2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer - Flying Death Traps | 2 Bears, 1 Cave Ep. 193

Episode Date: July 10, 2023

Go watch Tom’s new special “SledgeHammer” now streaming on Netflix!It’s a week of 2 Bears 1 Cave with your favorite bears Tom Segura and Bert Kreischer! They start off with talking about Bert���s distrust in Doctor Quacks, terrifying hot air balloons, Bert’s current struggles that he should discuss with a therapist and some wild food adventures. They discuss their kids, chloroform and fun challenges and what state would be the most fun to move to. They trade stories about their first times with girls, talk about sexual fluidity throughout history and talk about the next possible 2 Bears Live!https://tomsegura.com/tourhttps://www.bertbertbert.com/tourhttps://store.ymhstudios.com/

Hey guys, if you don't know, my newest special sledgehammer is streaming on Netflix. Please give it a shot. Please watch with your friends. Please tell people about it. I would appreciate it. Thank you. I love you. This week on Two Bears One Cave. I would love some good diarrhea to get through there. When you get diarrhea and you're like, this diarrhea sucks. Would you rather every time you clear your throat, 40 boogers shoot out of your nose? Oh god, yeah. Or you don't even have to go any further. I love that. I'm a dog.

I'm a dog. I'm a dog. I'm a dog. I'm a dog. I'm a dog. I'm a dog. I'm a dog. I'm a dog.

I'm a dog. I'm a dog. I'm a dog. I'm a dog. I'm a dog. I'm a dog. I'm a dog. I'm a dog.

I'm a dog. I'm a dog. I'm a dog. I'm a dog. I'm a dog. I'm a dog. I'm a good, regional, to Christcher. I am of course, Thomas Rutherford, Sigura. I have braces in. I know you're a visoline. And my tongue flips on them a lot. Really? Yeah.

I can't really... Wait, do you have rubber bands in too? Yeah, rubber bands in too. But they fucking feel like it's fine if you're just like that, but when you're talking on the... You know, someone was trying to convince me to get a sleep guard. They're like, you need the sleep guard. You need the sleep guard and they go and it changed my jawline.

And I go, yeah, Tom's got a vis line because of it. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I do. And also, I'm in that, the advance, because you do new ones every week that are tighter. And now, like, I could feel it like moving my facial structure and my, like, at night, I'm like'm like, I could feel it like in my hair. Are you serious? Yeah, yeah, because it's shifting my...

Shut the fuck up. I'm going... Can your hair hasn't lost anymore since you started shaving it? What do you mean? Like your hair line stopped losing. Yeah, my only thin here. I have hair all here. That's where I want it.

I know, but, but here's the thing. Once I grow out a little bit, all you see is this huge pocket. So I'm like, I'm not doing that. Yeah. And I have a shit shape that I can... You got a good shape, Ted. If I could change one part of my body, it wouldn't be my teeth.

You know that you know, I was gonna get my teeth totally done talking about them. Yeah, and then we're gonna break your jaw? Yeah, they're gonna break my jaw. They're gonna pull out. Well, then we're gonna remove all my teeth. They they're gonna break my jaw. They're gonna pull out. But then we're gonna remove all my teeth. They're gonna remove all my teeth. And then break my jaw.

It was a fucking shit show. Dennis or Quack, don't let me start it on this. Don't go to Dennis. Dennis or fucking Quacks. Doctors or Quacks, everyone's fucking Quacks, man. You know, Rogan told me he's like, he's sending this article on Staten. So he was talking to any of us, go ahead. Yeah. And they're like, you know, youan told me he's like, he's sending this article on Staten. So he was talking to any of us, go ahead.

Yeah. And they're like, you know, you don't even need Staten's. Like they're like, you know, this fucking world, the internet's the death of us. The internet's the fucking death of us. Because they tell you, like you get on the internet and then they're like, yo, you don't need Staten's because it's, it's, it's like a cholesterol medicine.

Uh, what are you? They're like, they're like heart disease is hereditary. Right. It's not. So you like, you're going to get it anyway. You're going to get it. My dad's on statins. His blood pressure is perfect. How old is your dad? He's on his 74. He's on statins. His blood pressure is perfect. His cholesterol is young when he had you 24, yeah, yeah. That's back when people gave up on dreams. You think about that, no dreams. Think about that, no dreams. No, my mom, no dreams.

No dreams. Wanted to be a singer, wanted to be an ice skater. Nope, teacher. Think about that. I think about that sometimes when I see dudes, I get an elevator with like a briefcase and then work boots. And then like jeans that are kind of like,

and then a shirt that's a collar, but it's got a name right written right here. And you see the dude, and you can just see it in his eyes. Like I fucking killed it today, a bust of my ass. Yeah. But like this doesn't, I'm not getting an award for this. This is just work. And I see that and I look up to that guy,

I go, I wish I had what you have. Sometimes I'll follow them down to the bar and go tell them and watch them, watch them order. And you know, they don't think about statins, they don't think about fucking, they just think about like, I killed it. You got a cheeseburger? Yeah. Yeah. And they're like, yeah, what do you want to drink? Oh, double jack on the rocks. Yeah. And then you watch them and you go, yeah, man, that's the majority of this world is just fucking getting after it day to day sure and fucking And then you look at post he's like me Who wake up at midnight and then take more night well because they don't want to sit with their thoughts

There is something about I can't get on an airplane. I mean, I look at like men, I am so far from a man. I am so far from a man. You know, like there's some self-actualization that's gonna happen today. Like I'm so far from like a man, like a man, right? A man who goes, yeah, everyone else first, then me. It's not how I think.

I go me and then, oh, there are other people here. Yeah. I wonder if that is though. I don't know. I wonder if my dad, I think. I go me and then, oh, there are other people here. Yeah. I wonder if that is though. I don't know. I wonder if my dad, I would wonder if I never became a man like, if I'm still a boy, you know. There's a definitely boyish quality to you. I'm still f-.

Double-fisting fucking coffees this morning and I drank Nikequil like it was fucking, like there was magic in it. You drink a whole bottle? And went through it. Yeah. I went through a lot of the bottle. Enough that Pete, I think,

marks a line on my Nike Wob bottles. I just can't help it. It's so great to disappear. Yeah. It's so great to go like, to watch your thoughts, to lay in bed, and watch your thoughts go, go. Hey man, are you worried about that?

And then, what did you do to me? What did you do to me? I come on, I come on, I'm not working to keep you up with anxiety. What about, uh, and then you just go to sleep. And then you have a dream that you're passing into in front of two Iranian girls doing press in a toilet and they're like, we just hear cock and I'm like, ladies, I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry and they're giggling.

I was like, what did you like that? And then you have that dream. We're five minutes in and we are thick. Will you talk to your therapist about any of this? Like will you bring this up? You know, no. This is the stuff to talk about.

No, this isn't therapy stuff. Yes it is. When you talk about men versus me. That is, dude, you're literally saying, I wonder if I have like this arrested development if I'm still a boy. And why do I put myself, like that's stuff to talk about with it there?

What are you talking about? I put myself, here's the thing, I'm very, I'm very, I'm self-correcting, but I'm more like more punitive towards myself. Like I'm more apt to shit on myself than I am to find, like if someone that knows me, say here they'd be like, first of all, you put a lot of people in front of yourself.

Like, you know what I'm, I know you. Yeah, but like I do put people in front of myself all the time. Sure, but. But I'm talking about like men, like men, like men, like grown men. I, you know, how many times I look at a guy and I go, I think every man's older than me.

I think every dude's older than me. At least I might see a dude. I could be older, except for Asian dudes, I think every man's older than me. I think every dude's older than me. At least I might see a dude. I could be older. Except for Asian dudes, I always think I'm older than them. Like a lot of, even like older Asian dudes, I go on more than he is. Hahaha.

Black dudes, black dudes. I'm older than all of them. All of them. When I see black dudes, I always think I'm older than them. And then I'm like, shit, with the same age. Like I'm older than Nori. I'm older than, like same age like I'm older than Nori. I'm older than like them I'm definitely he's definitely older than me. You think so right? Yeah, okay. Okay. I seen it

That'd be a wild effect. I was like I'm 25 years younger than you think about like Think about the fucking dudes in the foxhole in World War two when they were like go And you didn't have free will and you just had be like, sure, I'm just gonna go die now. Terrifying. Dude, I couldn't do that. I thought about you on this helicopter ride the other day because this thing had capabilities that I wasn't aware of.

The helicopter? Because I'd never been in one like this. And the guy was like, you wanna see what this thing can do? And I go, no. Yeah. So we're different. We, he starts like banking sideways, like, you know, along the stream.

And like, there's trees on either side of us. I mean, they're right there. And we're just going, we're up in like this. And then we go to this field and we hover for a second. And then he goes, do you wanna see one more trick? And I go, yeah. And he just goes vertical in it. And I'd never, like we basically almost do a flip in it.

And I pictured you in there. I've been in helicopters like that. That was pretty wild. We went over, we did. You didn't like it though. I fucking hated it. Dude, have you ever been in a blimp? No, fuck a blimp.

Dude, fuck a blimp. Fuck a blimp. Fuck a hot air balloon. Yeah, I have. Have you ever Fuck a hot air balloon. Yeah. Have you ever seen a hot air balloon land? Do you know what they do? What? They go, all right, we're landing

in that bank parking lot. And you're like, what? It's where, they can't pick where they land. They can't pick where they land. A man has no fucking choice where it lands. And then they go, all right, jump out, three, two, one. And you just jump out, and then you hope that you can help slow it down.

It's, type in Blimp Landing, if they're flamper. Blimp, hot air balloon. But fucking, what blimp's different, hot air balloon, hot air balloon landings, suck dick, hot air balloon landing, just by hot air balloon landing, and they all fucking suck. They all fucking suck. They all fucking suck. How the air balloons are overrated.

They're hottest shit. All you feel is that your head burning. So here's a bunch of them. Oh, this is in New Mexico. They do this every year. I did this in New Mexico with them. And then they all gonna land and they have no pit. Look, they have no, they're not,

do you think this guy planned this? This woman's jogging about to get hit by a hot air balloon. And they have a fucking, they have a gas grill on there full of fucking propane. Yeah. And look, they're just like, all right, right here looks good. Right on this tree.

Oh, fuck. Shit, little help guys. This is nice. This one's nice. Yeah, it's slowly doing it. This one, if you have a little wind, you are fucked. And then they're gonna be like, jump out. Oh yeah, just hit right there. Yeah. And then they're gonna be like jump out. Oh yeah, just hit right there.

Yeah, and then they're like, maybe we'll go up to the trail where people are walking their dogs. Dude, look at this. And they're like, oh, this isn't working the way we thought. Can you move, sir, can you help us? Dude, we landed in a bank parking lot at like,

fucking, at about, and I'm not not even joking at about six miles per hour Which is pretty quick on a treadmill? Yeah, yeah, and they were like Look this they've got their kids. Yeah, and they're still going and they're still going and they can't stop Because he's got he needs to like deflate the balloon and he can't do it in the fucking woods there this dog's terrified. He knows what's going on. Yeah It's still and now it's picked up speed. Look how, look at him now. Look at him fucking now. It has. And they're going into this tree. What is this thing going to fucking land? He's going to try to land here. Okay, this guy's got you. Oh fuck. Oh fuck. We're, we're tipping. God damn it. Help us.

Shit. Fuck. The family's falling out. And then they're like, get out, get out, we're tipping. Goddamn it, help us. Shit, fuck, the family's falling out. And then they're like, get out, get out. Yeah, yeah, yeah. This is a tame one. Type in, if you can pipe in an aggressive one, dude, and this does not compare to blimps. I was gonna say, but also, there is no wind here. If the wind is here, this thing just gets carried, probably, right? Oh, yeah. If the wind picks up, you're fucked.

You're in Texas. Look for a bad one. Dude. Like, who wants to see a nice one? for a fucking I saw one the other day fail where they the fucking balloon called on fire because the balloon kept going and the heat the heat Yeah Yes epic fail hot air balloon is Compilation yeah above that one. This is what I'm talking about, dude. That's coming in. Yeah, dude.

And that's coming in real hot. And he can't help it. Look at this. And they're just watching. Yeah, they're all like, this is not gonna be good. All right. And then I guarantee you the balloon catch.

Look. Oh, shit. That's it for Jose. Look at it. Oh, power lines. You can't pick if you don't hit power lines. Ooh, look at that. Dude, hot air balloons.

Oh, look at this. The burner went out. This is gonna be fun. Oh, that's gotta be fun. You imagine if you have your family in there for this? Oh, no, no, no. There's an engaged couple. They just got engaged. Yeah. And they're like, we're gonna hit it.

We married me. 35 miles an hour. Holy fuck, man. Everybody good? I mean, and then it drags. Yeah. Look at this. Look at this. Oh, fuck, into a car.

Shit, onto a car. God, we're going through the parking lot. There's a building right there, Bill. Bill, Bill, Bill, I can look in there. Eat lunch, fuck Bill. Go up, Bill. In the front door. Yeah.

And right now too, he's like, I'm sorry. Right now the guy's like, it's not that bad. It's not that bad. We're good. You okay? You still want to go up? And she's like, no. I don't want this.

Dude, these, there we go. Oh. It's real. Okay. Now this is, I was a part of this. The drag in a fucking, in a, in a, in a bank parking lot. Oh my god. Where they drag you and everyone's like, it's okay.

Yeah, this is terrible. What were you in a blimp on the show? On the, okay. blimps are fucking. I went in the good year blimp. Yeah, I'm a fear of flying. I'm a fear of heights. By figured, blimp. The only thing I know about is the Hindenburg.

Did you know that Hindenburg was a transatlantic blimp ride? Was it transatlantic? Two days. It took two days to get from Germany to Jersey, right? Wow. Two days. And then all hydrogen gas. All hydrogen gas.

And then the fucking, and I think it was like their first one. Yeah. We're gonna revolutionize travel. She has a lightning storm. And then it's over. Yeah. So you get in the blimp and it's not bad. It's not bad. It's got type inside the good year blimp. It's not bad. It's a. Yeah. So you get in the blimp and it's not bad. It's not bad.

It's got type inside the good your blimp. It's not bad. It's a little comfortable. That right there. That's not it, but that's not it. Okay. You do not want to stay overnight in the fucking blimp. It's pretty nice.

It's kind of like that. It's kind of like it's kind of like that with like nice seats. It's nice And so they get you in Tom So this is the good your bump. They're sitting on the ground I'm like all right ready and then they pump Whatever I don't know if it's helium or hotter. I don't know what they pump it into the front Mm-hmm ballast I guess they just go and so the good your brim goes like this

And then just takes off. So you are. I mean practically, fucking vertical shooting up in the sky and I and everything slides back. Like people in a shrump and you're like, it wasn't until halfway through. And then there's this weird thing that happens.

They have these ropes in the front. Look at how it fucking literally goes up vertical. Mm-hmm. And then, but it feels, and like, so you know how that'll look? It feels a hundred times worse than that. It feels, especially if you're a flying, but here's the worst part.

In order to land, you gotta do the same fucking thing. What comes up must go down. So if you go on this way, you've gotta come down this way. Oh, wow. So you are diving at the fucking earth and you're like, fuck! It was, it was the least enjoyable. And I've done, I mean, I've done everything there is to do in fucking aircrafts just from travel channel. Like we, we sat at a, we sat at a hover at what is the the statue the the redeemer in and

No, and Rio in Rio. Yeah, we sat at a hover above Rio at the same height or whatever that is Yeah, sat in a hover didn't fucking just like this in helicopter just We just sat above Rio at that odd-hour level just sitting there, and the guy didn't speak any fucking English. That was terrifying, right? I've done some terrifying things, but landing in a blimp takes the fucking cake. What's the, have you done a fighter jet? No, never done a fighter jet.

That's what I wanna do. I really wanna go up in a fighter jet. Yeah, do you think there's turbulence in them? Turbulence? I mean, there's crazy G-Force in that thing. I mean, people like, they like pass out and fucking. I have a buddy who is like, I think the top gun instructor.

I know there's civilian things that, like there's programs you can sign up for and do that. I really wanna do it. Really? Yeah, I really wanna do it. You're still taking a flighting thing? Yeah, fighting, fighting. Fighting, flying.

Flying things? Yeah, yeah, I just said it. Yeah. Doesn't make sense to me. Yeah, it's fun, fighting, flying, flying thing. Yeah, I just said it. Yeah. Doesn't make sense to me. Yeah, it's fun. It's fun. It's really fun. But I know that, oh, yeah, Tito Ortizius did it.

You see that one? No. He was in the back of whatever that is there. Nine G center. You don't look at his face. He's trying to fight the, oh my god. And then he comes to and they're like, you're right. He's like, I'm good. Yeah, I'm gonna pass on that. Yeah. T-Dore T's passed out. Yeah. 9G's is a lot, man. Yeah, I mean, look what happens to it. He's

lot, man. Yeah, I mean, look what happens to these. Look at that. Yeah, but that's, that's fucking hilarious. Yeah. Oh, that's what you know, they say that like when you're up there, this is like the, like a, you know, simulator of sorts, but when you're in them, even in that, I guess, but I know in gestures, you're supposed to go like, like, you're trying to keep oxygen into your, your brain, your fighting to keep oh I'd pass out I pass out so quick Yeah, why'd be drunk of that thing? I'm not gonna go sober I'm not gonna go fucking sober in a fucking f16 or 16 no fucking way. I'm gonna be fucking lit I Been lit and every fucking really. Oh, yeah

I would the one we the first thing time we ever did triplope to go up in a in one of those pontoon boats Yeah, we're going to Tabasco Island. I don't know if that's what it's called, but it's where they make Tabasco to an island or wherever it's in fucking near water. And I snuck a 12 pack of Heineken's on the back of this little pontoonboat. And I guess one had spilled. And my cameraman was talking to the Pantum boat guy and he goes I mean there's something leaking out of your plane

Is that normal and he goes no and he goes I something's leaking and the guy went over and he went It's beer and it's spilled and it was pouring out of the back of his plane and he was like are you fucking drinking in there? And I was like, no, I've gotten caught drinking in planes a lot. Really? I'm terrified of flying. I'm terrified of a lot of things. Haven't you gotten better at that though? I did, I flew here yesterday sober. See?

You told me you weren't well, you know. I, but it takes, I don't know, there's, that's the shit I need to talk about in therapy. Like why I, like if we order food, yeah, I feel like it all needs to be eaten. And if we order wine, I feel like I can't leave the bottle, I'll drink it. If I light a cigar, I can't just smoke half of it. Yeah, I've got to do everything. I want to do everything. I have a hard time leaving stuff on the plate. Yeah, that's a good one to talk about. No, there's a list. I've started writing a list.

What do you think is the reason that you can't leave the food or the drink? I don't know. It's like I grew up in the depression. Like I just feel like it's wasteful. Like even like I'll take stuff to go. You know what I will need it. Yeah. I'll be like yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

And when I watch people take stuff to go and then they're not making it even, I get weird about it. Even? Yeah, like if like, so we yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, and when I watch people take stuff to go and then they're not making it even I get I get weird about it even yeah Like if like so we cook like five steaks right yeah, and there's like a two steaks left no one ate and I chop them all up And then Lee Ann will be like everyone takes something to go and then I watch is she gives someone a little extra I go, what are you doing? I want that and she's like we don't need it and I was like no, I know like pies the other day We had pies from Memorial Day and I was like, no, I know. Like pies. The other day, we had pies from Memorial Day.

And I was like, and everyone took a pie home. And I was like, why aren't we keeping a pie? She goes, we don't need pie in the house. And I was like, she was young even like pie. And I was like, yeah, but we should have one. Yeah. I don't know. There's something really wrong with me.

Was it pecan? No, apple. I don't even like apple pie. Remember that pecan pie? Pecan pie is the fuck. What's minced meat? I've always wondered what a minced meat pie is. Is that like legit meat?

Thanks, though. Yeah. Is it minced meat? Is it not? Yeah, filled with minced meat. Diced meat, razor, fruit, spice, fuck. Came up with this. The English.

Pickled juice, pineapple juice, cinnamon, cloves, and salt. I want to try a mince meat pie. I've never had mince meat pie. Oh, you can have it. I don't want any. I've never had, I bet it's so fucking good. Wait, is it for dinner or is it a dessert? Dude, if I open a, if I ever open a like a pie place,

no like a beer garden, I'm sorry, for mincemeat pie. You just said you'd never had it though. I know by, I bet people will be like, what is that? I tell you what I had was haggis and eggs one time. Desert, it's a dessert. Has anyone ever had mincemeat pie?

No, I have not. I've had head cheese. I've ever had head cheese meat pie? No, I have not. I've had, I've had head cheese. I've ever had head cheese. What's head cheese? Dumb and head cheese. It's one of the grossest things I've ever had in my entire life and it made me sick immediately. It made me sick immediately.

It did? Immediately it made me sick. Like heartburn, searing heartburn, and my gallbladder, I had a gallbladder attack. Heartburn, searing heartburn, and my gall bladder. I had a gall bladder attack. It is so bad. What is in that? The fuck is that?

Is that just like intestines and tongue? I don't know. I had it in North Carolina and I got sick immediately. My tormentor got sick in Europe from eating like a psycho. Oh, wait, where? So first, first we went to this, I don't know what he ate, but we all had some rich.

Oh, okay, that's boiled pigs head meat. And then formed into a jelly loaf. No, that's gross, dude. And it has pigs feet. I'm gonna sick immediately. I've had, we had what did he eat in Europe? Because I got sick and stockhold. We were, we were in Athens and we went,

we all had like a pretty rich steak dinner. So everybody had like, you know, like a post-rich meal shit. But that was just like, that's a one and done. Yeah. The next day, he's like, oh yeah, it's pretty rough. You know, go everywhere. He's like, yeah, it was a little rough. But then he started eating Greek food.

Like, he had, he had, Oh, Greek food. I know, he had, but he had like some meat thing with the French fries. I was like, you ate that after you had a rough night, I guess gonna be worse. Yeah. It's like you think so, I go, yeah.

And then, It's amazing how your brain will say what I need is like a cheese pizza. Yeah. So then he eats that and we go do the gig that night. And at the gig, he has the yito with the fries again. He gets a Greek salad, but they put a big block of fetishies on it. And he eats just the fetishies.

That sounds so good. And then he has a baklava, you know, the dessert. But like, it's like a piece like this. And afterwards, he's like, my stomach's kind of upset. And I was like, what do you think's causing it? Do you think it's what you just ate? He's like, I don't upset. And I was like, what do you think's causing it? Do you think it's what you just ate? He's like, I don't know. And I'm like, all right.

So the next morning, he's like, I threw up five times last night. Must be that steak we had two days ago. I'm like, I don't think so. So we get to the next city. And he's like, am I still having kind of rough? I go, what are you gonna do? He's like, I think I'm just gonna have some pancakes,

try to smooth things over. I go, I don't think. Wow. That's gonna smooth it. Is this guy me? I mean, yeah, you gonna do? He's like, I think I'm just gonna have some pancakes try to smooth things over. I go, I don't think. Wow. That's gonna smooch. Is this guy me? I mean, yeah, I was like, pancakes? I had to like, I had to like literally talk to him like I was talking to one of my kids. I go, I think that's not the best for your stomach right now. Rice or something?

Yeah, rice, but you know, he was like, I didn't think of that. I'm gonna try that. I was like, okay, man. Liana, go, yogurt, you need yogurt. Yogurt. My stomach, I got, we were in Stockholm and I ate, they took us to this, I think it was like a Chinese restaurant but it was like spicy Chinese restaurant. And I, so, I didn't realize there were like,

peppers inside. Yeah. And they were like, Tony the peppers, and I just ate it all. And I was like, this peppers. And they're like, you ate it. I was like, I must have eaten the peppers and I just ate it all. And I was like this peppers and they're like you ate it. I was like I must have eaten the peppers. Dude, I woke up.

I mean, I'm talking like I was uncontrollable. My stomach was like going crazy. I was shitting like crazy. I shit. I shit like twice on the plane, like on a plane. Yeah. And I wasn't even drinking on the plane. And I was just fucking ripping shit.

Oh, fuck. It's funny. You, you ever look at like going like, man, I would love some good diarrhea to get through this. And then you get diarrhea, and you're like, this diarrhea sucks. Yeah. You forget how bad diarrhea is when you can't control it. And you can't control it. When you're like, oh, I'm shitting again.

And you die. I would, it's just relief when it's just like a pervasive, like a real problem. Yeah. I've had diarrhea really bad one time. One time I had it from going from sacramento back to LA and I had to pull over everywhere. And you're just like, man.

I got really bad food poisoning on tour. Or last year, we were in Baltimore, and we do the show, and then we go to one of the best restaurants in Baltimore. This is like a great, like whatever, five star experience. And we sit down and it's like, it's a really nice place. And they came out, they go, here's a regular menu, but you know, they have like,

this is the kind of menu of the week too, like with some other items. And I was like, I'll try this, because you know, crab and all that is like famous in Baltimore. It was something like crab meat with these strawberries. And I was the only one who got this as like a starter. So I eat it.

I don't remember like feeling one way or the other about it. We have dinner, go back to the hotel. And I was so lucky that the next day was an off day. We had very few like days off between shows, but it was an actual day off. And then a show was like the day after that. And that night I'm like, you know what first you're like, do I, like I day after that. And that night I'm like, you know, at first you're like, do I, like I lay down to go to sleep and I'm like,

I feel like I have indigestion or something. This is weird. Oh, like a bubble burp. Yeah, I'm like, what is this? And like I go to the bathroom and I'm like, I'm thinking like, do I have to go to the bathroom? I have to take a shit. And then I stand up and I wash my hands,

I'm going back and I about to walk to the back to the bed. I'm like, no, it's something else. I can't quite figure it out. Then I just walk back and I vomit so violently, like so uncontrolled, a waves of it, like round. And I was like, holy fuck. And then it turns on in the intestines too.

I start just dieting, throwing, and I start doing both, and I'm like, what the fuck? Well, we all had eaten together, but I was the only one to have that dish, and a few days after that, like I was a mess for a full day. It was such a, they come out with a strawberry recall. They're like, hey, like strawberries have.

Are you fucking kidding me? And I was like, well, I'm the fucking asshole, the only one that ate, I must have had, you know, bad strawberries. And it fucking destroyed me. It destroyed me. There's a weird moment, like, you know, we were talking about Hungarian the other day. Yeah.

The Hungarians have words that don't mean anything. There needs to be a word for the moment where you... You're convincing yourself you don't have to throw up, but your body's telling yourself you're about to throw up. That does be a word for the moment where you're convincing yourself you don't have to throw up, your body's telling yourself you're about to throw up. That does need a word. Where you're in the bathroom and you're like, I think I was just walking to the bathroom maybe, and then your body goes, oh we're throwing up now.

Yeah, there was another time too. I remember I got into Minneapolis and I was like, I feel weird. I want to take a nap. It's like a few minute realization where like all and then after a few minutes of like, what is it? I go, I like look in the mirror. I'm like, I think I have to throw up.

It's the craziest. There should be like a bodily function that happens when you have to throw up, like you get chili bonds or something and then you're like, oh, I got to throw up. Cause you do do this thing, we're like, I'm gonna, I think I'm throwing up. Yeah. And there's this, it's always happening to me on a tour bus. Yeah.

Okay, would you rather, every time you clear your throat, 40 boogers shoot out of your nose? Oh God, yeah. Or, you don't even have to go any further. I love that. Keep going. I'll say yes to the next one too. Or every time you scratch your arm,

you shit out of your ears. I wouldn't mind shitting out of my ears only because I feel like I have clogged ears and it'll be nice to clear them out. This is what Alice said to me last night before he went to bed. Are you serious? God, me and him need to get on a text thread.

He's like, hey man, I got one for you. I go, my day's like, do you weather you cough and your book is 40 bookers throughout your nose? Are you scratching on me? You poop out of your ears. I was like, that's really interesting. And then he threw me like 30 variations of that. He was like, what if you shit out of your head?

Like you had a hair, you just shit. I can't wait to see his when he's in high school because they don't change. Yeah. Like, I was the other day was my parents are staying at our house. It was so crazy to see you. The island goes, would you rather watch Nana and pop out of sex every day? Oh my God.

Or just have sex with Nana once and I go, I love the fuck's wrong with you. Yeah. She goes to answer it. I was like, what's your answer? She goes, have sex with Nana once. I was like, what's your answer? She just had sex with the animals. I was like, ha ha ha ha ha. Seeing them, I saw them whatever,

like a month ago at your thing. Yeah. It was so crazy. Because I really did meet them when they were babies, you know? I didn't even talk about my parents. No, you're fucking kids, man. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They're grown up, they're fucking.

George is like a woman, a full woman, and then an I-la too, I'm like, I do not recognize, it's so strange for me. I wish you could give them a pill and just keep them as babies. Yeah. What age is the perfect age to keep as a child? They're pretty, because I'm in that kind of wheelhouse

right now, that five to seven is kind of like this. They're sweet. They have a genuine, an authentic innocence to the world. They're actually innocent, but they have personality, so they're totally who they are already. And they have some independence,

because you don't want them too young, because then they don't have any independence. So, I don't know, that six, six seven is pretty sweet. But if you can do it to yourself, if you can then take a pill, no, no. So that's when you keep your kids. If you can take a pill to keep yourself one age for the rest of your life, what was your favorite age?

I mean, don't talk professionally, don't talk, not like your favorite age. Cause like, you know, it was a pretty good year. I was thinking about it and like nothing professional was going on for me. I'm just enjoying life, and just as like 25, I felt like I had a really good 25th year. 27 for me was pretty fucking solid.

Like 27 for me, I felt like alive. Every day I was in a really great shape. 27 is when I met Leanne, and I felt alive. I was not professionally, I was lost. I didn't know who the fuck I was. Yeah. I mean, this year's been a really good year for me. Like, I've really felt more myself,

but like, physically, I'm the worst I've ever been. Physically. Yeah, but you're also, you can curtail some of these things. Yeah, I can. I'm trying. You could dial some things back. I could. Like maybe leave some sandwiches on the table.

I'm already thinking about a cocktail at the airport today. You are? Yeah. I woke up this morning feeling so fucking good. Yeah, you slept 10 hours. And I was like, I was like, I was like, I feel good. I'm still a little sick. I'm gonna go home.

I'm gonna take, I'm gonna fly home. Just a good night's sleep. Bang out a great weekend. Have a great fucking weekend. What are you gonna do with the weekend? With your weekend? Work, just work. Just work.

And the dog and I were talking about that. What is it? What was that saying? You said your therapist said it off. Give yourself the slack. Give yourself the slack that you would give others. I don't give anyone any fucking slack. I expect everyone to be working every day,

all day, every day, because that's what I do. So I don't understand the whole fucking day off shit. On day off, I'm still texting people. Like, I'm like, who what about this, what about that? But my brain doesn't operate that way. I'm supposed to go to the beach with Leigh Ann this weekend. But I'd be great. I really want to get some chloroform

and just get chloroform myself. Like just be like, just make the call, like I've it in my pocket and then be like, like sit down and this is what I wanna do. Dude, you have to do this. Chloroform? Yes. This is how I chloroform myself.

I go, yeah, can I get, I want a double cheese, I'm gonna get cheeseburger ever where I go. I chloroform myself. I go, can I get a double cheeseburger ever ago? I love cheeseburgers. I want cheeseburger, I want pasta, and then I want the best dish they have. I want double titos soda, and I want a fucking Irish car bomb, right? That's my order. And then right as it comes the table,

I just pull chloroform out, I go, nope. No, no, no, no. And then I wake up the next morning and then goes, you didn't eat last night. I'm like, shut the fuck up. But I got all the fun of ordering it, but I didn't eat. Yeah, doing it chloroform each other in the next two bears life. I would love that.

When are we gonna do a two bears life? I don't know. This, I would love, I would love to be able to chloroform each other. Cause I also, what else I wanna do with you? Sure. We do a taste testing, like a food testing thing. Yeah.

We eat like some delicious stuff. And then we eat like that canned fermented like, you know, seals eyes from like, like Norway. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. We do, we see if we can do it without throwing up. I feel like it would be fun. I think I'd be into some of that stuff. Yeah, like that yeah. We do, we see if we can do it without throwing up. I feel like it would be fun. I think I'd be into some of that stuff. Yeah, like that shit.

Yeah. Oh my god, I feel bubbles in my stomach right now, just looking at these. Oh, people are throwing up just tasting it. Yeah. That's it, yeah. Oh. What the fuck?

Watch that dude eat it. Let's see him try to eat it. Yeah, can we see him? Cause I, yeah, these dudes... Look at these kids. This stuff is supposed to be... When you crack it is when people get like just at the scent coming out when they first crack it, the scent is so like...

Would you do this with me? Yeah. Look at these two little fucking sled riders. Would you do this with me? Yeah. Look at these two little fucking sled riders. Hahaha. Hahaha. That's got a stink, dude. Oh, they got spacers in their ears. What the fuck's wrong with this?

Oh, he's already throwing up. Here's the problem, though. I didn't. Is he drinking? Oh, man. What's Pima? I didn't. Is he drinking? What's he drinking? What's Pima? I don't know. We have to eat this last though.

We have to try all this other food and then eat this last. Yeah, and what's Pima? I don't know. I think it might be milk, there's a cow on it. So strong. I like these two little kids. Oh man.

What is the, like what is the, and I've done it for a living. I don't know why I'm even fucking asking. What? There's like a whole genre of, like, hurt yourself entertainment. Yeah, and it's so fucking fascinating to me. Oh dude, dude, dude, look. Oh man.

We have to do this. How bad is it? It's gotta be bad. I mean, just the scent. I love that it's so cold every time a gag smoke comes out. Oh! He hasn't eaten it yet.

This kid just threw up. He just threw up. Without eating it. Without even fucking eating it. Here they go. The kill on the fucking right is a gang. Nope. I'm gonna throw up. I'm gonna throw up. Change it. Change it. Get a can. Change it. Give me a breakfast, Bredo. Change it. Get a macadre. I'm gonna throw up. Just change it. Oh my god fucking what the fuck

Get that can oh my god, please go in the can please What the fuck dude oh My god Okay, here's the challenge we don't eat for four fucking days. And then we have a meal of that. Dude. I couldn't do it. I know I'm making you're making my eyes water. Oh my god. That's fucking aggressive. Why don't hot chicks ever do that? Type in hot chicks hurting each other. Like there should be like hot chick jackass. Oh, they do have Rachel, uh, what's her name's on jackass? Uh, Wilson. Wilson, yeah. Yeah. But it's hard to watch a hot chick hurt herself,

but it's fun to watch these dudes, T-Dorties. T-Dorties doesn't seem to age. Really? He still seems young to me. Boxing babes. I don't want to watch this to be this thing when I was a kid called Foxy Boxing. Yeah. And it was just two chicks beating the shit at each other. That's what they do. This is porn.

This is porn. Oh yeah, that's definitely porn quality. I love it. Okay. Oh Yeah Look at him he's like slip this punch I know right does look like crack So this is gonna have this lame shit and then none of the cool stuff that happens after it So this is gonna have this lame shit and then none of the cool stuff that happens after it. Is he under arrest? What the fuck? What is this storyline?

What is that storyline? I don't know. That's phenomenal. Yeah, that's pretty cool. No, but this is lame. What about like what about them doing what we just like hot chicks, you know, hot chick jackass? It's gonna be Rachel. Yeah, like that first one, is that, are those chicks? Okay. Are they getting this thing?

Yeah, let's see. But if they can swallow gum, they can definitely do this. I don't know, man. Maybe it comes not as bad. All right, we'll do that too. Jizz. Yeah, we'll drink each other's Jizz. Oh, man. No, I won't drink yours. I'll drink mine. Facts. You gotta be quick. You want it hot. You're gonna shoot a load into your mouth? I don't know. I mean, no. I may be you usually think we get if we drink each others just probably a lot, but I don't know if it's worth it. We need to move to like if you get moved to any state and you can't like Because Texas is too hot in the summer. What's the perfect state?

Colorado Colorado is pretty fucking awesome. Move Colorado. Colorado, but is there, are there bugs like Alaska's bad ass, but then, and there's so many bugs in the summer in Alaska. I don't know what the bug is. Dude, there are just gnats everywhere in Alaska. You cannot breathe in without breathing in bugs. It is aggressive. Really?

Yeah. What about Wyoming? Wyoming is pretty fucking awesome. Was there any diversity in Wyoming though? No. You don't think so? You mean a little diversity, the food sucks. No, I'm not saying that you don't need it.

I'm just saying that there's not a lot. Type in diversity in Wyoming. I bet there's more than we think. I bet I'm probably being like judgmental because I live in LA and it's excessive diversity. Excessive. Wyoming is top sense AIDS that has a non-Hispanic white population. It is over 90%.

Hold on, it's 90% white people in Wyoming? Yeah, the state has one of the lowest populations of African-American residents, the nation ranking 42 to 50. Also has the fourth lowest percentage of Asian residents. It's literally what you've been dreaming about. It's everything. Wait, Wyoming has 90% whites. You know that in the Hispanic world.

Let's walk you through what that means, okay? Yeah. Go to a basketball court and you're fucking bawling. Yeah. You walk into any public basketball court, you're like, hey, I got an accident. They're like, whoa, this guy's good. Yeah.

What else does that mean? If it's all white all the time? No Asians, no Hispanics, no black people. You're the smartest guy in the room sometimes. Sometimes, sometimes, sometimes you're always the most fucking liberal. Yeah. Like if you say anything, you're like,

At the gym people are like, I've never seen muscle development like that. Your shoulders are churning. In the showers are like, Oh, big day coming through. Yeah. yeah fuck it's a lot of good stuff 90% wide is fucking insane yeah what like let's be honest yeah you probably feel safe too I Must pass out Almost passed out from that

Yeah, I mean shit 90% white is Your do's who beats Wyoming your level of Spanish is considered bilingual there Yeah, I'm bilingual. I think it open up a Mexican restaurant. Yeah least racial diverse states. Most, it's most. Uh oh. We're almost there. Wyoming's it.

50, West Virginia. Oh, Maine. Maine is so white. For real? Yes. Yes. Maine is so white. I wonder if that means that you get a different type

of white person also. I remember that when I did main, I was like, I said something. I was like, oh, I saw your black guy today. Like I saw him. And like somebody afterwards was like, why would you say that? And I was like, what do you mean?

What do you mean? Yeah. It is, it is fucking 99% white here. That's fucking insane. West Virginia is white. I've been to West Virginia. What was it? I don't remember.

I mean, I thought it was like, Wyoming's not even the last five. And it's 90%. Yeah, that's pretty crazy. That's fucking insane. So wait, I live in the most, I do live in the most racially diverse state. And you do too. Hawaii's three?

Well, yeah, because there's a huge Asian population. Oh, yeah, yeah. Oh, oh, oh, that's crazy. Yeah. Oh, that's crazy. I don't think of racial diversity as just white people. I think of racial diversity as who's got the most of everything. Yeah.

And so when they think diversity, they're thinking how many different than white. I think so. I think who I would not be that diverse at all because it's majority of Hawaiians. You know. I see what you're saying. I see what you're saying. But yeah. New Jersey, New York, New Mexico, Florida.

Yeah. So he has the highest racial and ethnic diversity, which is three to one. Wow. That's fucking California has the highest language diversity. 2.3 times higher than that in West Virginia with the lowest. Nevada has the highest birthplace diversity. I don't really know. North Dakota has the highest religious diversity.

Really? Doesn't that surprise you? Yeah. Well, I bet there's like, I bet it's all just different forms of Catholicism. Oh, Christianity. Yeah, yeah. You're a Lutheran?

That's wild. Wow. You had, you mean Martin Luther rewrote the Bible and translated it so that they couldn't tax us on bullshit? You still believe that? Come on. What the still believe that? Come on. What the fuck was that guy? Scroll that, who's that fucking guy?

What the fuck is that guy's face all about? Jesus Christ. I'm like the first one in this slide. Oh, he's always fucking suck. They did. They were really good like 10 years ago. And now I'm like, now I'm like, I got you. No, I just saw that face. They were really good like 10 years ago, and now I'm like, now I'm like, I got you.

No, I just saw that. I've never seen how much weight Gabby precious lost. Yeah. It's always about take a look at her now. And then they never do. Did she? She looks just the same. I mean, she looks good, but she doesn't look like,

she's got famous. So she looks good. She looks good, but she doesn't, it's not like she's like, looks like she's like, in 130 pounds. Okay. So it's better, but she doesn't, it's not like she's like, looks like she's like in 130 pounds. Uh, okay. She looks better, but she got famous, and so yeah, she looks better. She got famous and got what she did lose a lot of weight, dude.

Yeah, she looks better. Yeah, she did lose a lot of weight. Ciburnes, Cibode, Cidibase, Stunning Weight, like, like, yeah, I wonder how much she actually lost. Probably, uh, probably a hundred pounds, it looks like. It's a lot, yeah. It's a lot, dude. She's a fucking badass. She's on a new show with Johnny Knoxville. Really? Yeah. Yeah, she's on a she's dude. There you go. How much is she the 300 pounds? Oh 350 you show 150 pounds. That's hard. That's hard. That's hard as fuck. Yeah, she's batting against type two diabetes, anxiety, bulimia, and depression.

God damn it. See that's fucking bullshit. I fucking hate that people battle that shit. Cause I don't battle, like, I don't battle any of that shit really, and I should, like, I should battle, I should battle, I do battle with anxiety, but I don't battle with it.

I just deal with it. Well, I mean. I think I got depression, but I don't know. I don't know. You're you listening to yourself? I don't, I mean like who, like how many people you think right now are watching that go yeah I got a question but I just get through it. Well. Like I don't have like the depression, I don't have a real depression.

Like I don't know the depression that has to take pills. Yeah. I got like just regular fucking depression. Like everyone should have a level of depression. I don't know really. Yeah, you're doing the die one day. It's gonna go black. Yeah, you should realize that every morning

when you wake up and go, that's my day. That's what you should do. Yeah, and then realize, yo, a lot of people dying, they didn't think they were gonna die that day. That could be you. You think that's a good thought to have? Nope, no, yeah, because then you realize we better get a lot out of today.

Yeah, I gotta take these out. Take what out, my braces. Well, this is cool. Why is it hard to... Oh, just don't know. Is it hurt? I feel like I'm making out with a seventh grader. Did you make out back then?

Yeah, made out in sixth grade. Sixth grade? Sixth grade. Caught me off guard. Chick kissed me. It was pretty bad ass. Was it? It's one of the coolest kisses I've ever had in my life.

French? Fuck yeah, French. Didn't even know what I was doing. Wow. I didn't even know if I brushed my teeth that day. Man, it was good. It was happening in my bedroom. In your bedroom?

Yeah. You had a chicken in you're better in sixth grade? My parents were friends. And man, this chick was badass. She came in, she leaned in for the kiss? We were laying on her back to, we were laying on our backs, head to head, listening to music. I was so innocent, I didn't know that like, you could kiss someone or someone could kiss you. Yeah. Like, I didn't know that like, you could kiss someone or someone could kiss you. Like I didn't know any of that.

And we were laying back on our backs, head to head. And then she just got up and then got on, came over top and kissed me. And I was like, and then we kissed, probably, probably five more times. And then I think we dated for a second. But I think that was in seventh grade. And I mean, that was like the fucking best kisses

you'll ever get of those first rounds of kisses when you're like walking around with a hard dick. And you're just like, is this gonna happen? Is this gonna happen? Yeah, and then eighth grade I was like even fucking better eighth grade Seventh and eighth grade was even better that fucking check man. That was that fucking check was like the fucking shit and Then and then the rest of them were kind of like you know like cool, but like yeah, I don't know He was chasing that the first one sure What was your first kiss? It was, it was, well, just like a small kiss, it was probably late. It was later like eighth or ninth grade. Yeah. And then no French.

No, it wasn't French. French. This wasn't until like 10th, 11th grade. Really? Yeah. Wow. It's crazy. Yeah. And then. Were you ready for it when it happened? No, it was sloppy too, I remember that. Like I remember when it was done, she was like,

God, like Jesus Christ, man. Do you think that's because you know how to speak Spanish? I don't know. No. It was a carol, a la la la la la la. But that was, it was one. And then the second girl that I made out with also did everything else too. Like such a dick and stuff.

Yeah. Oh wow. I think that for a long time. Yeah. I think of my first blowjob until college. Really? Yeah, that was a fucking... I can tell.

I mean, I remember going like, I've been waiting for this. Yeah. I've talked about it on stage before, but I thought that you were supposed to blow. Like, I thought, like, yeah, that you blow or something. Yeah. I didn't know that you sucked. Yeah. And she started sucking my dick and I was like, I think you're doing it wrong.

But I was like, I really like your way a lot. And then we were in my bunk in Sally room 111. And I was getting and the bunk was really high. So every time she went up her head would hit a ceiling panel. And I thought, I'm going to get a spastic from this bitch. Yeah. It's my thought the whole time. And then I blew a load, and she swallowed it. And I was like, I said, you, that was fucking amazing. And then she said, yeah, I get that a lot. And I went, ugh. I wanted to hear.

Yeah, I remember that that girl then blew me while I was driving. And I'm in high school. And I was like, wow, that's pretty amazing. And then she came up and was like, oh, like she just had some fucking caviar. She was like, I was delicious. And then, yeah, that was a, that was pretty wild

to experience in high school, I thought, you know. Roadhead college, college, oh, it was college. I was telling someone the other day that they were asking me what cocaine was like, and I was like cocaine is like, cocaine is like the first time we had unprotected sex, and you're like, this is very different.

Very different. This is exactly what they say it is. Yeah. It's like, it really fucking delivers. Like, unprotected sex, I remember, I remember having that and being like, I'm never wearing a condom again. I was like, what am I fucking idiot? And fucking wears condoms now. And then you have the, uh, thick girl who's like, just whispers like, it's okay. You don't have to pull

out. And you're like, okay. And then your afterwards like, it's really okay. I did that. She's like, I don't know. I just say wait what Why did you say that? There should be there should be a scene in a movie where a guy where a guy as wife a guy cheats on his wife She was the job sex with her and he's like I did She could you wear a condom need laughs at her You had your fucking mind you didn't wear condoms You had your fucking mind. You think I'm wearing condoms?

You had your fucking mind? Not a kid. Not a child. I'm a fucking man. I blew a load in her. I have a kid. I hope I have a kid. I would never, I can't imagine a world like, I guess people, I mean, I guess I don't cheat.

So I guess then that's where my brain goes. But if I did, I was never where I fucking condom. I guess people who cheat probably wear condoms. I don't cheat so I guess then that's where my brain goes, but if I did, I was never where I fucking con him. I guess people who cheat probably wear condoms. I don't know. I guess if you cheat, you probably think that that ahead. If you're what that kid, you probably don't. If you want to, if you want to impregnate the world. I do.

Yeah. Of course you do. I wouldn't mind another kid. I would only cheat to have another kid. Why don't you? Oh, I said good. I wish I could, I wish I fucking could. I would love, I would love to have another kid. Why don't you? Oh, I suck it. I wish I could, I wish I fucking could, I would love, I would love to have another kid.

Yeah, you keep saying it. Yeah, I know because I feel like, I feel like... You travel enough, you could have one somewhere else. Did you see it every once in a while? I mean, it would be badass. It would be badass. It's just how a kid in Australia is going to learn like once a year and be like... Alright mate. Yeah.

All right, mate. Yeah, how's it going? Hey, what's up there? Charlie. Remember me? Yeah. It's your pop. You just leave a few grand.

Yeah. Yeah, we'll be slow. Couple of toys. I told you, did I tell you that what I was said about me cheating on Liam? No. We were at dinner. It was me just me and her.

And she goes, Hey, if you ever cheat on mom, I'll never talk to you again. This just added nowhere. I didn't know where and I went, whoa, Hey, what's the last one? She was, I'm just letting you know. If you ever cheat on mom, I will never speak to you again. I go, well, what if mom cheated on me? She goes, I'd get it.

I said, what? She goes, you're gone a lot. It makes sense. She works really hard for you. And I said, what? She goes, you're gone a lot. It makes sense. She works really hard for you. And I went, really? She goes, yeah, you can sleep with a dude. I can see that. I can see that. And I was like, what? She goes, I always thought you were a little gay. I was like, oh, thanks, Hila. It's so funny that like, like kids these days don't like, that how accepted homosexuality is. And I guess I'm in homosexuality, it's just gender fluidity.

Yeah, very, yeah. So amazing like how accepted it is, that they're like, I was talking to my friend and his son's gay. And I was like, and my first instinct was like, whoa, and he's like, okay, you know, it's what the kids, it's what the cool kids are doing these days. He's being gay. And I was like, whoa, and he's like, hey, you know, it's, you know, it's what the kids, it's what the cool kids are doing these days. Just being gay.

And I was like, that's so funny that, you know, that was the exact opposite. And what? When I was in college, high school, like if you sucked into Duke's dick, it was actually the least cool thing you could do. Like if you were like, yeah, I sucked into Duke in that cool, they'd be like, what do you do? Like, he was like, yeah, I sucked into Duke, it was cool. Nobody said that. No one said that nice. Well, no one's like, dude, I sucked it, it was cool. Nobody said that.

No one said that nice, well no one's like, dude, I've been sucking these dudes dick. It was fucking awesome. I've had them, everyone's like, the fuck are you talking about? Why is that, how is that possible that like, just in like 30 years? Because one of the things is that we've actually come

to understand that sexuality is pretty fluid for people. A lot of people have, like they go through these changes fucking crazy I remember being in a I remember being I remember being in a scenario with the dude. There's a bunch of dudes and that it was like we were we were I there were some women in the in the in the scenario Yeah, but we were playing like I never and and one of the ones was I never sucked the's dick in swallowed and he drank and we were all laughed hysterically. But we were grown-ups. I was like 30. And we laughed. He was like, no, I did it in high school and we're like, and we were frozen. We were like, you did. And he was like, yeah. And we're like, okay, wait, why? And he was like, I just see if I liked it, I didn't like it.

And we were like, oh wow, so crazy. And then all of us were like, and then he got up and everyone was like, he just liked to do his dick. That was not that far, that was 20 years ago. And now the response would be, and now the response is like, yeah, I like to do his dick. So I mean, I think it's good for like acceptance,

like no one feels like an outsider. I guess and maybe people get to do what they always wanted to do. It's like Dix. Yeah. I mean, it's good, but it's just so crazy that like our lives, 30 years ago, 30 years ago, it was the exact opposite. Yeah. That's fucking insane.

What do you think's gonna change Dix? I bet Wyoming you still can't suck dudes, Dix. I think you can. I's gonna change next? I bet Wyoming you still can't suck dudes dick I think you can but it's got Wyoming you can It's just it's just it has to be a white guy's dick and then Yeah, you're gonna find a black guy. You got it. I want a hunt. Yeah, you're looking for the holy grail out there Yeah, now what is next? I don't know I mean fluid sexual fluidity has been fully accepted and then people's gender identities Obviously, I get the forefront. that's talked about all the time. And that's kind of made its way into-

Do you think, do you think that's just New York in LA? Do you really, I mean, I was joking about Wyoming. But do you think like Wyoming, there are kids like dudes sucking, like in high school sucking each other's? Yeah, I just think it's, I think the smaller the community you live in, probably the harder it is to find comfort

and feel like you're, you know, quote unquote, normal with what you're doing. If you go to bigger cities, obviously, it's more prevalent. What do you think is the thing that slowed it down? Cause Alexander the great, I had gay relationships. Facts a lot of, Facts a lot of dudes.

And in Greece and rich, ancient Rome, you could fuck dudes, could fuck dudes. What do you think was the thing that stopped it in history where they were like, it's a good question. Like, because it happened and then it didn't happen. And then like, I mean, Oscar Wilde was at Oscar Wilde who got thrown in prison

for hooking up with dudes. Yeah, and he died in prison. That's a really good question because it probably, there had to be a period where nobody gave a fuck about it, right? Like in the year 1200, who cared about, I don't, I can't imagine, I don't know. But I feel like it was,

that the homophobia was at its peak in the last century. It's gotta be with the religion. Yeah. It's gotta be with the Catholic religion. Well, all Christianity, like has. It's got a Christian religion. Yeah, it's got to be with the Catholic religion. Well, all Christianity, like, I mean, that's who like the most outspoken anti gay people of the last 50 years were all like these preachers. And then they almost exclusively were all having secret homosexual relationships. So it was like very self-hating kind of prophecy.

That's so fucking crazy that like, that it happened, it clearly happened, and it's happening again. And then we had this little period of darkness where they were like, it can't happen. But it was happening. You said to do it in private. I know.

There were guys were like, like I went to an almost Catholic high school and I'm certain that if there was anyone who went to school with us, they would classify me, every dude they went to school with is homophobic. Whereas I don't think, I don't think people were as homophobic because there were dudes that we knew were gay, that we knew were gay, no one like busted their balls about it.

Yeah, but we'd bust each other's balls about being gay. Yeah, like the not, I don't even know if they were non-gay now. I mean, now I'm sure they're on spectrum. When did homosexuality come unacceptable in Europe? Good, great job, Nadov. In the ancient Greek world, male homosexuality was common,

didn't attract the same score, and as it did even 100 years ago. So 2000 years ago, it was acceptable, 100 years ago it wasn't, when did this change? However, the more the Empire became Christian, the less attended to be practice. Okay, that's just an opinion though. These are opinion pieces. Sorry, that was the closest thing I was able to find when we keep looking.

Yeah, it's got to be the Christian religion. I think so, but also, but what point in, because Christian religion has been a religion for a few thousand years, right? So when, in those two thousand years did it become like this is not, it feels like it had to be more recent, like in the last hundred years, that people were really frowning upon it. It seems like, I mean, now it's, if you live in a Western society in a made-size city or large city, I don't think anybody really bats an eye anymore. That's crazy. Do you think, do you think that what's happening here in this country is happening still like over in Europe? I don't know. I don't know. I think it's sexuality is definitely more. Can't be Christianity. You can Muslim countries, there's not acceptable.

Well, yeah, yeah, yeah. But these is organized major organizations. Major organized religion. Yeah, but you know, Europe. Like in Africa, like in Africa. Africa has a lot of places that are not cool with homosexuality. A lot.

But like, is there parts of Africa like, like say like Zimbabwe I'm trying to think what place it isn't predominantly Muslim. Yeah, like like the Zulu Where there's gay type of where they're gay Zulu warriors Cuz I feel like there's Some pretty outspoken Anti-gay would it be better if this podcast had the information instead of asked it?

Yeah. Like, if you went on a podcast and you learned something, Shaka Zulu was gay. Wait, what is that? Shaka Zulu's gay slur causes uproar. Shaka, is it true that Shaka Zulu was gay? Ah, by the way, I'm gonna get. That's the same like just, it's not real website, so I can remember.

God damn it. So we aren't the first ones to have these thoughts. We're not. We're not. There should be a podcast, a companion podcast called answering Burton Tom's questions. Here we go. Zulu King, make that larger.

Hey, and Dom, not a bad idea. I've been accused of homophobia and feeling violence amongst against Gays and South Africa. Over comments he were probably made on the weekend. The Zulu King called gay people rotten during a speech, according to the South African Times newspaper. According to traditionally, there were no people who engaged in same-sex relationships. There was nothing like that. If you do that, you must know that you are rotten. I don't care how you feel about it.

If you do, you must know that it is wrong and you are rotten. Same-sex is not acceptable. All right, this is like some speech this guy gave. That's crazy. Homeophobia has to be based off of the fear that you're gay. I think so. Most people that are, if you are that outspoken about it, like aggressively, it doesn't really make, it doesn't really add up unless you're terrified of it.

Yourself. I don't think I've ever been afraid of being gay. Yeah. But I don't think I was given the option to be gay. Meaning like, I wasn't presented as like an equal option as being straight. Yeah, but I think here's the thing, man, I don't think you really need the option.

You either, you would know what you're attracted to. I don't know if that's true. You don't know what makes your dick hard at this point? Like you do. No, but I, but, okay, so wait, in this point in history, am I like, it seems like I'm an outlier in sexuality, because it seems like the majority of this country is gender fluid.

No. Well, it seems like I'm watching kids. Yeah, it's like kids. It's happening to kids. The conversation's different, but it's like, everyone's cool with like, hooking up with the same sex, where it's like, I wasn't presented that option. I mean, that was not like a presented.

But does the idea of that make your dick hard? No, that's what I'm saying though, you're not gay. Yeah, but I don't think... It's almost like... If I was like, hey, what? I never had Indian food, okay? Yeah. So I never craved Indian food.

I never craved it. Yeah. I was never like, come in. I'm not heard about Indian food, but I was like, all I heard were like the bad things. Smells like shit, ruins the hallway. Like you get diarrhea, your fingers burn, you can't finger a check,

all the negatives about Indian food. And then you have Indian food and you're like, what shit man? I didn't know I liked Indian food. Like fuck, I never had Indian food. Had I known about Indian food? No, I didn't. You liked Indian food. Yeah, like fuck I never, I never had an Indian food. Had I known about Indian food? You can go fuck a guy. And if you feel like just the option is there

that it might change, I just don't, I think you would have done it by now. You would have definitely tried it. Yeah, dude, you'd be, you'd be, you'd be, you'd be, you'd be, you'd be, you'd be, your brain and body would be posturing to try to get closer to men in a sexual way. It wouldn't just be like,

I wish that option had been here. For real? Of course, man, you'd be in that booth right now. But where are our friends? Where are all our friends? Good job, right? Worked today, you know? Where are all our friends that are gay?

Like where are all our friends that got married, had kids, and then are like, like where is our generation? Never, it never, like I feel like we were just presented pizza and Buffalo Wild Wings. Yeah, no Indian food. I know what you're saying. Well, the thing is the generation,

our parents generation has a lot of the guys that got married, had kids, and then they're like, I'm actually gay. Yeah. Because that shit was not even a conversation. But the reason you're seeing less of it with our generation is that people figured it out before they were 60, they realized that they

have the life of it. But yeah, we have a lot of gay dudes. Yeah, exactly. We have a lot of gay dudes. So less of them. I see what you're saying. I see what you're saying. I get married, how do you get married?

So a lot of guys out of college or in college realize it. Yeah, I'm gonna move to New York, like a party. There, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. The gay pride parade has gotten a lot bigger. Not bigger. Yeah. Do you think it's gonna be even bigger? Do you think there'll be a lot of kids that go,

you know what I think I wanna get married and have kids and I'm not gay? Some kids with them. Like sure. And then homophobia is gonna be a thing of the past. At some point, 20 years there's no homophobia. I don't know. There'll always be some,

that's like saying racism will be eradicated. It will be. No. Iophobia. I don't know. There will always be some, it's like saying racism will be eradicated. It will be. No. I think, I don't think, I think homophobia's gone before it. Why don't you take that back? No. There will always be people that are not accepting. Not in all that time.

What? We're gonna die with hate. Like we're not too old to see the... No, it'll always exist as my point. Yeah, we're always gonna see just, God, that sucks. Our kids, your kids will definitely be. I think it'll still exist.

Yeah, let me text this, but yeah. And I'll be in Wyoming. With their whites. Do you shout out to Wyoming? I don't even do shows in Wyoming. I've never done a show in Wyoming. I did a show there. Did I?

I did, I did a show there. Where, Cheyenne? Yeah. Wyoming's badass. Yeah, that's cool. I had not done a show in Montana yet. We should do a two bears one live in Wyoming. I have a live out of Wyoming.

Okay. Go to do it in rodeo. I'll do that. And then just, and just be like, Hey Wyoming, we're here. We're here. There's no diversity. We're here.

We're here. Let's keep this up. Wyoming. Wyoming. Free entrance for any person of color. It'll be the same entrance. Yeah. We'll make a killing.

Yeah. Do you think Wyoming's gonna hate us after this podcast? No. We'll be like, do you like how we don't think things through, we just talk. You know, I bet Wyoming is a lot more progressive than we're thinking.

I bet we it's way more progressive than we're thinking. We should go to Wyoming and do a taste test. Of. Of their culture. Okay. And go around and meet their OBGTQ people. Do you like their black people? Do you?

Do you know people, meet their Asian people? Yeah. And we'll talk to them. Let's do a two bears live on Wyoming. And we're gonna do diversity special. Yeah, a diversity special. A diversity special. Where we go in, all our bits are going in

and meeting the, you know. Yeah, the non-whites. Yeah. Will you ride horseback? Fuck. Yes. You like horses? Fuck.

Yes. Okay. I fucking love horses. I fucking love horses. Okay. I love horses. I love cowboy hats. I love tie jeans. I love chewing tobacco.

I love whiskey. I love everything that Wyoming stands for, and I can't wait to see more of Wyoming. So maybe our next two bears live is there. In Wyoming. He's looking good, everybody. You know, I bet if my arms weren't covered and fat, I'd have them so those two. Great episode Tommy. Great episode Bertrand. We'll see you guys next time. I love you. Love you. Tom tells stories and birds the machine. There's not a chance in hell that they'll keep it clean. Here's what we call, two bears one cave.

No scripts to bet a booze amateur, patology. Dirty jokes, ronti humor, no apologies. Here's what we call, two bears one cave. Thank you.