2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer - Knives and Fights w/ Joel McHale | 2 Bears, 1 Cave Ep. 194

Episode Date: July 17, 2023

Welcome to another episode of 2 Bears 1 Cave with Bert Kreischer and guest bear Joel McHale! They talk about their heads, hair and health along with taking the testosterone plunge. They talk about work ethic, narcissism, auditioning together for The Office and some Bud Light commercials. They share their bad reviews with each other, Bert lost his joke book, and they trade stories about their families. Joel talks a bit about his early career as a college football player, and the two talk about dogs Bert wasn’t allowed to get, funerals and Steve Harvey. They discuss fights, knives, Jimmy Tatro and give Robert Kelly a call right before he did Bonfire with Big Jay Oakerson.https://tomsegura.com/tourhttps://www.bertbertbert.com/tourhttps://store.ymhstudios.com/

This week on Two Bears 1 Cave. I'll be cool if you die on the same day and then we could do like a co-chair. I mean, we could plan it. We could... Oh, I guess we could. Yeah. I wish my dick had little fucking wee knobs on it like this. I don't think we am, I'd appreciate it. I'm totally mad to speak of my funeral.

I gotta hang out with him. I have terrible news. What? He's dead. Oh, not br- Ha-ha-ha-ha. 100% Hey guys brand new episode of two bears won cave and I am here with a legit star It is so nice to have someone up to my level of where I am in the industry

I've been stand back in it with Tommy. I'm trying to get him to my level or to our level, but uh Tommy Sugara he's you Stand up comic. Okay. Just a stand up comic. I'm a movie star. Tom stand up comic. He's a podcast, right podcast, too on the side. But movie star, dumb is my real thing. You, uh, you're a movie star. Well, not yet.

I don't know when this airs. So I might be a movie star. Like Jason Bourne. Or I might be a complete and total failure. Ha ha ha ha. You either way, I had a good time making that fucking movie. That's, it's, uh, when it, well, I'm gonna be at the premiere, I think. Yeah.

The, uh, oh, you know, it's so funny, as I brought a hat, because you were wearing a hat. Oh, and you thought two hats. Two hats will be fucking crazy. Which, well, I get, I get, I get, uh, I have pretty cool hat game. These are sent to me by the clink room. I have a really big head. See how big my head is. Let's see.

Yeah, you have a problem. You have a giganticism. I have a fucking man. And it's getting bigger. I think I'm gaining weight in my head. How much? What was your hat size 20 years ago when we first met? Seven and a half.

And now it's eight. Maybe. It was seven and five days. Seven and five days. Now it's an eight. It's a legit eight. And I think I grew into's eight. Maybe. It was seven and five days, seven and five days. Now it's an eight. It's a legit eight. And I think I grew into the eight. I think we have meningitis. I, you know, I'm gonna see how many times I've been terrified of that.

There was a comic who got spinal meningitis. That's like a real fucking thing you get. Yeah, it's bad. And there's no fixing it. You just, I didn't realize that. Well, it's like rabies. Did you know rabies? You get it, and you die.

Yeah, you have to get, well, then you get like 25 shots in your stomach according to second grade Joel McAill. Different strokes. Old Yeller. Different strokes. Yeah, different strokes. I didn't know that.

No, I got, here I'll put on a hat. I'll put on this one. The, I'll put on a hat. Oh, I just love wearing a hat. How long have you known your, and your wife and been, I have no, I'm not losing my hair at all. It's crazy. That's so good.

That's back. It looks so good. Uh, how did it get here? No, D, I'm thinking about getting transplants. They're worth it. Your hair, can I tell you secret time? That's, there's no secrets. I loved you losing your hair.

I thought you had such a unique fucking cool look, and you were my king, you were my king. Wow. Because you, because I go, if he can do it, any's cool and any successful, then I can do it. And then you look fucking awesome now. Well, it looks fucking great. It was, my head is not a good shape.

It's a good shape. It's a good shape. It's got, it comes to a point. Oh, for real? Like someone's pulling a sheet. Your hair looks fucking awesome. Now I love that you talk about it because- Thank you, Dr. Mohibi. I love that you talk about so many comics,

so many people that get it done, especially comics or people in comedy, do not talk about it. It's an interesting weird thing because obviously you know when people have worked on a lot of the time, it's great when you don't. It is a weird thing how they're afraid of it. Yeah, because it's like,

it's like I'm a testosterone, right? Right, obviously. Well, yeah, you have a size eight head. You think I'm very positive at it? Well, it just seems like you might, a lot of retain, it's, you know, like, creatine, it's just a lot of water weight. This is a lot of, I have so much water weight.

I gained 10 pounds in water yesterday. Uh, do you mean like baguettes? I worked out, no, it's 252 when I got on the scale after those working out. And then the score? 252, well, yeah, I mean, I hope you're drinking a lot of water. But this break brought to you by liquid death.

Yes, the cause of all my fucking weight gain. But then I went on, I went on the scale this morning, we went and got dim sum and I was 260 to this morning. And I went, that's 10 pounds in a day that doesn't seem like that would be. Hmm, are you wearing yourself every day at the same time? No. That's when you got to do it when you either wake up.

Yeah, you got to do it. You got that's the consistency. Really? Yeah, when you wake up, yeah. Um, yeah. Because you can eat a huge meal and then go like, gain eight pounds, what am I going to do? It was like, that's just sitting there.

And then a big dump comes and all of a sudden. Do you do what? Do you wear yourself every day? Uh, well, I do, well, I just did, I just did a movie. I don't know if you ever been in it. Is this one with Jimmy Teatro? No, that was a year and a half ago. I told him to come and I'll raise it up.

It is? I think so. I don't think it is. Okay. No one's told me. Oh, I just said Jimmy here the other day and he was brought you up. Fuckin' hey, Jimmy, I don't know when it's coming out.

I was with the, he's a very nice man. Hold on, start taking down notes. We wanna talk about testosterone, hair, but keep going, let's go about, nice. So talented. Jimmy Tadreau? Yes. I wanna talk about this movie too.

I wanna talk about weighing yourself in, and you just did a movie, so you got, let's focus, bro. I just did a movie where I was very, I was naked a lot. And so I was like, and I had to be kind of, I was like, I was like a total more of a douche than I am. And so I literally was wearing a sock and a scene with Beck Bennett, who used a wonderful man.

But you gay in the movie? No. I am just a very over the top character. Beck Bennett, wonderful man. But you gay in the movie? No. I am just a very over the top character. Back Bennett. Wonderful man. Really funny man. I know. Back Bennett. Yeah. You should have him on. He's great. Yeah, I know. Back Bennett. And then the wife of the man that started liquid death was also in the movie. For real? Yeah. No way. So what am I saying? So for that, I was like starving myself. Not I would just win down to like one meal a day.

How much did you weigh in at the time when you were filming? 201. I'm 203 right now. So I've gained a couple back. But wait a couple. So I can gain time housing a day. So wait, you're 201, you're 6'4"? Yeah.

6'4'201, how much of that do you think is muscle? Like a hundred percent. BAM. I don't know. What does that, I don't know how to say that. I'm trying to figure out, because right now I'm walking around it literally 250 twos like the weight I'm at mostly,

but I'm more muscle than I've ever been. So I wonder if I'm really 240 to I'm jacked. I'm fucking been. So I wonder if I'm really, are you? 242, I'm jacked, I'm fucking jacked. I am so jacked right now. Really? I'm working out with Arnold Schwarzenegger tomorrow. Who's that?

The action star. It's my, it's, you're working out with Arnold Schwarzenegger tomorrow. Yeah. So you're gonna take steroids? I'm on steroids. That's the other thing. Okay, wait a minute, wait a minute.

Pulling back. That was AE. I'm on the Schwarzenegger, but wait. I talked, we talked about that a little bit. Are you on a SHH? I'm on growth. No, I'm on testosterone. Why are you doing this?

Because, well, I have a number of reasons. Do you have a lack of testosterone? Massive lack. Oh, yeah, a massive lack. And so, end testosterone helps with weight loss, sleep, and it repairs your liver. Now, it does, the only reason I got on it, my cardiologist told me he goes, you know,

your enzymes are up for the first time, and he's like, I think you have a fatty liver, and I went, oh really? And he goes, yeah, and he goes, have you thought about getting on testosterone? I was like, no, I literally was like, no, because it's a weird thing. It's like a secret in Hollywood,

because you know people do steroids for movies. You know people out of HGH is everywhere, I think. Yeah, and so I was like, I was like, no. And he was like, you should talk to Rogan about it. Talk to, talk to, because we have these people down with Rogan. Joe Rogan, he's an action star. And so there are these people down that we deal with

in ways to wellness down in Austin. So I got my testosterone checked, and it was at the very bottom level. And then they were like, you should... All right, so now that you're on it, do you still have a fatty liver? No, I haven't got my blood work done yet. I get it done when I...

Are you still drinking? Yeah. And your doctor was like, fine, just keep me drinking. Yeah. He's like, you're not doing a ton of testosterone, you're just doing a little bit to get you back into normal levels where your body's more reparative. I don't know what I'm talking about, Joel.

I wouldn't be, I would not listen to me about any of these. Is the sleep better? Yeah. I'm sleeping way better. Are you, but doesn't, well, okay. But, no, I'm not. Have you ever thought about going on it?

No, you're pretty jacked. My, well, thank you. Do you get your testosterone tested? I don't think I ever have. You should. I got my, well, this is bad. I had my first physical in two years since I was like a 18 year old.

So I'm, not, I have a Peter Pan syndrome. So, we hang on. I feel like I'm never gonna die. Sweet, but you're healthy. No, you're not healthy, you drink. I do drink. Yeah. But my rule is I have to work out every day.

Uh, that's my rule. Yeah, that's my rule. Not eat anything. Oh, I just ate four eggs. Well, that's okay. Yeah. Because the, well, the toilet's not happy. Covered in hot sauce, had a little habanero cheese on top of them.

Oh. Yeah, that's like when people like, steak's bad for you, because you know, but then you're like, what did you have at the steak house? And then it's like, oh, we started out with the lobster, puffy pastry roll.

And you're like, nah, beef was probably fine. It was everything else that you had. Steak by itself is super high in calories, oddly enough. Yeah. Like I remember going like, I had a steak, I was healthy and then I was like, oh, a T-bone's like 900 calories, a thousand cups of days worth of me eating.

But that's a good, that mean also if it's lean. And you're great. Let's talk about your health regimen. So you work out every day. Yes, that's my, that's my, if I can do what, I'm doing it. And now when did this start? When did you, when did you start taking your career seriously?

Where you're like, I wanna look good, I wanna feel good, I wanna show, because you are, you and Anthony Anderson, oddly enough, are the two consummate professionals of like, I show up ready to work, I don't fuck around, but you took a turn when you, I think when you started doing movies where you're like, you started looking jacked.

Well, I showed up here 23 years ago, much bigger, like two, like I was two, 30, really muscle. Like I was in good shape. Cause you were called a football player. Thank you so much for saying that. No, whatever. Thank you. No, I was a terrible, I mean, I was a walk on terrible, kind recall his football player? Thank you so much for saying that. Whatever. Thank you. No, I was a terrible, I mean I was a walk on.

Terrible, kind of. A tight end football player. Yes, thank you. Oh, thank you again. Yeah, that's quite the rose ball. Yeah, I didn't, I was, you know, I just wore the jersey in the stands. And, but then people were like, oh, you really shouldn't be too big because it's, it'll limit you.

And I was, I don't know why I listened to that. Yeah. So I got incredibly, I was very skinny and I was only running. I ran and ran and ran. I never lifted weights anymore. And I'm already married. Oh yeah, I've been married in 96. I'll be, it'll be 27 years this July.

Holy shit. Yeah. It's been together 30, almost 30 years. Wow. I know. So then leave someone as the patients. So then 97 you're down here? No, 2000. 2000 you're down here. Yeah. You're losing weight. I get lit. I start running a lot. Yeah. A lot. And then five years later or four years later, the soup happens and I'm very skinny. And then, boy, why did I start? I think I was just, I just started doing, I was like, I like doing,

I'm running also broke my body down eventually. Like it's very hard in your body. So I started doing yoga and lifting weights was a lot easier. I mean, on my joints compared to smashing my knees every for an hour a day. And so I just, and I think I just started with like, man, we'll see what happens.

And I just, But was there a moment where you, because I'm, sincerely, I know I joke about Tom a lot, but I watch Tom make, Sugara make a, and concerted effort, not to be like a movie star, but to take his career in a different place and he goes, I'm gonna lose weight, I'm gonna dress good, I wanna feel good, I wanna have nice cars,

I wanna be that guy. And I'm always wondered, for Tom, it was falling, playing basketball, breaking his knee in his leg. And then he was like, I'm not gonna be this guy, this was horrible. But for you, was there a moment when you're, and then he was like, I'm not gonna be this guy, this was horrible. But for you, was there a moment when you're on community where you were like,

was getting community where you go, hold on, I have an opportunity to do movies now. No, I mean, that's not what I was, because I thought they did the same thing where they're like, you're gonna be naked on camera. And then I was like, oh, I need to start doing pushups. Because I also, my character is extremely need to start doing push-ups. Because also my character was extremely concerned about his looks all the time.

So I was like, oh, and then I noticed changes immediately. And I'm like, well, and then I was naked again and then again and again. So I was like, well, this isn't gonna stop. And I'm just gonna trim hair too. And I just started, yeah, that's actually when it, yeah, when I was like, oh, I'm gonna be naked on camera. It's a great way to die.

Is that if they know you're gonna be naked then. I've been naked on camera and I've been naked a lot. I've never lost the weight. Here's my problem. It's crazy, but you are very comfortable. Yeah, I like what I look like. You love it. That's really, but you are very comfortable. Yeah, I like what I look like. You love it. I like it. That's really, and you look great.

And I feel, by the way, I feel good. I don't, for a person that lives my lifestyle, I feel really good. I feel great. Great. I'm waking up in the morning. It's tough and you go, I don't want to go to the gym. And it's just like everyone else. If I go to the gym, I work out. I bust my ass. And then as soon as I get to my workout,

I go, I am like, I'm like at 100% for the rest of the day. Yeah. And then I start getting a little, towards the end of the night, where I go sunset. Ooh, what are we gonna do? A little cocktail, a little. Yeah. Well, yeah. Last night I was looking for these bad boys.

I feel like you wouldn't have a problem finding those. You know what? I said to my, I wife for a hike with my daughter and my wife last night up at Fryman Canyon. And on the ride home, I said, can we stop by the weed store because I'm gonna get edibles because I don't have any edibles in the hands like, honey,

you have edibles all over the fucking place. And I didn't realize I took them here. Right. And so, and I have edibles over there. I have so much weed in this house. It's ridiculous. You also, like, so will you have like, well, you're, we have a cocktail and then an edible? So, I'll have edibles over there. I have so much weed in this house, it's ridiculous. You also, like, so will you have like, well, you have a cocktail and then an edible?

So, I'll tell you what I like to do. You freeze the edibles, use them as ice cubes. Oh, and then you pour the, why isn't there frozen weed at this point? I know. Oh, I just, I, what I like to do is I like to take an edible around sunset. What happens if you're like in North or Canada?

Little, in the summer. It's interesting, we've been in Alaska. I took an apples in Alaska. But it starts at three. Yeah. All right. Okay, so you like, at sun goes down. As a sun goes down, I like to have an edible in me.

And then I like to have my first cocktail. And I want that cocktail in the edible to meet at an intersection. It's my favorite moment where you go, wait, you're giggling or something? Or you're going, God, this food is awesome. And you're like, oh, am I? And then your outcrawl kicks in.

And you're like, this is what I'm talking about. And then, and I found what I was doing on the road was I was drinking and then at the end of the night, I was like, I was like, so like say, I got like, I was trying to be responsible. Say I got to like, four drinks and I'll be like, all right, that's enough for the big boy. Let's go down.

And so I'd pop an edible and then I make my next drink and then when the edible kicked in, I wouldn't be done with the drink. I'd be like, I'm out,. I could not get up the next day. Right. I was literally, I'd be at lunch, I'd in the, like, at a cafeteria, whatever and the thing and I'd be just...

But then by the evening, you were like, okay, I'm gonna go stand on stage for 90 minutes, so I'm gonna be fine. Yeah, it goes away. If I once I work out, I don't know what, I would love to, I would love to do. Yeah, once you you feel it's you always feel better once you work out. It's like Yeah, I wish I wish I had worked out more as a kid like now on the strongest I've ever been I'm benched 275 the other day

Look at that and I go I never did that as a kid And I wonder if I would have been a better baseball player. You would have probably. I have one year where I was really in control of my body and I was lifting weights all the fucking time. And I was like, I felt fucking jacked. And I just stopped. I was like, eh. What year?

My junior year of baseball. It's part of my best year I ever had in baseball. Well, my senior is the best year, but like, but my junior year I baseball. It's probably my best year I ever had in baseball. Well, my senior is the best year, but my junior year, I was like, fucking, I took the position of the older dude in front of me. I was in the, I don't know how you can find this, but I was in the top 10 in the state for batting average. And I was having a fucking massive year.

And then senior year, I kind of was like, I was like, I don't know, do I wanna do this? Was it worth, was college sports worth it? Well, I, before we switched to that, I would, you know, like weightlifting as far as like when you're playing sports. I know this is such a, no one can, but I noticed like, oh, I just have extra.

Like, you don't have to, I'm not as, you don't have to, like when you're actually in the game, you're like, oh, I have, oh, this is, oh, this is going better. And you're not thinking about it as much. Yeah. And like, I play tennis now. And I was like, so funny you say that. That's so funny you say that.

The only time I've been in shape, like really in shape, was right when I met Leanne, I was 186 pounds, and I went to the, I went to the, to the US Open at the, at the, at the, at the, at the, at the, at the, at the, at the, at the, at the, at the, at the, at the, at the, at the, at the, at the, at the, at the, at the, at the, at the, at the, at the, at the, at the, at the, at the, at the, at the, at the, at the, at the, at the, at the, at the, at the, at the, at the, at the, at the, at the, at the, at the, at the, at the, at the, at the, at the, at the, at the, at the, at the, at the, at the, at the, at the, at the, at the, at the, at the, at the, at the, at the, at the, at the, at the, at the, at the, at the, at the, at the, at the, at the, at the, at the, at the, at the, at the, at the, at the, at the, at the, at the, at the, at the, at the, at the, at the, at the, at the, at the, at the, at the, at the, at the, at the, at the, at the, at the, at the, at the, at the, at the, at the, at the, at the, at the, at the, at the, at the, at the, at the, at the, at the, at the, at the, at the, at the, at the, at the, at the, at the, at the, at the, at the, at the, at, and I was like, oh, this being in shape is kind of works. And now I'm at that place where I was walking with my daughter yesterday, a fryman. And she's like, come on, let's go faster. And I was like, I am, shut the fuck up.

And then I was trying to have a conversation with her and I'm like, I'm out of breath. Well, you're also not in that type of shape. You're not in this, this, well, you're, but you're big muscles, but you're, I mean, that just doing that cardio can be, oh, this is, yeah. I don't do enough cardio, but was back to collegiate sports. Oh, it was worth it. I was terrible, but it taught me a lot. And I just, I'm more wanted to see if I could even hang at that level, which I kind of could have a little bit. And I could practice really well,

but I just wanted to see if I could hang with the big boys. There was that, and then I don't know, I always do, I think it's my wiring that I'm like, no, let's see if I can do that, like Shark Week or something. And I was like, that seems like a good idea or terrible, but I loved it. And that's when I was like, oh, not only should these people get paid,

but they're working so hard and they memorizing these playbooks, going to school. And I thought, this is the level of kind of hard work you have to do to get shit done. And I mean, wasn't like, I was like, I mean, wasn't like I was like, and now I will, but that was, I was like, oh, if I wanna be an actor, then I really gotta put every minute into what I can.

Oh, so do you think your, do you think your involvement in sports kind of helped you with this career? Yeah, oh yeah, it helped my work ethic. It made up for my lack of talent. That's a fucking bullshit. Oh, I was, I was like, oh, I might be the greatest actor,

but I will make up for it and I'll work my ass. Oh, okay. I'll take that because I feel that was my comedy. I go, I'm definitely. I said to someone the other day, I was like, this is how important work ethic is. I go top 10 comics name them. And I go better yet, am I in it?

Probably not, but I'm earning in that top 10, I'm in the top four. You mean as far, well, you're of course in the top. You're, you're, but like, but I go, but I go, there's comics that are so much more talented than I am, that for whatever reason, I don't know. Like, look, there's so many brilliant comments. Yeah, like, really, we all know,

I know, I know way better actors than me, but I'm like, oh, but we show up. Yeah, I show up and I'm not a dick. I don't try to fuck anyone. I don't talk shit to anyone. I'm always in a good mood. Like, there are certain things. You know what?

I made a, I made a playbook. I write down top five, okay? I made a playbook in my head when I was young and I watched and I know that you worked with a person where you probably did the same thing where I watched what not to do and I wrote down the shit not to do because I was like, that fucks things up.

Like those little things fuck fuck up, everything. Everything that starts unraveling. Yeah. And I just started going, like, I can take advice from people and I can look, but I go, just focus on the not shit and you can really pay dividends. Yes, if you are just kind to people, if you're just ready to work and good to people,

that goes, people will be like, oh yeah, work with that guy because he's nice on set. Because an Andrew can remember people's names. I can't. Oh, I can't do that. He would show up when we were in Serbia doing the movie. He'd be like, Nikola, hey, Johnny, how you doing? And I was like, how do you know everyone's name?

He goes, I'll just work on it. Like I just, you know, I meet them and then I just try to say their name a couple times. And... Well, there's that little trick that some people do. They were like, I just met someone. Her name, her name's Nikola. I'm going to write it on her forehead in my brain

and somehow like, it, Nick and Cole. And so you can do this, I've tried doing that a few times and sometimes it works, but it then gets very insulting in my brain. No, no, I like that idea. So you go, her name's Nicole and she's fouling a snowman. Like two pieces of coal. Yeah, that's Nicole.

You're like, hey, and then you're like, hey fat Cole. And oh no. Black has Rob. What's up, black has Rob. Hey, and then you're like, hey, fat coal? And oh no. But. Black ass rob. What's up, black ass rob? You have a black rob the rapper? Why, you kind of look like that. It's really just a fat shaming and racism

is what it leads to, but it's fine. It works great. I think. I am so bad at remembering people's names. I will tell you this, and I don't know I can't I can't I can't tell you because it's so embarrassing that I didn't I hung out with someone for an entire evening thought it was someone else right. Oh yeah. Well I thought well first of all I thought it was someone and I was actually right. The next morning

I woke up and I go, wait was that someone else and then I texted to someone else as if it had been them. And they go, I think you're thinking to the other person. And then that person goes, I knew you didn't know who the fuck I was. I am so, I don't even, and I'm so like, I'm accountable. So here this is a,

I think that's your ADHD. Because that's why I blame it on. It's a blame it on that. But yes. Oh no, I'm ADHD and I'm very self-focused. Like I'm a soft narcissist. So I think about myself a lot. You were soft narcissists?

I borderline hard. No, I know that you're laughing. I swear, I know that everything that comes out of my mouth is sarcastic, but I swear to you. You don't put out those vibes at all. I don't, I wanna keep, I think, put up the traits of narcissism. I'm curious if I got it.

Liano has caused me a soft narcissist. Simply, I just think about myself a lot. I just think about me. Like I won't look at, if you show me family pictures, you wanna see my trip to Puerto Rico, I go, am I in any of those pictures? And then you go, no, I go, well, I definitely don't want to look at them. Why would you be on a trip with my-

Sents of self-importance. But why would you be on a trip with my family to Puerto Rico? Why would you show me those pictures? Well, because my uncle's on the run, and he's- That's why the witness relocation, if you find- Okay. Okay, I will say- I'm not arrogant.

That could be argued though. You do not lack empathy. I mean, I have a lot of empathy. I have a lot of empathy. That's actually the, I think it's my best thing is that I can be overly empathetic. I can feel empathy in a really heavy way sometimes. So I don't have that, that's why I'm soft.

Let's see, sense of self-importance. Yeah, sure, yeah, I think so. Well, right? Is everyone feeling that way a little bit? Yeah, I feel just, I mean, human beings, they are, you know, sentient. I think we know we exist. I think that certain people just lie to themselves

because they know, don't say the word narcissist, I don't want to be that. So then they lie, but I think if you think that certain people just lie to themselves because they know don't say the word narcissist I don't want to be that so then they lie, but I think if you're a hundred percent honest you go Yeah, like I think I'm important if I'm not like I think I make a party better. I think I make a Dinner better. I think I make people happy like I think I'm a Important I think you could say that those things are true. Yeah, I do too Right, but I think that there are people that go, I make this a better place, and everyone around them is miserable.

Okay, okay. Okay, and that I think is all true, and ours and when they're like, this is going great. I'm great, you're lucky I'm here. What a fuck-why. Are you guys the big guys that I'm big guys showed big guy showed up preoccupation with power beauty or success. I don't have a problem with beauty because I don't think about it, but preoccupation with success.

I've been a failure my the majority of my life. Well, I mean, I'm joking. Preoccupy. Yeah. Again, you don't put out those vibes at all. Okay, okay, entitled. I'm definitely entitled. Sure, but you walk on a, walk on a, we're all in, as performers,

we, this is it. We're not like, what do you do? Like I build spiral staircases and there's my work. Yeah. It's like, you walk on stage by yourself. That is, there's gotta be a certain amount of entitlement that you're gonna be like, you don't walk on me like, I'm sorry, well, that's not, yeah,

you have to have that to a point. I think so. I mean like a fun, someone who, a pilot gets in a plane and goes, I can fucking do this. So then how's it, how about this argument? Everyone that's in the entertainment business on camera, ultimately at some point has hints of narcissism. You have to, if you can,

if you think, like there are people that go, or I shouldn't be on camera, but then there's people like us that go, oh yeah, I wanna be on camera. Like some weird thing to think of. Well, there's always been performers where we've just never had the cameras. We would have been in like...

We would have been by the fire. You would have been in a court gesture. Who would have said, we probably both would and then we would have been murdered by them. I would have definitely gotten. Actually, I bet I'd be the court gesture that would be like, he used to be good. He's, but he's fun.

We like having him around. The king took his pinky and he fucking freaked out. He's now he just says whatever the king wants to hear him say. So, I mean, yes, as performers, we think we can do something in front of people. But we've all met dickhead arrogant plumbers. They're like, I'm fucking, I'm great at this. Oh, there's no system art. Oh, yeah. It's just narcissistic art. In every, but I don't think it's like, it's all,

there's the difference between, I mean, narcissism is when you lack of empathy and you think you're the greatest and you think that you're right about everything. I don't think I'm not right about anything. And I'm not inter-personally exploitive for my own gain. I'm actually, I'm actually the exact opposite.

I swear to God when I said this, and I don't know if I've ever told you this, but I just said this to Rain Wilson. I just said this to Rain Wilson. We all auditioned for the office. Yeah. And so I remember going in and that casting director, who I think might have ended up also casting maybe that Matt Damon movie you did. I don't think it was her. Or maybe I don't know. Anyway, I said I said I swear I swear on my children and

I might have told you this. I went in for the audition and you had just auditioned before me. Oh, yeah, yeah. We yeah. for the audition and you had just auditioned before me. Oh yeah, yeah, we, yeah. And that's, yeah, that was very nice of you. And this is what's wrong. So I guess I'm not a narcissist because I said, because we had done secret time, not secret time, we had done a Bud Light improv audition.

So I had to deal with Bud Light to do a series of commercials that would then turn into a sitcom. The premise of the TV show was I was a guy who had started a, a calm or whatever, cast out made a bunch of money, and then lost it all. And all I had left was my sky box at a stadium. At a stadium. So I lived in my sky box. It was a great, I still think it's a good idea for a show. I think it's still a good idea too. But Bud Light wanted to see some stuff on tape, so they brought me in with me and you, and I don't remember who else.

I remember the theater we did it at. We did it. We did an improv that is if we all lived in a sky box, and it was just improv in front of the camera, and I remember being like, you were so fucking better. You were so much better than I thought. I remember thinking this should be his sick life. But it was a big drinker. So like that was how the connection to Budweiser happened.

And I had a bunch of development deals leading up. So that's how that happened. I took good at meetings. But, um, you were a big drinker, but I still have a deal. You were so much better than I was. And I was like, I think he's gonna get it. And then shortly thereafter, it kinda just went away. And I was like, I think he's gonna get it. And then shortly thereafter, it kinda just went away.

And I was like, I think they saw that I was not a good actress, actor. And so, and so then. You're a terrible actress. But I'm a horrible actress. Good kisser. But we go into audition for the office and you walked out before me and your head shot was in a pile

and I sat down and I go, he's fucking awesome. And she goes, what, you would had been doing the soup at the time. And I go, I said, you know, I think a lot of people know him from the soup. That was for the informant. Was it the informant then? Because I did not get past it. I auditioned for the office too and didn't get past it.

No, but regardless, I think, I only think, it might have been the informant. I don't, by told Brian Wilson this, I thought it was the office. But I said, he's a really great actor. And the lady took your head shot and lifted up, went, really? I said, yeah, we did a thing for Bowwiser and he is

amazing and proper and a great actor. And she went, oh, and she moved your head shot and I went, I think I just didn't get the role. So I don't have the exploitive, you do not. I hang out with losers all the time, my wife's nothing. The alcohol. Wow. Erigan?

No, I don't have that. No. I'm way better than my wife. Oh, oh, oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Why do you compare everything to your wife? I'm not fucking the buster or balls. No, but you don't like empathy. I do not like empathy, but I like being admired.

Well, yeah, but what do you, what do humans like? No, I hate that. I they buy I like being admired well. Yeah, but what is he what a human's like? No, I hate that I mean I can I owe some people like some people be like like if you try to compliment Tom He'll be like cool and just walk away right go. Oh real. What should I do see? Yeah, I have well sometimes I think when I get compliments, I'm like they're lying to me And so I think that's a little imposter syndrome, which just I think it's up your own ass. Wait, have you had imposter syndrome? Yeah, I've had a lot of that.

So some people don't get it? At some people that I have in post-series syndrome or that they don't get, they don't get in post-series syndrome. I think so. I think it, but it's also, I think it goes back, I think it can switch and go very. But I agree, like, there's some people, but I remember when Anthony Hopkins was interviewed on Inside the Actors to go and Lipton was like,

and he started listing all his awards. And then when he was like, when you hear that list, what does it make you feel? And he was like, oh, he'm, he lit, he said, like I'm just, most of the time, trying to convince people I'm not a fraud. And I was like, oh, Hopkins, I'm not a fraud.

Anthony Hopkins said it. So I was like, oh, I can relate to that. And, uh, I have it so much that I think other people see it in me. Like, I think they go, he doesn't, like, I have it so thick, that I'm afraid to even say it out loud, because people go, yeah, we know.

You definitely don't belong there. Yeah, yeah. You're not the only one who does things you have in foster side, bro. No, you are an imposter. No, you literally. You don't see it. It's like the gay guy had the family coming out of Thanksgiving

and they're like, fucking finally. Fuck. But then you stand on stage and a bunch of people, I'm like, well, some people laughed at what I was doing. So. I am always curious how they got there. Like, there's no, this has got to be. Like, I was like, this is a disaster.

It's a group. Why would anybody watch this why would anybody show up you done a live play Oh, yeah a lot of them really yeah, why are you still all the time really yeah, you mean a play? Yeah Yeah, yeah, I've done yeah tons of plays so like I did one play I did one play and It got written up in the LA Times or whatever. I wish we could find. If someone could find that. I think it was before the internet was as big as it is. When they just wrote things in the paper and they were like, no, we'll leave it there. It'll last forever. It's going into a library. our play was about a bunch of guys who moved down to Nassau, to not Nassau, Nassau, Nassau, Nassau. Nassau.

Nassau, with a space shuttle launches. No, Nassau. I'm just, yeah, Nassau, yeah, Nassau. They moved to Cape Canaveral, Cape Canaveral. Oh! They knew Cape Canaveral to watch shuttle launch parties. To have shuttle launch parties. And it's right when they stop doing the shuttle launches And then they're like fuck we ruined our lives and then and then finally to do a shuttle launch

They are breaking a nasa and they Fucked with something and the shuttle explodes the day are play opened the shuttle exploded You know fucking insane the one that over Texas. Yeah spread out over the day Are play opened about a shuttle explosion. Well, the shuttle exploded. Yeah, that's gonna, you're, that's so you did not have control over that. It seems at a point, a certain point you go. But what was the order I'd have to play about me getting my dick sucked every night?

Well, you never know. But so what, the reviews were what? So we didn't do the play that night because obviously we thought maybe exactly too soon. Right. But then the reviews were this is absolutely horrific. It's in bad taste. Right. They're like, they should not be. No, no one stands out on this stage except Bert Kreischer. And I was like, I was like, I remember getting the review and everyone was like, did you get the review? I go, not that bad. In the end, like, you shouldn't say anything.

I go, no, but they said I was good. So they said you were good. They said I was good. Oh, yeah. But the blame was important. Well, and no one else could act. I'm guessing you were like, well, it I was good. So they said you were good. They said I was good. Oh, yeah. But the blame was important. Well, and no one else could act. I'm guessing you were like, well, it's really too bad.

Yeah, it was like so sad then. Do you want me to just go out for the applause at the end? Oh, I've got, but I've gotten bad reviews where I'm like, yeah, I agree, I'm, yes, they were. Really? Oh yeah, no, when community was first reviewed by Variety oh no, yeah, I think it was enough variety. No, it was um I can't it was one of the one of them and they were like Community could be a great show, but the lead is weak and I was like okay

And I've never forgotten it and I remember the guy's name and I was like I'll never forget this guy and And I was like great good wonderful. That was a fun review. That, they were like, this show would work, except for the lead. So the whole thing's gonna work. And I was like, okay, yeah, I agree, probably. And, did you read it like, open it like, let's see what it says.

Yeah, I remember at the time, my managers,, let's see what it says. Yeah, I remember the, at the time my managers, they were trying to keep it from me and I was like, what the fuck, what's happening? It was actually at the premiere party for the informant. Really? Yeah, I'm no joke and they were like, you know, most of them are really good. And I was like, I wanna read them all.

And so, I won't read was like I want to read them all I won't read one I won't read one for the gene. I don't now. I don't Do it as much I don't but that that point in 2009 when the show came out I was you know I was concerned about those things and now I'm like, whatever I pulled Google alerts off my phone I've never had a Google alert for I signed up for it when I was young. Yeah, I signed up for it was it was young I was like cool. It's all gonna be like if anyone cuz I you when you're young you want You want you want it you yeah, you can't care. Yeah, and so I wanted it I wanted to go. Oh, I want to know. I'll help me form my personality and I and this will be good for me

It's healthy and then I remember the first time a review, any review came in. Oh, oh, oh, when I first got my first TV show, the X-Show, I got hammered with hate mail. Like, because I took someone's job and everyone signed up for the, there's four hosts and I took one of the guys jobs because he, he was fired or he left? He was fired and it was not.

And, and we were going head to head with the man show, which was Jimmy Kimmel. So I had those people hating me. I have never gotten more hate and they, and they would print, this is they'd send emails and then they'd print the emails on, uh, on pieces of paper. emails and then they'd print the emails on, on pieces of paper, they print each email on one piece of paper, each email. And then they'd put them on a binder clip

and hang them to your door, your, your, I swear to God, in this crazy, in this crazy, so I get the binder clip with all the emails and I look and everyone's got them. And I look at Daphne Brogdon, and she's only got like a little bit like this. I look at Craig Jay Jackson. He's got like five pieces of paper.

I have possibly 190 pieces of paper, and I'm like, whoo, I guess the big boy's killing it. I grab him, go to my green room, pour a cocktail, kick my feet up, read the first one, and I grab him, go to my green room, pour a cocktail, kick my feet up, read the first one, and I'm like, that was not good. Next one, that's even worse. Next one, I go, hold on, are these all bad? And they were all horrible. And then I went, and then I went on the website that the chat page for the show thinking, this is where the good ones gotta be, right? And it was even fucking, it was chat threads about me.

I've never once been on Reddit. I've been on Reddit once when I was like, said something about the machine. It's a good story and I clicked it. This very beginnings of Reddit, you can probably find out exactly when that was. Never once been on Reddit, cause I am terrified.

Because of those emails that I got, it fucking left a scar on me. It left a scar on me. And when I wrote my book, I remember Leanne sent me a positive review and I went, don't send me the good review. Because if you send me the good review, I gotta look at the bad review.

I gotta appreciate if I hang my head on the good review, that means I have to hang my head on the bad review. So I just don't read anything. It's a weird move that the producers or whatever PA on that show is like, well, just do a search for the name or like, here's everything that came in. And all the emails that came in,

they print them. Because I'm sure there was, yeah. That's a weird, it's a bad move. Well, you wanna know an crazy thing? Other people don't believe this totally true. In ninth grade, our religion teacher, at an all boys Catholic high school, showed a third trimester abortion to the class.

And... God. That's when they, I'm just so we're clear, that's when they break the baby apart and pull it out limb by limb. Oh, okay, that's awful. That's a true story. What year?

1987. And you're how, what grade? I think we were in ninth grade because I know where we were on the school. I know what room we were in. That is so rough. Isn't that fucking crazy? Yeah.

I shouldn't say his name. Please edit his name out. I'm a ****. And so we were in New York together, and we were in a cab with these three girls, and, or maybe two girls, but yeah, we were packed into a cab. And I said, you remember, please edit his name out throughout the thing.

So I'm about to say something horrible about it. I don't know. ****. ****. And I I said do you remember? Because he sat behind me in that class. I said, do you remember Mr. and his name out to showing us a third trimester abortion? And he goes, a 100%. And I go, really, I go in that crazy.

I think it affected the way I looked at abortion and he goes not me. I've had five I went what he was I've had five and it's the time I only had sex with four people women I don't know why I say people I had sex with only four women and I go Well, you've had more abortions than I've had sex and he goes yeah looks like it's Crazy that was not the way I'm guessing you thought that would go not at all and I didn't think would go that way and boy Virile yeah, do you still talk to him? I saw him. Yeah, I just saw the other day with his son and he kept one By the way, he knows who we're talking about

Wow, he was really pro abortion that tape did not He knows who we're talking about. He had an abortion while we were living together. Wow. He was really pro abortion. That tape did not work. Dear God. It worked for me. I had mine. You had your... My babies. Yeah.

But you... But... Edit that out. Why the fuck would I say that? Fucking Jesus Christ. I need to shut the fuck up. How often do you say edit that out? A lot, yeah. A lot because I don't have a filter.

I say whatever's on my mind, because I think there's no bad idea. I think you can say whatever, if you say everything, then you can always work backwards from into comedy. Like, like, well, as a, you being that's, I think that's, I need to do more, but I think that was really, I comic what should do that, like, why is that thought

of my mind and how can I turn it into a joke? Well, it's, it once you start editing yourself, like I lost a joke book and I wrote crazy stuff inside there. It's like a manifesto. It's a manifesto of a guy. I mean, you'd be like, holy fuck. Yeah, but you weren't signing your name Berk-Krysher at the bottom of your page.

No, it says Berk-Krysher in the beginning opening. When you open it up, it says, if lost, please return to Berk-Krysher and it gives you my number. As if I thought someone was gonna go, hey, I just found Ber Christy's joke book. I won't read it. I'm gonna just send it to him.

In this day and age. Did they send it back to him? I've gotten it. And I lost it. I lost it at the comedy store. Yeah, that's gotta be more, isn't that more depressing? That person's like, yeah. People go, are you worried about cancel culture

or things you've said on podcasts? Absolute, I mean obviously, yeah, everyone is. I've said wild stuff on podcasts. I am way more concerned about this joke book. How long ago did you lose it? Fucking eight months ago, nine months ago. And so this is like, this is, and by the way, the second one I've lost, I lost another one

when I was younger and I was even wilder writing stuff because you're your thoughts. You just, like so like I have a journal. I have a journal and I write even wilder writing stuff because you're your thoughts. You just, like, so I have a journal. I have a journal and I write, it's called a Happiness Journal and I write things in there that are bothering me, things I wanna talk about in therapy. And then I was like, what am I doing?

And I started editing my thoughts and then I was like, why am I editing my thoughts? Like, I shouldn't, it's because I'm afraid people are gonna see the book one day or I started lying in therapy at one point because it's online and I was afraid someone would grab that, find out my link and then publish it and then you'd hear me go, these are my thoughts.

It's crazy, it's crazy. It's creating quite a cycle of anxiety for yourself. Oh, don't. I think I'll be like, writing this book, and I'll be like, what if anybody ever sees this, and now it's a book form. I start writing codes. All right.

Oh, give us an example. No, because then people know my codes. Hahaha. Damn, they're like, why does he keep saying poppy seed muffin over and over again? I love muffins, but my muffins looking older these days. You ever feel like, like I write shit about Leanne, I write shit about Leanne, like crazy shit, like crazy shit.

Crazy shit. If you're saying, yeah, I'm just gonna say, because if I think it's crazy, if I think it's crazy, then it's even crazier. Imagine it's crazy. They think. Right. Or how much older you look in Leanne's eyes.

I'm, she loves you so much. You have no idea. She goes, I can't wait to see Joel. You know, we have like a cool friendship and I went, you do. She goes, yeah, like, I'm gonna introduce House Drop of Thing, he showed me his porches, and like every now and then we'll text, and he's just the sweetest fucking guy.

And I was like, can you get me his wife's number? And she's like, what? And I was like, I wouldn't mind making a friend. You're lovable, she's great. Yeah. Yeah. It is, I mean, that's, I mean, you know, it's like when you meet a person's partner and they're great,

you're like, oh, that's, I mean, you know, it's like when you meet a person's partner and they're great, you're like, oh, that makes you even greater. Oh, yeah. I think I get a lot of points because of Liam. Yeah, you're very lucky. Like, people, people look at her and then go, there must be something good about hurt. Like I think without her, you know what my daughter

said to me the other day? My daughter now went to dinner. Two interesting things happened in this dinner. One, she asked about my buddy, my buddy, Kroy who killed himself. And I started telling her about him and about when we first became friends, we first became friends when I was in ninth grade

and he was in seventh grade. And I was friends with his brother, we were all in ninth grade together, but we were surfing and we had this moment. And I was telling her why I love this guy. And his personality never changed from seventh grade. He's always just had a very childish spirit. And I started crying and like tearing up

and we're at Vitello's and she leans in and she goes, hey, pull it together, they're gonna think I'm breaking up with you. That's the first one, right? That's a pretty good one. And then the second one is we were talking about, we were talking about, I've had crazy stuff has happened recently, like, with being proposition by women.

It's never happened before, I mean, it's happened before in my life, but it's happening more often now. Like, it's kind of bizarre. I've never had that before. And I was like, and we were just talking about it. I don't know how it came up. And then I like, I was like,

I was like, same dinner, same dinner. I put a lot on this kid cheese okay so and so you tell she you're telling your daughter about women coming on to you I said well someone hit on me at the restaurant someone someone like came up and they're like hey and like and I and it was bothering I wish like a lot of these people are staring at you we should go somewhere else we should say somewhere else I said yeah I don't know what's going on. It is kind of crazy. We had someone sneak on the tour bus

and Eilish said, well, it's an Eilish. And she goes, I just need you to know. If you ever cheat on mom, I will never speak to you again. And I said, okay, I said, well, hold on. I don't like that threat. I go first, well, I've never done anything inappropriate, but that threat seems like it's a double threat. She goes, no, I will never like that threat. I go first, well, I've never done anything inappropriate, but that threat seems like it's a double threat. She goes, no, I will never speak to you.

I go, okay, same goes for mom. What if mom cheats on me? She goes, no, I'd get it. I go, you would? She goes, yeah, of course, you're always gone. She does all this work for you. I mean, she needs a break. Can I go, hold on.

And then she goes, okay, hold on. She needs a break. We're allowed to cheat on mom if it's with a dude. I went, what? She goes, so I always thought you were a little gay. Hold on. It was the weirdest fucking dinner. Someone leans over and you're like,

you guys are talking really loud. And chicken parmesan is, wow. How old are your kids? Wait, going back, when people meet me, they're like, hey, we wanted to meet you, but we're staying for your wife because she's so much better. Your wife looks like a cross country right?

Yeah, she's a part. Yeah, yeah, she's a pot and I'm very lucky. But yeah, but they're like, oh, she's a pot and I'm very lucky. But yeah, but they're like, oh, she's way, and I was like, oh, right, and I remember years ago, my dad was like, marry somebody better than you. Marry somebody that people like. And like, oh, yeah. If you could change one thing about your wife,

what would it be? I'd add a third eye. On the back of my hand, on the front. No, no, for it, just forehead. Just could be like, look at that. Maybe a tail for balance. Okay, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, your wife that your wife does in public with you. I'll start and then you can help me figure yours out. Okay. Okay. So this is Leanne. I'll have a crazy idea. I'll have a crazy idea. Have you seen her do this Christine? I'll have a crazy idea like you know we should do we should

we should get like like four tour buses and she goes, no, we're not doing that. And I go, I haven't even finished my thought. Like, who you can't let me finish my thought? And then she's like, well, I'm not doing that. I'm not paying for four tour buses. I go, hold on, hold on. Or like I'll say, or I'll go,

I was just telling a story there the day and someone was like, wait, how did this happen? And I go, we were walking in here and they ain't goes, that's not what happened. I go, hold on, stop. I'm cutting out the parts that you would tell. Like, if you're, if the aunt tells you the story, she gives you all of it.

You're like, is this Mubby Dick? That's when this story goes on. I think we want to change the same thing about our wives. Thank you. I tell the same stories over and over again. And she's like, oh yeah, here we go. You guys heard this one before? Liam will do that, so roll our eyes, here we go.

Yeah, the other day, she had the greatest story. Okay, the greatest story. And I let her tell it. I knew I could tell it so much better. I knew I could hit it out of the fucking park. I could have people going, oh! And then I just let her just,

and you were, you, you, I could have people going, ha! And then I just let her just brrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr plays tennis. Okay. But he hasn't been to practice in two weeks, and you've been telling him, you need to go to practice. Don't you go to that tournament just to watch him fail? So when he walks off the court, you go, oh, told you you should have practiced. That's why I watched her fail. Okay. When we tell you the story, it's a good story. Yeah.

Okay. Is a good story. Have you heard of this story? I think you have. Also, you haven't. So obviously we have this house where we do podcasts, and we've put a few pictures with me up. think you have. I think you have. I think you have it. So obviously we have this house where we do podcasts and we've put a few pictures of me up. As you should. It's your house for podcasting. Yeah, so we're getting the hood put in the in the kitchen. So Saturday morning, she gets the tax and she's

like, oh, shit, the guys are there to put the hood and I'm gonna go run out of that man. So she lets these two guys in and they walk in and they look around and they're like, oh shit, this is Berk Christchurch. And the guy's like, yeah, he's all over the place. The one guy goes, she must be a huge fan. And they go, she hears that, they go, so he like Berk Chrysler, huh? And she's like, yeah, I'm married to him.

And they're like, huh? And she's like, this is out, I'm like, oh my God, oh my God. So Leanne tells story, I'll tell it like Leanne told her. Okay. So I, they're putting the hood in at the house. But she can't hear this, can she? She's downstairs, she listening to this.

I'm gonna get in so much fucking trouble. Never mind, stories over. So they're putting the hood in at the house. But she can't hear this, can she? She's downstairs eliciting this. I'm gonna get in so much fucking trouble. Never mind, stories over. So they're putting in at the house. She doesn't have a son or an accent. I like making it worse than it is. Yeah, well, she sounds like she could did Kentucky fried chicken commercials. I do what now?

It's like when Leanne falls asleep when you're watching. Every night, every night she goes, I go, do you wanna watch something on TV? She goes, I love to, but everyone wanna watch. Last night we watched Billy Ollish and David Letterman on whatever it's your turn. Right. David Letterman's thing.

Five fucking minutes into it. And I go, and then I just stared her. I go, do you wanna just go to bed? And she goes, I'm not sleeping, I'm not sleeping to just go to bed? She goes, I'm not sleeping I'm not sleeping. I go you're definitely sleeping. I'm not sleeping. I was my first second. Keep going. I love this Billy. I Thank God, so she yeah, my wife got to work. She just goes to bed and I stay up and doing shit So we're sleeping in separate rooms. I'm my story is that bad. Wow. It's that bad. It's not big Oh, I just like staying up.

So I, how late do you stay up? One, usually. Last time I stayed up to one, 130. And then I, I'm always tired. And then, what time did you wake up today? Seven. Okay. I mean, six hours in, six hours in, bad.

I woke up at six. I woke up at five. Are you, to work out? Yeah, I work out, saw an a polar plunge. And then, I can't. Can you tell him where? Yeah, work out, sauna, polar plunge, and then I can. Can you tell him wearing makeup? Oh yeah, it's. It's cake-thorn. It's bad.

I was really red today. No, you look great. Oh yeah. I can't tell you where I'm making it. What do you got, bronzer? I had, we had hair and makeup come here. That's why my hair looks so good. Hmm.

I don't believe you. That's pretty good. You should really? I had a photo shoot for the LA Times. Oh, yeah. look at that. Yeah, and my shirt didn't fix, I've gained weight. So it did a lot. So the lunch is happening.

Okay, here's the question I really want to ask you. Wait, you work out first thing in the morning? Yeah, yeah, I can do that. I never do that now. For real? Yeah, no, right once in a while, but I can do. When do you work out? Mid-morning or like after lunch?

Have you worked out already? No, I didn't realize I was doing this. Oh, really? Oh. Oh. My, I was not, I usually, I'm so scattered in ADHD, my assistant was like, oh, the car's here for you. I'm like, for what?

And they were like, Berkreicher and I was like, oh! Right. Are you tense? Just about to workout. I'm like, for what? And they were like, Berkreicher, and I was like, oh! Right! I was just about to work out. Are you and Ken still doing your podcast? No, we haven't for two and a half years. Oh, he was just during the pandemic. Yeah, I would love to have been.

It was so good. You guys are so good. I would have loved to have done it. But, Ken, do you hear that? Fuck. Yeah, I think he realized that wasn't kind of, you know, it took up, you know, it takes up a lot of time, but, and we both got, yeah, I'm both running around

like many, I called to your kids. 18 and 15. 18, oh, 18 and 15, that's mine, mine, look at that, look at that. One's in college. He is not, we'll see. We'll see if he, well, he might not go, but we're, I. But I got one who's going to look at colleges and I said for real. Yeah, I'm really gonna do this. I

Yeah, I mean, I'm college is great, but it's not for everybody. She said to me the other day she goes, what if I did this And like stayed in LA. What would you think about that? I was like, I fucking love it. I and like stayed in LA, what was you think about that? And I was like, I fucking love it. I was like, I love it. You're gonna miss her. I don't want it. I don't want, I didn't want Georgia to leave. This is my most like picture ever.

It was the day we dropped Georgia off and I was crying my eyes out. And I was like, I did not want her to leave. I still don't want her gone. We went on a hike yesterday in the whole time. I couldn't enjoy everything cause I just missed her cause she's so much fun. The heart, all I was doing was telling stories

of when Georgia and I laughed, because Georgia and I would find Eila hysterical. Leanne, Eila is very frustrating to Leanne, because Eila is very frustrating, human being, but Georgia and I, the hardest, the hardest time ever like, Eila has a crippling phobia of bees. Oh, she couldn't play the outfield in softball at a certain point, because all she did was look for bees. So she was just having eyes at the feet, just looking for bees the whole time.

Looking for bees. And they hit it and then she go, uh-uh, there's bees over there. Wow, it was bad, it was bad. And it still is bad yesterday because Freyman's really blossoming. She was the whole time she was like fucking bees. And she's 15, 16 right now. So maybe five years ago, was before pandemics were probably five years ago, we gonna hike with a bunch of our friends and their kids, and not the mom's just the dads, and me and George and Ila, and we're hiking up Friman.

And Ila is goofy as shit always, and she's walking, and she's like, and she sees a dude in front of her go, hugh, hugh, hugh, hugh, and then she goes, what's up with this guy, huh? sees a dude in front of her go and then she goes, what's up with this guy, huh? And then she starts going, ooh, ooh, ooh, like making fun of him, but she's behind him. And then she goes, wait, what's that? It's a swarm of bees.

And Ila does Captain Caveman arms where it's almost like they're not her original body parts and she's learning how to be used them for the first time just ah look at her and Georgia goes gets closer and she goes Dad it's bees and Georgia and I fucking fell on the ground and Island started sprinting we watched her see her biggest fear and and we got to see it, and we were crying, fucking laughing, and then she sprinted down Fryman Canyon.

There's bees up there, you don't wanna go. It was maybe 4,000 bees. It was the biggest swarm of bees I've ever seen in my fucking life. And we were Georgia to this day, well text me, do you remember when we watched I LaWalk love walking to bees? We laughed so fucking hard

After watching a dude She was like make cuz he was like it's cuz when you like if you just see someone swatting a bee You can't tell what that is you like my my my my my my my my right um look like look at that idiot. All right Here's question. I want to ask you. I want to ask you. I've a list of questions and I want to talk about. Did you pay for your watch? Yes.

Oh, okay. Yeah. Oh, my wife did, but yeah, I did. Oh, it's very nice. The top five most spectacular sporting moments for Joe McCale. Oh. Meaning, when you think of your life as an athlete, what are your five biggest memories where you go? Like, I gotta put that on the list.

Oh, yeah, not that great. I mean, I was a good athlete, but I was never a... Like, did you ever have a moment? Like, I was a good athlete. I wasn't like, I didn't go to college. I mean, I went to college, two't like, I didn't go to college. I mean, I went to college to play, but didn't play in college. But like my first home run over center field,

11 years old, never forget it. Never forget that moment. Oh yeah, I mean, yeah. Like what's, give me, give me, most recently I was in that the Major League Baseball celebrity All Star game last summer? Wait, what? Yeah, and it was like, I know that Rob Lowe had to drop out and they were like, will you

go? And I'm like, yeah, fucking go. And I was in Dodger Stadium and fucking bad bunny was on our team. Bad bunny, the recording artist? Yeah, and I got up to bat and I hit a home run. And I was so happy. Hold up, shut the fuck up. I was just like, I can't, I was so happy.

No way, are you fucking serious? Mm-hmm. It was like, it was like, oh, this is really cool. Do we have footage of this? I don't know. There has to be. I mean, yeah, I mean, there, there, it's gotta be all sorts of celebrity tacos,

walkos, and Q&A. The fastest that they introduced me as a snowboarder from the Olympics, because I was such a late replacement. First of all, I would never go on the internet to find it. I would just go on. Oh, there it is, yeah. Oh, there it is. There it is. Yeah, okay.

Good job. Yeah, that's what I'm posting. My kids. Is that my kids? This is how great my kids look. Kids like wow dad. All those people in your team are way more famous than you. That yeah, there's Brian Cranston.

Is that him with the beard? Yeah. Is he playing Jerry Garcia? Uh, he, I was for a role. And then, uh, J.K. Simmons was the other coach, and he also had a, he had a much bigger beard. And I remember J.K. Simmons as a Nazi in the, uh, in Oz. In Oz?

Yeah, he was a man. He was a man when he burned the swastika and that guy's ass with a lighter. He, the people should watch that Joe, because that's crazy. Uh, it was so much fun. And I was like, ah, this is Joe, because that's crazy. It was so much fun. And I was like, this is the, I can't, I was, yeah, it was good times.

And, yeah, that was, yeah, we'll never find. YouTube is where you would find something like this. If anyone has it. It really shows you how the public really wanted, wants to see that clip of me. They really wanted. Oh, Joseph C. Well, she hit. I, yeah, she.

Joseph C. Well, hit a home run too. Yeah. Well, let me see this. I love her. Uh, she's terrific. She. It was a great hit. She legit.

Uh, she legit. She must have played softball growing up. Yeah, it was a real good hit. She did not played softball growing up. It was a real good hit. She did not play softball growing up. We're all jumping and having a good picture. She did not play. That's CCC's a bathier. No way. Let me see her swing again. That was beautiful. Yeah, I was a freaking. Look at that. She let go of the bat. I mean, she, wow, that's crazy., I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I me drinking on the today show as usual. Um, yeah, there's boy,

when you go to do what I do, what a, what a walk down memory lane. Oh, there's five longs. I got by the way I got into a home run thread the other day of watching dudes who play, uh, they, they're like just do the beautiful swings and they test out bats and they try to break bats and whatnot. It was, I get fucking watching. That's, I get, I go down the rabbit hole of watching players talk about Larry Bird.

Really? It's great, because Larry Bird was the biggest trash talker out of any trash talker. And it's so great to listen to like, these guys go like, Yeah, I showed up and he started making fun of me and he was famous for going. I'm a new Dribble down. I'm gonna go to the corner. I'm gonna get the ball I'm gonna shoot in your face and then look at your mom and It's so great. I magic Johnson talks about it. It's really really yeah I can't recommend it enough.

Larry Bird talking shit. Yeah. There's a thousand videos. What other videos are you really into? I'm trying to think I am into. Well, we're both into knives. We love knives. So I realized the other day because I was like, I got caught back into Twitter.

I've been off Twitter for a while by I had to make a burner account because Rogan sent me something and I got caught by my social media person looking at Twitter and she goes, well, well, well, well, you don't have Twitter. How did you get that? I was like, oh, I have a burner account now.

And they were like, you're off, you're off, you're off. So I got caught and so I was like, well, I can't buy the people that you pay. By, in Australia, I was in Australia and I was on the burner account. And then I started was like, well, I can't buy the people that you pay. By, in Australia, I was in Australia, and I was on the burner account. And then I started going like, yeah, what? Okay, I'm just gonna use Twitter, I'm not gonna use Twitter. I'm gonna use the internet for just what I wanna watch.

Like history videos, knives, Rolexes, dogs, I love dogs. Dog videos. Dude, I like looking at breeds of dogs. like the dog origin Tino or the Connie Corso Why don't you have a podcast about that? I would love I would love that I would love to talk to people bring in dog Look at this dog origin Tino. This is the most beautiful fucking dog Second row the second last one on the right look at that look at this dog Not a beautiful fucking dog. That doesn't even look real.

Very dominant. You can't let it sleep in bed with you. Why not? Because it will assume dominance. Anytime you let it, it's like, I went to buy one. They hunt pigs with them in Hawaii, I think. And so they're really fucking badass. They're the size of a bull mass stiff.

They're the biggest shit and they're all muscle. Why don't you get it? I said to the guy, two dogs I wanted, that and the, what's the one with all the dreadlocks? It's the Afghan dreadlock dog. I always say sharp, okay. The one with all the, it's not the, it's not the,

it's not that's a Hungarian pulley. That's not the Hungarian pulley. It's not the pulley, it's the, it's not that's a Hungarian pulley. That's not the Hungarian pulley. It's not the pulley. It's the tall one. Commodore, Commodore, Commodore, Commodore. Commodore. Is that how the hair comes out? No, you gotta be a part of getting it dreadlocked. Okay.

So I almost got a Commodore. That's how I work. I almost got a Commodore and a dog originator to look how big that thing is. Oh my gosh, that thing. Look at how big that daddy washed that thing. You don't? I don't think you do.

So I said to the two people told me they wouldn't sell me their puppies. The dog origin, he goes, all right, what do you want this dog for? I said protection. I'm on the road a lot. I want something that would scare people away and he goes, okay, are you gonna let it outside?

Is it gonna be an outside dog or inside dog? I said inside dog, inside dog, okay, where are you gonna keep it inside? And I said just in my house and he goes, you're gonna let it outside? Is it gonna be an outside dog or an inside dog? I said inside dog, inside dog, okay. Where are you gonna keep it inside? And I said just in my house and he goes, you're gonna let it on the couch? I said, yeah, probably. And he goes on your bed and I said, yeah, and he goes, I'm not selling you this dog.

I went, why? And he goes, because this dog commands a great deal of expertise in raising a dominant dog. You're not getting like a like a lab or doodle. This is a dog that if you, it sees weakness in you, it will become the dominant thing in that house and I went. Fuck, okay. And then I couldn't get the dog and I couldn't and they're hard to find. This same thing happened with the Commodore. They wouldn't sell you that. They wouldn't sell me a Commodore either. Why? Because I said, I would let it outside and how big is your fence? I

said six feet. Nope. not letting you have this dog. I go, well hold on, that's all you're allowed to have in LA is a six-foot fence, because the police have to be able to look over it to like get into your, into your, like that's the height of the comments. And the dog would jump over that? They said the dog's gonna jump over this fucking fence and so I was like, fuck, only other animal I want.

Savannah cat, have you seen it? No. Joel, what do you do with your time online? Well, I want, Savannah cat. Have you seen it? No. Joe, what do you do with your time online? Look at how big this fucking cat is. How much is that cat? This, they're $5,000. What do you get? It is a fucking look at this.

I want a huge, that's not real. That's a fucking real cat. That's, look at that fucking cat. Look at that fucking cat. That's a, that's an F1 Savannah cat too. See if that's an F1 Savannah cat. Yeah,, look at that fucking cat. Look at that fucking cat. That's, that's an F1 Savannah cat too. See that's an F1 Savannah cat. Yeah, don't, F1 means. Yeah, the F3s are stupid. No, you don't want F3s because F3s means they've bred out. I was just making that up. I don't even know what that is. I think they go down to F5. They have so F1 means.

Like Wagoo beef? Yeah. No. So F1 means the, it's the most expensive pet in the world What that it was I mean $5,000 at the most expensive pet seems like it look at this the fucking cat They're illegal in New York. Why because they're fucking they're fucking look at how high they can jump That look at that guy's weird house. Yeah talk about witness relocation. He's got porn stars, he'll get them a lot. What? Yeah, porn stars, like porn stars, he'll get these cats. That's a, why? You know, Mary Lynn Rice Cub has one of these cats.

Oh, but is she a porn star? No, no, no, but she's got one and it's badass. It's like very, it's a little wild. It's a little bit of a wild cat. You have three animals that you would like and you are still, you're over three. I wind it up, so I wind it up. We have three rescue cats, and then I have bull mastiffs.

How many bull mastiffs? Two. Okay. Well, that's, and you love. I love, and their bull mastiff is right. The guy was right, I shouldn't have gotten the dog origin Tino. Because you also have these bull mastiffs.

No, no, no, no, no, this is before I got the bullmastive. We got our first bullmastive Priscilla, probably 15 years ago. No, maybe 10 years ago. And you can see this is our bullmastives now. Look, that was Priscilla, was it? That Leanne? Yeah, go to Leanne and the two dogs.

That's Mack. There's, Hey. Leanne and I think that's Leanne and the two dogs. That's Mac. There's a Leanne and I think that's Leanne. Those are big dogs. Yeah, wow Look at that. They're fucking awesome and they're and they're really the really docile They're that's Priscilla They're really docile and they're really like sweet dogs, but they are scary enough that no one's gonna break into the house Because they do and they do get spooked pretty easily So like someone new comes into the house you can make especially who's 160 pounds

He kind of like locks up like who the fuck is this who the fuck is this and then you gotta be like is okay Mac is okay Would you have any animals? Yeah, what do you have two three dogs in a rabbit? You have a rabbit? Yeah, how do you have the rabbit with the dogs? What do you know? Two, uh, three dogs in a rabbit. You have a rabbit? Yeah, how do you have the rabbit with the dogs? Uh, we, they, well, two of the dogs didn't care. And then the other dog, our French bulldog, who's very aggressive, he was a puppy at the

same time, the rabbit was a little thick, so they sit and they, like they eat together. They eat their brother and sister, or brother and brother. Uh, so yeah, so they're, they all get along great. But when the doorbell rings or someone, yeah, I mean, they're not as intimidating as a massive, but all hell breaks loose. But I bet you'd have a few people that broke in here, I was like, oh shit, it's a bunny.

Oh my God. Yeah, they'd be like, what? You at least slows them down. Yeah, they'd be like the cutest thing. Well, let me untie. You know what anyone? All untie one of the family members in his home basement. But I know they're great pets and they don't do,

they're very cutler. But the wheat, I don't know if you do this, but my wife and I are like, what are we gonna do when we lose? One of these dogs passes away. We're gonna, and we were like, so I was like, what kind of a, we're not even talking about our sons that way.

We're talking, I mean, we, we are so tied to them. And then one, our pug got epilepsy and we're like, was this the end? And so it's not, he's on medicine now, but it was dramatic, so worried. Oh, we had to put down Priscilla, it was during the pandemic. Oh no, why? put down Priscilla. It was during the pandemic. Oh, no. Why?

It was, she was talking back. No, she, wow. She, uh, It's funny you keep saying Priscilla because that's my grandmother's name and my niece's name. I'm like, mm-hmm. She, uh, she got a blood clot in her heart, or like, heart cancer, something like that.

There were like, it doesn't matter. You need to put her down. And so I used to do a bit about it on stage that was pretty funny, oddly enough, because it was a weird moment. It was a really weird moment, but it was fucking the hardest part, because the- That is quite the laser to dance over to talk about a dog dying. It murdered. It really murdered. It was like, I was gonna put it in my special, but it is really emotional.

And if I tell a bit and you're in the moment, it's more fun. But with this bit, if I was in the moment, I would cry. I couldn't help but cry. Yeah, so, but yeah, it was tough because the girls were young. Still, the girls were, I think, help but cry. Yeah, so, but yeah, it was tough because the girls were young, still. The girls were, I think, 14 and 12. Yeah. And the funniest part of that is when I was shooting the movie, I had this, in Serbia, I had a co-star named Eva. I was saying that we had a dog and she goes, oh, I want to see a picture of your dog.

And I was like, okay. And so I just scrolled to like find a picture. And the one picture I found, I go, here it is. And I go, oh, wait. And it was a video. I thought it was a picture. You know how sometimes it needs to load. Yeah.

And I hit it and I go, here's a picture. And there's a video, I go, oh no, this is when we were putting her down and then she goes, why would you show me that picture? Like as if I went here, this is us putting her down. And so, but I had video tape question. I videotaped it and I, a little bit,

the actual passing I didn't videotape, I was in the moment, but I was like, you know, in the moment I was like, our last moments were Pursilla, let's hold on to this. And then I took the Nest Cam footage of her actually, and I saved it, I don't know why, of her actually passing.

Yeah, it's a little odd, too. It was like, I remember when my grandmother passed away. You took a Nest Cam of that? No, they didn't have them then, but we had a wake, and she was just sitting there, you know, was an open gasket and my uncle was taking photos of. Oh, for real? Yeah, and I was like, hmm, that's a little odd. And my dad was like, yes it is.

And you know, it was pre-cameras on your phone. So it was like a SLR. So it was a, yeah. Okay, you got that. I think it pictures the furlough. Yeah, I don't know. Yeah, and even when I think about now, This is a yeah Okay, you got that Yeah, yeah, and even when I think about now like those pictures exist somewhere That weird Dumb it though like a photo mad probably idle this woman didn't move She seems very relaxed. We she's sitting up in the casket. Ohket? Oh yeah, yeah, we propped her up.

By the wig. We wanted everyone to see her. She was pretty big. So I was like, oh, grandma Marie. At my grandmother's funeral, they had a slideshow of all of our pictures with us. And the majority of pictures where we were all together with my grandmother was on this one trip we took to New York where my sister Annie was going through a fat

face. And so this thing would, so the first time, I can't believe you didn't scream edit that out. So the first time it goes and the by the way, so the pre-wakes like like maybe like 45 minutes and the loop is every three minutes. It's every three minutes it changes. You see the same picture. So the first time it goes by, Annie sees it. Annie just goes like this. She goes, oh, who put that picture in there? And then my mom's like, don't worry about it honey, it's fine. It's fine. Just just try to be here. So then it goes around like literally three or four minutes later in my sister, or my, my daughter Georgia goes, that is not a good picture of Annie.

And she's like, Georgia stop. So like next time, next time we go around, someone goes, God damn it. And he got funnier and funnier by the end. My dad comes in, he had been with his uncle, he comes in in the end, and that picture, and he comes comes up and he goes, Jesus Christ She's like going through a bad phase, but the way she's standing she's sticking her belly out like we're it We're at Disney World or something and she's singing her belly out like this. It's the worst picture. How's Andy doing now? She looks great. She's dating someone. She's very happy. She loves her job. He loves his job. She's killing it. Okay. Yeah, she's killing it.

But man, we laughed. God. I want at my older younger. Older younger younger younger. Wait, are you gonna have a funeral? Yes next week. Oh cool. Yeah, I plan it. I'm usually always in the planning face I then I start setting a date and then I'm gonna keep the same invite list for my funeral as Do you have a choice on whether you have a funeral? Well, they don't do funnels a lot anymore. They don't know What funnels are they don't Well, they don't do funerals a lot anymore. They don't? No. What? Funerals don't even exist, people don't do them. Hey, is your staff gonna have a funeral? I don't know, I'm 30.

No? Oh, I'm 30, I can't do it. I just 30 years don't die. I, okay. Yeah, you probably won't die at all. Look at the braggart here. I don't know. I have a fucking funeral. I wanna't know. I have a fucking funeral.

I wanna fucking... You want it? Funeral. I want suits and ties. I want big church, big fucking church. Like a mega church. Here's the big church. Like Jolos' team's church.

Yeah. Oh, wow, hold on. Teal's Rockets Arena. Let's talk about our funerals. All right. How'd be cool if you died on the same day and then we could do like a kosher? We could plan it.

Oh, I guess we could. Yeah. It might. You want to do a suicide patch? Yeah. We can make it look like an accident. We probably shouldn't plan it on tape here or on Mike. Yeah.

All right. What if we do die on the same day? Well, the day I die or the day you die, we're both gonna be like, ooh, I'm gonna stay home. And I'm not taking the motorcycle out today. And your wife comes home with one of those dogo dogs and we're like, good news.

And then it rips your throat out, and you get off my couch. Have you told your wife that the funeral thing you already won? I've been pretty specific about my wants. I have my list of people I want to talk to my funeral, but I just realized like, well, I had a list and then I realized,

like I, and then I sent that same list for my funeral, is why I was like, you've thought about this. Oh, yeah, yeah, I've thought about this a lot. The same list for my funeral is pretty adjacent to the list of my premiere for my movie. And obviously, like the first, you know, like 50 people were like, oh, these are the people I wanted my funeral to. So I send them the list and then a lot of people were like, yeah, I can't make it.

And I go, hold on. If you're not coming to my movie, you might not be coming to my funeral. Yeah. And you would never know. And that, which really bothers me. Right. Like I might need verbal commitments today. I mean, what if the, what if you made it easy for everybody

and had the funeral in Austin? You sound like Sony right now. Cause that was our initial thought for the movie premieres. Like, I mean, cause I really didn't want to joke about it. A lot of people, all my friends were in Austin. I could was our initial thought for the movie premieres. Because I really wanted Joe to come and a lot of all my friends were in Austin. I could make it easy and do the premier in Austin, but everyone that worked on the movie lives in LA, everyone's got to self-confidently fly to Austin.

Let's be, let's be real. This is a really great point. Do I have my funeral in LA? Because I don't mean, none of my family friends are here. My parents aren't here. All the dudes I, all the dudes I grew up with are all in the East Coast. Right. Tom and Joe definitely probably aren't flying to LA.

They don't like LA. They're not gonna find it LA for a funeral. Mm. I mean, I could get like, hopefully like Logan Paul will come to my funeral. Oh. I mean, that's like it would be my big get. That would be good.

But then I got a change of my list of people. I wanted to speak at my funeral. We're like all my friends. Well, yeah, you need to. And if they're not coming then all the sudden no one's speaking at my fucking funeral. Yeah, that's where you have to invite, you know, like triple the number of people to speak because you're gonna have a lot of, you know, you want to speak at your funeral. Well, I have not thought about that. Let's think about it. Let's think about it. For real. Okay, Jolo Stain. Oh, that mean. That would be good. I get you. Oh, I want Bernie Mac to speak of my funeral.

I gotta hang out with him. I have terrible news. What? He's dead. Oh, not Bernie. I meant Steve Harvey. I meant Steve Harvey. Oh, no. I meant Steve Harvey. I got Steve Harvey. Oh, no, no, I'm in a terrible news and I was like, oh, black people look the same. No, no, no, I'm just, I'm doing, I've been doing a deep dive on Steve Harvey. And Bernie Mac came up and Bernie Mac

will cause he's been dead for years. He's terrible. He's dead. I was like, wait, he's like the wrong guy. Have you ever heard Steve Harvey talk about his wife, Marjorie? No. Oh, it's my favorite clip ever. It's my favorite fucking clip ever. What does he say?

Hold on, pull up Steve Harvey talking about Marjorie. This is, this is, so Leanne's obsessed with Steve Harvey, right? Right. She will text me clips of Steve Harvey all the time. She all she does is watch clips of Steve Harvey. And so hold on, it's, I just had a moment.

Put your headsets on. Put your headsets on. Hang on, hit pause, hit pause, hit pause, hit pause. Go full screen, go full screen. All right, this, now this is, and I think you'll, perfect bald head. I think you'll feel, I think you'll feel like I feel. I get emotional watching this

because this is how I feel about my wife. And then, and all all right go ahead. I just had a moment. And that's me and my wife's song too. I met her 86, 87 when the song came out. He and God gave her back to me in 2005. I put her name on the back, man, you understand me. That's mine right there. Yeah, I own you and you own me. I will kill everybody in here about your hair.

Please understand that about the way I love you, Marjorie Elaine. You understand me? I kill everybody in here. I swear to God, I'll hear you. You can ask a lot about me. I kill everything. F***ing ****.

F***ing ****. F***ing ****. F***ing ****. F***ing ****. Rescue and change my life. I get Tariah'd watching that. I Rescueed and changed my life. I get Tariya I'd watch in that I get Tariya I'd because I go I love that fucking energy dude Steve Harvey. He's is he told a story about I Get Tariya I'd watch in that. I don't know why I just love that energy like that fucking ah man He's the best. He's the best. I did that celebrity family feud

and watching him with the audience, I was just like, this is just the master. He is. He just has, I mean, it's amazing. You should watch him on Club Che Che. Have you seen Club Che Che? No. Club Che Che Shannon Sharps podcast.

I've seen his, it's, Shannon Sharps podcast. I've seen his... It's... Shannon Sharps podcast is... I just watched a clip of him talking about the... Horts. He's so fucking smart. Dude, he is such a great interviewer. He is such a great interviewer. Club Che Che, he has...

Steve Harvey's probably my favorite podcast on here, but I'm a huge Steve Harvey fan. He talks about his mom. His dad's name was Slick Harvey, right? And his dad had a third grade education and his mom, why do I get emotional when I talk about Steve Harvey? I get him on your podcast. No, no, I just met him and he was so fucking cool. I can't, you know what,

whatever the thing is is when people, when people you look up to, pay you respect in this business, it is a moment that you never forget. Yeah. And where'd you mean them? Somebody found me food. Oh, you did, oh.

Yeah. We did, we did, me and the girls did it. Leanne was like, we're definitely doing it. And so we go to do it and The pre-interview guy goes so you've got a movie you got a special called the machine coming out And I went no it's a movie and he goes you have a Netflix special called razzle dazzle and I said yeah And he goes so congrats on getting on Netflix. I go it's like my My fifth Netflix special and he goes, oh, okay, cool.

But you can tell that they've done no pre-interview. No offense to family feud. I think they thought I was still, that's me and the girls. They think so great. I think they thought, I think they thought I was still on travel channel and I only said that because the team we played against

was on from HTTB. And so I think they thought it was travel channel. I know, I was disrespect to anyone on that channel. How long ago were you on travel channel? It was like nine years ago. It's been And I, and I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I up and he goes, I'm a fan. And I was like, what? And then he gave me the greatest fucking intro. FIYSPECIALS! Oh, Neff, you don't understand. And he was fucking so goddamn great to me and the whole family.

I don't want to spoil it. You got to watch the episode. I don't want to spoil it. When's it coming out? Uh, not for a while. I don't want to spoil it. You got to watch the episode. I don't want to spoil it. When's it coming out? Not for a while. I don't want to spoil it, but it's it's really fucking hilarious and him and Ila Connected and it was and it was fucking such a great experience, but I I he talks about I've been watching a lot of Steve Harvey a lot of it And he talks on club Cheyche about his his mom His mom teaching is that how to read

and he goes, I never saw love like that in my life. And he's like, I get emotional when I talk about it. He goes, he goes, when I was a kid, someone talked about your mama, my daddy said, it's that ass. You better get that ass. And if you can't get that ass, you come in your brother, your brother, get that ass.

No one talks about your mama. Like I loved, I don't know what it is man. Like is it that those guys, those type of men don't exist anymore? Like that I look at that and I go, my dad would have fought about his mom. Like I want to, man, you can call my mama horror. I'd be like, okay, okay, whatever.

You're gonna be okay with your mom getting called a horror? Like when I was a kid, I was like, I'm not gonna fist fight over my fucking mom. Yeah. Uh, yeah, uh. Well, gosh, someone said your mom. You wouldn't swing it someone? When I was a child, no, I was just sort of like,

I would have been like, cause my dad didn't, my dad didn't raise me to fight at all. Like he was like, he was like, yo, you walk away. It's not worth it. Nothing's ever worth it. Like to this day, if I get into a confrontation, I do have the, I have a really insane ability to walk away. Like even in a time when you don't think, you think you could win, I still have a thing where my dad has its implant in my ex-ex-ex-loyer. You never know. You punch someone, they hit the fucking head on the back of a curb, they

die. You're in prison for the rest of your life. That's true. That was the way my dad raised me. You don't ever need to take anything to violence. You never need to get to violence. He's like, you can always walk away. You can look like a coward, but guess what? You wake up the next day in your bed. And I got in fights growing up, like I got in fights.

But like, never about like, like my mom wasn't the thing, but my dad would have fought over his mom as a kid. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I, when's the last time you were in a fight? Two days ago. Who's the last time I was in a fight? I remember the last time I talked shit to someone. Oh, the last time I was in a fight,

I got this shit kicked out of me in college. Oh, yeah, I got beat up pretty bad. I had to go to the hospital. I had to release the American cousin. I had memory loss, it was pretty bad. They hit you really hard. Through me on my head, fucking suplex. And I fucking woke up.

Yeah, that's okay to you to that. You could have died. Yeah, yeah. I think that guy probably has never been in a fight since because I think he was really scared to what he did. I remember I woke up and he was on the floor next to me and he was freaking out. Cause he thought he'd kill someone.

I think he thought he'd kill someone. Where's that guy now? Uh, I think he's, I don't know. It's dead. The thing I learned about- Anthony J. The thing I learned about dudes, the thing I learned in life,

about dudes who have a past history of getting to violence and can get to violence, is you don't say anything about those guys. Well, yeah. Like, I'll bus balls, I'll bus balls with anyone who I know won't go to violence is you don't say anything about those guys. Well, yeah, like I'll bus balls. I'll bus balls with anyone who I know won't go to violence. Like I'll bus Joe Rogan's balls all day long. That guy will never take it to violence. Even though he's the baddest motherfucker I know, he will never get violent.

That's just not Joe's nature. It's not his nature. Bus Tommy's balls all day long. He'll never punch me. But there are dudes I just just don't, like, I fuck with stylebender, Nate Diaz, fucking Connoem McGregor, all those guys have really good sense of humor.

It's like really, like I met stylebender and I said to stylebender out, that I said a bunch on this podcast that like I was gonna, I wanted to fight stylebender, who was gonna both fucking get drunk and fight, because I knew he had a sense of humor. Everyone I knew that knew that he's trust me, he's cool dude, he's fucking cool dude. Even Nate Diaz, Shane Giles is like,

Nate's a cool guy, like he understands the joke. He's been around comedy as long as it's been in UFC because he knows Joe. And he listens to the podcast, Nate's a fucking cool guy, Conor McGregor, same fucking thing. I talk shit on podcasts, obviously. People know it's a joke, but there are some dudes. Yeah, they don't have the

Yeah, they don't they don't they don't get it totally and and I don't talk shit about those guys at all I never will yeah, it's like having yeah, it's like those dogs that are part wolf. You're like, oh yeah And that guy that guy was one of those guys and I was that was the one mistake I made as I made a joke He did not like it and he fucked me up Yeah, and that guy that guy was one of those guys and I was that was the one mistake I made as I made a joke He did not like it and he fucked me up and I was like well less and learned Got it moving forward like and you can sense those guys in the comedy clubs in the front rows You can see the guy that won't isn't isn't there to be fucked with right? Right, yeah, and you then yeah, no, yeah, it's amazing that more comics aren't you know killed

After shows, you know, I know a lot of comics would have been punched Really while they're on stage or right or they're after after after been on stage my friend got shot at Yeah, years ago, uh Kp Anderson used to I know Kp. Yeah, he would yeah up in Alaska. He oh shit. Yeah. Years ago. K. P. Anderson used to. I know K. P. Yeah. He would. I know K. P. Yeah. Up in Alaska. He. Oh shit. Yeah. See Alaska is a place. You don't I wouldn't do crowd working Alaska. Anyone who moves to Alaska. Has got something going on. Yeah. They're trying to escape from. Don't fuck with anyone in the crowd and Hawaii either. Do Hawaiians don't fuck around. Yeah. I can't, I don't think, yeah, I would never.

Portland, you're safe. Well, except, doing an, I don't know, e-store again, I'd watch you. E-store again, I wouldn't fuck around. Because Portland is a, once you get outside of Portland, watch out. Portland is a safe spot. And then everything outside,

that's like men who have callous hands, they can't even work off with. Well, yeah, they don't use axes to get trees down. They just pick them up. Just rip them out of the ground. Those are real men. I, we should do a reality show where we go be real men for a day.

I bet you could fuck this up. Let's, I, look, let's pull this out. No, I would do that reality show in a heartbeat. And by real men, you mean like, what did you wanna do? What is, I feel like for us, it would be taking dance lessons. I would love to take dance lessons. I'll take a dance lesson then, yeah.

We should do the opposite and just like do not. I'm still, I'm so impressed by the empire you've created. You're... Yeah, there you go. Yeah, that's... There you go, you got to really pull that, yeah. Oh... That now, it will turn...

Now I can't see you, you've gone invisible. It's sting. It's from the rings. Oh, there you go. Just in case. Fucking this... Oh, it's my... You can't walk around like that a lot of things. Oh, there's a lot of things. Oh, there's a lot of things. Oh, there's a lot of things. Oh, there's a lot of things. Oh, there's a lot of things.

Oh, there's a lot of things. Oh, there's a lot of things. Oh, there's a lot of things. Oh, there's a lot of things. Oh, there's a lot of things. Oh, there's a lot of things. Oh, there's a lot of things. Oh, there's a lot of things.

Oh, there's a lot of things. Oh, there's a lot of things. Oh, there's a lot of things. Oh, there's a lot of things. Oh, there's a lot of things. Oh, there's a lot of things. Oh, there's a lot of things. Oh, there's a lot of things.

Oh, there's a lot of things. Oh, there's a lot of things. Oh, there's a lot of things. Oh, there's a lot of things. Oh, there's a lot of things. Oh, there's a lot of things. Oh, there because the top of the blade. I'm the neat. I think this is sharpened two here. Oh, oh for real. I thought, well, actually, it's not. Never mind. You're good. This is fucking badass. What's your favorite knife?

Favorite knife that you have? I like this shiny sword that I have a lot. Really? Yeah, it's like a, they design, it's a very, I mean, old design, but they use them all the way up until World War II. And it's really heavy, and it, you swing them like a baseball bat.

For real? Yeah. That's it? That's literally it. That's it. I love that thing. I am. That's called steel.

Yeah, cold steel makes it too. That's it. Look at that. That's beautiful. Yeah, and the grip on it is like a baseball bat. That's beautiful. Yeah. that. That's beautiful. Yeah, and the grip on it, it's like a baseball bat. That's beautiful. Yeah. I am a big fan.

I'm a big fan of spider co. Great. I love the work they do. If you had to rank the top knife makers, and by the way, there's also, what's the one with the wooden handles that are out of Switzerland? Where there's, you would tell me about that guy

that you're to get on the list. Yeah. You. Bobby Kelly knows. Did you get one? No, no, I was calling you right now. No, no, no, I'm calling Bobby Kelly right now I'm gonna find out the name of the fucking thing hold on spider co is I'm just guessing right no, it's not Italian Is it no spider co's out of golden Colorado really nailed it? fucking awesome You went to their last time we talked. I think you said you went to their Facility I have I have almost every single one of their knives.

Like, I love their knives, I love their knives. And I've gone through, go to Spider-Caw, show you, they just make a beautiful fucking knife. There, yeah, there. Right there, the Delica is a gorgeous fucking knife. I have bought little ones for Leanne and Georgia and Ila for Girl Scouts, but I like this. I don't like that handle as much.

That's a plastic handle. They have a carbon handle that's fucking gorgeous. They put in Girl Scouts, they're pulling... Little tiny ones, they have these little, little tiny ones right there. The, see that little tiny one to the left? It's a much smaller knife. It's like this big.

But those blades are sharp as fucking shit fucking yeah, you gotta be so careful I like the micro-text and the ultra-text. I like those knives a lot. I like the benchmarks. I like yeah Cold steel Jack demo. I would Bobby Kelly have two fucking phone numbers Bobby Kelly knows the fucking hold on. He knows the guy? And he goes, he goes, Bert, if you ever get this fucking knife before me,

I'll fucking kill you. There it is, yeah, there's microtek. Yeah, there's, those are amazing. They're automatic knives, so. I have a few of those, I fucking love those. I love them. Bobby Kelly! I'm doing a podcast with Joel McCale hi Joel McCale first of all your show Animal Control my favorite show

me and my son watch it every week and the fact that Michael didn't hook up with what's your name is disgusting and it made me very sad and I'm sorry about the cat dying. Oh my gosh. For you way better than Bert and way better. And I, you're my favorite. And you really actually know the show. God bless you for me. I do know the show. And I really want to know where you got those epinamas and where they

real empanadas. Because those epinadas that you brought were amazing. Oh yeah they were real. I mean there wouldn't be fake. Wait this is by the way hold on can I can I have you guys become friends because we have a lot of the same interests. Yes. You look really.

Yeah so the reason we're calling Bobby what's the knife the tough knife to get that you go? That's the one I want I actually got it. It's the Jack lore It's a bushcraft light knife from Jack lore who is a knife maker in England and you have to go He makes the knife. He puts it up on the website and the first people to see it and email him get the nice. How did you get the first email in? Okay well I've never got the email. I got the second email and I looked for two years I was I was really waking up at four in the morning because he's in England so when he puts a knife up his earlier so I had a fan of mine created this app

all got this thing that when this certain email when this website refreshes itself it sends him an email and he would get it before anybody click on it and he got me the knife but it doesn't count I love it I love the knife that I love it so much because it's from, you know, Scruffy and it's awesome, but I need to get it myself. You know what I mean? Can you own two of them? I will own two of them, but I need one deservingly. I didn't get it the way you're supposed to get it. Well, I feel like you got it, but I...

I got it, but it's not my knife. It was somebody else's knife that they gave it to me. Hey, what are you going to New York next? Uh, I think in a couple of weeks. Oh, go do his, uh, he's got his show, The Bomb Fire, on Sirius XM and his podcast, you know, what do you have to? All right. Bobby is like, Bobby's, you and Bobby are very similar.

We're both in it. We're all in the knives. Great. And by the way, don't talk watches with this guy well get out what is that let me see look what I just got

whoa whoa what is it oh mega moonwatch baby fucking that's the allocator deployment band what what is a deployment band? Oh come on done. I Don't even dude. He Bobby takes it to the next Bobby's a nerd at heart He he loves he's really into technology too like if you he's the first dude

I ever know to have like a not a laptop but a personal little like a email tablet right personal little like email tablet right Big Jay Okreson Yeah, he's in shape Christine how you doing people are just hanging around they're just hiding They're getting ready to do their show so Bobby's going to scar Jay smoking a joint and Christine show smoking a joint and then they go do Jay wants to know if you're doing bonfire this week Yes, I will yes, I will yes. Hey someone downstairs right down bonfire. Yes. I'm coming in for bonfire Awesome, I love you guys. What a nice man

I love you guys. What a nice man. Thank you. I love the show Thank you Please come when you come to New York. Let's hook up. Would you yeah, I'll give you my number Dundee give birth give yes a hundred percent thousand percent. I'd love to yeah I'll bring you a nice to meet you geez and your class your glass frames are Awesome love you buddy. See you meet you jeez and your class your glass frames are uh hi buddy yeah yeah awesome love you buddy alright see ya well that's a great way to fucking close the podcast

that was who said we were this is halfway animal control animal control what and what what oh yeah let's talk about Jimmy Tejra real quick it's very talented man I taught him so much about like just being in character and getting to

you taught him I had to you know You're gonna play young Bert. You got to dumb it down He was he was He's a real fun dude to be around yeah, yeah, he's and he's like he's one of those guys that he kind of speaks in Punchlines. Yeah, he's kind of like his delivery is speaks in punchlines. Yeah. He's kind of like, his delivery is, he's always like, when I was watching him in the,

when you're making a movie, I was like, oh, everything he's saying he means, like it's like, it comes from, you know, sometimes you can tell if it's not. And I was like, oh, this guy's, this guy's a star. And he is. Yeah, and then his girlfriend, super great. And I know her mom.

I thought her, her, his girlfriend Zoe Deutsch. Yes. Her mom, his mom is Lina Thompson. Yes. And her dad is Danny Deutsch. Yeah. I thought it was Danny Deutsch. That the guy on CNB, or that he was always on. Yeah, he was always on. Yeah, he was on CNB Donnie Deutsch that the guy on CN or the he was always

Yeah, I want to make some money. I say yeah, I make some oh, yeah, I was like I was like that's so interesting that they fell in love And then she was like who do you think my dad is and I realized it wasn't who because I was like googled Lena leotop someone time and then it said, and I was like, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And then I was like, what, that's really crazy that he like, he really leveled up. And I was like, oh, what? Oh, her husband's Howard Deutsch.

Directed his Danny Deutsch. Some kind of wonderful, where they met. Oh, is that where? Boy, I hope I have that right. I'm preach, yeah, that's where they met. Wow. Yeah, his, they have a, they have a really cool relationship him in Zoey.

Like they do really fun shit. I can't talk too much about Jimmy because I'm really bad night tell all the secrets. And he told me some fucking bangers. I mean, fucking bangers. I mean fucking bangers. And Jimmy, if you're watching this, this is what I do for you buddy. I don't talk about Jimmy.

He, we were in a pool one time and he told me as he goes, I tell you a secret and I said, yeah, of course. And he told me the secret. And then I went, no way. And I got on my phone and I called someone and I go, you're never gonna believe what Jimmy just told me.

And Jimmy goes, oh, what are you talking about? Like that was a secret. And he goes, yeah, I go, I'm telling, what pool were you in? Pool and Serbia. We're having Rosé. Oh, yeah. I mean, did you shoot it?

When did you shoot it? When you, in 2021 in Serbia for three months? So the war had, well, I guess it hadn't broken out yet. Had not broken out. And, uh, wow. So I guess. Serbia is not that close, I don't think. Well, it's not that far.

Yeah, but I texted a dude who's back at Stan and I was like, we should get together. I'm in Serbia and he was like, my friend, there's a sea between us. And I was like, I'm from America. You're not next door? You're like close enough. We're to me I'm from America, you're not next door? You're like close enough.

Wait, who are two me, bro? That, why do you serve you? I don't know. You don't have too many questions about this movie. I kinda said, you got the movie that you wrote. Yeah, I was like, you guys just take it from here. And there were like, good news, we're gonna serve you. You wanna succeed in Hollywood?

Don't ask too many questions. And the rosé is, when is it I'm invited to the... You're the premieres to 24th? 25th? No one came to my premiere. You got the day wrong. The 25th and... Oh yeah, I'll be with Joe Rogan that day.

Are you here touroscientist? Yeah, yeah, that's too bad. I would love to shoot. We're gonna be Joe Rogan, it's a pass, but if Tom doesn't come, he's fucking dead to me. Now, no, I'm kidding, I'm kidding. It's got his, he won't come. He won't come.

He's getting back from Europe. I know that he's I mean it would be so hard in convenient for him to just get on a private jet Hmm fly to LA and then go to it and then ride home on a private jet It would be so inconvenient, but I get it. I get it. I totally got it. It's only got it Your empire. I know we're ending this thing But what you've built is so fucking impressive I mean, I've got you I mean, it's just really cool and you've built is so fucking impressive. I mean, it's just really cool. And you've always stayed yourself

and you're always so kind to me. And I'm just like, I don't deserve any of this. But just seeing like, this, I don't know if your staff's insane, but they all seem so nice. Oh, they're pretty level headed. I'm, it's really. Well, dude, you're, I know how you did it, but I I'm, it's, Well, dude, you're, I'm a fan of this.

I don't know how, I know how you did it, but I was like, it's just to see it, like the physical manifestation of like, oh, you just fucking built this out of, and just, yeah, I had to think that we were sitting in that theater on Melrose doing these improvising, trying to get a bud, bud light ad. I was just like, look at this.

Well, dude, I've been, I can say this very candidly. I've been impressed by your career, my entire career. Everything you do is always fucking amazing. And I wish I had, if I had, we both can't take compliments, I can see. No, that's why we're not narcissists. This is why we're like, and then brought it full circle.

And that is how, that is why Jimmy Tattro's secret is, he is not a narcissist. He has three dicks. He has three dicks. I know that. One for the road and one for his chick. Yeah, the one for his foot on around. They're all, they're just three of them.

Uh, he told me about a time he got super, he was in a, like wearing a costume and he got trashed and arrested. Oh, I heard about that. I don't think that's, yeah, I think that's a public story. Yeah, I'm bad with his public story. So he told me a really fucking good one. Oh, really good one that I'll tell you a sin, or I'm not gonna tell anybody.

I'm not gonna tell anybody. I'm not gonna tell anyone. Way to go, Jimmy. I'm trying. That's the way I work. I go, wait, I'll tell you this one. It is a fucking pretty amazing story. anyone. Way to go, Jimmy. I'm trying. That's the way I work. I go, we do I tell you this one. It is a fucking pretty amazing story.

And then I said to him, why don't you tell everyone that? And he goes, because it's fucked up. It's a fucked up story. Like it's just, like those people, I shouldn't have told you.

And I went, you should have definitely told me. Yeah. I'm actually the worst person to tell. But I'm not saying a word, Jimmy. Your secret's safe with me. Go ahead and go ahead. Tiger Woods. Okay. Okay. All right. That's it. It's great show. It's a great show. He drove off the road. Your show is on Fox. It is on Fox. Bobby Kelly is a big fan.

I'm gonna go on. I will go on. The citizens writers takes over. Are we getting a season two? I really think so. Yeah, I mean, I'm invited to the upfront, which doesn't, I don't even know what's gonna happen now. So, but it would be very awkward if I got to the upfront next week, which is not probably happening. And being like, so what are we talking about?

I'm pretty confident. And I never get, I never, I can, I barely plan on getting home. So I'm pretty, yeah. I rarely ever say that it's gonna happen, but I'm pretty sure. Knock on, knock on wood. That's the good one over there.

I love you brother, thank you for doing this. I appreciate it. It's so good to see you're Very kind. Just good thing. Can I just want to you know 10% of what you've done That's what I want to pull off. Well, let's do well maybe me and you can sit down and forget a podcast about dogs You'll teach me. I'll just bring my talk about a new breed every fucking day. I'll show you a picture my dog when one of my Well, let's go downstairs. Lea's probably dying to fucking yeah Let's go. All right. Thank you. Thank you for having me Bert time time and Bert one goes top the swath the other wears a shirt

Tom tells stories and birds the machine. There's not a chance in hell that they'll keep the clean Here's what we call There's one Here's what we call, two bears one cave. No scripts to be the booze amateur, for topology. Dirty jokes, ronti humor, no apologies. Here's what we call, two bears one cave. you