2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer - Ep. 97 | 2 Bears 1 Cave w/ Dr. Drew & Bert Kreischer

Episode Date: September 6, 2021

SPONSORS: - Start building better habits for healthier, long-term results. Sign up for your trial at https://Noom.com/BEARS. - Get an extra $50 off sitewide, on top of their Biggest Sale of the Year when you go to https://Kamikoto.com/CAVE and use the offer code CAVE - Go to https://Squarespace.com for a free trial and when you’re ready to launch, use the offer code BEARS to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain - Get 15% off your order at https://BuyRaycon.com/bears - Go to https://HelloTushy.com/BEARS to get 10% off your order and FREE shipping. - Go to https://MillerLite.com/CAVE to find delivery options near you. It's Miller Time. - Head to https://PolicyGenius.com/2BEARS1CAVE to get started right now. Policygenius. When it comes to insurance, it’s nice to get it right. Tom Segura is out for this week's episode of 2 Bears, 1 Cave, but Dr. Drew Pinsky joins Bert Kreischer in his place. They discuss Joe Rogan's recent announcement, and Drew gives his input on the medicine Joe decided to take. They also discuss Bert's love of drinking, why they don't cheat on their wives, Bert's feelings about selling out an arena, Armie Hammer and Trevor Bauer's recent controversies, and Bert gives an update on his surgery and recovery. They also talk about China, psilocybin mushrooms, and Bert's uncle who encouraged him to do stand-up.

And then I was doing someone's celebrity talk show, like a young lady is the same. I like the way you can't talk about anybody you relate to. I don't know how to describe Kelly Clarkson. A hundred percent. I'm a-a-a-a-sue. I'm a-a-sue. I'm a-a-sue. I'm a-a-sue.

I'm a-a-sue. I'm a-a-sue. I'm a-a-sue. I'm a-a-sue. I'm a-a-sue. I'm a-a-sue. I'm a-a-sue. I'm a-a-sue.

I'm a-a-sue. I'm a-a-sue. I'm a-a-sue. I'm a-a-sue. I'm a-a-sue. I'm start. We've started. We've started. All right. Welcome to bears one cave is a pleasure. Who bears one cave? Thank you for inviting me. I love it when I come in. I've not been here since I was sick on with COVID. When you told me when you told me, oh my god That's the last time we did something together when no, I saw you at your awards ceremony But the last time we did something together was this and you told me I could spit in your mouth and the next day I was sick with COVID and and I said I was indestructible. Remember that? It seems like it. I think you killed me. And then you said to me on the phone, well, it looks like we'll be testing that Mickey Mantle gene out. Get yourself tested for COVID. I'm

pretty sick. Yeah. Oh my God. That is God. That was not good. Still have fucking COVID round. It's so exhausting. It's exhausting and I feel right now, we're sort of in this surge right peak of it. People are starting to lose their shit again. You noticed? Yeah. I literally, somebody got my face in New York

and then social media is getting sort of nasty and weirder. People are, they're losing their shit. It's, it's, I mean, I did a show with the Hollywood improv last night, and you had to have a vaccination card to get in. I have, I, here's the thing, is obviously I'm vaccinated, and I feel comfortable.

I feel more comfortable there. But I, because you're vaccinated, because I'm vaccinated, but I also feel like that's a, I don't know, I'm fucking, I wish I had like, legit, like, stand your ground policies, but I don't, I'm kinda like, I'm just, no, I had like legit, like stand your ground policies, but I don't, I'm kinda like, I just, no I think it's, listen, the worst thing you could be right now, the highest probability

of you being wrong is you being certain. In other words, if you're certain of what's going on, code, what you're taking not take, you're gonna, you have high probability you're gonna be wrong. This thing, highly unpredictable, certain therapeutics, we don't know, we're gonna find out, it's still a moving ball rolling downhill.

We don't know. And so be reasonable as what I'm asking for. Let's talk about Rogan then. Let's talk about Rogan. Because it's so interesting to see all the media outlets, almost rooting for him to get sick. Not just rooting for him to get sick. I've seen lots of explicit wishes for him to die of it.

This is the world we are in right now. That is disgusting. It is disgusting that people feel out there livery to go, hey, you're a sick person. I hope you die of that illness. I don't care what it is. That's disgusting. I haven't seen people hoping for sickness

since when Donald Trump got it. It happened to me too. I remember when you got it and I remember why you obviously just talked about that. I remember when you got it and then people being like, oh, so I guess it's not the common cold drew or or or going to trip to Mexico, which was four months earlier, three months earlier had nothing to do with how I got it. It's got it from the hospital. It sucks so bad.

Cause obviously Rogan's one of my best friends. I love that guy. You need to help me with him. Cause I'm a huge fan of his and he's got some sort of weird heart on for me. Joseph, Joseph, I, where we were friendly years ago. And all the best, the best part about,

the best part about Joe coming out with COVID and saying all his treatment therapies and then, and then is the best part is I go, oh cool, so you guys finally know my friend. This is the guy I've been friends with for fucking 10 years. This is who he is. My dad's like, you hear what he's on? And I was like, yeah, that tracks.

Yeah, me too. By the way, the way he thinks sort of, I don't want to say it other than this, scientifically. Yeah, that's what he thinks. We don't know about this, I'll try it out there. He's the guy that, I mean, I don't want to say it other than this, scientifically. That's what he thinks. We don't know about this, I'll try it. I'll try it out there. I mean, I don't want to give away too much of his secret sauce, but he's the guy that has spent

almost a full month at three atmospheres under the sea in a hyperbaric chamber because it's with oxygen. And like, he is that canary in the mind for all of that. But I would argue that he is very thoughtful in knowledge about stuff he's doing. So everything he took, by the way, I sign off on. Everything. Really?

I have not only do I not, I was like, good, an interesting idea with the NAD infusion. I was like, that's a great idea. Well, the NAD infusion is, I just got, so I got fucking hammered the other night. Like, I'm talking hammered, and I've had diarrhea for seven days hammered. Like, the kind of hammered where you can't see

past your knees, and you're just like, okay, all right. And I got, I got a, and we were, I was drawing, go big, big go big show in Macon, and I got a IV, and I balanced right back. And- I have you have NAD? No, I didn't, but the woman giving it to me goes, have you ever had the NAD infusion?

And I said, no, she goes, it's a two hour drip, but I'm telling you, you will feel fucking amazing. It's great, we don't even really know why, but it does work. I take Nick and Tindy my ribosy, which is an oral version of that. And there's also a Nick and Tindy my mononucleotide that's also looking good.

These things reverse, maybe, delay aging. Well, I first heard about it from female celebrity comics. You know what I'm talking about? Same one that uses a little of the peptides. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. She got me and she was like, she's really good on it. Yeah.

And then I heard, I heard Rogan was like, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, I have them come over. They do, we do a drip every now and then. I thought, somebody's, I thought they blew it up your nose. No, no, no, no, no, no, I don't know why. And then I was doing someone's celebrity talk show, like a young lady is the same. I like the way you can't talk about anybody you relate to.

I don't know how to describe Kelly Clarkson. And she swears by it. Gwen Stefani was like, like all these people are like, oh yeah, you feel fucking wrong. So here's it, we don't know the long-term effects. It's not really been studied. I mean, you talk about E.U.A. and Berger's Your Proofles.

And it's really isn't fully approved yet. So you don't fully know the extent, but it's looking really, really good. Number one, and then number two, just the idea that people are doing all these crazy things is a little concerning, right? Because it's not properly been studied, but I sign off, listen, when you're sick like that,

I sign off what he did. First of all, remember when I was sick, I kept talking about the monoclonal antibodies, and I got them on day five, preventing me from going to the hospital. He got them on day five, preventing me from going to the hospital. He got them on day one, super smart, super smart. Signed off that completely. He took a anti-helmetic medication for roundworms.

By the way, this medicine begins with an eye. Yeah, rhines with pectin. We can't say it because YouTube will put us in jail if we even say the word. Think about that. That's cool. And it's a medicine. That's cool. And it's a medicine. That's really cool.

Thank you, too. It's a medicine I have prescribed for years. Really? Oh, you guys are going to love this. I used to do it. It was already burst, true and true. Please tell Steven Adler. So when I was a resident, there was an El Salvadorian civil war

going out of the time. We had lots of people coming up from Central America and Mexico. And we saw that I have prepared self images ascaras, lumbar corities. We saw lots of ascaras lumbar corities. Never I will eat my flip flop if that comes up. Oh yeah, of course it is. How do you do that? And they get the images, images.

And there it is. That's ascaras. People came, we're shooting that all over the place. I'm not eating anything. All the time. Well, why are they shooting that? Because that world wide, that's one of the leading warm infections and it gets into your GI system. And we would use this medication and also something

called Mabendazole and it worked great. It never harmed anybody. And I took it when I was sick because, I didn't do it. Almost exactly what Joe did And I took it when I was sick, because I did almost exactly what Joe did. I took steroids, I took the eye medicine, and I took a monocle antibiotic. Now, I am not convinced that this medicine that I've used for years really does anything.

I don't think so. I think once we have real antiviral medicine, this whole thing will just go away. But is, isn't, you like that? That's insane. No, wait, so you don't realize that we don't have real shit here in this country compared to elsewhere. No. Oh, by the way, don't even get me. We'll talk about China in a second. Okay. Okay. Okay. The, the, that, so that's insane. So what, what, what, what's crazy is

that this virus has become, has become politicized, which not just the virus, but the treatments and how doctors may, it's bizarre. And my, what's in here either, and here's the thing, because Rogan didn't get vaccinated, I think he didn't get vaccinated, right? I'm just guessing. And he took some treatments that were not considered approved

or were questionable. That makes him right. Does that make him on the right side or left side? Why does that even mean anything? That's so weird, isn't it? Are part, you know what I'm saying? You gotta get me on the show. I am dying to go on the show.

I'm such a fan of his and I've just been out of touch for like 10 years or 15 years. I think he thinks, I think his beloved weed is like, a problem or something. I think back in the day, I think that was what he thought. I don't think he thinks that now, like he can't. I mean, because no one thinks that we'd,

the gateway drug that we thought was. Well, it works, it's different. It's not what he thinks I think it is. It's just I had people that were addicted to it and had trouble getting off. And there's only certain percentage of people that get that. And it was awful.

It was hard to give it. There's a problem. There's such a talent to that. Oh my God, isn't he? He is so fucking good. Wait, I just got a message from Air Croberts. Is that maybe it was a dream? Oh, I'm confusing dreams in real life a lot lately.

Is that bad? I'd say so, really? Yeah, I mean, reality testing off, what the hell? There's Air Croberts is such a good fucking actor. Yeah, but so so yeah, but it's crazy that like I remember when I got vaccinated I I would I didn't I wouldn't tell people I got vaccinated. You wouldn't tell people you got vaccinated Why wouldn't I didn't I wasn't comfortable sharing that why I don't know

I just didn't want to tell people I got vaccinated because I felt like it was a privilege thing What that because I was was that before it? I don't know. I just didn't want to tell people I got vaccinated because I felt like it was a privilege thing. What? Because I was... Was that before it was why they distributed? No. It was before I went to Serbia though. Well, I was gonna say the only reason I, you know, here's what Joker now look forward to,

broad immunity sustained probably over time, probably. Yeah. And in about nine months, he might think about Johnson and Johnson because I took that and it looks like that's probably your best bet after having had co-op. I took Joe at Johnson. I wouldn't even tell people what I took that, and it looks like that's probably your best bet after having had co-op. I took Johnson. I wouldn't even tell people what I took. Like I didn't want to tell,

because I thought that would be politicized. And it's true. And they sure enough, you would be sitting there and they go, what did you get? Moderna and I go, no, Johnson and Johnson, and they go, oh, incredible. I want to get the Johnson and Johnson booster. I do too.

When can you get, I don't know, I'll let you know when it comes around. I'm fucking ready for that. Yeah. But I was uncomfortable sharing any of that information with people because I just felt like it wasn't their business. Like it was like a private thing. Well it is.

It always has been. I love a son that it's all of a sudden it's the world's knowledge and it has a political importance. I have a buddy who's a big anti-vac. Tom Sager, you know him. And is he anti-vac? He's our grand-tievacs. Oh no? He's our quantivax. Oh no kidding Oh, but back Christina. Yeah. Oh my god like like really any McCarthy and we'll talk about it all the time

About this vaccine or she all anti-backs. Oh, they're anti-vax across the measles mumps of smallpox I know their pediatrician. She's not anti-vax the black plague the No, I don't know if they're fucking anti-vac. Tom's anti-vac, so about, he, Tom is like, I'm not vaccinated, but he's still his anti-bodies. So he's like, I'm not getting a fucking vaccinated, but I got anti-bodies. That's right.

Well, I can, they should talk about that. I'm joking, Tom is an anti-vac, everybody. There's a fight. This is cause a shit show for Tom. He's like, real cool, Bert. This is, I just called you fat. I got, I got, I got, I got, I got, I got, I got, I got, I got, I got, I got, I got, I got, I got, I got, I got, I got, I got, I got, I got, I got, I got, I got, I got, I got, I got, I got, I got, I got, I got, I got, I got, I got, I got, I got, I got, I got, I got, I got, I got, I got, I got, I got, I got, I got, I got, I got, I got, I got, I got, I got, I got, I got, I got, I got, I got, I got, I got, I got, I got, I got, I got, I got, I got, I got, I got, I got, I got, I got, I got, I got, I got, I got, I got, I got, I got, I got, I got, I got, I got, I got, I got, I got, I got, I got, I got, I got, I got, I just called you fat. I got it. I tried it. I mean, actually, that's a good thing.

Tom is an anti-vaxxer, everybody. Let's give Tom a taste of his own medicine if he'd take it. You know what I mean? So I literally know their pediatrician, and I'm like, how can I get it in a way? So, okay. And they both have really strong anti-bodies. But the test that's partially available is no good.

I gotta get them a special test. It's called an antitex score that really... I think he went, I actually, it was before surgery. He had the second surgery, I think he went and tested him at the hospital. They don't have the test there, they don't have it. Yeah, so he has antibodies. That's a yes, no thing, it's not, is he covered?

I'd have a hard time, I'll be very honest with you. I'd have a hard time getting faxed if I had had COVID and had to antibodies. That's me. My antibodies are off the chain too, but you can't move, here's what's fucked up. You can't move around without it. Like I couldn't go into a restaurant in New York

without the thing. I, by the way, you have a card? I have a card and more importantly, I have this. I don't have like shit. Look at this. I have a QR code. Oh hold on. You sure were your card? Yeah, I didn't know you knew it Look at this. I have a true way. You are code. Hold on. You sure way you're card?

Yeah, I didn't make it. You're gonna need me. You got to apply it health vans. It's an LA county thing. What is an LA? Is this work? Hang on. Is this work? You need to apply for this.

What about this? That's my bar code for the email that sent me. I think that's good. Let me say. Yep. I think you're good. Let me say. Yep, I think you're good. Yep, California gave it this. All right, good for you. Take a picture of her.

I have it, I have it saved right now. And so I, I got the car and I just threw it away. I didn't know you needed to keep it. Well, you did it that now, it's what you need. So you're fine. I got another one with that. I was like, you expect me to keep this piece of paper? I know it's weird.

I was like, are you being serious? Like piece of paper? I know it's weird. I was like, are you being serious? Like, what world are we living in? That all of a sudden we're going back to paper trails? Not only paper, but paper that you can get your hands on those forms easily. They're really easy to get your hands on it. So, I don't understand that.

But they're giving QR codes out, and that's good. But the point is I was in New York last week, and I had to show my QR code to get in a restaurant. They did that at Hollywood and Problast, and I felt comfortable. No, I'm glad they're doing it. I'm upset that it creates an ostracized group. I don't like that. That's how I feel. I'm not good when it comes to political things

or saying my opinions, because I don't really know how I feel, and I know that what at my knee jerk reactions, the wrong one. Like I go, you should let that be a rule for life for you. So I have shut my mouth so much on fucking topics. It's funny. I look at like, I remember one time I didn't drink, right?

We were at a kid's part birthday party. It was like fucking eight in the morning and a bunch of the dads brought, we're all hungover and they brought a thing of Jack Daniels. And they were just passing around in the backyard, laughing hysterically. Now that normally is my fucking jam. Like I love that shit. I love that shit.

You have morning JD. I love getting drunk when you're not supposed to and you didn't see it coming. And all of a sudden it's getting greenlit and there's a finite amount of it. So everyone's racing to finish it like it's a pizza. But I had to drive somewhere that day. And I don't drink and drive ever.

And so I didn't, I just didn't. And the dads were bummed. They were like, come on, we thought you'd definitely be into this. And I was like, I would, but I got to drive. So I ended up in the kitchen. I ended up in the kitchen with all the moms. And they were, they found out the dads were drinking and one of the dads has had it had a real

Problem drinking. Oh and and with pills and and I got to sit in the room for the first time Where righteousness self-righteousness was where there are kids a fucking problem and they're like yeah We need to do something about him right bird and I was like yeah And it felt so good. It almost felt better than alcohol to be self-righteous. But I thought, I thought you watch these Twitter mobs come after people. And there are certain sides of the fence

that they can say no wrong. They can do nothing wrong. And it must be so much fun to have your politics be like, I don't care if I'm wrong because I'm righteous. I'm righteous and I know that my, like, and by the way, it's on both sides, like you have Hollywood elite saying stuff like, you know, docks this person, this person voted for Trump and then you have the other side going like, going like, abortion forever, whatever, I don't know, I'm not good. I get it. You know what I'm saying.

But here's the thing, humans have done this forever. We call it religion. I mean, think about it. We are. We just use the different language we could talk about. Sin is opposed to Trump, you know, in America, we talked about the, the elect rather than Democrats and Republicans. It's a effing new religion and And we ain't need to watch our, you know, religious wars get far, you know what I mean? It's crazy.

If you look at, when you look at like the, like I've, I just made a conscious decision to, when I had a question to then investigate that question and try to solve all my answers. So then my question was, who gives a fuck if the Taliban takes over Afghanistan? I'm never vacationing in Afghanistan. Like I will never go there.

I don't care. I don't know anyone. Actually, don't know anyone. Just don't get in. Just don't get in. Just don't get in. Yeah, right. But I'm sitting laying in bed trying to write a joke about it.

Everything always stems in like, how can I write a joke about it, right? So I'm like writing a joke and then I go, actually I don't know anything about the Taliban. Like I actually know nothing about the Taliban. And then I go, and I know even less about Afghanistan. Like I don't even know where it is. I don't even know where it is.

And I go, it's gotta be in the Middle East or Africa or something. And then I'm like, wait, I don't know anything about this one place. And then I find out it's next door to Pakistan. Correct. And I go, I did a speech on Pakistan when I was in eighth grade. And ninth grade, and I, I just was like, I just kept,

it was like the worst speech I've ever done my life. Five minute speech. And I was like, holy shit, I don't know where Pakistan is. And then I was like, that's the end. And so yeah, and so then I start researching the Taliban and why and what is wrong with what it was and then as you do just a little bit You're like can't believe I was gonna tell people nothing's wrong with the Taliban

Like Jesus Christ Like these fucking guys are Animals like they're not they're not only like they're like the worst type of human being you could ever have right? Yeah, very little education. Like maybe a first grade reading level. Like we're talking about first graders with big dicks and the handbeards. A friend of mine was, and the armor angels

and was working with them, trying to teach them to get, trying to create an army force. He said they couldn't sign their names. Yeah. Oh, it was this, X. I said, someone called them a dirt farmer and someone goes, that's actually a step up from what they are.

Like they don't, they probably- And then by the way, this is military. This is a military guy that I was talking to and he goes, man, I've been in Afghanistan. He goes, it was, he goes, it was like a losing battle. And then I found out how the Taliban started. The Taliban started because of the Mujahideen. And the Mujahideen, Russia, backland,

here's what's amazing, this is what's amazing. So I'm about to make the statement, fuck Afghanistan, I don't think about Afghanistan. And then I find out in 1960, Afghanistan was one of those progressive places. And beautiful and beautiful. And developed and women had rights and they could fucking ride bikes in the street

and they didn't show their face. They had an economy, they had a king who said, here's the deal, in order for my country to grow, I need to let the people of my country run my country. I need to let them grow. So I'm gonna first king in history, I'm gonna pull back my power and give it to the people. So now I'm just like ahead of state,

I'm just like a figurehead, I want you guys to do that. And it took fucking off. And it was amazing. And then the big problem was they played Russia and United States against each other. All their kids could go to the United States and get educations and all their soldiers were getting trained, could get free training in Russia. And it was the Cold War really fucked them. And then Russia invaded and then and then

Russia was fucking animals to Afghanistan. I mean just horrific Yeah, and and that started this religious fervor which Taliban was all those kids whose dads were in the Mujahideen They went take here's the thing that I learned Brit the fucking line for Afghanistan and Pakistan is just some British guy that went Oh, yeah, I didn't realize that like a lot of Middle East is that way all of the Middle East and they only did it that way to split up Tribal people so that they could get control them better and I'm like shut the fuck so then you hear things about white people being bad I'm like oh it's starting to crack No, yeah, I mean church it was involved with that. Did Churchill just do that? Yeah, those guys look a lot alike.

Let's cut them in half. Is fucking great. And then, and then you go from like, from writing a stupid joke in bed, you'll look a lot, a lot. Yeah. And so, and then, and then on the side, you're like, like, oh shit, man.

How, how would you fix that? I don't know, there's no way to fix it now. I mean, you know what's happening to me, by the way, there makes me think of this religious stuff. I've lost friends over this and people I really like. And then they, and I don't even know why. I don't know what it is I've said or done. And I would happily make it a mens or, or, or,

adjust my position. If I said something that is offensive, I was just thinking about Kathy Griffin. Kathy has been through a tough thing lately. She had her long removed. For cancer, for cancer, yeah. or adjust my position if I said something that is offensive. Now, I was just thinking about Kathy Griffin. Kathy has been through a tough thing lately. She had a long removed. For cancer? For cancer, yeah.

I didn't know she had a long removed. She had a little back to me, yeah. And, oh, that's, I thought, okay. And I, she had a lot of feelings about Afghanistan. And she's not been talking about it lately. It's sort of odd, because she was the one the first alert to me just exactly what you're talking about. And Dave Dahler is another one.

He was like a dear, I consider him a good friend. He will not, he just gives, he just rags on me on Twitter constantly. It's weird. Rogen was like, Rogen was like kind of another. What would, what, what was Kathy Griffin stands on Afghanistan? She particularly shows up set about how they treat a women. Oh my God. They, by the way, their, their treatment of women is,

is atrocious. Yeah, I mean, there is a law right now, women can get beaten up in the streets if they are showing their face or if they're riding a bike or if they're doing anything that's- Music? Music is outlawed. Music is outlawed. Pets are outlawed. You can't have a fucking pet pet They're going around killing dogs just cuz you had a dog and and and and there was a guy that was rose to power for a

Period of time and the reason that he did is he started this like click of him and his friends throwing acid in the faces of any woman Showing their face if a woman gets raped in Afghanistan. It's her fault. Yeah, it's her fucking fault The woman gets raped in Afghanistan. It's her fault. It's her fault. It's her fucking fault. That's, I mean, I don't know. Like, you're gonna become politically active. But I'm not, but see, that's the other thing is,

I don't ever want it. It's so nice when you don't know shit. And it's just to be like, to be clueless. Like, it needs to be clueless and be like, yeah, I guess everyone's having a hard time. Yeah, somebody else take care of it. Yeah, yeah, I'm not gonna waste my time thinking about Afghanistan and the whole sudden,

you learn something, you know, and now I can't stop thinking about the people. I'm gonna tell you that we could use a dose of my neural business or keeping these local at least. Yeah, because we're so busy on the international schedule, we don't really take care of what, I mean, our homeless situation is fucking insane. It's insane to me that we have 150,000 people

living on the streets in the greater LA area. And we have heard Austin's worse. I hear it's bad. I heard Austin, Tom said he really regrets moving there that he wished he had never followed Joe and he wished he had gotten vaccinated. And Tom, well, he's had that privately. You don't put that in the show.

So, I, look, no, that's a joke, and that I've been laughed at because someone just signed a lease. So, I looked and thought that's a joke and then I didn't laugh at because someone just signed a lease. So, we have no water, we have no electricity, and we have carbon going to the atmosphere with force fires because of lack of forestry management that exceeds decades of car carbon production. Automobile carbons can't even keep up with what's going on with the forest fires. That's so such a mess.

I'm, I, I, we're gonna, let's, let's talk about cheating. Let's talk about cheating. Let's talk about it. Jesus. Yeah. What's going on? Hey, buddy, before we do, we're signed off on Rogan. You cool, you understand,

you questions about that? What he did was exactly right and not just right, but, but kind of intriguing in that he added the NAD and all that stuff. If I had access to that, if I get sick again, I would think about that. Yeah, I don't, I honestly, I care less about his medical regimen

because I go, that's Joe, it's always been Joe. And Joe's gonna, Joe does what he does. He does his own research. He knows what he asks a million questions. I told him, I wait a conversation one time. I said, you are the most inquisitive person I know. You're the most curious, in individual I know. That's what makes him a great talker.

That's what makes him a great, he genuinely is curious about things. I think that's my thing is I want to be more curious about stuff. You're curious. You're good. I'm curious about fucking weird stuff. Like that's true. My curiosity is not super healthy. If you saw what my recent YouTube searches,

you'd be like, I got really curious about caviar the other night. I don't know, I just haven't had enough caviar in my life. And so I was like, I need to get more caviar. And then I was like, I don't know anything about caviar. And then I started researching caviar. And then I was like, I need some fucking caviar. I see, you know, $1,000 later, I bought a bunch of caviar to get delivered to the house and then what kind had you decide?

I just bought it all true. Oh I'm fucking I'm spending problem too. I had oh dude I Have a live with you how does he live with me? I don't know you recite lucky dude. You're beyond luck Why I don't know. You were such lucky dude, you're beyond lucky. I don't know. Why? I don't know if I'm lucky. Why? Why? Why?

You're lucky that you posted a picture on her Instagram of its glass half full mentality. Okay. She posted a picture on her Instagram of me and her when we were dating, we were younger. I saw it and I was like, it was a great picture. And it was a great picture and I, my glass half full brain was like,

was like, oh my God. Like she's like, look how young we were. And I was like, young. And I was like, fucking Jesus Christ, you were, you don't even look like that person anymore. Oh, wait, tell me yourself or her. Who do you, which one makes it less offensive? Oh my God. I mean, that's, I mean, it's insane. You look do you, which one makes a less offensive? Oh my God.

I mean, it's insane. You look like you look like it. I look like I grew into my mouth. Yeah, you're right. Your head got a lot bigger. My, I don't know what that's all about, but your head got bigger, you got fatter. She was hot, dance to hot now.

She's hot now. She's okay. Like, that was a fucking smoke show. Like that was the fucking, and then I just I just go oh so it's just downhill from here Like I get when you get except when you get comfortable just getting old and going that's it never because Because it's start you start your brain going. Oh, what's ahead? That's where your brain immediately goes like oh shit What's that? And that's where I start going like like I? Don't know I just don't want like do is

It is oh you get you some infusion as a push aging. I pull that's why I'm that's what I'm thinking like is it is it crazy for me to start Sanleon like yo, let's start finding things to do to make us look young again like because I when you start looking in the mirror And you see like for me. I have like a son I've all these sunspots from growing up in Florida. Yeah, yeah. Then I go, oh, this is like, I go through hair and makeup now for the first time in my life. I go through hair and makeup and I'm like, my eyes are fucking bloated,

my, I had sunspots all over my head. I've got like fucking darkness. Like, sun damage all of my forehead, my hair's thinning, and then I start going, okay, is there something wrong with me wanting to run back the clock and get hair transplant? And do like all appeal and get my skin done and go on steroids and I'll tell you what, this really fucked me up.

This is the first time that I've ever felt one foot in the gray. I've done so much dangerous stuff. So much dangerous stuff. I can't even vocalize how often I've put my life on the line or my well-being on the line and just got away with it. Meaning I'm already on the van at the end of the day.

How to beer was like, that was a close call. Just the bear story. Just the bear story. Swimming in with great white, you look at that kid, Pupi's, who got his hand bit in the jackass thing And he's not he's like trying to regain mobility in his hand and you go you're not supposed to happen for jackass They all get away safe and so this was the first thing where I was like

Well, I was like oh man. I'm especially when I was painful after surgery That's when you start thinking about that stuff. So what you kind of have to do is prepare for 60, right? That's kind of what you have to do. Why, why is that so? That's Jesus Christ. I'm preparing for 50. No, I think you got to go a little bit further down straight.

And that meaning of what I'm thinking about is, huh, what is, how old you now? 48. So what's 12 more years of alcohol going to do to me? Because I don't like that. I'm just saying, if you want to actually prepare for it. That's what my cardiologist said is he goes It doesn't end well with alcohol, right? If you may not die from it You may be fine with it, but he goes we all know how this book ends

Yeah, and and there's ways to moderate it so you don't get all the physical effects You can you could do the injectables and get your hair set But you don't want to look like you're trying to be 30. I don't want to look like that. You just want what I think you think in terms of how can I look my best and feel my best the longest, because eventually it just a shit falls apart.

When you're 75-80, it's just all over and you just let it go. But how do you get to your 60s being kind of, okay, and a lot of it is diet and exercise, a lot of it is. I, well, I can't really exercise. I can run on the treadmill, I can't run. They're not letting me run yet. Get bike. I can't, I can't bike, because of this.

I can't do any. And into their inclined bikes, you know? I could, I would, if I'm, if I'm, or how about a stair master? Talk about prepare for 60. Stair master. Dude, I'm trying to get you in the room. I'm on a zone.

I can be on a treadmill on an incline of like, I can do an incline, but. For the stair master, to Gears master. Dude, I'm trying to get you in the room. I'm on a zone. I can be on a treadmill on an incline of like, I can do an incline but. But, stear master. Do a stear. My thing right now is I want to change. I really want to, I want to overhaul my diet. Meaning, I would. But if you keep drinking, that is rearranging deck chairs

on the Titanic as we say. Okay, you have a Titanic's gunnest thing. So, minus we'll make sure we have deck chairs. Like, two shades, sir. Listen, listen, let me tell you something. If you're on the Titanic and you don't know it's sinking and you see no deck chairs, you're like, something's wrong. Okay.

But if you see deck chairs, you're like, this isn't gonna say. You don't wanna care, right? I wanna look at life going, it's not gonna end. Are you kidding me? Yeah, we were talking about cheating and I go I could not I could not Cheat even a little bit like meaning Any bit of it because if I do wheels are off and I'm done I'm so so everything so so and and part of being on YMH is like committing and

Exposing everything and yeah, so I'll share with you, I feel exactly the same way. Okay. And that it's something about, if the plane gets past, then many planes should, what a difference to make. Once you've passed the plane, it's just, you're past, you're back, you've done it. You're in that zone where you do that. I don't think women feel the same way at all.

At all. No, they're more like trying to get their needs met and or maybe there's something exciting about it. It's just, for them, it could be definitely a momentary thing. I was thinking today on the ride here for Leanne, it would be like, we're going through this thing right now. I don't know if she'd be entirely comfortable

with me sharing this. All right, so you will. We've talked about it last night about, because we built a new house and I had nothing to do with it because I was in Serbia and we moved in and I was oh You're in the new house now. You're in the new house now. Yeah, we are we're in it. You're still a hundred percent of the valley, right? Yeah Yeah, why did you stay in the valley? I was a confusing thing to me. I don't know Leana likes being around our friends. Okay, okay, and so so we, I wasn't privy to a lot of the decisions made.

Yeah. So certain things always sound like an accusation to her. And so a lot of times our judgment, or judgment, and a lot of times her response to me on simply anything is a defensive, why did you put a door here? Oh, you don't like my doors? You don't like what I've told you. Where were you when I was making the decisions?

You could have been part of the decision. You didn't get a vote here because I- What was the one that decided- What was the one today I said? I all wanted to remember it to talk about it, but I was like, I came in and I said something about, where am I? where's my wallet? And she goes, how would I know where your wallet is?

And I was like, whoa. I was like, I'm just asking yours. And so I was like, hey, we gotta stop talking to each other like that, because I think she would cheat on me if she could be around a guy that didn't accuse her all the time. Like where if she just was like, hey, it's so funny. I haven't felt accused of anything. And like a week.

I like being around this guy, simply because he says, how are you feeling today? Yeah, yeah. In other words, she needs somebody that would take care of her or not having any needs of his own. And I think, and I think I have been,

and which is by the way, when you're cheating the easiest thing in the world to do, right? Yeah, right. It's so nice to think of like, I have been in need of a lot of help for everything. Like today, she goes to when we get done, what we're gonna do is we're gonna move the firewood back here.

We're gonna set it up here, and I was like, I can't help you. She was like, why, what are you doing? And I was like, I can't lift anything. She was like, oh, oh, that's right. And then she was like, we're going to Red Rocks. I'm at Red Rocks this Sunday by the way or this Wednesday It's sold out. It's what I read regulations. Yeah, thank you. I was very I can't wait to see that arm up I'm very proud. They're not gonna see you. They're just gonna see the brace. I know they've got the fucking I got the razzle dazzle come that's incredible. Yeah, I got

Well started as a joke and then and then all of a sudden I couldn't stop laughing at it and I was like fucking I'm bringing the I'm bringing the razzle dazzle arm. Oh hell yeah, I'll turn it on and then I was like, I couldn't stop laughing at it. And I was like, fucking, I'm bringing the, I'm bringing the razzle dazzle arm. Oh hell yeah. I'll turn it on and off throughout the show, making it, making it special. You're gonna have to turn it off so people pay attention. Can I tell you, can I, can we pivot on this cheating thing?

Can I tell you something? Can I go back to it? Go back to cheating. Can I tell you something that I have, I've been having a hard time with is, so I saw Red Rocks and then all my, you know, my teams, like, here we want to make an announcement that you sold out Red Rocks. I think the announcements just went up on, I'm sure it just went up on Instagram right now. But I was like, I was like, it's weird. There's this weird thing going on in

comedy right now that I'm a hardcore part of, but I don't know how I feel about, like where it's like taking pictures of a sold out room and taking pictures in front of a sold out audience. We're doing a video to show everyone you sold out. We're, or in our talking about it, and it's less about the comedy and more about the propaganda, the cult of personality of who I am as a comic.

I'm not following. It's not gonna make sense. Because I like to see you in front of a big crowd. When Tom pictures that stuff, I go, oh my god, look at this, it's all this. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I'm excited for you guys when I see that. But I'm afraid, I'm always afraid, this is gonna come out weird.

And I wish I could say a name. I wish I had a name. I'll say a name, you ready? Cause I think this guy would be comfortable. I'm saying names that I think would be comfortable with me saying them. Someone like, who's a friend of Tom and I,

who's a pretty real guy. I'm certain at times he's, I would never want me standing in front of a sold out audience and like my arms up in victory. Like, for him to be, for him to take a reflection on his career and then be like, he feels shitty now. Oh, so where are you right here?

I'm worried about my peers. Okay, I get it. Not worried about, I get that. I don't think the average. You know what, it's funny, I don't think about that because I don't think about comedians. You guys are all together. I was on the other side of that for so long.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I was on the other side of that for so long. What about you, like Tom does a lot of stuff from an empty stadium and stuff. What about that? That's, that's, that's, that's, all right, then don't do it. That's taking a lot of stuff from an empty stadium and stuff. What about that? Is that, to my- All right, they don't do it. That's taking a picture of the shadow

of how big your dick is. It's like, we all know that he wouldn't take that video of the, there's like, look, the thing is, there's nothing wrong with it. I'm not criticizing Tom. I'm good. I've done it. Everyone knows.

I'm done. I love it. I love it. I love it. But then I started thinking, am I doing, am I affecting how my peers may feel about themselves? Yes, because not everyone gets an opportunity. Like they wanted me to do this promo video

about selling out red rocks. And I ended up doing a version of it because I am very proud that I sold out red rocks because I wasn't supposed to sell out red rocks. And but I wanted the messaging to be, if anybody, if I could do anybody could do it. Yeah, because I wasn't supposed to sell out Red Rocks. And but I wanted the messaging to be, if anybody, if I could do it, anybody could do it. Yeah, because that's, I think that's good. Because that is the truth is good.

Is when, you know, when this deal came through, it was initially me and Jim Jeff who's supposed to do it together. But then Jim rescheduled, I couldn't do it, his schedule wouldn't open up for him to do it. And they said, hey man, we've got this night, we don't know if, if you want to try to pair with someone else, or do you want to try to do it by yourself. And

I kept thinking to myself, and this is the part where I want my peers to hear is I was like, if it may be obnoxious, but with enough promotion, with enough videos of me saying Red Rock September 8th, Jimmy Buffett said that night before the night after I'm going to go see Jimmy Buffett the night after. Enough of that messaging. It would get to 10,000 people that would then buy tickets and then I could sell it out. And I said, and there were people like, dude, enough, we get it about,

even the people on Go Big Show, enough. We get it. But I thought, no, that's how this works. You don't ever want someone, you don't want September 9th the day you're leaving Red Rocks to get a text and go, when are you coming to Colorado? And so many comics complain about that that I wanted it to be that. And then, and then, and then I just felt guilty even saying I sold out Red Rocks. So I'm like, I don't want, I don't know who I'm, who am I sharing that to?

The people that bought tickets don't give a fuck, right? Right. And this is, by the way, this is my OCD. It is, it's for, it's your people wanting to do it for the industry it's the industry and then I go and then I get self-conscious because I've done so much of it I've posted videos of me and pictures of me and and and by the way I enjoy those all so because it makes you feel good inside that you worked hard and you sold the tickets and you moved, you do two shows

at the beacon and you're like, this is an achievement. But it's really interesting and I wonder, I was wondering from like a psychological standpoint if I'm like, like a fucking melting down and you know, what? I don't know because I'm like, I'm starting to see everything. You're fine. Too much from the inside. No, you're fine. No, you're fine. You're a sensitive person, you're empathic, you're worrying about other people, that you're actually putting yourself in those people's position because you have been there and you don't want to do that to them.

It seems perfectly reasonable to me. And the industry has its own needs. You have fucking figure out other things out. Yeah. Jim, I was thinking about Jim. Jim's a friend. Yeah. And do you know what his original training was in?

Oh, I had a college. No, let me guess though. Okay. Because there are a hundred different uniforms I can see Jim wearing in life. Not this one. Really? Probably not.

It's, it's, we went to first heard. I was like, really? It's so interesting. Uh, prenatal. No, no, no, no. But, no, musical theater. Really? Yes. And I was thinking, have you seen this new series It's so interesting. Prenatal. No, no, no, no. But, no. Musical theater. Really?

Yes. And I was thinking, have you seen this new series, Shmigadun? No. Okay, I don't know if I'm going to recommend it to you or not, but it made me think of him constantly. It's that people get lost in a musical. It's justly strong and they get living in a musical. And it's obnoxious.

And for some reason, at the whole time, I was thinking about you. And he did, what he did in college and stuff. He's rearranging the decks on that's pathetic, the rearranging the deck chairs on the floor. It turns out his life. He's still parties. Yes. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Do you tell him to stop drinking?

We've had conversations. But you, but, but, he controls it. Listen, here's the big thing. He drinks more mere gym jumpers. You. So, hold on. Hold on. So, here's the thing to make. He drinks more, mere gym juffery. You. Hold on. Hold on.

Hold on. So here's the deal. Here's the deal. I am not the guy that's interested in people not partying. I want people to partying to have a good time. And even if they have a perclivity to lose control, there's different genetics, right? Some genetics are, I love alcohol, but I can control it. Some is, alcohol is cool, but when I go, I can't stop, and some are both. Okay? And you're kind of light on both, right?

A little light. Yeah, I definitely can, I am definitely someone who can turn it off at the end of night. Yeah. And so, and so I'm interested, I'm not, you know, if you lose control and you can't control it, I can help. Then I'm, then I'm, what you need. But I'm interested, I'm interested I'm not you know if you lose control and you can't control I can help then then I'm then I'm yeah, what you need But I'm interest I'm I am perfectly cool with people figuring out ways to moderate if it's not losing control My moderation is not that is your career. That's the problem is you're your Branded as the guy that drinks a lot and you love morning JD with your buddy Yeah, and so that's And the the love it part

is the part that you guys have. Please guys have seen it in my eyes. I know we have light up. When we have a moment where we drink and I go fuck it, let's just get drunk. It's the funnest time to get drunk. It's the times that I don't like getting drunk or like 21st birthday.

Like, you know the other reason I don't worry about so much with you so much. Why? I met your parents. Oh yeah, oh my dad was so excited to meet you. It was fine. He was so excited to meet you. And they know if the gene is there,

it's not super evident. You know what I mean? So I don't worry that you have a huge genetic burden. That's what I'm talking about. My moderation is not the healthiest. Your problem is this career. Your problem is what you do for living. And you know that, we always talk about that.

And he used to be your anxiety around travel and all kind of stuff. That seems to have kind of settled a bit, right? It has. Yeah, boy. So let's just say it's settled. Because I think I can see that it's settled. But you're talking about being 60 and not having bags under your eyes, you've got to make some choices as we move forward.

But I'm not, my moderation is that I either don't drink at all for three months. That's called absinthe, it's not moderation. I don't have moderation. I've asked you. You're bingy. Yeah. I'm bingy in that. The really, if you, I'm looking at you.

I can tell you, by the way, can I tell you my favorite, my favorite beer I've ever had in my life was during quarantine. I remember this beer so well. I didn't drink for three months. And then we went to our new house and we had had these ice cold beers that had been on the tour bus, that had someone had given us. And my buddy, Leanne was like, on our friends were coming over and Leanne's like, I'm gonna have a beer, you wanna beer? And I was like, I don't, I'm not drinking. She was like, I know, but you can have a beer.

And I was like, I guess I could. And I had two beers quick. I had two quick cold beers. And they tasted amazing and the buzz hit. And I'm, I can tell you every time I quit drinking and I had my first drink, the feelings, I sit and I, like poetry and I go, let's feel it. Oh God, it feels so fucking good.

You wanna know, this is creepy, this is almost borderline crazy person talk. So we did the first sober October and I hadn't taken a break from drinking in a while before that. We didn't drink for a month, I felt fucking awesome. I lost a bunch of weight and it was the first sober October and I did it and we went to New Orleans, me and Ari.

And we went and we had one drink together, we had our first drink together. And then we like quickly had two more before we got on the Bourbon Street. And after the third drink, it kicked in hard, right? And I, this is the thought I had there's a little girl that my friends my daughters were friends with who used to dance in the living rooms like just out of nowhere she just start dancing I was like what

the fuck's wrong with this kid she starts dancing and I let's just call her Jade okay and I go why is Jade dancing why what makes this child dance I couldn't and for the long time I said to her parents you kid just starts dancing and I go, why is Jade dancing? Why, what makes this child dance? I couldn't, and for the long time I said, we're parents, your kid just starts dancing and I said, weirdo. And then we were on Bourbon Street and the buzz kicked in. I started dancing and I go, I know it makes Jade dance.

Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh. I fuckin', it's like this tap into, and when you're a kid, it's youthful and you're pure. But when you're a adult, you got so much shit shit in your life you rarely get that. He really get that and then the buzz kicked in and I started dancing on purpose. And I was like this is the greatest healing ever. Like a ballet or what kind of a... I remember the first time I ever got a buzz the first time I ever got a buzz from booze. Alan me came and are drinking in the empty lot behind his house. Nadi lights and his mom, we go to the front of his house and his mom goes back,

sees all the beers, collects all the beer cans. Comes to the front door, we're talking to girls, we're talking to Alice, we're talking to all these girls. These are all real, real, real, real, real, real, real, real names. We're ninth grade. She goes, boys, inside right now, we go into Alan's kitchen, we sit at the kitchen table, she dumps the beer cans on the thing, and I register that I should be scared,

but I'm buzzed, and I sit back and I cross my arms, and I go, I don't give a fuck. And I go, oh, this is the best feeling in the world. And I was like, I've taken all the reality of life, the reality that I will be getting in trouble for this. And I don't care, and I just remember giggling to myself going, I feel sparkly, and I feel great.

And I'm not worried about this right now. So this isn't reassuring me for you, number one. And number two, those of you that wonder why people drink and when they really like it, like of you that wonder why people drink, and when they really like it, like that, that's off in their experience. They love it. It is so much fun.

I don't get that experience. I'm actually kind of jealous that he gets to that. You just drink wine to stain your teeth. You're just like, I drink wine. Like my mom said one time, well, I'm sure there's people that are smoke weed, but don't do it for the buzz, and I go, no one. Maybe to sleep.

But no one doesn't smoke weed for a buzz. For something, you're doing it for the buzz. No one takes a Tylenologist, which isn't their mouth, it spits it out. Like you take it, everything's there for coffee. It's like, I don't understand decaf. Give me a surgery update. Ooh, yeah.

Oh shit. What? I think I fucked up my thing. Yeah. So, I just had my first physical therapy yesterday. First? Yeah. Wow, that's a long time after the surgery.

Well, I was you on the road. I was on the, I was doing the show. And apparently you cannot, not everyone takes everyone's prescription, so. Oh my God. So, he said to me, he's like, don't worry about it while you're there. Let's just try to get you to 90 degrees mobility. Which you've exceeded.

I've exceeded 90 degrees. Good. And so I... You told everybody how much it hurts and your feelings about the surgery. This audience knows about it. Oh, no. You want to tell them about it? Yeah, what do you want to know?

It wasn't fun. No, no. It was, by the way, it was, I mean, everyone knows that I was having horrific panic attacks up until the surgery. I didn't know that. I think you're going in kind of good. Oh, no, no, no, no.

No, no, no. Am I being accurate? Am I understanding that? Yeah, we were all really worried about... And my number got leaked. And so what was happening was... You're worried about getting at it being anesthetized. Yeah, I stopped drinking.

I talked to you about it. Yeah, yeah. By the way, my anesthesiologist called me the night before and he was like, I was like, I was like, just you know, I haven't drank in like 14 days and he was like, why? And I go, that guy's an alcoholic. And he goes,

he goes, because I don't know who it is, don't say his name, but I'm telling you, anesthesiologists have a hyperclivity to their stuff, and for him to say that is like, fault, he told me to go, get fucking wasted tonight. Enjoy yourself with your family.

Oh my God. Have a fucking, have a couple focac tales. Couple of cocktails fine. And he goes, no, he goes, he goes, don't drink anything after midnight. Yeah, if you had not taken those 14 days off, you could have had withdrawal two days after your surgery. Yeah, well,

yeah, you could have kept drinking too. I don't have withdrawal from alcohol. Yeah, I know you could have, plus you could have all those, you could have had withdrawal two days after your surgery. Yeah, well, you could have kept drinking too. I don't have withdrawal from alcohol. Yeah, I know you could have. Plus, you could have all those, you could have a lot of stuff. I don't drink enough to have withdrawal. I've never had withdrawal. You hear them laughing? Yeah, but I don't shake and I don't go like this.

So I can just stop drinking and not notice it and sleep well. But I stopped drinking for 14 days and he goes, oh, just have fucking cocked pills. Yeah. He's like, enjoy yourself tonight, you're fine. All right. And so, my number got leaked and a couple of horrific individuals were texting, it's funny, it's funny this behavior. They started off texting very nice things to me and then I didn't reply the way they

wanted replies or I didn't want to become their best friends. Oh my. And then they started texting very hateful things to me. And then I didn't reply the way they wanted replies or I didn't want to become their best friends. Oh my. And then they started texting very hateful things to me. Oh my God. It was about my surgery and about my, about my daughter's not having, and then that's when I changed. And then daughter's what?

Not having a father and how funny that would be. And it's just people with horrific senses of, is there a bill? Is there a, you and Tom talk to each other all the time? No, that's not how Tom and I talk to each other. But it is how some fans think. They think that you talk to each other. Yeah,? No, that's not how Tom and I talked to each other. But it is how some fans think. They think that you talk to each other.

Yeah, and you're just like whatever. So I changed my number, thank God. And I still have that phone, hit me up on that number. If people FaceTime me all the time, and I'll just answer it. And they'll be like, oh shit. And then all the messages, by the way, all the messages that were on that old number, all the messages were fucking overwhelmingly kind

And it was just after surgery and it meant so much to me. Oh nice. So thank you. You were suffering after surgery too I I had so I got out of surgery and the nerve block fucked me up Like I was not comfortable with a nerve block. Not feeling my hand was the scariest thing I've ever fucking dealt with. And the only thing that was giving me assurance was that Tom was going through it also.

And he had, and I kept thinking to myself, like, this sounds super silly, but like, Tom's my hero, because I know that he had to do all this shit, and he didn't have a leg and didn't have an arm. And he's gone through another surgery on the arm. I kept going, Tom did all this, Tom did all this. If Tom can do it, you can do it. It's good, and the end is both straight.

He was my lighthouse. But that nerve block really fucked me up and hardcore anxiety attacks. And then paying afterwards. And then I was like, I was like, I just want this nerve block really fucked me up and hard hardcore anxiety attacks and then pain afterwards And then and then I was like I was like I just want this nerve block to wear off And I it didn't wear off They were like it should be worn off by in like the next three hours and I was like cool And then like three to six and it's sometimes at last 48 hours But it shouldn't last 48 hours. It should last three to six tops 12 and at fucking 12 hours

It was still numb. And I was like, oh, I could think is, what if they fucked up my nerve and what if this is my forever? And I was like, if this is my forever, it just, I was up all night. I couldn't drink, I couldn't take any pills. And I had no feelings, so it wasn't in pain,

but I was losing my shit. I mean, like this, all night just touching it. And then my hand would get hot. And then I fell asleep and it fell behind the couch. And I was like, what the fuck? I was like, oh shit. And I was like, Leanne, help me get my arm off. I couldn't move any, all of it was numb.

Oh. And then that night, the first night, it started wearing off. And I was like, thank God. I remember twitching my hand like that. And I was like, oh my God. And I twitching my hand like that. I was like oh my god I and I realized I don't think I told Tom if I do ever get paralyzed just kill me just come kill me because I I can't do it I can't do it. I can't fight back. I can't I the road for recovery. I don't I don't have that ability in me

She's come in give me a kiss on the lips and fucking load me up with drugs and just send me the other world. I had a kid chase Friedman on my podcast. He's on my podcast right now who I was a friend of mine and he got paralyzed from the neck down. And when I was freaking out even to talk to him. He, well, he's been recovering. He's recovered. Great. I mean, he's got his feeling back. He's moving around, he walks, he's like, oh, that's crazy, that's unusual. Well, he said something that was super prolific. They went in for the first surgery. He was partying him Philly.

You get less of the podcast, he gets into details. Partying him Philly woke up in the bathroom and there were the girls around him going like, hey, you got, you fell. Like, you need to get up and he was like, I can't move anything. And they're like, no, you fell. And he was like paralyzed and they're like, and then they, because I don't know what he said about this,

I don't know, but one of the girls wouldn't call 911. Cause she didn't want to lose everything she'd work for. And so he sat there for 45 minutes while they debated on calling 911. Oh my God, he could have, if it was high enough, it stopped breathing too. Yeah, and so then they called 911 and they take him in, they put him into the MRI machine

and he's like, it was the worst. He goes, I couldn't move anything, Bert. They have a mask over on my face because of COVID protocol. And I guess his legs were twitching, spasming. And so it was like two hours in there and he said something that was so fucking prophetic. He said when I went in for my first surgery

to see if they could fuse my neck or whatever, I looked at the anesthesiologist and I thought, I hope you don't know what you're doing and you kill me, right? And I had never understood that kind of talk until I had that nerve block on that arm and I went, there is a weird part of your brain when you can't move your hand

and you're trying to move your hand that really fucks with certain brains. Your brain, my brain. When you go move your hand and I'm like wait, how do I not know how to move my hand? How come I can't move my hand? Who, I was a mess and then when the nerve block started wearing off all of a sudden,

I was loaded with pain. And I was like, what the fuck? And I called you. And I was like, can I smoke weed? Because my pain pills did not work. And then they said that they couldn't just switch me off them. That's ridiculous. I told you those ridiculous,

but they were, and so smoke the weed if that helps, fine, what difference to make it? It's an opioid or canvas. I have that works, right. I didn't do it. I didn't do it. I didn't do it. I just didn't, I just, I just think it stopped taking pain pulls all together.

So I was like, I was like, this is stupid. I was like, I'm not gonna take pain pulls and fuck up my liver. Cause I was, I don't know what I was on, but they were like, these are really strong. So we gotta get you off them soon. And I was like, I was just gonna off them now. Like I'm done.

And but I was in a lot of pain for a few days. I called you a couple times and I just was like, I want something. You needed something. I was not happy with how they were managing your pain at all. I wonder if this weird thing where you've gone from over-prescribing to under-prescribing, it's crazy. I literally, I think I was being prescribed like,

like Tylenol, like, excess like, where I end there and that's when you really, I can't believe you didn't smoke weed, I why not, if that weren't? Because you know, because that's my brain. My brain's this weird T-toddler. It's like I either, and parting or I'm not partying. You know, like I'm either gonna do it or not do it.

But I can't straddle the fence and go, I'll just take a couple hits of weed because I was like, I'll end up drinking. But, and then, and then, what, I'm just, I, I, go ahead and finish. And, but it's, the recovery's been really good. Like, you look right now, I mean, but you've exceeded the 90 degrees.

I've exceeded 90 degrees. I had my first physical therapy yesterday. It's good. And right now it's all about, I start lifting weights in like two weeks. Oh, wow, great. Oh my God, that's great. And, but yeah, there's weird, it's what's really weird

is like, I have no definition in this arm anymore. And I have like big arms. Like I've always had strong arms. I've always grabbed weights and done buys, like just as for fun. Even when I wasn't working out, I'd always bang out buys, right? And the other day I was getting in the shower

and I went to watch this arm and it was just flabby. And I was like, oh, I got like a fat chick's arm. Like, you know, like, like, remember that was it? Something about Mary, where Christie Applegate is doing this to her. But what's this? What is this? that chick's arm. Like, you know, like, like, remember that was it? Something about Mary, we're Christian Applegate is doing this to her, but what's this? What is this?

It's like when women go, I mean, what is this shit? It's like, that's what my arm is, and I've never had that arm. My boys just had muscle in there, and I was like, and that, I think that's- I need a motivate you to work out when you're done. It drew? That's how I'm being with COVID.

I started running, I started doing all kinds of stuff. I'm so appreciative of having your help. That's how I'm being with COVID. I started running, I started doing all kinds of stuff. You're so appreciative of having your health. That's what I'm, that's the weird part. You become away with super appreciative of what's pictures that. Yeah, it's you with, oh, that's Photoshop by the way. Yeah, really? It's probably not that far off. Not that far off, I didn't have to Photoshop it much.

But but see how like my right arms, I've always had big arms. Yeah, and then my left arm has just been tiny. And so, but my motivation for health is insane. I mean, like, I signed up for the New York City Marathon. I'm like, it's all good, but you gotta deal with the diet and the alcohol. The diet is, the diet. The alcohol is so hard.

I know, I know. You love it, it's fun. I love it. I mean, how do you watch sunsets? Like, how do you, like, I just, I just, I don't think I've had sober sex and fucking forever. I, I, the one of the things I was thinking about while you were talking about your arm was somehow,

I wanted to talk to Leanne about the cheating thing. Should we call her? Yeah, yeah, of course. Yeah, because. Oh, she's in, uh, she's in drop, or her, uh, workout class. Oh, so she can't. I don't know. I can try. All right. That's right. Cause I was thinking about that, that crossing the plane thing and how different women, like I won't go to a strip club because that's that same. But that's the same thing. No, that's the same. Uh, the last trip club I was that, there was a moment,

the last time I got like a legit, legit lap dance, there was a moment where I was like, okay, I think this is actually cheating. I was like, I don't know if you're honest with me. But isn't that, oh damn. This woman did something to me that I was like, I was like, I don't know, I don't want to go into too much detail, but she did something to me that I was like, I was like, I don't want to go into too much detail, but she did something to me that I was like, I was like, no, I'm pretty certain if there weren't jeans in between

what's happening, that this, yeah, we would be having sex. Right, not only that. I'm like, I'm like, this, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm going to use this logic, then technically a condom is in cheating. And I was like, because we're just having a jeep on the brain. So like, I gotta leave, I got up and I walked out. She goes, and I do something wrong, I go, no, not at all. Yeah. Oh my God.

Oh my God. I don't know, I think as I grew up in Florida, like lap dances where you never can fuse them with cheating. Like you never, I think as I grew up in Florida, the like lap dances were, you never can fuse them with cheating. Like, you never, I just don't think more in terms of, would my partner be happy seeing me do this? Oh, I don't think Leanne knows what goes on in a strip club. Well, trust me now. No, no, no, no, she still doesn't.

Even when I just described, she'd be like, huh? So, like, I remember for Christina's bachelor party, they got a male stripper. And Leanne's called me up. She goes hey, they got a stripper here Can I get a lap dance and I was like oh? Should we've been calling each other before these like Does I didn't know that we had to check in I thought we was just like across the board but you get a lap dance No, I have to talk to Le. And she goes, but she goes, why did you thought I'd ask?

I didn't want you to be upset. Like, well, I'm not upset. You can get a lap dance. And I was like, I know you, and you're not gonna like it. And she was like, what? And I was like, trust me, you are not gonna like it.

Like, it's not what you think it is, right? Oh, she called me like 30 seconds later. She's like, oh my God! That was disgusting! He just was paying my face with his cock! And that's what they do. Mail strippers are like, smack, smack, smack bitch. And it's a weird, I was a Mail stripper for a day once

on a TV show in BirdBurt. And it is, it is, in crazy, what women like in the bedroom versus what they like in a strip club, what they like in a strip club is to be degraded. And like, you know, basically, versus what they like in a strip club. What they like in a strip club is to be degraded. And basically just smack your dick in their face. I don't know. Liam would never like me to go, wow, wow, wow, wow.

You ever tried it? I have. Yeah, okay, just checking. But like, so she didn't like it. But I've never connected lap dances, but I certainly, for me, but you could relate to the fact that this thing about crossing the plane, right, is, we're both agreeing we both have,

and probably most men kind of have, I think, I suspect, that part of that could be even things that go into a strip club. Put it yourself in a way. Yeah, no, guys, there are guys that I think, you see the side of them that would cheat when they go into a strip club. Oh, like when I go in a strip club, for me now,

it's mostly about having fun and being around friends. And like I'll get, I got last laugh dance, I got was a hilarious one. Do your daughters feel cool about this? They don't know. I don't call my daughters like, hey, guess what I'm doing? I'm just saying you talk very publicly about everything. Do it.

Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. Get your sister, put her on speaker, hold on, hold on. This girl's name's Georgia too. Hey, Georgia, talk to my daughter, Georgia. No, I, I, by the way, they're becoming adults. I saw them at the word ceremony. It's, it's, you're, you're gonna get some new territory soon.

I fucking, I'm, you ready? I don't see, I'm not like you and your wife. You and your wife were like, I'm ready for my kids to grow up. Get out, get out. I am not that. I don't want them to grow up. I don't want them. I like you and your wife you and your wife were like I'm ready for my kids to grow up get out Yeah, I am not that. I don't want them to grow up. I don't want them. I was that way until they're about age five And then I wanted the rest of the way to see I'm like bummed that Georgia wants to go to college at a state Mm-hmm. I'm bummed that like I just I do they give you shit about being a public person and yeah, oh yeah

Oh, yeah, like what like I said um, I go, hey, we're doing, I don't know, whatever. We're doing red rocks. And I said, what you guys thought red rocks, we're looking at a bunch of colleges around Colorado. And I was like, well, we'll take my tour bus and we'll be comfortable and we don't have to drive. We can really enjoy ourselves.

And Joe just like, no, I'm not getting in your fucking tour bus and pulling up to fucking Colorado state with your face on the side of it. And I was like, oh, yeah, I guess that's right. And then you can almost feel her think. She didn't say it, be like, I don't even want you there. Yeah, because all of a sudden it becomes about people recognizing. No, I get that for my kids a lot. Yeah, and you're like, huh? And you don't want it to be that way at all. You just want them to be a dad at a college. Yeah, and I saw you're creating it,

but they put it in your lap. I was like, don't worry. And I said to Leanne, I should like, I'm not even joking, I was like, should I? Like shave my beard off? Like really like just like shave like a go-to or something so that I don't look recognizable so that Georgia can be a regular human being, a college campus that's supposed to go on with me and then all of a sudden I'm like oh shit the machine and then I'm like I was up and then they're like

dude we're going to a bar tonight. I mean I don't want that for her daughter. Oh shit that's your daughter and then I'm like okay like that happened to her. That's happened to her a bunch where it's all like some boys recognize me and then find out she is. And then it's not, they just didn't work out well. I'm gonna predict it when they're adults, it can be a strip club, it's gonna be a little less comfortable for you, I suspect.

Oh, it stopped being comfortable when they were babies. Yeah. The last time I got a lap dance was when... Two weeks ago. No, I got a lap dance. I got a lap dance in Fort Wayne, Indiana, but it was a joke lap dance. That was a fun one. And then before this one, you would have been having sex.

The last one I got, no, that was at Christie's in Cleveland, Ohio, Charlotte's Christie's. It is a great, great strip club. It is. And that girl at Christie's, fuck yeah, but I'll tell you how long ago that was. That was in probably around 2007, 2000. I know it was before my, my Comedy Central Special, which I think was 2009.

Georgia's 16 now? Georgia's 16, Georgia was maybe three. And that's when I stopped getting laughed at. And since I was like, I was like, no, this is, all I could see was that the strippers Were people too, isn't that crazy? Well, I you know the last time no, no, but listen the last time it's one of the problems I have last time No, no, but listen the last time I was in a strip club was my bachelor party and I had

half-dozen conversations with these women about their pap smears and their HV and their cervical cancer and their leap procedures. I mean every one of them wanted to and I was like wow this is okay. Speaking of strange things you wanted to talk a little bit about army hammer and Trevor Bauer and what yeah we have I'm always curious about like the Trevor Bauer thing. You don't know anything about that? I just, there was a woman that got beat up and then looked back and went, I didn't want that, essentially.

Yeah. Because this is the problem if you're into aggressive stuff. I've never been into aggressive stuff. I'm just saying, everyone who is good on you, but the problem is that you can, the threshold between, hey, that's exciting and that's traumatizing, you may not know where that is. And certainly your partner may not know where that is.

So you can easily be retraumatized. And when they're retraumatized, they're pissed. And they should be. Because it triggers horrible, horrible feelings. And I fear that that's something that happened here. Yeah. Well, I, you know, it's funny as I have a friend, I'll tell you who it is, but you gotta believe his name out,

but bleep it out so that people can guess his name, okay? His name is Ari Sh** here. And so, but he's always been very open about liking rough sex. And, and I was, well, I'm when the Me Too things started, I was like, hey man, you gotta be careful. And he was like, no, I'm very open with my partner. I share it with them before. This is how I like to do it.

But you know, and then, that's how it works. And I was like, oh, as a, as very, like, okay. And he's way into that stuff. And roughs that. Listen to some of the upcoming Drafted Arts. You really? You'll hear a bit about it. Well, I remember my, the first person,

he taught me something about my wife too, which I didn't know What did he teach you? He said she's in that stuff, too For real did he not get gentlemen? How can he tell I don't know he can tell who who is in and not Wow Hey, I wanted to put me know. Oh never mind and so well. I'll ask about the animals. Oh, you know, I don't have He's manners. Just ask him real quick. Text him somebody Oh, yeah, I want to have these manners just ask him real quick text them somebody She but I remember my buddy one of my buddies one time when we first moved out to LA

He hooked up with this chick and he had sex with her upstairs on my couch and I was downstairs and he came down the next morning He was traumatized and he was like he's like I don't know what the fuck. I happened last night Like what do you mean? And he was like we were having sex and then she asked me to choker Oh, yeah, and I was like what and I like, you didn't do it, do you? Because I don't know if this sounds really bumpkinny, but like at Florida State, no one asked people to choke each other. Like that was not a thing. Like I don't remember, I never, ever heard.

Smacking someone in an ass cheek was like the biggest you could do. And you only did that for shows, you could tell your friends. And then I smacked on the ass, it was like, who's your daddy? Or like something like that. But, and I was like, people like being choked, and he was like, I guess,

I'll never fucking be around that girl again. He was like, I'm just a trap. He was a trap, that's what they do, they trap you. I tried it a little bit, but I'm not gonna do it. And you're like, oh, yeah. And then you, this Trevor Bauer thing, I'm sure this Trevor Bauer guy doesn't want anyone talking about this,

but it is like, it doesn't look like, I don't know how punching someone in the face can even be construed as rough sex. You mean why it's included in real life? How's that sexual? How's that sexual? Or punching someone in the vagina? No, I don't get it at all.

I don't get much of any of it, frankly. See, okay, so here's the deal. So I don't get it, and I don't get it, and I don't get people that are into it. Yeah, I don't understand that. But we're not judging. I'm not judging. But that's why I bring it up.

But that's where it comes back is that I don't get it nor do I actually, nor can I approve of it same with army hammer, right? I wanna eat your put, whatever he says. Like I don't get it. Yeah. But it's a weird thing that other people I don't get it. Yeah, but it's a weird thing that Other people that don't get it now throw them out and then shame them for the thing that they like

Right, by the way the same people that are doing that are the ones to talk about how we're supposed to be accepting of all behavior Yeah, but I feel terrible for the foot that the Trevor Bauer thing is a little bit But I mean I actually felt bad for him and and and if he has some issue And I hope he gets streamer for it but to be ostracized because somebody outed him for some weird sexual whatever, it seems like he got ostracized for a lot of things. I seem like he got ostracized because of his family, his name is, well that is a big,

I think all this added into one thing. I think you're right. I think there's a lot of, people of privilege need to be knocked down as hard as possible. And I think you have any ammunition for that, we're taking it, right? It's so funny because Instagram is set up

to only for people to put out the best sides of themselves. But then a celebrity accidentally shows you how big their house is during quarantine, like Ellen DeGeneres, and then they're like, fuck her! Fuck her, I wanna show you how big my house is, but fuck her private a big house. Yeah.

And it's this weird kind of shaming thing going on and the Army Hammer one really kind of screwed me up because I was like, I don't know. I didn't read everything. I don't know all the details. But it did sound like it was something he was into. Yeah. And I have friends.

Or at least talking about it, he was into it. You know what I mean? Yeah, it didn't sound like he did anything. Yeah. It was like, I wanna eat your, at least talking about it, he was into it, you know what I mean? I mean, I didn't mean to say like he didn't do anything, just like I want to eat your, whatever. I guess that turns them on. I, whatever, I don't think he heard anybody. And you don't get to pick what turns you on. Like I'll tell you what really turns me on,

and I don't know why besides JD, besides, well, obviously. Is, and I've told this to Liam, but like, rubber cleaning gloves. Oh wow. Like the yellow, is, and I've told this to Liam, but like, rubber cleaning gloves. Oh, wow. Like the yellow. It's like a foot-dress. Yellow rubber cleaning gloves. That's what people, that's what people, pull them up.

And I'll try not to get hard. I'll try it at the throw up. And by the way, there's not enough, there's not enough, pours in yellow rubber cleaning gloves. Well, you know what's interesting to me? So that fits with what we think happens with foot fetishes that the I have a foot fetish to keep going Well, so the little kid is sort of by the mom's feet and is very highly aroused by being around mom

Not in an intensive emotional way not really in a sexual way per se but that wiring turns into sexuality about age 12 12 13 and so that intensity of Mom and the gloves or the feet or what you're near when you're visually getting this material gets converted into kind of a sexual rosy. I think, can I tell you where I think my base for the yellow gloves is? I think superheroes.

Could be. Like Wonder Woman. So Wonder Woman had a cat woman. Like any, all the superheroes I gloves on. And it could be because I also had a thing for like any bondage stuff or a quicksand. Oh, it's so funny. Yeah. We talked about quicksand.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. But like, it's like those were my triggers where I was. But they're all TV. It's all stuff, television, age 11 to 14. For me, it was like wonder when we're getting tied up or the buglews or like, or like, like, that's a bugle, is that I say the buglews? This is what we ended up talking about last time.

So I can't control that. I don't know why that happens to me, right? It happens to L-Mails that between 11 and 14, the things that they find intensely arousing, become preferences. So I told you last time, that's what worries me. They're now they're looking at porn and stuff, horrible stuff and I had what's gonna be their preferences out of that, because if you had porn,

Wonder Woman's Gloves wouldn't have been so interesting to you. You know what I mean? You had other arousing images that would have superseded that. Oh my God, I just realized that. Yeah, if I had seen porn, then... Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, that wow that's crazy so I was fine I was looking for sexual correct in and you I did have a genie I dream of genie that's where a lot of yeah a lot of guys that was

the lot of young teenagers that was their thing or they just this was the image they could get my god how beautiful and innocent and how sad that we've lost that because now kids just see fucking, fucking just hardcore cream pies, and they're like, that's my thing, is watching a come drip out of a woman's pussy. I don't know where it came from.

And we don't know, yeah, what the impact of that's gonna be. We have no idea. Oh my god. It seems like, by the way, one of the things that's happening, it's creating a certain amount of a version. And maybe it's adding to all the gender stuff too. Maybe it's adding to the gender confusion. Oh, you definitely know if you're bisexual now

because you can watch everything. I've heard some women, I've literally had them say, and I'm not saying this is the cause of, this is a source of gender fluidity or anything. I'm just saying, I have heard this that some women will say that are now transgender, that they saw porn when they were 11 or 12, but I don't want anything to do with that.

I don't want to be a woman. I have to subject myself to that. No way. I'm not a woman. I must not be a woman, because I don't want to do that. Well, I was thinking the exact opposite. How cool would it be to not know anything about sex whatsoever,

start clicking videos and find the shit you like and go, oh yeah, it turns out I'm gay. Like I like these porn's the best. Because I look, I cannot watch. There's a part of me that is so old school that I go, I cannot watch, I can't watch gay porn. Like just, I just can't. I just, I'm not, I'm not cut from that cloth.

Like, I've seen it, I can make jokes about it. Like, it doesn't bother me, but like, this, even if I'm like scrolling, scrolling, scrolling, even in my most honest moments, I can't go. And nothing's turning me on, I'm like, I can't find anything. I cannot bring myself to go. So, let's just check out the gay stuff, see if that does it. Even, no, like, I cannot do it. Just go click, click, and then go,

fuck, that's working. All right. You know. So I was, well, first of all, the images may shape what works too. You know what I mean? What they find they like, they may go further downstream and it might shape it, which is what worries me. Number one, number two, I was part of a study once where they did function at MRIs on people looking at sexual imagery.

And turns out I'm very interested in heterosexual images of pretty people, but they also put men stuff up there too. And when I was in the scanner, was it functional MRI scanner? I, the images would come up. I really didn't have any, I was like, you know, I see what they're doing, they give me a minute. And then I saw my brain in response to it. Huge threat response.

Like threat, threat, threat like alarm. And I thought, wow, I had no conscious experience of that. At all. Oh, I would do that MRI. I would love to find out what my brain thinks about. That is, you know what, you know what, it's sort of an interesting, you know what it is? It's a great model for racism

and sexism and all those things to understand that you could have these biases and really not be aware of it. You got to pay attention. I wonder, you know, the other day I was, this is all based off of, I couldn't find something to jack off to. I was just scrolling and scrolling and everything. I was like, I wish I could clean up my searches. Like, I can't anything, the certain things I just can't,

it's sort of interesting to me that now people are being identified by, well, what do you search for? When you do your porn? No, that's the next thing. What do you look for? Well, this is where the thought came from this army hammer thing. Okay. It's like, what do you look at?

What's going to stop them from going, this is Berkreicher's porn hub searches. And then all of a sudden it's like, whoa, what the fuck's up with this step-son stepmother thing? And I'm like, that's all that it comes up. Like that's all that comes up for me, a stepmother step-son, sister brother.

Like that's all that comes up in the things that I can't in good conscious click on it, because I don't want to see someone younger, suck fucking someone older. I want, and then I was like, and then I realized that if anything that was a big black dick and a chick, I just clicked off immediately.

I was like, no. Is that threat, Near? And, well, I then said, hold on. What is that? What is that? What is that? I bet it's the same thing. This threat thing goes on.

I guarantee if you put me in that MRI, you'd see, but you know what it is? I think the porn industry is racist. I think they don't ever show loving black eye with white chick They show black eye with white chick going yeah, yeah, like you say it suck a bitch like it's never like sweet and loving It's this like a question aggression and I go and then I was like I was like oh my god So if that's what I'm seeing here. How much other programming have they put into me? Oh, who knows?

How, where is, like, where are you? I want to get a whole of AI, watch out, right? Dude, you have me at my most vulnerable, a great place to put information to an unwitting brain, my dick's hard, right? I'm jerking off. I don't even realize information's going in. I don't even realize you're doing this to me,

and you got me every day for an hour, you got me going on your site. And I was like, this is fucking mind control at its finest. Does he, I know it's every day for an hour? That's not an hour, it's fucking 10 minutes probably. Does he, I know it's every day? No, I don't know if she knows that I jerk off the way I jerk off. Like, shit doesn't know that like,

it's like, I look at it like a treat. It's like a treat. Or I go, oh, you a treat again. Oh, one of my best feelings. The one of the greatest feelings in the world. Tell me if you're not gonna identify with this. The dog, have you ever been like, have you ever, well, this is more a comic thing.

Sometimes there's a comic you'll get in the elevator, you'll hit the door, the dog going up to your room, and all of a sudden your brain will be like, hey, I haven't jacked off yet today. And you're like, oh, I got a treat coming away. Yeah, I get that. Oh, yeah, a little jack off, second.

I mean, for me, it's, if I'm on the road, it's one today. Easily. There's no reason not to. Are you feeling alone? Or just, it's just a treat. I hope I'm alone. No, no, I mean, is it sad? Is it somehow, are you trying to just treat? No, it's just a treat. Just hope I'm alone. No, no, I mean, is it sad? Is it somehow resp- Are you trying to just treat?

No, just the treat. Just the treat. There's no connection to it. Yeah, but I, that, and by the way, and this is back to the shaming part we were talking about, why they shamed people for this, there's nothing wrong with any of this, right? Well, there shouldn't be anything wrong with it, but then, then here's the deal, right? So the other day, I'm on PornHub and and it's young teen gets blasted or something and I go, no, I'm not, I can't be a part of that.

By the way, I can't visualize that because I go, that's gotta be like just two years older than my kids. And so like, but then I thought, right, how one time, Leanne and I were a friend. We're cleaning out the friend's boyfriends apartment. Friends, tell your friends. So Leanne's best friend, her boyfriend was moving and we were going to help them move. He wasn't, he was out of town.

And he had a magazine that was called Barely Legal, which by the way, it was a very popular magazine at a point. And Leanne and her freaked out, so they were like, oh my God, he's into Kitty porn. And I was like, no, I wanted to defend him. I'm like, no, barely legal was like, just a branding, it's not, he, he,

and then I didn't say anything. So I was like, yeah, he never made up me, right? Yeah, and I was like, I'm not gonna say anything. There's the girlfriend, look a certain way. No, she does not look barely legal. Cause I wanted, cause sometimes, she was barely fuckable, in my opinion, and intolerable.

Now, yeah, whatever. But my point is, so just as quickly as I was going to defend him in that moment, and was like, hold on, that's just the brand, it's called Barely Legal. Obviously they're all above age. You couldn't put out a magazine of underage children. It's still weird that a guy has a preference Barely legal and but my well, but it's all over to porn. No, I have been porn. It's like young teen young this and you're like and I then jumped on their side

I was like, yeah, and that's kind of the weird thing that happens with with King shaming is like what if they came up and they were like yo Donald Trump or not Donald Trump's about example Arnold Schwarzenegger watched a porn that said young teen gets fucked in frat house and everyone be like whoa And they'd hate him and they and and I go that is Accessible you can find that in people's phones people people's digital flesh. Why I'm never fucking I don't know what I've Googled online, you know?

And if someone, they started finding that for you, that you destroy every man, I would pay money, I would pay money to be able to see what people have searched for on the internet. There's God, that's gotta be the next thing. That's gotta be the next thing. North Korea wants to take us down. Well, in a weird way, that's sort of what Christina does with TikTok

Isn't it? Oh, and that's sort of her, you know her brain at work going downstream of TikTok It's not exactly an explicit word search, but you can see where it ends up. Mine's just Puerto Rican guys getting their hair cut That's all I fucking saw. What all I watch. Why I have no fucking idea. I haven't even seen one of those boats getting launched boats and trouble Puerto Rican guys getting their hair cut. It's so, like they come in like Chupacabra, like just fucking all over the place and then you just watch them slowly clean them up. It's fucking, it's erotic.

I mean, I know that you like my phone. You must just lie, your eyes must stay on it. They can even track where your eyes are going. My phone tells me shit that I don't need to know where I go. I go, that is in, like this morning I woke up and it's like, Joe Koi's dating Chelsea Handler. And I was like, how the fuck did you know I wanted to know that? I was like, yeah, well you motherfucker,

my phone was up all night last night going, wait, what would Bert, Bert's gonna love this and then grabs it and then puts it in my first thing in my feed. And then I'm like, I should text Joe Koi and find out if it's true. And then I'm like, I don't care, my phone did such a good job. It is a weird time. It is crazy what your, I have a show, I have a show called that I used to do. I'm gonna start doing it again. It's called Open Tabs, where I would leave all the tabs open that I Googled throughout the weekend,

and then go live, or just go through and close them, and share with you what was interesting in that tab, and what I learned in that time. That's a great idea. And so I'm gonna start doing it again. We have a full discourse on caviar. I will tell you everything you need to know about caviar. I will tell everyone, one reason that was especially work

is you're like Joe Rogan,'re curious and so you'll you'll be Curiosity here. I I'll show you what was in my tabs. You'll get a kick out of my tabs I got your phone. Yeah, hold on because it was Let's see I'm my brain. I'm, I'm fucking slowing down Drew. You're 47, 48. I'm like, wait till you're my age.

Do you know what I am? Tomorrow? No, by the way. How do you guess? Tomorrow. 56. 63. What?

I get to look like that at 60. If I just stop drinking, I could look like you. I'll do it. I'll do it. I spent a good bit of, I watched, this is all fucking super telling. This maybe isn't the right time to share these. No, because I don't know certain things. I'm gonna say stuff and then I'll have to be like family or something.

No, no, no. Fucking Larry Elders. I'm curious about him. Cause everyone's like, I just was like, oh, but for Larry Elders, then I was like, I don't know anything about Larry Elders at all. And then I listened to this great speech he gave about, about his dad and him and him and his dad having a fight. What is your book about?

Yeah, it's my daughter and I read a book. I'm just gonna give it to Bert. Your daughter and you? Yeah, Leanne is this, for your daughters. Me and my daughters will never write a book. I'd be shocked if we read a book. My daughter went to Columbia, I got a writing degree and all this stuff.

And they started talking about doing a book on consent. And I said, I got a writing degree and all this stuff, and they started talking about doing a book on consent, and I said, when you ought to have a young person here, my daughter wrote us a book, her, and I'll do it. And it turned out pretty good. This is a book about consent. Consent and about boundaries and about all the questions that sort of 15 to 18 year olds have.

Are there pictures? No pictures. It's not a sex book so much, because those are all out there. We just sort of like trying to help people. Gender expression, naming us claiming. Gender is complicated. It is, it is. Right.

So, I wish I had my glasses on. I can only read the fucking Tide. Yeah, I give it to Leanne or you can really give it to my girls. Yeah. George is a big writer. Yeah, we'll tell her that I would appreciate her feedback, you mean? I would love George's a fucking hardcore smart.

She's, yeah, she's like I made it It's funny. I can see smart on people and I could see it on her, you know Yeah, you should have seen her that fucking party. I did just processing at your party. Yeah, yeah I was there my friends and being like of course your friends with this guy I was like Judge metal though she got yeah, she got in the car One of my really good friends who she had never met, she meets and then I, as I introduced him,

I realized the things I like about him are the things she dislikes about me and I'm watching this happening. And then she's like this and looking at me and then he walks away and she goes, oh, of course you like that guy. And I go, why? And she goes, did he put up her Trump?

I go, he actually did. She was like, ugh, yeah. You and him must have a fucking, let me guess. You guys get wasted and stay up til two in the morning and I was like, how about four, but yeah. She is gonna go to one of the schools that my kids went to. I'm sure of this. I wish I could, I wish I could pick her school for.

I told, I already decided, I will be the dad, whatever school she goes to, I'm covering myself head to toe in that gear. I will be supporting that college. Yeah, it's fine. And then I was like, and on my brain's like, I really hope she goes to a boulder. I wanted to go to Boulder so bad. Really?

Yeah. So bad. Does she look east east? No. She doesn't want to go, she doesn't know anything about the world. And so she says things like, I don't want to go to a Florida school and I was like why she's like cuz you know what they're like And I was like they're fucking amazing. I was like you're you're being small-minded like she's like I don't want to go to one of those big party schools and I was like

Hold on they're fun as fucking shit. She needs to talk to me about yeah, I gotta talk to her about small schools Because I know a lot about them. She wants to. I went there, all my kids went to them. Yeah, and so we're going to look at colleges. We're putting the hard sell on colleges. Go have a look at Vanderbilt. Vanderbilt's awesome. Well, no, I know. I went to, good luck with this child Drew. Okay, I'll be talking to her. I mean, I, the fucking, I get told, she told me the other day I had a joke and she goes, you're not telling that on stage. And I was like, no, I am. She goes, no, you're not.

Oh, well, I was like, why? And she goes, because then I get the on stage. And I was like, no, I am. She goes, no, you're not. And I was like, why? And she goes, because then I get the fucking kids that come up to me and like, hey, your dad's fucking, see, your dad said, and I'm like, it doesn't go. She goes, no, it goes directly back to me. I was like, oh, maybe I'll just try to rework it. Whenever I get shit, and one of the shit storms, and whenever I get into it, which is your kids,

they get death threats and stuff too. They come, horrible stuff, get through to them. Oh, then maybe I won't tell that Joe. It's really people are awful. What did you want to ask about, John? Okay, last two things. We can do a little bit over 130, right?

Yeah, yeah, whatever. Okay, China is the other thing I've learned about. They are going to run the fucking world. There you do. They, we better fucking watch out. We've been sleeping too long. Do you know what they just did today? They outlawed a feminine man on television. Wow. They got written. Type that in a Google or a car look Carlos. Wow.

I think something's wrong with my brain. Carlos. Carlos. That's his new nickname. Let's see how Carlos has gone. Come on Carlos. Carlos. I'm fucking. Oh God.

Uh, yeah, there it is. Affeminate men. Campaign to Titan Social Control. See this is trying to, you know, not itself is not the problem. The problem is that they can do shit like this. They do shit like this. They've allowed children three hours of internet time on the weekends.

On the weekends. That's for gaming. They can go on the internet, but for gaming three hours on the weekend. And they are, I mean, the way they fucking run their country is just insane. Do you know that you gotta sign up for a lottery to get a car? And then if you get a car, it's it's got to be electric. Like there's there's so many fucking people out of

their pollutions through the fucking roof. Yeah, so it's like and it's just it's so tightly controlled like California. And you go around the rest of the world and like when we were in Serbia, I was like, God, this fucking interstate seems different than the other ones. And I'm like, oh, China's building it. Well, that's what they do is they, this is the part that's insidious. I read some articles about this where they, they go in, they befriend local leaders,

they build them some infrastructure. So they're indebted to them. They bring their children over and maybe in Mary with some of the local people. So now you have family embedded there. And now you're in. now you've got it. We can't, we'll never be able to beat China. I don't think that's the mentality of America.

But somebody split on COVID, fucking vaccinations. Yes. And fucking China's just like eating our lives. They love this. We poked them while they slept, they're good. Well, they don't want us to go away because they need our markets and all that stuff. They need us to buy their shit. Oh, good. But they don't want us to go away because they need our markets and all that stuff. They need us to buy their shit.

Oh, good. But they don't want us to be anything in the world. And here's where we're we're fallen right in. We're fall right in line. So far so good, everybody. How we like it so far? It's good. I mean, crazy.

Like they they could they're f- Do you know they have one time zone? Really? It's crazy. Like how fucked up is that? Yeah. That they went Do you know they have one time zone? Really? That's crazy. How fucked up is that? Yeah.

That they went, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, we'll just all go on the same watch. You know, everyone cool with that? And they're like, yeah, there's five different times. They don't ask. They don't ask. They just go, you imagine how fucking crazy that is that they just all...

Listen, when the Wuhan outbreak occurred, and they had all those things they did that are pressed, decided we should do, that wasn't medical. That was just face saving for the government leaders. Say they, oh my God, there's nothing, there's a medical textbook that says, roll down the streets with chloride containing trucks.

And what was that? It was just so the leader could go, see what I did? I did, took care of it. Really? Oh, absolutely. That was not medical. And then that's why I went so crazy when people were like, we gotta do that, we gotta do that.

I'm like, just, I was like, at the time, I just listened to Fauci. Just listen to Fauci. Just do what he tells you. Shut up on the press, shut up. And the shit storm is dude for me. I mean, China is fucking no joke. Yeah.

It's like all those Asian countries, when you start hearing about, you know It's I had a this is gonna sound horror riff here we go But like I got really into Kim Jong Un and and that whole family and like and just how that all kind of happened And then at one point I found myself going Technically the North Korean people are to blame for him oppressing them Technically, the North Korean people are to blame for him oppressing them.

Because if he at any time lightens up, they're just gonna kill him in the most horrific way. Right. They're gonna go, oh wait, we got a little freedom. Let's fucking get rid of this guy. Well, that's all he's gotta oppress them just to stay alive. Just to stay alive, he's gotta fucking be the worst human being alive. Humans generally turn on oppressively, and not impressive leaders,

but leader were too much power was concentrated. Like whether we're in a tribe or whether we're in a country, humans have a tendency to scapegoat and kill people that they put in power. Yeah, we do that. That's a common thing. Gaddafi, by the way, I'm saying his name right for the first time in my entire life. I just, there's a great thing. Gaddafi? By the way, I'm saying his name right for the first time in my entire life.

I just, there's a great podcast. If you listen to the podcast, the dictators, no. So I think I did once, yes, yes. Oh, yeah. It's so good. Yeah. It's, I think I would have been a good dictator. I tell you what, I would have been great.

I would have been a great dictator's child. Oh my God, you would have been the best. Balking, yeah. Just a king's child. Oh! Like, you would have been the best. Balking, yeah, just a king's child. Oh, no. Like no responsibility, just like answer to the guy that is two steps behind below my dad and he's like, oh, we've got to know the problem with your son.

And Prince of Ferdonia. Is it a dead person in his car again? Not this time. He went into the zoo and couldn't know what, and what accent am I doing? Remember, you watch, what's the, Shit, the TV series about succession. Succession? You watch that movie?

Oh, it's a good series. What's a succession? I know that. It's a business leader who has much kids. Oh, no, no, yeah, yeah, yeah. He ends up, one of them has a dead person in his car. Oh, I definitely could. It's good movie, good series. I remember when I was in college, they were like, what do you, yeah. He ends up, one of them has a dead person in his car. Oh, I definitely could. It was good moving, good series.

I remember when I was in college, they were like, what do you wanna be when you grow up and I said an heir. And they were like, are you gonna inherit money and I was like, I hope so. I wanted to inherit money so bad. Like I didn't, I had no frame of reference for work. In a weird way, your life turned out better

than just being an heir. I know. And you know what I can tell you? That the person that gave that to me was the one that I thought if I was gonna inherit money it would be from him. Yeah. And he was like, I remember, it was my uncle Jerry.

He was the best thing that ever happened to me. Him and my dad are like really close. Yeah. But they were really close and like me deciding to go off and do what I did. And my uncle Jerry was like, moved to New York and in three months, if this comedy thing hasn't worked out, give me a call, I'll see what I can do.

A meaning like he'd get me a job at one of his companies. And I was like, okay, so I gave it three months, I gave him a call and I was like, yeah, I was like, I don't know, I'm still gonna pursue comedy, but it's been three months and he goes, tell you what, work a little bit harder, give it another three months. And I was like, okay, so I worked a little harder and then in three months later,

I remember he came up to New York and I was like, you know, I don't know, it's just not really popping the way I thought it would. And he goes, give it another three months and I go, Jerry, I gave it like six months and he goes, and you're gonna keep giving it three months. And then another three months until it fucking happens because that's how you get things.

You just keep working. And I went, oh, and then I remember I got my first deal that moved out to LA, I had a TV show. And I went, oh, and then I remember I got my first deal, I moved out to LA, I had a TV show, and I called him out with Jerry, and I was like, hey thanks for never giving me the easy way out. And he was like, I could not have gotten you a job at any of my companies.

He was like, you are not qualified for anything. You've battered, it's like, what the fuck? He's like, you thought I was gonna give you a job, and I was like, yeah, right? And he was like, never you thought I was gonna give you a job and I was like yeah, right? He was like never oh god that's never in a million years Work for me and I go don't you own like a hat company in Honduras? And he was like you wanted a job at a hat company And I was like you hit like a hat factory or something and I was like I can make fucking Panama hats and smokes a garzol day

Well congratulations and smokes a gars all day? Well, congratulations. Because what's, it's better than being an air is doing something you love and have you fun at it. And the stuff flows towards you anyway. I love. Okay, last thing. Okay. So I have acquired what we like to call mushrooms, boutique mushrooms.

Now I haven't done mushrooms in a very long time, but these are psilocybin containing mushrooms. S psilocybin containing mushrooms and they're really, they're the high-end ones that are going around where like they're strong No, no, no, they're meaning they're they're very they're very pure So like they shit someone just are selling me a bag of fucking mushrooms and so and they're dosed out in chocolate bars, okay, and so I had such a fear of death leading up that everyone witnessed on this podcast up to the surgery. Subtiv the surgery that I came out

and I saw this documentary on Netflix called the Magic Mushrooms. Or, and it's very good for end of life dread. Very good. And so that day I just got mushrooms and I was like, I'm going to take mushrooms and I'm going to try to solve this dread of death. Did you do it?

I haven't, I'm just, I'm getting them today. Oh, yeah. And I was gonna take them to the red rock. There is, and I was gonna, I was gonna eat them at Jimmy Buffett. But here's my concern. Is some of it needs to be sort of guided. Usually the literature is kind of mixed,

but you got to have somebody kind of guiding you, right, a therapeutic context. You don't have to, you don't have to, but that's improves it generally. And if you're just taking a big dose, it can actually change a lot about you even sometimes. So it might be if you're taking a big enough dose to get rid of the dread, it might.

Now, if you're really at the end of life, who gives a fuck? Yeah. Right? Let it do that to you. And as long as you don't have the dread of end of life stuff, it's like, I'm gonna be honest. She's got panic right then as you said that. I don't want it to change me. Right. Like the last time I thought,

maybe you've taken him before I've been okay. I've taken him, no, I've taken him, I'm taking him, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm okay. Yeah. But I don't, I really honestly don't know if I'm okay from it. But I've taken him, I've always had fun on them. Yeah, whereas like just, and I've taken very light doses, where you just have a good time.

And the last time I took them, I took them on, I didn't take them on accident, but I took them on accident kind of. Yeah. Is we were at, we have four shows at the, we, we were playing in the Dallas, at the Dallas Funny Bone, the Addison Funny Bone, and it was a Saturday, and it was right before the late show on Saturday. Now, what I didn't know is we had three shows on Saturday. I thought we had two.

And the person I was with, I won't say his name, but I want to so bad, but I won't say his name. Said, let's all eat mushrooms. So we all ate mushrooms. Before the shows. Before the second show. And we got done, and I was like, cool, let's all eat mushrooms. So we all eat mushrooms. Before the shows. Before the second show. And we got done and I was like, cool, let's go party and then I go, we have one more show.

And I was like, hold on one second, I didn't know we had one more show. And all of a sudden, the mushrooms kicked in when I was on stage for the late show and the candles were waving really aggressively. And I got done and I thought to myself, I thought, what if I broke my brain? Like, I still have two little girls there,

by the way, they were like five and three at the time, maybe even younger. And I was like, I still have two little girls that I need to take care of. And I haven't set up, and if I fuck my brain up, then how the fuck, and it's such a panic at times. So here's the deal. In mushrooms, usually you're fine.

The LSD, it's a different thing. There's, I've seen lots of disasters from that. Mushrooms, it's like, so here's a deal. Mushrooms usually are fine. LSD, it's a different thing. There's, I've seen lots of disasters from that. Mushrooms, it's usually fine. The question is, age, you have to have a guided experience and be, can you take enough to really get rid of the dread and not change other things? Yeah, so be careful. I was thinking I was gonna do like,

I was gonna micro-dose and then build my way up from there throughout the night. I wouldn't even, I don't know what that means. You know what I mean? There's no, there's no, there's no, there's no. By the way, I'm the, I'm the doctor in this, in this, yeah, you are surgery. And so I'm the anesthesiologist. Maybe do one of your deep dives and see what they suggest, but I, I, I just worry about

what's downstream from it always if you're doing enough to have a change, tell me I'd change in your brain, right? You would change the anxiety and the dread. Oh, yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah. So, oh, I didn't think about that. Yeah, and again, if your life is ending and you change your brain, who gives a shit?

Yeah, that's why you, personally, I would take a huge dose at end of life. I would definitely do that, for sure. Yeah. You change who cares? Who cares? I'm gonna be changing in a few weeks anyway. Oh, God damn it.

So, that's what my thoughts about my fucking, that's exactly what my anxiety, I don't need. What? Oh fuck. I'm changing it anyway. You're the last person I need to fucking see, but well, I, you know, one thing I realized when I got into internal medicine,

everything comes back. I don't know if I want to hear this. Everybody, everything was back to the internist when it's time to die. When all the specialists are done and everybody's done, then they go, you go see a regular doctor and he'll finish this off. We have nothing else to offer. And that was a daily thing from never. So I've seen lots of death.

It's a very definite reality once you get used to it. It's just like, it's definite as birth. It's sort of a part of life. And the fact that we hide it. It's like, really won't go with the little fluid. Like, I'm out of here. So it can be as gracious and as what's the word I'm looking for. Sort of.

It's a great episode of two marathon games. I've never seen you do that. It's like, really won't go with the little fluid fluid, like I'm out of here. So it can be as gracious and as, what's the word I'm looking for, sort of, it can be as much of a celebration as birth can be. It can be. I'm telling you, you may not like it. Yeah, definitely not gonna like it.

By the way, you take some of the advice we've talked about here today, and they won't have for a long, long, long time. But I think that it takes a lot of time.'m gonna be burned out and tired by the neighborhood go anyway Hey, the good news is the good news is the reason you feel that way is you love life so much I love life to love people and you love parting you love all stuff you get to do so congratulations Then you get to do that. So that's the good side party and tonight I'll tell you that I

Wouldn't be shocked if I started early. I got my mushrooms delivered at 12 30. Oh shit. Yeah, we'll see who you are on the side Well, I'll see you guys after Red Rock to maybe be the same bird or different bird Drew thanks for doing this I love this so much. I have so much fun talking to you anytime we can talk for hours Let me make come to your podcast. We'll talk some more. I do. I got a new podcast. Do have so much fun talking to you. Anytime, anytime we can talk for hours. Let me come to your podcast. We'll talk some more. Yeah, I do. I got a new podcast to you. Come back to the new house.

Oh, yes. I love this. Maybe we'll have you guys over for a minute. I'm actually going to France tomorrow for two weeks. Yeah, I've been working really hard on getting fluent in French. So I'm like, pretty good now. What are you doing? Just going to party?

We had some friends that were going, when I was sick with COVID, I was lying there going, this is ridiculous. I can be completely checked out and miserable. I can just check out and go do something fun too. So it's sort of my weird thinking ahead. So we went to Greece and now we're going to France and some friends of ours were there and they said, you wanna come?

I said, yes, we'll come there. We'll come, we'll do it. So that's the moment I'm in right now. Enjoy France. Yeah, so when I get back, dinner. Yeah, I will bug you. I will bug you. Let's do it.

Also, bugley-an. Bugley-an, bugley-an, bug-y-an. Bugley-an. Okay, right, good. I got a get back dinner. Yeah, I will bug you. I will bug you. Let's do it. Okay, also. Thank you, Bugley Anna. Bugley Anna. Bugley Anna. Okay, right, good. I got a new phone number. You got my new phone number yet? No.

It's interesting. You get to get the password. No, no, you got my new phone number, right? Carlos, you mean? Carlos. Oh, shit. What? My mushrooms, guys, texting me.

Oh, good. I gotta go. All right, I love you. See you. Bye. Sammature, Fatology, Dirty Jokes, Rancho Humber, No Apologies. Here's what we call.