2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer - Ep. 96 | 2 Bears 1 Cave w/ Tom Segura & Roy Wood Jr.

Episode Date: August 30, 2021

SPONSORS: - Go to www.3Chi.com and use code BEARS at checkout to receive 5% off your order - Go to www.BlueChew.com to try it for FREE when you use our promo code BEARS at checkout and just pay $5 shipping. - Go to www.BlendersEyewear.com and enter promo code BEARSVIP to get 15% off - Get your Bud Light Retro Summer Tie Dye Variety Pack at www.budlight.com/delivery or pick it up at your local neighborhood grocery, convenience or liquor store - Go to www.ShipStation.com and use the code CAVE to get a 60 day free trial - Check out www.FIVERR.com and receive 10% off your first order by using the code CAVE - Download the DraftKings app NOW and use code BEARS to get a FREE shot at MILLIONS of DOLLARS in prizes with your first deposit! Bert Kreischer is out for this episode of 2 Bears, 1 Cave, but Roy Wood Jr. joins Tom Segura in his place. Roy and Tom talk about Roy's podcast "Roy's Job Fair" in which he interviews people with interesting jobs. This leads Roy to discuss the various jobs he had when he was young, including one where he worked in a hospital kitchen with a man who was stealing pills from the patients. Roy also discusses getting arrested, and working at Golden Corral while he was on probation. Tom and Roy also talk about cancel culture, Shane Gillis being fired from SNL, Janet Jackson's Super Bowl nip slip, and the times Roy got suspended on terrestrial radio. Roy recounts his experience taking over for Ari Shaffir as the host of "This Is Not Happening," and the backlash Ari got for his Kobe Bryant tweet. Tom and Roy wrap up by discussing airplane etiquette, and the time Roy accidentally played an "adult video" on a plane.

By the way, there was a pasty, but you could still see some nipple. That's the update. Ariola or nipple? Ariola's for the streets. Everybody should get it. Ariola. It's seen a little bit of both. Oh, no. 100%. A-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a It is so much better to do this podcast without the regular co-host. I'm so excited to get a chance to chat more with one of my favorites, Roy Wood Jr. Roy, thank you very much for coming on today. I had such a laugh with you when we jumped in on. It was like a fundraiser thing. I forget what it was. I think it was a fundraiser, right? Was it the Patrisso Neal thing or it might have been too? No, I thought it was.

I thought it was like fundraiser. Yeah, I thought it was like, fallin' out. Oh, no, it was like some for the comedians and comedy and laughing, comedy club, comedy club, waitstaff, and all that extra. That's right, for the waitstaffs, when the pandemic like really took off and we're trying to raise money

for the waitstaff, we did a thing together and you had me howling. I was like, I got to try to podcast with this dude again because I obviously, you know, knew who you are and stuff, but I didn't really get a chance to chat with you except for in that. And now we're via Zoom again. We're still not in the same room. Did I ever say it to you or did I tweet it to you or did I, I can't remember, but I remember when your last Netflix special came out

and the clever way you swerved around the inward, yes, you messaged me. I can't remember what the joke was, but I was like, that was fucking good. Yeah, you guys could be that. I was like, yeah. Like I was sitting at one around to my dogs. I was like, yeah, man, y'all good,

this fucking white boy. He's good, this shit was good. Thanks, man. That is high-press. There have been white comics that have said it where it made sense in the context that the joke and it was fine for me. I can only speak for myself.

I can't speak for all of that for goodness' sake. But that was even more clever because you didn't say it and you figured out a way around. I was like, okay, that was the most like my point. I can always be one of my favorites, man. So I appreciate that. Thank you, man. Thank you very much to fill out before before we keep chatting. I wanted to mention that you have a new podcast, right? That's out. Is it new? Yeah, so it's, well, yeah, so it's Roy's job fair where we, people come on until shitty employment stories and we also have people that are hiring and weird industries. I've talked to them. And then also the daily show, we do one called Beyond the Scenes where

I talk with writers and other correspondents. Just tell me about that time. You almost got punched in the face in 2015. Yeah, dude, I agree. That's some of my those are I mean those stories I think appeal bad job stories or or anything in the workplace that went sideways. I can listen to stories like that forever. So if that's the podcast, I'm fucking in. Bro, we talked what to do from the Postal Service and I never thought about this. Did you know that the crack house still gets mail on a regular basis? No. I didn't know. I didn't think about that.

There's a mail. Yeah, it's still, someone is, it's a residence. It's still a residence. It's still a legal residence, so you have to every day go up on the porch and sometimes certified letters and you have to deliver certified letters to crack houses and we had a post adieu from the post office like breaking that shit down for us and it's just the nuance of certain jobs that you wouldn't even you know think about and stuff like that and well think about I mean that's got to be we don't really think about how terrified a postal worker could be delivering

a letter in all kinds of neighborhoods, but like, if it's a house like that where you're like, man, it's sketchiest fuck, you know what's going on here. You don't know who's going to answer. You don't know what's going on there. I mean, that, that's also a terrifying experience. But then also by the same hand, he's also responsible for delivering like medication to people. Like there's a lot of people who don't even go to the pharmacy like, yeah, your health plan is so fucked that you have to wait on a dude named Charles to bring you whatever the fuck pill is going to

keep you alive. Oh my god. You're also in charge of that. But then because people know that you're delivering pills, they don't know what the pills are. Some of the fuckers want to beat you over the goddamn head because they think it's right. Zannex and Perk and you're not. It's fucking diabetic metformin pills. Yeah. And I was going to eat these anyway because it's a pill. I want to. Yeah. So when the pandemic happened and all the shit shut down and you're on whatever pill you need to keep you alive It's fucking Charles. Yeah, don't you dogs and shit. You've had weird jobs like that, right? Have you had like Some strange ones. I

Did mostly restaurant work until I got Into standup and then I started doing daily work daily pay like I don't know I feel like I had like a different standup during like my day-go-to-system was like all of the stuff into stand up and then I started doing daily work, daily pay. Like, I don't know. I feel like I had like a different stand up during, like my day-up system was like all of the South in the Midwest. So it, what you weren't on a scene, and you couldn't have a regular day job. Yeah.

I would do like, temp service. So like, back in those days, when you remember, when comedy clubs used to be open five days a week. Yeah, yeah. We're rolling in the dough way back then. Yeah. I would get in the town Tuesday night and then I would wake up Wednesday morning and every day Wednesday through Sunday, I just went to a temp service and just fucking did regular, weird shit.

I did the little stop sticks out on the road, the stop and slow that little flip stick with the orange vests Mm-hmm. That was me I was the guy who came in we did a deep cleaning of an outback steakhouse On a Friday night like and that was that a weekly thing had done Yeah, weekly thing though It's so filthy that you wouldn't even let your employees do They call it a separate company.

And you come in with a pressure washer with like 140 degree water. And you're just fucking just cleaning all of the gunk and grease and the fucking hood and all of that shit. I've been sick right now. For me to think what jobs was that, like I just really look back at all the people I met. I think what we forget about is that as a teenager, that's your first introduction to

other adults who don't govern you. Every adult in your life is, go here, sit there, coach, teacher, fucking church. It's all people with some control, whereas I just washed dishes. I'm 16 and I just washed dishes with this motherfucker named Tony and he cussed me the fuck out. And then like switch flipped in my head. I go, oh, I can cuss him back. Yeah.

Fuck yeah. Fuck you, Tony. Fuck him. I mean, it was my fault though. I got him Knowing what I know now. I almost got him arrested so I understand why he oh he So I used to work in a rehab hospital, okay in Birmingham like Birmingham backstory Real big sports medicine. Right. City.

You guys have, there's a, there's a guy there. I remember reading sports illustrated as a kid and they're like James Andrews. So if someone tore their ACL or something, they would go there. Right. Yeah. He's the guy. And so the hospital where everybody goes after you have whatever your sports surgery is, was his health, self rehab hospital over on lakeshore.

And so I was a food porter. So I was the guy who, I worked in the cafeteria basically, but we were the people who put the food trays on the cart and took them to the floors. And then the nurses would deliver the trays. We'd come back in an hour and we would go room to room and take the fucking,

we'd bust all of the fucking rooms, right? Behind us, as we're taking all of the food trays out of the room, is the pill cart. So as we're taking food out of a room, a nurse is coming behind us with whatever pills that that particular patient is on. Tony knew this. And so Tony's move was to deliberately leave something in the room that he had to come back and get. Because he knew based on like, this is smart motherfucker, bro. He knew based

on the surgery and the age of the patient, what the milligram prescription would be and shit like that. Like if it was like, like for example, Vladi Diva was in our hospital at one time, Troy Ackman as well. Like you really can't get in the athlete's room and the athlete is so rigid rigid but you know the fucking seven year old who broke our hip who just had a hip replacement she's in pain so you know that dosage is gonna be fucking high and you know right after she eats she ain't taking the pill right away it's gonna fucking sit there next to that stupid pink water picture so Tony will come back and oh I forgot the napkins and he would fucking come back in and get the fucking pills. If you had two pills, he would take one.

And when he pop it right away or just want to leave with it. No, he's selling them. He's selling them back in the hood for 20-pop. So, we're doing four floors, 60 rooms of floor. So even if you got 20 pills of floor, that's a good fucking lick. And this is before they were counting the pills and like the hospital is set up now. It's all now they scan everything. Yeah, it's Nino Brown, New Jack City, slipped through the door. The pill comes out the fucking tray for it. But in those days, it was just a cart full of fucking vikin' in. Yeah. Help yourself.

I hope you're safe. of fucking vikin' in. Yeah. Help yourself. Help yourself. So I'm supposed to go collect the trays. After you collect the trays, you go bust them back in the fucking dishroom. You break down the trays. That is a two-man job. You have to have the trays completed in time for them to make the meals for the next round for the other wing of the fucking hospital. I'm breaking down by myself. I'm behind my supervisor comes into me and he goes, what the fuck? We're the fuck of the trees, we gotta get the trees,

we gotta set up, it's time to start the line, we gotta do the fuckin' food with Tony. And I just went, I don't know. What I should have said was bathroom or something that covered form a little bit more. Okay. My supervisor went floor to floor looking for Tony. And when you have a pocket full of vikin' in, yeah. In Perk.

Yeah. Your supervisor's not who you wanna run into. On the floor. And he's like, what are you doing? And Tony's walking back with all of these forks and cups and shit, just loose in his hand that people have been salabrying on. And he comes back in an additional supervisor. I was like, where were you?

I had to go get the rest of this motherfucking these dishes because this little dumb motherfucker was leaving shit in the rooms. I got ridden up. You got ridden up. I get ridden up. Man, Tony. Because Tony had to cover for me.

Supervisor walked off, Tony grabbed me by the fucking neck and put my face right up against that hot ass dishwasher. Whoa. Mother fucker, you stay out of a motherfucker, grown man's business. And to his credit, it was a very fair lesson. Yeah. It was a very fair lesson.

I was just like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like,

I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I's in the bathroom right now. Yeah, yeah, because even if he wasn't still in pills, I'm still fucking up this dudes employment. Yeah. And you know, this is a type of motherfucker. He's on probation. So you need this job to keep your freedom

like that type of shit, right? Yeah. So me doing anything that could get him in trouble, literally I'm jeopardizing his freedom, he's jeopardizing his own fucking freedom. Right, right. Let's tell you though, because I think about something a lot that you just said.

I'm really against the idea of like going after people's employment when you don't like them or what they say. Like this thing today where it's like this guy fucking, you know, tweeted this or he put this on a podcast and then everybody goes, let's attack his job. Like let's make sure he loses his job. I'm like, these are the type of people that work there. Yeah. You want him to be on the streets? You want him to not be able to support a fan.

I just fuck it. It makes me crazy. To me, it depends on the job. Well, yeah, I guess. I me, it depends on the job. Well, yeah, I guess. It depends. I'm with you, depending on the job. If you're shitty fast food worker and you're a piece of shit, fuck it. I'm coming for you, for your visor. Yeah, I'm gonna have your visor.

Because I know you can get another one of these shit jobs. I'm just basically, I'm inconveniencing you for two weeks. But if you're like the professor of studies of whatever the fuck and it's some job that takes fucking months to get, then all right, let's figure out exactly what did you do. Yeah, what did you do? See, that's the problem. They'll there's no, as flawed as the criminal justice system is, they have sentencing guidelines. Right. So there's rules, there's a maximum and minimum

that you can do to someone. And there's people on the internet, though, that will always go for the maximum sentence, no matter what, because they think vengeance is going to bring them joy. And it never will. Like it's, it's like, it's like, okay, like there was a guy early in the pandemic who got bad service at a Chipotle, I don't know, whatever it was, he made a racist joke at a lady

or some shit. And the internet fucking killer bees came form and attended this job. And I think they just made all of his stuff private and the job city is reassigned or some shit. But then they were like coming for his kid at school and it's like, come on, that's not. Yeah. Like, is this a parent that you want on the board of your school that guy? He's not on the board. He's at your boat like,

like if he's some fucking do good as parent in the fucking school board system, shouldn't that count against the synancing? Like, it's like that's not even taken. So I got arrested when I was 19, right? So I stole some credit cards and we got pop for credit card for up. And before synancing, you literally get an opportunity 19 right? So I stole some credit cards and we got we got pop for credit card for all. And before sin and sin, you literally get an opportunity to call people who

will write letters on your behalf of what a decent motherfucker you are. You also get to present all of these different things about yourself that you in the hopes that that changes some of your sentencing. Yeah. And it doesn't have that. Right. That's interesting because what you're bringing about is that whenever there's a, let's say a crime occurs, like in that case, or something, you know, negative, like somebody tweets something or says something awful, we always just go, this, this one thing is

what defines this person. You know, like, and it's not just defined. Like, we've all had said terrible things, things we regret, done terrible things, but hopefully you're made up by more than just, hey, the bad thing, you know, I mean, like your life is more than just your worst moments. The difference though is that that at least with crime, somehow, like there's people who...

Like I've said this on stage, I say you can't support cancel culture and prison reform. Right. And there's people that do. And prison reform in and of itself is built around making sure that there's more fair sentencing right in place so people can get on with their life. And so that part of the internet swarm has not been installed yet. The internet just the criminal justice system versus the internet justice system. You see my brother, we got to break this down, right?

Just the system. You see my brother, we got to break this down. Right? You should down. Right? Just the system. Like, there's no sentence and guidelines in the internet justice system. So in spite of what you do, you can still try to come back out into the world and someone new discovers it. And it comes back up to the top. Like, no one can ever bring up Oh, you stole credit card when you're not absolutely. I all the boxes I did my probation I paid my fine I did all everything else supposed to do I'm back and people go cool welcome back now now I probably shouldn't be working at a post office for the rest of my life

because that's why I stole the credit card for. But yeah, that's understandable. But no one's going to try to bring that back up ever again. Well, let me ask you a relevant question. You sold credit cards. You were in 19. You went to Famu. Did you provide Peter Warwick with the credit cards that he used? We did that shit before Peter Warwick and Leverne is Coles. And that's part of the reason why they got caught because Dilets was hip to the shit. I was the fucking originator. Respectfully to Peter Warwick and Laverne is Coles. I mean, I don't know.

Oh, man. We did that shit. We went in Dilets in fucking Tallahassee Mall with a credit card that was an hour and got jeans. And then the motherfucker at the register charged us for like a belt or something. Oh, right. It cost four dollars. Yeah. And then they got they got hip to it, put it together. Security, put it to whatever. There was, but there was there's I don't know it's it's a it's a touchy subject for me just

because I've been on the edge of being thrown away by society because of that. And it took a lot of people taking chances on me, in spite of me having a felony for me to keep progressing. Yeah. And this was something that happened when I was 19 and bro, I was dealing with ripple effects of that. I had three years probation. I was dealing with ripple effects. That I had three years probation.

I was dealing with ripple effects. That's shit. So I was damn near 30. Did it affect show business at all too? Like does that have never? That's the crazy part. Like I yo radio does not give a fuck about your sins and neither does comedy. Yeah, which I guess is part of the problem that a lot of people have with what's happening. Yeah, I know.

But, they're like, you know, no problem. They're like, you know, no problem. They're like, you know, no problem. They're like, you know, no problem. They're like, you know, no problem. They're like, you know, no problem.

They're like, you know, no problem. They're like, you know, no problem. They're like, you know, no problem. They're like, you know, no problem. They're like, you know, no problem. They're like, you know, no problem. They're like, you know, no problem. They're like, you know, no problem. They're like, you know, no problem. They're like, you know, no problem. They're like, you know, no problem. So you get arrested and you're awaiting sentencing or whatever and during that time I started working at Golden Corral.

And so when I got sentenced, I got probation instead of prison. That's how I got in the standup. I thought I was going to prison. So I started doing comedy to deal with depression because I was like, I've thrown my life away. I know I'm a dying prison. So fuck it. Let's try stand up. But then I got probation.

First thing my probation officer says to me is, yeah, you're gonna have to, I have to verify your employment, which means I have to show up where you work and see you in uniform and see you actively conducting your job. And then I have to talk to your supervisor. And I thought for sure I was going to get fucking fired, bro, like I was like, fuck, man. And so probation officer comes in, talks with the supervisor, the supervisor calls me in the office, and I'm like, doing the whole, it was a long time,

it had only been like four months. But yeah, yeah, a long time ago, I'm a different person, four months. But yeah, yeah, a long time ago, I'm a different person. And, you know, I'm not on register. I ain't touching no credit cards. And he said, Roy, half this fucking restaurant is on probation. And he walked me around the back of the house. And Golden Carousel, the owner, this is one of those places where if you hire felons, you get the tax break and whatever employment tax credit, gibberish shit. And so it was a place full of people all getting second chances. So I spent my early 20s surrounded by people who made mistakes far legally worse than me. Yeah. And I saw the good in them. So it just it just changed how, you know,

what people can be on the other side of a fuck up and still holding out hope that people can be that. Whereas now we're very much wanting to throw people away. Yeah. Immediately without giving them a chance. That's be real. A lot of my fuckers ain't remorseful. And they're not sorry, but for the ones that are, you know, what's the arrangement, you know, we're living a world where there's no set standard on evil. Like we don't even know what an apology is supposed to look like you get apologized and somebody can tell you

keep that apology, motherfucker. A lot of apologies. First you'll go broken down. People go, that's not, that wasn't a good apology. Yeah. First they'll go, well, you didn't apologize. Then you go, I'm sorry. Then they'll go, well, keep that apology. And then you'll do a professional part. Well, you didn't write that apology. Right. Well, you have to live, I think it was married years ago, like, I don't know, first 20 episodes of his podcast, he talked about the inconvenience of living on apology. And so, you know, at some point, you have to get, you have to forgive yourself. And I think that's the thing that a lot of us have trouble with is this idea with forgive with apology and forgiveness. This idea that I need permission from strangers to be a better person.

You know, like I don't need your permission to turn over a new leaf. Right. You know, there's certain people that don't that'll never fuck with me again because of certain things that I've done and I don't understand that, but I still have to move forward. You have to behave that way. I just think though, you have to have some sort of system at some point of, you know, a sentencing guideline for lack of a better phrase, but, you know, we're not going to get to that anytime soon because it's more fun to just tell people, fuck you.

Yeah, that's a big, it's a big part of the, you know, the internet fun for people today and social media is just, it's all about dropping as hard a fucking bomb as you can on people whenever a mistake is made. Okay, but then what happens on the other side of that? What's the corrective thing on the other side? Like, because to some degree, if you offend about some shit about, fuck you say, you got to write to speak on that shit. Sure. Speak on it. Say what you got to say, come for my job. If my job doesn't fire me, do whatever you got to do, but at some point when

When do I get to just continue? Like It's tough, bro, because There are certain people out there that are never going to be satisfied with anything that you do as retribution Right as restitution. Excuse me And so what do you do with those people and that's the hard thing because corporations are still going to listen to those people because corporations don't care about nuance I'm gonna fucking fire you hey numbers. Yeah, you were in Chipotle cussing out a Latina woman. I Got to fire you because you're fucking with profits. Yeah

Phil you know me our kids are I'm on the fucking school board at this field. I would do that. Yeah. Sorry, Chuck. You got a fucking go. So this expectation that we want, I think that's unrealistic though, from our side as comedians and shit. I think it's very unrealistic of us to expect conglomerates that only care about money

to add nuance to a conversation. Yeah. And a fucking dude like SNL is a great, oh, fuck, that's a great example with our Shane Gillis. There was never going to be a nuanced conversation around that. No. Bad for business. And that's bigger, that's a business. And that's bigger than Lauren Michaels. Yeah. But like that's just, isn't not the fuck it. This is NBC universal.

You don't know how far up the totem pole the protests may go. For this game, like it could just be boycott SNL boycott NBC, boycott Pika, fuck the whole NBC universal, fuck universal studio. Is that really worth keeping Shane Gillis over? Yeah, that was a, it's not. Yeah, I mean, but also, don't you feel like when people do do those kind of masks, like this guy works here,

we gotta, I remember that story coming out and being like, oh, they're coming after them, but sometimes you hear that mob thing happen and it just passes. You know, it misses its target. And with that one, I didn't know. I didn't know it was gonna happen with that.

And then they were like, no, we're not. We're gonna let them go now. So I would feel like for a minute, it could go either way because of SNL, you know, but most people that have said or done something in the public sphere were S&L is concerned they were already hired. Yeah. Yeah. So you're kind of already a little tough lawn in a way. Yeah. And you're, you know, you're right that no one's going to pay attention to nuance. I thought

you can have that and have bowing yang on the show. You can't. That shit is funky. It's a bad clubhouse. Like your sports. It's a bad clubhouse. Right. So I guess when you saw the clip there on the side of when you saw the clip, didn't you think it was like playing like foe um reckless and like you know what I mean? Like if you go... As a comic, as a comedian, yes. Yes, okay, that's what I thought. As a comedian, yes.

But what we also have to respect is that everybody doesn't see podcasts in as a stage. Like when you're, like, we get upset. Would you, you couldn't tell that I was fucking joking? Yeah. No motherfucker, I couldn't tell that I was fucking joking. Yeah. No motherfucker. I couldn't because I've seen 40 million other podcasts where they fucking don't do shit like that. Right. Right. If it had been on stage, it's more defensible. That's why I try to tell stand-ups, man. The crazier shit you want to say, you need to be protected

by the microphone and that 10 foot moat between you and the audience. So something about that moat where a lot of perception of intention, you're given more of a benefit of the doubt. If you move forward versus when you're just chit chat because when you just chit chat and now you leave it up and see now we're gonna get into the radio shit bitch because I got suspended three times doing two-rest studio radio. I'm gonna fucking find it and I'm gonna fucking read it to you. Okay.

After the Janet Jackson titty, in 03, you're on air somewhere. Yeah, I was on air. I did mornings in Birmingham for like almost a decade or so, give a take. Mm-hmm. Can I ask you one question real quick before that? Do you feel like, you know, like Alabama has such a, like a need, like the word, the name.

There's such a knee jerk reaction from people. Do you find it like any desire or anything in you that goes, find it like any desire or anything in you that goes, I like to change people's perception of Alabama. Like when, you know what I mean? Like you hear Alabama, most people not from there or from the South just go like, jeez, you're from Alabama, you know, it's always like this, they have like an immediate reaction.

And do you, does that affect you in any way? No, but that's why I always talk and represent Alabama anytime I want to hear anything anytime I can just sneak in the word Alabama It at least makes you double clutch and go oh well Maybe there's some decent motherfuckers around yeah, he's for me. I mean, he's not like old elders. Yeah, okay All right, well, maybe there's some good motherfuckers. Yeah. So you do have pride though. You do have Alabama pride. Absolutely, but I mean, I'm not going to turn the whole tide of public perception.

I mean, as we speak right now, we're deadlasting COVID vaccinations at 36% statewide. So yeah, there's going to be some weird racism. This is where I'm sitting right now, is the county where a month ago, a white dude called a black woman at a school board meeting the inward to her face in front of other parents. Like, like that type of shit. Yeah, he called our house nigga. Like just, they were arguing about something.

It just didn't look like he just working, do we have a house nigga in here? And you almost have to listen to it twice because I feel like he did nigga with a A, which I kind of respect. I was like, you know, well played. You're like, what? I didn't say it right. How do y'all say it? Yeah, it's, it's, it's a place that is definitely behind on a lot of things, but

there are a lot better people here than what makes the headlines. Right. I shot my comedy central, I shot my pilot here for my sitcom two years ago. In Birmingham. In fucking Birmingham, full Birmingham full crew locals and They loved it like as far as comedy central like they were like Telling people you want to shoot something in Birmingham. I may as well say hey, man Wouldn't it be cool if we shot this in Mississippi and the forest with two camp like the same level of nervousness and

Tramponation sure and they were all shocked which I have to try not to be fucking insulted by You know like that that part of it is It's difficult, but Yeah, I feel that need man, so yeah, I did mornings For to and that's the other thing you see the people you're out in the community. We did local morning show you know, so we we got to have fun and push the envelope But you know if a tornado hit we were fucking out there, bro. Yeah, we were out there before anybody else You know talking to people and helping people and all of that shit Sorry, but you were talking about radio you said you you had three

violations or whatever like You said you had three violations or whatever like Or you got written up. I got I got suspended. I used to do print phone calls So I got suspended on a regular basis For those like like like that was just we would suspend you the station program director Yeah, the station like dude. This is still Jesus territory and some of the stuff I was saying to people for the sake of a life It would immediately yeah, Roy, we're gonna have the fucking we're gonna have to sit you down So so to here's here's what I'm talking about so O3 Janet Jackson the titty falls out right? He falls out. Yeah Super Bowl halftime show and

in the titty falls out, right? Titty falls out. Yeah, Super Bowl halftime show. And that changed the face of radio. That changed the face of what was considered decent and indecent in radio. And then the legal language, and this is from the FCC, and I think this is where it kind of falls

into what we're talking about now, with Twitter and outrage and all of that shit. And this is, this is quote, this is about the FCC's in decency standard. A broadcast will not be found to meet the definition of indecency where the material does not refer to sexual or excretory organs. So you can't talk about like you could talk about ass, but you can't stick something in an ass. Okay. You could say throw up, but you can't say I vomited like it's a little new on shit like this Right, and so here's the other thing

foreign decency The FCC uses a national standard for judging whether questionable material is Consistent with the contemporary community standards Contemporary community standards has been branded into my fucking brain for my entire life. And that just means whatever the mob thinks is indecent, is indecent. I got you.

So it's really the mob, your own interpretation. Like the program director can just say it. Well, but the program director justifies my suspension because they call her called and if they call her called that means there were 10 other people who were going to call. For example, although Janet Jackson revealed her breast for only a split second the FCC concluded that it was in decent material. Because everybody in America was outraged by it. Right. Right. It wasn't indecent in terms of the literal, there was no nipple, it was pasty, like whatever, like, oh, was it? Was it full nipple? I think there was. I don't think there was full nipple. Was there a full nipple?

No, I will look it up while we're talking. And so when I look at anything that someone says online that they say was just a joke whether it's podcast or a tweet or something like that if the street say you wrong The jury is spoken my dude. Yeah, so you can sit here and defend it and go that y'all fucking solve and y'all need to fucking change But that's not gonna change any of what the contemporary community standards are. And those things change. That's why people were able to get away with jokes in O2 that you're not able to get away with now. Yeah.

And by the way, as it should be like that, right, I always felt like if, you know, comedy and society changes every few years as it should. So sometimes people have brought up like old jokes. I'm like, yeah, it's not that I go, oh man, I deeply regret that joke when they go, like why wouldn't you do it now? I'm like, well, it's just fucking dated and there's a different set of standards

and everything's changed. Like why would I do the same fucking joke now? It doesn't, it's not the same culture. We're in. But that's the problem with jokes, man. And that's the problem with the killer bees, with the swarm on the internet, is that, all right, if I used to be overweight, right? Mm-hmm.

And then you see me now, you can see progress. Yeah. You can see I'm a different person. Yeah. There's no metric made different person. Yeah. There's no metric by which to measure morals. So if you saw this shitty joke that I made in 02, you could just assume that I'm still that shitty of a person. Right.

The only thing I'm armed with now is no, I'm not. And some degree of, look at all these nice things The only thing I'm armed with now is no, I'm not and Some degree of look at all these nice things I've done in between that joke And if you've done things that are to the counter right right right right, but if they catch you before you've done those things Then you're fucked then you're toast. Yeah Because they don't give you that space for discovery to present they don't't get, you don't get to get people to speak on your behalf before they decide whether or not you have morally evolved. Yeah, since 2002. By the way, there was a pasty,

but you could still see some nipple. That's the update. Ariola or nipple? Ariola's for the streets. Everybody should get. Ariola. You see it a little bit of both. Oh, no.

Okay. So yeah. By the way, I mean, who wasn't thrilled to see Janet Jackson? What's wrong with you? You're not compared to JLo's Grammy dress when she was wearing the girl. Oh, I got on the red carpet or whatever it was, but somehow the contemporary community standards nobody was pissed. She was standing there naked. Let's be honest. She was a standing there naked. JLo and I wasn't mad at that either. I was not upset. The only time I've really had a concern with like any type of internet mob activity, as it relates to me, is when I took over for Ari, for this is not happening. For real? That's the only time at light.

Because I didn't, well, let me just stop stuttering. Ari's fans are unpredictable. They're loyal and they are dedicated. And they're not fucking love Ari. Yeah. And he spoke, and only reason I can speak about this now is because Ari spoke about this shit song on Rogan earlier this year and

When he got fired from this is not happening because he got into it with comedy central Mm-hmm, and you know they went back and forth with a bunch of hosts and all of that you know The argues suggesting people and in the network decided they wanted me to host that bitch. And it's two weeks before taping. And if I don't host it, it's looking like they're going to cancel the taping. And it's like 60 fucking comics, book to do the show. And so I call Ari, they call me and ask me and I go, I gotta think about it. So then I call Ari and I don't look, man.

Should I do this? And he goes, yes, you should, because it's going to help the comedians. And you know this is not happening, man. The show is special because it was Ari's. Ari created that. He curated that over years, you know, locally. But the thing that made that show so special

is that he was giving opportunities to comedians with a style that did not fit the traditional late night construct. Yep. So there's a lot of niggas on that show that didn't, that wasn't eating otherwise. Not on a regular basis like the way the way Ali Sadeep works You can't you can't put that on

Seth Meyers a Conan in a five-minute. It just doesn't it's not gonna be the same now It's a very special show and so you know Are you and I went back and forth about and I, all right, dude, I'm going to do it. I'll host the fucking show. And I had been, and I'll be the first to say that there were better people that should have been picked that were more of the show in terms of being a fabric of that culture and having been on a couple times. I'd come close once or twice so they knew I had stories. It was just a matter of me not, you know, not booking it in those particular years. And then I go to R and I go, bro, now you know when you're fucking fans find out that you're not hosting this show, it is going to be fucking mayhem on the internet. And R is like, well, yeah, I mean, you know, it's not going to be that bad, bro.

You'll, you'll, you'll soldier. It's not about its daily show. It'll be fine. It'll be fine. R.E. is trying to get me to justify taking it on the chin because clearly with the daily show, I get some level of hate mail. And I go, yeah, I do. But I don't point it. And vicious as it is with your fans. R is with these fans will show up. Yeah. I believe these strike me as a type of my fuckers who pull up if you want some fuck shit.

So, all right, fine. You'll be fine, man. I mean, I wish I could help you, but if I help you, it's essentially me endorsing Comedy Central and I can't endorse. But if I help you, it's essentially me endorsing comedy central and I can't endorse. I can't endorse it, but you know, but you just thanks man. Thank you bro. Thank you for saving. Appreciate your help, bro. Thanks. All right. He left me to the fucking walls. So, oh shit. So the announcement comes out, right? Announcement comes.

We get off the phone. The announcement comes out two days later. Fuck that show, I'm not gonna fucking watch it. And fuck it. It was more fuck comedy-central than fuck Roy, which I was thankful for. Yeah. I was like, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,

get the fuck down, yeah. Yeah. But I'm getting like sniper DMs from mother fuckers. And like, mother fuckers and My fricking is like finding like my I have a private feel I had a private Facebook page at the time That was separate in a part from like my public like this is my Facebook page for just me and my friends from Birmingham Fuck you mother fucker. It's Ari show you stole it. You stole it lighting it up But I can't say that I can't tell the truth

because that's just going to, the truth is worse. You know what I'm saying? Like, I stole Ari show is worse than Ari was fired from his own show because he wanted to take his hour special somewhere else. This is per Ari, this is what Ari said. Yeah, yeah, well, I mean, they did him dirty though. Okay, I get it.

Like I get the business of it, but it was not. Yeah, it was not, it was, it was, it was, it was definitely two people seeing Netflix as two different things at the time. You're taking your popularity to Netflix and Ari's going, no, I'm using Netflix popularity to bring more people back over here to Comedy Central. Comedy Central didn't see it that way. But that truth is worse than I stole the show.

And my job as a host at that point, bro, my only objective is to get people to watch the show so that the comedians could get the shine because that's the promise I made Ari. So I got to take that shit and I fucking took that shit bro. I took that shit From the fucking taping till a fucking year later That's when it got hot again when motherfuckers were like coming out of the fucking woodwork When it premiered because now you've got images and video and hey, I'm Roy. I'm the new host of this is not happening Fuck you They never got racist though. I'm gonna give Ari's fans a lot of credit here.

That's cool. Hey guys. Never got, never, never got racial. It was just we, it all came from a place of we love Ari. That's our guy. And if it's not our guy, fuck it. Which I understand. And I wasn't even mad at it.

I almost in a way,, it didn't affect me, but I'm just saying that's the one time we're like, every day, even if I was at a show. It reminded you this whole time, Ari and I are fucking doing shows together. Yeah. We're still on the same bill. Right, doing some fucking stuff.

Yeah. I'm like, we're friends, why the fuck are you? I guarantee you, Ari hearing this right now is like, I really can't believe nobody was racist. That's amazing. I can't believe it. I can't believe it. I can't believe it.

So, so fucking, so like what part, you know what part of it is though, is that like when I did last comic standing in O 2010, that was like the first real year of live tweeting maybe the year before like the concept of an actor being on a show while talking on the internet while the show was on. NBC contractually made us live tweet last comic stand in every week and so you'd follow the hashtag and your job was to interact with positive messages within the hashtag But also within the hashtag is all of the negative shit that's being said about you

So you've just performed your heart out on TV and then you have to sit down on a couch and Inter and just read the every week bro, and I made it all away to the finale. So it's two months, every Monday night for two hours. I'm just reading all of the worst shit that could ever be said about me. And somewhere around week three or four, I was like, oh, these people just, this is their outlet. Yeah, you figured out.

You figured out. You figured out. Yeah, it changed every, like I read, like I know comics who don't read their comments and I mute the YouTube But I can read it or not, but it doesn't bother me like in that probably prepared me the most for you know When daily show gets out of pocket, you know once or twice a year and for that shit with Ari But let me show you how karma works so and for that shit with Ari. Well, let me show you how karma works.

So Ari does the fucked up tweet. The fuck what was it? The fuck the Kobe tweet. Yeah, Kobe tweet, yeah. We'll just say the two. Well, the video too, right? Yeah, yeah. So Ari, I won't say what Ari did, but Ari did something that pissed off

the black community very, very bad. I'm not gonna say what he did, but Ari did something that pissed off the black community very, very bad. I'm not going to say what he did because there's going to be new people who find out about it for the first time. And then they're going to what I just now found out. You need to apologize to me. Right. So that was, that was a week leading up to the Super Bowl of the week before. It was before Okay, and

Ari's getting death threats from black people and if a black person is given a like white death threats of 50 50 But a a black death threat. Yeah, yeah, Yeah. You got to consider that. That's for real. Because that's already your committee to crime. And this black person is already, I'm already one felony in just to get the conversation started. Spot me a felony so you know I'm good. You put a next three or four felonies that are coming.

Right. I saw Ari at a Super Bowl party. We have a mutual friend and I just happened to see him at a Super Bowl party and I'm pretty sure I was the first black person he made eye contact with since pissing off all of Black America. Cause he looked away at me and kinda looked down and she's like, oh no, is Roy mad?

And yeah, yeah. I walk over to him and I go, so have you been on the internet lately? Heels, no. How bad is it? Go with fucking bad, Ari. It's fucking bad, bro. Like most of black America wants to beat the shit out of you. And the rest are looking at your road dates and deciding which city to come kick your ass in.

God damn. And I wish I could say something to defend you. But if I defend you, I'm only condoning what you did. Yeah, yeah. But you're a strong dude. I think you'll weather it just fine. You'd be all right. I've been fucking walked off. That's for not covering for me, bitch. Oh, shit. Did you, did you in any of that, um, this is not happening, hate that you got? Did you, did you in any of that, um, this is not happening hate that you got?

Did you ever engage? Did you ever respond, reply anything? No, never. Because it didn't, it didn't. The only one that I almost said something to, uh, someone who's related to a comic in LA was talking shit to me. Oh. That part of it was a little weird, but he was young.

I accused under 25. Well, like I didn't. Yeah. You know, some kid under 25 DMing I did. Yeah. You know, some kid under 25 DMing you and talking shit, he was, it's fine. And it wasn't anything. It was just fuck you. And I, no, engage why? If anything, I'm better. I have an opportunity to bring new people to this. No, I think you're smart, man. I mean, I think one of the hardest things that people struggle with during those things is being

able to not engage. It's harder to not engage for most people. They read it and they're like, I want to respond to all these things, you know? Well, go to the NBC live tweeting school of internet hate tolerance. Yeah. You too can be zen like. Yeah. Like me.

Yeah. That shit was fucking wild, bro. Yeah, you saw vicious things. And then the West Coast. Then the West Coast fee become. Oh, you saw vicious and then the West Coast then the West Coast fee But you have to read the West Coast hate You get your East Coast hate and then you don't have to you know, you get an hour breather You have to come back to your laptop and you're like oh, there's West Coast hate now

No, yeah, that was more hateful the The East Coast or the West Coast? East Coast. East Coast is all the asshole cities. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Filly's in New York, too. Oh, yeah. Yeah.

Jersey and Baltimore, fucking. Ohio's pretty surprisingly. A lot of haters in Ohio. A lot of haters in Ohio? Yeah, a lot of angry people in Ohio, at least back then. Maybe because Ohio State was eating shit against Alabama. I don't know. Uh-oh. We're going to be taking it all the way back to Bama and College football. Suck on the happens. I'm not even caught up in that shit, bro. You're nuts. I used to sell

sodas at Bama games. They're all drunk. I respectfully, and I know you love your shit, but at the game they're drunk. Those people are drunk. Yeah, we used to We used to sell sodas and then we will wait till after the game to walk this to walk the bleachers and just pick up wallets and fucking little fucking mini bottles and shit. Oh, yeah, you're gonna find a good score. You're a good find You know, I mean like after a game where you're like oh man, it's actually You remember a good find, you know, I mean like after a game or you're like, oh man, it's actually Not bad because you got to remember though. This is mid 90s. This is like 93 94 Alabama So yeah, it's not a lot of cell phones I think we're still a car phone era

Yeah, at this point and I mean you didn't really know what to do with the credit card other than take it to somewhere formal Sure pay at the pump wasn't even a thing yet. So you couldn't even get free gas. Yeah. Just wasn't. There was no mail ordering. You were just literally looking for cash and for alcohol. Yeah.

Back in those days, I thought alcohol would make me better at baseball. You can play better if you're drinking. Yeah. Yeah. I had teammates. You can play better if you're drinking. Yeah. Yeah. I had teammates. I had to. What we used to play other teams in the city who would be drunk.

We would get high and play basketball in like in college, you know, organized like like like dinner mural, like, go to the gym and like, but like run games, but smoke a little weed before. And I don't know. Sometimes here's the thing. If you're either in the zone and you're hitting everything You're like it's the weed or you smoked them and you're just a fucking disaster and I was like, man, you can not get high and play ball Bro, we went

We went and played some we played inner city schools We were I went to a city school and we just didn't the Birmingham city didn't take baseball seriously So you'd play him out the fuckers wearing jeans and shit like, like, like, like, we were the serious school and every other school baseball is what basketball and football guys play just to keep in shape. Right. So it really, it was intermural for them, essentially. Mm-hmm.

For us, it was dead as serious, but they were short to practice, bro. They were short to games and they would be drunk we would see them drinking like old English and mad dog in the parking lot and they would walk on that field shit face drunk mother fucker would go three for four with two homers what like drunk and you hear about those those pros that get fucked up too a lot of those guys would drink something would but do coke and everything. But the drinking was pervasive, especially like 20, 30 years ago.

Oh, you're talking like 70s. I thought you was talking like Babe. You're talking like Doc Ellis throwing you that are on acid. On acid, but like that era of pro baseball player was drinking. Like they were all, you know, on a bus in a hotel and it was kind of more, so a bus in a hotel and and it

was kind of more like drinking in club houses was more accepted back then. Some of those guys fucking smoke cigarettes in the fun show name it. You see that name of picture of him in a locker room. Half time. Half time. Having a cigarette in a beer. Yeah, I can crazy. Yeah. There's, there's, that, that probably started my alcohol, like, I wasn't curious about alcohol till I saw people be good at it, be good at baseball on it. Really? Before that, I didn't even fuck about alcohol. I didn't, whatever. But then, so when we would still fucking minis at fucking Bama games, yeah, I'm taking this home.

I'm going to drink this before fucking, you know, in the fall we were playing like little pickup games or whatever. I was like, let me just see if I can announce terrible. You were terrible. I was terrible. That was terrible. So like, like they say, alcohol just makes you more of what you already work. And I'm just more terrible. Did you, that's your game though? Baseball is your shit. Yeah. To the point where I played softball for the comedy store. Wow.

Loved like any form of it. To this day, I'll fucking play it in a heartbeat. But it sucks. Because you can't really do pick up softball. You got to have, yeah, you got to have all the, well, you got to have people involved. And I guess it's just been on the client, right? Like it had been for the like, we were kids in New York, bro. Oh, yeah.

Did you think about leaving New York? Like if it wasn't for the daily show, would you, would you, would you really show, you would leave New York in hindsight, I still should have left. I should have left for a year. In hindsight. But you just didn't know it. Is it going to get a little better? Yeah.

Is it going to get a little better? Yeah. The problem was the only other places I had to go worse than New York. And I was at Lanna in Birmingham. Yeah. You know, go wear and do what? I became the Birmingham for two months in state with my mom. I did lock down

in Birmingham, but I'll be honest by the end of it. I was fucking itching to get back to New York There's a certain a certain feel of a big city that spoils you Yeah, you go home. There's just certain things you can't even Like it's Birmingham the city closes at 930, even when they were still open doing stuff and the numbers were going through the roof. It just certain access to certain stuff, but it was cool to be around my friends.

Most of my friends, all of my friends are down south for the most part, the non-comics. Yeah, you know what I'm saying? Sure, that you grew up with and everything, they're all. Correct, yeah. Correct. So yeah, man, it... that you grew up with and everything. They're all correct. Yeah, correct. So yeah, man, it, I don't even know if I want to stay after this, like,

I'll put it this way. So long as I'm on the daily show, then I got to be there. But I mean, I had a five-droid. He just started kindergarten. So if we're gonna move the next places, you gotta drop anchor, because I'm not going to, I'm not going to fuck them by coming to Austin. You know, my

issue with Austin, man, is that for if you make a two hour circle around Austin and a two hour circle around New York just one stage time and a try in a tri state. I definitely give you that only that's not only gripe in terms of diversity of work close to home. Like by living in New York, there's about a month and a half of proper road work that I can do and still commute home every night

if I wanted to. I get that. There's a good, I mean, there's a decent amount and it is growing from here What's what's really great is like once you're hey? I'm working. I'm touring You're doing a bunch of two and three hour flights as opposed to like Four five six Ripped it. Yeah, it's kind of nice

How are you all have you all changed? How much has the presence as I call it the great comic Exodus? How much of that has changed the culture in Austin like do you have your own culture? Did you have to like merge in with all the music and shit? I mean it's you know it's emerging it's like right now there's like as of this recording there's a couple places where there's shows pretty regularly I'm talking about in proper Austin but there's about to be within the next six weeks, there will be two more legit stages. And then it's a matter of, I'm watching those evolve as they are. I've met some great local comics here and everyone's been really receptive.

The audiences that I've performed in front of have been like really jazzed excited that all like these comics are here. We'll see. I mean, there's, you know, it's still like in the midst of of all the craziness that's going on, but Austin and Texas specifically has been, you know, pretty lax on a lot of the restrictions and stuff. So there's still like shows all the time, but I don't know how this next month's two months is gonna go as far as if things continue to spike

or you're finally gonna see some things change or as live entertainment. Like I know this, on big picture, you can, they're not going to cancel big ass shows across the board like they did a year ago because these promoters and companies cannot afford to. They cannot afford to have concerts and shows just be canceled across.

They're gonna have, they're gonna say show up with Vax card, show up with negative tests, show up with masks, but they're not going to cancel show So they're going to there's going to continue to be music here. There's going to continue to be comedy I don't know what's going to what's going to come of it, but this city in particular loves live entertainment It's almost like the arts can thrive better in a conservative market. Yeah, in a liberal market Oh, which is my concern right now because I'm shooting my hour special in Denver in October. And like every morning I get up and I watch the local news

in Denver to see what the fuck, okay, how the numbers, yeah, where'd you pick? It's all over. The fuck you shouldn't have asked me. Sorry. It's the majestic theater, the fucking royal... Haram out?

No, smaller. I'm not fucking big as you. Pick a fucking... I'm just asking you, huh? The Gothic theater. The Gothic theater. Yeah, Gothic theater. Intimate as they say.

Incommit. But I also left two weeks, we shoot that in the middle of October, Okay, yeah, gothic theater intimate as they say and commit but I also left two weeks. I wish it that in the middle of October But I left two weeks open at the end of September on some contingency shit like yo if shit gets wild This is back in March when we were deciding what city and I was like I like Denver, but just in case Let's leave two weeks open at the end of September as some fucking NFL flex scheduling Major league baseball. Let's move the game double header Off night shit because I know for sure New York will be the last to close if the shutdown start happening From a infection rates standpoint New York has some of the lowest infection rates. So maybe I can shoot a special, they still look and sounds like something. Right, you know. But damn, Denver is a good, that is such a great comedy time, man. It is such a great comedy time. Good IQ, good, good diverse blend of people,

good different types of ideologies. I think that's, that's where I want to be for this one, just because I think that's where I want to be for this one just because I'm Gives a little weird in parts from some of the subject matter. So I just want to make sure it is Interesting how man it makes a difference that that collective average IQ of the city really affects Comedy shows it really does You can go back and watch Shapale stuff and see why he picked particularly like killing them softly. can completely get why Joe San Francisco. I'm like oh that makes perfect I can sense this shit is fucking smart fucking you know hitting material you know even cat Williams you know when he did when he did DC versus when he did the

special in Jacksonville that one, which was such a fucking great inside joke, just for comedians. Um, the one in Atlanta, green jacket, Pem Chronicles. Mm-hmm. He did that in Atlanta, the style and the feel of those jokes. That was the place. That was the, that was the right place, you know, to do that material. But yeah, I'm, I'm, I got my fingers crossed. It just in the meantime, you gotta keep going out and doing shows. So, you know, I'm as careful as I can. I don't need to meet in greets. But no, you know, like other than that, like I'm on a plane, I will still go and grab a bite. I try to, I go to Cracker Barrel, I sit in the corner,

like I always S will corner see. And I think it's because I'm scared that someone's gonna come in and try to murder me. And I'm like, no, no. I just know that at least in the corner, I have two walls, so that's two less directions. Before the COVID, to attack me from. Man, I know.

You feel like, I mean, this is not going away, you know, in the fucking spring, that this is just how we're going to live, you know, like for the foreseeable future. I think this is just how we live until they get into the government mandated aspects of it. You know, you're going to have a bunch of people bitching them on and about it. But I liken it to bag fees with the airlines interesting You remember how much pushback and outrage there was about bag fees absolutely yes the post 9 11 security fees and all of this Shit, and they're like and now we're charging for back and feel what the fuck

all of this shit and they're like, and now we're charging for bags and feel, what the fuck you, my life, my life, my life. You can't fucking do it. And now everybody's cool with it. Everybody's cool with it. What's interesting about bag fees is that they came as a result of oil prices, right? So oil prices spiked through the roof.

And airlines, yep, was a poor thing. No, it was a poor thing. You, it was a eight. You're right. And airlines, of course, pay for a lot of fucking fuel to fill those planes, right? So they got huge, huge, huge surge in their prices. So they go, we got to pass these, some of these costs on to our customers, we're doing baggage fees.

So I charge in 25 and then 50, whatever. So everyone's spending an extra, you know, 50 bucks or whatever, creating, pulling in all this revenue. Well, then oil prices took a dip and they got to below record lows at one point. And airline like, no, you're already paying this. We're definitely not going to.

And it was the first time most of them started seeing profits. Oh yeah. Yes, because of those extra fees. And then that's when they started the select seating fuckery and readjusting the seats to change the leg room based on where you sit in the cabin. Unreal. And we're charging back fees and now, oh, if you're sitting

in front of the wing, it's an extra $40 extra for $60. You know, like that type of fuck shit started happening. So I just think that all this vaccine card passport, mandatory every time when it mutates, you gotta go get checked again, eventually will become the norm or something so fatal happens. A mutation that's so fatal happens that will just that it just straightens people to fuck out.

Yeah. And where was the stand in this who's left standing? I think you might, you might be right about that. Let me ask you a, a, a, a playing question as somebody who also travels a lot. What is your feeling? I was surprised that there's a, there's really like a, a spread out, a number of opinions on this that I didn't expect about somebody reclining their seat on a plane. Like you're on a plane and the person chooses to recline. Do you feel like that that is allowed? Yeah. They're made to recline. Yeah.

Why do they do you know how many people go, like that's rude, you shouldn't recline your seat. I'm like, what are you talking about? You should work harder in life and sit in a seat where you're not inconvenienced by someone reclining. It's on my mind how many people get upset about it. They get upset. They're like, that's considered a rude,

but the seat is designed to recline. Yeah, it's not like I'm using the urinal next to you in an empty bathroom. That's courtesy. Right. That's tired. Yeah. Fuck you. Now, I yours reclines to mother fucker. You can recline your seat. I don't recline them. I don't recline, here's what I figured out. By reclining your seat as an exhausted comedian, like for example, back in my radio days or whatever, or even when I was living in LA, I would do the Sunday night show, which ends at nine and paperwork and drinking till midnight, and then be up at four for the 6 a.m. foot like

Yeah You get an extra 30 minutes of sleep every flight if you don't recline if you don't recline You get extra if you don't recline because you can start your sleep journey from the moment the plane board Right Instead of waiting to recline because now you have to wait for the taxi out. That's 15 minutes. And then, when it's time to land, she's going to come fucking wake you up and say, hey, unrecline your seat.

Right. And now you're stiff because you're just comfortable as you were. Right. Correct. So now, you've lost another 20 minutes of sleep on the fucking landing. Okay. Because you're trying to sleep upright. Well, bitch, just to learn how to sleep upright.

As I did, I should do a book on this shit. By the way, I was about to say, you've given me the only reasonable argument for not reclining your seat that I've ever heard in my life. And that is what you just said to me. That you can get more sleep. You can get more sleep. You can get more sleep. Now, if you're in a middle seat, what I do in the middle seat,

I recline a little to create that little bit of difference in headroom between the two headrests, right beside of me. And that's where I lay my head. That little nook like that. That's my little strategy. You're a fucking pro man. Yeah, but I'm not good at sleeping in middle seats. That's not really my thing.

I, I, I might work a little bit on the plane, but for the most part, I'm a sleeper, bro. Like, wait me up when it's time for the fucking biscofs, but I got smart enough now. I just asked for them when I bought it. And if you're in comfort plus on Delta, they'll usually bring them to you, especially if I got the boy with me

You want the fucking kid to be happy sure I Every now and then I'll edit But I've learned that if you're doing any type of real work Motherfuckers can't help but look at your screen They just can't help it because I do it like when I see some guy with some spreadsheet and it's just numbers and graphs Yeah, you stare at it. Yeah, look what you do. There's that shit One time on a flight I accidentally Had the old porn hub open in the room the night before and just

Close the laptop Didn't open it again until I was on the flight and I had my headphones on but they weren't synced up with the laptop. I didn't open it again until I was on the flight and I had my headphones on, but they weren't synced up with the laptop yet. Oh shit. Yeah. Yeah. What genre were you watching?

Come on, it's black, man. And these unprecedented times, you have to support. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha I'm not gonna say that. I'm not gonna say that. I'm not gonna say that. I'm not gonna say that. I'm not gonna say that. I'm not gonna say that. I'm not gonna say that. I'm not gonna say that.

I'm not gonna say that. I'm not gonna say that. I'm not gonna say that. I'm not gonna say that. I'm not gonna say that. I'm not gonna say that. in the description of the video, it's always why she needs the money. Oh, just yeah, go on porn hub and just pull up some interracial, it's fucked up. The black woman. She needs. It's usually it's just two sluts. Fucking one guy. That sluts, but if it's a black black woman,

fucks white man because car broke down and yeah these men ain't shit and she needs it to support her crack head. I'm like, come on, Tom. I find that the most racist thing I learned of in porn and I really mean this is that if that there has to be a distinction made if the woman, let's say the white performer, is having sex with a black guy. And that they also make the distinction behind the scenes. Like they go like, oh, I don't work in a racial, like I don't do that, or I haven't been with a black guy yet on camera. And then there's fans who are like, well, don't, or do, you know, they're like weighing in on it. And that if she, do, you know, like weighing in on it. And then if she, if a porn star is like,

I'm going to do sex with a black eye on camera. That's a thing. Like they have to like make it like, oh wow, this is like, are you doing that? Like that to me seems really great. Like changing your gender pronouns. Yeah. I spoke with Lisa Ann about that.

I did a piece on that for the daily show. She just started out like, yeah, I did a piece on that for the daily show. She did it. I like. Yeah, I we interview Lisa Ann for the daily show This is like four or five years ago and she was talking about that shit just about how Like literally it lowers your prices you lose subscribers because That white This is been tainted by the black dick and I didn't worth five dollars a month on only fans I'll give you one fifty Like that type of shit

Like they said I'm not gonna name names, but there's a lot of prominent white women and porn that don't fuck black guys for that reason Because they know it'll fuck up. They bred yeah, and so then the question becomes are you racist? or Yeah, and so then the question becomes are you racist or are you Is that he does his money? Yeah, okay. Yeah, I think that was kind of what the story You know, it's kind of rooted in but if everybody fuck black guys then that would be the new norm And you would just have to accept the fact. Well, yeah, I just be like another another male Performer that you're having sex with but see to, to see, I understand porn is different though, in an equality standpoint where it's like,

this is where you're supposed to be, it's supposed to be okay to be weird. Like this is the one spot where you're supposed to go, no, I'm only into this thing and that's what makes me fucking get an erection. So here's money. Please do that on camera for me. Sure. Sure. Like if you're not I just I don't know I know that there's a weird line where you know Shit is blurry, but you know there's people that are just if you see this I forget what it's called whether The women just be but neck and eaten. And just talk to you about the eat.

Yeah, that's not what it's called, but it was it's. They just eat, like is it? It's not. They're just eating like sandwiches and shit. Muck bang, there we go. But I thought that was, have you fact checker? But muck bang, isn't that also usually clothed Does not but naked mukbang. I've seen

Okay, the dog from people And just for them to mess for the most part. They're wearing clothes during mukbangs But can you please look up all nude mukbang sure thing what the fuck was I watching on X hamster thing. What the fuck was I watching on X hamster? So creative originals should that must have been like the fucking and one street ball. Yeah. Bookbang. Yeah.

Someone who doesn't follow the rules. Yeah. Man. Is there a whole category of it? I have found some naked muck bangs. Yes. There we go. That's what that's where I ended up on.

Yeah. Let me guess. They're all black. We don't talk about that at the black barbershop. I saw this number holds me eating catfish. I'm gonna fuck this shit. Take a hush puppy, rub it on a pussy. She bit that hush. I mean that's somebody's dream is to watch those naked muckbanks. That's wild. I saw a woman smoke a cigarette with her vagina when I was 18 and I was never the saying. Yeah. Any of any like wild weird stuff like at 18 I saw

too much too soon. Yeah. And, I saw too much, too soon. And now I'm just like, nah, just give me missionary and just regular porn with a black guy and a black woman and he's got a sneakers on. Just give me your original recipe. That's what you're saying. That's what you're saying. You know as wild as fucking porn stars love comedy.

They do. You have been hit up by quite a few actually. It's, I try to explain it to people. I think I'm being pervy, but like this is weird overlap between comedians and sex, sex workers and shit, where it's just this similar damaged people entertaining strangers. Absolutely. And it's just manifesting itself people entertaining strangers. Absolutely.

And it's just manifesting itself differently. You know, we're both, yeah, we're both like trying to get people to validate whatever emptiness or whatever we need inside of us. And you use what you got. So, you know, for comedians, we're being funny. And for people with beautiful bodies, they're, you know, and willing to do it. They're using sex and it always felt like very comfortable talking to those people.

And I've also found that everybody in the adult industry that has hit us up and we've done like comedy bits with, they've always been the coolest and the nicest to work with. Cool, but yo, Misty Stone, like these people were like so fucking kind the thing that was really sad though Was we shot we shot the interview at Lisa Ann at this porn house up in the hills Which from an efficiency standpoint? I've got a really respect porn studios for basically buying a five-bedroom house,

soundproofing every room, and every room is just an active porn studio. And there's three, four scenes being shot at any given time concurrently within the same house, and the living room in the kitchen is like some sort of weird green room, locker room, common area. That part of it was fucking cool.

But then the thing that really made me sad, we had a lot of, we shot a sketch at the end with Ron Jeremy. And there were like all these other porn stars in the room and shit. And I guess somebody's car was blocked in or whatever. And I ended up being the one to move the car. And I hadn't been it back outside since all of the porn stars had gotten there every car but one or two was just a fucking beat up fucking duster really and I'm like the exploited of part of it like that's when it's like Damn the only person making money is a motherfucking their own his house. Yeah, and like that part of the get that's why like With all of these folks getting online doing all this shit and making all this extra bread fucking good for you man circumvent the fucking porn label

Record label industry as best you can. I wish more comedians had the same fucking. Absolutely. They do. And especially of all the things you could do, if you're like, I'm putting my body out there for public entertainment consumption and people are getting off to it,

like if you're doing that with your physical body, you should reap the benefits. You know, like what you should really be the one collecting. What is worse, what do you think is more painful as a performer? To bomb on stage with some of your most emotionally naked revealing material that you should save only for a therapist. revealing material that you should save only for a therapist. Or to do videos of yourself getting choked out while performing oral sex and it only has 80 views. You like You're like, sure, but you're literally, you're literally sucking a dick on camera.

Here's the thing. Okay. I'll say this. I passed it. People looked at the thumbnail of you getting choked down like, nah, nah. I think if you're like regularly choking, like you, that's like your weekly thing. You're always doing it. It doesn't affect you as much. I think if someone had to talk you into it and you're like,

all right, all right, I'll do it, but this is gonna get like a million views. Then, then you would be heartbroken. You're like, I puke to myself for you in this video and it got 80 views. That would be so. Imagine, here's where I'm getting, imagine if the two girls one cup chicks never went viral. How would you feel about yourself? If you did all of that and it only had 80 views, if you ate shit, you ate shit, it was stuffed up in someone's ass.

And you still, and you still couldn't get a thousand subscribers to sustain yourself and pay your bills. Yeah, that's all right. That's more depressing. It is. It's a painful life, man. It's a painful life. I don't, I don't, I don't know, but then I've also revealed like, so I opened for Mulaney a couple times earlier this year. You know, he's getting back on the horse and going, now he's on the road. Now, this is back when he was in like his New York Rocky

Balboa training montage days of getting the jokes together. And I was like talking about like deep shit on stage and like there was punchlines in it and his audience just had they were so full of sympathy. Yeah so full they were so full of empathy for the human condition. Just people in general that they wanted they couldn't even laugh at the stuff. They're like oh don't say that about just and I've never felt more embarrassed. I wanted to eat shit. Yeah.

I know. I know. I've gotten more of a reaction. I know exactly. I know exactly what you're talking about, too. And it's hard for someone to really appreciate the exact, the exact emotion you're talking about is because what happens is when there's certain, it's rare usually to find such an empathetic audience,

but there's times where you want the silence here, but then when you get to this part, that's where the laugh should be. And when you are embraced with more compassion, you feel like almost like someone's patting you on the head. There's almost a level of humiliation to the feeling. You're like, no, no, that's a joke. And they're like, it's okay. It's okay. You don't have to make it a joke. You're like, oh my God.

No, this is a joke. I was, I'm working on this, I'm not gonna do the bit, but the basic premise of it is that I have a friend that's in prison in Alabama. And he got a prison sentence that I felt was unjust. So I spent a couple years trying to figure out ways to level leverage politician and all this other shit to try and get the law changed and you know petition sign and all of that.

And it's a deep conversation about criminal justice reform and then but it ends with the real and this is a true realization that I had about myself in this journey is like, oh shit, I'm not famous enough to get anybody out of prison. I'm not, like I'm just on cable, like I'm not Alabama famous, like they only respect, and you start listening what celebrity means and the fucking, like the look on people's faces

we're like no we like you why would you say that about yourself? No that's not empowering you should be empowered and feel positive with the accomplished I'm like no that's not what I'm looking for here yeah you don't get it it's okay but that's what Mulaney does a great job of making his audience comfortable and laughing with his laughing with him at his flaws. Yes. Whereas me, the stranger, they probably felt like they were laughing at me.

Right. And maybe that's why I didn't get it. Like I'm always obsessed with why a joke doesn't get the laugh and then I start getting into the science of the syllables and vocal flexions and all of that should. Stanhope is a god at that. Nobody really talks about him enough. Doug Stan, it won the psychs to Doug Stanhope and won the psychs to a really good job of playing with word and flexion. We're on paper. It's not a punchline. But if I say it like this, a punchline. Yeah. But if I say it like this, yeah, that might be a punchline. Right. The delivery of it.

Yeah. There's just something to both of them, you know, wand on the punchline. Doug gets a laughs on the premise. He gets more laughs on the premise than a lot of comedians that I watch. Which is like, he's so much, he's so imaginative. Like I think it's something, he's somebody who literally is like, I'm not gonna, he's not gonna bring you some bullshit premise because it's not just below his standards, but he's, he's seen it all. So he's, he's, he's, he's just not, he's not gonna tour. He's not gonna get up without something to say. That's how he's always struck me.

Here's a question about standup that I think you could, you're closer to the ground on this than me. The comedians, the comedians that we know who have audiences that have opinions about not being vaccinated, right? How do those or where do those comedians tour if we get into vaccine passport land? Well, those with the strongest feelings about it, like if especially if they're just like, I'm not into it. I think they won't. The comedy club. So, so, so I was, um, I was in San Francisco with cops and they announced, and this wasn't per me. This is per the state of California. My mother,

fucking you coming in here, you got a fucking show and prove and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And someone in the, in the tweet replies was like, does this also apply for Doug Stanhope? And they were like, yes. And my first thought was, huh, I do wonder what his take is on the vaccine in general, but also he doesn't strike me as, like his audience is probably 50, 50 on that shit. Hmm, interesting, I'm saying.

So if you're a guy like Stanhope and you want to sell the most tickets, where do you go? What do you do not everybody has a fucking farm Where they can just pull a ship hell and put folding chairs in their backyard And beckon the neighborhood To cut well, I guess an LA they could what you're in Austin you probably could set up some chairs I guess you could yeah, you're finding place here Session chairs, but and you know and it's warm enough in the winter. Yeah, you could, yeah, you could find a place here. I'm just curious. But and you know, and it's warm enough in the winter.

Yeah, you could do the outdoor shit. Wouldn't y'all do an outdoor shit in Austin? Most of the winter. I wasn't here for that yet. Because I only moved here a few months ago, but yes, they were doing, they were doing outdoor shows. Yeah, I think Theo Vaughn and I think Hinch Cliff, weren't they like the beach hit

before I fell out of the LA guys that came out? I mean, I don't know. I mean, I remember that, that Chapelle and Rogan were doing outdoor shows here. They were doing a pretty regularly. And audiences were coming out, you know? They were testing people too. They were doing like rapid tests for people, you know?

They were doing that shit in my show. That shit is expensive as fuck, bro. Yeah, well, that's Dave and Joe. So, but yeah, I mean, I think at a certain point, you have to have a do with Q tips to intimidate you, but he really, he really ain't put, he ain't testing the shit. Ain't testing. Make you think you did. Q tip you tell you to stand to the side and timid us later, he just go, oh, you're

good. You're good, man. Like, people like, God damn, how much of you spend on putting it in the show on? You're like, how much of you just now, I'm just now getting in the yonder bag for some of my shows and I'm not even doing that for all of my shows. Yeah, that shit is so expensive. I did it for a couple. It's a, it's really prohibitively expensive, but I would only do it in special occasions. Yeah, I think, yeah, I did it in New York aly expensive, but I would only do it in special occasions. Yeah, I think. Yeah. I did it in New York a couple times, but I do it more when I'm hosting a room to make the other comedians feel comfortable.

Yeah. It's a better show. Yeah. But if it's just my show and it's just me, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I don't, my comedy's not, nobody's going in leaking it. Like most of my fans they

Appreciate the preparation process. Yeah, I think it's cool when you do I've had to Act on that only a few times, but I think most Fans that come out to shows know that you don't want that shit leaked Not helping anybody out Look before you go I wanted to remind everybody again, obviously we know we can see you regularly on the daily show, but Roy's job fair can be downloaded wherever you get your podcasts and you're also putting videos up on YouTube. Yeah, we throw up a couple of videos like, you know, two, three times a month. We're not for production situation like you.

Yeah. Like you boys do. But when it's something funny that strikes us, we'll three times a month. We're not for production situation like you, like you boys do. But when it's something funny that strikes us, we'll throw it up there. Well, we just had on a bunch of women speaking of only fans and porn we had Lisa Ann on. We had a bunch of women who like break, like there's, we spoke with a woman

who just sells her used panties on Craigslist and like just make, just make bread. Yeah, just, but then, I't want to hear that anybody's struggling That's a woman that's attractive. It's not selling stuff. They're fucking panties and our socks and our shit the fuck is wrong with you Get online and sell that shit We can't keep acting like pussy sells itself. They're still marketing and a website go to squarespace.com Get a website go to squarespace.com get a website. Okay, you believe that if you want go on point her right now see one of them 80-view videos. Someone took your word. My

pus is enough and she's out there for the rest of her life with 83 views. Yeah. Because she didn't take a Gary V class. You's what you learn from Gary V. You do have to market yourself. I'm that's true. You're supposed to be that enough. You have to market it right. But no, it's a fun podcast, bro. Like we just spoke with an Asa scientist two weeks ago. Next week, we have a full episode about the cannabis industry

and you know, people that have broken through in that and come up with hiring and all of that shit. Right now, we're trying to find, this is going to sound weird. We're trying to find, this is not weird, racist, this is going to sound okay. I cannot not sound racist, racist. So in Mexico right now, and this is a real thing, in Mexico because of American avocado consumption, avocado farmers are starting to get in shutdown by local cartels. Jesus.

For their avocados because avocados are as valuable as cocaine in certain parts of Mexico. Because it yeah, because it's just a it's a profitable piece of produce. So to keep from being shut down by the cartels, avocado farmers are hiring private security guards to guard avocado fields. So I'm trying to find an English-speaking avocado security guard. Who will come on my podcast? Put it out there.

You know what the other point is? So we can talk to them about this job. Like how do you get hired as avocado security and what does that job entail? Yeah. And what do you do when cartel fucking security shows up? That's what and so those are the questions we get into. It's weird jobs, curious questions

like that. So if you're if you're a bilingual avocado security guard, how are you at me me and I mean that in the least racist way possible Where do you go from there Roy will get to the notes app to type my apology from that silence That's where I go dude. Thank you for coming on man. man. This was really fun for real. And we're going to get that, this type of work with some holidays, the security in Mexico,

that we call it, Roy Worm. Okay, we'll see you. I hope you really said some shit. We just get caught up in some. Bird time, time and bird. One goes top and swap the other, wears a shirt

Time tells stories and birds the machine There's not a chance in hell that they'll keep the clean Here's what we call, two bears one cave No scripts to bet a booze amateur No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,