2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer - Jacked w/ Kumail Nanjiani | 2 Bears, 1 Cave Ep. 164

Episode Date: December 19, 2022

Did You Miss YMH Live, A Very Cool Christmas?! Don't worry! You can still watch it at https://ymhstudios.com/rentalsSPONSORS:- Go to https://Saatva.com/theshit to get $200 off ANY mattress of your choice.This week on 2 Bears 1 Cave, Bert Kreischer welcomes guest bear Kumail Nanjiani. They discuss Kevin Hart, writers rooms they've been on, and all the different scenes in standup. Kumail talks about growing up in Pakistan, starting in comedy, and being cool on film sets. Kumail talks about the Chicago comedy scene, Silicon Valley and Portlandia. They discuss acting, Saturday Night Live, Kumail getting JACKED, and Welcome to Chippendales on Hulu.https://tomsegura.com/tourhttps://www.bertbertbert.com/tourhttps://store.ymhstudios.com/

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What without a doubt? No, we have a heart. Oh, I don't think he's what I think he's what you're doing. He lives in a different universe. Right. He's not he's not sitting. He's not coming to my house. He's a heart. Oh, I don't think he's what? I think he's looking different. He lives in a different universe. Right. He's not sitting, he's not coming to my house. He's a god.

Yeah, that's right. It's funny too, because did you ever, because I always wondered, because Kevin took to it so easily, like I'm, did you know, you know Kevin, right? Yeah, I love that. But he took to, not just fame, but like he didn't have the imposter syndrome.

He didn't have, he didn't have a problem not giving a fuck with anyone thought. Yeah. And doing him and saying wild shit like on the hardest working guy in show business. This is what I do. Yeah. Like, and did you ever, like, cause, cause you, the second you posted your shirt, let's picture it, it was a game changer. It actually was.

It was. It changed my career. I think what's impressive about Kevin Hart is, from the beginning, he was like, I wanna be really successful at this. Obviously he's very funny. For me, I never thought of it like that. For me, I was like, I wanna be as funny as I can be.

I never thought of it like that for me was like, I wanna be as funny as I can be. I never thought about growing an audience or being successful or honestly making money doing it beyond just what I needed to be able to survive. Yeah. He was like, I wanna be really funny, but also I wanna be really successful at this. Yeah. He's so good at being famous.

The front of the beginning, he had like email lists, he got his own like audience going just from his mailing list and every tour, more and more people were his fans because he's a really good comic too. And then even what like, you know, I think acting and stuff, he just approached it like a business because you know what? Everybody else is approaching it like a fucking business and we don't. I don't. I approach it like an artist. It's so stupid. It's a business. You know what I mean?

For them, it is a business. That's why you keep losing us because they're running a business and you're following your dreams, you know? So I think Kevin's been very smart about that, using that leverage. I have in posture syndrome. I'm still like, I don't want to rock the boat too much everything's perfect right now Like don't move a muscle don't change anything and he's like, you know what?

I I earned this I deserve to be here in fact I deserve more So he uses the leverage that he knows he has I wish I could be like that. I'm oblivious to everything Like Tom Tom, you know considering with his two bears, Tom is more like Kevin and less like me. He has no problem owning his success and not flinching at it. And he has no such thing as in posture syndrome at all. Really? At all. What was it? When did you meet Tom? Because you've known Tom for a while. For a long time. Probably doing stand up and then him and I wrote for Jonah Ray's comedy central pilot together. So just me and him were the writers. Really? And that would have been 2011, I think. So like I've known that guy 11, 12 years. And he was always super so,

so funny. Yeah, he's funny. He's got his own sense of humor that's kind of like, like the way he sees things, and it's unwavering. I wish I was more like that. Like if you put me in a writer's room, I'll meld to what everyone else is doing. Well, that's a very tough skill to have that took me a long time to even understand that that's something to do.

Like when I first got writing jobs, writing for other people, not in my shit work, because it would work for me, but it wouldn't work coming out of their faces, you know? Yeah. And so that was an important thing for me to learn. But I think you do have a voice. You understand your voice. I do for me. I can write for me, but when I would like, when I would get into a writer's way, I remember I had Tom and I did a show called Buzz where we went and I was the host.

He was, he was supposed to just be like a writer on it and he very quickly became the executive producer and then was in charge of the show because his ideas were so bizarre no one could really get on board with them except for me. Yeah. I thought they were so funny that I was like we're doing this right. And they're like that's once again that's Tom's Tom you're going to have to and then Tom just came gotten was in charge of the show. But that's I've never had that.

Like, I've always, I never felt like I was in the inside team on stand-up. Like, I always felt like an outsider, even in stand-up. Is that right? Hardcore. Hardcore. I'll tell you all the outsiders I've been up, okay? Yeah. So when I got into stand-up,

I was never good enough to be in that New York scene. Bobby Kelly, Rich Boss. You started in New York. I started in New York, yeah. Yeah tell they were all they were all class above me peak quarrioli uh they're Ben Bailey due to freed lander uh Jim Gagfkin they were right right they were all the guys working and I was I was always just the young guys guy that worked the door so I was like okay that's not my. So then I moved to LA and it's Sarah, Zach, Doug Benson, Paul F. Tomkins, Jen Kirkman.

What rooms were you doing in LA then? I do the improv. Back then you could do the improv was pretty alternative. It sounds odd, but it wasn't, like I definitely didn't fit in at UCB. I definitely didn't even fit it into the improv. Like because I was friends with Sarah in at UCB. I definitely didn't even fit it into the improv and like I was friends with Sarah and all those guys.

Yeah, I wasn't, my comedy's never been like there. So I was an outsider there. I was an outsider at the store. I was an outsider at the lab factory. I was never in on the cool group. Then you know, you look at the like the like the Largo scene, not a Largo. Yeah, that's a very cool group.

The Largo scene. Largo scenes like the coolest kids in comedy. Yeah, that's a very cool group. Largo scene. Largo scene's like the coolest kids in comedy. Paul Thomas Anderson used to hang out there. That's very cool. Dude, that's a fucking... What did they... It's all the rock stars.

Yeah. You're like the alt rock stars of comedy that now sort of the scene has changed so much. I think it's great to always feel like an outsider. Like you're a comedian. I feel the same way. I literally recently was like, had this thought where I was like, I am not cool, I have never been cool,

I am never going to be cool, and I am finally okay with that. But hold on, hold on. I can identify, so you, I don't know as Z's I'm sorry, and I hate this, that I, you, I don't know Aziz, I'm sorry. And I hate this, that Aziz is very cool. He's very cool. Yeah. But you Aziz and David Chang are three people that changed the way I saw the world in a lot of respects. Because you were like very racist before that.

Very. And now you're just slightly racist. You're just like now you're like average, however, when it's racist racist. No, I'm like average, however, when it's racist, racist. No, I'm like running, no, I'm just black, I race. Right. No, you, I remember when you got jacked, I remember my instinct as a comic was the old instinct of like Joe Pesci.

Once you get jacked, you're not a comic anymore. You mean Joe Piscopal. Joe Pesci was never get Jack's you're not a comic anymore. You mean Joe Piscopal? Joe Pesci never checked our comic. And you said I've said this on podcasts. I've said this before, but I remember you saying, it's about representation. Why do I have to be the Pakistani guy that just is behind the computer? Like, guys, try to steal the door open now. Like, yeah.

And you're like, why can't I be, and all of a sudden I went, oh yeah, why the fuck, would you not be that? And then immediately I was like, oh yeah, oh this is so much bigger than I thought. And it was an eye opener, a lot of times. And I said this, I will say this for most white people is like, do you think you're a good white person, but you're pretty dialed into what you

believe and you don't really fear often, you don't listen to anyone. A Z's, I was gonna do not know a Z's, but him and David Chang, you know David Chang. Oh yeah, the chef. Yeah, I was at his restaurant last night. Yeah, his, he, they were talking about what it was like growing up with food that didn't smell cool in cafeteria. Sure. And then to be an adult and watch white people go, you gotta try this, it's Indian infusion, you'll love it.

Yeah. And then go, yeah, I, I know what that's like. Dude, I fucking, it, yes, I'm so glad it's become part of like mainstream food here, but y'all are like, not using it, right? Like, turmeric, now like white restaurants love turmeric, and they're like, here's a turmeric cupcake. I'm like, that's not how it's used.

That's not what it's for. I put it in my coffee. Yeah, it tastes like dirt. Why are you eating like, it tastes like sad. It's not for that. Is that what you do? Do you put turmeric in your coffee? Fuck yeah, it's great for it. It tastes like falling on your face. It's so good. It's so good. It's so good. It's so wrong. But I think it was like, it was the eye-opener. It's like you sometimes just gotta hear it from someone that you know.

Yeah. Does that make sense? Yeah. It's like why it's so important to have like a diverse friend group so that you can like say to them sometimes like, yeah. I never thought about it that way. Yeah, I, you know, I've heard you talk about me

on some of your podcasts people would tell me, and I really appreciated the way you were like talking about it because I thought it was very, very thoughtful. And I realized, you know, I mean, I think it's something that all of us face in this business, which is we all get put in a box, right? You know, like, especially- Yeah, sometimes you put yourself in a box.

You put yourself in a box, especially when you're a comedian, you're defining your point of view. And then that sort of becomes your like palace kind of can become your prison, right? And it suddenly becomes, oh, this is how people see me. So when I was on stage doing stand up, I'm a nerd and I would talk about nerdy things. And I looked the way I look.

And so it was hard for me in acting when I started getting into acting and I wanted to do that. And wanted more opportunities. It was always the nerd. It was always the guy who's scared or at the computer, tried the door now. That's always, always, always. I'm not complaining. I had a lot of good opportunities and I got to be a part of a lot of good stuff. I know a lot of bad stuff, but... No, what... What do you think you did that was bad? Because I watched everything, I think. I can't. I don't want to like.

But can I tell you one of my favorite movies? What? Stuber. Yeah, I mean, you know, Dave Batista is a national treasure. I love him. And you and him together was the funniest goddamn fucking movie. Oh, thank you. Was the funniest fucking movie.

I'll say something about that movie that I love that movie, the director is amazing, he's amazing. I fell in love with, but he's still like, super tired. He's the best. He's the best. And I was like, even if this movie sucks, I was like, even if this movie doesn't make any money and the critics hate it, I'll get, I've gotten this one thing out of it and then as it turns out that was the one thing that I got out of it Because it didn't did not do well and I realized that movie is really good and I'm very proud of it But the first 10 minutes of that movie in my opinion are a little like It doesn't quite start working until you're like 15 minutes into that movie like there's some stuff in that beginning of that movie that's not quite right, it's not quite smooth.

And that's when I realized I was like this is a really good movie, but the people really decide whether they're going to love or hate something very quickly. And then it's very hard to break your, like imagine you're a stand up, nobody knows you, right? You go on stage, you're first three jokes bomb. It's going to be very hard to win that crowd over now. Whereas you go out, you start with a great joke. This is for before the crowd knows you. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You start with a great joke. Now you have their trust. So people will change, will like decide how they feel about something and then it's very hard

to change their mind. And I think with that movie, the first 15 minutes or so were like, kind of people were like, oh, I don't like this, this, this, this whole movie is like that. When it's not, I think that movie is really nice. No, I thought it was great. But I also am pretty, like I'm pretty swayed if I know a person in it. Yeah. I'm really excited me too

I'm like I don't know if this is good, but my friends in it and I think it's I love it I don't know if it's good. Yeah, and it goes the other way too like you know you've gotten to Work with people and you certain people you're like you're not I think you're a I think you're a bad person Hmm, and then I watch their stuff and I'm like, and I don't think this is good. And then everyone else is like, they're really good in it. I'm like, I don't think they are because I see what the truth is. Yeah, there's a couple guys that I know are bad people.

And when I watch him in a movie and I see them interact with a certain actress, I go, oh, I feel bad for her. Yeah. I definitely know what she's going through. Well, there's a lot of that stuff. And then there's also the people that were shitty to me and now they're not shitty to me anymore. You know what I'm like?

Tom and I just talked about this the other day. Yeah. I had an opportunity. I had someone who was shitty to me. Because you, it's funny because it comes off a little conti when you say it. Because people now look at like, I'll say myself, I'll say you, it's very easy to use you as an example, but you are one of the highest achieving comics in our business.

Thank you for saying that. But so it sounds conti when, but you don't remember, we were all broke a shit one time. Yes. And we were all on the same playing field. And there were people that you would meet who would say, not so kind things to you or treat you poorly. Or sometimes the worst offense is talked to you and then someone else would walk in

and they would drop it and go right past you. Yeah, are they're talking to you? You're always looking around like who else is here? I mean, I remember every single person who was shitting me. First of all, I want to say nobody owes being nice to me. Like I totally get that. There are some very famous people that when you meet them, they're like not nice to you. I'm like, that's okay. Just don't be like shitty and dismissive. I haven't earned the right for you to like really respect me, but I know people who were like really, really

shitty. And I remember everyone who was shitty who's now nice. Oh, I know. I'm like, do you not remember? I know you remember. How could you not remember? Do you think I'm a fucking moron? And I also remember all the people who were nice to me before they had to be nice to me. And all the people who took a chance on me when they didn't have to. I'll say, I'll tell you one person who's always been nice to me and I think about him all the time is Sam Tripoli. He has always been nice to me.

He has, even when we didn't know each other, he introduced himself to me, said, hey, I think you're really funny. Are you gonna tell that joke tonight? It's one of my favorite jokes. Oh, cool. And so, that type of person, who you wish everyone was like. And then when I was telling Tom, the person was like, I'm going to use an arbitrary city.

He was like, yeah, I pretty much, you know, I moved to Cleveland. I pretty much run Cleveland. If you ever going to do a spot in Cleveland, hit me up, man, I can help you move to where do you perform a Cleveland? And I said, uh, Rocket Morgan Center. And he was like, we, I was like, we're the cabs by. Yeah. He was like, well, you, you play in the Rocket Morgan Center. And I was like, yeah, he was like, hilarity is he doing? Yeah. And so there was one of those moments

where you were like, uh, you forgot what an asshole you were. And I was in an asshole to you. I just gave you facts. And I walked away and immediately I called Tom. And I was like, I was like, you're never gonna believe who just, you know, but those moments, I've watched, I've watched dudes fucking up guys, because I've never said anything outright to anyone.

I just know in my heart who's been cool who's not been cool Oh, yeah, David's paid always been fucking so nice always been cool and he does not need to be cool He could be a little bit of a dismiss this miss of ass. Yeah, but he never is he never is yeah Jim gaff again Jim guy is getting right nice Jim gaff can call me when I started doing those driving tours Yeah, first person called me goes, hey man I know you started doing those driving tours. I'd like to the first person called me, goes, hey man, I know you started doing those driving tours. I'd like to do some too. Would you have a problem with that?

And I went, dude, I just came up with a way for me to tour. If you want to do it, please. You're not stealing anything. He's such a good guy. And the other thing people don't know about him is hanging out with him is so funny. Because he's constantly on in a way that doesn't feel effortful.

But he's just like always making fun of you, making fun of everything. Yeah. It's awesome. Todd Barry was very, very good to me. Todd Barry was a Florida guy. And so when I moved to New York, Todd Barry was one of the few people that would take a time and talk to me outside. And you know, Todd Barry, so everything comes out in his tone.

Right. Are there girls waiting in there for a moment? Todd Berry has always been a fucking hilarious. Yeah, he's so funny all the time. And I was like such a fan of his. And him and Zach Alphanac as both, like took me on tour way early on. I did a little tour with both of them.

And then Zach, when I moved to New York, was like, I'm gonna introduce you to all the people. So there was a show called Invite Them Up with Eugene Murman and Bobby Tisdale used to run it. As he used to do it, that was the cool show. Bobby Tisdale did what he just do. So I might be crazy, but did Eugene did a documentary? Yes.

And Bobby Tisdale was in that documentary. It was about doing, I think I interviewed Eugene about that exact documentary, but I loved that documentary. And Bobby Tisdale, did he tell a story about his dad dying? He might have. I don't remember, but I love that documentary. It's so what's the name of that documentary? Yeah, find out. It's so good.

Eugene Merman. It probably came out last year or two years ago. It was sort of about that,-up scene. So I think I'll show up if you type in Eugene Merman documentary. Another guy who was always super nice to me was Nick Crawl. And now I'm like really good friends with them. Crawls are a fucking sweetheart. When I lived in Chicago, I went to New York to do some sets and it started as a joke. That's the name of the document. It started as a joke So great documentary by the way I was see this is the where this is what some comics need to hear do not let me forget what you were just about say about moving to Chicago

I want to talk about that. Yeah, go ahead. What was interesting is that I was never in that that was like the East Village scene when I lived in New York. Yes I would say names. There was a guy, Facebook, who had a show. There was a guy named Reverend Jen, who had a woman named Reverend Jen, who used to wear alphirs. Yeah, of course. So they would run the two big shows,

Surf Reality and Collective Unconscious. So when is this? 2000? No, 98, 99. Okay, yeah. And so I would go there and try to get up, but I was such a meathead that like, I, my material, first of all,

I don't even know if I had a material, but it was about, it was never going to work in that room. But, you know, the problem is them, because I don't know how you were then, but you're really funny, and I really think you would kill in every room. So if you're not doing one in that room, that's, that's, they're the ones fucking up.

Well, no, but it, but that group and it, there is a thing that happens. It happened with me in Comedy Central when I was younger is that you feel like you're not mashing with a group and then some people get resentful and no one knows who the fuck you are. Like, you can go like, you know what? Fuck Comedy Central. They know, they, I know they know who I am and they have no idea who you are. I remember being like being like fucking Comedy Central this Comedy Central that coming so that and then I think it was Maybe Ann or or or Joe Ann who Then meet me and they're like you are fucking hilarious. Where have you been? What you haven't been plotting to destroy my career?

I thought you were actually trying to ruin my life. I thought you were ruined guys, guys. I mean, what's worse, that you were actively working against me. You were not aware of my existence. That's the fucking, and I was just like, but I've never been good at knowing who people's agents are, knowing who the managers are, knowing who the execs are. No, not at all.

But that's what I loved about Anna and Joanne, who were sort of like the standup people at Comedy Central, is, you know, so many, especially when you're trying to get into those festivals like Montreal, you know, I did new faces eventually, but like Aspen HBO Festival, which has been gone for a long time, those people would really get off on the power that they knew they had over you. So the difference in power between them and you, in my experience, they got off on it and they used it and they

wanted you to be aware of it. What I loved about Ann and Joanne is that it was never like that. They would hang out with you. They really wanted to find and support good new comedians. And I, and so many people from like our like scene are should be so grateful to them, because they gave so many people their first real shot and believed in them when nobody else did. They gave so many people their first shot. It is amazing. Including me, like when they did,

yeah, I'm here. You're like, you're hilarious. Like, we gotta get you on something and you're like, and then you're like, well, yeah. Well, it's good to meet you guys too. Yeah, I'm fine. They were like, you're like, you're hilarious. We got to get you on something. And you're like, and then you're like, well, yeah, it's good to meet you guys too. Yeah. Well, I think it's kind of good because both of us, I think, I don't know about you, but I didn't have like actual success until I was like many years into stand up. So we, sweet, sweet. Let's backtrack because and do not let me forget Just to celebrate how fucking funny Zach Galaphanacus is He is one you know he's one of my favorite. He's so he's one of my favorite human beings alive

This is what I love about Zach. I saw Zach at Brody's funeral and he came up to me and he goes bird at Zach I went yeah, we know buddy. Yeah, yeah one of the biggest movie stars in the world's act Yeah, I'm quite I've been following your career and yeah, I definitely remember hanging out with you. Yeah. Yeah. I had that with like, you know, I met like weird Al somewhere like when I first moved to LA and then a couple of years

to go right into him again. And I was like, Hey, I'm coming. And he's like, yes, we've met before. I'm like, Oh, I remember. I just didn't think you would remember. He's like the nicest guy in the world. So wait, so wait, where did you grow up? Where So wait, sweet. Where did you grow up? Where did you where did you grow up?

Grow up. I grew up in Karachi, Pakistan. You grew up in Pakistan. Speak Pakistani or do yes. Is that who do is yes? Mm-hmm. And we know or do is the language. The five.

Oh, oh, yes. I thought he said yes. Yes, yes. Yes, huh? Huh? Huh. OK. Would you?

So I always think I always think, I always think, micro my career, right? Like, what if I just moved back to Tampa and did radio in Tampa? Could you, have you ever thought about moving back to Pakistan and doing being the biggest movie star in Pakistan? No, I've never thought of it because I don't know. I sort of, I actually, I went to high school with someone, you know, this is gonna sound like I'm showing off,

but I'm only bringing it up to illustrate this story. Does the girl I went to high school with in Karachi, Pakistan, who has one two Oscars, she was my class for like short documentary. For real? Yeah, for real. Sweet you grew up. When did you leave Pakistan? Like for college, 97. Holy shit. So I was 18. I did not know that. And then I went to school in Grinnell, Iowa in a tiny town in the middle of Iowa. And you know, I was just like studying computer science to get a job and philosophy,

because I kind of like like that. I was like, oh, I can like make an argument. And if I'm persuasive, I get like marks. It was sort of an early version of writing, really. It was kind of what we do, which is we present like, this is my point of view. And then you approach it from as many different angles as you can.

And for us, it's getting left. but it's really you're like exploring a certain topic or a story or whatever it is. So I found it was very, that sort of set me up for comedy. And then my senior year, you know, I sort of fallen in love with standup. I was like obsessed with it, watching it all the time. Like HBO one night stand, those, you know, they were bring them on from the 90s, 80s. So I'd watched like every one night stand, those, you know, they were bring them on from the 90s or 80s. So I'd watched like every one of those. I like got obsessed with standup and my senior year of college, I did a set at on the coffee shop on campus with like 200 of like my friends,

the best crowd you can imagine. My first set ever, I did 25 minutes. Can I tell you the same thing? You did the same thing. Well, I was written up in Rolling Stone magazine as being the number one party on the country and I did stand up for the first time a radio show organized it and they had me close out the show and I did like 25 30 minutes. And I'll help it biggest the crowd. To probably 200 people.

And are you crushing? And they're all my friends and I destroyed. Crush. I destroyed. Yeah. Yeah, my own morning show after that the next that that day they put more to me outside of pop L.E.s And they were like hey, would you like your own morning and you were like this is Unbelievable, I was like I'll move to New York and become a star. Yeah, so thank you. Yeah, and so I moved to New York like two weeks later and Have my lunch money taken from me

Isn't that great that you believe in yourself and after like take that step? Blindly. And I think it's good that for both of us, there were like years of sort of hitting the pavement. And I don't want to say struggling because I feel like we were doing well on stage but not making money and all that

so that when you do start getting success, I, or that first taste of like moving to New York and suddenly doing the cool shows, I had so much material that nobody had seen that I'd like written over like, you know, my six years in Chicago, I could go to an open mic every day and do a new five minutes. And all the other comics were like, this guy fucking right so much. I was like, no, I just, most people started in New York. I started in Chicago.

I had six years of material and chops. And so I hit the ground running in New York and that really helped. I was the opposite in that moment. I didn't have, I had maybe seven minutes when I was in New York the whole time. I had seven minutes. How long were you?

I was in New York. I was in New York. Why wasn't New York that long? I guess technically. I was working the door and I could talk to the audience. I could do crowd work, but I legit had seven minutes. Will you try new material? I wasn't working on you. I got my seven. I got my seven. For me it was about fucking around and having fun on stage and being in the moment. But at that time in the clubs, most New York comics were doing crowd work. And then the good ones, like a tell,

would do crowd work and then shoehorn as material into his crowd work. And you didn't know it, you just thought, he is amazing and then you watch his hour and you're like, oh, those are all the jokes that he does on stage. But I had seven minutes and then I got discovered by Will Smith, moved out here, like six then I got I got discovered by Will Smith moved out here like six months in

I got discovered by what I'm sorry. What are you talking? What do you mean you got discovered by Will Smith? Like you want to do a TV show with the Will Smith you will Smith Yep, okay, and so I moved out here six months into standing doing stand up Libby in the universal Sheridan for seven months To deal one away, right? They all do. Yeah. We'll go back to New York for three weeks,

do another stand-up second, another deal, get a TV show, and then I'm just, I'm like, and I had seven minutes. I had seven fucking minutes. Well, because for TV shows, what matters is your presence and point of view, which you obviously had on stage, you know. You could have like two hours of written material and be worse at doing a TV show than what you were doing, which is the sudden minutes of material, but you understood why you were funny.

But and then what happened for me as I ended up doing standup on the road and featuring and headlining be rooms and and and I had success, but then although this is that time where I thought everyone in the comments said central hated me. Well Well how many years did you like do the road like that? Like I mean comedy club road not like you know uh you stay with center road probably um probably uh six years ago probably ten years solid ten solid years of stand up comedy club touring club yeah club touring 10 years and then that's so good that you did that and it didn't like defeat you because you know sometimes you were like when I first started featuring on the road you'd have these like road dogs doing like headlines

sets and you're like you're broken inside oh I would my favorite thing to do was to highlight things people were doing that I didn't want to do. So I was like, I can't learn from anyone out here. This sounds really horrible. But like very quickly, I realized a lot of the people you're going to feature for that were road dogs. Were not fantastic comics.

And they were doing the same thing. And I wasn't stand up wise. I wasn't going to take anything and apply it to what I was doing. I wasn't learning anything new. And a lot of times I was writing because they were so bad, but I would write on stage and just have fun on stage and create on stage.

And I got to that level where I could do that. And then I just started looking at things and highlighting what not to do as a man that would derail your career. It was sure. And there's a line in Judith, I'm not, it's a perfect circle song, but you're such an example of the ways

I never wanna be. And I would just look at what guys were doing. Whether it was pills or Coke or fucking the manager or cheating on their wives or preaching in the green room or like I was just all these things and I go, all right, don't do that, don't do that. Oh yeah. I think having negative role models

is just as important. Oh, it's almost a problem, man. I have those from my personal life, like from my family, I have like people that I'm like, oh, my entire being is going to be created in opposition to everything you are. Yeah. And then on sets now, seeing how people are,

and people ask me for advice for success, and I'm like, all I have is show up on time and be nice to everybody. That's all I got. Have you, isn't it mind blowing when you see someone on a set of a movie or a TV show behave poorly all the time and you go. Yeah. There's no one to thank something to you like nobody says anything because if you're an actor you're like an emperor. It's fucking insanity to me. It is. It really is. And you know, I learned that from

working with, you know, Martin Starbunch, and he was always very judgmental of... He didn't judge people how... Martin stars from... Silicon Valley. One of the best actors I've ever worked with. But, picture of Martin, so I know I know this dude. Yeah, you'll know him when you see him. He's in Silicon Valley. And freaks and geeks. Oh, I love that guy. He's amazing. And he would always judge people, not based on how good

they were at their work at acting, but how good they were to the crew and cast, you know. And I was like, that's how it should be. Like, yeah, I think sometimes as comics, you know, when I first started out in Chicago, everyone was nice to the funny people, even if they were decks,

and they were shitty to the unfunny people, even if they were nice. That's just how it was. Yeah. And that's kind of how I fell into it too, you know, like we kind of made fun of the guys who weren't funny, but like perfectly good human beings. And now, the last 10 years being on like doing acting stuff I've realized

being a good person is way more important than anything else. Way more. The best advice I ever got from, I mean I've got a ton of good advice from people, but the best advice I ever got, well the best advice I ever got was you can't determine whether movie is going to be good or not well you can determine is do you have a great time shooting that movie and if you have a great time chances are to translate x I was like I wouldn't we did the machine I was like I'm going to be sober I'm going to clean up I'm going to be I'm going to look amazing you know that's so good I want to hear about that movie but it's so good because like when you get an opportunity like that, you have to bite down on it. You can't choose when the opportunity's come but you can choose to be ready.

Yeah. And whenever it comes, like you have to really give it your all. It's fucking hard. You gotta give it everything. You gotta give it everything. The, but yeah, but watching people and then what, like the other thing I was like, like, I don't, I didn't realize,

sometimes you hear stories about people being sexually in a proper onset and when you read about it, you go, oh, I bet they missed a joke, but then you get on set and you realize just how inappropriate those jokes are. Yes, like just even to be like, is anyone wanna sit on my face today? Like it's sure you're joking, but it's really weird.

Well, you're also what it, what it, there is is a power differential, right? So if you're on the set of the machine, you're never one on the call sheet. It's your movie. You, you do have the power on that set. So if you make fun of a PA, no matter how good nature you're trying to be, and you're being're not being inappropriate, you're making an appropriate joke, that's still an expression of your power because that PA can't make that joke to you.

Now you can try and create a situation where people will make fun of you the way you make fun of them. And I think, but initially, you know, that's what I noticed, too. I worked with some people who were like sort of my heroes, really funny people. And I would see how they would like make fun of the crew. And it felt to me they were sort of putting them in their place a little bit. And I was like, you don't need to do that.

These people are here, they're working really hard. So for me, I now try and just, everyone is equal. I'm not gonna make fun of you because I know you feel weird about making fun of me. And I try and have it not be such like a competitive atmosphere on set. We did, I forget what we were gonna do. I forget how it was working,

but we shot in a casino for like, fucking three weeks or two weeks. It was a casino games. And I was like, hey, let's fucking gamble. Yeah. And I was like, all, let's fucking gamble. Yeah. And I was like, all right. And I set up a gambling scenario and everyone was like, I'm in, I'm in.

And my director, Peter Atensi, who pulled me inside and he goes, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. You're not taking crew members money. And I was like, the fuck I'm not. I go, we're gambling Peter and he goes, hold on, hold on. Hold on. Because unless you decide to lose every time, I will not let you do this.

And I go, why? And he goes, you're not going to roll in here. The big dick who gets paid the most money and then take everyone's fucking money. And then I was like, that's a pretty good point. That's a pretty good point. Very nice and intense. You're going to say that. That's very cool.

Yeah. You know, it's that thing of like, I don't know if you sometimes do $5 Fridays where like everybody puts in five bucks. And you know what? You put in more than anybody else. And you don't put your name in, you just put PAs. So they're the ones getting the least money. I always put my name in there. Yeah.

I love that gamble. Yeah, that gamble. I know. And then donate the money. Or give it back to them. I did a raffle. They did a raffle at the special Olympics, and the kids were selling the tickets.

And I was like, and I've never talked to anyone as if they weren't an adult, even my children. So these special Olympics children, or children, 15, 20, the selling tickets, and I was like, I'm fucking winning this. And they're like, no, you're not. And I was like, the fuck I am. I go, before you go up and you, before you do it,

you come to me and ask me find out how much money I'm gonna buy it spent. Yeah. So this kid comes over and he goes, they're ready to pull it, Pots 700 bucks, I go put me in for 800. And he goes, hold on. And I was like, give me 800 tickets right now.

And this kid got, so he goes, wait. If you win, you're not gonna win any money. I go, no, but I'll win. Ha ha ha. And I won, I donated it. I donated it. You won? Cause you have more than 50%.

Yeah, I won more than 50% show. Yeah. And I don't want to repot. And I just gave everyone an extra 800 bucks or whatever. But, but yeah, that's interesting to me. What was the, what was the Chicago scene like? It was you, Pete Holmes, TJ, Hannibal, Hannibal, Kyle, Bronger.

Bronger. It was a killer scene, you know, John Roy. I mean, we had probably the best scene to have ever come out of any place ever. Let's think scenes, right? You got the early 90s Boston scene. Yeah, would like, uh, like, you know, you got Rogan, Marin, Burr, Dane, yeah, Patrice. That's a pretty fucking, that's a pretty, that, I think that beats us. That's a pretty intense.

It's a pretty intense scene. You got the San Francisco scene, which is patent, Blank Apache, Brian Pusain. Yeah. I think probably Marin. Oh, yeah. You know, the day of fucking, what's the guy's name David Cross was a Boston guy? Yeah, sure. That's a pretty tight scene, but your scene was pretty intense. Pretty great. And I'll tell you, I got there and the scene was already pretty established, but we weren't playing to big crowds. There was one show called The Lincoln Lodge that probably seated 60 people in the back of a diner. And that was sort of the show that people would go to, and that show was once a week. Every other show was like dead crowds at bars. So we're kind of performing for each other.

But these people were already, so Pete and I showed up at the same time. Kyle was already there and really funny. Kyle was the first comic, speaking of someone who's always nice, was the first comic in Chicago, first established comic in Chicago to be like, hey, you're really funny.

You should go to like Zaini's and see if they'll give you a guest set. But the reason that everybody was good, I think, was we really called each other out. And it wasn't about killing it was about being original. So like, you know, we have this open mic every week, the lion's den. I don't know if you've heard of it, but it was this open mic from like 2001 to like 2004 or five was when it was like It was an open mic, but it was jam-packed. It was like this Somehow there would be road comics who would come in and be like this is the best room in the country right now

It was just an open mic everyone signs up 60 comics go up five minutes each and So you know and there were like things like you want to go up between like five and twenty, then there's a law from like twenty to thirty five, and then after thirty five, you know, the guys who work as waiters at cool restaurants, they come to do open mics and they bring all like their hot friends. So like 11 p.m. there's another wave and then it crushes still one. So you want to be like I trade spots to get to like a sweet spot, you know. But so sometimes you go up and it's a fucking packed crowd and it's an open mic. So I'm like, oh, I'm just going to do the thing that I that I know I got that's going

to crush and I go up in a fucking murder. And then a cow would be like, that was really good. But, you know, I saw you do that last week. And I'm like, shit, he's right. He's like, this room is for you to write new material. And I was like, that's exactly right. So then there was this honor system of like, you always got a new stuff here.

You can't like bring your old shit here. That's crazy. That's such a fucking banger of a scene. Yeah, and it was just about finding your voice. That's what everybody cared about is about being original It was you could not be hacked. It was a vicious scene that way So we would have some comics who were like doing the road and doing well, but when they came to these shows Like if they were doing something hack like comics were like fucking mean to them

That's that I only place I've read in cargo riddles. Do you remember riddles on the South side, right? I never done a black club. Yeah. I did it with Hannibal one time. It was a very segregated comedy scene. So like Hannibal was with us, but Rale, you know, little Raleigh, yeah, little Raleigh, he was, he was there at the same time, but he was in the South side scene. So we'd run into each other when we had D-Ray was in the South side. D-Ray, yeah, D-Ray would come up with Dion Cole. Dion Cole's the guy that makes so much sense now that you say Dion Cole's out of Chicago.

Yeah. Mine knew that. He's a legend over Dion. Dion has been consistently a friend to me in times that like, like every time I've ever asked him to do something as a favor, he never wants his wavered at all as if we grew up together. I, I, I, I, like, I, Deon is the really good dude. And you know, sometimes you end up doing a show on the suburbs and it's, that's when

you run into Rale or Deon or Tiffany Haddish is from that scene. You know, yeah, I would see her go up and she would kill. But we would all come together when there was like a Montreal showcase or an Aspen showcase. So that's when like the two scenes which were unfortunately segregated, you'd see like, oh wow, that person's really funny and I always loved Rale. We'd always like, you know, got along. So I'm so happy for all his success. I was telling, I was, go ahead.

Just keep going. Hannibal was weird because Hannibal when he started was not funny. I don't know how he's going to feel about me saying this. I love Hannibal. Obviously, one of the funniest comedians. Very. Yeah. So, so funny.

That's why I feel okay saying this. He was not funny he was one of those comics where like you know comics leave the room when they go up it was like that like I said it was a vicious scene and then I remember I think in my buddy Robert Bouchemme who's very funny comic also from Chicago who's here now he was like I think I laughed already or I was saying he was like you know he's really funny now, Hannibal? And I was like, what are you talking about? Hannibal Burris is funny. That's crazy.

And then I saw him and he had gone from bombing to crushing overnight. It wasn't like, slowly he was getting better. He clicked and figured out his rhythm and then just started crushing. It was like night and day immediately. He bombed, and I'm comfortable saying this, he bombed so bad it riddles with me, open informed.

And was he already like Hannibal and funny? No, no. He wasn't. He wasn't. This must have been, and maybe he was, I mean, I remember liking him and going like, what do you have to be talking? 2000 and 2004. It's got to be 2004, 2000.

Yeah. That could have been before the switch. Yeah, and then in 2009, I'm guessing years. It was when I told the machine for the first time that year because things started changing for me where people were like, one bit. One bit and I had that bet, too. because things started changing for me where people were like one bed. One bed. And I had that bed too. And when you're suddenly like, oh, that's the bed. Yeah.

And we did Amsterdam together. And in like for like a showtime thing. And he murdered so effortlessly hard in this room that I went. And I was like, wait, this is the same Hannibal? Yeah, that's how all our experience was. It was like, but and by the way, me and Tom just talked about Hannibal the other day on this podcast. He is someone, when we talk about people who are thing was like people who got heat.

I think you'll probably definitely identify with what I'm talking about. People that got heat young and when we were all at the same time and then then they got heat and they turn into complete total assholes and then and then and you're like and then all of a sudden their heat kind of goes away. Yeah, and then they're like Hey, man, I should do your podcast more often and you're like, okay Yeah, and but Hannibal's someone who got heat but wasn't an asshole didn't change at all didn't change it all not at not not not not Not a sort of second Emily and I talk about this. We're like, you have one year. Once you get like your first taste of success,

you have one year to find yourself again. Cause we, I've had that, you know, where you have people where you're like, oh, you're like an asshole, and then they come back around. They come back to earth. Even, and not cause they've been humble. They still have the success,

but they've just learned to like, sit into themselves more. You gotta, you gotta have one year of, almost like sit into themselves more. You got to have one year of almost like, fuck you energy. It's like a gray spirit that I give him. I don't think you need to have that fuck you energy. If it's fuck you, fuck you up. Don't fuck you down.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So, but then some people don't ever come back, you know? Some people change and they just stay up there. I've seen it. I mean, I wish I could just say names on this. I was just gonna say, I wish we could just say names. There was, I've had people say the most. Because my path was so bizarre in this business

that I think I'm really blessed, I think think that I didn't get any success until I was mid-40s because I probably would have been That problematic dude on set the fucking I never would have gotten married I never would have had kids. I would have just I would have just fucked up everything I would have fucked up everything and I would have been unbearable to everyone. I would have been great I wish I'd had success when I was 22. I would have handled it great. I would have been unbearable to everyone. I would have been great. I wish I'd had success when I was 22. I would have handled it great. I would have had...

Oh my God. I've had another like, you know, 10 years of career before this. Oh, I was your first big thing. Was it Silicon Valley? I would say that was my first big thing. That like, such a great fucking show. It was such a great show and such a great something to be a part of. It's such a great cat like cast of people.

I wish I was more present and less nervous so that I could learn from some of those people I was working with. It was all for all of us other than Martin who had fixed and geek, which is one of the greatest shows of all time and that character. He played as one of the greatest characters of all time. Is character. He played is one of the greatest characters of all time. Is Martin does Martin play the character that watches Gary Shanling? Yes.

I love what a great scene. I love that scene. It really is. I think that's it. Any comic, any comic. All of us. All the comic identifies with that scene. Where you feel, you know, I mean,

I can't speak for everyone, but for me, I was like, I do not belong. Nobody's like me. It fucking sucks. I wish I was normal. I wish I was like everybody else. Or I wish I was like, I do not belong. Nobody's like me. It fucking sucks. I wish I was normal. I wish I was like everybody else or I wish I was invisible. I hate that people can see me. And to see him watch that and lose himself. And I'm getting emotional just talking about it. It's really, really beautiful scene. But for all of us, it was our first big gig like that. So there was a lot of, I would, I just kind of felt like these people are so funny. I had hardcore and post-Rusin

drum on that show for the first few years. Really. And I just was like kind of a little bit in crisis the entire time. And, and I wish I hadn't had that, and I trusted myself more, and that I learned from these people a bit more. I think maybe all of us, other than Martin had that thing of like, I don't know if I belong here, so I have to be. Yeah, it was interesting. My first, everything I've had,

has actually come from a sketch I did on Portlandia. Do you know Portlandia? I only because I'm a Fred Armon and Slater Kinney fan. I mean, amazing, right? Yeah, I'm a huge Slater Kinney fan. Yeah. And like I know, that doesn't track for what I look like, but like, and Fred Armason is genuinely,

one of the sweetest human beings I've ever met. I met him at Aspen when the girls, I must have been 2007, and he was sitting with Nick's words and I knew Nick, I did not know Fred, he was honest and all the time. I also knew he was friends with Jeff Tweety and who I'm a huge fucking fan of. Of course.

And I sat down in that lobby of whatever hotel it is. And Nick was like, hey, Bert, I was like, hey, what's up? And then Fred was like, hey, I'm Fred. And I was like, hi, he's sitting down. And I was like, oh, Bert, I was like, hey, what's up? And then Fred was like, hey, I'm Fred. And I was like, hi, he's sitting down. And I was like, oh, you don't normally, no one, I'm nobody, I'm okay. Yeah, Fred's a very sweet guy. I did a sketch on that where I play like a cell phone salesman

that's trying to upsell them when they need a phone for an emergency. And the whole thing was improvised. And every job I've had has come from that one sketch that is get Silicon Valley was the result of that sketch. I would say that sketch changed my life Suddenly because it wasn't a I don't you know, it wasn't a show that Millions and millions watched but everybody sort of in the biz watched it because it was like this cool weird comedy show and They're so funny and they hadn't been a sketch or like that.

My sketch turned out great, you know, it was really funny. And so suddenly I started getting like acting jobs just from that one sketch and Silicon Valley is sort of indirectly a result of that. But Silicon Valley was the first one where people started recognizing me. People, you know, when you're sort of a cool stand-up in New York, people will like recognize you a little bit. And I, you know, I had like my cool like stand-up years, you know, which are now behind me. Do you feel like there's two comels? No, I still feel like the same person. I just wish I could go back.

No, I still feel like the same person. I just wish I could go back. The other stuff takes up so much time. I wish I could. I miss being really good at it. I miss how much I loved it. You know, I really love stand up doing it, watching other people, seeing someone like really crush and then being like, all right, I wanna crush a little bit more.

And I think I can't. I think you do it. You know that feeling, which I'm sure you have now, I had a feeling for a little while where I was like, I'm not saying it was right, but I had this confidence where I was like, I can go up in any crowd front of anybody and do and kill. I had that feeling for a couple of years.

I have a feeling right now where I can go, I think it's because I have an hour that's dialed in, but I can go up with nothing to say and murder off the top of my head. Yeah. I like, I've been doing it lately because I don't want to redo my, I don't like doing my hour at the store So I just want to go up the store. It's to explore. Yeah, so there's no there's no

There's no peril in it for me because I'm just looking I'm just really kind of exploring to see if I can find something that'll fit in yeah and and I And I'm in a zone right now where I go, but I know it's gonna go away. The second I get rid of this hour and I gotta start writing again. It'll go away and I have to figure things out. I'll be, I'll be having a different hunger

but I know that feeling. It's such a great feeling. It's such a great feeling and I started my philosophy became like, I'm going to go up and not know what I'm gonna do and I'm not gonna go to my material for as long as I can. The best fuck for you.

For just the longest I can. And ideal, I mean, I never hit like a full hour without going to my material. Because at some point you're like riffing and doing great. And at some point it's like, oh, if you think this is good. Wait till you get a load of the stuff I've been working on for months.

I used to call it swimming away from the boat. So like, because like we go from Florida and the whole fun was you go out to a sand bar, you go out to the ocean, you'd be fishing, you jump into the water. And I used to see how far I could swim away from the boat. But I always knew the boat was there. Right. I can always go back to the boat, but I wanted to see how far.

The boat is the material. Yeah. And I love those. That was probably my best. I was a hacky comic. That was yeah, and I, I, I, man, I love those. That was, I was probably my best. I was a hacky comic. That was probably my strongest on stage when I was, those 10 years, I was doing the road. Really? Of course. I'm a better comic now.

I'm a little more, I'm a little more thoughtful in what I say. But you also, I think those 10 years of chops are like part of your DNA, you know, so that's like something that you, that you can bring up. You know, that's so many tricks and, that you can bring up. You know that feeling? So many tricks and so many things. I could, I had such a quiver of fucking things that, I mean, and then, and by the way, like, and in that quiver out of that 10 years came

ripping my shirt off. And then all of a sudden, I, I remember being like, I remember thinking I was so good. And then you work with someone who's good, like, say like Tommy John again or someone and you go, so funny. Oh, fuck. He was in Chicago.

Yeah, he was. That's right. Nate Bergazzi was in Chicago with us. So that's a pretty crazy group. I remember working with Nate for the first time and then going, I'm not funny at all. He's so good. Both those guys sort of were in Chicago as like, um, they had a plan. They

were like, I'm going to be here and then I'm going to leave. Yeah. And they were both, like, not as funny as they are now, but they were both funny then, like they were the funny comics, but they were like, I'm moving through. Whereas I, you know, kind of like settled into Chicago and stayed there a couple years longer than I meant to. Really? Yeah, my last two years in Chicago, I really felt, because the ceiling is pretty low in Chicago, like in terms of the kinds of shows you can do, right?

Once you get into the big shows, which you really, if you're funny, you move to Chicago in a month and a half, really, if you're doing well, you can kind of start doing all the shows. And then at that point, it's sort of done. And my last two years, you know, collet left, Pete had left, TJ had left, Hannibal had left, all the people that I'd started with had kind of moved on and were wrong or had left. They were all crushing in New York or LA, you know. And I was sort of the leftover from that scene. Plus a bunch of other guys too, who kind of a lot of guys never left, you know,

that happens too. I'm sure that happened in your, you started in Florida, right? No, when in New York, you started in New York. But it happens in New York, like there's guys that, I started with that are in New York that I always go like, there's they, I mean, they haven't left the business. They're still working at the seller, but I always go like,

God, man, you should have been on the road. Yeah. You should be doing fucking better. You got constable. You see people who are really funny who are still doing the same material they were doing, but so the last two years in Chicago, I was sort of in a place where I was sort of like doing

the same shows. I wasn't writing as much. All the people who were really like pushing me to write have moved on. I was just kind of like stuck. I was in a rut my last two years in Chicago. And I'm very lucky. I met Emily. We fell in love. You met her in LA or in Chicago? Chicago. What do you guys met in LA? No, we met in Chicago. She wasn't a writer at that time. She was like, just started like grad school. She was starting to be a therapist. And just, I don't know, our relationship was sort of inspiring and it sort of became like, oh, I have to,

I have to really like get out of this little pond that I've gotten very comfortable in, quit my job. We got married at City Hall and moved in New York with like all the money that I've gotten very comfortable in. Quit my job, we got married at City Hall, and moved to New York with like all the money that I'd saved. A lot of you in New York before you move out, I'll tell you. Only two years. When I moved to New York, I was lucky in that, you know, Zach vouched for me, Pete vouched for me.

And so I started doing the good shows at media. Oh, that's right. Pete moved to New York first. Pete was in New York. Yeah, Pete moved from Chicago to New York first. Pete was in New York. Yeah, Pete moved from Chicago to New York pretty quickly. Like I think he was only in Chicago like two or three years. Pete also had a plan. Pete's always had a plan. Please always had a plan. Yeah. Pete was like, I'm gonna, I'm gonna do it. Um, and you can almost see Pete can cock this plan in his eyes sometimes. Like I remember we did a podcast one time and then in the middle of a podcast he's doing this and he goes,

can we both release this and I go, is it good? And he goes, this is a really good podcast. But like I love the way you can almost see Pete do the math in his head sometimes. Yeah, see I don't, I don't think like that. I really don't. I wish I did. I really, Pete's just, Pete is,

Pete is the guy that like I look up to the way he he, I look up to him in a lot of ways. I love his stand-ups fucking phenomenal. I mean his stand-ups phenomenal, but the more importantly what he's done that I, that very few people have achieved, is created things for himself. And so I will do this show about my life. I will do this show in spearheaded and move it forward. And then go, I'm gonna do, me and Judd Aphtar are gonna tour together.

Like Steve Bern does it too. They're guys who do not sit on their ass. No, and Pete is also a very hard worker, but also very quick worker. Like he'll be like, I just idea for a script and then four days later he's like, Hey, would you read it? Tell me what you think.

I'm like, you already wrote it. And then you read it, he's like, Hey, would you read it? Tell me what you think. I'm like, you already wrote it and then you read it and you're like, fuck, this is really good. You know how to write a pilot to. Yeah. So Pete's totally like that. Um, but I, for me when I moved to New York, things started like happening really quickly because there's enough industry there, you know, and I had these people vouching for me. And I just kind of like, just before I moved to New York, I sort of wrote this one man show about my life. That was like the first time I'd done anything that was kind of personal.

And I did this hour long one man show in Chicago like twice. And I sold out the Lake Shore Theater. And I got all of them. Maybe the Lake Shore Theater. Like a cool guy ran it. Yeah. Chris, Chris Ritter ran it and he got like great comics and he would let us into watch for free and you could do like, you know, like Mark Marin and Pat Naswald and, you know, Julius Weenie did her like awesome one, one

person show there. So I did that show there and it was so hard doing that show, talking about my life that suddenly, it opened up my standup. I went from just doing like one line or so, suddenly now, I'm not saying, being really personal on stage or anything, I'm just saying, suddenly,

I went from being able to only do like 30 second jokes to telling a seven minute story. And it changed very quickly from me being able to do that. And I just understood the math of doing a seven minute story, which is what you do, right? You're like, like, long stories. But I had that moment too. I was DC Benny and I did a storytelling show on House and Street. And I went in.

It's such cheating when comedians do storytelling shows. It was just like, just mulling all the bunnies. Yeah, it is it is it was a it I went in and I immediately when I did it I was like what the fuck have I been doing on stage? Dude, I was like I'm so much better at telling a story than I am a set up. I was it's also so good because like a set up punch you set up you punch now. It's over now. You're to start over a seven minute story. You set it up for you're getting laughs, but three minutes in, you're like, now it's just

four minutes of laughs. Yeah. I've like done all the work and it's just payoff. Yeah, it's fucking the best. So when I moved to New York, I started writing like that. And so I just suddenly felt very ready for all these shows and sort of getting a little bit of like, you know, and and Joanne from Comedy Central. It wasn't premium blend.

It was live at Gotham, which was the one right after that. I did premium blend. You did premium blend. Yeah. And so suddenly it was, New York was, I was only in New York for like two years, but it was like a very, it changed my life absolutely completely. Suddenly I was making a living at standup. I remember when you guys all moved out here.

That's when I remember. That's when I remember seeing you for the first time, seeing Pete for the first time, T.J. Yeah, Pete and I moved to LA around the same time. We were both in New York together. Pete, I remember doing Pete's podcast and I was like, who the fuck is this guy? Yeah.

I remember telling that to Tom, being like, this guy's fucking, he's good. And he goes, he goes, I remember Tom being like, they're all the Chicago guys are good. And I was like, what? And he was like, you know, a cow can aim. I was like, no. I was like, you gotta see him.

And then I remember, I followed you on his, I think it was a storytelling show. And you fucking balloon me away. And I was like, you on this. I think it was a storytelling show and you fucking Balloon me away and I was like, oh my god And then I was called time. I was like do they they're all fucking amazing Yeah, I think it was just from us coming from that scene and doing that one open mic Where it was like, you know, you go off and do all the weird shows and the suburbs and all that So you get guest spots at the club and then a week, every comic in the North side of Chicago comes and checks it with each other.

And it really, it was really, really exciting while it lasted, you know. And then, you know, that club, that place shut down to the open mic went. So my last two years in Chicago, that wasn't there anymore. Oh, really? So it really, the scene had really changed,

and I was still kind of hanging around. Like, it had been time for me to leave. So by the time I got to New York, I really was like sort of hungry to show that I could be really good, you know. And I don't mean to be arrogant. I don't feel like that anymore. I don't have that. I think it would take me a while to sort of, because you know when you're doing stand-up and you're writing stand-up, I was also always kind of walking around like, is there anything? Oh, is that okay? It's a dice, white dice, blue dice. Okay, that's nothing. But you're always like thinking about that. And now I don't, I'm not in that gear anymore. I used to say I would have different hats I could put on.

And that could be in production hat. Yes. And if I was in production hat, it was about flights, it was about call times, it was about, like for travel channel, I'd do that. And then when I go back to stand up, wait, what do you mean for travel channel? I worked at travel channel, I was a host at travel channel.

But why did it make you do all the productions? Because I was an executive producer of the show and I was very hands on. Yeah. I could be what you would call difficult because I had certain like, like I'd be like, hold on. Why are we getting up at four in the morning to get to the airport? And because a lot of times people that they put in charge had never flown. It's also you understand the requirements of the show more than anybody else does.

When it's your show, you know it more than anybody. Now, the real talent is figuring out who's good at what and, you know, making sure that we're all working together to do it. But sometimes when you're like running your own show, nobody's going to care about it as much as you. No, and I would have that had. Sometimes when you're like running your own show, nobody's gonna care about it as much as you. No, and I would have that had, and then I'd try to go back into standup and I could regurgitate standup,

but I wasn't living in standup. You have to switch. It's like a brain shift, and so for me now, I don't think like that anymore. I'm sort of focusing more on acting and writing and that kind of stuff, which I fucking love, and I find very challenging, because you work with an actor sometimes

where you're like, are you a magician? What's going on? How are you doing that? Yeah, yeah. Like what's stand up, that's why I love seeing like Reggie Watts, because I would see him go up and I'm like, I could never do with you. With other comedians, no matter how good they are,

you see him up on stage like Kevin Hart or you know, you see someone fucking crunch and you're like, I wanna do that. I think I could do that. That's what I wanna do. But with Reggie, you don't have the pressure where you're like, okay, yeah, I'll never get good at that.

With acting, you know, it's like that sometimes when you work with someone you're just like, you're so able to do this. I wanna to be able to, I want to learn from you. I am. Yeah, I had a, I had one experience with Mark Hamill where he got, we was, it was his close up and he just fucking turned the screws and I'm not even, I'm just doing lines with him and we're acting, but like it the camera's on him. And I started crying. Yeah. The camera's not even all of a sudden.

Like took, took, took, took, took the camera around. Get this. He can do that. This is the one time I can do this. It's a Peter Atensio. It's like, hey man, I love that reaction. That's a great reaction. Do it again.

And I was like, well, I don't know how I did that. Yeah, we do. Yeah, and I was like, hey, Mark, can you do the thing? Whatever you do with your under eye, when you're doing this thing to me. But did he know that he was doing it? He goes, you mean, act. And I went, yeah, could you do that to me? He goes, you want me to, okay, Luke Skywalker, could you holster the attitude?

Yeah. And so, and so I could, I had a lot of fun. I never, I never really cared about acting in my life I never thought that was be the path. Yeah, and then I as soon as I thought that movie I was like I do different movies. I would like to see so you love doing. I loved it. Yeah, I love the Fuck yeah, I loved everything about it. That's how it was for me. I was writing on a show called Michael and Michael of issues in New York Wait, I Want to say my buddy Tony Hernandez was producing that really? Yeah, yeah Michael and Michael have issues in New York. I wanna say my buddy Tony Hernandez was producing that. Really?

Yeah, yeah. Wow. Yeah, he's, it produces all my specials. I grew up with him. Yeah, cool. And but he's good friends with that whole state scene. Yeah, that whole state scene. I sort of fell in with those guys when I moved to New York.

So the three group of guys. And so they really took care of me. And then in LA too, I sort of fell in with those guys when I moved to New York. So the really took care of me. And then in LA too, I worked with, you know, one of the first people who gave me a shot in the movie was Tom Lennon and Ben Garant. They like, I could see that they did this movie called Hell Baby. I was a very funny movie with like, you know, Keegan Michael Key and Rob Hubel. And like really, really funny people, Rob Cordray

was the lead of it. And so they gave me a small pardon at cause Tom had seen me in something. And I went on, I just had like two scenes, you know, I did my first take and I remember Tom looking over at Ben and Ben sort of giving a nod like good choice. And they never said anything to me. I just felt so fucking good in that moment.

But writing for Michael, Michael have issues. They were like, we want all the actors, the writers to be actors too. And I was like, I don't do that. I can't do that. They were like, no, you have to do it. But first you have to audition for Comedy Central. So I did five auditions for Comedy Central. I had written a part for myself,

and I would go up to the floor to the production floor, and I would see other brown dudes, all more handsome than me, holding sides that I had written with the character named Camel on top, all auditioning for me. So I auditioned with all these people and I show all the kept being like, worked with me on the tape. He's like, he like really wanted me to do it. And then I didn't have it until

the table read and the execs were there. And as I like did my first scene, the executive like tapped me and nodded and I was like, okay. And then doing that, I like fell in love with it because I thought acting was just like saying the lines regurgitating, but doing it, I was like, oh, this is very like, there's a lot to this. This is like a really artistic thing, you know? It's really, and especially when you see someone do it good, like I, I, I, I'm not even joking. Like, I, there's a few things that I would actually do, right? Where I have said this before,

I will actually go in, put my tour on hold, and start at the bottom at SNL. I'd do it for one year, just have the experience. Just like you would start as like a PA or something. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, I'm not right. I was like, what do you mean? Jesus, no. You, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, level. She's always like, there's the cast and then there's the story. So you're saying you would go beyond SNL? Yeah. That's the big sacrifice you can make.

I'm. It's go beyond Saturday Night Live. The only comedy institution that's been running for decades. You heard it. Wow, man. That's a crazy thing. I, I bring with me a, a big audience. Yeah, of course.

You'd be great on it, but don't do it. But I would do it. I would do it. I would know the only reason I would do it I wouldn't I wouldn't do it for years. I do it for a year because I want to see what that whole world was like I've done it. I wrote there for a week a real and then I you know, I hosted for a week So I wrote there you should know yeah, I hosted SNL was it worth it? Yeah, I can't wait to do it again Are you doing it again? No, I would love to do it again, but I cannot wait to do it again because as soon as it was done, you know, and my episode was good, for me it was like, I want the monologue to be killer

and I hadn't been doing stand-up, but it was one of those things where I was like, I want my monologue to be about something, and then middle of the night I couldn't sleep, and it was one of those things that happened sometimes where you just like, oh, I just wrote the 10-minute monologue. And I rewrote it. I worked it a lot at the cellar, you know? Yeah. It's such a great room.

But that was basically the structure of it was just like middle of the night. I wrote it. So, all this to say, if I go back, as soon as it was over, I was like, when I do this again, I know how I want to approach it differently. I wrote there for one week as like a trial thing in like right before Silicon Valley, where I went in as a trial writer, I just on the Melbourne Comedy Festival when I got the call, they were like, hey, come right for a couple weeks. I wrote for a week and then Seth Meyers was the head writer there. Yeah, great guy. And when it was done, I just signed with an agency and they called me and they were like

great news. They want you to finish out the season six more weeks. And I said, okay, and I called up my manager and I said I don't want you to ask me any questions about it. I don't want you to try and talk me into this. I'm just going to say one thing to you. And that's that's what's going to happen. I don't want to do Saturday night live. And she called, she said, got it. And she called my agents, magiens were like, well, there must have been like, what the

flat? We just signed this like open my comedian and he gets to be a writer for a personality. Doesn't want to do it. And yeah, and then I've seen, you know, writers from there since then when I went back, they're like, oh, you're the guy that didn't do SNL. Like they all know about it. Really?

Yeah. I, I just realized it wasn't for me because I hadn't come from the world of sketch. I didn't grow up with sketch. Like I love SNL, but I didn't grow up with it. So it doesn't have that like power over me like it does for a lot of people. I didn't grow up with it. I've only seen it since I moved to America, you know.

Yeah. And you didn't even get the good years. Well, I mean, but you like, but you, when you were, you're, but you missed like Farley, yeah, that was, that was the, I mean, that was, but you when you were in Europe, but you missed like Farley. Yeah, that was that was that was like, that was the ones. Sandler Farley, spade. Look, I'm not, I'm not taking away everyone. I know what you mean. I feel about Kristen Wigg and, and fucking and all like today.

Kiss and Hater and they're all amazing. But we'll feral. That was before my time. Yeah. Oh, yeah. That's because, yeah, and we'll feral. I when I was moved to New York, we'll feral was big.rell when I was moved to New York will Ferrell was big Really when I moved to New York and I would go to the the cast parties after the show Yeah, will Ferrell was a very sweet goofy as fuck guy. Yeah, he was goofy as fuck I remember one of my first I had like, you know when you move to LA and you're your age

You have a new agency in the set you up with general meetings You know, I was at like some fucking lot Sony or something completely lost in this huge like, it's all these big white buildings. I had no idea where to go. There was a guy on his phone fissing away from me just standing outside and I was like, um, excuse me, do you know where this building is? And it turns around and it's fucking welfare.

I was like, oh, shit, I'm in LA. And he told me where the building was. I was like, oh shit, I'm in LA. And he told me where the building was. And I was like, okay, thank you, man. And I was like, shit, I just talk to Will Ferrell. But yeah, it just wasn't for me. I realized I'm not good at sketch. It's also not something that I want to break my back, being good at.

Like I want to be great at the stuff that I love. I'm never gonna be like, I'm never gonna be like, who's the lady that just, Kate McKinnon? I'll never be as good as Kate. Yeah, Kate is one of the most talented sketch performers in history. In history. And I will never be that.

And honestly, you know, it would sort of be hard for me sometimes, because I'm friends with Kroll, and he's so good at these characters and sketching stuff. And I was sort of like, it like, I would feel bad about it. I was like, why can't I do that? And now I'm like, you know what? I have the things I can do, and I have the things

I can't do, and that's okay. I just have to focus on, and part of it comes from passion and love. I just don't, I love Mr. Show, you know, that like changed my life. But I was never like a sketch guy, and it's still not like my, you know, that like changed my life. But I was never like a sketch guy and it's still not like my favorite, favorite thing. Doing SNL is awesome.

It's really exciting because it really stretches you. It's really good. But for me, I just couldn't, I just was like flattered that they wanted me to do it. But I wasn't, I wasn't good at it. How different, how different, I mean, like, how different of a person are you from the average Pakistani dude? Ha, ha, ha.

I mean, you know, if I ask you how different you are from the average American, well, the average Floridian. Yes. How different are you? Extremely. Yeah. Extremely. Like, there was always something different about me growing up in Florida. Yeah. Because even still to this day always something different about me growing up in Florida. Yeah.

Because even still to this day, all my friends still live in Tampa. All my friends still live in Tallahassee. What is Tampa like as a town? That's awesome. Yeah, it's awesome. It's so great. It's so great, but the things, you know, that you get shown prizes as a kid and you go,

that's the life I want, right? Like a hot chick on a boat. And, you know, or like the ability to, like there were restaurants that, I hope to, any of my Tampa friends growing up that this makes sense, but there were restaurants that you would want to be able to get in at, like,

restaurants, or donateatello's or like, just really nice places. And there was a scene like, you know, like being a part of, I think it's, you know, Mystique club is like part of the thing. And I never, I never, my parents were both not from Tampa. So I didn't grow up with The Tampa is the end all be all I kind of looked as a kid. I looked it. I was in it sounds horrible, but I was like

Tampa, Florida will never be California like California's the shit I remember thinking that as a kid and so I had this, we're not everyone that I grew up with had it. Like the most adventurous, you would be theoretically and I once again, this doesn't apply to all of Tampa. But I'm just saying like, no, my friends, was you could go to move to Atlanta. Like Atlanta was a big, but you didn't, I mean, to this day you don't see people from Tampa in LA.

I never see people, the young lady worked at the Starbucks by my old house and I walked in and she was like, she was like, I want you to count me a holy name. So I was like, shut up. And I was like, oh my God, you never meet Tampa people out here. It's like, I know. It's like, I know you're from Tampa.

I know you live right around the corner. And I was like, shut up. And so like every morning I'd go in, she's an actress and kind of catch up with her to make, you know, to check in because it's like a little sister But you never never meet people from Tampa Florida this Miami dude Miami is like no one leaves Miami right Ricky Cruz one of the funniest fucking guys in the world is is

I mean if you'd explain Miami Ricky Ricky Cruz's Miami. Guy comes out to LA, beautiful, gorgeous, what floor to stay with him, one of the funniest comics you'll ever see, but he's just like, fuck it, man, I'm Miami. I'm Miami. He goes, he's back in Miami. And he's still, the stand-up still kills it, acts, but he's just like, I'm Miami, this is who I am. Yeah, I mean, it is hard because if you want to make it in this bed,

there's two places where you can really have, don't have a low ceiling, you know? But I can't imagine, I mean, I can't imagine, in this I'm certain I'm based on this on no statistic I've ever read, but like that the average dude you went to high school with moved to Tampa or moved to LA or New York. No, that's why, you know, the fact that there's another person from my class that is in the entertainment business, it's crazy.

It's like, there's really nobody before us from that school and there's nobody since. It's just so happened that it's two of us from the same year. It's not something that happens. I always felt very, very different. I always felt very weird. And now now, you know, everyone's like, I was weird, but I hated it. I hated that I was different. Like, like I said, I wanted to be invisible or I just wanted to be like everyone else. And I was like, I used to just watch movies, TV and play video games. That's all I did. I was a total like, I had friends,

but I was like a total indoor care. Like in the summer, at the end of the summer, everyone would come back to school, darker skin. I would come back lighter because I was just a indoor playing video games and watching movies the whole time. Which is why I'm so like it's so unbelievable that I get to work in this industry that I've loved my entire life. You know, my dad loves movies and he taught me how to love movies. So I was always very weird and hated myself for being weird and I had nothing, you know. I, high school, like I knew I was like,

I'm not good looking, I'm not cool. We, I don't, like I don't, I can't tell if dudes are good looking. You strike me as a very attractive man. Well, thank you, but I was not, I'll tell you, till the age of eight, I was a fucking supermodel. I was like, people were threatened to kidnap me in the streets. I'm not joking. Like, I'd walk into a store and the woman would be like, we're keeping him, and I'd be crying, but I also like, yeah, you, of course you want this. You see, I'm being completely objective. You see a picture of me, you're like that kid,

like put that kid on a stage, you know? I was a gorgeous child. And then overnight it changed. And I didn't, I remember, I didn't realize it immediately. I was like, you know what hasn't happened in a while, people threatening to kidnap me. Because my looks has not happened. And then I looked at the mirror and I was like,

oh no, my head grew huge, my shoulder stayed tiny, my nose got really big, I got four Adam's apples and like a mustache at the age of nine. And from the age of like, I just became absolutely hideous overnight. And it sucks because the world was a certain way It's not really the world changed, you know If I was ugly the whole time and be like fine. This is what it is But I thought it was like what it was such a part of who I was like I'm the gorgeous little kid And then it changed And so in high school, you know really low self esteem didn't wasn't good looking,

not good at sports, not cool, girls didn't like me. I was just smart. I knew I was smart. So I was like, I just studied all the time. I was like, really, really studying, watching movies, playing video games, that's all I fucking did. Really? And so I really felt weird. It's interesting because Emily my wife also felt weird But she went the other way she was like fuck you. I'm gonna be the weirdest fucking person you've ever seen She's from a small town in North Carolina, you know Yeah She would like dye her hair with highlighters and kids in school in the seventh grade and she would like draw all over her shoes and kids in school

We'll hold her head down in the toilet, like wash off the, wash the, wash the sharpie out of her head. All town in North Carolina. Small town, North Carolina. So she was like super fucking weird. And she just was like, I'm just gonna be weirder and weirder and she became god, she was like really god in high school,

like all black purple lipstick, purple hair, torn clothes, you know? Yeah. So it's interesting that we both felt similarly and I decided that I didn't want that. I just wanted to be invisible and she was like, that's going to be my superpower and fuck you. And I'm going to be, or you think I'm ugly, I'm going to be the ugliest fucking person you've ever seen. But control it. But she, you know, she, she, part of it was, I think, that she really, the music she loved was like nine inch nails and Marilyn Manson and all that.

And so she found an outlet for that. I did, I didn't find an outlet for how bad I felt about myself. Was it when you got, this is a question I've wondered a lot. Now, I'm a meathead, born and raised meathead. Like I love sports. I love sports. I love sports growing up. I lift the weights.

Oh, that's great. I lift the weights as like in like high school. I had that one moment in high school where I was like, where I felt jacked. I mean, yeah, you're like popular in high school. Oh yeah, yeah, very popular. Red popular in college. I was like, where I felt jacked. I mean, you were like popular in high school. Oh yeah, yeah, very popular. Ben popular in college. I was not.

And so, but I was lift way, I've always lifted weights. I've always been comfortable in a gym. And you were like funny in high school in college. I was probably funnier. I was pretty serious in high school about sports. So like, I wasn't that funny in high school. Although I did have it in me. I just, it wasn't like my, I didn't need it.

The way I needed it in college. Like in college, I definitely leaned in there. That's what happened to me. In college, I was like, someone was like, oh, you're funny. I was like, oh, I'm funny. Well, then this is my entire existence. That's, someone said, you are the funny,

the, I heard you are the funniest person I've ever met. So much in college that if other people said, you are the funny, I heard, you are the funniest person I've ever met. So much in college that if other people said, you've got to meet this guy he's funny about someone else, I get jealous. I go, hold on, I'm actually, you forget what you said about me the other day. But how's that guy doing? Did now, huh?

Yeah. Is there a Jeff cast? No. No. And so, but and then and then I was like, what so many people said is we actually try stand up But yeah, that's how it was for me, but there is a part of my personality like right now We just got done sober October. I've done 500 calorie workouts every day

And I've done a hundred pushups every day. That's intense but there's a part of me my brain that Regresses to meet head where I find myself, you know, like, feeling my arm. And I was wondering if, when you first got jacked for the first time, if all of a sudden it was like, almost like an out of body experience of experiencing a side of your life you never had, and you had witnessed from afar other dudes being like the fucking bully and then all the sudden You've got all the bullies attributes, but you're not that bully in your life

Are you finding yourself I used to say this a lot about you Will you find yourself in the in the parking lot like that's my spot bitch, you know like well? Was that coming out of you at all not at all all. Really? Interesting that you bring that up. The way I think about me never changed. I feel like truly exactly the same person. Only thing that's really changed is, I'm a little less, I have a little less anxiety and I have an outlet, like working out

is such an outlet for me. It like makes me feel so much better. But, so I have not changed in any way. However, dudes will step to me more. So I was at a place with Emily. This was a couple of years ago, and I bumped into a guy with a mistake, and he turned, looked at me, and he kind of bowed up. That doesn't happen to me.

That's never happened to me. I was like, what are we here to look? What's going on? Are you constipated? And Emily was like, walk away. He wants to fight you. And that's happened to me like four or five times where guys, I think they're like maybe threatened

or they see, I don't know what it is. I can't speak to it. But I've had guys try to pick fights with me way more in the last three years than at any other point in my life. Well, you went from, I hope this isn't sound disrespectful, but you went from what was this castable beta guy to this legit alpha dude. I mean, you're, I have to say, you honestly got, I remember the first time I saw that picture, And I was like, dude, he's strikingly handsome. Like, like I guarantee you, there's a,

I guarantee you there's gonna be a whole generation of brown babies that are born where Indian dudes are getting laid because, Pakistani guys are getting laid because of you. Well, Indian and Pakistani are very close. I mean, you called me all the one time on stage, I remember, yeah, I remember, I was like, I'm sorry. I said, it's not about the Indian guy.

And you go, it's Pakistani, what a fun part. And I'm definitely trying not to make them as thinking. I was trying to get a laugh that I better did. Yeah, you did. You were telling the story about pissing in your pants? Yes, yes. Yeah, it's sort of, it's interesting because

you're always aware of in this industry, how much, what the the opportunities you get how much they're based on how you look, you know, like I've certainly worked with some dudes that are like really handsome and you work with them and you're like oh you you have this job because you're handsome and not because you're good. Yeah. And I remember having this with someone where I was like being grateful that I didn't look like that because I was like I can do so many more different kinds of things however Since those pictures came out my opportunities are different. It really is an industry that's based on You know because I think brown guys are really like De-sexualized weres, like in American pop culture. It's not like that in India because, you know, look at Bollywood, those guys are super jacked.

Yeah. And so, my favorite thing in the world are the fucking Bollywood movies. Did you see RRR? No. You gotta see this movie, it's gonna change your life. It's on Netflix, just watch. It's so, so fun.

It's like a big crazy action movie. It's like that kind of stuff that you're seeing on screen all the time. The entire movie is just people flying around being insane. There's, there's, based on a true story. No, no, obviously it's exaggerated. But like look at that guy, that guy fucks, you know? Yeah, that guy fucks.

Yeah. I was, there was, I used to there were the the song and dance Bollywood movies where the the motorcycle drives by itself and the guys like sitting on it Yes And I could not stop watching them I would get mesmerized at those big dance sequences Yeah, because because I like I did that I did that dance video sequences because because I like I did that I did that dance video. Yeah a while back where I danced in a speed Oh, and then and it sold tour dates and I was like the next one I do is in Bollywood. Yeah, and I talked to a Bollywood producer Who could get me the dance he could get me everything? He was like I'll get you everything you got to get to Mumbai or wherever in Delhi Yeah, to do it, but I'll get you everything and I'll get you everything. You got to get to Mumbai or wherever in Delhi to do it,

but I'll get you everything and I'll get you at a good cost. You can get a good cost. He's like, that's what he's like, we can get it cheap, but you gotta learn the dance and I'll get you whatever you need. And I almost to promote a tour, flew to fucking India. That would have been awesome. I just thought it was, I just think it's so cool.

Either way, I'm so, I'm just never ever landings. We didn't have a ton of diversity in Tampa. Like, I am so attracted to Indian women and women and I'd never ever ever ever ever fucking knew that except never knew anyone in college. Never knew anyone in high school. Yeah. Great school. Moved the fucking second. I moved to New York, Maddie checking. I was like, she is fucking gorgeous. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, I grew up watching Hollywood movies and those, you know, actresses like dragged me through puberty, like kicking and screaming. Beautiful, great hair. Great hair. Great facial features. What's a Padma lacks me? Yeah, she's the one of the most beautiful women.

I mean, she's the one that was beautiful women. I mean, she's beautiful. Uh, have you met her? She's great. I think I have, but it was one of the super nice. Yeah, she is gorgeous. Yeah. Yeah, so it's watch that movie.

Or you're going to have such a good time watching that movie. Yeah, I watch it. I guarantee it. What projects do you have anything coming up that you can talk about? Yeah, I've got a show coming out, uh, November 22nd, called Welcome to Chippendales. Oh, I saw that. I saw the trailer for it. Yeah. It looks fucking awesome. Yeah, it's really good. You play the guy that started Chippendales. Yeah, the guy who started Chippendales was an immigrant and uh, he, you know, he was like this fat nerdy immigrant and he started Chippendale.

And so I, I think it's, I really love the show. I saw the trailer for it. It looks fucking awesome. And nobody knows, but there's like crazy, that's me. I gained weight for the role. Did you really? Yeah, I gained 25 pounds and then I've lost it since then. But you see my face looks different.

Yeah, yeah. It, because I felt like, I couldn't look like someone who could jump on stage with these guys and I kind of did look like that. So I was like, I'm gonna, I'm gonna gain weight for it. Crazy shit happened behind the real story of this is insane. There's like multiple murders and stuff. So this is like, I sort of a true crime story. Yeah, there's like people ended up getting killed.

Other like competitors started getting like, their buildings started getting set on fire. Like it's a really crazy intense story. It's awesome. I can't wait to watch. I saw a trailer. I saw a trailer. I kind of a bad dude.

I've never gotten to like play that. So I love these types of series. They did one on the Lakers. They did one on. Yeah, I love that one. That's a great one. I saw the one. Did you see the one? Jake Jack, Jake Johnson. Do you know who that is? Yeah, with the in the 70s. I didn't watch it. The mix. The mix about play girl. Yeah, he's I think he's a great actor. He is. He's

always really good. Someone told me that like, oh, he's a huge fan of yours. And I was like, for real? Yeah. And so I started like, I followed him on Instagram. I was like, I'm sure you don't follow me. And then, and then I was like, I watched the minks because of it. And I was like, oh, wow. And I started bringing his name up every time. I'm like, I did, you know, yeah. And then there's someone was like, Oh, it's not that guy, it's a different guy. Ah, it's that guy. I got really into this guy because someone told me he was a man.

It's actually Jake Johansson. Yeah. Take your hands, please. By the way, one of my favorite comedians of all time. A murder. One of the reasons I started doing stand-up is, this will take about an hour on HBO. That is like special from the 90s.

He is fucking awesome. And he's the guy I would go see him at Zaini's in Chicago every year he came and it was always a completely different killer hour. God. Damn it. Well, dude, I'm so glad you could sit here. Dude, thanks so much for having me.

I love you. You're one of the best dudes. And you know, there's the inner circle of who we all talk about, who you get excited for the 16. That's so cool. You know, and what I'm telling you right now, you were in that fucking, you were in my chat thread. When that picture came on, everyone, I think I want to say Rogan hit me up.

And he's like, dude, Camille, it's fucking awesome. And Tom's like, fucking, these are my goals for Tom looks great. You see Tom looks great. Tom looks great. He's down to 205. Yeah. It's Tom looks great. Tom looks great. He's down to 205. Yeah. He's fucking jacked.

He's figured out like he's, yeah, he looks great. And I honestly think the same way about you, man, you and Tom both, you know. With Tom, you know, I know I'm a little bit more than I know you, but I just text him. I'm like, dude, I'm so proud of everything you've done and you too. It's so great that you have this much success on your own terms because of who you are. You did it yourself. Nobody else. You didn't wait for other people to do it. You were like, this is who I am. And I'm going to be successful. And you're still, you know, yourself.

You're not an asshole. A pretty... Yeah, you're not grounded, you know? I mean you are grounded, you know, and even when you know You you post like a picture of you in a private jet or something It's sort of like can you fucking believe up here? And not people who are like always think like when comics post pictures of private jets I'm like you're supposed to be relatable. You can't do this. Well with you. It is related someone told me they go They go yeah, sometimes she comes in private jets,

but then when you do it, everyone's like, oh, should I know we can get private jets? Yeah. Oh, I guess anybody could do this. Yeah, oh, shit. I know we can do that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You see Amy Schumer, you're like, wow, she's a big movie star.

But you're like, oh, I guess anybody can get that. Wait, I should ask how much those costs. Oh, I can afford that to Vegas. Don't do it. It's crazy. It's the dumbest things ever. The private jets are the fucking. The first thing I did it was for the big sick,

we were doing like a tour, like a stand-up tour. And Ray Romano was like, you know, I don't flag commercial because he's like very scared of flying. And so he was like, I'll pay for everyone's private jet to do this tour. And I was like, great. So that was the first time we were like, wow. It's so crazy.

I have a horrible fear of flying. And it's so much easier for me to fly commercial than it is private, because private bounces around so much more. The bounces around so much. That I do not enjoy it. I only, I will only fly private when I have to, because I can't get there in time. Yeah, only if I probably win, I have to. Yeah. Because I can't get there in time.

Yeah, and if somebody pays for it, I'll never get it. I have to private to Europe for the movie. Yeah, how is the movie, by the way? Oh, Europe played a trailer for you. Yeah. We'll edit this out, but unless you absolutely love it here, put the headphones on. So this is the teaser.

Yeah, let's see. Send my movie. My father was no criminal. He was a salesman. Then you stole the only thing he ever cared about. Sorry. Make him say,*** on his living. If you want respect...

You have to take it. You're from there. You built a family. Oh my God. I'm your origin story. I'm gonna be sick now. I'm gonna be sick now. I'm gonna be sick now.

I'm gonna be sick now. I'm gonna be sick now. I'm gonna be sick now. I'm gonna be sick now. I'm gonna be sick now. I'm gonna be sick now. You dropped it, you dropped it, I'm gonna drop it. Don't drop it, don't drop it. Oh boy. I'm sorry, I'm sorry. It's fine, it's fine. Did you just put that thing there, I'm gonna park it? I didn't know where to put it. That's awesome.

Thank you man. That's so great. I have many things to say about it. First of all, a ten-seo's so good at being, he's a great filmmaker and also really funny. So when I see that, I'm like, that looks like a kick ass action movie,

but it's also really funny. It looks fucking great. And Tatra, how funny is Jimmy Tatra? It's fucking amazing. Isn't he really good? It's amazing when you say, when you talk about people, it's like, when you see people that can really act,

you're like, oh, you're getting laughs on everything you do. Yeah and with with Tetro you know he's in Stubar he's got a really funny and Stubar and I remember I sort of was like he was sort of like famous online and some of these people you meet you're like you're not with Tetro immediately he was in a car we were doing a scene and he was like I could see you want to be really good in the scene and you got a note and he was like working on it and I was like oh you're gonna you're gonna go places cuz you really want to be good at this. He did He's the funniest fucking guy. I spent a lot of time with him. I really love that guy He's so talented and he's hilarious in this fucking. He's he's amazing and a very hard worker on a good dude

I'm excited to see that movie. I was creating of it hit me up. I dude I will I will I'm so glad that I can consider you a friend man. Oh Thank you, and I just want to show you my gym. Yeah, no, I saw a little bit of it I just I just got a gym in my house. Did you really? Yeah, I just got it. I've been going to like a gym But yeah, I just got it But thanks for having me, man Welcome to Chippendales November 22nd on Hulu. It's a really fucking great show crazy story and Thanks for having me, man. Fuck yeah. All right

One goes top the swath the other wears a shirt Tom tells stories and birds the machine. There's not a chance and that they'll keep them clean Here's what we call, two bears one cave No scripts to bet a booze amateur, for topology Dirty jokes, ronti humor, no apologies Here's what we call, two bears one cave Hey!