2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer - Ep. 87 | 2 Bears 1 Cave w/ Tom Segura & Greg Fitzsimmons

Episode Date: June 28, 2021

SPONSORS: - Purchase at https://BlackRifleCoffee.com/BEARS and use code: BEARS at checkout for 20% off your purchase and your first coffee club order! - Get your first visit absolutely free at https://ForHims.com/bears - Get the retro summer tie dye variety pack for a limited time this summer! You can get them delivered right to your door by going to https://BudLight.com/delivery or pick it up at your local neighborhood grocery, convenience or liquor store - To start comparing quotes and simplify insurance-buying, check out Policygenius: https://www.policygenius.com/cave. Thanks to Policygenius for sponsoring this video! - Check out https://FIVERR.com and use code CAVE to receive 10% off your first order - Go to https://creditkarma.com/WINMONEY to sign up for free and start winning Instant Karma - Go to https://cbdMD.com and use code BEARS for 25% off your purchase of superior CBD products Today on 2 Bears 1 Cave, comedian, writer and host Greg Fitzsimmons steps in for Bert Kreischer. First, Tom Segura and Greg discuss going out to gay bars, Bert's hygiene, and Greg talks about meeting Jon Voight on a plane. Then, Greg discusses his time working on the Ellen DeGeneres show, hooking up with girls from comedy shows, and his dad bod. Next, Tom and Greg discuss how good they'd be at performing oral on a a man, online trolls, and Tom tells a crazy story about the Mexican cartel. After that, Greg and Tom open up about his anger issues, physical parents and trying to have better parenting tendencies. Last, Tom and Greg talk about their kids growing up, moving to Texas and the benefits of being fat in cold weather.

You have a news guy hat and do you do like fedoras and stuff too? No. No. No, I don't do fedoras because I think people look pretentious and fedoras. Yeah, like Bert. You know, he's wears a fucking stupid fedora. I don't think he could look pretentious if he wore an ass-god. I know.

There's so much working against him getting pretentious. Yeah. Mostly his face. Yeah, yeah. His face, his voice, his bad face. Yeah, yeah. His face is voice is bad grooming. 100%. I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I sport. Like there's a lot of working out that goes into it. There really is. Yeah.

I mean, the thing is too, I was telling someone yesterday that I feel like the best compliment you can get is a gay guy compliment. Like when a gay guy tells you, Oh yeah. You look good, you're like, this is a good day. Yeah. Yeah.

It's totally like a woman being like, oh, you're like, oh thanks, feels good. But when the gay guy does it, I feel like that's the bar. Gay guy tells you you look good. Yeah, because they'll also shit on you. They'll also tell you how bad you look. Yeah, exactly. So a good comp.

And that's why I go out with my friend Tom, we'll go to gay bars. This one in Venice called the Rooster Fish. And his running joke is always like, hey, it's straight night at the Rooster Fish, you wanna go? And then I go and like, I had this news boy cap on, you know, the music cap. And then I became like, this one I was younger.

And I became like a character. Like they were all like, hey, you wanna, I'll buy a paper, you know, all those like, we're just like, you guys do that. And Tom was so jealous because he was getting no attention but it was fucking hot. That hot dude.

Yeah, you have a good news guy, and do you do like fedoras and stuff too? No, no, I don't do fedoras because I think people look pretentious and fedoras. Yeah, like Bert, you know, he's wears a fucking stupid fedora. I don't think he could look pretentious if he wore an ass guard. I know. There's so much working against could look pretentious if he wore an ass guard.

I know. There's so much working against him getting pretentious. Yeah, mostly his face. Yeah, yeah. His face, his voice, his bad grooming, his belly. Did you see the fucking post he put up of his bed sheets? No. Dude.

So he's shooting this movie in Serbia. Yeah. And he's like, I'm changing the sheets for the first time since getting here. And he- What? But like, you're like, wait, what comes out of you? What the fuck is on his head? It's brown.

It's all his pretentiousness. Do you think- He's sweeping into the fucking sheets. Do you think he uses propitio? Why do you think it's brown? Mm-hmm. And not propitio, but what's it? Rogan is the shit.

I used to use Rogan and I rubbed it in and my fucking pillows got destroyed. Oh, that's exactly what that is. He's using Rogan. Yeah, yeah. But what about, there's not Rogan on his legs, right? Like what the fuck's going on down there?

What is that? He's so gross. Oh. That porn made, that room does not look nice. Did he say it's rugged? Are the rooms rugged? That's a house that he's renting. Oh, yeah, that's a house. And he said it was cool, but I mean, that doesn't look cool.

Oh, is that pubic hair? It looks like great pubic hair. But also, I mean, there's all these revelations of like how gross he can be like, like a few months ago, he was like, I've cut down on showering so much. I was like, why? And he was like, because I got a pool.

Oh, no. I was like, what are you talking about? He goes, yeah, he's jumping the pool. Like, that's not a shower. I use it as a shower. I'm like, that's not a shower. And then, then he also, a month later, he was like, dude, guess what I did this morning?

I go, what? He goes, I brush my teeth and I go, okay. And he's like, I haven't done that in a while. I'm like, what the fuck are you talking about? And he's like, I don't brush my teeth. And I go, what? And he goes, yeah, but I floss a lot. I'm like, dude, I haven't done that in a while. I'm like, what the fuck are you talking about? And he's like, I don't brush my teeth. And then I go, what? And he goes, yeah, but I floss a lot. I'm like, dude, I don't know.

I'm like, yeah, he's just, he's that guy. Oh man. Dude, when you don't brush, but you floss, like when I floss, and then I don't wash my hands, my fingers smell like a fucking rotten tooth. They do, yeah. Yeah. So that's what the brushing is for.

Yeah, yeah, and the film, like the, like, kind of, there's, like, he just lives with that. Wow. Is this method acting? Is he doing this for the role? Could be, man, I don't know. I don't know. It's just how he's been doing it, man.

But he also, he does so many gr- Like he, he cuts his toenails and tapes them under a coffee table in the family room. No. Yeah. Why? He's just like, he's like, oh, it's the idea of things I do.

Yeah. Yeah. He's just nasty, man. So gross. My wife yells at me, if I cut my toenails and I throw them in the toilet, I don't flush it, she fucking yells at me. Because she sees them. Yeah, she toenails and I throw them in the toilet, I don't flush it. She fucking yells at me. Because she sees them.

Yeah, she doesn't want to see them in the toilet. Yeah. Yeah, I mean, I'll clip them and they'll be like, ding dong and then, you know, Christine will be like, Hey, are you, are you getting those? I'm like, yeah, I'll get them in a minute. And then, you know, I just- Wait, where do you leave them? I just wear wherever they go.

Yeah. You mean like on the floor? Yeah, like wherever they shoot off to, I'll just, you leave them? I just wear wherever they go. Yeah. You mean like on the floor? Yeah, like wherever they shoot off to, I'll just, you leave them. Unless I'm like, sometimes I'll go, I'll try to be more, you know, just try to be a gentleman. So if I see them, I'll gather them.

But there's also times where I'm sitting there and I'm just doing that and they're shooting off and I just leave them. That's how you know you're getting old is like, you get those brittle toenails when you cut them they shoot places. When you're young you can just clip the corner and peel it.

Just give it a nice soft peel. Yeah, yeah. And now, yeah, yeah, across the room. Get yourself in the eye. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're a god those when you clip your toenails. Well you see like old dudes toenails and you're like holy shit.

That's on the horizon. Right. Yeah. I really think about how bad I'm gonna look in just a couple of years, just based on like the men older than me in my family. Yeah, you guys look like shit. Oh, right.

Yeah, they don't look good. Dude, my dad died when he was 52 and I'm now 55. Wow. I look like my dad looked when he was 30. Really? Like when he died, he looked like an old fucking man. Really? I mean, you look at these old TV shows and movies

of people when they were 60, we're practically using canes. Yeah. They were so old at 60. Yeah, it's weird. Some people look old forever. Yeah. Like actors and stuff.

You're like, when was that guy ever not old? Right, right. There's just like a look. Yeah, like John Voight just always looked old. Yeah, exactly. He looks old. He is old now, right? Yeah. Yeah, but yeah, he looks he really looks like I was on a flight one time and I was It was my first development deal and I was living in New York and Fox was flying me out. And, you know, I'd been doing comedy like seven or eight years. I had, I had to have two nickels to rub together. I was paying 600 bucks in rent. I could barely fucking pay it. And so they put me on a first class flight. And so this is actually the flight home. So I'm on a first class flight. I was out the whole night the night before.

And all I'm thinking is I got the window seat. I'm gonna sit down and I'm gonna sleep the entire flight. This is great. I sit down. All the sudden the guy flops down next to me and he goes, and I got my eyes close. I see him coming so I close my eyes and he slaps me and the army goes,

how you doing? I'm John. And I was like, oh, Jesus, fucking Christ. I go, Hey, nice to meet you. And then I put my head back down again. And he keeps talking to me. And I keep kind of like cutting them off. And so finally, the flight takes off. And as soon as the seat belt sign is off, this guy's in the aisles. Everybody wants to meet him. Hey, John, the big fan. And now I'll sudden, you know, being the fucking star fucker wannabe that I am at this

point. He sits down, I was like, hey, so how's it going, man? And we start talking and he goes, so what do you do? And I was like, well, let me tell you, John, I'm on this flight for a reason. I got a working on a little TV project right now with the Fox network and I'm on this flight for a reason. I gotta work in a little TV project right now

with the Fox Network and I'm a comedian and blah, blah, blah. And then I go, what do you do? And he goes, I want an Oscar. And I was like, oh, I'm so sorry, you guys don't worry about it, John Voight. He was John Voight. But you gotta stand, look at his face before after yeah, like he had a certain age and his face just sank

Yeah, it bloated and it sank look at him when he's young and so we started talking and He was on his way to his Father's deathbed back in New York. And his father was a green skipper at a golf course his whole life. And so we started talking about golf because I grew up playing golf and so did he.

We both grew up in Westchester County and we started bonding and we talked for five hours straight. And my father had just died. Like, and so we were talking about that and then he gave me his home phone number and he gave me his home address and he's like, you know, we're going to hang out and spend time. And I never called the guy. I never reached out.

It's calm now. I just be like, how can we get Trump back in office? Oh, he's a Trumpi. Oh, big time. Big time. Yeah. He was, he did those things where he was like, he was like, ladies and gentlemen, Donald Trump is the greatest president since Abraham,

like he's like a hardcore. At like, yeah, yeah, like one of the people who's like, Meanwhile, his daughter is the voice of the left. Oh yeah, and by the way, I mean, we all know Angelina Jolie is, you know, a beautiful, but like, he ever like, look at, I mean, she looks like she was manufactured. She's so like there's a level of perfect like it's almost overwhelming. Yeah look at her like that face look at that face.

It's insane and still at this age still looks incredible. I met her in her prime really and I couldn't speak. I was it's that type of face. Yeah I used to be a writer on the Ellen DeGeneres show, which we can get into later. Yeah. And so they asked me, it was St. Patrick's Day, and Ellen asked me to dress as a leprechaun and come out on stage. And this is where, yeah.

If you're wondering the low point of my career. When you say she asked me, you're like, this is not a request. It wasn't a request. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, you're like, this is not a request. It wasn't a request. I had to do it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're doing this. And so, and you know, sometimes your career is so bad that you really think like, oh, this is a good opportunity.

I think dress up is the leprechaun today. And so I'm sitting backstage about to go out onto the stage and Angelina comes over and she sits in the director's chair three inches from me. And she goes, she looks at me and she starts laughing. And I felt like the guy, remember, remember in a fast times, Ridgemont High, when the guy is in the car and he's dressed as a pirate. Yeah, yeah. He's delivering the food. and he's eyeing this girl in the next card, he's smiling at her and she starts laughing and realizes I was dressed. That's what you feel, yeah, it's the worst feeling in the world. It's so humiliating.

Oh, God. There you go. There you go. Yeah. What's the most humiliating moment in your career? Yeah, in my career. I mean, I'll tell you one, there's a few. But one that I always got like, oh man, the shame I mean, I'll tell you one, there's a few, but one that I always got like,

oh man, the shame I felt was I got hired to do audience warm-up for last-com extending season two. Show was really big. It's a really big show. Right. At the time. This is in Vegas. No, this is last-com extending that's shooting it here in LA. And so at the time, I'm a few years in, I have in total, I could probably let's say do 40 minutes, like with a gun in my head. Yeah. And I can do 15 to 20 minutes clean. Yeah.

So they're like, you know, and this is in a theater here in LA, I forget like what point of the show has been, the guy who was doing it, you know, is not available this week. So the show has been like on the air for a while. And I go and they're like, okay, the guy gives me a mic, go ahead and go out there. I go out there, I do like, let's say 10 minutes.

And it goes great. I come off and he's like, all right, we're gonna do something else, setting up. Just can you go back out there, I go, sure. I do my next 10 minutes, goes great. And they're like, great, we're gonna roll now. I was like, man, that was awesome. It's like, it's a big crowd.

It's like probably the biggest crowd I've performed in front. Yeah. And then they start taping the show. And like a few minutes in, he's like, we're gonna reset. I just need you to go back out there. The light, the camera wasn't coming down right, so we have to reset it and everything.

So just, can you go back out there? And I go, what do you need me to do? And he's like, warm up. And I was like, I know, but how long? He's like, I don't know, like 45 minutes. Oh! And I was like, I don't have that. And I was like, uh, I, I, I don't have that. And they're like, what are you talking about?

And I'm like, I did everything that I can do. And they're like, well, I mean, you're the audience woman. Like, just go out. And I was like, I pulled a guy aside. I go, wait, you have to like, give me something. And he's like, like, what? Is there other shirts? I've heard a shirt cannon.

You got a shirt cannon? Yeah, one of those. And they're like, I, what? Is there other shirts? I've heard a shirt, can't it? You had a shirt, can't it? Yeah, one of those, and they're like, I'm, we can find something. I was like, what about music? Can you play music? And he's like, yeah, what do you want to do? I was like, I don't know, a fucking dance contest or something. So I ended up bringing audience members on stage

and I would dance with them. No. Yes. It was humiliating. Oh, shit. It was humiliating. Oh shit. It was humiliating. Are you a good dancer? Not really.

I mean, not the best. So you're just doing that white guy shuffle? Yeah, I was doing the white guy shuffle. And I remember I got heckled. I had a TV taping. Oh. He was like, somebody said something. He was like, do they pay you?

And I was like, what? He was like, do they pay you? And I was like, what? He was like, do they pay you? I was like, yeah, he goes, they pay you too much. And I was like, okay. But I just was dying. Dude, that's like, I had a girl give me a blowjob one time. Yeah.

And then afterward, like literally 10 minutes later, she starts getting on top of me to have sex, but like, I was done. That's what this is. I was done. And she got, she was a waitress at the catcherizing car in Princeton, New Jersey. And her name was Kristen.

And she fucking got so mad at me, she practically hit me. Really? Yeah, because the thing is I should have stopped her before I came on the blow job. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But she was so good. Yeah. And then I came back to New York and I was like, yeah, this waitress Kristen had catch in Princeton. She's like, she's super hot. She's a physical therapist. So I should I be saying it all? Yeah, yeah, yeah. And so, and then it turns out like, you know,

Greg Roguel had fucked her the week before. Like each comic I talked to had had a, I was like, no wonder she got me off so fast. She's, she's practiced. She's working these comic books. Yeah. I remember it was one of those things where it's like, she worked, because she worked in the club as a waitress, she wasn't allowed to come up to the rooms. You're not allowed to just like wander the hotel

with your employee. And so, so she said that and I go, oh, so I guess we can't go back to my place. She's like, no, if you pull up behind parking lot C and then there's a door that you can jammy. I've been here a few times. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. She's in her first rodeo. Holy shit. You remember him sex with the waitress and find out other comics had sex with her? No. Before I started dating Christina, I went and did a show in Orange County. I picked up a girl at a bar show. I did something totally out of character, which was like express extreme confidence. That was like, what I know what I'm doing. Yeah.

And I was like, yeah, watch this, like that kind of thing. She was like, okay. And then we started making out. Watch this. Yeah, outside of the bar. And then she was like, I mean, I was gonna drive back to LA. And I go, I forgot how this happened, but like, are you staying down here?

And she was like, I think, yeah, I think we're going to spend, I'm going to spend the night here. My friend's coming from out of town. I was like, you should get a hotel room. And she was like, oh, yeah, I should. And then I walked her into a hotel. And then I was like, I'm not paying for that. I was like, I don't have any money.

So she got a room and we went up there, and we started making out. I thought we were gonna have sex. And then at one point, she stops, and she's like, oh, my friend is on her way. I was like, she'll find it, she'll find it. She's like, no, I have to like, make sure she finds this place. And I'm like, all right, like text her something.

Her friend ends up showing up like 10 minutes later and comes to the room and just like Who are you right to me? Yeah, she's like looking out for her friend. I'm like I'm Tom Yeah, yeah, I'm Tom and then watch this And as the best was that her friend who I'm making out with goes, he's a comedian and she's like, what? Like, is that supposed to be impressive to me? He's a circus clown. He's a clown.

And then the friend was like, I think we're done for the evening. Like, you know, I was like, I was like, I don't know. But that's the, that's like my only road experience with that because I was dating like shortly thereafter, you know? We've been together since, I don't know, 15 years or something.

So I never got to do like road hookup stuff. Oh no. No. No. I know it's really sad. Wow. That's literally why 90% of comedians get into it. I know.

That's why I got into it. I know. No, I know. It's, I got into it. I know. No, I know. It's, I mean, I would do real well now. If Christina like tripped and fell down the stairs. You know, something bad happens. I would do real well. Yeah.

Yeah, you would do great. Yeah, sure. You're in shape now. What are you doing to be in shape? What the fuck's going on? Eating like a boring person. You know, I'm just eating clean. Yeah.

Yeah, just like I eat egg whites and you know. Cause last time I talked to you and you were still living in the palisades, you told me you had a boxing instructor and you was going like three days a week. I was doing all of it, but I wasn't eating like clean. Right. I would just eat everything.

Yeah. And then workout and yeah, it just, it doesn't work for me. So what did you have for breakfast? I had egg whites with spinach. Holy shit. I had a couple pieces of bacon and water and coffee and a bunch of vitamins and supplements.

Wow. Yeah, and then I'll have a meal bar after this and then I'll have like chicken or salmon for lunch. But I mean like, it's the only other way. Otherwise I'm gonna be like 350 pounds, man. Yeah. So it's either like, at a certain point, you're like, this is gonna go one way or the other.

Yeah. And I already realized that, you know, the older I get, the harder it is to manage, you just have to be like, consistent with it. No, this thing, the dad bod, like this literally, and I'm 152 pounds. I have been for 30 years. That is wild.

Within a pound, but the shoulder muscles are gone, the tits are saggy, and I got this fucking huge belly. Oh, well, your version is huge. Look at this. Oh my God, you enormous pig. Ha, ha, ha, ha. is huge. Look, look at this. Oh my God, you enormous pig. It bothers me though. So, what do you do anything like active activity-wise? Oh yeah, I was at the gym yesterday.

Okay, so you're doing weight resistance? I do that, I took a 20 mile bike ride on Sunday. Yeah. You know, I do shit, I'm playing golf today. Wates are like the best stuff. It's just, I'm not doing enough weights. I do weights like once or twice golf today. Wates are like the best though. It's just I'm not doing enough weights. I do weights like once or twice a week. You just gotta up that.

Yeah, you gotta up that. And then it's good for your bones too. Your taste, everything. Yeah, right. And then if you do that, you also gotta eat a lot of protein. Yeah. Lean protein is probably the best, you know?

Right. Then otherwise you eat the protein you want and they're like, you know, your arteries are clogged now. Yeah, so like, right. You your arteries are clogged now. Yeah. So like, right. You have to go back, yeah. Yeah. So it's a, I don't know, it's no fun,

but I think the whole thing is like, I don't know. Now I realize that when I have like, when I eat something, like last week, because we were all, you know, Rastina was back from the hospital and then like, things were chaotic at home. So one day she's like, I ordered pizza for dinner. I haven't had pizza in a long time.

We have a few slices of pizza. To the next morning, I was just on the toilet for like an hour. Really? Yeah, because it now, it shocks my system. What's all this trash you put in here? Yeah, right. So now the thing is, it's not exciting sometimes

to eat the healthy thing, but I feel better. Yeah. Like physically, I I feel better. Yeah. Like physically I... More energy. Yep, more energy and I don't feel like, ugh, you know, like that doubled over. And I think about how crazy it is that I would eat myself to that feeling all the time before.

Like if you would have been like, you know, how do you feel today? I'd be like, well, I just ate the craziest fucking breakfast followed by the craziest lunch. I've had diarrhea three times today. I think I feel sick, but yeah, I'm ready. Let's go out. You go do something, you know?

And like, you just walk through life like that. Yeah. It's insane. You push, like, I find the biggest hurdle for me right now is energy. Yeah. Like, just, I think I eat shit, I eat sandwiches with bread, you know, you know how sandwiches are made, right?

Yeah, bread and then sometimes you put meat or cheese or something on there or condiment or something. But you put it in between. And there's two pieces. You gotta have two pieces of bread. Right. And then you take soft stuff and you rub it on the sides before you put the meat on like mustard or something?

Mustard, mayonnaise, things like that. Are you a mayo fan? I'm a huge mayo fan. Me too. What's up with this anti-mayo sh**? There's anti-mayo going on. Oh, there's a lot of anti-mayo people. Oh. They don't look like us, but a lot of people...

Oh, really? Yeah. Yeah. Anti-mayo, and I'm like,'t know what your problem is, you know? To me mayo feels like it's eggs, right? Yeah, delicious. It's delicious. Rub an egg on shit.

I know. Who doesn't like, you ever meet somebody done like eggs? They're fucking weird too. I don't like eggs. You don't like eggs? I mean, I eat them, but I don't like them. Oh, okay. I eat them because I know they're a perfect food.

Yeah. You have like eggs, avocado, there's certain things that you can just eat as much as you want. Because eggs can be prepared so many ways. What's your way to do? I should say I don't like them in the morning because I find they're too rich and it bogs me down. Okay, that's kind of what we're talking about.

It can be too much. It's too much. Yeah. But devil eggs, I'll eat all fucking day. Yeah, man, I can eat eggs and, I don't know. So, it's one of those foods that I'm all about all the time. Yeah. I love it.

Stambled fried, basted, poached. Poached is nice. Yeah. Some grits with a couple poached eggs on it, with a lot of butter. Oh, fuck, man. Oh, yeah. Now you're turning me on.

Yeah. I'm gonna blow you and ask you to fuck me after. It's so exciting. What is that have to do with Gris? I don't know. He talks about the girl that was fucking blowing you and then... It's fucking... I'm all turned on. I don't know. We're talking about food. I mean I'm just like... Can I just give you a blow? I thought we were gay. I thought we were doing a gay thing today. Just till the end of the podcast. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Then we go back to normal. Yeah, we'll be straight after this.

Yeah, yeah. We'll splot you on the phone. I think I would be fucking good at sucking a dick. Yeah? Yeah. Because I just really understand how my penis works. Yeah. I don't think I would do it poorly.

No. No. I wouldn't swallow. That's for damn sure. Not swallowing. No, I'm deaf. And it's not going to my face. It's going to be, it's going to be rollin' the dice.

Rollin' the dice over the shoulder. I'm going to wear a bib, like a baby bib, you know, in your burp and your baby. I'm going to have that on my shoulder, and I'm going to crank it like that. Oh! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Dude, face shots have to suck.

Oh, I mean, cause I could be like, I mean, I don't know. And also, you've just done a really nice thing for somebody. Yeah. Why do they want you humiliated at the end of it? No, people are fucked up, right? I should have a smile on my face. I've done something really nice for you.

It should be a kind look. I know, I think I might be like, all right, you could shoot it on my tits, but. There's so much hair. It's gonna clean up, clean up, it's gonna take for, I mean, look at this. You just all over that? Yeah.

Dude, you ever jerk off in the shower and the cum gets caught in your shin hairs? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Or like they dry to these hairs on your knuckles. And afterwards you're like, why are they all tight? So much glue on my fucking knuckles. And you can't scrape that shit out in the shower. It's like these globules.

Yeah. Yeah. Man, I'm not setting my mom this episode. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha I can't answer a little bit, Ty, because I signed it non-disclosure agreement when I work for the show, but there is, I can talk about it in a sense that we've all read the news. And I can say that there's a writer's thread that's going, that I'm on a text chain of writers that could be published as a book, because it's so fucking funny.

The joy, the pure joy, on 100% of the faces of people that have worked there. I mean, this is happening. This is no joke. This is no like, the couple disgruntled people. No, no. No. It's a lot.

Yeah. And does it, you know know the fish things from the head? It's like it's all somebody's fault. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah and I mean look at your crew. Yeah, look how fucking happy everybody is here like I actually think about The way you guys run your podcast studio and how people will work so hard for you when you're just decent to them. Yeah. And they're doing it for the right reasons. People don't work hard when they're being treated cruelly. They work out of fear, so it's never their best work.

Damn, you're afraid to step up a little bit and do a little extra because you can actually, if you do something a little bit off, you're fired. Right. So you're doing exactly what you do something a little bit off, you're fired. So you're doing exactly what you're supposed to be doing. And not even a stepping an inch outside the line. Right, right. Yeah, that's scared.

It's sad. Yeah. And it's also wildly unnecessary. Right? Like when you hear these stories, you're like, well, you know that you don't have to be this way. When you make an employee get an oleprocon outfit and he's Irish, that's just cruel. That's racism.

Yeah. I think that why would that be? Think about other races. Would you have taken a Chinese employee on the Chinese New Year and put them in one of those big Pagoda hats and made him dance to Gong music? I mean, I wish we had one, but no. Uh.

Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah, man. I mean, like Black History Month, would you take a Black employee and dress him up in like Native African Garb? No. I definitely would not.

We have a very nice black man here and I would never disrespect you like that. Fuck no. No. You know? Yeah, but there's that thing where I think you go like, oh he's Irish. We can definitely fuck with the Irish guy. Yeah, yeah. Just like the Italians, you'd be like, yeah.

Let's pour marinara sauce on his head. Who gives a shit? I would say Irish is probably the most, like if you think about what races, for instance, I could call somebody an Irishman, a Frenchman. Yep. Don't say Chinaman. Cannot.

I can, You could do those accents too. Right. Irish French. Not the Chinese one. That doesn't know, I mean. No. It's very funny.

Yeah. It's always funny. That's the thing. You hear the Asian comics do it, Margaret Cho, Bobby Lee. It is hilarious. Yeah, it's hilarious. It's hilarious. Do an impression of his father.

Not that bad. But it's one of those things, it's got to be from him. Right. Right, like yeah. But Irish, you can certainly make fun of his father. Not for that. But it's one of those things that's got to be from him. Right. Right, like yeah. But Irish, you can certainly make fun of our accent. You can make fun of us being alcoholics, which is a fucking tragic disease. It has ruined my family.

My father died in 52, but it's a fucking running joke. You can make fun of us being pedophile priests. Yeah, that's a big one. That's a big one too. It's like, sometimes you meet people, right? And I I don't know it just comes up and they'll be like What about you? How will you raise and I'll be Catholic? They're like, oh, yeah, you get fucked Like right out of the gate You get fucked when you were a little boy

No, thank you nice to meet you Any other follow-up questions Yeah, and they're like they're like I know you grew up with a bunch of molesters. You're like, God. Any other follow-up questions to that? Yeah, and they're like, they're like, I know you grew up with a bunch of molesters around. You're like, no, not everyone. It's like that. Like, no, people feel totally free to do that. You can't say that shit to it.

That's like the only thing that people feel totally comfortable saying, like, if your religious belief is such, you know, if you were brought up a certain way, you don't say that shit. Like, you meet a Muslim guy or a Jewish guy, up a certain way, you don't say that shit, like you meet a Muslim guy or a Jewish guy, you're not like, you don't go right to the worst.

So, like people would be like, oh, you got to your mind. Yeah, yeah. But if you say to a Catholic person, everyone's like, yeah, you guys get fucked. You're like, all right, man. Yeah. Okay.

Yeah, my brother was an altar boy and he had a good experience. It was, they were nice priests, but then I found out later that Yeah, my brother was an altar boy and he had a good experience. They were nice priests, but then I found out later that two of the priests in our parish of, I shouldn't say their names, Father McDonough and Father Ryan. They were fucking women from the parish. Oh, really?

Yeah. That's tight. And that's like, that's how you get the dick out of the boys ass Yeah, put it into the woman's vagina exactly. Yeah, these guys just want a fuck someone's got a fuck It's a biological need. Yes, we got a bus nuts. I mean not only can you not fuck you can't be married So you don't have someone to go to bed with at night and I share Either like not even supposed to masturbate not supposed to masturbate What are we asking these guys to do man? That's it's insane not only that But did you read like this past week there was a nun who got arrested for Embezzlement from a capital 870 thousand dollars and you know why she was embezzling the money?

She was that she had a gambling problem hilarious how fucking funny is How fucking funny is that? That's hilarious. Because if you think, yeah, there, it was in Torrance. Was it in Torrance? It's right down. Was it really? I think that's what I just... St. James Catholic School of Los Angeles, yeah.

Yeah. It's just so funny because if you think about... By the way, this guy, this guy, and here's got a little problem himself, don't give him any ideas. He's gonna convert to Catholicism this week. Yeah, check out Tanya Anthony's, they got some money laying around.

Jesus Christ, St. James. Um, nobody's funny when you think about like, obviously she's not good at betting. She has taken a vow of poverty and dressed like an idiot, betting that there's a heaven afterwards is gonna pay her off with that. I got bad news for her. She made a bad bet.

No wonder she's 800,000 in debt. She should be fucking under on the Patriots and the Super Bowl, too. God damn dude. 500,000 to fund trips to Vegas. Yeah. Hahaha. Do you think she wore the habit?

Oh, I hope not. She had a gambling habit. She is. Hahaha. I'm sorry. It was sitting there. It was just sitting there. It was just sitting there.

She better stayed in suites for that. I hope she wasn't like, that's not like a thousand trips, you know, staying at the sands or something. I hope she was staying at a fucking at the villas. Well, if she was spending 800,000, they probably comped her a nice room. Yeah, no shit. Man, I wonder what kind of bedding she was, you think she was just like sport,

or she's going to Vegas, maybe she's a poker. Tables, tables, tables. Yeah, she was on the tables. I would think. Blackjack. Well, here's the thing is if you go to, if you play Texas Hold'em and you bluff, nobody thinks you're bluffing.

You're a fucking nut. Yeah, yeah, if you're in, you're here. You can bluff your way through the game. Yeah, that's true. Are you gambler? Like do you like? I got a poker game I've been playing for like 15 years out here. Really?

Yeah. The poker I could never, I never got into it. Well, it's really just social. We're not good at it. Okay. And it's a lot of everybody just smokes pot. And it's right, it's a lot of writers like comedy writers and directors.

And so it's very like people just tell jokes and shit on each other. You know, there's a black guy, there's a Jew, there's the Irish guy, there's the Italian guy. So there's a lot of racist jokes to fly around. We need a gay guy. If anybody is gay, the place poker. Are you gay?

Hit me up on Twitter. Did you play poker? Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Yeah, he's in there. See, he's welcome. The trouble is, they're pretty good. Jews are pretty good at poker. Oh, there he's like, yeah, yeah, man, I'm in, yeah. Does he play online? He plays everything. Yeah, yeah, no, I don't want that guy. No, we suck.

We suck and we play stupid games like follow the queen and AC Doocy and like, I mean, we play some Texas Holden but we mostly just games like follow the queen and AC Doocy and like I mean We play some Texas Hall them, but we mostly just play like weird games. Yeah, okay. Yeah, I went to a poker game I don't know 15 years ago or so. I got invited to a poker game in a Hollywood Yeah, and I was I told the guy was like I don't even know what I'm doing He's like oh, that's fine and I got there and they were like serious more serious. Yeah

And then I was doing shit like's like, oh, that's fine. And I got there, and they were like, serious, more serious players. And then I was doing shit, like, I don't even know terms, but like, call and like, bets and they were like, everybody was like, this guy's fucking aggressive. Yeah. Yeah. And then I would just like, lose my ass. And so I'm like, do you even know what you're doing? Yeah. Absolutely not.

Yeah. And they were like, fucking, stop. Don't sit here. Yeah. Like, get out of here, man. That's weird, because I picture you as a poker player, just because you're kind of a man's man. No, never. I mean, I, the only game I would play regularly when I was, like, going to Casinos for, like, you know, for fun, I'd play Blackjack.

Yeah. And then I had an agent who was really into Crap's and I couldn't wrap my head around. He was like, he took me and was showing me, and I was like, I don't understand what the fuck's going on, man. It was like calculus to me. Right. But I never, yeah, I used to go, if I'm in Vegas, and there's, go to the sports book,

and there's something going on, I might do it for fun, but I would never bet big money. Right. It would just be like, just something to entertain myself. Well, the sports book one is fun, because now, if you go to some of the casinos, they've got really nice seating with table service,

and then they give you an iPad, and you bet as the game is going, you can bet like, you're gonna score on this drive. Oh, wow. Or you can bet like, you know, a black guy or a white guy is gonna score next. What? No, you can't.

But that should be a thing but that should be a thing that should be a thing Definitely black definitely black black black black Jewish is a long show. Oh, man. You pay a thousand a one thousand a one easy, man Do you look there's no Jews in the game just fucking bet it? Now coming out of the field. And I, Rosteen. Oh, and Rosteen took a tough hit. He's suing the defensive tackle.

Oh, shit. Dude. You know what I was thinking about the, you're talking about John Void. This is not a famous person, but on my flight here this week, we're on the approach. Like they're like, you know, put your seat up, seatbelt on. The lady next to me I can see her mouth moving, I have like these big black earbuds in. And I turned and she was like, I was like, what, she was, I didn't see you at something

in your ear. And I go, oh yeah, she goes, so what do you do? And I was like, right now? Like, you're about to land. Yeah, right, right, right. And I was like, oh, I work at entertainment. She's like, what do you do? And I was like, oh, I work at entertainment. She's like, what do you do? And I was like, podcasts.

Yeah. She's like, I like podcasts. And I was like, are we really starting this? Oh, my God. And she talked from that, like from the moment she said that. Yeah. Until we got to the gate. Right.

And she's a dentist and she told me like all these stories. Uh-huh. I watched her drink three like midsize bottles of wine. Really? Yeah, like they had the, they didn't give you like for wine, they're not, but it's not a bottle of wine, it's not like the booze, it's like midsize. And she was like,

And this was in the morning? What time did the flight leave? It was early afternoon. Really? Yeah, yeah, she was like super chatty, like loving. Yeah, I have days where I'm into it, you know, because I come from my mother, my mother's the kind of woman like,

if she takes a taxi to the airport from her house, when they get to the airport, the driver will get out, get her bag out of the back, and then there's a long hug and an exchange of numbers. Like that's how my mother is. Just she'll like connect with them. On the plane, she'll know your fucking son got married and he's working at AT&T, like she'll know

and remember everything about the person. Wow, and you do that sometimes. Sometimes I get in that mood. Yeah, I do too. Yeah. From time to time, I heard the wildest shit ever from an Uber driver this week. I mean, this fucking, my jaw drop, it was a 15 minute ride,

it was from my house to a restaurant. Guy gets in, I get in the car with him, he has an accent, I ask him where he's from, and he says, Monterey, Mexico. And I go, yeah, my buddy married a girl from Monterey. And I go, do you go back there? And he goes, no, I go, yeah, it's pretty dangerous. And he goes, that's why I don't go back.

And I go, oh, he goes, yeah, the cartel, they just fucked with me and fucked with my friends. And I go, really? Dude, he goes, one day, my friend owned a ranch with like, a farm. And the cartel stole one of his trailers with livestock on it, but it had a GPS tracker on it. So my friend was able to find where his trailer wasn't get it back. He just took it back, right?

He didn't like fight people before. He just found it and they took it back. He goes three months later. These guys showed up and I was at my friend's house and they took us all and they killed my friends in front of me. No. And I was like, what? And he goes, yeah, they just, holy shit. And they tortured one and like cut them open and said fuck all of Retrayalers Yeah, and then I go and then he goes they kept me for 45 days and I go why didn't they kill you? And he goes I asked him and he guy said because we like you like he was just like you know

Person like funny or whatever and they're just like, we like you. And then I was like, and then I go, and then how did you get released? He goes, they drove me, dropped me off on the highway between two towns. They just let me off on the road. And he goes, I got to a phone, I call my wife, who thought I was dead

because it'd been 45 days. And so she was like freaking out, and he goes, yeah, and then we left here. All right, right, you're stopped when I get out. I was like, Jesus Christ, man. No, shit. I was like, I feel like I got to stay in the car for a while. Damn, I feel like I have to sell your story

to fucking Steven Sodaberg. I mean, it was just like the wildest shit. I, wow. And he goes, I asked one of the guys, he goes, he asked one of the hitmen like you know after a while like how do you know isn't it hard to kill people and he goes the first time it's hard he goes by the third time you don't even think about it and he was like woo and and that guy's paint was on payroll from the cartel yeah for a hundred thousand a week

his pay was on payroll from the cartel. Yeah. For 100,000 a week. No shit. Yeah. He's like, so they're getting paid just like crazy money. Damn. He's like killing people like every week. Fuck.

Yeah. And then he was just like, all right, this is your stop. That's a five star right there. Yeah, yeah, I was like, five five tip, $100. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Great. Yeah. I had. Yeah, I was like, five five tip, $100 tip. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Great. I had a guy once I was in Buffalo and I wanted to go see Niagara Falls. So I took an Uber, which is a pretty long Uber.

It's like a good half hour. And so I get this driver and he's from Africa. He was from, what's the country that's always got a fucking drought? Uh, good restaurants, skinny as hell with big heads. Uh, Ethiopia. Okay. Is that racist? Um, I don't know.

You guessed it. We got it. It's only racist if you didn't get it. Yeah. We got it. This is if you didn't get it. Yeah, we got it. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha first guest too guys. So this guy drives me and he tells me this story about how he brought his wife over here from Ethiopia and their Muslim and and that his wife started working. She took a class at a community college.

She wasn't obeying him anymore and he was yelling at her and he was hitting her and he's telling me this in a little more of a little more of a little more of a little more of a little more of a little more of a little more of a little more of a little more of a little more of a little more of a little more of a little more of a little more of a little more of a little more of a little more of a little more of a little more of a little more of a little more of a little more of a little more of a little more of a little more of a little more of a little more of a little more of a little more of a little more of a little more of a little more of a little more of a little more of a little more of a little more of a little more of a little more of a little more of a little more of a little more of a little more of a little more of a little more of a little more of a little more of a little more of a little more of a little more of a little more of a little more of a little more of a little more of a little more of a little more of a little more of a little more of a little more of a little more of a little more of a little more of a little more of a little more of a little more of a little more of a little more of a little more of a little more of a little more of a little more of a little more of a little more of a little more of a little more of a little more of a little more of a little more of a little more of a little more of a little more of a little more of a little more of a little more of a little more of a little more of a little more of a little more of a little more of a little more of a little more of a little more of a little more of a little more of a little more of a little more of a little more of a little more of a little more of a little more of a little more of a little more of a little more of a little more of a little more of a little more of a little more And so I was like, wow, this guy doesn't, and he just didn't get it. And he's like, he hates this country because of the way women act independently. Yeah. So I get to the falls and then I take another Uber home again, I get another Ethiopian driver, another wife who started not wearing her fucking headdress and wanted to work and isn't obeying and she left him. He's devastated. And he's devastated. Holy shit. Isn't that crazy?

Yeah. I mean, that's got to be such a huge cultural shock to people that grow up in that environment from here and see, you know, like women do everything, right? Just imagine being one of those women who live, it's incredible how many women on this planet live lives where they are completely oppressed and subjugated. Yeah.

You know, like you see, like right now, with the Taliban has taken over again in Afghanistan, and all these schools that were set up for women to study are being torched, girls are being killed for going to school, and like literally, the rule is, if you're a girl, you don't get to learn anything. Yeah.

It's insane. It's insane. And this is not a small pocket of the world. This is a large part of, you know, the Middle East. Yeah. Parts of the Middle East love parts of Africa, sure. Right. It's like, it's just go get water and make babies.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Right. Yeah, the idea that they would want to learn or something is like outrageous. And the worst part is, is like, and the women there are not allowed to vote, and yet they're forced to dress

as voting boots. and yet they're forced to dress as voting booths. I'm gonna give you a fuck about women. I just wanted to drop that joke. Oh shit. Oh god. Back in my headharts. I found myself getting too serious. Oh, I wanted to bring this up because you did something that has to feel satisfying to

do. So like, I don't know, like a month or so ago, we was in a chat, a text thread, and we were all talking about this bit you had posted about COVID. About fucking the dog. Yeah. Yeah. What if that was the cure to COVID? Right. Like, you had COVID, you're about to die. And then you just want to get laid. You're,

you know, you're home like to die. And you fucked the dog. And then the next day, you're home to die, and you fuck the dog. And then the next day, you're like, oh my god, I'm curious. And then you have the dilemma of, do I share this with the world? Or just, you know, and no, I can save lives. It was a fairly funny bit, so a bunch of us reposted it.

Oh yeah, it was like Rogan Ari, you, somebody else who maybe burnt. So we reposted. And then you got a bunch of comments about, oh, this is from South Park. And then you did the thing, which I, I've wanted, you know, sometimes you, you get a message and somebody's accusing you of something

and you engage or sometimes you ignore, but you actually posted, you coming up with the origins of the bit on Rogan before that South Park episode. And that has to feel so satisfying to actually just, because then I actually saw people being like, my bad, and you're like, yeah, well then do a little research. Right, well the thing is, is I don't think, when it comes to trolls, they don't give up easily.

So I post, so I post a clip and I go, all right, this is April 2nd, 2020, me and Rogan riffing about this, was an idea I had, and then he had some funny things to say about it also. And then here is South Park in September 2020. Doing a bit that a lot of people were just like, this isn't even the same bit.

Right, that's the other thing when people go, you stole something verbatim. Yeah. You know what verbatim means? Right, right. It's not even the same. And so I posed a bit showing both sides. And then it was, well, it's not fucking funny.

Oh, okay. Then it's, I'm not gonna say I'm wrong. I'm just gonna like take another troll tactic and, it's not fucking funny. Oh, okay. Yeah, then it's, then it's like, well, I'm not gonna say I'm wrong. I'm just gonna like take another troll tactic and say it's just not funny. Yes. But there were, it got like seven million views and it had 35,000 comments. Jesus Christ.

No, 3500 comments, sorry. And they were like, a lot of them saying I stole the bit. Yeah. Which is like, as a comic, there's nothing worse you can say about somebody. Sure, then you stole that bit. Yeah, I mean, I've been doing comedy for 31 years. This would have been the first time I'm accused of stealing.

Yeah. So, and it can ruin your career. It can literally like end your fucking career. Yeah, of course. But I mean, it's nice that you actually had the ability to pull something up and be like I know I remember one time I got an email Two years ago someone going like you stole this bit and I was like what you stole this bit from so and so and I

Go hmm, so I look up the guy's bit and it his bit of the same topic. Yeah, I came out two years after mine His bit of the same topic came out two years after mine, right? So I replied to the person to check out these release dates and I put mine in his no response You're right, right, I was like, oh you engaged me, but then yeah, I show you he was like and then already had a thing I was talking to Ari yesterday and he's like and what about the guy going like oh Then South Park stole the bit like nobody follows up and and goes, what the fuck's that, Park? Yeah, yeah, of course. Not that it is the same bit, but I mean, in that, in that lodge,

the logic would be then somebody stole the bit. But there's a lot of people policing it. They get very excited to point out that some, they haven't created anything themselves ever. Of course. Those people always, the thing that always gets me is like when they, there thing that always gets me is like, when they, there's that I have a bit about something

then they'll be like, you took this word for word from here, and like word for word. Like, let me look it up. And it'll be like, not even the same premise. Yeah. It'll just be like, somewhat in the field of the same. You're like, you aren't even related. Right, right.

But I think it, I think to somebody like a troll like that, it's exciting to feel like, oh, I got one. Yeah. I got something online here. And I can show my knowledge of comedy. I've seen other comedy and I can tell. But it's a, you know, people have to understand like, there's X number of concepts out there.

You know, you're just gonna naturally have similar stuff. And like, I had a bit then, what's your name, Wolf? Michelle Wolf. Michelle Wolf did something that was very similar and I got a lot of, you know, stuff on social media. Oh, she's doing, no, it is a different bit. It's the same topic. It has some of the same points of view,

but it is thought out in a completely different way. Which is the way it should be. There's only a certain number of topics we can get into. There's family, there's society, there's religion, there's sex. We're going to touch on these topics. Also, our points of view is comics, we're contrarian, we're anti-establishments, so a lot of times our take on something will be the same. Yeah, you know because we're challenging the status quo. So whatever So yeah, it's it's tough and there you know, somebody should do a show on Comedy Center. Remember short attention span theater. Yes I fucking love that show. Yeah, they used to show clips like MTV would show videos But it was I think I think John Stewart hosted it at one point

and Brian Reagan hosted it at one point. But I would love to have somebody track bits that are similar, and maybe you can say, that's what they would do. That here's a topic, here's three bits on that topic. Let's see three different comedians and how they handle it. Yeah, that'd be very cool.

That'd be cool to watch. Yeah, I found it satisfying just to what, like I was like, oh, I love that you have the clip to show with the dates. I know. I know. I know. It's gotta feel good.

Yeah, that felt really good. Did you fight a lot when you were growing up? Oh, yeah. You were, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. As a matter of fact, I have this scar on on my head which happened in a fight in the eighth grade Because I started shaving my head now. It's popped up and it's it's scabbing oh, because it's still I didn't get stitches and I should have and it's scabbing again because it's still like

fucking tender Flash after all these years, but I have Yeah, I got scars on my hand. I got stabbed to the pencil Stabbed to the pencil. Yeah, stab with a pencil in school. Yeah Holy shit had my hand on the pencil and this guy fucking took a number two pencil and just Stab me with it and broke a broke off wait. He did that unprompted or you guys were in the middle of a fight? That started the fight. That started it? Yeah.

Jesus, I mean, did something, was something said for him to do? I was trying to cheat off of him and he wouldn't let me. And then it led to something. And then I had a kid in high school who, I forget how it even started, but then he got up and his father is David Rookheiser, who's this really famous economist. He's always the guy on the news when they ask about the economy.

And so his son, also named David Rookheiser, we were going back and forth in class and then he stomped on my foot as he got out and I chased him down the stairs and I punched him in the face and his nose just exploded with blood and then he made it to the bottom of the stairs into the principal's office and passed out on the floor which is just like do you need more evidence to suspend me? So you guys suspended I got suspended for that how long you get suspended for three days? Damn, yeah, and then that this counts as like a mark against you kind of thing or So you guys suspended. I got suspended for that. How long did you get suspended for? Three days. Damn.

And then that just counts as like a mark against you kind of thing? Yeah. I got off a little bit easy because I had a friend who died of cystic fibrosis. And I was supposed to go to his memorial. And my parents said, no, you're going to school. And that was the day that happened. And so when my parents had to come to school for the meeting was the day that happened. And so when I went to the, when my parents had to come to school for the meeting about the suspension, I told the principal that they

didn't let me go to John Houston's memorial. And the principal looked at my parents like, what the fuck is wrong with you? No, one of them punched David Rookas or the same thing. He's seen mourning. Yeah. Yeah. So that actually helped you. Oh, it got me out of... Yeah. I would have... I could have been expelled, because it was a private school. Oh, right.

And you blew his nose up. I blew it up. Yeah. And then what's the last fight you were in? Like, how old were you for your... The very last fight you got in physical fight? Probably about six or seven years ago. Damn.

I was in the recording studio, because I did a show on Howard Stern's channel for the 10 years. And so there was a studio in Hollywood for the serious shows. And I pulled into this parking spot, and of course I'm fucking late. I was always late for my own, and this wasn't a podcast. This was like, the show started at five o'clock. And I would roll in at 501. They'd be playing the theme music and I would roll in at 501.

They'd be playing the theme music and I would run in. Really? Yeah. And I once was so late that Andy Kinler, who's the fucking greatest, was my guest. And so he hosted the first 10 minutes of the show because I was stuck in traffic. And all he did was shit on me for 10 minutes. That's hilarious. Yeah.

And I don't know how I didn't get fired because I was late so much. So I pull into this spot and the guy that owns the studio is standing out front and he goes, you can't park there. I was like, I always park here because you can't park here. That's so and so spot. And I go, look, I'm on the air in 10 seconds. I gotta go. And so he starts fucking yelling at me and I just keep walking and he's following me and

he's yelling at me and he's pointing at my face and I'm yelling back at him and Doug Stanhope was my guest and he comes up to say hi to me and he sees us fucking screaming at each other and he just goes, whoa guys what the fuck and then we keep walking and then the guy says to me he goes fuck you and I have this trigger with fuck you. That is it for me. And so I took a swing at the guy, and my Gibbons, who you know, is he was like my partner on the radio show.

He dove in between us. And it's all on a security cam. And so, and they broke it up, and then I literally walked in, and started to show. On the show, right? That's what's crazy about me me is I can get into a fight and my heart rate barely goes up.

That's psychopathic. Yes. Yeah, I kind of is. Yeah. And so this guy is like at ease with it. And you're like, I like confrontation. I once, probably about maybe 12 years ago, I was driving to the hardware store

and I had my friend, Will Hayes, in the past, and you see, and it was in the morning, and we had to go to the hardware store for whatever reason. And I got a cup of coffee, and this guy comes driving down the street, and he's going, he's, he's swerving back and forth and trying to run cars off the road. And I'm very protective of my neighborhood.

So remember, we're all according to Garb when Robin Williams like chases that car that's been speeding through his neighborhood. So I pull my car in front of the guy, and I stop him, and I get out of the car, and I go up to the side window, and I punch him in the face, and his sunglasses come flying off and then he just backs up and he takes off and I get into the car again and I had told Will to hold

my coffee and I just reached and I got my coffee put it in drive and we kept driving to the hardware store and he's like he's like you're not even breathing heavy I'm like like no we gotta get a hammer man dude you need to go to Monterey, Mexico. You never had a trail, right? 100 grand a week, man. Holy shit. But I'm way under control. I've gone a therapy for it.

And my father had a really bad temper. Really? And my mother. We used to get fucking, we used to get beat. Really? Yeah. I remember the one time my mom, my cousin and I, you know, both of our moms are sisters and they're prouviant, so we would learn, it's always fun to learn bad words in another language.

Yeah. So we, we learned a couple and they weren't even the most vulgar words. Yeah. They're like the equivalent of saying like poop butt pee. Right, right. But we're like seven, eight years old or something, and we're like singing it on the stairs. And like, I don't know what got into our moms that they're like, ah, they're like, so my mom goes to punish me.

She, his mom spanks my cousin, he starts crying. Uh-huh. We have old women? Like, I think maybe eight, like that. Okay. Seven or eight. And she's like, smackin' them on the ass, you know? And he starts crying.

And then my mom does it to me and I start laughing. Ah. And she does it harder, I laugh harder. So she just took her nails and just dug into my skin and twisted until they started bleeding out of my arm and I was like, ow, and she was like there. Like, like, she was like looking for something to hurt me, you know.

I was like, the fuck? Like pinched it and twisted it. Is this at a weird impulse that a person whose job is to nurture you and protect you? It's very fucked up for a kid to process that that same person is now intentionally causing harm. You gotta strip away the context of it. And just the sole act that that person is trying to harm you

really fucks your head up. Yeah, yeah, you're right. And I don't think either party process is it in the moment, right? Right. Because ultimately I'm sure the parent, if you were to say that to them, they're like, fuck, I don't wanna be doing that.

But it's like, I don't know, it almost can overwhelm you wanting to correct your kid. Right. In the moment, you go like, what can I do? I mean, it's because they don't know any better at the time, I think, because obviously a more evolved parent doesn't go, I should just try to make my kid bleed, you know?

Right. But at the time. But it's also that that's actually giving them the benefit of the doubt, because I think a lot of hitting, and I think in my parents' case, it was also, they were so angry and frustrated, they were letting out their frustration on you.

It was not a teaching moment. Right. This is finally a place I can channel it. Right. I can get it out here. Yeah. Which is super fucked up. Have you ever wanted to hit one of your kids?

I've been- Not at the two. No, but like, I mean, I've never wanted to hit them. You get so frustrated sometimes, you know? When they're, this age, it's the age where you can repeat a thing, it doesn't matter. You know, toddlers and stuff, you've got to sit down and eat. It makes you crazy. I've never wanted to hit, but I've like,

yeah, I've done like erratic, take the thing away and throw the food in the trash. You like this toy? Guess what? You're not gonna see it. Like that kind of thing, you know? Where you're so upset when you do it, and then sometimes you're like, wow, I was really upset.

I could have handled that in a different way. Oh yeah, sometimes in the moment, you know, I've been like, no, like just like that kind of loud. And you see their face, and then you're like, fuck. And I've been like, no, like just like that kind of loud. And you see their face and then you're like, fuck. And then I'm like, sorry I said no. You feel bad, but it's like, it's obviously, it's not just like that thing. It's usually a building thing, right?

Where it's like, you're frustrated a little bit. Maybe you're frustrated by something not even related to this. And it builds throughout. And then it comes to this moment and you,. And you react poorly and then you're like, what did I go? Yeah. Well, I think that's one of the keys to parenting

is like giving yourself, grounding yourself before you parent. And if that means meditation, if that means exercise, if that means honey, I'm really at the end of my rope, I need to go take a walk for 20 minutes where you watch the kids. That's a real key one. And I think you're lucky if you're partner, your spouse, you can like see it with each other.

Right. There's times where I'm just like, it's starting where I'm like, God damn it. And then, you know, Christine will be like, why don't you go like, go lay down or go watch something. Let's go ahead. Yeah.

And I'll do the same. I'll be like, I'll see her and I'll be like, you tired and she's like, yeah. I'm like, just, I got them. Tag out. Yeah, tag out. Yeah. And you realize you're just like, you're helping everybody when you do that.

Exactly. Exactly. Yeah. But I think that, you know, you think about your life and what you've accomplished and like, you know, career wise and all that stuff. And I really feel like breaking the cycle of violence in my family has been a big achievement.

Really? You know, knowing that, because I know my parents were both beat, they told me stories, terrific stories. Yeah, and that was in another time. That was probably a real beating too. Oh yeah, like belts and... Oh yeah, well I got the belts.

You got the belts? But yeah, yeah. But I feel oh yeah, well, I got the belts but yeah, yeah, but like yeah But it was but I feel like I quit drinking a lot of years ago and I and I never hit my kids and I feel like I've spent a lot of time reading books on parenting going to therapy and talking about parenting and you know I do a podcast about parenting now because I feel like I've got something to share. Were you scared that You would be a violent person. Oh, that's why I didn't get married for I'm like I've got something to share. Were you scared that you would be a violent person? Oh, that's why I didn't get married for. When I met my wife, her friend introduced us,

and I said to her friend, that night, I said, I'm gonna marry your friend someday. I knew instantly. Have you ever met Aaron? No, she's incredible. Her energy, you'd meet her in 10 seconds, you just get her energy. And, but I couldn't pull the trigger on asking her to marry me her energy, you'd meet her in 10 seconds, you just get her energy.

But I couldn't pull the trigger on asking her to marry me for three years because I had to know that I wasn't gonna drink and that I could be a good parent and that I wasn't gonna cheat. And because I'd always cheated on girlfriends, I enjoyed it. And I had to say, I have to go three years without cheating and I-

I was sure you told, like I got to see that I can do this. Yes. Yeah. And so I waited to ask her to marry me. And I really was afraid. But then once I had the kids, I felt like, no, I can do this.

Wow. And now you have like, the kids are getting big, man. But my daughter graduated high school. Both kids are at a high school now. It's wild. Yeah. It's fucking crazy. And you have like, you know, their adults,

yeah, legal adults at least. It's hard to make the adjustment now. Like, my daughter just went away for four days with her friends and it's the first time she's gone away with her friends. They got an Airbnb up the coast in a little fucking beach town. Yeah. And they're gonna hang out and you know, who cares what they do?

There's, you know, she's gonna be 18 in a month. Yeah. But it's so weird for me to make that transition of like, and that's the thing that you're gonna face as a parent. And you're just starting to is that you can't treat your kid at the age that they used to be. Right. You have to constantly look at them and go like,

oh no, you need more responsibility now or I need to let go of chasing you on these things. That's gotta be hard, right? It is. It's a leap of faith because so much of your identity as a parent is taking care of, in which is control. Right. And as they get older, you have to just,

you're doing them a disservice if you're not letting go with that control and giving them the autonomy to start figuring out who they really are and what they can do. And your son's in college, right? Yeah. Wow. Yeah, he'll be a junior next year.

Jesus. Yeah, and he's a fucking good kid. He's the opposite of me. He is just so together and even and kind. I'm a piece of shit. I feel it. He makes me feel like a piece of shit. Really?

Yeah, he's too good. That's sweet though. Yeah. Yeah, you're like, how did I make you? I don't know. He's so much like his mother. But, you know, I'll just be like, how did I make you? I don't know. He's so much like his mother, but you know, I'll just be like, Hey, man, you want to go play paddle tennis? Okay, let's go. Yeah, he, all my friends, like we were supposed to play golf today and my friends

are all this two groups. And like three of them were like, I want to play with Owen. Can I play with Owen? He's just like fun and cool. That's awesome. Yeah, he got it all from my wife. That's awesome. My daughter is me. She's got the temper Really? She's got the sense of humor. Yeah That's super cool, man Yeah, it's I'm at the age where you're like you're seeing you're really seeing their personalities start to evolve Yeah It's like it's it's it's wild. It's all the you know the cliches of like oh you can't believe how fast and it's like

I can't believe it already right you know, like I feel like we, I walk by those photos in the house of them as babies. Yeah. And you're like, shit, now they're already, you know, running around. These ones are getting too big to cuddle. Yeah, and they're talking shit to us all the time. Yeah.

It's pretty funny. Yeah. They get along. They do, yeah. I mean, the older brother, older brother still fucks with his little brother all day Yeah, but yeah, they play together all day. Yeah, yeah, and then like I'll be like hey, man It's not fucking throwing shit at him. You're right

Dude you are in the sweet spot of where you don't want to be during COVID those ages are tough Yeah, I feel like it was almost a little tougher for the people who had kids just a few years older than mine because those kids were like already like adapted to school. Right. And they're like, no, your kids home now. Right, right, right. And you got to teach them. Yeah. You're the, you're basically a teacher now.

Yeah. I felt bad for those parents because our kids were like not quite, you know, school aged, like getting ready. Like one of them, the older kid was doing like those half day pre-K kind of things. Yeah. But like I just remember the first week we were home, I was like, you don't have to go to school now. He's like, is it just me?

Like I'm the only one home. I was like, no, no, there's no school for anybody. He's like, oh, it's not just me. I was like, no, no, no, it's not. We didn't decide you don't go to school. Right, right. No one's going to school. Yeah.

But then they were like, okay, I mean, it just felt like they were just home again. But the kids, I mean, people who have like a six or seven year old, like, oh man, like, and now you're a kindergarten teacher. Right. That's rough. Right, especially if the parents are working. Yeah.

Jesus, I mean, you guys are both busy as shit. Yeah. But you got help, right? Got help, yeah. Which obviously helped so much to be able to continue to do things like this and tour, you got help, right? Got help, yeah. Yeah, which obviously helped so much to be able to continue to do things like this and tour, even though touring stopped for a while, it's back. But the first month or two,

did you not have the help come because of the quarantine? Well, let's see, the first month that would have been March and April. No, she came, like our regular lady came over during that time, and then over the course of the year, every, like there was all these different hiccups, you know, I was like, I got hurt, then I got COVID.

Yeah. And Christina had COVID, then eventually the nanny got COVID. So, and then like, she had to watch out for her family, and you know, so it was, there was always something happened. Damn, what a year you've had and you moved. And I moved and Christina got hurt. Yeah, damn.

Yeah. And we're both touring and doing the podcast and moving our whole business there. So it's been a crazy year. Shit. Yeah. I respect that though. I mean, I know life changes are hard.

And when you have little kids, it's very easy to just sort of go like, no, we're going to fucking, we're here. We're not changing anything and you guys decided to make a move. It feels like an adventure, you know. And it feels like the age, they're at the age where you're like, this isn't going to like, they're mobile. Yeah, they're not going to be like, what the fuck is happening? Right. So that feels like it does feel like an adventure. And I used to, I moved a lot. So this is like, you know, I mean, I moved them saying like different states all the time. Yeah. So I feel like this will be like our one big company move. Yeah. But, um, yeah, I mean, it is, it is, it does sometimes I go, I can't believe we just moved to like 1200 miles. This is insane,

you know, is it forever? I mean, this is the thing. miles. This is insane, you know? Is it forever? I mean, this is a thing. I remember going, you know, if we don't like it, we can move back. Like you can always, it's a free country, you can move. And we're just saying it was like, we're not fucking moving. Like, they're set up in school,

and this is where we live. So I was like, okay, I guess we're staying. I'll be talking to you guys in August. Yeah, I know. This is one of the weirdest, funniest things was like, okay, I guess we're staying. Let me talk to you guys in August. Yeah, I know. This is one of the weirdest, funniest things is like meeting people there and they're like, oh, you know, welcome and everyone's so friendly. You meet people. I had a guy stopping and he goes, can I shake your hand?

And I go, share man, this is like on a street in the house. And he goes, like, John David Smith. And I go, did you just give me your full name? And he goes like, yeah, he goes, I know who you are now, you know who I am. I go, what the fuck man? That's a crazy thing to say to me. Are you a realtor?

Yeah, you're full goddamn name. Right. But I don't know if I forget what I was gonna talk about. About not about, oh, and we get taught in August. Oh yeah, yeah, so people are like, everyone's like, so, and we get taught in August. Oh, yeah, yeah, so people were like, everyone's like, so welcoming and friendly, and then people were like, a lot of people have said me, so were you gonna spend summer?

And I was like, what do you mean? Oh, no shit. And they're like, were you gonna spend your summer? I was like, at home? Yeah. And they're like, here? And I'm like, yeah, I moved here. And they're like, yeah, but don't you leave for summer?

I'm like, no. And I hadn't planned on it. And they're like, you're gonna want to. Yeah. And I was like, oh, okay. But then leave for summer? I'm like, no, I hadn't planned on it. And they're like, you're gonna want to. Yeah. I was like, oh, okay. But then I tell them, I'm like, you know, I went to high school in Florida and they're like, oh, you'll be kind of, you'll be right.

Yeah. Right. Well, where did Christina grow up? Kirit, college. Yeah, but she grew up in the valley where she's like, how much hotter is it in the valley? I'm like, I don't know. Right.

It's hot, it's fucking hot. It's hot right now. It's like 97 now there. No shit. But it's super hot as fuck here this week, too Yep 80 today. Yeah, but well, that's why I live in fact. But 80 where you live. Yeah out here It'll be up or 90s to yeah people don't understand that it's it's eight miles away Yeah, and it's 20 degrees hotter consistently. Yeah, when we moved over the hill. Yeah 20 degrees easy

Yeah, and yesterday when I got in the car here in the afternoon, it was 105, you know, in the car and cooking. Yeah. Valley's hot, man. Yeah. Super hot. Yeah. So I don't know.

I'm not like, I don't love heat, but it's funny. People in Texas, they boast about their air conditioning. Oh, really? How about to say C? And you're like, yeah, it's pretty crazy. And they're like, yeah, it's pretty crazy. And they're like, yeah. I know. And it feels like there's a fucking turbocharger on the air conditioning.

Yeah. Everywhere you walk in. If I had to choose between heat and cold, like a cold winter somewhere, fucking heat anytime. Yeah. Cold is real cold. It hurts. Like a, like, Winnipeg in February. Yeah. Coldest. Real cold hurts. Like a, like, Winnipeg in February.

Yeah. Fuck that. Right, right. Yeah. I remember doing two weeks there. Yeah. They do, they do like one of those clubs, they're like, do you want to work back to back weeks?

And you're like, this is not humane. Yeah. Like it was, you know, there's parts, there's like a street you can stand on in Winnipeg, where it's like the coldest intersection. Uh-huh. Like a wind tunnel. Yeah, it's like a street you can stand on and win a peg where it's like the coldest intersection. And stand it up. Yeah, it's like a wind tunnel. It gets to like 50 below zero or something.

It's not tolerable, man. No, but when you're young, I went to college in Boston. Boston is so fucking cold. I do not remember ever feeling like I was suffering. You were a fucking denim jacket with the wool on the collar, and you just drank your face off. Yeah.

Sneaker, it's not even boots. Yeah, and you just kind of like just grind through it. Yeah, you'd walk from one part to the next, you'd walk a mile and freezing and the wind is whipping and you know, give it shit. And then you get older and you're like, I can't handle 10 steps of this shit. You changed quickly, because I remember,

so we first lived in Cincinnati as a kid, then Minneapolis, which was so goddamn cold, right? Oh my God, yeah. And then Milwaukee, and then finally Milwaukee to into a Viral Beach, Florida, we moved from Milwaukee to Viral Beach in November. Nice. And I remember that I went to school like the first day in shorts and a t-shirt and it's November in Florida, which is like, let's say

this week it could have been like 58, right? Kids had on hoodies. And then they see me and they're like, who's this lunatic? And I was like, yeah, I just moved from the wall. Yeah, yeah, yeah. This is summer. Right, right, right. I couldn't, but, so I had this incredible tolerance for cold, a year later. It was the same person, same as them. Right, right, right.

Your blood just changes. So I think you have to be in extreme cold for decades before that doesn't happen to you. Right. Like Josh Potter moved from Buffalo out here and I was like, you'll change. And it's been like a couple of years and he's like, no. Yeah.

He's still is comfortable in the cold and finds, he thinks 75 is a press of heat. Right. You know? It's also being fat helps in the cold. It does. Like you see guys, you see guys like in New York that it's fucking, you know, like you said, it's like 50.

And they got on the flip flops and the tank top. And then you see the skinny guy, and he's like trembling like a chihuahua. Yeah, for sure. Yeah. And you see like, fatter people in a lot of those cold places. Yeah. Yeah.

You remember the movie Titanic, remember, when they were in the fucking water with the icebergs and Kathy Bates is just fucking sitting there eating a hot dog, leaning out at a capriose, trembling at the dies. That fat's good for something. Yeah, you gotta store it. Oh, man. So how many work can we send people work when we send people to

listen. Well, first of all, the podcast is Fitzdog radio. That's been talking for about 12 years. Yeah, that's fantastic. And then I do a podcast with Mike Gibbons called Sunday Papers where we go through funny stories from the week and that's that's kind of been blowing up. That's really exciting. We've been doing that for about a year. Great. And that's available everywhere podcast everywhere. There are on YouTube as well. YouTube as well. Okay.

And then childish I do with Alice and Rosen. And then I got tour dates. I'm going to announce next week coming up for the summer in the fall at fitsdog.com. F-I-T-Z. F-I-T-Z dog.com. Fitsdog.com, go see him live. You're one of my absolute favorite comics to watch.

I feel like, I totally mean it. I feel like, you know, the biggest compliment I could pay you as a comedian is that, A, whenever you're on stage, I'll definitely watch. It's definitely something where I go, I was like, I'll watch you and I'm like, man, cause I always feel like it's obvious that you're putting in work,

so it makes me want to work harder. And then if I know you're on a show that I'm on, I will look at my set list and I'll be like, I can't fucking do that joke in front of Craig. I'll cross that out like that. God, that's very nice. I appreciate the kind of work. So thanks for coming today.

Yeah, I'm going to blast. We'll see you guys next week. One goes top and swap the other, wears a shirt Tom tells stories and birds the machine There's not a chance in hell that they'll keep the clean Here's what we call, two bears one cave No scripts to bid a booze amateur for topology Dirty jokes, ronti humor, no apologies Here's what we call, two bears one cave Here's what we call to bears one cave.