2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer - Fun With Foreign Slurs | 2 Bears, 1 Cave

Episode Date: June 30, 2025

SPONSORS: - Engines roar, the city comes alive — it’s NASCAR’s ultimate street race in Chicago! Get your tickets now at https://NASCAR.com for a weekend to remember. - Use code BEARS at https://monarchmoney.com in your browser for 50% your first year. - Get started at https://factormeals.com/bears50off and use code bears50off to get 50 percent off plus FREE shipping on your first box. This week on 2 Bears 1 Cave, Tom checks in on Bert’s intestine surgery and his new commitment to being loud, red, and barely alive. The Bears cover everything from Hellcats to Titanic cowards, and disgusting public behavior. They spiral into career-ending scandals — Ray Rice, Aaron Hernandez, Mel Gibson, Michael Jackson, and Hitler — and debate whether being talented enough erases your crimes. Plus: the Oceangate sub disaster, a fisherman who supposedly ate his friend, and a fascinating discussion about racist costumes, slurs, and Bert turning purple in a sauna. Also: plutonium, bad names, the lady versions of both bears, and how throwing your wife through a window could be noble. Classic Bear chaos. 2 Bears, 1 Cave Ep. 295 https://tomsegura.com/tour https://www.bertbertbert.com/tour https://store.ymhstudios.com Chapters 00:00:00 - Intro 00:00:58 - DMV Hotties & Beefing With Kids 00:10:07 - Women & Children First 00:17:53 - Shame, Mel Gibson, & Lance Armstrong 00:24:57 - Famous People Committing Crimes 00:35:32 - Would You Rather? 00:39:13 - War Documentaries 00:44:48 - Slurs In Other Languages 00:53:44 - Names & The Studio Beef 00:59:11 - Japan & Uranium 01:05:08 - Lady Bert Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

100% cute. Yeah, we are back. We are in Los Angeles. We're doing Two Bears, One Cave. Everybody's dying to know, how do you feel after having 16 feet of your intestines removed? Red.

I feel really red today. You do? That's crazy. God, I'm red today. Like I know I get shipped for being red a lot. But man, I just got out of the sauna, just got out of the gym, and I'm red today like I know I get shit for being red a lot Yes, yeah, but man I am I just got out of the sauna just got out of the gym and I'm like I am looking at myself In the mirror as I walked past. Yeah Today's a rough one for me Well, you know there's a thing about being red is like you can fight it or you can lean in like what about getting redder?

You know, I mean, yeah and just get so red that people go they don't even notice anymore. Yeah exactly. Like why fight it? Yeah also reds are good. I think you look good with red. Can I tell you I'm always amazed that like when you feel fat and disgusting and then you're on an airplane and you see someone really fat and disgusting and then you go how do you feel? Like I'm not as bad as you. I didn't get a seatbelt extender. You look disgusting. The real place where you kind of, you find,

you find kind of your place in society is when you go to like a hotel pool. You know what I mean? And so, cause at first you're like, I'm a piece of shit. I'm the fucking grossest. And you see a couple like fitness bodies and you're like, I'm a piece of shit. I'm the fucking grossest. And you see a couple like fitness bodies and you're like, oh my God, like that's what we're supposed to look like,

this fucking perfect human. Then some fucking pig waddles down and like has trouble kicking their slippers off. And you see the rolls just hanging and you're like, this is the grossest person at the pool and then you you kind of smile you're like that person's way grosser than me and you know exactly your status because there's always like a couple gorgeous people and then there's just a few animals that you go like nice I'm glad they're here too they should make their

you know how they have like they have like those vacation spots for singles and for swingers. Yeah. They should make one for couples wanting to feel better about themselves. Yeah. Where it's just my 600 pound life people. Yeah and you go there and you're like. You go on vacation there and you just you're like they're like hey you can go on the zipline not everyone else can but you can. It's just a vacation place for you. I mean, I honestly, if you're around enough gross people, especially at a pool, you will stand up a little straighter. You'll be like, I'm not that bad.

I'm actually pretty good. Can I tell you, Tom, I know that I don't really read comments, but I know that people say me and you are out of touch and that we've changed. And I would fight that tooth and nail. I am the same Burt you've known since day one, since day one when I was doing the Dayton Funny Bone. And then the other day I went to the DMV and I realized I have not been around these people in a very long time.

Different huh? I am out of touch. That is America. That is shut down the 101 and throw a brick at a cop America. That is not who I see on a daily basis. Not, I have, I was like, I am the healthiest person in this room. I've showered the most in this room.

I've brushed my teeth the most in this room. The DMV is fucking scary, Tom. It kind of boosted you up. I went, I haven't been in a, I went last year and it's, you know, yeah, it's just sitting there waiting for your number to get called. And you're just looking around that room. It is the, it's the bottom of the barrel, dude. I mean, that's America, Tom.

Yeah, it is. Like most you go to our shows, our shows are cultured, high-end top level of the Titanic Americans, I mean we've got if you're listening to this right now you are fucking killing it in life Just you are thing if you're listening if you're watching this you might be you know touch Go if you're listening to this. Yeah, you are a one percenter in my opinion. I Like that. It feels good. Yeah, you know what even if you're not yourself. Just tell yourself you are a one percenter in my opinion. I like that. It feels good. Yeah. You know what?

Even if you're not, just tell yourself you are. You're a one percenter. And if right now you're going, no, no, no, no, no, bird. I'm having a rough day. I feel like I'm overweight. I don't, I maybe I'm not achieving everything. Go to the DMV and look around and go, wow, you know what? I am fucking killing it.

It's not that bad. That's what you leave there thinking. It's not that bad. What I've got going on. I really was, I got a DMV appointment and I was like, you know what, I am fucking killing it. It's not that bad. That's what you leave there thinking. It's not that bad what I've got going on. I really was, I got a DMV appointment and I was like, I was like nice. Cause you know, I always try to like make sure that I'm grounded in life, you know? I was like nice.

I got a DMV appointment, I'm going to the DMV. I'm just fucking, hey, if Tom Cruise goes to the DMV, I go to the DMV. And the second I got there, I was like, how do I pay to get out of this? How much do I need to pay? There's like a backdoor situation there. I got offered it and I didn't take it.

You didn't take it? I didn't take it because I was like, you know what? Not like cancel culture shit of like, if people found out. I was like, I was like, if I just, it really, I think that's when I don't, that's when I'm no longer in touch. Yeah. And let me tell you, Tom, let me just so we're clear, I did all the steps to take it. Yeah. And then bailed.

And then the second I got there, I was like, I'm not doing this. Really? Oh yeah. You bailed? I bailed. And then now you're going to do the celebrity way? No, no, I fucking did it I had to just get my license renewed and now I got to go back and I was I could have done the fucking

and now I got to go back and do in November and get my license renewed because I didn't do the Celebrity way, do you know I you know when I found out about it when I moved here when I moved here. I had some appointment to go to for the DMV and somebody I worked with was like oh yeah I can facilitate like the the back doorway and I was like really here and they're like oh that's right no not in Texas I can do it in California I was like oh okay. Oh there's there's even know about it. Isla you know Isla's failed the

driver's exam like eight times. Seriously? Oh yeah, she buddy, she shouldn't drive. I don't think she should ever. You know what she said the other day? She goes, you know what, maybe I won't drive a car. Maybe I'll just get a motorcycle. I was like, baby, that's even worse. Yeah, no, that's not good.

Yeah, she was like, maybe, you know what car she wants? She wants a Hellcat. Oh, perfect. Is she dating a D1 college football player right now? No, she wants a d1 college football player right now? Yeah, no She wants a purple hellcat Is she is she dating someone that plays for georgia? I have no idea what's wrong with this kid. We're in a fight right now because I I got in her shit at georgia's birthday and you got in her shit. I got I we got into an argument

I mean, it's like it's so stupid, but she was like ge like George's like I'll you know, you're moving into a house next year What's the it started with Georgia turned 21? So we went up and surprised Georgia for 21st birthday and I said Georgia. What's the first drink? You're gonna drink now at a bar that you can order, you know, what's what are you excited to order? And she said I've always wanted to order a martini, but you know, when you're underage, getting a martini is really difficult. So like, you know, you can have a beer, you can have a jacking Coke, you can have a rum and Coke, you can have a porous and soda. If you're underage, you have a porous and soda. But, you know, getting a martini is like something you need to go to a bar and order. Yeah. And so she said, I really want, I really want a martini. And I was like,

really? She goes, I want a martini. They look so good with a, with a blue cheese olive in it. And I was like, well, you maybe we'll go get a martini with blue cheese olive. And then she pivoted. She goes, Isla, you got in the kitchen next year. This would be the first time you have a kitchen. What is it? What are you excited to make? And Isla goes, eggs. This fucking child has never eaten an egg in her life. I've tried to cook her an egg for 18 years. Never once has she allowed me to, I doubt I hate eggs. As a matter of fact, the name of our chat thread, our group chat thread with my family is,

I swear to God, Isla hates eggs. That's the name of the chat thread. And I said, you're gonna make a fucking egg. And I was a little hungover and I was a little aggressive and I like goes yo calm down and I was like no I'm not gonna calm down I've never seen you make an egg I've never seen you eat an egg and you're telling me you can make an egg and she was like dad it's easy and I was like bullshit she was like dad anyone can make an egg and so then the other day I was like hey why don't you bring those

superpowers over here make me an egg she goes scrambled I go no no no no no no over easy she goes no no all I can goes, scrambled? I go, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Over easy. She goes, no, no, all I can do is scrambled. I go, a fucking monkey can make a scrambled egg. I go, make me a fucking egg. And so we're fighting right now about eggs. Over the eggs, wow. Yeah.

That was pretty intense. No, dude. It's like if you're a kid all of a sudden, you know that you know your children. Yeah. Right? Yes. And if Ellis just walked in to the living room and he's like, Hey dad, put on ice skating. I love ice skating. And you're like, wait,

when did you start watching ice skating? He goes, I've watched my whole life. You just haven't paid attention. Dude, I, you know what just happened? I was like, Hey, let's, um, let's watch Star Wars because I've tried to get them. He goes, fuck no, no, no. I go, why? He goes, I hate that shit. I don't want to watch it. And I go, it's awesome why? He goes, I hate that shit. I don't wanna watch it. And I go, it's awesome. And he goes, I don't wanna see it. I just don't want to.

And I'm like pleading and pleading, and I'm like, dude, they're awesome movies. Like, let's just start with the original and we'll go through it. It's like, no, I hate it. You know what, let's just not watch anything. I go, dude, how about watch 15 minutes? And if you don't like it after 15 minutes, we'll watch some of it. You know what, let's just not watch anything. I go, dude, how about watch 15 minutes? And if you don't like it after 15 minutes,

we'll watch some, oh God. I'm like, come on, man. Fine. So I put it on and like 10 minutes in, Julien's like, this is cool. And I go, yeah. And then Ellis goes, yeah, they're all pretty good. I've seen them all.

And I go, what? He goes, yeah, I watched them over at my friend's house. I go, I thought you said it was the worst thing ever. He's like, no, it's pretty rad. They're they're all pretty good. I've seen them all and I go what he goes. Yeah, I watched them over at my friend's house I go I think says the worst thing ever. He's like, no, it's pretty rad. They're pretty cool I go what the fuck is this man? Like you just told me you don't want to like it's all You know, mr. X and I'm like wait, so you've seen these he's like, yes, you know I go and you like them. It was the other generations Tom. They're not like they're not like our generation Okay, we had, we had dignity. It's like the people on the Titanic, Tom.

They said women and children first, and the men just died with dignity. They got dressed up and they died. Do you think our generation, do you think the generation right now, like let's look at Zolo. If Zolo's on the Titanic, do you think Zolo would be like, no, no, no, no, Heather first, I'm gonna die? No, he'd push all the women in. Do you think Eni's gonna be like-

Not a chance. Not a fucking chance, Eni's gonna be like, I'm black, I go first. No, Eni would step on someone's neck and be like, I've done my work, we've suffered enough. He'd do one of those and then- And he would throw a rock at a window and be like, get me in.

Yeah, no. He'd be like, he'd be like, those and then he would throw a rock in a window and be like get me in yeah no he'd be like he'd be like mm-hmm here we go again no he would definitely like fucking white ass shit right here Oh, he's like. How do you think Eni would react if a white guy that looked like Halston was like, so sorry, so sorry, women and children first? Wait, what was the question? How do you think Eni would react if a white guy that looked like Halston was really white? Halston's the whitest thing you can get. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And not physically intimidating. What would Eni say? What would Eni, if Halston went, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Hey, we're in the children's box. The first thing he would say is a word we're not allowed to say, and then he would go, fuck out of the way. And then he would just jump on that life raft.

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in real life, you know? I don't know, really? But it's Titanic showing up everywhere on my feed, everywhere. So I've been seeing a lot of Titanic stuff. Where it's June, what is it, was it a bit in June? It was cold, so not. Yeah, I would think that it's. They had icebergs.

When did it sink? April? Try it, I don't know. They're looking it up. Maybe you're right. April 14th. That was April, yeah, okay. So 1912, so the guy that was like,

his dad created the White Line. What was it called? The White Line cruise ships. The guy that started it, his name was like, his son was the chief financial officer. His name was like Bruce Ursay or something. And at the very end, Tom, he gets on a boat. Like at the very end, their last boat to go in the water,

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Hydro.com code word bears. Dudes on. They say, are there any more women? There's no more women. And he just, and he is the chief financial officer of all these boats. And he hops on and they call him the Bruce Ismay. And they know they call him the coward of the Titanic. And it ruined his life

That it would have been better for him to die than to live that life really I keep it Destroyed him it just because he should have gone down with his ship he stayed The idea that the idea with every man that survived the Titanic was how did you? Get on a boat and so a lot of guys lied and said no I jumped in the, how did you get on a boat? And so a lot of guys lied and said, no, I jumped in the water and then swam to a boat. A lot of guys lied. But then a couple guys like this guy and-

Well, let's hear, let's park here. So it says, after the disasters, May was savaged by both the American and British press for deserting the ship while women and children were still on board. They called him a coward of the Titanic, suggested that the white star flag be changed to a yellow liver. Some ran negative cartoons depicting him deserting the ship. Some maintained Ismay followed the women and children principle first, having assisted many women and children himself.

His actions were defended in the official British inquiry which found Mr. Ismay after rendering assistance to many passengers, found, see collapsed the last boat on the starboard side actually being lowered. No other people were there at that time. There was room for him and he jumped in. Had he not jumped in, he would have merely been one more added life lost. Wow. But they, they still trashed him, huh? Oh, they destroyed, it ruined his life. He went out, he ended up, I think they kicked him out of this company that his dad started. His dad started the White Line, or whatever it's called, and they kicked him out. He ended up donating a lot of money and being a good guy.

He ended up moving to some farm in Ireland and fishing the rest of his life. He died from diabetes. But my point is it's it raises a question of like Is life worth living if you're looked at In shame for the rest of those years you get to live. That's a good question. Actually, that's like a really deep philosophical question. I mean I'm sure especially in that time to have been him was probably brutal from 1914 to 1937 when he died. That's a long time to get trashed, right?

But it's almost like, I don't know, how much did he enjoy the rest of his life? I don't think any. Really? Because, yeah, because he loved to compromise life. He couldn't do what he loved doing, which is the way he's autistic I think so he like he loved numbers he loved working like and you know with numbers and stuff and I mean with numbers some people just like numbers yeah I don't know I think he's

pretty awesome I think he was autistic yeah I just there's my read on him but uh but like so like I Was trying to equivalent it to like our life, right? Yeah, and I was like, how would we? What if you made? You met you you is life worth living if you have to live in shame like say say you get on a plane, right? And the plane crashes and you're like fucking I'm out you ever seen that movie where the guy there's it's like a French movie and they're on the Swiss Alps and there's an avalanche and the guy fucking panics and

goes and shuts the door on his family no I don't think I have no oh they read that's a right that's a rough one yes and then the family just dies in the avalanche no the avalanche doesn't make it to them and they live but they know that their dad was gonna let them die that's pretty great that's pretty it's not a comedy no it is I think it is I mean they made it with Will Ferrell and and the girl from Seinfeld Julie Louise Dreyfus. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah but tourists that it force majeure I think so that's the original all right so that's crazy it's like would you be willing to die so that you didn't have

shame I guess it depends man I look, what you're talking about is why a lot of people unalive themselves. People unalive themselves to not deal with immense shame all the time. So that's a real thing. There was that comic that I guess had some essays. I like that we've changed our language to- Well, you kind of have to, to just, yeah, of have to. People always ask why is this bleeped?

Why'd you say it this way? It's so that it stays up otherwise they'll take you down. He had some alleged essays that they were gonna dub you about in an NP. Okay. Not that anyone reads NP's anymore but I'm sure that the I would have gotten a hold of it and put it on YT and it would have just F'd him in the A up and down. Uh huh. So what did he do? He, uh, he essayed, no, he didn't essay himself. He, uh, art himself.

No, he K'd himself. He wait, he unalived himself. He did? Yeah. He, he unalived himself. No, he k'd himself. He wait. He unalived himself. He did. Yes young live himself Oh, he was like a he was like a really good kid and he was he was he was an AA Mm-hmm. No, I mean a B but an AA. Yeah. Okay. Oh, I know who this is. Yeah He was a A C. Yep Okay, I think at this point there's people in their cars just going, the fuck is happening here?

So, yeah. Yeah. They're like, I don't speak. African American comic. Yeah. But he, allegedly he unalived himself because... Shame. He didn't want to deal with like the Me Too movement.

I mean, that's... That's allegedly. I don't know the whole story, but that's what I heard. Yeah. Yeah. It's rough, man. Yeah, so you're, I mean, but the real don't know I don't know the whole story, but that's what I heard. Yeah. Yeah, it's it's rough, man Yeah, so you're I mean, but the real question is like, you know, how much shame are you willing to deal with? God that's a good question Yeah, I mean can can you look past the shame and just start enjoying sunsets again? but I mean that this is Something that a lot of people

have had to weigh in their own lives. Yeah. I think the shame hurts the most if you're someone who never got it, who never got it, and then all of a sudden the shame shows up, and you're like, oh, the accolades are gone, and now I just have shame. Yeah, and it's happened to some very notable people, you know?

Like who? Like, I know it's had to happen to athletes. Well, the first person I thought of actually was like Mel Gibson. Lance Armstrong. Yeah, I mean, I think they're both following that for different reasons, but like Mel was super celebrated, you know?

Like highly respected, you know, like highly respected. Um, I mean, a legit bonafide movie star. And then he had these like drunken rants saying wild shit and it totally changed people's perception. And there's a lot of public shame in something like that. Um, and then with Lance, yeah, it was like, I've never taken anything. I've never, and you know, then it comes out that he had taken everything. And there was big shame for both of them.

Yeah. By the way, what's, can I tell you what's crazy is both of them, it never, never bothered me. No. No. I, you know, I ran into Mel Gibson and was like, Oh, I fucking love you, dude. You're a hero. Yeah. If I ran into Lance Armstrong, I'd be like, think you know, I ran into Mel Gibson and was like, oh fucking love you dude. You're a hero Yeah, yeah, if I ran in lamps Armstrong, I'd be like think I mean

Okay Argument sake and and hopefully one day we get Lance on the podcast. I would love to have him as a guest bear I would love to but like think of all the good Lance did and he was he was only doing what everyone was doing at The time well, that is true I ran into him once really? Mm-hmm. Not in Austin is true. I ran into him once. Really? Not in Austin.

I was in Colorado and he was in a restaurant. Did you say hi to him? Did I say hi to him? I kind of like, not really, like he did one of those like, somebody else I knew, knew him and they spoke and then he was like, this time, he was like, hi. Like it was real real quick. It wasn't Wasn't like an actual You know conversation we had you look like you're real happy with Mel though

Where's oh, yeah. Yeah, I'm dude. I I mean I and what Mel Gibson is done for cinema is I think you know I think it's a tit-for-tat with what he's done for bad things like hey sweet tits, okay, I'll take it for apocalypto. Yeah. Apocalypto is pretty great. I mean, if you're going to say like one drunken racist filled phone message for all the lethal weapons, come on. Yeah. Okay, gotcha.

It's a good exchange. I know. Yeah. If you kind of- Let's do it. Let's do it. Let's do it. Okay. Let's take a look at our careers and see what we could get away with That will be worth it. Okay It is directly proportionate into what you've given for sure. Yes, Lance Armstrong it how many people did he help with cancer? God who knows I mean it's a lot infinite an infinite amount of people

Yeah, he helped through his cancer society or whatever he had. Yeah Right, and and what did he like so he said some wild stuff, right? He helped through his cancer society or whatever he had. Yeah. Right? And what did he, like, so he said some wild stuff, right? No, I mean, he cheated, whatever, he was doping. Everybody was doping. Everyone was doping. Tit for tat, there we go. Can you hit Christina?

Think about your body of work, okay? You got how many specials out there? Five, soon be it'll be six and six you're shooting in November you're gonna shoot your sixth special in Wisconsin yeah okay now let's just put this out there okay so many people have gone through loss and hardship and heartbreak and depression and probably thought to themselves maybe I should unalive myself today and then they saw ball hog and they went,

you know what, I'm gonna give it another day. And then who knows how that person's just keeping themselves alive has changed so many people for good. Is it worth you punching Christina one time? Yeah, I mean, are we talking about like a direct hit? Like, you know, like a square in the face kind of thing? Like a Ray Rice.

Okay, let's do Ray Rice. Hold on. Yeah. Hang on. This is a fucking, this is a fun game. It is a fun game. Well, he, but he, they decided his body of work wasn't sufficient. I know.

He got completely blacklisted. And I, can I tell you who got fucked the hardest on that? His wife. Yeah. Not only did she get punched, she lost her Mercedes, she lost her house, she lost all her jewelry. She fucking, I mean, she got fucked the most. What?

Is she still with him? I don't know, that's a great question. If she is, motherfucker. She's the realest one ever, yeah. She is. If she is, she deserves an award and a scholarship. Yeah, they are. They and a scholarship. Yeah, they are. They're still married.

Yeah. Yeah, that is crazy. It is, cause like, if that had been Tom Brady, they'd be like, you know, people lose their temper, man. What are you gonna do? It just happens. Yeah. She probably was saying some wild shit.

Yeah, definitely. I think Gronk could have gotten away with it Yeah for a while man, that would have been It's a big guy Aaron Hernandez had played five more years. Do you think he could have killed those people and got away with it? That's the thing is like multiple murders He just killed one dude. I Think it was more not and himself. He unalived himself

Yeah, but I think it was more. And himself. He unalived himself. Yeah, but I think other people, like they pinned that first one on, but then they didn't they end up tying other ones to him? I don't know. I didn't really pay attention. That's why I shouldn't talk about stuff like this, because I don't really know any of the information. I'm just kind of like, all I know about Aaron Hernandez is he unalived himself with soap. He was acquitted in a double murder. Okay. Well, you're right. He was convicted of one. Yeah. But it's like, it's like you look at like, you could, you think you could get away with hitting the end? No, I can't. I'm not good enough. No, no.

I think if the machine had performed a little bit better in box offices. Yeah. If it was like a huge box office, if it had made like a hundred million dollars, you're fine. Easy. I don't even know if I'd be with her today. Summer is here. More sun, more light, more time to do all the things that make summer so special. And the number one thing you don't want to have to be doing all summer, spending hours cooking inside. That's where factor comes in. Factors, chef crafted, dietitian-approved meals are ready in just two minutes, taking all the hassle out of eating well. Factor meals arrive fresh and ready to eat, perfect for any active lifestyle over summer and beyond. With 45

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these big celebrities, like we were talking about that the other day, when you think back on like Michael Jackson, he's so talented that he was like little boys sleep in my bed and everybody was like have you heard you want to be starting something? It's fucking amazing you know like thriller. To this day, to this day Tom people will defend Michael Jackson. It's because of his talent. Yeah he was so talented. Yeah. Dr. Dre hit a check everyone's like the other the chronic was fucking. Yeah. Dr. Dre hit a check. Everyone's like, yeah, but the chronic was fucking. Yeah, exactly. No, I know. So you're right. I think if I did that, you know, I'd probably still be able to work, but it'd be a different world.

You'd be able to work. It would be a different world. Yeah. I guess we can't hit our wives. Can't hit our wives. Yeah, I can't. I can't even cheat on mine. Yeah, we got to, you know, we got to look for is like, well, we should probably discuss it. Summer nights are heating up and if your mattress is trapping heat, it might be time for a change. Avocado Green mattress uses breathable organic materials that sleep cooler naturally. All avocado mattresses are crafted with certified organic latex, wool and cotton, breathable

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God, that means you're going to sleep well. Head to AvocadoGreenMatress.com today and check out their mattress and bedding sale, Avocado Dream of Better. Maybe we can hit our wives after our summer projects come out. Ooh, I like that. Yeah, like maybe that's the goal is,

cause we're both doing stuff this summer. Can you say what you're doing? Is that like, this is, are you announced and everything? I haven't announced it yet. I don't know if I'm announcing it. You're not announcing it? I might just let it just show up.

Oh, okay. Why do you, I don't, I don't know, I never understood why we announced them. I don't know how it works either, dude. It's just Mine but well, yeah, because we're recording this in advance. Mine's now announced. So I'm shooting a movie this summer and You know, the goal is just obviously to make it a fun and funny entertaining movie

But ultimately good enough where you guys would forgive me for You know assault Yeah, like battery me for, you know, assault. Yeah. Like battery or something, you know? Yeah. That's what I just hope that my project is good enough that you guys would forgive me for like throwing the ant against a wall.

Yeah. At a restaurant. Which is not as bad as like a closed fist punch. No. Oh, come on. I think I could, could I, could I, okay. Video tape, someone tapes me and Leanne at a, am I good enough? This is a great, in the comments.

Yeah. Have I done enough in podcasting and in stand up, in touring, in creating tours, and having cruises, all the things I've done, my whole body of work, ignore Travel Channel, that's not going to help, to dress Leanne down with like the worst words at a valet and get in my car clearly drunk and drive away. I think you could do that, dude.

I think I can, too. I think I can too. I think I can too. I actually think it might actually be kind of some bonus points. They'd be like, that was pretty fucking cool. I might need some bad boy points because I think I've been too good. I'm in like a goody two shoes.

You know what I think you could do also is if you threw her through like a plate glass window. Oh, like Charles Barkley did that, dude. Yes, because here's the thing. Ultimately, it's like it's softer than a wall. Like, you know what I mean? But the dramatic, like if it was somebody who had their phone out and you see a glass window shatter and this woman goes flying through it, she gets up, you know, she's got a couple bumps or whatever, a little scratch on her, but it's like a

what the fuck and then you're like, that's fucking right. You say some wild shit on your way out. You look pretty badass. She's not like unconscious. Like she's okay. I think that's like a definitely, people would probably be like, that was fucking really cool the way you did that.

What you have to do in a moment like that is say the right thing when the act like just go black lives matter not all lives matter black lives matter right you have like a nice punchline for it like a nice like like like free Palestine yeah yeah there you go oh man actually you have a bunch of people well a lot of people that would hate you for it but you'd have a lot of people that would be like, hey dude, that was really cool the way you threw your wife through that window for Palestine. There'd be a lot of guys from Palestine not minding it at all.

They'd be like, what did she say, my man? Yeah. We do this all the time when we used to have houses. It's such an interesting, like, I watch my behavior in public a lot because I don't want to, I don't want negative tapes about me. So like, I think I'm a good person,

but I can't really tell because I'm already in front of it. You know? So you're always careful? Oh yeah, and I've had some slip-ups obviously Like almost hitting her and stuff. No, no, not with Leanne with like strangers Oh, I always interact very nicely and pleasantly and I'm you'd be shocked what I'll allow someone to say to me and I'll diffuse it and kind of apologize and just and Separate my way and go I'm not gonna interact with this. This is something someone's going to catch on camera.

Like, I'm not. I had a woman one time. I I can't tell if I ran the red light or she ran the red light. I clearly thought she ran the red light and I and she fucking pulled up next to me, screaming at me and had her phone out. And I clearly think she read the ran the red light. I mean, I'm not even fucking around. I am almost 100 percent certain she ran the red light. I mean, I'm not even fucking around. I am almost 100% certain She ran the red light. I went and I pulled up to park and she came up with her phone yelling at me and

I knew I was on camera and I knew I had more to lose than she did if I talked back because now She gets to edit it from wherever she wants. Yeah, and I just I just apologized Really? I'm so sorry. I don't know what happened if I ran that red light. It's my fault She gets to edit it from wherever she wants. Yeah. And I just apologized. Really? So I'm so sorry, I don't know what happened. If I ran that red light, it's my fault. She goes, you definitely ran that fucking red light. I said that I apologize, I wasn't paying attention,

but I was just, and I just apologized. What if she hadn't had that phone out? Fuck you whore. Fucking kicking her window. I'd wait till she tried to get out of her car, then I'd kick her door so it crushed her fucking skull and then unalived the shit out of her. Fucking.

Good thing for phones. Man, that's the way to, I mean, you know how many lives I've saved is just having a phone out? Yeah. I mean, look at all these people down at the protest in the 101. Yeah.

Just fucking, you pull a phone out and you're like, and people are terrified of the phone. They're afraid of getting shamed. Yeah. Shame is worse. Shame is worse than, ooh, shame is as bad as death, I guess. In some cases, yeah. Yeah, I think that's what we're getting at.

In some cases it is. I asked Pete today, Pete Giuliano no longer works for me, everyone knew my assistant Peter. We caught him on tape saying the N-word and so we had to get rid of him. And well it was about any so we understood what he was doing but like, and so we have a new assistant Kyle, ex-military. And we were talking today about that, because it's on Netflix, is the sub that went down to see the Titanic. Yeah.

And they unalived just in a second, right? Yeah. And I said, what would you rather do? Have it instant or fight it? Oh. Fight for it. or fight it. Fight for it. Fight for it like a bear. Fight for it like a snake and you got to get out of the woods.

Fight for it like a pack of wolves have you on top, tracked up on the top of a tree. Fight for it like, like, like you're in a capsized boat in the ocean and you're holding on for dear life for five days with no water, horrible storms, sunburn, sharks circling you, fight for it or just... What would you rather do? Fight for it. You'd rather... Oh, there's a dude that was stuck out of sea for 436 days and I kind of thought I kind of thought dude how could anyone live that long in the ocean I don't know I didn't read the whole article there you go oh my god but if you know you're gonna if you're gonna for sure die in either one even if you

know you're gonna die I'd still fight for it I'd fight for it for the hope that I could get out of it well yeah that's that's what you're yeah for sure. I mean I listen to this podcast me and I listen this podcast called a Adventure it's a noisier. It's about like it's like adventure stories or something. It's not adventure It's about I'll tell you what exactly what it is. Well, hold on. We found this guy. So Jose Salvador Alvarenga a 36 year old fisherman survived 438 days, bro. He was found- Dude, his boat got fucked on the first day of fishing.

The first day of fishing. He was found in January 2014. He drifted 6,700 miles. So he was shark fishing with a younger companion when they separated in a storm. The other person, Cordova, died, leaving Alvaring alone for the remaining nine months of his ordeal. He describes surviving by fishing, swimming, and collecting rainwater. He also credited a strong sense of caregiving, the ability to create imagery realities, keeping

him alive. There's a book called 438 Days. Holy shit. His case was the subject of a lawsuit filed by the family. Do you know why? Do you want me to tell you why? Well, it says- They think he ate him. Yeah.

I mean, that's okay. I mean, no, they were like, he had to get rid of the body because he was talking to the body because he was hallucinating. He had to throw the body over the thing. But the family is like, yo, bullshit, you ate him. And then you ate him and you made money off of it. That's okay. I feel for him.

Real survival stories. This is what Isla and I listened to. And every single one is like, I mean, just better than the other one. But every one, they think they're gonna die. There's no, they're definitely gonna die. And they fight for it and fight for it. So I think I'd go, oh, I'm fighting.

I'm definitely fighting. Did you, are you having a Hitler summer too? Like I am. Like do you watch, I watch a lot of, I realize in the summers I watch war documentaries. So I'm watching a World War II doc again. So goddamn good. The one in color.

Which one? It's a six episode one. It's like World War II in color. On Netflix? Yeah. Yeah, oh it's fucking amazing. I think it's the second time I've seen it. And actually I don't think that's the one.

I think it's a different one. And actually I don't think that's the one. I think it's a different one. Yeah, I think it's a different one. But whichever one it is, it's fantastic, man. Like I was telling, Christina's like, there's so many details that you don't you don't know or remember about it so every time even though I feel like I've seen it you just go like like I was I didn't know that the part of the directive when we were trying to

get Germany to surrender was we just bombed Hamburg and just blew it to like just flattened it and then there was a there were survivors that were housed in a building and then the I think it was the Br there was a there were survivors that were housed in a building and then the I think it was the Brits that were like hey bomb that too like for all the cat like the civilian survivors. Can I okay three things don't let me forget three things. Three things. Number one plutonium. Plutonium. two Japan number three these Movies like band of brothers. Yeah, or or or Saving Private Ryan are so much more

interesting and engaging once you know a little bit about the history like you don't know anything about the history of World War two and like D-Day let's take D-Day for an example I'm watching band of brothers, which I never gave a shit about when it came out. I was like, yeah, I don't like war stuff. Now that I'm into World War II stuff, I'm watching them, I'm watching the paratroopers jump over enemy lines. And I'm understanding the history of it, that they had flooded the fields so that those guys would drown, that there was a storm and they were getting bombs so they didn't know when to jump out, that the planes were getting hit by artillery

and people were just getting thrown out, that they were getting shot in the sky. Now that I know the history, it is fucking fascinating. It's fascinating. You know, I also found the one thing that you are definitely a like Hitler in. He was a good friend. He's a good friend. Hitler was? Yeah. So Mussolini,. He was a good friend. He was a good friend. Hitler was? Yeah, to Mussolini.

He really was a good friend to him. Yeah, so next time somebody says, you remind me of Hitler, you just be like, yeah, because he was a great friend of Mussolini. Sorry. You ever hear what Hitler said to Mussolini when Mussolini passed the wine to him?

He said, Grazie, Nazi. That's pretty good. Did, by the way, I never looked this up. When Hitler and Mussolini would converse, what language did they speak to each other? Did they speak? Here we go. It was the first result. Despite the often struggle to communicate effectively, Mussolini, oh, who spoke some

German, initially refused to use a translator, but he found Hitler's rough Austrian accent difficult to understand Hitler was known for his lengthy monologues, which was only found boring despite their shared ideology their communication of each other And my he found tedious so I like how they're like, okay, so essentially eventually they used translators, I guess Okay, we should do that one time What's that? We'll use translators Translators, I guess? Okay. We should do that one time. What's that? We'll use translators.

To, oh, okay. See how, like, yeah, we'll get one Spanish to English translator. You only talk in Spanish. Okay. And then I'll have them translate and we'll see how it turns out. We could do that. Yeah, that'd be fun. Translator. But we'll dress up. I'll dress up as Mussolini, you dress up as another guy, and then we'll...

I'll dress up as... Isn't dress up as another guy and then we'll dress up is Isn't racist to dress up as Hitler. I don't know that it's racist. It's usually frowned upon Well is oh, do you know who did that one time hmm My favorite Meghan Markle's husband H. Oh H yeah, yeah. H dressed up like Hitler one time. Fucking frat party. Oh, yeah, yeah. You know what would be a great costume? Prince Harry. Yeah, that was something that everybody did

over the last probably whatever it is, 60 years, until finally I feel like now everyone's like, that's a no-go, right? Like no one really does that anymore. What's the next one? I remember I had a girl, not a girlfriend, but a girl I was really close with who was Peruvian. And it was Halloween and she dressed up like a Puerto Rican.

And I went, you're not allowed to do that. She was like, I go, first of all, it doesn't look like you dressed up at all. You just look like yourself. You just look like you're Puerto Rican. She goes, I know, but look at it. It looks like crazy, right? I was like, no, no, can't do that. That's funny. What's the next one? What's the next one that people will be like you can't dress up. Yeah, what's the next you can't because people have done bin Laden

Cuz that's where my mind went for a while. Yeah, did you watch the bin Laden doc? No, it's fucking amazing. Wait, which ones have been long doc. It just came out like a month ago Wait, could you dress up like Harry the Nazi? Oh, that's really good. Like I'm not dressing up like a Nazi, I'm dressing up like Prince Harry. I'm Prince Harry. He was a Nazi.

Yeah, no, a lot of people won't make that connection. I'm not dressing in blackface, I'm dressing as Justin Trudeau in blackface. That's right. Yeah, the blackface thing is still definitely not okay. Man, you wanna try it? You can do it at home. Well, it's a slippery slope about dressing up in blackface

because a lot of those face masks they give women are blackface. What do you mean? Like those mud masks. Oh yeah. Black women put blackface on, I go, blackface. That's like saying the N word in a different language.

You're still saying the N word. Oh, right, right, right. Yeah. That's a, is that Justin Trudeau? Can we learn the N word in other languages? That'd be a fun one. Ooh. Let's learn racial epithets in other languages.

Okay, hold on. Oh, okay, this is awesome. Never knew this. Wow, this is like fucking downloadable. Be careful what site this is. Yeah, yeah, okay. Okay, so because the story of the word became really demeaning in Brazil

to roughly the same word as really demeaning in Brazil, roughly the same word as the N word in English was crioulu, which is a cognate of Spanish criollo and English creole. Negro or negro or preto was and is in principle neutral. It just means black color. Okay, so we're looking for, what is, there's gotta be one that actually lays it out. No, but that's almost more, that's even like,

wilder to just be like, like to say the word black in a different language, but it sounds like it's painful. Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's right. And then what's the one for white? See, if that's one, if we can teach black people one that hurts us, then we can go- Then what's the, what's the one for white see if that's one if we can teach black people one that hurts us Then what's that? What's this one? Hold on in Hebrew the term?

Cushi can be racially derogatory particularly with the accent on the coup the Italians used to say words like Tits own a or Mulanjan no, that's from, uh, that's, uh, Eddie Murphy. Didn't he, the Italian? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Because that's what's it called? Eggplant. Right. Isn't that the eggplant thing? I think so. I don't know. I thought eggplant was a dick. No, no, but the Italians, I think that's supposed to be, yeah, mullion.

That was the, I think that's, isn't that? Oh, it doesn't. Uh, yeah, based on the provider, it's primarily understood as Sicilian dialect for eggplant. Yeah. But the eggplant is dark, right? so that's that's how it was a there was but what let's find out the other Like horrible racial epithets in another language

Right like What's what's the Arabic word for slave a bead a Bead means that's an Arabic way of saying it. These are nice for you to use in public Yeah, you know, like if you're in a restaurant, you're like what's with all the beads here, man, you know Yeah, that kind of thing everyone's like what are you talking about oh my god um oh we they they told us a horrible one in South Africa what what a site is this this is on Wikipedia bro this is on Wikipedia, bro. This is on Wikipedia, these are just racial serves for everybody? Yeah, wait.

If you scroll down, cause it's alphabetical, go to the letter K. Why would some K? I just wanna see if this is, okay, J, there it is. That's the one they said, when we were there, they were like, that's

the worst thing you can say in South Africa. For real? Yeah. I've never heard that. Well, no, of course not. It's just there when the guys were like, yeah, that's the worst word here. That would be funny to just very casually say that. Like, oh, this is my, like, if you meet Trevor Noah and you're like, oh, this is my best,

my wife's maiden name is that. Oh, yeah. That would be good. No one else would hear it and he'd be like, what the fuck did you just say? Yeah. It's her maiden name. It's her maiden name. Yep.

It's not far off my wife's maiden name. Yeah, but see, this is what I was looking for. See how it says like, in Northeastern Thailand, that's a slur for Vietnamese people. You see it? Wait, no, I don't see it. Uh, you just had it. That one. I don't even know how to say that.

Hey, how do you say that? Cause Sandra's Vietnamese. She can say it. There you go no and it's tie but that's what they call you you've never heard you've never been called that would it hurt your feelings have I called you that right now Well, it has no meaning to me, so no. So no, yeah. So it looks like someone's got a new nickname.

Oh, I can't wait. We're going to get a t-shirt made for you. It's going to be fun. God. It'll only register to Northeastern Thai people. It's only it's so Northeastern Thai people would be like so my god It's so funny because the the were as we look at these words. I have zero meaning to them us cow There it is. How do you say it cow?

cow oh Cow cow Sorry Sandra You can do that when she's slacking off. All right, you fuck. It's crazy because it has no meaning to me, right? I know. It has no meaning to me. It has no value.

And there's someone in... There's a fun one. It's a German slur for Dutch people. Cascope. It means cheese head. German slur for Dutch. I feel comfortable saying that one. Yeah.

Cascope. Yeah. Hey, what's a slur for someone who's really red? Oh, well let's look for, let's look for a native American slurs. I used to, I literally got in the sauna today and I was like, don't get in the sauna. You're going to get very red and you're going to do the podcast and be like purple. And now every time I laugh, I see myself get redder. Cowish.

Oh, here we go. Canadian French. Cowish. That's my new nickname, Bert Cowish Kreischer. There you go. Bert Cowish Kreischer. So you did, you did do the- I did, I worked out hard as shit.

I have a cough. So I was coughing like crazy throughout the workout. Ooh, this sounds like meaner. What? Niche. That sounds niche-y. That's my new nickname. Niche.

Niche. Yeah. If you say that to me, on the road, I'll buy you a drink. And you'll see how red I get. I was in the sauna today and I was with Pete because it's his last day. And I was like, and I was just like, I was so dizzy. I was so dizzy and I was like, I was like, God damn it. I'm going to be so red for this podcast. And then I'm looking at myself, I catch myself in a reflection on a camera,

and I'm like, if I laugh, my cheeks get red. Just like, oh fuck. And then I look at my hand next to my face, I'm like, this doesn't look normal. Oh yeah, you look way redder than your hands. Jesus. Oh my God. The rest of my body. Looks like Pacific Samoan people

call white people palagi or Palagi. That's a good one. Palagi. How are these one in Hawaii they call us. Yeah, yeah. It's not that positive. It never hurt my feelings. Yeah, I know.

I think the Chinese would call white people guai-los. That means like ghost, like ghost face or something. That sounds scary. I'm definitely not a ghost. Yeah. I'm a nichi guai-lo. Nichi. You're fucking nichi.

I'm a nichi guai-lo. I like that it said ting-tong. Pfft. I like that it said, ting-tong. Twink is a gay slur for skinny gay guy. Oh my God, this is okay. Yeah, these are great, man. This is a what? I mean, this is, can we print this out and have a poster to the wall? This is just Wikipedia.

Yeah. It's giving you everything you need, man. Holy shit. There's so many. Oh my God. Yeah. There was a restaurant with one of these names when I was a kid.

Oh yeah? Sambo's. Oh yeah. There was a restaurant called Sambo's. That is nuts. And you could buy little, you got little wooden nickels that were like quarters that you could get

and they had the picture on it. Type in when did Sambo's go out of, when did Sambo's go out of business? Look at that. There was one on Fletcher Avenue. No, 84, right? Is that one? Oh no, the last restaurant was renamed in 2020?

No. It was opened in 57. It expanded to more than in light 63. It had 16 cities, 98 locations by 69. Um, yeah. Oh my God. Scroll back up. In 79, there was 1117 was 1117 Sambo's.

That's crazy. Yeah, I remember that we went to the one on Fletcher and right when they changed their name, they changed their name to like. They changed it to Chad's. No. That's what it said. At the end there it said in 2020 it was renamed to Chad's

after the owner Chad Stevens. It took George Floyd where he was like, all right, it's Chad. All right. Everybody happy now? Um, it did change the Chads. Yeah. They changed it to something else when I was in like, when I was like 10, I had to be younger than that, probably eight. And I remember that's one of the last time we went there. They're like, when I was like 10, I had to be younger than that, probably eight. And I remember that's the last time we went there. They're like, they've changed.

That's incredible. Let's go to Chad's now. Chad's is so much more offensive, I think. It's a horrible name. Yeah. God, can you imagine? For a restaurant? Ugh.

You wanna go to Chad's? Never. Nah. Don't you have something like Sambo's around? We sell french fries, but no salt or anything. It's just french fries. It's so, oh. Can I get a cheeseburger?

We don't do that, we just hamburgers. You just do, yeah. You want chicken fingers? I like chicken fingers, but can I get ranch? We don't do ranch. No, there's just mayo here. We only do mayo. Just mayo.

Yeah. Jesus Christ, man. Wait, what? It's crazy when you think like people, you know, ranch we don't do ranch no there's just Mayo here we only do Mayo yeah Jesus Christ man wait what you think when you think like people you know like there was a guy named Derek like that I knew growing up and then I realized the other day I was like God man his dad could have picked any name and he picked Derek yeah like yeah like I understand like when you name a kid after yourself like Albert Charles Christ, or the third But like you just went I was called Derek. Yeah

It's just such a weird thing It's a weird choice if it's not a fan cuz there weren't Derek's when did the name Derek there weren't Derek's like in like the 1950s Feels like it may have started like yeah, that was like 72 Yeah, there. I knew like 72. Yeah, Derek is a- I knew a bunch of Derek's growing up. It originates from the old Germanic name Theodoric, which means people ruler, ruler of the people. I don't think that's why they named Derek Derek. No.

The Derek I knew was not a ruler. No. Wait, do you know like our clip went viral where you were talking about this office and then I was like, well your place is a fucking like yarn collectors. Leanne gave me a lot of shit about that like she was mad.

Yeah, I didn't know it went viral. I saw it. I just, it made me laugh. Yeah. I didn't know when viral I saw it. I just, I made me laugh. Yeah. It's so funny, dude. Um, did you see me in, um, in AI as a woman, like with that filter, it looks like I should work in your office. Let me see it.

Can you find it? Yeah, we have it. It looks like I should be in your bullpen. A hundred percent. I love you, Richard. Thank you so much. I can't believe I'm saying this, but Bert really nailed this one.

Go fuck yourself Richard. Even when I'm funny people go, why don't you do that more often? And you're like, fuck just laugh. Just have a good time. Just enjoy it and just don't look at my face. There I am, look. Oh my, that's not you.

Yeah, that's me in the filter. Don't I look like I work downstairs? You kind of look like Rachel. Yeah. You do look like you go work for me. Totally. It looks like a little secret slut. Doesn't it look like a-

Can you dismiss something I say? Like I go, hey, can we get this? And you go, oh yeah, whatever, Bert. Sure, Bert, whatever. So we go now, you do work for me. Doesn't it look like a whore like a secret whore Like you think she's a nice girl, but she's really how did they do that? That is great AI filter. Oh Did they do that without your beard?

No, I just did it they just the the filter just takes it off. We gotta do one of Bert though Yeah, do one of me. I'd love to see me as a fucking whore Will you smash or pass on this? In college I probably would have I'd pass if you had big tits maybe maybe in college maybe in cut now Yeah No, fuck. No, fuck that pig. Well, you have big tits. Yeah Thanks, man Your hair is a little bleh for me.

You don't like the hair? No. You can tell I did my highlights. More highlights. More highlights. More highlights. More highlights. And your nose looks like you've been punched a couple times.

No, I probably have been like a fucking back talking bitch. Yeah. What was your thing about Japan? What about Japan? You asked us to like, don't forget, you want to talk about Japan. Oh, dude, I had the, I mean, I know that I'm, I know that I say stupid shit sometimes. I just had the realization that plutonium is real. Like, it's not created, it's a fucking rock they dig up in Africa.

Wait, what did you, I don't understand. I assumed that nuclear bombs and plutonium and all that nuclear energy, I assumed that was created in a lab. Okay. I never knew. You can actually dig up plutonium? I thought that was shit you saw in superhero movies.

Oh. I didn't know plutonium was a real rock. They dug up in Africa and then we bought like a hundred tons of plutonium and then we created bombs with it. Like I had no clue. Is that why you're tying it to Japan? Yeah, because I was just studying, not studying, but I was reading about or not reading. I was listening to a podcast about, you know what I'm trying to say. Yeah, Hiroshima was just studying, not studying, but I was reading about, or not reading, I was listening to a podcast about,

you know what I'm trying to say. Yeah, Hiroshima and Nagasaki. About Hiroshima and Nagasaki. Did you know that Nagasaki was their second choice? I had seen this in one of the docs. Yeah, the Nagasaki, they went to go bomb a better city first and they had cloud coverage and they're like fuck it Let's just do Nagasaki. Oh, no, I didn't know that

Yeah, they they were supposed to do a different city and they couldn't see it from cloud coverage So they just did Nagasaki but plutonium You can like out of all the rocks, right? You get diamonds you get gold you get silver you get platinum you get all these different metals and rocks Plutonium is a natural thing the group that you is You have to get cancer if you dig a plutonium, right? I don't even know I have no you're you're where do we get plutonium from? I think it's Africa

Which find Which is crazy that you can get plutonium from Africa. That's wild. Plutonium primarily produce in nuclear reactors through a process called neutron capture. While trace amounts of plutonium exist naturally in the Earth's crust under specific geological conditions, most plutonium is man-made. The main process involves uranium-238 absorbing neutrons, transforming it into neptunium-239, which then decays into plutonium-239. So it is actually mostly man-made.

You can also dig it up. I think for our first bomb, we bought plutonium from Africa. Really? I think so. I'm, I don't know. Why? If I fucking don't listen to me. So Tony, I'm curious, naturally trace amounts.

Um, let's see. Is found in nature in extremely small quantities. I don't know. Um, doesn't say here where. Type in Manhattan Project and purchase plutonium. Okay. Manhattan Project. Purchased. Plutonium was produced as an alternative to enrich uranium for the use in atomic bombs. It was the da da da da. Brought to Nagasaki, the project's Hanford site was dedicated to plutonium production.

I wonder if we bought uranium. Maybe it was. Do you know why there Plutonium? Do you know why there's Plutonium wedding rings? Yeah. They needed a large quantity of uranium. 14% was acquired from the Colorado Plateau. Okay.

Yeah. It sounds like you need to listen to that podcast again, actually. Yeah. Yeah. Not the best. I listen to podcasts while I sleep. And they kind of like half stays in your head? Can I tell you what I'm looking for is a nice fuck adventure podcast. Okay, here you go.

You were right. What? Sort of. Well, they purchase uranium from what is now the Congo in Africa. Yes. Yes. Yeah. There. Yes. Yeah, there you go. I would love, if you guys can make this,

I would love a great Adventure Fuck podcast. Adventure Fuck? History Adventure Fuck podcast. So start with history so I fall asleep, right? So tell me about the Manhattan Project or whatever. And then like 20 minutes in, plug me into the adventure. So like start talking about the Manhattan Project and then be like, and that's when they had to go

to the Congo and then start talking about going to the Congo, we've got our guns on the boat, there's crocodiles everywhere, the natives are hiding in trees with blow darts and and we got to think and next to you is a beautiful Congolese woman with no bra. She's grabbing your dick. She's jerking it off Oh, wow sucking your cock and then because I dream about I dream about whatever I listen to Sure Does it add a big I had a dream that big Jay was trying to board of the Titanic and I was like I can't let you on Jay you're not gonna be on the upper

class they're gonna keep you on the lower decks we got Jay trust me listen to me buddy with your earrings and you're they're not gonna welcome you you need to be and so I dream about whatever I listen to but I would love and by the way put sprinkle some ads in but I would love a podcast that took me it Bored me so I fell asleep and took me on adventure and then gave me a wet dream And then I brought to you by coca-cola. I mean, it sounds like you should maybe pitch. Oh my god. Oh Shut the fuck up

Shut I look hot as fuck. I look smashable. Holy shit, I'm hotter than Leanne. But you look like a woman that's been through some cocks. Like that looks like- Oh yeah, no, I've been on the casting couch before. Yeah. I didn't get this part for my talent.

No, this woman is like run through. But I like it. I look good. Like you know, it's like, yeah, you're like a hot older whore. Yeah. I look like a mom in an 80s sitcom. Yeah, dude. But like on her fourth marriage, you know?

Fuck. I love white wine. I love Virginia Slims. This lady smokes. I play tennis on the weekend, but I only play the first match and then I give up and start drinking. Yeah. That's overuse of fucking lipstick too. Jesus. Are you saying it looks like Jennifer Tilly?

Oh, I do look like Jen Tilly a little bit. Don't I? A little bit. A little bit. Yeah. Do I have an accent? That woman? No. Look at that. You bitch. You got nice eyes. Do I have an accent? That woman, no. Look at that, you bitch. You got nice eyes. I have beautiful eyes. Yeah.

Yeah, I'm so much more wholesome. Yeah. Yeah, my chick is like wholesome. Post those to Instagram today and say, who would you smash, Bert or Tom? Oh, I think we know who the answer is gonna be. Well, look at that. Yeah, I look like such a nice girl.

You're the one who's like, come with me, bitch, I'll show you how to get a man. That's what it looks like that you would take. Okay, I want you to come in me, you let people come in you. Right, I'm just like. You do it because you're needy and you're like, I want them to come in me, you let people come in you. Right, I'm just like. You do it because you're needy and you're like, I want them to like me, I just go, I wanna be abused. Yeah, you definitely, you ask to get like choked out

and spit on, slapped and shit. Oh yeah, I want my hair pulled. That's what your makeup's covering, all the bruises. Oh, and you're like, no, I love sucking dick. But you don't really love sucking dick and you don't love watching sports, but you tell people you love sports. Yep, I love sucking dick. But you don't really love sucking dick. You don't love watching sports, but you tell people you love sports. Yep. That's very good.

All right. You've seen these two whores. Let us know who you want to bang. Yeah. We got to run, but this was fun. I love you. Love you too, man. See you guys next week. Bert and Tom, Tom and Bert.

One goes to the top, the other wears a shirt. Tom tells stories and Bert's the machine. There's not a chance in hell that they'll keep it clean. Here's what we call, Two Bears, One Cave.