2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer - I Will Out Live You! | 2 Bears, 1 Cave Ep. 167

Episode Date: January 9, 2023

Welcome back to another episode of 2 Bears, 1 Cave! This week Tom and Bert share their wildest stories of visiting Europe, discuss why South Africa got mad at Bert, their feelings about money and success from comedy, what the most successful actors have in common and more! They wrap up by pondering how long Bert will live, which leads into a conversation about their fathers. https://tomsegura.com/tourhttps://www.bertbertbert.com/tourhttps://store.ymhstudios.com/

I think you have 1,400 weeks left. So you're at 80, you're losing 80. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. You're not gonna be 90, dude. I'm gonna be, I'm gonna live to 90, I definitely will. Really? Yeah. I would be shocked if I died.

At all. 100%. I'm a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a January It's so oh never mind what's on on nothing? I don't even say it out loud like you You're trying to say it so just say it no no no You know it's so funny what last time I did a European Tour I was with Mark Norman and our tour manager was German. Yeah, Mark Norman makes a lot Jewish jokes She goes a mark. I was so I'm so comfortable with these Jewish jokes. And he was like, I'm like, oh, they're just jokes. And she goes, no, but it's, it's, what if someone heard you say these things? And he was like, they're jokes. He was like, well, what would you say to your Jewish,

like, you don't make jokes, he's like, bus balls to your Jewish friends. And she looks at me, she goes, I don't know any Jewish people. And he goes, what do you mean? And she goes, I'm German, that's kind of our thing. Ha ha ha ha. And both Mark and I were like, oh yeah. Like that's crazy though. Like you just, they just don't have them. Well, they definitely have them. They have a couple.

But Antwerp's got the most woman in the dog, back me up. That Antwerp has a lot of, Antwerp is where Google and Mother F**ker! I mean, that's where diamonds are. He's at it. Yeah, I first, I mean, okay, let's, yeah. I'll just sit this one out, go ahead. Google it, it's Antwerp. Antwerp is the highest concentration of Jewish people.

In Europe? Yeah, really? Yeah. It's Antwerp. Antwerp is the highest concentration of Jewish people in Europe. Yeah, really? Yeah. History of the Jews in Antwerp. Check it out, motherfucker. Okay. Antwerp. What a weird. I never liked Belgium because there was a train from, you had to switch trains in Belgium from London to Amsterdam. Yeah. It's right. Never liked, that train station was sketchy. It was like a lot of dudes and like, and like members only jackets.

So I never liked it. And then I went to Antwerp and it was fucking beautiful. It's one of the most beautiful cities. So many U- I went there on the last tour. Yeah, it's fucking gorgeous. You're doing, you're doing Europe in, right now.

Yeah, you're gonna be there at cold time at the end. Yeah, I know, I'm excited. You like it? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.. Yeah, I know, I'm excited. You like it? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, I'm excited for Amsterdam. What? I'm spending four days in Amsterdam. I'm spending four days.

I'm just getting a fucking, I'm getting the Airbnb. Yeah. I'm partying fucking balls. Really? I hope you see, I won't be cool with me cheating on her internationally. You know? Yeah.

She can just get her head around it. Like, I love her. She's my chick. I'm never gonna Like I love her. She's my check. I'm never gonna, I'm coming home to her every night. Just not those four nights in Amsterdam. Yeah. Why not? Cause this is what she does.

This is what she fucking does. So I go, I'm thinking, are you gonna go to the Red Light District? Oh yeah, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna blue light turns you, also. Yeah. But I said, I said, let's get prostitutes. Not.

This is why you are more important to me than she is. You're still listening. You know what she went? No, no. I go, fuck it, I'm talking to my wife in a party. You think I'm gonna really say, and I'm gonna go fuck a prostitute. I go, let's get prostitutes as like a skit

and figure out something we'll have to do with our prostituten who does it the best, whether it's tell them a story or get them to go to sleep fastest, whatever the fucking thing is that you do, I go, make a phone with it, like let's not all just go fuck prostitutes. I went to a sex club when I was there, where did you go? Cause I might not let you tell your story,

I talk to that I excited about my story. I don't know the name of it. I was going to the red, I got, you know, kind of redirected, sort of, hosed by a kickback situation where the cab driver, we were going to the red light district and he was like, you wanna go there. He's like, you wanna go to the... Banana room.

One of these like private clubs. Banana room. Banana room. It was these like private clubs. Banana Room. Banana Room. It was just a house of prostitutes. It was just like a brothel basically. And there's a bar downstairs and... Banana and... Banana and Bob.

Banana and Bob. I went with Potter and I was like, I'll pay for... I don't waste a money. You can't see anything. Who takes him to a strip club? Well, he's been a real touch and feel. Well, he wouldn't have sex with her, yeah. Oh, wait.

Are you serious? Yeah. Oh, wait. This story's getting so much better. Yeah, yeah. I, uh, I paid. I, I was like, whatever you want. Yeah.

And then they could not get over that I wasn't going up to the room with one. So like, the owner was like Hey, your friend. He's like do me to bring over other girls. I was like, no, I'm fine. I'll just he was like What I was like I'll just wait till he's done. He's like And then you'll come how yeah, he was like And then like he would send a girl over and I was like, oh yeah, no, I'm just waiting for my friend and they're like Oh, do you want the other girl? And I was like, no, I was like, oh yeah, and I'm just waiting for my friend. And they were like, oh, do you want the other girl? And I was like, no, I'm literally waiting. Yeah, go.

I paid whatever the entrance fee. I was like, I'll just sit here. I was drinking a die coke. I was like, I'm fine. And I just sat there and I was like, just waiting and waiting. And then, yeah. There's a hard time coming too, right?

He can't. Yeah. Yeah. So fucked up. He can't come. With a chick? He's got to time coming too, right? He can't. Yeah. Yeah. So fucked up. He can't come with a chick. He's got to handle it himself. I mean, it's all psychological, though, man. It's not like, it's not a physical thing that's holding him up.

I can hear Dr. Drew in my head. Well, what's up? He's like, you're a young age. You're like, you're an alcohol. Dr. Potter was the... It's just the Harry-us motherfucker. He's very Harry. He's got the Harry shoulders. He was a big as motherfucker. He's very hairy. He's got the hairy shoulders.

He was a big shoulder point. Yeah. Um, I have had a number. Obviously I told flying dildos as a bit one time. That's a true story, but we went to the banana bar. The banana bar. Banana, it's a banana bar. Oh, I see.

And, uh, but it's the banana and bar. Mm-hmm. And so we shot something for, um, showtime at the banana bar. We did, we spent the whole day and worked there. So I met all the bouncer's and I hung out with all the, everyone, it was great. It was a great day. So one day we're flying, I'm flying to Tanzania and I get sidebar to the story, which is really interesting. As I checked into the flight to Amsterdam, so we had a layover in Amsterdam, the lady said, your seat is the most interesting seat

that we have on planes. I said, what do you mean? She said, you're gonna see one A. This is a double-decker plane, and you will be able to see directly out the front of the plane. Because of the pilot's configuration. I had the very front seat,

the single front seat, and my window is at the front of the plane. And I was like, I am trading that out right now. I cannot sit there like an eagle and fly to Amsterdam. So I traded with someone. And they're like, you serious? And I was like, I do not, I cannot sit there. I want to sit on the top deck.

I'd rather be in the top deck and not see anything. Yeah. So we get stuck in Amsterdam. I'm with my camera person. Her name is Laura. You know, and people do that with their ass. Yeah. Oh yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Shit. Just Laura. So I remember I went to college with a girl named Mary Lynn. Are you gonna interrupt all my stories? Yeah, yeah, yeah. So. Ha ha ha ha. Ha ha ha ha ha. Wait, her name was Mary Lynn. Are you gonna interrupt all my stories? Yeah, yeah, yeah. So

Waiter name was Mary Lynn. Yeah, and I was like hey Mary and she was it snapped. She was like it's Mary Lynn. I was like Sure, I pronounced it Kant The so Laura I fuck her name I fuck her name up as long she's a cool loud louder sounds like a real Spanish lady. No blonde hair blue eyes Looks a lot. I mean, that's how that's how you say Lauren Spanish. You say louder. Yeah, I don't know She's like a real spick you say louder louder. Yeah, louder. Yeah, so We both get stuck in Amsterdam and I said to her I said What do you want to do tonight? We should go out have dinner or something. Go get a nice steak I said I'll tell you what I'd like to do.

I'd like to stop by a cafe, get some weed, get high, have a steak, and maybe we'll get a late night cocktail and then call it a night, get up early with Vlad Tansanian. She says, there's a place called the banana bar. I said, I know it really well. She goes, I wanna go to the banana bar.

This is who's saying this?, Kim person, Laura. And so she, she goes, I said, well, I know the guys there, we can go there. I said, but you know what it is, right? Like they put a banana in their pussy and then you eat it out of the pussy. And she's like, no, I know exactly what it is. I wanted to do this. I've heard about this. I heard it's crazy. I said, yeah. And then she's like, they shoot stuff out of their posties. And when I say, yeah, but like, I go, I gotta be honest with you, we do have a working relationship and technically, I think I was a producer on TripFlip at the time. And I was like, I am technically your boss. I gotta, like, I don't know how that works. And she was like, hey, what are you, bitch?

She was, let's go to the fucking banana bar. And I was like, oh, that's what I like, right? So we got high shit. We have a great steak dinner. We go to the banana bar. We're high as we spoke to join outside of the banana bar. We roll up up and the dudes at the front are like the machine and I go fuck Yeah, we go in I said My friend Laura wants to do the banana bar experience and they're like They're like cool. So they set us up private room like like off to the side Bar girl comes up naked on the bars. Here's on the bars because these is how it works We do the three part the thing for the side bar, girl comes up naked on the bar, sits on the bar and she goes, this is how it works. We do the three part, the thing for the banana bar.

We do the whole body touch and feel massage. You rub me up with oil all over. We do the banana bar experience where you eat the banana after my pussy. And then we do a nice facial massage. And I go, well, we're not doing the rubber body with oil because I don't think I can do that with my coworker. It's fucking weird.

And she said, check. And she said, I think she was married. I'm married. And I'm like, we'll skip that. And Laura's like, I wanna do the fucking banana experience. And I was like, all right, cool. And I was like, I'm not doing that. I go, but I wouldn't, I'm pretty fucking high.

And I just had a steak. And I was like, I wouldn't mind a facial massage go, but I wouldn't, I'm pretty fucking high. And I just had a stake. And I was like, I wouldn't mind a facial massage. She was like, okay, well, they almost started with the facial massage. She's a skipped body touch, and we just do the facial massage. She goes, lay back onto the bar, lay back, close your eyes.

And so I lay back, back onto the bar, close my eyes. And she puts her pussy on my nose, and I start rubbing it and I'm like and I hear Laura Lauer laughing and she goes you thought it was a mousad and I'm laughing so hard into her asshole her voice is on my nose her assholes on my mouth I'm going and she can't fucking and I'm just shaking and shaking shaking she is dumb. I was like I was like that I couldn't stop fucking laughing. Oh my god. I'm going back to the banana bar I do the massage thing now, right? Yeah, no fucking employees are rub some titties. Yeah, so

There you go. You're getting fired up. I like it fucking ready for Amsterdam, bro If you're in one of those cities that you can fucking like that bitch up. Yeah, there's M-ran Sri Lanka. I'm not't know. I'm just guessing Sierra Leone Sierra Leone names of places If you were gonna go if you were like if you were like go Yeah Like

Total purge night purge you get like a full purge, where you know, like if you went to Sierra Leone, I don't know anything about Sierra Leone. Dude, you do not wanna go on a fucking purge. Just Sierra Leone. Give me some talking points on Sierra Leone. I wanna know more about Sierra Leone. If I only know as general butt naked live there,

they do it, they smoke brown brown, all everyone's on. That's their flag. They don't even look like they tried. They're like just fucking whatever colors you got left. Okay. Do you know that Amsterdam flag is similar to Berlin's flag or Germany's flag?

They're just... Really? Yeah. Yeah. Netherlands, Netherlands. Well, this looks very French, right? Isn't this like kind of like the French flag or not the wrong?

I wouldn't be shocked if they had been colonized by the frogs. Yeah, I would think so. I'd be cool to Sierra Leone. It is boarded by Liberia and Guinea. Liberia is where Liberia was the, do you know the story about Liberia? I could be making this up.

Liberia, Liberia? I could be making this up. Liberia? Liberia, Tom, is the place in the fucking 1900s. They were like, yo, maybe 1900s, 1800s. They were like, yo, slavery's over. If you want a free ride back to Africa, we'll send you. And they're like, cool, it's good to Liberia. So they put up like a whole couple of ships, not probably planes, no not planes,

they didn't have in a couple ships They sent them Liberia and you know the first thing they did there. Mm-hmm is they created slavery? Really in Liberia I don't know the can you can you google that I'm almost certain that happened I'm almost certain British the British colonized Sierra the on what a beautiful name For like a pretty sketchy place to party. Yeah, I don't think it's really your party spot. Like I all know about Sierra Leone.

Did Liberia, in Ben's slavery, that's no. Liberia? Free slaves! Free slaves! Dude, I come out with fucking half-court shots sometimes of knowledge. It was formed, it was founded by free people of color from that name. Look at the name. Library. Yeah, Liberty. Library, like freedom. So they're freed people, right? Yeah. Probably. I mean, I'm fucking getting hammered. No, you have been there. I'll look at their flag.

It's just like, hey, there's that, hey. Wow, talk about unoriginal. We might have stolen rock and roll from black people, but they took our flag. What is that, bad? I hate what people do that. When you say something that you don't think's bad and the people go, oh my God.

Any was that black? Black. Any was that black? Black. Any was that black in him? I mean, that's like super black in me. Thank you, Eddie. But what is it like that is a bullshit fucking flag, January 7th? Well, I think it's probably done.

It's done after our flag. No, that part's obvious. I'm saying the, you know, it's like maybe it's the star represents just like the one people freed slate. If that's who you are, right? You mean, come on. You don't think so? No.

What is it represented? Do you think they were going to take they were like, we'll start with one. No, take a look at the library. No, take a look at the library. No, take a look at the library. They were losing friends. The Wicked. The Wicked.

Maybe. Are there white people in my area? They are The Whacking Liberia. Maybe. Are there white people in Liberia? They are history of Liberia. Okay, founded by free people of the color of the United States, both free and recently emancipated was funded and organized by the American colonization society of the 4500 immigrants who arrived in Liberia,

only 1800 survived. Damn. Oh, holy shit. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Those were top times back then. Okay. Okay. This is what you gotta love about this podcast. It's a lot of shits and giggles,

but then you learn something. You sure? And right now, right now, we are, what we're doing is we're putting into your brain just enough information that you won't remember where you got it from, but you'll be at a dinner party. Yeah. And you'll go, you know Liberia's like a great slave,

like something about slaves, something, right? They stole our flag, they stole our flag. You know Liberia's a full of flag stealing slaves, I think, but I'm not mistaken. What the fuck do you do? You're a people, you're a people. This is a crazy thing about cancel culture is that you can't get in trouble from Liberia, right?

I mean, what are they gonna protest us? Yeah, it's true. And then wouldn't like, because I've been in trouble, I've got in trouble by countries I don't go to. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Librarian flag, you gotta look it up now.

Librarian flag. You got to look, you got to look it up now. Librarian flag history. Put that. Yeah. Because now we got to talk, we got to, we got to at least know something about that flag. The boarded directors of Librarian. Okay. I think the flag design was adopted

but I'm not saying I had declared independence. Nation had celebration. There was a flag. And it's not. It's not. Okay. Flag of Librar Okay, flag of Liberia. Flag of Liberia. 11 stripes represent.

Signatories of the Declaration of Independence. The Red and White symbolize courage and excellence. The white star represents the first independent republic in Africa. And the blue represents the continent of Africa. Not over there. But one was our flag started. No, we definitely came after.

Okay. Yeah. You got that. If your beef is with the freed slaves of Liberia, you win. And we definitely had it first. You're like this fucking assholes. They've had it so easy and they took our flag. This Liberia mother fuckers. These guys are stealing all shit. They've had it so easy and they took our flag Yes, you'd think so for real. I think there's at least somebody really yeah, I

Think so I think there's at least somebody. Really? Yeah. I think so. There's somebody. I think the most horrible thing in the world. There's somebody who knows somebody in Liberia. There's someone out there, just about this right now. Yeah. Wait, what countries have been mad at you that you don't go to? South Africa. What?

For what? I said Chanty Town. When I met, when I meant, I, look, I, I don't want to bring it up again. They got really upset. And I, and I felt bad because I was, I really did it. We said it on this podcast.

No, I said on Rogan, which is like, Oh, God. Fucking you said I was in a shantytown. I was in whatever, they're called, they're called, they're not called shantytowns. They're called, for those? No, that's, that's,? No, that's even more racist. That's Brazil.

Townships, townships. I was in a township and I called it a shanty town, but I was drunk and I was mishpoked. And then a bunch of people were like, a bunch of people tried to say that townships are beautiful places to live. Oh, oh, oh, oh. And I, from my experience, I noticed something a little different. And so, you can always speak from your own experience,

and my experience, but I call it a shanty town, that's where I fucked up. And they fucking hated me. I'll never do South Africa again because of it, I guess. They protest me. Who are the woke white people in South Africa? It's always the most. How woke, on a scale of one to 10 what how woke do you

think a woke South African is like if you brought him to America and you took him to a party of like Hollywood liberals outwink you think you'd say something they were like what the fuck cuz he's South African yeah I mean South African dudes are like they're first of all they're all Dutch you know that right well yeah yeah they are big fucking hands. They're big fucking hands, they do, and they're like, BEEH!

That's how they talk. Bic. Bic will be Bic. Will be Bic. BEEH! BEEH! That's all I remember then, and big drinkers. Pleasure.

The hard part is, that putter, tyrone is necklamp on fire. So the guy said, yeah, fucking scared, guy said yeah fucking scared the shit out of me So my one take away from South Africa is that guy tell me I part of his uncle. I love South Africa I'm bummed because South Africa is fucking gorgeous. You're there with the finesse Mitchell. I was I was there with finesse Ian bag Christina Mitch Faitel Who else? Yeah. There's a, what's it like when you do a,

when you do a festival with your wife, is it different? Cause you guys are kind of a team. Well, I mean, you know, we, we were just, that we didn't have reference to it in the show. We were, we had our spots were like a few apart. So there wasn't like, and now, you know, so we were just like doing show 20-minute sets, just standard. I was thinking about, I was thinking about, I can tell you the names, but I don't want

to, but there's a dude who I think we both think is the most brilliant comic in the country and easily, and he's dating a female comic. And I find them both fucking hilarious. And I want him to, I want to, well, I don't want to say, because I don't want to, I don't know if they, I guess you can say, Chad Daniels is dating Kelsey Cook. Ah, okay.

Chad Daniels is fucking hilarious. He's so, Kelsey Cook is fucking hilarious. And it's so funny I wanted, this is horrible, but I wanted them to do but I wanted them to do I wanted them to do the cruise I don't know if we got them or not because we haven't put offers out yet but I don't but I get weird I get weird and you know in my brain

way of like selfish spend time with people away that I don't want couples together because I'm afraid I'll get alienated all right you know but you know how that yeah I know what you mean yeah and so, but they're both so fucking funny, and I was wondering, so I was like, oh, did you tour with her? I forget. I did, I did. She's so goddamn funny.

She's hilarious, but Chad Daniels is like, Chad Daniels is, I mean, you know him probably better than I do. We did an Asian tour together. He is, yeah. Fucking a gang strong state. He really is. He just did two specials in Madison.

I do not, I was like, what the fuck are you doing? He taped two different hours on the same night. It's the thing, it's the thing that people, what? It, I don't know the right way to say this, I don't want to sound like I'm being shitty towards any of my good friends. Yeah. But I have to say this, I don't want to sound like I'm being shitty towards any of my good friends. Yeah.

But I have to say the compliment I give to Chad Daniels, this Chad Daniels has been doing stand up under the radar, I guess you could argue, meaning he's not been doing specials out on Netflix or whatever, he's been doing it kind of under the radar for 25 years, 26 years. And when you do it that long, kind of like in the shadows,

when you decide to peek your head out, people are blown the fuck away. It's so goddamn state in like the middle of the fucking mood. Yeah, he was like, he was like, I got like you kind of a, I say this a little bit, but he like, he did, Diana interrupt you. No. Go ahead and say it. a, I say this a little bit, but he like, he did a, day interrupt you. No, go ahead and say it.

No, I said so. I was saying. No, I didn't say it, it wasn't. It was good. I'm trying to learn to listen better. I'm okay. He said, he did what I did not do,

and that he put his family first and moved to Minnesota and raised family. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, and it's and then toured. I was like I'm gonna stand up I don't need millions of dollars. Yeah, I need a couple hundred grand make sure we keep everyone afloat send everyone to college Yeah, and then and then when it's my time and I'm 50 years old and my kids are in college I go out and toured and I'll do some special. Yeah. Really kind of fucking noble. Yeah, he, he's a plus, man.

He really is. He's really. So funny, that was an interesting tour. There's a documentary about it, right? Yeah, I think you should kill. You should shot it. Yeah, Louis Lee funded it. He owns ACME in Minneapolis.

I need you to kill, yeah. And it's him, Pete Lee. Pete Lee is my son's favorite fucking comedian. Really? She sends me videos of Pete Lee all the fucking time. Yeah. Was I on it? No, I don't think you're there in Hong Kong with us. No, that looks like me.

In the middle? That's me. That's me. God, look how young, Chad. Look how young those two. Look how young all you guys are. What year is that? It's 2014 we filmed it in, I think.

Late 2014? I think, I think. Or maybe it was, oh yeah, late 2014 going into 15, I want to say. I can't remember. Well, that's when it came out though. It was filmed. Pete Lee, you and Chad Daniels are Three funny motherfuckers. It was fun. It was fun as shit man

We don't come on Singapore and Macau you seen the documentary. Yeah, it's really a watch that Yeah, we really had a good time. I want to say we were there in maybe in during 2015 at some time 2014 or 50 I don't why I keep tying on to that one was you When did your first Netflix special air? March of 2014, it recorded it in November 2013. So this definitely came out after that, I mean, was recorded after that, but I hadn't yet done the second special. So it must have been either late in 14 or early in 15, I think.

I wish I had the fucking, I wish I had the Rogan effect in like on Bert Cast because there's people that I find so fucking funny, like Chad Daniels and Pete Lee. I like put them on. Yeah, I wish I really popped people the way Rogan did it for us. Yeah. Rogan was such a gift to be able to put us over

on a larger platform. And, and, uh, I think, I mean, Chad Daniels already does great. He's, I mean, selling out every fucking gig everywhere he goes to, but he should, I think he should be bigger. Yeah. I think same with Peeley, there's such funny and bag.

There are these so many guys that are like amazingly funny. But you know, just for years and just are flawless. Yeah. Yeah, imagine I mean both me and you just did it. So we just I should just Have you watched your cuts yet? I saw the first one you did watch it. Yeah, yeah, you saw me watch mine Yeah, it's a cut to me yesterday. I watch the beginning my shoulders. It's great. You're so All I care about your shoulders crazy. Yeah You're so. It's all I care about. You're shoulder crazy? Yeah.

Cause I know I'm fattening it, but I wanna see my shoulders look good. I saw one cut that look really good. These such a crazy person. The, but Chad Daniels did two specials in one night, two different specials. That's crazy. That is insane for people that don't know.

That is insane. I mean, there's not, I don't know, there's another. That is insane for people that don't know. That is insane. I mean, I don't know there's another human being alive that would do that or that can do that. I couldn't do. Two separate hours in a night, you have to be kidding me. I couldn't, by the way, that's why I say, like, that's why I say, when you go, I know he's on out, he should be doing bigger venues

because I can't do that. Maybe this will lead to that too, you know? Let's say that other thing is, you don't know when people's, you know, time just comes and they, and things just pop for them. Because it happens all the time. He has such a wealth of material. So much, so many hours.

So much, so many hours. So many hours. I mean, it's funny that Leann has fallen in love with him and Pete Lee and he will send me Instagram clips that they're stand up. You know he's sleeping in tattoos. Hey, do me a favor. Uh What was I just gonna something about tattoos? No, no

No The ends of big fan Amazing, I flooded out of my head so quick. Yeah, how big she's a fan? She's a big fan. She's a big fan. Thanks, Leigh-Anne. Yeah, I know. Yeah, me and you have a boss on our fucking ass too.

Where's the fucking phone call from Leigh-Anne for me? I wish I didn't care about money. Like I care. Like I feel like I'm worried that I'll run out. Yeah, like I wait, like so many people, somebody saw like my tour schedule and they were like, how much money do you need? They've said that a lot at the fucking roast

for Whitney for me. I look at like, I'll tell you, I'll tell you, I kind of talk to you about this a little bit earlier in private, but like, Stavvy, Stavvy, Stavros does not give a fuck about money. Chris, the Stefano does not give a fuck on this. But you the stuffino does not give a fuck off. But you're just assuming this?

No, I know this, I know this. Chris, the stuffino had a conversation, he was a guest bearer. And Adab, did you see that clip? I mean, it was a while ago. Who remind me what a- We both got emotional about being parents. I remember that.

I remember that. Yeah, and then he was saying like, how much is it worth? And I wonder if I'm a horrible person, but I was like all of it, like you just, you leverage all of it, like to tell it works, like, my brain, I remember talking to Savros and he was saying,

and he's doing phenomenal right now. Like, and, but he doesn't, like he's like, yeah, I just had to take time off. I don't, I just don't give a fuck. He walked away from one of the fucking biggest podcasts. Oh, yeah. Yeah. And just said like, I'm done. Yeah. On the next thing, you realize, you realize how you realize the

horrible things you could do to me on this podcast. And I still would not leave. I'd be like, it's a good paycheck. It is a good paycheck. Yeah. It's a good paycheck. Like I respect that in those guys. I respect it, but I'm curious, I don't get it. Like, hometown was the biggest.

I mean, I wonder, okay, all right. I wonder how much of America sees that. But here's the thing, there's a difference. There's a thing about being in entertainment that is different than all, like, other reasonable logical things, regular jobs. And it is when you go, I have a vision of what I'm gonna do. And there's times where like you actually turn down reasonable logical things that make sense. You actually

came to mind thinking of that exact thing. You, dude, you, man, I just smelled whatever you blew out. Like 10 seconds later. It was bad. It was running bottom in my heart. It smelled. Handy more ice, by the way. It's not. Someone's turning it up, a notch, baby!

Like somebody's asshole. It's inside my body. It's inside me. Holy shit, I wanna fucking throw up. But if you don't, I just tell my look fucking great. Look at my fucking arm. Holy shit, I wanna fucking throw up. But if you don't touch you, just tell him I look fucking great. Look at my fucking arm. Keep going, keep going.

You came to mind because you could have, like pursued and just, gone along with a re-up on your travel channel thing. And so it's a similar kind of mentality when you think about it. If when your travel channel contract was up, you had a good enough relationship to be like, I'm excited to do this again and just be happily take that contract.

Yeah, no, I was like, go. But if your goal was, I got to get that solid job again. Well, you have that job. But I only did that. I only left. Man, you know, I mean, I've said this at nausea, but the only reason I, the only reason I could afford to leave, thank you, buddy.

Here, I got that for you. Okay. The only reason I could afford to leave was that some friends like you and Rogan and Burr was very pivotal in that moment of just supporting me to get me there. I think about Stavros a lot because at Stavros in Christus Stefano, maybe Janice probably Schultz, like a lot of those guys, they think of money the way Arie thinks of money.

Well I don't know if I would lump them all together. Also, like... Shultz makes a great living, so I think he can, he can probably sit back and... I think it's probably cool to be able to calculate, like, what do I want to do, what do I want to do? You know, I think I got it successful later in life, maybe, so maybe I was a little more like...

You're like, I can't let this go. I'm like, I'm fucking, it's a one joke that they made non-stop at that roast was I'm on the road nonstop. I'm on the road non fucking stop. Yeah, but but Yeah, I mean I I think also But that why is that why you care so much you think because you hit success later that you're like so

so much you think because you hit success later that you're like. I think it was lucky to hit it later because I appreciate it. I appreciate it maybe more. I'm guessing. I think everyone appreciates their success. Yeah. But I think I definitely know what it's like to be an old loser. Like to be an older dude in the club that people look over their shoulder. I definitely remember that.

I remember that vividly. I remember dudes that like legit guys coming up to me and going, you're funny. And I was like, yeah. You know, I just remembered right now. What? You told me, this is before you hit it. You know?

That you were in the holidays, you were back in Tampa, and you had a show at the Tampa improv, and that a bunch of people came out, like your family, friends, a bunch of people, and then you guys went somewhere, I think it was Tampa, afterwards, to like celebrate, you know, just like you're back home, and then one of your friends was like,

how much you get paid for that? And you're like, what do you think? And he ganked your check out of your friends was like, how much you get paid for that? And you're like, what do you think? And he ganked your check out of your hand. And he's like, oh my God, I've got a guy's got. And then he was like, oh, yeah. Because that was still like, hey, bring the room. I can tell you the guy's name. And he was like, that's not very much.

And you're like, oh, thanks. Took the check back. And you're like, thanks a lot. The guy's a $5 million house. Yeah. Yeah. He sent me his address for Christmas. He looked it up and looked at the value. I always do.

He said me his address for Christmas. He asked for my address and I was like, okay, so I said to him, I was like, how we should probably send him an address? Send him an address. I should get his address. Send him a card or whatever. Yeah. And his house is fucking pretty fucking nice.

$5 million. Yeah. I remember that very vividly. So funny. Yeah. Yeah. If you looked at my check next time I go in Tampa, I think you'd be a little shocked.

Like, sure he would be. It also wouldn't be from the Tampa improv. It would be from like wherever the fucking hockey team likes. So weird. You know what's so cool about us? Is that we had the opportunity to be losers. Like in the working to get to where you are. Like very few, very few careers, I think.

I think there's like if you're in a surgeon, you know where you're ending up, right? Right. If you're a surgeon, you know where you're ending up, right? Right. If you're a lawyer, you know where you're ending up. But when you're a comic, you're not end, you're not guaranteed that. So there's a, there's a real kind of like moment where you've got to be cool with not making money. You got to be almost like fucking go like, maybe that's where Stavros and those guys come from is they're like, I already accepted. I'm gonna fuck about. Well, I mean, that's the thing is that I didn't,

I mean, I accepted that it was reality that I didn't have money, but I was also felt like, I mean, I make it less about money. I was like, I'm going to be successful in this. I didn't think I'd be successful. I thought I'd be able to pay. I thought I'd be able to pay rent, but I didn't think I'd ever be able to pay a mortgage with stand-up or podcasting as fucking, I didn't even know that was a thing.

But I think about that now, and I go, my friends graduated college, and they got in, and anyone listening to this has to realize, I'm coming from a very different generation. It's like all my friends, there was no internet, there was no, like no one, there was no famous comedians when I was a kid. There was Carl and Pryor, Eddie Murphy, like you said, are you into comedy? You had to really be into comedy.

And so it's crazy to me to think that, like when I got in this, I didn't know you could do the road. I didn't even know what stand up would do. I just knew I liked it and I didn't know what you could do with it. I didn't think there was any money to be made from it. I don't think anyone thought there was any money. I think everyone was like, oh, something to do for a couple of years, and then you get into, I remember sitting managers of clubs down

and basically threatening them. Like learning more and more about how that business works and explain to them how they're fucking me. Oh, I remember that I remember being in cars after you did that with other managers who told me about when you did that to those managers. On Monday mornings driving to the airport and they're like, it's your friends with Tom, right? And I was like, yeah, really good friends.

They're like, what the fuck's up with your boy? I remember that. I remember that vividly. Well, I would do things that I was like, hold on. So I got this bullshit guarantee and no fucking bonus. But look at the, and I would like break down the ticket sales to them. I go, so you're fucking just, you're absolutely, you're racking me

is what you're doing. And they're like, I am not. I was like, you are, you're a rascal. Yeah. And then I remember that car ride and Columbus driving back with Dave. Yeah. You're like, what's up with your boy Tommy?

That's so fucking, and you know, I remember telling your wife, I remember telling your wife, secret time, I remember being, I remember telling your wife. I remember telling your wife Seeker time. I remember being I remember saying Vividly and she could probably recall this conversation. Do not listen to your husband He does not know what he's doing He is not the person you should listen to trust me trust me You go to the Toledo funny bone you pay your dues

That there's your bill to find it, your bill to following. I go to Tom and she's like, well, Tom wants us to do rock venues. And I was like, Tom, doesn't know what he's doing. Trust me. And then I remember, I remember I was dropping off Georgia. She was in sixth grade and you call and you said, you need to get the fuck out of Philly,

out of the comic club, you need to do the rock. And I went, what? And you go, I'm sending the guys info. That's right. And I'm sending them your stuff right now. And I was like, I'm gonna go, I'm gonna go, I'm gonna go, Tom, I'm gonna burn a bridges. I'm gonna go, I'm gonna go, I'm gonna go, that's right.

That's right. And it's so funny. And then I remember going from doing six shows at the helium to six shows at the truck, which was, it was like, it was like, every show was three times the size of, and I was like, what the fuck, you're like, trust me. And you know, that's what's crazy is like, is, by the way, I hope everyone understands I love Starburst and Yannis and all the guys were talking about, I love them, but like, I spent so much time in those funny bones

that I got indoctrinated. Like I indoctrinated that you got a party with the wait staff. You got to be cool, you got to tip out, you got to do, whatever they say, at the center shot stage you take it. Like, and I'm not saying that all the guys I mentioned didn't get to enjoy those nights, but I enjoyed them. Like I did crazy shit on the road with weight staffs like going to barn parties for like, I mean, 10 years.

It's crazy that I had to. Yeah, you were like the, I mean, when you left the clubs, you were like the club guy. I was definitely. Yeah. I would do stuff to make sure people are at the bar afterwards so they could still get their money in the bar. Yeah. And by crazy, the like, Bert would play clubs and they were like, it's Friday. We don't have

alcohol for tomorrow. They would sell out of their fucking booze. I remember, I remember we did that in helium and helium. What came on Saturday, and we sold them out of all their alcohol on Friday, because Joe Flacco, shout out to Joe Flacco. Yeah, right? What? Joe Flacco was behind the bar making drinks. What? Dude, it was Joe Flacco showed up with his friends.

They were all like Delco boys or whatever, it's called. Yeah. And they all showed up. They all partied. And like we did the meet and greet. And one guy, Joe Flacco, right? That's his name to play for the Ravens. Yeah. Yeah, Joe Flacco. up they all partied and like we did the meet and greet and one guy Joe Flacco Right, that's his name to play for the Ravens. Yeah, yeah Joe Flacco. Way to go, you He him and his buddies came over and they were like they took a picture and they said hi

He was very cool like very very cool and then kind of started to leave He's on the league. No, he can't be. He's got to be 10 years ago. How did you apply? I mean, we could have just... He's still in. He's still in. He was a man. He was a very cool dude. By the way, he's fucking aggressively big. He's huge. He's a big fucking dude. So he's in the line and we say hi and his friends are like, one of his boys is like,

dope bro, you know, Joe Flacker, right? I was like, what? He's like, Joe Flack, I was like, you fucking show. I'm boys with them. We brought him. We brought him. Dude, he fucking loved you. And I was like, oh, that's cool.

And then I was like, and we still had a, my whole thing was like, I'm not going to be a big guy. I'm not going to be a big guy. I'm not going to be a big guy. I'm not going to be a big guy. I'm not going to be a fucking show, I'm boys with them. We brought him, we brought him. Dude, he fucking loved you. And I was like, oh, that's cool. And then I was like, and we still had a, my whole thing was like, I thought I only was valuable to the clubs if I could make sure they told us it's all the time of booze.

So I always wanted to come back next year. Yeah. And I was always like, so I was like, yo, guys, why don't you come up? I didn't like say, hey Joe, I was like, hey guys, why don't you come back, have a drink. And I go, okay. And then I just, he's fucking, I want to say he's like, six Joe. I was like hey guys, why don't you come back and have a drink and I go okay. And then I just, he's fucking, I wanna say he's like six five.

Yeah. And I was like, he's like, he's like, come on back. And he goes by in the bar and then he's like, porn drinks and- That's where this was at the Philly, Philly, William. Yeah. Everyone's like Joe Flack was making drinks

and we drank so much booze at night. We stayed out until five of them, we kept the place open until five in the morning. How do you recover from this shit? I always wonder how you do this. Oh, no, I think I do it less better now, but The next day we showed up and they couldn't start the early show because they didn't have beer to serve to anyone They don't have any beer or booze to serve to anyone. They're like we can make whiskey gingers And like that was it and I remember I was like so proud in my head. I was like I was like Do that happen in Tampa?

Tampa was the we did that I used to do that call sick to work show Do you remember that yeah? I do a call sick to work show for anyone not that doesn't remember a Go into radio drink on radio then go and do a show at like 11 o'clock in the morning And I tell everyone call sick to work on radio. I be a call sick to work Me me at the club, we're gonna do a morning show. And I did, I did them all over the place but I did one in Tampa that they drank them out of booze

before I got to the club. And man, it was evident. That's when I gave out your phone number. I gave out your phone number and I gave, and phone number and I gave and a guy was like, can I still let me go? I have stage for brain cancer in the middle of the show. And I was like, well, let me buy you a drink. He goes, uh, rum and diet coke, I go, sir, making a coke.

I mean, I'm gonna eat coke. I don't care. And then he collapsed, he hit his head, and he died like a week later. That's true. That's true. Yeah. Yeah. His son called me and said, game, am I dad was the guy that you're show? He's dead. Cheers to that dude. He was a fucking cool dude. Front row, front row, front row. How old is he? This is pretty old. Who's like 50? That's not that old. Six, but he's like, he's old like Rogan, like old like Rogan.

That's cool. That's cool. I wish I had, I wish I had. I wish I had the stuff that like those guys have. Well, I think just definitely was doing it right. Like he's spending time with his kids. Yeah. His kid and he's, and Starbros is like getting, like I love him. You see his Stavvy guessing shape, the stuff? No, it's great, it's great.

I respect those guys, I don't understand it. I think that's my thing, it's like I don't understand it. I chased money so much in my career, because I never had it. So like I, I, I, I identify, I can identify with you very much on that. Yeah, right. Of course. Also, there's this thing though, there can be an addiction to success. Like you get a taste of success and you go like, I don't want that taste to go away. You know, when you look at the like the top performing, let's say, you know, movie people, what do you see in them? I think you see something that it's very,

this stands out very clearly. I'm talking about like Kevin Hart, the rock, Mark Wallberg, Tom Cruise, is that they were, you know, working actors, right, or working comedian actors, whatever, wrestler, all this stuff. They get success, and then they're like, you get like addicted to being successful and having things be like, like, and money is tied to it, but it's not all about money. And so then what they do is they,

what do you see in these guys? They're all, four of those guys I listed, very physical, they all are known for like working out night and day, being extremely driven, and doing project after project after project, and is that like the end all be all of every, is that gonna make them happy? I don't know, but I understand the mentality of like,

I want what I do to be good and have it be a success. I understand that. I understand that. And as you said that, I went, God damn it. Do I have that? Like, all right, secret time. Everyone that listens to what I'm about to say has to love me with all your heart, okay?

Because I'm being vulnerable and that's part of this podcast. Don't be a con about what I'm about to say. Okay. Cause I'm being vulnerable and that's part of this podcast. Don't be a con about what I'm about to say. Okay. I enjoy, I do enjoy getting recognized. I do enjoy it. I know. Makes me feel nice.

Like it makes me feel like the thing I work so hard at doing, people recognize and enjoy. I can tell that you genuinely enjoy it. I genuinely enjoy it. And I wonder, sometimes I do wonder, finally to myself What that would feel like if it just went away if it went away and then like would I I don't know that I don't know that I maybe when I was younger I noticed it more now

I don't notice it as much but like today going through the Austin airport I actually got recognized so much that I was like, and it was a little annoying, you know, that Peter was like, yo, yo, can we do this walking? So like so many people would take pictures. Yeah. That I am very cognizant to say, no, no, no, it's fine, because I always feel like it's going away. I always feel like it's on its way out.

So I go, no, I don't mind taking a picture with everyone. And it's so funny, because I wonder if that's what Tom Cruise has. I identify a lot with Tom Cruise. I was with you for a minute. Me and Tom Cruise are so similar. Me and him would be boys. He could get me into Scientology in a heartbeat. Oh, I'm sure he could.

And I'd be like, if Tom Cruise is like, I can get somebody in a Scientology, I'd be like, I'd like to see it. And then if they put you in the room, I'd be like, this is a case closed. I'm just holding on to the ski ropes all the way. Yeah. Yeah, you'd be in. You'd be in.

I just, I just, what are you identify with about him? The working part. I have a hard time. Well, because I work, I busy myself knowing that it'll take away time that I get to think. So like I pack my schedule, I pack it so that I go, I'm home, let's just do something. I don't want to be sitting home at loan. What am I going to do sitting in? There's the fucking my house is dead. Georgia's gone. It's dead. I was at school. I'm just sitting there with fucking four dogs and fucking nine cats or whatever the fuck land has and then the

And walks and she's like I just wait a workout class and then I'm just sitting there in the fucking house So if I'm not working I do I go what am I fucking doing? I might as well work dude. I heard some dude off fishnet fishnet TikTok I might as well work. Dude, I heard some dude on fishnet fishnet TikTok My having this is croak. I Heard it going So why am I saying fishnet? I want to say it again. I don't know. Tick-tock talk about how many how many weeks he has left, right? He's sick. No, he just goes. I'm not living past a. So then I got 6,000 weeks left, right? Oh.

That's what I'm doing the math wrong, I'm certain. How many weeks is 50 years? We take it. So I got, I have, let's just say I have 2,000 and 600 weeks left. I mean, God, Dennis, if you get to 100, I'm probably getting there, only shocked. Okay.

Okay. 2,000 weeks left, right? Yeah, let's pair it down, 2,000. Well, hold on, how many weeks is 2,000 weeks? Find out what 2,000 weeks is. Well, let's get, it's very close. Well, it's not, but it's not 50. No, but it's fucking, 600, 600 six 600 weeks is like two fuck five years. Okay Just swipe out the thing and do the thing

40 about 40 okay, so I'll get that 90 I'm definitely getting 90 okay, so I have 2000 weeks left right yeah I have 2000 weeks left motherfucker. Oh my god. That just gave me an anxiety attack. I have 2000 weeks left, right? Yeah. I have 2000 weeks left, motherfucker. Oh my God, that just gave me an anxiety attack. I have 2000 weeks left. I have 2000 weeks left. I would honestly... I can't stop doing a stand-up.

Oh, I do, it's fucking... I would say you got... How many weeks do you think of Sennheck? I think you have 1400 weeks left. 2000, 14 hundred weeks. What's 1400 weeks? It's another 10 years. So you have 80, you'll lose. No, no, no, no, no, 2,000. 14 hundred weeks. What's 14 hundred weeks? It's another 10 years. So you're at 80, you're losing 80.

No, no, no, no, no, no. You're not gonna be 90, dude. I'm gonna be, I'm gonna live to 90, I definitely, well, unless I was like something tragic, like I attacked a wolf, like I'm definitely living to 90. I'm definitely living to 90. Really? Yeah.

I would be shocked if I died at all like if you Have you can I tell you a cool story? Yeah, sure sure dude survives war war two Who does this guy? Get shot in the leg That's a cool fucking is is a good transition too. Okay. Survives World War II.

He was at Pearl Harbor. Him and his best friend that he grew up with were on the Arizona. Just shot in leg. By the way, if you heard this in the same podcast, I did shot the fuck up. Shot in leg, climbs down a rope, gets into a boat, lives, lives to 99 years old.

Just died recently. Okay. Get's cremated and he has divers, take him down to his, in the Arizona, take him down to his thing and put his ashes down where his position was. Holy shit. Yeah, you know what I said?

I'm gonna get emotional. Because he said, no, I've seen people burying graves. No one goes to the grave after a while. But people will be coming here, hopefully, for the rest of the world. Oh, motherfucker, don't you wanna to die in a fucking like fucking like I Want I don't want to go be be just be buried No, and then well yeah, and then no one gives a fuck unless you're in Maryland, man

Well dude, we're okay comics on Netflix. Yeah, no one's coming by our grapes. Yeah, I know. We're not Jim Morrison We're not Kurt Cobain of course. We're just I don't care if the masses come by my grave. Oh, I don't want to be forgotten. This is a big difference between us. Oh, I don't want to be forgotten at all. I think I'm pretty... We should get buried together. We should and then people will always come by our graves.

A mausoleum. A mausoleum. Dude, hear me out. Okay. We do a big mausoleum where The Florida Florida. Yeah, fuck you know Florida right and and You know if we pick a really shitty part of the state we could have a really big one Good or okay, they go to a belglaid or something Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha We have a huge mazileum. We build our own mazileums next door to each other, right? Yeah. Just massive and all our families can be buried there.

And it's like, it turned into like the armen hammer. And we have huge, I'm being that, it's the only thing I'm fucking Stuart Florida. Now, when we just build, like, I don't want a fucking be buried under earth, I don't think. I want to be the mazileum. You're going to be grim, you're going to be fuck horse or you're gonna be grimated.

Yeah, yeah, why? What the fuck, dude? Why don't you wanna be grimated? Cause it's stupid. You just then get burned and then, you know it's not a lot of ash, they say. It's, well, nope, nope. It's a handful, okay.

You turn into this? No. I wanna be, I wanna be, I want, I want something big. I know I'm crazy, but like I wonder if people are listening to this going like, yeah, I want something big also. Like I want to be remembered. Don't you want to be remembered? Like don't you want people to talk about you for the rest of your life? Well, I'm dead. Your dad, your dad says something to you when he passed before he passed. I don't know if you've shared this and you can add this out.

He said, he goes, buddy, just remember life goes on. I said to my dad, my dad goes, that's the fucking truth. Life goes fucking on. Life goes on. Yeah. I don't want it to. I don't want it to. He said the world goes on.

Is that what it is? Yeah, I don't want it to. I want it to stop for a little while and remember me. I don't want it to go on. I want. It's totally serious. I'm not even fucking around at all. I'm really not fucking around.

But like, doesn't everyone feel like that a little bit? I mean, probably a little bit. I mean, everybody wants to be acknowledged. Everybody wants to be seen. I think more people feel like that about other people. Like you want, you know, like your dad or your sibling, or you want people to recognize the people close to you. Have you done anything, by the way, I'm drunk.

So if we edit this out, we can. Have you done anything like this set up? Because your dad was like a big help people out. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Are you doing anything like this set up? Because your dad was like a big help people out. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Are you doing stuff like that? Yeah, I mean, I kind of got into some philanthropy, but I haven't like set up like a foundation in his name. Like is that the thing you do to keep your name of him?

I mean, that's what you look at like benches in a park and it's got like, yeah, that, I mean, effulmurmin bench and you're like, People can do that for people. I mean, Eiffelmurman bench and you're like, people can do that for, I mean, you know, it's not out of the question that I would do something like that for him, but yeah, it just depends, you know, I mean, depends on the person you're trying to honor and keep their, he's like, you know,

he loved recognition. Really? Oh my God, he absolutely glowed at recognition. I mean, he's like, you know, you see this in the paper today, they call me, they wanted my opinion on this thing. Yeah. Take a look and I'm like, yeah, he's like, pretty neat. I'm like, yeah, he's like, do you read it?

I go, yeah, I just fucking saw it. I see it. And he would, he loved people, when they, he came to my shows and people would stop him He would like I'd be like let's go. He's like people want to picture with me and I'd be like Take these weird fucking photos. He loved it And I'd be like let's go. He's like Tommy. I'm with the fans I can't believe I never met him and I never get to meet him.

Yeah. Yeah. Well, you will in about 1600 weeks. Oh Fuck me I thought today we were gonna suck It's been such a great day. It's been fun. It's been such a great fucking day. Have you made my dad a few times? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah Fuck I'm so happy right now. Why is this happen? I get so happy Like in these moments when I'm drinking and we're partying and then all of a sudden I go that's the thing we're Jason I made fun of you on stage Because you know we beat we both have like a bit about each other. Yeah. Oh my god

This person was like hey I'm like what and they're like we love birth like defending you. I was like, Hey, I'm like what? And they're like, we love birth, like defending you. I was like, Oh, boy, I go, he's about to die. And like, fucking 1600, we should count it down. Yeah. And then when I die, I want merch, sold of how many weeks I had left. Yeah, we can arrange that. And just a number, just, just 800 mean, I'm giving you 30 years all right 30 years yeah says you're gonna a lot how old do you think you'll be when I die I think I'll be like late 70s my dad's sick right now but but with, like, I think pneumonia.

With pneumonia? Yeah. Ammonia's kind of serious for all these people. It is, only for 275. And I saw it for the first time in his eyes. I was like, oh shit, this is no joke. That's the thing, you gotta avoid those fucking, you gotta avoid that shit.

Yeah. Those viruses that show up and then all of a sudden, you're like fucking legit a sudden you're like, fucking legit sick. And you're like, I mean, that's why COVID just wiped out the whole fucking elderly population, man. All those, they were the super vulnerable ones, you know? Yeah, that is fucking.

I think I'm gonna, I definitely live in a 75. I'm definitely living in a 75. Okay. I definitely get 75. I think I get 80 easy. I'm definitely living in a 75. Okay. I definitely get 75. I think I get 80 easy. I think I get 80 in people. I think people will be like, can't believe it's still 80.

Like, by the way, yeah. I think I think I'm an outlibering am. I'm pretty sure that. How come? Well, I think that's the way the world works. Is this not fair? Like my fizzing fair? Yeah.

Everyone's gonna be like, everyone's gonna be like, oh, that's not fair Christina is adamant that she's gonna outlive me and I'm like no, no, no, no, we're all going to her funeral We're all going to her funeral and everyone's gonna say it should have been burnt Yeah, she's like, you know, because she has that cockroach Eastern European DNA. And yeah, she's been like, oh, she's like certain. But I mean, like her mother died younger, not young, but like her saying something to her. And then my father's still alive.

And then my father died. My mother's still, my mother's like a fucking anomaly though. Your mom's, well, yeah, it's fucking that you're, that's a, she hasn's like a fucking anomaly though. Your mom's, well yeah, it's fucking, that you're, that's a, She hasn't gained a pound in 40 years. She eats toast and cookies and pastries and like, and starbursts. It's cause it's 10 starbursts before she goes to bed.

It was so hard to kill a pruvian back in the day. Yeah. Because they lived at different elevations. Yeah. And so pruvians, man, theaniards will tell you this all day long. You bet. They couldn't get them. They couldn't get them.

Yeah. You ever hear a story about the Provean General that came down and lit all the Spaniards on fire inside the church? Nope. Can you hear him tell you about it? It's a good one. My mom does not know that story. Dude, it's her.

Proveans are hard to fucking kill. Yeah. I don't know though. I'm talking about Genetics and well you got most of her siblings have died Well, you got no you've got your mom's genetic. Yeah, it's like who lives forever right your moms. Yeah, you dad got fucked It's genetics. It's just fucking yeah, it's probably Vietnam. Yeah, it's what I'm yeah, yeah, but it's that you dad got fucked My dad's still alive my mom's still like my mom's like a fucking bowl. Yeah, he's gonna brother that's still alive This 81 dad's brother is 81 so real is a similar to dad. Yeah, very similar. They're very similar

He's a fucking rock-biting Luna tick Rock Piting He flew listen Listen to this. Rock, Piting, Loonatic. Dude, there's two things you've said. There's two things you've said in this world that I, that I repeated my hat.

No, I mean, under 411 with the hands. Oh, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, Rock, Piting, Loonatic. This savage flew over 600 missions in Vietnam. But they were both together. They were both together. Well, not together. And this guy was there a lot longer and just blowing up villages.

I can't like 600 missions each time. The thing that every time he took off, that's a chance that you don't come back. 600 is a fucking rule of the guys. That's fucking crazy. Shut up and just always, bbzzzzz, just, wow, like Moan did. He said, yeah.

Like my dad would talk about Vietnam, like whatever you wanna talk about, this guy he's like, it doesn't say word. No, he doesn't like the talk. Shut the fuck up. Yeah, I swear. Like whatever you want to talk about this guy he's like I don't like the top shut the fuck up. Yeah, I swear. Yeah a rock biting Yeah, god damn it. How'll see 81? Yeah, really 81. How was your dad when the past? God, he wasn't that old. He was probably 74 Yeah, yeah, so then the goal is to outlive our dads, right? Yeah, you want to I think so yeah, all right probably 74. Yeah. Yeah.

So then the goal is to outlive our dads, right? Yeah, you want to, I think so, yeah. All right. So I, I get to hope my dad dies soon. So I, I get to hope my dad dies soon. So I, I get to hope my dad dies soon. So I, I get to hope my dad dies soon. So I, I get to hope my dad dies soon.

So I, I get to hope my dad dies soon. So I, I get to hope my dad dies soon. So I, I get to hope my dad dies soon. So I, I get to hope my dad dies soon. So I, I get to hope my dad dies soon. So I, I get to hope my dad dies soon. So I, I get to hope my dad dies soon. So I, I get to hope my dad dies soon. So I, I get to hope my dad dies soon. So I, I get to hope my dad dies soon. So I, I get to he's on his way. He's not doing good. We're gonna face him, you hear me? How does he?

75, just turned 75. Yes, two days ago. Two days ago. Two days ago. Carlton went on his birthday and he could not talk. He had, oh no. Yeah, yeah, yeah, as when he, home. He's home.

He had the gal, I had, why? I had COVID for like the fifth time that when I was in it. I've had COVID the most. Really? I was in it, I've had COVID the most. Really? I've had COVID, I've had COVID five times. What is your dad think of what we were talking about? Like the work thing, is he the type who's like, take time off, fucking, you know, like you need to

eat shit, cash, cheques, buddy. That's his words. If you have a, if you have a fucking, my dad's gonna sell merch, it's eat shit, cash, cheques. So he's like, go to work. You fucking, my dad's gonna sell merch. It's eat shit, cash checks. So he's like, go to work. You fucking, buddy, buddy. There's, I'm not gonna hear every conversation I've ever had with my dad about working.

Yes, what you do, that's what you do, you're a man. You get up, you go to work. It's part of the punitive part of my brain where I wake up on over this morning. The most hungover I've ever been waking up and I can say that quantifiably. I drank all night last night, I drank well into two in the morning,

I smoked a ton of weed, and I got blackout drunk for the roast, I didn't wanna know if I heard anything hurt my fans, I'm gonna show them my face. So I passed out, I woke up, and I heard my dad, you're not dead, you can't die from being tired. Get the fuck up.

And I was like, all right, but my dad is E-Shit Cash Checks. My dad was very similar. Yeah, always, he would be like, what do you mean, like, not work? What do you talk, like, he'd be like, huh? Like, if I was like, I tore 358 days here, he'd be like, yeah, that makes sense. Yeah, oh, my dad will go on, where he at?

Like, he follows me on Life Through 60, and I go, I'm in fucking Wisconsin. And he's like, nice, nice, nice. What are we at two shows tonight? Yeah, and he goes, yeah, all right. Good, good, good. How the girls doing? It's always Yeah, and he goes, yeah, all right. Good, good, good. How the girls doing?

It's always like, make sure, I mean, and he did say, like at one point, I have to give him credit. He did say he was, he felt he fucked me up because he implemented that in my head about e-shakast checks. There's dudes at dig ditches every weekend. They do not want to dig ditches.

My dad did that manual labor. My dad mopped up floors, dug holes. He did all of that. I got lucky enough that my manual labor was like folding sweaters. I never had the rough life that most men have. And my dad's like, buddy, that's the reality. That's the reality.

You get an opportunity to make some money. You make that money because you can't guarantee it's going to be there. And so I think that's, if we come full circle with this whole conversation and look, Stobros is dad, definitely first generation from Greece, like, everyone's dad's a hustler and whatnot. I'm not saying, I don't want this to be like a button of Christmas, definitely not his dad, gangster from fucking Staten Island, like, they're all, I'm not saying,

I'm just saying, like, my dad was like, e-shit, cash checks. You have no humility. He would have said to me nonstop, there is a young black kid from Harlem wanting to do what you want to do that will do 10 times harder, do everything better than you

because you have no fucking humility. My dad instilled humility in me and I think that's why I'm so honest. I think that's why I'm constantly thinking, like I think it's why I'm so open about stuff. I'm, man, I'm so bummed your dad has passed. I wish my dad and your dad could gotten together. I would love to be fun.

Yeah, they probably would have really had a good time talking about their. I don't even know what your dad looks like. Really? I'll show you a picture. Yeah. I love you so much. I love you too, man. You're that crazy? Yeah, it's crazy. Yeah. We're good friends, man. What kind of hat is that? I don't know. You don't know? I have no fucking idea.

I don't even know what I'm doing. Are you ready for dinner? I'm so ready for dinner. Yeah. I'm pretty fucking lit. I know. Do you have to, we have to, somebody has, do you have a car here?

No. We have to get an Uber for somebody. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Oh, because you have selfish cars. I have a. Oh, yeah. I like it. You have selfish cars. I have a selfish car. I think you should go in the Uber and I'll take a, not a bad idea.

Our friend. It's not a bad idea. Yeah. It might throw up in my car. Oh, yeah. Oh, you should drive him like a fucking lunatic like you do. Oh, you're definitely dying before me. Oh, that could happen.

Yeah. That could happen. Yeah. You know, that was a big thing when you heard yourself play basketball, that was like, it's his cars, right? Oh yeah, and I was like, no. No, they're like, I don't believe you play sports. It's his cars.

Yeah. Mine will be, okay, what's the death? Let's end it with this. What's the death where you don't get empathy? Like if you got no car crash, no, give a fuck, they'd be like, well, that's what you get, that's what you get. That's what you get.

You got past cars, that's what you get. If I dry up an overdose, everyone's like, well, that's what you get, that's what you get. Yeah, you're drinking, that's what happens, right? What's the death where everyone gives you empathy? Saving a kid, Yeah, like house fire, drought, flood, and you're like you jumped in to grab somebody out of the water. Yeah, then you're there. You don't want to be forgotten That's how you should die. I'll do it. Save in somebody else. I'll do it. I do it in a heartbeat. Do it today.

I should go around. I should put on a cape. You should put on a cape and do it. All right, we gotta get out of here. The fuck outta here. All right, all right. Hey, thanks to Waterburger. I'm sure that's what you wanna be attached to. Was that a fart?

No, that's, maybe. Okay. Let's get out of here. Oh, fuck off. Bert, time, time and Bert. One goes top, the swath, the other. No, that's maybe okay Let's get out of here. Oh my god One goes top the swath the other wears a shirt Tom tells stories and birds the machine There's not a chance and hell that they'll keep clean here's what we call There's one

No scripts a bit a booze amateur, Pertology, dirty jokes, Rancho hero, no apologies. Here's what we call, Two Bears One Cave.