much anymore and you're like, yeah. It's interesting. What's interesting to me is that like, LA actors, and I don't mean this just burragingly, for the most part, weren't like the meathead tough guys in high school. They weren't the guys lifting weights in the locker room. They're just like the sensitive guy who,

or not always, sometimes they're dirt bags, just couldn't get posting in high school and then they came out and this is how they do it. But like, for the most part, like me and you were regular guys in high school, like lifted weights. Yeah. If you give me a set of 50s and you go, hey, I need you to do bench. I need you to do bench press with those. I'm not going to fucking collapse them on my face. I'm, I know when get to eight how I feel and if I can go to fucking 20 I'll do 20 but I'm I'm I've used my body my own whole entire life. Having said that I I see like when I see like Hollywood actors that get like yoke to rift it's kind of funny because I know that when I do that my meat headness comes out right? They never had that growing up and

then all of a sudden they become that. And I'm not saying, I wish I could pick a name of a guy, but I can't. But I wanna see the meatheadedness of them come out because it's there. When you get ripped, you become very vain and like fucking. And those hormones are real, man. Yeah. When that's just starts kicking up,

you definitely should. I can sense it with me in like, in like competitiveness and just the way my brain works when I'm lifting weights. And when you see those guys that go from like, you know, like, I'm saying Chris Evans or we just saw a picture of him, but like he's, I don't think,

I don't know anything about Chris Evans, it's not so fair. I'm trying to say like a Hollywood guy who was just a regular guy and then he got fucking jacked. And then you're like, what's the guy who played Wolverine? Hugh Jackman. Hugh Jackman is like a sensitive dude in real life.

Yeah, yeah. In real dude life he's a singing, dancing, theater guy. He really is a theater guy. But then he gets jacked, right? And he's fucking Wolverine. And where's the theater? You can't even see the theater guy. And what's crazy is that when you are lifting

Wait, it's like that that theater guy is dead inside. He's like, what I want to dance you He's like, we don't dance. We deadlift motherfucker. Then we do a box jump 10 dead lifts 10 dogs jump Let's go bitch like I don't need to live Look at him in this one. Look at this. Me, do a box jump. Oh, my dear son. Look at that.

Wait. To the A to the Y. What? You couldn't water board me into that outfit. I believe you would get it now, right? Actually, I would not. There's a sensitive. There's a sensitive, there's a sensitive... He's a tremendous talent man.

Is he? Hugh Jackman? He's super talented. You don't think he's talented? I don't know. Okay. Man, I'm not... Wolverine's a good movie.

No, I'm saying though, like somebody who can sing and dance and act. Pull up. Let me see a real. Let me see a sizzle real. A few Jackman. All right. Hugh Jackman's sizzle real. And I'll tell you if he's talented or not. Uh, it's probably good.

Hugh Jackman. He's gorgeous. Probably go to it. I'll tell you what I like about him. Yeah. I, there's a lot of things I like about Hugh Jackman. Acting real? Okay.

I'm going to hit pause. Hit pause. I'm going to run this idea by you. Okay. Is Hugh Jackman talented or is he? Okay, I'm gonna hit pause. Hit pause, I'm gonna run this idea by you. Okay. Is Hugh Jackman talented or is he just the rip dude who decided to put on tap shoes? And everyone's like, oh, Lynne Swank and Tap Dance also. No, I think he's soup.

I think he's actually really good. Like what movies has he been in? Top 10 Hugh Jackman moments. Well, these are, I mean, these are probably all gonna, I'm assuming he's gonna be him. It's either gonna be from talk shows, which is weird that we don't want to see or it's gonna be From movies. It's the Tony's Yeah, there he is. What is this? What movies is this? Oh? What's this? The prestige? He was in the prestige? Oh

Hugh Jackman's a fucking shit dude. I love this movie. Oh, I fucking love this movie. Oh shit. That was Hugh Jackman That's Hugh Jackman. Oh, shut. Oh, that's not that's that's Christian. That's what I was looking thinking of that's you Jackman There's a lot of Hugh Jackman was the other guy Katelyn Leopold this look I'm gonna I'm gonna make a very ignorant statement all these period pieces are cheap codes and acting Anyone can do that. So he was in swordfish. There he is Shoot in a fucking rocket launcher. God damn it. Yeah, keep going. That was with Halle Berry, right? Yeah, I saw that there you go Keep going He was on the Oprah Winfrey show. Yeah keep going

Someone like you. Pass. Pass, okay. Butter, butter. Doing a real acting face there. Yeah. The Oscars, okay. I'll see because they're showing you there,

you can host, you can sing, you can dance. All right, he's the real deal. He's the real deal. My bad, you. Deception, he was in deception. Okay, I'm really sorry who you are the real deal and you're jacked and you can dance and you can sing He was in the Tony's to be a Tony to get a Tony you got to be able to legit act, right? Yeah, those are like the real theater actors. I bet I could do that. She's that for sure you could X2 next to look

He's pretty awesome in these these but it's like yeah He's fucking ripped and it's yeah, and it's a good he does that character well. He does he does See I just give you I can do I can do I'll tell you what Let's do Our own I guess you can't do it yet until you can walk. Like walk dance. No, but we should do a dance, like a thing for the tonies.

Like something that submitted for the tonies. Yeah. You have to be like in a legit play for the tonies. You remember that time that you picked me up, I think it was the go to Braia and I get in the car and you go kiss me and I go what and you go I go no you go how how well I know I can trust you and I was like what the fuck and then you go I've done it to a bunch of guys you know and I was like a lot I mean I don't feel comfortable I don't remember this at all and then you go well just do it or we're not gonna drive to the show

I was like all right so then I kissed you and you go, ah, I got you and I've gotten a bunch of guys. Like, and you're like, young guys and good looking guys. Yeah. Oopsie. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. Man, you showed me that thing in your phone. Like all these guys pictures and stuff.

Remember? Yeah. And think you'd bring it up here, but yeah. By the way, this is all I had ever fucking kissed him. Or a lot of guys, but there was one guy. There's one guy. What happened? This is the fucking-

Was he wrong with my brain? No, so I get done. no he was, he was going, oh, okay. No, there was a guy. I got so quiet. My brain thinks about this, and I'm sure this is what's wrong with me. I right after I got my first deal in LA,

I was lived in LA for like seven months and I came back and I've been working the door at the Boston Comedy Club in New York and at the time no one was really working the door like there was a guy named Louis Schaeffer. He was running the door but I was just barking for stage time and no one really I mean I'm sure people did it elsewhere but people didn't bark for their stage time. They bark for money and so I started barking. Tell people what that means. It means I still in the street and as as as women as people women as anyone will walk down the street I would go, Hey, we got a great comedy show tonight.

We got Dave Chappelle. We got Jay Moore. We got I've missed all the names of the people that were on the flyer. DC Benny talent. Maceo. Yeah. And I get hand out flyers and I say, I can get you in covers five bucks, but if you just want come in, I'll get you a drink

You know and the whole idea was to get an audience there and then you start charging people Once you started getting people you wanted to get an audience there first and so I'd get there at seven o'clock And I'd start bringing people in and seating them and getting them drinks and yeah, I was just fresh out of college So I was like, you know you guys are want to come in just come on and drink and so we would pack the fucking place I Don't know where the stories, oh, anyway, uh, there was this, I get, I go, I get a deal. I'm time out in New York right now article about me and about that I would have been in Rolling Stone and then, and then now I was barking and these kids, I was the filling up the place and these kids all wanted to party with me. Because they were all college kids, I just got out of college.

these kids all wanted to party with me, because they were all college kids, I just got out of college. So I go to LA for seven months, live with the Universal Sheridan, I come back, and the first night back, it's an interesting night. I was shirtless in the back. Bill Burhad gone on and Burd the time, I say this,

kindly, Bill can have it, whatever his truth is, he is his truth. But Bill had kind of changed his act a little bit from maybe more fun, clean guy into like saying. I can't imagine what the old actor was. It was, he murdered. It was like Brian Regan though. It was like very much.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And he murdered. He was like, you ever see an information? Infomercial and the guys got the fucking pan. And he's like, this pan can, I know, gah, gah, gah, gah. Like it was very Boston, high energy, friendly, and it was clean.

And it was killing. It was murdering, and then he kinda went to LA and then came back. And when I saw him that night, he was like, I remember the joke, he said it was, women want the same fucking, everything the man gets except when it comes to a fire. All right ladies, we'll give it to you,

but when the fucking house starts burning, we're all going out at the same time or something. And it was, it was like, cutting the room. Doods were, the right people were laughing. And then the people that didn't get it was like, but he was like, figuring that side of him out. Bill comes back to the back and now we kind of talk. I think how to beer. And I was like, dude, you're killing it.

Whatever you're doing, keep doing that. And he was like, he's like, I don't know. We talked about our, we had same managers at the time and agents, and he had parted ways with them. And then there's this guy. What's crazy is at the time when I come back, there's now seven dudes barking. Everyone found out that you could get a deal from barking, that Barry Katz would see you barking,

put you up in front of the right people and possibly you could get a deal. So the way Hollywood works across the board, now there's seven dudes barking, right? There's seven dudes hanging a hand in our flyers and none of them, I don't even know if they were getting stage time at the time, but it was like seven dudes out front. I'm talking to Bill and there's these two guys waiting to talk to us. I'm like, they want to talk to Bill, obviously. Bill leaves and then they're like, still standing there. I was like, what's up? And they're like, Bert, right? And I was like, yeah,

I'm shirtless and I'm drunk. In the back corner of the Boston, it was dark corner. And they're like, they're like, just wanted to let you know that, you know, we started barking because we heard you got a deal. Like, how did you get your deal? And I was like, I just, I just did stand up in front of somebody.

And I'm like, yeah, we loved to like kind of pick your rain. And I was like, all right, I didn't really have any answers. I just, I've been written up in Rolling Stone magazine and then time out in New York is like I don't know tell you one of the guys leaves and the other guy won't leave me alone like he won't leave me alone and he's like sitting next to me and he's like so would I so like tell me what a deal is like walk me through a deal and it's so a conversation I didn't want to be in and my brain just goes kiss him Kiss him and end this conversation Just lean over and kiss him and he'd be like what the fuck? I'm like, oh, sorry dude and he just walked away

But I didn't do it. I just let him talk to me. Oh, you didn't do it. No, I didn't do it my brain my brain My brain was like I was so excited because like I just randomly made that up and yeah, I actually happen once no No, my brain no, that's when you start telling that story I was like I definitely have a story where I in my to stop the conversation I was like I just kiss this guy he fucking leave it on heartbeat but I didn't kiss him I just listen to him and fucking you know me I gave him way more advice than he needed he couldn't shut me the fuck up you're a piano someone yeah like Leanne but in the shower oh. I remember like she could mad. I didn't tell her. Oh piss on her.

You never just piss on them and then they're like, oh I piss on her in the shower all the time but she's always like, come on, this is fucking gross. She's like, she gets mad, she's like, it smells like coffee and then I'll blow my nose in the shower and then some of it will get on her and then I'll clear my throat, spread my cheeks. She goes, okay, I'll get out of the shower. I'm actually just like that. Leigh had farted in the middle of a fight the other night, and she didn't tell me, it just farted, and then we're arguing about something.

And then I just go, did you just fart? And she was like, yeah, so what, you do it all the time. And I go, yeah, but you also get pissed when I fart in the middle of a fight. She was like, oh, what are you gonna walk away? And I was, there was a bad time to sneeze Yeah, but you also get pissed when I fart in the middle of a fight. She was like, oh, what are you gonna walk away? There's a bad time to sneeze in the middle of a story What's he doing? Yeah, I didn't know

What a pretty loud fart no silent and just she is but you smell it. She's been farting in her sleep a lot lately Like you hear it ripping them I wake up earlier than she does and I have been listening to her rip them. She's been sleeping on the couch for a long time She started getting in bed with me like middle of the night and I think it's sleeping on the couch Yeah, yeah, we're cuz of the dogs and so He liens just weird man. She does her own thing and it's there's certain things that keep her up and then one of the things is Both our dogs got giardia and so they were shitting all of the time And so she wanted to sleep with them and make sure she could get them out and then lately started getting in bed with me And I think she's been on the bed on the couch with the dogs for so long farting a lot They're just ripping parts with the dogs that she got in bed with me and just I'm talking like you know like when a woman

Farts they don't have hair in their assholes. Yeah, so it's not muffled It's like ass cheeks going Are you saying you're like what the fuck I want I'm trying desperately I sat this morning on Instagram stories and Just held it down for minutes at times going please fucking fart woman. Please go fucking viral. She rips a fucking fart. Yeah, that's great, man This is fucking aggressive too. Kind of how does that? Oh, no Every time you have a hat, I don't know what it is. Yeah, I don't know. It's uh, I Got it from hack club. I'm a yeah, I got these guys are on Instagram. That's why I asked you had I probably have

About 300 Wow, I have so many hats, but I what happened is I got in touch with this guy SF grippy and He he was like noticing that I like minor league hats and then and then I and then he was like you should check out hat club And hat club sends you like two or three hats a month brand new ones like ones you can't get there like sometimes they make them sometimes they're like sometimes they make them sometimes they're one-offs and And I love getting new hats that here can I tell you the big problem is that I have a big head up a size eight head Yeah, and so What happens is usually the only size eights you can get or whatever city you're in They're hats so then all I would get it was getting was Professional baseball teams hats because that's the only size eight you could ever get

So I'd have a Dodgers hat on I'd'd have a Red Sox hat on, a Yankee's hat, and what's annoying is fucking LA is if you're walking through the store and you got a Red Sox hat on, some fucking Jackass who went to college at Emerson is like, yo bro, what's the socks score today? You're like, I'm not a fan, I have a big head. And he's like, why are you wearing the hat? You're like, I have a big head. I've got a big head, no, mine's bigger.

No, I got a what size hat do you have? Then I'm in the conversation with a guy I don't want to be in. Of course. I'm like, just kiss him. And so. That's what you did to me when you picked me up here. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And so I, so I, this is.

I wasn't mad at you by the way when you asked me to. Okay. I don't, anyway, look how big my head is. Put this on. Okay. Holy shit. Yeah, right? This fits you. Yeah. This is normal to you. Yeah, it's normal. It's really big. Yeah, I know. I saw hockey team, I think. Wow. Yeah. I like it. Yeah, it's a good hat. And so I get these hats from them and then

they'll hit me up and be like, yo, we got a new hat drop and I just end up picking them up. And then what happened is I put it out on Twitter. I was like, what's your favorite minor league team? And damn it, they're like, what was like, what's your favorite minor league teams hat? And everyone started sending me like their favorite ones. I started buying them. And then because I was doing that,

a lot of the monolig team sent me their hats, and now I have so many hats I can't even get through them. That's great though. I love it, I love it, I love it. I love taking an outfit and going to this hat, go with this outfit. I never thought before that you were super hack-up, you've become, I love it.

I love it. And it's also a way for me to tell the different episodes of Two Bears is by the hat. By the hat, yeah, that's true. Okay, a couple of things, let's recap today. We have an official secret handshake now, thanks to Cortez Lewis. Thank you very much, Cortez.

We're gonna practice now as soon as this is over. Yep. We started a sports management company, Two Bears Sports Management. Yep, dot com. Our first client. Handshake King, we going to try to get, uh, uh, uh, Cortez on cameo and some deals. We went through the fact that I would did

acting class with Minka Kelly and we went through her boyfriends and she's now with Trevor Noah. By the way, she's 40 and she is a more, she's like, don't say my age or how do you feel like, fuck, stop all of this, Bert. She's gorgeous. She's gorgeous. And I'd be 17, 14, 15. Wait, what am I talking about? I'm married, never mind. But if my wife gets lost at Seaminka, there's an invite.

Sure. You're gonna be really led down in my house. Restore hair. We're gonna investigate. See if we can get. Yup, we'll heads of hair and new hairstyles. And finally, you didn't demand a kiss to drive the brand. Thank you.

But if you did, I would have been like, I love you, Bert. I love you too. Bert, Tom, Tom and Bert. One goes top and swad the other, wears a shirt. Tom tells stories and Bert's the machine. There's not a chance in hell that they'll keep it clean. Here's what we call, two bears one cave.

No scripts to beat a booze amateur, for toology. Dirty jokes, ronti humor, no apologies. Here's what we call, two bears one cave. Hey!