2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer - Gambling With Our Lives | 2 Bears, 1 Cave

Episode Date: September 1, 2025

SPONSORS: - Don’t miss out on all the action this week at DraftKings! Download the DraftKings app today! Sign-up using https://dkng.co/bears or through my promo code BEARS. - For simple, online access to personalized and affordable care for Hair Loss, ED, Weight Loss, and more, visit https://Hims.com/BEARS - Upgrade to ShipStation today to get a sixty-day free trial at https://www.shipstation.com/cave Bert and Tom are BACK in the Cave! After a memorable summer takeover by Stavvy and Chrissy D, the OG Bears return to catch up on everything—movies, standup, gambling, insane diets, and why Bert can’t stop eating 10 egg bites at once. Tom opens up about his recent cancer-screening scare, which led to a brutal five-day water fast, and accidentally dropping 25 pounds while filming El Tigre. Bert shares why his watch doesn’t fit anymore, how he tormented his director by throwing Liquid Death cans at 4 AM, and the disgusting way he measures his weight. The Bears also dive into the future of late-night TV, Amy Poehler’s move into podcasting, their own TV and film projects, and Bert’s insane plan to bet $1,000 every week on the Bucs. Plus: family visits on set, Isla living like a diva in Bert’s trailer, Tom’s boys discovering fake cocaine, and both Bears gearing up for the upcoming NFL and NCAA football seasons! 2 Bears, 1 Cave Ep. 304 https://tomsegura.com/tour https://www.bertbertbert.com/tour https://store.ymhstudios.com Gambling problem? Call one eight hundred Gambler. In New York, call 8778HOPENY or text HOPENY (four six seven three six nine). In Connecticut, Help is available for problem gambling. Call eight eight eight seven eight nine seven seven seven seven or visit ccpg.org. Please play responsibly. On behalf of Boot Hill Casino & Resort (Kansas). Fees may apply in IL. Twenty-one plus age and eligibility varies by jurisdiction. Void in Ontario. Bonus bets expire seven days after issuance. See sportsbook dot draftkings.com/promos. NFL Sunday Ticket offer for new subscribers only and auto-renews until cancelled. Digital games and commercial use excluded. Restrictions apply. Additional NFL Sunday Ticket terms at https://youtube.com/go/nflsundayticket/terms . Limited time offer. Chapters 00:00:00 - Intro 00:00:07 - The Final Episode Of 2 Bears 00:09:36 - Tom's New Movie & Free Bert 00:21:47 - Why Tom Got So Skinny 00:33:23 - Bert Is Fat 00:42:04 - Family Visits + America's Team 00:45:48 - Bert's Big Bet 00:54:05 - Is Tom Down? 00:58:49 - A Bert Game Show? 01:01:45 - Wrap Up Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

100% Cheers Welcome to the final episode ever of Two Bears One Cave. It was a blast while it lasted. And we're here to sign off. We thank Stavi and Chris DiStefano for taking over. We know you enjoy them and you will continue to enjoy them.

Bert, good to see you. Good to see you. Did you watch any other episodes? I would watch. I saw parts of it. You don't watch any fucking podcasts. That's true. But I did watch,

I did watch parts of it. I started the first one. I watched about 25 minutes of it. And then I would pick up little parts of the other ones. Yeah. Did you watch them all? I watched everyone. I watched everyone.

Yeah. No. Yeah, no. I watched the clips. I just know they were trashing us telling you the whole time. They were great. Stobby's so fucking funny, man. They're both.

DiStefano is, I think Chris is fucking hysterical. I think he's one of the funniest guys alive. I totally agree. They're both just out of this world. Charismatic, funny. I mean, they're so entertaining. Like, whenever I do a podcast with them or even see them socially, it's always nonstop laughs. Did you see Chris on hosting Kimmel?

I did. I watched his monologue. Yeah. He was great. Fantastic. His monologue was so natural. Yeah, he's, he's like, yeah, he's the man, dude. So fucking funny.

What do you think the model's going to be for saving the late night genre? I think it's done. You think it's done? I don't think, well, I mean, unless they complete, like, here's the thing. When we were kids, you know, there was 25 channels, and then the late night format was the place for this comedy to see celebrities, to have these conversations. Like, you know, it was access to all that world. Now, you know, people follow those same people on TikTok, on Instagram, on podcasts and videos. And they have access that is like more authentic and more detailed than a four-minute panel conversation.

Like they're just, that whole younger generation is not like, oh, I can't wait to see Sidney Sweeney on a late night show because they can like watch her in. engage in a more like authentic way, detailed way through all these other outlets. So I just feel like they have to, they have to reframe the, the, the, the format. But ultimately, everything is clips. This is a really fascinating jumping off point. They make those shows for clips. They make them four clips. That's what they make.

Yeah. I mean, I, I listen to someone talk about making a TV show. And I heard the guy say, are we doing this in vertical because people will only watch the clips? And then I was like, you're, did you just pitch shooting a TV show and, vertical, like that's crazy, so that you can get the, because I mean, honestly, all, I mean, everything's just clips. Kids only watch clips. And so in, and what's funny is the late night format is clips. That is what they're trying to do is make the most interesting thing, the

thing you talk about. So they are trying to pre-make the clip for you to watch. But it needs to be longer format to get the clip in a weird way. Yeah. Yeah. I just, I feel like that type of the late night show, to me, if it hasn't run its course, it's running it. I mean, I don't see 10 years from now us having that same format. I just don't. I think it has to, it has to evolve into something else. They have to rethink it.

Don't you feel, okay, here's the question. The first question is, how did you feel not having a podcast for a month, two months? Fantastic. It was one of the best. It was the best. I would love to never do this again. It was the greatest feeling I've ever had in my life to not, to, you know, you know, so funny, I've never been funnier in my entire life.

Then when you were there? When I was there, casually funny, just talking to people and making people laugh. And I think because I'm talking so much, I forgot what it's like to be a regular person in conversations with people and be spontaneously funny. Yeah. And my stand-up was so everything I thought went on stage, it didn't go into a podcast. Right. Yeah, that makes sense.

It's great. You should do less podcasts. Do you have much content I put out? No. I mean, I have an idea. Three podcasts. Yeah. I mean we can think about this

three podcasts out of seven three a week out of seven days yeah it's a lot yeah yeah I know it's time to quit okay

great I love you I'll see you on on Saturday yeah are we saying bye by how do we make this to make us happier can i tell you it was so fun and then i did one podcast with jeff foxworthy yeah and i was engaged and i was interested yeah and i hadn't done one in

in two months and i was like and i was i was present it's it's like it was crazy it's it's yeah i mean i there's there is look there is such thing as doing too much man uh buddy i lived the life where I wanted to prove to everyone, I could do everything. Yeah. Like I literally was like, and then, and I remember when you said, when you said, we need to take time off from two bears to do our shows, I was like, I was so defiant. I know. Because I'm still subscribing to that model of it's got to be released every week.

It's got to be released every week. It's got to be released every week. Every week, same time, same time, same time. No matter if it's good or not, it doesn't matter if it's good. It's just, it's got to be released. If it's good, I don't care if it's good. It's, it does it get, did it get released? Like, that's the mentality I've been at.

And I, and, and I, you know, some, I don't know. I don't know. I, you know, I'm not, I am absolutely not Joe Rogan who can put out amazing podcast seven days a week. I mean, he can do, he, I don't know how he does it. I don't either. He's also just, you know, wired differently. He's so different. Yeah.

I mean, would you. But we'll go ahead, but what? No, no. Look, you thought that, but then you did take time off, and then you saw that the other thing that you were putting your energy into thrived, and it did better. It thrived because you weren't exhausting yourself. Like, I mean, we're in the business. We right now are in the business that everyone is dying to get into. And we are in the top 5% of that business and that we're monetized. We have sponsors.

We have companies. like, I mean, you look at, like, what's her name, Amy, Amy Poehler? Yeah. Amy Poehler, is that her? The blonde lady? Mm-hmm. Amy Polar, I mean, this, I don't mean this like shitty, but like, it kind of broke my heart. She is one of the most, if not, one of the top 10 female comedic actors, not just her generation, that we'll ever know.

She is, I mean, Parks and Rec is one of the funniest shows that's ever been on TV. she's one of the funniest writers directors she has a prolific talent she is a prolific talent i will never be as talented as amy polter in any facility and yet here she is doing like doing a podcast and it's good it's really good it's by the way it's really good it's really good yeah i've seen a few but what why what what are you doing make fucking movies and so what i'm saying is amy polter realizes that the business we're in right now like making movies and television shows that's dying this is the one thriving she just she just hasn't she's the first one to get to the oil rig and going oh this is cool we're living on the ocean and yeah we've been living on the oil rig for 15 years going it gets old yeah well i mean

it's new to her so maybe it's exciting and fun to her you know her podcast is great yeah she's really good that's because she's talented and anything she does is going to be amazing yeah i I agree. She's great. She's really good, man. And maybe she's having fun. Do you think she feels about film and television the way we feel about podcasting and we feel about film and television the way she feels about podcasting? It's perfectly, I mean, possible.

You know, like, I mean, she's obviously, like, killed it in that space. So maybe she's just like, I don't know. I don't know. Maybe she's bored. Maybe. I don't know. So maybe she's just, like, really having a good time doing these podcasts. Hey, Amy Poehler, will you breathe

some life into our podcast to be our guest? I can answer for her. No. So we took our time. You did your show, Free Burt.

Did you have a lot of fun doing it? Yes, I had a blast. Yeah. I had so much fun. It was the, it was the funnest two months of my life that I've had in a very,

very long time. yeah same dude i had the best absolute like i mean i i really felt like i was a make-a-wish kid yeah and they were like do you want to be in a movie i was like yeah and then i showed up every day just like gitty well it's not just that it's not just that was like they said do you want to be a movie and you get to be in control yeah that's true that's the fun part yeah like everything from the script to casting choices to like yeah there was it was There was a lot of creative. And your cast was incredible.

Dude, I, I, I know it sounds like you probably hear people do this when they complete shows and movies. I cannot believe, I cannot believe who we got and I cannot believe what they brought. Like, they were all just outraged. I mean, you know, we had Luke Wilson who, I remember that we were like on our third day. And he has this monologue that he delivers to me and Tim Bolts, who's unbelievable. Tim Bolts is one of the funniest people I've ever been around. See the guy from righteous gemstones? Yes.

He's so good. He's so good. But Luke's giving us this speech, and it was like the third take, and he did something different in the take in this monologue. And I realized that I'm not acting in the scene. I'm just like, we're just watching him, you know? and like genuinely reacting to him. And when they'll cut the director, Tyler Kornak, comes over to me and he goes, that's a movie star.

And I was like, yeah, I go, yeah, I see what, like, when you see, like, what something people do in certain moments, you're like, oh, yeah, that's a movie star. Like, that's why, that's why we've known who this guy is for 30 years, you know, like, he's just, Tim was unbelievable. Arturo Castro, who, he did, he did some bad thoughts stuff with me, and we got him to, to be, like, a part that's like the heart. of this movie. Just incredible. The guy can do anything and he would come in every scene and have like 15 alts just like off the top of his head for things. And we were like, yeah, just sure, try them all. Like he was just incredible Genesis Rodriguez, just like a dynamic actress just can do like, you know, just I would just like follow her lead and like, I'm just like watching her.

I'm like, oh, this is what we're doing? Okay, I try to like just throw myself into, she could just do, you know, throw a look and like convey like just emotes so much. She was unbelievable. Frankie Cignonis is in it. Dude, he fucking steals every scene that he's in. And he was the first one when I read the script. I, you know, my managers were, were on set and they were like, they go, we remember that when you read this, you said, Frankie Cignonius has to play this part. and we didn't know if we were going to get him

and it was like the third day of him working where he was like, oh, I get it now. He goes, I get why you said that I, like, he just, he's going to, if this movie has any exposure, he will explode in popularity. He steals everything that he's in. It's just, it's incredible,

like, yeah. I was just fucking blown away by all of them. Game on. Week one starts now. and every touchdown brings you closer to a payout with Draft King's Sportsbook, an official sports betting partner of the NFL. This isn't just football, its first touchdown fireworks, anytime TD rushes, and live bets that ride every momentum shift. At Draft Kings, every play is your next shot to win.

I'm super excited for the opening game. Draft Kings has the Eagles to cover the spread at seven points against the Cowboys. It's going to be a crazy first game. Keep in mind, lines and odds are subject to change. New customers, this one's for you. Bet just $5 and get $300 in bonus bets instantly. Plus, grab over $200 off NFL Sunday ticket from YouTube and YouTube TV. Your season starts now.

Download the Draft King Sportsbook app and use the code Bears. That's the code Bears to get $300 in bonus bets instantly when you place your first bet of $5 or more, plus over $200 off NFL Sunday ticket from YouTube. and YouTube TV in partnership with Draft Kings. The Crown is yours. Gambling problem, call 1-800 gambler. In New York,

call 8778-8-Y or text Hope-N-Y-4-667-369. In Connecticut, help is available for problem gambling. Call 888-78-9-777-7. Or visit ccpg.org. Please play responsibly. On behalf of Boothill Casino and Resort in Kansas, fees may apply in Illinois.

21 and over. Age and eligibility varies by jurisdiction. Void in Ontario. Bonus bets expire 7 days after issuance. See Sportsbook. dot com slash promos. NFL Sunday ticket offer for new subscribers only in Ottawa News until canceled. Digital games and

commercial use excluded. Restrictions apply. Additional NFL Sunday ticket terms at YouTube.com slash go slash NFL Sunday ticket slash terms. Limited time offer. You don't need another hat. You need personalized plans for you to regrow your hair. Through Hems, you can access treatments and combine clinically proven

monoxidil and finestriad to stop hair loss and regrow hair in just three to six months. Hems offers convenient access to a range prescript and air loss treatments with ingredients that work, including choose, oral medications, serums, and sprays, doctor-trusted, clinically proven ingredients like finestrade and monoxidil can stop hair loss and regrow hair in as little as three to six months. You shouldn't have to go out of your way to feel like yourself. Hems brings expert care straight to you with 100%

online access to personalized treatments that put your goals first. No hidden fees, no surprise costs. personalized care on your schedule and take it from a guy who's been on monoxidil since he was 22 it works i am 52 and i still have hair i have fought for that hair fight for your hair fight for your youth get on hymns right now for simple online access to personalize and affordable care for hair loss ed weight loss and more visit hymns dot com slash bears that's hymns dot com slash bears for your free online visit hymns.com slash bears individual results may vary based on studies of topical and oral monocidal and finestride prescriptions required to see website for full details restrictions and important safety information this time of year i'm already logging miles just

living life travel plans non-stop everything so i don't need to add even more running around just to get a workout in that's why i love having hydro at home no commute no class times no juggling logistics, I just hop on, get an amazing workout, and it fits into whatever kind of day I'm having. Hydro's been such a game changer. It gives me a full body workout, arms, legs, core, everything. I'm hitting 86% of my muscles in one session, and I can do it in just 20 minutes. When I'm busy, that kind of efficiency really matters. Some weeks, I'm all in and training hard. Other weeks, I'm just trying to move and not feel like a lump. This thing fits perfectly. Right now, I have it downstairs. I face the TV in it. I just pop it down, get my workout in, and boom, done.

Great sweat, great pump. Skip the gym, not the workout. Stay on track with Hydro. For a limited time, go to hydro.com. Use the code Bears to save up to $450 off your Hydro Pro Rower. That's H-Y-D-R-O-W.com. The code word is Bears, B-E-A-R-S, to save up to $450.5.com. Code. Bears. I got John. I saw John in it. That's awesome. Yeah. That's awesome. I love that you got John in it. He started a podcast. He started a podcast too. Yeah, he's in a podcast.

Yeah, there's my mom and sister visiting. My mom was like trying to steal props. She was like, can I have this? I'm like, no. Why? I'm like, because it doesn't belong to you. That's great. It's unbelievable. And there's Tyler Kornak. He was so fucking good, man. Just really unbelievable.

So good at it. Oh, there's Raul Trujillo, who's been in everything. He was in Apocalyptic. I didn't even realize that he was in Apocalypse. Who's he in Apocalypse? The guy dressed in blue. He was like one of like the leaders of the tribe. He told me he was eight hours in makeup a day.

And that movie was supposed to take three months. and it took 11. It took 11 months to do that movie. It's one of the all-time great films. There's Sergio. Hit his profile. This guy, you see the like the identifier there at the bottom left?

Yeah. Hit his, hit his. This guy, dude. This was the guy, Sergio Peris Mencheta, from Spain. This dude is like, like uh you know when when you're sitting around you're like oh that's an actor yeah like we're we're all fucking around this guy's an actor man he was just truly remarkable it was like a lesson every day just watching that dude work and he um and you're posting it's so funny

leukemia you didn't what he beat he beat he had leukemia he hasn't worked in 23 months until this wow yeah so what was your because i know everything's thoughtful, thought out in your process. Why were you posting so many pictures as soon as you wrapped as opposed to with bad thoughts, you posted everything when it premiered? I think I followed people's lead because everybody, I thought we would kind of, I was like, oh, I'll just hold this stuff. And then the whole cast and crew started posting everything. And I was like, well, I'll just jump in. Yeah. I withheld. Are you worried that it did, did you withhold some stuff? Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah.

I withheld stuff that would like give away too much. Yeah. Image wise. Yeah. Because I, because I, last night they were like, you're going to do a photo dump of,

because we wrapped last night and I was like, or I wrapped last night rather. Everyone else wrapped. And everyone did a photo dump the second they wrapped of like, like all the stuff and part. And there's only one picture I want to post. Yeah. Is it the one you sent me?

Yeah. Of course. of course are you posting it no you look away you know i think i think i'm not gonna post it i think uh why because i'm gonna wait i guess until the from the it comes i don't know i never you know when it comes out yeah i think in january oh that's pretty fast yeah where we got the first two episodes edited already great man yeah so um but i haven't given notes i haven't looked i haven't seen cuts yet so we've got like a string out of rough cut but um but i don't know i feel like i was a little torn because i didn't know anything about

bad thoughts and i really enjoyed that i knew nothing about it and i saw it yeah yeah yeah so i didn't know like and i think people think they know what mine's about but they they i don't think i don't think i know they don't and so part of me is like ah maybe you know i maybe i i think it's because i've been offline you know for two months and i just haven't been really posting and like even like funny shit that was like would have been in the feed immediately I just never got around to doing so I was like oh I don't really care

you know it was nice being detached and and not thinking about promoting anything I mean I have a tour the permission of world party permission to party world tour starts September 18th I saw your fucking billboard three times a day

every day in Albuquerque every day I'd be like there's Bert every single day dude massive billboards I uh but I haven't promoted it at all like I'm like like I just promoted it and someone was like well you had a huge ticket sale bump

and I was like did I and they're like yeah have you not been promoting this and I was like not really because I've just been focused on this thing I don't know it's you know I'm starting to look at like old school movie stars and wondered if they didn't have it right you know like when Johnny Depp felt gross promoting things I was like I was like I don't mind promoting my stand-up because that's that's my thing it's my only thing

but like with this project part of me is like I don't know yeah you got to go promote it's part of the game but i promote i'll promote when it comes out on netflix yeah of course i mean i'm done probably saying anything else about this until i mean mine might not come out for it could be a fucking year man i don't know when it will come out when did you start the process of this script a year and a half ago i started free bert three years ago really is that not fucking crazy yeah i gave up on it at one point yeah it's crazy what um You know, I said last night I was with a bunch of people and they're like, man, Tom's posting a lot of battle Tigray.

And they're like, did you see his shirtless photo? And I was like, yeah. And they're like where you post, you were sitting with, uh, next to the guy from baby, uh, righteous gemstones. Yeah. You guys are both almost naked. Yeah. And I was like, yeah. And they're like, how fucking skinny is Tom?

dude i you know what happened like how it happened so yeah you put a shot of ozempic in your ass and then no weight dropped off not none zero what happened zero is empec um no g lp ones nothing i so i do this blood test this is the real thing i do a blood test to do like all these levels and i'm not trying to like, I know it sounds scary, but they have this test now that basically they call it like stage zero cancer, right, which is kind of an alarming thing that you can test positive or negative for. And I test positive for it. And what it means is that I have the cells in my system that would could one day evolve into cancer, right? So I test positive for this. And then they have a protocol if you test positive. And the protocol is basically a bunch of vitamins and

supplements. And one of the things they, they'd say that is part of like their protocol is a five day fast where you just have water. That's why you did the five day fast. That's why I did the fast. So this is recent. This is very recent. Yeah. So I got those test. And then, well, when they tell me to do the five day fast, the first thing I do is I look at my calendar and I start going like, you know, like you go like, I'm not going to do that right now. So you start looking at, like future months. And I'm like, well, when I'm on the road, I don't feel like that's a good time to do it. And then I know that I'm shooting a special. And then I'm, you know, I start looking. So, and I'm not going to do it during the movie. So I basically find the week before

I go to Albuquerque, I'm like, that's like, that's the optimum time to do this five day fast. So I do the five day fast where I just have water, electrolytes, and some black coffee and nothing else for five days. At the end, of the five days, you know, I get back, you know, I have some broth and I do the whole thing, and I've lost 11 pounds. So I went from 211 to 200. But I know, like, just from logic and talking to people that, like, you're going to put back on some weight, right? So I'm like, because the weight wasn't the point of it. It was like kind of, you know, a consequence of doing it. So then I, I'm 200. I'm like, okay, I'll gain a few pounds back. I fly to Albuquerque. I'm doing

all the wardrobe shit, it's a prep week, and then I have a million questions, and I'm gonna forget them. Okay, so hang on, remember where you are in the story. Okay. Are you scared when you test positive for cancer cells? No. Okay, because you know you don't have cancer now. Not only that, I 100% expected to test positive for it. I mean, my dad died of cancer, his sister died of cancer. One of his brothers died of cancer. On my mother's side, everyone's had cancer. I was like, I have the genetics. Okay. I'm expecting it. Okay, good. Not good, but okay. Now, second, the Waterfest. Yeah. How, I saw you talking about it online, but like, for real, how hard is it? What's the hardest day? And you're, and you're imagining black coffee. Are you like

shaking at night? No, so it's really interesting. I think it's really interesting. I think it's really interesting as an experiment to do it. And I would tell people, you know, five is a lot. Like, it is a lot. And I think if you, if you want to attempt 24 and then 48, even 72, like one to three days is an experience too. I think when you are mentally prepared to not eat, it's different than when you go, like, you're expecting to eat today. And then there's like, there's no food. And you're like, what do you talk? Like, you know, your mind is going into it like, I'm not going to eat. Right. And then your anticipation of how much you'll suffer is always higher than what you actually suffer. Like it's not as terrible as you imagine it would be.

The other big thing I learned, which I think I've carried from the fast, is that hunger is a feeling the same as happiness, sadness, excitement, anxiety, meaning they all, they pass. So like, you feel hungry and then you're not hungry. So that that would happen throughout the fast as you're like, oh, I'm really hungry. I would put some salt on my tongue. I would have some water. And then, you know, 10 minutes later, you're like, yeah, I'm not hungry anymore. And you just go, you just keep going, right? And you'd have these waves of hunger.

You'd also have like waves of clarity, focus. Like Christina was like, you're so present and calm. And you're like, yeah, like, you know, you just, you're kind of like dialed in. I was less reactive, you know, like just more like. Like, okay, let's talk about this, figure this out. Okay, we need to do a two bears fast, meaning we should do like a global fast, plan it out one day with all our fans for 24 hours. 24 hours is so doable. I know, but not for me.

Like I literally, I literally was like, I would be surprised at how you're going to not, you'll, you won't want to give up after 24. I promise you. You'll be surprised, Tom, how often I eat and I don't even know I ate. this is not surprising i just said i just said i right now i was like i am fasting i didn't eat dinner last night i'm gonna see if i can go to the same i'm gonna see if i can do 24 hours and then i smelled my finger and i went i ate 10 egg bites this morning 10 yeah they come in 10 they come in two and they they offer the variety is five so i got one of each and then i just murdered them so you realize that you didn't in actually fat.

Oh yeah, yeah, Tom, unlike you and your performance in El Tigray, where you look the best you've ever looked, I am officially the fattest I've ever been in Freebert. How fat. Fat enough where I said to, I'm not going to throw anyone under the bus, but I'll say to everyone that was making the show, including everyone, that like, yeah, I'm going to, I'm going to do this fast before I was going to do my prolong fast and try to lose some weight before the shoes. and they're like, have you gained weight? And I was like, what?

And they're like, I don't know. We can't really tell. And I was like, wait, I'm like a lot fatter than when I shot the special. And they're like, you look the same. I was like, so at my skinniest, I look fat. And at my fattest, I look skinny. So I was like, so you can't tell. And they're like, I got to be honest with you.

I think it's, I mean, I think it's a little funnier if the way you look. And I was like, okay, so I just left it. I worked out a day, but I don't work out for, I don't work out for to look better. I look out for emotional reasons. I work out for, I workouts to feel better. Now, let's go back to your fast. Let's go back to this fast. Yeah, yeah.

Put a pit in this. We got to find a date. We can do a global fast. Okay. A global fast for everyone. Also, your, your 10 egg bikes were like 1,200 to 1,500 calories just to you. Nice. So I still have about a thousand to go.

Business owners are built differently. And there's nothing more satisfying than your business keeping up with you. But sometimes your growth outpaces what you can handle, especially when it comes to shipping. Ship station centralizes. your shipping tasks into one easy platform, and their rate browser automatically finds the best rates across more than 200 carriers at discounts up to 90%. Upgrade today for a 60-day free trial at shipstation.com slash cave.

Centralized label printing, order management, tracking, returns, and inventory in one easy-to-use platform. There is a reason why so many successful businesses use ShipStation. Users report scaling three times faster than average, and it is why we are on ship station. We've been on ship station for the longest time, and I'm telling you, I've watched my business grow, and I've never panicked because I know they take care of us. Upgraded shipping software that does more than keep up with your business. Shipstation propels it forward.

Start your 60-day free trial at shipstation.com slash cave. That's shipstation.com slash cave. This podcast sponsor changed the way I live my life, and that is Cigars International, the go-to retailer for all things cigars with the biggest selection of premium handmade cigars available anywhere. Cigars International offers unbeatable deals and discounts, making it easy to stock up on your favorites or try something new without breaking the bank. With fast shipping and their 100% satisfaction guarantee, you can shop with confidence knowing that Cigars International stands behind every order. They have good relationships with vendors that help provide you with great low prices. Why our listeners should choose Cigars International.

Whether you're new to Cigars or a Season Pro, Cigars International makes it easy to find the right cigar with helpful guides, staff reviews, and expert advice. It's not just about cigars. Cigars International also offers a wide range of accessories, humidors, and more to elevate your smoking experience. Cigars International is offering our listeners 20% off your order of $50 or more, plus free shipping on your entire order. Some exclusions apply. visit www. www.carsinternational.com slash two bears or use code two bears at checkout for 20% off plus free shipping on your entire order.

Yeah, you're still good. So let's go back to, you get to New Mexico. Yeah, so I get to New Mexico, and now we're getting ready to shoot, and I'm like, well, I'm 200. Hopefully, I don't get above 205. That's what I was hoping for, that I could keep, like, you know, half of what I lost off. Yeah. well we start shooting dude and i don't have to tell you but just for reference you know i'm on set at six you're right 545 and i'm in vert almost every scene in the movie so i just the same way i don't

like to do stand up on a full stomach i don't want to perform like act you know bloated or belching or whatever so cool cool i'm gonna hit pause real quick okay so my protocol craft services was to make six eggs scrambled with bacon and sausage and have eight sausage patties waiting for me eight eight sausage patties and you're like I don't understand I've gained so much weight my watch was hurting what my watch was hurting your wrist and I was like God it's really biting into my wrist I was like did that did I lose a link while I slept and Leanne's like that's an oyster flex it's a rubber band so it's not I think you just really bloated babe and then I realized that Those sausage patties were processed meat and filled with sodium.

So I cut those out halfway through. Keep going, Tom. Okay. So what would happen is they're like, you know, I'm getting ready, like, first scene or whatever. You want to eat something? I'd be like, get me like a couple egg whites and some fruit. So I would have like three bites of each. And then I would shoot until lunch.

Well, at lunch, you know, I'd be looking over what we're shooting at. In the exact same scenario, I'd say, can I get jalapeno cheddar pork rinds? And they go, because I'm trying to be healthy. Keep going. So at lunch, I would have, you know, maybe four to six ounces of chicken and some, yeah, some veggies. And then like maybe like a little bit of rice. And then I would not, then I would be in everything until we wrapped. Then I would get home and have like just like a reasonable dinner.

Wow. So at the end of like the first week, I'm like, oh, I wonder what, you know, not even. I'm like, I hope I'm under 205. You know, I was like 197. So I'm like, oh, that's crazy. A couple weeks later, you know, I'm like 192. And they add, they have to add a hole in my belt because my belts, my pants are falling off. The next week, they add a second hole in the belt.

And the wardrobe department's like, hey, we don't have time to get new clothes. It's like, you're going to look weird if you keep fucking losing weight. So I wrapped at 187 and I weigh, I still weigh 187 right now. I weighed 187 this morning because I just was in a deficit like every day. Yeah, really? So when you'd wrap, you'd have a little sensible meal. Do you know what I would do? Yeah.

What would you do? So we'd start at noon and we'd shoot until midnight. So lunch was around six and around eight o'clock I'd start getting hungry. And I would send my assistant Kyle down to, we had a bunch of different places. I sent him to get 40 pizzas one time. I sent him to get... 40 pizzas. 300 cheeseburgers at McDonald's.

I sent him to get White Castle, and I would just bring in fast food. I ate eight white castles in the middle of a take one time. During a take? We operate different, Tom. I think I just want a different... And then the second, we would wrap. They would call Bertini,

which meant it's not just martini, means it's Bert's last shot of the day. So I don't care what Martini is for these guys. Bertini is the one that matters. That's so narcissistic. They do that for a lot of people. Oh, do they? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

I've never heard it, but go ahead. You've only been on one movie, Tom. I've been on seven, and I've never heard one for Mark Wahlberg. So go ahead. You probably just didn't understand it. And then Kyle would run to my Sprinter van and make a double porosos and soda. and when they called cut for me it would be put right in my hand

and then I would drink at midnight here's how I was healthy though I would only drink for like two hours so I would have 22 hours between drinking so I barely drank it all oh that's good yeah that sounds good yeah I did I mean I smoked weed

DMT and I did some ecstasy that sounds cool that was fun the funniest I have a clip I wish I could send you the clip um i'll post it on it'll be it'll be posted already i think so i i i edited it this week but every night before begs i i i do want to work out in the mornings and you know we only have 12 hours between shoots i would uh i would murder like four three or four liquid deaths right before bed like right before bed just kill them the big cans and then throughout the

night i drink another three like if i woke up to pee i I'd take one and I'd murder it right before I went back to bed. What? And dude, I'm telling you, I felt so fucking good every morning. Every morning, it was like my body was flushed and I pissed everything out throughout the night. I mean, I woke up like four times, but I felt so good. Yeah. You drank a gallon of water before bed.

So yeah, you probably woke up a few times. And so, but here's the best part of it. Okay. And I mean typical Burt fashion. I don't need to talk about myself in the third person, but I think, think it's fitting for this story. Sometimes I only see myself in the world, you know? And I would kill the milk of death, and then I would fling it in the air.

In the middle of the night, at like four in the morning, fling it in the air, and I'd hear it hit the wall on the floor, and I'd be like, all right. And then I'd kill the liquid death, and I'd fling it in the air. So throughout every night of filming, I would throw at least four liquid deaths in the air in my room, and they'd hit. the ground. Do you pick up in the morning? No, never did. I loved the fact that they were all over the floor. They were all over. I mean, the housekeeping came in a couple times and we'd clean them out,

but it was like wild how many of they were. And so on the second tonight, second last night of rap, we're all talking about our rooms and if we liked our rooms. And my director, Andy Mogul, was like, my room's great except the guy above me keeps moving furniture in the middle of the night. I said, what room are you in? He said, 2.18. And I said, that's so funny. I'm in 318.

Like, does it sound like, like, like, can sitting in the ground? And he goes, that's exactly what it sounds like. I was like, it's me. That's me. Yeah. Like, without a sense of humor, he's like, are you fucking kidding me? You've been waking me up all fucking for two months in the middle of the night, throwing cans around your room?

He goes, what are you throwing cans around your room? I go, just to let me know that I'm done with it. Like, I just throw it in the air. It made me laugh so hard. And you could see him going, I struggled for two months with some cock sucker living above me. And it was you the whole, I could have, and then the last, like, it was the last three days. I couldn't throw the cans. So I had to keep him in bed with me.

And, dude, I was rolling on top of cans all fucking. What is wrong with you? Jesus Christ. I've come to accept myself. oh i see that yeah i don't think you had a problem with that i don't think yeah i don't think there's like oh i just accepted myself i fucking love me yeah i know um so wait 185 you're 185 right now i was i i said to everyone and i know i know you probably don't want me to say this to people but uh that you're getting a bunch of skin removed and i was like what's cool is that he's got so much hair

you'll never see the scars and they're like and everyone was like oh yeah yeah right you're right you're right you right you won't see the scars i was like that's what's great about his hair his skin removal that's cool thanks did you shave your back for this movie because i think you did uh you shave your shoulders the wardrobe the wardrobe the makeup department did yeah yeah shaved your shaved your shoulders and back yeah do you think you'll keep it like that i mean i'm not i'm not like actively checking my back a lot does it does it

Itch when you put a shirt on? Mm-mm. No. Really? No, you always have someone trimming your back. Every time I see you. Every day. Every other day.

Every other day? Ever since I got on testosterone, my back's been fucking crazy. Really? Yeah, my back started growing hair like really bad. But I still bench 2.95, five times, whatever. Whatever, dude. Dude, I am still as fat as I am. I'm still fucking...

How much do you weigh? I don't know. I think, I don't know. I think. You know. I think I can tell you, I can tell you how much I weigh. I'm curious. I want to know, be honest, anyone listening. If you have this barometer too. I can tell you if I'm above 255 or below 255 on whether or not I can touch my asshole. That's the fucking barometer for this. It's a barometer. So what, can you touch your asshole right now? Barely. So you might be 255. I might be 260.

Okay. I have to exhale pretty hard to get to wipe my ass. That's cool. That's cool. I, Tom, sometimes I don't shit because I know I can't wipe my ass. Like if it's a thin, if it's a thin, toilet and I can't really spread my legs out. Like, I need to

really spread my legs out and then go and then get in there. I'm doing Wimhoff breathing exercises to wipe my ass. To wipe your asshole. That's cool. Yeah, it's been really fun. Are you going to try to push it now and, like, see if you can get to $2.90 or something? I don't know. Someone saw a picture of me fat and they were like,

hey, man, can you do my movie? And it was a big movie star. And I was like, yeah. he was like, don't lose weight. I was like, huh? He said, don't lose weight. And I was like, okay, it's easy. Yeah, now they want it. They're like, I want this guy.

Yeah, I don't really care. I don't know, you know, I feel like I feel. How's your acid reflux going? You know what? Not great. Yeah, I've heard it about 30 times since we started. I know. Do you know that?

You're like, I don't know that. That's a substance flux. Yeah, I know. I know. It might be the 10 egg bites. Most people have two. Most people have two. Who?

Bullshit most people have two. Who has two? Most people have two. Most women have two. Okay. There's no man. There's no man that's in a truck right now, listening to this, with Starbucks next to him. Guys, take the picture and tag both of us.

Who gets just two? They're having four. 100%. Four. Yeah, four's not ten. If you're a man, you go, you know, I'm going to grab some. people with the office and then eat them I don't eat them and go I guess I didn't get them

sorry I forgot that you were alive it was my daughter's fault Ila was like was like hey you promised me coffee I was like we have a great coffee maker oh was she on set she was on set she was on set so uh the girls got pretty litigious about their names

they didn't want their names in it and I was like oh really I was like okay And we did it for the machine And it bothered me It always bothered me That we didn't use their real names You know

But then they didn't want it in this They didn't want it in this And I was like You know what? I'm gonna get in front of that And I was like guys I think the cat's out of the bag Like people know you're my daughters

And they're like yeah I know But no names And I was like no That's not gonna happen I was like I named you I picked the name It's really kind of my name So we're using your names

And then Ila was Island Georgia were like And then they saw the pilot And they liked it and Ila saw you know her representation and she was like okay it's it's really funny and I was like yeah we're not making you guys

look like assholes and then they were like okay and then Ila came to the set one day and she was like a movie star because everyone's doing a TV show about my family and they know this Ila character and Ila shows up and everyone's like fucking Ila and Ila you know Ila is really into art and so the art department kind of took her

like took her over and then Ila kind of really loved it The thing she loved the most was my trailer because she just slept for fucking 10 hours in the trailer. Oh, really? She came, like, set like three times and just every time her and her friend would go and her friend really is into film. So her friend was like sitting at every station kind of shadowing everybody and I would shadow a couple of people in the art department and then go to my trailer and take a nap with a fucking mountain dew. Yeah. Well, that sounds like fun.

My boys came to set one day because they were only there for the very beginning and they showed up on like a big cocaine day. And they were like, is that cocaine? I was like, well, it's fake cocaine. They're like, does it feel good? I'm like, it's not real. And then they left. And then Christina was like, oh, it was really nice of you to invite us today. Do you know what your boys have been talking about the rest of the day?

Guns and cocaine. That's all they talk about. And I was like, oh, cool. She's like, yeah, they start school next week. It should be really nice for them. So, yeah. But they had a good time. They had a good time.

Hey, have you watched, have you watched, not to change stuff, jokes, but I'm sure everyone's like, no more talk about burpee and fat. Have you watched America's team? I'm in the middle of it, and it's so fucking good. I was thinking about it today because I was running, watching it today on the treadmill, and I was like, man, I, it's hard not to fucking love Michael Irvin. That guy is just, you know, I mean, I've been a fan since I was a kid, but like, it's, you know, His skill set is one thing.

Like, he's obviously, like, such a gifted player. Like, just, you know, I met him, like, a dozen years ago on a flight. And he'd been retired already for a while. I could not believe this guy's stature and physique as, like, a retired guy. I was like, this guy looks like he can play in the league today. Yeah. But he's so fucking charismatic. And he has that personality when you watch that thing where you go,

I you want him as a teammate you know what I mean like you're like this is a guy you want lining up next to you he's just the greatest dude I fucking I I love Michael Ervin I'll tell you what if you want to get pumped up peacock has all I think eight seasons of a football life oh really dude you can't download it but you can just watch it and stream it holy I am so fucking ready for football right now me and you I mean this we're this and then we're about to get on a plane and go to Tallahassee yeah there is that better Tom just edit it out and so we're going to go to Tallahassee for the Tallahassee Alabama game and I'm so pumped up and you know we do we do drafting reads all the time yeah and we talk about gambling and I don't think I've ever come out publicly as a gambler right but I enjoy gambling this year I think I'm going to do something big. I want to run it by you. I want to hear your take, okay?

So I've been thinking this through a lot. So I want to make a year long's bets, okay? And I want to bet on one team to win to cover every fucking week. I also want to bet on one team to go to the Super Bowl. Now, I want to bet $1,000 every week on the same team to cover the spread. I'm going to do it. I'm going to do it. September 18th is when I can place.

this bet because I'll be in Rockford, Illinois for the permission of party world tour and gambling is legal in Illinois. So I will be on Illinois, stone sober, ready to make this bet. So tell me the bet I'm making, Tom. Okay, so you're going to bet on, excuse me, a NFL or college team to cover the spread every week. You name it. No, I would know, I would like to bet. I wish I could get to Illinois before this weekend, because I'd like to bet on Florida State. But, you know, gambling is not really in Florida. Yeah, I would love to be on Florida State. Yeah. I would love to be on Florida State. I would love to be on Florida State for the entire season. That's a tough opener they got.

I know, I know, but I think they're going to surprise them. I talked to Inside Gossip, I talked to some guys that worked at Alabama, and they said, you know, every year there's that one team that they're like, you know, I don't fucking know about them. And they're like, you never know who it is, but they go into that game, a little nervous going like, we're really confident, but this could be the sleeper. And they said that Tallahassee is that, Florida State's at. Well, week one is always a thing. I mean, in any league, but in college ball, you know, you get these preseason top tens and you're like, all right, this is the order. And then you just don't know who's going to show up.

You have their college kids. You don't know what your team is. So week one can always be a real wake-up call for any team, really. It can go any way. I could do. I can also, Tom, I wouldn't mind doing a college team and a pro team. but I want to here's a deal I want to pick one team

and run it with them and just go ask my team I'm there every fucking week for you to cover well the top five is like it's the usual suspects and this can go anyway dude you got Texas Penn State

Ohio State Clemson Georgia I mean any one of those five could they could run the tape you just don't know I mean you just don't know until you get into the season. Taking one of them, that's how to, I mean, if you're going from like before the season starts,

it's one of those five, man. One of those five is going to have, yeah, I mean. One of those five is going to run it the whole season. They could. I mean, obviously, you know, anything can happen in college football, but it's like, Ohio State, Penn State, they were fucking incredible last year. And you just don't know which, like, one of them might run the table in the Big Ten. And Texas, they're preseason number one.

We got Manning under center. Like the offense is electric. Have you seen, I've followed him and his dad the other day, Cooper. Because that kid, that kid, do you see him when they were doing the drills with the drones? Uh-uh. They're putting out drones and he's just nailing drones with a football. Just fucking understand. Fap.

Fap. I'm like, nice. And he can run. He can run, dude. That's the other thing is like a lot of these guys are great pocket passers. but especially in college ball, when you have legs and you have a cannon, it's so fucking dangerous. Yeah, and then, I mean, I would never sleep on Clemson or Georgia. Like, you just don't know what they did in the offseason, who's coming back, like how good some of their players are.

They can always shock the shit out of you. Not even shock you. They just do what they do. All right. Here's my question, okay. So the Bucks are probably going to win their division. and you know I'm a Bucks fan and it's easy to root for Baker

for me for that team I'm rooting for everyone I was really bummed they cut Shiloh but I think I don't know what did you think about that I mean it's a bigger story because of his name you know you get undrafted

or even if you're like a mid or late round pick like being cut is not it's not unusual it's not the end of the world so if you either don't perform or you have some something some issue that they flag getting cut is not it's not that weird i mean it doesn't mean that the guy's career is over i don't know exactly what what's in the cards for him but i don't i don't think it's that that newsworthy to like hey someone got cut like it just it happens so often in the NFL it's not it's not odd to me okay so i think i think it was it's either got to be rams or bucks for me because they're teams I can get behind.

The girls and they are Rams fans. I'm a Bucks fan. So tell me, okay, ready? I'm going to say the name of the game. And you tell me just simply if the Bucks will win or lose, okay? Okay. Okay, so I won't be able to place this bet until September 18th. Is that because you're going to a sports book that day?

That's because I'm going to Illinois. So it's the closest I get to gambling. That's why Barstool moved to Illinois. Okay. We're still in preseason right now, right? No, the games start Sunday. The game starts. They start the fourth.

Yeah. That's the following weekend. Next weekend. Sunday, September 7th is still preseason? This weekend is still preseason? This weekend is, next weekend is the regular season. Okay. Awesome.

Then I'm in. All right. Perfect. So Bucks Texans, Bucks are going to win, correct? I mean, I would. I would think they could win that game, sure. Bucks Jets? Bucks.

Bucks Eagles. There you got yourself a little bit of an issue. That's going to be a sleeper one. Bucks, Seahawks. Go Bucks. Bucks 49ers. Just Christian McCaffrey. Yeah, I mean.

It's tough. I definitely would not sleep on the Niners. Right. For sure. Bucks Lions, easy money. I don't know. Is that easy money? Yeah, of course, lions.

Of course, I'm thinking of the 1981 lions. Yeah, these lions are a little different, man. Yeah, yeah, all minds. Tom, all my gambling reads are from when I was a child. Yeah, I would update that. I would think about how they are. Buck Saints, they haven't won a game all season. The Ains?

Yeah, I mean, but that's also a division game, and those always can go anyway, man. That's the thing about the NFL is like, there's a big difference in, in college in the NFL. So if you had to pick one team in the NFL is still a fucking NFL team, man. Like they are, they can, they can, any team can win in the NFL. That's what's great about it.

And that's what's great about it is that you're going to take a team like the Bucks where people are going to, at times, say they're not going to win this game. But then you have a team that is magical when they want to be magical, right? I mean, they've got, I mean, listen, I keep jumping things on Baker, but Mike Evans is fucking gold. Yeah, he's, he's Hall of Fame. Bucky gold. I mean, you're, you're, you're talking.

about like there's so much that they can happen with that team where they're underplayed that I keep thinking that's the team to bet a thousand dollars on every single game. Dude, November 16th, at Buffalo, that's going to be a tough game for sure. At Buffalo? At Buffalo, at the Rams. Yeah. Are we going back to back? Mm-hmm.

Yeah, those are tough games, man. Oh, no, I guess I want to think I have a show that night. Those are tough games. would you be into doing a bet I'll do a bet okay what's your bet are you going to bet on one team or you're going to pick a team every week

the thing is Tom is that like it's fun I like your idea because it's fun to get behind one team for the season yeah and financially get behind that team

yeah oh man we're not really doing that though are we the survivor pool no no no no no this is just me and you once they lose your No, no, there's just me and you. $1,000.

I pulled up the Bengals schedule. Oh, you go Bengals. I'll go bucks. $1,000 every game. Okay. Open at Cleveland, Jacksonville. Easy. Vikings, Denver.

Detroit, that'll be tough. They have a lot of, they, you know. You also don't, like, they were obviously, they underperformed, but I don't know. Joe Burroughs. I'll do it. Hang on. Listen, we're talking about the magical spark. right?

Yeah. That kid's fucking magic. Joey Burr. You cannot. And you know if Joey Burroughs was listening to this right now, I think his name's Joe. But if Joe Burroughs

is listening this right now, and we go, I don't know, should you bet on Joe Burroughs? Do you know right now he's in his fucking truck going, you always fucking bet on me. You always bet.

Tom, Tom, Tom, always bet on me. If I said, when we sat next to Baker and gambled, do you think Baker's ever not bet on Baker? Right. There's a bunch of,

There's a bunch of quarterbacks out there that are like, I'm like a, I'm like a safe bet. No. They're the fucking, they're the, they're the fucking Hail Mary passes. I'll go in on the bangles, dude. September 18th, you go in on the Bengals. I'll go in on the bucks. $1,000 every game. We'll see who wins.

And we're just, we're just taking the spread. Just taking the spread. Just taking the spread. All right. All right. All right, bro. I'm in. All right.

Right. I have a, I can go, can I do that in Florida? I can go to a sportsbook in Florida. Florida's got a, uh, Florida's got a co-share with this, with the Seminole tribe. They can only do sports betting through the, um, casinos down there. That's what I'm saying. Can I go to a casino in place these bets? Tom, we have a great partner in draft kings. Okay. We have a great, why would we look anywhere else when we have one of the best partners in sports gambling ever? So I just start doing those on draft kings.

on draft kings on draft kings it depends if you can get to a if you can get to a city earlier that is i mean i just know that i'm in chicago and i know it's i'm like looking at my schedule been a little obsessed with this uh for a number of reasons but it's because you know i i i want when i played fantasy football it was probably the funnest time i ever had watching football but then i got bored of fantasy football and then when i did the the pickums league i was the fun is for the first year and then I got bored of the pickams league and then and it was like putting in my picks every week I just get bored of that I want to put in my picks for the whole season and I don't I don't need to remember them like crazy but I will wake up knowing that a thousand dollars is on the line

every Sunday and be like hey where are they playing the bucks game that energy is what I look for in life like I don't want to live life where I just go it's Sunday do you guys want to get brunch I want to live life where I go it's Sunday we're going to Buffalo Wild Wings they got nine fucking we're going to watch all the games but the bucks is on the big one i want to watch the bucks today and i want to be emotionally committed to this team i want to text the people in the fucking front office and be like what the fuck are we doing okay all right that does that mean you're also going to do picking the bucks to go to the super bowl and win the super like you're going to do that i don't know if you can make that bet that late i know and i can't get to a unless i'm going to be in

Georgia. I think you can do it that late. It's still months before it happened. Sure. Okay. Yeah. If I can do it, I'll put money on them

to go to the Super Bowl. To win the Super Bowl. To win it. I think there's a chance they're going to win it. Once again, all these bets are based on 1981 bucks.

It's a great way to do it, man. Yeah. Who's the favorite to win? Is it the Eagles again? I think so. the chiefs, I think. Okay, what will you do with your winnings? You've got to have something fun to do, right?

If you win. If I win, and I'll win, say, like, $16,000. Mm-hmm. You should be put into something fun, a fun thing. I don't know, that's a good question. All right. If I win $16,000, it's like the ultimate is what I can get out of this most. And then I'm the happiest man.

And by the way, and by the way, that's all one money, so it's not my money, really. And if I lose the money, then that is my money, but that's fine because I enjoyed watching the game. But if I win it, it's not really my money. So I need to, do I give it away to a fan? That's fucking rad. That's really cool. Yeah? Yeah, that's very cool.

How do we pick which fan? I don't know. That's the whole game. Okay. If I win, if I win, no, whatever I'll do with my winnings, go. to a fan. Very cool. And then, wait, I mean, I always like the big paycheck going to one person, but if I win 16,000,

I could break it up. I could give it to two fans. I like all the money going to one person. All right. You just got to figure out how you pick your person. How do I pick my person? And I need to really pick my person. Oh, you know what we should do?

We should play a Burt game show. We'll do a Burt game show. So what we'll do is we'll get five fans, Zolo. And they have to know the most about Burt. The most about Burt. So that you have to be like a Burt mega fan. And it's got to be like, we're going to really quiz you on stuff. And we're going to deep dive you.

Like we're going to go into your analytics. Okay. Find out how much you love me. The person that loves me the most is getting all the winnings. Tom, this is fucking genius. this is fucking genius so what are you doing with your winnings are you getting it to the person that hates me the most that'd be a real contest very tough that's going to be very tough to find there's a lot of them somebody just puts together a montage video of how much they they're like

I hate them so much and I'm like here's $16,000 yeah that's a great idea that's a great idea and you'll have balance you want balance you don't want to get you don't want to get too full of burnt love so we'll balance it out the person that hates me the most gets $16,000 the person who loves me the most get $16 what if it's Leanne and she gets both there you go perfect that's who should get it Zolo can you plan this out there you go

Burt game show Holy shit Condition number three And his answer I don't give a fuck I hate him That's his answer for every question Like you're getting closer

Oh shit All right I can't wait to spend time I did this weekend man I have a lot to talk to you about Me too man It's going to be a blast It's going to be a real fucking blast. I'm so fucking pumped, man.

I just got a text from Coach. Why doesn't why doesn't he text me? Don't text him right now. I'm going to go, hey man, are we texting? No, no, don't do that. Come on. Just give it a beat. I'm not going to text. I'm not going to text him. You know what I'm going to do?

I'm going to shine him on the field. Oh, Coach Norville. Oh, good seeing you again. And he'll say, it's great to see you, man. He'll give you a hug. That's great seeing you. It's great seeing you. It's a good time. Thanks for having us, man.

Yeah. What's he saying? Is he saying he's ready for this fucking, does he need us to go into the locker room and give him a pop-up speech? He might be like, eh, I'm good. Let's see. I haven't even opened it yet. Let's see. I heard you and the fat guy are coming down to the show.

So, yeah, he's just, I hope to see you excited for it. It's going to be right. He's right. I mean, they have the new, you know, renovation, the new club seat. Like the stadium is kind of redone. It's going to be, it's going to be awesome, man. We're going to have a blast. And then, and then I think, I mean, I'm sure we're going on to the field before. And then what are you wearing? I hadn't thought of that. What are you wearing? I'm wearing garnet pants with flip-flops. and then I think maybe a collared FSU shirt Wow

With a porosos Maybe a porosos Garning Gold hat Oh cool Yeah that's great man Or I have an FSU hat it depends They want me to do something before the game So I don't see if I can slide by the porosos hat

So I'm sure they're going to be like Hey what's poor osos? I'm like ah it's like a club It's just a it's a seminal thing Yeah I just kind of keep walking Part of the chant you know if you listen to the lyrics we can give the best fucking pump up speeches to that team

yeah here's my problem here's the problem would you code switch at all and be like y'all what's up what's up homies yeah yeah get some right yeah do that do that no you would do that oh i do that yeah you code switch when you talk to black people uh all know what it is yeah yeah y'all know what it is Coach Nillmoreville's honky Yeah Tom Tee's crackers with Tom and it Yeah I can't wait too

I'm stoked We should wrap up I have an IV And uh Okay And uh And I can't Let's fucking get to Tallahassee

This is gonna be fucking blast Let's get there dude We hope you enjoyed the final episode Of the two of us And we will see you in our future endeavors Lots of love everybody Goodbye Bye

Bye Bye shirt. Tom tells stories and birds the machine. There's not a chance in hell that they'll keep clean. Here's what we call. Two bears one cave.