2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer - Kinky Kings w/ Jim Norton | 2 Bears, 1 Cave

Episode Date: June 23, 2025

Check out Jim's new special Unconceivable right now on YouTube! Watch is here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rb05fiUz6cU SPONSORS: -Our listeners get 10% off their first month at https://betterhelp.com/bears -Get up to $200 off Square hardware when you sign up at http://square.com/go/bears ! #squarepod This week on 2 Bears 1 Cave, Tom Segura is joined by the legendary Jim Norton! The bears dive into Jim’s brand new special, why he no longer wants to be a cuck, and what it’s like to live shamelessly — including some very NSFW stories from Brazil. Tom and Jim cover everything from a friendly Hitler and war documentaries to bombing onstage and the dark side of stand-up. They check out clips of Orson Welles’ drunk ad reads and William Shatner being difficult during a recording, and discuss JFK conspiracies, before pivoting to the power of charismatic maniacs like Jeffrey Epstein. Plus, Tom confronts his own comedy insecurities and Jim shares some Patrice O'Neal stories and breaks down the wildest moments from his years in radio. You don’t want to miss this one! 2 Bears, 1 Cave Ep. 294 https://tomsegura.com/tour https://www.bertbertbert.com/tour https://store.ymhstudios.com Chapters 00:00:00 - Intro 00:00:38 - It's Hitler Summer 00:05:41 - Comedy Special Edits, Self-Hatred, & Narcissists 00:16:41 - Embracing Shame 00:23:49 - Dopamine Release 00:30:01 - Orson Welles & William Shatner 00:38:27 - Favorite Interview Guests & JFK Conspiracies 00:43:50 - Epstein 00:50:10 - Bombing 00:56:30 - Headliners 01:02:27 - Patrice O'Neal Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Whether it's a family member, friend or furry companion joining your summer road trip, enjoy the peace of mind that comes with Volvo's legendary safety. During Volvo Discover Days, enjoy limited time savings as you make plans to cruise through Muskoka or down Toronto's bustling streets. From now until June 30th, lease a 2025 Volvo XC60 from 1.74% and save up to $4,000. Well, Bert is recovering from quadruple bypass. It's going to be a few weeks, but as he recovers, we have some great friends stopping in and stopping with us right now is one of our absolute favorite comics. You can see his new special,

Unconceivable on his YouTube channel. It's Jim Norton, everybody. Thank you, Tom. Oh, thank you for that applause. Doesn't that feel good? It feels good, even though I know that no matter who you introduced, that would happen. Joseph Gerbils, they would still do it.

But the fact that you said Jim Norton, they clapped. You're right. It taps into my knees. Speaking of Gerbils, man, it's a Hitler summer here. We are- Why that? You mean great. I've been watching nothing but World War II docs because sometimes you're like, I've seen it and then a new one comes out, which I also am, I'm just fascinated. How many more docs can we do about Hitler like you right you think? It's covered and they're like no no no there's a new eight part series, but they're all fascinating I know it's like how many delicious flavors of ice cream can I have a new one?

The color footage of him is very crazy like when you see footage of the behind-the-scenes Hitler Yeah, like when he was chatting with people and doing his little friend like the friendly like guy and smiling and laughing with locals. God, it's the same guy. Yeah. And he's, it goes up to like the, uh, when the youth kids are joining and he shakes his hands and he taps their face like this and he's like, you're a good boy. And then he walks to the next one and you're like, oh, he's like this affable guy that everyone you're like, how come we don't see more of this? I'm tired of seeing

the negative spin. Yeah, the angry grimace. I did see, I read an article about a guy, he was a Jewish guy who lived, he was one of Hitler's neighbors and it was, I think he wrote a book and it was when Hitler first came to power and this guy was a very small kid. He was one of the few people alive who'd had like a personal interaction with Hitler. But it was mostly just from seeing him as a neighbor and then as the Third Reich got worse and worse, his family, his father sent him away and then his father luckily lived and met up with him.

But as a kid he said he would see Hitler around and you could just start to feel the tone change and the family got out of there. The shift kind of happened. Yeah, it's like when a comic starts selling tickets. Yeah. Something's going on. Not the same guy. It's not the same guy. Oh, there's like when a comic starts selling tickets. Yeah, something's going not the same guy It's not the same guy. Oh there it is Hitler my neighbor. I'm well he really on the nose, right?

Wow, wow you read this book no no no I of course I read a I read a brief summation of it Okay, but I wanted to come off like I read it, but I literally just read like an article on the book Yeah, that's um, That's pretty fascinating And especially to be like someone who was like, oh, you mean my neighbor? Yeah, the guy that yeah, I used to see him go for a stroll Get a coffee. They'd wake me up with the fucking lawnmower. Yeah, that's insane But those docs are so fucking good, man

They are so good and you realize, especially because we have wars going on right now, that there will never be the type of, like, even if there were World War III tomorrow, it wouldn't look like those wars. Like, with the way technology evolved. This was like, you know, the people were just like, I love my country, and I'm just going to battle. And it was just, you know, it was like,

get the gun, hang out in this burned out building. I just feel like now, you know, we have drones and, you know, fighter jets. It's just, it's a completely different thing. It's impersonal. Like, and like people would lie about their age just to go and fight. To go in. They love the country.

And you know what they said that people miss when they see, especially like World War I documentaries, is they said the smell of shit on the battlefield, it smelled so much like human shit because people had to shit outdoors or in trenches. And that's the thing that doesn't translate when you watch it. But it really stunk. And I think about it now whenever I say it. Really? Yeah. Yeah. I saw this in this doc, this guy was, I think he was a Brit. He was either British or American. And he was in the, I didn't even, some of these things remind you that like,

World War II extended into North Africa, which is something I think is lost on us a lot. So there's this battle there, he gets captured, he's a POW, and he's like, we go on this like, thousand mile drive in the back of trucks, standing, cause it's all just packed, and people just stood and shit and pit.

Like, they weren't gonna stop for us, so we just stood there and shit. Yeah, it's disgusting. Disgusting. But you don't think of it when you watch it, you're like, wow, the trenches, people kind of glorify it. It's like, no, people were pissing

and shitting in the corner. It's just, it's awful. Vile and awful, nothing worse. What was that movie, 1916 or 1917? 17, yeah. They said, I don't know if they cut it all, but they said it was all one shot. I'm sure they cut.

Yeah. But it looks, that was a great movie. Incredible movie, incredible, yeah, because that first sequence follows that one actor for like 25 minutes without seemingly a cut. Yeah. Like he just, yeah. There's a moment where he'll run behind something Yeah, that's like like a black Screen for a half second. Okay, they could have cut there or like maybe they can just do it now and make it look like

They can't I think they can yeah, there's a there was the show that came out there with every episode was like one shot Adolescents, I didn't see that. Is that a Netflix show? Yes. Is that the one where the kid was like whether he was a black kid but they made him a white kid for the show? Is that the- Oh, I don't know. Maybe that's not the one. I'm thinking about one where there was a murder. Yeah, this is the one. Oh yeah, I think people- the only thing I know about is

people were mad that they changed the race and made him a white kid. If it's the one I'm thinking. Oh, really? So it's based on? A black kid killing somebody but they made him a white kid and I don the one I'm thinking oh really yeah So it's based on a black kid killing somebody, but they made him a white kid And I don't know why or what the story really is oh shit. Okay. Yeah each episode is one continuous take which is really It's insane when you watch it. You're like how are they gonna do this there are little things though We're like you know because because they don't Obviously cut every time like if we were talking and you got up, you know, the camera tracks you

Yeah, but like when it goes when you walk past the doorway and then you go like, you know I mean like that moment where it's covering the door. Yep is in a moment you can cut as well Absolutely, but you probably cut down on inconsistency Like you like when you're editing a special and you go back and you realize like oh fuck that was from the late show And I'm going from here to there and it's like those those are the things that are really hard about it Piecing something together. Yeah, and then that's when you cut to the crouched out of the person going I know I hate Fucking crap I use them once in a while for the same reason everybody else

Yeah, but Louie actually turned me off to like we had talked years ago, and he's like I just like it black I don't want to see the audience, and he's like I just like it's black I don't want to see the audience and I was like I was like yeah He's kind of right like yeah the fuck needs to see yes an Asian girl on the show an Asian girl laughing That's like a Comedy Central thing the other one that somebody put in my head I don't remember who it was but ever since they said it. You know you can't stop thinking of it. Yeah is when a comic walks out and there's like two minutes of applause and you're like, if you know the person, you're a huge fan, sure you go up,

but like if you're just like, who is this? You're just gonna watch people clap? You're like, get to the, start talking. Yeah. Like cutting that down was something that somebody put in my head. Like don't just sit there and have you walk out, wave, how's it going, isn't this great to be here?

Ah, no. What's up, Phoenix? Ah, what's up, Phoenix? Yuck, cut that. But that's more like for YouTube too. Like, this one was done by the homeless pimp who's like, you know, legendary. But he goes, no, just start with mid joke, or a joke.

You're on stage, There's no walk up. Right. No one cares. Get to it, stupid. And he was right. No, I think that's a really cool move is like just get to it. I just was watching somebody like a notable comic and it was, I mean, borderline three minutes of walk out applause, looking around, thank you, it's great to be here, it's great to be in this city, more applause, and you're like, what are we doing here, man?

Like, let's get to it. Yeah, we don't need to see your victory lap before you've told one joke. You haven't done anything. Yeah. Yeah, you gotta get to the joke. Where did you shoot Unconceivable? Village Underground.

I'm glad you said the name, because this is true. I originally called it domesticated animals and then someone told me oh The bread Ernst has one called. Yeah, and I didn't know that. Yeah, I'm so dumb. I didn't Google it So I immediately changed it An unconceivable I figure is pretty accurate and it's a weird word, but I just keep forgetting what it's called So I'm glad you uh, I'm glad you said that but I hate watching myself so much. Oh, it's the worst word, but I just keep forgetting what it's called, so I'm glad you said that. But I hate watching myself so much. Oh, it's the worst. Isn't it terrible?

It's the worst. And you can always tell who's a piece of shit if they like watching themselves. Like, you can tell, dude. Like, I remember being in a green room one time where we were having this type of conversation, and some comic was like, don't you, he just volunteered, don't you just love watching clips of yourself, and I was like what?

Oh, and he was like yeah, I just go home, and I watch myself, and I go you're you're a psychopath That's a sociopathic thing to do and to not read that other people hate you for it hate Yeah, and he was just lost you know can you watch I? I'll do it during an edit like again It's part it's still part of the thing But like I know guys who can watch themselves in front of other people and look for the lens, and I'm like, ugh.

Horrible. Cringe. My last special, I got the call after months, they go, hey, we're gonna have to move your air date if you don't actually watch a cut. Because I kept going like, yeah, yeah, I'll get to it. Oh yeah. And putting it off, putting it off,

and they were like, you don't actually do that now we're gonna have to move the date and I was like all right cuz I hate yeah and then you just go look at my fucking my voice is weird yeah and yeah nice blinking nice delivery frog neck yeah believe it it's a real exercise in self-hatred yes but I can do it just until it's done but then once it's done I'll never know the worst two is I remember one time I got actually I know I know what to do, but I did a private For this like this, you know a corporate kind of thing Yeah, and I got there and I met one of the people and my big mistake. I was like, oh

Yeah, I'm excited to do whatever like that what I'm on tour with now and the guy was like, oh no No, no, no, like we want, he cited specific bits. I wanna hear this, and I wanna hear this. And I was like, oh shit. And some of those at the time were like, I don't know, five, six, seven years old. Literally, you know the bit, but I remember how it goes. Like the beats.

So I was like, okay, well thanks for telling me. And so I downloaded the, like from albums, my bits. Cause I was like, to like hear the rhythm and like, oh yeah, the words and how it goes. So I'm sitting there in my hotel room, like trying to like memorize, cause some of it feels vaguely familiar, but you're like, oh yeah, I got to pause here.

I know I'm not going to do it well. Anyway, I forget that I do that. And now those standup bits of mine are on my iPhone library. So if I have like a shuffle playing, sometime my own standup comes on. And you def, I go, I'll just drive into this pole. Yeah. I'm gonna unbuckle, yeah.

Yeah, I have a couple exactly on Spotify, the same, I'm such a, again, such an idiot. I'm like, well, I might as well support my own work, you know, fucking eager dummy in his 50s trying to capture the internet. But watching, like, you forget how to get into something. Like, I forget that, like, if I say this, but I forget the word that always springboarded me into it.

So if I have to just do a bit from the atmosphere that I did 10 years ago, I'm fucking doomed. I can't remember how to get into it. I don't know how to get into it either. I've never done it since it's been taped. I stopped doing it. So if I have to just do a bit from the atmosphere that I did 10 years ago, I'm fucking doomed. I can't remember how to get into it. I don't know how to get into it either. I've never done it since it's been taped. I stopped doing it. And it's yeah. As soon as you're I tape, I also let it go. I just go, that's done. Yeah. It's funny how I've one time a guy was like, do this bit. And I just was like, all right. And I started it and I was like seven words in. I was like, I forget what's next. Yeah. And then like, he starts doing the the bit like he has it memorized better

Than I do because you just you know why there's only so much room in your head Yeah And it's a and the people who like will do something and they shoot it and it's been out there for a while I mean you see them on the road two years later, and they're doing the same thing and it's like how do you not? How you know hang yourself? How do you not want to kill yourself doing the same joke? I you know it's funny because we have these conversations about this and it's like that guy though that's doing that too, he also is the one who's like, I feel stuck in my career and you're like, well, yeah, you're not evolving at all. Absolutely.

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Get started today. And that's the beauty of it. I know, I never feel stuck. I'm finished. And there's a big difference between being stuck and finished. I've accepted the fucking, the peak in 2007 really did take a sharp nosedive. You have to accept where you're at.

No, well, but your stand-up, like I told you this when you were here last, like you are, one of the things I admire so much, I talk about this thing on stage even right now, is that, like I learned that people, when you feel shame about anything, it grows in you and it stays and it actually can become overwhelming when you don't share it with someone. And then you have this thing where it feels like, oh, well, you're so comfortable sharing what would be shameful and therefore Opening up about it. Like was was that something that you knew to do or you just took a leap one day I don't remember it would make the other comics laugh like in the early like

1990 91 at the open mics and like the Sheraton's in New Jersey Yeah, the other comics responded to us. I was like art This feels kind of good to make those guys. Laugh and yeah. Yeah, because they're hard dads to get respect from, you know, and it just felt good to get it out. Like I always feel like the reaction is strong

when people connect with it. Yes. And it felt like now that I've said it, it's not a painful thing that I'm trying to hide anymore. Exactly, right. And again, in 2003, when when I did there was a show in Montreal called the it was a little confessing it so I started confessing things I had never talked about right um Was that scary?

Yes, and no I hadn't I joked about it a little bit But like I didn't that I did a bit one of them was about fucking a transsexual in a car It was true story. I mean I gave her a young lady a ride and, you know, and I think even at that point I was still lying and pretending I didn't know. There was one other thing I knew I could tell from across the street. Someone told me I have the eye. I can literally spot it from Google Earth. They transition. Yeah. And there was one other thing, but it feels great to just spit it out. Because what are you going to do?

I don't care if people like it. Once you've said it and you put it in their face, I don't care how they react to it. But that's like, and I feel like that perspective is like an earned thing. Like some people go, I don't care. Like, yeah, you do. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, like yours feels genuine.

But you've also have you also have this, this resume of being like, yeah, I let it yours feels genuine, but you've also have you also have this this resume of being like yeah I I let it out. I share the thing well I've also had enough time like I care about it being funny. I definitely care about that like I don't I don't want to Someone just standing up there blathering out Childhood trauma yeah big deal anyone could do that you have to yeah have the joke make it funny It's like otherwise just a fucking asshole doing a TED Ted Talk, do that, but don't tell yourself you're a comic. There's a few that are doing that

and they're doing very well. Yeah, she is. You're just giving your speech, it's very strange. And it's easy to do, but as years have gone on, especially from radio, I've gotten enough emails and contacts from people who go, I'm so glad you talked about that, because I had that or I was ashamed of that.

So that's when you start to realize like, yeah, I don't care if people don't like this, because enough people, they'll never go out and tell the world, hey, I feel good that he said that because it made me feel better. Right. But they've told me.

They've told you. Yeah. And that does feel good. It feels great. Are there any, because you've been so open about kinks, are there kinks that you were once like, wow, this is something and now you're like, it's so boring so boring like do you evolve past the kinks kind of a little bit Yeah, because what felt taboo like being a cuck. I always like being a cuck. I thought it was so dirty and taboo

Yeah, but now I'm married and it's like no I don't want to fucking somebody and then spit in my mouth Yeah, I don't want that. I wouldn't like that Brush your teeth you blew the uber driver Did you like the the cuck play role-play like or like those scenarios? We're like the what the big stud comes in is that that kind of thing or just any guy? Yeah, it could just be a guy with a bigger dick than my like there was just it was but it was some kind of a Humiliation thing and it would be the tethering. Somebody is mentally tethering you along.

I was talking about- The mental of it is so important. It's everything. And you learn, I feel like as I've gotten older, that when you're 16, you're just like, this woman's beautiful, if she's hot, she's, that's what you want. and then as you get older You're like, oh, it's all in like the attitude and the way someone speaks and like how they're you know, they could be

Objectively a six or whatever but like something about them. You're like no, she's a ten Yeah, the way she carries herself she communicates trigger words It's anticipation and like whether they know like there are some people in life Like I'm one of my exes was a great dirty talker And we would talk dirty and she was talking about fucking other guys And she just knew where I wanted her to go without me saying it and like when people do that It's like that's against like you're just following but they're like bread crumbing all this version in front of you Yes, without you setting it up. Yes, like setting up your own surprise party. It's just not the same right so but yeah, I've got like the cuck stuff

I'll still watch it online, but it's like yeah, I don't want to see that in real life. I've gotten more Like less needing that stuff because I'm only having sex with one person So you kind of you're you kind of you come back a little bit. You know what the the tide comes back in a little yeah and it's still fulfilling enough so thrilling enough I mean you know let's be honest married no it is it cuz none of it is worth wrecking the marriage for yeah and I say to myself like I was so attracted to my wife if I'm if I all of a sudden don't want to be sexual with her anymore then something is really wrong with me because I'll meet other people I'm attracted to But I'll never meet anyone who has more of an effect on me at one point than she did so I'm like then I know

It's just my addictive thinking. Yeah. Yeah, you know I mean it's like you have a lot of awareness though about it Yes, I've done everything wrong you can do like most things wrong, so it's like I've destroyed relationships. I've gotten caught I fucking cheated What's the like most have you ever had a thing where you're like? You're alone like you're not but you feel like the most degenerate like you're just like this. This is like I Feel like I went crazy You know a lot of times when I would go out with a girl and I knew I could fuck her But instead I would avoid the sex just to go home and jerk off

thinking about what the sex would have been like. Wow, that's a fascinating one. That's a perversion and it's also, then you realize it's not about sex. I didn't care about the, it's dopamine and it's keeping the high going. So it's almost like if you have a joint, instead of just sitting there smoking the joint,

you take one hit, stop for an hour, take one hit, stop, you're just making it last, making it last, making it last. That's what that was. Like once I had sex with someone, you know, ugh, you're back. Here's the world, here's life. So let me extend, extend, extend.

Yeah, yeah, so I would do that a lot. Like I would go out, I've had a lot of experiences, even with prostitutes, I would like see somebody and hook up and then not come. So much of it was the ritual of riding around looking. They had to approach the right side of my car. It was all this bizarre stuff that was just part of a get high.

Yeah, so all that, because all that is a dopamine release. Yeah, it was such a good feeling too. But it's such a fascinating thing that I don't feel like, I don't even think a lot of people even grasp entirely what you're saying. You know feel like, I don't even think a lot of people even grasp entirely what you're saying. You know, who, like, cause what you're saying is that, you know, we get dopamine from our brains,

from like either achieving things or doing pleasure seeking things, but you're, there's this thing that happens automatically that like, if you, you hit something, you get a threshold, the dopamine levels will go down. So you need to basically either, if it's a dopamine drip from challenging behavior, you need to make the challenge higher.

And if it's from like pleasure, you need to up the whole experience to make the thrill higher. So like you're getting dopamine from even the pursuit, right, the pursuit and like looking for someone. All this is tied together. It all kind of gives you the dopamine. Yeah, and Mike Tyson had a great term for it,

which he said he got from a therapist, and I believe it was baseline normal. Like the things you have to do, okay, just to feel normal. Like without the dopamine, without that rush, I felt like below zero, like I was in a pit, so like I had to do a lot of things, twiddle the nipples, text somebody, you know, just pervert, and then all of a sudden, okay, I'm good.

I feel normal. I'm regular, and then it starts going up, so. It's like a Facebook, or Twitter, whenever you see the little red thing, bing, bing, it's the same kind of a feeling of, that little bing, that little message, that little, oh my view count is good. It's all the same thing.

And I hate myself for at times still requiring that. Are you fucking weakling? Yeah, somebody said too that like, they realized that when you see a selfie posted from someone, like just, hey, it's a selfie, that that is a clear Need for that affirmation for people, you know, and like once you get that thought in your head You're like, oh, yeah, then you see the self you're like this person needs

Approval right here. And then if you take your own selfie, you're like, what am I fucking? Yeah, it's right. Yeah I really am I'm as big of a weasel as that person Yeah, yeah criticize and you notice it in opinions to people who are like, and again, I don't mean don't post opinions. We're all it's like a big conversation. Great. But people who are obsessive, it's almost like I'll play this game with myself where somebody who I really get annoys me. I'll go to their Twitter just to see. I bet you they're talking about this.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. And it's I don't hate watch a series, but I do that almost It's like going to the fucking gym mentally. I'm like am I right or am I being a prejudging asshole? Yep And a lot of times I'm right. I'm like yeah, they are you're right. They are obsessive Dummy, so I kind of catch I I don't want to be that so I try not to do that I know this I try to do it less to like this There's a few people who message me all the time who go, why haven't you spoken out yet about Palestine, Israel?

Why haven't I? That's what you're looking for? Once you, Tom, speak out, then we'll find the resolution. I don't need to. I mean- No. And it's also what they're doing is so self-serving. There's a really weird parasitic nature of people needing,

because they don't care about you or what you think. They want to go, are Tom's going to say something? Do I, if he says the right thing, it validates me. I agree, I feel strength. And if you say something wrong, well, fuck him. There's the dopamine rush of getting angry. Of getting angry, yes. But it's all parasitic.

It's all them somehow taking something from your opinion. It's total bullshit. They don't care about what you think. No, and they wanna just, whatever your opinion is, then they get to go, oh, you're in this cat, like they wanna categorize you. Sure. Did you know that most mattresses end up in landfills

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Shop now at NoFrills.ca. I always think of this, it's always pops in my head that one time I went to a gun range and it was like so fun, they like they train people how to shoot you know for the movies there. So like they were filming and posting videos and I posted one of these videos and just like so funny to see people go didn't know you were into this, understand and unfollowed and you're like what?

Yeah. Because of what? Oh, cause there's a gun at a gun range? Like where you're supposed to shoot him? Like it's, but they, that person felt like, oh, I know who you are now. Yeah, and they're dumb. They're really stupid. And I don't ever care if they unfollow me

or they're mad about it. No, it's actually good when you go, great. Happy to lose you. I'm happy you're gone, yeah. Because it's a level of stupidity. And it's like, it's actually good when you go, great. Happy to lose you. I'm happy you're gone, yeah. Because it's a level of stupidity. And it's a really weird thing. It's like a terrible weakness, masquerading as strength, where people are going around and it's like,

this is my, they think that they're telling such truths, but what they're also doing is making everyone who agrees with them already happy. Like they act like I'm just pissing them off, but it's like, ah, you forget the other 50% dummy, is you're entertaining and getting the approval of people who are already agreeing with That's what you want. You want to serve that master, right? You want people to go like you did the right thing You know people who like that's their currency is like I said something that I know someone else will applaud. Yeah

Or you're like you feel you're pretty lost They want some zilch to go good on you good on you good on you which I loathe Good for you. I'm good on you. That's a real old-timey way of doing I hate it, and I hate by the way when the fucking Brits say I went to hospital Yeah, you went to the hospital it drives me crazy And I don't understand why they removed the word that I went to prom a lot of people say that what about maths? With which one maths maths yeah, I've ever heard that really people say maths Brits Yeah, when I was taking maths. That's very irritating. Yeah, I didn't know that

I'm actually going over to London, and now I'm just gonna bother me. Oh, yeah If you you can find that for sure that uh yeah, they. Why do they do that? I don't know. I don't either. I mean, but the... He was in hospital. In the UK, maths is the common term for the subject where we use math. The difference is a minor point of distinction.

No it's not. Reflecting a difference in how the plural noun mathematics is abbreviated in the dialect. Yeah, it's like I was studying I was doing my maths and you're like no what they're forgetting is and it's a major issue You're right because th and s nobody likes a th followed by It's a hard sound. It's unpleasant. It is You see Orson Welles when he's doing that read that read for peas and he goes it's it's not pleasant to say It's not fun to say you've seen his when he's peeled out of his mind doing my huh? The French champagne has always been known for its excellent. I'm Paul. My son was

Yeah, he's absolutely fucking plastered what this is there is a French champagne He doesn't do anything. That's how he starts this 102 take two these poor people Celebrated for its excellence. There's a California Champagne by Paul Mastodon. And by the way, the guy and the woman with him, they are doing a scene with Orson Welles. By that same French excellence.

And they're looking at a pile like, he's fucking, he's peeled out of his head. He's bombing. The best French Champagne. It's vintage, dated. And they're also terrified. Terrified, because he was, there's audio of him doing those

things. One was for Mrs. Somebody's P and he still sounds good. Yeah, like he's still Orson Welles. Yeah. But when you listen to him doing that and he's snapping at the engineer, it doesn't feel good. And crisp crumb coating. He was doing one for and he was very intimidating and he would really upset these people because he would snap quickly. They're so scared. They're terrified. Because he's the guy who they say makes the greatest film ever made. So it's awesome, you know. Yeah, I'd say in other words, I'd start half a second late.

Don't you think you really want to say July over the snow isn't that the part of it? If you make it almost when that shot disappears. Let's not cover a field and say every July peas grow there. We know a remote farm in Lincolnshire where Mrs. Buckley lives. Every July peas grow there. We aren't even in the fields, you see. We're talking about them growing and she's picked them. What? I don't understand you. Then when must what must be over for July?

When we get out of it When I was out we were on to a can of peas a big dish of peas when I said in July Yes, just Snapping at the engineer. Yeah unhappy with the way the camera was being like, you know, you've heard the Shatner one. I don't know. Oh William Shatner one? I don't know. William Shatner is doing a read, and it's clearly like a sound engineer who he does overstep for a moment where he's like, maybe like internet,

maybe go up at the end or something. And he's like, what's that? And he's like, you know like like when you read it like yeah he gives him like a little direction ooh and then William Shatner is like okay and he goes no no no I'm gonna do it just the way you said and the guy's like no I'm sorry I'm sorry he's like no no no and he does like a shit read was it Oldman who wound up oh no no it's Christian Bale where he yells at the person who walked in his sight line. And technically he's right, it's like how dumb,

because he keeps going, you have rank amateur, fucking amateur, but it's like the guy was an idiot to not know that he's doing a scene, he should have handled it better. He should have handled it better, but it is kind of the thing where you're like, if you're trying to like, you're in this scene and you're really prepared and it's emotional,

and then like people, like like cuz when we were shooting this Thing if you hear like hammering or something you're like dude. I can't fucking do this. Yeah, right That's why you like stop the work you like let the thing happen. Yeah, so I mean did he lose his shit Yeah, oh, yeah Yeah, I mean I kind of I kind of get it Yeah, I do too and people were like how terrible he? But it just made me love his work more. Yeah. Because I'm like, he really cares

about getting there properly. Or like when Cruz lost his shit on his crew during COVID. Yeah. And you're like, well, yeah. I mean, he's like, this whole fucking thing can get shut down if you fucks break the rules, you know? He did say one thing. Then there's always that one thing they do.

You're like, ah, where he said something about, we're saving Hollywood. He made some comment thinking, rules, you know he did say one thing that then then like there's always that one thing They do we like ah where he said something about like we're saving Hollywood like he made some Like you didn't have to say that you could have just kept doing what you were Yeah, he was technically right to be pissed off. He was he was very pissed Yeah, what are you gonna say? It's Tom Cruise And he's also the guy who fucking he hung off the side of the Burj Khalifa he jumps off planes like he does his own shit He's gonna say about him. He's unbelievable, man. Have you met him? I have never met him.

No, me neither. I've never met him. Everybody who I know and several people who have, and they all say that it is like when you talk to him, you're the only person in the world. And he's like all on you and very engaged. A lot of times if he knows he's going to meet you, he's fully briefed on you. So engaged a lot of times if he like if he knows he's gonna meet you He's fully briefed on you. Yeah, so he knows like all these he'll reference things and you're like, oh shit

Like he'll he'll know your whole background the guys who are the most Captivating charismatic they said Bill Clinton would do that They understand that the thing that makes a person like you is when they think you like them or when they feel like you're entertained By them or they're entertained by you so like I realized that I look like people in my life I really like I'm like I make that guy laugh a lot, so I really like him Yeah, like he makes me feel good about myself. He doesn't just entertain me He makes me feel like I'm entertaining him isn't that a fucked up thing to learn yeah like oh shit I'm just like an insecure

You laugh all right cool. What's up, man? Yeah. You wanna go out? Yeah, yeah. You can go, hey, you can come to my house and fuck my sister. As long as you get a giggle out of it. Is this it? Yeah, this is it.

OK. This is William Shatner, and I would like to invite you to take a journey with me into the 21st century. So take the next few minutes and listen very closely. You'll be amazed at what you hear. Okay. Can there be a little more excitement in the beginning?

I love it. Okay. All right. It sounded like really laid back. uh... okay uh... and i'm uh... i'm saying uh... uh... i'll try to do that

let's do take to it uh... that laughs is what i'm sure that i would like to invite you to take a journey with me into the twenty-first century so take the next few minutes and listen very closely. Well speak up and maybe you better do it the way you hear it. Do it for me. No, I mean just go ahead.

This is William Shatner and I would like to invite you to take a journey with me into the 21st century. So take the next few minutes and listen very closely. You'll be amazed at what you hear. Yeah, so he's like that he actually is doing a direct mimic read of that guy. And it's so bad. And it's clearly like that guy, overstepped he did a little bit Yeah, there's certain guys you can't it's a director can give certain notes, but certain acting notes like

For me, I would take the note because I stink but there are guys who are really who are so good at what they do They're like you're telling me how to do a line. Yeah, you're fucking crazy like crazy And they're right usually the guys are but but again a lot of actors will give you a couple of Different takes and say which one do you like yeah, and those are the ones that people tend to like Working with but yeah that to give Shatner an acting note and a voiceover. This is William Shatner, and if you He's saying the whole thing is a fuck you to the engineer Yeah, and it's humiliating it's humiliating and that guy's just like I'm so sorry I spoke.

Please do what you, and he's like, no, no, no, no. You said it, so I'll do it. And then that guy's like, am I going to lose my job? Yeah. And William Shatner hates you. Yeah. He hates you so much. I like him.

I've interviewed him a few times, and I was on a plane and I saw him. And we were going, it was a layover from Tampa to Philadelphia. And I said hello to him as the plane landed and he goes and he recognized Because I and he was very friendly and the pilot even came out to meet him because he found out Shatner It was so funny watching him blow off the pilot really the pilot was like hey one time we met and Shatner goes Yes, it was very nice and just walks off it. I was like oh you poor bastard It was a big moment. It was a big moment We connect with Bill who's like do have, because you interviewed a lot of people,

do you have your all time favorite thing where you're like, this was like my, somebody you can't believe you got the opportunity to interview? Ozzy, obviously, because I was such a fan. Trump last, a year and a half ago for UFC was a big one. It wasn't like a life's goal, but in hindsight it was a huge moment Even was your take on on him. We didn't talk politics

It was for UFC so it was only fighting because Dana loves him and he was like he was very important to the early UFC Giving me a home. Yeah, my take from it was that he is a great memory like we talked boxing and we talked MMA for about 40 minutes and he remembered everything. People thought we had cue cards set up for him. And it was an absolutely non-political conversation about the old days and the fights and what he felt about this and how this happened.

And the memory was really good. So my take was like, let him or hate him, his brain is working and he's got a great memory. Feel like when I was a kid, you know, you would always see these big like Tyson fights at like Trump Taj Mahal or like, right? Like Trump, wasn't Trump always in some way involved with some of these big boxing events,

like in the 80s and stuff? Yeah, he was. I think like a foreman, I think foreman Michael Moore, if I remember, I don't even remember. Like I did all this research and now I forget it and he remembers it from 30 years ago. But yeah, he was involved with a lot of those huge fights and a lot of them were.

Taj Mahal was one, I think that's Atlantic City. I think so, yeah. You know who was a fascinating guy to talk to? He just died. I forget his name, it was, oh my God, Cliff. He was Clint something. he was the Secret Service agent in the Kennedy assassination, who was Jackie's Secret Service, what's his name, oh, Clint Hill.

Yeah, and he was the one who was behind the limo when Kennedy got shot, he's the guy who runs behind the limo and hops up on the back of Kennedy's cars at speeds off to Parkland. Wow. and I was describing looking in and seeing the inside of the president's head And he knew that he was dead like that that was a fascinating wow guy to talk to yeah Did he have takes you know because there's so many theories on the assassin he said he shot him He said I finished him off. Yeah, that's good head of hair. No, he was uh, he said he heard the bullet behind him. He said he heard it.

He said I was there and I heard the bullet coming from, you know, I didn't get too crazy detail with him because it's almost like asking Buzz Aldrin, another fun guy who I've interviewed who's also very cranky, snapped at me. Yeah, a fucking buzzes. You know he's he does not suffer fools Yeah, and I asked him a question. He goes Let's not dilly-dally. I've got to get to CNN. He was really shitty Yeah, but he walked on the moon, so I took it. Yeah, I sure I took it like a trooper yeah But these guys sometimes the I don't want to go too far It's like asking buzz about the moon landing like it's real like I didn't want to ask him stupid conspiracy questions

Yeah, for him. It's like yeah, of course it happened. That was it was behind me and I heard it Well, like it's like every year now There's like more like the further you get away from it people have new theories. I know they're like others for shooters and all this and I remember I was talking to this emergency room doctor and he's like anybody who thinks that because of the trajectory of that the bullets had to be multiple people has not been in an emergency room. He goes, when you see what bullets do, one bullet does to some people,

where it enters here and it fucking moves around. He's like, it totally opens your mind as to what one shot can do to someone. They literally turn all over the body. And I love, I mean, look, I still love JFK. It's a great movie. And I do like that Oliver Stone, I think all the parts he was speculating about were in black and white.

I think that was the device he used to show you, this is something that I think and not, other than Mr. X, the Sutherland part, which was, I think, two people put together. But it's still a great film. I don't care if it's right or wrong. I still enjoy watching it Yeah, I mean I actually feel like even when I don't I Don't know not convinced by someone's right. I mean Conspiracy theories can sometimes just be very entertaining

Yes And when people I don't mind people like I used to be a very big believer that it was a conspiracy And I think it was Vincent bullio see I interviewed where he was he had a book come out He called in so I read his book, and he was very very much Warren Commission he believed that it was Oswald and that was it And I was like oh, yeah, I kind of think he's right like so I don't get married to the idea of one way or the other Yeah, that's the problem is people get married to it. Like, it doesn't, who gives a fuck?

Whatever the truth is, I'd like to know it. When you get too married to it, that's when you realize, this is like a, you're in a bad place when you go, I'm more interested in being right than I am in learning what the truth is, then you've kind of lost your way. Yeah, it's like, in an argument with your spouse, it's acceptable. Yes. I mean, that's exactly why I'm a shit partner

Yeah, because I have to be right right but you know when you start getting into that in life That's when like people like it just shut up. Yes, we heard you you've been heard Yeah, sometimes I want to just tell people that you've been heard. Everyone's heard you. Yes, let's move on Yeah, it didn't have the effect you wanted. It didn't move us like you thought we don't look to you as a thought leader You're not a voice of the generation, but you've been hurt. I do think it was hilarious that with the The what's that guy? He's like the deputy chief of the FBI now, and he's like a catch patella No cash is the actual director, but the the deputy that guy Dan Bongino or bond Bon Gion or something yeah, yeah that guy

who was like a huge right-wing conspiracy guy and Was like, you know fueling all these types of things is in this interview like two weeks ago He's like Epstein killed himself. Yeah, sorry. It's like and you're like these are like this the same guy who would be like It's impossible. The cameras were like, you know, and now he's like, listen, I looked it over, he killed himself. Which means either A, people would say he's been compromised, or B, you could go like, oh, he actually did see all of the legit information that he knows is legit. I always thought it was, I always thought he hung himself.

But the two cameras being out is very suspect. You can't ignore that. For sure. But I't ignore that for sure But I always felt that he was worth six hundred million dollars And now he's in a roach infested place and he's gonna go to jail for life as a she's even know as a So there's a good reason to hang there's a good reason to hang your sure there's also you look at behaviors, right? Like a few days before he died he went through the actual process of transferring all of his immense finances to his brother.

And it's like, well, what mind space are you in when you go, hey, why don't you put everything in his name? Well, because you think maybe I want to die. Yeah. He was also probably worried about lawsuits after too. Like he knew that the civil suits were coming. Sure. But I mean, that was a guy. There's certain things certain things that like if they were gonna kill you before you gave out information

They wouldn't have left them alive that long. Yeah, they probably would have killed him outside of a jail They would have just picked them off somewhere If they can pull it off in a jail they can kill you somewhere else Yeah, get to you there was another guy in France who committed suicide But I think you've been jailed for a year. I went they don't leave you in jail for a year. If they want you. Yeah, or Oswald. He was interrogated before he got shot. It wasn't like they picked him up

and he died on the way to the police station. Then you go, maybe. But he was interrogated and he was in custody for a short period of time. Yeah, it is pretty likely, let's say, he transferred his, yeah, 577 million two days before his death to his brother. Trust named the 1953 Trust. So yeah, he might have known what was about to happen,

but he had great reason to kill himself. I mean, he knew he was finished. Yeah, yeah. He was in France too, I think. And see, there was so much speculation at the beginning. Did Galane help the state? Because then there was the speculation that she was the one who got him to come back Uh-huh, I know everything's okay, and then he gets arrested. He might have thought oh if they have her. I'm dead I'm dead, so that's but again, then they wound up going after her so yeah

Um and also it's like I'm like every week it feels like they go you're gonna see this list now Yeah, it's just I don't understand I don't either the only people they should there's been people that they I heard they protected who had Legitimate business dealings with them who had nothing to do with any of the sexual stuff that they kept private Because the name Association would have ruined their lives. Yeah but they legitimately weren't involved with that stuff. But then there's other people you're like, maybe they're... Right, because he had to have obviously some legit

business things going on, right? Like, yeah. There was one guy that, the way that Epsi made a huge amount of his money was he managed the money of a multi-billionaire. And then when that guy became aware of his first scandal is when he was like, he's like, I don't want my money with this guy.

He took it away from him. Not Lex, not Lex Wessler, right? Who was the guy who, Lex Wessler was the guy from, he owned a bunch of, I would say he owned a bunch of stores, but I realized I couldn't have sounded stupider. But he was, he was a, he's like a guy who owns a lot of- A massive shareholder, right? Something, yeah.

It could have been, I don't remember exactly who it was, but this really well-known business guy was like, he was like managing my money, and then that first case, like this is before everything, the earlier one, and he was like, oh, I don't want anything to do with this guy. And so that guy was like, I don't wanna be associated with this fucking guy, which is legit, right?

Yeah, of course, but yeah, that's why they kept some of those names off, but I would like to we'd all like to see it It's just curious of course. Yeah, we all want to see the super famous people Is there anyone left? I can they said there was all this video and then we've seen nothing Then you realize how much these people just talk how much people in public life government officials How many of them are easily influenced by what somebody else says, and then they turned out not to know what the fuck they were talking about?

They don't know what they're talking about. No. I think we all, our illusion is that we always think that the well-known are gonna have some special level of knowledge and know things and are gonna say, but they're all just regular people. They're all straight. They're regular people and they're as prone

to being reactionary and stupid as we are. I never care about the opinions politically of people who are, whether they're arguing Israel, I just don't care. I don't care. I don't give a fuck what they think. It doesn't sway me at all. No, no.

It's boring. I mean, and also it's like, okay, high profile names. I think we knew almost all of these, right? Spacey and I'm a Campbell, Prince Andrew, Randy Andy. What a naughty boy. Never seen a guy like, here's the problem with Prince Andrew. He's a guy who is so rich and so coddled that people would always go, yes, your majesty, yes.

And he had no idea what a bad liar he was. He never had to truly lie his way out of something because he would go I didn't knock the lamp over and people go of course you didn't yeah Yes, he never had to really connive and lie his way out of a ticket Yeah, so he thought he was a better bullshitter than he was that's such a good point. Yeah, that's such a good observation I was watching him the awful explanations He was giving and by Emily of limitation it was I did an amazing interview with him. She was such a fucking Sniper like luring him in he thought he did well. Yeah, he thought he killed it on that interview

Yeah, that's the one that's the big one. He did that was the big one the night. I'm sorry was called nightline or something and But you realize this guy for him to believe that he did well is such a lack of self-awareness Yeah, totally delusional. You see a guy coming off stage and going fuck they're hot. It's like shooting fish in a barrel. And you're like Yeah I had a guy one time did that he walked off and we were like whoo and he was like killed him and you're like

What? You killed the mood. You just ate shit bro. What you killed the mood yeah, you just ate shit, bro I've had like four bomb sets in a row and maybe five even on that the comedy song just worked You ever some just go like I don't know what it is, but there's something. I'm just I'm not believing it. There's something. I've been doing last week or so where I have just been eating shit Oh, yeah through and on and I got it Maybe I got to change up the order just to make it fresh again The order can make a big difference

I mean I told this story a few times about how one of the hardest I ever fucking bombed and it was a It felt like it was a six-hour set. I was supposed to do 25 minutes in the you know that was the middle and it was the summer of Katrina and 2005 right yeah 2005 and I was the middle and it was the summer of Katrina. 2005, right? Yeah, 2005. And there was reports that week that some people were actually forcing themselves sexually upon people in the aftermath.

Yeah, in the Dome. In the Dome and also they were like in the city, this was happening. But there's also reports of like, obviously like corpses floating by. So I thought a clever opener would be my observation that like, you know nothing gets my dick harder than a bloated carcass floating by.

Makes me wanna fuck somebody too. And this is like a sold out show. and a bloated carcass floating by, makes me wanna fuck somebody too. And this is like a sold out show. Everybody was like, huh? And then I didn't realize that I didn't have the skillset to recover from that. Like I was like, I'm gonna pivot now, right? And they were like, no, you're not. So it was, I mean, I had hair and it was flop sweat.

Like it was stuck to the side of my face, pouring sweat, pouring sweat. I ate shit so bad that like, you know, there's a hierarchy in standup. Yeah. The MC was like, how about that fucking douche bag? And I was like, yo, like you're the MC dude. He was like, you suck dude.

By the way, I concur with your opinion that it was a great opener. That's hilarious Dude, I thought I was I was like that's you know the the kind of you know You're trying to convey like what you think is funny. Yeah, I think this is funny The crazy thing was I get off stage first of all the club owner comes up to me She is a she's the manager. She goes. I thought you were supposed to be funny. And I was like, oh. And then she goes, can you also not add? And I go, what?

And she goes, what does that say? Because there was a count up clock. And I bailed at like 22 or 20. I was supposed to do 25. And she goes, do 25, dumb ass. And I was like, right, sorry. Second show, sold out. Every show is packed, packed show.

Do you remember who the headliner was? Yeah, it was Bert, Bert's with me. It was one of our first, like one of our, it was our first road gig together. Okay. It was, it's a packed show, I mean it was paper, don't think it was a sell-out. Yeah, of course not, I just did.

So, it was, it was 05. Yeah, five tickets, yeah. But it was like, packed second show. You could hear it bustling, and I do that thing where you go like, don't be a pussy, right? Like, go for it again. And I do that thing where you go, like, don't be a pussy, right? Like, go for it again. So I do the exact same opener. Dude, I think I eat shit harder.

It's like, it is worse. And it was the first time, because somebody had asked me, they go, have you ever had moments where you're like, you know, maybe I shouldn't be doing this? And I remember I go, I remember that was one of the first times I was in my hotel that night and I was like, maybe I'm doing, like, maybe I'm not cut out for this. Maybe I'm not good at this Maybe I shouldn't do this. Yeah, sometimes it hits you so hard It rattles you beyond like wow that sucked. Oh, man. What if I'm nice? I gotta work that out. It's like wow I'm a fraud. I'm wearing a costume a costume. I'm a multibus. I was like I

Talked to Christina that night. She was like, how was the show? I was like, they're a little tight. You know, I was trying to like, I wasn't confessing the full story. I was like, yeah, they're just, that's kind of a weak, soft crowd. Yeah.

And then it was, that was Friday night. And then Saturday night, we have two more. And I still remember Burt coming up to me. He goes, can I just give you one thought? And I go, yeah, sure what. He goes, just open differently. Do anything else you wanna do, but just open on a different joke.

And I was like, all right. And I went up there and I opened differently, and it was like such redemption. I had like a gang buster set. Like one of those like, holy shit, you killed. You know, where like the emce set yeah like one of those like holy shit you killed you know we're like yeah MC was like god damn He was like you really turned things around. I was like yeah, I just didn't do my yeah a corpse sure It's a tough one if you don't know how to pivot that's a great way you said that if you can pivot from a bomb But when you don't know how to pay don't know how that's a giant hole to do I was too. I was too inexperienced. Yeah, you know it's like now. I feel like I could probably say

Even worse things sure and be like well. I have the skill set to recover Yeah, I know how to zig and zag and kind of recover. That's one of those things you can't manufacture No, the the skill set no you have to and a a lot of times, and I've certainly had those moments that I just go down the toilet, I'll tell the audience that they're right, and I see it too, I know that, what that just happened, we all know it. Sometimes bringing them in, and they're like,

all right, at least he's being honest with us, and we know that he knows what he's doing up there. But when you plow ahead, like, you know, that went as planned, that whole never let him see you sweat, like that doesn't work in that situation. No, that's because it's dishonest. It's also they go this guy doesn't he's not real. Yeah, not in the room with us Yeah, exactly. He's sweating and we see it and he's pretending that we don't I mean I've had even on this like on this tour Now though sometimes you're like, you know, I'm gonna just gonna open with like a local observation

Sure, you just fucking you say it and you're like pausing for the laugh and everyone's just like, is that the observation? And you're like. Yeah, so, I just got back from a trip. I'm gonna switch to the acting. Yeah, I figured I'd go off book for a second. Yeah, yeah.

And the director went, no. Could you say it the way it's written? Could you please just stick to the script? Yeah, yeah, yeah, sure, no, I was just trying to, yeah. Improv a little, pretty good at it. written? Could you please just stick to the script? Yeah? Yeah sure I know I was just trying to yeah Improv a little pretty good at it. It's it's easier now than it used to be because if it's at least if it's your crowd They are there. They know you're funny, and you can acknowledge it and move forward Yeah, but sometimes still if I again in the regular in the cellar or somewhere where they're not there to see me You know they don't half of them are fucking NYU students. They have no idea who I am and it gets ugly Yeah, but I mean I love the practice of doing like when I go to LA, so I go to LA more.

That's what I love about the OR is that like on the OR if you walk in there might be on any given night maybe 20 of them are super stoked that I'm there. Yeah. And maybe 140 are super stoked that other comics are there and don't care. So then you're like, oh, you still have to like, the joke's gotta be there. Yeah, it's a great test because they're not gonna give me the we like you so we're with you.

Yeah, no. This is just what it is. Yes, yeah. Seinfeld would say that, cause he would go on to the cell, he goes the first five minutes when you're on his level, he goes the cell He goes the first five minutes like when you're on his level they would he goes They'll give you the first five minutes because they're happier there But then you have to it has to be good or you're gonna tank

Yeah, I saw Robin Williams tank in that room It was never an aggressive tank where they were like fuck you it was never like that But it was almost like they would at one point stop laughing and wait for a joke that they liked yeah That's the difference between being that guy and somebody else is like, you can still bomb, but they're not as mad at you. Yeah, the bombing looks differently. Yes.

Yeah, I mean, I feel like actually one of the worst feelings is if you go to a club and you get like a crazy ovation in walking out and then it's flat, the rest of your whole set and you're like, what was that? Why did you do that? And I always go with no intro whatsoever? I never wanted to try despise credits. You don't want one of the best comedians working today I mean just to say he was he's been seen on it. It humiliates me humiliating or the worst is there would go

We got a special guest And say what are you doing? Who there's no's no special guest. I was scheduled to be here. What did I have? One time I was with, I was in New York and Chappelle and Rock were doing one of those joint shows. But I got a 500 seater and they go, we have a, not them, but whoever was up there was like, we have a special guest.

And I was like, you realize they're like, oh, is it fucking And when they said me you can tell people like They were not excited no the worst is when the special guest they were and then it's a tepid applause Somebody must know who he is yeah, then you just bring Dave and rock out. Yeah Yeah, you don't ever want to be as a special guest you don't want to be smaller Than the people they're expecting Way small that's a humiliation. Yeah, it was such a human. They were like oh is fucking cosby here Yeah, yeah, it was really it was a bummer dude. Yeah, they do it at the cellar once in a while

But I tell every host like no no intro no no I don't use my own name there Tays to get death threats from there it happened years ago from the radio show I started using fake names And I didn't want them had people hassling the club Yeah, like you I mean like call in the club see I am just being dicks and it just kind of stuck So I use always fake names when I'm working that list like I'm on the on who's gonna be there on the outside Yeah, yeah, and except for the Wednesday night show I do then it's my own name But again, it was just at one point to stop the club for being hassled. I had a real fucking weird

Do you ever miss kind of the chaos of the morning? Oh my god, I'll be an Anthony show. Of course It was it's the funniest thing ever. I loved It was no pressure. I would just show up. Yeah and be funny like and Anthony would be fine and just hang out with comedians It was fucking great. Dude. It was was uh Yeah, I miss it a lot I mean it would do is a time capsule and I was I'm happy that I didn't sabotage it Yeah, like when things in life end right I go it sucks that it ended, but I know that I showed up for it I was really Present when I loved it. Yeah, and I didn't blow it

Yeah That's how I live with it like knowing I didn't think of a relationship ends Because someone gets killed in an accident that sucks, but it's a lot easier than you drunk driving and killing them Yes, because then you're like why did I do that? Do you are you having fun with the podcast though? Jim Norton can't save you. Thank you. Yes, love it And I really do love it like it's give this mine and I can talk to whoever I want Yeah, it's it's been very fun. We use qualis because I still like that live interaction. I kind of like having that.

I had Anthony on again recently. I've had some great guests. It's fun. I hate saying it's fun, but I mean it is. I just enjoy doing it. Yeah, I mean, fuck man. It's been, I mean, I never had a radio job, but like 15 years

I've been doing podcasts. And it is fun, because you just get to go like, who do you wanna have on, and then have a conversation. It's like, it is still like the best thing. The only thing that misses, again, the live interaction I liked because you know that a lot of people are hearing you, so any mistake is everyone's hearing it.

Or there is that one thing about being live yeah where I know that they're hearing it now I know I just explained what live means to a comedian fucking idiot no I know exactly but I know I know but the nerve of me to explain that to you do arenas and I'm talking it's a microphone will convey shut up Jim yeah no there's like but there's that you you're right though because with the podcast you can you always have that thing you're like hey cut that out yeah don't you know don't use that don't show that whatever right you're more naked on the morning radio it's a you have a dump button and but that was only for like things that would get you sued for

slander or a last name somebody to call up yeah my girlfriend they give her name and it's like that drop that out because we don't know if he's lying or not We're gonna get fucking sued for putting it out there, but that's the only difference Is that you would dump something out of necessity or it was a word that was gonna get you fired I'm gonna drop that n-bomb or whatever At one point at one point no one cared, but yeah, I miss doing that. I love that show so much It's interesting to me too that like I really commend you guys that you were part of the circle of Patrice's circle, you know friends that like when he died and

I saw in the you know, the years after the first year second year They're like, oh we're doing this fundraiser this thing for Patrice for his family or whatever yeah I was like you can kind of tell someone's impact by how long they keep doing that yes you know I mean people you're like yeah we'll do that once and like I feel like the fact that you guys have just done it every year that you guys have been really committed to like keeping that going I did I think I think you did the first 10 And the reason I still I'll do them once in a while now But it's almost like you want people to come see them you don't them to see the same acts right? Which I'm really annoyed that I did the first ten because I've also thought if I died

Yeah fucking Patrice would have done one. Yeah, he would have done the first year, and he wouldn't have been happy Yeah, he would never be talking about me in interviews a decade later. Oh Like I'm so much nicer to his memory than he would be. Right, I think all you guys are like really, like you really have upheld that, you know. I just found a video, I just found this, where it was, we did a film called Furry Vengeance,

which was a classic with Brendan Fraser and Brooke Shields and Patrice and I played construction workers, and he was so miserable and difficult on that shoot, he was very funny. And there's a scene where we have to dance at the end. It's just as the credits are rolling, it's one of those, we had to do a dance to I think a Cypress Hill song and it's something that's very humiliating to have to like dance to.

But again, it was part of the thing, it wasn't my idea. And I have video of us rehearsing and he was just so Miserable and soap it's such a Patrice Not really wanting to commit to it and just being annoyed and there was no audience watching It was me him and one of their actors So I'm really glad I had that like I really did love him and he really was as funny as people think he was yeah But he was also I think a nicer guy than people think he was like towards the end of his life He started apologizing to people

for things he had done that he felt like negatively affected them. He felt bad. Really? Yeah, yeah. He started to feel bad about stuff. He had 40. And I remember he called me one time, we were just whatever we were talking about. And he goes, man, I feel irrelevant. And I'm like, what do you mean? He's got I just I feel like I'm irrelevant, completely irrelevant. Like it was just he was the same as any other comic

You would have great moments in his is his like fuck I'm a piece of shit moments and I think he apologized to Jeff Garland For the way he was to him on tough crowd and there was a few other people that he started feeling guilty it was because one of the things was he had done a project and There was one guy on the set being a fucking douchebag But it was Patrice's project and Patrice goes am I that guy on the set being a fucking douchebag, but it was Patrice's project. And Patrice goes, am I that guy on somebody else's thing? And he goes, I never want to be that guy again

on somebody else's project, because now I see how upsetting it is when someone, you know what I mean? So he was a more self-aware person than people might, oh my God. Wow, yeah, those dumb hats. I mean, none of us are proud of that moment. Yeah, well that face he just made was,

it didn't seem like he wanted to be doing it. No, but that little move they were just doing there, that was, oh, I just, I can't. Furry vengeance. I've never seen the whole movie. That's hilarious. Yeah. You had a big smile on your face.

I did, yeah. I mean, I knew I was on camera, I just was happy to be there. At least Patrice had the integrity to go, this sucks. I remember, we had the same manager at the time, and I remember he was being such a ball buster to the director in front of the other, he was just so, he was like he was at the table.

And I was like, dude, you're gonna get us fucking, what are you doing? What are you fired? at the table. Yeah. I was like, dude, you're going to get us fucking. What are you doing? Yeah. We have fired. I called my manager like you tell him this, you know, they're going to can them. I'm glad we I'm glad we did that, though. It was just so awful. More dancing. Yeah. Yeah. None of us were really proud to. You know, oh, there's yeah.

Riggle. Yeah, that's the that's the part I wish I had just in the barrel. No, we're going to put this barrel on you again. Perfect. Yeah, that's the part I wish I had just in the barrel. No fucking. We're gonna put this barrel on you again. Perfect. Yeah, that's awesome. Yeah, I'm glad I had that footage of all that. It was just us in a room. So it's like those little dumb things that I have with my friends. How long has it been done?

2011, I think. And I just, I've been thinking about him a lot lately because I did Ari Shafir's podcast a few weeks ago and we were talking about the Brazil trips. And so he said, hey, you have any pictures? So I was going through a lot of my Brazil photos with him and with Keith Robinson and Bobby Kelly and Voss. So yeah, I was just going through all that stuff.

Brazil, amazing? Yeah, I mean, I wouldn't go back. We went three times. This was around 2003 and four. Radio was over at that point. We had gotten fired, so we were off the air for two years So yeah, we were going down there and have gone to the whorehouses and it was fun. What's the best whore place? I only room you mean like in the world. Yeah, I

mean for me my big step to me was not one of them because I prefer English speakers because Again, the communication is sexy. I don't want somebody go here you gonna go, here you go, and then fuck me. I like someone who can talk dirty. New York or LA for me has been the best. Wow. Because it's the most people to choose from. Amsterdam, I didn't do it when I was there. I was like, ah. I looked there, I think I went into one,

but it might have been in Antwerp, Belgium. There was another place, and I kinda just did it to do it. But I kinda like when the person, you get to know them a little bit Yeah over time a little rapport going a little rapport going. Yeah, I like that a lot New York's for me the best There you go, New York, man. They really do have everything. Yeah, so you that never sleeps Be sure to check out Jim's new special Be sure to check out Jim's new special, Unconceivable. It is out right now on his YouTube channel.

Make sure you listen to Jim Norton Can't Save You, the podcast, and see him on tour. Are you on tour right now? I am on tour. I gotta change my tour name. By the way, I've said this about you too. The best tour name is I'm Coming Everywhere. I was jealous I didn't think of that.

But my tour picture is an abomination. I'm just an egg-headed fat fuck. Now you know with a suit. I should have been shot for that, but I was just, I needed something. So yeah, I have to change the name of it. Okay, but you can get tickets to see Jim is at jimnorton.com. Jimnorton.com, yeah. Jimnorton.com.

All right. Thank you for coming, Jim. I appreciate it. I love you, man. Thanks, Tom. Love you, too. All right. coming, Jim. I appreciate it. I love you, man. Thanks, Tom. Love you, too. All right. Bye, guys.

Bert and Tom, Tom and Bert. One goes to the top, the swat, the other wears a shirt. Tom tells stories and Bert's the machine. There's not a chance in hell that they'll keep it clean. Here's what we call two bears, one cave.