2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer - Ep. 76 | 2 Bears 1 Cave w/ Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer

Episode Date: April 12, 2021

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Would it be crazy to you while you're in rehab? I met Jennifer Aniston. It's not crazy. It's a betrayal. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha I lose my shit. 100% I'm not doing my own thing I am not doing my own thing. I feel like Roger Clinton right now Hey, you're doing very exciting things stop stop you're doing very exciting things very exciting things I'm very happy for you. I think it's gonna be amazing, but I'm going to Stop, you're doing very exciting things, very exciting things. I'm very happy for you. I think it's gonna be amazing, but.

I'm going to rehab everybody. After your rehab, Stint, I have to try to bank these so that while you're in rehab and while I'm traveling and moving, that these still come out. I know. Oh, you're just right, you gotta move.

Yeah, and you're getting all. Maybe just don't move. That's something I've thought about. Oh, it takes really annoying to move. I know, Oh, that's right, you gotta move. Yeah, and you're getting all. Maybe just don't move. That's something I've thought about. It's really annoying to move. I know, and like, like, what do you have? Like, how do you do the whole sell your house by a new house? What are you doing in the middle team?

Like, just drive? No, I'm staying in a hotel for a minute, and then, yeah, it's really annoying. With your kids? Yeah. It's a nightmare. It's a nightmare. Oh, the last time you did that?

It's a nightmare. So wait, you're moving, the last time he did that. It's a nightmare. So wait, you're moving, you're you moving before your birthday or after your birthday? Cause I gotta figure out to live here your present. After my birthday and I won't be home for my birthday. So how do I do your present? What's the list I get back? I'm not gonna, I'm, I'm, I'm, I don't get out of rehab

until like fucking July. I don't know, man. You gotta coordinate it somehow. It's coming up though. I know, April 15th. 16th. Same same. Yeah.

I do midnight on the 15th. Okay, I'll be gone that day too. Wait, where are you gonna be? I'll be in Kentucky. Doing what? I just love horses, dude. You know that. I'll be doing what if I bought you a horse for your birthday?

That would be so upsetting. I would immediately call it me and do it got you There's another wonder I know we don't talk much, but I got you a horse Yeah, no don't get me a horse. Oh, I got a good present for you really? Yeah, really hard to get present too Is it allowed? Yeah. Oh yeah, it's allowed. You're like it. You're gonna like it and your boys are gonna like it. Oh, I can't wait.

Yeah, you're gonna like it. Christine is gonna be like, I don't care. Yeah, that means it's good. Yeah, yeah, it's gonna be a fun, it's gonna be a good, it's a good, it's a good one. I wish I came and tell you, but you gotta remind me off mic because

because of the fact that they listen, a friend of mine told me the best worst gift that his wife gave him, That is the funniest thing. Oh my god. It's so disappointing. It's real. It's anymore, yeah. Why?

Because I can't, because they listen. They probably already figured it out. Oh shit. Oh my god This was fun while it lasted though it was man. We had a lot of good time. Remember Jen Van Aston We got her to hit us out. Yeah, yeah, yeah, it was fun. K back and sell it. So you know so funny Would it be crazy to you if while you're in rehab? I Met Jennifer Aniston

It's not crazy. It's a betrayal and it's not crazy, it's betrayal. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha month to meet Jennifer Aniston, I will lose my shit. By the way, I swear to God, I swear to you on my children. If I'm in a restaurant, Jennifer Aniston comes up, sees me, and walks over and says, I just wanna say hi, I'm gonna go like this, I can't talk to you right now. I can't talk to you, I'm so sorry, I have to cancel you in my eyes.

Yeah, because I've made a promise to my best friend that I would meet her with him. Well, I would never betray you. Okay. Do people plan out rehab like a month out? Like I'm going to rehab next month. I think they usually kind of go in the moment. Is it?

It's kind of a spur. Yeah, spur the moment to say it. Yeah. I mean, I think some people try to go, I'm going to go next month and then you just never make it. How many of our fans do you think get the joke sometimes? Versus, just jokes that we make. Like when I go, I think most people get the joke. I bet there's something don't, of course something.

It's obvious. It's interesting what this show means to them. When the kind of person that watches this and goes, that really believes everything and goes, fucking, Bert is not stronger than Tom! Like, and then you're like, yeah, no shit, fuck, bass. He's dad's a power lifter, he's been powerlifting his whole fucking life.

No, power lifter. Your dad was a fucking power lifter. He was an Olympic lifter. He was an Olympic lifter for the state of Peru. Yeah. Five, six and under. That's right. That's right.

But you know all those movements. So you have them powerlifting. You like you I'll say this. I'll say this. I'm familiar to like in an amateur way with the sport because I was around it so much. Yeah I never dedicated myself to it. I never was like fully invested in it. So I don't have crazy. You can power lift like fully invested in it. So I don't have crazy. You can power lift. You can out power lift any comedian the same way I can out golf any comedian. I cannot out power lift any comedian. You said that earlier. You said okay, let's name the comedians you think you get out power lifts Sebastian easy peasy. Okay. Well, first of all, we're talking about when I'm healthy, right? Oh, yeah, yeah. Not now. Not. No. Let let's name one comic you don't think you could out power lift.

Joe, that's it. Yeah. Yeah. Job. Okay, okay. I bet you, there's really strong dudes. I bet you God-free strongest fuck. I bet you.

Jackson, I'm so any powerless. I bet you. It's a deadlift. That's just out deadlift. Out deadlift? Yeah. I mean, I'm sure there's people that like that's just out deadlift. Out deadlift? Yeah. I mean, I'm sure there's people that, like, that's part of, has been part of the routine.

And sometimes it's, it's, it's a pride, like, I've been around, like, 170 pound guys that are insanely strong. So it's not just like... Really? Yeah, yeah, if you're, like, into it, like, if you're people who really make that part of their life, yeah, they get really strong, man.

And it's stunning to see a guy that's small, like 175, pull 500 or more. It's crazy. Yeah. And saying George had did her body weight. George it in? Yeah. We were fucking around. And I was in our trainers there.

And I was like, George, let's see what you can deadlift. And she was like, ah, come on, just see it. She was like, ah, and then we're like George, let's see what you can deadlift. And she was like, uh, I'm like, come on, just see it. She was like, uh, and then we're like, well, okay, if you're not weak, she was like, I'm not weak, that I can do it. So she went and did like, you know, did the bar, did the bar with tens, did the bar with 20s, starts doing it. And then all of a sudden, we're like, how much do you weigh? She was like, I have no idea, which is I was so nice to hear that your daughter isn't bulimic. Yeah. You're like, you don't know how much you way. Oh, thank god Yeah, yeah, oh my god, you don't know you don't care how much you way. Oh my god

Victory, that's a big one. Dodge the bullet. I love what do you weigh? He's his pounds. Oh fuck and so Is that what you ways? No, I don't she's isle is tiny isle is She's isle is tiny. Isle is... Isle what? Oh, never mind. Anyway, so I got fucking, I gotta learn. I feel like I'm biting my tongue a lot lately. Why? I don't know and I don't like it.

Cause cause I'm always wrong. Like I'm living in a world right now where I'm always wrong. Where everything I think I go, I'm wrong. Like I, even for thinking thoughts I go, shouldn't have thought that. Ooh, thank God I didn't say that out loud. I'm gonna. I'll get into you man. That's why I don't tweet anything I don't tweet anything anymore. I don't like anything real only I tweeted the other day and fucking billbirds wife lit me up was I want hot mustard chips potato chips. She let you up about that. She was like I go. Hey, how about you're gonna say something way more inflamed

Like there's no Asian hate. Like that kind of thing. No, can I tell you, even this is how measured I am on Twitter. I swear to you, I wanted to tweet out, I want Chinese mustard potato chips. Awesome. Yeah, except for all the shit's going on in the Asian community. I was like, just keep the word Chinese.

I don't why even be a white guy in tweet that you like Chinese mustard. Like don't, and that, because you know someone's gonna be like, oh, why's it gotta be Chinese mustard? You know like, cause it's the best. Cause it's spicy as fucking shit.

And it's also the one I'm familiar with. Yeah, and if that Chinese mustard, when you get like, egg rolls with that little bit of sweetness, that little bit, whatever that pink sauce is, that is a potato chip would be so good. I'm really thinking I might have missed my calling in like the snack food category. I can see that.

My mouse walking. Wait, what did his wife say to you? I said to her, I said, I'm talking about, how about you following me back on Twitter and she goes, why can't I, so I can read stupid chip recipes? And I go, huh, I thought that would be a good idea. And she goes, oh yeah, oh, most of the potato chips. And I go, wait, when Chinese mustard potato chips got work, be good.

And she goes, oh, I should they would be good. What did she follow me? Let's see if she followed me. Let's see. I don't think she did. Dude, how much of a nightmare was the bad friend thing? I Will I will tell you She follows me. Um, I will tell you it's I Don't what for whatever fucking reason when you start laughing my laughter

Quota quotient, quashin, whatever, quashin, quashin, goes up so fucking high for when you start laughing. Like I'm an easy laugh, right? Like I can laugh easy. But when you start laughing, I can't hold it in because I watch you, you do this thing when you laugh or you get really excited and your face is all red

and your eyes are red and you, when she didn't know the game we were playing, that is the hardest I've laughed all week Did you know that the first song was a real song? No, yeah, real yeah the daddy. Why did you die daddy? Daddy? Where are you? Yeah? I thought no, I didn't know that that's a real song from who from Bobby and and Andrew From Bobby's dad dying Oh, real yeah, yeah, yeah, oh Yes Bobby's dad dying. That is real. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Oh, yeah, his dad's dead. Yeah. Dude, you want to talk about cancelable. The outtakes on the cabin. Oh, yeah. I mean, me, him and Bobby doing scream therapy and trying to communicate to their fathers and then they just take over the roles of each other's fathers you and I Stayed out of it, but him and Bobby or who's him?

Donnell's playing Bobby's father. Oh Bobby and I'm like hey guys can't do that and Bobby's like damn donnell and I'm like okay neither can you It's so fucking funny. It's so fucking funny. I'm so, I'm afraid, can I tell you, I actually like someone said something funny to me that was horrific, and I started laughing, and George looked at me like, and I'm like, okay, if you guys are gonna start fucking regulating laughter, I don't know what fucking world I belong in.

Is that laugh it fucked up shit? Of course, but I mean, that's part of like, being a kid too is seeing your parent joke or laugh and being like, fuck are you laughing? She tells me that she'll tell me that that's not funny, actually, that's not funny. And I was like, it's kind of funny. Which one of us is a professional here, sweetie?

I've said that to her. You like yourself, aren't you? I've said that to her. You like your teeth? Yeah. That was dick jokes. Yeah. Was it joke about your mom sleeping on me sliding

my dick in her mouth with you sleeping and going, you're streaming. I don't know you need to be that specific. You can just say it's jokes. That's about me, your mom's pussy and she farted, huh? You like that? She farted on my chin, on my shit in my mouth. Scream fine on the whole if you're gonna do that bitch.

That's what I said. And then you got braces. And then you got braces. And then you got braces. That's true. That's a joke about me fucking your mom, but don't you style, because she was sick. I didn't wanna cover the wall, bitch. There's studio sex, though.

Oh, yeah. Yeah. There's studio is very like, is very death squad 2004. Yeah, yeah. We have the ice house fucking vault annex room. Now, I remember that was the first, that death squad studio was the first studio we went.

Like where you went. And it's so funny, like, I would love to know where the technology stood at the time. Cause I bet it's still past what Bobby and Andrew are at. Yeah, like, like, cause, what's Ray Bann doing? He's in Austin, and they're doing shows, they're doing, he's doing, he's doing Tony, and he's doing secret show, like,

okay, he's still doing all this podcast. All the stuff he was doing here. Yeah, he's, he shaved his head. He did? Yeah, did you see that go to pull up Ray Bann's, Brian. Did he have a full head of hair? He has a great head of hair.

You know Brian, I gotta be honest with you, Brian is one of the better looking dudes that I know. He's a good looking man. Okay, that's not it. And that's not it. You go, I think go up, go up. It's gotta be one of it.

I guess he grew his hair back very quickly. Go to go to the stories, go to the stories, go guess he grew his hair back very quickly. Go to go to stories, go to stories, go to stories. Go to stories. Okay, kill Tony, 500 sold unless the 24 hours. Good job, Red Band. Here we go. That looks like Duncan Trustle painting.

What's that, that's his lady? Yeah, I mean, he's chick love and VR. Jesus. Wow, that's his lady? Yeah, I mean, he's chick-loving VR. Jesus. Wow, he shaved his head. I'd face time him, but I'm certain he's asleep. Definitely. Definitely asleep. Yeah, that was the most, I mean, we've talked about it before, but one of the most fucking mind-numbing things

is the way Bobby can sleep. I just, so insane. I was up at 6 o'clock this morning. Yeah. I was up 6 o'clock, got in. I took a shower. I love showering. I was up at six o'clock this morning. Yeah. I was up at six o'clock, got in. I took a shower. I love showering before I work out. Really?

Yeah. I love showing. You're so goddamn weird. I like a hot shower before I work out because I'm going to shower and I start sweating immediately. Okay. And then I sweat as a clean sweat. Yeah.

It's like not a dirty like grimy sweat. It's a clean sweat. Dude, I killed it this morning. Yeah. I've had this new theory about, about, if I do, I'm trying to like learn just a bottle of wine, like just a bottle of wine. And night, at night, just like under a bottle,

it's the Johnny Depp diet, where Johnny Depp on his sets would get these really expensive bottle of wines. And then he'd get to the end and he'd just put his cigarette out in it. And then be like, I'm done with that. And that was the under expensive bottle of wines. And then he'd get to the end and he'd just put a cigarette out in it. And then be like, I'm done with that. And that was the Underbottle of Wine. It's $130, $23 for a bottle of wine.

I can't be right. That's for one service. I love the glass of wine. Anyway, I did Underbottle of Wine last night, watched The Von Erichs on, watched the documentary on The Von Erichs. Can you know The Von Erichs? Big Russell, you're a big wrestling fan, right?

Yeah. Yeah, big... And then... So alarming. And then I went to... One sleep by myself. Dude, the Von Erich's were the shit. Yeah.

Carey Von Erich, look at that fucking stud. Look at him. He's jawline. These are brothers? Yeah, Kevin, Carey and Mike. I actually followed their sons, Ross and Marshall. Where did you went last night? Last night, what? That's dad right there in the front.

Fritz Von Erick, Fritz Von Erick was a Nazi. Do I have, not, hold on, let me phrase that. Let me phrase that, they came out wrong. Fritz Von Erick played a Nazi. Oh, he played. That's a really different set. Yeah, yeah, yeah, it's a very different set. He played a Nazi as a wrestler.

He would come in in the 40s dressed dresses of Nazi and he ran all the Texas wrestling and he had these fucking gorgeous boys and they and they and he just kind of groomed them to be the the the champs that's Lance get rid of a land How do you know about these guys because I was really in wrestling when I was a kid I didn't realize I was in wrestling until I started hanging out Cody Rhodes Yeah, and he started I started talking to him about stuff. And he was like, wait, you watched the match were Carrie Von Erick, Beatrick Flare,

and I was like, fuck yeah. I was like, wait, you didn't? And he was like, no, I did, and I'm a fucking wrestling fan. Yeah, yeah. And I was like, well, yeah, because the Von Erick's we used to get Texas wrestling in Tampa. And I loved the Von Erick's.

Kevin Von Erick wrestled barefoot, so why identified with him? No, he really came in with a swastika. He came in with a swastika. Jesus Christ. That's fine. Yeah. And now that'll wake you up, right?

Yeah, he came in swastika. Hey, get this guy out. Like he was, there he is. These are pictures he put wishes. Yeah, he's like, I'm doing a character, guys. Jesus. They had the call. The, the dude, all the Von Erich's like half of them died from suicide. One, are they enormous? Oh, they're big mother fuckers. Big huge fucking carry Von Erich was.

Carry Von Erich was probably the go to type in carry Von Erich. Carry Von Erich was a God Lost his foot in a motorcycle accident. I don't hear something weird. Yeah. Think about this. This is totally could have had to be a big old fuck man. Yeah. Dude, that's not even at him at his biggest. He gets bigger. There's like pictures of him. He's just a fucking beast. Yeah, it looks like it. Jesus. I mean, he was a monster. He committed suicide. I think he did? Yeah, yeah, he committed suicide.

Well, he lost his foot in a motorcycle accident. He goes in, gets his foot repaired, right? He's laying in bed in the hospital, he smells McDonald's. And he gets up to go get McDonald's and steps on his bad foot and destroys all the surgery they did to it And they have to cut off his fucking foot all cuz he smelled McDonald's. This isn't the documentary. Yeah, I'm not sure if that's real or not

Did you suffer a dissipated hit? Type in wait wait You're not sure if that's true or not almost true sometimes I hear things and I don't know if I'm I'm not certain. Uh, I pretty sure he's well. McDonald's. He attempted to walk on a prematurely because he smelled McDonald's. It says that. I know, but that's what I know that happened. He smelled McDonald's and he tried to walk down the hall against the McDonald's and he stepped on his foot and it fucked it up and they had to amputate it and then he wrestled with one foot He wrestled with one foot in the W. W. F at the time and

And there's a there's one thing. I'm gonna code if I'm supposed to talk about this or not Well, anyway, if you're wrestling fan and I'm breaking the rules. Yeah, K Fab or whatever So when he ganked does fucking foot off one time, they're wrestling. And they grab the boot because no one knew that Kerry didn't have a foot. They said it's kept the secret. Yeah, it's kept the secret. So long ago I grabbed his boot and ripped his boot off and there's like, can you imagine pulling a boot?

I ripped your fucking foot off, man, I'm so sorry. Pulling a boom feeling Oh my god, dude, I've been lifting a lot. I didn't think I could do is Oh my god. Oh, yeah, and so that's him right there probably right? Yeah, he wore these like razzle dazzle boots when he's never foot He was the best man and I followed Kevin Von Eric lives in like cannot call it Kauai now or Lenai in Hawaii With his two sons his two sons of wrestlers, and so on, my- Oh, they are? Yeah, Ross and Marshall. And I followed them last time on Twitter.

I cannot believe it. Fucking studs. Jesus. Yeah, right. No, he's the bad guy. He's got his fucking dad. He's got his fucking dad. He's got his dad.

He's got his dad. He's got his dad. He's got his dad. He's got his dad. He's got his dad. Fucking dad. He's got his dad. He's got his dad. He's got his dad. He's got his dad. He's got be a little bit, right? Yeah.

It's gotta be a, I mean, the whole family had to be at some point. Come on. Except for Michael, I think Michael is the tall one. He was like six, seven. Yeah, I mean, they're fucking. But they're big bucks. Yeah.

I wonder how tall though. I mean, you're working out a lot. You're gonna look like that pretty soon. My arms kinda do look like that a little bit right now. Like I'm a concern. I took a picture of myself naked. You're concerned? I'm concerned that people are gonna be like,

it'll be hard to watch my act. Oh yeah. Because funny, when we did bad friends, his bad friends already heard. At this point. Yeah, yeah. And when we did bad friends, I put on that shirt as a joke and you can tell that everyone was like,

wow man, you're really muscular. So you're a picture of myself naked this morning. How'd it look? Not bad. Not bad. Oh muscular, and the dark is a shadow. Anyway, speaking of Hitler, can I tell you something? Yeah.

I have been tripped up on the fact that bad guy or good guy? Bad guy, okay, bad guy. Bad guy, but I wonder right now, you know, like when people, you know, like when people get like canceled and then they come back and I like, I didn't realize my actions, what I was doing, I didn't realize, I wonder if Hitler was,

like came back to life and he'd be like, oh shit, they look badly on what I did. Yeah, like everyone's agreeing. Like I mean, yeah, yeah. Everyone was co-signing on like, now I'm the bad guy. I know I'm the was agreeing. Like, I mean, yeah, yeah. Everyone was co-signing on like, now I'm the bad guy. No, I'm the bad guy.

Yeah. I would love to hear his apology on the, I am society. Or if he just like showed up with a bunch of papers, like, let me, first of all, let me just say that when I gave the speech, everybody was applaud. It's just a applaud.

They were applaud. All applauded. It's almost like when Sarah had to apologize for the Britney or the Paris-Alton joke. And she was like, I felt bad at the time. But you know, you know, part of Sarah had to be like, hey guys, I wasn't the only one making fun of her.

I don't remember this at what is this? Sarah apologized. Silverman apologized to Britney Spears. But recently? Not Britney Spears, Paris Hilton. Yeah, recently. Like last week. For a joke, he made a joke about,

here, by the way, I still think Paris Hilton's fucking hot as shit. So Paris Hilton? I think Paris Hilton's hot as shit. Yeah, fucks it's so hot. Of course he is. So hot. Okay, apologize for mocking her in 2007.

2007, just to be fair, like just to be fair across the board, they're trying to cancel David Letterman because he was pretty aggressive, I guess, to her, I don't remember, I didn't see that interview. I was like, can I tell you something when I disagree with though? What's that?

Doing like apologizing for old stuff. Because like, it's true that if you go, I told this joke in 2005, it killed today in 2021. It's not okay. It's like, yeah, but we're not in 2005. Like, I don't have to apologize for saying fucked up things 15 years. Because back then it wasn't as fucked up

You know, it's yeah, how are you supposed to like? I'm sort of apologize because the culture was different and the environment was different and it's super Monday morning quarterback for everyone to go that shits out of bounds today Where you go? What about back then? How come you to what was all around then above that? She said, uh, she said something like she's going to jail. It doesn't say the joke. I'll tell you the joke. I mean, I wonder if Sarah's going to be upset that I quote her joke. I'm talking about it. Yeah, it makes sense. Her joke was um, something to the effect of the, she's going to jail tomorrow,

because she was going jail the next day, which I would have been like, if I was going to jail the next day, I would have been like, ah, I don't want to hear. I'm not, maybe I'm not gonna go to a roast and here, I have a feeling I'll be brought up. I'm going to jail tomorrow. But, um, they've pinned the bars to look like dick

so she'd feel more at home. Anyway, stop, stop, stop. I know it's really different, and you know, to apologize and for someone to do that. Really means a lot. Polygies are never late, so it's okay. Okay. Well, and apparently she said that in Sarah's defense, she felt, she felt not cool with that

joke the night she told it. You know that she got it. They fucking, she's doing a roast for MTV. They slide her a bunch of jokes. She probably wrote a bunch of that were the good ones. Yeah. And then a bunch of writers slitter saw me. She's like, I gotta fill time.

I'm gonna fucking tell these jokes. She read it, it killed. She looked at Paris. Paris was not cool with it. And I bet in all honesty, that's why I don't do roasts. I don't like hurting people's feelings. I bet Sarah's like, that's not who I am. I feel bad.

She wrote Paris a letter that day. She did? And gave it to Paris's assistant and said, Hey, can you give this to her? Because I felt bad about that joke. Paris was on her way to jail. so she can get any letters, right? Then had a rough time in jail. And then kind of disappeared, right?

And then, today, then... What was she going to jail for? Do you why? And the joke was something about... She's going to jail tomorrow. They painted the bars to look like Dix. So she'd be more at home. Okay.

I shouldn't chip her teeth or something. Whatever, I don't know. And so, but it's funny. It's not funny. Look, I shouldn't chip her teeth or something. Whatever, I don't know. But it's funny, it's not funny. Look, I just think it's crazy that, I remember that back then, people were angry with Paris Hilton because she, I'm just saying what it was was that she didn't have any talent is what everyone assumed, but she was famous.

And that was the beginning of that happening of like the snookies and the the situations and the poly-dies and all the sudden we're getting inundated with this fame everyone you know like the Kardashians. And now we kind of know that those are that's our royalty. Now we realize oh if you do get famous like snookie is kind of like royalty to us now, is that people look at her and go, I mean, even I go, fucking Snooki's been around for a while, you know? I made fun of her when she was coming out,

but maybe that, you know, whatever. But it's funny that no one has any like, no one has any like awareness of how they behaved in 2007 regarding Paraselton. Right, right. They think they all went to dinner parties with their friends and they're like, I really like her

and I think that she's gonna have a great career. Like no one fucking dog like that. No, of course not. And they didn't do that about anyone, the situation or all that shit, they came out and everyone mocked them. And the comedian simply did what was happening at that time, which is fucking crazy to me. Yeah, I think that like Sarah's doing something

that it's very mature and like... It's very mature. ...and grown up and everything, but I just don't think you need to, you know, I mean, I get it, she feels bad. She feels bad, she's sorry. If you feel bad, I feel bad. But I'm saying, I'm making more of a general statement

that I don't think as a comedian, you are obligated in any way to be like, let me defend this 20 year old. I have bit that I did. I looked at my first special and I go, I'm not going, yeah, okay. Yeah. That's what I was doing at the time.

Right, I'm fucking comfortably dumb is not speak. It didn't age well. Let's just say, let's just say that someone off asked to buy it and I was like, I think I'm gonna keep that. Yeah. It's like the fucking, the track list from comfortably dumb is like, let's talk about Mexicans. Let's talk about blacks.

Let's talk about gays. And I'm like, Jesus, Christ, Bert, what the fuck? Ah. It's so funny thinking about watching that. I remember watching that. I'm not selling it as an NFT. Fuck that. I think I'll just keep my career. By the way, do thinking about watching that. I remember watching that. I'm not telling it as an NFT, fuck that. I think I'll just keep my career.

By the way, do you remember watching that at your apartment? Yeah, I remember watching that coming over watching it. I remember, I mean, like, I was, that was all. Did it change things the next day? No, not at all. Nothing. No one saw it.

No one saw it. No one's, I mean, it's online. Was that like so disappointing? That not like, no one's up but like meaning like it's out and you're like, so what happens now? I remember running into Bill Burr and asking him like, he was like, yeah, special. And I was like, yeah, and he was like, nothing.

I said, yeah, and he goes, what the fuck? What do we do these and no one sees them? And it was cause Comedy Central's business paradigm at the time was, was that joke on there? That was a good special, fuck off. I don't give a shit. I stand by everything in that special. That was a good special.

You just really did it 180 right then. Yeah. I just remembered, I had the CaracuCommerce jokes a great fucking joke. Yeah. CaracuCommerce great joke, fighting the black guys a great joke. Yeah.

The fucking Latino jokes in there are great. Yeah, man. Everything's fucking good. It's not bad. Disneyland on Assets, a good fucking special. You literally went from that thing is a problem. And I am not so comfortable with it. And you're like, you know what, fucking.

We know what it is. You know what it is? I dealt with a lot of backlash because I had one joke about that I wrote on my way there. I wrote on my way there. And I- On your way to tape? On my way to tape. There's like three jokes in there that I wrote

during the special. I was, I really enjoyed that special. No one watched it. I mean, yeah, I enjoyed it. Yeah, I mean, here's the thing is, I don't, it's not as much as like, I don't give a fuck, you can watch this special, you can find it online, I'm certain there's the extra online,

I'm certain people ripped it, put them online. And I have, people have seen them recently, I haven't been canceled, my profile's increased, I haven't been canceled, so I'm fine with that special. But I just don't, that material, I think I graduated from that material. Oh yeah, of course you did. Like where I look at the stuff I right now

and I go, it's not more woke, I'm definitely not more woke, I'm just, but it's just I'm a better comedian now. That's exactly what I'm saying. That's why I really didn't want to sell it. So I was like, I don't really care for people to see that because I was young and I was like, trying to break walls down. It's just, it's embarrassing when you are a good comic

and you're like, I can just, I can tell a story now. Yeah. Yeah. What is your meme, I can just, I can tell a story now. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. What is your Mima thing? What is your... I mean, I mean, I didn't know shit about Kamala Harris. Okay. I didn't know anything about her. Like, I really honestly,

it's interesting how little, what little information comes into my brain from the news cycle. Yeah. Like, all I knew is that technically, I thought everyone hated Kamala Harris. Technically? Like, like, like, all the Democrats hated her when she was running for president. Like, all the Democrats were like, she went back on her Ryan Bills, she's a liar.

And then, and then, and then, and then I thought Biden hated her. And then when they teamed up, I was like, okay, fine, whatever. She, she, she got him good at one of those early debate. Like she slammed him. Yeah, she lit him up. And then all of a sudden they got there. I was like, this is a little fucking flip floppy. But I didn't realize how fucking brilliant her family is last time I'm saying her sister meme Merck her niece meme meme Mina Mina

Mina I don't know Me by the way Mina Harris is gorgeous just FYI and Fucking brilliant. That's her sister? Her sister. Her niece. Okay. Gorgeous.

By the way, they're both gorgeous. By the way, they're whole fucking family's gorgeous. Mina's mom is a fucking smoke show too. Who's, and Mina, Mina is, what is she? She is, for lack of a better words than this, why I keep bringing up Roger Clinton, she's Roger Clinton. Like, remember, Roger Clinton? Yeah, yeah, Clinton. Like remember, Roger Clinton is a real treat. I miss that guy.

I gotta be honest with you, I would, Roger Clinton is Bert. You took the words out of my mouth. I mean, this guy was a real piece of work. You know what, you know what, you know what, you know what, you have a secret service called him? No. Operation headache.

Really? Because he was a pain in the ass to show you what a great dude, by the way, I'm nervous saying Bill Clinton was a great dude because I'm certain shit cause we're gonna come out of that guy. But it shows you what a great dude, Bill Clinton has a

sketchy pass. Yeah, I think a lot of them it's out I don't think it's stuff that's coming out. Yeah, but it's got Cuomo under the rug. Yeah It's a but Bill Clinton was like good big brother to that guy. He bought him fucking houses Pardon the eyes. I mean, I meant allegedly, I don't know. He like, Roger Clinton would show up and be like, yo, I got these buddies, I was part of him the last night. Can you pardon them real quick? And Bill's like, all right.

He just ride him off. And like, he was such a fucking headache. At one point, you would so be that guy. At one point, this is, by the way, this is from what little I realized, what research because I was like obsessed with Roger I saw me in a Harris trending so what is she what does she do she just is she's just apparently I got a buddy that works at the White House and he texted me and he's like she's a fucking nightmare this lady is yeah because she's she doesn't really lawyer children's book author producer founder of the phenomenal woman action

campaign she's trying to grow her brand through her her aunt sure which is fine I would do the same fucking thing yeah I would do the same thing but it's sometimes in growing your brand you'd scroll scroll you got to like tweet off shit and she like tweeted something about the fucking Boulder shooter. She's like Fun another white guy killing everyone and then I was like here's mom. Oh there you go. Scroll down or whatever it was She wrote violent white men are the greatest terrorist threat to our country By the way her her aunt is the white It makes you seem like she deleted the tweet. Oh, yeah, she had to Was a fucking white

He's a Syrian born But she her aunt her aunt is the vice president It means it's it's Sunday supper the conversation isn't so fucking even killed It's like God fucking my people you, Biden must be like, hey! Push open, come on the door! You're fucking niche is outta the can! I just, I'm by the way, was just for the record? I gotta say this?

Yeah, I thought he was white too! But before I saw that he was, I didn't you? The suspect? Yeah, before he knew what he was, I was like, I figured he was white guy! I thought he was white guy. Yeah, everyone did it Yeah, but I didn't tweet it

Fuck tweets it There's a lot of things I think I just don't see them and I say a lot of fucked up shit Oh Anyway Anyway. Anyway. So, what are we talking about? Roger Clinton? Yeah.

Anyway, Mina Harris is, by the way, smoking hot. She's super hot. Smoking hot. Yeah. Smoking hot. By the way, I don't mind fucking people who fucking shoot from the hip and just fucking inflammatory bullshit. I don't mind that. I know you don't mind that. I love it.

I love it. More of that shit, more Roger Clintons. Yeah. More Roger Clintons in my opinion. Someone's like, hey Roger, how do you have such a nice house? He goes, well, me and my brother split it 50, 50. And they're like, wait, you paid for this? He's like, yeah!

And they're like, you pay taxes on that money. He's like, ah, my brother bought it for me. My bad, my bad. I thought we were gonna fuck, right? We're not fucking. I got two chicks fighting in the backyard. You wanna see it? Wanna see it? They're gonna sue me. My bad, my bad. I thought we were gonna fuck, right? We're not fucking. I got two chicks fighting in the backyard. You wanna see it? Wanna see it?

They're gonna sue me. They're gonna sue me. He is a fucking real. Like, Mina's too smart. If we could get a dummies, like a real dummies to Roger Clinton it up. Anyway, little sidebar, okay.

Little sidebar, Mina Harris is, they're all common Harris' family. They're all geniuses. Really? Every person in that family would run circles around the average person. Like, look at this. Donald Harris, he's like a geneticist.

That's her dad, That's her dad. He was, what does he do? He's an economist and a professor at Stanford. Yeah. Fucking, or her mom's a geneticist, I think. No, her mom did research press cancer. Really? Yeah, yeah. I researched a little bit of this.

Let's see, you're right, American biomedical scientist, born in British India, fucking isolating, characterizing, progesterone receptor gene. That's all, that's brains. You can't shake that out of their DNA. That's brains. Those two parents are your parents.

You're gonna be a genius. You're fucking, every one of your family's gonna be a genius. So what we need is we need a dumb Harris. A dumb Harris, like a Robin Harris that we could hang out with. Remember Robin Harris? Yeah, comic, he was, oh, he was all, really a baby's kid. Baby's kid. Wouldn't it be great if Robin Harris? Yeah, comic. He was all, really a baby's kid.

Baby's kids. Wouldn't it be great if Robin Harris was related to comic arts? Oh man, he was the fucking best. Robin Harris was the best man. He was the best. Look at this mouth, I agree. He would just roast the fuck out of people.

Front row, you wanted no part of that. He would destroy you, man. So good. His special that ended up leading to baby kids is so fucking funny. Just him eviscerating people, just for showing up to his special. And he had that, he was like one of the,

like it would sound, you know, like an old school thing now because it, but he was the original and was someone was like, Hey, um, do you have any change you can spare? He was like, I you can get a job I can spare. Like he was just like tell people to get fucking jobs for asking him for money. He was great though, man. His cadence was hilarious.

Yeah. A lot of people said that he pays good. He, you know, his his cadence is what like Bernie Mac took, you know, really, I mean, that's the people have said that. Bernie Mac, uh, him's downstairs. Yes, him downstairs. Him's downstairs. Cause I believe Robert would be Chicago too, right?

No, I thought he was, I thought he was Compton. Chicago or St. Louis I'm guessing. No, I think he's LA. Almost certainly is LA. We're about to find out Chicago Illinois fuck yeah Torin Chicago died Chicago times babies kids Yep, he was how would he be today? Oh, let's see what was he born 53. We died of the age of hold on what? That was he.

He was 36. He died at 36. What? That's so young. I didn't realize he was that young. He had like a older guy's vibe. You know, like even in that special, I thought he was 50.

Yeah, he was 36 Tom. That's crazy. That is how old I was when I did my first special, probably. Me too. Wow. Yeah. And then what's crazy is that he, I mean, that's insane. That's insane.

He's got a son, Robert Harris, Jr. I wonder if he does stand up. He started to stand up. He did? Yeah. Stand up's weird. It doesn't really get trans, it doesn't go down doesn't I don't know I don't know if he does or not. Oh, it kind of looks like his dad. Yeah, he does

Yeah, that's that's tough to live up to for sure. It's tough because it's you I think I wonder if you know it's it's a voice so once you get you establish that voice is a comic Then people see your child and if your child has a similar voice. So once you get, you establish that voice as a comic, then people see your child, and if your child has a similar voice, then you're like, well, you just, I always thought it was, I thought the craziest thing I'd ever heard when I first heard it was that Chris Rock

had a brother doing stand up. I heard that and I was like, how, how, why would you even, but then I found out, like, I learned that Tony's really good comic. Tony's really good, and by the way, I'm not mistaken. But that's both say Jordan, their youngest brother,

it's funnier than all of them. Really? Yeah, they all, by the way, right now Tony's going, I've never said that one thing. Yeah, yeah, no. I remember, I've heard Chris say it about Tony. I think Tony's, I mean, I don't know, it's hard to say. I think I just mean like, I didn't even know Tony was

and I heard Chris Rock's brother just stand up and I go, why would you do that? Why would you do that? Their cousin does it too, sure. Yeah, yeah. I mean, I remember starting Tony and I think it already started, but I was working the door when Tony started to come and buy.

Tony's definitely better looking than Chris. Tony's a good looking man. Tony murdered at the store one time and I had to follow him and I was like what fucking bit It was a it was an old school cadence bit where it was like Dot dot dot Hong Kong dot dot dot Hong Kong And it was murdering and I was I got to go next I go the fuck is that I couldn't understand I couldn't I'm in the back So I couldn't hear it I go to fuck that bit and he was almost was almost like, huh? Oh, yes, it's like a little bit.

I was like, yeah. You didn't do that at the Tony Woods did that when we would, I did Shoreline Ampitheater with him and Chipotle. Oh, yeah. And Tony Woods goes up there and we're doing 20 minute sets before Dave. Tony does a 20 minute set.

There's 22,000 people at the show and After his 20 minutes that he gets a standing ovation and we were all like okay like no And he walks off like oh what the fuck man? He's just like a college set man He's like so he was like this is just some bullshit man. He's like so. He was like, yes, he's just some bullshit. I did. He, you know, he used to have this bit that he did back when I started about having as he had a monkey at a pet monkey. And then he used to dress him up like he'd shave him and dress him up like himself. And we'd walk around tiny his stories about him and his monkey going on adventures. And I talked to him the other day. And I was like, I used to

love that bit like about you and the monkey picking up bitches And he was like you know, I really had a monkey right? I was like no He's like yeah, remember I was dating that girl from Yemen or something I was like yeah, he goes well she had a monkey and we smuggled it into the country And I was like wait you really had a fucking monkey goes oh, yeah And my girlfriend got pissed that I was telling my jokes She was like if they find out we have a monkey. We're in a lot of trouble We brought it in from the different fucking country. I go you really had a fucking monkey

He was like yeah, and I would dress it up to look like me. Only Tony would do it. Only Tony He's the fucking greatest man. Yeah, he called me up one time. He goes he goes a a shawty a shawty I'm in I'm in Australia Hey, Shaudi! I'm in Australia watching some motherfucka T-L-Arc Tracy Morgan's story. I said, really? Yeah, I'ma go up and talk to the motherfucker. Some guy was telling a bit. Oh, I heard about that. And Tony just walked up. He's like, that's a great story, man. What bar was you at?

And the guy was like, uh, Tony's just busted him. Tony's the fucking greatest man. Wasn't that, wasn't that trend somewhere? Like, didn't that get online? Yeah, something like that. Did somebody was doing that? Oh, yeah. Yeah. For my minute tell you about something on the DL.

Okay. Yeah. Boy. Boy. Oh boy. Yeah. Yeah, I got one for you too. What?

I gotta tell you. All right down. Are you left handed? Yep. And I'm riding with my left right down. Are you left handed? Yep. And I'm riding with my left hand again. So go suck my left ball. Nice.

I got one of those for you. No way. Oh wow. Oh, I almost want to end the podcast now. So I was always hung up on Hitler that he didn't grow up in Germany, right? But then he took over Germany. You're fixed on this? Yeah, because a lot of these... So I've been obsessed with revolution. Ever since that storm

the capital thing, I've been obsessed with revolution. I've been obsessed with revolution. Were you at the capital? No, no, no, no, no. Yeah, I was getting vaccinated there. And so, so I go, I was obsessed with the fact that Lennon, I think Lennon wasn't Russian, right? He was Georgian. Hitler grew up in Austria. Yeah, right. But then I found out that it's kind of like Napargotzi. He's gonna love this.

Let me get this clean so someone can cut it. Hitler and Nate Bargazzi have a lot in common, and I'll explain why. On the next episode of Two Burles One Kays, you know how Nate represents Vanderbilt on everything? And he didn't go to school there? I got you. That's Hitler.

That's Hitler. So that type of personality of someone who did go to school somewhere that loves wearing their hats is very similar to Hitler's personality of not growing up in Germany, but wishing it had gone to Germany. Yeah, yeah. And like, you go into high school,

and then never went to college in Germany. Right, right. And so, Nathan Hitler have a lot in common. Yeah. Hitler and Dave Williamson have a lot in common. Let's go back to Nate. Okay. Hitler, because he's probably got a big tour coming up

and maybe he could, he could brand it like, ooh, that's not a bad idea. I'm a lot like Hitler tour. No, no, it's Nate Bargazze and then call it my struggle. Mine count. And then just be like, and have his Vanderbilt hat off to the side like, don't you wish you a gun? And a little mustache.

Right now Nate's gonna be like, I don't find any of this funny to the side. Like, don't you wish you a gun? And a little mustache? Right now Nate's gonna be like, I don't find any of this funny. I believe it. I don't find any of this funny. I do a Christian podcast where we talk about waffles and biscuits and grapes. I bet. I think you're probably pissing them off more right now.

Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. Yeah. No, it is the same. Is that Hitler just identified with being German? Yeah, it's like, you didn't go to Vanderbilt. That's what you're saying. Yeah, you didn't go to Vanderbilt. And so, and he, but he, Hitler would bring up Germany all the time. The way Nate brings up Vanderbilt game, you're like, he didn't go to school there, right?

And he was like, I know, but I've been a big fan. And you're like, okay, we know where this leads. Yeah. I was stuck on it. It's by the way, it's a perfect analogy of like that. It's a perfect. It's my wife's family who are all Alabama fans, but they don't even live in Alabama, never been Alabama. That's a big Southern thing though. A lot of Southern folks are like,

you're a big Bama fan. It's Hinder, Hinder was a big Germany fan. That's crazy. He was a big Germany fan. He was a fan of, he faked an accent so that he sounded more German. Do you wanna run this by Nate real quick? Yeah, I would love to.

Yeah. Because I think Nate would really appreciate it. Like once you, once you, he hears, should we FaceTime him the way normal people call each other? Yeah, yeah, do it, do it. And then. It's definitely on the golf course. Nate Bargazze FaceTime.

Okay. Okay. Okay. See what he says. Congrats on his new special, of course, too. We should, new special average American hero. Average American, average American. I think it's an answer of face. The most average American.

It's average American, I'm pretty sure. I thought it was the most average American. The greatest average American. Oh, what are you doing? Okay, well perfect. We're doing two bears one cave. You're here with Tom Sivira. Hey Nate.

Hey, what's up dude? First off, congrats on the Netflix special. I'm putting you towards camera so people can see your reaction when I run this idea by you. Oh yeah, and I'd like to see his face. Oh man. Go ahead. Okay, I was pointing out how you and Hitler are similar because.

Hey, Nate, Nate. This isn't the first time here in this. Go ahead. Nate, this is. Nate, just so you know, this is all Burt, okay? Go ahead, Burt. I go, you know, Hitler was Austrian, but he was a big fan of Germany.

That's like you and Vanderbilt. Like you didn't go to Vanderbilt, but you're a big fan of Vanderbilt and you talk about Vanderbilt. Hey, Nate, he really likes the theory that you and Hitler are very similar in this regard Like Hitler was always talking about Germany and wearing Germany hats on stage and people go oh you Germany is like no, I'm a big fan He's always talking about their players and all that and maybe you you can start throwing this out and these interviews

You're doing the name of your next tour. We were Thomas thinking you can call it my struggle Go full in and just say okay, I went to Vanderbilt As a matter of fact, I'm running for president of Vanderbilt You like it Nate Yeah, or for your purpose? Yeah. I got some good ideas that I think Vanderbilt should be doing. Plank on.

Yeah. Let knows we know soon we're leaking them out slowly and slowly. Yeah, like for instance, there's some of the student body they should throw out probably right? Causing a lot of problems Well congrats on this best soul Nate And you're welcome for this treat of a phone call all right All right, I love you. I'll talk to you later. Bye, bud. Bye. Jesus Christ. Oh, well, someone called Kamala Harris. Do you think Kamala Harris would like our show?

No. For real? No. Do you think Joe Biden would? Joe Biden would. Yeah. I think he'd be. Let's go through politicians we think that would love our show versus politicians that

would hate our show. Bernie Sanders. No. No. No. They're not fun, dude. would love our show versus politicians that would hate our show. Bernie Sanders. No. No. No. They're not fun, dude. Politicians aren't fun.

Dems. They're not fun. Oh, you think Republicans would like our show, for sure. For real? Yes, they have a better sense to do. Get a registered Republican? I didn't.

No. Yeah, I get, I was fucking, I get emails from Donald Trump all the time and I'm like, why the fuck you've probably signed up for him, man. I signed up when I was fucking I get emails from Donald Trump all the time and I'm like why the fuck you probably signed up for a man I signed up when I was 18 and I registered to vote. I just picked one and I picked red Republican And then when I found out I said it's a Liam I go I'm a registered Republican and she goes yeah, I know I was like wait, how did you know it she goes because You went to sign up you went to go vote for the Democratic

when we first got married. I went to go vote for something and they wouldn't let me vote so I wasn't registered for that. And then she said, don't change it because you already know who you're gonna vote for on our side. Stay on that side and you can help pick the person on that side. And I was like, well, I don't know.

I don't know what the fucking name riddle that was. But yeah, no, I'm saying that like, and I was like, well, I don't know. I don't know. What the fuck in the middle of that was, but yeah, and I'm saying that like, if you said like, you can perform to a room full of Republicans or Democrats, I would choose Republicans every time, because they have a way better sense of humor. Yeah, I did a fucking like a, like somebody asked me to be on a show. My, my, my, my, my, my inside spy

on the, in the White House is a Republican. Yeah. In the, in the White House right now, my insider on a show. My, my, my, my, my, my inside spy on the, in the White House is a Republican. Yeah. He's not in the not White House right now, but my insider on Washington DC. Oh God. Yeah, they, the Republicans will laugh. They're, they're, they think some fucking brilliant. He thinks you're brilliant. Yeah.

The fuck does this guy do? I got a couple of inside spies. Yeah. Yeah. I got a few inside spies. Okay. Cool. You ever do, you ever done like a woke crowd?

Yeah. Yeah, that's like the damn party now. Ooh. So like if you're doing a show I'm saying, I'm talking about like having a conversation or whatever I'm saying, like doing a show. Oh God, it's a fucking total nightmare. Oh yeah, it's like the difference between performing in,

like I guess, I, yeah, but I wonder why I would be interested in to know what the majority of the listeners of our podcasts, what their politics are. I don't really care. I don't like give a fuck. I didn't really think about it. I bet there's a lot of our fans that are like, what are politics? Yeah. I don't think they're coming here for politics. You don't think so? Think so. You don't, you think when I was like me and Harris, they're like, I have no idea who that is.

I didn't know who that was. Of rule? Yeah. I just, whatever. I haven't been paying attention that much to it. I also have been watching way less news. I used to be around, I mean I still read articles, but I watch way less news. I was on Twitter a lot yesterday.

I don't even know why I'm on Twitter. I don't even tweet. I just read shit. I opened my phone and Twitter and you had tweeted like 16 things in a row. Oh, I do, because what I'll do is, because I don't have anything good to tweet, I tweet like you quote,

quote, tweet. I quote, tweet people, like if people, Nutella hadn't tried Nutella before. Right, I did a crazy mash up. So you do this though. Yeah, like I laugh hard as fuck when these guys laugh. Yeah. Like I try to get, stay out of the shit. Yeah, cuz I don't want to be in shit I don't want it. I don't like the negativity like I want to read any any

Eddie Wang I don't know right away to say I don't know I'm I'm guessing I think it's waiting no no I think it's one way. I don't know But he's friends with Joe and I like him on Joe's podcast and he did fresh off the boba He hated it and he's got a new movie called boogie that's out now and I wanted to read the article because I've always like it is I've always liked this perspective. It's always kind of similar to comics, okay Someone wanted to Photoshop my Jay Cutler's hair because I we remember we were talking about getting hair transplant Oh, yeah, so did they yeah, and it doesn't look good. Why?

I just don't look good with hair. Can you open that? Can you open that tweak? It'll probably be underneath it. J-color has the... Yeah. That's very terrifying. Very.

Is there any more? That's super scary. John Mayer's hair. I was going through a hair phase. John Mayer's hair. Oh. Oh my god, that's really me. Yeah, I Know that was me. That's gross You don't like that? Oh fuck. Why so skinny now compared to that?

You don't probably the exact same weight as I am there, but I'm in so much better shape from all your workouts. From all my powerlifting. I love the people, okay, let's not do my hair anymore. Why? Where they're fucking my head up, like my head doesn't look like that. I enjoy this. I enjoy this. Okay, scroll.

Oh, these are all fucking hair pictures. I didn't see any of these. Yeah, of course. They did what you asked Don't you think That's not bad, man. That looks really I'm okay. I was I should reap treat that and tell him to fix my teeth too Teeth look right there. Yeah Roll ooh

That's not so bad. I I'm a good looking guy. Like on a scale of 1 to 10. I'm like a solid 7. Do you think you think Kate Beck can feel things I'm attractive? That's never occurred to me. Look at that guy. That hair looks good. That body looks good. That body looks good.

That body looks good. That body doesn't look bad. Let me rephrase that. Okay. The fupa I could get rid of. But it's not bad. Not bad. Not bad at all. Okay. Keep going to dov. Let's see it. Okay. That's a weak Photoshop job right there. Who's that? Oh, it's that. They're saying it's your face. I don't know who it is though, but she's making a similar expression.

Who is she? It's beautiful. Yeah. You're both beautiful. You're seven, she's up there too. Yeah, we're both sevens. I think my face looks slimming right there. Yeah.

I look skinny right there. I look skinny right there. Yeah. By the way, I think I was skinny or there, way, skinny or that I am now. I think I like 1.32.35. What are you way now? I'm still 240. Still?

Yeah, because I'm beginning so much muscle that as the weight shreds off, I just gain the weight back with muscle. I didn't need to eat today. You haven't eaten yet? I've fucking, I've had a busy morning, Tommy. I was doing research for the show. I had a list of things I wanted to talk about.

We've only even got through them. I mean, what's the sponsored event you wanted to do? Ooh. So I've kind of run with this two-bear sports management thing. I should tell you that I'm looking at more clients. Do you know that we, um, we have a logo? No. Yeah. Oh logo. No. Yeah. Oh, shut up.

Yeah. You know, people have hit me up and said, this is not your worst idea. No, it's not. It's not. This isn't a bad idea. And so I was talking to Nathan Flesher, Fletcher, Nathan Florence, my bad, Nathan Florence. And he's a pro surfer. I had him on my podcast.

And he was saying. You have it, can you pull it up? Okay. And he was saying, yeah, like, don't show the audience. That's great. Oh, that's fucking great. Oh, yeah.

Okay. So here's what Nathan Florence is saying. He yeah. Okay, so here's what Nathan Forrest is saying. He was talking about, he was talking about pees into big wave surfing. And big wave surfing gets so much traction online, right? Online, when dudes charge big waves like, like wherever, fucking jaws or mavericks, those videos go viral very easily. Okay? So I thought, what if, I said to him,

I said how do you, like, so how do you pay for those trips? You go sponsors, sometimes, sometimes I pay for it. I go, you pay for it. And he goes, yeah, you know, I get done a whole season. Like, all winter, they stay in Hawaii. And then the end of winter, they start traveling around the world to go do crazy trips. And I said, what's the,

my favorite wave is a place called, spell it out, T-E-A-P-U-H, I think. It's Tahiti, it's in Tahiti. Okay. And so I said, yeah, that's it, that's it. If you see that wave, yeah, it's fucking massive, right? Yeah. So what happens also is a lot of people don't surf, If you see that wave, yeah, it's fucking massive, right? Yeah.

So what happens also is a lot of people don't surf it. A lot of people just sit on boats, like sit on boats on the side, because in the channel, and just watch people charge these waves. Sure. And so I was like, all right, what's the trip like that cost? And he's like, I like 10 grand. I said for like a bunch of you guys, he's like, yeah. I was like, what if I do a two-bear sports management

sponsored event, right? Mm-hmm. Where we take a bunch of you guys and me, I'm just going to kill beers and teety, okay? I'm gonna sit in the boat and comment. Like watch these these charge waves shoot up, I go to sponsored event. So all the content, we get to fucking put on our show,

put on social media, they can shoot their own content and put it on, we're not gonna fucking, we're not gonna restrict them from doing that. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, but I go at times, you're gonna have to go charge the biggest wave, like can you get your biggest wave, you gotta come out and be like, per crazy is going back on tour, so what's time to go?

You know, like, like, yeah, like, like really get us some fucking eyeballs and he's like, I'm fucking in. If you're gonna fly us all to Tahiti and put us up and then he starts going, let's go big. And I was like, really? And you're like, yeah, if you're gonna hit Tahiti, why not hit another place, right?

Sure. And fucking, it's not gonna be. Tahiti or something. Oh, and just fucking, try, and then find some waves, like where me and you can go smaller, right? Smaller. But we do like a legal brain is so, yeah. And then all of a sudden, you've got like these,

the greatest surfers out there, right? Professional surfers, who just are like, yeah, I want to go charge waves. I want someone to pay for it. You're like, I pay for it. Like coach, I mean, I don't know if I've got a fight for a spot. So I'm definitely, I'm up to fight miles, you know. But I'm not gonna fucking throw everyone in fucking first class

and the fuck you get to really pricey. Yeah, yeah. But we have, and we should have ton of content, do a live show around it where we chart, like, maybe like, maybe like we go surfing with them or we do something fun, they tow us into some fucking waves, but we do something epic. Yes.

And we do something crazy. And I guarantee it goes viral. Dude, type in Kylene. Kylene has been is like the guy I'm obsessed with also you're definitely not spilling that right. But there you go. There you go. Go to his Instagram.

Go to his Instagram. Look at, he goes, I think he's good friend. They're all good friends. He's skiing right now. Sure. But scroll down, scroll down, scroll down. Go to a big wave, it's a big wave surfer. Oh yeah, yeah, there's a big wave.

There's a big wave right there. Look at all these fucking crazy things these guys are doing and you want to, you've really been in this wave kick for a while now Know so much about surfing without the ability to do it. It's amazing. That is amazing It's amazing that I am so interested in it. Are you going to do it? Yeah. Oh, yeah Oh first of all first of all I'm going to fucking Hawaii when I get a chance I'm going to Hawaii. I'm gonna fucking work out with these dudes and eat clean And I'm gonna learn how to surf. I'm gonna get spit out of these dudes and eat clean and I'm gonna learn how to surf

I'm gonna get spit out of a barrel definitely. I've already have naces promised me that yeah, and then fucking two bears Sports management Sponsored surf trip to Tahiti to Tahiti. Why not? I literally I thought wait. Who's the sponsorship coming from me? You oh We're paying for it. I thought we were gonna get a sponsor. You mean we're the sponsor? I haven't thought this totally through.

Okay. And maybe I should have run it by my business partner first. Okay, but we can, we can still early. We can still early. We can definitely get a sponsor. We can do, oh yeah, we'll just get bear bottoms

or someone, like someone who makes bathing suit. Because like this, you know, we could just, or we could just write these guys a check like have a can have a good trip. That's what I was thinking great I guess we probably could get sponsorship We could build a deck and just kind of be like hey you guys want a sponsor it your name would be everywhere Yeah, it's a good call. Why don't we do that? I'm not the business guy in this fucking team.

Hey man, it's all good. I'm not the, I don't have like business. Like I, today I was like, you're DJing, right? I freestyle. We should have a summer jam. We should definitely have a summer jam. We should have a summer jam. We should have the biggest jam of the summer.

And like, it's time to get it, like, we need to start writing and work on it. We gotta work on it now. Now. We need beats, stat. Like you gotta come up with beats. And then all freestyle lyrics, we'll put it together, we'll mix it, right?

Drop it, what do we drop it? July 4th? When do summer jams? Type in when summer jams? I feel like it's gotta come in June sometimes. Yeah, okay, we drop it in June. I got nothing but studio time in rehab. Yeah.

When do you leave a rehab? April 12th. April 12th. Okay, that gives you time to give me my present. No, that's what I'm saying. If your birthday's on 15th, I'm gonna give it to me a few days ago. Yeah, I kinda gotta give it to you.

I was gonna give it to you in Texas. In Texas? When do you get to Texas? May 10th, I think. 9th or 10th? Huh, say it again. May 9th or 10th. Damn it.

Okay, I'll figure out a way to do it. I'll give it to you on your birthday, kind of. Okay. Okay. I'll give it to you on your birthday, kind of. Okay. Okay. And then I guess I'll just have to present a video that you can watch here with one of your awesome co-hosts. Birds. You know I get sensitive about it, right?

Yeah, but this, but why do I get sensitive about it? I don't know why. But you wouldn't be sensitive. No, but why do I get sensitive? Let's talk about it. How do I get rid of, how do I get rid about it? I don't know why you wouldn't be sensitive. No, but why do I get sensitive? Let's talk about it. How do I get rid of it? How do I get rid of this? I don't like being sensitive.

Okay, let's talk about this. When was the first time you noticed I get sensitive? It's been years. But listen, listen, what? Okay, this is our show, right? And we stick to the, like I think the rule that you do not, are you put every effort in to not miss a week of your show? You don't want to, right?

We want to do that. I feel like that for your mom's house, for two bears. Every week's gotta be a show. You gotta have a show for this. I agree. So, because you are going where you're going, and I'm also moving, There's like a lot that. Oh, so I understand there's weeks you also can't do it. Yeah. So like the and and

what since you'll be gone, you can't sub in for me. You don't understand? Yes. So I have to do. You have to be on every single one of them. I have to do as many of these as possible. So you having a commitment for us to do a second one later means I go, I don't even have that much time. So, okay, then I will allow Jennifer Aniston to co-host with you. Okay.

If Jennifer Aniston wants to co-host, you can co-host with her. Would you die a rhea all over yourself if you were in rehab and you pulled, and they're like, yeah, you can watch a podcast, and then it was a two bears with me in Jen Hanson. Or you think you'd be like, give me the drugs right now. Give me the alcohol again. Would it send you spiraling?

What? I have a really hard time with that. I would, yeah, I would, I might have to shut down rehab. If you know what I mean. Yeah. Just come know what I mean. Yeah. Just come out. I'm like, guys, I'm so sorry I'm pulling the plug on rehab. I have more pressing matters at hand.

And it would just be to be like to come and be like, we're shenanigans. It would be the longest 16 hour flight of my life. Just fucking, I've had bad 16 hour, I've had bad long flights where you're like, I just want to talk to somebody Yeah, why don't we do celebrity guests for you? Okay, you should get that shepherd come in here. Yeah, I don't know if you do it I think it would okay. Let's let's think all right guys. Here's a deal

name in in the comments or no in in social media tag Celebrities you'd love to see sit next to Tom okay for two bears one cave. I like it. All right. Here's I'm gonna throw I'm gonna throw out some I'll tell you who I would like Brad Pitt number one. He would be great. He would be fucking great. I think we can get him okay Okay, I'm been a fleck You know he'd be great, right? Yeah. Use the hashtag guest bears. Guest bears of celebs.

Celebs that we can get. That you want to permanently replace. Not, nope, no, no. What I'm looking for is people with very busy schedules who cannot commit to a show, the shoot weekly, okay? Okay, okay. So I want celebs. Who's some big, big names you think we could get? Big names.

Ryan Reynolds, are you gonna be permanent? Who? Matthew McConaughey, he lives in Austin. By the way, I'd be very comfortable. I'd be very comfortable with a, with a, not, I wouldn't, permanence not the word we're going to use, but like, like, uh, open chair for him when he wants to come over and I can't make it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Matthew McConaughey would be a good one. Yeah. Rogan's a good one. He's a good one. Yeah, because I know he can't

do this all the time. So that's a good one. I'm very comfortable with that. Okay. And I know, man, I know, man, you know, you'd sabotage Matthew McConaughey. You'd end up sabotaging it because he's got such great hair. You'd be like, yeah, let's all, let's all, let's all just put on hats, right Matt? And he'd be like, I don't know why I gotta put on a hat, I don't know.

I got all this. Yeah. He is gorgeous. Good looking man. What's, he's a good looking man. Ripped. He's a seven. You think you'll meet him? Yes. He's a good one. Hold. You can meet him. Yes.

Hold on. You think you'll really meet him? Yeah. Okay. Then let's really quickly lay some ground rules about you meeting these celebrities. Okay. Because you need to, you need to pave away for me.

I don't want you to do this. I don't want you to do this. Okay. This is what I don't want you to be. I'll be you. You be celebrity. Okay. Okay.

You be mouth and mcconning. Okay. All right. I'll be Tom you be celebrity, okay? Okay, okay? You be mouthy-mecon hey, okay? All right, I'll be Tom hey man pretty cool. He got your whole We were shooting that thing where I had AIDS. We didn't have these lights. Yeah This is you yeah, okay Yeah, yeah, and then somehow your magic works and you become friends with them without saying anything I'm doing a fucking soft shoe over here and all of a sudden they're like I'm really interested in Tommy. He seems mysterious I'm doing a fucking soft shoe over here and all of a sudden they're like I'm really interested in Tommy. He seems mysterious Who's the fool dance the next to him with the shirt off so wait So wait, what am I supposed to do? No, this way don't want you to do showing you what I don't want you to do So don't go. Yeah, no, no, no, no, that's what you're gonna do. I can't stop that. Okay. I don't want you to do this

Okay, okay, so bring up okay, bring up Burt and this is what I don't want you. Oh, okay Now don't you used to do this with one of your friends? Yeah, this guy Bert He's a big fucking lunatic big drinker. He's in rehab right now. Anyway, let's not talk about him That's how I don't want you to do. Okay. This is what I want you to do You see my Lincoln commercials man. Yeah, yeah, I saw them. That's cool. What do you drive? I don't know We get to Burke get to Burke uh, where's the where's the other guy the heavy fellow? Oh, this time, okay I'm gonna say that Where's that guy that lives at 240 where's he at? Haven't seen him okay, I'll play with them on this game. Okay, I'll play with Leon along with this game. Okay, but I'm going to show you what I want you to see.

Okay, okay. Okay. He's actually not that big, man. And Matthew. He's pretty ripped. You know what? You would love Bert. I need you to do this.

Okay. You would love Bert. He is fucking hilarious. He's my best friend. And you will never take his place. That's a really cool way to talk to somebody. Like at a first meeting. I know that you really want me to do this. That's the best part. That's the best part.

Oh, shit. Okay, when you start meeting these Austin celebrities, Sandra Bloc. Matthew McConaughey, Elon Musk, Dave Chappelle, all these Austin celebrities with Joe, you're going to meet them with Joe. Joe is going to pump you the fuck up He's gonna be like oh you got my buddy Tommy powerlifts deadlifts Fuck drives fast cars You can dunk night's foot

Fucking greatest guy fucking hilarious comedian hilarious comedian dust theaters big theaters Self-tickets you're love them and then I need you to jump in and go He's nothing I'm nothing like Bert. I need you to be my fucking hype man. Cause I'm not gonna be there to show them how awesome I am. Okay, I will. So I need you to like really sell me to this celebrity. I'll be like listen, my buddy,

he's about to get out of rehab. He's got his shit together, finally. No, I don't even do the rehab joke. Don't do the rehab joke, I might believe you. I'm not gonna lie. There's people who believe us right now. Of course they do. You've been talking about do the rehab joke. Don't do the rehab joke, they might believe you. They're people who believe us right now. Of course they do. You've been talking about it the whole show. You should probably need to go to rehab my whole fucking life.

Do you want to say whether or not you're going? I don't want to leave it out there. Well, Bert, everyone thinks you're going to rehab. For real? Of course. You really think I'm going to rehab? A lot of people do. Yeah, well, we've been talking about it.

If I hop off social media for three months, uh-huh, just realize this 90 days Do you think people really think I'm going to rehab? What do you guys think? Yeah, I think it's I think it sounds believable. Yeah, well Let me just tell you this. I will never start quitting. I'm not gonna rehab you fucking fools. What, okay. By the way, you had to watch an hour and 11 minutes

to find that out. There are a million people who watch the first 30 minutes and they're like, oh my God, he's done. Yeah, of course, but it's not crazy that they would believe it, because you said I'm going to rehab. I'm never going to rehab. I'm never going to rehab in a million years.

Where are you going? I'm not going, I can't tell you. Okay. But you are leaving. I am. Yeah, I can't tell you. I was a secret mission. Is it government?

Government-based. I've been wanting to talk to you guys about this. I work for Assad. I've been trying to lure Nidawin. Is Assad your thing? Do you mean Musad? Musad, my bad. Yes, Assad is a dictator in Syria who's been murdering people. It's for real? Yeah.

Oh, man, not that guy. He's not a big fan of the guys man, not that guy. Not that guy. He's not a big fan of the guys in the booth, if you know what I mean. Wait, you have a thing called Musad, and there's a guy named Asad who hates you guys. Musad came first. Well, Musad is like, I would say that again, say that again. Musad, he said Musad came first.

I mean, you're talking about Israeli special forces. Is that what you're talking about? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. What's Israeli special forces? Mossad. Moose-sad. Right, with an M. Okay.

Assad. Can you pull up Assad? It's a guy. Bashar Assad. That dude right there. He doesn't look like what I thought he would look like. Yeah, he looks like a real sweet PDU. So what is he? He's a Syrian? Yeah. Yeah. Is he really? Yes. Yes. And he's not fucking around. Really? No. Damn it. Why? He runs a regime. Yeah. I mean, you know, Syria's been in

some shit for a while, man Yeah, Syria's now a place you want a vacation look at that look right there trying to grow Mustangs. You think that guy? Do you think anyone told him it didn't look good on him? He's like, I don't know man. I shave it. He was like what did you say? You think he plays games this guy? I show me his wife By the way, I wonder if this guy could get his hands on it. Ooh. Hey, look, a woman. Yes.

So wait, what is she? What is she? What are they? Why did they hate Jews? I mean, that's not the, they look Catholic. What's, type in a, a Sods religion. I'm gonna take a wild guess. Oh, okay.

She's Islamic. Well, I mean, they're Syrian. I have, I've got that means nothing to me. Okay. And then go ahead and spell Musad for Bert. Yeah, type in Musad. That's what I am Mosad, okay It's one of it's one of it. I'm part of Israeli intelligence community along with Aman and

Shinbet I'm responsible for the intelligence collection covert operations counter terrorism. Yeah, all for Israel You are yeah, and so I'll be gone. I don't know. I'm sure everyone's gonna know what the fuck I'm doing. Let them just figure it out. I don't want to be the one. I don't think I can talk about it. So I think I can even do this.

That's strange. And I don't know. I don't know what the fucking rules are. It's strange that Yossi Cohen didn't give you permission to talk about your mission. Listen. I get about a billion shakles a year. Oh my God. Wait, they really use shakles in Israel?

Yes. For real? I've heard the term shakles so much in Hollywood. I didn't know that was, that's Israeli currency. Yup. Yeah. I had so many managers going, yeah, kick him a few shackles, you know? Yeah, yeah.

Are you serious? I didn't know shackles. I thought shackles was like a old, old, old, like, that's what the, the fucking merchant of Venice used. Oh, right. Oh. Did the merchant of Venice use shackles? He was Jewish.

He was Jewish. Was it, did they use shackles in that movie? Which movie? And then play the book, whatever. What the fuck? I think I'm getting, I wonder if I have CTE. From what? Oh, a lot of my concussions.

Shylock, that's what I'm thinking of. Shylock was the merchant of Venice. He was a Jewish money lender. Okay. There you go. I'd never would have thought you would reference the merchant of Venice. He was a Jewish money lender. Okay. There you go. I never would have thought you would reference the merchant of Venice. I dude, can I tell you?

Can I tell you, can I tell you one to talk about things not aging well? Yeah. We did, we read, we read the merchant of Venice in high school. We had one Jewish kid in our high school. And our teacher would be like, and then Shylock and he'd look at the Jewish kid in his class. And he'd be like, aww, he would be like, uh, and then Shylock and he'd look at the Jewish kid

who's last. And he'd be like, aww, he'd be like, he's a look so like this guy. Our teacher would say that. And we were like, and then we don't we chase him around and take a pound of his flesh. No, actually, he did that kid a long time. Did you? Yeah. Yeah. Follow him on Instagram. Shylock. Shylock is the first portrayal of Jewish propaganda. For real? Yeah, I bet it was. I bet it was. He's showing.

So he's kind of like he's kind of like a he's kind of like a a poo. Oh, right from the Simpsons. Yeah, let's see. That's him right there. And it looks like it doesn't look Jewish at all. It looks a town. Wait, it was the first portrayal of a money-grubbing.

Yeah, he played Shylock in the movie. Al Pacino, that's fucking appropriation. What are they gonna about Al Pacino play Shylock? Is the movie good? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, he goes, if you what? If you like Shakespeare. If you like Shakespeare.

Shylock says, I get a pound of your flesh. No more no less. I, that's fucking bizarre the things I do remember and I don't remember, you know? Mm-hmm. Like some people bring stuff up and then I'll just throw in a little stat. Yeah.

Hitler's dad was a beekeeper. They're like, what? So Hitler's dad was a beekeeper. And they're like, I have nothing to do with hating Jews. I'm like, I'm just saying you're a beekeeper. Hitler's dad was a beekeeper. Yeah, that's probably a weird one to hear. If you're like, I like bees, you're like, Hitler's dad?

Hitler's dad was a beekeeper. I don't know why I'm always a beekeeper. Hitler's dad was a beekeeper and they're like, okay. Okay. By the way, I didn't say anything bad, right? No, but they're like, oh, you know, he's Austrian and then you like to paint. One very good at it, but anyway, some of these bees,

I bet Hitler's dad would have a finger to to say yeah I would mind being a beekeeper my daughter's never let me what's closer to you flicking boogers or in the car or eating them I think flicking boogers Are you gonna say eating them you are gonna say eating them? No, okay? What we're gonna say flicking them in a car or or your spouse or Anyone that lives or sleeps with you Flossing their teeth in bed and then leaving the floss on the floor next to the bed, which is grosser I'm I'm not really phased by either. I know considering I floss and lead flossers everywhere

I lead flossers. But kids, you need to find them again in a jam. You need flossers? I can't believe you guys are being serious, but flossers should be everywhere around your house. Use ones? Use. Yes.

Flossers are recyclable. You can use flossers twice. I have one on my treadmill that I just use all the time. I'm gonna fucking throw up right here I have a few by my computer where I do podcasts on zoom. I have a bunch watch this. This is how It when you say when I call the end and I go where do I keep I first of all I keep my flossers everywhere I have my backpacks up in my cars. I have them on my things, but I have flossers everywhere I have my backpacks up in my cars I have them on my things but I have flossers fucking everywhere. What are you doing? Call me in. Oh, this I have flossers around so much that our friends when they see flossers that people have dropped they go birth must have been here.

I really believe in hey how many flossers do you think I have a foot around the house? 1000. How often do I use flossers? Five times a day. Yeah, and do I reuse flossers? No, oh no, I definitely do Yeah, and then I will you reuse them. Okay, I love you. I'm coming. I'll be I'll be there in a little bit. Okay But yeah flossers. I love flossers man man. And I keep them in the bed. Flossers are like reading glasses. You should have them everywhere.

I'm gonna fucking puke. All right. And boogers? Now, you're telling me. I'm talking you like a dry. Oh, like just like a little like thing here and you. Oh yeah, yeah, fuck it. But it's not bad at all.

But you also, sometimes if they're, I have friends that eat them I need a second, but it's making my eyes water man What if I get canceled for eating booger? I mean you could I mean do you want me to tell the cool celebrities? I made about that part. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, there's a lot of secrets. We got to keep with these Okay, we want it. What we want to do is have mythical propaganda, right? Yeah, but, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, cool dude man, just a cool dude man. You're gonna love him. He loves running, you love running, right? And you'll be like, I love running. You like it naked and hitting bongos and getting high?

Guess what, Bert likes? Sam shit. Get the weirdest fuck, dude. Yep. I'm telling you. And then Sandra Bullock, you're gonna be like, you gotta, don't hard sell me. I don't wanna fall in love with me.

Don't hard sell me, just soft sell me. Sandy, wait till you meet Bert, you guys know that you guys use the same bus company, that's probably a bad one. This is a, but take your time with it. You're good at making celebrity friends. You've always been good at making celebrity friends.

Okay, it's probably your strong suit. Okay. Just remember, I'm bad at it, so I need you to kind of bring me with you. Okay. What I need you to do is when you do your, when your cape floats behind you, realize I'm in the back pocket.

Yeah. And then I'm gonna come around and I just need you to set up this scene for me so that when I show up to Austin at first time, right? Yeah, yeah. Everyone's like, oh, this is the guy we work with. This is the guy. You guys here.

You got it, you got it. All right, that's it. Thank you guys for listening and watching and we'll see you next week. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you.

I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you.

I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you.

I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. Amateur, Pertology, Dirty Jokes, Rancho Hibri, No Apologies Here's what we call, Two Bears One Case