2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer - Haunted By Norm Macdonald w/ Nick Swardson | 2 Bears, 1 Cave

Episode Date: August 12, 2024

SPONSORS: Head to https://www.liquidiv.com and use code CAVE at checkout Visit https://bluechew.com with promo code BEARS NetSuite has extended its one-of-a-kind flexible financing program for a few more weeks! Go to https://NetSuite.com/BEARS to learn more. Control Body Odor ANYWHERE with @‌shop.mando and get $5 off your Starter Pack (that’s over 40% off) with promo BEARS at https://ShopMando.com! #mandopod. This week on 2 Bears, 1 Cave, Bert is out once again, something going on with his ear or something, so Tom is joined by Nick Swardson. Nick does a mean impression of Bert so it's almost like he's still here. Speaking of someone who's still here, Nick's BFF Norm Macdonald also appears in impression form and the two talk about what he'd sound like as a ghost. The two also talk about Carrot Top's jacked physique, what Tom eats in the morning, a cool chloroform prank, Comedy Central, the greats of alt-comedy, Tom's tour name, South Park, Minnesota, and so much more! Grab some vodka and hangout. 2 Bears, 1 Cave Ep. 249 https://tomsegura.com/tour https://www.bertbertbert.com/tour https://store.ymhstudios.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

100% All right, so my regular co-host Burt has Auditory problems his hearing just kind of went on him. He's seeing some of the best available Doctors and he's getting it worked on and hopefully his hearing returns soon. Sitting in for him where it's a real treat. We're very lucky to have him. His new special, Make Joke From Face is out right now. Give it up for Nick Swartz and everybody. Hi everybody. So many blessings. Bert, we hope your hearing comes back.

Yeah, it's so weird. It's just like, went on him. That's really weird. Yeah, but ironically like his audience They don't want hearing Yeah, they don't really want hearing. Yeah, they don't want to hear he's lost his balance too Cuz I guess anything that happens so what he has like vertigo or something Yeah, his equilibrium is way off and like he can't it's like he's almost fully deaf right now But he's got he might get a he might get a cochlear implant You know where they put the thing on your head.

Right. And then you can just hear. Well, we don't like that. We love Berg. Yeah, well, I hope his hearing returns. Yeah. Yeah. I remember when I first met Berg, I met him before he started stand-up, and he was in

New York City, ironically, at a club called the Boston Comedy Club. It was in New York. It's so dumb. It was in New York City, ironically, at a club called the Boston Comedy Club. It was in New York and he showed up and he was like, I want to go to Florida State. Everyone's like, cool, don't care. He's like, yeah, I want to make comedy. I'll do comedy. We're like, okay.

I was at Rolling Stone. I was at Rolling Stone magazine. A party. And everyone's like, literally don't care. This is when he wore clothes. Yeah. Remember that era? Yeah, it's a long time ago.

Yeah. It's a long time ago. It was such a much better, right, when he was clothed? Yeah. It was exciting. Yeah, you don't know what's under there. Yeah. And now you're like, ugh.

Now you're like, oh! Yes. God, no. This is awful. And now you're like, ugh. Now you're like, oh! Yes. God, no. This is awful. What is that? Oh my God. Is that a snowman made out of vomit? Jesus, Christmas trees.

So what was he like? Was he just obnoxious? No, he was really sweet. He was a sweetheart. And he still is, he's awesome. But yeah. But deaf. Yeah, he could kind of hear, but he couldn't hear the booze right

That was the thing the very loud booze yeah, the very loud booze did you? Ever watch him go up like back then like he would have been a new new comic. Oh, yeah He had no idea what he was doing none. Yeah, but he had confidence installed other long stone magazine None. Yeah, but he had confidence. I was in Rolling Stone. I was in Rolling Stone magazine. And a lot of personality. Yeah. Yeah, he was very charming. He still is.

He's great. I love Bert. Now, you've worked with S. Yes. But have you ever seen Bert humiliate himself to Sandler? Did you ever see that interview? Yes, of course. It was amazing.

It was so funny because I know Adam really well. Did you ever see that interview? Yes, of course Amazing it was It's so funny cuz I know Adam really well, so it's like I just know like what's going on in his brain Which is what I'm sure he's like Adams just patient and tolerant. So he was just I'm sure he was like What is going on here the special needs guy? Yeah this guy we pray. Yeah. Yeah, we'll pray for him He's like, I love precious diamonds that you were in Slick got everything wrong everything wrong What was the only say goes? Yeah, I love you and happy Billy son. Yeah, or something something like that It's happy Billy. It's one of my favorites growing up. This is one of my favorites. Got it wrong. And he was like, okay. He's like, okay, cool.

Get me the fuck out of here. Get me out of here, yeah, yeah. Jesus. Sever my genitals. Yeah, he wanted to die. So I was just talking to Andrew Santino about you. What was your tour name? I believe it, wasn't it it like I'm coming all over.

I'm coming everywhere. I'm coming everywhere. We were talking about how jealous we were, how brilliant that was. Thanks man, that was a good tour name actually. That was a phenomenal tour name. And I really lived up to it. I mean not just because I came a lot, but we just did so many shows. So it was like, it was the kind of tour where you're like, I'm gonna, I am gonna try to go to all the places. Right. And it was way too many places,

like I'll never do that again. But that's the right tour name for it. Sometimes they just, they line up perfectly. Yeah. They're out of grade. No, that's amazing. It is exhausting. I would like touring.

It's like my new tour this fall, Toilet Head. Nick Swartz in.net, Toilet Head. That's why I love your name. Cause it's like, if you're a comedian, don't take anything seriously. You shouldn't take it too seriously. Yeah, like when people do that, and like you know, you've seen it,

where it's just like comedians that they take like their intros seriously. They take everything seriously. When they do this. It's so embarrassing. When they're like, make sure you hit, like hit all these when you give me the intro. Yeah. And you're like.

It's embarrassing. Okay man. Shut up. Yeah. Okay. You're six plugs, you want me to say? Like you think this audience gives a shit Yeah, nobody fucking cares. Nobody cares at all say whatever Bob Saget that one time to me he didn't do it like an asshole, but I was uh, I was emceeing the Bray improv and I go what do you mean to say like cuz I was I thought that was the standard thing

I'm emceeing and I don't know him like I know who he is obviously, but I don't know him right What should I say when I bring you up? He goes they know why they're thing. I'm emceeing and I don't know him. Like I know who he is obviously but I don't know him. Right. What should I say when I bring you up? He goes they know why they're here. I go what? He goes they already know. You don't have to say any of that stuff. I was like oh you mean I don't have to say you know him from Full House? He was like no they're here for a reason. Just bring me up. That's amazing. I was like yeah, that makes you make sense. Yeah, I remember I brought up Michael Winslow from police Academy oh And um he's the guy that does sound effects the sounds yeah, yeah, so I went up to him And I'm like hey, this is back at Chicago Zanies shout out

And I went up to him, and I'm like hey. I'm emceeing like what do you want for your intro, and you guys don't? Talk to me, please I'm like, hey, I'm emceeing. Like, what do you want for your intro? And he goes, don't. Talk to me, please. Get it from my manager. And I'm like, okay, but you're right here. You can just tell me. So I go to his manager. He's like, yeah, don't do that.

And I'm like, okay, what the fuck? And he goes, I swear to God, he goes, write this down. And I go, what? And he goes, Police Academy to God, he goes, write this down. And I go, what? And he goes, police academy one, police academy two, police academy three, police academy four, police academy five. I was like, can I just say police academy? All the police academies?

Yeah, I have to fucking number them? I have to fucking number them. What are you fucking retarded? The fuck out of here. And then there were even more after that. Yeah, yeah. More nonsense. Yeah, of course.

You saw him on VH1 or whatever the fuck. I was like, oh my God. He was a don't talk to me? Yeah. Wow. He was also wearing a gray leather vest. Shirtless. Really? Yeah, with a Star Trek pin.

Man, black guys can pull off some wild fashion. Dude, they're not afraid. They're definitely not. Shout out to black people. All blacks. We love you. Wear your stuff. Dude, wear it.

Wear all the colors. Own it. Orange, purple. Order the Florida State. Order the Florida State. I can Own it. Orange, purple. Own it, Florida State. Own it, Florida State. Own it, Florida. I can't fucking hear anymore, dude. The fuck?

What the fuck? What the fuck? Helen Keller? It'd be awesome. If he lost his ability to speak to, he might, I feel like Burt would figure out a way to not learn sign language, because he's not gonna learn anything. No. But he'd figure out a way to not learn sign language because he's not gonna learn anything No, but he would he figure out a way to communicate still and put on a show even with his hearing loss and his speech loss

He could still do it. I think he could but he could just chug through it. Yeah, like he's not afraid to just chug Yeah in any hole. Yeah, he'll fucking butt chug He was a big butt chug guy at Florida State. That was like kinda like one of the, it took off. I think he was the first guy, and I don't know if I'm wrong about this, I think he was the first guy to freebase dingleberries. I don't know if we can verify that.

Can we fact check that? Can anybody look that up? I think he was the first guy. Freebase full on healthy dingleberries. Dingleberries, yeah. Yeah, like boulders. By the way, you did something fucking bold in your new special.

The what? In your special, you did something fucking bold. What did I do? You wore shorts. Oh yeah. Fucking brazen, man. I'm not afraid, man. Dude, that's balls.

I wear shorts. The fucking balls on this guy is fucking crazy. Game on. Dude. Fuck. San Jose, shorts, it's fucking crazy. Yeah, it's amazing. You don't give a fuck man.

Dude I don't play by rules. That's why toilet head this fall. Nick Swartz in.net. Again like every name is so stupid like make joke from face. Yeah. And I remember my agent was like, OK, so that's what we're calling it. And I'm like, yeah, because it's the tour I just fucking did for two years. That was the name of it. Why would I change it now?

You fucking rogue gypsy. Mm-hmm. Good God Go away, and he's like, yeah, okay Yeah, that's fine You're gonna tell him what you want to do anyway, so just fucking accept it man. Yeah, fuck off. There you go, man Who's your agent? Fucking carrot top really? Yeah Who's your agent? Fucking Carrot Top. Really?

Yeah. So weird. He's so Jack now. Dude, he's fucking Jack Nicholson. Dude, do you want to do something? Sexually? No. Okay. Or what about... What about, let's do a couple cycles of steroids. That's the most Rogan thing ever.

Let's try it. Okay, Seth Rogan. Look at- I meant Seth Rogan. Look at Carrot Top. He's so juiced. Pull up Carrot Top. I mean, have you ever done a steroid?

Yeah. Have you really? Yeah. But don't you wanna do like, let's do some of these. Come on, man. I some of these. Come on man. I mean, sure. Why not? It would help the tour.

I have a huge black dick. It'll shrink. No, your balls will shrink. Yeah. You have good balls? My balls are Asian. Really? Yeah.

It's hot. I mean, got it. Look at him, man. Are you watching the Olympics right now? A little bit. I mean, don't you watch them and just go like, fuck. That's it. Liquid IV has refreshing summer flavors like popsopsicle Firecracker and Rainbow Sherbet that

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it's 69 hours a day yeah yeah and you're doing the rings and then somebody yeah last night at the bar goes, I could probably do that. No. I'm like, no. No. No, onion rings, you can do. You fucking fat idiot. No, you're not doing that.

You definitely can't do that. The rings. No. Fucking the gymnastics shit, it's like, oh my God. Those dudes are, and women. Yeah, both. Both, they also compete, the women. or and women. Yeah, both.

Both, they also compete, the women. The gymnasts are the fucking most insane, underrated. This is the only time every four years that anyone brings up gymnastics. And then you go, holy shit, these are the most amazing athletes. It's the only time anybody. No one ever brings up fucking gymnastics.

Nobody's like dude And did look at this guy see the pommel horse Last night. No, I fucking do never and those rings are so unbelievable like those guys are the other freaks, man Yeah, it's insane. And again, shout out to them. Shout out to all of them all Olympians For your dedication. I bet I I bet Eni could do that. I mean, good God. It gives me anxiety just watching it. I know, still photos are giving me anxiety.

So fucking crazy. What's your favorite one? Your favorite Olympic event? Cock ring. Cock ring? Yeah. Yeah. That's my favorite. No, I think like the floor exercise. Floor exercise? The floor routine? Yeah, the floor whatever. Like just watching that, I don't even know how you do that. I think

I tweeted the other day that it was, or last night, that it looked like Cocaine the musical. Cause they just like, all those flips, I'm just like, oh my God. It's like me at last call. You've done a flip? I mean I can. Off a diving board? I've done it before, yes.

How did it go? It did not go well. I retired pretty quickly. I mean I've attempted a cartwheel in the last 10 years. Again, didn't go well. I retired pretty quickly. I mean, I've attempted a cartwheel in the last 10 years. Again, didn't go well. I don't know if anybody out there has ever attempted a cartwheel. They're not that easy.

When you're over 40, it's really not easy. Yeah, dangerous. Yeah, it's, you might get Christopher Reeved. Ha ha ha ha ha ha. Speaking of, when, how old were you? How old were you? Now, let him fucking go. The he deserved it.

When you when you did. Because I feel like you were the guy who we were like, holy shit. This guy's so good. And he's getting recognition. Weren't you like 21 already on Comedy Central? Yeah, I think it was like yeah 22 22 years old So when I got yeah, it was so long ago. Well. I remember when I first started HBO picked me as one of the top young comics in the country. How old were you that for that? 19? 19

I'd done an open mic six months in and I got picked as one of the top. Seriously? Yeah. And were you just doing that in Minneapolis? Yeah. Was it Acme or somewhere else? Yeah, Acme Comedy Company. Amazing club. Louis Lee. Shout out to Louis Lee. Shout out to Louis Lee. Louis Lee! Or you can call him Lee Lee. Yeah, whatever you want. But yeah, I was way too young. And this is before the internet. So this is when I was like open micing and living in my car, essentially. Really?

Yeah. I would drive across the country by myself, just sad. Just trying to figure out my life, hoping I get discovered. But yeah, HBO picked me as one of the top young comics. And then did that, is that what kind of prompted the Comedy Central stuff? Like is that how you got? Yeah, for the most part.

Yeah, that's when like they first saw me. Yeah, cause you just had the, I mean, did you have any idea how crazy it is that that was happening to you at 22? Like any reference for that? Or you were just like, oh, this is cool. This is what's next. I was like, yeah, let's go.

Really? Let's see what happens. Jesus Christ. Yeah. Good God. And I shared an apartment with Zach Galifianakis. In New York. New York?

Yeah, so I went from Minneapolis to New York. And how long did you stay there? I was there a couple years. Well, and then again, that's where I met Bert. Bert. Bert. Bert. Your mouth's got to meant Burt. Burt. Burt. Um, Burt. Your mouth's gotta stay open more. There you go.

I gotta take my shirt off. Vodka. I love vodka. You want some? Yeah, I wanna try your vodka. It's right here. Well, where the fuck is it? It's right in front of you, man.

Here. I'm blind. I'm legally blind. He's legally blind. I'm like Burt with ears. How are you legally blind? I don't know. I'm illegally blonde. Do you drive?

No. When was the last time you drove? This is not gonna happen. Oh! Dude, I've been driven in like 13 years. I gave my car up. What? Yeah.

13? I cut out driving, I cut out dairy, and I cut out sugar. Guess what I didn't cut out? Vodka. Yeah. Game on, motherfucker. Straight or with a... I'll do it openly straight. Openly straight? Alright. Alright, let me try these gay tears or whatever they are.

100% that's what it is. These are gay tears, but they're Texan gay tears See how this plays out. Cheers everybody. I love you. Twilight had this fall from this wine guy Terrible really yeah, just fucking terrible. You didn't like it? No. No, I'm kidding. It's fine. We're in Austin drinking another vodka that's not Tito's. That is insane. That shit sucks. You're an insane posse. No, you're an insane posse. This sucks. You're an insane clown posse. It's corn based, it's gross. You're corn based. Not yet.

Brown corn. Dude, I fucking shit so good now. I had so much diarrhea for so long, right? Like every day, I would have probably two or three diureas or explosive just shits of like, like somebody took a like a scooper and then they grabbed some mud and then they just fucking threw it across the room, right?

That's how most of my shits were. And then I just cleaned up my diet recently and I didn't realize I was capable of healthy bowel movements. I just want you to know that you can do it too. No. You can do it. We can all do it. Yeah. I don't have diarrhea anymore. I take a lot of vitamins, yeah. No. You can do it. We can all do it. Yeah.

I don't have diarrhea anymore. Really? I take a lot of vitamins, yeah. That's what did it? Vitamins and diet. Cutting out dairy and sugar was huge. Yeah, I cut out dairy too. Yeah, dairy is horrible.

Do you do anything to bulk up with fiber? It's like some Metamucil or something? Just sucking off homeless men. They have that, Metamucil? Yeah. In their dicks? Yep. That's fucking cool. Yeah, that's a fun fact. Yeah. Yeah, menomuscle? Yeah. In their dicks? Yep. That's fucking cool.

Yeah, that's a fun fact. Yeah. Yeah, menomuscle dicks. The hot ones here too, it's so hot outside that it probably has some effect on your bowel movements. I think penis sweat also. That's true. Big thing.

Stinks. So what is your diet now? I have... Aids. Aids? Aids in the morning. And then after aids I have some fruit and then I have rice or potatoes and chicken for lunch with a little bit of vegetables. A lot of greens?

Not a lot. But I have some at lunch and some at dinner. Yeah, you gotta have some. And then I have fruit two more times before dinner, and then dinner is 16 ounces of protein. Which is pretty good. How late is your dinner? Not that late. Six, seven.

Yeah. And then I have a little bit of greens. That's the right hour, by the way. And then I drink about a gallon, gallon and a half of water. And then you drink these gay tears? Yeah. That last sip was better. Yeah? Yeah. That last sip was better. Yeah? Yeah.

The first one, not great. Second one, phenomenal. Settling in now. Yeah. Wait till that third sip. Dude. Yeah. Well then I'm going to the Olympics.

Yeah, you probably, you might. Let's not dress it up. Then I'm fucking getting the cock rings. Suck me up. What was, what was, what was living with a young Zach Galifianakis like? It was amazing. Was he great? Yeah he's great. Love him. Love him so much. We would do a thing, this is so ridiculous, we would do a thing. So we lived at Lower East Side and this is late 90s where it was really sketchy. Now it's like gentrified and thing. This is so ridiculous. We would do a thing. So we lived on the lower east side,

and this is late 90s where it was really sketchy. Now it's like gentrified and corny. But I remember we would do a bit where like we were just obsessed with doing bits all the time. So we would do a bit where we walked down the street and we saw this sketchiest person and we would be like, I would be like, Zach, that guy now. And he would walk up, he would have to do it. He didn't have to, but he had to. And he would walk up with this person and be like, Hey, how you doing? And he would do a New York accent and be like, Hey, how you doing? You know what?

You have a good Christmas this year. You have a good Christmas. And they would be like, um, okay. And then he would do it to me. He'd be like, okay, this guy, you got to do it. I'm like, fuck. Walk up and be like New York accent again. Hey, how you doing? Hey, you have a good Christmas.

OK. And be like April. And they're like, all right. We were just fucked with each other all the time. And then like he would do things. So there was a room called Luna Lounge. And it was like alternative comedy do things so there was a room called Luna Lounge. Uh-huh, and it was like alternative comedy Whatever that phase was yeah, but it was just like it was off off of the comedy clubs It was just like random and he would I remember one time he called me up. He goes hey

What are you doing tonight? I'm like nothing and he goes okay. I want to wrestle a watermelon So I'm gonna grease up a watermelon and wrestle it on stage. Can you referee? I'm like, yeah, why not? So we would like do shit like that. Jesus, okay. Yeah, it was amazing. So you guys were, I mean, that's,

you really are doing like that shit before it became a thing to do weird. Totally. Yeah. Yeah, and we didn't pioneer that movement. It was like a lot of like Bob Odenkirk, David Cross, Gene Graflo. Yeah. Yeah, and we didn't pioneer that movement. It was like a lot of like Bob Odenkirk, David Cross, Gene Graflo. Yeah. But um. But you were early adapters. We were like the young fold. Yeah, yeah. But yeah, we wrestled a watermelon on stage. That's fucking, that's hot. Yeah, it was hot. We both came. Yeah, that's fucking super sexy, man.

Suck me off! It was hard, we both came. Yeah, that's fucking super sexy, man. Suck me off! Our next sponsor needs no introduction. You've seen the ads, you've heard us talk about it a million times, and I bet there's a part of you that wants to try it. What am I talking about? Bluechu.

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Uchi-ko? Both. You've been to Uchi-. She's really big. Uchi ko Both you've been Uchi ko. Yep, the sister restaurant. Yeah, I have a sister. Yeah. Yeah, what'd she do? She works at Uchi That's so ironic so ironic. Yeah, is it yeah, I think so. Is that the right use of ironic I Don't know. Yeah, I don't know words Bert the right use of ironic? I don't know. I don't know words. Bert? Bert, are you there? I'm here.

Where, where, where do you want? I'm endorsing DraftKind. You know I have Minnesota roots too, right? No, I didn't know that, Tom. I grew up there for a little while. Is that true? In Minneapolis. Well, when? a little while. Is that true? In Minneapolis. When? For fourth grade and fifth grade and

part of sixth grade. Sixty-ninth grade? Sixty-ninth grade. I was in Plymouth. Jesus Lord, yeah I know Plymouth. Zachary Lane Elementary School. So do you have any ties to the sport community? Like are you a Vikings fan? I mean yeah I used to go. I used to go to the Metrodome. I know. Do you still fucking go? No, I don't still go. I went to Chris Dolman football camp. Amazing. Love Chris Dolman. I went to Rich Gannon's football camp.

Yeah, I was hardcore into the Vikings. But are you still hardcore into Vikings? No, because I stopped there and then I left. So I fucking... No, I'm saying in general. I like football. Are you hardcore into Vikings? Like the Scandinavian kind.

Yep. But not the Minnesota kind. Okay. But I still like when Minnesota has a good season. Makes me happy. It's rare. I went to the very first Timberwolves game. Did you really? Yeah. So

that was Poo Richardson? Yeah. And that was like 89 I think. It was in Minneapolis. It was fucking insane. They played the Bulls and they did not win. What Bulls team? Was Jordan there or no? Yeah, Jordan was there. Was he really? Yeah. Good God. Yeah. Can we draft him? He was fucking good, huh? I think he was there. Was he really? Yeah. Good God. Yeah. Can we draft him? He was fucking good, huh? I think he did really well at basketball.

He did. And advertising. He had a good marketing plan. Yeah, and then somehow just Hanes underwear. Hanes. He had the Hitler stash for a while. That was crazy. Yeah.

Gatorade. He played fucking baseball for the White Sox? For fun. Because he's like, I just want to do this. Yeah, bored? Yeah, I'm bored. How do you mean that good that you're just like, yeah, I'm just going to do this?

Like, Burt. Do you buy that it was a suspension? Do you buy that theory? About what, baseball? No, no, the reason he left was actually it was like an under the table suspension. I don't buy it. That's a theory.

I'm not buying it. That he was gambling so much on that, they're like, we gotta do something with this guy and they suspend him, that's a theory. No, I'm not buying it. I'm just, I'm not gonna buy it. Everyone, everyone out there, I'm not buying it. Yeah, and then he came back and he was like,

hey guess what, I'm still good at basketball. Yeah, he's like, oh whoops. Oh, is that a half court skyhook? Whoopsie. 20 points in one shot Everybody fucking knows Prince and you and that's kind of it. That's it From Minnesota starts and ends with me and Prince. Were you a big Prince guy? Yeah, love Prince That was my first album purple rain purple rain. Yeah, and one of my highlights of my life is I got my star on First Avenue

Really? Yeah, there's only two comedians that have ever had that what got my star on First Avenue. Really? Yeah. There's only two comedians that have ever had that. Who are they? Me and Dave Chappelle. Really? Yeah. And did you go to Paisley Pompoms to check everything out? Yep.

And? Perfect. That's perfect. Yep. Came back. Third sip. Came back positive. Here we go, third sip.

Let's see. Amazing. Here we go, third sip. Let's see. Amazing. That was just, that was like, if a falcon came into my mouth. See how much better it gets? Yeah, it's exciting. Salma Hayek, so hot. Salma Hayek, amazing.

You worked with her. Yep, amazing person. Tell me more. What was she like in person? What was it like to? She was just, she was just great. Really?

It's funny, because I've worked with like legitimate, like, like Salma Hayek, Nicole Kidman. Mm-hmm. I did a movie, Nicole Kidman. That's crazy. That's crazy. That's insane. Yeah.

I barely graduated high school. And now I'm working with, like, these actresses that are fucking awesome. Yeah. World class. But they don't- here's the funny thing about comedy, no pun intended, but, like, when you work with serious actors and they want it like be funny and I'm like no just commit to commit to the yeah just do like just commit to it like you don't have to like be like wacky yeah like just do your thing that's everybody

who's comes from dramatic backgrounds what their thought about comedy like how can I make this funnier can I be funny you're like by doing what's on the page better like by sticking to it if you stick to the lines or stick the landing going back to the Olympics if you do Olympics I'm going back to the Olympics if you take the land play it grounded though. It's always funnier. It's way funnier It's like Leslie Nielsen rest in peace. What a legend. Mm-hmm. I mean naked gun. He was a serious actor Yeah, I mean he just committed to like 100%. Like when that pops up in my feed, and it'll be like a random quote from Naked Gone

or something, or like a scene, I always love it. It makes me laugh every time. Every time I laugh at Leslie Nielsen. He's so funny in it. Again, rest in peace, Leslie. Wait, so did you write for her? Is that what I heard? Not earlier.

On that, in the movie? For Salma? Yeah, I was a producer on Just Go With It. And did you have to like write specific, did you write bits specific to her? Or was it just, this is the character? It was the character. Okay. But she was so sweet and she was like, was that okay? Was that funny? I'm like, yeah, it was hilarious.

And like, it just nailed it. Yeah. So good. God in heaven. God in heaven. Yeah, that's why we pray. Do you still like spade? I mean,

50-50. My favorite thing is like when, like people will probably comment on this and be like, oh, Nick's shitting on Bert. Fuck you, Nick. Like when comedians shit on each other. No they won't. I mean they might, but they won't.

But it's like when you roast people, like David Spade's like one of my best friends. Sure. Literally like my older brother. Much older. Way older. Just an elder lawn gnome. But like, I'll read comments read comments sometimes rarely because they're always

horrible. But it's like when like comedians shit on each other, like that's what we do. That's the thing. We're all friends. You're one of my friends for 20 years. Burt's one of my old friends. Like David Spade is one of my best

friends. Like we just it's amazing to just shit on each other. Yeah, of course. Yeah. And like, roast the fuck. But like people like don't get to be like, hey, whoa, man! Hey, you're making fun of Joe Dirt? Yeah.

Yeah, I am. I will for the rest of my life. Maybe my last words will be roasting Joe Dirt. Mm-hmm. Yeah. You were also close with Norm. Norm was one of my best friends one of my favorite things just side note is David Spade's special his last one

mm-hmm and I wanted he goes do you have any ideas for a title and I go full blown spades and he was like okay I don't know. I'm like, but what if? What if? But what if? Full blown space is actually pretty, it's pretty good. I thought it was amazing. Yeah. But he passed on it.

He's a pussy. What did he call it? I don't know. Something stupid. Yeah. Is that what it's called, something stupid? Something stupid. All right, here we go, sip five.

Okay. Now it's like water. It's just water at this point. Isn't that good? Water's good for you. Yeah, exactly. I'm not dying. You think I am?

Hey, what, Norm? Ah, Norm's here. Hey, I'm dead. Hey, I died. What's going. Hey, I'm dead. Hey, hey, I died. What what's going on here, right? Hey, I'm a ghost. Boo! Hey, boo! Get it, I'm a ghost. Yeah. Yeah, he was the best. He was great. He was so great. He would, did you ever know him at all? I met him. Yeah, I met him a couple times

one of my favorite memories of Him was I met him so we're at the parking lot at Irvine and he didn't drive like you he didn't drive anywhere He's over anywhere so the car had taken him down and we're in the parking lot It's it's him and me and Ryan sickler and Ryan has like Ryan some great weed So norm does his like he's like yeah, I'll have some and by the way for me This also plays to my like the idea of performing high. I've done it before. I don't like it. I don't like it's fucking horrible I think it's horrible norm I don't like it. I don't like it. It's fucking horrible. I think it's horrible norm

Like it takes a big rip off of a bowl and like coughs he's like Jesus Christ What is this and it's it's good we but he's coughing he's like, whoa tear runs down his face you know, he's like a coughing fit right and He's like whoa, and I'm like and then they're like hey norm. You're you're we're bringing you up on stage in like two minutes I'm like you're okay with this. He's like, whoa. And I'm like, and then they're like, hey, Norm, we're bringing you up on stage in like two minutes. I'm like, you're OK with this? He's like, yeah, yeah. So we just start walking through the parking lot. And we're talking about, what is it, Dirty Work. And he's telling me the Rickles story about how he's like,

when we were shooting that, he tells me that it's when Sinatra was dying in the hospital. So he goes, and we worked with him for like a couple days and then we didn't see him for a few weeks and then we saw him again. So he goes, after the few weeks, I went up to him and I was like, hey, I just want to say, you know,

I'm sorry about Frank. I knew, I know you guys are really close. And he goes, yeah, you know, I went and visited him in the hospital and he was all, ugh, like, and he starts just like, like that and Norm said he was like, Jesus Christ. So he was enjoying like telling the the Rickle story about how he was mocking, like you were saying,

like making fun of your friends, you know? And we walk into the front door of the Irvine Improv at the time, the old one, which is like once you walk in it's just like a straight path down the thing. Yeah, totally. And like I don't know man, I mean I'm much younger in stand-up, but the idea of walking in to go on stage is like, it's just so anxiety inducing, you know? So I'm watching him and I'm like, oh, they're like, Norm MacDonald. And he's just like, I don't see you guys.

And he walks up, just walks right up to the mic and he's holding a twist off Coke. And he just starts talking about Coke and Sprite and like killing high out of his mind and I'm like, oh yeah this is other this is another level of of like Composure and confidence and just like mastery of this, you know, I mean like yeah, totally he's high out of his mind and And he's going coming from a conversation and he's just talking about coke because he's holding it, you know

Yeah, it's just like I was like, holy shit It was it blew my mind because I was of the mindset especially then of like well fucking gather yourself You know like sit in the green room for a while. Don't fucking like get your don't have your don't be high have a yeah, totally have a thought of what you're gonna do up there and he was just like Just riffing on coke. Yeah. No, he was amazing. Yeah, but I I have a thought of what you're gonna do up there. He was just riffing on Coke. Yeah, no, he was amazing. But I remember when I first started, Mitch Hedberg was a good friend of mine. And I remember when I first started, I was so, again, anxiety.

I was just terrified of silence when I was on stage. I was so hyper-energy. And I remember seeing Mitch Hedberg and this is, you know, 1996. And I remember seeing him and he would go on stage and he would tell a joke and he did one liners. If you don't know who Mitch Hedberg is, fuck you. Yeah. Yeah. Wake up. Motherfucker. You want to fight me? Sorry. Somebody else. No.

So like Mitch, we go on stage, do a one-liner, and then he would just sit there high. So high. So high. So high. So high. So he would do a one-liner, and then he would wait a minute in between his next joke. And I couldn't process that. Yeah.

Because it was so weird to me. Again I was so anxiety ridden about like, okay, I need to like laughter. Suck me. But like Mitch was just so like, and then I remember when I first met him after we got off stage, I was like hey like so Doesn't that like stress you out when you just stand there? Yeah, wait a minute, and he goes No, man No This is like the most like Zen

Yeah, that's it's fucking foreign to... Good God. That's so crazy. But Norm was like, he would kind of do whatever he wanted. All the time. All the time. So I remember like when I would do colleges. Yeah.

And I'd be like, hey do you guys have like comedy a lot here? And they'd be like, yeah we had Norm MacDonald. And I go, oh I love Norm. And they'd be like yeah, we had Norm MacDonald, and I go oh, I love norm and they're like yeah Yeah, it didn't go well I'm like what do you mean? I remember the college in Iowa might have been Iowa State oh and they were like yeah You're talking about the Iowa Fair story. That's the greatest. That That's another one. Okay. No, this is a different one. Oh, a different one, okay. And I brought up the college gig to Norm

when we became friends. And I was like, hey, dude, I remember back in the day, I did Iowa State, and I guess you were there, and it didn't go well. And he goes, ha ha ha, ha, yeah, Iowa State, yeah, yeah, yeah, I was just, I wasn't in the mood. And I'm like, okay. You just weren't feeling it?

He's like, yeah, no, yeah, yeah, I just, yeah, I didn't like it. And I'm like, okay, just cool. Just do what you feel like. Whatever you want. When I started playing Canada, like, you know, God it was 15 years ago. You know, he's obviously... Hardcore Canadian. Hardcore Canadian and pride and joy of a lot of people in the Canadian comedy scene, as he should be. And so we'd all ask, you know, you'd ask stories about like, oh yeah, they're like, yeah, Norm worked here.

I'm like, so what was that like? And they're like, it was like the old manager. He's like, oh yeah, he was pretty, he was different, you know? He goes, he would, if he killed, he would hide after the show, like he would hide after the show. Like he would hide in the back room. He goes, but if he bombed and like really ate shit

and like upset people and just was like just a terrible show, then he would stand in the lobby and make sure to shake everybody's hand on the way out. That's amazing. Yeah, so he'd be like, hi. And they were like, you were awful. That's the most norm thing ever. Yeah, right? And so like norm thing ever. Yeah, right?

And so like most people do the opposite, right? And they want to like hide if they have it. And he was like, no, no, look at me. Hi. That was me. Yeah, look at me. Yeah. Hey, sir, you have fun or what?

You like it? Good cat. Crazy. I remember one of my favorite things was Mitch Hedberg's bit about so back in the day Tom how long have you been doing stand-up? 22 22 or 23 years. Okay. Yeah, because we've known each other about 20 years. I met you. Yeah So yeah, I've done it like almost 30 and so back in the day I don't know if you remember this when they would have comment cards

So like after you would do a show at a comedy club that have comedy. Yeah, of course pre-internet So that people just write down out with a thought of the show fuck this yeah I remember Mitch had brick had a bit about He goes yeah Read my comment cards cards and they said Mitch sucks okay well then they wrote their address down well yeah I suck but I have a lot of free time and now I know where you live and I'm paraphrasing it but like that was just a good perfect I remember your joke when this is one of the things I just I don't know if you put this in a special or anything

but you were like doing a set at Melrose and You had a joke about just Having gotten your teeth whitened. Do you remember this? Oh, yeah Was that did you end up using it in something? I did on Tonight Show. You did? Yeah. Very funny. That was my opening joke. That was your opening joke? It's like, oh, your dad died?

Cool. Yeah. That sucks. I got my teeth whitened. I want to show it off, but sometimes it's not appropriate. Where someone's like, hey, my dad died. I'm like, no way.

Yeah, I love that joke. That was a good one, dude. Thanks, man. Yeah, yeah. By the way, I'm very proud of you. Are you? Thanks, man. Because I saw you back in the day at the Comedy Star, and you were so funny. You're one of those comics that you watch and you're like, oh, he's hilarious. He's going to like, guys like that were like Sebastian so many people I'm like oh this person's gonna explode and be amazing so I'm proud of you well

thanks man yeah no it's fun to watch I love watching comedy they seem people like just be great like even like Galifianakis and Mitch Hedberg people like that back in the day where I'm like, oh these like this is I'm watching Something special. Yeah, I remember watching Galifianakis Also like at the fuck was like M bar. It's not called. Yeah M bar Good God, I remember seeing him and like you'd go to M bar there be what 50 people there Yeah, you know, it's like not a big space and on the line up would be like Zach Louie Sarah Patton and they're all and you're like holy shit. This is on a like 50 person show like audience show at a little bar

Yeah, totally pretty crazy, but that's what's great about la It's it's like you can just I remember one time I showed up at the parlor on Melrose. Do you ever do the parlor? Yeah, it was like a sports bar. They would do comedy. J. Davis. Shout out J. Davis. And I remember I showed up one time and I'm like, hey, I gotta work out, like, can I get like 10 minutes? And J's like, yeah, whatever. So I'm like, okay. And then this is a free show at a sports bar.

And I showed up, Daniel Tau showed up, Dave Chappelle showed up, Dane Cook showed up, four of us all showed up, impromptu, not booked at all, just to work out. And the crowd was like, what in the fuck is going on right now? Like it just kept like, just headliner, headliner, headliner, like for free. Yeah. And people are doing like lemon drops or whatever the fuck they're fucking recharging. But it was

a free show. Like that's insane. That's crazy. It's like a $5,000 ticket. I know. Just for Dane. There was an ice too. Wait that was sip six. It's just cubes at this point. Ice cubes. You want more? I mean, I'm not opposed to it. Send it over. Why don't you pray more?

I will. I'm gonna figure if I'm gonna do a drinking podcast this would be the one. This would be the one to do. I think I'm converting you though. To what? To this vodka. I mean, could you send me a case? Yeah, of course. Yeah, duh.

I'm gonna join you on this one. Yay! And we pray some. Hold on. And we pray. And we pray. It is pretty nuts though that you have the fucking stand up and you're in this goddamn movie world the way you are.

Yeah, because I'm a fucking insane talent. You are. I've always thought you were an insane talent. Yeah. Oh my god! Cheers. Cheers, bud. Love you. Love you too. Congrats on yet another special.

Make Joke From Face. It's on YouTube right now. And then Toilet had this fall. He wears shorts. I'll wear shorts. And then I did my Netflix special. I did like the half hour. That was the last one I did. And I showed up and I forgot to bring pants. And Crystal Lee was like, are you fucking kidding me? He goes, what are you wearing? I have no idea. Neil Brandon was on it. Nicole Byer was great. And they were like, what are you wearing? I have no idea. Neil Brandon was on it, Nicole Byers, great.

And they were like, what the fuck? And I'm like, yeah, I just... Yep. Forgot to bring pants. So you wore shorts for that? Yeah, and they were like, we've like planned our outfit for like months in advance. And you forgot to bring pants. So you're just wearing basketball shorts like what is going on here?

It's insane like yeah, and then I went to a mall and bought pants. Oh you did okay? It was in Montreal just for laughs And I went to the Whatever the guy that worked at the fucking store, and I go Bonjour, and he goes fucking store and I go bonjour and he goes you here, ça va? and I go très bien je joue au comedi

je go pants? and he goes yeah so then he gives me pants, I didn't even try them on how did they fit? fine and then I just go, hey, thanks, man. Sorry, that's all the French I know. Yeah.

I go, cool. And he was so mad. Montreal, French Canadians. I mean, what do you want from us? Seriously. Get the fuck out of here, man. Fucking tards. So fucking, you're so weird.

Just Canada tards? Yeah, so weird. What are we... why are we pretending we're in this special far away place? She's like, oh, it's you? That's it, yeah! It's you! No, here in Canada. The first time a Just For Laughs Transpo guy picks you up, he's like, you are a...

Saruwa? And you're like, what? And he's like, I drive you to the hotel and you're like, okay, cut the shit. Like you've lived here, you're 37. Seriously. You're 37 years old. You didn't pick up on English any of the fucking time you've been here. You're right here.

You're in a mostly English speaking... You're in fucking Canada. Come on man. You're in Canada. Being from Minnesota, It's like Get I can't imagine somebody in Minnesota being like What what would you? You have see a hot dish You want see Yeager my steer

No, it's Yeager meister. Just shut your fucking mouth Get over yourself seriously fucking retard you get take your beret off take it out a. Seriously. Fucking retard. Take your beret off. Take it off. It's not a real hat. It's so dumb. It's not a hat. And I love going to the French comedy week shows when it's just a guy twirling a cane

and everyone's like, ha ha ha ha. They're like, this is what you're excited about? Embarrassing. It's so. Oh, what is the these? They turn around and say what? They they do like they love pranks They're like I stole a shoe there the other prank videos are always like I picked up a shoe and now the person is like Where's my shoe? You're like? This is the height of where you're going with this, huh?

This is that this is a pecs of your comedy someone lost a shoe great You know what I do love is Asian prank shows. They go hardcore. They go so fucking hard. The best one I've ever seen. Do you have it? The one that I sent you, I said this is the best video I've ever seen.

Yeah, let me pull it up. Such a bold statement. You know what I'm talking about? The best video I've ever seen. In the cab. Yeah Okay, I'm gonna keep going you you go and I will do you ever see the outhouse one. It was on a ski slope It is so fucking bonkers, so it's an outhouse in the middle of a ski slope and then People go potty. Yeah, like you do potty, and then the walls come down,

and then the toilet has skis on it, and now they're sitting on a toilet. With skis. Yeah, going down the hill. That's amazing. As they're like, have explosive diarrhea. Yeah. And it's like, in this, in our country,

we love the United States, you would get canceled like immediately if you did that. Well, in the Asian world too, also are are okay with just sheer terror like there's one where they had somebody brought into a Like an office and then they had a guy come out with guns and just But they had it rigged so that like as he shot glass exploded everywhere people are on the ground. They're like You know they're scared for their life, and then they're like it's a joke Ta-da

We're gonna terrify you well, what's the one what was it? God was it Japan where they had the bridge that was would break the glass bridge Do you know that one? Yes, we walk yeah I had the bridge that would break, the glass bridge. Do you know that one? Yes, where they walk, yeah. Horrifying. Yeah, yeah. Like terrifying.

People walking, it would like, it would like creak or whatever. Yeah, and then people were like, oh, I'm about to die. I'm dead. I'm about to die. Yeah, and then they're like, nah. Okay, okay, can you grab those cans right there? Yeah.

Here, I don't know, It's more visual than audio, but still, this is one of the best things I've ever seen. Okay? So, the guy in the passenger. Oh yeah, he just thinks that the guy's just getting... It's over. He's gone. Bro.

Help! Help, quick! Help! Help, quick! Hey, stop! Stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop. Yeah He can't settle after this you know. He's like... Oh my god! He's so scared dude! You know how you thought we were about to kill you? We're kidding. It was a joke. He's totally like, bro.

He's like, you want water? He's like, no. He's like, you can't recover. Yeah, that's fucking horrifying. Everything good? He's like... Oh my god. He's just watching him. I could watch this. I've watched this video 45 times I could watch that every day for the rest of yeah Oh, man, that's Prank stuff is hilarious at this level I like when they do things like you when you go like hard in the pain. Yeah, we're like, you know what?

I'm gonna I'm gonna challenge your Fucking reality. Yeah Yeah challenge everything you've ever known. If you think you're gonna die for real, that's a good prank. It's a great prank. Good God. I had a show I created that never fucking went anywhere. It was called Hell Gig for Comedy Central.

And it was a reality show where I would set up comics, like new comics, and I would set them up with like the worst gig ever. And it was like, you know, it was like when Punk'd was around, so it was like that type of show where it was like, I would have like comedians like show up at like at a Klan meeting, and they would have to do stand up, or like a kindergarten birthday party, and they would have to be like really raunchy.

That's very funny though. I know and it never went anywhere. Do you ever stop, cause you are definitely a star from it. Do you ever think about how crazy it is? How much Comedy Central changed from what it was for us in the early 2000s To now like how that was the that was it was like that's all you wanted to do is be on Comedy Central

Well, yeah, it's like how do you fuck that up? That's a great. That's it I mean, I want to see the documentary about it, but yeah I mean like you were Comedy Central you had everybody everybody. Everybody. At your fingertips. You had every comedian. I mean I sold so many shows there that never did anything. But it was. My show, Pretend Time. But like to do standup on there was like the biggest deal. That was huge.

But it was, yeah it just went to shit. It went to shit man. Yeah they really fucked that up. I remember doing like when I did my Netflix special, and then Comedy Central had a party at Just For Laughs in Montreal. Oh, is this you? Who?

So they had a Comedy Central party, and then Netflix was like, yeah, you know what? We're gonna put our banners up over the Comedy Central banners at the party. Really? And it was Comedy Central's party. It was one of the biggest fuck yous I've ever seen. They just put them...

In my life. Yeah, they were like, yeah, cool, good flux. Anyway, have fun with your network. That's not gonna exist anymore. It's, I mean, all it has has they still have South Park which is amazing South Park is one of the best things ever but Matt and Trey I got to cut you off Tom I love you yeah yeah cut me off oh man Trey are geniuses and that's like you know Norm used to make fun of that word but it was like those guys are fucking legends. Yeah. Like, doubling, tripling down on being legends.

Team America, amazing. Amazing, yeah. Everything they do is amazing. South Park, obviously. Yeah. But like, holy fuck. Imagine like having that creative brain. No, those guys are-

They took acid and went to the Oscars There those guys are Like fucking game on they're the best for sure, but it's like what is that network without them now? Well, they have Daily Show okay. I don't watch any of it. Yeah, I Mean they have They just started airing reruns of shows yeah, so like that's when they jumped the shark Wait, who hosts fucking Daily Show now? I think it's John Stewardy come back. No, he does a day like one day He just does it because I think it's Election year he just comes in care top. Do they still have a rotating house? Is it care top? Yes or no Thomas a care top

It's care top. Wait, is it celery head? I Think they're still doing the rotating host. They're doing the rotating host still. Yeah, he comes Monday nights. That's it. Dude, I'll host it. I know nothing about politics. You'd be great. I would love to have somebody ill informed. I would be great at the Daily Show and the Olympics. But I know nothing about either of them.

Are you a best- Or I could do this, Tom. Let me just say this. Yeah. I could do... I could do the rings on the Daily Show and then talk nonsense about politics. I would love to see some good... Maybe Bert

Yeah, I love to see some good for my vodka good photo shops of Nick doing the rings and other Olympic events. Oh amazing. Yeah, we'll be some good ones Oh, please send them. Yeah, and everybody send them my way dude deep things the Olympics. Yeah deep fakes are great Me doing the Olympics. Yeah. Deep fakes are great. Dude, I'm... I love when people create stuff like that.

Yeah. Because I can't do that. I can't do it at all. I don't know how anything works. Like, the internet, like I am completely full Tarticon. Tarticon? Yeah. That's my new festival I'm starting. It's... and again, when I say retard,

I mean Down Syndrome. No, I'm kidding. That's it. I grew up in a time where it didn't have the same meaning. Yeah, well when I use the word retard, if you look it up, it means stupid. it doesn't mean like a handicapped person. Dummy. Yeah, just being dumb. They're dumb. Like Burton is hearing. Like birds ears. Yeah, they're retarded. Birds ears?

Birds tears or ears? Both. We'll be right back with Burton. They're both. Alright, sip number eight. Okay, are you doing a movie right now? I start filming Happy Gilmore 2, and that's all I can say. Seriously? Yeah. They're doing part two?

Mm-hmm, September. And that's all I can say about it. When did you know you were in with that crew? Grandma's boy. Then you're like, oh, I'm part of that crew? Grandma's Boy. Then you're like, oh, I'm part of the crew. Sandler saw my Comedy Central special and he called my manager and we had the same manager, Bernie Burlstein, rest in peace. And he called me in and he was like, hey, I've got this movie called Grandma's Boy and

I heard you're a writer. And I'm like, yeah. And he goes, can you rewrite the script? And I go, yeah, he goes, he needs a full page one. And I'm like, yeah and he goes can you rewrite the script and I go yeah He goes he needs a full page one, and I'm like yeah done So I did he was like oh This is great Do you want to work with me and I'm like? Yeah, yeah, that'd be great. So that's how that's how that

That's how it started. He saw my Comedy Central special and then Grandma's Boy was the first movie I did. So you did the page one rewrite? Page one, full page one. And then he he read the new draft and was like this is great. He's like oh this dude Yeah, knows what he's doing and then we did Bench warmers and then the the it was on everything. He's the best He's truly the best. People always ask me they're like, what is Adam Sandler like? I'm like, he's fucking awesome. He's like the coolest dude. I mean, Burt doesn't know who he is, but... No. What is your name? All I wanted to do, I told Tom before, this is just Rose Burt.

You've done a good job. Oh, Florida, Florida, yeah, cool. Now it's not. When did you see him and realize he's not just a retarded guy, but he was like going to be a proficient stand-up? Because not right away. It was later-up. Cause not right away. It was later on, it was not right away. I was like, oh we got Robert Downey syndrome right here.

What is this guy fucking talking about, just boring everyone. But then he took his shirt off and everything changed. Everything changed. No, but he, like I'm so proud of him because he's just like, he was so smart just branding himself. He did one of my favorite things where he did like,

oh God, this was a long time ago. This was before he blew up. Where he did a day drinking comedy tour. Do you remember this? Yes, yes. And I remember hearing this, actually shout out again, Acme Comedy Company, Lewis Lee. And they were like, yeah, this guy Bert Kreischer.

College Sick to Work Show, that thing? Yeah, it was amazing. I thought that was so brilliant. He's a good marketer. He has a good marketing mind. Yeah, he can't talk or see or read. But he has good thoughts for that. He has thoughts for that.

For that. But yeah, it was, I thought that was so brilliant. He can't talk or see or read but he has good thoughts for that he has thoughts for that for that But yeah, it was but I thought that was so brilliant It's like you know what what you know cut work cut work and come to a show Yeah, come to a show at fucking noon. It's great at a comedy club. Yeah, like game on that's a really good It's a really good idea. No. He's brilliant really good idea. He's not brilliant. Oh, yeah, let's not go there No, he's brilliant really good idea. He's not brilliant. Oh, yeah, let's not go there um The new special make joke from face film at the San Jose improv you can see it right now on YouTube tickets for the toilet head tour all right next worse and that next one done that it's a funny title toilet has very funny

Yeah, again my agent was so confused. He's like so like Will we make an image should we put a toilet on your head? I'm like, no, it's just called toilet head. Yeah. Like it's not literal. Yeah. And they're like, you know, agents are dumb. Yeah. Okay. So like we do, do we put like poop on your head? No, it's just, it's called toilet head. It's my head coming out of a toilet. Jesus Christ. Yeah. It's artwork. Right out of a toilet, Jesus Christ. Just get the fuckin' artwork right. Fuck off. Yeah, you're one of the funniest dudes, man.

I really honestly mean it. You're one of the funniest, you always make me laugh. You're fuckin' so good as a comedian and as an actor, but I'm a big fan. So thank you for coming. Thank you for coming. And likewise, you're awesome. Thanks for coming.

Again, I'm so proud of you. Thank you, man. For just ripping it. Thanks, brother. Just keep going. Thank you. Bert, we hope you can hear again. We hope your hearing comes back soon. We hope the treatment goes well.

And we will see you guys next week. Bye. Bert and Tom, Tom and Bert. One goes to the top, the swat, the other wears the shirt. Tom tells stories and Bert's the machine. There's not a chance in hell that they'll keep it clean Here's what we call Two Bears, One Cave