2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer - Ep. 74 | 2 Bears 1 Cave w/ Andrew Santino & Bobby Lee

Episode Date: March 29, 2021

SPONSORS; - Go to https://hellofresh.com/cave12/ and use code cave12 for 12 free meals, including free shipping! - Visit https://mudwtr.com/bears/ to support the show and use code BEARS at check out for $5 off. - Go to https://vuoriclothing.com/BEARS/ and receive 20% off your first purchase, free shipping on any U.S. orders over $75, and free returns. - Go to https://hellotushy.com/BEARS/ to get 10% off your order and FREE shipping. - Head to https://brightcellars.com/CAVE/ to receive 50% off your first 6 bottle order. - Get 15% off plant orders of $100 with promo code CAVE at https://bloomscape.com/. - Go to https://whoop.com/ and use code “Bears” at checkout to save yourself 15% off today. - Go to https://keeps.com/BEARS/ to receive your first month of treatment for free. We're replacing The Bears with some Bad Friends today so say hello to your new hosts of 2 Bears 1 Cave, Andrew Santino and Bobby Lee! We get right into it with all the weird things Bobby does with his dogs, trying to remember Nadav's name, and calling Tom & Bert. Bobby talks about smoking a cigarette indoors where the Last Supper was painted and how people weren't cool with it. Bobby and Andrew reveal they know exactly how to push each others buttons and things almost spiral VERY quickly. Bobby reviews The Snyder Cut of The Justice League movie and then tries to convince Andrew he was in Keeping Up With The Joneses with Gal Gadot. All this, plus a revealing dance from Bobby.

Bro, if you saw me like at a strip club. Well, it turns when I can't see your face. So if I just saw that, and I couldn't, we'll let your hair down. Take your take, no hold on, let your hair down. 100% You know, I love my dogs, right? Yeah, I love your, I love dogs too. You don't love mine though.

No, I love my dog. Okay, well, I don't like your dog. Why don't you like my dog? Well because you don't like mine and I asked you first. No, I didn't say I don't know you're fucking dog So how do I like dog? I've never met them. No, yeah, I don't know them all right Okay, so you like your dog talk to people really a Fuck what did you say on the way here? I called you So um, you know first of. I'm gonna tell you what I'm telling you. I'm getting there. I'm getting there. I'm getting there.

So, first of all, I have one car in the house. Yeah, I know. And you're in your old time millionaire and you have one car. Just buy another car. That's your problem. Buy another car. I'm the Milton. Yeah, you are, dude.

What did you say? Guys, in the studio, what did he say? Yeah, because you were like, I said you're running late. I said you're running late. Let's get there and then we'll get there. Okay, you're right. Let's go.

Yeah, let's go. All right, so, um, so, um, you know, I like to give my dog's treats. Yeah, everyone gives her dog's treats. I know, yeah. So sometimes I give them like, meat sticks. Yeah, but you gave it to a dog that doesn't have any teeth.

That's right. Okay. He can't chew through the meat stick. He has teeth. What's the matter? Nothing is this what happened this is you know what this is the same fucking shit the Christian bail skit Remember Christian bail snapped that's why he loses it You keep walking yeah in the middle of our past we're working

Get him out of here. Yeah, get him out of here You know what? So anyway, go ahead the meat sticks that I give them are like, they're not chewy. They're like shards of glass. Right? So why are you giving him such big meat? Because my other two dogs have teeth.

Like you know, eat and crunch on it. You know, they like it. Why does the dog have teeth? It's old. It's like Eddie Pepa-ton. I think my dog is older than Eddie Pepaton. So my other dog, my older one, Remi, right? Yeah.

He's trying to the beef chart. He can't, so he just swallows at her whole. And as soon as Collie got home, she walked upstairs and Remi is going. Choking. Like that. Choking. Dying. Choking.

Bro, do you give a dog a hind look maneuver? No, because I want a new puppy. Choking. We're all. Do you give a dog a hind look maneuver? No, I want to do puppy. Oh, you let him die. I want to do puppy. Yeah, let him die. No, but I love it. How old?

How many years? 13, right? I'm probably 30, 40 years old. 40 years old. Yeah, right. So anyway, it's dying. I feel like, and I feel like, oh my god, I'm trembling. Yeah.

Right. Yeah, you're getting scared that you're going to your dog right now It swallows and then it does like Mix this noise like there's it's bleeding internally right Right meanwhile right I have to leave Well, you've got to come here to come this mini mall in fucking Nevada All right, and this is what this you know, you know What's it? Two two bears and two bears a right inside of one case.

He is just whitewash, you know. White people. White trash. Comedy. White trash comedy. And that's why it's in a fucking facility like this, by the way. Welcome back to two bears one, K. Hi, my, and anyway, we're all in the country.

I'm gonna take a shit on this fucking table. I told you on the phone last night. Last night we made a phone call. Last night we had a phone call and Bob said he could poop on the table. So drink, chug that red bone, see if it'll come out. That's a whole big, early couple of redness story. Please finish the story.

And then Remi just kinda goes, Remi kinda goes, and just kinda lays on a stomach like this. Klai now, Klai la, my girlfriend. Panicking. Screaming at me. Of course. You're a piece of shit.

Yes. You're dumb. You know what I mean? It's like, how can I have children with you? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Those type of conversations. Yeah, real talk. Right, I'm just gonna break up with me.

That's a black people call real talk. Real talk. You dumb. I'm not trying to have kids with you right now. And I'm disappointed in you, boy. Okay. Real talk? Real good.

Real talk. What did Delroy Lindo? What are you doing? That's a good one. Real talk? So anyway, do talk? What do you do? What do you do? That's a good one. Real talk? So anyway, do you like Delory Lindo? Love. He's great actor.

Yeah. So anyway, so the, um, so Remi's just laying on a stomach like this. Dying. Dying. Yeah, dying. And I'm just kind of on the couch like, uh, when do you say when your dog is leaving? I gotta get the fuck out of here, you know what I mean? I of on the couch, like, when do you say when your dog is leaving, I gotta get the fuck out of here, you know what I mean?

I gotta go. Can you take care of this? That's what I would say. We have a car. Cause she's like, cause Jules is like, yeah, so she's like, my girlfriend's like,

you can't go now. We have to take the dog to the vet. Uber. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, you should have Ubered. Oh, I didn't think of that. You could have Ubered. I should have Ubered. Oh. I didn't think of that. You could have Ubered.

I could have Ubered. By the way, can you look that up if you can give the dog a Heimlich maneuver? Is that a thing that people do? By the way, he said a ton. We're not quick, they aren't. Tom, I know. Our guys aren't that quick.

Our guys aren't, our guys, they don't, they don't, they don't, they wouldn't even do that. Our computer falls asleep. They fall asleep. They are, they don't even give them out. Wow, this is a professional shit right here. Did you mean can you give a dog a Heimlich maneuver?

Yeah, if your dog is, is, is standing, put your arms around and- Who are you, is this opening the mouth? They fall asleep. They are they not a good amount. Professional shit right here. Did you mean can you give a dog a Heimlich maneuver? Yeah, if your dog is standing, put your arms around and just opening the mouth. Yeah, well, someone has to open it, then make a fist with your hands and firmly swift push up towards what, in the thrusting motion, much like you perform on a human. So you do, my dog is this big.

Yeah, so you just... Just a fucking mouth is big. So put one knuck, just one knuck. Oh, a knuck. Just one knuck. Oh, a knuck. Just one knuck underneath. Press the- It would have killed it. They do, I have heard that you put,

if you put a finger in their butt, you put a finger in their butt to make them not, if their, if a dog is biting you. Do you know that? Oh, oh, oh, you do. What's that, the shocker? The shocker, you do the shocker to the- The shocker to the-

If it bites you, Yeah, yeah, yeah. It'll let go. Hey, do you tongue kiss your dog? No? I do. I know you you tongue kiss your dogs? No. I do. I know you do. No, but I like it like like.

You get in. Sometimes in the morning, sometimes in the morning when she comes over on my side to snuggle, will I rest her butt on my crotch? Yeah. Yeah, you will. Yeah, I'll rub it around a little bit. I'll rub it around a little bit.

You might have to cut this out, but I'll leave it in. I want to admit something right now, I do. Go ahead. That my girlfriend said, don't ever tell me when you do it. Let's share such a shitty mood. Fuck it. Fuck it, dude. Fuck your career.

So what I do is sometimes I have a dog named Bojo as Bobby Jr. Yeah, yeah. And Bojo, we've had him since he was a kitten and he doesn't know who I am. Right. Now. Right. Right. So, you know, he's one of those guys.

Hi, Bojo. He's no idea who you are. Right. Yeah. But what he does love and the only time I can get his attention is if I, I don't lick my fingers. But I want to. But I don't. What I do is when I'm running is rubbing his belly, right? I kind of rub his penis a little bit with like like it's a clip

No, no It's a PCL it is no because I have no sexual I have no sexual thoughts about it Okay, well then you guys need to make it more it's more medical Okay, you guys need to cut that so he's just in the frame and I'm not in the frame. Alright. Because if that gets pulled out of context, then I'm gonna, I'm just sitting there smiling. No, it's not reality because I have no sexual feelings about it. You can't just rub a dog's penis.

It's not like I do the, I spit on it, you know what I mean? You like that, I don't say that. But you've thought about it because you just said that right now. I did, I did before. But, anyway, um. Wait, why do you even, so when you rub the belly, why do you go near it? He doesn't do anything, he doesn't do anything, he'll just like, right? Yeah,, why do you even so when you rub the belly? Why do you don't hear anything? He doesn't do anything. He'll just like, right? Yeah, but why do you go down? I'll tell you why when I do it. He'll like this.

You'll make that noise. Because he likes it. He loves it. Right? And I just go, I don't go, yeah, you like that. You know, I'm like, like, no. You've never said that? No, no, like, oh, high-bojo, you're cute. You know, that kind of thing. That's close never said that. No, no, like oh Hi, Bojo. You're cute. You know that kind of that's close. That's almost the same thing That's not Hi, Bojo Is that wrong? Is that it gets a law? I don't know let ask the fans is that wrong? Go ahead and comment below if rubbing your dogs belly and then maneuvering your way down to it's genitalia's wrong

Let's see what they said. Let me finish the story about the beef shards. Yeah, so you gave your toothless dog beef shards. Right now, we're sitting there. We don't have a car, and the dog could be dying, right? Yeah, and then you know, you know, Clutch yelling at me. And he's like, you know, because she thinks that I'm mentally... Slow.

Yeah. She really legit and really thinks that. I mean, we took... What? We wanted to take an autism test with you and you wouldn't take it. We wanted to take an autism test with, we wanted to take one and Caliola said she didn't want you to do it because a fear of what the results might be. Do you want to take one? Yeah, we took a gay test.

I know, and what were you? 35%? 42% gay. 35%? 40, 45% gay. 35. 35%? I was 35% by sexual. Yeah, oh, well, that's right, you're right. 40, 45% gay. 35. 35%? I was 35% bisexual.

Yeah, oh, well, that's right. You're right. I'm not bisexual. I'm not bisexual, though. Right, you're 60. No, no, no, no. You're 67% not. No, because the thing is that I'm liberal. But you are, so.

Does that make me bisexual? Yeah. I believe in gay marriage. You both are Joe Biden? Yeah. Bisexual. Oh. Well, that's actually, I'm bisexual then.

Anyone that's going back to the shard? Yeah, go back to the shard. He's dying, right? And now she's like, she's talking to me in a certain way. And when she talks to me like that, it's just like, I, She's being condescending. She just really kind of looks at me like, you know, like, I could see things going through her head

and the one thing that goes through her head I think is like, I just, I got a breakup with them Break up with her. No, she wants to break up with me. Oh, she's thought. Yes. Yeah, that's a thought right? Yeah, no all the time No, no, but she's told me that's a thought She's just said before there's moments in her life where she thinks what would it be like without yeah? Yeah? Yeah? Yeah, and I say it would be sad You'll have about your wife Yeah me too. Yeah, me too.

Yeah, but I get it. But the good always the bad. You're in man. Of course, because you know what I always go down to is like, all right, you know, fresh pee. Fresh pee? You know what fresh pee is, right? You strange pee is what we call it.

And we call it fresh pee. Fresh pee sounds like you just, sounds like you're a nation day. Oh, fresh p. No, strange p is what you're talking about. What's strange p? It's the same, it's the same p from fresh p. All right.

Right. What do you think my p is though? What's fresh p? Yeah, what do you think my p is? It's posh asshole. Yes, exactly. Yeah, you're posh asshole. Yeah, you're posh asshole.

So you're saying strange, I sit around strange p. a little bit more. It's a little bit more. Yeah, it's a little bit more. You're saying strange. I sit around. Straight. New pee. New pee is better. New pee. Yeah. Fresh implies, you know what I mean?

Don't go there. I'm not. Just cut yourself off of that pass. That bridge is... Ah, but it's not going there. Okay. Yeah. Take, put in reverse.

Yeah. And then go back to the other bridge. Somebody in their mid-20s could be fresh. New pee. New pee. New P. And Strange. But not fresh. All right, so what is it? Anyway, so I always think that, you know.

Hold on one second, there's a telemarketer calling me right now. Yellow. Hello. Hello. Pussy. Yeah, I had a politician call me early in the car. Who called you?

It was a senator, what's the guy that's a- Rand me early on the in the car. Who called you? It was a senator. What's the guy that's a... Rand Paul. No, not Rand Paul. Rand Paul called you. No, not Rand Paul. Rand Paul, Bobbie Lee, because he's given him money before. He's my name, a leader in the Democratic Party.

Not Chuck Schumer, but the other guy. Epstein. Epstein. The guy who died in jail. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. No, no, no, no, no. Who's in the Congress right now that's a leader? Uh, I don't know, Google that. Who's in Congress that's a leader? Well, that's such a vague term. No, he's big, he's big, he's like Schumer.

No, I just said, that's such a Schumer. The other guy. Who's the other guy? Uh, Fauci, Fauci, Fauci, we're out. No, he's a fucking, no, he's not a political, he's a... Lead Democrat. Oh, they're Mike Schumer, Mike Schuhl. Not Mike Schuhl, dude. Bernie. That's not Bernie. He put a judge, no, he's not a political, he's a lead democrat. Oh, they're Mike Schumel, Mike Schul. Not Mike Schul, dude.

Bernie. That's not, I know Bernie. People to judge. Forget it then. What, no, what branch of government is he in for real? He's a senator. Oh, he's a senator. Yeah, he's like the president, you know, I mean, the leader, he's like the leader of,

type in this directly. He's a democratic leader that's like the president. That's in the center. Oh, he's in the Senate? Yeah, democratically, that's in this directly. He's a Democratic leader that's like the president. That's in the Senate. Oh, he's in the Senate? Yeah. Democrat leader, that's in the Senate. He's a Democratic leader that's in the Senate, exactly. And then what else, Bobby? That's it. Put it in there. And then right, that's it. Put it in there. Senate, Senate, Democratic leader.

Go to the photos. Go to images. Go to photo. That's the guy. That's the guy. He'll be able to pick via photos. No. No. So that's Chuck Schumer the first one. No, I know who they are. Go down, go down. I didn't. I know Biden.

I voted for him. Go down, go down, go down. Donnie T, go down, go down. Go down. How about that? Mitch McConnell. I don't know. He's Republican.

Go down. He is? Oh my god. It's not Schumer. No. Yeah. Okay. Slowly scroll down.

Hold on. I can't see. No, I got to go down. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no I got a bit Romney no no no I'll tell you who it is sit down Roy is it Roy Swiss the black guy is it him no John Corrin Lindsey Graham Lindsey Graham This is tough This is tough. No, it's not you. I don't know why this is the guy to like one of the guys. But when you say one of the guys, which what are the guys?

The leader of the leader. What does a leader mean? What does a leader mean? If I see the Rolling Stones, what two guys do come up with? Freddie Mercury and Big Jagger, you're fucking the guy who smokes a lot with the fucking, a f-fucked up fingers. F-fucked up face. Richard, Richard, Richard, Richard Richard Richard Richard Richard gear

uh... yet richy valentine really valentine i know exactly what i'm talking about i i just can't find who's the senate who's the uh... uh... do most famous yeah most famous current democratic senators there you go and who are they list of current united states senators okay i'm gonna no let he's gonna he doesn't know what he's doing.

This is what I like about it. That's part of the fun. Because he doesn't know what he's doing. Isn't that part of it? All right, here we go. Okay, Kamala Harris. Oh, no, no. Patrick Leahy.

No, that's. That's Patrick Leahy. Is that who it was? Who'd up? Go down. Go down. Chuck Schumer. Dick Durbin.

Patty Murray. Debbie Stabenow, Mark Warner, Elizabeth Warren, Amy Klobuchar, Bernie Sanders, Joe Manchin, Cory Booker, Tammy Baldwin, Gary Peters, Katherine Cortez-Masto, Jeff Murkley, or Brian Schatz. Minority, Mitch. No, no, that's, those are repubs, dude. So we just named off all the Dems. So nobody called me. Nobody important called me

Is not on it. I think I can you just make it up. Let's say Cory Booker called so It wasn't it wasn't him but anyway make them cut it so I'd go like this can we go back to the Cory Booker called you the dog story? We didn't finish it. No, we all right. Let's do it look there's Cory Booker He called you Okay, man then finish the dog story. So anyway, so I'm now late. Like I called you and I go, um, you politely called. I go, dude, you know, I told you,

I explained the situation. What did I say? Nobody deal bad, bro. I said, nobody deal. And I said, and I said, it was surprising to me because I was just like, wow, Andrew's really being like not Andrew.

You know, in a very difficult time. But then you pulled an Andrew. No, I didn't. Let me finish my story. No, no, no, let me tell my side of the story. No, I'm not done with mine. Okay. All right, in a testimony or a thing in court,

everyone has their chance. You think they would let you in court? They would let me test them. They go, sir, you have to wear adult clothes to court. You can't dress like a child. And take off your beanie. You know what I mean, it's so funny. And grow up. Because we're in two right now. Because there's two cases of different audience, right? You're being extra mean. And take off your beanie. You know what I mean? And grow up.

Because we're in two, right now. We're in two cases. There's a different audience, right? You're being extra mean. And you're trying to showcase. I know, they don't know. And stop showcasing. I'm not showcasing.

Yeah, you are. So, finish your story. I will finish it, but don't point at me again. Alright. So here's a deal, right? So, you know, I thought, oh, Andrew's being cool and shit, right? So then I get in my car.

I'm in traffic. I'm stressed out. But, you know, I go, you know, you know, I'm glad Andrew's not calling because, you know, that's what he would normally do. Yeah, and to freak me out, but he's not doing it because he's no, I, and then you fucking called. Why did I call? Let me, here's my sabote story.

And when I called, it wouldn't answer three times. You answered, we couldn't hear you. Nadav is proof, Nadav, correct? Yep. Yes, and it, it, it, it, so all I was calling to say was, hey, can we get just a little ETA from you? Why? You're here?

Because they need to know. I don't need to know! I don't care. I'm your, I'm the life life life you! I just can't let it be me. But you're here. Because you're not going anyway. You know I'm on the way.

Just let me finish. These two guys, they pay these guys to be this thing. Right, so listen! And I'm the lifeline to you. They can't call you, they'll get hit. These guys hit them, they hit them. And so they'll hit these guys if they bother you. So I say, let me just check and see how far he is far out, so they get a good estimate of time of how far out you are, right?

Yeah. So I called and I said, hey Bob, there you go. What, I'm in my way, I'm in my way. And I said, all the need for, go, what? MMAWAY, MMAWAY! And I said, all these, what give me a time? Let me just say, let me just say my last one, why not? Go ahead. All right, my closing statement, okay.

Is that these two, I've seen them before because I've done the other things here. I did the doctor, the doctor drew here. The doctor drew and I've done the mommy mom. Yeah, I did all that. Pants, pants, pants. And I am very familiar with them, right? But I know they also are comedy, comic friendly. Comic friends. Because they're in the that, right? And I know them and I am very familiar with them, right? But I know they also are comedy, comic friendly.

Comic friends. Because they're in the business, right? So we're like, they're not like fans, or anything. They work amongst us. They're peers. And they understand how it all works. And some people get late.

Correct. The work couldn't leave. Can I tell you something? Yeah. Nadav told me we've never had a guest be late to the studio, except for Robert Lee. He said, you're the only one that's ever been late to a wide-mate. That's insane.

No, no, has anybody else been late to the studio like Robert Lee has? No. No, you're a liar. No, he's not. I don't know you, Navov. We've met like four times. You've met him like six times. I know, that's why he says the name.

You said, you said, Navov. What's the name? I actually want you to guess the name you said you said n-na-vav what's the name? I actually want you to guess it name. I want you to guess it. Navi yeah, n-i. N-i. Yeah, n-i. N-i-d. N-i-d. Yeah, n-i-d. N-i-d. N-i-d. Yeah, you're close enough. What is it? N-i-d-v. N-i-d-v. N-i-d-v. N-i-d-v. Ridiculous. Why? I've never heard of that. Fuck you ridiculous! You know where he's from. Never heard of a Nidot. What's his last name? Be careful.

Would you? He's Jewish. Be careful. Okay, I've never heard of it. No idea who his uncles are. I've heard of it. Nidot, what's your last name? It's Goets.

Nid's Goets. So Jewish. Holy shit. What Jews think of her? I mean, I- Oh my God. Oh my God. Warner Brothers is calling. Hello? Wow.

Okay, yeah, I'll tell him. Yeah, you're never gonna work with him ever again. That's funny. Wow. Okay. Yeah, I would deal with him, but that's funny. Tom just called me. Let's call Tom.

Real quick. Let's just check in with these guys. I hope he doesn't complain. Yeah, I'm gonna go. Hey, I'm gonna go. I'm gonna go. I'm gonna go. I'm gonna go. Funny time just called me let's call Tom real quick Let's just check in with these guys. I hope he doesn't complain Hey, hey, man It's so rude what's the problem?

Everything's a problem the fucking the chairs. Yeah, give me the fuck a phone call down Put it up for the put up the put it on put it up to the mic. You know, I come in here, dude. I come in here, dude, right? And I fucking, oh, that's very funny. I come in, right? And I say, hi to the larger guy that works here. Yeah, whatever the guy, the rotund, the circle, right? And then I come in here, I say, hey, Nevada, right?

Right? Yeah. To the guy, the other guy, the Jew, right? And then I come in here, I say, hey, Nevada, right? Right? To the guy, the other guy, the Jew, right? So nice, even though I was 20 minutes late, so nice, right? 30 minutes late, right? What are you doing over there? That woman in there, her name is Jewel. She's my daughter pretty much.

They're trying to steal her food. They want to take away food out of her family's mouth. Hey, I guess what? What? Birds are going around festivals. Oh, my god. Let me talk to Jules. This is war, dude.

Yeah. That's like the old, that's the old, it's so, it's... It's a bobby. How are they? They're really kind. Run. Run, right out of there. Run. Alright, they're fucking, do they their not kind. Do you really like them really?

Oh my god, so they haven't gone to your house. She's fucking They're tied up. They're tied up. She's tied up. Do they have you tied up? Oh Hey, she's dead. Yeah's a puppy. Yeah. Hey, I gotta taste them. What? That's our thing. We do that to people. It's dumb.

We hang up on people. It's hacky and dumb. We did it last week. Right, it's like comedy 101 right there. Yeah, so they're hacky and dumb. Yeah, it's like when you're on stage and go, hey, don't talk while I'm doing my set. I don't go to McDonald's and knock, knock, dick out of your mouth. You're a man, you're an iriast.

Yeah, put the dick back in your mouth. Yeah, yeah, I don't do that. I don't go to McDonald's and put the dick in your butt. Yeah, yeah. There was a guy named, he'd either tell you about Peter Chen. No. So there was this guy named Peter Chen, right? Who's he was like the first Asian comic at the comedy store,

like one of the first. Bring out Peter Chen. All right, you're gonna love him. Comic. Comic. Is that him? That's him right there. So he was one of the first, he was one of the first guys to come.

Right, so when I came here, he came up to me and goes, would he crush by the way? No, he doesn't. He can't understand, he has a very thick accent. But when I first came to Congress, he cut me a little bit, that's for you. And I go, all right, you guys, I get it, it's a come here.

Oh, he didn't want you. All right, I go, whoa, what's up? You go, I don't want to pay regular here, you know? I go, I am a paid regular. Holy fuck, they make a paid regular. Right, that kind of guy. And I saw my stage. And what I loved about him, I respected him after this.

He makes up his own comebacks toward hecklers. What do you mean? Like he makes it up and they don't make any sense, but because they're so ridiculous, they're funny. Give me one time, so guy, help get on me, cause shut the fuck up, buddy, cause if you don't, I'm gonna put you on a rocket ship and ship you to the moon. It's terrible. It's terrible.

You're gonna go to the moon. I know. Anyway, it would die. Yeah. No one would let, right? But the comics in the back would be left because it was so dumb. So would you, you guys rag him on? Would you ever yell from the back of the room just to get him more mad?

You guys didn't never did that. Did you ever fuck with him? No, because he was one of those like, you know, I could kill people type of a snapper. He seems like a snapper. I mean, look at his photo. Bring up his photo again. Peter Chen, he does look a little bit dangerous.

Like that's something about that photo. You know, that was back in the day when like all you had to have was an accident on stage. And you and you're in your head. You're in your head. You're going to deal. Yeah, gonna deal. You're gonna deal. Yeah, probably went to Montreal his first year. You know what? But he was like, you know, he did it.

Can we play one of his clips? Go to his videos. Let's hear some of him, let's see what he's doing right now. Is stand up. Funny POV from Asian comedian Peter Chen. This is for 20 seconds. Almost caught.

And I need to put your headphones on. I'll hear it through, Bobby. Nope, where are your headphones on. I'll hear it through, Bobby. Nope. Wear your headphones! God. I'm sorry, but they didn't even fuck me in these things. This is what they've got going on over here. All right, go ahead.

Go ahead. And the US citizens have many years. And normally, become a citizen of any country, I try to look like a people of country. That's why I'm looking more more like Mexican. Is that not your joke? I don't write that joke fucking, but don't be an adult. I feel like that's your joke.

That's not my joke, dude. I look more Mexican. I look more Mexican. I don't like that. That's your joke. Oh my goodness, my opener. That's my opener. I like Peter Chen.

No. I like Peter Chen. I don't want to make fun of him. I just want to discus him. I know someone, but that was pretty much the level of comedy. Yeah, that was 20 years ago now. Yeah, there's 2015 Yeah, yeah, that's pretty recent, but you think by the way, I'm being serious when I say this yeah You know, what's a what's the number about huh? Oh hide the number hide the number But what is it about that's when Nadav has to pray? You know

Every so often he does he put the carpet down and do the whole thing? Yeah, he's got to pray. All right, so is that how much we've been doing it? Yeah, they put that up there. Yeah, please take it off because now I am, I'm like, I don't know if we can do the time. Yeah. Yeah, what's that?

That's the dogheim stuff we were learning. Oh, yeah, yeah. Do you know that he does pray in the middle of the show? He makes them stop sometimes so he can pray to Mecca. Do you know that? I don't think it does. Yes, he does. Nadav, do you stop and pray? Sometimes pray sometimes see oh, so you're really religious

I dabble like I'm like on the weekends I go on I met this guy. Where did I run into you? I ran into you at the airport. Where were you going? I was going to Jerusalem Jerusalem told you yeah, I've been there Yeah, but he's Jewish. I'm just saying it going to Jerusalem doesn't mean that you're like devout Jew. I've been there. Why did you go? I think just said you want to go. Jerusalem invited you. I know I'm being real. They rang you up inside.

No, I got a call. Did you go on birthright? No, I got a couple of years ago I get a call saying, hey, do you have this program where they send groups of actors and stuff to Jerusalem for free? Non-Jewish actors. Yeah, and you have to just tweet about it. So this time they go, we want to do minority comedians. Right. So they brought these George Lopez, Steve Burne, that type, right? Continue. Who else was on it? Jamie Chung, which is an actress. She was there. Yeah. Her husband, Brian Greenberg, is an actor. I know who he is. He went and nice people, friends.

Brian's Jewish. Yeah, he's Jewish. But yeah, he is Jewish. And we went out there and the only problem was they made you every day tweet pro Israeli things. Right, like Jews are the best. Yeah, yeah, Jewish people. Yeah, and Palestinians are the beast or whatever.

You wanna tweet that? No, no, Yeah. Jewish people. Yeah. Yeah. And Palestinians are the beast or whatever. You're gonna tweet that? Not a while. I know. But like, you know, and you got so much hate from the other side. Do you have a lot of Palestinian followers? No, but just people are like, I can't believe that you're out there, you know, with this propaganda machine and all that kind of stuff, right? Right. And I, yeah, that's sound that way. Yeah. It sounds like you were down and sometimes I kept cold. I got kicked out because I almost got kicked out because one time, and all that kind of stuff, right? Right, and I, yeah, that sounds, it does sound that way. Yeah. It sounds like you've wrapped cult. And then I almost got kicked out. And I almost got kicked out. And I almost got kicked out because one time,

oh, there's too funny things will happen. I almost destroyed my friendship with Steve Burr. Why? Because they have this, so there's like a nine mile line to see the slab where Jesus Christ died, where his body is. Is that right? Yeah, they have it.

What do you mean the slab? Well, like, it's like, you Is that right? Yeah, they have it. What do you mean the slab? Like, it's like, you know, when they cut off Braveheart's nut sack, that kind of thing. Right. Yeah. So look at the Jesus, oh, Golgotha, Golgotha. Yeah.

So that's it right there. That's where you went to the slab. Yeah, the slab. So we're at the Golgotha, right? Okay, you went to the Golgotha right there. Right there. In I got Jerusalem there. I never laughed harder. I literally almost died from laughter. So I'm like, we get to the thing.go-author right there. Right, and I got Jerusalem there. And I never laughed harder.

I literally almost died from laughter. So I'm like, we get to the thing, I'm like, that's it, right? And I go, we're Steve, that was Steve Burn, right? And I look on the ground. And Steve is holding onto this like a big... You're trying. It's like snap bubbles and trembling. And I go,

ah! I laughed so hard. So, oh my God, it was great. That was so ridiculous. Because he believed, dude. Yeah, it doesn't, it's not real. Because he's half-calf, it's not real. And half, whatever else.

So then here's another thing. Look at these mics. So I almost, in real-top notch operation, they've got running here. Flip it. Break it up this way. Crack it up this way. Crack the arm up.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Just make the elbow go up this way. No, no, no, no. Yeah, look at how mine is. Look at how mine is, Bob. Look at how mine is. Flip the mic. Up, there you go.

Yeah, there you go. Perfect, now towards you. There you go, I know. Flip the mic. Up, there you go. Yeah, there you go. Perfect, now towards you. There you go, good boy. Good boy. Good boy. You want a red bull? No, I have something in here, okay? Good boy.

Don't talk to me like that. Good boy, Bobby. I'd never used this before. I know, well, I've clearly. It was confusing. I think everyone just saw that. So, um, So he was praying to the galat, to the galab.

He was, he was, he was, so then that's, of course, and then I was kicked out because this is not that so funny And a lot of Christians will be mad about it, but I didn't know say it So they're like taking us to these spots right and this is what I smoked heavily like I smoked a pack of it Yeah, so we go into this room Right and it's there's no windows, right? It's like you know how how like, there's no, like it's just kind of like an old place. Right? Right?

So I just kind of light a cigarette. Inside of like a, like a historical, like a- I didn't know what it was. But I just light a cigarette and I'm the kind of leaning against the wall. Fuh, ass shit, all right. Like, excuse me, this is where the last supper was. You smoked in the last, in the room in the last time?

Yeah, and I threw it down, I, I, I I took you put it. Fucking stuck on the last supper. I go, my bad. And they're like, don't do that. I go fuck and I grabbed it. And so they were really mad about that. Can you Google Asian man smokes in last supper room? That's it. That's where you went. Huh? Wow. That's beautiful. Right there. That's it. Right there. The great right there. Right there. That's it. That's it. Yeah. That. Yeah right there. That's it. Yeah that that yeah that one No windows. Yeah, you just lit up a fucking squeege in there. No, there are windows on the other side You just thought it was chill to light up in there look at it. Why why it looks like an alleyway Well if you walk into any place that you would fucking like you know, I mean I mean the prostitute and smoke

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And so they should open up with, hey, this is where the last, because they try to save it. They wanted to bring us in, and go guess where we are. Ooh, where? And we're like, where, you know what I mean?

So if they would have opened with, we're going into the place where they had, I would have fucking done anything. Right. Dude, don't you think somebody smoked in that group? Oh, I'm sure. He had 12 disciples, 13, so I've known he had to light up after a meal. Somebody had some fresh.

Wasn't there one guy? Fresh tea, you know? Two, click on the painting of the last supper there. Two pictures over. That looks nothing like the room that was... I think that was thousands of years ago. What do you mean? They didn't change, they didn't fucking update it, didn't get a face lift.

That's the same spot that you see. I know, I don't know. So they just, that painting... Well, that's what another thing is, is like, how do you mean? They didn't change it and fucking update it didn't get a face lift. That's the same spot that you see. I know. I don't know. So they didn't they just that pain. Well, that's what another thing is is like how do you know? Yeah, they could. And then this is the best guess. Right. Someone just said that. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. No, this is what that's like. Even the other thing the way that way they laid Jesus. They go, it's best guess situation. You know, I mean, so we don't even know the person. I don't trust it either. That's like when you rent that's why it makes what's de-burned it was more ridiculous. Yeah, but it's nothing. He bought it. Yeah. We bought it. That's like when you rent an apartment in LA and what's D burned it was more ridiculous. Yeah, but it's nothing he bought it Yeah, you bought it That's like when you rent an apartment in LA and they try to they're like, oh, you know Sean Hayes used to live here

You're like what what the fuck yeah, yeah, you could just be lying to me also. I don't care. What is it? He was there. What does it matter that that was a thing? I don't understand going back to places that They're not sure of if that was the spot Yeah, well, you know in my building you still live on Beachwood and that condo and they got and their selling point was Terri's brother lives here. Yeah, well, in my building, you used to live on Beachwood and that condo, and their selling point was, Terri's brother lives here. Oh, well, that is cool. Yeah, that's pretty cool, right?

That's pretty cool. But then he did because he's a drunk and he would always be passed out in the hallway. That's true. Rest in peace. No, he's not dead. She. Was she dead?

Is she not dead? I don't know, did she die? Google if she's dead. I think Terri writes still alive. Is she alive? Why did I think she died? Am I stupid? I terror it. It's still alive. Terrible. Please tell me.

Just right dead though. See if that comes up. Terrible. Dead. She's Is she dead? See model killed by what? She's not dead. I thought she died. Oh, it's a hoax. Oh, I bought into the hoax. Who do you think that died? I thought it was her. I sort of got a thought she died. I sort of got on my life. No, no, she's a hoax. Oh, I bought into the hoax. Who'd you think that died?

I thought it was her. I sort of got to thought she died. I sort of got in my life. No, she's in time. Everly Vindied. She did? No. Oh.

Oh, see people, see people, tear or read just online trolls you should die next every couple of months. Her mother's heartbreaking stuff. Oh, that's terrible. She's not dead. Well, see, I saw death and her name on something that I thought. Yeah, yeah, that's not why you literally thought she was dead. I did think she was dead. Oh, that's terrible. Well, see, I saw death and her name on something that's why you literally thought she was that I did think she was. Yeah, yeah, but that's

what I don't know. Yeah, but I don't, you know, so I bend the Israel. I'm happier alive, Tara. I just wanted to clear that out. Yeah, I didn't know. No, I didn't know. I didn't know. I didn't know. It feels good. I'm sure she watches. What's it? Two bears one. What's he saying? What I want to talk about Fat Fuck and the fuck and the, um, um, the week. That's what I call them now. The week? Yeah. Okay.

Thompson, Tom Saguaro. The week. Oh, cool. Yeah. My rig. Oh, my arm. Ow. Ow.

Can you lower the basketball? Yeah. Did you see what he was doing? Like when you saw it, it's like, it's like, it's such a bitch. The best bet he's ever done. Ow. Ow. But he did this, like when you saw it, it's like, it's so far. It's such a bitch. It's the best bet he's ever done. Ow! Ow! But he did this, like this.

Yeah, it hurts. And he's like, he blew out his leg. I'm gonna, I'm glad he's okay though. Huh? I'm glad he's fine. I honestly, I know, a PC me wish he was in a wheelchair for the rest of his life. A PC me wanted him to be totally crippled.

Think of how many more jokes they'd get out of that. They'd get a whole couple of more seasons of this bad joke, as of that. Yeah, yeah. You know what I mean? I would rather burpee Burk crippled. Yeah, why I know because I think he would like you be funny hip for him to call you for alcohol He can get himself. You know somebody feeding him. Yeah, yeah

But they're too glad they're both they're real too glad were a word glad they're really good I really do like those guys a lot. I like one of them more than the other. Which one? You know. I'm not gonna say it. You like Tom better than Bert. I'll say it. You like Tom better than Bert. I'll say it.

You like Tom better than Bert. I'll say it. You like Tom better than Bert. I'll say who I like better. Or who do you like better? I think about it. I think I like Bert. I trust Tom more than Bert.

Well, yeah. I mean, that's not Tom more than per well. Yeah I mean that's not even yeah, I don't know if it's that's life No, that's not crazy, but that's not a crazy When they come to the house because they booked it in my house There's a little bit more excitement when birds coming over though Because you don't know what's gonna happen. Yeah. Because he could have an incident, something could happen. Yeah.

Like Bert might have a heart attack at your house and that's a good story. It's a good pod story. I also believe that him and I have the same weight. No, they're the gay thing. That he's, you think Bert's a little. 35%. You think he's 35%.

Maybe. Really do you? Yeah. He is kind of. Because I laid next to him to go photo. On Netflix, on Netflix show. Yeah, yeah. By the bear rug. Yeah, I saw it. Yeah, yeah. because I when I laid because I laid next to him to go photo on net on the Netflix show. Yeah, yeah Yeah, by the by the bear rug. Yeah, I saw it. Yeah, every literally everybody saw yeah, yeah, and um he

Thrusted just to get in position. Yeah, like a as a bit. He didn't say excuse me. Mm-hmm You know like if you weren't gay this photo right there, right and you were thrusting forward Can I tell you something? Yeah, It looks like you're scratching yourself, but I know you're holding your genitals. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But that's how insignificant your genitals are, that it just looks like you might have an itch. It doesn't look like you're holding on to anything.

It looks like, oh, you're itching your leg. And then I look closer, I was like, no, he's concealing his genitalia. I have a small penis. No, you don't have a small penis. I actually think- That's what I know, I'm telling you right now. Bobby, we've seen each other's penises.

No, I'm telling you. You don't have a small penis. You have small balls, though. Yeah, telling you right now. Bobby, we've seen each other's penises. No, I'm telling you. You don't have a small penis. You have small balls though. Yeah, it's very small testicles. But why are they so small, I wonder? There's no fluid inside. You drained them.

Maybe. Because they're smaller than I thought they're tiny. They look like raisins. They're black. Well, they're honestly the size of grapes. They're probably the size of a real grape. They look like a seedless grape. But California seeded Edward's testicles.

They really do. Because they're dark. Yeah, because Ian- not sack is so dark. I'm a nut sack and he goes dog. You're you're not sick is darker than mine. Do it the way he would do it. That's my question. That's ridiculous.

You're not sack is so dark. But I think that bird is a. Bobby got the dog is not sack. Don't do please don't. Bobby got the dog is not sack on his earth. It's uncomfortable. That's ridiculous. Do Asian. No. probably got the dogs not sick on this earth uncomfortable. That's ridiculous. Do Asian.

This is a good week to do Asian accents. Yeah, yeah, this means a great week to do it. No, you know, just say, um, I'll do my best. You know, I'll tell you what to say. You know, man, um, in Asian, in Asian accents say, say I love Atlanta Georgia please please say you're in yeah this episode is sponsored by bright sellers Sellers Say I love I let the Georgia come on We'll beep it out. We'll be both take it out just for me. Please. They're gonna take that out anyway I had a bad day. I know they will so just do it because they're gonna take it out you guys have to take it out But do it but since they're gonna take it out no now they're gonna leave it in no

No, don't you understand how this works? Since we're gonna take it out make it please so fucking racist Go just go over board and make me laugh. This is just for you. Yeah, you're just for me. Please It's gonna get taken out promise. Yeah promise. Mm-hmm boys Yes, they're writing they're leaving it Just do it they know what I cannot I'm not gonna do I can't give Please I'll see the N word there. I'll see the do, I can't, I'm not gonna give, I'm gonna fucking edit out, please. I'll see the N word.

I'll see the N word and they're gonna edit out. Okay, say the N word at the same time, I do it. No, no, yeah. You could you gonna cut it out, right? Right. No, see, do you hear that hesitation? We did do it, we did do it, we did do a podcast. I told, I told, I told, I told Nadav, I told him,

oh, you're talking about when we had our first podcast. So me and Andrew, one day said, let's do a podcast that we'll never air and we can say whatever we want. But you got his context. What happened was we were gonna do the first episode of my Whiskey Ginger Show that I had ever done and we got together and you were in a really bad mood,

something bad had happened. Yeah, whenever something bad happens, I just can't say it. You got in a bad mood. And then you said, okay, well then, what if we get together and I don't want to air it, but we'll make it'll be the most wretched, file, disgusting, dark, inappropriate shit we've ever done. And we sat it for maybe two hours.

Yeah. And I never released it and I have the podcast at my house. And to this day, I don't know what we'll ever do with it, but I think we should raise charity money. If it gets to a million, nobody will get canceled. But it's for kids, if it's for sick kids, and how can they get mad at us? They're gonna clip it up and then all of a sudden

it's like they're gonna put it all the faces under. Each charity has to be something that we made fun of in the show. Right. Right, and we'll do a charity for all those people. Is it an NAACP charity? It sure is. So we'll give it to them. We'll definitely have to give them someone.

We see the N word a lot. A lot. We'll definitely have to give them some money. And then we have to do a gay thing, a gay movement. Yep, we got to support them big time. But yeah, because we say it. We say it a lot. And we talk about, we were very like,

well, your anti-immigration, you are big on foreigners coming into this country. Yeah, don't like it. Don't like it. Yeah. And look, no, the podcast is insane. And I wish one day we could just release it, but you know how it works. Yeah. No can do.

Especially because you're still trying to get on SNL. I mean, who knows? I'm just trying to get SNL. You're not? No. I thought you were trying to get that. You are. You're the one that went out there. That was years ago knows I'm gonna try to get us No, you're not no, I thought you're trying to you are you're the one that went out there That was years ago. I'm not trying to go back, but you went out there. You told me you still would go You said you'd still want to go. I'm 50 Are you really? Yeah, I told the boys that they didn't believe you Nadov That's a big compliment because I said Bobby's almost 50 this year and what did you say Nadov said wow?

He looks great. Well, he looks great. Thank you so much, Needy What a great guy. Needy is a great guy. But my, but I know, but, you know, I think a lot, what has a lot to do with how young I look is the stress level. You don't have a lot of stress. I try not to have a lot of stress.

Do you know why? Because you don't adhere to like a normal schedule that adults would eat here to yeah, I didn't wake up when I went out wake up I woke up today at one maybe one o'clock. Yeah, very laks. I didn't go to bed until dude Oh, fuck well, you don't drink booze or use drugs so that and that makes your face look like this Like a catcher's wet last night on American Idol did I ever? You know how much I love it. I hate it. I love American Idol.

Do you really? It's what I got. Yeah, I really good at that. I love it. But can I just say something pro about a movie I just saw that this is not funny, is not for comedy's sake. Yeah, so you've seen their show, it's not comedy at all. Oh, let's try that, that's why I was like,

not even stressed about doing this. It's like a TED talk, yeah. This was fun. Yeah, I was like, there was no pressure. Whenever I watched this show, when... We already crushed the fucking 25 minutes. Killed their show. Crush.

Crush their show. Cause these two guys just get on here and they're like, Oh, man, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, yeah, that's all bro. I do like break so yeah And then they cut to an ad yeah, that's the whole show that's what it is so I saw Zack Snyder's oh the cut of Justice League. Do you see it? I didn't watch it yet But it's on my to go I saw my you guys see it. It's on my HBO. Yeah, I saw it. What'd you think? I thought it was watchable. I thought it was way better than yeah because the first one I walked out of the theater I thought it was watchable. I thought it was way better than that. Yeah, because the first one I walked out of the theater. I got to the point where the Josh Weedon won

where I was just like on this topic. What was the whole point though? They said Snyder's was never gonna get released and then they finally agreed to release it. No, no, no, no. So Zack Snyder was directed the movie. I know. And then his daughter committed suicide.

We know, we know what happened. I'm saying his cut was never going to it's supposed to come out. So he leaves the movie. Right. Josh Weedon gets over, right? It's obviously he's like, you know, he doesn't know the vision, right? We know we know what happened. I'm saying his cut was never going to supposed to come out. So he leaves the movie right Josh. We didn't get over right. It's obviously he's like, you know, he doesn't know the vision, right? He has a bunch of like information in an editing day. I think how hard that's got to be so hard to come into a show.

I'm not I think Josh, we did so fucking talented. But sometimes look at me. Sometimes someone can come into a show and make it better than your original. Yeah., yeah. Which happens. In that case, it didn't. In this case, it did. But anyway, Zack Snyder version, did you like though? Not just like. You loved.

Not even just love. I've seen it twice already, and it's four hours long. Really? Yeah. I've already seen it twice. You washed it back to back. Not back to back, guys. I saw it, and I try to tell everybody about it.

Guy, I gotta go home and watch it. And then I, a couple of days later, I saw it again. What do you think is so good about it? What makes it better than, what makes it, what makes it exceed your expectation? They're cut into chapters. Right, right. So it's almost as if it could have been released as a show.

Right, right. Like a series? Yeah. Really? It's like that. Yeah, and I think that the last the Apple log. Oh. Are you okay? Are you all right?

Yeah. Why don't we do what happened? It's all right. Okay. Let's just get you some more. Thank you. That's enough. That's enough. That's enough.

That's enough. Okay. Good boy. So as a series, the Apple log go ahead. What were you saying? You could have been a series. It could have cut the Apple log off last part, but um. It's what Apple log means. I don't know.

Okay. Yeah. I'm not smart enough to say that. But what does Apple log mean? Apple log means the, it's the, it means, uh means it's a section at the end of the book. It's a very, that's what it's so that's what I want. Yeah, the Apple log of it would end right. Yeah, they could have cut that out.

But there were some cool things in it. But it could have been a series and number two, you know, they really got into cyborg's character and his history and you didn't like that. No, I loved it. Oh, okay. Because in the movie, it's so brief. Right. They just show him.

You know what I mean? They show you just hooked up under. Right. Oh, okay, because in the movie it's so brief. It did just show him You know, I mean they show you just hooked up under right and he's right and then there's nothing much about it Right, right here. You see, you know, he played football You know his relationship with his mom and his dad. That's cool. You know me. Yeah, so I know all that stuff and it also shows his he has heart Like it doesn't it humanizes him humanizes him exactly. I think that a wonderful woman looks great. Who is that again? Gal Gadot. It's Gal Gadot right?

Gal Gadot. Yeah, Gal Gadot. And she's one of... She's an avada. You know, I have a... Yeah. What? She's an avada.

She's an avada. I know she is. And this is why I think she is because I was in the movie called on Hey, hold on cool my no keep them up keeping up with the Joneses. Oh, I saw that I mean it. Are you really? You didn't know Bobby Lee and keep it up with the Joneses Bobby Lee in keeping up with the Joneses I didn't know you were in the movie and I saw it. Where are you? Where are you, bud? I'm in the movie.

It's not in any of the images. There you are. Yeah. Is that you, like, a little Korean poker player? That's a different movie. Oh. Yeah. Well, we don't see you in this.

Keep going. There? No. No. Go up to the top. It's got to be one of the first things. Do Bobby Lee keeping up with the jobs? Yeah, cut and paste. Good boy.

Bob, how come I don't see you in any of these images? Were you really in this? Yes. What was your what was was your, if you look at, if you go to my Instagram, come down. What was the, if you go to my Instagram? What was the name of the role? What was the, okay, so it wasn't prominent. Forget it now, the story. Forget the story now,

because you're just irritating me. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, because now you got me in a fucking thing where I got the idea. I don't think I was in it. Yeah, I got, yeah, maybe you weren't. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah. Obviously IMDB, let's click on that, let's see what he acted in. And I just don't see keeping up with the Joneses on there. Is it a movie you watched and wanted to be in? Was it like that? Yeah, just got the, I'll find it. Here it is.

There it is, Ricky Liu. Ricky Liu. Ricky Liu. Thank you. All right, so what happened? Well, it's not much. No, come on. It's a little momentum.

Come on, Baba. You have a tendency to do that. Come on, Baba. Because you have, you have a tendency to do that. Come on, Booby. Anyway, I saw Gal Gadot. Because she's in the movie. Okay, you saw Gal Gadot and what? I waved her, she didn't really wait back. Oh, I don't think she saw me. You think she just started you?

No. Did you say hello? I mean, I was so nervous. Who was your scene with? With Johnny Ham. How hot is he? Oh my god. Holy shit, is that guy a babe? I've seen him your scene with? With Johnny Ham. How hot is he? Oh my God. Holy shit, is that guy a babe?

I've seen him once and a bit. And with Zach Alfonakis. And you know what, here's the thing about Zach, I wanna say out loud. It was you and Zachy? Me, Zach are in the scene with, yeah, with John Ham. And here's what I wanna say, I wanna, so I haven't seen Zach since he made it.

From in like 2009 or so. Yeah, yeah, so I hadn't seen him since he did the hangover, right? Because yeah, I started with him, right? We did open mics and stuff back in the day in the 90s. You get how fast he took off. You're great. I'm very happy for him.

He deserves it literally every day. But I, you know, when you, you don't know how people change or... If they're gonna change because of the success. Yeah, you don't know, right? So, you know, I booked a movie. I fly to, I think it was Atlanta to where John. I'm't know, right? So, you know, I booked a movie, I fly to, I think it was Atlanta, Georgia. Atlanta, I'm in Atlanta.

And as soon as I get off the bus, you know what I mean, to get on the set, he sees me, he runs across the set in front of John Hammond, everybody, and gives me a hug, to make me feel at home, like I'm like a big deal. Yeah. And that I'm welcome, you know what I mean? And I like those little things, you know what I mean?

Like if you were single and I was super famous, I would get you laid all the time. You'd be getting a lot of fresh peace. Okay. You get to cut that out. We fresh peace. Fresh peace. Fresh peace.

Sorry. Sorry. But that's the kind of guy he is. He made you feel at home. He really, yeah, yeah, you know, I'll tell you who else got me laid Who else Chris rock Valley league. Yeah, so I will I tell you sorry I don't know. I so um it's it's brukay. Oh, Tom just called me What that?

Okay, oh what a dick. Yeah, so, these guys got a lot of nerve calling us, I think that you call burn back. I'll tell you why they're uncomfortable. They can't do it like we can. They don't have a creature. They can go do a new environment. And explode. Right.

They're over there going, what do we do? These guys go to a tent when they're doing it. Maybe these guys, I have a feeling that these two, yeah, Navi'd in the retund, yeah, right, that they have a lot to do. Ah, hello. Oh my God, look at what came out of my mouth. Oh my god. What the fuck is that? I was stuck in my throat the whole fucking time. Oh my god. Tommy. Tom. Uh, Bobby just hocked up what looks like a tonsil stone. That's, uh, that's no shit.

I'm not kidding. It's the size of like an M&M. Hey, that's huge. It's on your table. I know you might throw the whole time. Listen, what's huge. It's on your table. I know it was in my throat the whole time What's up? Rudy just like him one and Oscar. She is She's an actor man. I know we know we know that already. We know how dope she is by the way the crew over here is loving us and They even said to us like this is a completely different level guys a new level. They said you guys are leveling up Yes, so we're like I know completely different level guys. A new level.

They said you guys are leveling up this show. Yes, so we're like, I know. Should we dumb it down a bit, you know? No, no, no, no. Nikov said slow down a little bit. You guys are crushing way too hard for the time. Like he's like usually, we had to go do a movie review to slow it down.

Yeah, let's go slow. Yeah, yeah, yeah, listen, we need to bang some shows. Go ahead and do this. yeah, yeah, hey listen, we need to bank some shows go ahead Hey, but I feel like Rudy's ten times the actor obvious. I feel like it's gonna cause some problems Oh his face just dropped see I love with the face just drop I love it. It's not gonna affect me God, dude, it's not gonna. No, he's touching his face when he touches his face. He's nervous He's nervous when he touches his face. Oh my god. He when he gets sad he touches his face Why does he ask her for help when he has auditions?

Yeah, that's really funny. Oh, dude. You're getting the top talking. He's touching the light. I saw the horror movie. He did. Oh, what was horror movie? What did he just say Okay, okay, what did he just say? It's an it doesn't play pretty racist shit, but just give my Know what I'm gonna be on the table Bobby says he wants to poop on the table. Can I pee on the table? Can he pee on it? Can he pee on it? We should switch partners maybe at one time yeah Telling the devil what he's listening. Is he listening? Yeah, he can hear Pick up your phone Nevada

Santa Tars the Mike's Sanitized the Mike's he said first of all you guys got Corona the mic. Sanitize the mic. He said, first of all, you guys got corona. Now I already had it. Bobby is impervious. He can't get it. Because you know, they say if you're, if you're blood type, his blood type is soy sauce. They can't get it if you have soy sauce blood. Yeah. Oh, shit. You might, honestly, you might. You might be able to get it. That's Bert's mind. You know my 23rd minute, I tell you what it's like. Yeah. All right, hold on.

Oh, buddy's on my side. Yeah. Yeah. He's disappointed that he's on, that you're on his side. Bobby's mad right now. He's pissed off that you said that about the acting thing. It's not that it's so, this is all just waste of time. Oh, he thinks there's a waste of time.

Okay. All right. Hang up the phone. All right. Okay. Love you. Bye. Fuck man. Alright, so what so what your 23 me said what? We did your 23 me didn't we do that? No, but no, but she does a new rubble. They sent me a later email like an update of what you really 99% me and the thaw Are you really? Are you serious What's the one percent?

What's the other one? Human, I don't know. Regular. Regular, yeah. Wow. And I go, I cried. Yeah, because that hit hard. Yeah, because I don't even know what it means.

I don't know what it means either. What is Neanderthal? It just means you're descended from the originals. Oh boy. What is it? You bring in a picture of a guy in black face, Nadav. No, no, there he is. That's Bobby right there. Yeah. There he is. There's Bob. Now, are you saying you go to the second photo, homony and if those homo sapiens, the endothalus, do

you think that looks anything like you? Can you put a side by side of that in Bobby? Do you think perhaps that looks anything like you because I do see some qualities of it. There it is. Yeah, I think so. Look at and his hair is tied up just like your hair gets tied up. Yeah, yeah, like look. You already had yeah, bring up a picture of Bobby Lee right next to it. Now put your no put the bun at the top of your head put the bun at the top of your hair. Yeah, let's redo it because he has a bun right now. Okay. Bob, it's pretty close. It's pretty fucking close. Let me see.

Is it hard being fat in that fat suit? Do that looks just like, like, they're gonna have to, look, stare into that camera and they're gonna have to take your head and just put it next to that picture. That's really good. No, go like this. It's looking, you're looking away. So look at the camera, but yeah, exactly. That's, that's pretty close, dude.

That looks eerily similar. Get it? Yeah, he got it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But the reason why she brought it up why well first of all she wasn't even gonna tell me my girlfriend coll Island didn't want to take she gets all that my emails to did she think it was gonna hurt your feelings no she goes I have to tell you this I wasn't gonna share it with you but you're not in a 9% natural I got we've gotta kept that to yourself but she's like no but if you get COVID it's gonna do you just gonna fuck you up more than normal

Why would it fuck you up more that doesn't that doesn't make any sense what she says on the in the in the in the In the pamphlets it says brain a Google who gets COVID the worst who gets at the worst what kind of people? The major genetic risk factor severe COVID-19. Click on that. Oh shit Bob, this is you. The severe COVID-19, the major, go up to the top, go up to the top. The major genetic risk factor for severe COVID-19 is inherited from the Andertals. Holy shit. That's you. Yeah. COVID-19 pandemic has caught considerable morbidity and mortality.

Result is death of over a million people date Manifestation of the disease caused by that. I go down to where it might say anything about why Neanderthal linkage Well, it's it's it's it's it's we're not a science pod. Let's just I'm just there's is yeah But it is yeah, but take but take take take my word for it my girlfriend how bright she is she's very smart. She's like Dude if because scarily smart. Yeah. And then it loses her smart points because she's still, she is with you and that's strange to me

because she's a very intelligent person. But I guess they say, you know, gotta keep an idiot around to make yourself happy. That's so funny because I had my ex girlfriend on my podcast yesterday with my current girlfriend. Double down, huh? And they just rip me apart. Well, yeah, that's your fault for walking to that fire.

Why do you give them ammunition? No, but you kind of made me realize it's like, you know, I kind of, um, I, I, I, they should build a statue of me. I'll tell you why. It was a place for Robert E. Lee. No, but there's no, but there's just no reason why, right? If you really look at me, yeah, right, the level of, you know, I mean, girlfriends, I've been able to have. You're saying you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, right, if you really look at me, right, the level of, you know, I mean, girlfriends, I've been able to have.

You're saying you, you, you, you, you, you, you, I'm like, I'm like hitting it out of the park. Yeah, you hit home runs. Yeah. And it's like, that's why I always tell, like I always go to ugly people on my shows. You find the ugly person and you go up to them and don't worry about them. Hey, I'll go.

Hey, I'll go. And they're like, what are you talking about? I'm not ugly. I go, yeah, man, you are you talking about, ugly? I go, yeah man, you are. You know, you know, I mean, do you think they remind them, you know, man? You're basically like, you're trying to get,

you're trying to say you're on their level. No, I just go like, you know, sometimes I like, if I see like an ego, right? Got you. You see a good old three out there. Right, and there's like, he's with another ego and they're just kind of sitting there and the, you're like, we love cloud, you know.

And I want to, and they look up to me love comedy. Yeah, yeah, yeah, and I wanna, and they look up to me, yeah, right, because I like, you know. Because you look like one of them. You look like you used to be one of them. I am still. No, you're different now. I'm a little bit.

You got a little bit of money to change. Yeah, yeah, so then I always tell them I go, dude, it's like, it's our time. Peter, man. Why is it your time? It's our time to shine. Who are the ugliest people at your shows? Men.

I get people like this. Yeah, what is that? And they go, yeah, I want to, me, you know what, I would look, I would eat. Right, and I would go, you want to meet, man? And they go, what do you mean? I go, you're an uncle. I know, uncle. Now, what is that?

What is that guy? What, what is that? I don't want to say. What is it? Because if I, we have to cut it out, I'm not going to say it. Okay, good, cool. Now, what is that? What is that guy? What is that? I don't wanna say. What is it? Because if I, we have to cut it out, I'm not gonna say it. Okay, good, don't say it. F***. I get a lot of f***ing, they're not, they don't look like that, by the way. But, I have to cut it out, but um.

What, what, what, what, what percentage of your fan base? They're f***ing, I never heard. What percentage of your fan base is Asian? Hmm. What percentage is Asian? It's weird because it's like, over half? No.

Under half. Way under. 20%, 30%. Even way under that. Really, you think it's that low? Yeah, because I remember Toronto is a heavily Asian at populated place, right? So it was Vancouver.

And Vancouver, right? Yeah. And I remember like I played the Yuck Yuck's there ones. Yeah. And I don't know why the club owner said this to me, but he goes, this is strange. I go, what's strange?

We sold out. So I know but I advertise in every Asian media outlet there is. He's like, I went down to Chinatown. Yeah, yeah. I put up flowers on the whole. You know, fuck, they put me in a hotel in Chinatown. Of course, that makes me feel comfortable.

Well, yeah, you wanna be around your own. Yeah, which was like so insulting. Why? Because I'm wanna be around your own. Yeah, which was like so insulting. Why? Because I'm not Chinese, fucker. Yeah, but it's close enough. I mean, that's true. Yeah. So anyway, he goes, there's like 10 Asians here.

He thought in every show. Yeah, he's like, because when we have Asian acts, it's mostly all Asian. Well, like most of it, when Joe got one coy, like he's, he's, Yeah, my audience is more like, weird, eccentric, you know what I mean? Whites?

Some whites, I get to mix up people. No black people though. Love them, they love me. You don't get black people, I'm showing my god, they love me. Comment below if you're black and you like Bobby Lee because I doubt him. What am I saying?

Black guys don't like this show. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. They'll be black people. The big hit in the racist, is that what this is, yeah, we shouldn't. Black people really like me a lot. I get more black people in my show. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The black people. The big hit in the racist, is that what this is? Yeah, but the black people really like me a lot. I get more black people in my show than you do for sure. That's not even, I, I, I, let's make a bet.

The next show I go to, I'm gonna, I, I, let's see, how it goes more black people. Where are you at? If in Atlanta? I'll get black people in Spokane, Washington, okay? So why do? No, you won't, not like me. Yeah, and I'll get that good ones.

Leave it in. Every rate, you know what, No, I'll stand by it. What, what could that even mean? I know, definitely. I'll stand by it. You know what? And I'll get the ones that come to my show on time. What could that even mean? No, no, no, no. No, that's not what I mean. What I mean is that, and keep it in because I think that, you know, I think that every

race has good ones and bad ones. Ah, do you think whites have good ones? Because you always say that we have no good ones. Oh, man, you have the shinlers. Do you think, you think, the shinlers, like, the, you think most whites are bad, you've said that. I think a lot, here's, dude, I'm being honest with you, and I wanna say good things about whites. As one of my best friends, you should say something.

I wanna say something great about whites, right? There's always a shinler, like a guy that like I know I can imagine like you know when the Japanese were in those in term and camps in the in the 40s late 40s yeah yeah that there was like a white guy that like which you know it smuggled in sandwiches underneath the gate that helped them out yeah there's always one there's a good right and then you look at like you know like the civil rights movement in the 60s. There were white men. Yeah, there was like that white guy's like, I'm doing a diamond.

Fuck yeah. I mean, I'm for the cause, and they'll, they risk their bodies and their lives for the cause. You know, they have like these bleeding hearts, and I just, I love those types. Those white you love. Yeah, it's just not these two. These type are different.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, but I'll turn your mode off. It's funny because they, these guys, they do hide who they really are. Yeah, let's talk of different. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But I'll turn you into a mode of. It's funny because these guys, they do hide who they really are. Yeah. Let's talk about it. Like Bird is one of those guys where like, I shouldn't say this, this is not okay,

but I ran into him in his neighborhood. Yeah. Because we don't live super far. We live kind of in a similar area. And he's off the back of his car, he's like a razor blade and he's taking off a sticker. I can't even guess what it is. Sure.

Trump's sticker. Huh? Trump's sticker. No. We'll say it. Let me say on the count of three, we'll say it because you know what it is. It's not an American flag.

It was a one, two, three. Confederate flag. Bert Kreischer has a head of Confederate flag. I fucking believe it. I swear to God. And he's rai-suring it off. And I was like, what's up with that? And he's like, oh, hey dude, I was just doing it.

I was a bit. It was just a bit. He said it was a prank. I'm so glad you said that. I'm going to tell you what who bird is, all right? Yeah. Birds not a killer. A killer human beast.

Like, if bird was around in any century, he wouldn't kill. But he also. Not a murderer, he's not a murderer, right? But he also will let that slide. Like for instance, if you lived in Wisconsin, which is to add Ge murderer, right? But he also will let that slide. Like for instance, if he lived in Wisconsin, which is to Ed Geen, so Ed Geen was one of my favorite circleers, very prolific. It's your favorite.

We can't lie. Yeah, I love that again. Every two weeks we talk about Geen. And I think that if Bert knew about him, he would just like be like, ah, that's this thing. Yeah. Oh, that guy's cool. Yeah, he's cool.

Yeah, he's got his quirks. Yeah, but we're gonna go hiking next week. But he wouldn't's cool. Yeah, he's cool. Yeah, he's got his quirks. You know what I mean, but we're gonna go hiking next week. But he wouldn't report it. No, he would not. Yeah, yeah. No, he would conceal a killer. He would probably conceal it. And what would Tim do?

Oh, yeah, Tim. So what's his, So you're, So you're Tim, so you're, Tim's, no, no, his name is Suga. Tim Suga. Tim Suga.

See, he, I feel like he's, he's just a regular. He might be a snitch. Nice to snitch. He'd snitch out at Dean. It's just nothing special about him. Really? You think so? He's just a like, you know, I mean, you know, when you say about white guys, you know, it's like, you know, you ever see, I'll give you an example.

You know, if you see a movie like terminator, whatever, right? Right? My favorite movie or any movie and you know, like, you know, there's fighting in the in a downtown area, right? Oh, yeah. And. Or any movie. And you know, like, you know, there's fighting in a downtown area, right? Oh yeah. And they're chitchat chitchat, right? And in the distance, an extra. We'll get electric, but you know, you should see in the distance.

And he's, that's Thompson, right? Right, like no one cares. Yeah. He does have a story. He's just this guy, you know what I mean? Yeah. Yeah. I get that.

Yeah. I totally get that. And it's like, um, I don't know how Christina fuck some Well from what I've heard I don't think I don't think it has yeah, I don't think she does Cuz kids so that's fact who knows that those are his kids Well, but first of all one of them was Puerto Rican. I was like who's kid is that he's Mexican? No, he's Portuguese portuginian. No, he's from a

Porto Peru Peruvian is he Peruvian, right? Yeah, yeah, who is that that said? Yeah Those me and any who me and any oh, who's any? I think that's the one that you're calling rotund I'm the black guy. He's I know any I I think that's the one that you're calling rotund on the black guy. He's, I know any. I love you, man. I never call you a thug. Wait a minute, wait a minute. Remember when you said you get the good black people

to your show? Yeah. Is he one of the good ones or one of the bad ones? And he's one of the good ones. He is? Yeah. Look at me in the face and say it honestly. He's not, is he? No. No. He is. Yeah. Look at me in the face and say it honestly. He's not as a no.

No. He met me outside. Yeah, I can tell. He met me outside. He goes, hey, Santino, right here. And he came out and I immediately locked my car. Yeah. I put my person on the other side of my body. When I came in, did you notice? He didn't even look at me. He can't. He's not close. I went straight here. Did you, I'll? Did you even say hello or how are you or anything like that? Nope? I was in the middle of Framing to answer your question. No, I did not framing. I was in the middle the cameras are on sticks pro pro framing It's one. It's the shocking rude rude. It's rude and I bet you money That's why I'm not really on your back about calling me when I was on the freeway

Any I know that just them that that. That you has nothing to do with it. Which is our new movie that you has nothing to do with it. Please see it on theaters. It's not going to get distribution. But we're trying. Yeah. No, he's really nice. Who is the other guy that's in there? I didn't see the other guy had headphones on and has back to us and was editing another one of Tom's. Oh, yeah,, there's one in there that was so rude to because I was such a bad mood Yeah, and he's trying to say hi. I just work around walk right past who's that who's in that room? Zane is in the room with us. What does he do? Right now he's just helping out. He's right now. He's logging is in interu Pam or what? Yeah, we pan you know what this is this whole operation what this is like a front

This is like a front. There's none these guys don't do shit I know down don't. These guys don't do shit. You know, they're filtering non-fungible tokens. They're doing some illegal shit. Yeah, yeah, yeah. These guys are doing some weird shit. The NFTs that Tom and Christina are selling are newt,

do you know that? They're doing NFT newt of them, newt like baseball cards. No, no, no. They are. They're doing newt. Like you can see the vagina in there. Yes, NFT newt, Tom and Krishina NFT nudes. Right here below, go to Tom and Krishina NFT nudes,

right here, if you click on the link right here. Don't, don't touch that, please don't touch that. I'll put this, right? I'll put this, okay. Don't put it near me. No, no. Because I'm gonna throw up if you do. I'm gonna, I'm gonna say,

this is the thing that came out of my mouth that was lodged in my throat. Bobby, is that a tooth? Is it a tooth? It's potato. Hmm. Okay, so that a tooth? Is it a piece of teeth? It's potato. Okay, so I'm gonna say this. And this is gonna, this really is gonna say a lot.

This is gonna say a lot for me. And I swear to God. Don't ask me to eat it, because I'm not gonna fucking. I'm my mother's life. Don't ask me to eat it, because I'm not gonna do it. Can I just propose it first? All right, I swear to God, I'm my mother's life. Okay, that if you eat this, see I knew you're fucking

actually eating it. That's so obvious when you asked me to do that. I understand that. We ate each other's pubes two times ago. Is that not enough? Yeah, no, it's not for me. This right here, if you ate this, I would have so much comedy fucking feelings for you.

Like I would think that you were like the funniest guy in a real warrior in common. You know what's so disgusting? This is a yes and- Is that I even considered it for a heartbeat segment? I know. There's a piece of my brain that just went, well, you don't have to chew on it.

Just stick in your mouth and swallow it. And I'm gonna say right now, that makes you a comedy master. And because I'm gonna tell you right now, I'm gonna tell you right now, I'm being real right. You're saying, Doug Stanhope would do're saying Doug Stanhope would do it. Doug Stanhope would do it. 100%.

You can't taste anything. He's sold a thousand cigarettes. Jim Jeffries would do it. No, he wouldn't. Yeah, and just the fact that you don't think of it, just don't even think about it. Just stick in your mouth and eat it. No, there's literally no way.

Jim Jeffries would do it. All right, you're not a master. And you'll never get there. Then let me hawk something up from my throat. I'll eat it. Go ahead. If I throw up, I'm gonna make myself throw up and you'll lick some of my throat up. Yes. Jim.

All right. Hey, me and Bobby Lee are doing a podcast and we have an argument. He said, he said, okay, he just hawked up a piece of fucking food from this morning, this disgusting pig. A piece of potato. And he said, you're not a real friend and not a comedic genius unless you eat it here live on camera. And I said, nobody would do that. And he said, Jim Jeffries would do it. And because of your comedic genius, I think you were the best commenter. I would do it, but sadly, I'm not in the room right

now. So, you know, I'm keeping genius at home. No, I'm with ladies food. Such an idiot. You're an idiot, Bobby. You would do it. I love you German. I love you Jim. Thank you. Bye. Now it broke apart see Just fucking eat it. No don't get it near me. Don't fucking just fucking eat it get it away from you Right get it away from you eat it wrong when I die tomorrow good. I hope you fucking die tomorrow I'm not gonna eat your I'm not gonna eat your breakfast sit Sit down. I'm not eating it. Sit down. Oh, God. Oh my God, dude. Fucking good, dude. So gross. It's still has a potato flavor. Take your shirt off for the last half of this podcast because people need to see what you're working with. Why do you- We didn't even do this bit, because I wore this to look like Bert and we never even did it.

Yeah, but people will get it. Yeah. Does he look fat on camera or no? Uh, yeah, he looked a little fat. Look at that. God damn, he looked good. You look good. You know what, you know what's funny?

You don't look fat. So you're not, it's like not a funny joke. You just look like you. Yeah. Would you ever take your shirt off and do sets on stage without your shirt like him? I've been completely naked What you can still talk about I'm not sure I've been completely naked on stage what you're talking about Yeah, I know you have and we're not doing that anymore, right? Remember would be weird if I peed on the table a little bit. I think you should do it. Yeah

It's rude and it's not funny. It is rude. Don't do it. It is not funny. He said it is rude. Is it funny though? Nope, no entertainment value at all zero entertainment value do not pee on the table. Okay. What if you pee in the cup? How about that? No, I'm not gonna. No, don't do it. All right. I was really gonna take a shit today on the table So here's my thing pee is gross because it's like liquid and hard to clean up, but a little turd on the table is funny to me. I agree that pee is rude cause it gets everywhere, but a little turd goes nowhere. Yeah.

And stays where it is. I gotta see if, I'm gonna call Kaleil and see if the dog's okay. Yeah, please, do your mind. No, please, I don't mind. But let me tell you something. Yeah. And I hope they can't hear me right now.

Yeah. But those fucking guys, I seen this show. I can't even see it. It's not funny. I know. And like, here's the thing he's in that office, like, no, you don't look anything out. He's like, they fucking shut.

They should cut a lot of it. They should write it. They should fucking get, they should get, like, they have a staff writer. Or just get, yeah, they should have writers. It's right off the top. Or they should get some people on it that are like, good. Yeah.

Yeah. Oh, and you got, by the way, you got two of the same guy on the show. It's so un- You got two guys, like two of the same guys. So it's so uninteresting. Anyway, I hope they don't, I don't know if I hear that. Um, we love those guys though. They're fucking great.

Right. So, what have you guys got? You have pre-planned bits for us? Uh, nope. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Nope You were waiting for it. Yeah, they got bits for them. I was like oh do we get bits? I'm like sure back on it's not work. No, I like it No, cuz then you have to put the fat suit on so you leave that off please Yeah, you don't have anything prepared for us But you prepare for those fucking guys. Why could you knew that we're better than them?

That we'll just take it and run we don't prepare for two pairs one cave. Oh you don't prepare for two No, there's not like prepped stuff like we'll have like a five minute sit down beforehand. It'd be like, is there anything that's other top? Oh, yeah. Yeah, we don't either. All right. So it's good. I mean, we they're on hard. Yeah. I mean, we these guys are there. There's so in the world right now that are everything is sad right now. Yeah, that's the problem. You know, I mean, there's always like, you know, how about this? There it, I mean, I did predict Joe Biden falling down those stairs on Air Force One. I literally set it on my podcast.

It's so fucking funny because it's like, I couldn't watch it. Him falling down stairs? Yeah, because it's like, pull it up. I can't watch it. Why, it's so funny to watch him fall down stairs. I know, but it's like, I like it.

I know, but I hated the last guy so much. I just want this guy to like, you want him what? You want him to walk stairs stairs. He can't do. He's so old He's so fucking old this guy falls downstairs up. He falls upstairs This guy fell upstairs by the way Kamala Harris foaming at the mouth. She's like yeah, Joe Let's keep getting you on planes. She's loving this thing if he goes she's in you can't tell me that's she's not excited about that Here we go. All right. Thank you so much for your service. I appreciate you so you're the best. All right cool Thanks, man. Yeah, you okay. All right. Yeah, yeah, yeah, hi

And then does the salute And then and then then then then then then then then then then then then then then then why it's not funny. It's funny. I'll tell you why. Oh because you loved your butt. No that's a white one. Why? It's funny. No, if you would have slept.

Any president I would have laughed. If you would have slept and just kind of kept walking, right? Yeah. But he does a leg rub. It hurts. Yeah. He's hurting his little leg. He's fucking nine years old.

It fucking hurts. I know. I know they shouldn't have something. And then to give him one of those wheelchair things. He's fucking nine years old, it fucking hurts. I know, I know, they shouldn't have someone and then to give them one of those wheelchair things on the top of it. And top of it, you know what I would, if I was, if I was, You know what I would, if I was,

the wheelchair that drives them, You know what I would tell him to, if I was, is like, you know, His aid, yeah, a secretary of, Secretary of falling. Whatever, Secretary of health. Yeah, health, I'd just be like, you know what, next time you're in that situation,

don't do the sle salute at the top. Just go in. Just go in. Just get the fuck out of here. It's embarrassing. Yeah, right there. He's right now. He's got I got a fucking do this thing. But he has to know he legally has to. Yeah, he's got to do it. Yeah. Do I feel bad for him? Yeah, I hope the guy is fucking okay, but also you have to laugh at that. I would laugh at any president that would fall upstairs. Yeah, I love faning. Fainting is so fun. Fainting is so fun. Do you find presidents fainting? No.

By the way, when Trump had toilet paper on his, going up the stairs, that was hilarious. Google this, YouTube this, all right. So I watch American Idol. I love AI. All right, so there was a girl, so they did, they were doing duets. And afterwards, they were giving notes.

Like Lionel reaches like doing giving your notes. Yeah. And she fucking passes out and falls on her. What? They can't play American Idol clips. Why? It's copyrighted by the can't on YouTube. They know they know more than we know.

Don't play it. Two presidents fainting. Let's see if there's any presidents that are fainting for real. I don't know why. I don't know why. Tell me why you can't play a woman faints with President Obama. You nailed it. It's copyright.

I know. Can we play it, have her with him, see it, and then talk about it? At least. No, no, because the fans can't see it. They could just Google it on YouTube later. I gotta say what you saw it. Oh, you can talk about it, yeah. God, Portuguese president collapses.

American Idol, what? Okay, so what is it, Lionel Richie? Do ets. Do ets, fainting, do ets. Do ets, fainting. He's great. Oh, is that her? Yeah.

All right. Just watch it. I don't wanna watch it. I wanna watch it out. Oh. She hit her face right on the ground. Yeah. She knocked her teeth out. She has stitches all over her neck. But you know what's so funny. Oh, man. It was so funny. What?

So after this, because you could tell that Lionel was about to tell her, right? She's going to get it. You're getting caught. Oh, because they were cutting everyone from the show. And now that they're gonna learn it. Right, so then now she would have, and then later Lionel Richard goes to the other one and says, I just wanna let you know

you're both gonna go in to the next round, which was like, it could have been a ploy. Oh. You think she, you'll watch me faint. Yeah, her friend was like, I'm gonna get cut. Yeah, I'm gonna faint. I'm about to make it to the next round. But since we can't play, let's move on, fuck it.

Damn, I want, why can't we play that stuff though? Huh? They do, they copyright it. That's so fucked up. Thanks a lot NBC. Please, don't like the, we have before I think. But I don't know what they do. Let me see, turn around. Let me see it. I always forget you have that tattoo. It's a nice one. They're turning around all the way. Let me see turn around. Let me see it. I always forget you have that tattoo. Turn around all the way. Let me see. Turn me.

Like if you saw me like at a strip club. Well, it turns why can't see your face. So if I just saw that and I couldn't, we'll let your hair down. Take your take. No, hold on. Let your hair down. Take your hair out so I can see because if I imagine that I couldn't tell if it was you Or just a hot chick But try to use your man. I'm trying right now. I'm gonna try right now I just put club in Thailand and then put it back. Yeah put it all the way back. Yeah, yeah, I like it like that Okay, yeah, okay, wait stop beef here be real don't don't shake it so fast. Yeah slow is good Yeah slow is good. Oh, did you drop something?

Oh, what did you drop down there? Oh, it looks like something. Oh, good, thanks for- I'm gonna put it all the time she turns around. You're a fuck me up. You do got a nice little push. It's so tight, it's like tight and tiny. Can I tell you something as years have gone on,

you've become more attractive to me. Yeah. From when we first met till now, you've become way more attractive to me. All of it, honestly, when you first met me, what'd you think? Yuck. No, no, be real. I thought I thought I love you as I loved you as a comic and thought you were really, really talented, but as a person didn't thought you were really, really talented.

But as a person, didn't get you. Like why? I thought you were just a bugger guy, like a gross, bugger boy, like a little bugger guy, like a little rat boy. But now you're kind of a sex symbol in my world. Is it because I spent a lot of time with you? Maybe. You know, they say women can be attracted to men

who they're not physically attracted but they just grow with them. I think I've grown with you a little bit. I already told you, man, that when I met you, I'm like, well, there's a funny guy, I wanna be his friend. I'm talking about physical attraction. I don't know, you're calling me a fucking poker guy,

that's fucked up. Well, you did look gross. You did, when I first went, I don't know, but it's like. You did look snot, what do you mean? And don't, don't, don't make it, it's like, I'm weird. You collected, you collect parts of your skin at home Oh, yeah, yeah, like I know you didn't know that though, but I can feel it and you can't feel that I can feel when yeah

Yeah, we can't feel it. No, you always know when people do weird stuff like Nevada Yeah, you know he's you know he does weird shit. Yeah, you can feel it. Yeah, you can feel it like my brother the other day was like singing I got a dry sack. Right. And I call them, I go, because you know, we put that stuff out. And I go, yeah. Because he's not joking around. He really has a dry sack.

Well, does he moisturize? No. Well, you got to get him some ball moisturizer. It flakes and stuff. So I go, um, like he sheds. Yeah. Oh, gosh. I go, don't say that.

Don't tell people. Yeah, yeah. That's something you learn as a comic. Nice penis though. He doesn't have a nice penis. I think so, yeah, that's something you learn as a comic nice penis though He doesn't have a nice me nothing so yeah, you what do you mean you know so brother? That's weird to see him said did you guys have bath together when you were kid? Oh, yeah, was there a moment? Too confident. Yeah, oh, yeah, did you have bath with your daughter sister? No, of course not That's insane wouldn't insane. I'm also nine years difference. Yeah, it's pretty cute

Put it put it away You're just put it away Put it away put it away put it away. Let me just put it away. Can I just say put it away? How did she put it away? I'll hold it. We've done this before put it away No, I just bad the new audience. Sit. Okay. Good boy. It's so funny because I can say two things right now. I'm not gonna say it. Don't do it.

But I can say two things right now where he will completely and just and get his car and drive away right now. Correct. I have so much power of him. It's the best. Like I'm not gonna do it because I wanna finish it. It's disgusting, it's so manipulative, it's so fucked up. Yeah, yeah. There's nothing that you could say to me that's gonna make me leave.

Because you're so fucked up and everyone knows how fucked up you are. No, I've already accepted my frailties. Right. You know what I, it's... Yeah, but I'm protective of things. My family, that family thing is tough. Here's the thing, all right. When I, here's the thing.

Yeah. When I started revealing that like, um, I was molested, right? Like I, that was no longer a shame event for me. Yeah, I did. Right. Let me finish, right? I wasn't molested though. And then just let me just finish. What I'm saying?

That you know of. I think you were. I know you said that, but I don't, there's no way. I think you were I know you said that but I don't there's no way I think you were when I don't know when I don't know your life but you just seem like a guy that was like Brutally molested April 17th 1992 Yeah, you knew good Tennessee. Did you really get molested on the 2-T railroad? Oh, sorry, that's not funny. That's not funny. Yeah. So that you were molested, but you were molested more than once.

No. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, for one guy. Yeah, it was all that it was a lot. Not a lot, like three or four times. That's more than none. That's true. But it's not 20. Yeah, that's true. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, and then like I go, you know, you know, when I, because you know,

when I was a kid, I already said this out loud, but I experimented. Yeah, we took the test. Yeah, okay. But, you know, I was going to die with that in the, in the grave, like I was going to. You mean, you mean, you mean to tell me though, but when you experimented with men, yeah, you weren't ashamed of it. I was at the time because I know that I'm not gay. But maybe, but we've done this before,

and I just said, let me just finish my point, but I'm not. I'm not! See, when you get mad about it, it doesn't, it doesn't, it doesn't, I just laugh! It doesn't bode well. I'm not gay!

It doesn't bode well. It's just fine. I don't care what people think. Look me in the face and slowly say, I'm not gay. I don't know. Don't put me in the face. I don't know. I'm not gay. It doesn't bode well. It's fine. I don't care what people think. Look me in the face and slowly say, I'm not gay. I don't know. Don't put me in the face. I don't know. By the way, I'm supportive of you no matter what you are.

It's my point though, is that. I always loved you. What I'm saying is that I reveal things about myself and there's nothing that I'm ashamed of. The shame is gone. But it's like, you still hold on to some of the shame that's where you get so angry about, you get so sensitive about it.

Mine's just, mine's always family stuff. If you say family stuff, then I get that. Say what, talk about how, what a whore my mom is. I don't give a fuck. Why would I do that? Because she's not. Yeah, she's not at all. I'm just saying that if your mother's a nice woman.

Yeah, she is. Yeah, so it's like, why would I do that? So then when you go... I'm just saying, if you did it as a joke, it wouldn't offend me. But I feel like if I said that about your mom, which she's not, um, she, she,

you're in. Quick, quick, so up. She's not, you're not, you're not, you're not fucking dumpling, you're not,

I know, yeah. Fucking dumpling. So anyway, we should not, but like, you know, you just, you have like these trigger know, you just very, you have like these trigger points within you. My family. It does all the other things too.

Yeah, but my family. There's other things too. Okay, we all have trigger points. I don't. Because you're empty. I'm just nothing. There's nothing there. I have everything.

You have barely have a motion. You're finding it again. You're finding it again. Dude, I have a motion, bro. Yeah, but I cry so much, bro. Just because you cry doesn't mean you have a motion. What is it crying? It's just a bitch reaction.

No, it's not a bitch reaction. It's just not a bitch reaction. I have a motion, that's why I cry. Maybe it comes out in weird ways. It does come out. But I have a motion, dude. I know you do. You need help. I'm getting, I have therapy.

Right, so I'm just saying that you have better help. So you have trigger points. And'm getting, I have therapy. Right, so I'm just saying that you need help. Better help. So you have trigger points and I had nowhere the buttons are. There's I think four I could press to make you go hog wild, but I'm not gonna do it. But I love having the power over you. Thanks man. And I have none.

Yeah, but also, but I control your future. That's true, I have one. Yeah, you do. I have one. Yeah, you do. I have one sugar point that you guys, that those fuckers almost fucking, try to fuck up. These two idiots. Yeah, when they called on the phone.

I know. You know the one. And they almost got me. I have one that made me, it doesn't make me snap and want to get in a car and drive away. But it's just kind of, you handle things differently.

I get angry and up, up heavily. And you get introspective. introspective, but also, but also your revenge buttons are huge. But I'm Korean. I know, what is that about them? Why Koreans are so vengeful?

I know because we make, have you see Koreans make the best revenge movies? Yeah, because what is it about Koreans that they love? Like you see, I saw the devil. Bring that up. I'm telling you, please watch it. I saw the devil. Bring that up. What is that? Please watch it.

I saw the devil. Please watch it. It's one of the best movies ever. I saw the devil. Okay, there's a movie, Korean movie, also, it's all revenge. I saw the devil. Yeah.

Okay, and it's all, what is it? You said it's the best. That's what? You saw it? Fuck yeah. It's like, it's like, oh boy, it's like, it's a classic Korean revenge movie, but there a lot of

Korean movies are about that theme right? I don't know what it is about us subtitles or is it yeah subtitles dude fuck man read fucking well, I can't I can't I Don't like subtitled films Are you fucking kidding me right now dude? No, I don't like them. What was the one the one in Oscar? Life is beautiful that was subtitled. Yeah that's singing and dancing. It's about that thing that didn't happen. I know I know I can't. I can't. It happened. It was very devastating. But no, why can you read the subtitles on it? It's really good. Okay, but this I'll watch it if you watch it with me. How about that? I'll do it if you watch it. We're never gonna get? I'll do it if you watch it with me.

We're never gonna get together and watch a fucking movie. You're right, so that means I'm not gonna watch a fucking movie. Anyway, so, anyway, Koreans are really into revenge. I don't know why that is. I think because, I think it has to do with oppression. Because you were oppressed so much. No, I just, as a people, we were occupied by Japan. Correct.

You know, Philippines were, a lot of Asian countries were colonized. Yeah. Right? And I think maybe that has something to do with it, but I don't know. When the Japanese have samarized, do Koreans have an ancient warrior? No, we have dudes that need to take on dope. I don't think they were called anything.

Huh. What? I just, I'm surprised. I thought ninjas are pussy's. Ninjas are pussy's. Bro. Are you gonna really stand on that hill? Yeah.

Bro, I'm gonna hide my face. God, scared. No, they're not scared. Yeah, and here's it, yeah. Oh, I'm not gonna look either eye. I'm gonna be on three, three hundred feet away and do blog on like a pussy. Oh, so you're calling ninjas pussy.

Pussy's dead. You're right now calling out ninjas as pussy's right now. Pussy's weak, that's why do you ever see this? You know what I mean? Guy fighting in the UFC, he's an expert in ninjitsu, never. Cause it doesn't work. If there's somebody out there that's a real life ninja, will you please comment below, we can link you up with Bobby

I want you to get no fight with an ninja and then you'll see if they're I just be honest with me It's like in the movies the wild they can go and underground time out stick their hand out of the ground. What are ninjas real? I don't think so. Okay. I don't even know. I you know, I thought I was just a thing. I honestly think that ninjas are put these are ninjas real Are ninjas still around Are ninjas real? Are ninjas still around? Are ninjas real today? Japanese era of show guns and samurai is long over, but the country does have one or maybe two surviving ninjas. Are you gonna fight those guys?

Yeah, I used to do a ninja joke that's so hacky. Let me hear the ninjas joke. This is the new, I go, this is when I first started doing comedy. Yeah. I go, why do ninjas wear masks? I mean, Asians, they all look the same, right? You're not gonna see a ninja in a tree, go, hey, with no mask and go, hey, is that Stevie

Yamamoto? Oh my god, that's so bad. That's so bad. Is that Stevie Yamamoto? Anyway, the crush, it was 30 years ago and it didn't work. It worked? No, I'm ashamed now. All right, if anybody is an ninja, please let us know.

We do the 25 minutes already? For sure. What are we at in time, whites? We can rap. Yeah, 125. You're good. So listen. How'd you think it went?

There was some laws. You guys did great. No, I'll be honest. Was there some laws? You got to tell the guys it was bad? No, no, no, no. I'm a fan of how this show went. Okay. Hey. Yeah If you even watch the regular I don't know I honestly can't it's just I mean, I know that they're like it's one of those things where it's like they're both great comedies

When I do when I did when I did oddball Yeah, I saw all the names on it. I'm like, oh, yeah, I know Ellieball. Shwhwhwhwhwhwhwhwhwhwhwhwhwhwhwhwhwhwhwhwhwhwhwhwhwhwhwhwhwhwhwhwhwhwhwhwhwhwhwhwhwhwhwhwhwhwhwhwhwhwhwhwhwhwhwhwhwhwhwhwhwhwhwhwhwhwhwhwhwhwhwhwhwhwhwhwhwhwhwhwhwhwhwhwhwhwhwhwhwhwhwhwhwhwhwhwhwhwhwhwhwhwhwhwhwhwhwhwhwhwhwhwhwhwhwhwhwhwhwhwhwhwhwhwhwhwhwhwhwhwhwhwhwhwhwhwhwhwhwhwhwhwhwhwhwhwhwhwhwhwhwhwhwhwhwhwhwhwhwhwhwhwhwhwhwhwhwhwhwhwhwhwhwhwhwhwhwhwhwhwhwhwhwhwhwhwhwhwhwhwhwhwhwhwhwhwhwhwhwhwhwhwhwhwhwhwhwhwhwhwhwhwhwhwhwhwhwhwhwhwhwhwhwhwhwhwhwhwhwhwhwhwhwhwhwhwhwhwhwhwhwhwhwhwhwhwhwhwhwhwhwhwhwhwhwhwhwhwhwhwhwhwhwhwhwhwhwhwhwhwhwhwhwhwhwhwhwhwhwhwhwhwhwhwhwhwhwhwhwhwhwhwhwhwhwhwhwhwhwhwhwhwhwhwhwhwhwhwhwhwhwhwhwhwhwhwhwhwhwhwhwhwhwhwhwhwhwhwhwhwhwhwhwhwhwhwhwhwhwhwhwhwhwhwhwhwhwhwhwhwhwhwhwhwhwhwhwhwhwhwhwhwhwhwhwhwhwhwhwhwhwhwhwhwhwhwhwhwhwhwhwhwhwhwhwhwhwhwhwhwhwhwhwhwhwhwhwhwhwhwhwhwhwhwhwhwhwhwhwhwhwhwhwhwhwhwhwhwhwhwhwhwhwhwhwhwhwhwhwhwhwh A lot of his stand up is a lot of his stand up is is autobiographical. I don't know. It's like a one-man show. Maybe it's kind of like a one-man show. Yeah, it's more like a one-man show. Is there a way to end? Hey, yeah, do our end. One, two, three. Thank you for being a bad friend. one goes top and swap the other wears a shirt Tom tells stories and birds the machine there's not a chance in hell that they'll keep clean here's what we call two bears one cave no scripts a bed of booze amateur patology dirty jokes ronchy humor no apologies

here's what we call two bears one Here's what we call to bears one