2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer - Episode 200 Spectacular | 2 Bears, 1 Cave Ep. 200

Episode Date: August 28, 2023

It’s the 200th episode of 2 Bears, 1 Cave, and Tom Segura and Bert Kreischer got each other some awesome gifts to celebrate! Tom shows Bert Kevin Leonardo’s infamous “Nair Hair Removal” video, and Bert discusses having Covid 7 times, history, cancel culture, luxury tour buses, and much more!https://tomsegura.com/tourhttps://www.bertbertbert.com/tourhttps://store.ymhstudios.com/

On this episode of Two Bears One K. This is how Harry and my butt is right now. Oh my god! This is fucking disgusting. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Is that one of those Chupacabra babies? It's got hair on its back. I've got a pop tutorial.

There we go. There we fucking go. Yeah, baby! Yeah, baby! We fucking bring it! We fucking bring it! 100% We fucking bring it hundred percent

I believe the term is African-American guys we did it episode 200 With a throwback joke and the oh you used to do that all the time. Yeah, I know I know I know change and you started doing like Hey when skinny Tom showed up. Do you remember when you were fat when we did this show? Hey guys bring back fat Tom. Uh, do you remember when you were fat when we did this show? Hey guys, bring back fat Tom. Do you know how often I fucking hear that? Hashtag bring back, he was so much more fun. Do you know if fat Tom didn't do?

Call you pours. Cause he didn't change out his outfits at all. They just got bigger and bigger. I think that's not true. I think I had to stain for them. That's how it was. it was so much fun. That's reminiscent of Fat Tom. Do you know who used to get in his car

and he'd have hot sauce in the side of his door? Did I? Yes. Oh, I can't go. You traveled your own hot sauce. I can't trust that they won't have the best hot sauce. That's not true. That's not true.

Hot sauce. You know the heat. Hot sauce. You don't begin pies a day. That's true. Yeah. Hot sauce in the car the heat. Hot sauce. You don't begin pies a day. That's true. Hot sauce in the car is 100% Christina's. Oh, for real?

Yeah, that was Christina. She was putting back white wine last night, like she didn't have kids. Yeah. She was in the green room just like, let me tell you something. There's a lot about you guys that's similar. She looked fucking fantastic.

She looks great. She looks fucking fantastic. Both of you guys look great. She's got a lot of wine. Where do you guys spray tan? And then look fucking fantastic. She looks great. She looks fucking fantastic. You see guys look great. She's got a lot of wine. Where do you guys spray tan and then look fucking hot? I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna pitch that idea. Dude, 200 episodes of this. We started, no, I know.

We started in, well, here's the thing. To reminisce a little bit. We started in recita at the studio there. It was during the pandemic, right? Wasn't it during the pandemic or right around before the pandemic and then we doubled down. Yeah, yeah, yeah, because if you don't, we were just like, oh, let's just do this. And we did it once every two weeks to start. It was just like, I will just do it. I remember you call me like, I don't

believe in this Kung Flu. Let's getFlu. Let's start doubling down. You fucking liberal mask wearing hippies. He's like, I'm not getting the jab. No jab for me man. No jab for me. Someone in our office called him with coronavirus, is that what it's called still? COVID, COVID positive and I laughed.

And you're not supposed to. And they go, what? I go, come to work, give us all, it's good, we're fine. Yeah, we're all good. I've had COVID seven times. Seven? I've had COVID seven times.

Wait, you've seen seven positive tests. I've seen seven positive tests. The last one was when I shot my special. You shot your special. I'm gonna give everyone COVID on the private jet. I give everyone COVID. Like a couple of immunocompromised people. I'm not all gonna be baby. I'm like that pilot that got AIDS from the monkey and then went

around and spread it all through New Zealand. Let's bring back skinny bird who didn't brag about his jet and his spreading diseases everywhere. You know, wow, I got fat and turned into you. You guys skinny and turned into you. Do you think people could deal with skinny bird? Do you think I turned into you. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha I was like, whoa, what's that? And I was like, it's my shoulder. What did he think it was? He was like, you work out. And I was like, yeah, well, I know. You like to tell people that a lot. I tell everyone.

I had to tell Joe Twice last night. Yeah. Was he like, you should get in the gym and you're like, buddy. No, he's like, no, he was like, he's like, I've never heard someone brag about their shoulders. And I was like, feel it.

And he was like, what? Because when you feel him, like Connor McGregor is a good close friend of mine. And I ran into him on the street in New York and he was like, machine. And I was like, Connor, and he's like, dude, your last special was so fucking good. Razzle dazzle. I was like, no, no, no, please, please, please, please. And so, but I adapt him up. And you feel Connor's shoulder. That's obviously the first part to joke. But I adapt him up. His shoulder is bulbous. Like it is fucking bulbous. I really can't wait for him in my co-channel to fight.

I was gonna be one of my favorite fights I've ever watched. My co-channel is a fucking banger, back to us. Now, yeah. Uh. That sidebar Joe does, he says to me last night. You know, you do have a, you do have a thing about interrupting people.

And I was like, he brings up, he brought that up. That's the plus night. We were talking, we were talking, there's a long story. So back to us, fuck. So, I remember back then I didn't like Nadov. When you were, what, oh, I'm sorry. We were in there.

Yeah. We were banging heads a little bit. Yeah, you were like, the fucking talk to me like, I remember, yeah. That was a tense moment, but we buried the hatcher really quickly and efficiently. I'm really good at self-awareness of realizing when I fucked up.

I'm pretty good at that. End result and correcting, self-correcting. And the dog, honestly, the dog's one of my favorite human beings alive. I love the dog. I love when I see him, he's got always got a great smile and so I'm glad we patched that up.

Thanks, bird me too. It's episode 200. We were just reminiscing about some of our fondest memories. fondest memories. When you were fat, we would get fucking in and out for lunch. We still get in and out sometimes. You know, you were doing it this morning and I was like, don't try to pretend you're relatable.

And then I watched you suck down some Mark Bell protein powder and you're like, no, have a donut back, I didn't have a donut. You didn't? No, I should've fucked. Do you remember when we had donuts on the show? Yeah. Do you remember when we brought in the girl to do the bit where she was hot?

Yeah. And then you befriended her. And then I fucking, I show up at a spin class and she's my teacher and I was like, hey, do you remember what I objectified you? She was like, I do. Yeah, because you were like, you like looking at her, what's it called?

Declatage. Her declatage. Declatage. Declatage. You're a big, big tech guy. That's what you've established, right? I, I love tips. Yeah.

Asses, fucking dudes have asses. I don't need asses. I like asses a lot. Then you're half gay if you like asses. If you're into asses, you could be gay. I could be gay. I love asses. Like big asses or...

Big fat asses. Little boy asses. Big fat asses. All right. Fuck. Let's play a game. Pull up asses and you gotta pick if it's a boy or a girl. There's gotta be a website that does that already.

And if not, can we build it? Wait, wait, wait, before you get to that. Okay. We'll get to that. You could put asses and tits up there. Tits are so much better. There's no. I'll tell you the difference here.

Do you think when people transition, when females transition to male, they don't change their asses. They're the different. When people transition, when females transition to male, they don't change their ashes. They're in a different, different, different, different. Tits are like earrings. Whether they're small, or they're big old dangly ones, they're just earrings, okay?

It's just what it, you can make them big or small, it doesn't matter. Fucking asses do something primal. They do something, They tap into something inside of your brain that goes holy shit. It turns, I think it turns a regular man not even thinking about sex into a savage. I think it actually flips a switch. That's how I see an S. Oh, I think a tit, I think a full, forward leaning, snip slip of a tit is primal. I think that's primal. I think if you see that,

all of a sudden, you turn into an animal and your brain goes jack off. But if you see an ass walk, where you're like, that's not about ass. And by the way, okay. Dare I say? But you have your tongue buried in asses walk where you're like, that's not about that. And by the way, okay. Dare I say. But you have your tongue buried in asses like your whole life or?

Uh-uh, no. No, not at all. Never? No, I mean, I have recently, but not recently. Yeah, recently. I'm pretty outrageous. Yeah, yeah, yeah, Leanne's in the morning more. The high, I think assholes should be higher than they are.

Because if you're doing a W style, I kind of wish they were like a little higher on their backs so you could finger it like that. Yeah. Instead of going like, if you have a gut, you can't even get in there. It's like you're looking for your keys. It's like trying to put a seatbelt on a plane.

Mm-hmm, for me. You can have a donut. No. We're not gonna celebrate episode 200 with a donut. Nope. Self-control. You can have it done it. No, we're not gonna celebrate episode 200 with it done it nope self control Self control yesterday. I ate perfectly you did perfectly. I had two Samons and that's it Two Samons and that's it the whole day. Hold it

That's all I ate and Joe brought in Terry Blacks last night and I just stayed away from it Like two tequila's bounced one pack to my room. I took a road tequila, went back to my room, went to bed, listened to a, a Heraldbeer Maximilian's life and the reign of terror. And I listened to history podcasts. I found two guys that have a pretty good podcast. I think they're in Ireland. Yeah.

It's called, Who'd you listen to? They're at life story who? Heraldbeer Maximilian. What's the story? So he created cancel culture. He created it. Yeah, well with the reign of terror. What he did is the whole mind thought thing It's kind of in a little thing. I was thinking about cancel culture last night You know hanging out with Joe and that's everyone in the fuck green I don't want to talk about this cancel culture and I'm just like, and so, and so,

and I was like, you know, I think the Incas did it. I think the Incas did it. Someone died, one of our friends died and we're sitting in there. And everyone's, and me and Adam Eget, we're laughing to each other privately and we're like, who wasn't me? And I'm like, that's the crazy thing about death

when people die, everyone goes, oh, miss me again And we're like, that's the crazy thing about death. When people die, everyone goes, woo, miss me again. Like almost like it's never gonna happen to us. Yeah. But then the Incas used to take the Aztecs up to the top. Aztecs? Yeah, yeah. The Aztecs used to take the Incas up to the top

when they conquered the Incas. If you were seeing a fucking, what's the, the Mel Gibson movie? Yeah, Pablo Glimpo. Yeah. When they capture them as slaves, they would then do human sacrifices. And people would all come and watch.

And I was like, But those, those are totally separate, like the Aztecs are up in Mexico and the Incas are down in South America. Yeah, but they caught, in the, in the, in the, in the, in the, in the, in the movie, they caught, they went in, invaded, grabbed the slaves, brought them back.

Okay. And then did human sacrifices. And that I thought was like a form of cancel culture of like people celebrating, people falling. Like people going like, dude, that's what, hang on, hang on, what is my thought? Cancer culture and incestence, isn't, I don't think people really give a fuck

about the issue at hand. I think what they care about is it's not them. They go, oh, fuck did you know about that? That's what they celebrate that it's not them. Well, there's other thing that's happening when somebody gets in trouble for something. You're going, that's not me. And you're also part of your brain is like running through

the bad things you've said and done and gone like, like what would that be like if that were, if I were in this position? Oh yeah, and so, and so I was, I'm trying to piece this together. And so I'm thinking about the Aztecs and the Inkers or whatever that was that those human sacrifices, then I started and then I transitioned into hangings,

public hangingings, the witch trials, Salem witch trials is cancel culture, really is, is because they're just like, let's not focus on what our problems are, let's focus on that guy and then let's kill him. And then we don't have problems, we didn't do anything wrong. And then I went to the reign of terror,

the reign of terror was in France in like the 17, 16, hundreds. And it's done by by this guy. We look up his name. I think it's Robi air Max a million and he started it He started the rena terror was like we need to kill King fucking Louis or whatever who was married to Marie Antoinette Mm-hmm, and so they fucking killed type in rena of terror are E.I.G.N rena of terror, R E I G N, reigning of terror. Maximilian Robespierre, my bad. Came to dominate the committee of public safety

during the reigning of terror. The reigning of terror took place between September 5th, 1793, and July 27th, 1794 during the terror, the committee exercised virtual dictatorial control over the French government. And so this is all the connective tissue. So I'm thinking about, do you remember the red scare

in the 50s where there were common people communist and Hollywood? Yes. So thinking about that, right? And so then I went to this guy. Public shaming is a, public shaming is what, is what cancer growth really is, is public shaming. Is what, is what cancel culture really is, is public shaming.

And people celebrate it and then they rejoice in it. It makes them feel better about themselves. And in France, it took place for those years and it only ended when they killed Rob's PR Maximilian. Then they, then they were like, everyone's like, dude, this fucking cancel culture is out of control. He's killed 17,000 people. We need to fucking stop this.

This guy's a fucking lunatic. We're not all bad people. We're not all, so what they did is they killed him. I like this guy. They killed him. They brought him in. He tried to shoot himself in the fucking head to kill himself, because he's like,

they're coming after me. Shot his jaw off. And then they drove him through town and everyone's like, fuck you. And then took him, guillotine. And I was like, so then that's how you end. And by the way, same thing happened with the red scare. Wasn't until they killed, until they got McCarthy,

they were like, fuck you, and made a fool out of him and canceled him that that ends ended. So I go, that's how you end cancel culture. You have to cancel the first person that started cancel culture. And who is it? I don't know, there's, find out who started cancel culture. I didn't,? I don't know. There's find out who started cancel culture. I didn't. I just modern times.

Modern times. There's one guy who used who coined the phrase cancel that. Oh, you know what who it was? Wesley Snipes. That's who started it. Wesley Snipes. Oh, wait. Hold on. Oh, no, never mind. We're never going to find that. Wesley Snipes started the phrase cancel culture. Do you know why? No.

In New Jack City, he's up there and they're talking about. Neenobrown. Yeah, and he's like, oh, cancel that motherfucker. Oh, cancel him, yeah. Yeah, and so that's where the phrase came from. Really? Yeah, I was just trying to think last night about trying to write a joke. Yeah.

And so that's where my brain goes. And so look, it's the 200 episode, I got you a present. I can't wait to open it. Maybe I'll open, you know, you can open yours first because I know mine's gonna be absolutely horrible and we'll spend the rest of the time talking about mine. Okay. Okay.

So that's how I know you. After spending 200 episodes with you, I know how you operate. How do I operate? There's some sort of hate crime in there. No. No, there definitely is. And I'm gonna hold it like the poster boy

for the fucking neo-nazis. And then, first of all, I would never put you in a position like that. Please, let me see what this is. Well, I love bought yours. Really? Yeah. I love bought your present.

This could be like a weird thing then, huh? It is a little weird. She bought two and she said This is what I want him to have but I know this is what you want him to have But can you give him what I want him to have and I went yeah Sure, I love so this is from I love she thinks visually. It's a beautiful present and she thinks it'll be more effective. Hold on. Pete, is it at the bottom? Well, okay.

Here's what, okay, here's what she bought. I really think what she bought it because this is what I wanted to give you. And she liked it so much, I think she wanted to keep it for herself. Really? Yeah. It's a really cool, there's a cool present.

This is a katana. This is a katana sword from a military Japanese World War II. Seriously? Dead serious. And it was pretty fucking pricey. There is the Japanese soldier signature is inside here, it's really fucking badass. And I know because a lot of people think

you're Japanese, so good. I thought it was a, that's what I was like. That's what I wanna get him. Okay, awesome. That's not what she wants you to have. Okay. Okay, awesome. That's not what she wants you to have. Okay Are they both weapons This is a morning star a fucking a man. Yeah, I just said this would be much more effective in a home invasion

And so I cannot have that anywhere near my boys. They're literally because literally well one of them will be dead within 15 minutes. Wait, where will you keep it? I mean, here it's awesome. Can I see that? Yeah, this is awesome. Here we'll FaceTime Island see what she says. Here you want to take a look at this morning this Katana to yeah, holy Tana. How do you fucking buy this? I la Island Peter found this? They found a place in Long Beach to sell fucking medieval weapons like authentic medieval fucking weapons. Shit. This would be so Look at this bad bitch to hit somebody with take a look at this This is crazy

So I by the way when that was still ripped up and wrapped up in the cloth Yeah, I thought that that was just one of those massive dildos that like they sell it You know the adults to person he's like oh it's a Japanese guitar So right here is a piece of paper where the soldier autographed the paper and shoved it into the sword. You can see that little thing right there. Seriously? Yeah, this is pretty fun. That's genuine.

Yes, genuine. From World War II. Stop. Yeah. I'm gonna go ahead and accept this as not just episode 200, but as a birthday gift since this year, you didn't get me any. Then you got two things.

Okay. Congratulations, buddy. Fucking thanks, man. Yeah, we should face time, Ila. She's like, she's gonna be. This is for real. This is for real, more to Katana. It's sharp as fucking shit.

Ila gave me, walked me through all the stuff of how to use it. And, yeah. And the, so he was a, Pete, Pete and Ila got the info. He was a maritime soldier. Oh, it smells. Yeah.

It smells old. Old as fuck. You know when things like you smell it and you're like, this smells old. Yeah. It's old as fuck. And so his signature, see that little dot in there? Yeah.

So they knew it was theirs. They signed it. And then they rolled it up and shoved it in there so that they knew it was theirs. Yesterday, this is why I'm so scared that I am on the bike. Yeah. Christina's out and Alice comes down. He's like, hey, you need to go upstairs.

I'm like, why? I'm like, just let me ride the bike, man. Yeah. And he's like, Julien's crying. I go, for what? He goes, he got hurt. I go, how do you get hurt? And he's like, we were fighting, but like play fighting.

And I go, I'm running upstairs. I'm like, what happened? And I just hear like, yeah. And I'm like, what happened? What happened? And he's like, my foot accidentally hit him. I go, did you kick him? He goes, I think so.

My foot accidentally hit him. I go where he goes in the head. I'm like, great man. I go wait to see your boys playing with the katana. Oh, yeah, or this right here the morning star That's fucking badass. You gotta keep I keep that here. I put it up on the background Yeah, we should we should keep this because I don't look nice on the that's the other thing I just said It's the weight of this it's heavy as I mean and it's fucking if you hit someone with that game it over fucking the dog Yeah And it's fucking if you hit someone with that game over fucking the dog. Yeah The dog, huh? It's the first thought I had can I tell you what can I tell you what?

No, this is game over. Yeah, yeah, yeah This is like you're gonna learn how to Google I was like it would look great on your set. Yeah Holy shit. Holy shit. Oh. I should face time, I'll see if she's awake. She was like. What time does she sleep till usually?

Because now school hasn't started. No, no, she's sleep, it's summer. It's summer and she's sleeping on a aggressive amount. Really? Yeah. She, uh. Is's sleeping on a aggressive amount. Really? Yeah. She, uh. Is it, is she better be a senior? She's a senior.

It's about me. She's a senior, yeah. She's about to be a senior. We're trying to get her to drive. It's been the whole, she doesn't care about driving. She doesn't care about driving in her tasting cars, fucking bullshit. Bullshit, it swayes bullshit.

She wants like the cheapest car she can find, like the cheapest car she can find, the cheapest car she can find the cheapest Smallest car or a vintage Bronco Yep, it's they're fucking $250,000 all of them you can't find one Holler at me all right, so time to open my present. Yes This is I by the way, thank you for mine. Those are fucking rad Put it in my present. Yes! This is, by the way, thank you for mine.

Those are fucking rad. I wish I had more gifts for you. I feel like I can't wait to see what it is. It's fucking cool, dude, and it's genuine. Can you pardon me, feels like it might be a pipe bomb. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. It's fucking bad ass, dude, and it's exactly what you wanted. I'm afraid I'm gonna hurt myself.

You're not. It's the real deal. Oh, shut the fuck up. Yeah, it's real. Real-claw reform. Yeah. Shut the fuck up. Not a gag gift.

Shut the fuck up. Shut the fuck off. Yeah. Shut the fuck off. Let's try it out. I did. Isn't that rad? How did you get chloroform? Just easy.

This just got a long line. Yeah. Shut the fuck off. You could travel with it for real? Yeah. Yeah, you can give it to a girl, whatever you want. I'm gonna put this on my checked bags and my check and am I carry on?

Might maybe keep it like that for now. Really? I think so, unless we're gonna try it. I can't try it, I'm just quitting drinking. You get, that's okay. It's such a great way to quit drinking. Yeah. At the end of the night, I'm like, well, I'm done for the night.

Yeah. Yeah. What if it was on my hand and I do the joke? You know what you should do? For the, I mean, because you trust them. Mm-hmm. For like the first time. Yeah, maybe keep it in the bag.

They zip that up pretty tight, huh? Yeah, I bet there's a lot of fucking. Okay, this is what I would do. Okay. Let's say you were spending the night tonight, you go to the hotel, you have Peter restrain your arms and legs, and then soak a rag, put a protective thing over his mouth, and then hold the soaked rag over your face where you can't resist.

Because it's got to, you got to hold there for five minutes. You got, well, I don't have five, but like, you got to hold there for a while, and this way you don't have the ability to knock it away. Yeah. That's fucking crazy. That's fucking, what have I dropped it? It'll knock you out for two minutes or two hours or more. That's more form.

But if it's more than eight hours, tell them to call a doctor. We should have my glasses on and read the instructions. Yeah. It says for real G's on. That's it. It's a special kind. It's the real thing. Chloriform.

What a great 200th gift present. Yeah. Yeah. You got a Katana in a Morningstar and I got chloriform. Yeah. By the way, those are so our personalities. It's totally great. I just want to be put out for the night and you want to

fucking kill people. Yeah, dude. This is so cool. I feel like I should wash my hands Have you been touching it much? No Hey, the dog gets some hands sanitizer. No, it's in the bag. You're good. It's safe in the bag. You think? Yeah, yeah Yeah, yeah, you've been touching the bag. I have and I've been staying conscious for the last couple days. Yeah Fucking unreal. Oh my God, big announcement. What?

No diarrhea today, and here's the thing. How much diarrhea have you been having? Well, I haven't sh- I didn't sh- today. Really? I forgot to. Is it something you usually schedule? If I go sit on the toilet, I sh- like in the morning, I've set myself up pretty regular.

If I just sit down the toilet, I sh- I sh- So, I've been really good with healthy valve movements for a while, like I'm very up pretty regular. I just sit down and told it, I shit. So I've been really good with healthy bowel movements for a while, like I'm very happy about it. And guess when I started shitting uncontrollably again, when I started swimming in the ocean, and then they go week after I started swimming in the ocean, I saw the notice they were like, don't swim in the ocean. There's like record

levels of bacteria that'll make you sick. Oh that's right because I was like. The whole city if it rains our whole city turns the ocean to poison. And they're like it is don't even go in the and I was like I'm swimming in it every fucking day. Every day. I started to just shit. Craite. I was like why am I shitting like this all the time? I'm just plaguing your body with poison. I'm just shoving poison in my- I'm swallowing, awww. And then I finally I'm like, oh today I shit normal. It's like yeah, maybe the poison

has kind of found its way out of your body. But yeah, it was like, I was like, man why? And I saw the notice of like, don't swim the day before I left. Really? Yeah, that's when I was, they were like,

absolutely do not swim. And they listed like all the beaches. It was like 12 beaches. And we just, those fish, dude. Yeah. There's so much shit in our ocean. Ocean's so enormous. God, I was thinking about it too, because I was thinking about when we watched those,

like, shark videos, the level of, I wonder how much you panic and then how quickly you resign to your death in those situations, you know? Like how quickly you're like, like if some part of your brain's just like, oh, there's nothing to do anymore. When you resigned to death?

I thought about that with, I was listening to a documentary on YouTube. Like the polar bear, you know, the polar bear is like, oh, that's different. That's when you're just like, someone is gonna kill me. No, no, no, when you're like, when you're in a, like, would Jimmy Halle,

if I think they put him in the cement, a giant stadium? Yeah, it was. Yeah. And so I wonder if they, I bet they left him alive and sank him into the cement. Whew. And then, at one point, you have to think,

I'll get out of this and then at one point, you have to think, uh- get out of this and then at one point you have to think, oh oh, and then I thought, political figures, it's different. When you just like, if you're, you know, like, Martin Luther King, Malcolm X, they knew they had a target on their, like they just know, right? So, you think they knew, knew?

Well, I don't think they know the moment, but I think that like every time I'm sure in that, remember the 60s, and they're like this voice that you have to try to put yourself in the mentality that people are like, we don't want you to have rights to go places. We don't want you to be thought of as equal. And these guys are like the leading,

you know, different ways of doing it. And they're killing, they were killing. I still get it. I still, there's certain things I can't believe happened, right? Like I can't believe Jared from subway was a, like our part of me goes, for real, like I think, and I'm talking about it on station. Are you really? Oh, cool. And then I can't believe that like those, I was talking about, because I knew them. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You guys are like buddies, you used to share emails and stuff. I was like, hundreds.

And so, but I can't believe that like the freedom riders, the two Jewish kids and the black kid that came down to through Mississippi, the Mississippi burning story, I can't believe that there's a world that existed where cops would pull you over and then shoot you. I understand that that still happens today, but like the fact that there was no law, like that, and that they all got away with it. And they're still getting away with it today, apparently. The way you get away with it back then too is like, you know, the judge and the jury. Like if you were a white guy, you killed a black guy, they put you on there, like, you know, the judge and the jury. Like, if you were a white guy, you killed a black guy,

they would put you on there, like, all right, let's go through the whole, the judicial process here, and they'd be like, what do you think, and all of them would be like, birds a good guy. And then it's like, and the judge would be like, and casecloth, and then that would be it. They're like, there is no justice.

They were like, I'm sure that you felt threatened. I did, Your Honor. That was it. It was just a totally rigged system. So I'm saying if you're those guys in that era, you know, they probably go through a level of acceptance of people wanting to kill me, because people really did want to kill those guys.

Because to Jewish kids, I wonder if they're like, don't worry, we'll talk to them. Hey, this guys, you're not allowed to do this. You know what I mean? And then those cops were just like, fuck you, you're dead.'re like, don't worry, we'll talk to them. Hey, this guys, you're not allowed to do this, you know what I mean? And then those cops are just like, fuck you, you're dead. You're fuck you, you're dead. And we've got a plan to go bury you in a landfill.

Yeah. Like the fact that injustice is like that happen, it are unfathomable to me. Like the idea that like if I went and and performed I'm sure if we performed in like Afghanistan they'd behead us right? They'd kill us. Yeah I think that's what they do to stand ups and so.

Allegedly. You know, they might like my new shit. I don't know. They might. I think you might take your shirt off and then they go is this a gay and then they just kill you and they still do that?

The idea that you could be beheaded, that there's places where they would actually behead you and they would actually not care about your rights. Like I care about people's rights, I care about people feeling good. What's the thing about living in a civilized society is we all agree to these rules and the acceptance of like, hey, someone's like here, people are allowed to say things to you

and voice their opinions. We live now in a world where you go like, oh, that should be the standard, right? That people are allowed to disagree with you and stand up for themselves, but there's parts of the world where like, that's not a reality, you know? Like there's like a woman in a countercliffed off. Like that, like they go, she's a horror time to gank her. Correct.

I mean, the fucking, the fact that there's a child in Sierra Leone snorting Brown Brown just to get through the day. Like a child going like, this world's pretty rough. What's Brown Brown? I don't know, I saw him in a documentary. Okay.

Or I might have seen it in a movie, I don't know. Okay. I think it's in movies. But God of War, Lord of War. This got into a pretty serious, territory. I was here. Diaria led to.

Poisoned fish. Toes and so big. And then the acceptance of dying, like when a shark attacks you. I think I just went into its mouth mouth at a certain point I'd be like, can I fight it? And if I'm like, I'm like, yeah, I'm like, let's get this over with. Yeah. You better eat the whole me. See like the, that's the thing is I think the polar bear, oh man.

You know, like that guy with that polar bear on it, I was like, remember it stood up. It's fucking like knife. He thought you're like, oh, I mean, a polar bear would just kill you to kill you, you know, it wouldn't have to be hungry. There's gotta be like, I wonder how many times in a atrocities in the world that I would go timeout. And they'd be like, there's no timeout, man, we're keeping you.

And I'm like, what? And there's like, welcome to the Oz Bitch. That time, I, somebody we know, I guess I'll just say it. So, and then you would cut this out. Tell me about being there for a prison rape. And, and, and, and, and, and, and it is like, so, so bring to hear the details of that. All right. Oh my god.

So he was in jail for a while. Really? Yeah, for, I mean, it wasn't serving time like, here's your sentence. It was, I think it was like in that. So I, technically, I guess, not prison. It's jail. It's jail, but it's like rikers. Yeah.

And you still get access to, I think the library. So he was in the library. Oh, what a bad place for that to happen. And they were, I mean, a guy, like three guys were. And he was telling me the story. I told him he told me the story where they looked at me and go, you want in on this? Yes.

And he was like, I'm good. And then the guy was like, come on, the guy who was being, it was like, come on. And they were like, we're being nice to you right now. Because if you were a white, we wouldn't use a loop because they were using loop. And they, and he was telling me, and like they offered him, they're like,

you want a piece of this? And he was like, he's like, now I'm good. And the fucking, how did we get so dark today? Jesus Christ. I don't know how did we start here? Oh, maybe it's the fact that I gave you a fucking morning star. Yeah.

And you gave me chloroform. Yeah. We were destined for this darkness. Yeah. Oh, it was about the fear though, like the fear in the panic. The thing can't stop it. Like you can't stop, that's what you have to do. You can't stop it. The fact like stop it. You can't stop it.

But like that poor son of a bitch laying on that table, there's nothing you can do. You think you could be like, guys, guys, let me talk to you for something. Let me tell you a joke. Yeah. If I make you guys watch a new library, oh guys come on, come on, come on, come on,

right, right, right, right, fuck, that, fuck, that, that's why you need guns. Yeah. You need to protect yourself. How many that. That's why you need guns. Yeah. You need to protect yourself. How many guns you got now? Uh, four. Nice. Yeah.

You got to get handgun? Yeah, a couple of those. What else you got? Shotgun. Yeah. AK-47. AK-47 is aggressive. I bought a drunk.

Do you ever take it to the range? No. It's only got bullets worth. Can you can get them them right? Yeah, sure, but I don't care I just like that it's beautiful. Yeah, yeah, it's beautiful I haven't picked it up yet. Oh my god wait what let's transition out of this darkness into something fun I need to or bus head about your new tour bus. Yeah, I got a new tour bus Are you excited? I do this the best. It's the best. It's the best It's the best for someone who lives on a tour bus like myself. It's the fucking best. Are you excited? I do this the best. It's the best. It's the best.

It's the best for someone who lives on a tour bus like myself. It's the fucking best. Did you spec it out? I built it. Yes I'm sure. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, I built it. Who'd you use? I don't know if I can remember.

Same person. Okay. And so, but what I did, Tom, and I think you'll appreciate this. Yeah. So, normally when you do a tour lunch, toy lounge what of course. Yeah, yeah front lounge But what I did when people build tour buses there's two types of tour buses. There's star coaches and then there's like Just like a crew bus. Yeah, it's all bunks back bedroom back hangout room front lounge and and and maybe like maybe a small shower Well, I wanted a bedroom, but I and then there's then there's star coaches star coaches are usually front lounge and maybe a small shower.

Well, I wanted a bedroom, but then there's star coaches. Star coaches are usually double slide outs. It's a side out in the back where the bedroom is and a side out out front, meaning that push is out to have a bigger bedroom. Well, I had had slide outs. I've been on more tour buses than a lot of fucking,

anyone, when you Google celebrity tour buses, only mine show up, because I'm the only dickhead taking pictures in a tour bus. Like Motley crew is a lot. Rapped. Oh yeah, yeah. And so what I liked, what I didn't like about those double slide outs, and this is so inside

the weeds on tour buses, but this for anyone that ever, ever was going to need one. Those back ones, when you go to bed, your bus calls at 3am, they were going to start driving it for, you're everyone's in bed, you're asleep. Well, if you're in the back, back, start bedroom, when he starts the engine, it is right by your pillow. It's, wooooooom, you wake up, and you're like, fuck.

And then as you go back to sleep, he's driving, and you're on the axle, and you're like, this, all fucking night. And it's the most uncomfortable sleep. But when you get to the to sleep, he's driving, and you're on the axle, and you're like this, all fucking night, and it's the most uncomfortable sleep. But when you get through the next day, it slides out, and it feels cool, and you got sprung to hang out, but no one hangs out in the bedroom. What I noticed is the best sleep you can have is in the bunks.

When you're in the middle of the bus, that sleep is like this, and it rocks you to sleep. The problem is, the bunks aren't big enough. So what I did is I put lounge, tiny bathroom, just a little bathroom in the front and then I have bunks and then the next set of bunks is my bedroom. So it's not a slide out, it's a bedroom. And so it's a queen size bed, and then I put the bathroom in the way back, made it really big and then put the closet in front of the engine so that it muffles the sound of the engine.

So when you get bus call, you go to sleep, no windows. Ice fucking cold, no windows. And when the bus calls three, you get in bed at three, everyone starts passing out, engine starts, you do not hear it. Bus starts driving, you do not feel it. All of a sudden, you notice like you're moving on the street You're like wow how long have been driving you're like shit. We're gonna be there in 30 minutes

I slept sound the whole fucking night. It's outside my house And I was telling I was telling Gavin Ross tale about it. It did episode something's burning with them Yeah, I was telling them about it as I explained it to him anyone that lives on a bus. He was like whoa He's like for real and I was like can he Cause you put the, you put the bed where the second, but those are the best sleeps. And I went, yeah, that's who the bed is. And he's like, kind of, kind of rent it out. And I was like, I was like, I don't know. I'm weird about because I go, I want to, I just keep it the whole time. Cause it's like mine. And I like keeping all my stuff in there. I don't have to unpack it. Yeah. I mean, I got

to see it. I want to, I want to sit. The first time I ever rented a bus, I don't have to unpack it. Yeah, I mean, I gotta see it. I wanna, I wanna, the first time I ever rented a bus, I'd never rented a bus before, was like, 2017 or 2018. And there's a lot of tears just so you know, if like, imagine if you go to rent a car, right? And you're like, do you wanna get the economy car or do you wanna get, you know, a luxury car? I did economy for a long time. Well, I did the economy, right?

I was like, oh, I'd never done it before. I'm just getting into like doing theaters, got this tour, I go, I'll regret this one. So I get it, the fucking, man, it's like, the first night I'm in the back, I'm asleep, and I'm going to sleep, I'm like, man, it's loud, it's fuck, right? I mean, it was loud, but it was loud. Like even in the years that came after it

and all the buses, I've been on a lot of buses, I've never had something that loud. So, and I'm trying to be like, you know, like not a complainer. Yeah. So after like a few days, drivers like everything cool or you know, good. I'm like, yeah, I gotta tell you man, it's fucking loud. He goes, yeah man, this thing needs a new transmission.

I keep telling him and I was like, I go, dude, but I mean, have you heard how loud this is? I mean, you're driving, but so he turns it on and and I go, just go in the back, and he's like, oh yeah, that's not normal. And I'm like, yeah, it sounds like a jet engine. It was so fucking loud. We end up getting a deal from them because how bad the thing, that he's like,

this thing shouldn't even be on the road. I keep telling him, like, why am I renting it? When you get a bad transmission or a bad suspension, when the suspension goes out, you are bouncing all over the fucking road. And then there's cool ones where, so I also was on, not on this last tour, I just rented the bus for the tour. So it was just, it was my, but it was pretty good bus.

Yeah. On the previous tour, I was chartering buses, but like a week here, two weeks, I didn't do like the year rental. Yeah. And one time, I got like, it was like, if you go to the rental counter at the airport, and you're like, fuck it,

I'll do an escalate today, right? It was like that. So I get, I see this thing, and I just for the two weeks, I'm like, that's a fucking expensive. And they're like, yeah, that's how this company, I'll tell you who the company is. But over 30 grand. Yeah. Wow. So I was like, that's what I'm saying. I was like, Jesus, but I was like, this is like a splur, like, you know, for birthday, you're like, all right, fuck it. And I'm like, how could this bus be any different than the bus,

like the bus pulls up. And it, you know, outside, you're like, damn, I get on and I'm like, how could this bus be any different than the bus, like the bus pulls up. And you know, outside you're like, damn, I get on and I'm like, what the fuck, man? This is the, and they're like, yeah, the guy goes, I just got off, I just dropped off J-Lo and I'm picking you up and I was like, this is the craziest fucking thing that I have ever been on. And even in like last year when I had that,

I mean, it did not compare to this bus. The bus had, it also had like smart, smart things where like, you know, the wall here is flat, you're like, oh, and then he goes, oh, no, no, touch here, you touch, and then a dishwasher came out and I was like, oh, Jesus. Like I'd never seen that. There was a Smart TVs everywhere and then it had libraries of

Movies built in and then you and then when you the light panel you go to touch this He's like no, no pull it it comes off the wall that became an iPad and it controlled the lights And then it had like 200 movies and you could play it here. I was like, so that's why I was like, oh, that's why this thing is, and then, yeah, the bedroom, it was like, it was like you were going on vacation and it was like a luxury villa. And I was like, okay, that's, that's the level of this. And I, and I never had something like that again. And I also learned that this guy drove JLo for like,

I don't know, nine months and he goes, we never made eye contact. Are you serious? Do you ever see Mariah Carey shade JLo? No. I don't know, I saw the clip on TikTok. Do you have your headphones? Yeah.

You got to see this. The whole thing I've been trying to show you. So before you and just get it ready, this, and I'm not, this is on YouTube. So it's on YouTube, and I had them when it got on YouTube, when I saw it on YouTube, the first thing I did, I go rip this because they're going to pull this off of YouTube.

And guess what It never got pulled it's still on there really yeah for reference this is how hairy my butt is right now Oh my god, right so step one is to squeeze this cream YouTube right now right now it's on YouTube. Do you know many views it has? 565,000 million 38? 38 million right now. 38 million. Yeah. I'm going to put that.

All right, now it says to apply a thick even layer to cover hair, do not rub it in. So let's do that. It was there on your asshole. This is how you would get the hair out of there, right? And I guess this is kind of what you were saying about what kind of ass do you like, you know? That one's not that bad.

I kind of like it with the hair to be honest with you. But it's like, it's a tight. Yeah. It's not big fat ass. It's like a, it's a small, but it's a- It's an Asian ass. It's an Asian like little twink ass. Geeks as well.

Setting a timer for three minutes. Don't go past three minutes because I did that with my armpits. Like I went to five minutes and it literally burned and stung so bad. We have one minute left. So because we were talking about hair removal, have you ever tried Nair?

No. Would you try it? Yeah. If I could put my asshole online like that. That's what I was thinking we could do. I'll put my asshole online if you could show it. But I think you can. we could do. I'll put my asshole online. If you could show it, but I think you can. As long as,

I'll do it right now. You know what I'm doing right now. I'll do it right now. You know what I'm doing right now, and I'm going to, this is exactly how I do it. This is an instructional video how to take at, at, at, at asshole here, out of my asshole, and I will be hairless in my asshole

for my top soft world tour and I'll get 39 million views and I'll fucking double every arena show I'm doing. Well fuck I mean why are you being serious we can put our assholes online? Because he's giving you like an instructional thing and they're like are you being serious? You're gonna be like my name's Berk Rysher and this is how you jack off. Uh I think if there's some medical benefit and you go, but don't do it like this, you can get hurt. This is a cheat code that is gonna break my brain.

Yeah. So I can be like, I can be like, here's wait, this is not even, keep going. After so far, there's no stinging, nothing's hurting. It's all good. It's all good, okay? This is impossible, okay? Check small area.

Figure here may require more time, so let's check a small area first. Oh my god, that was one swipe. God damn, a lot of the hairs came out you guys. Right, so he's cleaning. This is disgusting. This is fucking disgusting. This is fucking disgusting. Hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on.

Hold on. Hold on. Now, sorry. If you're listening, he took a paper towel and he did some swipes and hair has just fallen off. And now go ahead. This is how my butt looks. He did some swipes and hair has just fallen off. And now go ahead. This is how my butt looks.

Pre-rends and pre-shower and post hair removal cream. I'm going to take a shower and clean the area and come back and show you what the results are. Alright guys, back for my shower. This is how my butt looks post shower, post-rends, and post-hair removal cream. And then look, he also, he fleck, he does the wink. And it's pretty hairless now. It was not bad.

Yeah. And you can see his bag also clearly hanging. He's got a big bag, yeah. It's pretty wild. I wouldn't have thought he had had a bag that hangs like that. Hold on. Yeah.

Why don't we just break the internet and do it to each other? Do it to each other? Yeah. First of all, there's no backside to this. I don't see any backside to this. Backside? Downside. Downside.

Downside. I think you're looking at this backside. I'll see any downside to this at all. At all. I don't see any downside at all. all. At all, I don't see any downside at all. I'm being serious from a marketing perspective. This is genius. This kid's face, 35 million people have why,

how long has this been up? 38, 38 million people. How long has it been up? When you, about three weeks from when you guys sent it to us? But can you see if you pull up the video on YouTube? Yeah, look at it. Is this, is this there any more after this?

Or is it just this asshole that winked at us? I'm subscribed, I'm subscribed, I'm subscribed. Obviously, there are some hairs on my cheek still, like stray hairs, but like overall, I think we did really good. And I think this near hair removal cream did a really good job at the point where it's allowed to stare. And so yeah, that's how you get rid of your butt hairs using the near hair removal cream did a really good job. I think that's why it's allowed to stare. And so yeah, that's how you get rid of your butt hairs

using the Nair hair removal cream or really any hair removal cream in general. Thank you guys so much for watching. I love you and I'll talk to you soon. I think that that's what that smile is. First of all, he's adorable. He's adorable. He ends it when he goes.

He does. Is that's not a genuine smile? Let me do an impression. Let me show that. Let me see that sword This is my impression of his father. Yeah Kid there's no way his fucking dad looks at that and goes that's what I was fucking my son Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, Is it gone up? I mean, it probably has since we watched it a few days ago and it was 38 million. That's fucking insane. I don't see the downside of me and you waxing each other's actual 38.7 million.

38.7 million now. Oh well, only 700,000 people have watched it since we watched it last. You think it's been flagged? It's had to be flagged. I mean, people have definitely type in how to breastfeed. How to breastfeed.

You know what I want you to do actually, I'm being serious here and stuff. Yes. I want you to. I hate games. What's that? I don't know. Something on the house. Most out of it.

No, no, no, no, no, no, that's the way they do the internet. The internet's fucking stupid. Look at this. Shorts goes crazy. He doesn't go crazy. It's just that's the way you fucking write things these days. You don't say, hey, we had an interesting conversation. You're like, Tom H. Jews.

And then you're like, yeah. But we'll put it as the, put it as the fucking, watch, just say I hate Jews. Nope, just say, just say I hate and then go sandwiches and then just say Jews. Ah. I want you to, I want you to do some before I forget. I hate and then go sandwiches and then just say juice. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha If you put that to this title of this episode, it will be, it'll be, it'll perform better than any of our other episodes. Yeah, man, you might be right. Well, that's what sucks about the fucking internet,

because you don't know what you're getting. It's like back in the day, you can be like, Joe Rogan talks to a fucking pharmacologist, and they're like, oh, that's an interesting conversation. Now it's gotta be Joe Rogan says, statins are aren't real. And you're like, hold on, that's not what they're, they're three hour off.

You have to elicit something. He's educating people on these things. I want breast pumping videos But there has to be breast pumping videos women with enlarged and gorge tits. How do I face sitting? I'm a big face sitting fan Okay, let's fucking get after it fucking fine one that's got 38 million views. Yeah, let's do the view counts do the view counts Tits out tits out and not some fucking Nancy. I want a fucking milk You know The spike at the end go to the spike at the end

Go to the spike go to the spike at the end go to the spike at the end when they're Cutting your bottle full of milk and like spit out. I'm just lightly. It doesn't need to be hard She's gonna keep it on Goful Asian on us and then once you've let down you can alternate nobody wants you to do this with your shirt on Look at her fucking face. Yeah, you know what? We're trying to crack her. Flag her, flag her, reporter to YouTube. Yeah, reporter for not helping. Okay, we see a nipple. Yeah, you know what sucks though,

is you don't want to see a baby doing it. Just pretend it's a midget. Breastfeeding attachments, breastfeeding theories. Roller, I don't want to see a baby. God, let's see a fucking. Fucking newborn. Come on, come on, just scroll, to the pipe. I know. Oh my god. Oh my god. Think of the fucking. Oh Jesus. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Is that one of those Chupacabra babies? It's got hair on its back.

That's one of those Peruvian babies that have hair all over its face. Those Wolfboy babies. Jesus, how does it have hair in its back and shoulders? Oh, fuck. I'm ignoring a tit looking at a baby's back. Shut the fuck up. Next. Yeah, I don't like this. Let's see it. Let's see. Give me like a fucking, okay.

Wait, breast pumping. The breast pumping, there's not a, yeah, there's not a breast pump one that has, how do, how do I operate breast pump pump breast pump tutorial and now go for fucking millions of views yeah there's not a view count thing we can go highest view count she looks like her but why doesn't the filter allow you to go search by view counts yeah yeah yeah most popular There we go. There we fucking go. Yeah, baby.

Yeah, baby. We fucking bring it. We fucking bring it. Fuck. Yes. Wow. Trevor Phillips. Thanks for educating.

Jesus. God, she's got some big fucking dance. Fucking dance. Those are amazing. Yeah. this is fucking holy shit. I feel like I'm learning so much right now. God that's why that's not how you do it guys There's a mug in machine that'll help my white nose. That's shit like glue coming out. God damn it. Look at her Fucking she looks like a city folk who just bought a cow Do you like those? Do you like the hot lean full view, full view?

Hand expression. I don't know. I've never seen. Yeah. I've never seen tents like that in my entire life. This is an Eastern European apartment. Um, I believe, I believe she makes $11 a month. Oh, yeah.

God damn it. Oh yeah, yeah. Over the camera. God she's good. War torn nation that has no laws. So this is, that's actually informational. I didn't know you could do with your hands like that. Hmm. Her tits are comically big.

They are. It looks like they're cartoon tits. I mean the size of her baby's got to be huge. Those are the biggest tits I think I've ever seen. Yeah. Those are the biggest tits. Are you pretending also that that's your dick right now and she's just getting every last drop out? I don't know. I wish she'd be a little more sexual about it. She's so mechanical. And she's just doing it into a fucking highball glass. And you're like, I can't. So you can, wait, hold on.

Buh. I wonder how many 10 years old, so you're dead sometime. She turned off to this. Yeah. Yeah, of course. So what was the view count on this? Also around 38 million.

It's the magic number for this educational stuff. What's how do we get educationally naked and cel shit for two bears. Oh Fuck how do we get? Oh That just gave me an idea for the other thing we've been like this stuff we worked we met about the the zoom call yesterday Yeah, when we actually It's time to do that. That's something we should definitely be naked. Yeah, yeah. This is insane.

I wanna see more nudity. What are some other things? Like, okay, how to milk. I was gonna say, can you do a prostate milking? Prostate milking. Yeah. This is insane. This is a cheap product.

So you too, Bill. Imagine if you're fucking 12 years old. Imagine if you milk me. Like my prostate education in a video. Prostate massage. Oh my god. The massage. Oh my god.

Right, so there's the joke. Okay, that's real. What? This one right here. Let's see it. Keeps males improve function. Keeps where I should prostate removal. Get to the fucking.

Okay, yep. I would have the one on the left leave the room. And Amy Poler, are you gonna milk me? Okay, right here. Oh, we'll bring in fucking. Oh, fuck yeah. Is there audio? Because we want to train our patients in a functional position

and this is the same position. This is even hotter. Patients go home and perform their kegels in, which is standing. He's got a towel line which means... He's got a towel line which means... He's got a towel line which means... He's got a towel line which means... He's got a towel line which means... He's got a towel line which means... He's got a towel line which means... He's got a towel line which means... He's got a towel line which means... He's got a towel line which means... He's got a towel line which means... He's got a towel line which means... He's got a towel line which means... He's got a towel line which means... He's got a towel line which means... He's got a towel line which means... He's got a towel line which means... He's got a towel line which means... He's got a towel line which means... He's got a towel line which means... He's got a towel line which means... He's got a towel line which means... He's got a towel line which means... He's got a towel line which means... He's got a towel line which means... He's got a towel line which means... He's got a towel line which means... He's got a towel line which means... He's got a towel line which means... He's got a towel line which means... He's got a towel line which means... He's got a towel line which means... He's got a towel line which means... He's got a towel line which means... He's got a towel line which means... He's got a towel line which means sound on the perennium. Either way, most men are calm. Ultra sound on the perennium. They don't have to have any invasive evaluation of their pelvic floor muscles as they've already been through so much. Get in there. So we're in the demonstrate using our dairy generous volunteer here. Get her hands in there. Get her hands in there.

Using the ultrasound. Earlier we spoke about how we use the just get get her hands under the towel. Yeah, yeah Okay, next Okay, okay close this video I'm actually learning shit goddamn it the woman should be fucking disbarred. Yeah Well, that looks like she's getting in there Keep playing next next next. I don't want to see it one more more more more What's a dick is that dick

That's a finger. That's a finger about I think go back to the views most popular Nursing project prostate exam. No, that's it dude finger dudes ass Prostate massage she's oh look at that girl with the fucking sex toy what are their views? prostate massage. She's, oh, look at that girl with the fucking sex toy. What are their views? 1.5 million. Let's just see. It what Kaylin' Felira's 1.4 million. She's like, she's jacking one off in her face. Yeah, that one prostate massage looks like she's fingering his ass hole. Oh, wait, wait. Oh, right there. That one. Is that, that looks like it? Yeah, hold on. There we go. This is like fishing. Yeah, this is like fishing.

Oh, is that our boy? Kind of looks like him. Especially the glaring penis. Rob. So the plastic gland. It is one thing that is so important in man. And it's according to how old we are. So we're gonna start with on the top. Is he about to figure, oh, that girl's gonna finger his asshole. Okay, I'm fucking booking a trip to Tyler's so I'm the If you if you look carefully, okay keep going keep going keep going

Just get her hands in his hands the parrot won't above the plastic land and His hands in his hands. The pelvic bone above the plastic lens. And the big massage prop. And the glow of the bow. Did you reach out? There we go, there we go, there we go, there we go. I want to see your finger go in. How's he not hard yet?

Yeah. You don't massage anything? You move. Yeah. Yeah, okay. Yeah, when's the sky going to be? You first, you hold for 20 minutes. I'm not watching this to not Where is this 20?

20 passes And you feel he feel like I mean at this point can we just take it off He feels like I mean at this point can we just take it off Balls are hanging out the side. It's like oh, we're being she's oh his hands are in the million In the area. Oh, in the guys take the guy's day because of the million dollar area But she's putting two thumbs in his ass like she's the school in ebert. Wow Wow, after they move all because all you guys areoring for million dollar pie to all the way up because it can be stuck on from here to here He's like I don't eat gloves. I'm gonna hold your dick man and is This is this is so great

Does it Something else has got to happen here right make it up make make it up. Make it when you walk on it. The body will send blood. Look at him. He's just holding it. He's just holding that guy. He's a doctor. Yeah, we're a porn star. He's not a doctor.

I bet he's not a doctor. No, he just holds you down. Why is this chick so funny? Damn it. And why is she wearing gloves? If he's that. So let's battle again, limp on my hair. Oh yeah.

So a bump, the million dollar part, above the anus. Why would I have that? A bump, the anus. But it's not million dollar part. How great would it be to be? All they can, you can't wait up and see his face with her in between your legs? Okay, who the nervous system and then he just keeps holding your neck problem This is crazy that this is on YouTube And then can I tell you what's crazy?

This is on YouTube and a video of Isla dancing in her bathing suit as at seven years old got flagged and put a strike on my account a strike Yeah, she was dancing to a... Tows it down and everybody down, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don. I don't know. It was so back back like, you know what else got flagged? A video of Georgia when she must have been seven or eight going, uh, having my phone shooting her feet. She goes, my feet, my feet, my feet, my feet, I got flagged. Yeah. I think this probably was during that like ad apocalypse thing where they just complete because there

you there was this like petl ring of like that was on YouTube. And they had like hidden messages to each other. Oh, really? Yeah, yeah. And then and everything got real crazy on you. That was when like you couldn't talk about anything and then nobody was getting ads for, it was a few years ago. And that's when they discovered that there was all these videos and there was

all about like, like creeps were had a special way like they would communicate with each other about like watch these videos of kids. They're all watching. So then YouTube, of course, but YouTube had to like revamp their whole. Um, I don't mind YouTube having breastfeeding and that pump video is pretty, but you should get that strike removed though, if it's still there on your account. Yeah, of course. But that's, I mean, I don't mind,

I don't mind that girl milking her tits, I don't mind that guy fingering that guy's ass, I don't mind that guy wiping his ass at all, I don't mind any of that. None of that registers with me for offense. I don't, I go, don't pull on my any of them off at all. Yeah, yeah. But then also, like, allow me to say, like, what they do flag is kind of fucking crazy. Well, that's the big thing with YouTube.

The big problem with YouTube, I would say, in my experience, is that there's a just a huge level of inconsistency. Yeah. There's just, they're not, this like, you guys talked about this thing. You said this word, and then you watch another video, they talk about the same topic, they say the same word, and they're like, yeah, that one didn't even register to them. It's crazy because it does seem political. Yeah, it does I mean it does seem like they have like a weird agenda It doesn't seem consistent to me that you take down. I don't I don't even know who's been banned on you But or but you let a guy wax his anus you know they really got they cracked down hard on Crazy time was wearing like the height of COVID.

Oh yeah, that was insane. You couldn't hear another opinion. Anybody saying anything about a vaccine? And by the way, I heard so little, I don't look, I was also ready to get vaccinated because I wanted to get back to work. I didn't give a fuck. I was like, put it in me, I don't give a shit.

I put worse in me. That's where I was at. But now I look at, and I don't know if it's really not, but if you have a friend that maybe is an anti-vaxxer who's a conspiracy theory guy, like if you have one, I know I have one, I don't know if you have one, I think you might, but you get every text you get is that's because he got the job.

And you're like, and so every text, anyone gets false snowsking, and they're like, that's what happens when you get back to him. And you're like, Jesus Christ. So part of me goes, a wish I would fucking wish I had, I don't know, I mean, I don't know. I got paid code seven times,

so it gives a fucking, seven. Apparently it works, the job works. How many times did you have a bad, bad symptom? So many. Once? First time? Yeah.

First time was, wasn't even that bad though, it was just, first time. First time. Yeah. Yeah. First time was, what even that bad though, it was just, it was like one day. Did you ever lie to people after you knew a result? I tried. You did? I tried. What do you mean you tried? I tried.

When we got back from this special, I had, I had worked to do. Yeah. And a lot of work to do. And I came in and everyone's like, yo, just see, you know, everyone's testing positive that was on the plane. And I was like, that's crazy. And I was sick.

And I was like, that's crazy. That's crazy. And they're like, how you feeling? That's fine. And then you sound like you're just looking just it. And I was like, and I'm talking to Jen who I just hired who works for me. And she's inside my gym with the doors kind

of cracked talking to me. And I'm in the yard. And she's like, how are you feeling? And I said, I'm good. She goes, you know, sound good. Now what? I'm fine. It's just a little congestion from the plane yesterday. She goes, they're calling that COVID. And I go, what? She goes, how about we test you? And I went, Oh, I don't need to be tested. And she goes, I think we should test you. We have a bunch of people in here. And I was like, no, no, no, seriously, I'm fine. I'm fine. I'm fine. And by the way, Pete did not give a fuck.

He was like, he was like, everyone's got COVID. You think you have COVID? And I was like, I might, he goes, Jen's gonna, he's next to me face to face. She swabs me. Is she positive at this point? No, no, she's got a mask on. She did not go on the plane.

No, she went on the plane. She has a mask on. She comes out gloves on, swabs me. Comes when she's got a mask on. She didn't knock on, didn't go on the plane. No, she went on the plane. She has a mask on. She comes out gloves on, swabs me, comes back, she's like hunting her positive. And Pete is sitting right next to me, no mask. And he's like, fuck it. Looks like we're positive again. I go, you feel sick?

He goes, nope. I said, what? He goes, I'll just get it from you right now. And so me and Pete went and did ad reads. And we did a bunch of fucking work together. He never got COVID. Pete's had COVID probably five times. Yeah.

I've had it that I know about for sure. I guess the only time I saw positives. When you got out of the hospital. Well, that was the first time. That was the bad time. That was the time that I had horrible symptoms. I got sick a few times after. But you thought it was with drools.

Yeah, well, that's what they told me. And then they're like, oh, it turns out you, you have COVID. That was a fucking, that was such a mess. And then they're like, oh, it turns out you, you have COVID, that was a fucking, that was such a mess. But the couple other times, I test positive once, and I had to show my results to like a production. And I just was like, I'm clean, good to go. And they were like, can we see it?

And I was like, I already threw it out. And they were like, we kinda need to verify it. So I just, I got somebody else to take it. And then I take a photo of that. And I was like, here you go. I really, I swear to God, people say no to this. I swear to God. I swear to God. I thought, so when we got to do the special they were COVID testing

Yeah, and I said I said literally If I test positive right now. Yeah fucking someone throw that away. I'm doing this special There's too much money on the line. I'm doing this special I thought I thought I had it one time when I was doing go big show when we were doing the finale I thought I definitely tested positive. And I thought they just threw it away and they're like, let's just get the finale. Yeah.

I mean, there's a thing that I guess needs to be said. At a certain point, money is more important than people's health. Some people. So we go to shoot the special. And the very first day of filming, I might be fucking this up. The very first day of production, not filming, but'm not gonna be fucking this up. The very first day of production, not filming, but we do all the run-throughs and everything.

Pete's sick, right? He's sick. And he goes, I think I'm gonna stay in the, in the watchman call it today. And we're like, cool. So he stays in the hotel. I swear to God, to this day I think Pete had COVID. And he just took one for the team

who was like, I'm not gonna come in. And then, and then when he did come in, I don't know, I, he, I'm not gonna come in. And then, and then when he did come in, I don't know. He, I know he tested, and he tested negative. But I tested negative. Everyone tests a negative. Part of me thinks like Pete, the gangster, the way Pete's brain worked is he goes,

you know, let me operate the test today. And then just did everyone, and he was like, we're all clean, let's go, let's hit this out. Because everyone literally the day after that we wrapped everyone got COVID. Yeah, he helped you out. I know he didn't, because he would tell me the truth, but there's a part of me that loves him so much

that I go, he'd do that for me. Sure. He would definitely, he'd help me get rid of a body. That's when you know someone is, as I like to call, solid. You did for me yesterday, Tom. He went through all his notes of all the shows I've done and took every joke that I didn't put in a special that I mentioned even like throwaway lines and printed them out on a spreadsheet

and gave it to me last night and he was using it to work on these. I was like, that's great. He's the fucking best dude. That is great. Yeah. And then you know that like those are also yours to use now. Yeah.

Like if you didn't put it in anything. Yeah. And it's there was so much shit. I was like, fuck. I ran through all of it last night and did like an hour and 15 hour 20. And the in the little boy. Yeah. But uh, hey, it has been the funnest 200 episodes of podcasting I've ever done

as a show. Yeah. Me too, man. This show, it's the weirdest show I've ever been associated with. It's probably the most trouble I've ever gotten in because I've said wild shit on this podcast. I say wild shit around you, but I hope that people watching this enjoy it as much as I enjoy making it

because I'll do this forever. It's the most fun I've had too. It's so silly, it's so much fun. You make me laugh so hard and I really enjoy like us getting together and catching up and doing this. It's a good time. It's fun. We, you know, who else you have a amazing T cup? I have this katana sword. You have chloroform. No one has friends like this. No one knows. It's fun, I love you.

I hope we do a few hundred more of these. And you know, fuck it, let's bring back fat Tom. I'm gonna have a donut. Thanks for watching. Thanks for listening guys. Let's bring back fat Tom. Let's do it. Which ones are the little bottom?

Ooh, let's see. Oh, the man. Oh, classic. Classic. Nice 80 calories. We'll see you guys next time. I love you. Cheers. Bird.

Time and bird. One goes top to swath the other. Where's the shirt? Tom tells stories and birds the machine. There's not a chance in hell that they'll keep clean. Here's what we call to Bears One Cave. Keep clean, ears never call, two bears one cave.