2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer - Fun With Chloroform | 2 Bears, 1 Cave Ep. 195

Episode Date: July 24, 2023

Catch the all new podcast out of YMH Studios “Not Today Pal with Jamie-Lynn Sigler and Robert Iler” every Thursday!Tom Segura and Bert Kreischer are back together in the bear cave. They discuss beard grooming, staying in shape, some of their favorites bites and drinks, car accident videos, and much more! They have fun with the FaceApp, give an update on 2 Bears Racing, ponder buying chloroform, and call Dr. Drew for his guidance on it.https://tomsegura.com/tourhttps://www.bertbertbert.com/tourhttps://store.ymhstudios.com/

You never watch porn? So I'm like a music girl. You know what? Hi, I'm Jamie Lynn Sigmund. And I'm Robert Eilert. And this is our new podcast, Not Today Pal. And they found out that the chicken had a tumor and it was like pus.

Not your favorite? They're going to ask us a question about sopranos. Let's split the difference and Jamie gets one point. We have Rob has points. Like why are you two doing a wedding? This is what he does. You have no idea what's about to happen. I have no idea.

I'm so excited though. Available every Thursday, wherever you get podcasts. This week on Two Bears 1K. Oh, okay. Just let it happen. Yeah, of course. It doesn't make you gay, just let it happen. I need chlorform.

This is a need chlorform. I need chlorform. Can we order that? It's order chlorform. He's noticeable now, right? He's getting right. It's everyone can see it. You got right.

Are you a doctor? 100% 100%. You know, sitting here on the set, it feels like Wyoming. But you get into the booth and you got capital J, you got any, you got so much diversity, it's great to be in such a healthy workplace environment that is so inclusive. I wonder who runs things here. Now, Bert is great to see you.

Your beard is looking full of life and flavors. Thank you. And maybe you said you consider, I think nothing, I have to thin of a beard now But when it's fuller there's nothing that feels better than going to like a barber shop I'm gonna get the hot towel and doing the whole shit. I got it trimmed once. I got it tightened once It feels great. You know, I don't know if I looked good with it. Really and hated it. Leanne hated it Did they lined you up and everything? Align me up. I did it in I did it in Australia in Australia

I the guy why did she In Australia? The guy was, Why did she hate it? I don't know, she said I didn't look like a man. I think Leand doesn't like it. I think, I know, honestly, I think she looked too ethnic for her. Because I think she likes it when it's like sloppy up here.

Real white guy. Yeah, it's, it's, it didn't look, it didn't like look like, she, I remember why I shaved my chest when I first met her. And she was like, you gotta stop doing that, it didn't look, it didn't look like, I remember why I shaved my chest, the one I first met her, and she was like, you gotta stop doing that, it's gross. And I was like, for real, she was like, yeah, she looked like a man.

Like, your beard looks good right now because you've lost weight, so you can go really tight to the skin. Mine, I have a set of a video to not, now this is my beard right here, okay? Yeah, so it's just really full. It's gone way more gray, the more stressed I've been. I've got a patch here and then a patch here.

Do you darken it? No, you don't color it. No, no, no, no, I have a, yeah, I do. I have a gray patch right here that I fill in, because it looks weird without it. So wait, this is me tightened in New Zealand, okay? Okay. Or in Australia. Yeah without it. So wait, this is me tightened in New Zealand, okay? Okay. Or in Australia.

So. Oh, I see. This is the first time I've ever heard of man thought. Yeah, you look like, you look like a not a fully white guy. You know, I look, it looks, it almost, it's, and I mean this respectfully. An ethnic way to do your beard is to trim it to over, over groom it.

Yeah, over groom in the lines are super, super clean and deliberate. It's very methodical. And then you could be at least Albanian. Oh, yeah, I definitely look like I agree with some of the things the corralic grunts has. Right. And you, and also, I feel like anybody with this beard regularly has, like, probably a felony

chart. You know what I mean? You've been in the system, I think. It doesn't, it doesn't make sense. Like, I feel like when white dudes line up too tight, it just, it doesn't look like, it looks like cultural appropriation. Well, it kind of looks like, no means no is bullshit. Is what it kind of, you know what I mean?

Dude, I do what I want. It's what I'm seeing. I did, D's and Miro one time, and I had their barber line up my beard. Oh, yeah. And I looked like the mom from JoJo Rabbit, like, with just a black smear across my face, because he did the line, and then he did, and then he put, they put a hair filler in it.

Holy shit. He did the line and then he did and then he put they put a hair filler in it. Holy shit. Did you type in, type in, um, Miro, kid Miro's beard. Look at, yeah, Jojo Rabbit, mom beard, type in beard. Yeah. Beard is B-E-A. Yeah. Yeah, that's what I looked like. Yeah, yeah.

I mean, it looks really. The type in Kid Miro, from Jesus and Miro. Kid Miro, M-E-R-O. M-E-R-O, just beard. Beard. He had some aggressive lines during like season three where even he knew it,

knew it because I'd say that. But that's the thing you, they do in... Like Dominican culture, yeah, yeah. Like they do it and they'll do it all the way up to the top. Yeah. And it's almost like, and it's like, they fill it in where there isn't beard. The one that...

Like a piece of paper and like... The one that spray painted in. Bum me out the most is when I went to a barber shop that was in a casino. This is a while ago. And I go, I was thinking it's full, like yours, but like even more full. And when I said trim, I just meant,

I wasn't explicit. I meant, it's like this, bring it in. So he trimmed me up. And the guy was like, yeah, I got you. Sitting there, first thing he does, is take this down, so that it's one of these beers. Oh, oh my God, oh my God. I look like a fucking truck driver.

Why the fuck would, you saw what I was working with. Why would you do that to me? He goes, you said to trim it up, I go, what does that mean? This, like, now it was like a real like, like a fucking dock worker beard, is what it looked like, you know. It didn't, it just...

You can't trust those. Those casino barbarers are actually the absolute worst. He was terrible. There was one I did. I did one for my sister's birthday where we were all in Vegas. It was kind of a Billy Mays beard, I feel like. Remember Billy Mays? Like, he had like a real, what,

M-Y-A-S, Jesus Christ. Like, you see how it goes like, it's down here. You know? What's his name? Duncan does his beard like that. Trussell? Yeah. He trims it down and then I've seen dudes at Works with.

He works for Duncan though. I did when we went from my sister's birthday, we were in Vegas and I said, my dad said, Mom, we get your beard trimmed up. So I go over to get my beard trimmed up. The cheek goes through, because it works for him.

Yeah, yeah. So with the exposed cheek. Yeah. That doesn't work for me, dude. It doesn't work for me at all. The guy did it to me and I was like, oh, fuck, man. My old travel channel beard was the fucking worst because it was real short, but I did straight lines here

and it was like, it just looked horrible. It just type in the Ibert travel channel and I hated that beard. Like, you see? Yeah. Like I was trimming it lower than I do now. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And it just looks, it looks gross.

Oh, that you look kind of omission right there a little bit. Is there no connection here? Is there no mustache? No, there's a little line. Oh, wow. That was, and then Leanne started saying, just let it grow, like let it grow up your cheek. Who gives a fuck?

You look more manly when it's up your cheek. And so I started doing that, but that beard is fucking disgusting. I always say go back and fix that beard. Really? Yeah, I would, and you know, you get no beard tutorials. There are beard dudes like hipsters. I've done this a lot. There are hipster beard guys in New York City, who do.

Let me show you how to trim your beard. How about that? The goatee? The one I got, the one I got in Vegas through my sister's birthday. I go in to get my beard trimmed and the guy goes, how about I just give you a goatee? And I was like, what?

I was like, I was just hoping to get my beard trimmed. And he goes, oh, I can trim up your beard. And the first thing he does is start going into the beard. I go, yeah, you know what a goatee is a good idea. Like, I don't want this thing. Yeah. And then he does it starts going into the beard. I go, yeah, you know what, he's got idea. Like, I don't want this thing. Yeah. And then he does it, Tom. And he, I swear to God, does a circle like this.

Well, your mouth looks like an asshole at this point. Yeah. I'm gonna help the quick target. And you can see my double chin. Like, he's left my double chin exposed. So he's trimmed in front of the double chin. And it looks so bad. There's no worse feeling than realizing you've lost hair that you can't regrow immediately and

you're now exposed. And I, my heart sunk. I was so angry. My dad couldn't stop laughing. I walked out and Leanne, the first thing Leanne says is what did he do to your face? Look at this. This hairless one here. What is that? No, no, down, bottom row. That's Coddy, bottom row. Totally loaded. Third, right, go to the right.

To her fully loaded, she just took a picture of me fucking hairless and did a hairless app. And I was like, can you delete that? That's terrifying. That's Ila. And I was like, can you please delete that? She kept laughing. Look, you'll hear baby Walrus. No, that's terrifying. Dude, the onea. And I was like, can you please leave that? She kept laughing. Look, you look here, baby walrus.

That's terrifying. Dude, the one you set me of me as a girl. Yeah. All right, trimming your cutting your hair is the worst thing because you can't put it back immediately. And then you're so fucking frustrated. And you're like, fuck, I, I remember that circle go T so bad.

And we have a picture. We went to the aquarium with the girls and the sharks Yeah, and you know they go hey, I'm scared and the sharks are gonna come up and everyone's acting scared And I'm just angry in the picture going fuck fuck. I wonder if I can I can send these also to To Native oh, yeah, yeah, this is fucking awesome. I wish I could blend it myself But like right now it's way too bushy. It's way too bushy and it's splotchy.

Like I fucking, I'm not in love with this beard. It makes me, it doesn't, like it doesn't accentuate my face. It just covers up the disgustingness. But you were saying how, like whatever, how the facial hair and everything changed your face. Oh, and then how Eilah took that photo to the app and then- Fucking fearless. And the hairless picture she sent it to me and she couldn't stop laughing.

I go, yeah, you're laughing. I don't look good. She was, yeah, I know that's what's funny about it. And I go, yeah, that's not what- That's what the app, I sent you one of you as a check. You didn't look bad with the app. But the first one that I sent you, Nadav, is yeah, right here, check this out.

Big old bloated bird. Well, it's not bad. It's not bad. It's not bad. I mean, I'm not gonna marry her. No, but here's the thing, you know this chick is down for fun, she's a good time. Fuck yeah, she is.

She drinks. She parties. Yeah. She's like, you want pizza, Dan in the night? You're like, how can I eat pizza? The second one I told you. Yeah, she's definitely. She changed her drink in her hand. Her hands look pretty aggressive. Oh, they're yours. Oh, they're my hands. It'll change your hands. Yeah. I was like, God damn it. I don't know if I want a hand job in that check. And turns out

I've got a lot. It's a big hand. Yeah, that hand has jerked you off a lot. Isn't that crazy? A lot. Yeah. My, this hand has jerked you off a lot, isn't it crazy? A lot, yeah. This hand has had dick in it more than any horror in the world. For sure. No horror has had more dick in their hand than this hand. Probably, yeah. I don't know, this horror's been out there

pretty active too. Do you think of your guess who's jerked off Miriam or who do you think it is? Well, you've been alive longer than me. Well, it's definitely me then. Our next question. Yeah. All right.

This is the second one. This is the one you said I'd say this one. I did the other effect on it. That was not good. Hey, hang on, is that really what I look like? I don't think so. I mean, it's a little bit bigger, but it's not far off. It's not totally you. You know what? I don't think so. I mean, it's a little bit bigger, but it's not far off.

It's not totally you. You know what? I'm gonna change out to my screen saver. That one? I'm gonna change out to my screen saver. So I lose weight. And I just had two fucking breakfast burritos. And I'm thinking about drinking so hard right now.

I'm thinking about drinking so hard right now. You have no idea how much alcohol is in my head right now. Because you're just stressed. I'm stressed as fuck. And I know I have a fucking, I'm not stopping working for the next, I won't stop working until August. All right, because you're going on tour, too. Yeah, I fully loaded, guys, I'm loaded.

Why are you going straight on tour? I didn't plan it this way, dude. I went from Europe to tour to Australia, to Razzle Dazzle to tour, then to Australia, then to the movie, then to the movie, then to fully loaded. Why? Why? Why? I didn't plan it. I just, I didn't plan it wisely. I just was like, yeah, yeah, let's fucking grind it. And, and I do that all the time.

I'm going to put that as my fucking screensaver because that is not who I want to be. That is the fucking, that is not who I want to be. That is not who I want to be. But, but, but here's the thing. What, the thing that's good about seeing that is even though that's is not who I want to be. That is not who I want to be. And that's who I am. But here's the thing, the thing that's good about seeing that is even though that's actually not who you are, do you know who that guy, like you've seen that guy and you're like, oh, fuck, I don't want to be that guy.

Oh, that's way too good. I look at people all the time, I go, I'm not as fat as that guy, and I'm always fatter. Yeah. Like I look at everyone and go, I'm not as fat as that guy. Here's the problem, here's the problem, is that like right now, so I looked at myself at We did I do that too, too. I do the I look I'll see again I'll be like this guy looks like shit and then I'll I kind of look for a little longer

I'm like that guy actually looks better than me fuck like there was this guy that was a fat piece of shit in line at the airport Yeah, and I was like look at this fuck. And then he threw his shoes off and then put him back on standing up and I went, I can't do that. I, here's my biggest problem is right now I'm stronger than I've ever been in my entire life. Yeah, you keep doing these things. I'm stronger than I am in my entire life.

And my arms are bigger, my shoulders are bigger. People will touch my shoulders and be like, oh my God, do you work out? Like my back, everything's stronger. I'm probably the heaviest I've ever been. I know I'm not the heaviest I've been, I've been heavier, but like, I look at pictures of me when I was 220 and I are 230 maybe.

And I, when we were doing so back to October and I had no shoulders, I had no arms, I looked like a coat hanger. And I'm so, I really am I'm curious how much more muscles on me than before. Yeah. And so I'd love to know, like how much like, if, because I've gained, when we did sober October,

when we did sober October, what are you way now, like what are you really way? Part two, 57, I'm guessing. I'm not above two, two for 60, but I'm really close to that. Okay. And so I'm usually in the two 50s,

but I wonder if, I wonder like, when we did two, so October a couple of years ago, back in Joe's living in LA. Yeah. And we all tried to manage two 25, and we all got pinned, and Joe did it 10 times. I did it once.

You did it. Did you do it at once? I did it once, yeah. I did. I got pinned at 225. Yeah. And the other day, I benched 285. That's pretty impressive.

And so I can, and I think I can do 225. I think I can do it by six times right now, seven times. It's impressive. So much more stronger than I was then. Yeah. But I was skinnier than. But was then, but I was skinnier than, but I don't think I was skinnier. I think it was this exact same amount of fat.

I think I've just added, what do you think, maybe 10 pounds of muscle? Since then? I don't know. What is it, like if you go from not being able to bench 200 pounds, to then being able to bench 285, how much muscle do you think that is? I don't know, I don't know.

It's a good question. I mean, I think you're probably gonna don't know. It's a good question. I mean, I think you're probably gonna, you'd probably lean out a bunch if you really, and I mean, I have to really dial in your diet. Dude, I watch Woody Harrelson talk, he's just watching it two seconds ago, talk about eating raw.

And he times it feels like he's getting sick, he just starts eating raw. And he goes too much shit in our food. And then I go, all I eat is shit food. Yeah, I know. But that's the only reason you're a big guy. Yeah, I eat just your consuming. I just, know. But that's the only reason you're a big guy. Yeah, he's just your consuming thing. I just, I like those breakfast burritos were so fucking good.

Yeah. I mean, what the fuck does Woody Harrelson really just eat like a rabbit and not wolf down a breakfast burrito? How do I, how is it that I look up to Woody Harrelson and I think God, I fucking love that guy. Yeah, he's great. But me and him would have absolutely zero in common. I don't know if you'd have zero in common. He seems like a fun guy to be around.

He can eat a carrot and enjoy it. Yeah, maybe in the last time you had a carrot. When was the last time you were hungry? You were like, I wouldn't mind a nice carrot. He's beautiful. Man, he was on cheers at 22. Is that how old he was? Because God, he's been a...

You realize that's so long ago and you're like, man, how's this guy like? How did he know? He's talking his career up. Because he's a wild thinker. Yeah. I mean, how did he not fuck his career up? There's that thing now, you heard about the rumor that he's actually a half brother of McConaughey.

I heard that. I heard that. It was really fun. Matthew McConaughey's a fucking badass. Yeah. Me and him would probably have more encounter when I bet them me and Woody Harrelson. You think so?

Although I bet I'd talk to Woody easily or... Yeah. Like I think Matthew McConaughey probably is a little, a little probably out of my fucking swing zone in conversation. He lives here? I don't think that means much. I don't think he lives here for the reason you live here.

Or maybe it does. Maybe. He's on your college here, right? He did, yeah. Yeah, he went to UT. He's like the fucking ambassador of this city, you know? He is. I remember he got in trouble for playing Bongo's naked,

smoking weed, and I was like, that's my guy. And they crazy like, on a rest, where I'm sure he got in the thing, and was handcuffed and was like, this is gonna fuck up my career. All of us were like, that's my guy. Yeah, everyone loves it. I'm sure he kind of like woke up to press the next day,

publicist, you need to lean out of this, you don't know, and all of us were like, fucking love that guy. Yeah. And like, what other crimes do people commit? Then that wouldn't even a crime, but like, things that they thought was negative PR where all of us were like, fucking love that guy.

Oh, that's a good one. Well, it's everything like Ron White getting pinched with weed on his private plane, you know, 20 years ago. That was cool because that happened where I was living. Really? Well, I was in Virro Beach. He was in there, smoking out of an apple. And like, he had like a disgruntled, uh, Charlie Sheen. It's fucking crack. No, Charlie Sheen when he's like Tiger's blood. No, everyone. Yeah, people love that. Like, that was like, you know, there were people like, shut the fuck up, Charlie, stop talking. Yeah.

Paysports are a 30k to smoke crack and watch the fucking aspect. Yeah, people were happy about that. It was crazy. He really went hardcore with the, that's the other level drug use, you know. Yeah. Crack. And just admitting it. Yeah.

I love that he admitted it. Man, he is, he has a, Banger career, like he's done a lot of cool stuff. Yeah, he sure has. Yeah, it's crazy that you can get in trouble and everyone on the outside is like, you're fucked. I wouldn't mind a nice or a red one. I tell you what they told me on a private plane one time.

What? On this private plane and they go, we're sorry, the guy, he was like, oh, you're really nice to us to the staff. And I was like, what? He goes sometimes entertainers. And they started telling me about like people that aren't nice.

And he's like, you know, who's really nice? Shack, he's really nice. And I go, yeah, I could see that. And then I was like, he knows really nice, Shaq, he's really nice. And I go, yeah, I can see that. And then I was like, what about some wild shit? You know, you got any wild stories? And he was like, oh, he's like Charlie Sheen. He goes, Charlie Sheen was like, hey, how much,

I want a smoke on this plane, they're like, you can't smoke, and he goes, how much, how much if I want a smoke? So they call like the operators, they said, and they're like, in front of him. And they're like, Mr. Sheen's here, and he wants to smoke cigarettes on the plane. And he's like, how much are you gonna charge me?

You know, you fuck all, you clean it up afterwards and they go, 10,000, he goes, fuck you. I'm not paying you fucking 10 grand for that shit. And then they go, 5,000, he goes, I knew it, you're fucking horse, I'll do it. And so. I knew it, you're horse, I'll do it. So they hang up and they're like,

I ain't smoked like 10 cigarettes for the flight and five thousand, cause I'm five grand more to do it. He did it. That's fucking, that's crazy, I'm doing that next time. Yeah. I'm supposed to smoke, how much to smoke on this private jet? Yeah. Fuck yeah. Yeah. I knew it. You're horrors. Yeah. You're horrors. God. Snoop. Snoop's that I was a fucking hotperp. Yeah. You have no you have no want to drink right now?

No, I don't have any want to drink. I didn't sleep well my youngest got in bed I don't know what time kicking me and I'm just like I just can't wait to get home laid out, you know Yeah, he fucking wore his table like today often take your boat out. I took it out two days ago really? Yeah, I'm taking it out this weekend. I went I went on Jetsky's this morning for real. Yeah, I'm a thank you. Of course. That's a great way to start the day by the way It was last time you took your race car out. It's been a few months. Really? Yeah, and I'm glad you asked because I miss it so much. I was I'm on tour. I mean like like you but people would be like oh what was last time you went? To the track and I'm like I'm fucking what are the last time you went to the track? And I'm like, I'm fucking, what are you talking about? I'm hearing Australia right now.

So I've been wanting to get done for a lot of reasons, but one of the reasons is I wanna go back to the track. And I wanna get, here's what I really wanna do. I've gone to the track with different cars, but the one that you gave me is like a great car to get into racing, like to get into racing. Yeah, that's why we got it. Yeah, and so the thing I wanna do is do some track days,

and I wanna enter a race. Do you realize how much, I mean, I'm gonna look, okay, obviously I talk wild shit, okay, but that's who the fuck I am. Do you realize how much we could change this sport of racing? This endurance racing, we could change it with the two of us combined. If we took it seriously, and I'm being dead serious,

took like a fucking month. You do like a Billy Madison ramp it up race school, okay? You run through the whole Daniel Riccardo thing that he did in his 20 years of learning how to get to F1, you do it in a week, okay? We cramming in a week, we get Daniel Riccardo out here, your friends with that fucking guy, right? We get a couple of NASCAR guys out here,

they help step it up, we get you into race mode, right? You get all you gotta do is focus in racing. Let me take care of the other stuff, okay? I got our team, I got our team put together, I got, we have barbecue. Let me say this, Ryan Blaney owes us. You, Ryan Blaney! You won the Stacococola 600 and you sat right fucking here

Is that a coincidence? I don't this is where greatness happens is out of this room right here Ryan Blaney went to cocoa 600 and it's because of this table great racers sit at this table. It's right So all I'm saying is I'll fight a Charlotte, he lives in Charlotte. Take me out. I'm going with you. You got a great barbecue there. Great, give me a couple lessons, like take me out and, you know, give me a few tips. And let me sit with your pit crew.

Yeah. Go through the basics of how to fucking coach this up. Yeah. How to get things moving. And then we get Daniel Ricardo, we get Ryan Blaney, we get all these great racers to help coach us. And then, and then what we do is we run it for a month and we run it hard.

We run it every week and we take it real fucking serious. I do what I do in the promotions, the marketing, we get these fans come out to the races, we got people invested in these races, we get on the track and we roll hard, buddy. Me and you, we can do this. And this is not, you know, look, we have the two bear sports management that we kind of fell on the side.

Yeah. Once we get two bears racing off the ground, next to you know, Sky's the fucking limit. Follow us as we take it to the next level. We're going two bears, Bevco. We're going two bears, fucking two bears, clothing accessories. Two bears, fucking sports management is next. But we start with two bears racing. It's the most accessible way for us to expand our brand and it starts with you a crammed up school right crammed up school I

Spend time with Daniel Carter's right-hand man. Yeah with Ryan Blaney's right-hand man. Yeah, I learned from them I find great cigars that I can smoke Yeah, and then right now I see your wheels are really turning right now. It's really turning someone call Netflix. Someone call Netflix. This is a fucking, we can do this as a fucking show. We are open to sponsors right now. If you want to jump on, this is the time to jump into the team right now.

We got sponsors coming out the fucking ass. Dude, we have, get rid of this Coca-Cola unless you want to give us real fucking money. Warby Parker, bring it. Let's get some fucking glasses on these cars. This is what we do. Is we do ad reads every fucking week. Why don't you put your fucking great dude. Put your sticker on the fucking two bears car.

It's powered by Fats. You realize how much fun we would have if we took like You got to do three races. Okay, we got to do three races and So that we can watch you progress because look your first race. It's gonna suck. It's gonna suck But your second race that's when you get competitive the third race. That's where our money's at Yeah, I mean that my guy here in town who has taken me and coached me up I told him about the what I want to do and he's like, you have to accept that you're gonna suck out of the gate. Yeah.

Dude. And I do, I do, by the way, I don't accept it. I don't have an ego about it, I'm serious. I'm telling you Netflix is not about option for this because that fucking survivor drive, drive to survive, a drive alive, that fucking show is awesome. It's awesome It's fucking I mean, do you think I gave ever give a fuck about f1? No, I mean, I know the f1 riders like drivers I'm like I never gave a shit about f1. Yeah, it's fucking off. That show is fantastic

It expanded their global fan base by like I mean millions Yeah, they really produced the shit out of it and they did it so well, they did it so well. We will have so much fun making that. And we're talking, we're hanging out in middle America. Yeah, dude. In August, September, fucking going after it on these racetracks were funny shit. Yeah.

Have you ever been to these racetracks? Leanne goes to the one out in Ponomai, I think it is. She goes out there on weekends and they do races. These kids are like, fucking. They're children driving full grown man cars. Yeah, the cart racing stuff. Yeah. Well, we have to start your own cart racing.

But I should get no cart. Yeah, get even cart racing and then slowly graduate you and then get you to our fucking thing we got Whatever it is. I mean, there's a lot I need to learn. Yeah, okay. There's a lot I need to learn and look There's gonna be a lot. We're gonna we're gonna crack a lot of eggs to make this omelette. Yeah, okay It's our personality stepping on these tracks. It's not it's not gonna be we're not gonna be like like a fucking we're gonna be more like Imperialists sure like we're not coming in, you know, to the indigenous folk like, we wanna learn your ways.

We're gonna be like, time to convert you to Christianity and kill the ones that didn't like it. Yeah. We're gonna crack some eggs making this helmet. There's gonna be some old boys that don't like the way we roll. But that's what's beautiful about us. You're gonna get on board.

Dude. Next thing you know, you're gonna get old fucking 70-old race tractors ripping their shirts off going, come on, boy. Yeah, we're gonna hoist that trophy up. Fuck, yes. Overhead.

Let's do it. Yeah, let's do it. Let's do it. Let's do it. Someone set it up. Put out the bad signal. If it doesn't work out, we'll just, I think we should start a cooking show.

Foreign language cooking show? Well, I think we could start a cooking show. Foreign language cooking show? Well, I think we can get to it in English. Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Foreign language cooking shows are the best thing that ever hit Netflix. What do you mean? Is it just, I mean, I pull up my algorithm. All this is foreign language cooking shows.

I put them on mute and I just watch them cook. But they are... They've got one just on broth. It's called broth. And it's in another language. Oh, they're all in other languages. They're shopped prettier for whatever reason, because...

Is that about these where all English is? No, these are, these are just food. Street foods, street foods, Mexico, tacos, Mexico. They have one just called tacos. Street foods, Asia is fucking amazing. I think those are English speaking, but they have one just called tacos street foods Asia is fucking amazing. I think those are English speaking But they have one just called tacos and it's just tacos. There's one just on pizzas I put them on mute and I just watch the Asian ones are the best

It's all on like there's one of them one about cold noodles in Korea. There's one just called broth Just hit broth see if that comes up broth on Netflix broth. Okay Okay, let's see watch a nation of broth. It is just Broths it's just so fucking good. You ever just have broth? You're right of course. Yeah, they've got a great bone broth place here in Austin. That's like renowned really? Yeah, what is every time I'm here? We get it. What do they've got a great bone broth place here in Austin that's like renowned really yeah, what is it every time I'm here We get it. What do they've got they've got a spicy bone Pete. What's the bone broth place just Google it Nadav? Oh, yeah, yeah Bone broth Austin my people's our acts might be yeah We go there. Why don't go there? Pecos there, but we get bone broth every time we go here and it's fucking

Amazing dude good. I made my own bone broth after I Forget what it was like we I made a bunch of big sticks. That one hit the first one. Yeah, yeah Yeah, I made my own bone broth dude. You did yeah, it was so fucking good It is so fucking good and it fills you up like you drink bone broth. It's good for you It's good for you Yeah, and then if it like tricks you to feel like you ate, but you didn't eat yet I wish I wish I knew the exact name of the path. I'll type sex lecy Lacey is the one that always gets it but bone broth dude

There's something really fucking there's something really restorative about making it. But bone broth dude. There's something really fucking, there's something really restorative about making soups and bone broths. Let's see. Lacey. What's the name of the bone broth place in Austin? Yeah, Lacey is, Lacey's really dialed in. Austin's an interesting city because the transplants

have created a different fucking place. Like when you look at like Kuyah and on it and I mean, you know, I mean, podcasting is huge in Austin. It's not like that in Texas, but the food fucking scene in Austin's pretty next level Yeah, there's there's great great stuff here. There's a little bit of everything here We go to picnic in Austin on South Lamar

pay PIC I N K Okay, their bone broth, Tom, is fucking insane. Nope. There it is. Real food and good vibes. Oh, that looks good. We make delicious food that happens to be good for you. This place is fucking awesome.

And their bone broth is sick. I mean, they've got a spicy bone broth that you eat it, you drink it and you're like, I'm ready for the next one. It's on South Lamar. Yeah. It is, go up to the address. I love to see there.

Locations. Locations. Montrose, Houston, Texas. No, no South first uh That is First Street is there another Scroll

Burnette Another one here in Austin Okay, let's be so found in Austin. Is it it's got to be a dude named Austin, right? Like Steve Austin, the six million dollar man. Yeah, there's him. Yeah, it was a while ago. By the way, did you, could you play the other, um, I was just the other menu? Oh, fuck. They need, I'll tell you what bit of a menu. Ooh, fuck. They need, I'll tell you what I wouldn't mind, a bone broth cocktail. Like bone broth and vodka.

I love bone broth, pickle juice. Who knew bone broth on whiskey, I bet it's good. I would do, my mouse watering. You really want a cocktail. Do you can't tell you what I did the other day? What's the cocktail you're gonna have? Nick Whiskey. Whiskey.

Yeah, I did it. I've been doing it. I've been sneaking them. Like on days I say I don't drink, I'll sneak a double jack on the rocks. Yeah. And then just have one to just fucking just set the cart right.

You know, like just little little little little little little like, because I looked at those people who can go like you can do it like we go I'll just have a whiskey and then I'm good I'm going to go to bed and you and you didn't technically drink you don't feel it. Yeah and and if you do it at the right if you did it if you do it at the right hour it's nice. A little treat. A little treat. A little treat. Especially if you do it at the right hour you go I'm going to like like nine o'clock we were I was with Leanne the other day and I was like, I'm gonna drink tonight.

She was like, okay. And then at nine o'clock, it was like, the witching hour, it was past, it was a little or before nine o'clock. So at nine o'clock I can go to bed. It was like 7.30. And I was like, and I was like, I wouldn't mind maybe a little later.

I was like, I wouldn't mind just a little something. And I got it, I got a Asian whiskey, a Japanese whiskey, and I did a nice, nice filled it up to the top, and it was so good. It tasted like sweet tea. And then I had one, and then I didn't have another one. I waited to go do something. I had to get in the car and do something with me,

and she drove, and we did something, and I just, and it was nice, it was nice and cool. I'm like oh, I said don't want another one I'm gonna go to bed and it was nice and I didn't feel it in the next morning. I was like cool I'm gonna do that. I'm gonna do that tonight at the airport. I'm gonna get a nice double whiskey And I'm gonna go I don't need another one. I'm gonna get on the plane And then they're off there for me another one. I have another one and then if I get home and I want one I'm gonna have one and Then I'm gonna trim my beard. That's gonna happen all today. Yeah, what were we talking about right before that? I was gonna say something to you and I was like,

do you know what, it was really fucking nice? We did. No, no, no, no, no. I wasn't gonna talk. We were broth, we were doing broth, and we were doing race driving. And then we have a cheeseburger in the Austin Airport that I've been wanting to get.

Really? I love cheeseburger. Have you had Philip been wanting to get. Really? Yeah. I love you. Have you had Philip Lee's new cheeseburger place? No. He brought Lee, you know, who did the sushi bar and scratch by by sushi. No, she by scratch, whatever it's called. Yeah. Yeah. So he brought it. He's it's on rainy street. Um, that's him. That's Philip right there. He uh, he's white. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So you never been a sushi bar? No, maybe I have. I don't know or pasta bar. I'm no fucking idea. Okay. Um, is it that NADC burger? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, that's it.

Yeah, it's not a damn chance, yeah. That's his... Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Get that. Fuck me. Fuck me, that looks good. Look, you'll pick one up. I'm not swallowing again.

I love a cheeseburger, too. I fucking love a cheese again. I love a cheeseburger too. I fucking love a cheeseburger. I love, you know, I got done a fucking killer work out the other day. I got done, I came home, I came, I went to the office and lands like I got you lunch and I was like nice. She goes five guys, double cheeseburger with bacon and I was like baby, why would you do that?

She was like, well my dad is here and you know how you eat tonight, I just had to get something for you. I need you to be hungry. I fucked that burger up. Oh, it's the best. It's so good. And this looks beautiful. This is it.

I love that it's American cheese. I love that I can see some greenery on it, which looks like jalapenos, which are my fucking love. This is like, this is all they do. There is no like other shit there. Nice. This fucking Philipp League, guys, got it right. Yeah, yeah.

This is, you know, he's the Joe Rogan of Burgers. Joe Rogan does two things. He's, or the three things. Well, he does a few things. But fucking comedy and podcasting. Well, sushi. He got a Michelin star for that. For real.

Yeah, then this dude. Yeah, and then Pasta Bar got a Michelin star. And then this is like one of his latest ventures. Oh, I know I was gonna tell you. So the other day, it's so fucking good. The other day, I get a text from Nory and he's day drinking. It's a pet, I love when I get these from him.

Like it's like he's pouring himself a cocktail, gives me a little shout out. I'm like, fuck yeah. And I was like, all right, I'm day drinking. But I don't wanna just day drink to day drink, right? Day drinking to day drinking can be a little depressing. What I wanna do is I wanna find something to do and daydring doing something.

Like what? Horse races. What? Horse races. Like you wanna. So I go to Santa Anita. Oh right. And I go out to the horse races.

They start at one o'clock. I get off the treadmill at 12.30. I'm like, fucking feeling good. I go, call group of guys. They bring their sons. We all go out to the horse races. These horse tracks are fucking old school beautiful. Like it's a, it really is a busy there. Not, not aggressively busy, but busy enough to fucking run a business. And, and it's crazy because

it's like walking into a time machine. Yeah. My mouse watering, I'm trying to get to the story. into a time machine. My mouse watering, I'm trying to get to the story. It's old school. The architecture is 1930s. I mean, it's just curved. Like it's, it is 1930s. Type in Santa Anita race track. Are you, did you get in on some action? First race, I go in and I say to the lady, I don't know the verbage really well, but I wanna say, I just wanna pick one to win. Like just one horse to win, what's that called?

Yeah, I don't know. And she just goes, just one to win and prints the ticket up and I went, no, that's all I went. She was, that's what you said. And I went, okay, never mind. And I put a hundred dollars on the one horse to win and it fucking won.

Really? It won, yeah won and I won. It was three to two odds, I put a hundred dollars on the one horse to win, and it fucking won. Really? It won, yeah won, and I won. It was three to two odds, I think. I forgot what it was by one, like, 386 bucks. Which I was like fucking great, and then I ended up losing a thousand dollars. But I won because type in Santa Anita Pastrami sandwich. It's a, they have a Pastrami sandwich. It's a...

They have a pastrami sandwich like a rubin' next to it. It is really good. You had it? Yeah, I've been- If Tom... This motherfucking sandwich was so fucking good. This does look good. Because, and it felt like you went back to the 1930s before there were additives,

before there were anything that was just like, no one wore gloves to make a sandwich. Yeah. It was so fucking good that I was like, shot. Is it hot? This, I had this, I had the French dip sandwich, I had chicken fingers, I had the pretzel, but you had this all in one sitting. So much, I ate so much out of Santa Anita that literally they DM me like when you coming

back, they didn't, they were like like I Could not stop eating it Santa Anita dude and it reminded me when I was a kid When up when the girls were kids I would take them out to Hollywood park track Yeah, Hollywood track Hollywood casino whatever's called yeah, I would take them out there and it was dollar hot dogs And for like ten bucks me and the girls would fuck up hot dogs. Yeah have a few coal beers Fucking lamb would drive us home. Do that pastrony sandwich. I mean, it's so good. Have you ever had Phillips, Phillips, Phillips,

and Los Angeles? Yeah, yeah, yeah. With the hot mustard. Is that the French dead place? Yeah, but yeah, they have the hot mustard. Okay, let's rank them off. Let's rank them off, ready? Top 10 best sandwiches.

It's called, it is, right? Follips, yeah. Yeah. And they're mustard, it's so, they dunk it for you. They dunk it, yeah. And I love when you hang it with someone, and goes, oh, I don't want mine dunked. Shut the fuck up.

Shut up. They know what they're doing. That's like when a girl in the picture finger and they're asking you're like, oh, I'm okay. Just let it happen. Yeah, of course. It doesn't I'm okay, just let it happen. Yeah, of course. It doesn't make you gay, just let it happen. Yeah, it's not gay if you stop trying it with a dude.

Dude, I may need a fucking drink, Tom. This is fucking killing me. What the fuck, dude? What is happening? You're just, I'm fucking, I'm like, all I want is food and alcohol, and I just said to you, I wanna lose weight. How is this possible?

I need chloroform. This is a need chloroform. I need chloroform. This is. I need chloroform. I need chloroform. Can we order that by the way? Yeah, you can get it on fucking Google. You can get it on Amazon. Wait, bring drinks or chloroform. You can order chloroform on Amazon.

Can you go to Google ordering chloroform? Google chloroform. You can get chloroform on Amazon. What? Really? Yeah. Okay. What really yeah? Okay, chloroform a Chloroform is this is talisman like chloroform is chlorophyll. Oh go to chloroform you can get chloroform online

I know you can Google Google it by chloroform. Yeah Okay, yep, there's platform Yeah, order some of that. That's order to form order some of it. You know, that's chlorform. Yeah. Yeah. Order some of that. That's ordered chlorform. Order some of it. You know, that's how state's Anthony killed a kid. Really?

Allegedly. With chlorform? Allegedly. She would chlorform her kid so she'd go on party. Dude, how great would chlorform be? Yeah, it's kind of good for that. But no, but right now I'd chlorform myself. Just so you, so I'd stop with my brain.

Like anytime you talk to me. Will you do it to yourself if we get it? I think I would rather have a doctor do it to me. Well, the doctor's not gonna do it. I don't think but I know by think you can kill, Stacy Anthony killed her kid, chloroform the allegedly, but that's a kid though.

I mean, can we just have you lay on the ground and try it? Stoctrature will do it. Okay. I don't know. I'm not gonna pass ground and try it? Dr. Drew will do it. Okay. I don't know. Not gonna pass on that. I don't think he'll do it. I think he'll let us know whether it's safe to do it. How about this?

What? We didn't mean you do the chloroform challenge. When we put chloroform on rags, and we just each time we go closer and closer, we take like a thing, a crank, and it moves it closer to our face. And crank, and crank, and crank until one of us just goes out. You can get chlorform online.

Yeah, yeah, let's see. How people aren't chlorforming. There's, okay, go on YouTube. There's gotta be someone chlorforming someone. That is true. You know if we've thought about it, these fucking TikTok kids have already fucking done it. I need to go to fucking Hawaii today.

Today? Yeah, I need to get the fuck out of this country. I'm not a big boy now, you're bad. Damn. Is he really bad? What's up? He's looking for me from this country, not with that hair and that jaw. What's your dream car, what's your dream car? The car, they get to the chloroform. Okay. This guy has some accent.

There we go. Is he really going to do it? Okay. He's going to put some... It's a chloroform on this side. Here we go. Any time we have that bit. Okay, he's gonna put some... It's a claw form on his side. Here we go. Any time with that pin.

And I believe him. Yeah. Because if you go out that gently, I'm chlorforming myself every fucking night. Yeah. Yeah, Google, like, is it dangerous to chloroform yourself? Yeah. I think we've got to do this. See, I'm chloroform myself because when we're talking about sandwiches like that, my brain starts calling.

Yeah, it's not good for you, I guess. It's not good for you, but it's not the worst. Can I chlorform myself to sleep? Yeah, there you go. The next, the drop down. Yeah. A big no. Here is why, because of the high risk of the side effects, high potential for abuse, it's

not illegal sleep aid. The side effects, assuming accurate dosage, is administered, include nausea, fatigue and disease. That's not bad side effects though. Doesn't sound bad. Dizzyness. Yeah. Okay. Breathing about 900 parts, a million of air,

for a short time causes fatigue, doesn't headache. If you breathe air, eat food, or drink water, containing elevated levels, or a long period of the chlorophymmate damage, you're living. Okay, you're not gonna do it for a long period of time. No, you can do it until I'm asleep. Yeah. Well, you gotta make sure you pull it off my face right now.

It takes at least five minutes of inhaling. Five minutes of inhaling. That's a long time. They never show that in a fucking movie. Yeah, movies it's all this. Oh, you're gonna hold the guy for five fucking minutes. Yeah. Here we go, here we go.

Here we go, calm down, stop punching, stop twisting. It's going down, we're going down. How about which spray can make a person unconscious? Is there anything like that? Here we go, chloroform spray. That's on Amazon. That's we go, chloroform spray. That's on Amazon. That's on Amazon, chloroform spray. Really?

Dude, how great would it be on the sleeping end? How great would that be on a plane? If you were this guy, Hey man, where you from? Knock him out. So what do you do for a living? So let's talk sandwiches real quick. Okay, I can't get off.

I can't get off this. Wait, can you look at talk sandwiches real quick. Okay, because I can't get off. I can't get off. Wait, can you look at my image real quick that I sent, Nadov, because we saw you. Yeah. Just tell me if you would smash or pass. Okay. Just be honest. Be honest whether you would,

like just take a look and tell me whether you would do this or not. Okay. Is that it? Yeah, that was it. I don't know why it went away. Okay. Here we go.

Is that you? Yeah. Yeah, I'm smashing. Nice. I'm smashing. Did you need a dove? Hmm? Did you need a dove? Did I do a dove? No.

I would love to see what an adob looked like. I'll get an adob. I bet I'm gonna smash. I'll get an adob in any. They'll look gorgeous. I'm gonna smash any. Yeah. Mixed chick. Yeah. Like, hey, you got a nice tan. You just get back from the Bahamas.

Um, hang on, before you go to sandwiches. Oh, Dr. Dre is called. Oh, cool. Yeah, yeah, keep keep your thought. Don't forget it I need to trim my beard and there you are. Hey, Dr. Dreu. How are you? I'm good. What's going on? Um, we're doing two bears right now. I'm I'm here with Bert. We got we ordered some chloroform and is it Is it dangerous to do it to ourselves? Probably not more dangerous than what Bert already does to himself. I don't think it's quite what you imagined it is,

but let me let me look into it. I obviously don't use it anymore, but I will give you more detail. Well, Bert has this idea where he goes, I just, I had anything that follows, Bird has this idea. I'm already, I'm having chills. Yeah, well, he said he's really, he's really like, you know,

he's feeling, he's like, I wanna eat and I wanna drink and he goes, it would be great if I could just chloroform myself and then I would basically jump over those desires, and then just wake up later, and I won't have to eat and drink. Because he's like really wanting, he's craving a drink and like bad food. So he's like, one of my chlorform myself,

and is it cool that we do that, or probably not a good idea? Well, let me find out about that. But it's a horrible notion, generally, horrible idea. I mean, think about it. If it actually were to curtail addictive impulses, we would do it. Yeah.

Obviously it does not. What do you guys use now to render somebody on the way that they used to use a chlorophyll? Really, the good stuff is Michael Jackson's bill, the propa fall. Propa fall. That stuff you're out instantly. a chlorophyll. Really, the good stuff is Michael Jackson's bill, the propofoil. Propofoil. That stuff you're out instantly. You're just out. You need an anesthesiologist to administer that. We can't do that ourselves. You cannot do this. So you can get it on fucking watch a video.

Yeah, come on. Come on. 10 years ago, they were saying that squirting wasn't real. Is squirting real, Dr. Drew? Is what real? Squirting, like when you see a girl squirting all over the place. Yeah, it is mostly can be real. It can be urine.

It could be either one. It can be either one. Because some girls have said they're like I have an empty bladder and I'm still shooting this stuff out of me. It's thicker and wider when it's that. So what is it when it's that? What is it? You know, women have glandular material around the vagina that's identical to prostate gland.

And prostate is what produces your semen. And so they have kind of a semen-like secretion that they can put together once a while. Wow. Nice. Pretty cool. So it's, we're going to pass on Propefault for now, but we can go ahead and try this chloroform out, right?

You could get an anesthesiologist, I bet, to come and finish your something to you guys. My steve ofhesiologist that that's coming to the minister something to you guys i see what is done shit like that okay he's literally done it who would administer who would administer the a villain i think you did what steveo called me with this exact same same kind of notion his thing was he believed he could withstand like he could will himself out of the anesthesia. And so he had somebody administer it to him while he rode a bike. And he obviously made it about a pedal and a half and was out.

And what was he getting? Propified. Oh, propified. Oh, fuck. Did you get somebody to do it? I can we can find out who did it for Steve. Oh, and somebody could do that. It's pretty involved. Yeah. that. It's pretty involved.

Love, probably. It's pretty intense. I do, I gotta say, I love anesthesia. Right. Yeah, me too. You had a colonoscopy? Yeah, and it was like, I was ear to ear. Like, yeah, I cannot wait for this to start

just because I loved being put out. It was great. It's hard to get a colonoscopy in LA. Maybe you're just out of heaven, a colonoscopy. He just said it's hard to get a colonoscopy in LA. It's true. It is hard, but I could help him. Please.

Please, I'm gonna fucking wait. Why is it that hard to get a colonoscopy? Because there's so far behind from COVID. Hey, you know, everyone needs to get one and they're just behind behind behind. I heard their bullshit, Dr. Drew. Hey, Dr. Drew, what about stands? I take a stat. I'm glad I do it. My calcium score is 0.0. My calcium score is fucking 0.02. I got a little bit of my, am I fucking? How long ago was it that score?

Recently, recently, yes. What long ago was it that score? Recently. Recently, he says. Okay. What the fuck is, hang on, stop. What do you mean okay? I gotta, shh. It's okay. The lip and story is longer.

He's boring. I'm not gonna bother you with that. Well, that's a long story. The other thing Bert has said is that he's stronger than he's ever been, which is true. He's lifting more weights, but he's, he's also gaining weight and he wants to reduce his weight sum. But not it's, by the way, it's, it's noticeable now, right? That he's gaining weight. Yeah. It's, it's, if we can see it, we can see it now, right?

Right. Are you a doctor? So... So I have an idea, I hope you might think about, you know, Peter Atia lives right there in Austin. He does! Brilliant. Yeah, he's a brilliant longevity guy. Yeah. Have him analyze Bird for longevity issues.

This is a great idea. That sounds good, great idea. Actually, Atia is the man, and it would be awesome if three of us did one together. Yeah, he is the man, he's a great guy, and he would indulge you, I'm sure. Okay. He would know some, he would know probably

no local anesthesiologist, he wanted to keep going. Yeah, put me on with it. I'm looking to chloroform for you. I'll look into what the reality of that is. I'm sure it's not like in the movies looking to with the reality of that is I'm sure It's not like in the movies by the way. Yeah, okay. Okay. All right, Drew. Thank you so much, man We'll talk to you soon. All right You know, it's interesting when you decide to take his lab coat on and off in these conversations

You know, I actually can't answer that as a doctor birds fat as fuck That was fucking amazing I might go to I might go to rehab. Yeah Words fat as fuck. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha What does that mean? We have a- Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, wait, wait, hold on. That's a dove, that's a prince. Top left is me. Yeah, that's Chris, Larsen. Is that any right there? Bottom left is any. Yeah. Oh, and that's Chad. Well, first of all, Chad looks like Chad just with longer hair.

Yeah. And by the way, smash, smash, Chad. Yeah. Thanks, thanks. The anything is like, any looks like a fucking kind of closet slut, like a chick who's like, oh no, like I go to church and you're like, she's like, I'm a whore, I've done blow bangs, like I'm, yeah, looks like a real fucking, like a mixed Filipino black chick and she's like,

I like the fuck. Yeah, she's a slut. Is that, was that the top you're wearing right now, any? No, right, no, not right now. I mean, it's does it change your top two? No, it gave me tips though. It did. Oh my God, Larsen. I fucking this same bullshit attitude transfers. Hey, can you do, can you do Peter, my assistant? I bet that's all hard smash.

Yeah, you think so? Fuck. Yes. Yeah. Oh, and look at an adav though. Like such a fucking, like a loud, Julie broad, you know? I'm gonna do the stuff that the other girls won't. Yeah. I'm gonna do the stuff the other girls won't as well.

I love that you put your adav brain into her. What do you see how hard I work in bed? Chad doesn't look any different at all. No, he doesn't. No, he doesn't, which may seem you think I'd fuck bed. Chad doesn't look any different at all. No, he doesn't. No, he doesn't, which may seem you think I'd fuck him. Yeah. Don't know how I feel about this, but yeah. Look at that smug Larson fucking attitude.

Like, whether he's male or female, it's the same. Like, you're not coming to my birthday, okay? Like, such a fucking... It's such a great fucking hairstyle on him though. Yeah, the top is the one. Like if you had to smash who would you smash first? It's not enough. It's any, any.

Well, any's gonna fuck everybody and not tell anyone. You can just tell. And he's got a little sassy tart look on his face. It's a secret, it's a secret slot. Get Peter, do Peter, I guarantee you, fucking hard smash. Just see what true says. Well, let me see if I can get that gun Yeah

What is going on with my phone? Maybe I take a Xanax Xanax Maybe that'll be my chloroform. I'll just take a Xanax and then not fucking worried about anything Just tap the fuck out to how strong are they when you take them? Maybe that'll be my chloroform. I'll just take a Xanax and then not fucking worry about anything. Just tap the fuck out. How strong are they when you take them? 0.5? 0.25. 0.25?

Yeah. That'll work. Yeah. I mean, it just turns my brain off. A little bit. A little bit enough to like, enough that I don't feel it. Like, I don't feel like,

ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo But you go like, oh, okay, I'm not thinking anymore. I don't have panic thoughts. I got to fucking fly home tonight. I don't want to fucking fly home. Why not? I just hate planes. I have my dreams unless I drink. And then when I drink, I'm like, this isn't that bad. Listen to music. But you're gonna get a cheeseburger and have a whiskey at the airport,

so you'll be all right. My mouth is, how about this? How about this? No food. One whiskey. Okay. One whiskey before takeoff, maybe a whiskey in there and then call it a day.

Okay, it's not bad. It's not that bad. It's not that bad. Eat something now before you just let us. Before you leave. Karen and onion. It's woody hair, it's the style. It's woody hair, it's the style.

Okay. I'm gonna go raw. I got nothing going on this week. Let's see how long I can do it. I, okay, no booze, let's see how long I can do it, okay? I, I, I, I, raw. I got nothing going on this week. Let's see how long I can go. Like, okay, no booze. Let's see how long I can do it, okay? I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I,'t stop it. I understand. I wonder if there's people, like I know that, like, it must be exhausting to listen to me talk, because I'm all over the fucking map, and I'm probably the loose people, but one of the people that connect with me and they go, I am right there with you, Bert.

For sure there are. Uh, alright, I got nothing tomorrow. Ah, fucking cunt. What? Oh, fucking cunt, cunt. What? Oh, fucking cunt. What? What is it? God damn it.

I agreed to something that I should never agree to. On Friday? On fucking Sunday, on Monday, really. So like on Sunday I gotta fly out to somewhere. You have to fly again. All right. Not as hot as I thought he'd be. Alright. Not as hot as I thought he'd be. Well, also he looks completely fake.

Yeah. Like that looks like a plastic face. It looks like potoxed. Yeah. And by the way, I kind of wanted his real hair, like the hair he has. Yeah. And his hands look so fucking big. The key is not having your hands in it.

Yeah. Because there's like a party like, go, is this chicken dude? This chicken is deeply insecure with that much plastic on her face, which means that she is doing some super slutty shit for you. Do Victoria. I wonder what happens when you do a check. Do they use some powder?

Sometimes they just look like. I'm hitting double numbers a lot when I'm looking up at the thing. So Lynn Coplitz tells me we're talking about porn. She said, have you watched Massage porn? Massage. Massage porn. And I said, no, she said it's real videos of dudes giving chicks massages

and then getting them to like fingering them and giving them orgasms and she goes it's the hottest thing out. But it's real videos? No. It's porn. She said it's real. She said it's real videos. Okay. So I think she sends me one and I'm like it's it's pretty fucking hot. Because you're watching a dude for real seduce a girl and then you're watching her signal to him. Yeah. So hold on, I'll send you, we can do it.

That's a cool image to see at work. Go ahead. But it's like, the chick will be like, like it's interesting, like he'll be rubbing her leg, and then you'll watch him like signal to him, like she'll open her leg up a little more. Yeah. Or like she'll open her hand.

You don't need his choreographed porn? Well, the one she sent me, I was like, I was like, it looked fucking so real. And you're like, wow, I think, I really think this guy does this. Yeah. Do you have it? Actually, no, hang on.

No, I don't have it, but what I have, what I have, so then on porn hub, so I'm gonna watch it, and then on porn hub, I start getting these. I'll send you this one to dov, and you'll go, never mind. On porn hub, I start looking for them again, and then on porn hub, they just have straight up massages,

like people getting massaged, that's it. There's no fucking, you only see tit, it's just massage, right in massage. Jesus. And it's just, those ones are fucking clearly, that no, I can just type in massage, that don't just massage. And it's just guys giving girls massages.

And I'm not seeing that one yet. That's not hang on. I'm not gonna see if I can. These not seeing that one yet. I'm not seeing that one yet. I'm not seeing that one yet. I'm not seeing that one yet. I'm not seeing that one yet. I'm not seeing that one yet. I'm not seeing that one yet.

I'm not seeing that one yet. I'm not seeing that one yet. I'm not seeing that one yet. I'm not seeing that one yet. I'm not seeing that one yet. I'm not seeing that one yet. I'm not seeing that one yet. I'm not seeing that one yet.

I'm not seeing that one yet. I'm not seeing that one yet. I'm not seeing that one yet. I'm not seeing that one yet. I'm not seeing that one yet. I'm not seeing that one yet. I'm not seeing that one yet. I'm not seeing that one yet. I'm not seeing that one yet. I'm not seeing that one yet. I'm not seeing that one yet. I'm like, and I'm like, so wait, I'm just watching women get massage. I think the actual real skill set is finding that video on this site,

because- Yeah, that seems hard. Yeah. Hold on, I can find it. Really? I can find it, because it's got to- You're not thinkin' here looks close to that.

I mean, blacked. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Did not expect this she's like I just came to give you a massage. What's going on here? All right, that's interesting now all them are coming up with just fucking straight up pussy rubbing How do you go into your history? Oh boy, okay Here we go. Oh, you found one? Yeah, and it's, this is the kind I've been looking at, and it's just, hold on. Skip ad. Let me see, let me make sure this is one. Okay.

Yeah, I think this is one. This is like, you think this is a real video? This is it, this is one. This is like... You think this is a real video? This is it. This is it. Okay, you ready? So here, how do I tax it to you in the dove? Is it possible for you to air drop?

You can just copy the link and tax it to my number. And then I'll figure it out from there. There you go. That's nice music. This is so cool. Oh, we found a nice massage, but is this a real massage? So it's just massages. Okay.

And I got, now that's all in my algorithm and all I get are massages. And it's like, so I can't find the ones where they fuck anymore because all the ones, they're like, no, no, no, no, you don't like this. You like that. You like massages. And then I'm like, no, I'm not like a fucking

trying to learn how to be a masseuse. And it's like, he pulls her panties down, but he doesn't touch her at all. And you're like, what the fuck are we doing here? But he does take her panties off. He like pulls them down to her, like he's trying to get in her back. Yeah.

But it's like, it's fucking, but the fucking hot ones are there, these, it's like a subtle one. And you're watching the check signal to them. It's so interesting, because that's the sexy part of the fucking video. It was watching the check like go like this and then go like in one she went like this.

She rubbed her tip and then immediately he's like, it's on. And you're like, oh, this is what you do. If I was a masseuse. So this is your lane or this is a lens lane? A little bit of a lens, by the way, sorry, Linn if I'm blowing up your spot. I don't know if you told me this privately.

I can't remember what people tell me privately and don't tell me privately. Yeah, that's the thing with you. Um, okay. It's taking me minutes to send it to myself. Okay. But it's funny because I'm, I'm, of all the porn stuff I've been into,

it's always the, like I, it, it, it, it pushed so hard left that just to get it back to center a little bit where you see something normal. Yeah. Where you, that you would do, that, that's what I'm looking for. I told you, Leanne and I are fucking killing it right now, right? You did say that. I mean, I don't know what the fuck's going on.

It's like fucking really out there. Did I tell you about it? Never mind. I shouldn't do this. Okay. I should leave some stuff private. The fuck's wrong with me. Yeah.

Yeah. Um, do you like watching car accident videos? No, I do not. You don't watch like dash cam stuff. No. Right. I saw one in Tallahassee. This is a cool, I mean, that's a coolest accident.

But they two cops pulled over to young black youths. Yeah. And they're on like the I-10. And one of the fucking car, they're gonna tow the car so one of the cars, like one of the things on the side is a truck with a ramp so they pull cars up and someone didn't see the ramp and drove up it and fucking Duke's eyes were lifted off the fucking ramp.

Really? Yeah. The type of, you can type, Caryx and Tallahassee, you'll see it. You got it? I've seen these, there's these videos where, I've seen like these dash cam things, where it's like, oh, this accident,

and then all the sudden, the algorithm showed cars in accidents tearing apart and people flying out of the cars. I've never seen those until like the last couple of weeks. Let's see. Here's a, yeah. Sure. Like, what the fuck?

Right, the car just came apart. You can come out of your car like that? Yeah, dude, like look at this. This is insane. It's like going sideways and then it just completely, and then people are just, It sounds crazy, but it looks like that person's okay. Yeah, they're fine.

I'd rather that that happened to me than, man, rather than that, I'd rather that. They're both okay, yeah. They're okay. Oh my God. Isn't that wild though? That's fucking good. I've never seen anything like that. I've heard of people flying out of the park. Yeah? That's fucking. I've never seen anything like that.

I've heard of people flying out the car. Yeah, me too, but I've never seen someone flying out of the car. Yeah, this one is insane. This car goes boom. Car just goes into fucking pieces here. And then that's a that dude is just. That guy's not okay. He's all right.

Now. He just went into a transformer. Yeah, he just can't imagine. No, he's not okay. I can't let this show much misfortune. No, he's okay. Hold on one second, hold on one second. That's proved there's a God.

That's proved that God got bored as fuck one day. And this guy did something horrible. Oh my gosh. And then he goes, hold on, you don't't Tom, you do not hit a transformer after a fucking after a fucking car crash. Your body goes into a fucking electrical transformer. Yeah. Tom, Tom, there's no fucking way that you hit a pole. You then hit another car. Your car flips, you fly out of the car, 20 feet of the air and land in a fucking electrical transformer. Yeah, I love that the caption says,

you can see the driver and the passenger when they get out of the damaged vehicle, they don't get out of it. They are thrown from it. Well, I mean, there's no power line. There either there's no God or there's proof there's a God. That guy flies out and he hits an electrical transformer. That's like out of Deadpool.

It's like a Deadpool. It's wild. Yeah. And past part, he's okay. Holy fuck. Oh my God. Yeah, these, I watch these for like hours. I try to send the good ones to the dove. That's crazy. That's fucking crazy. You've ruined my algorithm. I have. Yeah,

cause it's either this or the stuff that I send you to make you upset. And now all my algorithm is made. Oh my God, I'm getting upset. Jesus Christ, I gotta get on a fucking plane that's going 600 miles an hour. Yeah. Okay. Well, I found the porn.

Okay. Let's take a quick look at the porn. Oh, that's nice. She's cool. Okay, I still have signal right there. But you think this is real, dude? This is not like a... No, but that's the point.

Is this just a massage? He does the whole thing, it's just an actual massage. Scroll, scroll, watch, scroll, watch. Scroll. Okay. He never fucks her. Scroll, he just massages her. Um...

No, no, no, scroll. He never fucks her, he just massages her. No, no, no, no, scroll. He never fucks her. He just messages her. Like he rubs her ass, but he never fucks her, never fingers her. He just messages her. It's just a fucking full, scrolled way at the end. You'll see he never fucks her. He just rubs her body. I got you, I got you. It's like, what the fuck are we doing here? Yeah

It's like is this really a massage tutorial? Okay, get it. Let me see where he fucks her So there's no no, she's like a little higher on my neck. Please little higher on my neck. We don't even see your tits Look at this. He just go. Okay okay your neck for you a busy day at work Get to the end score all the way to the end. She's still in the same position his dick never comes out We just watched it dude massage his chick. Yeah, yeah, it's fucking pointless But you said you like this no now go to this go to the fucking hot ones what are the scroll into the scroll into the ones So put massage, but see it's the subtle ones massage

Okay, it's like the subtle ones were that's pretty subtle there Okay, go to the okay bottom right bottom right bottom right bottom right bottom right bottom right I bet that's a subtle one subtle watch and I'm like to Right, I bet that's a subtle one. Settle. Watch. And I didn't look to you, subtle one. Okay, hang on. So like, yeah, there's a towel on there.

So get me there, scrolls, get me there. He's like, hey, I'm just giving you a back rub. Okay. Just pouring a gallon of oil on. It's the signal. Yeah. The signal's the hardest part. Like when like, I mean, her ass her assholes in this video her actual ass hole

Is it right now she hasn't signaled him? Okay, she hasn't let him know it's an animalistic instinct Where the where the woman's body will say it needs to be this way I Mean he's pulling her ass apart pre right now. She doesn Right now she doesn't know what that looks like. She doesn't know what that looks like. Here's Scroosh. Hold on. Hold on.

No, okay. Do you see her butt raised? Yeah. That's a signal. I see the signal. Yeah, he's aggressively rubbing her clit right now. No, I think that's sort of in a leg. My dick's going to be right.

Oh, okay, that's a shot. Your dick's getting hard? Nope. I, that's a shot. Your dick's getting hard? Nope. Okay. I mean, is that a cool massage technique? That's a signal signal signal signal signal signal. She's signaling for sure. Ladies, and that's the signal that's a signal.

Jesus Christ, if that's how massage is worked, I'd be a fucking masseuse. Yeah. Well, that's a signal. It's another signal. This isn't playing in the lobby, is it? Sure is. Oh, fucking I have employees in there.

Can we turn this off? Yeah, we got to see it end. Yeah, I see the end of the video. That's a signal. Signal. Yeah. Oh, there he goes. He finished the signal everywhere.

He didn't even take his pants off. What is he? Owen Gray. He's at work, dude. Oh, that was pipe him Yeah, you know Whitney told me what I'm gonna paraphrase if I'm wrong Whitney said that when a girl says to come on her face. Yeah, that's so she can be in control to make sure you don't come inside her She has no woman really likes to become on the face, but she likes to know

You're not coming inside me and this is a way for me to be in control because the guy here is that, he's like, oh, you want that? And then I can't have fuck face. Yeah, that's what I want. And that's what I want. It's really just dumb coming inside. Just don't come inside me. I don't want your stupid sperm inside my body and then I have one of your dumb babies.

So you go, Rilla, why don't you just come on my face on my test and then I get to watch your fucking idiot face fall for it. It's going, you like that? You like that? I think that's fucking cool. Yeah, that is true. Yeah.

I've always ignored that direction. I always ignored it. And then I come in my face. You're like, I'll just come inside you as a gentleman. As a gentleman would do. Well, I'm not doing that. That's disrespectful. And then, where did you just come?

I go, where do you think dummy? Okay. Okay. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. That's a funny fucking prank. Yeah. Wait, this next time, hey guys, next time, it's called the two, it's called the two bears' jook, okay?

Next time you're having sexual check, just pretend to come inside them and be like, oh, and then you can just come, just like it's a two bears' jook and then go back at it. And then you go back at it, yeah. And then come on their face. There you go. Dumbard! And send us a video. Yeah, and send us a video.

If you can make a porn like that, hey, for real, somebody's gonna make that porn. Someone make that porn. Yeah. There's someone that'll make a porn like that, hey, for real. Somebody's gonna make that porn. There's somebody that'll make that porn. Okay, even if you're a porn star, it's a, it's a, it's a, make that porn for us, please. Please. All right, we gotta run.

Oh, fuck, I gotta fly. It's 145. Yeah. My flight leaves it to. You'll make it. All right, guys, I love you Tommy. I love you Tommy over to bye No scripts to beat a booze amateur, Fatology, dirty jokes, Rancho Hibber, no apologies.

Here's what we call, Two Bears One Cave.