2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer - Ep. 84 | 2 Bears 1 Cave w/ Tom Segura & Godfrey

Episode Date: June 7, 2021

Tickets for The Berty Boy Relapse World Tour are on sale now at https://bertbertbert.com! SPONSORS: - Use code BEARS for 50% off 2 or more pairs at https://ShadyRays.com. - Get your first visit absolutely free! Go to https://forhims.com/bears. - Get $10 Off Your First Pair of Feetures when you go to https://feetures.com/CAVE. - Get 20% Off + Free Shipping at https://Manscaped.com/BEARS. - Visit https://ritual.com/BEARS to get 10% off during your first 3 months. - Go to https://ShipStation.com, click on the microphone at the top of the page, and type in CAVE to get a 60-day free trial. - Go to https://WHOOP.com and use code “Bears” at checkout to save yourself 15% off today. - Get all the different flavors of Bud Light Seltzer delivered at budlight.com/delivery This week, Tom Segura's fill-in for Bert Kreischer is comedian and podcast host of "In Godfrey We Trust," Godfrey! After practicing some Spanish, Tom and Godfrey start the show by discussing how crazy the last year or two have been, how terribly Bill Gates is aging, and the nature of the internet. The bears describe their experiences "warming up" crowds at television show tapings, and Godfrey shares his experience doing warm-up for The Cosby Show, and when Cosby caught him doing his Cosby impression! They discuss some of their favorite working comedians today, black culture in America, and a whole lot more!

What's up everybody, it's Bert. Still in Serbia, shooting the machine, and I wanted to give you a heads up and let you know that tickets for the Bernie Boy real apps world tour are on sale right now at burperper.com. Get your tickets, I'll see you on the road, we've added a bunch of shows and enjoyed today's episode. And that motherfucker is sitting there like this.

I was like, hey, hey, hey, no, I think he goes, he goes like this. Y eso es como si no se ha estado así. Yo me he estado... No, no, no. Yo me he estado así. Yo no me he estado así. Yo no me he estado así. Yo me he estado así. Yo me he estado así. Yo me he estado así.

Yo no me he estado así. Yo no me he estado así. Yo no me he estado así. Yo no me he estado así. Yo no me he estado así. Es un buen... 100% 100% 100% 100%

100% Bueno así, así, así, así, de bienvenido. Otra vez a la gente que está mirando viendo el programa de Dia estoy aquí con mi compañero Garfrey. Sí, sí, sí, gracias, mucho gracias, muchos gracias, ¡también se curra! Todo lo lleva, todo bien, todo bien, todo bien, todo bien, también, yo me gusta tu su programa. Muchas gracias. Muy bien, muy bien, interesante. Gracias. Muy agresivo. A veces.

A veces. Bueno, muy cómico. Sí, sí, sí. Normalmente. Sí. Hay un gordo que se siente ahí. Sí. Pero se fue a filmar su película con sus amigos.

Sí. Así que muchas gracias por venir hoy y por una vez no tengo un super gordo ahí sentado. Sí. Sí. Sí. ¿Cómo se dice? Oh no, no, no. ¿Cómo se dice? Sí, tú lo que. Te ves bien. Oh, te ves bien. Sí. El ejercicio y comí de bien.

Sí, comiendondo bien. Sí, comiendo bien. Como si dice, el health sano es eso. Sí, sí. El susano es muy mejor. A mejorado, a mejorado. Sí, gracias. ¡Hey, we did pretty good!

¡You fucking got it! God for men. Started out. I wanted to literally raise the bar on your podcast. Oh, you already did. Nobody came out with Spanish bitch. No one did, that's right. How you like that shit?

Oh, yeah, I ain't shit. I see. My herda, my herda, my herda, my coolos. Yeah. My coolos, chupa, my pingas. Yeah, yeah. In Los Angeles. Yeah, concha tu madre.

Yeah. Conchito tu madre, chico, pinga, pinga, yeah, la verga. Cabrón, cabrón, velga. Velga, chupa, velga. Yoingo, a verga, a verga, a verga, a verga, a verga, a juchupa verga, a suck my belga. Yeah, perhaps. Dude, thank you for coming.

I'm so happy you're here. When you DM me, you like saw a thing I was doing. You've been doing a lot, I was gonna talk about you, been doing a lot of funny stuff, and also like a lot of commentary. It feels like, you know, the way I was looking at it is 2020, this mega fuck year in so many ways. And what I saw in comedy is, you know,

different people adapted differently, which was very cool to see. Like some people, you know, like you got Andrew Schultz doing what he does online. And then, you know, certain comics, like Mark Norman and Sam Morill, like doing a lot of like, stand up going on, you know, anywhere that you could do anything outside

and putting up that content. And then from my perspective, I saw you lean into like commentary, like actual and like, yeah, talking about what's going on and like really hitting things on the nose and getting a lot of engagement because I Stuff and seeing like thousands of comments, you know, I knew I was well

I said when 2020 hit what actually you know, you know, hi everybody's talking 2020 was like yo For New Year's yo perfect vision baby 2020 baby, you know I'm saying perfect vision. Yeah, the best is when you shake your hands with yo 2020 Sorry year baby. Yeah, our year 2020 Perk vision everything's perfect. You know 2020 had cataracts That was the great I was like 20 had fucking cat man for 2020 Glacolma good fucking there's no vision man It was like 2020 was 22 we got patches on our eyes man.

Stevie Wonder fucking. Fucking it was fucking Ray Charles. It was legally blind. Yeah, it was. It was so. Everybody and I had a couple of my comic friends call and go, dude, what the fuck are you gonna do? I go, well, what I'm gonna do is I'm gonna get on my phone

and I'm gonna start, I'm gonna press the gas pedal on content. Yeah, I'm just going in. Very smart. Everybody is at home and everybody is, and there's real shit going down. Like, I don't think anybody gives a fuck about being offended at this point.

Yeah, because we don't know, how do you have time to be offended right now? I see it's like Bill Gates, fucking freak monster is just going around. Listen, it's because he didn't get any pussy in high school. I agree. I agree.

You know Revenge of the Nerds, remember that movie before us? This is real Revenge of the Nerds. Man, all these motherfucking... Fasos, Dirk, Dorks, Dorks. All those d nerds, remember that movie before us? This is real revenge and nerds. Man, all these motherfucking... Fasos, dorks, dorks. All those dorks, dude. Nobody that's fucking is making a fucking dating app. Uh-uh.

You never had to do this shit. I never had to do, we're not making dating apps. Those are the nerds. And then they're like, you know what happens is they're, they hit this, this basically unimaginable level of success, right? And then they're faced with the responsibility of that for a while, but then they're probably

hitting 60 and they're like, oh, I'm gonna die still. Like, I have a hundred billion dollars. I'm still gonna die. And then they go like, the pussy's amazing. I really, I gotta get in some of this top shelf shit because I've been with this old bag for a while, acting like it was a thrill to be dedicated to her.

It's like what? Yeah, I'm a billionaire so he can buy an island of bitches. Yeah, you can just buy a lot of bitches. And like most of the consequences that like real people have to deal with, they're like, no, I'll just pay for that. Yeah, I'll just pay for that. He can buy an island of bitches and keep them on there, supply them with everything, go,

none of you bitches can leave. And I'm only, I'm only one who's gonna fuck you. That's how much money to pay. And those chicks would be like, you want something like that, you're gonna have to give me like a million dollars and they're like, okay, and you gotta keep your legs open all the time.

And when I come in, I stick it and I leave. And I leave, and I'm gonna come fast, because it's very bad. Yeah. There's no way Bill Gates pounds it out. You know what I mean? He's just like, oh, Gates is aging like a lesbian. I'm sorry.

He does look like a fucking lesbian with those burkshyres. Yeah, I know why I want to help African children. If you're that fucking, I always think this thing is about superbitches. How is your shit not like the fly like he dresses like a goddamn middle school social studies teacher and you're like, I mean, you can't bring someone in. But he's so nerded up though. Yeah, yeah, he doesn't have that.

Look at this motherfucker like sweaters and look at this. Come on, dude. Mr. Rogers. It was cool. It was for sure he was. Look, but he cool. It didn't happen. For sure he was. Look, but he even is suits don't fucking fit. He's so like, but he's that nerdy. He doesn't, he's the real, that's the real nerd.

That's the real dude. Like I got so much dough. I'm still at men's warehouse. Like it's like, you could have been like, yo, puffy. Yeah, come over to my house. I can't imagine like Bill Gates going, puffy. Hi.

Um, hi puffy. I saw a lot of your suits. They look very really great. Yeah, and you know I talk he does this Bill Gates does this what's and What's with the valour the valour I? Want to change dude my look if gates came out like that just in like puff gear It would be scary. Oh, man. It would be any be like doing this take that take that take that as far as the vaccine for next shit like you know Puff wears like suits on jet skis Other level like goes. Yeah, I don't I mean are you at that point? We have money like that? No, I'm like I don't know cigarette

I'm doing I have I'm like, I don't know, Sagar, I want to survive your shit. I go, man, Sagar, I got dope. I'm doing, I have, I'm very fortunate to make a living. If Puff woke up with my money tomorrow, he would jump off of the building. Yeah. I'm like, I don't know, man, you got a production studio. I mean, you're producing shit, you know, I mean, I want to get, oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, it's ridiculous. Yeah, his suits are, yeah, yeah. Hey, Gates, just fucking, Bill Gates, just do a Google image shirt.

Yeah, yeah, just Google. Yeah, yeah, yeah, look at it, look at Puffy, yeah. Bill Gates would buy out every suit, look at that shit. But Gates can't do it, his body's horrible. Yeah, he has a woman's, he has women hips. That's another thing. I wouldn't look good in a fucking puff. You're totally right.

He's built like a middle-aged broad. But like, but that's another thing that I've been pissed at. If I had a hundred billion dollars, I would just be like, who's the best fucking trainer and nutrition in the world? You're moving in. You're moving in. Yeah, I don't think he cares. He doesn't. He can't no. I've seen him do an exercise video and his legs are so soft and horrible

He had woman shaped it was weird and he was he had his dumb shorts on and his and he had a headband Just it was a yuck video. Oh, no, watch look see yeah see oh Yeah, yeah, that's yeah, he's oh he's doing. Oh Look at this shit Oh, look at it me That's a let's be a neat air. It looks like I did right now. He looks like he fucking Lesbian neighbor. It is a lesbian It's like somebody had melted some cheese

and then it started to harden and then they put it in his body. You know? So he looks like like half melted chaffer jack. Yeah. Yeah, he doesn't give a shit. No, he's just, and look at when he was young, young.

Who's he gonna bang now? That's what I want to know. And he's gonna bang now. Now he's gonna get, like he's been with that woman 27 years. They have three, so they're moving on. They have kids. They have three so they're moving on They have kids they have three kids. They're all at least 18. They're all like a dog. It's like fucked

Yeah, yeah, yeah, and they and grown kids. Yeah, and now he's like all right. We're divorced thing is gonna You know he knows that it's what I'm saying is it's got to be on now So Cuomo was Cuomo fuck away Cuomo's fucking no her. No, someone said something about Cuomo and his ex. I don't know. I can't follow. I think he's been really putting it out there. Really? Well, there's multiple people saying, you know, he said this and then he asked me, you know, he's complementing like,

asses and skirts and shit. But he's such an Italian. Oh, he's such a shit. Yeah, I can see him going, so it's relaxed. And he's from the era too that like when people are giving him, I'm sure he's like, eight puts. Yeah, I can see him going, thoughts, relax. And he's from the era too that like when people are giving him, say, he's like, what's the problem? Here goes the fucking problem. I see a fucking nice skirt.

Here's a nice skirt. Oh, oh, yeah. How many are we up to now? Alligators, I can just see him reading and going, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, like a real fucking greasy, like greasy, what the hell? Oh, come at, oh, oh, oh, you asked for it. Like real fucking greasy wow Come on

Oh you asked for it Fucking pussy smells like marijuana. Hey now you can't leave fucking unreal and he's like governor like the governor and his brother Cuomo have you met Chris Cuomo? No, I have dudes like six three really big what fucker lifts what yo Chris Cuomo will give you to business. He will be he's and he has that Italian temper. Yeah, yeah, I met him Beauty cool guy. There's that there's that hidden camera video of him Yeah, he's not small. Did you call me man? How you like six two right? No, no, I'm like six feet like you're like six feet Yeah, I thought you were like six two six. What I mean no, I'm like six feet. Like, you're like six feet? Yeah. I thought you were like six two, six four.

I mean, if Bert was here, I would say I'm six four. But. But. But. Yeah, man. He's like six three big. That's a big fuck. When I saw him, I said, dude, what the fuck?

He goes, he goes, I know. Hey, you know, let people know. He's like, now I'm saying. Yeah. I see, I know that he was like, he's really in the lift. Yeah, he, yeah. He looks like he's like, oh, yeah, now I'm saying yeah, I see I know that he was like he's really in the Life he yeah, he looks like he's pounded a few dudes. Yeah, you know far far no seriously Because he he's the type like hey man, why'd you say that thing that you said you made the commentary goes yo Want to take off fucking side? His like this one thing is so weird about these news shows now is that they're doing so personality-driven shit.

When his show, I flip by his show, he's like, I wanna tell you something. What the fuck is going on? Are you doing the news? Or are you just performing? I saw him doing a Black Lives Matter thing. And it was like, like you said, I was like, is this real? Because he was talking about police brutality. And he was like, like you said, I was like, is this real? Cause he was like, cause he was talking about police brutality.

And he was doing stuff like, remember those black people? Better be careful. Now what the, you know, he was being real, it was performance. He really, he really performed. But do you think it's, it's, cause I don't know who to trust. And it's like, I kind of got rid of my regular cable. Yeah, well, those things are, in my mind, are like, yeah, those are like relics of the past.

Yeah, yeah, unless I'm watching sports. Yeah, of course, but like sports, yeah. I love watching football and basketball. Okay, so the, but like, the news things, it's sad to me because it used to be like, hey, what's he was going on? Yeah, it was, you put on the news. Would I grew up, my father was a big Walter Cronkite guy. Sure.

John Chancellor, Walter Cronkite. Yeah. Hello, what were, what were my, what were my, what were my, what were my, what were my, what were my, what were my, what were my, what were my, what were my, what's his name, Dan Rather and Rather? Yeah. I met, I broke up, broke up, broke up,

broke up, broke up, broke up, broke up, broke up, broke up, broke up, broke up, broke up, broke up, broke up, broke up, broke up, broke up, broke up, broke up, broke up, broke up, broke up, broke up, broke up, broke up, broke up, broke up, broke up, broke up, broke up, broke up, broke up, broke up, broke up, broke up, broke up, broke up, broke up, broke up, broke up, broke up, broke up, broke up, broke up, broke up, broke up, broke up, broke up, broke up, broke up, broke up, broke up, broke up, broke up, broke up, broke up, broke up, broke up, broke up, broke up, broke up, broke up, broke up, broke up, broke up, broke up, broke up, broke up, broke up, broke up, broke up, broke up, broke up, broke up, broke up, broke up, broke up, broke up, broke up, broke up, broke up, broke up, broke up, broke up, broke up, broke up, broke up, broke up, broke up, broke up, broke up, broke up, broke up, broke up, broke up, broke up, broke up, I couldn't pronounce his Ls. Yeah. And I met Dan, rather. Huh? That shit was fucking kick ass. I met him like two years ago. He's cool dude, right? What? He's so cool. And it was like, it was just, I just wondering. He sees me like, this is like dude.

Yeah. And I literally went up to him like hip hop. Yo, Dan. Yo. Yo, you are a man. I bet he rolled with it, though, didn't he? But he was like, this, oh, what's your name? Oh, yeah.

Yeah. I was like, hey, man, God, he's like, I mean, grew up, what my father loved, he's like, well, I appreciate that. Yeah. He's like, he's one of like the last of that, the last of that, yeah, he's like the last, I think Broke Cause fell off, but. Well, he had health issues and he's more like retired, retired.

Retired, but yeah. But like, rather still more he had health issues and he's more like retired retired, but yeah, but like rather still Rather was doing the um was an access channel. Yeah, he was interviewing people. Yeah, and I remember him interviewing Merle Haggard and I watched the whole thing and I just watched it. Yeah, and and I told him I go Hey, damn, Mr. Rather. I said you know, I saw that Merle Haggard interview. He goes, you saw that? I said, yeah, I did not watch the whole thing. He's not very interested, man. I appreciate you watching it. Because you know, he's in Texas. Yeah, he's a Texan. He had that little twang. He said, I appreciate that. He was just amazing. And he's still like, he tweets like, zingers every day. Yeah, he just, he'll straight up. Yeah, so, yeah, that was fucking it. But it's that whole thing, man, like the CNN,

they're almost the same now. It's just like, I think it's, and then they shit on each other. Like these, no, news networks didn't go, man, fuck, fuck, fuck. But like they do now, like they just shit, like it's like a, it's all games to shit. It's fucking, it's like the mumble wrap of news.

Yeah, man, it's so strange. It's so strange. It's all galley show. It's fucking mumble. It's the mumble wrap of news. Yeah, man. It's so strange. It's so strange. Um, I was gonna say um shit. I just had a thought damn. I had a good one too. Um damn. Oh well during the pandemic My videos yeah, we didn't even went very viral. Yeah, because you were doing social comments there because and they were videos from two years before Really the pandemic. I don't know if you ever heard of Vlad TV. Yeah, yeah, I did a lot of Vlad TV And I talked a lot of shit But two years ago two years ago, but then during the pandemic

My shit was getting circulated around, like recirculated. And my numbers were going up. I was like, what the fuck's going on? Cause you know, sometimes the algorithm changes. Cause one person could just start sharing shit. And I was like, what the fuck's going on? They were like, dude, you know that one thing you did about the, you know, police brutality,

that shit's viral because that people wanted to hear real shit. Yeah. So it was like the people that took the chances were winning. Michael Chase, shit. Black Lives Matter joke that he did three years ago went viral again. Right. You know, it was from the special? That special. And it was fantastic. So yeah, man. So I'm kind of, I'm kind of glad that I stayed the course. I don't know if I've, because people always say, because I'm one of those dudes, like just keep it 100.

I'm one of those black dudes, people go, yo, do you think, like they say, you should be here, why don't you like, I notice you don't do the things that the other black dudes do. You're like not safe. Oh, right. You know, I don't,

but I think that why am I dangerous if I'm talking about people that me getting killed? Yeah, I don't like it. Yeah. Why am I? What's your fucking problem, man? I know if I go haze, or maybe I should talk, I, you, something, I said I have this joke where I go, I think I should maybe become one of these young white chicks and do it that

way. Maybe if I can explain police brutality like that. Do you feel like people understand it a little more? I'll tell you from my perspective. So it's funny that the George Floyd thing, watching all that. So it's like, how did you feel? Well, it was so depressing.

So depressing, so sad to watch that that because you're watching a murder like yeah If you watch any like if you've been like dark web stuff and you see him it like Bucks you up right, but this is like in broad daylight. I like you just watch someone slowly that slowly that so it's horrific but that incident made the topic all sudden, everybody was talking about this, right? And from my perspective, it woke up some people that are like, hey, do you know that there's a real issue between cops and black people?

And you're like, yeah, we've been in. And then, you kind of go, are you seriously? And I actually feel genuinely that a lot of people were like, are you seriously, and I actually feel like genuinely that a lot of people were like, I did not realize this was like a real thing. Well, I think that if you're white, I kind of like, I always try to look at the perspective of the other person.

And if I were a white guy that never got fucked with by the cops and shit is going well, I don't need to turn back and look at anything. Well, that's sometimes, you know. It's like, that's sort of like fucked up. Yeah, that's, I mean, that's the privilege of it, right? Where you're like, yes. It's never affected me.

It's real shit. It's never affected me. It's, of course. The other thing is I feel like, like so there's those people who are like, literally like, wow, this is like horrible. Yeah, yeah. And then I feel like it also revealed something that you might not think about when you live

in New York, or LA, but that is that I think this is my opinion. Yes, going ahead. I think there's a lot, a lot of white people in the United States who have little to no contact with non-white people. Like they're very true. Is very true. You know what I mean? Maybe at work they're like,

yeah. Hey Jimmy, and they just fucking walk down the hall. But like, as far as like regular, like if they live in some, you know, town, like a city in Iowa. Whenever they say, whenever someone says, I'm from a small town, that's called for white town. Yeah.

I'm from a small town. I'm from a small town. With no spill. It is crazy to meet you. I'm from a talk call. There's a lot of those man. Iowa. Iowa. And I'm from hell you doing here. Yeah. Minnesota. Some type of Carolina town. Yeah, Carolina. it's usually, but most of America, of course, is white because it was gangster, because America was brown at one time. It was all brown. That's true. And then my focus came in.

Yep. You know, I'm gonna explain this. It's the one I'm here. Came in like we do. Came in like we do what we do. Came in, did my thing, gang. Boom boom boom change You know demographed don't say it was like boom boom boom and whatnot. Yeah, Bob mom

That's how you got explain white supremacy doubt got to be like so you know, they came through By the way you would scare so many white people with this explanation genuinely if you were like Explain how it happened. I ain't trying to offend nobody Here boom white brothers and sisters came in white niggas came in boom. All right white niggas came in and said yo What's good? Buckle shoes and shit? Like little pips shit. It was like yo you idiot. What's good running cloud? It's my man Buffalo

I like you land I'm a scur. Running clown is my man, uh, buffalo, what's good? I like your land, I'm like, bro, if you like in this shit, but your mouthbugs go ahead and get it up. You're gonna have to run it. Yeah, I'm back in my head hurts. You know, you're all that, whoa, boom. That's nice. I got you, though, you check it out.

Let me just scan, let me just like, peak the land real quick. And if you did that, and like to like a white conference you leave there like this rapper came in he scared the fuck out of us he was talking all you know they talk I don't know what he was saying and the Indian Indians was like yo that's cool but make sure you know let us know what you doing you know I mean yeah okay back hey man, so there I'll shake hands. Next day he's like this, yo, my man, get the fuck out, man.

Sorry about that. Got the muskets ready. Y'all, hey, it is what it is. Just business, baby. Just business, so on day. Bill, it was, boom, boom. So, you gonna be over here? We rocking right here.

All right, and now we're in modern times, all right? Yeah. That's how it happens. That's how it happens. That's how it happens. So, both of you, a lot of whites were able to do that because you got to think about this segregation. Yeah. Tell people to get the fuck out of your town

is what kept you isolated. Yeah, sure. You know what I mean? And look at what gentrification does. It's almost the same thing. It's the same. Yeah, sure. You know what I mean? And look at what gentrification does. It's almost the same thing. It's the same. Yeah, it's the same. I don't know if you know about Williamsburg Brooklyn.

Yeah, you know about Williamsburg. Sure. And it's like, I call it. It's just over the bridge, right? Right. Right, I call it in a partite sponsored by Urban Outfitters. Interesting. That's a good line, man.

That's a sweet line. That's a good line. He day of fucking right. I did it on the... Super Show! Ah, very good, eh? Broma, broma perfecto. Is it broma?

How do you say joke? Is it broma? Broma chiste. Chiste. Yeah, mi chiste is... I say, I'm very proud. Is it? No, no, no.

Orguyoso. Parabra, parabra, parabra. Parabra. Proud? Yeah. Orguyoso. Orgoyoso. Parabra, parabra, parabra, parabra. Proud. Yeah. Orgoyoso. Orgoyoso. Yeah.

Michiste is very intelligent. Intellienti. Very intelligent. Um, um, um, um, um, um, apartheid sponsor by Urban. That's a hundred and a face. Yeah, yeah. Fuck! And that's the best way I can do gentrification. That's my, I mean, gentrification can kind of be a little fucked up because it's like,

gentrification pretty much white folks come in. And they go to like, whether it's a Mexican neighborhood, black, and they take over. And what's fucked up is they'll take over price people out. Yep, that's another thing. And, uh, Pidna, they'll act like the people that were there already shouldn't be there.

Yeah, like why are you guys still here? Why are you here? Yeah. I thought we raised the prices. Why are they here? Right, right. So you're like, fuck, and then, but then they'll go, why are you all here?

But then they brag about a great Mexican restaurant, right real weird. That is it's Multiculturalism is a fucked up word. Yeah, it's a word a lot of white to use. It's very multicultural diverse But diversity for yours for your liking right you know to me right right because as long as it suits you It's right because like I've seen and I don't know if you're like I'm a I'm I observe people a lot. I observe situations a lot. I'm a big I was a psych major I have my green psychology. Mm-hmm. Sequel a he yeah. Mm-hmm. And you're a successful a he yeah, so I I studied Psychology because I I really the human brain and behavior on why people do what they do like I'm

International that the hatred thing like because people will say why is it all about race and I go yeah, why? Why the people that are asking me? Yeah, yeah are the ones causing it sure and they go why is it all but I go yeah, why do you think? Do you think urban nights were because we wanted it? Right. Do you think, oh, tick me on Tuesday. Oh, wait, chocolate sundae. Do you think we wanted that? Yeah.

Nobody wanted that shit. You just weren't given the opportunity. Right. So you have a night. Yeah, give them a night. Yeah. So you've been tripping Yeah. Give him a night. Yeah. So you've been tripping on to these. I at least by the way thought that it's,

I don't know why it strikes me as kind of gross the urban term. Like when they're like, is it an urban show? And you're like, I mean, yeah, yeah. Yeah, it's the truth. They go, because like, I know, like Bill Burr and David Tell, they would do like, urban rooms.

They didn't give a fuck. Right. And, but I was used to doing both. I didn't, I was mainstream. I did both. But, but black comics, some black comics go, oh, you do the white rooms. I'm like, wait a minute.

This isn't the Negro leagues, bro. Yeah. It's like, look at you over there. Doing the white rooms. In the white room. Okay. You're gonna soften it. I think you're gonna create a deal.

Look at him tap dancing. Look at him. Just, oh Lord. No. Mainstream was a mixture of people. Yes. But it was majority white comedian on the shows. On the shows.

The shows. And I go, you don't even understand any constituency. It's like there are black people in those audience. Oh yeah. And that's like, honestly, that is the room that, if you're a, any comedian, you want to perform in that room. You want to be funny to everybody. Of course, the best comedians can do the most room.

You go as most, and I'm not gonna lie, you know, when I was in, coming up in Chicago, I grew up in Chicago, started my career in Chicago. I came up with Deon Cole, you know, and I was like, you know, Jimmy Pardo. Yeah. I knew Pardo, I knew Pardo.

I was like, it was one of those things where, I was doing both rooms, but it was like when you did an urban night, it was in a white owned club. Right. You know, it wasn't a black club, but then I performed at a black owned club called All Joke's Aside, which was black owned. It wasn't a black night. Yeah, it paid you with a shit.

Because the guys that owned it and the girl went, ladies and women were all finance people they were investment bankers sure so they ran it wasn't just like you know the chicken shack Yeah, yeah, yeah comedy in the back. Yeah, yeah, we don't turn the chicken shack into comedy right and my man Dugahead is a host It's such a dugi does this thing man. Yo man give it up for my man Dugahead Right, it's such a doogie does this thing man. Yo man give it up for my man doogie Yeah, whoa that was crazy man And then the next guy come up man. He was talking about fucking but I like the fuck We like the fuck you know Hannibal told me this funny story. He's like he was doing like a black show Yeah, and you know he's he's from Chicago, right? He's from Chicago

But he's also very like he's alternative. He's his own lane of dude too, right big time And he said he goes man I was about to come up and host goes all right y'all this next dude. You really got to listen Told him that like hey My man is man this dude is deep. He's different and deep. Yeah, sure don't talk over him Cuz he got a lot of nuances man Yeah, and animals like why is it that every time I come to her and show I always got to prove myself?

That don't even make any sense. I told him this lady asked me, she said, you don't sound like black comedians. I said, why does the sound have to be black? I mean, the fact that you see me, I think you should understand that I'm black. I'm tired of that. That is, and so I took my apple juice and just walked away.

That's an excellent impression. You are really good at impressions. I'm not, I'm tied at that. It is, and so I took my apple juice and just walked away. That's an excellent impression. You are really good at impressions. I'm not that bad. I'm not that bad. No, you know what the, I heard this once about good impressions, and it hit me that some people go like,

can you emulate the voice? Can you sound exactly like? Right. And if you don't do impressions, you think that's the mark of a good impression. The actual mark of a good impression is if the person is speaking like that person would speak. Yes.

And then the, Yes. Then everything's just a cherry on top. Like, right. You hitting the voice or the face, but like, speaking the way they would speak Yes. Is actually when you go like, oh, yeah.

Fuck, that's a good impression. Like, your Paul Mooney, you sound like good impression. It's like your Paul Mooney. You sound like him too. But you also are speaking the way. Yeah, like his word, like your word choices for your Paul Mooney, I'm like, that is exactly. Because I was talking about Meg and Markle. And I said,

Meg and Mark, have you seen this bitch? This bitch. Bitch, you got your goddamn nigga wake up call You got your goddamn nigga bitch you married the goddamn royal family the royal family. That is the white It that's white. That's all to me white They were there when Ray sissin was signed You are not royal you are crown royal bitch you are goddamn crown row God damn crown that is amazing. I mean and and and and it's I always could do voice Crown Royal, you are goddamn Crown Royal. Crown Royal. Goddamn Crown Royal. That is amazing.

I mean, and it's, I always could do voices. Yeah, but my old manager, he just passed away, oh, David Cleamey, he just passed away. He was a manager to me, Mike Epps, John Ligwizamo, Sandra Bullock, damn. Yeah, Anthony Michael Hall, whose dad was also my manager. His dad was a manager? Tom Chistar, who passed away too.

Damn. Yeah, Tom, I've known Anthony Michael Hall for 20 years, man. I used to, man, we used to fucking sit around watching Moop, me, Anthony MOTHERFUCK in Michael Hall when I first got to New York City in 97. It was like, I came from Chicago. I came from Chicago. I came from Chicago. I drove, I mean, God, York City in 97. I was like, I came from Chicago. From Chicago? I came from Chicago. I drove, I mean, God, I got so much.

I drove 20 hours in a U-Haul truck to Chicago, to New York, with my friend Bernadette who went to high school with me, who was in, who was an actress also. And do you ever see the wire? Yeah. Wood Harris, you know Wood Harris? He was A.S James Barg's Dale. He's he was in, um,

something's got to give with Jack Nicholson. He's in he's in a he's done. Oh, he did Jimmy Hunter. Yeah, Wood Harris. That's what that's what. Oh, yeah. That's my but he's from Chicago. Went to Tish.

That's a lot. A lot. Yeah, a lot. That's he went to Tish. Um, dude, he was amazing. He was in, um, remember the Titans with Denze? That fucker. that's my buddy. He's from Chicago, went to Tisch drama school.

Really? Yeah. I remember the day he was going. We were at a fucking poetry recital. It's wild when you watch this series. And you, because like, if you, a lot of, they've signed, he's a lot of unknown at when you start. I've known, right.

And then he uses the same, he'll bring them back. Yeah, the same, which is great. But like, when you don't know, especially watching the wire specifically, because you'll back. Yeah, the same, which is great. But like when you don't know, especially watching the wire specifically, because I learned later that like, some were like Baltimore Street kids. Yeah, where he was just like. Real, yeah.

Yeah, like really, and then you see somebody like, like your buddy here, and like, you don't know. I'm like, I don't know if he's like, just from Baltimore. Yeah, he's for a train, and he's a trained actor. He's amazing. Yeah, he's a trained actor, Tisha. Wow. Oh yeah, and it trained actor, Tisha. Wow.

Oh yeah. And it's so, and I, and the first person I saw when I drove to New York was Wood Harris walking to class. Like the, I'm on sixth avenue and Wood Harris is crossing the, and I go, would the fuck? And he goes, you made it. In that weird, yeah, that is weird. Boom.

I go to my first apartment. My managers are Tom and Dave. They're a team. So it's Tom and Dave. And they're like, Hey, we found you an apartment. It's on Upper West, you know, New York. A little bit. It's Upper West side.

And it's 100th and West end. And I get greeted at the door by Viola Davis. She's my first roommate. What? Four roommates. it's three other months and it's by all the Davis she's at Juilliard at the time wow and she just takes me to my room yeah I've done bullshit I hope I run into her oh that's right up by all the Davis my first roommate that's crazy yeah she

shows me see I'm by all the day I'm at Juilliard I'm on in a in a play called seven guitars and yep it was by all the Davis this is like 98 I'm 97 Juilliard in a play called Seven Guitars. And yep, it was by all the day, this is like 98, I'm 97, 98. That's pretty wild, man. And that's when I got my first gig warming up the Cosby Show. You were warmer at the second. The CBS when I did it for six months.

I was an audience coordinator in Queens, New York. Yeah, I got, because I was, you know, they saw my, I was with William Morris at the time. And I got my, and they saw my tape, because I was a, you know, they saw my, I was with William Morris at the time, and I got my, and they saw my tape, because I had energy, and they were like, hey, would you like to do water? I said, for Cosby, how fucking yeah. Yeah.

And I did that for like six months. How was that? It was, it was, it was grueling, because I had to do eight hours of warmup. It was almost eight hours. Bro, do you know what, I did warmup twice. Okay, and the first time. I was off like bro, you were like such a and Mike's like, Tom's like, and I was like, bro, I did. Listen to

how he said. This is how terribly this went. So this is more than 10 years ago. Yeah. Yeah. I hope so. Yeah. This was like fucking Yeah, it was also. No, yeah, this was like fucking er like 2000 let's say four or five. Yeah, I have yeah, I have 20 minutes of clean material and then No, it is just yeah, and then and then total all I have is let's say 45 But you know 25 just be yeah totally too dirty to do right so I go out I'm doing on these one. It's last comic standing like season two. Oh wow. Okay. And it was hot.

And it was hot show. Yeah. Dude, I go. Topsy cool. I go. The guy's like, all right, like go out there and you know, we're going to be doing. All right. So I go out there and I do, I do my set.

Right. 15. I think I get to like 15 minutes. Yeah. And it's going well. I mean, it's, and it's a full fucking big ass theater. And I get I get down like he's like, all right, we're just gonna do one more thing. Can you go back out there? I'm like, oh, yeah, I have like five more minutes. Yeah, go back out there. I do my five minutes. Oh, and then it's like cool. And they're like, yep, we're good.

The show starts and I'm like, that was pretty cool. Yeah. And then I'm just like sitting in the wings and they're like, all right, hold on a second. He's like, hey, man, we got to reset the cameras. And I go, okay, he's like, so we're hold on a second. He's like, hey, man, we gotta reset the cameras. And I go, okay, he's like, so we're just gonna, start from the top. We're gonna do the whole thing, but we're gonna reset. So just go back out there and I go,

well, how long should I go, how long is that gonna take? He's like, he's like 45 an hour, something like that. Lord have mercy. And I go, what do you want me to do? He goes, warm up. Go back out there, do warm up. I was like, that's all I have. And he's like, he's like, what? I have no more things to say.

And he's like, well, I don't know, man, that's the job. And I'm like, well, I can't do it then. Because I have nothing left to do. So then he's like, I'm like, get somebody, like get me some, it's a talk to him. And so then he's like I'm like get somebody like And so they bring someone I'm like do you have something for me to get away? Sure it's or something He's like yeah, we have some sure I'm like give me the

And then I go can you play music and I can dance? He's like if you want to Because I'm laughing because I think exactly what they, yo, son, this shit is, and don't do that to you. But I would thank God. I would just pull shit out of his panic. I was in a panic.

I was in a panic. I brought people on stage from the audience. You have to. I was like, you want to dance with me? And they're like, yeah. Because Cosby, the part about Cosby, the here's the part about Cosby. Man, these motherfuckers restricted me so hard. So there's, you know, you got like two, 300 people

in this studio. And I'm the running up and down the aisles like, woo, woo, and you know, the whole set is might. And you point in at the different things on the set and at the, and you can only like, different things on the set and the thud. And you can only, like if someone has a question, you do that. There was no t-shirt passing out, no song singing.

They were just like, you just gotta tell jokes. And I was like, cause I know guys that warm up, they get to do like, man, they had me, I was pulling out jokes. I couldn't believe it. I go, you know toilet paper boy. And you just, oh man, don't go, you know toilet paper boy. And you just Man, don't you hate when the toilet paper

In the herb and you hear and I remember there was these his like you can't do Cosby's act man Right now and something you see and the people got it and you sitting on the thing in the ball for room But okay, I'm gonna tell you about that when I was imitating him and he fucking caught me I'm gonna tell you about that when I was imitating him and he fucking caught me. It's crazy. So there was a group of his sitting Jewish guys that came to see me specifically. What? They didn't give a fuck about the sitcom. They were like, go for it! We're here for you!

They didn't. They didn't. They didn't do. There was a group of his sitting Jewish, they were here for the run! They just come to see me. That's hilarious. Because I was literally telling jokes for I had an hour break for eight hours.

I was there from four to like 12 minutes. But like you didn't have this much stuff, right? I just like, I don't know. Just making stuff up. Where God just said. You really? He'd go. Keep talking.

I would just make, I am, I am personated. I would just make jokes out of every, and I had jokes already. But I was only four, five years in the comedy. Yeah, eight hours. But I just kept, I just knew how to, I was quick on my feet. And sometimes it was hard because I had some people heckle me like say mean shit to me. I don't remember this lady said some fucked up shit to me.

At the taping. Man, she was like, you're not even that funny, did it? And I go, wow, I went like this. Oh, fucked up shit. At the taping. Man, she was like, you're not even that funny. That is that. And I go, wow, I went like this. Oh, right, give her her hand, guys. Yeah. I had to do shit like, and then I remember it was so bad.

I was so heated. I was gonna fucking murder this bitch. Cosmy comes out from the back. And when I tell you, you wanna see someone look so fucking embarrassed, Cosmy comes out Just out of the blue and he goes God, if you give me give me a microphone. I said yeah, I gave him Mike and he says he's like

Are you the lady that's talk it's heckling him and saying he's not funny, but then she goes Yeah, she goes come here. Let me talk to you and she's sitting with a daughter Man, I felt like shit for this lady, almost. It was, he goes, what are you doing? Like he's talking to Theo. Yeah. What's it now? What are you doing?

I said, she goes, I was like, but you can't. You see, his job is to keep the audience alive. And he's supposed to, but he's a comedian. Now, if he was in the club, I'm sure he would have handled it appropriately, but he can't do that. He is limited and you knew that. So, I'm not even bushed.

It dressed her down. He fucking, he, it was just, woo, woo, woo. Yeah. She was, it was, I, this lady was about to cry. Yeah. Because it's Cosby. Yeah. It's literally correcting you. Yeah, cuz it's Cosby. Yeah literally correcting you

Yeah lecturing you like he's on an episode right when Theo fucks up Yeah, and you're like and he's like what are you doing? This is your daughter, right? That's your daughter What kind of example are you setting? By saying this to him. He's trying to work. He's he was working hard. There's 300 people he's here and there's a lot of this is ours. You know, and you know, and he has to be clean. But you can't do that. You should be, you should be ashamed of yourself. Because what? Yeah, that, that, yeah, it was a black woman too. Oh, yeah, it made it even worse. That made it worse.

Because it was like, yeah, black people can't stick together, man. I don't know why I'm doing it anymore for any voice. But yeah, yeah, it was and yeah, it was really fucked up. But I, um, wait, tell me, he caught you doing it in person. I did him. I was doing him and he said, can you do Cosby? I said, yeah, I do. I didn't think he was listening. So I'm like, you see people out there and you sit down and then I was going in. And then all of a sudden I get this huge laugh.

It like, you know how you get a joke you go, Dan? That was a stare at the fuck they laughing at. The laughter went like double. Like I was like, what? And that motherfucker's sitting there like double. Like I was like, what? And he's behind you. And that motherfucker's sitting there like this. I was like, hey, he knocked the guy, he goes, he goes like this. I do not talk like that.

I was like, yes, you do. And I don't go, I don't go. That's a good one. That's been, but I mean, I learned I don't go. Yeah. That's a good one. That's been. But I mean, I learned a lot watching him. I'm not gonna, I know what's happened to him is all fucked up. But, but it's anybody who does comedy, cannot deny that you can watch that guy. And he's an amazing comedian.

He's a fucking fucking what you heard. He's an amazing comedian. I mean, it's so funny. He was doing two and a half hour sets of like the year before he got into his solemn life. Just sitting there two and a half hours. I saw him live. Do two hours talking about how his wife is not his friend anymore.

hilarious. And I said, I gotta go back and write this two hours of his wife not being his friend. He goes, I don't think she's my friend. Every time I try to, it was unreal. I said he's not bastard. I went to buy tickets. This is like probably like a year before. And it was gonna be, I think it was 1,000 oaks

and I was gonna get tickets. And it's one of those things where you double check your calendar, you're like, oh I'm on the road. So I wanted to go. Yeah, just to, because you know, which is just so weird. Cosby's in jail for that, but Louis CK was inspired by Cosby as himself. That's what got Louis into comedy.

Oh, sure. Because Louis goes to Cosby himself. Yeah, where he has, he goes, because Louis, like, I see this guy with a mic on his knee. I'm like, what? Yeah. It's the first special I ever saw. Yeah. It's the first special. I saw. He has the mic on his knee, bro. Yeah. I saw. You know, we, we were like boob boob boob boob. He's here. Yeah. Like that, that cold. He was that cold. Yeah. I'm sitting down. I think I was like six or seven. Yeah.

Sitting down. Sitting down is, I know. And that's the thing is like, you don't realize that a couple things, the sitting down, because everybody is like, you know. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So, but the other thing is that guy, for me, a big lesson from his standup is learning to,

not just be comfortable with, but use pauses. Like every comedian is basically scared of silence. So you'll see like people, like, oh, they're silence for a second. Like, go to the next thing, sorry, get some rest. And he manipulates you with pauses. I mean, in a brilliant way, he draws the men more. He makes the actual laughter,

like comics don't realize that that pause can lead to a bigger laugh. Yeah, but that's in great learning from reps and just laugh of course. Because when I watch, because a tell, I love watching a tell. I've been around him for a long time. I mean, I'm around a tell a lot, like for 20 years. Like he would help me out with, like I've had Dave go,

hey, you know that Jokey did, you Dave, even so you don't know where he goes. He's helped me out with shit because I'm around him and we're always performing around the same time, we're late night guys. But I really learn silence through Dave watching him, I would watch him and just go, when I first, first of all, when I first got to New York, and they would just be silent, and just be like, I need to turn this up to funny. Oh yeah, yeah.

Like shit like that. So fun. Just to use that pausing. And quick, here you go, one, two, three, go. He goes, Tom, quick, go get me a bucket of new material from the stage. It's just so fucking funny. He goes, I need some quick laughs.

Monkey push it. Monkey push it. Moogler. Yeah. That's easy to find. And also I was a big Johnny cart. I mean, if I'm sorry, but they need to bring that shit back. Guys like Carson, who actually gave a fuck about comedians.

Yeah, yeah. I'm sorry, but Carson, I was watching, I had this whole week of Rodney Dangerfield, talk about underrated. I was watching Rodney Dangerfield and talk about underrated. I was watching Rodney Dangerfield just all his, you know, he, I think he was on Carson over 50 times. You can look that up. 50 times.

I think it was almost 50, he was Carson loved Rodney Dangerfield. Like Rodney, he made him such a superstar. Yeah. Cause he would, you know, when Carson brought you to the chair. Oh, sure. And Rodney be like, oh, what a crowd. What a crowd. Hey, Johnny, hey, how he would, you know, when Carson brought you to the chair and Rodney be like, oh, what a crowd, what a crowd. Hey, Johnny, hey, how you doing? Oh, he goes, wow, you know, that was good stuff. You are a funny man. Funny man. I could do Carson.

You could do, and you could do Rodney. He's like, man, I tell you, Johnny, and he was so, he loved him so much. If he was shooting in another studio, Rodney would come over and Johnny goes, hey, come here, sit down. Wow, what are you doing? Are you guys you're taping next door? Wow, that's great. Just sit down and talk. Yeah.

He was like, oh, Johnny, I didn't want to come here and disturb you at all. Hey, I'm just, yeah, I'm doing some stuff on the side and all that. He goes like, ah, shut up, sit down and talk to us. Yeah. He loved him so much. Sure. But he loved him so much. Sure.

But he loved comics so much that he groomed and he would just pitch you shit. And he goes, he goes, I heard you're having a bad day. Yeah, I tell you John, I'm having a terrible day. Oh, how bad was it? I mean, what's your day? And John, he goes, let me tell you, you don't know how bad it was, how bad?

Unreal. Yeah. So he's setting you up to win. The love he had and and let you talk, and would laugh, and I go, I'm not knocking, but they don't groom Canadians. No, well, half the guys don't want stand-ups on at all.

It's fucking sad. But don't you also feel like that that format is just like declining? Like, which format? The late night talk show. Yeah, it just feels, I can't get through it. It feels too redundant now. It feels like you're like, oh,

it doesn't feel like. And they're talented guys. I'm not, like, no, yeah, yeah. It doesn't sound to authentic. Yeah, it's like, this is how a show goes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You do your monologue, you sit here, you do the bit, you have the guest, you do the meet,

like, and you're like, okay, but like, it's starting to feel like, yeah, when you watched Carson and Letterman, it felt like, it just felt authentic. I don't know, it just did. I agree. You know, and Don Rickles would come on there. Don Rickles would come on there.

Oh my god. Oh my god. So like, I've watched, I've gone deep on those records. I told you, he was ridiculous. Like, and you know this thing that like, you try to, like people go like, how about like this type of joke in the race joke or mean jokes and like, why rickles?

I'm like, here's the thing, audiences intuitively understand intent. Like, we rust that, like we know that his joke, you know what I mean? You can't, you can't, like he, he tells that joke. Yeah. And you know where it's coming from. Even if it says it like that man,

I mean, he was such a good hearted, he was such a good hearted guy. You just laugh, you just laugh. And he goes like this, look at me, I'm a Jew, what did you want me to do? Hey guy, guy, he would, he shit on himself. His best friend, I saw Mr. Warmth, you know, Mr. Warmth documentary. His best friend I saw Mr. Wormt, you know, Mr. Wormt documentary.

His best friend is black man. Really? For 50 years. That was his best friend. He showed him. He goes, this is my brother right here. This is the guy. And but he, but like you said, it was intent to, he did this thing with the Dodgers.

This is like in the 80s. He's like meeting them each on the field with a camera and like one of the Dominican guys comes up He's like how's your wife still cleaning hotel room? Get the fuck out of here like it's fucking hilarious Yeah, you're like and the guys like just laughing and he's like shoving inside. I don't know why he's saying yeah Yeah, but but I'm very happy But I don't know that guy

But I tell you one thing He was but he was that dude and it was, I mean, his intent though, you know what I mean? It's like you can buy that on stage. Like sometimes you do a horrific thing every last, it's because they have gotten to know you. Yes, you know what I mean? Over the course of that show.

Then when you say the horrible thing, they're like, yeah, I already trust this guy though. Right. Right. Right. Right know that that joke is coming from a good place. The thing is you have to be in the parameters of comedy. This is not, I'm not approved about, I don't care.

When I see Louis does the N word joke, but there's a reason for it. He's coming, it's a smart joke. He's coming from a white dudes half Mexican, which is hilarious. Perspective. He's literally being honest. I'm trying to turn this shit off, man. What about the? No the ring I took a picture your ringers on I'm trying to I tried to turn off

It's not off. I was I was an Android guy for a long time. Oh, it's just a switch. It's this switch What switch there's not a switch okay? Silent mode there you go Wait, did you just get the phone today? You've never put your phone on silent. I blow my nose. Could I blow my nose? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, well take a break. I've always wanted to be, I always wanted to be an aficionado. I love that magazine aficionado. Oh, yeah. Me too. And I got into cigar smoking through my lawyer and he was like, um, in New York, he goes, you should come to the club,

come to the, I mean, to the, to the have an room, you're gonna really love it. You know, cigars, I think you're gonna enjoy it. I go, I don't really smell it. It's like, I think you're gonna like it. We should come up there. Part of it too is that with cigars, it's not just that cigar and the rituals,

but it's the environment. It's the environment, it's a lifestyle. And it makes me feel successful. I'm not gonna lie. Yeah, of course. Because remember that Will Smith line? He goes, he's like, it's something about cigar. He goes, it's just for the look.

I don't like it, it's a line. Oh, but he's essentially saying the same thing. Right, it just like, it feels. It keeps me in that, because this business, I mean, be real, it, you can get, make you feel like you ain't shit. Of course. Sometimes you're just like, I ain't shit.

This business is so sick. It's, it, thank you. And it makes you sick. It makes you sick and a lot of people, I know people have killed themselves. Yeah. Literally committed suicide. It's the unhealthiest thing I'm gonnahealthiest and it's unhealthy people come into the business

Yes, and it but the thing is is the business allows you to hide get a little power and hide your Mental problems. That's totally true Yes, and you see all these different types of mental problems all kinds and like you especially like when you know You do comedy for like 20 or you're like I know all I know all my friends. And you wanna kind of hug all of them. You realize what all our flaws and vulnerabilities are. And then you start to look at the suits in this business as just pariahs, as like evil. It's fuck, it's fuck something.

I wanna, that's why I say thank God for podcasting and just the game changing where there's freedom. Like shifting the power over to you. Like with Rogan, you guys are literally going, fuck you, I got my following. We're all this way and you come into me. I'm so happy for you. Yeah, me too, man.

Yain. Because it used to be just like us going like, please. All the time. And then people go, maybe or no. Podcasting is the uber of our lives. Yeah, I remember you had to please for cabs Yeah, please please now. Yeah, you like fuck you coming in five minutes. Yeah, I'm not waiting for this cab Yeah, you know what I mean? So I'm glad about that. That's what really made me feel good because people are like dude like

You know what's up with your shit what you should be I go man I'm not the best when people are like How come you're not in more movies and you're like, you know, I never thought about that, man. You know, when I knew, I knew that I was legit. You know, when you get street cred, when New York garbage men stop and say, and they don't give a sanitation, don't give a fuck about anybody.

I'm not, when the guy's like, he's like, hey, yo, my man. Yeah. Yo, man, we gotta see your new movies, man. Yeah, yo man. We gotta see your movies man My fucking rolling camp man, I fuck with you dog funny shit Yeah, and they're doing this I fuck with you man The fucking sewage on their hands I've got bus the same dude that talks about the pilgrim and sewage on their hands. Yo, I'll fuck with you, baby. Keep that shit up, dog.

I've got, that's the same dude that talks about the pilgrim. Yeah, I'm about to marry my man. Yo, you want to tell you real quick? You know, I'm a sanitation worker, but I got better if it's baby. Motherfucking mayflower came. Yeah.

Yeah. I get, I get bus drivers, stop opening door. Yo, you want to ride a man, keep doing it. Dude, you're doing it. That's the best. I love when I'm walking out of a building, and then the UPS guy will stop. It's like, hey man, and it's carrying,

you're like, you're like, you're up to UPS delivery? Yeah, man, that makes you feel great. It makes me feel, fat all I need is now I need about 100 million in your motherfuckers. Yeah, they're out there. And I'll be, yeah.

And then nobody like, you have good numbers. Yeah. Well, maybe. fucking, yeah, they're out there. And I'll be, yeah. And then nobody like, you got good numbers. Yeah. Maybe. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I was gonna say, I had something I was gonna talk about because I was, fuck.

I don't know how long. I wanna ask you this. Yeah, please ask me. You did something that I consider more important than anything in the world, which is play college football. So, tell me, oh yeah. You walked on?

I, and Illinois, I remember, Marlon Primas was our free safety. Real to talent for. First before this, you played high school football, I played one year of high school football. You played one year of high school. I, I was in track and field. I played baseball from six years old

to freshman year in high school. I was a short stop. Okay. Then you stopped freshman year. I stopped like, and I went into track and field. Okay, what was your answer? I was a short stop. Okay. Then you stopped freshman year. I stopped like, and I went into track and field. Okay, what was your answer? You were always a transfer high. I went to high school in Chicago.

Okay. I was at St. Benedict High School. Then I played baseball there. Then I went to Lane Tech. Thank God, I transferred, because I was at a racist Catholic school. None, racist nuns. I mean, that's why religion is so fucked up.

Yeah. It's all this, all this, all praises, and then your race is fucked. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I was praying to a white Jesus. Yeah. Jesus Christo is no Blanco. Yeah, no.

He's no Blanco in Negro, see? In Negro, see, his problem is it's para negro, and thing. See? Jesus Christo no es Blanco. Okay. That's it. Is it?

Is it? Is it? Yeah, it's it. Okay. Now. That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it. Okay. Now trying to throw me my Spanish and the artwork. It's the game with this bitch. It's working. So yeah, I went to Langtec High School, which is a college prelude. If you're ever in Chicago, it's the biggest high school in Chicago. It looks like a college campus. And then I started I my senior year. I wasn't tracking field. Sprinter. And then I my fresh my last year, I was in track and field, Sprinter, and then I, my fresh, my last year, I said, you know what, I'm a joint football. I'm just gonna go out with a bang and last year.

And you're, I played wide receiver. Okay, and your, but your event in track and field before is, is sprintering? I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I did a, one ten high hurdles. I did a, fuck in, I did a four by one relays. I did, the sprinning shit. Okay, and uh, you go, you go try, you try out or you just,

what, I mean, okay, it was on a, a freshman year in college. No, so you go try out or you just walk, I mean, I school, okay, it was on a freshman year in college. No, no, sorry, senior high school. You're like, I'm just gonna play football. I'm gonna play football. And like, do you, so you have no foundation for it? Not really, you haven't played. I just know I played in a park with my friends,

and I know I could run fast. So were you pretty good then? Yeah, I was pretty good, because I could run fast. I could get around somebody run, catch the ball. I was that guy, I could catch up to the ball. Boom, touchdown, that kind of shit. Okay, that's cool. And then, but you learn in college,

really how to catch with your hands. You really, the drills, and I was with Jeff George. So, yeah, it was like, it was Kendall Gill. That was the year, Kendall, Jeff, to all the motherfuckers. He's throwing heat, too, right? Cause he said throw the fucking through ball at me. That's what he was, people were talking about

when he was in the NFL. Well Frank, Frank Gifford had said, he was one of the most talented players I've ever seen, gifted, but he's just not that focused. And I knew in college, Jeff didn't look like he wanted to be there. He just, he just hated to practice, but that motherfucker's arm, sideways, just,

wha, it was, I saw it. I remember running a fucking route, a crease route. You run, you stick it, you turn. That ball came so fast, man. It bounced off my heart. Did you ever seen that YouTube video of, you know, Jerry Goff, the, the, Goff, yeah. So they put him in disguise and he shows up to like a

Juco school as a transfer right and so and they have cameras like like you know Because they're like we're filming yeah, yeah, whatever practice stuff and then he's like a so he's like has like a mole and like So they're like are you playing? He's like he's talking shit to them He's like what do you guys do and they're like we're quarterbacks. He's like oh really you talking shit to them. He's like, what do you guys do? And they're like, we're quarterbacks. He's like, oh really? You look like receivers or something. And they're like, what? And then they start doing drills. And he's in a football court. And they're all like, oh fuck.

Like, his level, just startling. Like a real arm is nuts. It's startling. High school football sometimes doesn't give you a good litmus test on what college football is. What talent is really lit is. I mean, and I'm like, dude's faster than me.

Like I'm so weak. So now we get that like you, you know, you walk or you play it. I walked on the art play. I didn't like, but like, but I mean, I didn't mean to walk in the process. How about the walk on process? Like you're in school. You said to someone dare you. Yeah, my boy, Marlon's like,

motherfucker, he's from, you know, Rubin Paul. Yes. Rubin Paul, he went to school high school with Rubin Paul. My teammate went to high school with Rubin Paul. Yeah, he was like a few years old and like maybe two years old. Rubin's funny, I met him. Rubin's a fast teacher. Great writer.

That's like my writing partner, Root and Paul. He, y'all, he went to, yeah, he went, Marlon Prima's, the guy I went to college was his mentor in football. Okay. Because he was a football player. Okay. And man, he did a bet.

We bet he's a motherfucker. I'm a betchoo. I betchoo, you know, I want you to come to spring practice because we have some fucking stupid bet in the dorm rooms. I went away for college. University of Illinois champagne is like two and a half hours away from Chicago.

And he goes, yeah, I bet you any money. You come to show up to whatever, Prack to spring tryouts. And I came and I made it. I ran a four, four, boom, four, boom. I was doing the drills and I made it. You made it. But I didn't, I wasn't on scholarship or none.

I walked on and it was a bitch. It was tough. Yeah, I bet it was tough. Did you play all the rest of your time there? No, I went up to my three, yeah, I stayed, yeah, pretty much about three years. And then I was just like, no, I was just like, God.

It's a lot of work. I remember, so I went to a D2 school. I didn't play, but my, a couple of friends did. And what I remember the most I went to a D2 school, I didn't play, but my couple of friends did. And what I remember the most about being in college with these guys is the amount of time they spent, like, you know, I mean, the off season conditioning, wait, lift, then the factory is, oh, injuries, injuries, and then you've got to do homework.

And then team meetings and films, and then you've got to do homework. And then homework, and then there's a lot of guys that were amazing student athletes. They then you gotta do homework. And then homework. And then there's a lot of guys that were amazing student athletes. They had 4.0s. Crazy. And it's like, yeah, you don't even play sports

and my grades are better than you, bitch. And then a lot of times, students would complain and bitch about, well, the athletes get all the pre, I go first of all. Yeah. What I do makes revenue. Fucker, the reason why you got a new chemistry lab, bitch was because that's how you get people.

Yeah, they fund all the academics. And the fact that you go to a certain school when someone goes, oh yeah, I'm studying chemical engineering at all state. They're like, oh state, the football team put you on the map buddy. That's why you're proud. Right.

You're like, unless you're Harvard, Cornell. Sure, sure. But when you think big 10, you're proud. Right. You're like, unless you're Harvard, Cornell, Sure. But when you think big 10, you think sports. Yeah. And people will matriculate like a motherfucker because they're watching the game. They'll just go, because I just want to go and be in the fucking,

I want to go to Penn State because I want to paint my face and have, Sometimes that's what sells. Oh, it's definitely what, here we are. Here we are. Like a school that hasn't been in the limelight, let's say, in a sport. You know, suddenly they win a championship and they're like, oh, our application win. When everybody wants to go to school there.

It's like when Steph and Curry was at Davidson. Yeah. Or Davidson? When Gonzaga. Gonzaga was killing it. Yeah, there are people that are like, everyone's applying. You think they learned about your polypsych classes?

No, it's because they watched the basketball game. Yeah, thank you. And they want to go They want to and they'll do commercials During the games. Yeah, and they'll sneak in their academics. Yeah, yeah, of course You know to be like at universe. You know that we school. We study here Yeah, you're like we write a lot and we have paper for you. Yeah, and pencils Yeah, the University of Michigan and Michigan Michigan, and then they'll be like, and there's also, it's very diverse. Because there's always like,

it's always united nations, all the way to the New York. And when you get there, it's like, yeah, because when I was at University of Illinois, that shit was about 800 black students and like 45,000 whites. I believe that. But there was some Asian, of course,

but it was like 800 of us. Yeah, eight. And I bet you get to know each other real real fast Real fast we're all in the same. You're like, uh, where are black people? Yeah, yeah, like in the basketball team was away was a bitch Like all around the road 50% of the fucking black suit body right now. I got to play hacky sack with my wife I was a hacky sack and motherfuckado. Oh, yeah, I was good. You know why? Nigerian. Oh, soccer is my first fucking sport. Is that your first sport?

Yeah. Is you want to play that though? No. No. Because I was so mad. I'm going to live group in America. I didn't have weird now though, because I used to think like my mom's proven. Yes.

So South America is all about soccer. As a kid, you know, all my cousins were like, why do you like these? I made it come. At the age of just like football is so much better. You got it right. my cousins were like, why do you like this? I'm adding, it's like, you know, at the age of just like football is so much better. You're sorry. Right. And I was always like, and now I'm like 42 years old,

and I go like, my soccer's pretty dope. Like now. It's unbelievable. But now I appreciate it. Of course. All these years later. Yeah, my father would be like, no, football is the most,

and I'm being my dad right now. Football is the most popular sport all over. Everybody plays in every, he's right. He's right. and I'm being my dad right now. Football is the most popular sport all over everybody plays in every continent. He's right. He's like, oh, I don't like this baseball, get out of here. Yeah, yeah. And we got the nerve to call it the world series.

I know. Or I always laugh at it. And it's in Boston. I always laugh at world champions. Yeah, we're not world champions. We're even when it's like NBA or NFL world champion. What are you talking about? Because you know what we're saying?

Yeah. Listen, we ain't even gonna come to your country. It's still beat you. We the world champion. It's because we that good that we ain't even coming through, dog. It's like it is. I think American comedians are world champion. Sure.

You ain't fucking with us. I don't give a fuck. I'ma say this on Times Group. I don't give a fuck what country. You ain't fucking with us. Yeah, okay? That's right you you ain't I'm so tired of this. Do you know Tommy London? He's so brilliant. Fuck him I'll fuck Tony Tommy London up. Yeah, go be in snatch too, motherfucker. You are not you ain't beat me in motherfuckin How about this Richard prior George car when you want you want me to name the list? Bitch. Yeah. I mean, the list is.

Huh? Greer Barnes, who's an unknown, but, uh, Elvatoran, who's one of the coldest comedians on the planet. I'm naming Greer Barnes. Look him up. Look him up. And Greer, but you know, Greer Barnes, you never know. I never knew him. I know he was in Todd Phillips loves him. Oh, really? He was in Joker. He had a little small part of Joe. Did Greer Barnes is one of the most talented comics. I am Not know this shit. I know. Yeah, she pal is she pales. He's one of the coldest motherfuckers. I also met Tony Woods first of all Did fucking master Tony Woods master? Yeah, who I'm he took she pal under his wing. I know I know he took me under his wings

He came and hung out with me at the DCM problem. Oh, yeah, oh, you know, you know, you're around and we said we went astic and then one time we did What I'm like one time we did we were we did shoreline amphitheater 22,000 people what wow with Dave and like a lineup. Yeah, of course Dude, so we're all doing 15 minutes at what He did, bro. Everybody got so upset. He went out there, did a 15 minute set,

and I'm not kidding you. 22,000 people gave him a standing ovation on a 15 minute set, and we were all like, come on 22,000 people. And then he got off and I go, what the fuck was that? Tony Woods. And you know, he goes, go, what the fuck was that? Tony Woods. And he goes, he goes, it was a college set, man. He's like this.

And he was like, yeah. He was just like, that was nothing. I was like, see? What do you talk? Because the rest of us were like, Tony Woods. We're like, we have to go on after that. I love to hear that. You know who they wanted to see after him?

Nobody. It was just like, that was it. Tony Woods did a fucking standing up, but he's, Tony Woods is the first time I ever performed internationally. He took me to Amsterdam. And he was like, hey, shout out, I'm gonna take you to, we gonna go to Amsterdam, we gonna go to Anhoven, Delft,

blah, blah, blah, did a lucky strike tour. Tony Woods and me and Tony Rock went with Tony Woods. And you know did Dutch are cold people yeah and they're the land of the Giants to tall big big big people that are like cold you know that's why they were good colonizers guys yeah yeah hello New York yeah there's big fuck big fuck even the chick. You're like, yeah, you're getting on that slave ship. Yeah Whoa, wow good stuff. How long is this working? Wow did not know that that joke folks is old I mean the Dutch are gonna make you do whatever whatever they want you gonna do it

You're gonna make fun of our buckles shoes bitch You gonna be making it on me. I'll put it so far you as you're gonna fun of our buckles shoes, bitch. Yeah, yeah. You gonna be making it, man. You're gonna be putting it so far. You're as gonna be shit in buckles, baby. Hey, my man. Get on that shit. Ha, ha, ha. So this big, my fucking head, too.

You know what I'm saying? You fucking can't do, big ass white dude. He said, yeah, put me in the chains, you shit. Now me had a lot of work to do, singing songs, my man. Yeah, me, hit me with the whip. We did our thing again. We did our thing again. We did our thing again.

We did our thing again. We did our thing again. We did our thing again. We did our thing again. We did our thing again. We did our thing again. We did our thing again. We did our thing again.

We did our thing again. We did our thing again. We did our thing again. We did our thing again. We did our thing again. We did our thing again. We did our thing again. We did our thing again. We did our thing again. We did our thing again. We did our thing again. We did our thing again. Yo, Tony Woods taught us and taught us just a master

at different audiences. Just this, I've been in shows where Tony Woods literally, and this is Urban Rooms, and Urban Rooms, it's like, everybody's like, yo, and then when I'm fucking a bitch, I said, suck my dick, goodnight. Do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do the fuck and you know in mainstream, let's keep it 100. A lot of comics worry about who's in front of them. You know, you'll save some for me. Yeah. In black comedy clubs, you just

got to swallow that shit and go, go, you have to be like, like it's like a dunk contest. Okay. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. All right. You know, so this motherfucker, Tony, man, he comes on stage places. You know. He's like, he's like, ooh boy, this, hey, hey, my name's Tony Woods. Um, give it up to all the comedies. This just went up, right? And everybody's starting to listen to them. Mm-hmm.

Give it up. I just want to let everybody know that everybody was energetic. Ooh, me, I'm a, ooh, hmm. Ooh, hmm. Mm, me, I'm a, who, who, who, who destroys the place. Oh yeah. Yeah. Didn't get loud. Yeah.

Just barely talking. Whoo, who, yeah, I'm like, oh, killing. Bop, bop, bop, yeah. That's, I'm gonna say this on your show. I bowed down to Tony Woods, man. The same, and you know what we're talking about? I'm talking about on you show I bowed down to Tony Woods man the same and you know We're talking about like the right the the pausing and stuff like and being comfortable

Like like oh he's totally mad and he's cool, and it's that's him. Yeah, he does it. It's not a try hard No, it's not that cool and he'll also deliver a joke. Yeah, that you Almost missed but it it was right there He'll also deliver a joke that you almost missed, but it was right there. And it's like, he says it. And you're like, you think, did he just remember to say that? No, it's completely a master telling us.

It's just, and anytime I come on like shows like yourself, like shows like this are big, I make sure I, I'm glad we brought up Tony Woods. He's the man because I love to praise him. Yep. Because he should be praised. Yeah. He should be, I want him to have more.

But another thing I tell Tony, I go Tony, but sometimes you don't feel like doing a lot of shit. Yeah, sure. I'll be like Tony, I'm a goofshoddy. Yeah. I'm gonna go ride my bike. He loves riding bikes, by the way. But yeah, and it's like, I like to name people

that people, you know, like Ian Edwards. So funny. Ian Edwards. Ian Mothafuckin Edwards, Rubin Paul. I just name people that I have a few Ian Edwards jokes memorized. Do you? Yeah.

Because like they were so good. And then I'll tell him, he'll be like, oh, I forgot that joke. Eagle Lake. That shit is fucked up. Yeah. And he's deceptive. He is.

His writing, I'd e an Edward. Great writer. Great writer. I have another person too. Marina Franklin. Marina Franklin is fantastic. She's in New York. Yeah, I met her.

Oh, you wanted to call her to? I went to college, but I met her one time in New York. Yeah, she's fan-underrated, fantastic. And especially for a black woman comedian, because there's always this box that black women comedians are put in. Because white girls, and you know, it's so funny, is white girls are really a lot of the same.

A lot of white girls are the fuck, and they're deliveries like, yeah, and then I was like, you know, and then, what is the, you know, my black women is the, and you know, my black one again. Get put into the sassy box. It's like this, yeah, oh, I got good pussy shit. My pussy, I was, I was she, if you can't fuck, see it. Yeah, yeah, Marina, nothing like that.

Just fucking a comedian. Yeah, not this black, it's just a comedian. Well, it's, you know, you're not monolith, right? That's a, we're not a monolith. At all. But that's why I love when I see. Which, by the way, is another lesson that White America is learning.

Yeah, but here's what's funny. Here's what's funny. And you know, I'm glad I can talk race. I love talking race. Yeah. I love it. Because I was trained. Because you, let me tell you my first real experience

of racism, real like up in, in, in live and concert racism. Okay. You know how people talk about racism, but it hasn't happened to them. Right. So they go, what you should have done. Yeah, yeah. That's like me saying, a Dr. King, man.

Listen, man. Yeah. No. When it's in your face in concert, whole another ball game. So I was in my honors English class. I was in honors classes. This is a high school or college? High school, freshman year.

White dudes are looking at me. I'm just, and I'm sitting at a Filipino guy. Slary Buhay was his name and he wanted to be, he wanted to be white so badly like he just wanted to be accepted. I said, it's cool, but dude, they don't respect you, bro. They're saying they call you names, man, and call him names, man. And he, these guys call me the N word in class, man.

In class? What? Not loud. He was like, you're doing that. There's like three or four of them. I was by myself. It was live in fucking doing that. It was like three or four of them. I was by myself. It was live in concert, man. Like, and I'm 14, dude, like 14 and I'm like,

it's in your face. Imagine that shit. You couldn't do shit about it. And now you gotta go to my dad, who was an educator for 45 years in Chicago. And I told my dad and I'm like, yeah, they call me. I thought they were pronouncing Nigerian incorrectly.

No. Mm. He goes, well, you just have to, you know, just ignore them. I said, I was. Usually we're ignoring people. When racism, you're usually minding your business. Right, right.

I don't go out going, I'm looking for the end word. Right. Give it to me, baby. Come on, racism. Yeah. No, you're, isn't it? Yeah. No, you're usually just going about your business. Oh, I've had situations where that happened. You know, Chicago's the most segregated city

in the country still. It's wild. The most. Dr. King had the worst time in his life in Chicago. In Chicago. Coming from Alabama, Birmingham. So Chicago, it's so funny because you would get people yelling shit at you.

I remember going to a football game. This is my, when I was playing football in high school, because I could walk to my high school. My parents moved closer to me. And so I had my football equipment and these dudes yelled out the end word at me. From like a car? Yeah, a car, not by foot.

Yeah, my car. And so I waited for the red light to check, like they went in the red light because I can run through it. So I ran snuck around a car and I smashed, smashed the dude with my helmet and it smashed his face with my helmet. Whoa, and then I went to my game and had like, I had a great game.

Maybe people should say it more often, you know? But I just, This will get your motorbathed. I guess you just often, you know. But I just, this will get your motivated. Hey, I'll get you to school. You know what motivates you? Your coach at financials. Right, right. I felt like,

so if we're gonna do the God free, every one. Yeah. You, all your cousins, just like the Dutch. Hey man. Put a little pep in his neck. There's a put a, he's running a four, three now. Oh, four of you. Four, two, one baby. I'll be taking, but you know,

and it's like the whole race thing is like, you're trained. I don't, man, I really would love to be like, hey man, I would like to not think about race. I like, first of all, first of all, I love being who the fuck I am. People think, you know, because a lot of times some whites go,

it must suck, like no no, it doesn't. No. It doesn't. It sucks by the treatment, but it doesn't suck being my culture's dope. Yeah. You might not tell me, let me tell you why my culture's dope, because you motherfuckers copy the shit all the time. Most of American music, all American music's black.

Yeah. It's just black. It's, ask the British artists. They're the ones that'll break it down to you. Sure. It's all black music. The root of it, have you been in the rock call? Yeah, in Cleveland. I go every year. Yeah, I go all the way. It's great. It's amazing. And when you walk in first, it's all black people. Yeah. You see all the blues people's from lightning hop. Right. And then you learn if you study. This is what I'm saying.

And I'm like, you learning all this stuff and all this and how are we a monolith? Yeah Where's that fun coming from like you all have your shit when you look at the acoustic guitar? Can I break down something? Sure. Yeah, let's do it. The guitar. Mm-hmm. Okay, yeah, story of the guitar. Okay. That did I say that? Yeah guitar double R I don't know you know, but it's you're set. It sounds great guitar. I'm the story and guitar is No, but it sounds great. The guitar, and the story and guitar is the Henten Negro, okay, created the guitar in 1883. Guy by the name of Robert Fleming made the first acoustic guitar. And the first amplified was played by Robert Johnson.

Boom. I go to the Jimmy Hendrix Museum in Seattle. Beautiful. One of my favorite architects, Frank Geary, designed it. Sure. I was like, wow, and I go to the guitar room. And there's no Robert Framing. They have like less Paul.

Sure. All those guys, I go cool. And I told the guy, hey, you know, you don't have a weird friend. You don't have the black guy that invented the shit. And the guy goes, well, we're after, you know. He had the museum boy. We'll have to talk to management about that.

Yeah. And I say, well, you better. Yeah. Nothing like, I always like to do this fucking black voice, but I do it like, it's nothing like being angry and black and whisper. He's like, well, motherfucker, you better go and tell, it's nothing like being angry and black and whisper. He's like, well motherfucker, you better go tell your management.

Yeah. That's way more of that. Way to fuck. Oh, a whisper is way scarier. Maybe, way to wake. Because I'm looking at it and there's a field trip going on and there's white and black kids and I go, he goes, well, why are you inquiring?

I said because there's black kids here that don't know that. Yeah. And then they'll think that the white kids are the said because there's black kids here that don't know that. Yeah. And then they'll think that the white kids are the best because you'll have all nothing but white people up here. You don't even have BB King, bro. Which is, yeah, that's- Get the fuck out of here. That's a crime.

The greatest guitarist is Hendrix, my friend. Yeah. Because even Peter Townsend couldn't keep up with him. He, Peter Townsend called Jimmy Hendrix at the end word. When he were in London, yeah, he said, this fucking is too good. Yeah, Peter Thompson from the who? Yeah, he did.

But he was so angry because Jimmy, you know, Jimmy re-strung his guitar up. You know, he was a lefty. So he took a right hand and cut and re-strung it. The opposite way. Didn't know that. Yeah, and his fingers, his length of his fingers and his speed was so fast, like people couldn't keep up with him. And he used feedback as music.

Yeah, I'm at the level. I'm that dude. Yeah, and I learned that because when I get into a race beta, I go, this is what it is. Here are the facts. I'm not coming from emotion and I'm coming from facts. Like you're saying all this, but then, you know, the people that, and this is for the're saying all this, but then the people that,

and this is for the people that do this, and a disclaimer, this is not all whites. Yeah, I'm just saying the ones that do this. Yeah, yeah. So you're getting mad at these people that look like me, but then you're participating in the shit that they created. It's a little hypocritical. So I always, I have, I talk about this on a state.

Yeah. And I go, white supremacy is not as supreme as you think it is. Cause you're using everybody, shit. Yeah. You know, I mean, uh, there's this great line. What was that guy's name? He, uh, he said this, this black dude, uh, what was that? The BT like award.

Oh, shit. He said probably was. No, no, it was was he's like light skin light skin heavy. No, um light skin. Yeah. Yeah, something I think Williams Doug Is it Doug? The one that got shit on by Jamie Foxx? Maybe he got he had murdered by he had he had this line He said no, not not him. No, no, no, no, no, dog, dog, is a comic comedian.

Oh, no, no, no, that's the thing I'm talking about. No, this was a, this is a, that's dog, we're not talking about that. I know you're talking about that. No, not that guy. This guy was getting in a war. I'm just talking about like taking from black culture. He said, he said, they gentrify our genius.

Ooh, that's tight. That's a good line. It's fucking amazing. Yeah. Yeah, and they gentrified and then, you know, and then if it wasn't about race, then just give everybody a chance. You know what I mean?

Yeah. Just like, just pick people who are qualified, but you know, and it's sad to say, you know, it's like, cause I'm this, I can't have that. And it's fucked up, you know? What like because I'm this I can't have that and it's fucked up You know, what do you feel like you can't have though? Oh? I don't I'm just talking about that was just a okay. I mean I'm not my mentality isn't that right right? On a spiritual level like when I like I have a joke about hey when you talk about law of attraction

You know thoughts be create things I read read it, I'm that guy, new age, Napoleon Hill, Neville Goddard, Earl Knight, and Gail. You read it up. I'm that motherfucker, listen to lectures, I'm that dude. Power of the subconscious mind, Joseph Murphy, I'm that guy. Yeah. But then my comedy mind goes, well, if I'm a white dude

with law of attraction, is it easier? Do I have to do double spirituality? Cause I'm black. Cause I gotta go think positive. Okay, hopefully racism won't be in the way of that. Yeah, yeah. I'm just saying, because if I'm listening to a white dude give me positive shit, I go, well, yeah, you're good.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, you got, I mean a different path. It was spirituality the same during Jim Crow. Yeah, yeah. I know I just, is there, you know, to be like, there's some Dutch guy, some kind of kind of shit boy. Not the country guy. I believe in myself.

I knew I would get to slaves. Then there's a slave going, man, I'm a libido slave. Wait, did work. Yeah, it didn't work. If that was the first spiritual guy, it was like a slave owner. He's like, this is really working out. I said, I want free labor.

And I got it. It's great. Thoughts become things. And you know what's so funny is a lot of those spiritual Principles are Egyptian they're African. Yeah, I didn't know that's what's all those you know those Shriners. Yes, all African shit Yeah, I mean we take a lot We take a lot thanks. Yeah, buddy You know that's all I'm saying now dude, I thoroughly enjoy what you're doing. I love that you have a very unique perspective.

You're an original. And I enjoy the conversations and dialogue about race. I think it's an important part of the thing. There's a way to do it. We're not people walking, not being a white girl and walking out of a comedy show, because you know, only white women walk out of comedy show. They're the worst.

Dude, Jay Olkerson, white women are fucking comedy. They're the worst. And the other thing that I hate is like, having a good time, doing the type of comedy that I like to do. And like, you know, you're taking jabs at like every one in comedy. Everyone in comedy.

And then there's like some white lady who's like, like she'll speak up for you. And I'm like, do you think he's like incapable of speaking? Like she'll be like, you shouldn't have said that. And then the black guy's like, I'm having a great time. I'm having a great time in the land. You get on the elevator and she's holding her purse, bitch. Yeah, yeah, exactly, exactly.

And also like, she's like, it doesn't matter that he's having, like, oh, so you're speaking before this man, like, that's you know how insulting that is? That's why I tell dudes, black dudes, stop, date white women. Yeah, stop, stop. I'm sorry. We actually need to know what makes you so crazy. We need more options, please leave them.

That's why white dudes are going with other races. Yeah, we are done with. We are done with these bitches, man. Dude, my second wife is gonna be fucking black for a fucking. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Dude, I appreciate you coming today. Thank you for doing this. This was a super fun. I thought that you weren't gonna like give me a date. Why? I don't know. Cause I'm not like, and you know, you know, I came up with Craig Robbins.

We did it in like two seconds. I know, you know, I came up with Craig Robbins. I did not know. You took the Chicago to? Yeah,'t know. Cause I'm not like, and you know, you know, I came up with Craig Robinson. We did it in like two cents. I know, you know, I came up with Craig Robinson. I did not know that. You just got to, yeah, I know Craig. We did, or I opened mics to you. And Craig is like the black dude that's in. But he never lost his integrity, which is fantastic. And certain people, Hannibal's in, I don't feel like I'm in.

Really? No, man. I mean, I only, I, so tired, I think this, I just, I, So, Ty, I think this, Dude, I always feel like that, like, you know, there's a lot of guys from New York that I never really got to know the way if you live in the same city.

But I mean, you know, Ty, as soon as I, Yeah, man, I was like, I don't think I'm in, I don't think I'm gonna make it. I mean, dude, But I thought in my mind, spirituality, Yeah.

I would be on top of the world. I had the same, I was like, I'm gonna bring this black motherfucker And the black motherfucker came and he came and I came like a motherfucker I said white motherfucker black motherfucker together. It's beautiful. We're able to make we made music today, man light lighting in the bottle We got our eye patches back. It was that cosby wonder. It was cosby wonder. Yeah No, no, we have to do this again Cosby wonder it was Cosby wonder yeah Like you Know we have to do this again. We have to get do yeah, man. I'd love to be I'm moving So it's there'll be a shorter flight. Yeah, so we're shorter flight dude. I don't give up my my nephew is at U of T

He's in a sturt top of his class business school Nigerians go ahead. He's a longhorn my sister lives in Dallas. So he's no, I want to come again. Let's do it I am I'm I'm team Segura What is it? It's a girl. I mean like sure it does. Yeah, I know I was like, dude I mean it's like sure you Spanish. You Spanish is in good shape man My husband is a see a see a see a need to practice Es muy difícil, es difícil, es difícil. Es muy difícil. Es muy difícil. Es difícil. Es difícil. Es difícil. Es difícil. Es difícil.

Es difícil. Es difícil. Es difícil. Es difícil. Es difícil. Es difícil. Es difícil. Es difícil. Es difícil.

Es difícil. Es difícil. Es difícil. Es difícil. Es difícil. Es difícil. Es difícil. Es difícil.

Es difícil. Es difícil. Es difícil. Es difícil. Es difícil. Es difícil. Es difícil. Es difícil. Es difícil. Es difícil. Es difícil. Es difícil. Es difícil. Es difícil. Es difícil. Es difícil. Es difícil. Es difícil. Es difícil. Es difícil. Es difícil. Es difícil. Es difícil. Es difícil. Es difícil. Es difícil. Es difícil. Es difícil. Es difícil. Es difícil. Es difícil. Es difícil. Es difícil. Es difícil. Es difícil. Es difícil. Es difícil. Es difícil. Es difícil. Es difícil. Es difícil. muy difícil. Es difícil, man. Y si, es decir, mucha fuerza para ser un español. Sí, wow, increíble. Incredible. Más o menos. Poder, baby. ¿Bom, buddy? Sí, sí. Thank you guys for watching.

Thank you for listening. Thank you to God for following me on Instagram. Do it. Hey, guys, ¿me hagas la cámara? I've never looked at the camera. That's all right. Hey, follow me on Instagram, guys. Comedian Godfree.

And my podcast is in Godfrey We trust on the gas did Lewis Jay Gomez. Yeah on the gas did another half Latino. Yeah on the gas digital network Tuesdays and Fridays 9 30 when is this showing this will come out in a couple weeks on a Monday morning? Okay 9 30 PM Eastern and yeah, from community conference Instagram. There you have it peace guys. Peace. See you later. Pause Time and One goes top to swap the other wears a shirt Tom tells stories and birds the machine. There's not a chance and hell that they'll keep clean Here's what we call

Two bears one cake No scripts to be the booze amateur forology. Dirty jokes, ronti humor, no apologies. Here's what we call to bear's one cave.