2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer - Ep. 82 | 2 Bears 1 Cave w/ Steve-O & Bert Kreischer
Episode Date: May 24, 2021SPONSORS: - Go to https://GetShuffle.app/bears to download shuffle and start posting for a chance to win a new iPhone - Go to https://Squarespace.com for a free trial and when you’re ready to launch..., use the offer code BEARS to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain - Go to https://vuoriclothing.com/BEARS and receive 20% off your first purchase, free shipping on any U.S. orders over $75, and free returns. - Get 15% Off and Free Shipping at https://MeUndies.com/BEARS - Go to https://HelloFresh.com/cave12 and use code cave12 for 12 free meals, including free shipping! - Go to https://HelloTushy.com/BEARS to get 10% off your order and FREE shipping. - Get 20% Off and free shipping at https://Manscaped.com/BEARS Steve-O joins Bert Kreischer as your guest bear this week! They discuss how their dads would bond, music they associate with different periods of their life, Bert's "Machine" story, the main characteristics of alcoholism, Steve-O's Jackass co-stars Bam Margera, Chris Pontius, Johnny Knoxville, and Ryan Dunn, and more! They also FaceTime Sean Evans to discuss guests on "Hot Ones."
Transcript
Discussion (0)
Hey guys, I'm so excited to be going back on tour. I am announcing the start of my I'm coming everywhere
World tour. That's right. I'm coming everywhere and this is the first leg tickets are on sale now
Go to TomSugra.com for tickets. I'll be announcing a whole bunch of more cities
But the first ones are on sale right now. I get repetitive thoughts that I can't shut down. Oh, that's it
That's a man characteristic of alcoholism.
100%
I'm a-a-a-a-suit
I'm a-a-a-suit
It is my dream episode and your dream episode too.
My co-host, I get to fuck it.
It's a dog. Ha ha ha ha ha ha joke on this show, is that I fucked dogs?
Oh, how about that?
You know, it's Steve-O!
The only man I've ever seen in my life that rescued a dog from a third world country and
brought it to America, and this dog is inseparable with you.
Oh my God, I'm fucking love it. Now, dude, the video that I made of finding Wendy in Peru
and bringing her home. I watched all of that. I watched all of that. Like, it's going
to detail because I don't think people know, like, this was a straight up street dog in
like brainless areas, right? Not brainless areas. It was a, it was in Peru. It was a straight up street dog in like Buenos Aires, right? Not Buenos Aires, it was in Peru, it was a little town in Peru called Juarez.
And the video that I made of finding Wendy and bringing her home got more views than any
video I've ever put on the internet in my life.
Really?
Imagine how that makes me fucking feel.
Not true, not true, not true, not true. The fucking links, the links that I've gone to, Bert. You have videos that makes me fucking feel. I'm like, I'm not doing the fucking links.
The links that I've gone to, Bert.
You have videos that keep me up at night.
You have met people that keep me up at night.
The fucking kid that jumped into the cactus,
when you burned yourself and your skin was fucking moving around.
I think, you may be scarced from that burn.
This tattoo used to be real bright.
Like a...
That's a new way to tattoo removal.
Yeah, I know, I really burned off that
when it was a controversial tattoo.
How did you burn yourself again with that?
I laid down in rocket engine fuel.
My asshole, you know what?
Does your asshole ever like tingle?
Like you're drinking sparkling water?
Like it's drinking sparkling water.
Like my ass rate tingles like it's drinking sparkling water.
I'm sure, the quick is like, put me down.
Please, this is not the problem.
That, it doesn't.
But sometimes I don't wipe so good.
And I don't know.
And my asshole just gets on his hands and knees
and says just scratch me, it's me, and get in deep.
And that's how I end up with Skid Mark, dude.
I have gone finger in my asshole.
Finger inside my asshole.
And here's how much I love one of my podcast sponsors.
Fuckin', I'm gonna just say that my Tushy,
my Tushy, my Tushy, my date just like fuck,
I solved the problem, dude.
Why would you wipe with fucking paper like an animal
when you can spray fresh clean water?
It fucks up right to your toilet, people. you wipe with fucking paper like an animal when you can spray fresh clean water. It's
a fucks-up right to your toilet people.
You know what's spugged up is that every single time I do a read for Tushy on my podcast,
I go ahead and say, this is my favorite sponsor that has ever sponsored the podcast. Like
fuck the rest of them. I have known how much I love interacting with my own asshole.
I would have gotten to it way earlier.
Right.
Like I never, I was ass play.
I remember the first chick that asked me to put a,
or do you want me to put a finger in my ass?
And I was like, that was back when, like, I don't know,
I don't know if you can say this,
but like you were like, I don't want to be gay.
And I guess I still don't.
I mean, don't care if I'm gay.
I don't know, how did I even know how to handle this question?
I'm, oh, I guess I'm not gay, so I'm cool with it.
I guess I'm even cool with it.
I mean, dude, you're talking to a wild boy over here.
I mean, I was like, like, home a erotic humor and like,
I mean, a lot of humor is my favorite thing in the world.
Right?
Okay.
It's my favorite thing in the world.
Right.
If...
I would enjoy being, let me start that all over. I would enjoy being gay more than anything in the world
because whatever it does, it makes me giggle.
It makes me giggle.
Right.
I don't know what it is, man.
I don't know what it is.
I think that...
It's the concept that people are really bothered by.
Right, I think that I believe that that's got a lot to do
with it, you know, like when we were on MTV and like just the whole like kind of like
frat boy jock, like, you know, like, like no, you know, and just the idea of just
putting it in their face, like, how do you like our songs?
We're wearing songs and we're just like, like, you know, like, it's, it's, can I,
can I, can I offer a compliment and say that you introduced, you helped,
you made better strides in homosexual acceptance with frat boys than anyone ever in the world.
I'm because that, Jackass really embraced like, like,
You took on homophobia, head on.
Chris Pontius is, is the Rosa Parks. Oh, homosexuals.
Like he, Chris Pontius, probably party boy.
And by the way, Chris Pontius, man,
I gotta tell you something.
Fucking movie star, movie star, movie looks.
The Rosa Parks, I love that.
I'm homophobia. He really, his, he was very comfortable as body. I love that. I'm homophobia.
He really, he was very comfortable as body.
I don't think I've ever seen his dick. I've seen your dick.
Oh my God, he never, of course he's seen his dick.
Full of Chris Pontius' dick.
You're out of your mind. I'd love to see his dick.
He has this disproportionately large head of his penis,
which is like...
I do too when I get out of the pool though.
I'm telling you, like, his wiener like his wiener. I have seen his dick
I'm sure people on this stomach. Oh
Dude you have seen I have definitely seen a dick. Can you get pulled that picture?
I got some secrets to tell you that I can't share at a public level
Oh my god, tell me everything I need to know about Chris Pontius. Because like that guy, can I tell you man,
as a guy who over, he has an arrow for a cock.
Well that's him doing a helicopter.
Okay, so it is, it's a little like.
Where he's doing a helicopter.
Look at him, which dick is outside of his hand.
If I did a helicopter, you, I don't think I could even
get the whole fucking thing out.
Right.
My dick is horrible. Can I show you my dick?
Sure.
I just, I mean, I've seen your dick so much.
I feel like it's not fair that you don't see hot.
I just got my head in. I enjoyed that so much.
Did you get caught?
Well, I laughed at it to pride me,
but I laughed so hard and deprived of oxygen.
I got to deprived of oxygen and the head was light-headed and I loved it.
I have a horrible dick. Here, I'll just show it to you. Are you
comfortable seeing my dick? I'm in, yeah. Okay. Alright.
You show my dick, okay? This is like Louis CK asking to jerk off.
Oh yeah, that's right, I can't.
Oh you can't.
Please.
No, they say yes.
I'm not using my power straw there, but they power dynamic.
They did not say please.
I'm not asking.
Please.
I'm asking please.
Please let me see.
Please let me see.
You're bad. I'm gonna block you. Please. Please
It's pretty bad It's pretty bad. It's pretty bad
It's pretty bad It's pretty bad. It's pretty bad
That's a girl
Only if they say please
Oh my god, oh we got a reset
We're going too fast. We're only seven minutes in. Oh my god. I'm. I got fucking pit stings. That was so good.
So do you drink coffee? Because I have a ritual. I don't know man. I'm not a man. I'm not a man. I'm not a man.
I'm not a man.
I'm not a man.
I'm not a man.
I'm not a man.
I'm not a man.
I'm not a man.
I'm not a man.
I'm not a man.
I'm not a man.
I'm not a man.
I'm not a man.
I'm not a man.
I'm not a man.
I'm not a man.
I'm not a man.
I'm not a man.
I'm not a man.
I'm not a man.
I'm not a man.
I'm not a man. I'm not a man. I'm not a man. I'm not a man. I're not hard enough. So then I'll fucking nuke it.
And then I'll fucking nuke and keep it in my fucking
thermos so that it's piping hot.
So it's too hot to drink out of the thermos.
And then here's how I drink it.
Oh, piping hot.
Out of a fucking mug that has my mug shot on it.
It's a fucking mug shot coffee mug.
You kidding me dude?
Steve I was mug.
Dude.
By the way I brought you back to my dick somehow.
I brought you one dude.
And I don't.
And you missed shot glass.
I did.
And then dude.
It's my first DUI on my coffee mug.
My second DUI on my shot glass did. Look at what a wasted pile of shit I am in that picture
This is your second DUI second DUI that was the one where the rest trip or it literally reads
Defendant declined roadside sobriety tests stating he would prefer to take a nap
Alrighty tests stating he would prefer to take a nap. I didn't know. You could say that to the car.
I'd actually like to take a nap before I take this.
Is it cool if we get some donuts and some coffee?
You guys will like it.
That's it.
Oh yeah, here, that's your mug.
I say this all the time.
You are a fucking miracle.
I want that key.
You are a miracle.
And by the way, these incredible mugshot items
are available at incredibly reasonable prices
at stebo.com.
That shot glass is like $9.99.
For real?
Yeah, that stebo.com, yeah, $9.99.
The mug is like $11.99.
That's it?
Yeah.
Oh, you must be making bang up bucks.
Dude, I think I spoil my audience by selling so much autographed shit
They're like oh, it's not signs. I'm fucking on I want it
It's a funny. I I
Used to I remember the first time I signed an autograph and I was like this is fucking everything
So I remember getting an honor if you were like an autographed kid grow up and I remember I got one from Garo
You premean as a place kicker for the box and I was like
Oh, this is gonna be worse something and then and then it wasn't here's the secret
Here's the secret to how I knew to
Foggan meet Molly could you part of the crazy
Yeah, of course. Yeah, okay. Here's the secret of how I knew by the way Tommy Lee's Greek sidebar. Yeah
I grew up my dad was a wildly successful businessman and we lived in England for most
of my upbringing.
But I was crazy into baseball and I would fly over to the States for baseball camp, which
was in Massachusetts.
We would go to like Fenway Park to see the Red Sox and stuff while we were staying where
my dad would make a point of bringing me somewhere where we could attend a baseball game
While we were staying there he would make a point of
Figuring out which hotel the visiting team was staying in so that we would stay in the same hotel as the visiting team
And I would just hang out in the lobby of that hotel getting the, the players autographs as they came in and out of the hotel.
And I loved that.
So when I found out the model crew was coming to my town,
I was like, okay, I saw them on the news the day before
the concert.
And they were on the news because like,
all these fucking ass hole rock stars,
fucking Commando our city and fucking break this,
like that in fire
Like whatever it was and I loved it, but the concert wasn't until the next day
So I'm like, oh my god fucking concert. They're already here and the concert tomorrow
So that means they're in a fucking hotel and I'm just like like okay I'm gonna figure it out like I know they're fucking their their. Like, like Vince Neal is Vincent Wharton.
Really? Yeah.
That sounds like it comes with a bow tie.
Right.
Vincent Wharton.
Yes, huh?
Yeah, and Nikki Sixth, Frank Franklin,
the Frank Carlton, Ferrano, Jr.
Right? And I'm... Wow.
And Tommy Lee's Tommy Gallifinakis.
Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. Ha, ha, ha. Well, I knew all the real names and I knew their and Tommy Lee's Tommy Gallifinakis
Why knew all the real names and I knew their of course their stage names I knew that they were I just guessed they're not gonna check into a hotel under either
Dad that later in later in life. I asked Tommy when he checked into hotel
He said he checked in under the name Dixie, Normus
under the name Dixie Normus. That's not funny.
That's not funny.
You know, at least Kanye Lee's been
brand friendly since the get go.
He's one fucking dude.
Like I bet hanging out.
He's sober, I think.
I know you're sober.
And I always get bummed when people are sober.
Not you, right?
You're actually, I honestly, I swear to God.
And I'm a huge fan of yours for so long,
probably 20 some odd years now,
is your sobriety was like the greatest sobriety story
ever where you go, I could do that sobriety,
but you need to get to where you were,
and that was a scary place.
So sobriety is only not a bummer if the,
like the junkiness and the drug only not a bummer if the,
like the drunkenness and the drug use was a bummer. I got to be such a bummer with drugs and alcohol
that like we needed sobriety to get unbombed.
You know, it's so funny because I remember your,
I, and what's crazy is like you were amazing to watch
in any capacity, while boys, jackass, Steve, Steve's,
your Dr. Steve-O, like I watched.
I watched a lot of your stuff,
but what's amazing is you're so much more entertaining now.
You're so much more, you really are,
and that's a hard thing to do.
I truly believe that that's the case.
And there's always someone,
like, oh dude, you were fucking funny.
You were fucking funny.
Oh, fuck that guy, that guy's wrong.
And by the way, fuck you you I don't like that guy
I know what that guy says to me. I don't like that you were funny. You're on drugs like fucking eight
No, I wasn't that same. I know that guy same sense mother fucker
You know what that guy says to me. Yeah, I don't go to the bird
He just is drunk as fuck on stage takes a short off. Hey fuck face. I don't drink before I go on stage
Okay, how you like that? You've never seen me wasted on stage takes a short off. Hey fuckface, I don't drink before I go on stage. Okay, how you like that?
You've never seen me waste a lot of stage.
You can suck my dick and I know
where you live in Minnesota.
Oh my God.
So, I guess Molly crew was gonna check into their hotel
under the name of their manager.
And I knew that because my dad
with the fucking baseball teams,
he would reach out to the management to figure out where they're fucking or staying.
That's how I understood it.
So when I'm running in my fucking room and I opened up my tapes leaves because this was
the 1980s and I had cassette tapes and I looked in the fucking cassette tapes for the name
manager and it said Doc McGee.
So I started fucking calling everyone, telling the other pages, asking for Doc McGee. So I started fucking calling everyone telling the other pages asking for Doc McGee's room. And then after fighting and dude this was it was even a little bit more involved than because
in the 80s this was even before they had call waiting I think. So that means like when I'm on the
phone for hours that means the phone's busy for anyone calling. I'm tying up the house line.
My mom didn't like that. She's like, you're tying up the house line.
And I'm like, mom, I said, mom, I said, mom,
I'm calling Motley Crew.
I'm like, and this is the thing my mom could be used to leave.
I love the sidebar story of this,
of your dad looking at your mom and going, honey,
the kids got drive.
Now, I don't know where this is gonna find success in this this maybe it's a doctor maybe it's a lawyer maybe he'll just throw up
a goldfish and he's like oh that's never gonna happen right but that guy I
love that you know that because that was the thing all I was I was to fuck up I
was to fuck up like you know every report card was just terrible news and
there was like my parents were meeting my teachers when it wasn't parent teacher night.
Because there was a crisis going on.
Like we've got a fucking problem with your kid.
Like it was just, I was one bad fucking incident after another.
And all my dad ever wanted was like, dude, just fucking, you know, apply yourself.
You got so much potential kid, apply yourself.
Find the thing you love to do and just do it. Yeah, he saw that in me calling Martin Kyrgyz
And he said honey to my mom
Back off
I love you back off, you know did you die still alive? Yeah
His birthday was a few days ago. He turned 78. And he, I'm terrified of my dad losing his present,
you know, like, dimensions.
I'm so fucking terrified, but dude, he's sharp as a tack.
I would, I would, that seems like a great show
to get dads of people in the public eye together.
Like, just had it like have dinner together
and just film it.
And just the second where they flip
and then your dad's like,
my son Steve, oh, and my dad just goes,
oh, my son shittin' a pizza box to get famous.
And he's like, it's really like,
oh, we can definitely cheer him on.
He's shittin' the son of Dick, he has pleases here.
He's shittin' on him.
He's shittin' on him.
I just think there's such a warmth in like,
in like the paths our parents had to sit back because I'm a dad
I'm a dad obviously and my daughter quit softball and it fucked me up by the way
I was a huge baseball player too. I would love to I would love to have a catch with you. Oh, dude epic
Yeah, and so my dad had a standing thing he said if you said if you fucking break my finger, I'll give you 20 bucks
He said if you fucking break my finger I'll give you 20 bucks
See if I can throw the ball hard enough to break his finger. There's 20 bucks on the line My dad was a kind of guy that went in first grade
We I ran the 40 yard dash or 60 yard dash whatever and I was fast-skid in first grade
And I came home and I was like a fast-skid in first grade probably top five in the school
That's the way I talked and my dad's like, you're never gonna be faster than me.
And I was like, I don't know, I'm pretty fast.
And he was like, well, let's take it off the front.
And I was like, okay.
So I throw all my kids.
What was that steak?
Was there?
Just the fastest person in the house.
Oh.
Fingers on the line, on the sidewalk,
in those little indentations.
Yeah.
Look at my dad's feet.
He's not even fucking in starting blocks.
He's just standing.
I'm like, I'm gonna smoke this fool
Three two one and I pump like you know when you you know when you get a good stride and your toes
Are just kissing the ground and you're like I am fucking flying right now and I look over my dad's nowhere even near me
He's 10 feet in front of me running backwards
You'll never beat me at anything. Wow, it's good.
He's an interesting guy.
I love him.
But you know what I have a complicated relationship with my dad
because I like, because I, all I've ever wanted is his respect.
But I went about getting it in a way where I take my short
off my stage and tell stories.
Oh my God.
Like, you know, like so it's, it's a-
That pierced me, that pierced me because like,
not necessarily from my dad,
but from anybody ever like in my life,
all I ever wanted was,
and when I was a kid, I wanted the,
and there's a report card,
and I'm so cut, you know,'m sorry. But there was a report card
from my sixth grade home-room teacher,
comment on she wrote,
Steve is, I think Steve is so desperate
for the affection and approval of his peers,
but everything he does to seek that affection and approval
brings about the opposite effect.
That is a paraphrase to my question.
But that's what you said.
Like I fucking tried so hard.
I was fucking like, you know, in the cafeteria,
check it out, everybody all fucking consume
the whole soul-chakre.
He gets a lot of money.
I sort of lines of salt for friends.
Yeah, and it's sort of lines of salt put a noodle in my nose and had to come on my
mouth. And I was like, dude, they're gonna think I'm so rad. And
they were just like, wow, that's really fucking creepy.
There is a fine line. I remember, I remember we were in Philadelphia,
and it was a very urban neighborhood because an able it there. And
I was trying to get these kids like me and I didn't realize the absolute differences between a white kid who grew up privileged versus black kids who grew up in the inner city and I remember I
Saw a comb on the ground and I was like hey guys free comb and I comb my hair and they would not talk to me
They were like
You just comb his hair with a comb on the ground
And I was like, what?
My cousin name's like, why the fuck would you do that?
And I was like, I was trying to make friends.
I didn't make friends.
I mean, my need for acceptance.
And I know that there's a vulnerability.
And I think people will mock it because they're like, what the fuck?
But it's why I'm here.
It's why I'm doing podcasts.
It's why I do stand up.
It's why I sit and think of jokes all day long.
It's why I think a promo. It's why I do stand up. It's why I sit and think of jokes all day long It's why I think a promo video so people come it's it's it's it can be crippling in a weird way. Let me ask you this
When it was time in grade school for you to get up in front of the class and give like the the the oral
Presentation to the class were you the kid whose voice was shaking because you were so fucking nervous
No to the class, were you the kid whose voice was shaking because you were so fucking nervous? Uh, no.
Wow, okay.
I was like, I was the kid going,
when are they gonna get us up there?
When are they, I like, I, every time, I mean,
like oblivious.
I'm so glad I asked that.
Oblivious to the fact that children
didn't want to be in the talent show?
I was like, can we go twice?
Like, I got fucking so many talents.
Like, when was like, can we go twice? Like, I got fucking so many talents. Like, when they said, I mean, anytime anyone said,
this is like almost embarrassing.
But like, say where to batch a party
and I barely know the groom
and everyone's giving speeches about the groom,
all I'm doing is thinking, I got one that I think will work.
I barely know the fucking guy.
I met him yesterday and I'm like, actually,
I got a funny story and he's like,
who is this?
I'm like, man, I like to talk.
I am horrible about that.
Like if there's any moment,
I was just, I told this on stage one time.
I'm told it before on stage,
maybe I'll tell it in this,
I'm not gonna tell it in the special now.
So I'm telling it here,
but there was a time where,
I was just telling this on a conference call too, literally a minute before you came in. There was a time where, I was just telling this on a conference call too.
Literally a minute before you came in.
There was a woman named,
you may want to edit that out.
And she was running unopposed for PTA as president.
And I knew her.
PTA, you're a cessation.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
And I knew her.
I knew her very well.
We used to hike together.
We used to meet her and my wife and her friend,
my wife's friends used to hike. And then then one day she just stopped hiking with us and started
hiking with s*** and we're like that's all she didn't say anything about it she just started
hiking with s***. But I knew her I did know her right. She was running unopposed as for president
and I said and I'm sitting there I had to be in this f***ing meeting it's eight in the morning
I'm hungover I don't want to be there I got fresh cup coffee at me and I'm like who's running
against s***. My wife's like no one's running unopposed like I'm hungover, I don't wanna be there, I got fresh cup coffee in me. And I'm like, who's running against my wife's like,
no one's running on a pose, like I was not on my watch,
she's not, I mean, I got an opportunity, I get to talk.
Are you fucking kidding me?
This is like five years ago.
And I, and I, they go, and running on a pose is,
I lean back and I go, hey, Steven,
nominate me for president.
He goes, you don't wanna be president, I go, I do today.
He was like, I nominate Bert Christ, where I go, I accept and I delivered the greatest speech that was
delivered that day. I delivered, I can almost remember it. I remember saying that sounded a little bit
trumpy. By the way, this was Trump before Trump. Okay. This was, this was was I did my I gave the greatest speech I
said I said My name's Burkrysha. I'm running for peasant president of the PTA
I used to hike with
And immediately she goes I know where he's going with this and now everyone thinks this is a joke
Including until I said this and she goes oh fuck. He's destroying my character. I go used to hike with
until I said this and she goes, Oh fuck, he's destroying my character.
I go used to hike with sh**.
Every day, me, my wife, sh**.
I used to hike with this woman.
Gotta stop saying her name.
I used to hike with her and then one day
she stopped hiking with us.
She started hiking with sh**.
She never called us.
She never told us why.
We would see her on the same trail over on Framian Canyon.
See her all the time.
She never even brought it up.
It was kind of odd.
Listen, if you're looking for a president who one day will feel like you're not important
to them.
Maybe leave you high and dry and never bring it up, then by all means vote for her.
But if you want someone who's going to meet you at that trailhead every morning for that
hike and take this journey with you, stride by stride, then vote for me,
Burke Crysher for PTA President,
and the place was like,
this guy's got my fucking vote,
and she is like, this isn't real, this isn't real!
And my wife is crying, laughing, and she goes,
you have to take your vote.
I go, I just wanna see what she says.
And she got up, this is, by the way,
this is 100% a true story.
Like, as crazy, she got up, she goes, okay the way, this is 100% a true story. Like as crazy, she got up, she goes,
okay, first off, they walk really fast.
Like, everyone's like, holy shit.
She goes, I didn't, I talked to Leanne, I told,
why we, I never talked to Bert, I didn't tell Bert,
and I'm like, I take back my nomination.
And everyone's like, I wanna fucking vote for Bert.
I mean, if I see a stage,
I want to be on it. And in moments like that, I remember one time in college, they were
the side of the room, it was a debate class. It was like a debate class. And one side of
the room, we were taking, we had to have superheroes. One side of the room had to pick. I wish
this had been on tape. One side of the room had to pick Superman,
and our side had to pick Batman, right?
And we were going back and forth, like Quid Pro quo,
like going battenant back and forth, this is in college.
I gave maybe the greatest borderline racist speech
about immigration and aliens like Superman
coming to our country and taking good hardworking jobs
like Batman to the part
to the part where like everyone the Superman people are like I don't want to be a part of this fucking team
I want to be a Batman steam
I was born in America man
I mean it was the most moving speech
and the most moving speech to the point I swear to God this didn't happen but I feel like it did
that like my whole team was holding my body up, like I was Bobby Schmurder, like,
like,
I'm gonna roll it.
I threw my hat in the air.
I mean, it was so fucking badass.
I love that, I love talking.
I wonder, I think you can make the same argument though
for like, that's why America's great is because we do.
Yeah, if I was on fucking Superman.
I don't know.
I was like, he's merely a human.
I just love, I love a good argument.
I love a good argument.
Good.
Like when, not to fight with people,
but just like, that's what I think
the beauty of being a comic is,
is you take the opposing side of something
and argue it back.
We talked about Hanks the other day,
we're like three, four a month ago.
He's a real treat. He's a real treat. Yeah, I can argue why you should love Chk Hanks the other day, or like through three, four a month ago. He's a real treat.
He's a real treat.
Yeah, I can argue why you should love Chek Hanks.
Well, yeah, I mean, he's like Donald Trump,
he's just pure entertainment.
No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
Oh, I love, I love whittling an argument
that makes you go, huh?
Like,
Oh, you're saying why you should respect Chek Hanks?
Not just like, because I love the guy,
but I don't respect the guy.
Well.
I'm not gonna do the same argument twice,
because I, but I'll tell you what,
I believed my own point so much that I started,
I followed him on Instagram and he gave a speech
that like moved me, that moved me and I went,
because I was going through some shit.
He talked about, now granted it was a black queen in this
as I think he was talking about,
but it fucking connected with me.
And I was like, fuck yeah man,
dude the guys in great shape.
He's doing this 60 day for 60 challenge.
I don't know if you're following him.
I'm like, I'm like a legit chat ex fan now.
Like I legit fucking, but like,
but it doesn't take me, I always look for you.
The jet ex fan, do jet, uh, chat, uh,
chat, uh, chat, uh, chat, I always look for you. The Gen X fan. What do you mean? Chad Hanks.
Oh, Chad Hanks, okay.
I can find the beauty of the people
that people wouldn't find the beauty of.
Okay.
Like, like, let's talk about the JackS Crew, right?
Okay.
Who's the guy?
I forget his name.
He's the guy that had all the beard hairs.
See, that's the thing, dude.
I just made a video about why they call me Steve O.
Yeah, someone just sent that to me.
They're like, you know why Steve Oh's called Steve Oh?
And I was like, no.
It's a fan.
I gotta say, I outdid myself on this video.
I love that energy.
I fucking out did myself.
And I'll just tell you what the more at the end of the video,
I say, and the moral of the story is that really,
if you're looking for name recognition,
it will really serve you to come up with a short goofy memorable name.
Yeah.
And like, like bam, bam.
Like we man.
We oh.
Even Johnny Knoxville's not his real name.
I'm also a good name.
And he's a good name.
Clap.
Clap.
He's a clap is his name.
Which by the way is also a pretty great name.
Which by the way is also an STD.
Clap.
Hahaha. Dude, high school must have been hard for him. Which by the way is also a pretty great name, which by the way is also an STD
Dude high school must have been hard for him
But I but yes show it now that he's thing and I'm not like disparaging anybody Yeah, but the guys with name recognition
Like you just said I don't remember his name. I and I apologize. He's a great member
I fucking love him.
I absolutely love Aaron McGeehy.
But why are you?
By the way, I didn't even know that was his name.
Yeah.
I literally was right.
And I mean, like really, I think that anybody on,
to prove my point, anybody on Jackaz,
who uses on Jackaz, the name that's on their driver's license,
has less name recognition than everybody who came up with a goofy bam we man noxville Steve O.
What's bam's real name?
It's Brandon.
I did not know that.
Exactly Brandon.
And I know a lot about Bam Margera.
I fucking spiral watch.
I fucking feel like there's a part of me that is him.
There's so much of me that is him. There's so much of me that is him. Yeah,
it's you just like the difference is that you weren't like legitimately famous like before
you were a teenager. I think that I think that there's like when you become famous so young,
graduates in skateboarding, but like in skateboarding. And then I mean, Viva La Bam was, Viva La Bam was,
it's own fucking entity.
Like, like,
Bam was great on Jackass.
I would argue he wasn't the best on Jackass,
but he was a great ringleader of his group
of the CKY kids.
But like him on Viva La Bam was really like a real extension
early Viva La Bam. Like when he a real extension early Viva La Bam.
Like when he took it as good as he gave it.
And I don't mean to be critical of Bam.
I know you probably have the sense of this place.
But like, but like, done him.
All those guys were so much fun.
There was his own entity.
And then you're right.
To be utterly famous, I was with him and Ryan Dunn
at an amusement park one day.
We were walking around together.
We were Ryan and I were testing for what became Berth the Conqueror. It was up to me and Ryan Dunn at an amusement park one day. We were walking around together. We were Ryan and I were testing for what became
Bertha Conqueror.
It was up to me and Ryan Dunn.
And yeah, and that crazy.
Yeah, and so I fucking loved Ryan Dunn.
You got to have him, you not.
I remember.
He was legitimately that guy.
He was, he came back from,
so we were riding roller coaster
and we were gonna do the interview
and you had to go in, it interviewed the people doing it,
it interviewed the thing and then we rode a blindfolded
and then we came back and then the next guy would go.
And so I went first, I come back
and then Dunn was with like two other guys
that were from Westchester or wherever they lived
that were like with him to hang out
and he said what's it like?
And we'd already talked it already
and I told him I was a huge fan and that I knew Johnny Knoxville way before jackass and I said I said I told him
what it was I told him what the whole fucking deal was you go over there gonna you know interview
this I'm on I go they're gonna tell you this there but you should get your head around it so he
comes back and his two buddies had ridden the roller coaster with me. Like they had ridden and they told,
and then they rode with Ryan,
and then on the walk back, they told Ryan what I did.
And Ryan came back and he goes,
did you ask if any blind people
had ride that ridden that roller coaster?
And I go, yeah, he goes,
did you really ask if anyone had ridden with a dog?
And I was like, yeah.
And he was like, wait,
you didn't ask any like real questions. I was like, I don't know anything about fucking blind people, Ryan.
And he goes, this guy's a fucking lunatic.
Like whatever I did to do the thing.
He was like, yeah.
And then BAM showed up and he explained my audition to BAM and BAM.
And BAM's like, the fuck kind of questions to those.
Like, oh no, man.
I ended up getting a job.
But we walked around the park together.
The five of us really.
Because there was two of Ryan's friends,
and maybe, but I remember people yelling at Bam and Ryan.
Do jackass!
Do jackass!
And it was such a weird way to get recognized.
I remember looking at them and I was like,
what is do jackass?
And Dom's like, I don't know,
they just want me to get punched in the face, I guess.
And I was like, don't do that.
And he was like, yeah, I'm not definitely not doing it.
But it's like, and so to be that young, and that's, but I identified with I was like don't do that. And he was like yeah, I'm not definitely not doing it. But it's like and so to be that young and that's but I identify with them on like a maybe
some the the boost maybe I identify with this excuses.
I'm like I know yeah, sometimes traveling gets tough.
Dude like I got I got to be careful, but I'm just I don't know how to be careful.
Dude, I gotta be careful, but I don't know how to be careful.
I think that when BAM had his big meltdown,
you know, there was like a tact his manager. Yeah, which one?
And by the way, I am a BAM fan,
ride or die motherfucker from a BAM morgera.
I, is Don Vito, was friends with Ron Bennington.
Like, I mean, his family roots go really thick into like Florida radio. uh... is don veto was friends with ron uh... rebenning ten like i mean his
family roots go really thick into into like florida radio so like i'm a fucking
fan of my countish out out yet
that's a guy love my caltina so like so like yet but uh...
i'm sorry i apologize i cut you off you all good
i just said like that you make a very valid point, which meltdown.
I'm talking about the one,
the one which, it's probably the greatest meltdown
in the long run, you know, I mean,
where like, he attacked the manager at the comedy club,
which like, he just blatantly didn't even,
like, he had sold tickets,
legit, and he liked the comedy club,
but like, missed a show and then like, stormed out after attacking his manager. And there's a lot of like,
disparaging his wife and this and that. There was, I believe that was the same little episode
that had an intervention, which wasn't even gotten a fanfare, it was behind the scenes. And mind you behind
the scenes, there has been like moving mountains, like effort to and just nobody knows that,
you know. Well, I think what it was also not fair. And by the way, you don't have to say
any of this. I'm saying what I'm saying right now, when you do make, I'm just saying this.
And by the way, you can tell me if we want this out of the doubt. I know from my experience
when you make a movie, in order to make a movie, you need to be insured,
you blood pressure needs to be a certain level,
your liver enzymes have to be a certain level.
I know this personally for a lot of reasons,
and you take drug tests fairly regularly.
I did.
Whatever, I don't know what is out there or not.
But yeah, whatever.
But there was a lot going on behind the scenes.
There was an intervention.
There was even a psych ward.
I don't know the, the, the, the, the, the, the,
the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the,
there was, there was a lot.
And then, and then that played right into the doctor field thing.
Oh, yeah.
I don't know.
Yeah, then the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the. Yeah, then the dart, and then there was like with the fucking alphabet. Now we've got this weird alphabet, which seemed like,
I think, you know.
Yeah, I think that there's so many things that go on.
Right, but the point is, when I saw that,
and then just the crazy, it looked like psychosis.
I think it was really like, it looked to me like psychosis,
like this, the manic at this, I was just like, I was like, yes. I was like, yes. He's fucking got to where I was at.
Wow.
He got to where I was at now.
Finally, this will be enough for him to see fucking, like, what I saw.
And now we're gonna fuck you out.
We're gonna, you know, like, you can't, that's crazy.
You can't see that.
Oh, dear, I'm not fucking.
He's got his own house. He's got his own house. He's got his own house. He's got his own house. like what I saw and now we're gonna fuck yeah we're gonna what you know yeah yeah like you can't it's crazy
you can't see that oh dude I'm not fucking he's got his own alphabet I was like he's on airplane I've been there
are you listening to blind mail in I am yeah he's I was just like you can't deny this now yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah
you're excuse you can't make excuses for this anymore. Now you gotta look in the mirror,
you gotta see what's going on,
you gotta fucking do something,
and fuck yeah, because it's all uphill from here.
Now he's gonna get sober,
you fucking this bottom out.
And he got sober.
It's like, I beg of you.
I beg of you.
I beg of you.
Perfect.
And the thing was that like,
it's just that, and I'm just dumbfounded. I'm baffled at how like you can how you can reach these
Pinnacles of fucking rock bottom, you know like I just was a picture of pinnacle that going downward
That's my problem. I've never reached rock bottom. Right. It's it. I'm doing really well
I think you know, hey dude, evidently, you're on fire.
I have a new one.
I've never even got around to kissing your ass yet,
you're on fire.
I mean, like, that's my biggest problem is that,
but my problem is also, and not to parallel this,
but I feel like bam, feels it times,
where you go, I am, the option is this,
sometimes when I find boredom, or can I shake it up
with a little razzle dazzle on a few cold beers, you know?
Where, and I know that feeling, and I,
I want, this is gonna sound narcissistic.
I want a party with him to slow him down.
And be like, I know that's never gonna fucking work.
It's not gonna work.
But like, I, but I,
By the way, I only just noticed your, your whoop band. We gotta fucking give some love to them but later
Oh bro, we'll do it in the ad read the
Yeah, my HRV blows
My
Cover last night. I went to my trainer. Here's see can I tell you my problem with boozing is like are we doing this? Yeah, let's do it
I bet I way below your recovery away my recovery
16%
My strain and by the way I have to do journal every day
No, okay. This is
That this is the thing My HRV is 24.
Okay, did you take your anti-anxiety medication?
Oh, you put that on there?
I'm on Zoloft.
And so that asks you if you think Zoloft has you hold
on to weight sometimes?
Ah, let me have one.
I suppose.
Says a check I dated.
I'm on Zoloft.
Okay, I'll give you a minute.
I hate doesn't do anything whatsoever Okay, I'll give you a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a Like when I'm taking it, like I don't really go to dark places. So that it helps me.
You know, I'm not a doctor, I can't recommend Zolaft anybody,
but I personally think it really helps me a lot.
I could probably benefit from Zolaft.
Yeah, I've been medicated to me after I first started taking
a medicated comedian.
He's like, oh yeah, I take Zolaft too.
Everyone, a lot of people are on.
He sees his funny thing about Zolab when I'm taking it.
I never think about killing myself.
I don't think about killing myself, but I get repetitive thoughts that I can't shut down.
That's a man characteristic of alcoholism.
Clip that out for me.
You can't play that at my funeral.
You can't, you can't fucking turn off your mind.
It's the disease valve cause them centered in the mind.
And it's just like, yeah, your mind terrorizes you with just the same.
It's like, like, here's how normal people think.
Here's how normal people think. They think they use their mind as a tool, right?
They start at point A with like some kind of present me with some kind of thing to figure.
And they use their mind as a tool to get from point A to point B
where something has been resolved.
And now we're good.
We can move on.
But the alcoholic mind doesn't really go from point A to point B.
It takes something that's sort of disturbing,
thinks about it in a circular loop, and resolves nothing.
And then you go around the loop again,
and each time around, it just builds speed and momentum, and you're is nothing. And then you go around the loop again, and each time around, it just builds speed and momentum
and you're resolving nothing.
And every time it just becomes more disturbing
and more disturbing, he becomes so fucking uncomfortable
that you need a drink.
Oh no, I don't need a drink.
I don't need a drink, but it goes fucking crazy like that.
Yeah, because you're trapped.
Yeah, but I'm punitive, so I start going,
you're not getting a treat until we fucking figure this shit out
Right, and then and then I get on the treblor I work out and I go and I'm still not there and I go all right
Well then we're gonna sauna and then we're gonna fucking do some polar plunge
We're gonna get our mind off of this thing. We're chewing on right and maybe it's we call that we call it the spin cycle
I'm I got like you know like it isn't you're not always on the spin cycle. It's like I'm spawning. You know, like it isn't, you're not always on the spin cycle.
But like, first time, first time it happened to me.
I thought, oh, we're just sharing everything.
I had a one night stand and I definitely thought
I got general awards.
I definitely thought it.
Steve, but I could not shut that cycle off
to the point where I was going, and this is,
this is why I don't drink when that happens to me.
I couldn't shut it off because I woke up,
and it was almost like, this is my face
when the thought would come in.
I'd be like, stop it.
Almost like, God damn it.
And the thought was, look at your dick.
Look at your dick.
Check your dick.
Check your dick.
And it was like obsessive compulsiveness.
And then it was like, you know what?
Let's take care of this.
We're gonna get in front of this.
Let's go to the store, we'll get some ten of this. We're gonna get in front of this.
Let's go to the store, we'll get some tenac-dom,
we're gonna spray tenac-dom on our baseball.
It's tenac-dom.
It's for fucking-
Is that like for feet?
It's for feet.
And so we sprayed all, I know I am offering myself up
for a lot of humiliations.
That is my job, I'm cool with it.
And I sprayed all over my dick and balls.
And I go-
Tupac-toned tenac-dom.
Tupac-toned tenac-dom is gonna kick this dick
into fucking order.
And then it got to so bad that I'm like,
that I'm like sitting with my dick and balls
in a bowl of vinegar, white vinegar,
watching quantum leap with a blunt,
and a fucking 40 going like,
fuck it, I gave up, I gave up, and it literally,
it took, it took, not one, not two,
but three doctor visits
for me that believed that I didn't have general awards.
For doctors going, the first one was like,
what are you doing to your dick?
And I was like, well, I've been talking
at White vinegar every night for a while.
And they were like, definitely stop doing that.
And I was like, I'm using tenacton.
And they're like, okay, hold on, using tenacton.
And I was like, that's not the only lotion
in sound I'm using.
I found some stuff in Chinatown.
I got some stuff in Hawaii.
That was a root.
Like I was putting everything on my dick.
Ah!
That's not even an exaggeration.
That is just the truth.
And so then, and then, and then for,
and then can I tell you,
can I tell you how I got out of it?
You're gonna fucking, by the way,
I'm about to let you in on a secret.
To our listeners that you've seen me do.
You've seen me do it.
You've seen me do it.
And I'm a little vulnerable right now, but I don't give a fuck.
Every time I thought about my dick, I would say a prayer to St. Jude.
I would say the prayer to St. Jude.
And I would grab my thing, I'd do a prayer and then I go
and I would do a prayer to St. Jude. So when I was in a bad spot and I had the bad you've seen me do this
how I'm often the dog lately quite a bit quite a bit lately quite a bit lately we've been in a dark spot think about your dick no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, It's all health stuff really. And when it happens, I give a prayer. And it's so that it gets on off my brain.
And that's how I solved it with me was bite.
And I know now people are gonna go OCD and prayer,
like there's a prayer OCD connection
where people like,
I bet.
Oh, there is.
And so I just go,
I just go,
hey man, these are my nooks and crannies.
Like I got weird thoughts.
And this is so good when it comes to like creative for me,
when I get on a thought, I can't let it go and I just keep punching it until I find the way to make
it funny and so I don't want to get rid of it but I would love to never have the, when the stress
builds up in this business, it can just overwhelm you at times where you're like, like my day to day
started at 5.30 in the morning. I'm having the best best day. I'm having the best day today. For real?
Yeah.
Really?
What's your day look like today?
I've done this with you.
Yeah.
And then I'm recording a podcast with a Corey Taylor of Slippnock.
I love Corey Taylor.
I love Corey Mother fucking Taylor.
Yeah.
And you know, like, it is one of the very few cases where the guest actually reached out to me
about can I get on?
Like most of the time it's like-
Yeah, you got a great podcast though.
Yeah, most of the time it's like me reaching out to the people, like you know,
I've got my book are reaching out, but they, this, so we got this request,
the court tailor like, you know, like, you'd love to come on, you're a podcast and here he was on
the broadcast, I was like, oh, well, let me look up the
He's got the best numbers that your broadcast like ever did slip. Oh, it's like I wrote back. Yeah, let's do it
Slipknot's like the fucking slip. That's like the the I'm trying to think of the right analogy like the
The Bob Marley Bob Marley of the comedian Bob Marley like does huge numbers in Maine, right?
Never has to deal with all the bullshit like slipknot does massive fucking numbers
Got a dedicated fan base and puts out amazing music amazing music
Ship like those guys are next. They're like the fish of hardcore
Dude, I got in the slipknot my daughter island. I got in the car. I interview Corey Taylor
I go say talking about I can't stop talking about the interview And I it's how great it was and the island goes who's this guy? And I said, I got in the car. I interviewed Corey Taylor, I go, say I'm talking about, I can't stop talking
about the interview and how great it was
and the island goes, who's this guy?
And I said, you know what,
it's cool introducing your kids to music.
I go and play some of your music,
thinking, slipknot, there's no way
my fucking 13 year old's gonna like this.
She's like, I really like this.
And I was like, really?
Now she's just wearing black.
That's all she wears.
Do you have an album recommendation for me?
First lip night.
What I did was I bought the first five songs on I,
so I always do this.
I go, yeah, I go to like James Addiction.
By the way, James Addiction is a bad one.
I've been into a James Addiction
fucking face right lately.
But like I go to their first,
whatever they say is their first five songs
are the most popular bought.
I listen to those five and then I go.
And then we've used up the band. Yeah, and I got them I go I got them I got them right
see this this my approach to music and I don't even do it or not because I fucking
but ideally what I fucking love is the way that the way the music it it it's music is like a fucking like a disc which you download your
life experience onto.
So whatever phase you're in of your life, you're listening to a certain kind of music,
or a certain album, certain album.
Then later in life, whenever that album pops up, it's going to take you back to that special
time which is fused with that music. This is a brilliant segue into a great segment
called Steve O. Tell me about the music
during that time of your life.
Sure.
Okay, I wanna go first season of Jackass,
first season of Jackass when it pops big,
and you're not really bad into drug use yet,
but you're part of it.
Oh God, I was, I was, I was gnarly into drug use.
Okay.
I've been a circus clown for the six months before,
Jay, my last day in the circus was my first day
shooting Jack S.
So what music were you listening to when you were in the circus?
Like what, what you would listen to a lot?
I had my favorite fucking thing. Was this compilation album of trance music?
I definitely went through a trance stage.
Oh my god. I definitely went through a fucking...
Yeah.
I can tell you where I was in a car.
I went through like a whole fucking phase of that EDM ultimately.
Sure, yeah.
Absolutely.
That whole fucking phase of that 120 beats per minute,
like a trans music, I went through a huge phase of that.
I think that sound like sand blaster.
It's so good.
Oh wait, were you going through ecstasy then too?
I definitely enjoyed that.
I was doing a lot of actually.
I don't remember ever regretting taking an ecstasy bill.
I do one time.
My buddy, Aari, slipped.
Yeah.
I was 48 years old.
I had high blood pressure.
I think maybe there was, there was one time I regretted
because the fuck I didn't work. Oh, we've had one of those yeah, I think there were a couple the main we feel sick
I don't know but overall it's very good experience
It's interesting. I definitely have enjoyed my experiences with drugs and alcohol and I would never want my daughters to do any of them ever at all
I've said to them please please please never take a pill that you don't know what it is. And I actually, I talked to them the other day about Xanax
because I was like,
that's what I do when I was in rehab.
It's fucking, where, where, fucking.
Oh, there.
That's a real pisser.
Fucking shit.
When I was in rehab, for some reason,
just my own little extra curricular activity.
I just pulled out my little notebook
and I was like, let me write down every drug
and fucking what I don't like about it, you know?
This is a fun game.
And I was like, fucking weed.
Okay, weed, okay, panic attacks.
Oh, the fourth is a breath.
The next day trying to get on the treadmill.
Those are my things I don't like.
They were very rare to me,
but it was just like,
what the fucking slave to the munchies.
It's just, you feel good?
Yeah, it's another one.
Yeah, it's just,
we're just,
can't stop eating skittles
and they have never tasted like this before.
Right, it's just like,
with the,
feel gross with all the fucking eating
and like,
and, and,
and one of weed also,
it made my appearance fucking shitty.
Like I already have like really deep set eye sockets
and so like,
I had like,
do I get me dark circles under my eyes when I was super high and I was always
super high so it was just like fuck man so we had fucking fuck that like alcohol
like
there's nothing like cocaine
there's a lot wrong with that
I am just a really annoying I mean I'm like I've attended to be annoying like
anyway of really annoying. I mean, I'm like, I've a tendency to be annoying like anyway. Right? Like,
do not. I did. I imagine you on cocaine on a flight is not
enjoyable. I'm not fun. Yeah. I'm not fun. But I mean,
they all kind of like have their own thing. We don't
even hold on hold on. Let's start. I am 10x. I could not
come up with anything. There's nothing wrong with it. I couldn't come up with anything.
Except the funny part is that one time I was
my sister called in a welfare check on me
and like, and I'm fucking, I had taken,
I just happened to have taken like five bars of Xanax
which is like 25 bills or something.
Right?
And like, I was like, I don't even remember it.
Like, I woke up in the hospital.
I had like firemen and cops like coming on the welfare check
and they like put me on a fucking stretcher
and put me up out into the hospital where I'm like,
oh, fuck, man, like what the fuck am I doing here, man?
I was just fucking hanging out party and doing it.
It's like, I'm feeling to be as relaxed
as you are on a Xanax and see and wake up
and see like a fireman and be like,
Hey, man, how's you getting here? I know and and that I couldn't even come up with that as a con
My only calm was Xanax is for me is I can't take it like it doesn't allow my brain to perform the next day
I did one time I took a Xanax so I would get done doing a show in Dayton.
I got to drive and do Bob and Tom the next day
and I don't want to drink so I got to get up early and drive
so I'm like you know what I'm gonna just take a Xanax
and I woke up the next day and I could not,
I did Bob and Tom and I bombed
because I just couldn't get my brain.
Isn't Bob and Tom the one where they want you to do bits?
Yeah, they back in the day.
Now you can just go and do it.
Like I mean I don't know, I know, I'm maybe I'm at a different place in my career but if I do it now I'm definitely not writing down do bits. Yeah, back in the day. Now you can just go and do it. Like, I mean, I don't know, I know,
I'm maybe at a different place in my career,
but if I do it now, I'm definitely not writing down any bits.
Well, right now, but they want you to like,
take a bit from your act.
Oh, back then, you wrote,
stand up was different than in that you only did,
like everyone only did one hour special
and then you toured with that material also.
So you would, I would write down a fucking
all my bits that I had and I'd give into them.
And I was, why was, I was a really,
by first time doing Bob Atom, it was a really great experience.
And then my next time was with the Xanax,
I wrote down my bits and I just was not in like,
like just everything.
I had a joke about hitting a woman or something
and like the premise was like...
The premise was like, you know why you should never hit a woman and everyone was like,
you're not supposed to hit women.
It's better on stage because no one answers it.
When you're saying to someone, you know why you should never hit women?
They go, yeah, you just don't hit women and you're like, that's not where I wanted this
to go.
I have a punchline I'm sitting on.
And so I forget what the fucking joke was.
I punchline.
I was a great punchline.
Yeah, I was a fucking, I used to take big swings back then.
That's a bad analogy for what I just said.
But I used to take, I used to take,
I have when you're when I was young comic,
I would take fucking aggressive stances on crazy topics
and then defend your head.
I loved it.
How many abortion jokes do you want?
How does someone become an abortion doctor?
Is there really someone in med school thinking,
well, I wanna work with kids, but I don't want all those
lollipops around the office.
And I wanna meet chicks, chicks who fuck,
chicks who fuck, and not take care of their responsibilities.
If you know what I mean, gentlemen,
I had a lot of abortion jokes.
Abortion, it's not murder, but it's not not murder.
I could, but I used to love, that was like the fun,
when you're younger, when you're younger,
you take those big chances, and it's different for you,
because you showed up into this game famous.
So like people knew you, so if you said,
and it was, and it was a crazy time
because people were saying outright,
like I remember roughly around when you were starting
Michael Richards, it started, correct?
Or no, that was down.
Oh, no, no, Michael Richards had come and gone.
Right, right, right, right.
Oh, no.
He was taking big swings like that on stage before then
and you would, and you'd be like,
man, I don't think you know how to get your way out of that.
Like we were figuring it out, but we're figuring it out.
Michael Richards was the first video ever recorded on a cell phone.
I don't remember one before that, I'll tell you how it was.
That was like a flip phone that was just trying out a video camera for the first time.
The problem was with that is, is, oh, it's just, it's just, I don't
want to pile on the guy. The guys had enough bad, but you, there was, as a
comic, there's it, you've just know when you just know people that have said
that word on stage, I've seen people say that word on stage and spin it so
quickly and it's brilliant, right? Like I've seen guys, I've seen guys like,
I've seen guys like, Shepel do things on stage
where you go, what the fuck?
And then he spins it or my caps, my caps is a genius.
Like take something that you don't know where he's going.
Cat Williams is fucking brilliant at that.
Saguara is one of my favorite, my legit one of my favorite
where he says shit where you go. Saguara says, said, favorite, my legit one of my favorite where he says shit, where
you go. Sugura says, says, shuttle stage that we as comics tell each other and go, shut
the fuck up. Like, it's, he's that good. I kind of veered away from it because I started
doing travel channel and I had all these, you know, all these kind of eyes on what I was
doing from the network and from advertisers and sponsors and I kind of veered away from
it and I think I ended up finding my voice by doing Rogan and telling the machine story
and then telling stories and then going,
what am I doing?
I'm doing how many views the machine story on YouTube?
I have no idea.
I think it's like 70 or something.
It's 70 million.
It's got, we don't need to pull it up.
I've,
No, I need to know.
I need to know.
There's a bunch of different ones out there.
The one on YouTube that's got 36 there. The one on YouTube, that's got 36 million.
The one on Facebook's got like a ridiculous amount.
And then there's one on Facebook that had 180 million.
Jesus.
This guy ripped it and just put it up.
And now it was like, I was like,
they were like, we need to get them taken down.
I was like, the fuck we do.
We're selling tickets bitches.
Like I'm running the fucking,
I have members. remember where you are with
China right now.
With Torin. Yeah. Nothing. Nothing for the next six months. Yeah.
I mean me to. Yeah. I'm not doing anything. Um, I got a couple projects on
more and less. It's full capacity. Fucking the king of tour buses. Yeah.
For you, you're killing it on so many levels that like I always say like, I always
say the biggest blessing
You can be given as a comedian is to be a fan because if you're a fan of people then you can always learn for people
I remember going into your house when you're doing your special and you were like you were like
Hey, man, I just wanted to run this by you runs my DS by you see what you thought and I remember going like I remember sitting there going
I'm not calling anyone out. I love Tiffany had his but a little of what Tiffany had is did in her special is what you were doing then
Is is in her especially just one or a fucking Grammy was pulling up a video from and then reference in the
It's like no one was doing it at the time and you're so you were such a guy that was like no boundaries no boxes
I just want to do what I want to do and you were editing your everything yourself
You had your whole fucking system and then shortly thereafter you start your podcast start your YouTube channel and
Your YouTube starts blowing up. I'm sitting with the dog that I'm about to watch the video on and I'm like, God damn it
Man if you don't if you can't respect the game you can't play the game and you got a fucking respect the game and you are
Your podcast is now one of the top 10 podcasts in the country and comedy.
It's like one of the best fucking your YouTube views are through the fucking roof.
I did it like episode two.
It was Tony Hawk then me and you look and now let me
construct because you're the only podcast that I've put up that has passed a million views
on YouTube.
Are you sure?
Yeah, you are the king of my podcast.
I wouldn't mind doing a second episode.
I had to do it. I wouldn't mind doing a second episode, man. Yeah.
I had, dude, I love it.
I absolutely fucking love it.
No, but I'm gonna be good.
Thank you.
You know what happened with that fucking comments?
I was, I felt I was just so onto something.
I had like, would start it with me getting the rocket engine
fuel burns.
I was like, oh, this would be great because, well,
actually, it started with me when I put together
the hour and I thought, you know what?
As I'm putting together this hour,
I'm realizing with the stories I'm telling,
like, you know, one way or another,
like happened on camera, like where there's evidence
of the stories, so wet my head exploded.
I'm like, wow, what if I made the fucking special?
Like, I'm telling the stories on stage,
I'm doing the stand up,
but interstitially cut into the stories
is footage illustrating the stories.
So you've got all the jokes,
you've got all the fucking storytelling,
and you've got the actual visual accompaniment
of like proving that because most comedians,
they're not telling true stories.
You know, like, and not only are my stories fucking true,
but there's footage that's cut in,
I was just like, oh my God, this is amazing.
So then I started thinking, well,
I don't want it to all be memory lane,
like living in the past is depressing.
So now I'm gonna film new bits
and come to let an old bit inspire a new bit
and then like really freshen it up
and fucking make it explosive.
And I'm gonna film, so I decided I'm gonna blow up
my living room and then like I keep doing these,
I keep doing these stunts with explosives in my living room.
I have to want to say where there's fucking smoke pouring out of your house and your your
chicks like, don't worry, I got it. Yeah, 100% and and so like I keep doing these explosions
stunts in the living room, but like I'm getting away with them. Not even getting fucking
hurt. And I'm like, all right, well, this is, I see this as the closer for this.
This is the closer.
I see this as the closer.
Like, something's got happened.
So I keep pushing the boundaries, pushing until,
now I'm fucking laying in a bed of rocketed
and feel on the ground.
And my body's lighted with me laying in it.
And I ended up having skin grafts on 15% of my body.
And I'm like, wow, now that's a fucking closer.
That's a closer shot. I had the closer. And I can like, dude, now that's a fucking closer. That's a closer shot.
I had the closer and I'm like, dude, I'm on to something.
I'm getting jazzed.
I'm like, fuck, I get the most epic closer
that there's ever been for a fucking comedy special.
And it's all exclusive.
It's under lock and key.
And so then I'm thinking, okay,
we're I'm going to shoot the special
because I've got an idea for the opening sequence.
You know, like a lot of times the opening sequence you see the comedian go to the theater.
I'm like, dude, I'm going to get the entire cast of Jackass together for the first time
that we've all been together since we last trying done.
And I'm going to have a fucking billboard truck like it goes through Vegas.
And we're going to fucking duct tape.
The whole cast of Jack is, we'll duct tape me to the billboard truck and then do awful things to me.
And then set me up and we're gonna drive this
fucking truck down the highway.
And your brain says,
I'm not gonna cheat it, start it in L.A. and then just go
meet it in Vegas and do it.
You're like,
We went all the way to Vegas in the first day.
The whole fucking,
I remember when you showed that to me and I went,
you did the whole ride,
I mean you didn't need to and you go, yeah, I did. Well, I remember when you showed that to me and I went, you did the whole ride, I mean, you didn't need to
and you go, yeah, I did.
Well, yeah, I did.
We went all the way to Vegas in one day
and obviously we were never gonna make it through LA traffic
without getting shut down.
So what we did was we built a fucking like,
it's kind of like a coffin-esque looking box
and mounted it over me.
So I was very much duct tape inside the truck,
but there was just a box screwed thing.
We'd go to barstow and then take off the box and we'd fucking let it ride down the highway.
Dude.
But I taped the special in Denver.
So like the next month we went to fucking flew to Colorado and picked up the back half.
So we could be through the mountains with all the snow.
And I'm like, oh my god.
And the symbolism, like it was so symbolic, where like I've really in earnest
like fucking devoted myself to this craft of comedy.
And I'm doing it my own way, it's authentic.
You know, I'm fucking doing the whole thing.
And now I've got the jackass guys
like symbolically taping me to the truck
and sending me off into my, like I had goosebumps dude.
You know, like Knoxville's hitting baseballs at me.
It's like they're signing off on it. You know, they sent me off down the highway
And I'm like dude, I what I've got is so amazing. I've got to make it as good as I can so I did
I brought comedians over to the house like he may kind of get notes on this current
Yeah, and your reaction was like it was it meant the world to me
You were like dude. This is fucking you were like this is something special
You've you've a story in that special that you had video for
that I think of once a month.
Once a month I think of.
The International Drug Smuggling.
I got arrested for international drug smuggling
while I was out on bail, facing eight years in prison.
And it was because you swallowed the marijuana
and it got stuck in your throat.
And it was too big, guys, I've got it.
It was too big, it got stuck in your throat.
It was too big and stuck in my throat, dude.
It's like a, like, when I, I mean, I love a good story, but that story has, it's got,
it's got like, it's got like, like going it may it's one of those stories
Where you go where if I take vitamins and they go down the wrong way? I think of that story
And I go oh remember the time Steve. Oh got a fucking out of weed stuck in his throat
Yeah, I did listen a quarter but
Who's just one real big bud, but right?
I didn't even take the five so fucked up on coke and everything at the time I swallowed that that I didn't even break the fucking buds off the stems
Yeah, I was out of my mind. How did that get out again? Don't I mean don't ruin the story if you haven't put it out
To save it save it yeah, because it's a good like that when I buy for the it's in the special
That is the crown jewel of that special and and dude by the time I got I believed in this so much
I was like I was like, I'm gonna fund shooting the special myself
Yeah, you know and and just that one night was like like a fucking 175 grand or something like then I
I put it I was like I'm all it fucking like all with all of the bits like flying in the jackass guys running the billboard to the whole thing like all of the
You know the vignettes the the for the new footage by the time I got done producing this thing
I I had invested
$300,000 of my own money in it and I'm like okay, dude
Fuckin I've got it. This is the most amazing thing. It's the first multimedia comedy special ever
It's the first jackass reunion ever. It's the first jackass reunion ever
It's like this is fucking and and so I take it out
to it's all the buyers and they all fuck that maybe like any like a basic cable or whatever like there's a lot of
There's a lot of places. I'm talking about a lot of play but any place that it would work
It was either two full of nudity and criminal behavior
and like explicit shit to live.
It was either too fucked up to live anywhere,
but the places that it could live,
like weren't willing to get into the business
of Steve O stand up comedy.
They were like, you know, we don't,
we don't, we don't, we don't,
it's just something we want,
we only want prestigious stand upup comedians and they just overlooked
prestigious have you seen our acts?
Like what we do is fucking silly right and there's no prestigious. I mean
J.P.L. is doing they didn't want to cross over guy
They they they viewed me as the jack as guy crossing over in a standup house You're crossing over. You've been doing standup for what?
I've been touring my ass off for well over a decade now. Yeah. There's I was talking to Jeremy Piven
about this the other day. He's respected man. I introduced him the other night. I was doing this
outdoor show in Hollywood and I was like, yeah, I've got to bring him up and I was like, you know,
I was I was like, hey, this next guy, when he started doing standup comedy, I was like, yeah, I've got to bring him up. And I was like, you know, I was like, hey, this next guy,
when he started doing stand-up comedy,
I was just really curious and I looked it up.
And like every review of his comedy came in favorably.
Like, the guys are in respect as a stand-up
and I'm happy to introduce him,
fucking Jeremy Piven.
He's a great guy.
I mean, I did a podcast with him.
The other like, I don't know when I did it.
We're when this is coming out versus,
if you haven't seen it, I don't know when it's coming out.
But you like, you can't, and it's a very natural instinct
for comics to begrudge people getting into industry.
Same thing happens with chefs,
when you get, when all of a sudden,
like celebrities be cut, like, they-
DJs.
They attack Christy Tegan.
I mean, I'm by the way, I'm not making fun of them.
Just someone just throw me, it's Christy Tegan. I mean, I'm by the way It's Christy Tigan
How do you fucking pronounce it? Oh my?
I don't know
Oh
And yeah, I love her because she follows me on Twitter. We follow each other on Twitter
I think she just deleted her Twitter FYI giving you heads up
What the fuck is sticking me with this thing?
your heads up. What the fuck is sticking me with this thing? How do I get this thing out?
Um, Christy, how do you get, Christy?
Christy, Tegan. Christy, Tegan.
Okay, Tegan. Oh, it's Christy.
It's Christy. She is. By the way, she is absolutely gorgeous.
And can I tell you, I kind of slept on that.
Like I did, I just did like the first few times. I was like, I sprayed it whatever, whatever.
And then I saw a picture of her with like, I think she was with Whitney Cummings. Yeah, Whitney's, I was with like the first few times I was like, I said, pretty whatever, whatever. And then I saw a picture of her with like,
I think she was with Whitney Cummings.
Yeah, Whitney's, I was with Whitney the other night.
Whitney's great man.
Yeah, I mean, whatever.
Ha ha ha ha ha ha.
Take it and leave it.
But, uh, right.
You're in a female comedian.
So dude, I'm not, I'm $300,000 into this thing.
The fucking Netflix doesn't want it.
Fucking HBO doesn't want it.
Showtime doesn't want it.
Well, I would, I would push pauling all your sales
and wait till the new Jackass movie comes out.
Well, no, because what I did, here's what I did.
I was like, I was heartbroken.
Yeah.
The very first movie I made was to double down.
And I love your brain.
And the very first movie I made was to double down because I already knew your brain. And the very first move I made was to double down
because I already knew what my follow-up to this was going
to be, what my next tour was going to be.
And I said, for my next tour, there will be no memory lane.
It will be all new material.
And it will be all structured around completely brand
new stunts, which are so fucked up
that they can never even be a part of Jackass to begin with.
And I'm going to, and I'm not going to edit it in after the fact.
I'm going to bring the footage on tour with me.
So it's my bucket list tour.
And the bucket list is just the bottom of the barrel stunts that were never supposed to
happen for a lot of really good fucking reasons.
You know, because they shouldn't have fucking happened.
But I went ahead and did it in many way.
And then I made the, I took off eight months of touring
after I taped that first measure,
the multimedia special.
And I just shot the new bits
and I built the stand up round it.
So now the new act is I tell the bit of the,
the most absurd stunts you've ever
fucking heard of in your life.
And then you've done things I didn't know were possible.
Yeah, and then after each bit, then I screened them.
So now you just heard this hilarious stand-up story and then now I'm gonna
Present
Super fun and I bring it on tour with me and I was like, you know what?
They don't want the fucking then the fuck it. I'm already shooting the next one
And I and then it was during the pandemic that I figured it out
So I'm gonna put this out on my own website, you know, like it's just you know
Like and and that was when I got duct taped to the billboard in Hollywood
I remember that I remember that was like trending in the like Steve Oh, and I was like yeah, I was fucking and Jack can believe it
Shit, what what billboard were you on dude that chose the one with the you can see the Hollywood sign right behind you pull it up
Keep hold up. Yeah, and but dude like I
F***ing got my money back. I fucking did actually really well with that really with my own fucking straights
Straits and fucking you've always been able to do well with that
Direct to consumer dude, you're like some empty hammer of of fucking
low is that
Steve oh, gnarly. Oh, that's fucking yeah
Lowes that Steve oh, gnarly. Oh, that's fucking yeah
Dude and do everybody listen to this please go to stevo.com
You have to click to confirm that your 18 years are older to even watch the trailer because it's so fucked up
And and and dude just check out the trailer
Fucking think about think about if you want to watch this or not. I
Guarantee you will not be fucking disappointed. Oh, I guarantee it. I can guarantee it. Yeah, because you guys can't.
Yeah, I've seen it. I've seen it. Yeah, I guarantee it.
You go to stebo.com and you fucking watch my
gnarly comedy special because fuck everybody who
fucking missed the boat on that.
And now you know what's gonna happen because I
double down when I have my bucket list comedy special,
which I will do the same exact fucking thing with.
Now I think I will have proven my fucking point
and I will actually have proven
what this fucking bucket list special is worth.
Yeah, and then we'll have to end.
And if I wanted to, I could put it out when Jackas comes out
but the bucket list tour has so much legs left
that it would be like, it would be a disservice to myself
to shoot that special before I properly fucking tour the world with it it. When did Jack has movie come out do you know?
scheduled for September. This September? This September. When did you finish? I don't
know if I should say this but uh... Then don't. That's why my brain's been
working. I have an idea.
Maybe I shouldn't.
You know what I did?
I took Twitter off of a phone.
I know I'm gonna promote it.
I'll tell you this.
I know when they, because the elephant in the room is our age, you know, the guys are
we're fucking like, yeah, yeah.
I'm like, one of the few who hasn't turned 50 yet.
I'm just kidding.
I don't know.
Not so much. I'm just turned 50 yet. Oh yeah, I don't know. Not so much.
Just turned 50.
He's like, you know.
Dave England turned 50 a little while ago.
Preston Lacey turned 50 like.
Holds ponies.
Same age as me by month.
Okay, no.
And we're both 46.
God.
I'm June, he's July.
And we're the same age.
Okay, so the elephant in the room is you guys
are either pushing 50 or over 50.
Like what the fuck? And what's it like filming a jackass movie when you're this old? Yeah, and I figured out the answer
It's just about exactly the same as it ever was all the chemistry is there except our bones break a lot easier
and
and
and and and and it takes way less to knock us completely unconscious plus it takes a lot longer for us to wake up so this movie fucking kicks ass you know
I got the scars to prove it dear All kinds of new hardware in my collarbone. What the fuck?
Yeah.
Did you break your collarbone?
Oh, dude.
Not for the first time, but boy did I break it this time.
Yeah, and so I got this bitch in fucking hardware in there.
I love my hardware, dude.
So after a year, you get it out and you get it mounted in the same exact fucking position
on like a replica model of the bones.
I'm working on a fucking whole skeleton dude.
We are so different.
Yeah, oh man, it's really, I just really stand by what we did, man.
It's fucking...
Did you guys see Tom's dunk video?
With the short hoop no no where he blew out his knee and broke his arm. Oh shit. Yeah, he could
All kind of shit on Instagram about that. Yeah, he was what was up with with
Christina and all the tattoos and shit and like that right when she upgraded
herself that was they did a live show they did they we we've done a couple
two bears and your mom's house does live shows and she went into a to a makeup
artist who went and did all the shit to her and give her tits and lips and tats and personality.
I so do it.
By the way, can you put the, this is so crazy.
The biggest transformation I've seen, can you pull up your
YMH, do the YMH Instagram?
It's unbelievable.
Your own Instagram, go to your own Instagram.
And then look at Tom in this picture. He looks absolutely
Dapper scroll down look at now. Where's the picture of Tom and Christina? Yeah, I think I saw
Tom and Christina together where he's in the suit. It was on your mom's house
It's on YMH studios. No, it's not I don't think it's on Tom's I
Sort of got to think it's on YMH. Oh, yeah, no, think it's on Thoms. I swear to God, I think it's on YMH.
Oh yeah, no, it's what you're right.
You're right, I'm wrong.
Look at him in this fucking picture.
Yeah.
If this isn't a bloated Jason Statham,
I mean, the two of them together,
he looks so good, and that's his good hand.
He's looking off.
This motherfucker is such a liar.
I go, he texts me and he's like,
he tells me a video, I just want to show you something.
And he's playing the piano.
And I go, oh my god, you're playing the piano?
He's like, yeah, I thought I'd learn.
And I was like, oh really?
And I was like, yeah.
So I went into the break as a body in November.
December.
December, it's been almost five months now.
I realized today, the doctor made him take piano lessons so we could learn how to use his fingers again
Oh wow he didn't want to learn how to play the piano like some highfalutin fucking
European did he learn like I thought you were gonna tell me like he became like
Proficient and I'm no he's just learning how to go dunk dunk dunk
Because he's got a he's got like his baby hand the one I reset for him
Dude, I'm so jealous of the fucking the viewership on YouTube that this two bears and one cave gets
I mean you guys are clocking like a fucking million views like in 24 hours. Yeah, but it's all white man
No one wants them these days
I mean dude when when when I when I saw the email and I was sure where to kiss your ass sooner.
And that's what I got.
Steve, by the way, come back and co-host with hot beer.
I'm gonna be gone.
Dude, I love it.
That's what I got when I saw the request to co-host two bears on camera.
I was like, oh, my fucking god.
Because I've seen the numbers that this podcast.
This one's gonna go through the fucking roof.
We're showing Dix with a pretty please up front
within the first seven minutes.
We have re, we know we've solved me to culture
by saying all kinds of things to do is go,
kind, would you like to see my dick?
She goes, yeah, girl, I need you to say please.
Can I please see your dad?
And then you go, you're on her.
She said she, please, I'm gonna see my dad.
Ah!
Ah!
Right.
Yeah, it's like the vampire.
You have to be invited.
Yeah, yeah!
Ah!
Ah!
Ah!
He's like, consent to the next level.
Right, consent to consenting.
Ah!
Ah!
Right.
This one's gonna be through the fucking room. Yeah, I was I was I'm so I mean
I don't want to say like jealous or yeah, I'm just fucking impressed by like
Put two bears one cave next to
Fucking broadcast like it's it's I mean, it's crazy, you know like the some of the parts is is
It's crazy, you know, like the sum of the parts is is
Burkass isn't as good as two pairs one cave. I'll say that I've been a lot of burkass. Dude you guys don't even need guests. Can you imagine you don't even need guests like all that
Like the all the anxiety the stress of having to book that fucking epic guest like you don't know how to deal with it
It's tough and you know that by your podcast is you get and you've got great guests
Dude can I brag about who he just did?
Please, Mark Cuban.
First question I asked him, how the fuck did we get you?
What are you doing?
I got him.
He said he was, he said he was, I am.
He excised to you.
He just, nah.
He said he's a huge man.
I'm like, for you?
Yeah, I've done, it was the,
I've never, I've never prepared more for a podcast than Mark Cuban. And like, because
my dad was so impressed that we got him. And I knew my dad was like, this is like, that
what you're talking about. I want to impress my father. I want to like, I was performing
for an audience of one. My dad will watch this and go, my son's legit.
Like he's way.
And I couldn't wait.
Like I couldn't wait.
So before the podcast went up, you're still not up.
So, but now it will be.
But I couldn't wait.
So we fucking put it together.
We uploaded the fucking thing.
No ads, no nothing.
And to dad, I couldn't wait.
You have to see this.
You know, I've been. And then the whole time Mark humans like Steve at that one time that you put a funnel
You're
Like
My business
I miss it 300,000 x 1.3 million
I wasn't even chirping there I was but yeah, then my dad saw it like talking coming up and he's like yeah, and
He acknowledged that it was fucking awesome. He was fucking amazing. It was fucking awesome
He'd be also had like all his creep feedback and notes and and like you just can't even
It's my dad. He can't even like stop to like. I don't know when I'd ask Mark Cuban.
My first question would go,
are you actually Cuban? Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha I just got to get my stuff out of the box. I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like,
I'm just like,
I'm just like,
I'm just like,
I'm just like,
I'm just like,
I'm just like,
I'm just like,
I'm just like,
I'm just like,
I'm just like,
I'm just like,
I'm just like,
I'm just like,
I'm just like,
I'm just like,
I'm just like,
I'm just like,
I'm just like,
I'm just like,
I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I I know exactly what I want to talk to Steve about. I don't need to prepare it at all.
Right, I mean, for the most part I don't,
and it works great.
Your podcast is awesome, man.
Your podcast is legit awesome.
The one you do with Pontius,
and I keep going back to Chris Pontius,
but I really do think that guy,
he's a genius.
He's a genius.
He's an absolute genius,
and I'm going to tell him as soon as we fuck him,
finishes that he has been dubbed
the Rosa Parks of homophobia.
Face time, I doubt he has an iPhone. For something about me goes, Chris Pony is still as a flip phone.
Or he just talks on on on on star. Like there's like something interesting about that guy.
Do you think here's the question I always wonder? Do we could do a podcast every week here? I think.
This has been effortless at an hour 21.
My normal co-host is a fucking bore.
I have to interrupt them.
Ha ha ha ha ha.
There, in your cell phone when you put in famous people, are you scared to put their real
name?
Well, that's so interesting.
I put in regular people as famous people.
So when my phone rings and it's my buddy Bill, it comes up Tom Cruise.
No, no.
People are like, Tom Cruise is calling you right now.
And I'm like, what do you put Mr. P's?
I'm not Mr. P's, though.
Mr. P's.
By the way, never expect him to pick this up.
Yeah.
Not that bad.
He seems like a guy.
Can I tell you what I think Chris Ponyus is doing?
He is loading his surfboard into the back of a truck trying not to hit his guitar
And there's a fucking dime in a bikini who just lit a joint like Chris we should get fish tacos
Like I have I have ideas of like what guys lives are like like yeah noxville is a noxville is an interesting guy
Like I and I and I said to the people that don't know about it. Have you had Knoxville on?
No.
Any-year-old buddies?
No, I wouldn't say buddies, but I, I met Johnny,
I met Johnny Knoxville in 1997 at Florida State.
He and another guy, I'd love to know
who the other guy he was with was.
Can you call Johnny Knoxville, do you think he'd answer?
More likely.
More likely, more likely.
What if he's in a suit and a tie?
He's like, oh, I got a,
I'm not praying friendly.
Hold on any messages here.
Do we want to try FaceTime?
Always FaceTime.
Okay.
Only FaceTime people.
Okay.
I would.
Can I brag about how we were?
Oh, I should.
I brag about how we were, oh I shouldn't.
Yeah, how much editing goes into your podcast? Like, this podcast zero.
Oh, I'm not.
Zero.
Like, if you ever want to take something out,
we can always take something out.
No, I'm not sure.
But I'm just wondering, like, just little nips and tucks.
Like, no, no, I think people have started to get
endeared to that.
What a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit. Yeah, I got, I got, I struck out with the no, I think I think people have started to get endeared to that
You have him as piggy bank
No, we should probably wrap up I gotta take a shit
We could do it every week. Hey, I was here. I'd fucking do it. I would love to have, and Jay, how about you,
you were my second podcast right after Tony Hawk,
you were in the van before the fucking coronavirus thing.
I was, even, even before it even popped off.
Like hungover and I was sweating and I was just crying.
You would come to the airplane.
Oh, I was drunk.
I wasn't hungover, I was drunk.
It was, it was like like and people are like dude
This is my favorite one like it's just so conversation. It's just so like we're keeping a train going
Because this is gonna be a lot of people's favorite one when Tom isn't here like this is gonna be probably their favorite co-host
They've had because this is I mean what did broke barriers? We saw a lot of problems. Hey congrats on everything. Congrats on the podcast.
We'll brag about this. You've done hot ones. Is that like the most viewed interview?
I think so. Yeah. More than Letterman. I think mine has passed like 30 million views.
Oh yours. Yours and like there were some that were epic
that but mine was like early hot ones when like,
when like it was just pop guys.
I'm just throwing this out there.
Tomorrow, I'm filming my second hot ones.
Are you really?
I'm like, I think they want me on again.
Shut the fuck up.
I don't know if I have to know if anybody's done it twice.
I think, uh, I think some...
See if anyone's done Hot Wings twice.
Yeah, it's anyone.
No, I don't think anyone's doing it on Hot Wings twice.
I mean, dude, if I have that, dude, I'm...
I was killing myself, fucking kicking myself,
how I fucking did Hot Wings before I had my own brand of hot sauce.
And now...
I have your done-your-hot sauce.
Oh, dear, I remember you were like,
it's fucking, uh...
Is that any, what's the word?
Don't go, is that any, what's the worst?
Type in has, uh...
I can just call, I can just call Sean Evans.
That's it, Bill, pick up.
By the way, aggressive FaceTime, always.
Yeah, Chris, yeah. If you'll pick up by the way aggressive face time always
Sean Evans has a new number Oh shit, dude either that or we're about to face time someone who's not the Sean Evans. I think it is
Bert I think you and Tom both did it twice. I did it twice way
God imagine find out that I'm not that big of a deal. I only did it once.
Yeah, that's me.
You want to know what the front works for?
Wow, we're really drawing fucking blanks on FaceTime these days.
What the fuck?
Sean Evans.
Hey dude, what's up?
Hey, I'm on a podcast.
Two Bears One Caves.
I got Steve over here.
No.
Hey, we're asking, has anyone ever done hot ones twice
Well during this quarantine Tom did it twice you did it twice. Oh, I did
Forgot I forgot
I thought you were talking about the TV show I did the TV show also I did the TV show
You're right. I did do it on zoom. I fucking forgot about that. I was thinking about the TV show I did the TV show also I did the TV show you're right I did do it on zoom I fucking forgot about that I was thinking about the TV show I when you said twice I went I can't I
just went from the coolest dude to fucking not that big of a deal you look good and
progression stock just went through yeah we'll see you tomorrow. No, dear, I love it, man. All right, brother, everyone, check out Hot One,
Sean Evans, you're a god, I love you, brother.
Dad, fucking epic.
All right, peace.
Yeah.
See, oh, yes, I have done it twice.
Oh, my God, dude, that's the dear.
Okay, now we need to talk about how unfired you really are.
No, no, when he said I'd done it twice,
I knew that I did the TV show.
I did, they had a TV show on True TV and I,
or on something like that, and I did that.
And I thought when you said,
Bert, you did it twice, I was like, no, no, no.
And then I forgot.
I did.
I mean, dude, how do you forget that you sat down
and ate hot ones?
Because ultimately I've done it four times.
Because so we did, so we did.
I'm more of a...
Tom and I did one with him.
So like, I get confused.
Did you know how much of the fiber of my being
is crying out to say edit out this part?
But I can't do that.
No, Tom and I did one with him.
I got to take a s...
I get to truth or dab, right?
And then we did, and then I did hot ones.
And then I did hot ones for the TV show.
And then I did, I did do a fucking...
I'm just gonna take this on the chin, dude.
Leave it in.
Because that's the kind of guy I am, dude.
Leave it in.
Leave it in, dude.
Oh my God.
And all fairness and all fairness and Sean Evans will tell you this.
I was like the first person way back in the day to get in on hot ones and start retweeting
it very early when he was just doing athletes and hip-hop stars.
Like I was like, this shit's awesome, this shit's awesome. He will say this.
I'm the first, I wasn't even a celebrity,
I'm not one now, but the celebrity
to like start coastlining on the show.
And I started hitting him up, like when are you gonna have
comics on, when are you gonna have comics on.
And then he texted me one day and he's like,
do they're letting us have comics on, I gotta get you on.
I was like, done.
And by the way, I didn't deserve to be on the show
at that time.
I really didn't.
And the first person I said was you gotta get time to go on.
I said, you gotta get Joey Diaz on,
you gotta get Bill Burr on.
I went through the list of all the guys.
I was like, you gotta get these comics on.
And they started murdering it.
And I was like,
the caliber of guests on that show is,
it's, I mean, with comics,
I definitely was like leaning towards Sean.
Like there are certain guys that like Joey Diaz,
Bill Burr.
I think that's Bill Burr done it.
I think he has. Yeah. I think he has.
Yeah, I think he has.
And so, so, uh, I've never kept going like,
do you gotta get Rogan on?
And then he, um, yeah, birded it.
And so, but then all of a sudden,
like by the time he started having these guys,
it was like when you did it, it was like next,
because you're next couple.
I think I was season two.
And when, let's see, see, go to Hot One's page.
Uh, I'm curious.
Shot ones?
I would, by the way, why hasn't that been done?
Hahaha.
Hahaha.
Hahaha.
Hahaha.
Hahaha.
Hahaha.
Hahaha.
That's drunk history.
Hahaha.
Shot ones is, look who the fuck he's got on now
He had put his in Trump on
Paris Hilton of these are all Kevin James dust in poirey
Oh my god, I mean this is insane. This shows so much bigger than it's crazy. It's so big
It's my, dude. It's so big.
It's fucking crazy.
Tala's Contoros, Tacros Contoros.
And dude, the king of Hawan's was Gordon Ramsay.
Oh, I still make scrambled eggs that way.
At the end of the video, he said, I would love you to show me how to make...
Is this dude, go do this.
Oh my God, 84 million. Go buy views on this one, who's
the highest?
Look at this, 84 million, 42 million, 28 million, 28 million, 28 million, keep going,
hit that little arrow, 28 million, 24 million, TMP, 23 million, where's Burdat?
About to be like fucking what, at least.
He's got six million?
Doesn't look like you're in this section. Oh, I was even in this section. I don't know
all of fame. Oh, that breaks my heart
Kevin heart
Not even remotely Hall of Famer by the way, I don't deserve to be in all honesty. I'm not as good as these guys
Yeah, but dude fucking let's talk about the cabin dude. Kevin was pretty legit
How did that fucking change the landscape of your life and your career?
It did it changed a lot. I think a lot of people that watched it were people in different jobs in the business
Who were like hey man, would you like to try this and I was like a bunch?
Should I got that I've always wanted to try showed like
It's it was just like
Prime real estate
in the media landscape.
And it framed you as the ringleader of the biggest comics.
Well, I got really lucky in that.
All my friends said yes.
And so I got all these great, great comics to do it.
I mean, there's some that, there's some that like,
fell out like day of, two days of,
which I would love to have had.
Yeah, I was, I was a little bit hurt that I was.
I submitted a list.
You should have seen the list.
You know what we did?
We did.
Can I, I'm gonna send this to you.
Hold on.
I'm gonna send this to you.
We shot this thing,
because I had a huge list of who I wanted on.
And then Netflix obviously whittled it down to who, like it was certain people that Netflix wanted to have on where you were
like yeah I love that person of course and then like oh they got a project or whatever.
So I had a big list of who I wanted and they're like you're not going to get any of these
people. I said can you just give me a shot and they're like and by the way you can play
this on the show put your headsets on. So they go, they said, I said, there was a big list of people
I wanted to get on.
I obviously, I'm not even joking, I did say I wanted to get
all the JackS guys on.
And they were like, yeah, great.
A lot of people's agents just turned it down immediately
because they were like, I don't know who bird is,
I don't know what this show is.
This show has no script, it has no parameters.
It seems like super dangerous.
And so they said, we're not gonna get any of these people.
I said, can you just give me an opportunity?
You can send me up direct.
I'm not, I can't do that.
I wasn't allowed to do that to anyone.
I had to send a video to agents, managers,
everyone attached.
And so I made this video.
I made them specifically for my friends
or people I wanted.
So go ahead and play this one and then play the next one.
No, I absolutely love it guys.
I use a brilliant idea.
Now we need an A-lister.
Hey, my name's Bert Kreyser.
I'm a stand-up comedian and I have a new series
on Netflix called The Cabin.
And you're getting this message because quite honestly,
I am a huge fan of yours.
Donnie and or Mark Wahlberg.
Now, I know you already want to pass.
I understand that.
I'm gonna tell you why you shouldn't pass. A, it shoots in Malibu, really easy, right? B, we only need you already want to pass. I understand that I'm gonna tell you why you shouldn't pass a it shoots in Malibu
Really easy, right? B. We'll need you for half a day. So you're in and out of there see it's super light lifting now
If you're still on the fence, let me tell you a little bit about me. Please welcome
For a christian athlete
You bet so we did we did
We did a 150 of those and we put every celebrity's names in in voice drops
So play the next one the next one's identical except it says
So you do shot it 150 times. I shot it once and then we just air dropped everyone's name in so do it again
So this is-
I absolutely love it guys.
I think it's a brilliant idea.
Now we need to name Lister.
Hey, my name's Bert Kreiser.
I'm a stand-up comedian and I have a new series on Netflix
called The Caving.
You're getting this message because quite honestly,
I'm a huge fan of yours.
Snoop Dogg-y Dog.
Now, I know you already know that,
I understand that.
I've got it gonna cut us out.
So we put like 150's left.
You're not allowed to call him Snoop Doggy Dog.
It's gotta be Snoop Dogg
because there was ownership of that name
tied up with Shook Knight.
Oh, for real?
Yep.
I just call him my friend.
So, so I, as we sent out a ton of those
and what is really hilarious is obviously it's meant to be a joke. We'd hope that someone would get it and be like, all right, this guy's out a ton of those, and what is really hilarious is,
obviously it's meant to be a joke,
we'd hope that someone would get it and be like,
all right, this guy's got a sense of humor.
And then my real plays after that are like a version
of my real played after that to let them know who I was.
And then, but people that call back were like,
like Dustin Hoffman, like kids with a legit phantom on, you know?
Let me, I'll hear him out. And we're're like no, that's not what we're looking for actually Dustin Hoffman is not the real person
I'm using like only I'm doing that to save the person that but like there were a couple of people that were like
You guys sent me a personalized video. I mean
We were like I don't think you're right for the show
But I would have loved I literally said I want the whole crew of Jackass and I was like
bring him up.
I go, you know, crazy would be it.
And I'm certain they reached out and agents just passed agents passed a lot because they
were like, it had no, we had no frame of reference for what the show was.
I guarantee you, like every fucking offer
no matter how shitty it is, I get an email,
it says, is it okay to pass on this?
Oh, I don't.
And I get a kick out of it
because like sometimes like I'll be like,
I'll just be, it's such a pass.
I'll be like, wow, that's such a pass.
Thank you, that really, like, break my mind.
Oh, I've gotten projects that people come up to me.
I want to say, why does to me and they're like,
I want to say that now, that's like me confirming that I
fuck it.
There's a lot of things to come your way that you go,
it's just not right for me, I'm sorry.
And I don't get a lot of the projects come my way because I
don't mean this disrespectfully, but unless I know the dude,
like unless I know the dude, we're on like Greg Garcia,
if he wanted to do a project with me, I'd drop everything.
There's, there are two seconds.
I'd go, and I would work with and I'll heartbeat.
There's like,
Do you have tattoos?
No, I'm done.
Oh, it's epic.
Yeah, I know, can you believe it?
But like, there's a lot of people that I'd want to work with,
and I think everyone in my team knows
who I'm really excited about,
and I really just want to do my stuff.
I want to do my stuff.
I want to write it, produce it, have someone direct it
or whatever, but I just wanna do me,
and the cabins are perfect example of that.
And I think a lot of people in our business
are doing that right now.
They're like, I just wanna do my shit.
And I don't wanna do other people shit.
And the cabin was a, like, we've saying,
people would be like,
I just wanna do my shit and have everybody else do my shit.
I don't wanna do anybody else's shit.
I don't wanna do it. I don't wanna play, I don't do anybody else is shit. I don't want to do
I don't want to play
I think bird is like I want to play bird. I want to be the bandwagon
I want to ride my own co-tails
I
Just want to ride Tommy's co-tails for as long as I fucking can
Fuckin well this we should probably wrap this up. I'm supposed to take my daughter's camping cool man
And I'm gonna get fucking lit tonight. Do you have an RV?
No, no, no, we got a campsite up in I guess I say this we're already be done with it
Or will have been murdered up there in Oxnard
We're going up to Oxnard and going camping for the weekend
I love my RV dude. Oh
Yeah, that's why yeah, the RV that we'd put on the great one. Well, right. It is my podcast studio, my tattoo parlor,
which is why I asked if you have tattoos.
Oh, no.
I'm giving epic tattoos now.
And now you're giving them?
Yeah, it's my fucking movie trailer.
It's my surfing, fucking adventure mobile.
I'm a start surfing.
Not only am I giving tattoos, like it is fucking shocking how well I'm doing.
I gave all of these with the reference.
Holy shit.
How did you get that too?
My buddy Tommy gave that to Skatewear Legendian Di Roy.
I love Andy Roy.
He had to push him along.
For real?
Yeah.
He had that too.
Maybe you should show these to the camera, sorry. Ah, I'll pick it up from here.
Not, I'm showing you. Yeah. You get that to the Kashi 6-9?
In the midst of his snitching trial, I gave a portrait of to Kashi 6-9 to a fucking kid from B.M.3-F.
Well, that kid makes a lot of regrettable decisions.
Well, that kid makes a lot of regrettable decisions. That's what I'm being.
If I can do now, I can do the cream of the crop James.
Best, the best.
Look at the fucking detail on Jesus writing dinosaur.
That's, you're actually not that bad.
Look at this, oh, the egg in the egg man, I'm going to go to Scott
and then now to the crumb jaw.
Look at that.
Just show that one to the camera.
That's a legit one right there. I thought I did that.
Oh, whoops.
Can I tell you, I could really get into tattoo removal
that looks so methodically hypnotizing,
like just that,
da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da,
like you're mowing the grass, but from God.
Like if God was mowing lawns,
that's what it would look like.
But da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da look like. But I can't wait for the News Jackass movie.
Thank you for doing this.
You are an epic, epic co-host.
I'm talking, you know what we should do?
Hall of Famicohosts.
Hall of Famicohosts.
Put it down, guys.
We want your top five, and I know what your number one is.
It's gonna be based on views, right?
Isn't that what the Hall of Fam is?
Yeah, I just hope that you beat Leanne.
That's all.
Yeah.
Yeah, I just, I don't, I don't like that Leanne's got more views on her co-hosting than I do.
Like, on the majority of mine, don't hold a candle to the fucking Leanne's.
One time, she comes in and razzle dazzles with her hair or snake oil red neck medicine.
I love my wife, I love my wife, I love my wife.
I love you, dude, thank you, brother.
I love you too, brother.
Thank you.
Bird time, time and bird.
One goes top to swallow the other, wears a shirt.
Tom tells stories and birds, the machine.
There's not a chance in hell that they'll keep clean.
Here's what we call, two bears one cake.
No scripts to bet a booze, amateur, fatology, dirty jokes,
ranchy humor, no apologies.
Here's what we call, two bears.