2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer - Ep. 91 | 2 Bears 1 Cave w/ Tom Segura & Brendan Schaub

Episode Date: July 26, 2021

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I always say, I get this question all the time. Would you ever do that celebrity blocking stuff? Dude, A, E's on the term celebrity. Also B, if you're here with Bert, you know, a year from now, yeah, in a game, you see Shobbs fighting for a knickla-shade, you know what I'm saying? Like, business isn't going well. 100%.

I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, you. I'm a, I'm a, you. You got a black belt though, right? Yeah, I got it. Oh, okay. Just not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. You got a black belt though, right? Yeah, I got it. Oh, okay. Just making sure. It's up, man.

I mean, I just, you know, I was gonna. You're skeptical? Yeah, I just wanted to, I mean, you actually have one. I have one. Oh, okay, okay, okay. I actually have one. Okay, I sound like my son right now. Oh, sorry, sorry, sorry.

That's how it went down. Yeah? Yeah, that's how it went down. Because I signed him up for Jiu-Jitsu. And then he's going, and you know, I'm taking him to side coach and them, and I'm taking him to side coach, and they were walking out and he goes, Dad, look at that, look at the instructor,

Dad, he has a black belt. You know, he's like, big dude. Oh yeah, it's cool. And he goes, do you think he could beat him up? I go, me? Your dad? He's here, I go, Tiger, I beat up all the guys in the geese right at one time, he goes, no.

And he goes, he goes, you're a black man, you know. And my thing is I never lied to him. Like, you know, I'll tell like stories where I never want to lie to him. And he goes, you have a black man, you know. Dude, like, like physically, do I have one at home? No, but like your dad has the skill, like, you can, like, we can call my coaches.

This is, I'm like, we can call my coach right now. And he's five, right? I'm like, I'll call him up right now, bitch. five, right? I'll call him up right now, bitch. What's up? I'll call him up right now. Vouch for me. He's like, but you don't have one, like, I don't, I don't. But you know what we're gonna do.

And so I call my coach right now, right there on the spot, in the car, he's on the spot. My son's like, half asleep in the back, I'm like, wake up, bitch. Okay, coach, you know, I even tell me, for like, last two years to come out to Denver, New York, to get my black belt. He's like, yeah, I'm like, I up, bitch. Okay, coach, you know how you've been telling me if like the last two years come out to Denver, New York to get my black belt. He's like, yeah, I'm like, I'm coming this fucking Friday and bring my kid.

He's like, cool, we'll be ready to go. Book the ticket, flew out there, rolled with the guys. So your black belt was essentially waiting for you? Yeah. Yeah, wow. For years, for years, years, years. So, and when did you started your Getsu and was it O7? Is that what I,

Yeah, O7. O7. And did you come into it with any wrestling background no zero none you take to it right away right away right away I said like this weird knack for it and then I was just drawn to jitsu and then Shane Carwin Who's the heavyweight champ at the time me and him walked in gym at the same time he only had one fight But it was like still working all the time. And then we're just two big boys then he took me on his wing. And then he was friends with the head coach, Least or bowling at University of Northern Colorado

which is the only division one wrestling program in Colorado. But it was like an hour and a half drive. So we drive three times a week and I'd work out with the team wrestling and I'd go against their heavy weights. And even with like minimal training, I was doing pretty well. Against the heavyweight. And Jim was like, dude, like you could do this. I'm with minimal training, I was doing pretty well. Against the heavyweight.

Yeah, and she was like, dude, you could do this. I'm like, you think he's like, this is what they do, man. He's like, you're not doing bad. I was like, all right, fuck it. And was Karwin a good wrestler? Yeah, yeah, yeah. National champion at Western.

And his jujitsu was good. No, he was so big, he was like, you know, the thing from the fantastic, more like good luck on boring that fucking, you know, monstrous in the right good nightmare. He's just anti-rest, I like, basically anti-judged to. Really?

He's a monster. Because you have to be a little more fluid to be good at juditsu. Yeah, he's just like a meathead. We're both meatheads, but he's more meathead. I fucking hated wrestling. I did it one year in school. I hated it.

It's tough, man. It wasn't even like the work. I'm not saying like I don't like the work. I hated, I hate the head. We're just being like pressed up against the head, the neck. You know what I mean? Like any of that shit, I was like fucking get, like I like boxing workouts.

I like it. Are you a hugger though? Am I a hugger? Yeah. Like do you like, like when I came in here, I didn't give you a hug. I kind of sucked, I like hugs. Yeah. Oh you a hugger though? Am I a hugger? Yeah. Like, do you like, like, when I came in here, I didn't give you a hug. Hey, I kind of, it kind of sucked. I like hugs. Yeah. Oh, you do? Yeah. I was going to, I was worried about your arm, you know? No, it's fine. All right. We can hug on the way out. 100%. All right. Yeah. Give me a big fucking hug. You're gonna hug the shit out of it. Yeah. Okay. And you're producer. Yeah. But I don't fucking neck. Can I tell you that even,

like, playing around, not that this is, but like fucking around, somebody like goes like this to you, I fucking freak out. Freak out, yeah, I really don't like it. You don't like when someone touches your neck. I don't like it at all, yeah. Yeah, I don't get any of that stuff bothers me. Yeah, I embrace all of it. But I did embrace, I embraced boxing workouts immediately.

I loved it. But you can't do them now. I have to wait a little bit, yeah. But you're gonna, when you get back to hosting your final coach and shit. Yeah, yeah, because I loved it. But you can't do them now. I have to wait a little bit. But you're gonna, when you get back to Austin, you're fine with coaching. Yeah, yeah, because I enjoy it though. You know, with any sport, it's a great workout. It's a, I know it's not the same as like,

I've only sparred like a couple of times, but I'm not gonna do it anymore. Smart people don't spar. I'm not gonna spar anymore. But the whole thing is that like, I do also find that working, making the skill set better also feels like, you feel like you're getting better at it It's cool when you're getting better like you're burning calories. Yeah, it's a cool goal

Yeah, and I and the workouts are in drug, you know We have like a really good mitt session with somebody it feels great the rhythm of it You know you come home to see I'll think about it. I take a fight. Yeah Do you know watching Floyd Logan like I put you I fuck him up I'm like, I'm gonna go to the locker room. I'm thinking, I'm gonna go to the locker room. I'm gonna go to the locker room. I'm gonna go to the locker room. I'm gonna go to the locker room. I'm gonna go to the locker room. I'm gonna go to the locker room. I'm gonna go to the locker room. I'm gonna go to the locker room.

I'm gonna go to the locker room. I'm gonna go to the locker room. I'm gonna go to the locker room. I'm gonna go to the locker room. I'm gonna go to the locker room. I'm gonna go to the locker room. I'm gonna go to the locker room. I'm gonna go to the locker room.

I'm gonna go to the locker room. I'm gonna go to the locker room. I'm gonna go to the locker room. I'm gonna go to the locker room. I'm gonna go to the locker room. I'm gonna go to the locker room. I'm gonna go to the locker room. I'm gonna go to the locker room. I'm gonna go to the locker room. I'm gonna go to the locker room. I'm gonna could probably take a fight. And I was like, I'm sorry. And he was like, like, staple center.

And I was like, staple center what? Yeah, what? We were, I mean, I was, he was like, no, you could fight like, and he was like, one of your friends, one of your comedians, friends or something. I was like, I'm good. He was like, do you know how much money you can make?

And I was like, do you know how much I make now? Yeah, bitch, you don't, like, I always say, I get this question all the time. Would you ever do that celebrity box and stuff, dude? A, he's on the term celebrity. Also B, if you're here with Bert a year from now, you know, like games, he's jobs, fighting, freaking, Nicholas Shay, you know what I'm saying?

Like, business isn't going well. Like I'm not selling tickets on the road, stand up and shit the bed, the podcasts aren't going well. And also you're probably gonna catch a fucking attempted murder charge. If you fight like a... Be the shenanot.

Him or Marlope is, both can get it. Yeah, they can both get it. I've never done it. Unless the rock came after me, like talking shit all the time. Would you love that though? Like if it was against the world's superhero. Like the rock, the rock.

Here's the rock. Here's the rock. Actually, the brain. Even my mom wouldn't be rooting for me. You know what I'm saying? Everybody loves the rock. Everyone loves the rock. I would just be like the heel. I don't want, I'm too sensitive.

Yeah, but. I just can hate shit all the time. I'll tell you who'd be in your corner. This guy, right? This guy, yeah. I'd be like, fuck you, the way. Fuck you, Dwayne. Yeah, I'll be talking mad shit, dude.

Yeah, unless like the rock comes after me, I'm not partaking. God, I wish he didn't have so much going on so that he could find a beef with you. Have you ever seen a schedule? I mean, I follow him. How much money do you do? I calm the fuck down.

You don't need to do all those movies. Go home. 4.30 a.m. workouts, like 4.30 a.m. He's like, I need my anchor. Yeah, that's like, it's like Mark Wahlberg. Like, I wake up in the free, I go to bed at 6. I did a movie with him and I was like, is that for real?

And they were like, bro, we had 7 AM call times or 6 AM certain days. And they're like, he's coming from the gym here. And they're like, what he hates are these, any like night shoots, because it fucks up his, he goes to bed at like fucking seven o'clock at night. So, yeah. His kids are like,

Dad's so boring. So boring. You get two hours with that. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's a lot. It's a lot.

It's a lot. It's a lot. It's a lot. It's a lot. Like I see those things, I'm like, no, I think it happens to these guys though. And it's the same kind of guy. It's Mark Wahlberg, it's the rock,

Kevin Hart, Vin Diesel. It's Mark Wahlberg, it's the rock, Kevin Hart, Vin Diesel. Vin, uh, so, I see how's it, Tats. Yeah. That's you bad. Yeah, he's nowhere. He's not in that list. Come on, man.

Yeah, come on, man. So, but Tom Cruise, this is what, when you hit the upper, the top, top tier of like, you're at top five box office draw in the world and you actually you get to sit in it for a moment You're like this holy shit. I do a movie and like millions of people by tickets and I'm on the lists and I make Just unimaginable money. It's too addictive. It's too much of a rush and you're your natural Competitive juices take over and you go I want to stay here and progress. I want to be, I want to be, I want to be around. I'm number three.

Yeah, and those guys all have that thing. And they all have a physical component to their lifestyle and who they are. They're all monsters. Like Tom Cruise, I'm, the guy's fucking like 60 and he's doing monster. Do you do an act doing his own monster. Monster, Mark, you know.

How long do we pretend they're all not on juice, huh? How long do I do that? How long do you wanna do that? I mean, we're just so funny. The funniest. The funniest is the rocks though. Because it's great. It's great because I don't think people really understand

that you don't just carry 265 in muscle with no body 5% I think you just gonna be like cheat day Yeah, you're by the way scroll a little bit. He always has that smile and these do that right there that that smile is in like every post But like he's so vascular juice. Yeah. like, yeah, yeah, yeah, of course. But also, like, if my agent called me up right now as a K-shop crazy man, they don't need audition. You're in the next Batman,

but you gotta put on a 20 pounds lean muscle. I would say, call up the rocks guy right now and stick it in my ass. Stick it in me. Yeah. Whatever it takes. I don't care why people care. I don't care.

I think it's great. I wish they talked about it more. I wish we did open it. I wish they were more open about it. Oh yeah. I don't care why people care. I don't care. I think it's great. I wish to they talked about it more. Which we did. Oh sure. More open about it. Oh no, that's. You know what that is, man? That's a lot of water. You got to drink water every day. He's an animal. He does work his ass. He does work his ass. Of course he does. But you may tell me there's, you may tell me it's just fucking Creotin powder and avocado. Is it weird we all act like it? Yeah, yeah, everyone's like, and they also act like if you go juice,

they're like, you're fucking jealous or you're bitter or you wish you could, and you're like, Hey, man, I thought we were talking about the obvious right? Yeah, I thought everyone knew. Yeah, and I'm cool with it though. He's fucking black at him. Yeah, dude, dude, look at this in my hair. Look at this in the shirt.

Yeah, click on that. We have to play the volume. I'm just like, dude, he has tits for days. Come on, bro. No, he's a monster, dude. And also, he's, this is a man in his late 40s. Let's not forget that. He's not like, no, 21. He's like a young spring chick. Look at this, he won't eat jack. 23, this has muscles like, Oh, jack. So jacked. No, I sell it. If you did, if this was a not famous person and you saw a guy, you'd shit your pants. Everybody would be like, oh my fucking god,

look at who's got his, no dude, if you saw, if he's in his late 40s, you saw this guy talking like he said Jim, I would be like, oh, mental illness. Oh yeah, yeah. I wouldn't be like, oh, no, he's normal. He's time out like, you know, every every time I work out I drink this energy drink. I'm like get the fuck out of here We would roast the show this guy. Oh, yeah, and you you definitely think he's crazy. Yeah, because he's Moana We're just gonna pretend he's on to fucking sauce

Amazing ear of growth thanks to your Zoe energy Amazing ear of growth thanks to your zoe energy Clean natural energy get the fuck out of him. Yeah, I love it though. He's crushed it He's like I'm drinking my energy drink and by the way, I have a hundred CCs of HGH in my thigh right now By the way, I eat anvore pills for breakfast. He What's fucked up? I fucking kidneys shut down earlier week. And I'm tied to machine every night, clear up my system. But what's funny is he was like, he does the vlogs, I'm starting vlogs now.

And he does the vlogs and he's like, he looks in the, you know, he does, he looks in the camera, he's great. Most entertaining guy in the world. And he goes, you know what I'm doing a special thing today, my stunt double, who's been with me for 10 years. I'm gonna give him the gift of a lifetime here.

And I'm like, oh, damn, what's he giving them? Like under armor shoes? Yeah, well, I'm thinking like, you know, some dope ass like, is a special edition like Ferrari's the piece though, time on F-F-L here, SF-90, some fire shit. Yeah, he comes as F-150 that he sponsored by. Yeah.

And the guy's like, oh, you didn't, bro, he's like, I did. I could bring it in. You know, it's free, it's free. You know, this is advertising for them, and that was free. That didn't cost him anything. That's like him giving me a Snickers bar. You know what I'm saying?

Yeah, yeah. And I wish people with tons of money would just flex and spend it. Why is it always gotta be a sponsored thing? Always. Right, just buy it. Just do it, dude. That's not a fucking end.

But to your point about them being competitive as fuck. Yes. Do you think it's the same way in comedy? Yes, and especially, especially when you hit like notable, you know, like levels where it's like once you go on a theater tour, you're not just like cool. Everything's good. You want to go on the bigger theater tour to arena arena. And then the big thing is if you study the comedy arena business, most people don't do repeat arena tours. Why?

Because your draw kind of peaks and then kind of like tapers out. Unless you're like Jumanji too or some shit in the game. Unless you're like Kevin. The Kevin's like one of the few guys, Kevin, Russell Peters, trying to think, Chappelle, Chappelle doesn't like playing arenas, he does them. And he doesn't like the big theater.

I mean, I think he's always said that he prefers like clubs and like smaller venues. He does them whenever he wants. So he can keep doing them. But there's a certain amount of guy, like do you see Forbes top 10 list? Recently, no. Yeah, like Sebastian's on there. For this year, because this year would be a weird year. No, not this year. I like to do you see Forbes top 10 list? Recently, no. Yeah, like Sebastian's on there.

For this year, because this year would be a weird year. No, not this year, like you have your last year. Yeah, this year, I think I have. Seinfeld's been on it for like 20 years. Yeah, he's on there every year, every fucking year. Him and like Jay Leno. Yeah, and rock was still like, I guess there's a 2019 one.

Yeah, I remember that. I remember that. I think I made the 2020 list because I was one of five comic stories. Sure, yeah. You should. Yeah, it's a crazy, yeah, Gaffigan's on in a bunch.

Amy, let's see if she's probably been on in a bunch. So, as Zeez was on it, Jeff's on it. He's been on it, I'm sure, a dozen. Dude, I was doing stand-up live in Phoenix, and they wanted to add a show, and I was feeling myself, and I told my team, I'm like, I, we're gonna go buy Phoenix Sunstries, and it was three in the afternoon, and I was feeling myself and I told my team, I'm like, I, we're going to go buy a Phoenix Sunstrees. Well, and it was three in the afternoon and I look over because right across from the,

we're the Suns play and it's packed. I'm like, yeah, the Suns aren't fucking playing. I'm like, so packed and they go, it's Jeff Dunham. I go, the puppy guy, oh, yeah. He has four sold out shows there. He does two shows Friday, two shows Saturday. I go, he has a four o'clock showclock show. You know, yeah, holy fuck. That he's the reason and being able to do that is why all these dipshit managers will tell like, comedians started like, be clean.

You know, which is like, it's bad. You should be what you are. Whatever it is. But like, with Jeff, the thing is that when you think about his draw, that's so different for most comedians. Most comedians, you know, we play, it's obviously a nightclub thing, it's mostly, you know, adult humor or whatever.

You're doing clubs and maybe theaters and stuff. He, because he's so clean, he can do like, dude, four o'clock shows. Four o'clock, he can do like those, he does shows in like those mega churches. You know, he's like those mega churches in the South. He can be like, you know what? On our way to that show, there's this town

that has a 9,000 seat mega, we'll just do a show. And then it sells it out. It sells it out. All those, yeah, he can play to those. Where you a guy went and probably not now, because you've made it, but when you were coming up where you got that compared to yourself to other comics. Well, I think-

Like would you get Joss when like, not Burke is your boy, but other people you like, damn, he's in theaters. Oh I hear that a lot from other guys right now. I mean, I don't know if I was like man, he's I I was more like Like more like a student. I feel like more like studying it, you know, and like or I would I would work You know, I opened for like everybody because I was plugged in I got in with the improvs and funny bones So I would work all those clubs, like coast to coast.

Which are the best ones to be in with? Those are the A clubs. So you're opening for a lot of times. Yeah, and known, celebrity, and then I could see, like I would start to figure out, I was like, oh, this person sold tickets because they're famous. And I would note, like, that was like a happening a lot, and then you would, the ones who were really good at standup were way smaller percentage.

Like of all the celebrities and well known people I opened for, I would say like 10 to 15% were really good comedians. But those 10 to 50% now are probably way bigger. So they're the ones that concern you. It's a marathon, not a sprint. Exactly. You know how to just see someone with shit material

up here like, oh, they're in this movie or they did this show and you know who they are. We don't need to name them. And even at the comic store, you'll see them the pop-in. They're sandwiched between real comics. You're like, oh, you. Oh, and sometimes when those, now that we know

what we're doing and know what we're looking at, when I see like a celebrity comic pop-in, I'm like, you're gonna eat shit on this show. And they do. I'm gonna sit around for this. Yeah, yeah, I'm gonna make sure you see me after your sets, so you know I saw it. Yeah, so you know it.

And then I just go by, oh, it's tough, yeah, yeah, yeah. I was out there, man. You see Tom, though, they like Tom, that's weird. Yeah. They like Tom, that's weird. It's funny too, because you realize that you can end up like that, meaning that you can end up being like,

well, if I'm known enough, I can, you can like get away with it. You know? It's so short lived though. It's so short lived. Because when you think about it, there's comics out there, those famous comics, celebrities who sell tickets,

and their tickets, you know, $100 a piece, or $200 a piece. So you bring your girl, you're like a $400 night, plus dinner, plus drinks of say 600 with parking and babysitter's it $600 you better be fucking good. Yeah, they get back I'm like, you know, right? Yeah, no, you want people to be like When is that person for sure back? Yeah, that was the best like and then and that when they you do announce They're like we bought on the fucking pre sale like we we could not miss you

You know because it's all about them coming back. know that's what it is yeah I use it man I so I I don't think I really I mean I probably we all have like you know hints of jealousy and stuff when you're especially when you're young you're like how that person get that you know but I think I think I think I got in the game later you know and there's not that and then all my peers like you guys There's like so much more successful. So I'm like, yeah, of course they're better I mean, well these do it longer. Yeah, that's what I'm saying. It's like so I think I took your approach where I just learned like it's the way to do it soak it all yeah

And then it's not it's not like oh, I'm gonna be there. I'm like I'll get there, man Yeah, which is it's a marathon. That's exactly how I used to approach it. Because I would just go like, I would look at my year and I'd be like, all right, this year I featured at like, let's say 20 clubs and I made, you know, or $30,000 or whatever it was. And I would go like the next year, I just was like, I just want it to be better than this year.

Yeah. And like that thing where I was like this, you know, I ended up featuring at 40 clubs this year and I made $20,000 more. So I would look at that as just progress and just trying to like make that progress happen by putting in work. Yep. So my thing now is like I'll look at a like if we go back to a certain city, like if it's

not selling more than I didn't do my job, that's not the people. So the way I gauge success now is, so let's say I was in San Antonio two years ago, one going there in September. So I can't sell more in September, then I'm messing up, it's on me. So I gauge all my success based off selling more in the market.

Yeah, I mean, it's a good way to see that it's moving along on the business side. And then you have to ask, because I would always try to go like, am I doing, am I writing better material? Correct. You know, and like, that's usually a thing that only you can really answer. Yep. You know, and sometimes it makes you have like tough conversations with yourself, but it's

ultimately good. I mean, you have, there's kind of like a parallel in a way with like athleticism, athletics in that way, right? Pretty black and white. Yeah, where you're like, am I, yeah, and you, you know, yeah, am I, you know, if you're a quarterback, it's like, am I a school enough touchdowns when games and my winning games?

Yeah, and my winning games, like, are they laughing, am I selling tickets? Yeah. Well, no, or they didn't laugh at this, well, yeah, it's pretty black and white. Yeah, and you can, you can choose, that's the thing is one of those things where you can choose to be as delusional as you want to be.

And we see right in front of us the delusional people. I mean, you have small delusions to yourself. We all do all the time where you'll be, you know, like something a joke is just kind of a half-ass joke and you'll just be like, I just won't work on that. Yeah, you'll just, you'll just, you'll know it's size. Like there's more there. Yeah, and I'll be like, but that would take effort.

Yeah, so then you just, you know, and then one day you're like that joke fucking, and then you finally address it. I also think, you know, when you look at specials these days, and this is what I want to talk you either on or off here about this, you'd answer this if you want. Talking to, you know, you Netflix and Comedy Central and Showtime HBO, you talked to all these people in a shoot or special. And then their analytics, you know, analytics, that's what it is.

It's pretty black and white. Yeah. We know, we know that people stop watching specials at 28 minutes. Yeah. They come, some might come back, half come back, some might finish, you might have that out there to finish all, but whether it's Kevin Hart, Jerry Seinfield, they check out, they stop watching 28 minutes. Yet the industry we're in, people see you got to do an hour.

On the road, no doubt people paying money, you got to do an hour, but when we're looking at what people are watching, why we keep the people who run this industry keep pushing hours to me is weird. Yeah, well, because when I hear 20 minutes, I go, and when she do 30. Yeah, and when she do 30. And when she do 30 though.

I'm like, yeah, I know. It was special. But especially you kind of should, I think we're married to, we know that what, you know, if you become a headliner, you do an hour, right? So on the road. On the road.

Yeah. What's funny though is that, I mean, at Netflix, they have encouraged and aggressively encouraged trimming down these specials. What do you think that is? No, I know. That's what I'm saying. That's an old thing. But they're just like like because I have a tendency on all of them to like I shoot a really long set. And then the hardest thing is like pairing it down for the head and it kind of down kind of down and like, I've cut down, you know, 10 minutes out of one, 12 out of one, and then it'll still be too, like, too heavy,

like too fat for them, and they'll be like, they've encouraged like delivering like a 50 minute special, you know, they're like, deliver that. And I've also had from a friend who just I didn't deal with them, that they go, hey, so people, a lot of people watching the beginning, and then even less than 20 minutes, so put your clothes at the top.

Oh, I've heard that. Just to keep them. Don't save your best shit. Open strong. Because they're not gonna get this. Yeah, there's a, Why the fuck are we doing it? I know.

Well, that's the other thing though, is like if you're touring with that hour of time, you probably feel like when it's come time to shoot, you're just like, well, let's just shoot this, you know? But think about it. It's like when you shoot a special, then you got to write a whole new hour. Well, if you have an hour on the road,

you shoot 30 of that. Yeah. You have 30 to go out with on the road. Oh, totally. Totally. No, so much more sense to it. It does, and it's... This old school model that Richard Pryor

really ingrained in everybody for this hour special is like, this is the standard. If everybody... The audience is telling you, they're telling you to have these numbers. We did it. In fact, in Spanish, as much shorter, if it was like mandated, or like if totally embraced to do like 30 minute specials,

I mean, I think it would be a huge celebration. Like people would be able to be like, oh, I can deliver one of those every few months. Yeah, it would be great, man. It would be great. I mean, we can do it. Yeah, you just got to do it. You just got to do it.

I mean, yeah, I mean, there's a reason why they started doing 15 minute stuff on Netflix is because they're like, you know, we told you they watch Half Hour, they actually watch 15 minutes. I guess you the 15's pretty hot. You got to have a hot 15. And now, if you have 15 minute special, you better fucking destroy it. Do it destroy it destroy it. Every hot 15. And now if you have 15 minutes special, you better fucking destroy it.

Do it destroy it. Do it destroy it. Every hot 15. Hot 15. Yeah. Don't give us any build up. Cause I always, I still think this thing when people are like, who like, you know, people will ask like,

who, what comics do you like watching and who's hilarious. And I'll be like, I'll tell you one thing though, no matter who you like, there's nothing as funny. Nobody as good as a feature in their prime, like about to pop. Oh, dude. Like a guy who's working every week doing his 20. And I go, you could put that guy in front of, and you put him in front of Chappelle and

Hart and Rock and Rogan and where I go, that guy will knock everyone's dick off because he does 20 minutes all the time. And because I remember, if you look at the hardest, I've ever, I mean, I have, I've had great headlining sets, but there was a period right before you headline where you're a murderous middle act, where it's like, if you pop in on the store

and you do those 20 minutes, people will be like, I don't want any part of the stuff. Yeah, because it's just, that's all you do. You look at the headlining, I have fun with that. I have fun with that dog. Thanks for having me, bud. I mean, I had a couple, that's all you do. You look at the headline, like, have fun, blah, blah. Have fun with that, blah, blah. Yeah, yeah. Thanks for having me, blah. I mean, I had a couple sets, like memorable sets,

where like, when I was featuring, where the headliner did like 38 minutes, and he was like, I'm not really. He's like, fuck that, good for him. Yeah. Well, it's like, when I was in Miami working, and I was like, I had to get on stage, I hit up the improv, like, yeah, we give you a small,

we give you 15 minutes, man. I was like, who's the head like, I gotta get on stage, I'll hit up the improv. Like, yeah, we'll give you a small, we'll give you 15 minutes, Ben. I was like, who's the headliner? Because the headlining club, it's not the store, you can't pop in. And I go, it's Miss Pat. And I don't know her, but I know you guys know her. Yeah, yeah, I know Miss Pat.

So I text you, I was like, hey, what's up Miss Pat? She nice, you know, she's doing, you're like, you know, go big, it's a black audience, go big. And I haven't done 10 minutes or 15 minutes. I don't know how long. It's a big shift change. It's a big tab there. I'm like, okay, what are we gonna come out with?

It's funny because you go, you're used to doing hour sets and 15's gonna give you trouble. You're like, yes. Oh, it's a nice. Cause I haven't done that. And I'm trying to shuffle like, oh, I can't edit this bit. Yes.

It went all right. You know, it went good. Yeah, I can handle myself. I don't want all right. But then this pack comes on stage. She's so nice in the back. I went all right, you know, it went good. Yeah, I can handle myself. It went all right, but then his pat comes on stage. You know, she was so nice in the back. Yeah. I don't know. She's like the female version of Joey Diaz. Oh, yeah. She went out there and just you she goes, you fucking, you know, Salt Black Crash. You fucking pussy. You're gonna cheer for that handsome white boy. You're gonna laugh at his shit at my show.

Like, what the fuck? What the fuck up in a nice man? He's a monster. his shit at my show like fuck fuck I've been a nice man. Do she say monster monster. Yeah, I just Pat can light blow torch. Oh, she blew blew that room apart. Yeah, and like if she like she was she's another I mean she's a headliner but like if you told her do 20 in front

of me I'd be like good luck. Like she's gonna fucking torch the room. Kill it. Yeah. Yeah. I mean that's why I always tip my hat to these guys like Joe and like Russell, who they would bring people like Diaz to open for them. Because they're like, go ahead. Oh, I got David Lucas. I don't know. David. I did. I just saw him. I was in Austin and I saw him do it. She said, yeah, he killed it. Dude, killed it. So just saw him. I was in Austin and I saw him do it. She said, yeah, he killed it. Dude, killed it.

So, so I bring, which do you roll like nine deep? I'm two. I saw you on it. Yeah, I'm like, I'm like, Nelly. Yeah, I'm like, I'm like, big pun in the tear squad. I like, makes no sense. My business guy's like, you know, you're not making any money bringing all these guys, right?

I'm like, shut up. So, yeah, I bring David. So, starting defense is out there. I mean, there's like so many people. David Lucas walked in the green one the first weekend he's working with me. You know, it's like so many people. David Lucas walked in the green room the first weekend he's working with me. You know, it's all my brothers, my manager, big dude, she's pal, big dude.

I bring my my good friend Mark Carly. He's just a great guy. Takes care of everything. But everyone's like, he's not a comic. No, okay. He's a personal trainer actor. Okay, Nick Lodey and like, he's an actor. Okay, okay.

And so everyone's big David Washington is, damn, this is all fuck you up to her. But yeah, so I bring, you know, I've Justin Elliott is the MC and then David goes on, David Lucas is a monster and then should Pel does 20 and then I'll come on. Wow. But it's like monster.

But it raises, see, that's great because it raises the show. And it's show, because it's- I haven't felt like that. Don't get wrong, it spells a monster, but it means you should spell it when my best friends were really close and I know is acting You know he has my act, but then when David Luke is open he came when I was doing The Vulcan Austin. Mm-hmm. He came in mind if I get a set and I've always liked him with the comic stories

And really I've never seen do comedy. I knew he's a roast guy and Tony Hinchcliffe show. I was like yeah, yeah, dude I'll give you 10 minutes Blue it up to the point. I was like, yeah, dude, I'll give you 10 minutes. Blue it up to the point I was nervous in the back. It's like, fuck, here we go. And then that, I think, and that's where the athlete did me come. I'm like, oh, this guy's gonna make me better. Exactly. It's like when you're sparring, you don't want to spar the real shitty guy. If you want to get to the next level, you got to go with a really good guy. Exactly. So I hit him up, like, dude, you're in. He's like, what?

I'm like, you're coming with me for the rest of the time. Yeah, that is, that is the right. And I think it's more natural to athletes like you to go like, you know what? This is going to make me better. That's how many of you better. Most people have that resistance to it. But every time like when I do these shows, I want to bring a really strong opener. A, I want the show to be great from the back. Do you want to get my headliners bring shitty comics?

Because they're scared. I know they're scared. And they're weak. Yeah, and they're insecure. It's huge. I mean, but it's like, you know that the audience has to sit through that. Yeah, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they There's a... Usually that thing is a shit act. Like, it's a shitty... Like, the shittiest...

Well, the shittiest headliner, one of the shittiest headliners I ever open for, who I'll tell you off. I can't wait. It's pretty, you'll be like, oh yeah. But, like, pretty notable person, and I saw their act, and I was like, you fuck it suck.

And so, this guy had me... Host, right? So I was hosting and he had a middle act. His middle act was hands down one of the worst things I've ever seen in my life. I was doing 10 minutes, which was like the standard time at like a comedy club. The host does 10, middle 20 and then you know. So I'm up to I do 10.

Second show they ask me to do five. And the next night he goes, well, you do it tight three. And I was like, I'm tight three. Yeah. You mean an out your name. And they're like, and they're like, you'll get paid to say, I'm like, oh, 50 bucks still. Yeah, thanks. Yeah. So I'm like, okay. And I did it. And the, the guy in the middle. So I would get them going. And then one time I came back, I, the feature left, he would just eat just horrific dog. And did he realize, it's weird to me when guys don't realize it.

He knows he sucks. He even said he's like, I'm terrible. Like he was terrible. It's like, see I like that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That guy's cool. Yeah, he's likable. It's the worst thing that guy goes crushed.

Yeah, I'm like, I kind of wanted to be like, I wanted to be like, oh, those guys are crushed. So do I. Or no, kill, I killed. Sometimes those guys, I'll watch a guy like have a bad set and I they come off and you're like How was that and they're like they're good and you're like? Really really You mean like as people like you met me like yeah good good heart or what were we talking about here man?

I was talking about yeah, yeah, what world you fucking live in this guy that's this shitty comedian This shitty comedian, when the guy got off stage, one time I went up and I did a joke between the feature, the horrible feature, and the headliner, and they're like, don't do that either, because you got them kind of going again. What are you doing, dude? You're making them laugh?

You're just shit? Yeah. And then, you're 50 bucks, right? On top of all of that, I fucking sat in the green room with this shitty headliner and Rift on one of his bits. He was like, can I use that and I was like sure and So I ended up writing a couple jokes for him. See thanks for the jokes and here's 50 bucks stock you know, it's weird to is my my boy Ricky Cruz and

Lewis Diaz they're in Miami, they're local Miami comics. When I first worked with him at the Miami improv, Luis comes in, he's this big fat Cuban guy and Ricky used to be roommates with Joey Diaz, monster, like local monster, Kima Tla and then had kids move back, but monster, all the local references lights the room on fire. I have a funny story, I can't tell on this

about him opening for a headliner that we know. But- And giving him trouble? Oh, dude. Yeah. Yeah, the manager's like, so, he told the headliner, this is the manager of Miami goes, to the headliner we know, he goes, hey, so I think what we should do is Ricky should probably close it out and then you host and do like have fun and dream in the future.

And then, oh no. If you wanna do it. He wouldn't do it. He's like, no, I sold the tickets there to see me. He's like, I know, but it's not going on. I don't know if you see people leaving and walking, but we can't have that. He's like, I don't care, I'm headlining.

Yeah. Like, what do I know? Yeah, I mean, good for him. I mean, but back to, so this is always where I mean, Luis, yeah, Luis Diaz was, he came in the green room and he was, I'm just grabbing water, man. I'm being your way, I'm just gonna grab water, what are you doing, dude?

Introduce yourself, what are you weird? Like, what are you lot to do? What are you doing, dude? And he goes, hey, four scum, get back in here. He goes, oh, I don't, most headliners won't let anybody in the green room. Really? I go, who the fuck you've been working with?

He goes, oh, they won't allow me to take a drink or anything, man. I just want to cup a water. I'm like, there's bottle water, you just, oh, I don't touch that. I'm like, yeah, this is when you met him. This like two years ago. This is Ricky?

Yeah, Lewis Diaz. Okay. And I'm like, what, what headliners such as? You're like, asshole.es. Okay. And I'm like, what headline are such assholes? Take a seat. Yeah, I remember, well, I had, I had, what's his name? Robert, Bob Shimmel, Robert Shimmel, who passed away.

The sweetest man, and I remember, I, because I had worked one week and, I worked a few weekends with Charlie Murphy, and one weekend they were like, I walked into the green room, the guy goes, what are you doing? This is like, just some guy. I was like, I'm gonna, he's like,

oh yeah, you can't be in there. And I was like, where am I supposed to? What am I supposed to say? Hey, man, he was just like, you're fine somewhere out here. Just chill around the crowd. And I was like, okay. But he even missed his Pat's room with a little bit.

Like, I met her guy who does, she usually just brings one guy on the road, so he did me a favor by letting me go between them. He usually does 25 to 30 and then she comes on, does her hour. That's what she does. But then I was back there just, you know, I don't know Miss Patton,

my green rooms are fun, man. Like, I'm not going to war here. Like the best jobs in the world. Yeah. So it won't be cool. So I'm talking to her and I hear him go to my videographer who's with me. He goes, hey, see, he always talk this much, man.

And that was the cue. I was like, I'm just gonna fall out there. I'm going, I see you how this is. Yeah, I get this. You talk that much, man. Yeah, he talks a lot, you know? He talks a lot, huh? Yeah, they, they told me to like, wait outside and I was like, okay.

Weird, huh? That's fucking weird. It was super weird. I didn't feel like it didn't, I mean, you know me to like, wait outside. And I was like, okay. Weird, huh? That's fucking weird. It was super weird. And I didn't feel like it didn't, I mean, you know, it could be from Charlie, it felt like it was like, whoever this guy's job was, he was just like, I keep people out of here.

Charlie had a tough gig because, obviously, Eddie Murphy says brother. Yeah, yeah. He gets, he's funny as fuck on Chappelle Show. And then he's headlined. He heard Rogan like, and then they paired him and Rogan together. That's how I met Rogan, like, bro. like I'm just doing a solid I know your name's

on there but you should go before me yeah he's like it's not an ego thing I've just been this a lot longer dude yeah that's the way it should work but Charlie insisted on taking turns and that you said that's how you met rogan I thought I met rogan oh really so I want a contest that's how I that's how I met rogan what What kind? To host to do three minutes. Three minutes. So it was called the Maxim Bud Light Real Men of Comedy. Oh, yeah. And there was a...

We're never gonna see that again, 21, but never, never. And it was Charlie, Joe, and Heffron. And Charlie and Joe were like the co-headliners and then Heffron was do 15 minutes and then if they had contests regionally across the country let's say it was like 20 national shows so I showcased at Irvine and I won the contest and then they go you're gonna do three shows on this tour. You're gonna do Irvine, San Diego, and Phoenix. And at this point, you're like, what in comedy?

Are you hosting featuring? Yeah, I'm starting to, I'm starting to feature, no, I've been featuring like a year, a year and a half maybe. And I'm a decent feature act. And I was like, what do I do? And they're like, you open the show and you do three minutes. And then you bring on, you're like,

three minutes in my beak, what? Bro, and I did it in Phoenix at the celebrity theater in the round. We're talking like, you know, a few thousand people. And you gotta be like, they're like, you're on, go. And it's like, three minutes. Three minutes. So I saw, and I also saw them take turns.

I saw Charlie eat fucking shit one night. Do you realize it? I mean, yeah, there's no way he didn't realize it. But he actually had the thing where it's, I mean, it's tough, where he, he didn't like, sulk and go like, I don't know, I fucking suck. Maybe he felt like that,

but he would come back the next day. So I actually saw him have a really bad set, a really good set, like a really good set, and then like a pretty decent set. I saw in those three shows, and he ended up taking me out to dinner. I almost didn't, I think I told the story, but I almost, so I met Joe, and he was very nice, but it was just like very brief.

And then in Phoenix was the last show of my three show run. And I remember I was backstage backstage and UFC fights were on, but so was like LSU Auburn. And I choose that. That's your Auburn, you too. I'm watching that. And like his buddies were there and they're like, you know, there's like fights on.

I was like, who gives a shit? Like and they were like, you know that you're here with like a UFC commentator, right? Yeah. UFC canal is like, yeah, but like LSUs number three, right? And they're like, what? Like all these guys from, like, yeah, but like LSU's number three right now. They're like, what? Like all these guys from, they have no clue.

They had no clue. And like, I would leave the room and fights would be on. And then I would come back in and football would be on. And they were like, God damn it with the fucking fun dude. Yeah. And so you live in in California at the time? Yeah, I was living here. And this was like, like I said, this was like,

this crazy contest. This is a wild go. This is 2007. Okay. So in 2007, I'm doing these shows. So the Phoenix show was the biggest show and the last show of the run. And it was my best, my best three minute set.

Three minutes. But I got like three minutes. I know, it's so, it's so quick. I got a couple like big laughs. And then you know, I introduced John and the show goes on. So after the show, I'm hanging out backstage, and I'm talking Charlie's like, chat me up a little bit, he's like, you wanna go to dinner?

And I was like, and by the way, 2007, this is like the height of like, Sheppel show fame and all this stuff. And he's so famous. And I'm a huge fan, so I'm like playing a club. I was like, yeah, let's go to dinner man. I'll try to, yeah. Yeah, let's see what's going on.

Kinda food you feel like eating right now, man. So, what are you into, dog? He was like, I'll go get some sushi, you know anything about a sushi dog? I was like, yeah. So yeah, fucks with sushi. He's like, all right, bet. Let's go eat sushi.

He walks down this hallway with Rich Murphy, who would travel like a his guy. And they're like, I see them walking down the hall. I start walking down the hall. And they're, you know, 20 yards ahead of me. And then Joe stops me. And he's like, I see them walking down the hall. I start walking down the hall. And they're, you know, 20 yards ahead of me. And then Joe stops me. And he's like, hey man. And he's doing like real nice

to like the younger comic thing. He's like, dude, you know, you're like this really, really funny. That's so cool. And I was like, thanks man. And he keeps you like, where are you from? When you're familiar with Rogan before then? I knew, I had,

Fairfactor. Oh, I knew him from that. And I knew that he was a comedian. And I had, I was Oh, I knew it from that and I knew that he was a comedian and I had I had I wasn't a store guy, but I had seen Joe I had been to the store like to do invited spots, you know like outside spots and And I'd I'd seen him in the OR but just for like a few minutes, you know, and then I wouldn't talk No, and I'd see him in the park and I'd talk but I was like off to the side, you know, and then I wouldn't talk. No, and I'd seem in the park a lot of talk, but I was like, off to the side, you know.

So, so he's chatting me up and he's like, you know, you're really funny. You know, we should like, we should do a gig together sometime. And people, I had heard that because I'd been working as a middle in like the funny bones and improvs. And sometimes, I mean, I remember one time,

Tommy Davis and was like, you know, you wanna tour together? And I was like, yeah. And he's like, it could know, you want a tour together? And I was like, yeah. He was like, it could be like the Tommy and Tom tour. And I was like, awesome. Tommy Square, dog was stingy. He liked me and we got a long one, like the shows went well.

And then I like followed up. I was like, I've heard. No, I talked to his agent. I was like, he wants to do this tour. And they were like, okay. And they call me back and they're like, he has no idea what you're talking about. I was like, was he high or what?

Yeah, of course. Yeah. I think I should say, allegedly. Yeah, and I was like, I thought we were doing the T-square show, man. What's up? T-square dog? So Joe's like, we should do the, and by the way, the whole time that he's doing this, he's like, we should do this.

I'm like looking at the door like, I'm doing a sushi with Charlie Brown. Yeah, I'll do that guy. Yeah, you get sushi with that one. And I'm like doing this thing where like, as Joe's talking, you know, he's like, we should do this. I'm like looking at the door like, I'm doing a sushi with Charlie. Yeah, I'll do it. Yeah, you get sushi with that one. And I'm like doing this thing where like, as Joe's talking, you know when you're like, you can't start to like, you like, you like, you gotta know that, do call my agent, that'd be fun, that's how fun. Yes, yeah, well, and I kept like turning

and he was like, and he was like, settling into the conversation. He was like, so you're from Cincinnati. And I was like, yeah, man. Yeah, yeah, since then, the big C, hey, Charlie and I are about to, Charlie go that way, you can see, yeah. And he's like, let me get your number. And I was like, yeah, man. Yeah, since I was a big seat. Hey, Charlie and I are about to... Did Charlie go that way? Yeah, yeah.

And he's like, let me get your number. And I was like, oh, okay. And I give him my number. And he's like, yeah, we'll do it. And I was like, okay, great. And I just like, and when I got side, I can see the brake lights turning, they're turning the car, and I'm running.

My fat is running. Charlie. I was like, ah, and Rich, I know Rich didn't want me to come to dinner. So, man, fuck that white boy. I was like, and I got there and Rich was like, I know Rich didn't want me to come to dinner. So he's like, man, fuck that white boy. And I got there and Rich was like, he made it. So I get in there and we got to, and I have such vivid memories of that dinner

because Charlie has such a funny way of thinking and speaking. I've told this before, but when Charlie was first gonna do Rogan and I found out, I texted, I was like, make sure you ask him, and you can watch it in the episode. I go, make sure you ask him about Johnny Gill saying that he can beat Oscar De La Hoya in a fight, because that's what he told me at dinner that night, and I laughed so fucking hard, because the way that he brought it up, he was like, do you think Oscar De La Hoya could whoop you ass, and I was like, yeah! Like, what are you talking it up, he was like, do you think Oscar de la Hoya could whoop you ass? And I was like, yeah.

Like, what are you talking about? And he was like, that's Oscar de la Hoya. Yeah, he was like, he could fuck you. I was like, for sure. And he was like, yeah, right? And I was like, dude, there's no question about it. And I was like, you wouldn't even know what happened. It would be so fast.

Yeah. And I was like, the speed is what would stand out. You'd be like, I remember something started. Also, I can't block two of these things. Yeah, yeah. I was like, what are you talking about? And he was like, the speed is what would stand out. You'd be like, I remember something started. Also, I can't block. Yeah, yeah. I was like, what are you talking about? He was like, you know, Johnny Gil. And I was like, the singer.

And he's like, yeah, he goes, he thinks he's like, whoop, block is a hoist ass. I was like, what? And he told me this story about how they're at a party. And Johnny Gil was like, I could fuck him up. And they're like, no, you can't. And like this whole argument. Like legit debate.

And Johnny Gil was like, swearing to God that he can't. So I was like, Joe, you have't, and like this whole argument. Like legit debate. And Johnny goes like swearing to God that he can. So I was like, Joe, you have to ask him this. And he did, he asked him about it. And he was like, how you know that? So, so that night, you know, that night, the funny thing is I go to dinner with Charlie and Rich, and then we go back to the hotel, and like Charlie and I really got along.

You know, we really clicked. Yeah, we had good rapport, we laughed a lot, and so I go, well, this is it for me, man. And he goes, no, it's not. Like, he's like shaking my hand and I go, what? He goes, I'm in charge, like the same hit. He's like, give me, he goes, Charlie, he goes rich.

I still remember, like, he goes, pull out the bat phone. So, the bat phone. Yeah, it was a flip phone. It was like, it was their burner, right? And he goes, what's your number? And I see Rich, I see him go like, fake in the name. Yeah.

And I was like, and I know he's not putting it. I've been like, your boy Rich, he's not putting it in my number, man. Yeah, he's not. Did you get that? You know what, give me your number, fuck Rich. Yeah. So I see him do that because Rich could not, I don't, he just didn't like you.

He didn't like me, man. And it's one of those things where, and I, like I put it together in real time in the moment. I was like, okay, yeah, every time I said something, Rich would be like, you know, you never heard from, that was it, I never heard from again. Dang. Two, three weeks later, I get a phone call

that I don't recognize in this show. And he goes, hey, what are you doing next week or the week after? I was like, nothing, he goes, you wanna go to Tampa? And I was like, yeah, what's Tampa? He goes, we'll do some shows and you like the UFC? And I was like, I mean, kind, I didn't. School.

I was like, I like college football. And he was like, oh, we'll go to the fights next day. And you know, is that cool? And I was like, yeah. Yeah football. And he was like, oh, we'll go to the fights next day. And you know, is that cool? I was like, yeah. Yeah, I'm down. And then I remember I was like, yeah, I'm going to tell you. And then how long did you feature for Joe? He would, you know, he always, like at that time,

it was like a circle of guys, right? It was, so I started to do it. Ari was already doing it. Diaz would do it. But he would bring me like, I don't know, at that time, I feel like a couple times every few months. And did he pay well even back then? Yeah, I mean, it always matched whatever level

what he was doing, you know? So like in the clubs, it was more than the clubs paid you. Which I always, I took that when I started selling tickets and clubs. If you came to Oba for me, I'd be like, I'll pay you double, I'll match with the club pays you, you know? Yeah. So the feature act actually makes a living. Yeah, like I'll call Rogan and be like, hey man, this type of pay should I pay this much and David this much. I'm like, that's cool. I pay my guys and tell me, I'm like, no, I know, we're not talking about you though. Yeah, yeah it with Chappelle, so we're not on the same.

No, definitely not the same. But it's all right, man. I'm like, I feel like it's pretty good. Yeah. Yeah. It's not. The amount, I think it always depends on what you're getting. Right?

That's what I tell those guys. I'll be open with two of them. Okay, we sold out this weekend, it was whatever we had at shows. So you guys to see that in your page. Yeah, which is awesome. It's cool to do. But the club is like, dude,

and they're still doing that to this day. They're doing this. 50 bucks. I brought this up on Twitter one time and I got like shit from people. Really? Well, yeah, because I go, I think it's time for the clubs to just change the default rates only because these have been the rates for 35 years.

How's it not changed? They just have gotten away with that. And all I did was go like, you to get by, you know what can you buy in a feature's pay? $100 a show and they don't take care of your airfare. So if you have to get on a plane to feature somewhere, you're netting like $100 for the week. Like, so but then people are like, why don't you start a comedy? Like I was like, okay, you know.

Yeah, I was like, I think it's like worth discussing, you know, but whatever, they just don't. So when in Austin, because you're one of the guys, I just like I think it's like worth discussing, you know, but whatever they just don't so when in Austin Because you you're one of the guys I just found this great like I told you're my north star when I met with my team I'm like right who do you want to be you know in like five to ten years like so girl? That's it so girls my north star. Wow. Yeah, you're like I want to break my left arm. I want to tear my trailer tender No, but you are and so You know when when you when you look at things, like you were never a guy,

like you were not the comic store, like Rogan or throwing those guys. You know, Tell me something. Tell me something. Tell me something. Tell me something. Invite me to do spots.

And like where they said like, you can. Into a win. 2016. Jesus Christ. Well, I would pop them. Here's what happened. I showcased, like, first of all, I was already in at the improvs, like working them. Yes.

And they were great to me, and I still work in the improvs, and that was just the place that was, and at the time, when I would stop in the store for something, I was like, I don't even want to be here. It didn't seem desirable to me at that like 05, 0607. I would go there and I'd be like, and eventually it's whatever, talking to me, you should try to be at the store. This is before the turnaround where it's like,

you came this amazing place. So I show case, 09, I don't get passed. And I was like, all right, so the next year, I'm working, I'm always on the road. And I'm working, I'm in town, I'm doing get passed. And I was like, all right. So the next year, I'm working. I'm like always on the road. And I'm working, I'm gonna, in town I'm doing Melrose. That's what I'm just, that's my spot. But you're headlining on tour.

On tour I'm headlining. And that's what I'm doing spots. I'm just doing spots. 2010 I shoot a half hour, Comedy Central half hour special. Shot to half hour. Shot to half hour in October of 2010. In January of 2011 it comes out.

So a few months later, Comedy Central sends me a couple DVDs of it. I go to the store one night and I go, hey, I wanna try to work here. And Tommy is the guy running the place. So I have a DVD and I go, he goes, I know you are. And I go, oh, can I like showcase or whatever. He's like, yeah, he's like tonight's open mic. You can do the open mic.

And the OR. In the OR. And I go, okay, like I'm not too good for it. And he goes, I'll tell you what, I'll give you, most people do three minutes. I'll give you nine minutes. Because you're, I was like, that's cool. Oh yeah. So I do, I do my set. And like, you know, for an open mic set, it goes pretty well. I'm sure. Those open mics can be a nightmare. Yeah, and like, I'm out up there with fucking lunatics for room, you know?

So, you're, like, guys, making a living room. Yeah. I'm like, I bring your regulars on the road. Yeah. So, I get off the age and he goes, you did 11. And I was like, what? I was like, you did 11. I'm like, what? I was like, hey, you did nine, but you did 11. I'm like, who cares?

You not ear him laughing, dude? All I wanna know is can I start calling in? Yeah. And he was like, just keep coming to this. I was like, you mean to keep coming? To the open mic? And he was like, yeah, man. Like, this is an artist's commune.

He gave me that whole thing and I was like, I'll see you when I see you. So, and I honestly wasn't, like, it sounds like I'm bitter. I was not. I don't sound bitter. I. So, and I honestly wasn't, like it sounds like I'm bitter. I was not. I was not bitter. I was like, I was so busy with like just trying to grind and make a living. Yeah, that wasn't your end all be all.

It was just a lot of guys that is. Yeah, I just accepted it. And I was like, look, I'm not even going to be in LA, but three days in the next two months, because all I do is tour, tour, tour. So I just keep, you know, I get invited to do shows there sometimes and I would do them. And it's like 2013, 2014 and people would ask me, they're like, how come I never see it at the store?

I'm like, because I don't go there. And then one day I was up there, I was up in the belly room and I had done, I think a set, and I'm watching this and it was hoppin' man. It was like the whole, the whole store was. Every room was on fire, but up in the belly, when the belly room was on fire, it's like, it's the best.

It's so rad. So it's like, it's like 85 people, and it's just pandemonium. And I'm standing up there with a couple people, and Al Madrigal's telling next to me, he was like, I'll go, this is fucking crazy, man. He goes, yeah dude, it's like this like every night now. And I go, that's awesome.

He's like, how come you're not here all the time? I'm like, I don't work here. And he was like, what? And I go, I don't work here. Like I showcase, I don't know, fucking seven years ago. They didn't pass you. And then he was like, hold on. Yeah, I'll get you passed.

He's walked, I see him like, talking to Adam. And Adam comes over. He's like Yeah, you can just call whenever you I was like that yet. That's it. He was like. Yeah, I was like okay But even then you sit even after you got past you weren't like a guy there Tuesday Wednesday Thursday No, you were you and Bert never were and I know because I cuz you know I say broken and Cal and took me under the wing and even Cal was that guy When I first met him he started to be but then Rogan was like I'm like, Ian and Calon took me under the wing. And even Calon was that guy when I first met him. He started to be, but then Rogan was like,

I'm like, you hear every fucking night, I'm doing our set. Everybody has their own, like, I, I was, here's the thing though, if you really look at like a calendar, and you go like, how much standup is each person doing? If you were taking me, let's say that year, 2016, you could look at a month and be like, so Tom did 27 hours

of stand-up. Correct. Right, because I would be like doing clubs and in theaters and then some weeks I'm doing like eight, nine shows and you know, I would get to LA and if I had back to back weeks like that, I'd be like, yeah, I'm all good. I'm good. And I'm also writing on the road. Like I would you build your hour on the road. So when I get in town, it's not like, I don't need the reps. I do, but I'm just good. I'm good. And I'm also writing on the road. Like I would, you build your hour on the road. So when I get in town, it's not like,

I don't need the reps. I do, but I'm just not like, I'm gonna be on the elsewhere. Yeah, that's where I do get competitive a little bit. I'll go to my agent, you know, CA and I'll say, hey, show me who's done more dates than me. It's very rare. Yeah, we would do more dates than me.

Well, yeah. As far as time on stage. Yeah, you're a cycle like top three. Because you're doing like, we do like tons of podcasts get on the road work and work and work and you still fucking benching for 25 and for no reason. Yeah, you just took to that. Like I feel like I saw a little while ago you pop into Bradley Martin's white to zoo culture.

I've dude and you know, I live close to here, and during the pandemic, obviously everything shut down, I was just riding my bike every day. Yeah. It was just that thick boy bike club I started. Yeah. I got all these fat dudes DM me and spandex and shit. I'm like, I gotta, I gotta do something man.

I just ain't cool. Yeah. And then I wasn't in great shape, even though I was riding like 40 miles a day, doing stuff, got sponsored by Specialized, like started up this brand. And then I was like, man, I need to get back Specialized, like started up this brand, and then I was like, man, I need to get back into the goddamn gym.

And then again, my son, because you know, I'm sure your son's saying, well, look she, like, goddamn superhero. Yeah. And then he's like, daddy, you don't, he's like, he's all picked from me, fighting. He's like, what, you're not as big anymore? I'm like, I'm a different big, you know, like joke around,

but he's not having it. Yeah. And then I was like, man, I get in shape for the kids. Because they're, they're beasts. And it motivated me. I don't know when it says this, but my kids not having it. Yeah. And then I was like, man, I go and shape for the kids. Cause they're their beasts. And it motivated me. I don't know when it says this, but my kids are fucking monsters. I believe it. They're big kids.

You have, they have your genetics. I feel like in my girls, the beast too. Right. Yeah, my mother lost, you know, their monsters. Their monsters. They're genetically. By the way, you started by saying that you don't lie to your son. Yeah.

Yeah, I do. So, last week or two weeks ago, I drove a circuit of the America's in Austin, Coda, like the F-1, Tossick. And I took my GT4 on it, and they sent me, I didn't even know they did this. They did a couple short videos, so they sent it to me.

So I was watching at home, and my older kid, he's like, is that you? How old is he? He's home and my older kid, he's like, is that you? How old is he now? He's five. Yeah, yeah. He's like, that's you. He lets your car. I'll go, yeah, that's me.

He's like, did you race? And I go, yeah. And he goes, did you win? And I go, yeah. Hell yeah, you won? Yeah. And I go, yeah, man. Yeah, man.

And he's like, they give you a trophy. I was like, nah, they didn't have me trophy today. Not for this man, they're a fresh out. I go, a box like it smoked everybody. Yeah. And he was like, yeah. My kid, you know, I have that GT2RS. Yeah, don't flex, let me let you try. I'm not saying I was car.

You have cars too though. Come on, let me go. I'm not saying that was your car guy. You just shitted on me man. No, it's not a flex, that GT4 is dope. It's dope, you got a GT2RS, that you had a modified. Modified, which is the most unnecessary modification. Yeah, Roango, what are you doing?

You're fucking this thing up, I go, zip it, dude. So, let me live my fucking life. Yeah, so I have problems. So I get that GT2RS, and then yeah, I modify it. So it's like 970 something horsepower. It's a monster. Is it here? No, I brought the defender today.

Have you seen that? No, it's dope. All right, let's check it out. So, but, you know, as far far as LA goes probably the fast car in LA So whenever my son sees like a Lamborghini or something who go dad your car fashion Yeah, then that and I never lied. Oh my yeah, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep And then a boom Out of all the fucking cars of Bugatti just pulls up and he goes dad what's that?

That's a Bugatti dude. Those are like million dollars. He doesn't understand money. He goes, a million dollars, that's a lot of money. It's all the money. But it's all the money from a car. And he's everyone's money piled together. Yeah, like that's everybody's money. And he was that faster in your car.

I think it is. He goes, no way. I think it is. And then he's like, do you think you could beat that guy? I'd be like, I'll fucking kill that guy. I'll fucking kill that guy. You think he has a black belt?

No, dude. I'll fucking destroy that guy. I'll fucking kill that guy. You think he has a black belt? No, dude. I'll fucking destroy that guy. I love that you told him you could kick everybody's ass. Yeah. And they're gonna hear this now. And not even back in there on Thursday. They're gonna be like, really? All of us, huh?

Like, yeah. Everybody do. You see people just starting to go around you and you're like, what's going on? That see, but do you have this problem? Like, is your son in the sports again in sports? Yeah A little bit right a little bit. Yeah, like you might someplace sock and it's like wrangling cats Yeah, like he's fat my old my my big boy. No, he's fast. Oh

Lanky no, no, he's super lean and and he just he wakes up and runs to our room Yeah, like halls ass into the room and then he calls me Tom Really? He's like Larry. And then he calls me Tom. Really? He's like, hey, Mom. Hey, Tom. Hey, Tom. Come on, dude, it's dad around here, bro.

Come on, dude. And he's like, you having a good day, Tom? And I'm like, yeah. Cool. Who's your real dad? They'll say some crazy shit. Like, my son always go, it's hard being real, dad. I'm like, I don't know.

But the fuck did you get that from? He's like, it's hard being real. Being real. I'm just trying to be real with you right now, dad. Yeah, it's being real, dad. You'm like, I don't know. But the fuck did you get that from? He's like, it's hard being real. I'm just trying to be real with you right now. Yeah, it's being real dad. You fucking fraud, dog. No, but he, you know, fraud, dog. No, but he, like when he's doing shit to like, you know, if he gets in the pocket, instead of just to, that's my shit, man. I'll coach him up on it. So when he's doing it, I'll see stuff and I'll take him to the side and like, I don't want to be that overbearing like, yeah, so it's gonna add to you. But it's also like, you're skipping steps, dude.

Like, I don't want to tell the coach, but I'm like, so when he goes for water, I'm like, here's a square of water. You don't need all the water. Let me show you like how you should be getting here. He's showing you A to D, you're using B and C, do you? Yeah, yeah, this is B and C. Well, that's pretty cool. Does, showing you A to D, you're saying B and C, D. Yeah, yeah. This is B and C.

Well, that's pretty cool. Does, do you get any like the coach? I can kind of feel a little bit of a day. I think they have respect, they know I am. Yeah, they have some respect. They know you're not just like a crazy dad. No. Who thinks he has that fight?

He's like showing some fucking world star. Fight's one of the, the fighting is, there's, I think I said there's four things that a lot of dudes inherently think that they're good at. And we've done all of them. They were fighting. Stating? Yeah, fighting's funny, fucking and driving. Correct.

Men think they're inherently good driver. Yeah, a lot. They think that they're funny, or they're threatened by you if they think you are. Yep. A lot of dudes, like I could fight, and they're like, you do. I can't tell you how many times I are. Yep. Uh, dude's a lot is not like, I could fight. Yeah, and they're like, you do. I can't tell you how many times I've been at zoo culture

and I've had like, YouTubers come up to me like, dude, I think it'd be to Floyd Mayweather. Yeah. I'm like, yeah, no doubt, dude, do that. Go do that. Go do that, though. Yeah. But go do that. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Well, people don't understand what a train,

like the difference between a trained fighter and like somebody who's just Athletic and can throw a haymaker. There's that but in same thing with comedy, too It's like you're funny at the family bar with you to put a set together. Yeah relate to a crowd You that doesn't know who you are is a different Handle that's totally like that because people ask me that too like a lot of times guys will be like I'm funny as shit They always boast about like funny, funny as fuck, man. Have you ever said in your life, I've never said that. No, never.

And I also, like, I'll never argue against someone who doesn't find me funny either. Like, when someone's like, I don't find you, I don't like it. It's like, great. Well, do you see it all the time? Obviously, the biggest guy in the world is gonna get all of it. But anytime you have success, people didn't come out like,

I like guys not funny. Yeah, with Kevin Hart, he's not funny. Oh, he's not? Well, weird, he's the biggest son comic of all time. Yeah, so I mean, here after a year, after a year, but someone thinks he's funny. So, he sucks, man. He sucks.

Yeah, I mean, yeah, you just have to kind of, yeah, you have to, you have to, you weird my bank account, bags of dinner. Yeah, it's a, you just gotta, you have to go, well, I'll play to the people who think I am. I don't see any of it. Are you have to find it weird, my bank account begs the dinner. Yeah, it's the, you have to go, well, I'll play to the people who think I am. I don't see any of it.

Are you a social media guy? You know how like Rogan say, I don't see it. When I say, I don't see it, I don't see anything. That's good. I post and I get the fuck out. That's the way to do it. Nothing. It's hard to, you know, did you ever find,

like looking at it hard to resist? Cause I feel like it's a natural thing that's hard to resist. When I first got on, you know, years ago, because, you know, I didn't, you know, I think we all did. We got on there and I'd post and you'd read how it go. And then once I realized like all these opinions,

I'm like, oh, this isn't healthy. And I found myself like, my kid would be swimming. And I'd be like on Instagram, stand up, other people's shitty lives, or whatever the fuck they're doing. I'm like, this is a thing, get what am I doing dude? Yeah. So again, it was my kid, I was like,

this is just a waste of time. And like I've never got advice on them. I'm like, that's great advice. Do I wanna use that in my set? Thank you. That improves my life. I never, never. So I'm like, why am I giving so much attention?

So I just got out of it. It's literally got out. The probably one of the healthiest things you can do. Oh, for your blood. For your blood. Oh dude. Without a doubt, man, I notice sometimes I'll get busy enough that I'm not looking for posting. And I'll sign up and be like, oh my God,

like four days have gone by and I didn't post it. And I'm like, it felt good. It felt good. Yeah, like if someone talked to you about me, like, you know, my brother, one of my boys, like, oh, you see this guy talked to you about you? I'm like, no. I't tell me what he said. Yeah, and don't, and don't show me as a cat. I don't want to know.

Yeah. Yeah. In effect, I don't need to know because whoever's doing it, they just want to tension. I just, of course, here for these guys, the guy, I repeatedly hear the, the thing the guy I'll go, I'm really funny. I can make, you know, my friends laugh, like, he was, what's the difference between me being funny and like being a comedian? I'm like, well, the difference is you are, you're being funny to like someone you're talking to

and being funny to an audience. Like, you have to communicate it to a large group of people. The don't know who you are, they get the references, you know, it's a whole. Yeah, it's like, and then I can't believe that that person asking it doesn't put that together, then they're like, oh yeah, I never thought it. You never thought of the most obvious thing.

Like asking this shows me that you're never gonna make. Yeah, well, even my ass doesn't even start. Or the other one that I've heard dozens, I can't believe how many times I've heard that somebody goes like, I have like fucking 45 minutes of material, but I've never done it. I'm like, and you have 45, and they're like, I just got like pages of shit.

And I get it's good. And I'm like, and then you're set. Yeah, dude, I just got like pages of shit and that. And then I get as good. And I'm like, then you're set. Yeah, it sounds like go on the road dude. It's like, what should I do? I'm like, just get on stage. Get on stage, do that hot 45 on stage. I mean, I go, start. Open with it, do it.

Do it all. Yeah. And they're like, what do I need to do? I'm like, get on. I'm open Mike. Invite everybody. Have people come out and see you. That's probably really good your first time.

Is your plan when you get to Austin or you're going to be, again, because you weren't like popping up at the store, the proper factor here. There you're same shit, build the hour on the road. So I have your podcast. Yeah, I have an hour and I've been doing, I have done some spots in Austin and like this week I'm in LA, I've done three, I'm going to be doing four spots this week here. Just like we're doing like jam in the van. I'm doing, I'm doing, what's it called? I did Supernova a couple of times, best show.

It was great. Best show in LA right now. I'm doing the store tonight. I'm doing a Supernova again tomorrow. So it's like doing those spots. And then yeah, like, there's more show is popping up in Austin. So I'll keep doing those, keep hot. But I'll, like, I'm more show is popping up in Austin. So I'll keep doing those, keep hot,

but I'll, I'll, like, I'm flying back here a number of times. And then, you know, I, I'm already, I mean, I've been on the road, so I'll keep doing the road. And then my tour tour starts in August. So, you know, just big boy tour. Yeah, it's a long tour. Yeah, I just, you know, with, with Austin,

you know, it's gonna get the, you know, it's going to get then Rogan's going to open up a place and stuff like that. You guys are out of your mind if things would be better now. I just, I don't think that I never really thought of it. I was like, it's going to be better. I do. Really? Well, because we heard all the time, Austin, this, Austin, I'm like, don't you wrong? It's, I'm more of a San Antonio guy. Love San Antonio if I was going to move. Yeah was gonna move. And when I even talked to you about this, in the high of the pandemic, and everybody's leaving, frantic,

and LA's North Korea and blah, blah, and just locked down here, I started looking at property out there, and I'm like, man, I just can't. Yeah, I'm just not ready. And like, you go on, you and Joe can move to Iraq and be fine. But these other guys,

I'm like, bro, you guys are even making that lay. You're making it up there? Yeah, I don't know. I can get up eight times here dude. Yeah. I'm gonna go on nine different major podcasts. What do you do? You're just gonna bank on Saguir and Rogan?

They ain't the move. I don't know. I mean, I feel like in the short time that I've been there, you know, I've met like some great local people, like, the great people in Texas. But also, like a great people, but like I've been there, you know, I've met like some great local people, like, the comic context. But also, like a great people, but like I've met local comics,

and then people that have moved there, like recently, I do think we'll see a few more people move, and maybe some like established people move there. And then like, you know, the scene becomes what, like what it is. It's good, yeah. But it's good for everybody.

If it becomes another hub. It'd be great. I mean, ultimately, if Austin becomes like a really great comedy scene, it's good for comedy. It's not like it's bad for LA or something. Yeah, I don't look at any, it's not like competition. No, yeah, no, no.

But I mean, yeah, of course, you know what I know, some of the hilarious. I got, I was walking down the street and paparazzi was everywhere. In Austin? No, no, here. Oh, here. And this guy was top.

And I was like, what's up, man? He's like, I thought he moved to Austin. And I was like, I did. I got on an airplane. Yeah, crazy. I got on plane. And then he was like, all right. And I just kind of gave him like the horns.

And then I turned this way. Oh, it's sexy. And then they fucking, I turned the corner and they ran and they surrounded me, right? And I was like, is this a bit? Yeah. And then they. I'm pung.

Yeah. And then they just start asking about the comedy scene and they're like, is Austin now better than LA? I was like, are you guys for real? Yeah. And I start answering their questions about the comedy scene. I was like, I think it was kind of like political about it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I was like, I think it was kind of like political about it.

Like yeah, yeah, yeah. I was like, I really think both spots are fun. Yeah, everything's fun. They started asking me about Biden and Putin. I was like, what? You're like, what? You'll go down a weird road, dude. And then I kind of end it.

And I was like, all right, thanks guys. And then I hit me. I was like, hey, why the fuck are you out here? Like, why are you talking to me right now? You didn't come here for me, and they're like, nah, little pumps next door. I was like, man, little pumps right there. All you guys are here for little pump.

And they're like, yeah, because he's shopping here right now. And I was like, okay, and then they're like, would you do, would you work with him? I was like, with little pump. And they're like, yeah, I was like, yeah, let's do a song. Yeah, what are you going to do, man? Tell me to hit me up. Yeah.

But I'm not going to, let's do a song. Yeah, what are you going to do, man? Tell me, tell me, hit me up. Yeah. But I'm not going to get that in Austin, dude. But hearing Paparazzi ask you about the comedy scene, I was like, this is hilarious. Yeah. Yeah, they're trying to pit, you know, LA against us. Yeah, yeah, I can also look for like an inflammatory headline or something.

Fuck LA. Tom shits on LA. Yeah, yeah. It's just weird to me and like, you know, Rogan to do it pretty frequently. Like, shitting on LA, it's like, you were here fucking 40 years. Yeah, LA was pretty good to you, man.

No, LA was, yeah, LA was great. LA was great. I mean, I'm back here so often that I forget that I don't live here. I'm literally here next week. I fly home and I come back here and then I'm here two weeks in July. But you're just doing that until your podcast is built out out there.

Yeah, the studio, I mean, it's like when you build a house. Like, I got the started. People have started the permits. I got started like fucking nine months ago. I got started. I got started a year ago too. Yeah, and they're like, you know, maybe in August, I was like, okay. But it's even harder here in L.A.

because the COVID, because the government's just, you know, like permit for what? Yeah. We'll get to a bit. We're trying to figure out these stipends. Do you know about tour protection insurance? What do you mean? I just learned about this.

What do you mean? So you can have like, I have a tour coming up. I can sign up for an insurance that if like I get sick or something happens, I can get paid for an insurance that if like I get sick or something happens, I can get paid on those shows. What? Yes. Prior fraction, all right, like 50%.

It was deductible and you know, you pay it, but you can get, so this is what happened though. Now, this is how insurance companies work. Now that the pandemic happened, they carved out, like if there's a- If there's another- A variant or something like that doesn't count. Oh fuck off.

But what happened was last year, there was like major acts with this insurance, and they all got paid. They got paid. That's why. They paid out $8 billion. Damn. Yeah.

What a bunch of smart motherfuckers. Yeah, but then how about you going like, yeah, I want that insurance. They're like, yeah, but if that should happen though, that way I'm doing that again. Yeah, not that. You break your legs. It's like, same thing happened in Florida

with hurricane insurance. Everybody would have it. And they started to pay out for these crazy hurricanes. And then they started to like reduce the amount of coverage you get for certain things. Then like, you know, mold became an issue because everything with water eventually is some mold and they're like, you used to get full protection.

Now they're like, you get mold coverage up to $10,000. That's fun, you're like, well, what if there's $100,000 in molding? I'm sorry. And did you sign up for health insurance once you had kids? Like, on-site life insurance? Oh, yeah, of course.

Yeah, that's a dicey one. Yeah, that's morbid when they're like and then when you die This personal yeah, they're like who do you want to yeah, yeah, I don't know But they go through everything because I tried lying like you drink like never They're like you do nicotine like now clean live in hair man And then they take your blood. They do everything and then in my house I've like a whiskey walk and like a whiskey fee whiskey fee. What's that like to special occasion? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

But then when they do your blood, like bitch, they're like, you have nicotine fucking, like you have nicotine, fractures are marbling your system man. Yeah, the nicotine fucked me, the whiskey, then riding bikes really fucked me. Like my premiums insane, dude. Is it really insane?

Then they're like, who do you want to get money? And you're like, hmm. I know you, I go through it. Yeah, you're like, I didn't tell my girl how much they gave me. Yeah, really? Yeah. Yeah. I'm like, you're still taking care of it. Don't worry about it. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I got asked to and Christina was like, well, you're leaving it all to me. I got to wouldn't say all. That's not get crazy. I'd say you get a check. You can pay your fucking phone. It is dark. It is dark though, man. It's dark. You pay your phone bill, but you're gonna have to have

cricket now. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You're on that cricket plan. You're on that cricket girl. You know what a ladybug is? They kind of flip it. They just have the numbers on them. You get that cricket. I got you. Yeah. It is so morbid when they're like, and then if you die at this, dark.

Yeah, and then, yeah. And then they're like, well, you're clinically obese. Yeah. I took my shruff at least this a little late. Like, am I bitch? Am I? And then you know your body mass index. I'm like, but you don't take an account. Look at me. I'm like, look shirt off, it's this a late, am I bitch? Am I? She's like, who are your body mass index? I'm like, but you don't take an account.

Look at me. I'm like, look at this. Yeah. She's like, no, I know your obese. I'm like, my fuck. And so my premium's nuts. I think I, if I get down to like, 185, I'm still obese. Oh no, she was like, is there, you know,

we could come back and do this and we can lose 50 pounds. 50. She's like, you would hit this threshold if you'd lose 50. That's such an out-and-a-no. Like, no. The BMI is so. 50. 50. She's like, you would hit this threshold if you lose 50. That's such an out-and-a-no. And I'm like, no. Like, no.

The BMI is so. It's nuts. It's crazy. Nuts. Yeah, you're, how tall are you? 64. 64. 64, 250.

That's 18% body fat. And they're like, you should be 200. Yeah. You're out of your mind. That's so crazy. You would need life insurance because you're about to die. Yeah. Are you trying to kill me? Yeah.

Holy fuck, dude. But then when they run, they take your blood, my business magic goes, oh, it didn't go well, which should be honest with you. So your clinical obese and then the whiskey and then the nicotine, that's on your system. And then did you work out that day? I'm like, yeah, I worked out right before she got there.

I rode my bike 40 miles and then I drank coffee. Like, yeah, your blood pressure was high. So she had to come back out and do another. She knew I lied. So she's like, you wanna try this again? Oh. I'm like, give me that fucking pamphlet bitch. And then, now I give him the real deal

and I look like, you know, fucking rockstar. Sure. Drink, drink, smoke, cocaine every now and then. Just get one of the, I can't do worse on the road. Just get one of the, just get one of the, just get one of the then just get one. I can't force on the road. Just get it. Horses. Horses. Spotted dick check.

I wonder if you could be like, do a horse count? And they're like, what? I'm like, our horse are problem. Yeah. She's like, excuse me. I'm like, there's one here. It says anything else. Should I put horse on?

How much do you want for? Because a horse could kill me. Yeah, a horse. They're pretty wild, man. I don't know if I'm about catching something from her. I mean, like, horse get angry and then- I can get exact names if you want, I'll call them. They're under my phone as Miami.

So many hoes in Miami. So many hoes. If you can't get laid in Miami. Bro, I was in Florida more than I wanted to be during this pandemic because they were in place open so Miami, Texas, I probably, so I did Naples, Palm Beach, like Miami and Prague, Fort Lauderdale, I was all over Miami. Yeah, for Florida, don't give a fuck.

Dude, they didn't give a fuck. Yeah, they didn't shut anything down, really. But just if you went out there, has an ass, everyone's out there just, it's crazy. I mean, just fall into fine, bitch. They did, I know. And it's like that culture. It's like, whoa, I'm not in there.

It's the beat, you're like, uh, gross. Gross, get your perfect clombing ass out of here. It's like whoa, I'm not in it's the beat you're like gross gross get your perfect Cloming ass out of here. Let's up with those heels. Do Poor girls this curse. It is I was just thinking about horse and I lost my train of thought for a second Oops How long is Bert gone for? He, he left in mid or like mid April. God dog. Yeah.

He's gonna come back in another, about another month. Jesus Christ, you just have to co-host. Yeah, we banked like a bunch. It just wasn't enough. Yeah. He's in a beast because you're like, you know, is he a beast? Yeah, he's a beast. No, I know he's a beast, but I'm saying like, Oh, I'm sorry. Yeah, when he called, when he called you and was a came in, you obviously it's a big deal. You know, an asshole. So he's like, Hey man, they're gonna make this feature film on my fucking life. Yeah, yeah, yeah, Russian

bit. They're doing this movie. Yeah. We just like, Hell yeah, dude, I'll hold the fort down. Oh, 100% understand. Yeah. And I told, I mean, I told him like, we take care, we cover each other and I was like, look, if you're gone for like nine months, shows, you're still the show, it's still, you know, just come here and, let's know. It's still yours and you'll still get, yeah. It's just a beast book in co-host, right?

Yeah, of course. I had to deal with, I'll see, Cal was out for a hot second, then, Oh, what happened to him? It's everything works. It was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, down was out for a hot second. Oh, what happened to him? Hahaha. Is everything worse? Hahaha. Is it worse?

It wasn't a movie that you were shooting, right? You used to in a movie in Africa. He's gone for a year and then just came back. Okay. Good, good. My dad had to pay, dad's no idea. My dad. When I shot my special, my dad, and this used to be a bit, my dad goes, I shot this

special. You know, he comes out the phone week to see my kid, and he were walking, and I'm like, in my hand, I'm like, how's he not asking me if you're a fucking special, he has no clue. And then we're walking, we're getting like, Panda Express, so I'm shitting, he goes, oh, I meant to ask you, how did you speech go the other night? You're speech.

Yeah. I'm like, you don't have fuck you, man, how about that? How about you? But he has no idea. No idea. So my brother got so frustrated because my brother went to lunch with him and my dad's friend and his friend goes,

you're sons doing well, I seem like, what's he doing with my dad goes? You know, he's like an influencer. He's like one of those like, you know, Instagram influencers, my brother's like, oh my God, he's not. And that's not what he is. And that's not what he is.

Yeah, my dad says no clue, but my dad, my dad. They're checked, my dad dad we were talking on the phone This is like two months ago, and he goes yeah, I see your post. I don't see Brian there I know what he goes what's Brian do you quit? I'm like you have oh you have no clue what happening is no you He's coming back Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Maybe skip the details on that. What if we're Brian? Well, I'm gonna Brian, anyway, tell me about the weather again, call that. Yeah. Yeah, let's go back to that. It's not as humid today, right?

Yeah. You guys still wearing masks out there? Yeah, man. Yeah. Yeah, there's nothing worse. No, that's pretty bad. Yeah, it's bad. Trying to find co-host.

Trying to find co-hosts is like- That was tough with finding the kid, man. Yeah. That was really, really tough. I've been stressful time in my life for- Really? Yeah. But you ended up making it work because you ended up bringing in other people

and like you have a set crew, right? Yeah, set crew. You know, should be gave, should be a big platform and you know, he's ran with it and he's headlining his own tours now. That's awesome. He's a monster, so. That's what you want, man.

People that like take the opportunity and run. 100%. Then Josh Wuff really helped me out. Joe Koi helped me out. They did what they sat in or they. Yeah, they sat in for multiple episodes. Really? Guys called me like, okay,

anything you need, let us know man. And they would show up, you know, forever in debt to Josh Wuff. That's nice. There's a lot of guys like, wanted to stay away from your show. Really? Yeah, hurt my feelings.

That's interesting. Why would they want to stay from you though? I think just because the, kind of the overall overall like maybe optics of it, you know, maybe they have demons in their closet which is guy I don't want to be so stupid. I think it probably this whole year when like people get in shit for different reasons. Cancel. Canceled in whatever makes everybody think of like their own worst thing they've ever done. And then I probably puts them on like, I think so.

You know, on their heels, like, ugh. Yeah, and I think with that, obviously that stuff happened, the pandemic, people moving, it's like the days of all of us, like at the store, at the same time, those, you know, everyone's having a great time and we're all doing each other's podcasts. I was just talking to Tim Dylan about this the other day

we're both in Miami. And I was working for a showtime that Floyd Logan- I gotta ask you about that, I said. Yeah, we'll get to that. And then he was hosting the Cryptocurrency stuff. Yeah, which is hilarious. Yeah, hilarious. The perfect person to do that.

Dude, he's so fucking funny. Yeah, you know Tim, right? Yeah, of course. He's the best. He's hilarious, fucking, he's blowing up Yeah, of course. He's the best. He's hilarious fucking, he's blowing up, dude. Yeah. He's the best. But starting Tim and we're talking about just the dynamics

of like the, that kind of crew. And he's like, yeah, everyone's on islands now, man. Everyone's on islands. We're all doing our own thing. Yeah, those days of us all together doing, like you're on the own island, you gotta take your own shit. You gotta too.

But the cool thing is, when we maintain this of like, the brotherhood of like. Oh dude, any major decision I make, I text you, Bert, Rogan, like. Yeah, I like that we're all stay connected like that. And I have always, I'll get burned out sometimes of comedy, but I don't get burned out of comedians. Meaning like, I can be like,

I don't need to watch anyone do stand up. But I love comics. I love the hang. Yeah, the hang and I enjoy like those phone calls. You, anybody being like, whether it's talking about business, whether it's talking about joke writing, I enjoy it. I love that thing that has naturally built over these years.

I told you, you're my north star man. So when I was gonna start my network, it's, you know, you know, better than me. We talked about it. It's a lot that goes into it. It's a lot, yeah. And, you know, everyone's telling me the best things about it. I'm like, yeah, I'll do it.

I'll do it. And I'm like, I fucking Tom's down it, dude. I'm gonna call Tom. Yeah, I talk to somebody who's like, we talked about the good and the bad and, yeah. Yeah, and it, I mean, it's just a different animal. It's a different animal, yeah.

Oh, yeah, so I got to ask you about this. So, I watched the Floyd Logan got to ask you about this. So I Watched the Floyd Logan Paul, but you were there. I was working. Yeah, I was like the Logan Paul specialist. He's a buddy He's a buddy. Here's buddy Big athletic kid big athletic kid. Here's what's crazy about that is I don't think people understand like Floyd Oswinoe makes a 2 billion dollars and all this stuff, but understand like Floyd also we know he makes a $2 billion and does all stuff but that's his thing. So when Floyd does a paper you obviously show time is the cameras produces it. When I say Floyd has to sign off on everything and he knows the camera angles, the walkouts, the song, I'm from detailed to detailed I've never seen anybody so detailed in my life ever ever ever ever with through any

Any profession when I sit in there, and you know before the fight we do you know the fire meetings When you see Floyd go all right this came was gonna be here this came is gonna be true This guy and then he's walking out 18 minutes after and years like hold on that point. Oh for me to work that he had to okay Really oh yeah, so everything he signs off on everything every single thing He's a when business man like dude, well, that's his shit. That's his shit. He wants to make sure even the Like the report that he gets 50% of pay-per-view on something like that It's a lot of fucking money for that He's a monster. He's a monster

but so I just asked that he's a monster. He's a monster. But so I just asked, where are you a fan of this like Logan Floyd, like Jake Paul would like. Well, I don't think I go into it as a fan. I know them at all. The Paul's. I don't know them personally in any way. I've known who they are for a number. He's just from, you know, the level of the boaters. And nested with closest because you know we're like neighbors. Yeah, yeah. They live like a mile from us. Oh, I had no idea. So I never followed their stuff. I knew that, you know, they would get like a lot of attention and I would catch wind of that.

Then I saw the, I first, I'm trying to think of like the, I got real excited when I heard that Tyson was gonna do the Roy Jones thing. Interesting. You know, because it was exciting. Well, because it was Mike Tyson. And like, you just being like going back, like the nostalgia of being a kid and literally thinking that guy was like Superman, You know, because it was my Tyson, and like, you just being like going back, like the nostalgia of being a kid and literally thinking that guy was like Superman, you know, like the

baddest man on the planet. And I was like, really? And I'm also seeing that he was training again for it. So I was like, because he looked crazy in his pre. And what did you think of the fight? It was terrible. Terrible. But I mean, see, I got more excited for Logan taking a chance than Mike Tyson coming back.

Well, when older guys come back, I'm like, what's going on there? Like, what bad decision did you make in business? We got to come back. Roy was not, did not, didn't look like he trained for it. Look pretty soft. He didn't look great. No, his life insurance, probably pretty high. Yeah.

And I was like, but then, and they also weren't hitting the face is like this weird gentleman's bet Which is whatever whatever the Logan Paul Floyd you were like well then I saw Jake fight the Ben Asker not I didn't see him fight Ben. I saw oh Nate Robinson dude and I grow from being from the little bit of Boxing training that I'd had and going I was like, this, it screamed to me, amateur energy of like, from date. Yeah, because he would run towards him

and I could see that the adrenaline was taking over and he was just trying to be. Yeah, no idea what he's doing. He was trying to be scrappy street fight. Like, I'll fucking work. And not boxing. Like, not a professional. Not a professional.

But barely, here's what's interesting. Like I knew he was again, I didn't think you'd get fucking high light real knocked out. I knew he was gonna lose, because I got word going on that fight like yeah, Nate didn't spar. I went, what? And my guys are like, yeah, he didn't spar dude.

Why? And I'm like, what the fuck? We see, that's that's that to me streams. I'm a great athlete, and that will translate to everything. Which is clearly, it does, he is a phenomenal athlete. He's fighting's different, fighting's different. They're not, usually, especially the top guys, like, you know, they're not running four fours in the 40s,

they're not doing that 40 inch vertical, like, I'm even close, but he's got the skills. But he's obviously not appreciating that, right? Like you watch that and you're like, he thinks. Which is weird. I can just go into this as a great athlete. At his level, I don't know, I'm not whispering there, like damn,

how much my spa does. Just like, you look terrible, right? But people were like, you're a bad, like you're a beat this person because you're just like a better athlete. But you know who did learn from that was Chad Ocho Sinko. Yeah. So when I remember I was doing the weigh-ins,

I was doing the weigh-ins show for that. And Chad Ocho Sinko. Yeah. So when I remember I was doing the weigh-ins, I was doing the weigh-ins show for that. And Chad Ocho Sinko, I was like, he's on this car and like, yeah dude, you get the notes and like, I don't know, and they're like, he's fighting this guy from Bear Nuckle, I'm like, oh that's a two. Why would you match him up with a guy

who's been Bear Nuckle? Like I'm crazy, I want to fight him Bear Nuckle. Those are guys that are fucking savages. And they're like, yeah, he lost them, but still, in these amateurs, I choose to do him bare knuckle. Those guys are fucking savages. Yeah. And they're like, yeah, he lost them, but still. Yeah. And these amateurs, if I choose to do the toughest guy wins, the tough guy, because technique goes out the window.

Don't I solve chat, don't you sink in there, don't faint, like using the footwork, I'm like, oh, he took this serious. He took it serious. Yeah, I mean, you could tell everything about Nate in that fight, screamed, extreme anxiety, apprehension. Freak down.ension freak down. It's freaking out. I want to be in there He had crazy energy, and he was just like trying to like lean on like you can't he was thinking like it almost seemed like He wanted to just like grab the guy and you know, it's like yeah, but you got boxes

You're not started. Yeah, anyways, we all know how to ended and I was like well, this was kind of ridiculous It's still fun though fun. Yeah I mean, seeing the memes were great. Sucks for him, but yeah. Sucks for him. But then the askin' thing, I didn't watch the fight. I just, I remember the lead up, like that, and the askin' who I didn't know at all was kind of hilarious going into the...

He's a great shit talker. Yeah. You don't know that Ben's a great dude. I didn't know anything about him. Ben's a great dude, and even, you know, being UFC alumni, I'm gonna root for the UFC guy over the YouTuber. Yeah.

So I had Ben on my show and we're talking, and he, the thing where I was like, oh, he might be in trouble, is he goes, you know, he's a fucking YouTuber man, he goes, but if he can box, I'm fucked. And I was like, why? He's like, because I can't box. Really?

Yeah, and I was like, yeah, all right. And then I remember leaving him like, oh, that's weird. And then I was in, why? He's like, because I can't box. Really? Yeah, and I was like, yeah, all right. And then I remember leaving them like, oh, that's weird. And then I was in Miami doing shows. I was on tour at Miami Improv, and I was at this hotel, and you're at a favorite walk, then. You know, you're right, you're right, right? And your eye goes, dude, I heard you, because me and Rogan are debating Ben versus Jake.

Yeah. And I'm like, dude, but look at Ben's credentials. Ben has some monsters in this YouTube. We don't only think about him. And Rogan was the first one, I'm like, dude, but look at Ben's credentials. He's been up to the monsters in this YouTube. We don't only think about him. And Rogan was the first one, he's like, dude, but you see the way he hit Nate, like that was an accident, dude. There's something going on there.

I think, yeah, Joe was like setting up and counting. Yeah, and his footwork and his hands. And I was like, yeah, maybe you're just Nate's real shitty. But then I was the hotel and you're right, came up to me. He was like, I gotta stop you. And we're buddies. We were talking to him, he's like, I gotta stop you. I came up to me, he's like, I got to stop you. And we're buddies. You know, I we to talk to you, he's like, I gotta stop you. I'm like, well, he's like, dude, you gotta take a look more at Jake.

And he goes, have you seen his Instagram? I go, no, I don't have social media. I don't look at it. I'm telling you, you know, fighting, watch his sparring. He was watching this and he brings it up. And you're like, that's Jake, he was, yeah. And just from his like, you could be fighting guys that work at Starbucks, but just the way he's moving his faints and then his timing and speed, I was like,

I think that you're like, this kid can fucking fight. He's like, I'm telling you man, the kid has skill. He's like, Ben's fucked. He's like, I don't want to say it out, but I'm telling you, he's being trouble. Sounds like I might be right. And they see what he did to Ben. So Ben's, when Ben was fighting more

He's a champion, but his his skills that was more on the ground It's just so it was on the national so national champion in college one They see the Heisman of wrestling division one at Missouri. So he's a savage rest went up was on the Olympic team And then was a world champion at one championship, World Champion in Bellator. Can we review a C? He was like, probably 50% when you had a bad hip. He won one fight against Robbie Lawler, then you know, he got murked by Miles et al. But he never a striker that, not a striker, but he fought strikers and was able to figure him out.

But obviously you're grappling, you can't rely on his boxing. But, you know, so once I saw him knock out Ben, I was like, I don't know, even though Ben's not a striker, I was like, all right, even though Ben's on a strike, I was like, I have a kick-out talent. And then when they said, you know, he's fighting woodly next, it's like, that's a fucking fight, too. Yeah.

That's a fight fight. Now, a way he's gonna happen with that. Oh, man, I think, and I've had both of them on the show. So any UFC guy who fights when these Paul Brothers, they've won the lottery. Because you're getting paid the most you ever got paid to fight Which is crazy, which is nuts. It's nuts. It's a problem. It's like you know, you have to see like you know Features in hosts like how are we still doing this? Yeah, yeah, whatever and there's and but then there's like the one percent Who make me like like the league of Conor like no no no, yeah, what about these guys anyway?

So for Woodley like it's a home run. He's gonna make more money's ever made about these guys. Anyway, so for Woodley, like, gets a home run. He's gonna make more money that he's ever made. There's a rematch clause if Jake were to lose. It's on showtime, so that's good for business. My thing with Woodley, and if you guys aren't balls, he'd been fighting, you know, Woodley's lost his last four fights. Yeah, but he's been boxing since, like, 2009 at Wildcard,

like his Wildcard train. So he's a Hall of Famer, like, Woodley can fucking fight? But Woodley has, you know, he's similar to me, like while he was fighting, he was setting things up outside. Like, you know, he has a music career. He has a fucking, he hosts a show on TMZ, he has his podcast,

he has his vlog, like he has all this other stuff going on. So it's like, in the UFC and he even says, he was like, I just wasn't checked in. So that fight comes down if Woodley wants to win or not. If he actually wants to fight, you have to fight my hands. If he doesn't, Jake does have the capability to knock him out in the first round. Wow.

That's what's crazy. That is crazy, because he really does say, I mean, I gotta tell you, I was sorry, when I went to watch the Logan Paul Mayweather thing, I was like, oh, I wanna see what this is, you know. And I came out of it actually going like, I don't know, man, I have to say I tip my hat to Logan. That's where I'm at with. Yeah, I really did, and I don't see how you can't though.

Like you're smart, dude, so you tip your head through, but so there's this video. I know that he puts on mine, and I went in the back of the locker room with Logan, and I was talking to his dad before the fight, because dad was so, like, I think Logan and Jake, they grew up with cameras in their face. So this main event and all these people watching,

they don't give a fuck. They don't face them. It doesn't face them. So when his locker room there like right shot you're on in 10 It's gonna be a live interview go back there, you know, I'm like right cool and in my head I'm like, oh, they're gonna just gonna miss shit. She'll they're gonna be shinnest pants fighting Floyd made one of the best Pound for pound box for all time like this kids never want to fight. He's gonna be shinnest pants So I'm trying to think of things to say to him to calm him down and I get back there Dude, they're playing literally yoga music. And he's just like, like he's getting ready to go on stage. Like it didn't give a fuck. And I go,

dude, what's wrong with you? He's what do you mean? You're not even nervous. He goes, and I have lighting and say, what on camera? But I feel nothing, dude. Like, I'm just going to go out there and have fun. I'm like, you find Floyd Mayweather, dude. He's like, I know. Crazy, right? And I go, dude, it's nuts. And I go, you have fun. I'm like, you find Floyd made weather, dude. He's like, I know, crazy, right? I go, dude, it's nuts. And I go, yeah, nervous, he goes, no, I've already won, dude. He's like, I've already won. If he knocks me out, I'm a YouTuber who gives a fuck.

Yeah. He's like, that's my, that's what I'm going to the, into the ring with. Then his dad, I see nervous. His dad comes over to me. I'll tell you what, this is the advice I can give you. Your son's already won, and you never have to go through this again.

He's gonna make more money doing this. You guys never have to go through this again. And Floyd's a smaller guy, he's older. So if someone's like, you get flat line, like Nate Robinson, he might get hurt and stop, but he's gonna be okay. You guys aren't gonna go to the hospital tonight. Yeah, he's gonna be, trust me, Papa, he's gonna be okay.

And he's gonna be okay. Thank you so much, man. I'm like, in town, he's gonna be fine. Yeah, you're thinking like, it's not like he's fighting France and Ghana. You know, I'm the only, like, And he's gonna be okay. He's gonna be okay. Thank you so much man. I'm gonna tell you he's gonna be fine. Yeah, you're thinking like, it's not like he's fighting France and Ghana. You know what I'm saying? Like, if he's fighting like,

how fucking great. If he's fighting Deonte Wilder. I'll tell you what I would set up. France is in Ghana or Deonte Wilder against Bert. I would tell Bert's parents like, listen, he's gonna leave here on a stretch. It's gonna be really bad. But don't recover.

If you can take out a policy where you can get one of those things where his eyes can look at the letters on a board and then the speaker will say, listen, you know, I have a tube for the rest of life. But to me, all good. He's gonna be all good. He's never gonna do stand up again. That's all good. He's never actually going to stand up. But he won't have to do this ever again. Do you say he's never doing stand up again? No, he's never gonna be able to stand up. He'll never. He's never actually going to stand up, but he won't have to do this ever again. Yeah. Did you say he's never doing stand up again? No, he's never gonna be able to stand up He'll never like he's never gonna walk you will lay down forever But we're here. We're here. Those guys would literally like could kill out. Yeah nightmare. Yeah, nightmare And God knows seems like the like a nightmare of person to fight big dude big fucking guy big dude. Yeah

Oh my god and Deontay's punches He's so yeah, he's so crazy. It's crazy. It's weird. You know, Deonte was with Showtime Forever and I'd have to interview Deonte Wilder. And he's like, he's a passionate dude. And he speaks well, man. It's fun to listen to. But he's just like, man, this fight is stupid, stupid, pendentious. I'm like, it's not a word, but we're just gonna keep power in throwing this. You hear from Alabama. Out of Alabama. That might work there, and I don't wanna be called racist,

or we're gonna power through this. Okay, it's the pindiness. Yeah, the stupid pindiness. Like, no doubt, dog. Well, you heard it here first, you got to water stupid pindiness. You guys all got hit a lot, man. Yeah, you got this, man.

Yeah, you're fine, Say whatever you want to say. So yeah, I guess that whole thing is gonna, I mean, it feels like it's gonna keep growing. I don't know if it keeps going. How time is conversation with, you always gotta follow the money though. And that's why it's show time's involved with it. Of course.

I think it goes as far as Jake, really Jake, if Jake were to lose the Woodley, they'll do the rematch, if they were to lose both times, I don't know if it sticks around. But then there's gonna be somebody else who goes, I don't think so. Really? It depends how it ends for them.

Depends. Because it feels like if Jake's, like, the parallel, the rather YouTubers are like, oh fuck this. The stand-up parallel is actors and stuff, they show whatever. They're not at the height of their acting fame and then they go, I'm gonna start doing standup.

And you see them on the calendars. You're like, this guy's not a standup, but he found a way and it feels like this is like that equivalent of like, you're not a pro, you're not a boxer or a fighter, but they're like, yeah, but I could get people to pay to watch me. For a short while.

Yeah, for a short while. The difference with them, it's like those actors, like they're not grinding with us on the road. Like they're just doing it to cover their fucking Malibu house. Yeah, like that's why they're doing it. They're doing it cause they love stand up. Jake and Logan love boxing.

They do love it. And they've dedicated their lives to it. So it's like, all right, there might be something here. They gotta keep winning. And they're doing that all while continuing to do, I guess what they do on YouTube or not. Cause they're not really like, Jake could do a little bit of it,

but they're not doing like their vlogs. We're doing all that while shit. And this is this, you know, again, you don't know Logan, but again, smart kid man. Now this stuff is by accident. Logan's a smart fucking dude. So 26 and doing a six. So, you know, he's made some mistakes.

No, down, I don't defend his mistakes, but, you know, he was like, no one was taking him serious because he was doing these vlogs at this real, like, young crowd. And then he was like, I'm gonna start a podcast because like, I wanna talk, so people actually get to know me instead of just these, you know, this character

I do on YouTube. So I started that podcast in Pulseive, one of the biggest podcasts in the world. And now I think a lot of people are like, oh, shit, he's not an idiot. Oh, this is a normal dude. That's why he did it. Well, it's a, and then he also,

you know, off he's getting compensated for that. So he doesn't have to do all this crazy wild shit. Right. He's in a forced and Japan and shit, you know. Right. Smart, smart, smart move, yeah. But with him, the last point that we can get off fucking Logan Paul Stutz, when, you know,

I saw him before the fight, talked to him, and I said, for you just to not get knocked out in four rounds is a win, dude, here. Like, going into this, I want you to know, like, if you can last four rounds the best of all time, with your experience, this is a win, but- Did you think, because I've heard people say this, and I'm like, I don't know if that's exactly what we're looking

about, people go like, Floyd knocked him out and then carried him, and I'm like, he wasn't knocked out. I'm telling you, I was like, if that camera's the ring, my seat was closer. Like I was fucking there. But you know the photo fucker. I saw it, I didn't see any of that. Yeah, I was like, when you hear that.

I saw Logan like trying to get him to carry his weight. Yes. And that was Logan's game plan. Like, in the bigger guy, get him to carry his weight. Salt that. Lean on him a lot. Trust if Floyd won knock him out. Yeah, he's not gonna let him do that He would have brushed him off. He want to help him up. There's no reason to do that I thought Floyd I started to see him work the body more and I was like this is the experience of the world class My prediction was fourth round. He stops him due to body shots. Yeah, so if you're not really giving him a few

He's giving him a few, but then you know and he stops him due to body shots. So if you're not really giving him a few. He's giving him a few, but then, you know, the problem there is you got a big young kid, 26-year-old way bigger, Floyd's 44. And when I'm telling you man, I've been around Floyd. He looked 44, man. Like I remember seeing him in locker room,

I was like, oh wow, he's 44 years old. Right. And he looks it. And this is a problem. Right. Meaning he's not like, he'll win. You're not like, oh this guy. But that's what, when I went back to Logan's locker room

after the fight, I went back to, I was juice because I was like, dude, dude, you won. Meaning you didn't get knocked out. You didn't win the fight. If they wanted to judge a short car, you lost the fight. Yeah. I'm not talking about that.

I'm talking about you with your experience. It's a win. Going eight rounds, I gotta go, bro, you win. Be excited. Like you guys should be fucking thrilled that your son's not fucking broke his neck out there. Yeah, like eight rounds of the best all time. He's never won a fight.

He only has two fights. You still know your name, you know, your birthday, and everything, it's fucking crazy. Yeah, that's great. So that's what I was excited for. I'm like, you, like, this is best case scenario for you. I mean, unless you knocked him out, but that's not happening. But this is great.

How many jobs do you have, dude? Well, I think Shodron pride like me to work like real boxing fights and like Bellator and other organizations that I've asked me. It's not, I don't, I have no interest in doing it. Okay. I like the kind of the shit show, like the fun of the Logan and Jake stuff and I'll work the Jake stuff for showtime. But other than that, like, I'm good man. I don't, you know, I don't want to do that.

Full podcast schedule, touring schedule. With touring schedule and like, I'm not, yeah, kids, kids the biggest thing. Like, that's the biggest thing I learned from the pandemic. It's like, oh, I worked too much. Yeah. I knew I worked too much because when I saw Floyd, I was like, I bet I don't know who I am.

And he's with his entourage and we're, I'm walking in the restaurant and he's walking out and he goes, oh, you got white boy that works too much. So he said, yeah. He's like, I see you everywhere, man, you got white boy works too much. And I was like, yeah, I got a problem. Yeah, I feel good.

It feels good, you know who I am, but also I got a problem. How about in the pandemic, I told my agent, I'm like, hey, no more three, four weekend tour dates. Two dates a month, unless there's like one offer, a special occasion, but two, and I'd like them spread out not back to back I don't be gone for my kids. Do you know how it is when you have a kid? Dude when they're one if you leave for five days come back, I'm like he's fucking like it's speaking Spanish

Yeah, yeah, that's true. It's true. The lead is a man who the fuck time who see who's told you don't have a football? You don't know throw a football. I learned from somebody else, Tom. Yeah. Stop calling me Tom, dude. Tigers, Uncle Dave was around. I'm like, we don't have an Uncle Dave. Yeah, who's that guy? That's a dog.

So, where's Dave at? Where's Dave at now? Don't worry about it, Tom. Yeah, it's just, I don't wanna miss that shit, man. I'm trying anything. It is the best. And yeah, you do, like, you come home and it's a new thing. The best. Yeah, you's just I don't want to miss that shit man. No, it is the bad and yeah You do like you come home and it's it's a new thing the best. Yeah, you miss it's also you know It's fish, you know, obviously pandemic LA was shut down

But now he's open up. I'll start doing some spots But I'm not doing spots like I used to I was doing Monday through Thursday then on the road Thursday through Saturday Sunday off I was doing much too much But I'll fucking you're that white boy that works too much, man. And the white boy that works too much. You ride Floyd, you ride Doug, you ride Doug. Yeah, white boy who works too much. But that time, when I was doing, you know, I've been on the road six years now, dude.

Six years. So when I started, I had to do that to at least be able to keep up to what was demanded of me. Like I was required. Well, it'd be like like you know Go on a fight be like yeah, I'm just not gonna train like I'm good with once a week It's like yeah, but you're the main event to yeah, just once a week. No people are paying to see you. Yeah, once a week Once a week's fine, so I took that as like I need to I need to you know

You gotta work on the good now. You know how to manage it. Yes. Yeah. Oh, where's that date? We're gonna what's the big show? You got all big ones. I think probably the biggest show I've ever done. It's San Antonio, September 24th through the 25th. It's one show each night at the AT&T Center in San Antonio. Dude, it's the, it's the outdoor theater out there. That's exciting, man. Yeah, no, yeah.

Big boy move. Congratulations brother. And people get tickets at FATKZ.com. FATFATKZ.com. FATKZ.com. Okay.FATKZ.com. FATKZ.com. Okay. Always a pleasure, dude. Thank you, man.

Love you, too, man. Thank you for coming. Thanks for doing this for me. Come back to LA more. I will. I will. Come on here. All right.

All right. See you guys. The other wears a shirt Tom tells stories and birds the machine There's not a chance in hell that they'll keep it clean Here's what we call, two bears look okay No scripts to bid a booze amateur, for topology Dirty jokes, ronti humor, no apologies Here's what we call, two bears you