2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer - Is Squirting Real? | 2 Bears, 1 Cave Ep. 190

Episode Date: June 19, 2023

It’s a classic episode of 2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura and Bert Kreischer and Bert gets right into the only thing on his mind at the moment: Squirting isn’t real. They talk about some weird fan interactions they’ve had and how they interact with celebrities they admire. They discuss taking chances on certain jokes, tough languages, releasing movies in China, and learning how to say very cool things in Arabic. Bert talks about how much he’s been partying during the Machine premiere, Trick Daddy, Drink Champs, and celebrities they’d love to party with.https://tomsegura.com/tourhttps://www.bertbertbert.com/tourhttps://store.ymhstudios.com/

El Little Roosevelt never squirted. Ha ha ha ha ha. You think Helen Keller would be a squirter? Tyden, how close Japanese and Chinese are to each other? Why do Jews control the weather? Ha ha ha ha ha. What are you doing, fat fuck? I didn't say that.

No, I definitely didn't say that. 100% And we are back. And we're getting to the bottom of this whole squirting thing. Ha ha ha ha ha. Is it real? Well to the bottom of this whole squirting thing. Ha ha ha. Is it real? Well, I just talked to a squirter. It's funny that you bring that up.

Was I sitting with that squirter in the lobby earlier? Ha ha ha ha. No. But this particular squirter was just saying that they really are messy and that they'll empty their bladder, like really empty their bladder. And they go, this is why they can empty their bladder, like really empty their bladder and they go, this is why they're like, I have completely empty and then just streams

of whatever is inside of them come shooting out afterwards. So they're like, it can't be pee. I mean, there's always women that say that, so I don't know, man. I mean, it just seems like, it seems like, it seems like cow tipping to me. Yeah. You know, cow tipping isn't real. What do you mean? It's not real. How do you mean? It's not no one's ever tipped a cow. Yeah, they have no no one's ever tipped a cow Living was talking comments. I Live them was constantly about your liars in the comments no one's ever tipped a cow no one's ever tipped a cow

I lived in Wisconsin. I put a video of cow tipping. I bet you can't find one. I bet you can't find fucking one. Not is cal tipping real. Just cap. The myth explained. Can cows be tipped? Yeah, you can. Urban legend. It makes me question every dude I ever grew up with that talked about cal tipping.

I've seen it. You've never seen it. And what's Concent? You've never seen it. You've never seen it. What happened is it got imprinted on you and you remember hearing so many stories about it as a kid. You Concent? You've never seen it. You've never seen it. What happened is it got imprinted on you and you remember hearing so many stories about it as a kid.

You think so? You believe it's real. Yeah. Okay. That's how this tip that cow, here we go. Let me see it's cow, let me see a cow get tipped. Hmm. This is our Wyoming life.

What a dick move if you really do. If those are your cows and then you spend the day just tipping them over. Yeah, it's terrible. But worth it. I'm going to be a Wyoming. Yeah. Yeah. I'm going to. You are? I think I'm going to move there. You think you're going to stand? They drop their babies. What? Cow tipping. Here we go. Real or fake? Oh, they get tipped out on. No, it's apparently they don't sleep standing up.

They lay down. Bambee here. They said in the subtitle, sorry to brush your bubble, but it's fake. Cow tipping is fake. Cow tipping is fake. And so it's squirting. Squirting is fake.

It's fake. It's fucking fake. It's women. It's, first of all, I've never met a real woman in the square. So I'm a real woman like a real woman. Now it's just it's a trans woman. It's just porn stars. You don't get me started there. No. By the way, what if that would have like? Who just said this? Who just said they were a big squirter? Fuck. Who was it? Was she on the show?

Steph. Yeah. Who's Steph? Steph Tolo. She said that she's a pull up picture. Steph Tolo. She's a comic. No, no, no, I bet she. Oh no, I'm definitely not gonna believe her. Why? No, because it's a bit. It's a bit.

She's a comic comic. She's not like a, I thought she was a porn star comic. She's a regular comic. She's a regular comic. She's really funny. She's a regular comic. She's just doing a bit. Dude. She's doing a bit. Squirting a regular comic, she's really funny. She's a regular comic, she's just doing a bit. Dude, she's doing a bit, it's, squirting isn't real, it's not real, I don't believe it.

Can we get her on the phone? Can we get her on the phone? Yeah, let me work on it. Okay. I know Steph told us, she's funny as fuck. Yeah, she's super funny and she squirts. No, no, no, no, no, look at her, it's a bit. You never, you never had, okay.

Same way like Red Band, she's, I'm not saying that she's like the equivalent of Red Band, but the Red Band would be like, you never had a red band, she's, I'm not saying that she's like the equivalent of red band, but the red band would be like, you know, jerk off and spider, like it's a thing. It's like donkey punch. It's not real. You never been with somebody who was like on the verge of squirting even? No, no, no, no. Like a pool is like in the in the bed afterwards. I've had, I've had women come, like, like, I've had it, I've had stuff come out, but not in a plethora of like square, square, square, square on the wall. Like, I've had stuff come out, obviously. So what do you think is happening? You think it's just piss when they have it? I think it's piss, or I think that what they do is they filter vaginas up with water, like a douche. And then they squirt

that out. And it's a bit for a, for a, for camera effect. I think it's the porn girls that out and it's a bit for a camera effect. It's like the porn girls. Yeah, it's not real. Okay. I mean, I'm just saying, look, and I know that everyone's like, well, you don't know how to fuck right. Well, or you're getting lied to like, cow tipping. I just, I don't have her number, but I just emailed her.

Well, you know what, I'll send her a DM right now. Hold on, because I have this. Why don't we just call Mickey Glazer, she'd be honest. Well, does she say that she does? No, but Nikki, if anyone's squirting, it's Nikki. Yeah, but Steph just told us about it. Yeah, but no, but I think it's like a thing, like, so not all women can squirt,

or all women can squirt, and just some don't have the ability to squirt Hold on me see if if she responds to this just give me once do you think in the 1800s there were squatters? Do you think in in the 1500s that there were squatters? How come we never heard about squatters until right now? Well, like how come there was no squirters back in the day? How come Shakespeare didn't write about squirting? Right. How come we just now hear about squirting? Squirting has been around forever. I don't remember any porn up until like the last 10 years

was squirting in it, right? You never saw squirting before that. True. So when the fuck did this happen? Or is it just a thing where they're like, and here's the thing they're never gonna tell us the truth. They're never, they're always gonna lie to us. The girls?

Yeah, cause it's a way to make our dreams go. But she is no reason to buy. No, no, she's just a comic. I understand, but if she tells you about her real, you're gonna be like, this is still a bit. She's on a podcast. Okay, look at this. If she pulled you aside,

I feel like- I feel like- I'm saying, grabbed you and said, Hey Tom, I squirted my fucking crazy. Then you'd be like, this isn't a bit. But when you're on stage or when you're on a podcast, so it kind of feels like, and I'm not saying you're doing this, but it kind of feels like you're waiting for someone

to pull you aside and squirt in your face and be like, see that was real. If I could get, if Leanne could squirt, I believe it. And if anyone was going to squirt, it's Liam. Why? Oh, man. What? She's on this thing.

I probably shouldn't say what it is, but your wife's on it too. Yeah, I just talked to your wife about it. Okay. And our sex life is fucking bonkers right now. Really? I mean bonkers, like it is every night and sometimes twice a day. Jesus, man.

Every fucking night. At all, I thought this morning, like, I like, this morning she got in bed with me and I had to fly it like five in the morning. If I had seven, my car picked me up at 5.45, she got in bed at five and I was like, here she fucking goes again. This fucking woman, she's lost a tunnel weight so she feels good about her body. And whatever this thing is that they gave her to regulate her hormones, is fucking made her sex drive insane. So you're happy. I'm fucking through the roof.

Yeah. I mean, we're having like monster sessions. But I said that very quick. When she hasn't known, no, no, the other night was very long. Really? You always tell me that you're the quickest. Well, when you start having sex a lot, you start going like, oh, I other night was very long. Really? You always tell me that you're the quickest. Well, when you start having sex a lot, you start going like, oh, I can last a little longer.

When you get it once every two weeks, you're like, nah, yeah, yeah. And so, and I think that that has made her want it more because I'm lasting longer. So, and I'm telling you right now, I don't know the right way I'm supposed to talk like this, but when that woman, when that woman, when that woman gets ready to eat,

she fucking is man versus food. Like she doesn't have silent quiet orgasms. If anyone was gonna squirt her be Liam. So she really shouts, lets you know it's happening. It is fucking game time. Really? Yeah, it's game time. And I just, I know that like, I don't know. I'm not saying that, I'm just saying like,

why is it just shown up in reality right now? Like why is it just shown up? Where were all our, where were the baby boomerset squirted? It's not a bad point. Can you imagine if you were Martha Washington and you squirted, you imagine the back of them when you could hit women. Can we go? What the fuck did you do to my badger, oh my god.

Can we call your mom? No, hold on, just let me finish. I just ask her if any of her friends have ever talked about squirting. No, my first mom's on a plane. Okay. Your mom's a better question. Because your mom's.

She's not even gonna know what it is, and it's gonna be weird. Almost of these say squirting. Yeah, yeah, it's just not gonna. Is there someone in that age range we can call that you know Who can we call We need like a real we need a person Janine Garoflo would be honest with us Okay, Margaret Cho would be honest with us. I believe you Sarah Silverman. How come Sarah Silverman? How come all these comics that we know weren't talking about squirting 10 years ago?

It's, look, I'm saying it's a bad point. I'm moving to the point. You know, it's like, it just showed up and now all of a sudden everyone fucking squirts. I don't know. You're not. Let's pivot. Until she calls, let's pivot and talk about something else

until she calls. It's, I was thinking about this a lot lately is, I don't think, I don't think people understand that, like, I don't know the way I'm gonna say this, but it was very easy to say something, I had a growth airport today. I apologize to this young lady if she feels like I'm calling her out,

where she came up to me and goes, you're not gonna whip your dick out are you? What? Oh, swear to God. And I went, excuse me? She's not gonna whip your dick out are you? And I was like, huh? And she's like, I'm a big fan.

And I was like, you could have just started with that. And I don't know what the, I don't know if I, I don't know if that's a joke that I've done or something. Yeah, when did I? And I was like, yeah, I was like, okay. And then I'm already on my heels, I don't know what the, I don't know if I, I don't know if that's a joke that I've done or something. Yeah, when did I? And I was like, yeah, I was like, okay. And then I'm already on my heels, I don't know what's going on. Yeah.

Secret time, if you want to get my attention, just say something nice. And then usually, so I have Victoria, you know Victoria. Yeah, sure. Victoria does all my social media because it's not worth it for me to read anything. It's like, lived by the sword,

die by the sword. If I see something negative about myself, I don't deal with it well. I focus on it. And if I see something positive, I do kind of glaze by it. And sometimes you get positive things, like the bands sublime hit me up.

But like the fucking John Fogarty hit me up. And then Victoria always flags those, and then she'll send them to me. And then they make me feel really good. Yeah, you're probably right. But it also is like the bigger point of like, if you're trying to get somebody's attention, it's a weird way to do it.

It's a bizarre way to do it. It's could, you know, like I, like I sent to someone, I was just talking to your wife about this. So we're meeting your wife for both big pixies fans. I can't believe you are. I love the pixies, dude.

I love the pixies. And I also like Frank Black when he went solo. He's a lead singer of the pixies. Yeah. And so I just DMed him. And I said, you know, hey, your music has brought me so much joy through the years. I hope you have a great day.

It's the coolest thing to say to someone. You didn't go, you're the fattest piece of shit I've ever seen. I did not. Hey, the fattest man alive. Frank Black, I fucking, what are you doing, fat fuck? I didn't say that. No, I definitely didn't say that. I didn't say that, and you know what?

I'm glad I didn't. I said something nice, and all I did was just a compliment. I don't need a reply. I just complimented. I do that a lot. I do that a lot where I'll send out a compliment. I don't need a reply. Yeah. I just comment. I do that a lot. I do that a lot where I'll send out DMs to people that just bring me to joy.

The band Goose. I'm in love with the band Goose, right? I'm in love. If you haven't listened to Goose, check out Goose. They are fucking awesome. By the way, I have a huge announcement. What? I am listening to a band with white people.

Who? Who? Who? Main skin? We fuck you up, Main skin. I don't know. I fucking... I just downloaded all Main skin. Shit too.

That's the wrong spelling. I understand it. Try M-A-N-E in one word. And this, yeah. M.A. Try M.A. and E and one word and uh. There's this. Yeah. Um. Yeah. They have a lot of uh, a lot of viral music that gets played on TikTok. Oh, really? Yeah. There's one good one of of of Angelina Jolie and her daughter.

Listen to main skin is singing along. Yeah. I didn't. I didn't know. I don't know. I know they've been out for a while. Yeah. They're awesome. But um, it was, it was, I think it's dope. I really like it. So I hit up. So I think it's pretty big of me to out for a while. Yeah, they're awesome, but it was, I think it's dope. I really like it. So I hit up, so I think it's pretty big of me to listen to a white. You should hit them up on DMs. Yeah. Say, I'm a big fan.

And you guys are white. And you guys are white. And I've never done that. I don't normally like white people. Yeah. You're my first whites. Yeah, you're my first whites. So I hit up Frank Black.

I did it with Bancoose, but I like, I hit up Frank Black. So you should bring me joy. For so many years I enjoy listening music. I hope you have a great day. And then he DMs back. It was actually his wife or his girlfriend. DMs back, it says, Hey, we're brand new to this Instagram thing.

Thank you so much for the kind message. Me and Frank hadn't weren't familiar with who you are, but we've now been watching your YouTube videos, your hilarious. If you'd like to come to a show, please let us know we'd love to have you at one. And then I did the same thing to the band goose, just like I'm going through a fucking moment with you guys. You're fucking awesome. You're all I'm listening to. And then they hit me back. Hey, they're playing Red Rocks the night after I play Red Rocks Yeah, but they're like if you'd ever like to come to a show hit us up that kindness

Make someone feel good. Do you remember the guy that did a Bird fat fucker burnt Chrysler remember you remember the guy that did the fucking the he had the Twitter handle Yeah, Chrysler. Yeah And it was just like a bunch of fucking hate towards me. And then one day I met him and he was overweight too and I was like, hey, you'd imagine you'd know how that feels and he'd be like, funny, right? And you're like, you could just hit,

been nice a couple of times. Like some of them were funny, some of them were really funny. But some of them were like, some of them, I'd say the same to I would look, I could go through a bunch of names. We got a bunch of fans that are like creators that around us and sometimes they'll post stuff. And it's crazy because it's like, you go,

that's why I stay off of reading all that shit. Because I'll know they're a fan. I'll know they're a fan. I will have had them at my shows. I will have had them backstage at my shows. And then they'll make like the meanest thing that they think is funny. And other people find hilarious,

but then I see it and I go, hey, I didn't need to see that today. I think I remember one guy reached out to work with us. He was like a YouTuber or a creator. Like a mean guy. And he reached out. And I had only seen it like the last month, he had just been brutal to me.

And it's funny. Look, I'm not saying like, I got a sense of humor about it too. But a lot of times, if it is you, you can get a little sensitive to it. Because if it's day, every day, that's the same thing. And so then I said, why the fuck would I ever want to work with that guy? And then they were like, every day that's the same thing. And so then I said, why the fuck would I ever wanna work with that guy?

Yeah. And then they were like, I think he's confused. He thinks he's celebrating you. And I was like, I could see that too. And it's a fine line. You can always just be nice. And then I'll be nice, really nice back. Yeah.

And we could have that be our communication. Yeah. But let's meet this lying squirter. Let me see. I'm joking, Steph. I'm joking. I just did what I said not to do. Hello. Hey, Steph, it's Tom. How are you?

Good. How the hell are you? I'm well. Hey, Matt's girl, if she knows why you're doing it. Do you know who Bert Christchurch is? Yeah, I know who Bert Christchurch is. Okay. Okay. Okay. You're on. You're on. You're on. He's got a question. He told me that. I'm not sure. where you're on two bears one cave right now and Okay, and the reason I called you because I we were talking he's like squirting is made up It's how come it's not in the literature of the 15 hundred hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on let me let me defend step so she guys are way out Okay, okay, Steph

Okay Let me defend Steph so she guys are way out. Okay. Okay. Steph, okay. I understand. My thing was your comic, your own podcast, everything's about fun. But I have never met a squirter and I feel like squirting showed up like eight years ago. And so I don't know how come none of us new, our moms have squirted and our aunts have squirted. How come there's no historical, I don't know Roosevelt that squirted and our aunt's that squirted. How come there's no historical?

Elna Roosevelt never squirted. You think Helen Keller would be a squirter? Well, step. Have you ever asked your mother if you said this is what I said? I said let's call. I told them let's call your mom. He was like, absolutely not. You think that would be something you'd notice or your dad would bring up? Like, oh, your mom fucking, my face is dripping. Well, I don't wanna say this now, because now this might be ruined, maybe, for it's thick isn't that big, it's not that big.

I didn't fuck my mom. Hold on. Okay, hold on, hold on, hold on. Wait, let's go back here, because, wait, what's your assessment? It's not that big. It's not that, wait.

Okay, okay, okay. So, it is hard, it's rock, I felt like I'm the one that's offering. I've held it and it's pretty hard. So, because you are the one, because I was trying, I was like, who did I just talk to? And you brought up, you're like, I've-

Eight-scorter. But you've said to me, you told it, because we were talking about what it is. And you said, you're go, I've gone, I've gone to the bathroom, been completely empty bladder, and then had sex and huge squirter. So, A, what I'm led to believe, first of all, is just from, to do this from what you said,

is it has to have, a guy has to have a huge dick to elicit this? No, no, there's a button in it, there's a spot right in there. So, it can, it can come from fingering as well, but there's like an inner up spot that really gets it going. Okay. So, maybe versus a different sound that button before, but once you find a score that does have it, just burn one me to prove it to him.

I think so, he does, he actually does. I actually do. I swear to God. I swear to God. I'm not on a podcast to pull me aside and be like, hey pal, check out how this works. No, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, step, step.

Okay, here's my question. Were you a squirter before this whole squirting phenomenon was around? I squirted for the first time 10 years ago. So 11 years ago, I was 27, so yes. Okay, so yeah. Okay, okay, so right on the cost. Right on the cost of when we got interviews to squirting. She is a pioneer.

Okay, okay. I would like to brag, but I was the first person to ever squirt. But, you know, I don't like to rub that in. So, okay, before you were squirting, is there something that happened to you where you heard about squirting and you go, oh shit, I wonder if that's happening to me? I'm gonna let it go of it.

Yes, because everyone says it feels like you're going to pee. And then when you just let that pass for a second, so if you've been with a girl and you think that she says, I'm gonna pee, it's probably not pee, it's probably squirt. Yeah, so I was with somebody, I was with somebody who one time said, oh my God, and this feels like I'm gonna pee and everything was like, you know, getting wet all around us. And then, but she asked me to stop, you know. But hang on, I was with a woman that I ended up marrying.

That said, the same thing. When Leanne and I first started dating, she would say it feels like I'm gonna pee and ask me to stop. Then that's the score. Then you have to let her keep going. She must finish up that deal. So they're already.

They're embarrassed. So there is, it is a feeling with now, like I don't feel anymore but my first started to. I thought it was pissed because I think it comes out of the same hole. And then so when you, when you first, when you very first did this, you go first started to. I thought it was pissed, because I think comes out the same hole. And then so when you first did this, you go, it feels like I had to pee.

And then you go, I'm just gonna let it go. And then did it actually like shoot out or just like kind of, you know, whatever it's true. The first time it kind of like came out, but now I've seen it. I can shoot it like kind of like a water fountain in middle school. Like they, they like trickle up.

Yeah. Wow. Well, that's the worst. And they, they, they, they, they lick it up like a water fountain in middle school. Like they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they Like I need to lie a tarp down because now it's like it's the whole bed. I got my eye last week It's a bit of a deal Do you feel wait one thing? Are you do you feel you're in are you and can complete control of it in other words? Can you still have a good time and and if you and just you know not do that or does it is it? Come with having a good time for you like in other words Yeah, sometimes I know sometimes I can really push it out And if I can tell a guy likes it, I can really give him the old business. But sometimes if I, if the guy sucks in bed, I don't want him to think that it's good so I don't do it. So you don't do it. Okay. Wow.

You know what? I gotta be 10 out of 10. Sure. I get it. Steph, you have absolutely turned me around 180 degrees on Squirting. Yeah. Okay, good. Because I believe, I believe this is, this is almost like the way that like, all the kids are gay now, is like it wasn't, it wasn't socially acceptable to be a squirter

when you were Martha Washington, because you're like, oh, I don't wanna pee in my man's dentures. Yeah, yes, yes. I'm gonna pee! And then all it takes is one person to go and stuff. Let it happen. Yeah. It turns them on. Yeah. Yeah. Steph, if you don't take this opportunity to one day, just tap a bird on the shoulder

and surprise him with a squirt to the face and then be like, bro, that was real. Yeah. Yeah. I wish I was at the premiere and I would just stand up and start sporting all of her in and right out of the blue. That would be of the amazing I'll be like there you go. Congratulations on the movie I don't I gotta be done. I don't think I've had a hotter conversation with a woman in 10 years Oddly enough that's when she first started squirting so yeah, I do think I think you're right Well, I when I started dating Leanne 20 years ago Jesus Christ Yeah, you get I, I remember I would, I remember we would have sex

and she would feel like she had to pee and she made me stop. Yeah. And I was like, You gotta tell her tonight. No, let that go. I'm gonna let her piss on you. Oh my God, I can't fucking wait.

If I get Leanne to squirt, yeah. That's like getting a dog that can fetch and go get you beers. Yeah. Oh, okay. It's just a good knowledge. Yeah, that's like getting a dog that can fetch and go get you beers. Yeah Interesting Well, look thank you. Thank you for for answering and and filling us in on this and I'm glad we were able to Hey, Steph come on my podcast. Come on. I'm gonna. Please. I would love to have your number. Okay. I'm gonna touch you my number right now Okay, great. Okay, I'm gonna attach you my number right now, okay? Okay, great.

Thanks, Steph. Thank you. Bye-bye. Bye-bye. All right. Um, you know, can you put a number back up there? The sentence to you if you want. I want to make sure I'm clear that like,

all those people that make like, sometimes mean memes. Yeah. I don't, I don't, I get, I don't mean to sound shitty, like, don't do it, it hurts my feelings. Trust me, I got pretty thick skin. And, and you know, you can know because you've seen, like, there's a woman that does them. And sometimes even from her, I go, you're a chick.

And you go there, yeah, like chicks still, you just don't go as hard as the guys. The guys go really fucking hard. And I got thick skin. I don't want to, I definitely, I I don't wanna say that I don't appreciate you enjoying the podcast or enjoying our inside jokes and enjoying them, but I don't know. I was just trying to comment on the one guy that fucking.

I think the thing is too, we first discovered this on, oh yeah, there's that one that she made. Who's that Heather Fakes it? Yeah. That's who I was talking about actually. That's. Yeah, that's who I was talking about actually. That's so funny. That's who I was talking about it. And she's a really nice person.

She has, I think I've DM'd with her before, but. That is a really good poster. Yeah, those don't mean, those, I don't mind that as much. Like I don't mind, I don't know, I can't really identify the ones. Like there was one that really hurt. Yeah, and you're like, whoo. Did I tell you what we identified

during the weight loss thing? What's that? Was that we give each other because we're friends, a lot of shit, right? That's part, but that's not unlike any other friends in the world, you bust your friends' ball. Yeah. But it was weird to bust each other's balls and then be in an airport and then have them be like,

hey fat fuck, get a picture and you're like, like, I don't know you, man. I had a woman, I told you, I had one more time come up to me at an airport who was probably 500, 400 pounds and called me the fatdest man in the world. And I went, it was kinda caught me off guard because it was, first of all, I'm in a bar, it was the Dallas airport and no one around

under it got the inside joke. Yeah, and they were like, and she was laughing hysterically. Pardon me, I was like, I don't mind it, I get it. I get it and I get it coming from her, that like, I don't mind it, I get it. I get it and I get it coming from her. That's, you know, I didn't mind it. But part of me was like, you know how that would make you feel. Like you knew.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Specifically how that would make you feel. Do you remember the guy Ramsey, the comedian Ramsey? Yeah. He was a huge guy. He had a hard time. He's dead. Yeah.

He, uh, he, uh, no, it's not him. Um, wow. Reek Ramsey's been dead so long he's not even in Google searches. To type, type like overweight or fat or something. Um, Ramsey, what was his last name? Ramsey? No. Oh man. Man, he's not even in any of these. He was a sweet guy. Ramsey Moore. There he died in 2016, 2015. Ramsey died walking to his car. That's him. Where? Oh yeah, that's him right there. That second picture there. That's yeah. You had a hard attack walking to his car. Really? Mm-hmm. Yeah.

There's a little more. Well, he, um, it is funny you say, go ahead, I'm sorry. No, no, Ryan's sick. There's a little bit of time that he was like, he is, I think he was walking. I don't remember if he was, uh, going to the store or something like that, but he walked by this car that Ramsey was like leaning on. And Ramsey goes, Ryan, I haven't seen you with the gym man. Looks like you're letting yourself go a little bit. And Ryan was like, are there, is there a fucking, is this a hidden camera thing? And he was totally

serious. Yeah. He was like, if you don't watch it, you know, you're going to gain weight. And he was like, what the fuck? He's like 26 when he died, right? That young. I think so. Hold me. See. Go back to the, no, just go back to the Ramsey Moore and yeah. And he was, yeah, let's see. He was, yeah, let's see. He was really sweet. Got that Palm Beach Daily news. Yeah, I knew him pretty well too.

You did? Yeah, pretty well. He was a worker too. He worked a lot like he was always out. He was 47? Yeah. Oh, wow. He was really big.

He was really big. Yeah, it's interesting. It's an interesting place to be is when people, you know, one of the things Victoria did with the movie, she's pretty slick with social media. Yeah. It's she was like, yeah, there's people that don't like you, that enjoy or enjoy the movie.

And their comments are, I don't like burp, but I like the movie. Yeah. And you're like, good, that's what you wanna do. You know, I don't, I don't expect everyone's gonna like do. You know, I don't expect everyone's going to like me. I know there's a lot of people that don't like me. I mean, it sucks because my whole thing is I want everyone to like me. But I think it does get confusing because it's, you're right.

It's like me and you make jokes about each other. And then people are like, this will be fun. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I get it. And they maybe were part, it's worth a blame. Oh, we're definitely part to blame. We built the fucking, we built house with the fire place on the outside And now it's burning on the inside at times and you're like, oh fuck how do we get out of here?

And you're like, ah, it's not that bad. It's not that bad. Yeah, no, we're out of blame It's funny because I make jokes about you. I'll make jokes about you I did it on Rich Eisen and people and I it'll confuse people because they'll be like wait are you guys friends? Oh, right. Yeah, and you're like, yeah, no's, but it's, you know, it's what we do. And then someone's like, yeah, fuck that guy. And you're like, no, no, that's not the thing. You're missing the point of the joke. You're missing the point not revolution on Rich Eisen,

but like people do that. And they're like, yeah, fuck him. And you're like, no, that's, you're missing it. It's like, it's like, when you tell, someone asked me this the other day, they go, what's your responsibility when you tell a joke about race? I don't really do that.

I don't really do that at all anymore. I used to when I was younger. Yeah. But I just, I lost interest. It wasn't where my creativity was landing. It wasn't what I was like. I didn't want to, I didn't, it just wasn't as fun to me as it was when I was younger.

But like, what was your responsibility when you told a joke about race and then people laugh for the wrong reasons. And because you, oh yeah. And I've had that before where you have a great job to. I have to. And you're like, oh, I have a joke in Razzle Dazzle. I was talking to a journalist about this. I have a joke in Razzle Dazzle about uptight parents in LA.

Yeah. But it's about the whole gender issue. And my joke is mocking uptightness, but what if people misinterpret that in the life of the wrong reasons? And you're like, yeah, fuck me, and I don't know how to handle that. Yeah.

You know? I don't know what to tell you. Well, I remember, I remember, too, I remember one time I did, this is again, like years ago. I talked about race more for sure. Why did we do it when we were younger, because it was just dangerous? Yeah, part of it's because it's dangerous,

and it feels like it's taken a risk, and that's fun. I mean, taking risks is still fun, but I think also you do some of those, then you're like, well, if it's not coming to me, then I'm like seeking it out, and that doesn't feel like you don't wanna be like seeking it. So you do it because it's part, like it's universal, race is universal.

But once you've done like some bits about it, you kind of have done them. Yeah. And then you know, you do them again, if it feels like it's genuine to you. But I remember doing like, doing those bits and then like, if being in these clubs and you know,

get off stage and then like this group of guys come over to you and they're like, oh man, we got some jokes we want to tell you and you're like, oh really? And then they just start doing like, you know, joke book jokes, but it's just like racist ones and you're like, I think you guys missed it. Yeah, I'm like, that's what not what I was doing up there. Because I made to play not ice right? Yeah, you're like, this is not and they're like, all right, well, it was good to meet you. You're like, it wasn't good to be honest. So, yeah, that was just straight up.

The best is what, the best, and I, maybe if, I wonder if this is it, the best is when a black dude would come up loving him. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And he'd be like, dude, that fucking baby powder joke. And you're like, oh, thanks. Yeah. And then you get some white guy do in the total wrong reason.

Totally wrong. You know what it was for me? I just realized that says we're talking about it. No one ever, those were never people's favorite jokes that they come up to me. Right. They never, they were never the one that anyone mentioned. It was always some joke I didn't expect.

And I think I started going like, oh, I think that's in finding your voice, you know? Yeah. Somebody asked me about, they're like, oh, how do you, how do you find your, they go, do you, do you get taught how to develop a comedic persona? And I was like, no.

Like, so how does it happen? I'm like, you just do it. You just perform a lot. And then who you are just kind of comes out of that, you know? Like you don't actually get taught. This is my persona. You performed thousands of times. Do you know that the prime minister of Japan during World War II

was last name, Segura? Maybe with a K? No. No? No, it's Segura. So funny. I thought your joke, one of your jokes popped up on my Instagram feed.

Yeah. Don't get it wrong, guys. I'm all over my Instagram feed. Yeah. Don't get it wrong, guys. I'm all over my Instagram feed. I am fucking thick. No, it's Saguara. It's Saguara. It's not Tojo, it's Saguara. No, don't type in, take out Prime Minister.

I, the fucking, I knew Tojo was a Prime Minister. I was just trying to make it shorter. Okay. Type in Japanese, Segura. Okay. Manuel Segura. Yeah. Colonel the Armed Forces of the Philippines. No. No, I just heard it in the fucking podcast. Okay. But it was funny because you probably is SAK though. Oh, Sakura. Yeah, Sakura. Yeah. Hey, they said in the podcast, and I thought it was. Yeah. Oh. Hey. They said in the podcast and I thought it was Sakura. I thought it was Sakura.

That's so funny. Yeah. There you go. Oh, that's a... Well, Matsukura's destroyer there. I listened to podcast while I'm sleeping. Yeah, that's right. That's right where you got it wrong.

Yeah, I'm not that good at the Japanese destroyer Sakura. I started doing Japanese language lessons. Oh, I just so you can do the accent. Yeah. And man, that is it really, like every other language that I've ever tried to like, you know, take some lessons on, you have like some shared root.

Which how many languages are you teapin? You got Italian? I've the ones that I do on the apps are Italian, French and now Japanese, but Japanese feels like you are just making shit. I mean, there's like one of the, one of the letters is, no, yeah, I swear to God, I shut up. Like that. And then they're to God, I shut up. Like that.

And then they're like, pick the right letter. Like you're like, it's like the fuck up. The guttural sounds. Ooh, learn Japanese. You fucking do it. So you're gonna be able to teach how to write it like in the calligraphy and stuff? Yeah, yeah, I mean, they give you a lot,

because they know if they just did it, if they tried to teach you in Babel, how to just, if they went about it the way they tried to teach you, or French and Italian, you would just be like, there's this not happening. So they give you a lot more assistance. All right, let's list them. You're in an island with a person from a different country

and you also use the same language. Yeah. Who do you think you would learn their language the quickest and who do you think it would take the longest to learn? Well, listen, you are taking the longest, everyone is taking the longest to learn Japanese. There's not a share, like... There's nothing shared.

There's nothing shared. There are even the same numbers. It's, listen, it is a whole other planet. It is like, it's like, it's, It doesn't make sense. It makes sense. It makes sense. It's's like not male or female And you're like wait what okay? What's closer Japanese and Chinese or Japanese in English?

It's gonna be Japanese Chinese time and how close Japanese and Chinese are to each other They've got to be I had a joke about it. They've got to be kind to close right? I remember your joke about it I remember your joke about it and I thought that was a really funny joke Yeah, that was a true story. I'm your joke about it. And I thought that was a really funny joke. I remember that. That was a true story. It happened with Dr. Karen. Yeah, I remember. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha It just leads to stinked. Each of them has its own set of complexities that may differ from one another. See, which one can people speak Chinese understand Japanese? They aren't even the same language family.

Yeah. Wait, the closest language may be Korean. Really? To Japanese? Yeah, no, to Japanese. Wait, Chinese has many different dialects. Yeah, okay. You know, hang on, hang on Chinese has many different dialects. Yeah, okay. You know hang on, hang on for a second.

Hold on. Yeah. You know China has one time zone? For the whole. For the whole goddamn country. Hio. Oh, hio. That's good morning.

I thought you were going to go OH. No. That's what we were going to say good morning. I just said good morning. Hio. Oh, hio. It'll be fun when we say good morning in Japan. Oh, morning. Hi-o. I'll be a phone with a say good morning in Japan. Oh, H.

Hi-o. Nichiwa. I know that one. Aka? Aka? Red. These Japanese words? Yeah, Japanese words.

I'm going to learn Chinese. Let's do a challenge. Who can learn a different language quicker? Okay, I'll win. Well, I, well, I, you gotta remember, I picked up Russian pretty quickly. Yeah. What's hard to learn Chinese or Japanese? I've been learning Chinese for a long time. Okay, I'll win. Well, I, you gotta remember, I picked up Russian pretty quickly. Yeah.

What's hard to learn Chinese or Japanese? Mmm, they're both really hard. What are the hardest languages to learn? Do that. What are the hardest languages to learn? For sure they're both in that list. Hungarian. Serbian.

Bulgarian. Albanian. Turkish, Fian, Turkish, Farsi, Greek, Russian, not even here. Look, 15 hardest languages to learn, hit that. Not even. Yeah. It's Hungarian.

Oh, dude, it is brutal. There's nothing that they say makes you go like, oh, I have an idea of what's going on there. For real? No. So the word, so I know Serbian, in the word for my personality, is like dangerously unpredictable.

Yeah. And so that would translate into really bad scenarios. Okay. So like when we did a scene where Eva was like a locked box. Yeah, where it's hard to explain But even even couldn't move okay and In explaining the scene to her someone was like you and this dangerously unpredictable man Will be you'll be locked up in this dangerously unpredictable man will be on top of you And you won't be able to move with this dangerous and she's saying it so much

It's like I don't want to do it and then I was like oh no, I'm just like I'm spontaneous. Yeah, yeah, and you won't be able to move with this changes. And she said, he's saying that so much. It's like, I don't want to do it. And then I was like, Oh, no, I'm just like, I'm spontaneous. Yeah, yeah. And they didn't have that word. Yeah, a lot of these, let's see, what does it say? Despite its complexity, this Hungarian is a beautiful, creative language, some amazingly descriptive words that don't exist in English, for instance, whatever, what a hyzer, whatever, describes the feeling you get when something you cannot pinpoint is missing. And

carbrum is when you feel happy about someone else's misfortune. That's very Hungarian. It's also a general neutral language. Oh, gender neutral. They also outlaw gender studies in the universities there. Oh, really? Yeah. That's interesting.

It is interesting. It seems very Hungarian of them. Yeah. Bulgarian, Sl's interesting. It seems very Hungarian of them. Yeah, Bulgarian Slavic language like Russian it uses a Cyrillic alphabet which can seem a bit intimidating to those unfamiliar with it tricky for English speakers. Yeah, I mean the funny thing I was in I was in Hungary for this tour and that I just wrapped up and, I know a few Hungarian sangs, right? So, and words that I've heard for years.

So the first time I'm in the car, and this guy like backs out and not looking our driver at Honks, and then I go, oh, gapish. And she goes, what? And I go, gapish. And she's like, what's this? And I go, isn't it gapish? And I was, she was like, I don't know what you're saying. I go, I thought that was like fucking idiot.

And she goes, oh, gapish. And I was like, what the fuck? So like, tonally I wasn't doing the right, same thing for like, what's up is mitching us, right? So I saw these people that, I'm tonally, I wasn't doing the right. Same thing for like, what's up is Michinas, right? So I saw these people that- I guess that's why, but if you were like, you were like, look at those humoes.

Yeah, exactly. You'd be like, I don't have the ear. Yeah, yeah. So I go, Michinas and they're like, what is Michinas? And I was like, I thought it was like, what's up? And they're like, oh, Michinas. I was like, all right. So- So, I run through was like, all right. So,

So, So, So, So, So, So, So, So, So, So, So, So, So, So, So, So, So, So, So, So, So, So, So, So, So, So,

So, So, So, So, So, So, So, So, So, So, So, So, So, So, So, So, So, So, So, So, So, So, So, So, So, So, So,

So, So, So, So, So, So, So, So, So, So, So, So, So, So, So, So, So, So, So, So, So, So,

So, So, So, So, So, So, So, So, So, So, So, So, So, So, So, So, So, So, So, So, So, So, So, have, if you're used to hearing Latin root things, you hear Greek being spoken quickly by natives and you're like, oh, you think you're hearing somebody

may be speak like Italian or you're like, oh, is that, and then you, you dial in, you're like, oh, it's, it's, it's actually, yeah, because it sounds, it's, see, it sounds like Spanish front. It's, quickly, but you just, then you realize it sounds like Spanish front. It's quickly, but you just, then you realize you're like, oh, this is foreign to me. Like I have an, I'm not used to hearing people speak this. Russian is on the list, difficult.

Hindi, fuck. We should do a challenge. Oh, let's finish the list and then we'll do the challenge. Hindi, keep going. Vietnamese. Yeah. Thai. Hoof. Keep going. Vietnamese. Thai. Keep going.

Korean. Japanese. What? No white people. Mandarin Chinese. Arabic. Okay. So if this is really the correct order, then the easiest of the hard languages to learn is Arabic. So why don't we try to have, we'll study Arabic for three months and try to have is Arabic. So why don't we try to have, we'll study Arabic for

three months and try to have an Arabic conversation. How do you, how do we even study Arabic? We get, we get on the apps and we, we, we start doing it on the... Okay, so we'll see if we can do one. Well, here's what I think. Yeah. We should pick. So say we were going to start like, uh, maybe we're going to start like a thing together, right? Like... Inshallah, go ahead. Oh. Yep, that's Arabic.

We, when the dog keeps me going, I know a couple curse words. Oh, for real? Like, couset mech. Which is? Your mom's pussy. Nice. That's pretty much it. What we should do is we should find out who's got the most amount of people.

Learn their language and then translate and do brand deals. Brand deals for like, close. I can tell you that you can, you can turn the polls off because I believe China has the most people. That's a, you want to, yeah, you have a lot of fucking people, but you got, well, you got to be white. You know, they didn't even let the little mermaid in because she was black.

What? Yeah, what do you mean? I knew that. They don't let black people in their movies. How come? They go, we don't like them. Wait, they don't let black people in what movies? In their movies.

In the Chinese movies. Chinese movies. I did not know, this is real. Yeah, if you have a black person on the cover of your thing, they're like, no, no. It's crazy because like LeBron's a big supporter of China. Yeah. You know, the racist response online, maybe the Chinese are still not used to a film full of black people. Upcoming, unpacking the booming racist video industry in China.

Why is black Adam Bandon China, okay? Yeah, so because they don't want, they do not like... Pierce Brosden, oh he probably, if you say anything about, if you have a... Fuck, there goes the machine in China. Really? Yes, I just fucked that up. How come? Well, I just talked that up. How come? I just talked shit about China. Yeah, they don't like that. They do not like that. What was the thing

you said before though? I don't know. The thing you were about to Google that no black people are in Chinese. But black, it's like in type in little mermaid China. Yeah, that, that's the one. Yeah. I just heard, I just someone said, it's getting, is opening weekend in China with this point confirming previous estimates. Yeah, this is the biggest movie in the world and it didn't do well in China because they're like, ah, it's a little mermaid's black.

Yeah. How much, okay, what's the drop down there? How much did it make? Woof. I made more than little mermaid in China. Really? By a lot. What'd you make in China?

I don't see how much the machine made in China. We didn't open in China. We didn't open in China. We only opened in English-speaking languages, countries. I did way better in China. So they just didn't go there. They just don't wanna see it. Bro, let's do this Tom.

Let's do this, you ready? Let's do, let's do a movie where me and you learn Arabic. No, no, no, no, it's me and you with a bunch of Chinese people who are all the heroes, right? Oh, to just, we get badass Chinese people in it. Yeah. And like, we're the American fools, fat American fools, and then these are the cool Chinese people

who do everything really cool. And then it'll work here because it's American people, and then it's gonna work really big there, because it's Chinese people winning. Yeah, I like the idea of us doing a film that caters to the Chinese audience. Yeah, I think we need to cater to the biggest foreign markets, Chinese, and we just, we need to cater to the biggest foreign markets, Chinese, and

we just, we need to make an international movie with a, with a, a, a, a, a, a, a, farcy dude. Are you, are you down to try to learn, um, Arabic though? Fuck you all learn Arabic. Yeah. Oh, fuck you all learn Arabic. What's the, what's the, what are some popular Arabic phrases? Uh, more hummus, please. Oh no thank you I don't want to be beheaded. Okay. There you go. Shukran, thank you. What is Hang on? Where is Arabic? Who speaks Arabic? It's not people that bahed you? Well, I mean it's happened there. It's not people that behead you. Well, I mean, it's happened there. It's true. Saudi Arabia. They speak Arabic?

Yeah. It's Saudi Arabia. Yeah. Fuck yeah, let's turn Arabic. Water. Mon. Egypt. Ha.

Hobby BB. Hobby B Jordan. Jordan. Jordan. Morocco. For real? All those people speak Arabic? Sure.

And then Iraq just goes farcey for no reason at all. Well Iran they speak farcey and so then there's there's Arabic spoken in parts of a sat Iraq for sure. Yeah Arabic and Kurdish. Yeah, Arabic and Kurdish. Is Iraqi and Arabic language? Where's the list of countries where it's spoken? Only we need to reverse engineer this and find out what countries have the hottest chicks. Here you go. This is the full list where you could speak Arabic. Oh, that's it. Tunisia. Yeah. United Arab Emirates. That makes a lot

of sense. Yeah. Yemen, Saudi Arabia, Somalis, Sudan, Syria, Libya, all the places that do not like what me and you look like. Yeah. We went on vacation there and like in our outfits. Yeah, but guess what? The second you started the game. Bang out of some Arabic. That's be like, oh shit. What's up, fellas? They fucking hate the day you think you would not make that effort.

Hey, fellas, I'm looking to buy a monkey. There you go. They're like, we have plenty of monkeys. Okay, go English to Arabic translation. What's up, fellas? I'm looking to buy a monkey. Also. All right. Type in. ماذا تفعله؟ اميشه بأمانكي اميشه حسنا، اميشه اميشه

اميشه اميشه اميشه اميشه اميش اميشه اميشه و then hit the sound there

أشياء أنني لا أعرف أنه أعرف أنه أعرف أنه أعرف أنه أعرف أشياء أنه أعرف أنه أعرف أنه أعرف أنه أعرف أنه أعرف أنه أعرف أنه أعرف أنه أعرف أنه أعرف أنه أعرف أنه أعرف أنه أعرف أنه أعرف أنه أعرف أنه أعرف أنه أعرف أنه أعرف أنه أعرف أنه أعرف أنه أعرف أنه أعرف أنه أعرف أنه أعرف أنه أعرف أنه أعرف أنه أعرف أنه أعرف أنه أعرف أنه أعرف أنه أعرف أنه أعرف أنه أعرف أنه أعرف أنه أعرف أنه أعرف أنه أعرف أنه أعرف أنه أعرف أنه أعرف أنه أعرف أنه أعرف أنه أعرف أنه أعرف أنه أعرف أنه أعرف أنه أعرف أنه أعرف أنه أعرف أنه أعرف أنه أعرف أنه أعرف أنه أعرف أنه أعرف أنه أعرف أنه أعرف أنه أعرف أنه أعرف أنه أعرف أنه أعرف أنه أعرف أنه أعرف أنه أعرف أنه أعرف أنه أعرف أنه أنه أعرف أنه أعرف أنه أعرف أنه أعرف أنه أعرف أنه أعرف أنه أعرف أنه أعرف أنه أعرف أنه أعرف أنه أعرف أنه أعرف أنه أعرف أنه أعرف أنه أنه أعرف أن Here we go. Easy. Easy. Iridoukadan. Iridoukadan. Iridoukadan. Iridoukadan. Iridoukadan. Iridoukadan. Iridoukadan.

Iridoukadan. Iridoukadan. Iridoukadan. Iridoukadan. I want a monkey. Typing. I want pussy. Here we go.

Iridoukadan. Iridoukadan. Iridoukadan. Iridoukadan. Iridoukadan. Iridoukadan. Iri is I want. Iri is I want. I want. I want. I want. I want.

I want. I want. I want. I want. I want. I want. I want. I want.

I want. I want. I want. I want. I want. I want. These are going to be clipped out in Yemen and they'll be like these guys want monkey pussy. An adoptive type to send everybody. Go ahead. Why do Jews control the weather? This is the first time there's a bunch of air people going, huh? Yeah. Oh, fuck, that's great.

Why did you use control the weather? It is a thing, right? Why did you use control the weather? I'll tell you, they've been really nice here. They have not turned the heat up yet. Really? Yeah. So far, they must be happy because it's been really nice here. They have not turned the heat up yet. Really? Yeah. So far, they must be happy because it's been pretty nice here in Austin.

What did I just, I just got into a really anti-Semitic conversation with someone the other day, with a bunch of Jewish people. And we were trying to break something down. Yeah. It was, it was a really interesting conversation. Really? I love when you get into those conversations. Yeah. It was a really interesting conversation. Really? I love when you get into those conversations.

Talking about the hot buttons. Like when I love those conversations, they're so much fun. But then you gotta make sure that everyone's represented. And one of the person that people didn't look Jewish, yeah. Right, I kept having a saying, he's Jewish.

He didn't look like a dove. He did not. Well, the dove doesn't look Jewish. Okay. What are you talking about? Okay, you do when you say it like that. I forget. You look like a, you look like a, you look like the, an Irish guy who can dance.

patio cale hand. Go ahead. So what happened in this conversation? I forget, I can't remember. I was high. I was partying pretty hard, Saturday. Yeah. Yeah.

That's the day after the premiere? Day after the premiere. Two days after, sorry. Two days after I was partying pretty hard Saturday. Yeah. Yeah. That's the day after the premiere? Day after the premiere. Two days after, sorry. Two days after I was partying pretty fucking hard. And I partied in the Sunday. I was working too. You sound, are you gonna take it easy the rest of today? Today I'm gonna go, I'm gonna go to movie theaters right now

and say hi to people by tickets. And then I'm gonna take night quill and I'm gonna sleep like a model fucker. You should get some rest, dude But I'm not sick as I thought I'd be really Lee and got in my fucking head. I had algae attack yesterday and she was like She was like how you're getting sick and I was like I'm not getting sick and then I went to bed that night I was like I'm fucking cunt. I'm getting sick. She brought it up her fault. She made this happen. Why'd you do that? I'm getting sick. She brought it up. Her fault. She made this happen. Why'd you do that?

And so I feel better today, where I've been, I thought I was going to feel, didn't drink on the plane this morning, slept on the plane. Never happens. Never happens. And then listen to listen to drink champs of trick daddy again, again. Do you know what boot is? Boot? Boot. What?

It's a blunt with cocaine in it. Have you done that? Try putting a blunt I have actually. Ballot, joint with cocaine. Trick Daddy is the president of the Eda Booty gang. The Booty gang. Did he talk about that? It's what made me think about squirting.

Oh, because he started talking about squirting, common drugs slang. Okay. What was the last time you smoked a boot? It's been a fucking while. Is he into those? No, he is so funny. I saw an interview with him one time,

and they were like, and they said, see if you can find it on there. Dude, I bet there would be nothing better than if you were going down in Miami, and be like, hey, I'm just looking to like, have a good time this weekend, and drink that, he was like, come with me. Like from the food you'd eat,

at like if he cooked out his house to like the places he would take you to party, that would be- Here's the thing you gotta know about drink that, he that's his town. That the places he would take you to party that would be here's the thing You got to know about trick daddy. That's his town. That's his town. That's his town. 305 man. Like he he put on he put on Rick Ross. He put on everyone. That's his town. Banana. That's what it says there. Oh, maybe I'm I thought he called it boot and so he was doing it. He I think I'm I could be wrong

But I think he has like loop is or something. And they were like, how's your loop is going? How's the Medicaid? Because I didn't like the medication. I just been doing boot. And they're like, what? And he's like, you know, cocaine lace with a cigarette, those lace with cocaine. And then I can add, and he's just better than the medication makes me feel better. And they're like, okay. And then on this interview, what did he say? What do you say? That's fucking crazy. Back into here, he was diagnosed with the autoimmune disease,

which can create dry patchy skin, as well as other visible skin problems. I went to the doctor, took all types of tests, he said. All right. And then, and then lupus can really affect people's energy, like they, a lot of them, I think. It's a autoimmune, autoimmune disease. Yeah.

And so he said he's doing booting on this episode of drink champs, he's like, yeah, I stopped doing boot. Like you said, I just, I think it's a modern immune, autoimmune disease. And so he said he's doing booting and on this episode of Drink Champs. He's like, yeah, I stopped doing boot. Like you said, I just, I think I'm taking the medication now. But yeah, Trick Daddy would be a fun dude to fucking eat. Oh my God. Like if you, if you, that would be a cool vacation, if you could go like spend the morning with Trick Daddy.

I want to say I saw a video of him cooking something. It might have been like wings or something. And he was like, and you believe you watch the video and you're like, this motherfucker. I could. I bet tricked daddy makes the best. For dude, tricked daddy wings. Or just cooking. Yeah, yeah, yeah, just cooking, just cooking.

I feel like. Oh, that's him. Oh, look at this. Yeah, I've seen the jerk chicken pasta. Yeah, yeah, yeah. There's so much of bowel tricked out of that I love. Oh look at this. Yeah, I've seen the jerk chicken pasta. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. There's so much about tricked added that I love the jerk chicken in Miami is like Second and not you got all those Caribbean people there. Oh, yeah.

He was talking he was talking about I mean, he's the funniest motherfucker. Yeah Then you like I keep was that we were talking about the other earlier I wonder if trick daddy would find us funny He's probably our age at least my age. Yeah around there Yeah, I really like to drink for sure. He has to like to drink. Yeah, yeah This is when the pasta starts coming out if they have pull here Yeah, this is good stuff. This is all I want a weekend and in Miami with trick daddy cooks But then you have to go out after that. You take good at his spots. Hey, how about this? Let's pitch it to Tric Daddy.

Tric Daddy, can we shoot a video with you when your next album comes out? We'll promote it on two bears one cave, but we want to come down to Miami. To Miami and we want to eat with you. We want to spend the whole day with you. Yeah, and then go out. Yeah, we'll show up at your house at like,

whatever's comfortable, like 10 a.m. You tell us. You tell us, and then we'll shoot video, you cook us lunch, and then we'll go up at your house at like, whatever's comfortable, like 10 a.m. You tell us. You tell us. And then we'll shoot video, you cook us lunch, and then we'll go out party in that night, and we'll promote the album. Done. Yeah, that's a great little fucking.

Eat a booty gang. Eat a booty gang. What does he say? No doo-doo, and no, no peepee. Okay. Yeah. And if he won't eat your booty, we will Who would be your favorite rapper to party with one night like one night?

DMX was the fucking man. Oh, yeah, DMX was the fucking man a method man. I think is sober. Is he sober? Yeah, he's there's a great video of him running into the fucking Jack and no him and red man. Yeah, red man. Like that's I really wanted to just smoke once with with those guys. Fucking dude. Get black. I don't think they smoke anymore. Really? I don't think they're smoking anymore. Well, they are they are in great. They're 50 or 52 or something and they're like crazy fucking shape right now. Yeah, they really are. They're both jacked right now. Um, there's a great video of him running into the Beastie boys And being like how much you love the Beastie boys and I think ever was a method man. Yeah Method man will be a great guy to Method man will be a good guy to go and double date with your wife with yeah, because I because he really loves his wife He's taking acting really seriously now too. He's really he's a great actor. I rolls dolo from state to state

He's really really acting. A roles dolo from state to state. He's really, really acting in a bunch of stuff now. I'll tell you who would be fun to party with. And Redman is skydiving. He's a certified, he's skydiving now. Yeah. I'll tell you who would be fun to party with. Puffy.

Well, that would be like, you know, what's it called? Like, I can't think of the turn of the century. What if we did? What if we did? Great Gatsby shit. Like he is, he's a legit billionaire. And he throws like the parties you remember for the rest of your life, you know. It's he throws million dollar parties.

He do puff daddy is would be a blast to party with. Here's what if we did this and say a web series. Bert and Tom party with their favorite people. Okay. And the series is. Pop would be fun. Okay, let's the whole season, first season. Ten people you'd love to party with.

Okay, I'm gonna put, and it's everyone. Pop that would be amazing one. Groan could be fun. Yeah, that's another party one. Gronk would be fun. Yeah. Trick Daddy would be great, but I wanna go to Rolex, the strip club down on Miami.

Oh my God, I thought you meant let's go to like Geneva. No. Okay. Trick Daddy. Who at Puffy? Method man, put down Mel Gibson. Definitely wanna party with Mel Gibson. Yeah Definitely want a party with Mel Gibson. Yeah, definitely want a party with Mel Gibson. Yes, there's a lot of similarities.

Yes, it isn't, I want you to think it's not one single brand we're covering all the party. All the partyers. Who else would be really fun? Like, give us a hockey guy or something. We also need a couple, we need some other, some athletes too. Like who's John Daly? John Daly. John Daly would be a great one. Jordan would be a dream, but I just, he would.

Jordan would be fun. He'd be, no, I bet we could. I got to connect. Really? Yeah. That he would say yes. Really? Yeah. Smoking cigars. Drinking with guys. starts doing my party. No, I know that I just problem Here's problem we're gonna get fucked up because you know it's party against the casino He doesn't fucking gamble for nothing. Uh, no He's like there's 250 grand a hand to come. Yeah, I can't I can't be a part of that So I that's there's no better than daddy rubbing his fucking paws together. Yeah. Yeah, look at that Conor McGregor. Conor. Oh, I'll tell you about party with,

with style, but is he? Yeah, I would love to. Is he's a fucking, is he's a party. You're lucky, you got them after the fight. I got them at camp leading up to the fight. Well, no, I got them after the victory. Yeah, well that's different. Yeah, oh, dude, you after the fight, after the victory. Yeah, well, that's different. Yeah, oh, dude, you know how our night ended, right?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Nathias will be fun as far. Fuck, yes. Nathias, and by the way, Nate, I was joking about me and time jumping you. But Nate and Nick, if you see us out, watch the fuck out. Oh, dude. I'm joking, I'm joking.

Everyone knows I'm a comedian. Oh my Tyson Put Mike Tyson Yeah Who else do any chicks party? No, it's parasilton. What I party with parasilton really I would Fuck yeah, would okay. She parties really yeah I would. Okay. She parties. Really?

Yeah. Um, I mean, do we want to go out with Paris Elton? I just, I thought it was such a strange suggestion, but. Okay, take her off the list. All right. Okay, give us a check then. I'm trying to think when you take a seal. She looks like she parties.

Who's a fucking chick that gets a lot of money? Oh, yeah, Madonna. For sure. Madonna. Put Madonna on the list. Put Madonna on the list. How many you got for sure. Madonna put me down on the list. Put me down on the list. How many you got right there? That's not plenty of the full season. So full season.

Yeah, yeah. And then give me one like lunatic woman. A lunatic woman? Like a real lunatic woman. Like someone where you're like, you're like, like Marjorie Taylor Greene. Oh. Or you just get her to say wild shit. That's the whole thing is it's fun when they say wild shit. like, you're like, like, Marjorie Taylor Greene. Uh, Ha, ha, ha, ha.

Well, you just got her to say, wild shit. That's the whole thing is it's fun when they say wild shit. Sure. Yeah, she'd be a good one. Yeah. She would definitely say some shit. You're like, oh, we're gonna lose all our ads.

Yeah. Oh, yeah. Sarah Palin will be fucking fun. I don't think she parties. Yeah. But it'd be fun to go stay at her house for the night. Watch her clean of moves or something. Yeah, the kind of thing. Process she parties. Yeah. But it'd be fun to go stay at her house for the night. Watch her clean of moves or something. Yeah, the process of moves.

Sure. Sarah Pailin will be fun. All right, let's work on this list and we'll get it. Okay, can you just get us one of these so we can get a pilot? Yeah. Get us one of these. I'm going up again.

Dude, I'm telling you, I still think the fucking, one of the most fun things would be those first five are just ridiculous. And Mel Gibson. What if we could get all of them to part in Mel de Tec as home? How okay, okay, okay, okay. Let's just say, hypothetically speaking, we fly each of them into one place.

We get a penthouse in Vegas, right? Right. And so what is the order you want him to come in? Okay, so wait, it's ready. So this is, we fly in the first person we get into the room, is gonna have to be, trick daddy. Here's my, here's my thought.

Okay. Trick daddy, we have him coming first, and we're like, dude, we're huge fans. We talked to him for like 10 minutes, and really loosened him up. We're gonna have a good time. We got a night plan of Vegas. It's kind of, it's gonna go all night long.

And then we've surprised at the end of the night. I'm gonna introduce you all, so it's coming in. And then it's methamena red man. Now the three of them are like, oh this is gonna be a fucking blast. Oh hell yeah, what are these two white guys coming in? And then Mel Gibson comes in. And they're like, oh wow, who's this guy?

And you're like, you remember the sweet tits comment? And they're like, yeah, and they go, that's Mel Gibson. And then Mel Gibson's like, he pulls us aside. And he's like, what the fuck is this then and then Puffy comes in right well then it just goes to other level and then Grant comes in Grant comes in to take a song and fucking takes it home yeah yeah and then our probably party in Vegas all fucking night yeah I love this show that's a good idea man it's a fun Hey, if there's a streamer,

then wants to help us make it, we'll make it. We'll make it. Or we can just make it on our own. Yeah. All right, I'll get a car boss back. All right. All right, I love you. Love you too.

Bird and Tom. Tom and Bert. One goes top to swap the other. Where's the shirt? Tom tells stories and Bert's the machine. There's not a chance in hell that they'll keep clean. Here's what we call, two bears one cave. No scripts to bet a booze amateur,

Fatology, dirty jokes, Rancho Humanoa Apologies. Here's what we call, two bears one cave. Okay.