2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer - Ep. 78 | 2 Bears 1 Cave w/ Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer

Episode Date: April 26, 2021

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You think you could beat up like Ronda Rousey? Who? No. Fuck no. No. What about like... Alright. What about...

Like what level? Children. 100% I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a school camo. Barst, well, I love, by the way, I gotta give a shout out to Bust with the boys. They sent me those for the boys hats. Yeah, yeah. My daughter stole them. Oh, that's a good way to get more hats.

Hey guys, fucking shipping again. Yeah, I meant to text them and tell them I got them. But yeah, I was watching, I was following the Dave Portnoy Michael Rappapur. I didn't know anything about this. I didn't know anything about itor. I didn't know anything about this. I didn't know anything about it either. I mean, I guess I just, Dave Portnoy is a, is Dave Portnoy a billionaire?

How much money does he have? It's probably up there. Net worth, yeah. 120 million dollars. Yeah. So I have a fucking blow him away in five years. Yeah. We just got it.

We got to think bigger. You know what we need to do? We need to party with Dave Portino in one week, just pick his brain. Mm-hmm. Go over, we're big guests on a podcast. See the podcast, let's say Portino have a podcast.

I'm sure he does. Yeah, he's on a big brain. He's on a big brain. He's on a big number of them. Mm-hmm. And get inside there because he's got big brain thinking. He does. Yeah, and him and Michael Rappor was like a defamation officer.

So I don't like, so he said, I just saw a little bit about that story. He's like, I fired, so Mike used to work for them. Yeah, he did. I didn't know that. Yeah, he, man, I, what does it come down to? He, did you see what,

Rappivore posted a DMs from Kevin, right? Kevin Durant. Kevin Durant. I saw that today. Holy shit. And then Kevin Durant was like, I was just playing. He did?

Yeah, he was just full in. Uh, that, no, no, no, he wasn't playing. He was not playing around, dude. Fuck. Yeah, homophobic. Grant, I didn't see them, I guess. Oh, they were, they were intense, man. It's on Rappapore's Instagram.

It's tough to be woke when you're angry at somebody. Yeah. Like it's tough to say in these guidelines of social news. Don't insult you, but I'm gonna refrain from using words that are not acceptable. I hate your guts, but I hope that you succeed in life. Oh, look at this. He just posted them.

Yeah. Okay, I'll be Michael Rappapore. I'll be purple. Wait, wait, but those are not, that's not the first, you gotta close that. Who's that? Close it. Scroll.

So that's not how it's start, go back up. Go back up. It's there. That one, that one. Yeah, that's the one. So scroll to now, click, yes, click that. So this is like, so that's, are you gonna be, I'll be micro-wrapper poor.

Okay, okay, so you're in the blue, so I'll start. You a bitch, I'm Kevin Durant. Just do the fucking interview, and if you're upset about something they've said, say something up there, looking like you're upset about something they've said say something up there looking like you're crying and shit. Skrull I can't. The camera's blocking it.

Is that what he wrote? I did the interview you dickhead. Tell your baby daddy Chuck to be better at his job and frame his questions better. He gave me two options for that dumbass question. Yes or no? So far, it's fine. Yeah, it was okay. Okay. And this is, I think, still all Kevin. I heard it all before you cunt. Check doesn't need you as security. You pale, pasty, cum, guzzling bitch. I swear, I'm a spit in your face when I see you dirty ass bet your bet your life on it meet me on West 17 tomorrow at 10 or better yet. What's your address 10 a.m. at catch stake on a corner meet me there pussy

He's fucking non-replies. I just can't can't even is ready more above that or no like does it start? It starts it. No, there is. Wait, you say the go help this kid in Brownsville, Brooklyn, and stop being a fucking puzz. You're a bitch for even caring how I do an interview. All you do is cocksuck other men for attention. Trump didn't pay attention to your sorry ass. And now you want to use, use everybody else to get views and laughs. Your life is a joke. You fucking pale cock sucker. Go get some sun. It's fucking with your brain.

Piece of shit. Go to Brownsville and help people that need it goofball. You do it, you clown. Good for you. Nobody gives a fuck. Suck a dick. Can't wait to tell you all this in person You didn't oh god and then Katie paste

My he based in the day important. Oh, yeah, yeah, and then he writes. Hi, you're such a bitch Soon another man for taking talk is shit about you. I can't wait to spit on your pussy. I So aggressive way if Kevin Graham followed through with any of this, it would hurt so much. Oh man. But you could manhandle us. Ooh, let's go, write this down. Five comics we could whip their ass and one comic we can't.

All right, keep going. You called your lawyer like the pussy you are. And then, ha ha ha ha. Ha ha ha ha. Couldn't talk portantite. You couldn't take portantite talking shit. the pussy you are, and then... Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha It's super aggressive. Did you use the N-word once? He did not use the N-word. You're right. Didn't use the N-word once. Very proud of Katie. But wait, close this now and stay on the Instagram page, scroll up because there seems to be new things.

So there's, I don't know what that is. I haven't seen that. What does that say? Oh, that's them hanging out? Hold on, hold on. They're friends. Yeah, they're friends. That's why this is a little confusing to me

because I know they like, they are friends. Most of your friends don't go, I'm gonna spit in your face when I see you though. Like that's really fucking intense, dude. By the way, he can whip my ass. Okay, so he says a long time ago we used to be friends, but you let your insecurities ruin it all. Okay, let's see.

Deon Cole. Good French. I don't need anything from you. You know, I don't need any tickets to the game. That's because you need tickets and I was like, no, I'm good. Katie got me, but maybe he's the real enemy. I think it could be a really lucrative French. When I come to the game, I want to get splinters in my shit. This is row six. It says row six. And then it's 16 rows behind other people.

I was uncomfortable. Like, I haven't sat in a row. It's a 622 years, one minute. I don't want any fucking big floppy Kevin Durant sneakers The sneakers are something like a joke. Appreciate you coming out. Yeah, but don't come out here No, okay, I'm not a shit man. I don't think you can really do anything for me But I think I could do a lot for you. I what can you do for me? What's up? I'm Michael rap for it And I'm Dean Collins welcome to another edition of this We can't fool. Okay, NBA. They're friendly. That's cool

So that's before all right now go back to the home page And then what's that or that that's like TMZ kind of showing it? So this is a real fight pussy. Yeah, what do you want you bitch fucking snake? I can't wait to see you Other reading the same thing we just did oh Read their reading, I think. Wow, TMZ, we think alike. Tyson back for the page. Just a dream boat up.

So oh, and he just dropped the path. OK, he dropped the podcast about it. That's fucking. That's wild. That's insane. Yeah. I wonder if you know, like when I I wonder if that's just I'm trying to think like something like Ron and I have been in fights like that really yeah

We're on just it like I you one thing set them off and all the sudden it's just like and you're like hey Man, and then you probably apologize. I wonder if they're gonna be friends again I mean you never know sometimes you say there's no way and then people do it's wonder if they're gonna be friends again. Um, I mean, you never know. Sometimes you say there's no way and then people do. It's, um, it's, I mean, they're definitely, you might go rap and bars gone pretty hard with everybody. Yeah, he always lets you know how he feels for sure. He did, I've never mind.

Uh, but, but Kevin Durant got really upset just that Mike must have like posted something about his answer, like to prompt that. You know what was that? Yeah, what it started that? I don't know how it started, but it was, he says, I mean, it's clearly based on an interview that Durant did. With Chuck.

Yeah, with Charles Barkley. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, for sure. It's got to be hard when you have to, and you're back, you're bitch ass. Quentin Screens, it's a conversation. We got more of a political ties. It says, I apologize. It's a post game interview with TNT.

But here's the thing, that's not how it starts. So, all right, season opening, but... Oh wait, Kevin Durant just apologized. Right, hit that. Hit the link for it, says, Kevin Durant apologizes. Why don't we just get a mouse in here and we can do it? I don't know. Oh, he just apologized for being homophobic. Speaking of homophobic, did you see Lil Nas' dance?

Now people lost their fucking minds. Lost their minds. He had, it looked like he had sex with the devil. Hmm, they got, they both got, this is really, I don't think you really It looked like he had sex with the devil. Hmm. They got, they both got, this is really, I don't think you really make up after this. Yeah, it seems like, well, it's once you take things to the public. Yeah, then it's like, then all of a sudden,

it's like, you can't put that back in the... So here we go. The competition began when Rapport criticized yeah, his post game interview, with Charles Barkley after the season opening victory over gold savings in December. This is old. That's like really old man. Okay, so scroll down. So he says, me and Mike talk crazier than this on the regular and today he's pissed. My bad Mike damn. Yeah, but he's I mean, okay. So it makes it seem like,

This is why you don't tweet anything. I know. Because you're the tone comes out. You never, I read people's tone and I go, what the fuck? And then they're like, no, I was like, what's up, bitch? Yeah, yeah. And you're like, no, that's not,

that's not how I heard what's up, bitch. And like, I don't tweet anything. But like, if I, I, I don't know, if we had a back and forth, and then I release messages using it. No, that's, you're dead to me. I could never, that's like, you can't release, per single.

But they clearly had, they were close at seemed like. I almost think that's like, that should be illegal. Illegal? To like, say, same, I'm texting or whatever, and then you're like, oh, this is what he texted me. And then because you're not showing the ones before that. You're only showing. The ones that were really, like the thing that's really weird is when they release one side

of DMs. That's the worst. When they're like, wait, this is just one person. They're like, oh no, they're blocking out the replies of the other person. That makes no sense to me. Yeah, or the psycho, right? Like, yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't know, I don't know.

I just, with technology, there's certain things that have kind of like skipped over. And you're like, I was just thinking about that today. I was like, I was just gonna delete my Twitter totally. Cause it doesn't bring me joy. Yeah. There's no joy in it. Like, I was gonna delete my Twitter totally. Because it doesn't bring me joy. Yeah. There's no joy in it. Like, I was not, I'm not even joking.

I was thinking the other day, 50 cent wrote, I think 50 cent did an article where he says, five rappers he thinks can fight. Was that it? Was that the article? 50 cent. Five rappers who can who can fight He not he can fight he fights ever Nick Cannon names a five rappers who can fight right is 50 cent nipsy hustle

He and so I was and I know I was joking I wrote five name five comics you think Can fight and name one you know you can what they're I was like, I was thinking everyone would just name me. But then you're like, Oh, I bet what if people like got serious? Like, I think I'm gonna take Brad Williams and you're like, and then Brad's like, man, why did you do this to me? I got a bunch of people saying they're gonna beat me up. So who's the say is list? Yeah, I'm looking for it right now.

It's a good idea of paper. Yeah, yeah. It for it right now. It's like, it's a good idea of paper. Yeah, yeah. It's all the sudden. I'm just big fights with five comics and I'm gonna see. Like, you see, you think I kicked my ass? I'm like, I'm sorry. He's joking around.

Uh. Uh. Okay. Ron Strollers, get some of my things in the store. Go that way. He's like, you really think I kicked my face with the store go that way. He's like you're really thinking you can kick my ass the other way stop All right, so from this list we see 50 cent I think 50 would knock the shit out of Floyd. Okay, TI

number three is hit man holla Number two is niftysey Hussle, and number one went to the game. I bet the game can fuck some money up. Can fuck somebody. Hey, I guarantee you this fucking video is the game fighting people. Type in game fist fight.

That's the game. No, he jumped on, there's video him, he kicks him dudes ass in a parking lot. In a parking lot. The game, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, street fight the game. God I love the game. Yeah, is that Jamie Kennedy? Isn't Jamie Kennedy such a good actor. He is a good actor. He's a legit good actor. Yeah, that's definitely not him. That's all the hit pause. I always get that it shows the least attractive guy with the most skin tags and a fat smelly

Like is that right people while people say I look like you. I'm like. Oh, thank you Thank you so much Let's say it. How do you say honey? You guys can be twins. Oh, the amount of should I get tagged in will go I found your doppelganger and it's just a fat fucking guy sitting on a trailer Talking to the bearer. That's the guy. Yeah All right, let's go to the game fist fight. I'm putting on headsets The game would fuck me up. Yes, so quickly definitely I would would you he's been in a lot of fight Would you would you he's a big fuck? What if we did a

He's a big fuck. What if we did a... I'm getting scared even saying this. Okay. But what if we did a promotional boxing match, Me vs the Game? Yeah, I love it. I love it. This is a good, yes.

Train for it. We could, first of all, you'd make a fortune. I'm not fighting at all. You'd make a fortune, doing this. You think? Yes. You think Me vs the Game.

How much money do you think we can make? Like Jake Paul, like Jake Paul it. You can, millions of dollars do this. You think so a fortune. Do you think yes? You think me versus the game? How much money do you think we can make like Jake Paul? Oh Jake Paul it You can millions of dollars. You think so? Yes, and you would need it for your health care afterwards You think you would fuck me up. Let me watch a game fight. How tall is the game? How tall is he's like six seven? I mean no, no, no, but he's probably six two six three. I'm he six three. He's at least six three. Yeah, yeah And I bet he's He's that's the game he's taller than everybody Talking I don't know. What's that? I don't know. I don't know. I don't know.

I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know.

I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know.

I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I'm money. What's his name? Jason All right, I'm good. Let's see what I can see this isn't even the one I'm talking about by the way Look at him look at him. He man. He is that I take this back. I really don't want to box the game I really he's scaring me just the way he's I really he's scary me just the way he's

That guy looks that guy Who the fuck's he going after Realized we're here, but there's no fight. We haven't seen a fight. I think it's about to happen There's a video I saw once, maybe on TMZ. Is that, do you? Wait, where he's- It's gotta be a street fight. No, no, there's a video of him.

It's daylight and he had just fought somebody in a parking lot and he's like chasing the guy and the guy's running out of the parking lot. I think it was a TMZ. Just go to the, they definitely throw hands because there's a lot of videos of it. Yeah, but the game can really fight. 50 Cent can fight.

Yeah, I bet he good. I bet I actually, let's do the opposite. What rappers do you think can't fight? Which rapper do you think that you could hold your own against? You realize this is just a way to get somebody to be like, I'm gonna have them fight you, right? Right. Like, some guy that you're like,

I bet that guy can't fight. It's gonna be like, who said that? All of a sudden, we're in the airport. Like, do you see that airport fight? No. Dude. What fight? 21 Savage Flash is a are gone by the way

I yeah, this is a this I was that I was at that fight you were at the fight at that fight Okay, I was at that fight. I had just pulled up to check in. I was at this fight. This looks it's broad day I am right see where the camera is. I am right behind that car right now really right now. I'm right behind that car What's going on watch this it's cosy six nine. Oh, he is that him with the yellow hair whatever. Yeah So these guys okay He's doing that lap that Yeah, okay, okay Let's do it, let's do it. Come here man.

I'm right there, I'm right there. You getting involved? No, it just goes into the street. Really? Okay, now that you know all these guys are gang bangers, but this is the safest place to confront somebody because they definitely know I'm a gun. Oh, he just got stuck in soccer box. Yeah.

Oh, yeah, all I fight. He's throwing hay makers. That's really tough. There's T'Kashi. Oh. Oh, he can't fight. Okay, you can start there. You can definitely whoop the caches ass.

Ah! Oh my god! He gets thrown. Yeah. I watched him get thrown. And then I was right behind the security. That is crazy to see at the airport. Yeah, crazy.

Anywhere, but at the airport, that's what's there. We love it! We love it! We love it! We love it! We love it! We love it! We love it! We love it! We love it! But at the airport that's what I'm standing right now. I'm standing right there. I'm standing right there with my bag Wow standing right there. I'm standing right there with my bag. Who is that? Wow. I've been so pissed about that shirt. Oh yeah, yeah.

I am literally, I am right. I wish I really wish you were in this footage. I wish I had had the foresight to jump in and be like, birdie boy world tour. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Dude, I was at that. And so I could take on five guys.

I love five guys. Is that, oh, two dudes took on five guys. I thought you were saying, could you take on five guys? I was like, you're fucking love five guys. Five guys, good. Five guys, it's fucking awesome. What is your favorite burger place? Do we talk about this?

No, no I'm talking about that like that tier like what a burger Five guys, what is it shake-shack? I'm a big big in-and-out guy. I love in-and-out not like bakers too when you're driving Bakers bakers is like a what's that In-and-out rip-off. Really? Yeah, but they got more options. They do in-and-out burgers, style burgers, and then more so.

Hmm. Yeah, I can't wait. I love burger. I might have a burger today. I think he's just got it in-and-out burger, and I should've said I want one. But I said no, because I want to be healthy. Yeah.

But you're going to go get one anyway. No. I'm going to fucking eat a fucking protein bar. Fucking stupid. It's so stupid. Do you know who I, who did, this is so great. A few weeks ago I did Omaha with Mike Cronin and Mike goes, he goes, yeah, he goes,

you know what I remember, he goes, I did a weekend with Bert, like the day before he was gonna do like a half marathon or some type of, like it was coming up in like two days. Yeah, and he goes He goes we're in the green room and Burke goes I have this thing coming up. I should probably healthy, right? And everyone's like yeah, sure and he goes and Burke got like salmon and veggies and And you know and everyone was like oh, that's great And he ate it and he goes and then when I got off stage during the second show

He has chicken wings and and mozzarella sticks. I can't help it. You can't help it. I can't help it. I can't help it. I would orders something healthy and then I'd always get chicken fingers, chicken wings and mozzarella sticks are so fucking good. And they're good for you. Dude, it's all protein.

It's very low carb. It is low carb. Low carb. If you get them done low carb. Yeah, he, he, I, there's not one rapper, I think I could beat up. Not one. I mean, I think you could, but like I think it's for safety. It's so poor.

For safety, you should. For safety, you shouldn't say you should. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I bet the game. Well, what if I did, what if I fought the game MMA style And I just had a period, like if I could get, I got like a million dollars if I could last a minute. And then a minute, 30, I got another million dollars. And then like, and then all, yeah, I just had a,

I just hug him, just be like, don't hurt me. Yeah, I suppose I'm on him with you. I'll suck your dick, man. And then he starts just pounding you. Yeah, I don't think you should step in the ring with him. The big mistake to even suggest it. How tall is he? What did I see with the,

because he definitely is a big fucking guy. I did, I'm doing like some boxing work with my trainer and I cannot. Six four. Oh, wow, look at him smile. Yeah. Nancy Hussle was six, Snoop is six, snoop six, six four, it's snooping dunk.

Doing some pad work. Yeah. Like one, two, one, two, one, two. I just can't, I can't throw a punch. Like I think that I, I think in my head, I could definitely punch someone. Yeah. I cannot throw a punch in my thumb catch is it?

My thumb will catch. And then my thumb hurts and my wrists hurt Yeah, but that's just I mean I do but I look like I've always made fun of like like when comics Show boxing videos. Yeah, so it's such a weird thing to show as a comic Yeah, but then I that's coming as a guy who thinks he can fight but is never fought and now once you've hit the patch You're like oh, that's actually really impressive. Yeah. Kevin Hart's pretty impressive with pads. Yeah. Like legit. Pret like he could fight. He could like if you put him in a boxing match, he could hold his own. Andrew Schultz could hold his own.

Well, it depends who your boxing is. I tell you who can really fight is Christa Stefano. Yeah, I mean, yeah, I don't know that. No, no, he like, he like, I think he goes to boxing gyms to work out. Like he does that. I think he's just that kind of Brooklyn Italian. That's what they, that's what they, you did. We didn't go to golf clubs.

Right. Of course, they went and fought. Yeah. Yeah, I don't, I can't fight at all. Yeah, holding your own though, really depends on your opponent. Yeah. Yeah. Because you think you, like I think I can hold my own

and you get in the ring with somebody who's... You think you could beat up like Ronda Rousey? Who? No. Fuck Who? No. Fuck no. No. What about like, all right. What about like what level children?

Okay, so like, like, okay, prize, golden gloves, 14 year old kid, you think you could beat him? No, I, I sister next, I was at a boxing gym doing a workout with a trainer. And there was a kid standing next to me who I didn't think I was going to, because we're doing drills. He's 15. Nothing stood out about him until he got in the ring. And he started sparring with a junior Olympian. And I was like, Oh my, I didn't realize that this 15 year old kid StannexMe could murder me in like five seconds. I got tapped out by a 13 year old hurtpert, really?

Yeah, I'm sure you can find that footage. I fought a 13 year old child and he tapped me out in like a matter of seconds. Have you ever seen this? No. Go to type in just there, ultimate fighter, click that one. Oh my god. Yeah. Go to type in just there ultimate fighter, click that one. Oh my God. Yeah.

You're still from Hot One's is funny. All right, now just scroll forward. It's horrible. Scroll forward to the end, go to the end. Keep going, keep going, and then right around to here. So you're about to go? This is me fighting the graces with a knife, and they just fucking, then they choked me out.

Getting choked out really sucks. Then they put the knife to my throat. Yeah. Watch, I wanna throw a punch. I fucking, I got it. It is funny to watch you get hurt. I just getting getting fucked up left and right and then they bring in a child This kids 13 years old you can play the audio I think can't you? Yeah, yeah, yeah, go back go back scroll back. No, no, no, no, no, go forward go forward and then when you see the child there this child Jordan Collins

13 years old so and he fucking taps me out And you're trying here trying. Oh, yeah, what's moving so fucking fast? Like you're like fuck man, so like go slower and then I can fight you holy shit. He's a kid. What are you way here? Probably one probably 200 really maybe 190 Probably one, probably 200. Really? Maybe 190. You're like, ah, ah, ah, ah. I'm like gonna, my teeth look huge.

You look good. I look fucking, I look better right now, like I do right now, not with a beard. Like if you shave, I've done that app where you don't see the face. Yeah. Gross. Yeah.

Look at this kid. Watch his foot. Like he just knows his body. So he grabs my legs and then throws his foot behind my heel and trips me. Watch his foot, he just knows his body. So he grabs my legs and then throws his foot behind my heel and trips me, watch his foot. Like he just comes at me, right? Yeah. And then he grabs my legs and then, look, do you see that?

Yeah, I saw him setting up for it. Yeah, like he was walking like that before he walked over to you. I actually throw a punch at him, one trying to hit him. 13-year-old. 13-year-old is before you can get in trouble for doing that. Imagine what a fucking murderer he is right now. Oh, yeah, Google this kid, I bet he's fucking fighting in the fucking MMA. He just manhandled me.

Boy handled me. That's a seventh grader. Yeah, a seventh grader fucked me up. You would have broken my arm. Watch, here's where I go, here's where I throw the punch I go all right No, I'm like god damn it. Oh fuck fuck He got both my arms. Oh man. Oh God does that demoralizing? Yeah

It's why I don't talk shit to anybody 13 what's his name because his name appeared on screen. Jordan Collins. Jordan or Joe? I don't know. There. Jordan Collins. 14 years old. Thank God.

He looks tough, man. He has a tough look to him. I bet he's a ma meh. I'm a ma meh. Is that age fighter? Yeah. Tapology. Oh, this is out of Illinois.

No, this is an advocate. Hmm. Tapology. Oh, this is out of Illinois. No, this thing, I think. Okay. Hmm. It's 30 with that track. No. I don't think so. Because it was only, wait, 28 years old,

Oh. Oh, so it was 20 years ago. Yeah. Oh. Then I would track, I think, right? No. Hey, here they go. Bobby Lankin's first Jordan Collins. Type in one of these videos, let's see it.

Is that the kid? Is this him? 2015? That doesn't look like him. I don't know, but the other guy does. Could be. Holy shit, man. Went from tapping your ass out to...

Beating up bikers. Wow, Is this him? I can't tell yet. No, no, I don't look like him. Oh, well, imagine the anxiety you feel right then. I'd be in the zone, man. But you and the getting the game stand in the zone. What if I knocked out the game? That'd be awesome. Just's just like, you know, fucking, like, and I just, like, I go up and just bring a knee and he bends down, think it'll talk it, and I knock him out, just fucking everyone's like, oh, you like horror, you must've had all.

Yeah, that could totally happen, man. Yeah, horror, you must've had all this bad ass. I remember watching him fight when he was a kid. As a kid? Yeah. He was fighting as a kid. On YouTube, they had him fight back yard fights. He was a fun guy to watch fight.

He's always been a fun guy to watch fight. Those guys, so they're not scared of anything. Yeah, they're not. I'm just, I'm so scared of getting like my teeth knocked out, like just the little things. Like I lost a tooth eating a string cheese one time and it I like I got a panic attack about it That would be great in the pre-fight like a interview thing that's where he must have all really yeah Oh man dude he's been that kid that guys can fight his whole life he's been able to fight oh he fucked that guy up yeah yeah that guy's can fight his whole life. He's been able to fight. Oh, he fucked that guy up.

Yeah, yeah, that guy thought it was gonna be a different thing to it. You could tell, they do a rematch. They do a rematch with him and this guy, I think, and like, by a bodega. Oh, fuck. At least back yard fights. There's like little things I don't know about fights,

like where to keep my hands. Like, just in the little thing that we were doing, they're like, you gotta keep your hand by your face cause that'll help deflect punches. And I was like, I wasn't even thinking about people punching me. You know, first rule, protect yourself at all times, right? Or get tripped up in footwork.

I think about things. You just gotta keep doing it, man. Look at this, the game doesn't know what's gonna happen to him. What if the game, what if someone shows us to him and then the game gets really upset? And they just edit it so that all of a sudden all it's like, oh I can kick the game,

I'm not even gonna say it out loud, so put it in there. Yeah, yeah. And then the game's like, oh fuck that dude up, and he calls Snoop, he's like, you friends with this guy and Snoop's like, I can't vouch for Bert. Ha ha ha ha. He's like, that guy talks a lot of shit, man.

He said he can whip your ass. Fuck. I mean, what would it take for you to two step in the ring? To two step in the ring? Just, no, to step in the ring with the game. To two step in the game. Yeah. I'm doing it for free.

Would you box him if the guarantee is enough? Give me a number. Okay. Boxing. Boxing, you're gonna box the game. Five rounds. Five rounds. Five rounds. Three minute rounds.

Huh? And your guaranteed is, I hang on one second, I have a number in my head. I have a number in my head. They're guaranteeing you $8 million. No, you wouldn't do it. No. Okay.

10. 10. 10's my number. Okay. 10's a good clean number. The guarantee. Yeah, guarantee. Now, you could suffer severe injury.

No, right? Sure you could. For real? If he didn't want boxing match, definitely. If he clean, not like, just takes your head off with a clean, like, right cross or upper cut and just, you know, you go to the hospital, you have a swelling of your brain, like, you know, it could be like really bad. But also maybe you won't get it. What's the worst injury in boxing?

One, do kukim. Oh, what? Oh, these are the people. Yeah. I thought that was a thing that could happen to you. Had his brain knocked off from his skull? Frankie Campbell. that could happen. Oh, oh man. Yeah. So wait, considering that I do use my brain

some of the time. You definitely use your brain. So you're saying from like a punch you can get killed? Definitely. If it's enough force, you know, if Deonte Wilder just loaded up, I got it. Have you ever seen Deonte Wilder beat the fuck out of that guy in the gym Who was talking shit about him? No?

Have you know what I'm talking about and stuff. Yeah Charlie's all enough What's this? Oh my god? Oh my god in a gym. He does this this guy was talking shit and Deontay Wilder decides to Show up pull his card Uh-uh show up and then fuck him up. And he was like, yeah, it's all fun and games. Guy was doing what I'm doing right now, and this Deonte Wilder just beats the fuck out of him. This guy was talking shit.

Talking shit, like I am right now, these, chat hangs. Kinda looks like, oh my God. Okay, that's where, watch, he's just covering up. Yeah, and he's like, but De get the answer while I was just talking so He's like, no, I don't want to stand up. You're gonna hurt me And he's like back up man, you've been talking shit. There's what men do. Yeah By the way, I really apologize to the game. I hope he doesn't do this to me

I'm really backing up. I like I love the game. I love the game's music I'm gonna I'm gonna get big game fan. I like bored games. Yep Watch this watch the guys like I don't want to do this anymore, but why would you oh my god? Oh? God oh Yeah, look at him look at him. Oh That's here in LA. Oh, oh on the ground. He's like now the guys like I gotta run away. Yeah, yeah, it's like let him stand up This guy find a Floyd Mayweather Jesus Christ. He almost threw his own guy Beyond a watcher. Fuck is a fucking now. You don't want any piece of that dude

I would never want to fight. I don't want to fight anybody and I really don't want to fight the game Let's find out who the game can fight though. I heard Sebastian Manescalco was talking shit about him Let's find out who the game can fight though. I heard Sebastian Anders Galco was talking shit about him. Ah! Ah! So wait, how did this fucking, he, it was this kid like posting videos? He was an internet troll.

Oh. And he was talking shit about the Hante Wilder and I guarantee you he doesn't do it anymore. He was leaving on voicemails, I think, calling on the N word and stuff. Oh. Oh my God. That's a really bold thing to do. Like it's a really crazy move. Of all the people you

could say to, to leave a voicemail for the untay wilder. That's insane man. God damn. Top five things that don't come out of my mouth in front of the other mouth. Jesus Christ. I'll tell you the five things that will never come out of my mouth. Where is it? Your mom will never come out of my mouth. Oh, no, no. So wait, this, is this kid a boxer though? What he does is that he's been like, he goes to boxing gyms with like boxing gloves and he just finds people that look buff. He's like, hey man, you want to do a little friendly sparring and he like boxing gloves and he just finds people that look buff. Mm-hmm. He's like, Hey, man, you want to do a little friendly sparring and he gives them gloves and then just beats the shit out of them and it's like

Oh, yeah, my record's like 200 and zero now. Wait Charlie does that fighting right there Floyd, my weather's dad. Wait, is Floyd Mayweather's dad? He boxed. Yeah, yeah, he was a boxer. He's a pro pro boxer Yeah, but he doesn't look very confident in the ring. It looks like this guy's going No, his age wide that kid is throwing weird fucking those aren't like technical punches. He's throwing man Right now this kids jacking off. He's like I'm getting called out. Yeah, oh, I'll fight you guys. Yeah, okay Charlie also by the way Floyd seniors fucking in his 60s and drinking I think yeah, I mean Well, that's 2011 still I mean he's obviously Way way older.

And then I think this Charlie guy was stalking Kim Kardashian for a while. What the fuck is wrong with this guy? Let's get off of it. Yeah, I don't want to be associated with this guy. So there's certain people I just go, I just go, I don't want to be associated with you. Yeah, this is good. Like I don't like what you're doing.

Yeah, speaking of that, you said you're getting into QAnon stuff now? Dude, if you're looking for answers, QAnon's got him. You're sitting there going like, hey, what's this shipping container stuck in this way as canal? And then QAnon's like,

it's filled with children that are getting traffic for sexually, like, well that makes a lot of sense. By the way, speaking of people, I don't want to get my name in their mouth. QAnon's one of them. Yeah. I just, I didn't know what QAnon was. And I've heard of it, but I don't want to get my name in their mouth. QAnon's one of them. Yeah. I just, I didn't know what QAnon was. And I've heard of it, but I didn't know what it was. Yeah.

And there's this documentary on HBO that tells you exactly like what it is, who they think is doing it. Mm-hmm. And uh, educators. And and it's there was a book called Q. This is, that's the HBO, into the storm.

A storm is coming, that's what they say, and that's when you know that I don't know what the storm is. I don't really listen to the information I take in, it's so suspect. Yeah, everything I take in is based on, can I write a joke about it? And so I only look for like shiny objects in a story, like if I'm any information, whatever shiny object catches my eye, that's where I kind of gravitate to

and that's the one thing I remember. But so I knew what 4chan was. It was 2chan, 4chan, then 8chan, and then QAnon is a guy who posts on 8chan, I think, right? Am I right on this, Nidav? I don't know, too much history on QAnon is a guy who posts on 8chan, I think, right? Am I right on this, Nidav? I don't know, too much history on QAnon. Let me know if you have time. And so it basically was propagandaizing,

supporting Donald Trump and giving people ideas like about pizza gate and about like all these things, it's conspiracy theory. Thank God I never knew who QAnon was because I'm the kind of person that could get whipped up into a a fucking one of those conspiracy theories super easy. That first paragraph when you scroll up is a doozy man. Like that is quite a sentence.

It says, QAnon or simply Q is a disproven and discredited American far right conspiracy theory alleging that a secret cable of Satan worshipping cannibalistic pedophiles was running a global child sex trafficking ring and plotted against former US president Donald Trump while he was in office. Jesus.

Yeah. Yeah. A lot of kid fucking. Yeah, yeah. Well, that was pizza game. I mean, that was's a lot of kid fucking. Yeah, yeah. Well, that was pizza game. I mean, that was the... That was what they thought pizza game was. Yeah.

And what's crazy is there were dudes who jell-ud-yet believed it. A lot. There was a guy, a lot of people that went in and was like, with a gun. Yeah. And clear. And he thought he was saving children that were kept in the... He thought he was doing the right thing. Yeah.

Yeah. And so I've been watching, And then Q said that that that container ship that was stuck in the Suez Canal was filled with children that were being trafficked. God. Who? Oh, man. But what's crazy is if you're looking for answers. Yeah. Then they got him. Q gives them to you. Well, I mean, yeah, we have a lady with answers. I don't know if you know about this, like this is a, um, uh, an update on status of the president. A lot of people, you know, who's this? So I guess this needs to be said too. All you people that think Biden is the president, you guys Stupider, okay? He's not in the White House. It's closed down He is on a movie set you guys are so freaking ignorant

That I just have to laugh laugh laugh because you're not heard my feelings never one time did Trump ever Have to fake anything he's done not one time. He don't fake shit. Why is Biden faking he's in the White House? Oh, um, because he's not your president. Wait, the fuck up. How dumb can you be like you're so dumb? You're the dumbest people I've ever met in my life. Educate yourself people. There you go. See, there's a bunch of people. I hear the problem. I stay away from people like that because me and her to campfire, I start listening. And I go, I go, let me show me a footage of something on a television set. And then I'd be like, that does look like a television set. And then you start saying this stuff.

And then I start go, you're ignorant. Yeah. Um, uh, if I was Biden, I would so lean into conspiracy theories. If I was Biden and I saw that, I would go, hey guys, get us a television set, set up. We're gonna do a bunch of shit, and I want little Easter eggs hidden all over because I'm gonna spend these motherfuckers out of control. And I would do all of that. I would love to do that. Yeah.

I would fucking fake insurrections and, oh, that would be like, and then you just get, because you know there's nothing more powerful than taking these people that believe in that stuff and then giving them a little bit of like, just a little taste of like, and then they're like, no, it's real! And yeah, because people like me, I just go,

oh, this one was out of my mind, right? I would never listen to her. Yeah. She there's no amount of proof she could give me that would make me believe her But that would make her even crazier it would yeah, yeah God damn thank God I never discovered you and on You would be a great Ultra right wing guy Like they would love to have you I would be cuz yeah

And you got a wide reach and you could make it like you could make it entertaining would love to have you. I would be, because yeah, I would. Yeah, you would. And you got a wide reach, and you could make it like, you could make it entertaining, you know, and market stuff well, and then I'd be a lane for you, you know. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, what is like a fun conspiracy theory you could push, you think?

AIDS. Yeah, go for AIDS. What would you say? Credit by the government. Oh, okay. Yeah. What would you say? By the government. Oh, okay. Yeah. To kill. To kill gays and African Americans.

Yeah. I would definitely lean into that. By the way, and I, I, I, I tell me on it, I was, well, I'll tell you the truth. Okay. I was having, I was having, I was having drinks with some people from the CDC and Atlanta. Uh-huh. And a, all but told me the government created a skill gay people. Really? All but told me the government created a skill gay people. Really?

All but told me the government created a skill gay people. And I was like, for real. And they're like, they were like, name one straight guy. This guy said to me, at over drinks, I was pretty wasted. He goes, do you know what we at the CDC call a straight guy who has AIDS? And I said, what? And he said, a liar.

And I went, Jesus man. I don't even know if the guy really worked at the CDC. Oh, okay. I mean, he told me he did, but like here I am, sold on this theory. He just walks away. I was like, go from the CDC. Maybe, you know what?

It would really speak to the reach of this podcast if the CDC responded to this. Yeah. That would be interesting. I would love to hear. I would love a CDC representative to talk to us about, we should get one on the show and do an interview about some viral diseases.

Yeah. AIDS be number one, because I kind of showed up at a nowhere and it targeted communities. Like not a lot of straight white dudes got AIDS. Yeah, I guess to start, but then like blood transfusions. But yeah, but that was, that was, they didn't fucking work out all the kinks.

They were like, they didn't figure out all the angles. It's like that one time I bet that kid I could cut his hair. He didn't think I was gonna fuck his hair up. He thought I wanted to cut his hair. Right, and cut it well. And cut it well, and I fucked his head up, and he went, I didn't see that coming. I said, you didn't think of all the angles.

It's like 10 cup when there was like, I can hit a seven iron longer than you, and then he turns and he hits it down the road. You gotta think of all the angles. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, I could see myself getting into longer than you and then he turns and he hits down the road. You gotta think all the angles. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, I could see myself getting into conspiracy theory. It's like the world is flat. I'd buy that.

Yeah. Just sell it to me the right way. Yeah. That's the problem with news. That's why I stopped reading news is that I- How come you don't see the earth curve when you look out for? Yeah, there you go. How come when I get into playing, I don't see it curve.

There you go. Yeah, I mean, I can see that I can see given any bit of information, you can, and you take it on the odd day. There's another reason though why I think those things take off. It's because it's exciting to feel like you're getting insight that the masses don't get. So that's exciting. To be awake.

Yeah, yeah, you're like, oh, people are by, oh, okay. Now I see, like you. It's the same energy that people who know about pronouns and know and like refer to themselves as, you know, like that kind of, that being woke is a, is a, whoa, it's like finding Jesus. Like you, all of a sudden you have answers that no one has. Right.

And you're, and you're seeing things, you're looking at people like, fucking silly fools. I feel that way when I drink. Like when I'm drinking in the day at the airport, and I see sober people, getting on a laptop when they get on the plane, they're doing work, I'm like, you're asleep, man.

I'm awake. This how you feel? I feel wide awake. I love it. And you feel like they're idiots for doing their work? Yeah, you're like, fucking you signed up for that. You got to do this on the plane and I'm doing this. And I'm doing this and then I'm going to do a little bit of this.

No, not so I can put it stand up. Yeah, yeah, I'm woke. Okay, it's an interesting, I don't know. You got to be careful. Like, I'll tell you this, this is fucking blew me away. Like, there's a ton of shit I don't know. Okay. So the other day, I get a book from a fan,

like my fan started sending me books, and they were like, that this is you off. No, I started getting into history. Oh yeah, yeah. And then I started reading this book, and all of a sudden I'm like, hold on, I just started reading it.

Like I didn't know anything about it. Yeah, I just started reading it, and it's fucking fascinating. And then I'm like, wait, is this one of those things where you gotta check your source? So I'm like, am I reading this book? And then this is like, they're like, oh, you like this? And you start reading, you're like, this can't,

this only, it's gotta go out of great ideas. And I'm like, oh my god, you're racist. You're like, she's black, I thought I could say that. Oh my god, so like, I start reading this book. It's about King Leopold II. Uh-huh. And the atrocities committed in the Congo, and I am like, by the way, I hope this comes out respectfully,

because once again, this is the podcast that's gonna get my ass kicked. No. You don't know where I'm going with this. Okay. So I read this whole book, King Leopold's Ghosts, right? The whole fucking book. Got the book, down, pat, type it in. King Leopold's Ghosts.

Okay. A story of the terrors. Okay, Leopold's Ghost. Yeah. It's just, yeah, King Leopold's Ghost. Okay. And I read it and I feel smart. I now have talking points that I can bring up to people

I don't have to talk about world war god damn to anymore. Yeah, and sound like I sound like I have a fucking And I'm I feel smart And I'm like I've been a lot of people don't know. Do you know what happened about in the Congo? No, okay So King Leopold's Belgium he decides I'm gonna take over the Congo He takes it with the Congo at the right time because they start cleaning up on ivory Because no one gives a shit about the elephants yet. Yeah, and they invent tires and at the time they invent tires The one place you can get rubber is in the Congo rubber trees. So he's like fuck. This is great. I'm gonna clean up So he starts sending his soldiers down to basically it's the slavery is like outlawed already

This is like 18 when does slavery become illegal in the United States? 1865. So this is 1870, okay? And so he starts enslaving the Congolese and if they don't do their job or they don't meet their quota, then they kill them. But he wants to make sure you actually kill them because he's sending a bunch of fucking white dudes to the jungle with guns

who would love to hunt leopards? So he's like, I don't want you just wasting bullets, because that costs money, that cuts my overhead. So once you kill them, chop their hand off and send their hand back so I know that you, like for every bullet you use, I want a hand. And so these guys were like, well fuck, I want to go hunting. Let's just chop off baby's hands.

Chop off all the hands of all the people, and then they can still get rubber, and then we can hunt. That's how horrific these white people are, right? They're chopping off hands. By the way, you know how they made them get rubber? They fucking cut the vinyl in the rubber tree, and then rubber had to go all over the Congolese,

like they cover their body in it, and then walk it back to the camp, and then rip, what dried rubber off a hairy bot, that's how they did it, it was fucking horrible. This book is so like atrocious of like what happened. Doesn't end until like 1908, right? Yeah. Guy does this for a long time.

Yeah. So I got all this information, I can't wait to bring this up, but no one knows this. Yeah. And I mean this respectfully, but I just look online. And I see Mike Tyson and Justin Ren talking.

Mm-hmm. And Justin Ren says to Mike Tyson, who I would not pit, I don't think anyone ever like look at Mike Tyson and think he's like a well-read dude. And he's like, you know what happened with King Leopold? Mike Tyson spits back all the information that I just read. I spent a day fucking reading and he knew this a year ago like top of his head Top of his head. He's like fucking Leopold and I draw for these in the con girl. He's a fucking. Oh The arms are for a rock factory and he knew everything and I went here. I'm busted my ass

Well, you only think he read the book. I he has to yeah, and so I'm sitting there going. What else does fucking Mike Tyson? No? He book. He has to. Yeah. And so I'm sitting there going, what else does fucking Mike Tyson know? He, um, yeah, I thought I you would think you would think it was also surprising. I always, I don't know if it's surprising to you, but I haven't always kind of blown away when I find out the great athletes are great studies of their sport. Yeah. Like he knows every five. Mike Tyson is such an interesting guy because people have the media has portrayed him one way yeah like portray them one way And I think I've always seen them that way now. I'm a fan of his boxing and I'm a fan of him on podcasts I'm a fan of all everything about Mike Tyson, but like you don't you don't think Big history buff Mike Tyson and all of a sudden you're like big history buff

You're like what else don't I know about Mike Tyson and by the way, I'm done all of a sudden, you're like, big history buff, you're like, what else don't I know about Mike Tyson? And by the way, I'm done reading books. Yeah, you're done. I'm done reading books. Wait, I just upset that someone else knew something. Yeah, I thought I would be the only one that knew this. Me and the guy that wrote the book. Fucking now, Mike Tyson knows it.

It's like, that's not even good info anymore. Yeah, well, I need to know, shit, Mike Tyson doesn't know. So you want it to be exclusive info to you. I wanted to go on Mike Tyson's podcast and be like if you were her king leopold He's like I have no idea what you're talking about I'm like and then you get ready for the razzle dazzle show instead he knows more about the subject than I do Yeah, I would have right told you's probably half true. Yeah, you're like it wasn't children's feet. Yeah, yeah

Yeah, but he I'm sure you got some of it wrong. Oh, I'm certain I did. Yeah, I'm beginning to you Mike Tyson's watching this going first of all Like he can he date name the dates. He named the dates as if someone gave him a list I'm not even joking and said this they're gonna be talking about this and they had cue cards up That's how good he was on talking about this shit We gotta get Mike Tyson on here. Yeah, that'd be great. Hey, why don't you get him to one? I'm gone Want you have him co-host while I'm gonna rehab that be great? I bet we could get it You know him your friend. Yeah, I mean be great. Hey, why don't you get him to one? I'm gone. You have him co-host woman rehab. That'd be great I bet we could get it. You know him your friend. I mean Be fun Wait, so who are did you did you name five comics? You could beat up because that's a pretty good idea and now

Because I think everyone would start with Bobby Lee, right? Well, he already beat him up Right, I'm I'm not clear to do, and I could beat him up right now. You could beat him up with one arm. Yeah, Bobby Lee's probably an easy victory. Yeah. And if you're gonna go Bobby Lee, you can probably, let's see.

I'll tell you who I think what I'd be scared of is people would underestimate as like someone like a Rick Glassman. Mm, very athletic. Very athletic, scrappy. Yep. someone like a Rick Glassman. Very athletic, very athletic, scrappy. I think I could probably beat up Nikki Glazer. Pretty good. Natasha Lissiero.

Do you think you could beat up Mosha? Yeah. Yeah. He grew up in Oakland though. Yeah, he's probably been in some fights. Yeah, and he was like the one, I don't think he'd be a pushover Okay, Nick Thun Yeah

Yeah, all right Yeah, Nick doesn't strike me as someone who would he would he's too much of a pacifist But no to anybody that wrestled in high school as he as he's unsurried come on, dude I bet he I bet I bet I bet as he's would knock me the fuck out And I would look and everyone be like wow I did not see that coming you think that would happen I bet I could beat him up probably It's not a he's got an interesting smile. There's gotta be a list of like, who are the dudes that can for sure scrapy fight?

Like, who can fight? Who do you think, yeah, who's, uh, like you said, the Stefano boxed, right? Anyone who was like in the box. Stefano, uh, Yannis Groff, Yannis, I would not fuck with him. Yeah. I bet Shultz, you think he could be Schultz up?

No, he seems like a, he's a big guy first of all. Isn't he big? Yeah, he is pretty big and his parents were dancers. So like, he's athletic, yeah. And he, he boxes and everything. No, I bet he'd be tough. I bet he's got, he's got New York energy. Yeah.

I don't think I could beat him up. Dan Natterman, I could beat up. Pretty handily. And thinks so. Yeah. Yeah. Apparently everyone can beat up Kevin Brennan Really? I could beat up Neil. Oh come on. Yeah, I could beat up Neil. Dan Natterman Dan Natterman Kevin Brennan No, you could definitely beat him. I could take Neil Do you think you beat up Dave Chappelle? Yeah. Yes.

We're going with healthy though, right? Not like right now. Like where I'm going to get X-rays tomorrow. Talk to you about him. I was like, no, I want no him during coronavirus. Yeah. He was sick with coronavirus. Do you think you beat up Donnell?

Of course. So. So. So. Tony Murphy, no. Well, he was in his prime fuck no. Eddie Murphy, no. No, no.

No. Eddie Murphy could box. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, his dad was a prize fighter or something like that. Yes, that's it's why I tell the story. Very information. Yeah.

His dad was a prize. I bet Eddie Murphy is that type in, that's why I tell the story. Very information. Yeah. That was a prize. I bet Eddie Murphy is that type in, Eddie Murphy's dad prize fighter. Guarantee you Eddie Murphy's dad's a prize fighter. Wait, why are you guaranteeing it? You just say you're not sure. I'm not sure, but I feel like he was. Okay.

Yup. Why? No good at all. Eddie Murphy, okay Doesn't say Oh, no, it doesn't say but it's that taught him how to fight Lillian yeah, he's almost 20 years older than me man. He is Yeah, no, he's he's a wait, I don't know. He's only 59. Yeah

God man, he's fucking funny. Yeah. He really, I wanna just ask Father Charles, was a transit police, amateur actor and comedian? Trans-a-police officers, what I meant to say. But is that told him out of box? Okay. Do you think you beat up Jerry Seinfeld?

I bet he'd outlast me, cardio. Yeah, he's probably got good courage. Yeah, great courage. I bet he can fight. I bet Jerry's fighting the fight. I guarantee you, because he comes from that old school where like, he didn't even grow up in in Brooklyn. Long Island.

Long Island? Yeah. Where I guarantee you with that, they had to teach young Jewish kids how to fight and hold their own so they could get into the city. I guarantee you Jerry time fell can fight. Maybe. I'm thinking of him now. Like you look at that face, you're like,

that guy can't fight. But him now, he's in better shape. He got better looking the older he got. Yeah, I think he's, I mean, yeah. He is better looking now than he was as a child. Is this fascinating? He's in his 60s, right? Like, is it his mid 60s right now?

You know who I heard can really fucking fight? No joke. Larry David. Come on. Oh, dude. Someone told me, let me tell you something about Larry David. He is in shape. Like he is ripped. Type Larry David shirtless. Larry David is fucking ripped. Now you're going crazy. I'm dude. I'm telling you, Larry David is fucking rip. Now you're going crazy. I'm dude, I'm telling you. Larry David, find Larry David shirtless. Well, he's in like, whose friends would Larry David? He's the only one that knows Larry David?

He's in great shape. Someone just told me Larry David's in fucking great shape. Like strong as fuck built like a man. Okay, I don't think we're seeing any though. How's that possible? I mean, I don't think we're seeing any though. How is that possible? I mean, I don't think he's shirtless and anything. He's always in like a T-shirt and a coat, like a blazer jacket.

See, I just don't want to get to the age where like, all of a sudden, your body starts like turning into like an old person's body. I want to make sure that I've always, that I'm always as jacked as this. Yeah, Larry David can fucking super jack type in Larry David. You don't want to have an old person's body, you said? Yeah. Just big arms like I've got big hands. Look, Larry David's a fucking MMA stats. That can't be the same. Larry David, Larry David

Chris. Okay. I was like, is this all just you hearing about a different guy? No. You're just like, this guy can fucking fight. Who do we know that knows Larry David? Do we know anyone that knows Larry David? Neil Brennan, I guarantee you know those Larry David. Probably. We gotta find stats on this.

I guarantee you, someone told me they were like, you know who's in great fucking shape? I said to you, they go, Larry Larry David you touch him and it's muscle I Mean you can see him and he's a lean guy. No, he he dresses like this. It's like it's like it's like oh Like throw people off playing possum. He's playing possum was a dr. Drew. Yeah, dr. Drew's jacked. Yeah I think that's Drew always says it's a lot of steroids. He does a lot of steroids shut up Drew says that to me probably like don't bring this up. I really an HGH look at Larry David. That's true. I was like Jesus not to not think that would be it

Do you want to look like that when you're his age? Full head of hair. Yeah, love to True's got a good body. Yeah, yeah, he's in his 60s Yeah, there's got it. He's got to be on something right. I don't know man. Just is that just jack jacked? Who knows? I don't know So who and who would you definitely not want to fight that's a comic like definitely know besides the obvious besides Ron Funches you don't want to fight him. Here's a deal big guys like that. Don't know how strong they are Yeah, just right carrying more than they. He's been carrying weight his whole life.

So his body is fucking, first of all, I think he's in great shape right now, right? Like legit like power cleans all that shit. I guarantee you, Ron Funches is it would be fucking terrifying to fight. Especially if you got a mad. I think, let me see him wrestle. Ron Funches is wrestled.

He went to a wrestling camp. Yeah, those things are hard to shit. Yeah, WWE kind of thing, you know. Like he went to the actual, oh yeah, there it is. See that second photo? I got, I bet Ron Funches could throw you through a second wall. That one there.

I think that's like, I think, that might be at the camp, or is that the comic thing? He said he told me he went to a camp where like you actually, you know, take bumps and like do like really yeah Pro wrestling school. That's fucking yeah, that's hard to do those pro wrestling schools are legit Yeah, I mean like out those guys like you know the very few graduate from that and then I think who males fucking Throw me through a wall right now. Oh, cause he's all jacked. Fucking ripped. Okay, who would I not wanna fight that you don't

with think of? Like who's the sleeper where you're like, like, oh, I take his ass, you're like, I feel like, you know, who's also into wrestling. I don't know if you know what, fuck, yeah. Earl Skakel. Oh, Earl's jack. He's jacked.

Earl Lennon. And he loves hockey and wrestling. And like, I think he lifts like every day. He's a, he's a, he's a boulder. Like when you grab him, he's just like a solid piece. That's like me when you touch me. If you feel like you feel muscle. I think that, yeah, that dude right there,

he is a fucking shredded. Yeah, yeah, he's like 70, right? No. No. Yeah, Jimmy Carr he's like 70, right? No. No. Yeah, Jimmy Carter, I bet I could take Jimmy Carter. You got him. You got him. You definitely got him.

Yeah, Earl is. Not Jimmy Carter. I could definitely take Jimmy Carter too. You could, yeah, you could fight Jimmy Carter and Jimmy Carter at the same time. All right. Okay. All right.

Sex toys yeah, so what are you um, do you play with sex toys? Do you guys get them? No, Liam doesn't do it none of them I don't know she's had a weird thing about it like I've always wanted to to try to increase the yeah, you know Just have fun and she's always like well well, I just want to eat you. Well, I want no batteries in here for real. She doesn't like, anyone I bought her some and tried them and she just looks at me when I do it like, what do you, okay, yeah, okay. It's really uncomfortable.

Do I get this cock ring where the, like it has, you know, for your cock and then it has a thing that pulls on your balls at the same time and vibrates. Like I almost had a seizure. It's great, man. I wish she would let me try something like that. Yeah.

She has no interest. I can, Can I start sending stuff to the house? Please. All right. Please. I'll start sending you stuff. Fuck, yeah.

Like I'll try it once I get, I'm like this good, I'll send you, you know, I'll clean it and do it. Don't send it to you. Yeah, no one, new ones, I'll take the you said. Fuck, yeah. Like I'll try it once like, I'm like, this is good. I'll send you, you know, I'll clean it up. Don't send it to you. No one, no one's, I'll take the new ones. Send me you. Wouldn't that be so gross? It was all like you said.

Next voice. I love the guy who, who, I remember, I can't tell this story, except you'll know who it is immediately. Yeah. But anyway, yeah. Next voice, I've never,

I've never been, maybe my second wife and I'll do stuff like that, but anyway, yeah, sex toys. I've never been, maybe my second wife, and I'll do stuff like that, but like right now, that's wife, I guess I'm just gonna, just raw dog it. Yeah, just have a regular sex in her butthole. In her butthole. You guys do butt stuff? No, never, never. Leanne is like, Leanne's like a Baptist.

Yeah. Yeah, you can't make eye contact. We both gonna look the opposite ways. No, I wish. Finger in the butt though. Nope. You've tried it. Oh no, I thought you heard of me.

No. She, I've tried it. But back when we were younger, she would let it happen. And now if you start to do it, she's like, what are you doing? Put a finger in my ass. And I'm like, sorry. Yeah, I got away from myself.

Yeah. I was a little buzzed. I'm having a good time Yeah, I got away from myself. Yeah, I was a little buzzed. We having a good time. Then me and Arun it. Is that fun to go from like fun to, sorry. Yeah, sorry, I thought I could maybe take a chance. Yeah, swing for the fences, walk away with the triple. Try that, try that with your second one.

Yeah, try it. You won't, you won't finger in your ass, but you won't finger in your ass, but you'll finger in your ass. That's how would you like, I don't like it. No, no. No. He is hyper aware of me right now. Really?

Yeah, like if I say anything, it's just jump on me. She's, I said something that I didn't think was mean at all, but like we were putting together my sauna and I was just trying to write a joke and I was like It's funny and you can see how the joke would be structured I go when you get the anaround tools Her redneck comes out like she starts saying things that are rednecky. Yeah, but it's beep and I and I'm and I meant I was gonna write a joke right after that and then she shut me down

She was like I don't know what you're talking about and I was like I'm not like you're fucking redneck. Yeah, she shut me down, and she was like, I don't know what you're talking about. And I was like, I'm not, you're like, you're like, you're fucking red neck. That's the same. And then I had to defend, and I said, you grew up around tools so much as a kid with your dad, that you and your dad have a shorthand that you say things like, I wish I could think of the example,

but I couldn't think of the example because even when I started talking about it, she kind of shut it down. And I was like, no, I'm not insulting you. I'm trying to tell you that when you're around tools, you say things like, mong back or whatever you say, you're just, your inner red neck really shines.

And then we got fighting about it. I go, never mind. I go, it doesn't fuck a matter. This isn't a slam on you. She's like, you don't know how to fix anything. And I was like, why are we insulting each other? Yeah. She's just really on don't know how to fix anything. And I was like, why are we insulting each other? Yeah. She's just really on top of me right now.

Ever, like, I mean, anything I do, it's just like, what? Yeah. Well, she doesn't live with you. That's gotta be a lot. I can't sleep in the bed. And I was like, you picked it. You sleep on the couch.

Do we have something the same bed in so long? How long? Probably, I would say, I would say mid-COVID. That's the last time you slept in the bed together? We have one time we did. I've gotten so used to sleeping by myself that I think if we move into this new house, I might just have separate bedrooms.

Really, that's always a good sign. Yeah, no, we're happy though. You are. But I'm very happy. I love it. I just put my phone on an audiobook or a podcast and I just let it play all night long. I don't have to worry about anything. No one tells me to shut up or stop snoring or roll over on my side.

Why did it start? Because of the dogs. The dogs were getting in bed with us and everyone was uncomfortable. And then the dogs and then my allergy started kicking in. In the middle of COVID, my allergies would kick in with the dogs in bed with us. And I would wake up my eyes would be itchy. I'd fucking have asthma. And then the cat is two dogs, three dogs, and a cat in bed with us.

And both the dogs are 140 pounds. So it's like a beat. And then Mac would get up and just go to the bathroom in the middle of the night and Mona was going to the bathroom in the middle of the night and so Liam was having to get up and get him out the door and get him and then Max started pissing on the couches and then as soon as he started pissing on the couches in the middle of the night Liam slept down in the couch with him and he stopped and then she just likes it out there I guess it. I don't know. You miss her? It's like you know when you go on the road

and you got your own place in your own room and no one really fucks with you? Yeah, it's nice. And then I get mad at her if she comes in the bedroom. I go, hey, I'm sleeping. It's like when you do the road and you're doing it so much that you come home and like some real life stuff happens,

you're like, I gotta get back out there. I've actually fed that. Yeah, yeah, of course. You know what, I'll be gone in two days can you guys do what this then? Yeah, yeah, I gotta get back out there. I've actually fed that. Yeah, yeah. You know what, I'll be gone in two days. Can you guys do what this then? Yeah, yeah. I don't want to do it. Or the other version of it is that I'm home for a couple of days. I say something or something and then I get, you know what, when do you leave again?

Yeah, I want you to go ahead and leave. And I'm like, great. I was telling someone we did, when we were doing sober October, Leanne and I was just, you know how, I would get so frenetic about that shit. And Leanne, I was driving Leanne crazy and we got into a fight in the morning. And something about getting up with the girls and me going to spin class and then running. And I'm like, dude, this is what I do for a living. We're doing sober October. It's a weight loss challenge. I'm gonna be focused on this. I'm putting it on social media. This is the business. I'm in.

And then, no, I was going off and then I go to hot spin and I'm gonna be focused on this. I'm putting it on social media. This is the business I'm in. And then, no, I was going off and then I go to Hot Spin and I'm coming back and I call her from the car going, all right, I'm just gonna call her, apologize. And she answers, she goes, hey babe. I was like, oh, how you doing? She's like, good. What are you doing? So I'm just coming home.

She goes, oh, I was radio. I was like, I'm not, I'm not, didn't do radio. She goes, well, where are you? And I was like, I'm not, I didn't do radio. She goes, what, where are you? And I was like, I'm coming home from hot spin. And she went, what? What are you doing? Spin on the road. And I went, no, I'm coming home. I'm in LA. And she went, oh, yeah. And I was like, she just immediately shifted, shifted when she realized I got to see you again. And I was like, yeah. I was like, no, I'm not, she thought I was, she's like, woo. Yeah. I was like, no, I'm not, she thought I was actually like,

oh, you're, how's Dallas? I'm going back to the hotel room. Yeah, yeah. You're going to take a nap? And she was in a great mood. But she's just here. Oh boy. I mean, I don't, I just miss, I miss the road in like,

just taking a nap in the middle of the day, where you just go, I'm going to sleep and then you just turn off your phone and you shut down everything. Yeah. And nothing can wake you up. No dogs bark. Oh, yeah. No, nothing.

No, nothing. The windows are, you have to a little coat hanger with the little clips so the curtains are closed. Yeah. You put the sign on the door. The lights are out. You have a little buzz because you drank at radio and you just pass the fuck out. How long do you snap for when you do this?

Oh, uh, five hours? Really? Oh. Dude, I sleep five hours. I sleep, if I come back from radio at 10, I will sleep at least until three. Really? Wake up feeling skinny as shit. Get subway.

Most naps are 10 to 20 minutes. Oh, I will sleep in a hotel room. When I first did, when we started doing Go Big Show and they put us in the quarantine, I must have slept 18 hours a day. I was like, I was like in hibernation and I just made everything ice cold. That's the best.

Crank the AC. That's the best. Crank the AC. That's the best. Crank the AC. Everything's murdered. Everything's dark and just and like I think a hurricane was coming in. Man, I can sleep really good during hurricane season. Just turn on the weather channel and just as you wake up, you still kind of track in the storm.

I love, I love the feeling of like, like when I listen to this podcast, I listen to like this one podcast, Mike Duncan, he as a podcast, I've talked about this podcast so much. I will start it. I will start it at like season four, and I'll listen to six seasons throughout the night. Like it'll just keep playing. What is it though? It's about revolutions. Oh, You know what my favorite sleep is? What? So the worst sleep is followed by the best sleep. When you are flying back home, you've had two shows in a night, and then it's, you know,

you have to get up for a flight at like, let's say, 7 a.m. So you're like, oh, I'm gonna sleep this many hours, but you're not. You have anxiety about it, and you're packing packing and you wake up naturally in the night. Like what time is it? It's like 3.30 and you get horrible sleep. So you drag in all day and you get home and they're shit to do at home. You're dragging through that, but that night

your body is deprived of sleep. And you end up going to bed at like nine or something. And I sleep that night, I'll sleep like 10 hours. Oh. And that's an amazing feeling. I mean, it's not good for you because you're catching it, you sleep the prime. But it's like, it's such a deep, deep sleep.

I got off a flight, I got off a flight to Australia and went to the island. And there's another, after those flights, crazy. I timed it perfectly. I took a Xanax, like the flight left it, I wanna say it was a night flight, I don't know if it was a night flight or not. But like, it feels like you fly through like eight days

or you do it. I took it Xanax five hours before takeoff, okay? So it's technically out of my system. And I get on the plane and I drink a couple glasses of wine and I fall asleep for the entire fucking flight. I wake up and it's like they're serving breakfast and I go, oh, like, is it breakfast now and then, or we have another meal

and he's like, no, no, no, you slept the whole flight. I was like, wait, how long until we get into Australia? And he's like, we're about two hours out and I went, are you being serious? He's like, yeah, yeah, yeah, you didn't even get in your pajamas, you just passed out. And I was like, I got so excited. Yeah. And I said, uh, can I get a cocktail? And he was like, of course.

And I started getting loaded. I had slept 30. It was like, it was like literally passing out for 13 hours. I slept for like 13 fucking hours. And then wake up and I just got wasted again. Yeah. And you want to know what's fucking hilarious about this? Is I got wasted and I said, what time will it be when we land? And he said six o' again. And you wanna know what's fucking hilarious about this? Is I got wasted and I said, what time will it be when we land? And he said six o'clock and I went, this is gonna be the greatest day ever. I'm gonna get wasted right now.

I'm gonna go in, I'm gonna put my bags up, I'm gonna go get dinner and I'm gonna fucking pass out again. This is amazing. Yeah. I'm gonna put my bags up, go to the front desk, I'm like, I'm looking for a good place to get dinner. And they're like, oh, we got a bunch of great places. I said, anything close?

And I'm like, yeah, right across the street of one, Cadi Corner is really great. And I was like, fuck, yeah. I walked over and they're closed. I'm like, that's fucking crazy. I was like, is that a holiday or something? And I come back and I go, they're closed. Is that everywhere around here is closed.

And he was like, well, yeah, you gotta make reservations. I said to open the door and he goes, no, for tonight. I said, it's night right now. And he goes, no, no, it's six in the morning. And I went, it's six in the morning. Yeah, I go, I'm wasted. Oh, I know. I go, fuck, I go, I, I'm implanting.

I thought the day was over. Because your day just started. And your hammer, brother, and I go I I'm implanting I thought the day was over because your day just started And your hammer brother and I go I have because we serve drinks upstairs. I just started drinking drink the whole fucking day That tries Twice I've done that twice Bucket landed on Australian I just get the six a.m. I'm like that flights the. And also when I went to Hong Kong, I got there and I just walked around like three in the morning because I was completely wired.

Just wired. It's like that in, what's not Malaysia? But what's the place you can do in Malaysia? Just Malaysia? And you might just be Malaysia. I don't know, I don't know what you're talking about. Stand up comedy in Malaysia. Singapore. Singapore.

Singapore is the greatest. Yes, Singapore. Singapore is fucking super safe. Super, super important. No, I think it's just straight up Singapore. Well, that's a different country. It is? Yeah, it's not, that's not.

No, I don't know why. I mean, Singapore is its own country. It is? Yeah. No, I don't know why I mean Singapore is its own country. It is yeah, oh Yeah, Singapore man you walk around and it's just safe as fucking shit. Yes, it is it is safe as they don't Shit, they don't play no games. We went to that mall that turned into a Poorhouse, mm-hmm, like they have a mall in Singapore. Yeah in Singapore They have a mall that turns into a whore house.

It's a mall during the day and at night, it turns whore. It turns whore. Straight up, seven floors of whores. Really? I think it's called seven floors of whores. No, it's not. It's called seven floors of whores. Look at this.

Five floors of whores? Six floors of whores. I don't know. In Singapore? I figured the country was so many rules. Orchard Tower. The first five floors are at combination bars. These prostitutes are mostly freelancers.

Oh wow. The four floors of horse. I've been there. I've been there. Four floors of horse. I didn't think you were right about that. It's definitely right. I know my horse.

Four floors of horse, man. We went and it was like one, I mean, I was like, get me to the boys one. Like we're because it's a, I don't know if you can say it, but in there, they call it lady boys. Here you would call it transition young man. Yeah. But man, it was chaos. And you're like seeing fucking hot chicks with dicks like really oh What's the one in Brody Stevens went there and that's where he was like I'm I'm 10% gay. Oh 8% yeah, yeah, I had a lot of questions Joe they had the In Macau they call it the fish bowl. That's what they said they tried it

They were like just want to go to the fish bowl. I think that's what they called it We didn't go though, but they're like, do you guys wanna go to the fish bowl? I think that's what they called it. We didn't go though, but they're like, it's basically the same idea of like, Oh, I would, like, if I- On a display. Here's the thing, I've never had a prostitute. I've never even gotten a hand job at a jack check.

Look at that, look how you spelled that. And they see. Yeah, you never can see it at home. Okay. Are you not gonna correct it? So that we get, He's a recordist. I thought it's called Fish Wrong. There's no K.

Nope. Google can't even help you out, you're so bad. Google's like, I don't know what you're talking about. Macau is in China. It's M-A-C-A. Wait, it's China? You... there you go. Okay.

Ooh. That's gotta be it, right? Yeah. Right, there you go. The fish bowl. Yep. Hors! Cool. I'd like to go to China again. Yeah.

I've never been to China, I take that pack. I've been to China, I take that pack. Where you been? Hong Kong. Okay. So China, I take that back. I've been to China, I take that back. Where you been? Hong Kong. Okay. So China? Well, technically now, but I mean, it's, you know, it's not like, it's not mainland. By the way, that's one of my favorite sleeps I've ever had in my entire life.

Hong Kong Airport. That place, Hong Kong is a main. You get a hotel room in the Hong Kong airport. The greatest sleep. Amazing. 10 hour layover, 12 hour layover. You go in and it's just a bed and a shower. It's so small.

Oh my gosh. Type in Bert. See if I think I better put a video of me. Bert Hong Kong Airport. Hotel Hong Kong Airport. Yeah, see if that's're Hong Kong Hong Kong. You're typing it. There we go. Perfect. Hit enter. See if you can images, good images.

No, don't type in my early work. My early work is, uh, nah, fuck. That's me in Russia. Where? Oh, there. Oh, yeah, that's No, no, that one. That one. Yeah. That's from that trip? Yeah, that's me and the Mafia. Jesus. Yeah. But the Hong Kong airport, dude, you go in and it's pitch black ice cold.

Great, bad. Oh, hammered. You go. This is what you do. I got little cheat codes. Go to customs. Get yourself a couple bottles of wine. Okay. Go into your hotel room, okay.

And you have one bottle of wine before bed. You get nice and toasty, okay. Pass out. You're gonna sleep dead sleep. I slept dead sleep up until, up until just about take off. Wake up, kill your water bottle, fill the other water bottle with the other bottle of wine.

Topper, take it onto the plane, none the wiser. Okay, it's great advice. Thank you guys for watching. Thank you for listening. A lot of fun, I love you. I love you too. Talk to you soon, guys. Bye.

Bird time, time and bird. One goes top and swat the other, wears a shirt. Tom tells stories and birds the machine There's not a chance in hell that they'll keep clean Here's what we call, two bears one cave No scripts to beat a booze amateur, for topology Dirty jokes, ronti, humor, no apologies Here's what we call, two bears one cave

I remember no apologies, and here's what we call Two bears one cave