2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer - John Stamos Was Bullied For His Looks | 2 Bears, 1 Cave Ep. 209

Episode Date: October 30, 2023

On this episode of 2 Bears 1 Cave, John Stamos joins Bert to talk about fame, getting sober, and The Beach Boys. Stamos also opens up about being bullied for his looks and the loss of Bob Saget. The two discuss Don Rickles, the Olsen twins, burning bridges, and the importance of giving it your all. Other topics include: General Hospital, Howard Stern, and family. Tom comes up quite a bit, as well. John’s new book is available now and it sounds like there are a lot of crazy stories in it. Check it out!https://tomsegura.com/tourhttps://www.bertbertbert.com/tourhttps://store.ymhstudios.com/

This week on two bears one cave Black people are pretty drunk right if everyone listening your character in general hospital his name's blacky. Yeah Thank you for clarifying you're right. What do you guys talk about when you went to dinner like who would? Really? Yeah, they were very foul, you know In a broken stuff. Did Dave Cooier ever said his pants? I haven't done one with Tom in a while. So our schedule's are chaotic. No need him. But like I get I mean I look right down the street. 100%

I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, so that, see that leather bag right there? That was filled with marijuana, roughly 15 pounds, a couple months ago, Joey Diaz has a, No, it's empty. And now it's empty. I was, Oh, great, we've had enough. I'm, I'm what they call California has a- Now it's empty? And now it's empty. I thought-

We've had enough. I'm what they call California sober. Yeah, what's that? Were you do mushrooms and weed? I find weed, I find weed to be a very helpful tool and empathy. I could never negotiate potter. I was, you know, I would fall asleep and I'd be like, who gave stamps to potter

but we were sleeping over in the corner. I never got it. Oh, yeah, the first time you lost your virginity or the time you lost your virginity, you smoked a regano. Did you read this book? I listened. Did you read some of it? I listened. Oh, listen, yeah, it's better.

Yeah, it's a big car. Yeah, it is. Can I say, I had to slow down, because I listened at 1.5 and to slow down and go back to parts. I wanted to hear what Rickles called the Asian lady and I had to listen to that twice Because I was like wait what and then your dad with Frank Sinatra. Yeah, I so you like that's yours. See you know Ratpack kind of vibe and you know it's interesting We have a lot of similarities. I am a massive Beach Boys. Oh my god. This is gonna be great I as we were driving over and I said,

I really love this guy and he was filling me in and stuff. I said, we have absolutely nothing in common. No, we have a lot. Okay, good. As a matter of fact, I say at our core, we're the same guy. I don't mind celebrity. Like I kind of enjoy it.

I love it. And yeah, and my buddy, my partner, the who I do the podcast with normally Tom, he does not like it. If you could, if you could do the job without fame, he would. I'd make fun of him, in the past I'd make fun of him for it. But now you just understand there's certain people that, I don't know, I guess, I'm not really certain

why what the trappings brought them. But for me, I don't mind it. There's a part in your book where you talk about going to Burning Man and and wearing a costume So you don't get recognized. And then a little bit you're like wait whatever the people Yeah, first of all can I say you and Tom or one of the great comedies the new great comedy team of our generation You guys are the perfect chemist perfect two different guys your whole thing is man He can't just calm you down kind of like me and I mean we were the poor men you got like me and sag it he was sort of neurotic Well you guys you Dave and and sag it were the first it was cool

We found out you guys were all friends. Yeah, cuz you know, I think back in the day And this is the interesting thing about your book And by the way, I've said then the title of your book. Mm-hmm. I set it on a on a private jet the other day Right, right if you would have right. If you would have told me, if you would have told me, but so let me just say first too, like congratulations to you because you, you've, you've risen higher than, you know, anyone I'm sure would imagine. That is exactly, that is exactly how I feel. But you're a good man, you're a hard worker and you're talented and you got a great family.

You live your family and that's really great to see. I'm, I'm, I'm very happy for you Well, I'm trying to say it's well. Thank you very much and becoming famous is the greatest right? It's not that bad like I know people people like Like I remember Rogan saying and Rogan's one of my best friends him saying I wish I could be last famous I do understand that why but did I do understand him saying that because with fame become comes a lot of the He was getting a lot of negative attention. And so I understand that, I understand how nice it must be

to just kind of like not be on Instagram at all and just live in the world. Do you read the comments and stuff? Don't read the comments. People love you, they don't have anything to say. I think I should. Well, once you get to a certain threshold, the tide goes out.

I guess so. I've always been sort of at them, lower into the middle for like the long time. Yeah, but even so. Even when you got busted in the car with the DUI. Even to read those, you must have been like a little bit like, which I kind of thought like all you did was you thanked all the cops and the people in the theater sign.

Everyone, you thanked everyone. you kind of did it classy But even still that was probably the first back splash of negative fame you got. Yeah, I think I was too fucked up to read it at that point But I deserved I mean if anybody was saying anything bad about me, you know, that was a that was a low I was going to meet Sagittath a palm. Were you guys friends by the way? Yeah, I wouldn I'm going to, I wouldn't, friends is a broad stroke. I knew Bob. I knew Bob. I worked with him a few times. Yeah. He was very generous to me. Yeah. And we did a couple podcasts together. I loved him. I thought he was a sweetest guy. He paid me $5,000 when he didn't need to pay me $500 one time. For a blowjob or what was it for? It was a blowjob. It was a blowjob. I said, man. I love, I love stand-ups, and that's part of my deal with Bob.

I was fascinated by, I'm fascinated by what you guys do. I can't do it. Really? But I love, I love the mechanics of it. I love the, the, the math of it the way you, and you were have this ease that I haven't seen anyone have in a long time where you just get out there and the shirt comes off, you know what?

Well, I, I think, I think I've got more comfortable. I think I've gotten more comfortable. I think I've gotten more comfortable. Like it's funny, I was thinking about how you've been famous since you were 19. When did you do General Hospital? 18, I was 18. 18 years old. And a fame doesn't exist anymore.

That's only Justin Bieber fame now. Like only Justin Bieber gets that level of what you got. That Tiger beat General Hospital's the biggest show. Did you watch it? Yeah, I watched General Hospital. Yeah, I know, of course I did. Yeah, yeah, yeah, of course I did. The General Hospital, only I have to say this,

the girls that I wanted to date for the General Hospital say that we were thinking the summer, we'd go to the tomato twins house and we'd all watch General Hospital. Twins? Tomato twins. Two but beautiful. I did go out both my twins. Did you go with the bottle? I did go out with both of them.

Did you sex with both of them? No, I just made, I'm not. You wife's not. I haven't had sex with a lot of people. Women. Right, right. You, uh, ha, just, okay, so wait. So what did it feel like when you,

like what was the big first thing that you got like from? Was it the machine, was that your first thing? I've only went with the machine story with the viral. That's a perfect special by the way. Oh, thank you, I thank you very much. when the machine story went viral that's a perfect special by the way Oh, thank you. I think thank you very much when the she story went viral Who know when take that back 1997 Rolling Stone magazine come to number one party in a mother country I was in college and I was legit Famous for I didn't know that that what it felt like them

But now I know what it feels like I was legit famous like everyone knew who I was on campus They would point at me and they would stare at me. It did. It itched and itched, I didn't know I needed itching. I remember being at a blimpies. And there was a one. There was a, oh it's so good. What is a blimpies?

Blimpies is a sandwich shop. Mostly I think it's South Florida and Florida. And it's just, it's so, they put so much meat on it. It's so good, it's so much better than Subway. Let me see. And these girls were staring at me and they were talking about me at a table over and they were attractive.

And I was with my buddies and they're like, these girls are like jocke-n-us. And then one of the girls came over and go, are you, Bert, and I went, I am? And they're like, oh my God. Oh my God, I can't believe like, you're like real? And it was such a weird, but you gotta remember, I was never attractive like you're like real and I was and it was such a Weird you gotta remember I was never attractive you were attractive your whole life. Oh, no, I wasn't well

Yeah, you were I know I'm any I was Gocchi and Dorki and I you know, I was in it's hard to it's still hard for me to Realize that part of your life, but I'm really tell I know people think a good looking say that all the time But it really was and I was you, you know, I didn't have, I didn't, I wasn't good with the girls, I still'm not, you know. And I, there's a picture in my book of me like doing puppets for some girl and she's like, you know, that I went straight to the drums and that changed that. But.

That is an interesting side. The, the not very far Disney magic side of you is like, I go, of course he became an actor. Right. But I wanted it first to be famous, but not just, because, you know, we talk about like being, side of you is like I go, of course he became an actor. But I wanted it first to be famous, but not just because, you know, we talk about like being, but to be liked to be accepted,

you know, to have girls or, you know. I can't understand people that don't need that. I want to be liked. I want people to like want to get to know me. Like I remember to this day I go, like if I, this is the crazy, but when I hear friends go, you have to meet dot, dot, dot. He is the funniest person I know.

I would get offended my whole life going, but you know me. Yeah, what? Yeah. Why would you say that out loud? I'm sitting right here. Yeah. Clearly I'm the funniest person you know. Yeah.

Someone said that about me and you got to meet Rob Lowe. He's the most handsome. I'm like, no, no, I heard you, I heard you're slapping over Rob Lowe on the show. Rob's had a fascinating, very different than you I would say because they partied really hard. You were always like a straight-laced dude. I was like, but my wife finally called me on it. We were, we went to one of our first dates where it was a Disney World and we were Epcot. And I had glasses on and I walked around trying to be, and nobody's recognized me. I was like, oh shit, I'm gonna take the glasses off. So I'm trying to make my contact, you know?

I'm just trying to get laid. And no, it's not when I get to my hair. My hair's famous, I gotta take my fucking hat off. Took the hat off. And still kinda, I was like, oh, can I have some mercy up there? So finally, people started wrecking. I was like, he's coming up and she kind of there's like oh can I have some mercy up there So finally people started wrecking eyes of me coming up and she's just there to watch I'll be right with you. I got it my fancy. She goes That was terrible. That doesn't interest me at all that doesn't turn me on and then she it's a term she calls

Epcotting like peacocking or something but Epcotting so don't Epcot over here. That's really in there. I say we marry me My wife is the thing. No, it marry me. You want to say a thing? No, we call it going to Pramis. What's that? There's a movie called Soapdish. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Gary Marshall. Yeah.

And when she went to the mall, is that right? Yeah. She's feeling down about herself. Let's take her to Pramis. Right. And say they go to Pramis. We call going to Pramis. We also go to Pramis when we're on tour. And you got extra tickets to sale. You're like, let's go to Pramis. Let's go to premise. We call going to premise. We also go to premise when we're on tour,

and you got extra tickets to sale, you're like, let's go to premise. Let's go to the mall, and let's clean up the arena. That's, Tom won't go to the mall. No, oh. I want to make jokes about him. I said mock him. But there's a part of me that I, in this conversation,

I find very unique is that Tom is very specific. Like he does, he's not impressed by celebrity. I definitely am. Like if I got a call one time to work out with the one on his works today, and I was like, oh, no matter what, I'll drop everything. Tom would do, Tom literally would be like,

yeah, I can't make it. He talks about Brad Pitt, doesn't he be in his best friend or something? Yeah, but it's not real. He did it for a bit. Right. Like, he just needed a bit. He seems like he doesn't care about that.

I'm sorry. I like, he does it in a weird way. Like, he becomes like, if you met Tom, he wouldn't, he's really good at making friends. And then, I'm not good at making friends. I'm just not good at making friends. Really? Like, yeah, like, you're so friendly.

Well, hang out, we'll talk and then you, at the end you'll be like, do you like scars? I go, I love scars. I go, yeah. And then I'll never call good at making friends. Like yeah, like, you're so friendly. We'll hang out, we'll talk, and then you'll, at the end you'll be like, do you like scars? I go, I love scars. No, we should have scars. I go, yeah. And then I'll never call you back. And so I have a weird thing with like, I don't know why, like I am, I'm weird.

At boundaries, Rogan was the one, I've said this a number of times. I had to pull me aside and be like, man, we're trying to be your friend and you're not letting us. And I was just like, I was like, yeah, but I don't understand why dudes, like, what was like what was, I already have a wife and kids, what do I need friends for? And then I realized,

no friends are fucking super valuable to talk shit about your wife and kids. But who else are you gonna talk to? You're talking about that. Who makes more money? You're Tom. You're selling more. No, I mean, I, I, I, I,

I shut up, because I love him and he'll, he'll eviscerate me from the end. No, no, Tom has his, I think think his podcast your mom's house is very profitable I don't think he's touring right now. So it's like it's anytime anyone's touring. I definitely do bigger venues than he does Yeah, he knows that okay. Good. The he doesn't he's done on arena. I do arena So like where is Tom has done on Arena he's primarily his comfort levels theaters. That's where he really can sell tickets.

One truck. I have like five semis and three tour buses. He has like he flies. He flew Southwest recently. So, okay, there you go. Yeah. Yeah, he's not gonna watch this. Is he?

No, he will definitely watch it. Yeah, that's the other part of Thomas. He's a fan of Tom. I really have, we have the GHB income. That was my downfall. What do you have? Oh, a thing, he was taking GHB. But you were doing it, you were doing it to take skinny too, right?

I was doing it, yes, and it was a sexual, was he doing it to get skinny? No, Tom was doing it to party. Well, where did that two, what do you have? GHB is a mother fuck terrible. I took GHB on rock today. In Greece. Oh, in Greece on rock. Today in Greece. Oh, in Greece.

Really? Korphew. Yeah. My pink and my people. Yeah. That was awesome. We just thought it was like, XC and we had so much fucking fun. It makes you very sexual, but it's terrible.

Kids out there doing that. Because you could do it five times the same way. And one, two, three, five, five times. Yeah. That's what happened. Well, the dosage of it was always skeptical. They're like, if you're taking a cap full, and you're like, oh, three, five, party, fifth time. Yeah. That's what happened. Well, the dosage of it was always skeptical. They're like, you're taking a cap full. And you're like, oh, did someone measure this out?

Yeah, right, right, right. You can't drink with it. Where did you get JB from? Well, some guy, some waiter somewhere. Really? Do you want his number? No, but I'm curious about your partying time because I never knew you to be even a drink dude.

Right. Well, some people was like, oh good, he needs to go away. And others were like, really? I didn't even know. A hardster and do you like how? I do like how? Have you been on you, Mr. Pett?

No. Really? No, I think I missed that whole ship has sailed for me. I think pretty notoriously he hates Joe Rogan. Right, I'm your Joe Rogan. And I'm Joe's friend. Well, I'll talk you up next week Yeah, please, but he I think he does I think he does like I It seems like Howard interviews Steven Spielberg and like he's only in doing like the really really does he's leave his house

He has been lately. He went in for Keith Richards and and Well, I'm so sorry Simon a Garf assignment Paul Simon. So you was Howard guy even before he was like serious Howard? Yeah, yeah, yeah. He was so fucking good. Yeah, he still is. I mean, he's the best interviewer there is on the channel. He's the best interviewer there is. Great, and I bet you guys would like each other.

I would, I would be nervous that Howard would find the value in interviewing me trying to, because sometimes there are some people find the currency in something. That's what I'm always nervous about these days. If you don't know me and I haven't been on your show, sometimes people bring me on the show just to shoot on Rogan. And you're like, I'm not gonna do that.

And so that would be my fear. He wouldn't do that. No, I don't think so. He would ask questions like, I am. When you were famous first, what's that like? I was your family. How do you get away with talking about your family and act? Does that ever come up?

Well, it's definitely. You get trouble? It's definitely a toothpaste I cannot get back in the tube. Right. In hindsight, I think. How old are your daughters now? I don't know. OK.

19 and 17. No, shit. Now I watched the machine recently. And for some reason, I thought that was your latest obviously it wasn't But talking about your daughter like you know, does she come back and go dad? Do you remember when he said I was a so I when I did hey big I think it was hey big boy me and her were in the pool island. I were in the pool and I said to her hey I talk about you a lot in this special like her I never really ran this barrier. You're cool that she was young at the time

and she said, you know, I know you love me. So I, and I know what a joke is. I understand jokes. She goes, the only part I'm not cool with is people knowing me who I don't know. So the fame thing that is contesting to me when it's when you, when you haven't requested it, it can be terrifying, I guess.

When people know you and you're just trying to be a sixth grader and people are staring at you and going, that's the part she doesn't like. And I wish I could fix that, but at the same time, it's like our car. You can put teeth. I got her teeth. Where did you make it?

Yeah, teeth and yeah. I can send her to college. I got a teeth. I did you, man? Yeah, teeth. Yeah. I can send her to college. I can send her to sister college. Yeah, yeah. They really... Are they super proud of you? They got to be.

I think we do a tour in the summer called Fully Loaded. And when they see, I think there's a moment where my kids, like, there's a moment when you know, it's all arenas and it's all 10 of the best comics every week or 10 of the best comics with us. We're all five different tourbusters. No, seven tourbuses, I mean, it's really packed, it's stacked. It is, and every morning we would get together, everyone would have breakfast at catering. And it is 10 of the funniest human beings ever.

We're laughing hysterically, my daughters are there, my wife's there, our teams are there. Like, it's really as like family, and then we'd go off to Florida River or go work out at University in Nebraska or do something fun, and then we'd do a sold-out show, and then we'd party until three in the morning and get on tour buses and then wake up

and do the same thing over. And my daughter, Georgia, was sitting at the table when everyone starts to dissipate, and it's just me and her, and she just goes, this is fucking awesome. And I was like, yeah, now you get like how great this job is, even like, even doing two bears, I haven't done one with Tom and a wild start schedules

or chaotic. You don't need him. But like, I get, so I go ahead. I mean, I live right down the street, if you ever need him. We got J-P, I'm coming. Yeah. Sorry, I live right down the street if you ever knew him. We got J.B. in common. Yeah. Sorry. I hope he doesn't.

No, no, no, Tom. Yeah. So wait, so I'm all over the place. So your daughter got it. That's the beauty of it, right? A family affair. Like, and those are memories that they will have for the rest of their lives. They'll remember those beautiful moments with you and all of those.

Well, it's funny to watch when you watch people blow up. Like right now Shane Gillis is, his specials doing really well and he's having like, what, I guess what they say in the industry at a moment, like he's like, he's blowing up and it's, and I've been friends with Shane for a very long time and my daughter has been a fan of Shane's before any of this was happening, which when, when in her book, Shane was like the edgy guy that had gotten in trouble through SNL.

And so her and her friend Daisy think Shane's hilarious. They love Shane. So to watch Shane get really famous and to watch all these boys at their colleges idolize Shane now, those two have like, they've got like a thing like, are you talking about Shane? Oh, he's like our uncle. Yeah, same with Joey Diaz. Like they know Joey Diaz is Uncle Joey.

Right. Like they don't know, they'd never seen him do stand up until we were on tour together. So we're Tom. Like they don't think they've known Tom since they were in diapers and at like in diapers. They don't think he's funny. No one in my family. Sorry. It's not funny. I'm like it killed. I love this. Tom's a great. Yeah, hope it, so that's good. So back to, did you ever see when I brought Rickles into Howard Stern's series? I didn't see that talk about it. But I heard you talk about it. You say that you had a new girlfriend

and you want to introduce him. Yeah, right. Rickles was the fucking greatest. Great, did you meet him then? No, I never met him. Oh really, oh, man, it's too big. Mr. Warmth was, was fucking insane, insane. He deserved it.

You know, when I met him, he was, we really thought he was dead. I mean, he wasn't, there was no Mr. Warmth, there was no, you know, these tributes to him and stuff. And I just paid attention to him. Lots of how is with the Loddy's guys. They just paid attention, took him to dinner, we hung out.

He didn't love comics. It took me a while to wedge in a saga, and then he loved saga, to be honest, even him to dinner, we hung out. He didn't love comics, it took me a while to wedge in, and then he loved Sagitt, even already to get Jeff Ross in there. Really? Yeah, because he thought he was doing this thing. But we were like school, we were talking on the phone all the time and he was like, you know, he just was, and then he sort of came like a second father to me and I just spent a lot of time with him and his wife, and I miss him.

But I love, like I was saying earlier, I love stand-up, and he was obviously the master, and to watch him work and figure out how he went my one time for my birthday, he said, what do you want for your birthday? And I want to listen to Hello Dummy, and I want to ask you about the job. No, you can't do that.

So you asked me, what do I want? I got it. So we sit down, then we're listening to it, and I try to stop it and I said how did you Shut up. I'm listening to myself. I'm great. I'm funny. I haven't heard it But he never hurt like he I got to show him on YouTube His his Carson interviews that he hadn't seen that tonight show and that was really a treat to he was so good My favorite parts of Rick Walsh as a comic is when you can see he surprises himself

Especially on Carson where he would like where you could see he surprises himself, especially on Carson, where he would like, where you can see he was like, he'd smile to himself. Yeah, right. He was fucking genius. You had a respect for all those guys. Did that, I was wondering where it comes from because I have a lot of friends that love the Rapp Pack. I was a Rapp Pack fan from afar in the art of it.

I loved five dudes on stage, screwing around. I never wanted to try to replicate it. I have a bunch of friends who've tried to embody the rap pack. I am not, I'm never been that guy. Or if I was in the rap pack, I'd be the guy. I would've been Joey Lawrence. I would've been the one that they're making fun of. Joey Lawrence.

We're not Joey Lawrence. Joey Bishop. Joey Lawrence. I'm sorry, Joey Lawrence. Joey Lawrence is a great guy. I love Joey Lawrence. My bad Joey. Yeah, sorry. But I would've Lawrence Joey Bishop Joey Lawrence. I'm sorry I'm sorry to. Joey Lawrence is a great guy. I love Joey Lawrence my bad Joey. Yeah, sorry But like I would have been Joey Bishop. I would have been Dean. I would have been Dean Where everyone's like he's the drunk, you know like but um, but I was it was magical what they had right and I have this great So one of the beach boys Carl Wilson who passed away. He was married to Dean Martin's daughter, Gina. And when Carl had cancer and went to see him and, uh, Gina, Dean had given Gina this bootleg

of the rat pack and to cheer up Carl, she would play it and it, you know, didn't really work. And so she gave it to me. I'll send it to you. It's a no one's heard it before. It's just the three of them on stage in Chicago, I think it's incredible. Gary Marshall used to write jokes for them too, you know, he's a buddy. Really? Yeah. He was another one of my, you know, my guys. Did you ever make Gary? No, I sat next to Penny Marshall at a

Coldplay concert. Plus, plus, and Penny Marshall and Brittany Murphy went to a Coldplay concert together. Dead, dead, and dead. I'm here. You are? Yeah, I, I'll do you. 50. It took a second. I was definitely one party in the hardest that night too. A sheep, Penny is the party. Penny, that's what yeah. I started a strip club once with the basketball player. Penny Hardaway? No, no. Penny Hardaway.

I'm sorry. He likes China. Dennis Rodman. Yeah, Rodman. And my friend was, by the way, this is one thing we don't have exports because I don't know anything about Oh, I know I just barely know a little please. That's all you there. Yeah, I played a coach in a basketball show Did you see that show? What's up big shot? I was called it played this I played a coach who got kicked out of the end NC what is it the college?

Yeah, yeah, yeah, I'm sorry and You remember when Sammy when Dean's to pick up Sammy, and so I'd like to thank the NCAA. Yeah, this is what it is. And he gets in trouble for throwing a chair, and I have to go, I had to work my way back up and all girls private high school in Laguna. You could show David Kelly, but I digress.

What are we talking about? Hello, Dennis Robbins. And Penny's here, My best friend Mike's here was bald and Rodman comes up behind him and rubs his balls on my friend's head. Like it's like I'm shit is Dennis runs the balls. I think the two of them were together that night too. Really? Yeah. How long did you live with your parents for? I live till I was about 21, 21. I moved up to when I was on general21. I moved up to, when I was on General Hospital, I moved up during the week,

but then I'd go home on the weekends. Me and my friend Roger Lodge, he was from a blind date. I'm Roger Lodge. Friend of mine, who I grew up with. We stayed at the bar ham apartment. We thought it was the greatest. I know those bar ham apartments.

Free breakfast on Sundays, and I got a movie, and we had a one room, you know, like the studio apartment. And so we lived at Bar at the Oakwood. Yeah. Your mom, your, the funniest, or the interesting part is I know now, dudes, it's very Greek and Italian to stay with your parents later in life. Yeah. But it's funny to hear you doing it and you're on General Hospital.

And that fucking, I know, I for lack of better terms, I know this is a person in your life, but the first thing you discovered you in Tiger Beet ended up dating Richard Ramirez. Marrying him. Marrying him. The fuck, man, I- That is fucking insane. I didn't think I had a book in me

until I started writing it. Are you serious? I was discovering my story, I remembering all these things. You could have, you know, it's so funny, is I think there's actually two books in it in that the first part of your childhood is really fascinating because you're so honest

and so vulnerable and you tell everything, like, you're like, I don't know, just, it just, and I thought, wow, as I got to the second half, I was like, there's enough, I could even go deeper on the second half. You really glanced, kind of grazed over the whole Robeco Romain Stamos thing. Which is such a fucking, like that.

Well, you gotta remember, you guys were like the first, like first, like kind of, like, kind of big couple in like all those couples things. I never heard of the lady. I'm refused. All right, that's insensitive. I'd never heard of her until you started dating her and then she became in the fucking X-Men

and it's like, and then there's so much, like you and Sagitt, you and Full House, the fucking, there's so much more to you than I was like, I could, this could have been two books for me. Your father and your mother seem fucking so cool. I was so grateful to have them. Are you close to your parents? I am very, are they here today?

Your mom losing her mother? Yeah, yeah, I was actually like, oh, fuck. Did that happen to you? No, no, no, but I'm gonna, they're gonna die one day. Oh, yeah, well, did you, and the chapter about just losing my mom? Yeah. Is that what you were talking you? No, no, no, but they're gonna die one day. Yeah, well, in the chapter about just losing my mom, is that what you were talking about? Yeah.

And my dad too. My mom wrote me these beautiful notes, and that was part of the, they just tried to give me the right book, and I had, I have no, and Bob died, and I wrote this obituary in the LA Times. They said, oh, you should write, that was really good. I didn't remember writing it. And then, and then, you know, I have a son now,

it's five and a half and now, and then I said, I have all these notes for my mom. Let me look at those. And I laid them out and I was like, okay, now I think I can patch a story together. Your mom loved you. Yeah, like there's two, same. My mom loved me.

Where are she, where are they live? Debra. It's a crime, a big house and everything. No, they have money. But, oh, they did? You're a rich kid? No, no, but they had money. They don't have my money.

What? You never buy? Definitely no, have my money. My money? Why? I don't know. I mean, I have to be a money. I just like, you guys got money. That's us, okay? What do they do?

He's like a lawyer. Oh, really? He's like a teacher? I pictured you growing up in the woods with like deliverance or something. No, no, no, no, no. That's why I got like burnt rounds. No, I love burritos.

Our friend Garcia brought you something very special. Oh, that is a fucking one of the best gifts. It's hard to buy someone something these days. I tell them I... Well, that's what your parents were saying about you. It's not that hard for him to buy something for us. Why don't you get him a car? Oh, should we call him?

You know, my dad said to me, it's so funny. The least was up in my Mercedes and my dad said, you know, I love that car. And he was like, hitting at it. And I was like, oh yeah. And then, and then I was like, I just said to Leanne, I was like, yeah, we should definitely buy it. My dad really wanted it.

Did you, did they, did you show you grew up with money? No, no, no, my, so my dad worked for the, are they still together your parents? Yeah, that's great. Uh, my dad worked for the Church of Scientology, which, no shit, which interestingly enough, you were Lord into, but, and I love that you're fucking, I was your Greek Orthodox upbringing, just like, hello, and I love that you're fucking, you're Greek Orthodox upbringing just like,

hello, you just were so untouched by Scientology. But it was also like a asshole, I mean, I didn't give a fuck because I didn't get how, you know, that they could kill me now. But, what is that? They do the readings. The readings, but it was like, two cans, you know,

like, they put them in your hands. Yeah, I was, I tried to make it all tough. Hey, I don't know, I don't know. Yeah, sure, I'm in, I went the way back, but you know, they're like, you know, like, they put them in your hands. Yeah, I was, I tried to make it all the time. Hey, I don't know where I am. I don't do, you know. Sherman wins the way back machine, you know, they're like, get out, get out. We don't want them. My dad works. He did.

He worked for O'Rodh, the upper. Is he still, why? So by the way, my, just recently, just recently my dad has been his top saying this. Well, let's talk about it. He goes, he goes, buddy, you gotta fucking, I'm a lawyer. I'm the people, I'm not supposed to tell people what I fucking do.

How did he, is he still with him? No. Does he know Triple T? No, no, no, but my dad just recently was like, you cannot say this. Like, pardon me, he goes, I don't really give a fuck because I'm like, I remember they worked for the church Scientology and and he was like there

By the way, I know he's got he'd be rolling over he'd be like what the fuck? Let's call him See if they're home either. Do they know who I am? I don't know okay. Well, I wonder if my dad does dad probably doesn't he's the lawyer see your mom Maybe I know I'll do a face time. I'm so you can say I'm saying Let's see He's a buddy. I'm he text me. I you got to stop at the fucking Scientology. Can we'll stop after my family sign? Hey Hey, there's my dad. Hey dad. Do you know who John Stamos is? That's him right there. Oh, hey, I'm a sir. How you say I left Christ your high? Well, he doesn't he oh now we know where you got the comedy from

Are you how are you sir? You're in Florida now good to see you you're in Florida I'm gonna come visit the beach boys are there this week for real. Yeah, do you like the beach boys sir? So they're this week. For real? Yeah. Do you like the beach boys, sir? Yeah, but that's someone else here who else is your joe? Doesn't matter. Oh, wow.

But do you like them better than the beach boys? Now, is that you? Is that you? Oh, yeah, Billy Joe's great. Billy Joe's great. You're son can buy you some tickets if he's not so cheap. Yeah. We were just talking about you. and I asked them about you guys because I had very good parents and he said he loved his parents Very close to you guys. I said if you bought him anything and he said no, I haven't I have not bought him anything Yeah, my dad wants a car

but he He said a nice one. Yeah, but he said you guys were a great parents and he loves you dearly and that's pretty sweet Super proud to when he became famous and everything successful Yeah, it's a charm. Hey dad John John when he was younger got brought in by the church What church of Scientology? We're not talking about that Bert. We're not talking about them. All right, it's not about you. All right. I'm doing your mom. I love you. Where's the mom? All right. I love you. Where's your mom? Is your mother? Where's the mom? Wait, wait, wait, John wants to talk to mom

Okay, what's your name? mom. Okay, hot. What's your name? GG GG. GG. Hi, mom. How? Right, but you're here. Birds mom, and that's pretty cool. Do the day.

How are you doing? GG is GG short for Margaret Margaret. Margarit Mary. I was Catholic. I don't know how to get a big name. GG sexier here I think I was brought up Catholic Yeah, he's Greek mom oh Mom's got her hair done holy shit she knew we were calling

Okay, okay, do you have siblings two sisters two sisters? Yeah, I have to we have some we do have a lot in common Well, I'm gonna continue to talk to your son, but it was nice to see you guys. I love you. I love you Okay, she's like all right. Thank you. I'll talk to you later. Hi. Bye GG Yeah, he's got me a text. I got a stop talking about this I was it but it's I mean. I was, but it's already done. I think I mentioned it on Rogan. How did he get out? How did he get out?

He was, I don't know. I'm not supposed to talk about it. He stopped where, he they, they, I don't know. But so, my point is, we didn't have, we never ton of money then. And then, and then, I mean, he got money. He made money when I went to college. When I left for college, like towards the very end of my college,

all of a sudden my sister, Coddy was like, like dad's doing really good. Dad sold his company. And when I moved to New York, when I got my first development deal, my dad, so this is all stuff that would make my dad so fucking uncomfortable. But he sold his company and he had his first nest egg

of like, I can, I'm good, I can breathe. But my dad was always a paycheck to paycheck kind of guy. And were you famous by then already, making money? Oh no, I didn't get famous. I didn't really get famous. Yeah, yeah. 40 something. How old are you now?

50. 50. 40 for was, I think when I started like really selling tickets, is it 40 for? Did you think, God, I'm never gonna make it like this. Some of these friends stuff. You know, Yannis Papas? You have very well.

Greek guy, he's my buddy and we called him on the way over here. He needs, what, he needs to get where you guys are. I don't know. Why hasn't yet? No, it just, it happens differently for everyone. Right, right. Like people said that about me, they're like, you know, people would sit me down and say, you're funny as shit.

Yeah. For me, it was always like, I was more about, because I kids, I was about making money. So I'd take a job at a travel channel and I would do Work that no one was gonna see but it paid well or at least I thought it paid well until I started podcasting And then I was like fuck this pays way better. Is this where the first doe started coming to podcast with the big shows About big shows no, so I was at travel channels making I'm guessing and by the way, I'm I talked too much But what $7,000 or an episode or like maybe $10,000 an episode. I thought that was like, I was like, that's fucking money And then and then we you were from General Hospital to your first pilot.

But General Hospital to a CBS deal that I had with the John Peters who you know do you know who he was. I do. Yeah. He was barberspace in San Francisco. Yeah. One of the first bullies that I ran into and you see the one that threw you up against the one.

Yeah. He was a fucking ass. He's dead right. No. No. He is now. He turned to Scientology and your dad's gonna have to. Well, how did you, so okay, so anyway, yeah, it was, so you made $7,000, that's a lot of money. $7,000, it was a lot of money. I was like, except $5,000 was what I made on my first TV show ever. The actual, I made $5,000 a week.

What's when, what is that? On FX, it was day and date, you shot four, you shot basically five days in a row. It was awesome. I didn't realize how great my life was. At that moment, I had a community of a TV show without every day. Yeah, so fucking good.

Someone told you that, I think. I think I might have heard that in your book. About just how great it was. Like when you got plugged into General Hospital about like, I know this family. Yeah, it's your family. Oh, it's fucking amazing. And then so $5,000. I did the math wrong I thought that made me a millionaire and so I was like that was my goal is to make $5,000 a week So even in stand-up I wasn't making that and then when I did

My travel channel show I was making like 7,000 and I knew now I did the math and I was like, okay That doesn't make me a millionaire But when I did my first podcast read, I was getting, I'll say the real numbers, but I think I was getting like $1,500 per read. Exactly. Or 12 for the read. For the commercials and stuff. And I would do, and I did seven reads.

Okay. And maybe it's $1,200. I did 700 reads, seven reads. And I was like, and I did the math and I wasn't paying managers and our agents and I was like, oh, fuck, I'm done with television. We had a similar experience. You would, I didn't have a bear said on my face though. No, but you talked about being turned off,

I forget what it is, but you, but being like in a situation where you're like, this is gross, this isn't where I wanna be, this isn't what I wanna be doing. And I had a moment like that on television where I was like, I'm done at television, I just wanna do podcasts. Well, because you, yeah, you had a lot more control here, obviously.

A lot more, and I, in all honesty, I, this is gonna sound crazy, but I probably couldn't get you for a TV show. What do you mean? Like if I had a TV show and we were trying to get you as a guest starring, it would be really difficult. I don't think so. It would be shocked.

Like trust me, I had a show called the Cabin on Netflix. Yeah, never saw it. To get talent, it was a great show. It was fucking probably one of the better shows I've ever done. And probably one of the most well-received shows I've ever done. And getting talent was impossible. Impossible. Fuck them.

Because once you get agents and managers and everyone's involved, then it becomes so fucking complicated. And people wanna come on this show. But on podcasts, you have a great book and you wanna promote it. And in a weird way, I don't think people understand podcasting it. You do, I think, because you're friends with the audience.

Yeah, I'm from the audience. I think that Josh Beck, you know, I just had one front time you were on his shows. Great. I love them. And, but Howard, he was the, Howard started this, you know. Howard's a legend. Yeah, but you could be able to talk for an hour hour how long is this show going?

Well probably an hour hour 15. Yeah, no, but to talk because the book you can't like you I'm doing all these talks those next week You know you got like three jokes you got to get out and nothing and then goodbye But to sit and talk about I just read there was a did a piece in New York Times when I read it this morning It was fine, but you know, it was hard It was a lot and they know, it was hard. It was a lot and they were cramming everything in. And this, and then they had some things.

And Bob, I'm grateful to be in New York Times. It's pretty cool. But to sit and be able to really just talk out stuff with you and you're smart, you're funny, your parents are very true. Your audiobook will kill it. I like doing that a lot. And I'll tell you why, because you read it.

You listen to me a little fast. I listen to you fast. So how did I sound like it? What do I mean? I don't know. And then when you read it in sex or for a genre little fast. I listen to you fast. So how did I sound like it? I don't know when I'm doing it. I don't know when I'm doing it. And then when you're doing sex or vagina or something, then you just load it down. I would sew down if you said something.

Like there was a couple times. I never heard, I never did you think about this. There's a lot of things that are going to be blundered down under. Mm. I promise myself that I will not drink it work not during the day while I'm doing it. I'll probably relate to some of this.

Do you not drinking now? Not right now, but I'm not sober. Yeah. But you seem to have it under control, yes? Yeah, I guess. I don't know. I heard your wife. We were just because I read this.

Your book opens with your getting a DUI. And I'm going through a lot of the, what I get would argue is trying to figure out when I drink and why I drink. Like meaning, what is the thing that knit me? Because I don't, I absolutely don't need to drink. I don't need to drink to get on stage

and I don't need to drink to go to bed and I don't need to drink. I definitely don't need to drink during the days. I often don't, but here's the thing. I really love day drinking. Day drinking is one of the funnest in the world. And Disneyland, that was, I love to drink it Disneyland. Oh my God.

Cause it was, yeah, I missed that sometimes. You don't drink it all anymore? And you just, as after that DUI, you were like, I'm done. Well, I went to rehab and- How's rehab? It was difficult. I mean, but I had you were like, I'm done. Well, I went to rehab and- How was rehab? It was difficult. But I had to do it. I was bad.

I just wasn't, I wasn't, I was confusing the universe. I wasn't living up to my potential. You seem to, you know, a lot of people can do just fine. And they put it away when they have to. And like you're saying, I don't drink it during the day. I don't have to drink at night. I don't have to drink to get on stage. But I like to do it.

It just made everything better. I thought. And it certainly wasn't. When you were partying your hardest, what did it look like? Would you drink during the day? Oh yeah, really? Yeah. I was like, you talked about cleaning up.

You're like, if I had work to do, I would stop drinking and I'd sweat it out. And I was like, I never had to sweat it out. Oh really? Well, then you're fine. I mean, I would, yeah, I'd have to sweat it out. But then after a while, I just, I just couldn't stop. I just needed it, you know, to really, you know, to shake and stuff.

You said ambient was harder to kick than alcohol. Yeah, it was difficult to fall asleep without it. But, you know, it's been close to eight years. It was over eight years now. Eight years. Yeah, it's unbelievable, because I would drink all, you know, all the time. But it was keep preventing me from what I really wanted. It was a family.

I wanted a wife and a kid. Yeah. And now that I have, you know, I now I have it. I'm so grateful that I, but I would have not had it if I didn't clean up. But people could see it on me. And you know, you'd get drunk and then it would just be low hanging fruit

just to satisfy this urge of loneliness or whatever it might be. And as how many of us would settle for your low hanging fruit? Like if I, I bet it would, I bet that it would be. I want to sum fucking heat towards my wife and I saw your love hanging fruit The one on the right to the one the one the sub with Tony Danza still hot as fuck. Yeah

She's gonna be 60 she's still fucking hot, but see you know like Harry was a name. It's co-pley. Terry Pull her up. She's beautiful today. She's beautiful today That that was the stuff that I discovered where I was like I was so I was writing about her and I was so heartbroken that I caught her in bed she was the kind of bad with Tony Danza and then in and I mean I was busted up and then years later we're doing full house and the first season wasn't it was a bomb but it wasn't doing great it was on the bubble yeah that's interesting to say that and they at the towards the end they were they were like yeah we don't know if this is gonna work and you know but we might we're gonna put it on one of our hit shows during the summer and see if it

gets an audience if it does then maybe you guys can come back they put us on after one of their hit shows we get garnered this big audience season two we were hit the show was who's the boss so Tony Danza fucked me over here and you know I wouldn't be right without the success. Well, he got your sloppy seconds and then you took his. Yeah, but he had her for no action. Yeah, that's right. He had your sloppy seconds and then you picked up his for the leave. I should have used that. Next time I You had a line that made me laugh out loud. No, I almost wrote it down. I've most wrote it down and I forgot what the line was and I was like, that's a fucking funny line. What was it about? It was I don't know. I can't remember. Garcia will claim that he wrote it down and I forgot what the line was and I was like that's a fucking funny line. What was it about? It was, I don't know, I can't remember.

Garcia will claim that he wrote it, but he would, you know, he lives down the street. We've been friends for 30 years. He's a genius. He is a genius. I want to say Tom introduced me to him at first. And I need, with the reason we have Jimmy Teatro in our, in my movie is because of him. Who? Jimmy Teatro is fucking phenomenal.

Yeah, I think I, he's fucking phenomenal. When I need Joe, I'll text him. And he'll be like, you know, his kid soccer kid, wherever, and like 10 seconds later, boom. So you met your wife right in front of your current wife, you met her totally sober. Yes, yeah, yeah. Really?

She would have run for the hell. She's too sharp. I mean, she calls me out for Epcotting, that, you know. Yeah. Yeah. And, you know, if I was turning, I just turned 60, if I was 60 and didn't have a wife and kid, I don't know if I could, that's all I wanted.

Like you had it young, you know, like your family. Yeah. I did it broke. You know, yeah, what good? It's different doing a broke. I, oh, or, no, I think there's a lot of, I think it, you know, when people get like, I think when people get diagnosed with

a disease and then you go, God, he can't imagine that. And then if it happens, you go, yeah, I know you figured out, you know, I think that's the same thing about having a kid's broke. You're just like, I look back at the things fondly that I go, I remember like going to Woodgirl Ranch, it was like our really nice dinner. If we took the girls out and I remember like going to Woodwood girl ranch was like our really nice dinner If we took the girls out and I remember just I look back and go got a fucking miss those days. Yeah, yeah, my parents just take us to love Sparky, do you remember that I do remember loves? Yeah What did you go where you going from Florida? You got that's the other part of this I grew up in Florida I'm a part of Florida Tampa my first concert was a beach boys concert. Oh, let's talk about that. What was either? Where was it? Wait, it was with Whitney Houston.

Oh, a Tampa Stadium. Oh, I don't know. What year, in the 90s and then? It had to be. We should call my club. You called your dad, should we want to call? Let me see where they're at. The Beach Boys is a band, and I will say this,

and that if you're listening to this, you're sleeping on. Meaning you don't realize the brilliance of their music. When people think of the Beach Boys, they think little old lady from passage. Well, that was Jen and Dean. Right, right. Or was it really? You think of like, what you're thinking of?

Sure, but do the new scoop. You don't know what I mean. That's what they think is when they think of Beach Boys. What they don't think is good vibrations is one of the most beautiful songs. I don't even know. Got only nose. I'm going to go into it.

Holy fuck. So like, I went through a huge Beach Boys face where I was just like, sometimes it takes listening to a song on a plane to get you in it. And I was pretty hammered on a plane, listening to Wilco. And I don't know, it's just on a plane on a plane. And because you can't move and you're forced to be in the moment in the music.

And what came up, pet sounds. It had to be. I'll tell you, no, the slew, slew. The slew, the slew. The slew slew john B Yeah, that was pet sounds what a fucking song, right what a fucking song and you're just sitting there going This is beautiful. Yeah, and then I think once you and you were responsible for the movie about the Beach boys What yeah on ABC right? Yeah, and and I had seen that. And then you start realizing the depth of the characters. And you realize that I would say almost like the Jackson five,

they were how to father who's a little bit very little. He was Very jealous. You know, I wanted to be a singer and stuff. Murray. But I, and then right after that, I heard, Jeff Tweety talking about doing a show with Brian Wilson, and Brian Wilson was like saying very casually, like innocently, how many people do you think are in here? Jeff Tweety was like, wait. And like, but they're very same souls, like very artistic souls. Brian Wilson, just a fucking beautiful soul.

Yeah, they, you know, it's the highlight of my, next to my kid and my wife, it's the, and it's still going. I started it. I was right after Terry Coppoli and, you know, Tony Dancer, and my friend was playing guitar with them, and he, he's a bunch of come to the show in San Diego, and they're a douche of the guys, if I can, if I can and I'll great cheer you up and it was at a baseball stadium or something and they said as soon as you hear fun fun fun come back stage because they're going to go off for an encore they're like five minutes and I go back on and play Barbara and then the lead you won't see them again. So I got on a fun fun fun watching I got on the field I asked somebody where and I hear these girls screaming, I said, oh shit, what's going on there?

Oh fuck, it's me. And they were, like all these 30, 40 cheerleaders started chasing me on the field. And I'm running, like an asshole, I start running the bases, like an idiot. And I'm a jumbo tron in there, I'm like a, like a George Ash jeans on, and my hair was all feathered, like a dead crow. And they're flat out, I'm running. And I just make it back to the door slam the girls are screaming bang on the doors and I'm like ah you know how to breath and

all five of them just turned the whole room silent and they turn and look at me and like what the fuck and I'm like ah they gave me a look like I was the weird and they hung out with Manson like I was you know and I was like my hero is a funny met him, but Mike left says, who's that? And my friend Jeff says, John Stammel says, he's a drummer, great drummer. Oh yeah, and he's on General Hospital.

He says, do girls scream for him like that? All the time, and he said, yeah, he goes, get him on stage. And I got him, play Barbara, and it was like, I don't know, I'm sure you've had those moments if you would have told me moments, but more, I felt like it was boom man, I was like, fuck him this, I don't ever want this to end.

It was like the best sex. It's the name of your book. If you would have told me, I felt that entirely. I felt that a number of times in my life. I came up with that because one day Mike Love was calling me and calling me, and I wasn't answering the phone. I was like, if you would have told me,

when I was a kid, the first concert I was out with a beach boys, and then it just went on for the first time I played, really played with them. Full show was in on the Fourth of July 1985. I sort of talked about it in there where it was a trip. By I get to DC, they do two shows on the fourth one in Philadelphia. It was a million people and one in DC that night, 750,000 people. And I get there and my friend Jeff says, come on, we're gonna go teach Jimmy the court of what songs we're doing. I said, Jimmy, Jimmy who, Jimmy Page. We're the biggest suite I've ever seen in my life at the

water gate. And we had to go teach Jimmy Page what songs it was doing and what keys they were in. And I get there. He has got this biggest bottle of Jack Daniels in the office. Ronson and I was like, oh no, thank you Mr. Pete. I have a light beer please. He swings away. And then my friends links away. And I'm in this hotel room by myself looking around. Like what the fuck, why did I get here?

Have you ever told me? And there were two, there were two end vocations on the other side of the room. And there was a, they were kind of together, but there was an opening like this. And I never forget it, like a tight-died sheet over it. And I sit next to it, I was in this big couch, it's gonna cost me. And also, like a golf cuckoo clock, this girl pops out in between the cases,

sees me, and goes, BAH! I go, FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU And then Jimmy Page comes up with a light beer and I'm like, did you, no, man, it's just a, so he sits next to me and he says, what song am I, I said, you probably barbed around. It's, okay, what key is it in the F-Sharp? I get fucking solo in F-Sharp, you own a me! What else was I think? Help me run to what key?

I'm like, C-Sharp, I get fucking solo in F-Sharp. And that was the beginning of it all. It's been a credible ride. Well, you're, I mean, everything has been, like insane. It's almost like your first down general hospital was when the Rick Springfield. Do you ever get to hang out with Rick Springfield? We didn't like, you know, no.

Yeah, he didn't like you. Well, he did, you know, as I look back, all this stuff, you kind of look back on it, go, well, I get it. He wanted out of there and he was a big star at the time He didn't have it seems like I did a little googling it seemed like and I know hey by the way Shout out to Rick Springfield. I've sat next to his people at bars. Yeah, I had a period where we were on the exact same tour Wherever I was going to Rick Springfield was going so he was on like five of my flights like we were always on the same flights

But it's what I did the no no, no, we both have first. I love him, I would have liked to. But his fame coincided with General Hospital. Sure, yeah. I mean, I think it made him, right? I don't remember all I know is that my favorite, one of my favorite scenes in any movie ever Is Alfred Molina Boogie night when he's playing any and he's the Asian guys doing fireworks

He's doing smoking crack and he goes Ricky Springfield. He's a friend of mine. I love that moment That's my favorite scene that's my name and how about Gondoline knows the uses of that in that movie where the guy was in prison for You know the pedophilia stuff and they just slowly There's one long take. I don't need that song is a is a perfect song. What's not you? What if you had a beach boy song play to your funeral? What would it be? Well, I'm that's a terrible question. I have I'm gonna fuck up. He did. I mean, oh, I think about my my funeral all the time you do I all how are you gonna die? I'm fucking died. How are you gonna die? Late I'm gonna be one of the last one. Yeah, yeah like 90s 100s maybe I'll be 89 but everyone else will be dead

Yeah, it's good lonely. What's the guy? There's a comic really funny guy used to do a bit on me where he said he was just gonna hire me to come to his funeral Nick's words. Yeah sweet guy. Well, that's fucking crazy. What? Well, that's crazy that I can't remember people's names that I went to college with. But I remember in Nick Swartz and Bitt, I'm gonna hire John Stamos to come to my funeral.

That way, and not say a word, all he's got to do is come down and sit down. So that way, the whole funeral, I was like, did you know Nick knew John Stamos? What's funny is, you probably know him now. I'm sure you know him because his friends with Jeff M. Bob. Yeah. And I mean, you probably worked on something he's done. No, no How do you remember bits like like you have a great memory?

I mean how do you guys remember your act and you can get up on stage for two hours and remember everything that would be my issue It's identical to when someone says a like, it's just little things that remind me of the next thing. Like, are you one of those guys that works super hard on something and then you get up and it looks like you're just making it up on the spot. Yeah, I think a lot of people would be like, yeah, he's drunk. He just come, kind of takes a shirt off and wings it. Dean Martin, but I'm sorry for the shirt. But I think the, yeah, I honestly, I think Dean Martin is kind of a little bit of a hero of mine, but because there was a casualness

and you can almost write off Dean Martin as just he's just some drunk, but you forget the brilliance of it. I kind of like under promising and over delivering in life. I think it's a fun way to do it. And well, it's like, listen, if you're one of the, if you're, if you're Chappelle and your special comes out, I mean, I can't imagine the way the world has to be on these shoulders to deliver something better than he did last time. I don't think anyone expects that from me.

So when I do deliver a pretty good special, people are like, that was fucking good. Like, I can't believe that's the guy that was just shirt off. That's like a great story. But you've evolved with your comment through the video. I think my, my comment is gotten a lot better, but yeah, I, I am someone I do not take specials lightly. I definitely put more work than I would say.

Not the average Netflix comic, but the average comic seems to be putting out specials pretty quickly. Like, I mean, people are putting out specials every 11 months right now. And I'm, I, well, I won't commit, commit. When I commit to a special with Netflix, I already have the hour, and I'll still give myself 18 months to work on the hour. So that's your, you know, that's the great. Well, great, I know, I'm very, I know.

That's what makes the great, though. And I talk about that in the book too, like just putting it, giving it, you all, you have to give it everything. I didn't for many years. I got by on 60%. And I was like, I'm doing well, and I'm better than most guys out here. I was afraid to give it everything. I didn't for many years. I got by on 60% and I was like, I'm doing well And I'm better than most guys out here. You know, I know I was afraid to give it my all really in everything

Yeah, and now I know because because if you fail after giving it your all then you're like, yeah Shit, man. I don't want to face that But now I'm like fuck I bring it on if I fail I fail you know who cares? At least I gave it everything That's how I went into my marriage. I was just gonna I'm gonna give it everything I got. It doesn't work. It's okay, at least I'll know that how to do that, which I hadn't done before. Really? Did you, when you say, give me yourself,

you're all in your marriage, you met like committing everything and like being 100% honest and being like, like interesting. Have you done that? Yeah, I only know once being. I'm not that smart. But you work very hard and but D

But I don't think Dean like I remember talking to his daughters Man, I must be dead so fucking cool. I didn't give a shit about shit about anything and she says yeah That's great if it's not your dad if it's you know, oh, yeah, she's your dad. It's not great Then for him not to really get shit about well the partying thing. I know my daughters have felt The rebound a bit of like people expect them to fucking party. And it is not my daughters. It's too, they're very private. But at least they have that instilled in them,

maybe from your wife or both of you guys, to be able to go fuck you. I'm not that person. Oh, they have a confident, they have Sugara confidence. Like Sugara, I'll still to this day, this blows my mind. I remember like one time we were doing Rogan and we're at hour two.

And we're all fucking high, and we're all drunk, and we're laughing hysterically, and Tom just goes, all right, I'm done. Take care guys, and I go, where you going? Like in the middle of this, by the way, not just mentioning for our careers, it's a big deal, Rogan at the time is before Spotify, when everything's fucked.

And no controversy, like this is like, peak, holy shit, you're catching lightning at a bottle. And Tom just does not give a fuck. I was Dean Martin. Yeah, that's what he did with Jerry Lewis. After 10 years, like, I'm out. He's crazy what Tom does. I could never do that either.

Yeah, what does he care about it? We should, that's really funny. He cares about his kids, I would imagine. How old are they? No, what does he care about it? We should It's really funny cares about his kids. Oh, I would imagine No, I want to Well, okay, finish that and I want to ask you a question about Money he care. Oh, yeah, he cares about money What does he buy? He's got a big house Watches is a hard core What does he buy? He's got a big house. He's got a big house. Who buys everything? My watches is the same. Oh, hardcore. What?

Oh, you're a watch guy too? I am because of Tom. Like, Tom got me into watches. You both have small penises or what is it? What is it like? Identical looking penises. You'd compare them? No, we've seen them.

We had like tethered together one time. Tethered with an electric probe. Okay. We had this lady, this dominatious camera put. No, yeah. Like a Chinese finger. Yeah, like finger cops, but except it was two, like wristbands, but very, very tiny, wristbands

for a monkey. And then they went around our dicks and then they was attached to both of them. And then she electrocuted our cocks at the same time. No, yeah. Why? I was, great balls of fire.

Two bears won, cave. Yeah. It was for a live show. Wow What is Tom Care about you know? It's interesting not his balls. We know that he does not want to be He does not I'm trying to find the right respect maybe respected No, he doesn't really care. I don't care. I don't care about he doesn't care about the internet really don't care about the internet I don't matter fact I think he gets a jolt when the internet comes back at him. I think he enjoys that.

Do you think he's talking about us right now, probably not like this? Absolutely not. Yeah, and he ain't got a fuck. Do you feel like you had to be that drunk guy like the people, you know, like what they expected from your daughters? Do you go into a bar and say, hey man! There's a part of me that I'm trying to figure that out right now. I don't, here's my thing is that whatever is wrong with me is integral.

It is part of my DNA and it is, I don't want people to go to sleep, I don't want people to call it quits. I have hardcore phoma. If I wake up and everyone's already awake, I start going like, wait, like I really feel panic. I want to be involved with everything. When I find out there's text threads, I'm not on. I go, ah, I want to be on it.

Like, I want to be a part of the action. And that is sincerely me. And so, like, I have a hard time not going to bed. I don't have a hard time going to bed. I have a hard time letting the night end. Like, I have a hard time, I have a hard time calling it quits on anything. And so I wanna be involved.

Like if Tom says, I went to dinner with Ryan Sickler the other night and they're in LA, I go, why didn't you call me? But I know that maybe it was better that he didn't. It's probably good that the two of them caught up. But I always wanna be involved. I, but I have goodness, right? It doesn't seem like you're, like we're doing my cruise next week.

I can't know. I don't like loads of, what is it? It's so fucking fun. I can't go. I don't like bones. What is it? It's so fucking fun. I can't wait. But when you do it, like a four day. Like the way KISS does a cruise. Yeah, I did one with the Beach Boys a couple of months ago

and it was pretty fun. Oh, for real. But you can't. You're trapped there, right? Oh, I love it. Oh, yeah, well, you love it. I love it. I get it.

And so, yeah, right. So you're lying to and to take pictures fast. Oh, I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. And I, and so I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm needed, don't you? Now that's what you have to do, Sam. I don't know if I, that's what, well, I'm trying to figure out right now.

I'm trying to figure that out with my drinking. Okay. Because I haven't had a drink in like 73 days. No shit. That's great. Yeah. Well, yeah. But I mean, like, but also it's, also it's not very hard

for me to just stop drinking But it the hardest part is to start drinking and figure out what that looks like because now I go on this cruise And I here's the thing I want to have a celebratory get on a cruise ship have a cocktail I want to have that with my wife, but I don't know what that looks like because I've been this guy for definitely for the last I would say 10 years heart easily maybe five years, but someone who I can't I don't want to turn it off and I and I've been able in Life lately to be able to go. I'm going to bed now and I'm going to bed a little early in these last 73 days I'm really blown away by how much people like going to bed

Stundit at how many people just want to go I'm tired. Yeah, my much people like going to bed. Like I'm stunned at how many people just want to go. You have a tire of mold. Yeah, I'm actually, I've used to be that way. And I'm more like you now. I mean, I don't have to, but I just like being up because it's creative. I was sitting on a paint draw, right? So I don't want that to end, the creative stuff to,

but you like to, so did you, do you, have you, have you beefed up the other stuff like pot and stuff around it? I've been smoking a fair amount of marijuana. Do your, does your family like you better when you're not drinking? Yeah. Oh, that's one thing. It'd be, but they don't, that's not fair.

They're doing it, well, they're saying it because I'm a lot healthier. I'm not as fat and red and bloated. Really? Yeah. I'm sorry. No, that was too above me. You just pull up fat drunk.

Don't even do it. It's not worth it. But you're very smart, you're very together. I'm very clear. Right now I hear it. If I was, there were times like, I didn't understand when people were like, I'm worried about you. I thought they were just being dicks.

Like Tom would always say like, hey man, you need to take some time off. You take a break. He was. But like one guy said it to me and I was, and he looks like shit. And I was like, oh my god, if this guy's worried about me and I was and he looks like shit and I was like oh my god if this guy's worried about me I need does he not have mirrors it's them were it's they're worried

about themselves then they're taking that I mean that's that's what I was thinking yeah but I feel I feel amazing the other day I was I was sitting there in my backyard and I was doing this and I just went hey I'm just like smiling for no reason at all. Like really like, it was like, and I caught myself smiling. And I was like, and like last night, and I did get high. But last night, I took one hit up of vape pen, went into my backyard to have a cigar. And I had a moment of true gratitude where I was like, my wife fell asleep on the couch out back.

The dogs were there. And I was just saying thank you fell asleep on the couch out back, the dogs were there. And I was just saying thank you for all the little things in life. I was like, thanks for this yard. It does a great yard. Like not a big gets yards. You do that. Well, to have those moments, you know, I mean, you'll find later that's what it's about.

How long did it take you to quit drinking until you were cool with not drinking? Well, I had so much to lose, and I was tired of it. You know, the sick and tired of being sick and tired. Like, it was just enough. You were 52? I was 52. Yeah.

And it was like, you know, it wasn't doing anything from a kick-skept getting harder to find, right? And I didn't have a wife and kids like you did to be responsible for. I had no tent poles to say that you're an adult. I went and kicking, I heard you talk about this too. The being an adult to me was like fucking boring and square and, you know, but it's the opposite.

Peter Panson's. So what's that? Peter Panson wrote. Right, yeah. And I didn't have to grow up. Everybody was taking care of shit. I still look kind of young. You still look amazing.

But thanks, part. You look fucking amazing. Do you have a skin routine? Where's your hand? No, I'm not vanity. But that's the way I just realized I've read your book and so what I'm doing is I'm covering parts of your book and not letting you tell the stories He got a hand job from fucking vanity Well

When I was writing these when I was writing the book like your act I was trying to and you know it's interesting i was one of those watching you recently i was like this is a guy who i don't have anything to come with but god damn it i connected so many things that you were talking about that's your success to you you feel through a lot of people and i was asking great early to see these guys he's like the like the smart super successful version of those country guys with the name of the not anything against the business that you getter Young, Getter Don and all that stuff.

Larry Kableguy. Yeah, what was the three of the country guys, or something? Jeff Engel, Jeff, Jeff Foxworthy, Bill Engvall, Ron White and Larry Kableguy. You sort of took that and made it your own and, and right? I mean, I would, I take that as a huge compliment. Those guys are all massively successful. So yeah so I was so I could relate to stuff that. So I was trying to find a relatable moments in the book because it can't be

all like anything. I'm playing with the beach boys. And so yes the vanity thing. Your life that your life is only relatable in that I think when I read it when I when I listen to your book, I kept thinking this is a regular person put in these crazy moments. Like you clearly you have great genetics, but having said that you talked about getting a nose job young, and which I did not know at all. But I know, but I just always thought you were perfect your whole life. And then you talk about that getting bullied. You talk about your relationship with your parents, you're like, everything you do in your book is, is yes,

that it was crazy events, but they happened. For whatever reason, they happened to a very relatable dude. I guess. But, but, but those moments are, are, you know, being bullied, for instance, was, I mean, that wasn't even a word school No, and I'm sure a lot of people can relate to that I mean I'm getting I could I give you a black eye because I heard that his girlfriend wanted to out with me and I swear I wanted to dedicate the whole book to him and they said no you can't I say I wouldn't be where I'm at because every Every plateau that I hit I was like I'm gonna show that so I'm gonna get on TV I'm gonna be in the beach boys and he's gonna come and my buddy girls gonna beat him up You know and I you know I eventually got over all that.

Like it's time, you know, and I do wish I could see him again because I would think it. I would say, yeah, I know. I mean, I changed his name, but I would say, you know, thank you. You really gave me this burst to succeed and show you that I was this and that.

And, you know, I really thank you, and I'm gonna be just good with that. You need those people in life. But then I would tell him, I dated that girl for about three years after and she told me you were hung like a fish. So fuck off, asshole. I hope he's listening to that son of a bitch,

cock sucker, I'm over it. But you know. It's so crazy that you're an orange county kid. Yeah. Like because I just assumed you were like growing up, I was like, uh, parent, like, you're just so, you're like, who the most famous Greek people we have. None of our dollars, you.

Zach Galvanac, funny guy. Have you ever met Zach? Yeah. He's, he's like Tom, too. He didn't give you fuck about anything. He really is like Tom, but really talented. Very talented. Not just that, that's a Tom's not really talented.

They kind of look like each other, too. They do look like each other. I, yeah, but not, yeah. I went to, it was Greek day at the White House when Obama was there. And you, and Sam was here, you're the most handsome Greek. I don't, I do impressions, but not that one. And I said, well, there's other Greeks.

You know, I thought, there's other Greeks, you know, yeah. I lost my thought. Who are the Greeks? Well, just those, that's it. We have a little Greek mafia that we, you know, I thought I like there's other Greeks, you know, yeah Well, I lost my thought who the Greeks. Well, it just those. That's it. We have a little Greek mafia that we you know Do you guys have a text thread? Yeah, we do Yomis I honestly I play him the that with that ponos character all the time that you know, I was just in Greece with Nea and Rita and Tom Hanks and Rita Wilson's Greek. Yes, that's right Oh, is that how the Neavardolos thing happened? Yeah. Rita saw the play.

It was a one woman play. I did the reading of that and they didn't. And the guy that directed it, I said, why didn't they? Oh, they thought you were too old. Oh, okay. Then I became friends with Neav years later. I said, why didn't you do our movies? You thought I was too old?

No, we didn't. Anyway. Neav was like the first celebrity I ever met. Oh, really? Not met, but like that I was friends with because our kids are the same age. Was she nice? And so yeah, she was the sweetest person her

and she was married at the time. Ian, he was the greatest guy. He was a really easy hang. He was like the easiest fucking hang. Like no, and you've so easy for God, he was famous also. Yeah, he was on a TV show that I did. But we were all at the dinner when I was in near Tom Hanks,

me, and there was a couple other people, maybe from, and Steven Spielberg walks over, and he goes, hi, I'm a hi, I'm a, Ian Gomez, oh my God, I kept you up, bringing, and of all the people, he went to Ian, you know. Shut up. Yeah, he saw him on Felicity or something. That something that's crazy did you when did you move out here how what along

when i was twenty seven no one else twenty six when i first moved out here was twenty six i moved out to do a sitcom with will Smith all move into the universal sherdon it didn't get picked up but it was he was in a producing it and so Yeah, and then I fell in love with LA. The very first day out here. I was in century city of all places

And I called my dad and said I think I'm gonna live here for the rest of my life. What do you say? He was like it's nice and it was my dad had come out here for work. I won't say what he did But he came out here for work Celebrity building he worked in Here for work. How did he get out of it? I don't get it. And he didn't have anything to do with the kid from, you know, what's his name? Ashley Kutcher's friend. Oh, no Danny Masters.

He did. Because if he did, your dad's a lousy lawyer. We didn't really help there. I'm not making, maybe she cut this. I'm not making a lie to what he did. I don't know him. I don't, I'm not writing anyone letters. I don't know where he is. I don't think anyone, our fucking fans are gonna like you up.

They're gonna be like, thank God he brought it up. No, I don't, I don't, I, no. You fans of, of, of Burton, I hope you're fighting me respectful to these guys. I really, you know, I, I analyze you guys. And what you do is, is, I love it. I just love stand-up. Do you ever think, do you ever think,

had you, I was thinking of this today, had you, and Bob. I guess you knew who I was. Are you kidding? Did that's a weird thing? I mean, I know. I've known who you were. I would say probably most of my conscious life.

Did you have posters of me? No, I definitely did. You said you had Rob Lowe. No, I had the outsiders. I had Rob Lowe. No, I know, I had the outsiders. I had the outsiders up. I had a weird thing. I probably did have a picture of you because I did get Tiger Beat as a kid.

Because it was one of the things. I didn't realize, I just was like, I had pictures of Drandran up. I had pictures of surfers up. Like, I didn't have, it's so funny when, because that's what I aspired to. I still look, and so I didn't really have pictures of chicks up on my wall So I thought that was creepy. Oh, really? I was like I had pictures of hot dudes up on my wall

That's not creepy. I wanted to be that I got it and so like I had Simon Leblanc was that the guy from Drandor No, not even close Leblanc. Yeah Now I wanted to be Travolta man and the first you was so fucking cool. Did your dad know? No, I don't know that you might They're in Florida. Oh, the Also, and your dad also came in a lot of money. Well, what no, no, he's well I mean the sister would hate dad's finally making. He's got an estate interesting He he kept talking about him.

He started doing something different in the sphere of law. What? I don't know. You know. I do, but I didn't realize how private he is. I've told stories about him, like I've told stories about him so much.

And he's just not, I think the more famous I got, the more they've come back to him. Where he's like, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, I wouldn't addicted to speed. So this is so... There were diet pills, Goddammit, and I quit them, I quit them, I quit them, Carl Jerky, I didn't even need any help. Goddammit, and you took them to Goddammit, remember that one Easter?

That one Easter did you say? He had one Easter, I had a hard time, I was tired. Now that's what that makes that joke so funny, I'm deconstructing this thing, one Easter, that's what makes it funny, not one. I'm deconstructing this thing. One Easter. That's what makes it funny. Not one day, not one time, one Easter. I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was,

I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was,, hey ice cream, how you doing in there? When I brought him into the string, because Howard would say that he was, that was his number one influence. That's why he got into comedy, watched it was watching on the shows, but his mom.

Would you text with Howard? Yeah. He's like, you know him. Yeah, he left me a beauty, he read the book, oh, he heard it like you did, but I think on regular speed. And he left me the nicest, the longest message. When he calls, I always say, oh shit Ralph's dead.

Like, you know, he's not. He's a good, you know, he's been very good to me. But so to bring in, yeah, I fooled him. And I said, I'm bringing in a girlfriend, I wanted your opinion on whatever, and Rickles came in. But he was so, it's a great conversation. You should watch it on YouTube.

The thing I loved the most about Don Rickles, honestly, the thing I love the most and the thing I think I probably have the closest to him, is his relationship with Newhart. Yeah, in fact, they went to lunch every week. They went to lunch every fucking week. Yeah, that's you and Tom. Yeah, I like that I'm friends with someone for real.

Yeah, right. We talk about like shit that, like there's, that we talk about stuff, we talk about our sisters, we talk about our dads privately. Like there's a bunch of private stuff. Like what do you, there was a really hilarious fucking incident

and then being with one of the funniest guys in the world and getting him to improv and then just joking back and forth on that and like that, that's like super valuable. Bob and I had that end date too and it was, but getting back to like, how would it have been if Rickles and Newhart had a show like this, the two of them,

or like what you guys do, you know? They would go on vacation. We're definitely not. I mean, I don't mean to compare us to those geniuses, but like that is crazy. I was gonna say, what if you and Bob and Dave had a podcast? How fucking? Yeah, maybe.

You know, I don't know. But we would have those conversations, but they would, you know, or text change that you could never show anyone ever, you know, because they were just wrong. A lot of them were wrong, Bob. Yeah, Bob was, you know, he could be... I love that in your book that he,

like even the Bob I know today, the Bob I knew is the same guy that was the Bob in the, quote, in the rehearsal rooms at full house. Yeah, like like his inappropriate Joe, he was addicted to to laughs and he had to get it like a heroin or something. He's like Mark Norman. Yeah, they're very similar dudes like they always go The jokes are always there the jokes the most important thing to them is getting someone to laugh that is their their focus as the joke Yeah, but it's their hair It's the and he had comedyte. He couldn't stop. That's Mark Norman.

That is fucking Mark Norman. What's the March 1st scene, Mark Norman? Mark Norman's got a new special called Soap Tnotz on Underfit. Oh yeah, I saw. phenomenal. He's amazing. Friends with the Honest.

The whole group of guys that Yannis' whole generation is all fucking bangers. Yannis is turned. Yannis is. But the interesting thing about you're talking about your sister, you talked to your about your sisters with Tom.

Right. When, so the most of the couple, for the first few years, Bob and I didn't get along, I couldn't deal with his, it was just disruptive as fuck. And I'd come from doing a show at Jack Clegman for a couple of years and Gary Marshall and all these great, that's where Mick Gary would come in there with riders on the show. And so every scene was like, approach to the story and character, and why would I say this, why would I move there.

And then I go to Full House, I try to have that. And Bob's stabbing his cock with a fork. And I'm like, hey, my cock is just stabbing it. You know what he would do? That, that, that, that, that, that. And it was disruptive at the very least. But after a year or two, we tried it. We tried it.

We were different guys. He had three kids, and I was a bachelor's. But his sister got scleroderma. And he had a foundation for it. He still, yeah, yeah, yeah, he did. And sadly, his sister died and didn't get to see all the work that he did for her third dorm. Dave's sister had cancer.

She died. And my sister had a brain tumor and think God she made it through. But so all of a sudden we weren't just three guys on a show. We connected on something much deeper and we could put our differences aside and just work together. What did you guys talk about when you went to dinner? Like who would really? They were very foul food and you know, inappropriate stuff. Did Dave Kuehie ever shed his pants? No, did he ever, were you guys ever on set

and you guys heard a lot more of that and he's like, that's a lot of it about me. Well yeah, but that was so funny, like that angry, angst, like, chick who was like, I saw in the movie, they got just boy, you know, I'm popping, boy, and boy, was the guy in the movie theater going down on a thing, fucking so fast. He called me, because I met her, I talked about it at a concert in Canada, and the beach

boys that he brought her, and she wasn't famous. And I brought him on stage for Bob Ran, and I said, oh, I'll give him some points, I'll bring the girl. And after we said these big hoop earrings, and she said, do you know anybody in LA, in music business, I'm like, no, no, maybe, I don't know. And it was her. So he broke up with her broker heart. And he's driving down and the song comes on the radio.

And he's, oh, fuck, that's a lot of us. And he goes and buys the album, Jagged Little Pill, puts it in CD, and calls me, goes, John, I think I really hurt this girl. Listen to these lyrics, they're like, those aren't about you. Cause yeah, they are. She's sunk my dick in a movie theater.

Someone else. So yeah, it's stuck by dick in a movie theater. Someone else. So yeah, the first time we saw Air Bud. Yeah. We didn't know. That's interesting. What did we talk about? We're regular around. It was a lot of jokes, a lot of,

and I would get them to fight because they've, they had those video shows, you know? And I'd say Dave, or Debob is a Bob, Dave's show's getting pretty good ratings He's got a cute host and funny and yours isn't quite doing. Yes, it is I'm and I get them fighting over who shows but Bob is a fuck you that shows socks And I just slither away to the craft service and have a little turkey sandwich and watch the fireworks One was the last time you wanted to text Bob and you went right now right now

This isn't going well. Oh, it's going to shit. Get me out. It was going to. Well, a lot. You know, my son has this great sense of humor. Closer to Bob's than mine. He said, the other day, he was like, uh, he said, I said, he said, come on, let's go on the kitchen. I said, I have to take a pee first.

Because if you know, if you hold your pee in longer, the pee nest goes away. I'm like, oh, that's a Bob show. That's all right. The pee nest goes out. He's like, oh, that's a Bob show. The penis goes, I never, he's great. So I missed that. And I remember calling Bob early on and I said, I'm not connecting with this kid like I thought.

He said, wait till he laughs at you for the first time. And so was that. I wish he was around for that. He was a weird question. Did you get, only because I know, I know, I only know this in passing and I could be totally off I know Bob was a fan of things that like like he had Rodney's joint box Like he had things that were kind of like commemorative of his heroes

Did you did you get anything of Bob's that's a great question? That's not a weird. Yeah, I did I I have one of his guitars Kelly's wife gave me and I don't play have one of his guitarist's Kelly's wife gave me and I don't play it because all it's my butt my dog with my balls suck my dick suck but you can't do anything you know you straight with the kid brother kids um and that's what Rick was used to do and my dog ball he was doing impression and Rick was doing impression of this is what he thought of full house he goes hello daddy may I have some apples well the fuck was that I have to do anything that was that was full house he didn't he didn't like that show. Who he said, I used that show as a night light. He said.

He, I want to talk about him. It's a Bob. What was the question? Oh, so he's that, and his wife gave me his, I didn't know this, his favorite character was Jimny, the, Jimny cricket. And so there's a statue that she, she gave me that was his too. It's very sad. He, you know, he He wanted he didn't know how loved he was I mean that guy died, you know, it was like it's tsunami of love. I mean, you know since princess died I'm not even being funny like the you remember all the I'm pouring of it and that was that that was one that I think got all of the comics Caught us off guard. Yeah, because it was like, he was the Orlando improv. Yeah.

Yeah. He was, he was, he was, he was in Orlando. He played Jacksonville the night before. Yes, and he drove. And he was, it was, you know, I'm telling you, Bert, he,

and he kind of said some of it in his post. It's like, I feel like a kid again, man. And he did two hours. That's the longest I've done. He took a picture of him on stage, you know, before and he was driving home. And he was just ecstatic. And he called his, well, it know, before, and he was driving home and he was just ecstatic and he called his wife.

It's called his wife and said, hey, I have this picture. Can you fix it up for me? And he said, and she got it. She said, it doesn't need fixing. You look so handsome, Bob. And that a beautiful relationship. And then he went to the hotel and, you know, I like to think of him coming to that hotel room after killing on stage. I mean killing killing and you know the feeling and laying his head down on the

pillow and dreaming of the next time he was gonna see all of us and the laughs were still happening. And you know that's and he had a smile on his face I think. He was such a great guy. I think he's one of those things where you don't realize how much you people mean to you until they're gone. But he didn't know it, man. And the problem was he was never going to be, he couldn't take a compliment for real. Bobby, you were great.

Because he didn't have eight Netflix specials. He wasn't Chappelle. He wasn't these guys that, and Chappelle loved Chappelle showed up. And did a lot of stuff. I said, man, you really made Bob feel great the last few years They're both really close with John mayor. That's right. Yeah, but he said um um It's one of the I mean I love John mayor. I think John mayor is amazing Yeah, yeah, but like the fact that he was close with Bob Sagitt puts John mayor and like a new echelon for me where I go

Oh, he's like I know he's friends with shipelle and stuff, but like the fact to him and Bob were close I was like oh he's like a legit fucking dude. Yeah, he was he is It allowed Bob for that. I Bob like me better, but And I like to tell John But I was saying so but he he would never he just never thought of himself as Successful because he wasn't up there and he probably was never gonna get there And that's the sad sad thing. He didn't know how loved he was no fucking way You know and and that that's the sad, sad thing. He didn't know how loved he was. No fucking way. Yeah. And that's what kills me.

Dawn. It should have been Dave. I, no. No. No. No. No. No.

No. No. That's horrible. If we're real quiet, you can hear Bob going, yeah, you're right. Why the fuck am I up here? David, you know, him and Dave were best buddies. And then when I came around Dave and I started to become best friends. That was the only thing.

But I never realized how much that show leaned on you and Dave. Like, it sounds silly, but I just remember, you know, I didn't realize the show premise pretty much is you and Dave are raising children because Bob's working. Well, you don't tell Bob that. But, most of the last time you talked to the Olsen twins, you know, they came out for his funeral. Well, you don't tell Bob that, but. But when was the last time you talked to the Olsen twins? You know, they came out for his funeral. And it was beautiful because, you know, we hadn't seen him much, you know, over the years. And they went off to New York and did very well, but we were all kind of discused.

Bob was through line. He would always try to get us together. But they came out for that and they said all the things that we wanted to hear. We love you guys. We loved our childhood. We're so grateful to you. You were great to us. It was a special for all of us to get that gift.

I haven't heard from them or of them. Do you know what they talked to them? I don't know them at all. I don't know them at all. Well, Ashley had a kid, which is a trip, man. Those things, if you would have told me, these two little girls, you know, were going to own New York one day and be Yeah, they know their money and like doing straight to DVD movies. No fashion. They they went to New York and started a fashion line I don't know a billion dollar fashion

Beautiful they look there's yeah, they only remember them when they were like 18 where you're like where I was an adult And I was like, yeah, whatever like it's like my sister. They were like everyone's a little sister Yeah, and now they're fucking rich now. They've got to be like 40 they got more money than Tom No, yeah, they're not 40 there 30s me Yeah, how old are the Olsen twins in 2023 go to that No, it's already on there. It's already on there. It's already on there. It's like the first thing how old are the Olsen? I should right there right now right you just missed it how old there we go 30 7

I'm old that makes me old. I can't believe you're 60. You look great. I'm Look as good as you yeah, they do really pretty you have two scissors. I have to yeah, I look the best You out of you. Yeah, are they proud of you? They come to your shows and I don't want to proud of me I think my what your auntie does it doesn't read. I don't think she I don't think it registers with her I think she's just like yeah, she's got a little bit of a stoner's Sensibility and my sister Coddy is in the industry so I I think, as proud as she, I don't know. I mean, she runs... No, I know why she doesn't like you.

I don't know what she does. I know what she does, I know. But I think she works at Disney. What? I think so. You should know this. Will it's Fox still around? Yeah, well Disney on Fox.

Disney on Fox. She works at Disney. But I think she's so in the business that she understands how successful I'm not. What? Well, no, she deals with real celebrities. That's you. I'm pretty like.

You took a pretty regular year, a real guy, and you talk about real things. The fact that you can get up there for two hours and talk about just tell stories about your life and your family, that that's the gift right? No, you know, it doesn't it doesn't feel like a bunch of different things. You ever think of turning that your book into a one-man show? I have Rob Lowe do it Rob we tease each other and he had a one-man show and he said jokes about me in there if there's one person

I'm gonna edit his name out one person who's really jealous of your career Who do you think that person is? Tom Saguara. Let me guess. Should I guess? I have the name. My whole life I've always thought. It is like, do you know what I'm thinking of? There was a guy who had a great career, but he wasn't you. Me? No. You got to edit his name out because I feel bad. I never was I was the on a TV show. Yeah, Glenn Scarpelli. No, uh, Scotpio. No, no, no, I met Scotpio. Yeah. I'll not say anything. I think we're members of the same country. We were friends because uh, oh, you two are. I think so. You like to play golf. We were friends forever.

And I said something about He they were doing a reading during a COVID for some democratic thing of happy days You know, they were doing the full reading and everybody was involved And I knew he wouldn't because it was for the Democrats and he's Republican Yeah, so I said hey, can I play Chachi and he got so offended by that It's not ripping me apart calling me a Marxist. I was a bullet-bosho Marxistist. Yeah, I was like, I don't know how to look that up, Marx. Anyway, he's fine. You know, what are you trying to tell me that guy's good? No.

Oh, yeah. And it is day-monger. Well, I only sit on the guy, but like, he was a good looking dude, and then just, I don't know. It just went south. It could be me, but for the grace of God. But why, I don't know. Dude, was your dad, did you dad have a full head of hair? Yeah. Was your dad a good looking guy? Yeah, I was answering. He was cool. Man, he was cool. I want to tell the story. Tell the story.

I don't want to. I because I know the story, but just tell the story to people listening. You, you're, that was a big fantasy not yours. a big sanis sami sami davis junior and he is the reason you became friends with sami davis junior was because he's on i'm telling your story shami was he was on general hospital yeah so my dad didn't have anything to do that but i didn't know no but he said he said when you meet him right talk about the drama he said talk about playing because i didn't know i wanted to play drums on TV, and they weren't taking requests on this show. I was, you know, and so I was, can I play drums?

No, no, no. And then Sammy came on and my dad explained who he was and made me listen to the records of Frank and Sammy D. And he said, talk about drums. And so, Mr. Davis, they want to let me play drums on the show, you know. We had a real conversation about music. And I think he saw that I got music,

or I understood part of his world. And he goes, it says, hold on, Batman. And he click, click, click, click, goes to the producer's booth and comes back at me, says, just do what I say, man. There was a scene where I was playing the host of the, I was hosting the waterfront thing or something, where there's a charity, the MC, and the waterfront thing or something where's a charity

They MC and I and I introduce him and then there was a full band set up because he was gonna do a song And it gets up and does a few lines and he says um is black. You played drums, right? I'm like Told you everyone listening your character in general hospital. His name's blacky Yeah, thank you for clarifying you're right and people did what that you know Yeah, thank you for clarifying. You're right. People did what that, you know, yeah, it wasn't, it was, it was, it was, it was, it's weird. And you know, so he said that. Someone's in headsets, blacky-clang drums now. Wait, who?

Which one's blacky? It's gonna be John, it's John Demos. Did he just call Sammy Blah? So he calls me up there and I'm just, I live, and I'm, you want to play it? Yeah, and I'm, he's playing piano, I'm like, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom. Yeah, yeah, thanks to Sam and then I saw him and then years yeah, but no, but then and then You had the opportunity to introduce your parents to Sinatra and dad was a huge Sinatra and your mom Sinatra wants try to kiss your mom. Yeah on their honeymoon Yeah, and they were going to see Rickles and it I guess it the sands and you ever do oh keep going I'm fucking so bad at interviewing people keep going go ahead. What do you mean you've been?

You know the answer to the story you've been interviewing yourself for two hours, it's good. Yeah, I've asked a lot of questions because I'm interested in you too. Can we be friends after this? Yeah, no. I mean, you just said you don't follow through. We can be real friends. We can be real friends.

I wanna come see you on one of your big shows. Okay, done. What are we talking about? We'll cut that out, right? No, no, no, keep it all in. Wait, no, Frank Sinatra. So my dad, you know, so I had the child's dating Paul Abdul, which is interesting in that and my dad, I wanted to, so we went to the Pacific Amphitheater Orange County, see Rikols and Sinatra. I didn't know Don at the time really, but we were trying to go back

to the station meet Frank and they and we called and publicist and said, well Frank wants to meet you, you'll know. I was like, fucking Noah, smoke signals, I mean. Rickles goes on, intermission, and this little guy, Tonyo, come on, Mr. Sonatio, see you now, you little gangster. And we walk back and, and Julie Rizzos there, his guy's like this, and the score rises.

And Frank comes out and he's a cool shit man. And we take some pictures and he's, I have, like, every picture he's bossing the camera on his hands, and it was time for a group picture. And I'm like, come on dad, he's like, no. And he's just leaning up against the wall. And I go, that motherfucker, how cool is he? He Greg knew him.

Like, it was enough to see his kid there, and it was, and it was and I could see Sinatra give him a look And he either went like who the fuck do you think you are? Stamos or it was like you are one cool motherfucker Stamos because you don't need to be in this picture and it was sweet my mom on the other hand You know jumped them and almost got killed by a mafia guy. Do you remember when you tried to kiss me? I said walk to the fucking stage. I'm like no Like Lucy, but it was a great, and then Rickles, and then Frank does his thing,

and it was brilliant. I mean, he was, and my dad, we both had this great moment of, you know, my look at this genius, and Rickles comes out and he introduces the people in the audience, Tony, Tony, so on and so, I can't get away from him. And Stamos, he's always probably sitting on the grass

in the cheap seats. In fact, he's always probably sitting in the grass and the cheap seats In fact, he's probably smoking grass. So not your grabs the mic from Rickles and says smoke one for me Johnny I said dad But I had a lot of really normal relatable moments too. I just can't think of any right now. No Do all your all your moments you're died from an alchemy no that's really related. Dude alchemy no people sleep on how great they were. I remember the first time I saw an alchemy no and

I was like shut the fuck up. Yeah. So my uncle who made he works in construction but he's cool as fuck. Well got an alchemy no. Florida. Yeah. He was down from Philly and he bought an alchemy no. Okay. There's wood in the back in but it was a. In Florida? Yeah. He was down from Philly and he bought an El Camino. Okay.

There's wood in the back, but it was a fucking sports car. Yeah. God, that was a fucking bad car. I still haven't. They make them. They're really big in Australia. All right. Will you tell me the Australia story?

You said you weren't gonna drink. Go ahead. But wait, you were, it just, have you been there? Australia? Yeah, you're big there, right? I'm bigger than Tom, but yeah. Yeah. Tom, like he tries so hard to have no audience

and yet he has, right? It's the interesting thing with him is like, I clearly want you to come see my shows. Tom does give up. He can give up. Fuck yeah. And his act shows it. The,

What you're like a like a like a beaten dog or something is like you wanna, you know, you just go back to the master. Yeah, I guess. Not that you're the dog and he's the master, but kind of, well, I sometimes I think our relationships, like that sometimes.

He does, does he ever just like, you're like, come on man, I'm a dog, I know what I'm doing here. Oh, there have been so many times where I, my biggest frustration with Tom is where I go, I think you're ruining both our careers right now. And he's like, I don't care. He's a business partner and we'll have business deals

that I'll be about to go through. And then Tom will decide to go in on something and he burns every bridge. So he's standing on the island alone and I will just go, hey man. Like what are we doing here? But he doesn't care. And the thing that you have to do is you I

Emphorcin is not my natural thing. I don't like I don't like competition and I don't like alienating people I am forced to learn from that that it's okay to burn every fucking bridge and go because I the one thing I know is that If I burn every bridge, Tom will definitely be on my island going like it might fun. But it's not boundary, but boundary, yes, right? Oh, you will not, you will not overstep a boundary to Tom's throat. Right. But that's maybe something to learn.

No, like that motherfucker, he, you will, there's times I've said, there's people listening to sound downstairs ago. I like I will say Do you realize to my team if this was Tom everyone would be fired right now and they were like they're like yeah, but you're not Tom Like I've had employees pull guns on me like it's like yeah Really, oh yeah, but but well it was fun. It was a joke. What on you pull the gun in you? Prison death no, he's just downstairs Oh, yeah, but, but, it was a joke. Well, on you, pull the gun on you. Prison, death. No, he's just downstairs. And by the way, if he's watching,

as he knows, he's one of my best friends. I love him to death. I always, we were still working together. Fucking love that guy. Was he in jail? No, he's just my wife took over my company. How great is that, though, that you have a wife that's sharp enough and you can trust her, obviously.

Can I tell you, I wonder, did you ever have the fear of, because I'm shocked that I'm still attracted to her like that like I thought I was so shallow I was younger that I would never be able to try to be attracted to someone that was age appropriate right that I'd always have to go and upgrade down to youth and be like 30s is what I have sex with okay and now I'm dating a married to a 50 what I have sex with. And now I'm dating a married to a 50, 50s, some, a menopausal woman, and I still find her attractive.

And I can't believe it. Do you find different things that are attractive? Oh, yeah, I mean, she steps up and runs your business. That's attractive. Well, no, that's the least attractive part of hers or business side. Yeah, oh. But I'm sure she saves you, though.

She's in over the business man right now talking. Oh, she loves She's the hardest work because she comes from like No, my sister's but like no, no money. She's open trailer parks like barefoot and dope third grade And so like like Dolly Parton would send her community books like that. Yeah, and so She loves working. She works our ass off. She's going to this thing where it's, uh, we're rediscovering our relationship sexually and it's been fucking insane. Have you ever been with the check? Have you ever been with the check? Where we're, we're all the sudden you're like, well, this chick's fucking wild. And you're like, I couldn't, I don't know if I could stay with this

forever. My wife just turned into that chick. And now I'm like, it's, it's, it's breathed a brand new fresh air. I'm like, it's crazy because I was totally cool with it being meat and potatoes, right? And all sun reading Indian food. And I'm like, fuck, I didn't know how much I loved Indian food. Yeah. I still love meat and potatoes. Right. We still do meat and potatoes sometime.

Yeah. How often do you guys have? Last night. We're in such a nice night. We're, we are having it almost every day. No kidding. Yeah, how often do you guys have last night? We're having it almost every day. No kidding. Yeah, it's crazy. Today?

You guys know what we will tonight. You scream my name right? I will. Right, this is I've been on YouTube. What's got into you? What's got into you? Is it blacky? Whitey.

That's beautiful. Yeah, I don't know. It got into her. Yeah, you got it in there, maybe. No, I don't know, it got into her. She changed, you got into her, maybe. No, no, I was still doing this. I gotta be honest with you. I was a little nervous when it started changing because I didn't trust it.

You think she was having a affair? Wait a minute. Initially, I was like, I think she might have cheated on me and Vietnam. Because I was like, why, why, what happened, what happened? Why are you all of a sudden this person? I didn't understand it because she was, and the best way to subscribe it with food, she was salmon.

She was good. It was, uh, pretty, not, not, not just salmon. You can be dry at times, it was undercooked at times, but it was salmon. Two cuts. Salmon, and it was good for you. It felt good. It tasted good. You could dress it up at the end of the day. But it was salmon. Two pups. Salmon, and it was good for you. It felt good. It tasted good. You could dress it up, but at the end of the day, it was just salmon.

It did clean. Then one day, she just fucking changed, and all of a sudden, it started with like salmon sushi. We had sex in our car one night after I did a spot at our house, and I went, recently? Yeah, and I was like, what the fuck? Like I was like, what's going on Like I was like, what's going on?

I didn't know what was going on. And then as she started to become more vocal about what she wanted and where she wanted to go with it, I just didn't trust it. So I was like, right. So I was like, this is a trick. Or she did something. Or she did something.

Or she did something and she's trying to, of course, correct. She went to Vietnam for, during the war, what was that? She went to Vietnam. If she's listening, she can come up and explain it for herself. Leanne, feel free. But she went to Vietnam? She's listening she can come up and explain it for herself Leanne feel free, but she went to Vietnam and she just had this I don't know what happened, but she had this like conversation where she decided she was gonna start dating me And then all the sudden she was like cooler She was like like she would never get in the pool. This is very perfect. She would never get in the pool

Yeah, I love getting the pool. I'm gonna pull I'm gonna get my money's work. Yeah, I get in the pool. This is very, she would never get in the pool. Like I love getting the pool. I have a pool, I'm gonna get my money's worth. Yeah, you gotta get the pool. I get in the pool. Can she swim? She can swim. And she loves the water. Doesn't want to get wet.

I don't want to get wet. Also, she's in the, I start the first change or she was getting in the hot tub every night. And she get in the hot tub. Yeah, and be like, come on, let's get in the hot tub. Have a glass of wine. Which, never, she never was like, let's have a, she would always like, I'm good.

I'm gonna have sparkling water. That's just as good for me as a cocktail. I'm not gonna get in the pool and get my hair wet. I don't wanna get my hair wet. It's too cold. It's cold. And so like that's Leanne. And that's a real good example for her accent.

And then one night it was like, I'm getting hot tub. And I was like, okay. And then next to you know, we're having sex in a car. And then next to you know, it was like I'm getting hot tub and I was like Okay, and then next you know we're having sex in a car and then next you know, it's like and then and then all of a sudden It's I mean it got to the point where we had sex on fully loaded. I don't know if you guys know this We had sex in a bathroom of fully loaded. Why and hobby air on our tour and hobby air told my daughters So they walked by and they're like, what are you doing, Javier? Who's our security guard? And he's like, someone's having sex in the bathroom. And my daughters to this day are guessing it was Big J and Rachel Ardlin. And they've said to mom,

you know someone had sex in the bathroom. And mom, to Boolean, what the fuck am I doing? Why am I telling you this? It's great. I'm telling you. I'm telling you. Yeah, no, I, I think your listeners will enjoy this.

Have you ever had surgery? I'm where? You're on? Am I here? Yeah. Yeah. I cut my, what is it we're gonna, my dad's restaurant. I, yeah.

It's not very exciting. I'm gonna give you one of these two. I should have brought more. Sexly. So how are you gonna handle it? Do you need help? No. Yeah.

I'm in love to bring you into the bedroom tonight. Ladies and gentlemen, John Stamos. No need me. It sounds like just bring up the drums. Yeah, long out playing. No, it's our relationship's better than it's ever been. That's beautiful, man. I'm happy for you. How long you guys been together? Long time, right? Georgia's 19s or like 19 years? Wow. No, we've been together 22, but we've been married in another 20 years. Right. Yeah.

But what's in Vietnam? Should I go to Vietnam? How long? Yeah, I think there's no. She went to Vietnam with friends. How long ago? Like six months ago. And one of the ladies was, they were like sharing a room

and the girl, the woman was like, so it was talking about a relationship and how she started dating her husband again. And Leann just was like yeah I'm gonna date my husband that's so cool and it's crazy because I've always said I've loved her more than she loves me and now all of a sudden I'm like it feels equal best great I hope yeah I just send my wife to Vietnam um how old are you the married uh five five six years yeah we last night which so I'm leaving you know

Getting rid of this book tours a lot of stuff going in New York. So you're doing stern. Huh, I want to talk about you. Oh, please He's anyway, he was as Tom been on there. No, but it all none so one of our friends got into a fight with Stern Are you severe? called him out on Rogan. I guess Stern and Rogan don't like each other So I think our whole little group like Stern doesn't find doesn't it wouldn't be worth his time when he can get guys like you or Or see this billboard or fucking I don't find man. Yeah, I bet you he is not even He's I don't but I think him and the Rogan had a thing right briefly or something But I you know how are yeah it's kind of, probably actually. Last night, so she says, well, we're gonna have a date night, a Monday night.

And we do this once in a while, surprise date nights. So we'll go to some rooftop somewhere or some exotic kind of cool restaurant. It's something romantic usually, or one time I took her to this art thing and we got the paint on the walls, it was really sexy. So, so, date and I said, great, okay, great.

And I'm tired, I got a lot to do. And I said, okay, it's important that we spend date nights. And I said, what do I wear? She said boots, okay, boots, boots. Okay, and this outfit, yeah, it's a jacket or no. We were, maybe, remember. And so we're driving up, but she, we got to be the vice-six. vice-six. Okay, we're driving up in the hills somewhere and we're going and I said what you guys know what it is and surprise. Yeah, we're going to a

Disney legend party and all the fans will be there and there's gonna be a couple Disney legends there. I'm like, what? How was that date now? I gotta take fucking selfies for the, I would get there at 620, we leave it 1030. He's pissed off, I'm literally taking, it's just nice people, but it's date night. And I'm fed this guy, that guy, they're all, Disney, they're kind of, and she gets, and it was like 10 o'clock, and she's like, come on, it's time to take a tour of the house.

That was about just big. Like I've seen enough, let me sit in the kitchen. And the whole way home, she's pissed at me for not, you know you didn't want to be with me. Wait a minute. If anybody has any issues here, I have the issue with this bullshit date. Anyway, we woke up and she said I'm sorry. I only meant 80% of the things I said last night. No, okay. Not very farms fucking awesome. Yes, Gary. Not the best. The best. They're fried chicken is best fried chicken I've ever had. Have you been there?

I've been there. So I used to have a show where I went to theme parks for a living. I miss the book. I miss the book. I miss the book. I miss the book. I miss the book.

I miss the book. I miss the book. I miss the book. I miss the book. I miss the book. I miss the book. I miss the book. I miss the book.

I miss the book. I miss the book. I miss the book. I miss the book. I miss the book. I miss the book. I grew up literally 10 minutes from that spring. Really? Yeah, you used to go there as a kid. Yeah. I would see. Yeah. Do you like to take your kids to Disneyland and stuff? I don't go to Disneyland. I used to when they were recognized. That's the point. Yeah. That's the point. That's talking about going to Paramus. Oh yeah. That can't go to Disneyland anymore. I do want, she wants me to grow. We were just in Paris. Oh, because you get your go for real? Mm-hmm. And it's beautiful. And we were my kid. He knows he he's a bit of a play already or whatever. He's got girls on it.

And that wasn't me. I wasn't like that, but Caitlin had a lot of boyfriends apparently. And Garcia saw it at my birthday party. He's got like four or five bella, Stella and Isabella. And he's looking at me like, that help. I'm like, fuck you kid, you got you stuff into this. But what's that? Eighth five. Oh yeah, he's five. And it's not good, but he's, so, he, but he has this one girlfriend, so we were at

Disney. The first day we had this tour guide and she was a 50 year old nice woman, he didn't get a shit. Next day, this 30 year old beautiful French girl is our tour guide. And I just, I can over here. And now, this move, I'm married, so I can't use it, but his move is like this. So, what's my favorite color?

So, I asked Quizzing them on his favorite shit, what's my favorite food? And then I overhear him saying that I have this girlfriend named Bella, and she lives down the street, and she's really nice. I'm like, and then the tour guide says excuse me I've got to the restroom and she gets up and he's swear to God as soon as she gets right out of the airshotted goes why did I tell her I had a girlfriend? Like yeah shot at her you know.

But we're very we're very I don't know how you were with you, but we're very much like respect women No means no like we didn't have I just won't follow my dad He was great to my mom and my sisters. Yeah, but we have those conversations with them I think it's important. I think how they don't have a boy. I really girls. I was like to stay away from fucking boys Yeah, yeah, so do they boyfriend? No Because of you I don't know know. I think only they just got attractive. So. Now what about that? That's not nice. I want to talk to these poor girls because what about the island who you said? Terrible shit about her. Oh, yeah, yeah, I've said horrible. What kind of

she's happy? She is. Yeah. What kind of set setbacks happen there with her let me see them. I'm looking for Mm-hmm. I guarantee you guys are very close and they love you. We have a shot there a girl baby walrus. Oh, what baby walrus? What? Ila just yeah, no, I la is she's great. She's it Ila just yeah, no Ila is she's great. She's it She wants to learn the drums we fate while teacher. Oh Yeah, I'll try to undo everything you did to her see if we get her build her confidence back up Okay, if she's just like sick you don't have to she's really this you can't be to play drums good today She was like they're outlawing adoption in Mississippi. I said, that's as abortion. She goes, oh, so they want orphans.

I was like, fuck, my face is so big when you hold it this close. Yeah. This is this is really, um, I'm so grateful that you had me on here. No, you're you're amazing. You're amazing. I've been doing these serious podcasts. The last, you know, I just, you know, love what's the rest of your tour looks like you doing the honest is in New York. Yeah, I think well, I mean, we just talked about it on the phone. Yeah, well, we'll do. Yes. Yeah, I love

that. You doing there's a bunch you can do over in New York. It's a lot of books. You're you're like famous famous like you can do a reading and people show up You can go do good morning America That's a nice show you can do stern like you can do your option for a foul Are you been a foul? No really? Yeah, I think you guys are so popular. No, I did I did Kimmel the other day That's great. Yeah, he's great. I think I think you basically I think how it works is you do You pick your they one of the guys picks you to do their shows. Yeah. I've known, I've known Kimmel,

because of Kimmel Crolla from May of Show for fucking ever. Yeah. Kimmel's the sweetest guy in the world. Sweetest. He was awesome. He was awesome doing his show did not feel like you're doing a ladies show. I think that's something I'm gonna show.

It was last week. What were you promoting me on the show? I don't think I was promoting anything. He's the best. I've known him a long time too. Foulants, I was always a Kimmel guy. Whichever gets to do Carson. I did, but I did, but he wasn't, it was a Leno was filling in for him.

Oh, for real? And I did it with Rickles. Really? I got to do a few, we were on a few shows together, and of course I just sit there, but I'm, and it, Kimmel, we were going to learn a couple of times. So when I look in my mirror and I see my face, I can see the parts I'm aging. What do you see? Do you see everything?

No. No. I'm serious, I don't get it. Do you see any flaws? Do you see, is it ever like we hit a big laugh like this is the time to wrap it up or we just keep going? That's it for this episode. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no wants to, he likes it better when we take good periods apart. He likes to try to plan out the bits he's gonna do on the show. On the show?

Yeah, Tom's really scripted. I thought that, I said to him, I said, I don't think it's just me and, and I thought it might be easier, just with two of us. It's definitely, oh, if you were with Tom, it would be like talking to a wall. Really? Does he laugh at it? No, he doesn't laugh. And he's barely listening.

He's on his phone, looking at prices of porches. And then immediately be like, why are you wearing a watch? How come you don't get watches? Is his mom still right? He talked about that. Yeah, his mom did. Charros, the fucking, she's done that. She's awesome.

She's great. She's, I think the majority of his material these days. Anyway, she is fucking awesome. His dad was a legend. I think his sisters were fucking amazing. His last special was his best best I think that's so funny. That's not what the fans say I thought he I thought he was that looks like that is him Yeah, this I really did think that special was fantastic. Yeah, I'm in case you're listening. The, I love the location he shot it in.

I love that place. Where was it? The celebrity center and uh, uh, was it on Hollywood? The celebrity, celebrity theater. Celebrity theater, celebrity theater and, and Phoenix Arizona and the brown, that's one of the best locations.

What's your favorite place to play? Non-Stadium. No, uh, like just a theater or like comedy club. Any either. Yeah. Uh, you go, do you just pop in the comedy store in this kind of places? Yeah. Not as much with like some trying to do big. No, no, no, no, no. There's a prior issue. Yeah. Everyone does. Who's your favorite comic stand up? Of all time. First. Oh, all time. It's gotta be I've like I'm a huge kinesan fan But David tells my favorite comic. I love him. I think he's a genius. He's my favorite Rickles

I was a I loved Rickles. I love it. See him live ever no, I never met him I met I only one I never met out of that generation or enough to generation. I met George Carlin once Oh, yeah, it was a nice. He was very sweet smart We would go up to Vegas and see him, you know, Rickles all the time. Got his, so he would say. And we, I'd be at dinner with him, and it would be, you know,

or he would say on stage, and his wife, you know, and his wife would say, Don, you can't say that way. But he would always do it with like, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, Malmau fighter pilot pilot or what am i a where-old you know you say and as well as you can't say that anymore

i didn't say tonight john i said yes shut up you did say five times on it was like that yeah three of us and he said well why it's funny it sounds funny so it's not good on you can't say or shut up and then i'd stick with a bill and go home i don't think he i'd to be honest i mean to be serious here for a second, that he was the

least racist bigoted man on the planet. He brought it to your attention like Archie Bunker would, right? And if people were laughing at it or were offended by it, there's the racist, the other racist, you know, he was so full of love for everybody. And he was a legend. I saw him on the letterman one time Talk about Puerto Rican stabbing each other and it was the Maria Rio I don't even know Maria

He would he would I most of the time I knew where he was going and I was at most dinners He was you know, and he always had me sit next to him He smelled so nice to I've missed it really. He was like just an old, like a baby, you know. Do you use clone? No, do I use clone? I don't use clone. We don't need it. I've never used clone, man.

I used it. When I only wore it once, that was going to Sebastian and the Scalco show. I just scared away the way. Put it on because I was like, everyone's going to have it on. Yeah, that. And then he's I saw him and I was like, I was like, I have

clone on. He was like, for what? And I said, it was your show. And he was like, I was like, I'm cloning on. He was like, for what? And I said, it was your show. And I was like, I didn't think he took it as a compliment. He's funny. I would wear my dad's clone, Erimus. I put it on to pick up checks and it didn't work. And the last clone I wore was obsession.

Oh yeah? Dracar, an obsession. Those were the fucking ones. Wait, we were talking about Rick. What? David Tell was my favorite comment. No. What were we my favorite comment. Oh, I would sit next to him and he I would know I knew a store where he was and I knew what everybody wanted to hear. Talk about when Frank, you know, went up to your table and said not now, don't I mean, you know, the famous and I sort of organically lean them into it. Sometimes it most of

us great because I know what they want another time. I know what I'm going. I'm on anyone assholes trying to tell me a story But Sometimes he would do something and I'd be like where the fight would always know where he was going for the most part Yeah, and he had these roller decks, you know, you know, everything But he would throw a curveball and there's sometimes I'm like, where the fuck did that come from? He knew and he read all the magazines like people magazine So you're walking to any restaurant and he would see, you know, Susan Antonin, he would have five jokes about her or something.

Really? Yeah. He was very, very sharp. All the way till the end, he was very sharp. Am I boring you? No, no, no, no, I just, I, I, I, no, no, no, no, no, no, I, I, I, yeah, he was, he was a fucking legend. There won't be anything like that.

The way that they'd, he'd panel was so him, Rodney, all those guys were so always in the pocket, same with the buddy hack it. Like those guys were just... That was Jeff Ross guy. Yeah, Jeff Ross loved. Who do you like now? Who's the up and comers?

I don't know, it's hard to say because people are moving up so quickly. Two of the guys that last year opened for me at Red Rocks are two now, two of the biggest comics in the country, Mark Norman and Jane Gillis. And so like- How is Red Rocks? Is that great, plan? It's fucking amazing.

Do you just get a book, like, if you were to tell them, like, fucking Red Rocks and the people going nuts when you walk out and then you take a shirt off and think- It's crazy. Like, if you, I mean, I like it. It's why I loved your book. Is it if you would have told me, I've said that so many times. If you would have told me, I said, first time I did Red Rocks,

I had the crew that was working for me for travel channel was shooting me. And I said, if you would have told me, I was working Red Rocks and you guys would be my crew. And my sound guy, John Seale, said, I would have been a million dollars this would never happen. Yeah.

And I said, really goes in a million fucking years. I went to Florida State. I was flying to Florida State in a private jet to go to a game where they were like, like I was like if you told me when I was graduating college, first of all, that I'd be on a private jet. Did you graduate college? Uh, kind of. Yeah, right. Did you think that you want someone better looking than Ryan Reynolds to play you in a

bandwagon thing? I mean, sorry. I know. I still think he saw it. Yeah, I did too. If you would have told me right, but you know what it forces you to do is to be grateful Think you know and then before I wrote this book I never I would say I had a lot of regrets I shouldn't know and I wrote it and I go I don't have any regrets because thinking of that Because of this like I would have been great to go through life without, you know, the heartbreak that I felt and losing my parents that still with me to this day, losing

Bob and, you know, divorce. But I wouldn't have, like, if I didn't straighten up the DUI and if I didn't go through some of the heartache, I wouldn't know how to be the right person for Caitlin and the right father for Billy. That is the perfect way to end this podcast. I was thinking about today after my polar punch I said, would I do things differently? Absolutely fucking not and I would still all the bad shit I would go and I was wondering that with you I was like wonder if you would have done, like you know, your dad,

who's it, when your dad who said, no, it was Dean Martin, when you went to lunch and the lady was trying to convince you to stay at General Hospital and he's like, leave now. I was like, God, you played that perfectly. So many people didn't, the guy, who's patched, that guy, remember him that guy? Yeah, yeah. He never left. You know remember him that guy. Yeah, yeah, he he never left.

You know, it's a golden handcuffs situation, right? And the tie ends the yeah, yeah. Yeah, but it is and it is I saw you on Yannis's stories on his Instagram a long time ago and I thought how fucking cool he knows John's day most. Like I literally was like I think I texted him. I couldn't believe when I saw that you want to me on the show. They said, oh, I don't know,

where did they pitch me for your show? Did you see that? No, ever since I saw you on Yannis's, I, Christine was the first one. I saw you on Yannis's, I texted Yannis, I go, how do you know John Stammace? He's like, he's a great guy, I'll introduce you. And I was like, I was like, no, no, no, no,

I don't wanna fuck it up. Like, you're Hollywood royalty, you have a part in all of our childhoods. You've been around when we went and left and went to college. Every part of our lives, you've been in. You can't get rid of me. And you look the fucking same. I'm honored to be on your show.

I think you're such a talented guy. Now meeting a person is such a kind man. I could see in your eyes. Thank you. You're a good man. And I'm lucky to know you. I can't wait to start our friendship. I'll give you Tom's note and birds the machine There's not a chance in hell that they'll keep it clean Here's what we call, two bears one cave