2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer - LeeAnn VS Hawk Tuah | 2 Bears, 1 Cave

Episode Date: October 14, 2024

SPONSORS: Head to https://bluechew.com with promo code BEARS. Visit https://netsuite.com/BEARS and download the CFO’s Guide to AI and Machine Learning. Get 20% Off + Free Shipping, with the code BEARS at https://Manscaped.com. Head to http://acorns.com/bears or download the Acorns app to start saving and investing for your future today! Get 20% off at Chubbies with the code BEARS20 at https://www.chubbiesshorts.com/bears20 It's another week of 2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura and Bart Chrysler! The bears marvel at how far AI has come and wonder if that handy little tool called ChatGPT will one day bring humanity to it's knees. They also speculate what their exit strategies would be if the machines were to rise and take over. On the subject of all-powerful overlords, Bert and Tom talk about some of the world's eccentric dictators, including one I hadn't even heard of named General Butt Naked. They also talk about the Hawk Tuah Girl, some really gay and diverse advertisements, Ari's stage surprise at Skankfest, authenticity, and being naked on a Netflix show! Watch or else ChatGPT will send you a really mean email. 2 Bears, 1 Cave Ep. 258 https://tomsegura.com/tour https://www.bertbertbert.com/tour https://store.ymhstudios.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Last week we went on sale with the next leg of my 2025 tour dates both in the US and Europe. Tickets are available now for my November shows November 8th in San Diego, California at Pechanga Arena, November 9th in Phoenix, Arizona at the Footprint Center. I also announced a few rescheduled dates. Richmond, Virginia is now Friday January 10th, Norfolk, Virginia is now Friday January 10th. Norfolk Virginia is now Saturday January 11th. Mount Pleasant Michigan is now Sunday January 19th. And St. Louis Missouri is now Friday May 16th and Saturday May 17th. If you had tickets to the original dates it will be honored for the rescheduled shows. If you can't make the rescheduled dates, refunds will be issued from your point of purchase. Tickets and all tour dates are on sale right now

at tomscura.com slash tour. 100% Welcome to another episode of Two Bears, One Cave. Quick reminder, in a couple weeks, I will be in San Diego on November the 8th and in Phoenix on November 9th. Get tickets, tomscura.com slash tour, as always, is joining me.

My buddy, the very rosy, red, Bert Kreischer. I think my team's trying to fuck me in the ass. I think, I'm not really this red, everybody. I think there's a conspiracy in podcasting where people take my clips and they make me even redder. You think they're doing it in post? Like they're just like... I think they're doing it in post. I'm not this red. I don't think I look like a regular person. No one ever says to me in person, you look really red. I'm sitting right in front of you, you look normal. Thank you. Thank you

Had a rough night's sleep last night. Really? I figured out what AI is You did you not know what it was? I didn't really I didn't understand what AI was What did you think it was before you tell me what you figured out? I Thought it was this chat GBT. I thought it was just like like It's like I think chat GBT. I thought it was just like, like, so like, I think chat GBT is pretty funny, you know, like it's, it's like, yo, like I did this the other day, I was at breakfast with Leanne, I think you're gonna kick out of it. So I'm chat, I said to I said to chat GBT, how, how might Bert Kreischer kick off a breakfast conversation with his

wife? We were having breakfast? Yeah. Chachi BT said, hey babe, laughing hysterically. Man, I got to tell you, I woke up starving. What are we eating? I had the weirdest dream last night. Don't laugh.

But I was being chased by a giant pancake laughing. Ha ha pancake laughing. Speaking of pancakes, we should get some pancakes today. How did you sleep by the way? It's spot on. It's spot on. And I was like, that's cool. And then it stuck with me. That's spot on. That's spot on. A computer is thinking identically like I am. And I couldn't let go of that. And I was like, okay, so if AI is going, is growing exponentially every day, right? And we're just at the baby steps of it right now. And they can think like I think, what if they can get it to start, this is how stupid I am. I was like, what if they can get it to think like Rogan thinks? And then I was like, holy shit, what if they can get it to think like Rogan thinks? And then I was like, holy shit, what if they can get it to think like the people

that are on Rogan's podcast? What if they can get it to think like Elon Musk? And then I started losing my mind, and I was like, what if people use this for bad? Yeah, this has been a very big conversation that's been happening at a very high level for probably the last year. And one of the biggest proponents of that conversation

is Elon Musk himself. He's the one saying we should not have AI? He's the one that has been highlighting the dangers of what can happen with an unrestrained AI. He's the one that says that, yeah, we don't know. He knows basically that it has capabilities that are beyond our grasp at the moment and that it could get to a dangerous place.

So he was very vocal about that. Dude, I got into a spiral last night laying in bed. Like I've been hitting my vape pen aggressively to go to bed. Really? Yeah. You don't like edibles? I don't not like edibles, but I have to be able to be around people on edibles.

Like I can't just go lay down. What about a nice nighttime edible though? The one that just kind of helps you go to sleep. I don't notice the difference between the nighttime and the social ones. Really? I don't, like it's high as high to me. Like I go, I'm high. Like I definitely know that one time we went to that basketball game and you gave me a vape pen and you're like, yeah, that's indica. I know that I was not present.

I was like this. Yeah, that's a good indica then. Really? I mean, that's the one that's supposed to send you probably to, because I typically, unless it's a very clean, not rocket fuel powered sativa, yeah, like I'll do that, but I have to, it has to feel like light and fresh.

Then I always do indica because it's always an end of the day thing for me. And I like the mild indica, edibles, those are nice. Well, I just started Sober October, so maybe I'll try a. You're doing Sober October? Yeah, of course, I do it anyway. Like I know no one, you guys don't really even need it. As a group, we didn't talk about it,

so I didn't know if you were doing it. I mean, it's harvest day at our house. We have roughly nine marijuana plants that we'll be harvesting, drying, and then curing, and they will be ready at the end of Sobre October. So that's a very beautiful celebration, commemorating the beginning of it, is getting your marijuana ready for the end of it.

I know, it's kinda cool. You'll be drug-free for the month? Drug-free, I think, I'm gonna, I don't know, do you think, cause last sober October I did smoke weed. I mean, there's definitely not technically sober. Are you just abstaining from booze then? I'm just abstaining, I'm really abstaining from booze. I need a break from booze.

I had a rough, I had a long weekend in Vegas and I'm like, I'm like, I'm like yo. Really? I had a couple, oh yeah, oh yeah. What those kind of- You had shows right? I had two shows at Resorts World. Was it fun?

That place is fucking awesome. Yeah. Yeah, that place is fucking awesome. They were funny shit. Yeah, they were funny shit and I didn't have any, I haven't done standup without a goal in mind in probably like eight years, 10 years. Without a goal? Meaning like every time I'm doing standup,

I'm always getting ready for a special or I'm in a panic to write a new act because I gotta go tour. I'm never, even when I'm at this store, I'm still trying to like create new stuff. Not in a panic, but like I need to write, I need to write, I need to write. I haven't gone around and fucked around on stage

like I did when I toured Funny Bones, like for the first 15 years of my career. I haven't fucked around on stage in so long and I had so much fun fucking around on stage. I had, dude, yeah, I had great shows. Barghati came by to do, run his SNL opening monologue. Bobby Lee was with me and it was a blast. And then we went to Skankfest every night to go,

like at the end of the night, I'd hang out at the casino, party, and then around 12 we'd go down to Skank Fest. That's fucking, that's fun, man. Yeah, it's so your vibe. You're such a Skank Fest dude. That's great, that's great. Well, it's funny.

I see what you're doing there. It's like, it's just, you love it, man. Yeah? What part would I like the most? I think your favorite part would have been Ari shitting on stage. What the fuck, man? What kind of stage was this? Outdoor stage?

It was indoor. Oh my God. Just on the floor? No, they put out a tarp. They put out a tarp. I don't even know if we can talk about this because I don't know if it was this like they do secret shows. It's it's so I'll tell you the people that go there are that are probably the most diehard comedy fans like they are Ride or die comedy fans guys that can quote your jokes from fucking years ago. They're fucking, they really are, and you cannot offend that group.

You can say the most wild shit, not even gonna bump anyone in that room. But in doing that, Lewis and Big J and Dave and Ari and Joe DeRosa and Norton and everyone really step up their game to go, all right, let's see if we can at least get a gasp out of them. And man, Ari fucking. Oh, he took a shit.

He took a shit, and there was more to it. I'm sure the video is gonna come out somewhere. Yeah, of course. It has to. Twitter, Twitter's like, yeah, do it. Yeah, and by the way, he, you know, I gotta take a second to say what a fascinating human being Ari Shafir is.

Oh yeah? You know, I don't spend a ton of time with him because we're so far apart, like we're, I'm in, I'm just, it's like, I was always on tour, he's always in Austin or in New York, he's always traveling. He just to start off, he's very low key. He's a real introvert.

It's what's so fascinating is he's an actual introvert. So in all these interactions where he hangs out with fans, you know, his arms are crossed and he's like, Hey, hi, hi, hi. Hi. Yeah, yeah. And then something happens where it switches in his brain. And he goes. And he comes alive, yeah. And he becomes alive. It's the, it's the, the lore of stage really fucking

opens up who he is. I don't, maybe hiding or not hiding or it's fascinating to me because I kind of get shit for being the same guy on stage as off stage. Right, he definitely has a switch. He has a switch. It's so funny, you have a switch and Burr has a switch, Rogan has a switch, everyone's got a switch and I'm watching it and then like Bobby Kelly doesn't have a switch. Bobby Kelly is who he is on stage as he is off stage. It's like certain guys don't have a switch and I'm one of those guys. But like he shaved half of his face and head and had a beard on the other half.

Ari did? Yeah. Also so crazy. Which is completely acceptable for Skanks Fest, right? So insane. Yeah. And then yesterday me and him went wake surfing out on Lake Mead with Austin Keene, he was like the number one wake surfing guy in the world.

And we went wake surfing, we had a great time, had some cold beers, taught Arty to wake surf, Arty got pretty good at the end, and then he was running late for his flight, he was in wet pants and a semi-wet tank top with his face shaved halfway. He was just dropping me off at the airport in flip-flops. And he walked into the airport as that human being,

as an introvert. I know he's an introvert. But it's so fascinating to me that he looks like a sideshow. I mean, he looks like a lunatic. Yeah, for sure. And he's wet. He's soaking wet. That's how he got on the fucking plane like that?

He got on a plane to Austin soaking wet, in flip flops. So, yeah, you just dropped me off at the airport, I guess I didn't book that 630. Okay. This show is sponsored by Acorns. Acorns makes it easy to start automatically saving and investing for you, your kids, and your retirement. You don't need a lot of money or expertise

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I was like, I have to dress up to fly, but I also have flight anxiety. So like I have little rituals I have to dress up as, or you know, I have to dress up to fly. But I also have flight anxiety. So like I have little rituals I have to dress up as, or you know, I have to wear a certain outfit. But you always wear like tracksuits to fly? Tracksuits, now I wear tracksuits. You're the one that changed that. I used to wear jeans, boots, a sweatshirt,

and a certain T-shirt from Lucky Jeans. I'd wear one of my three T-shirts from Lucky Jeans for every flight. And then one day you texted me and you're like dude sweat pants are a game changer and I was like really and you sent me a pair. Look at this fucking lunatic. He walked on a plane like that Tom. Dude. He walked on a plane like that. Yeah, that's totally crazy. That's totally crazy. Like he's such a, he's such a-

He's a crazy person. And you know, I said to him, I said, you know, I was like, hey, we're gonna go wake surfing. My buddy Austin is, have you gone wake surfing on your boat? No. I gotta get Austin to come show you how to do it with your boys, because it is so fun. Where does he live?

He lives in San Diego, but I mean, you have to do it. Your boys would love it. It is so fun. I think, yeah, Ellis might be ready to do that. Oh, hell yeah. Hell yeah. And by the way, I was like, Ari and I were like, man, I wish I had a lake, I wish I had a boat, and Ari's like,

yo, Rogan and Tom are on a lake, why don't we just go to their houses all the time on wakesurf? Yeah, and I have a boat for it. Yeah, dude, it's so fun. But Ari goes, I said to him, I was like, you know, at Skanks Fest, he's shitting on places, he's walking around naked, his dick and balls are out,

and I was like, hey, do you wanna invite, we have room on the boat, I have three friends here, do you wanna invite them? And he was like, you know, I don't really like, you know, being around people. And I was like, you're naked. You're naked walking into a boxing ring. What part of you is an introvert?

I don't know, I don't get it. He's like, well, I kinda just wanna hang out with my friend tomorrow. And I was like, okay, so I didn't invite them. But he's just like, it's so fascinating to me because I really am an actual extrovert. 100%. That's why when AI takes over

and we all have to get off the grid, this is why my night last night, I was like, so there will be our first glitch will be AI takes over. Everything shuts down, all the internet. No more, there are no more landlines. No one's got a landline. Landlines don't exist. They're all there are no more landlines. No one's got a landline. Landlines don't exist. They're all based through internet companies anyway.

So there's no calling a landline. Listen right now, if you have a child in college, you better tell them, find the closest payphone, get me that number. And then you better find the closest payphone and get that number, because that's the only way you will be able to communicate with your child

when AI fucks this system up. Is there any pay phones left? Fuck. There's got to be a couple. Maybe. Maybe. But, but I was like, when AI takes us over. Near Greyhounds, Greyhound stations?

There has to be by a bus station. Yeah. That's pretty much it. Yeah. I'm going to. How much did you drink over the weekend? A lot. A lot. Here's the problem, I got,

if one day gets away from me, the rest of the week is a shit show. So like Thursday. Thursday was the one that got away from me. Thursday I had, I got a Frosé when I landed. Let me, okay, hold on, hold on. Okay. Let me break it down. I was wrong. Thursday's

not the day that got away from me. Wednesday got away from me. Wednesday night, Wednesday night I went to a party at Whitney Cummings' house. Now look, I know that there are some pictures that are out of this party, so I'm cool sharing. I feel weird telling stories out of school like at private time because you know people, you meet people and people live private lives. But some people posted some pictures so I'm okay saying it. The party was fucking insane. It was all scientists, doctors, mathematicians, geniuses, and then pro skateboarders and a couple comedians and then singers. So it was like the weirdest group of people I've ever been around.

And I got Leanne, I got Leanne who doesn't know anyone, she doesn't know a fucking person and she's talking to Eric Weinstein. Yeah. Eric Weinstein, for those of you guys who don't know, might be one of the most brilliant people in the world. This is what got me on my AI fucking, my AI spirals, Eric fucking Weinstein is he's talking to Leanne and he says a word and she goes, hold up, slow down, what's that word mean? And he was like, huh?

She's like, I don't know what that word means, tell me what that word means. And he's like, well, okay. Like he's never done that, he's never had to, the people he talks to, they all know the big words. And Leanne was stopping everyone in the room, I don't know what that word means, tell me what that word means.

And then she looked at me and she goes, I ain't gonna be the idiot in here that just nods and doesn't know what that word means. I know there's other people that don't know what that word means. And I was like, you're idiot in here that just nods and doesn't know what that word means. I know there's other people that don't know what that word means. And I was like, you're right, you're totally right. I don't know what that word means. But I just sat back and went, yeah, yeah.

It was so funny. Dude, it was one of the funnest nights I've ever had. Honestly, in having conversations, there's me and Eric Weinstein, who is my new fucking bestie. Oh dude, me and him are so different. I can imagine. Yeah.

We are so different. I didn't think you were so similar. He said to me, he said, we were talking today, and I said, I don't know man, I'm just a fucking idiot. And he goes, stop, I refuse to believe I'm speaking to an idiot. I don't speak to idiots, and you're not in this house because you're a fucking idiot.

You're not where you are because you're an idiot, So let's stop that right now." And I went, thank you so much. I was like, you just made me feel so good. He's awesome, dude. You know, he was, I was in a room with a bunch of scientists and brilliant people and the best skateboarders in the world. And Eric Weinstein's like, let's break down the Hawk To A Girl. And I was like, yeah, baby. Oh, he did? Oh, yeah. That's funny. And in the most mathematical, genius, him and Huberman

are like talking about fame and what it does to people and how people shouldn't be famous, but some people should be famous. And like, it was wild. I don't think her fame has really faded in the way that some people thought. I think it's kind of like Sticking around she's kind of adorable. Yeah. No, I mean I keep seeing her

Pop up on things. I see people get really mad about it and then other people just go like I don't know She seemed like she seems like actually well Built for what's coming what's happening to her Like she seems to be like taking it pretty well. She's literally said four fucking words and all this is because of that, like because she did it in a charming way.

Isn't that nuts? That's all she said. I think it's so, it's the most American thing in the world. Totally, 100%. It's the most American, where's the beef? That's it. Yeah. That's it.

Tastes great, less filling. Tastes great, less filling. Charming and everyone is like, cool, we wanna keep talking to you. But she is very charming. She's really charming and she's very self-deprecating and like I guess she's still dialed in like her and her best friend. I think her best friend's adorable too by the way. But her best friend, there was a video I saw of her and I guess her, I don't know

the right way to say this because she is so much younger than me, but there's a picture where it looks like her vagina is eating her shirt. Have you seen it? Okay, no. See if you can find it's called, uh, I forget what it's called, but it's, it's a video I saw of her shirt. Go scroll down. I think you just saw it scroll. It's a picture of her in a shirt and her, her shirt's longer than her pants, but it looks like she's got a camel toe. Cool. No, that's not it. Okay. And so, uh, but the way she handled it is apparently like everyone's lighting her up online and she just rolls off of it. Here's the thing about someone like her is she got nothing to lose. So what the fuck does she care?

Of course. She was probably working at fucking Hobby Lobby or whatever before. No, she was working at a spring factory. A what? Spring factory. A spring factory? She was making springs. Like mattress springs? Mattress springs. She was making mattress springs. Her mother's a crackhead. She lived with her grandmother. Her grandmother's fucking adorable. They still put food away in

like in like Tupperware that they've had for years. They're not using disposable Tupperware. They're like, I mean honestly, I showed a picture of her grandmother cooking to Leanne, a video, and Le topperware. They're like, I mean, honestly, I showed a picture of her grandmother cooking to Leanne, a video, and Leanne got emotional. She's like, I miss my granny. It looks exactly like Leanne's grandmother's house. But I think there's a part of America that goes fucking finely. Yeah, no, that she has resonated with a huge, huge audience for sure. And there's people that hate her for no other reason than she's getting attention. Shirt pussy, shirt pussy. Oh, shirt pussy?

Shirt pussy. Shirt pussy, about shirt pussy. That's not a rumor, that's not a real thing that happened yesterday. Imagine waking up from a nap, I have like a bunch of messages and everything else, I was like, what's this about? She FaceTimes me, she's like,

Haley, go to your Instagram. I was like, what, what is it? She's like, shirt pussy. People are talking about your shirt pussy, and she was like, to your Instagram. I was like, what, what is it? She's like, shirt tootsie. People are talking about your shirt tootsie and she was like, oh my God. I was like, what does it look like? She kinda, by the way, she sounds like LeAnn. Doesn't she?

Yeah. She's a, and let me tell you something, I guarantee if she ever meets Eric Weinstein, she'll be like, what's that word mean? I don't know what that word means. There's something adorable, I mean, I'm married to, I'm married to Haq Tua, so there's something kind of adorable of someone who has not changed despite the world around them changing and them being the same person. But Leanne's one of the tongue swirl, right?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, she's a tongue swirl. Tap it, tongue tongue swirl tap it tongue swirl tap it Whose pussy is this you got clean that up like an ice cream cone Can someone please invent a crystal ball? Until then over 38,000 businesses have future proof their business business with NetSuite by Oracle the number one cloud ERP Bringing accounting financial management inventory HR into one fluid platform With one unified business management suite. There's one source of truth giving you

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Make the most of every moment with Chubby. Shop now and fall into comfort one stylish piece at a time. Oh, she watched that in bed last night. And? And I go, hey, because I tell her, if I come up on Instagram, don't watch it. I don't want to watch it. I can't, if it's good or if it's bad,

none of it can register with me. I have to, I'm like, I literally am, I am like completely, I was just talking to someone about this this weekend where I was like, who was I talking to someone about this this weekend where I was like, who was I talking to? I was like, if I allow the good to influence me, then I'll start looking for the good. And then if I allow the bad to influence me,

then I'll start looking for good to help me out with it. And it's just, it's not worth it. I was talking to someone and they were like, my therapist says it's identical to a relapse. Like when you get back into your comments, you're relapsing. And I was like, oh yeah, so I don't do it. So Leanne will just scroll and if it's me,

she loves me, so she go, oh, I know what this is. I go, don't, I'm in bed with her. And there's a video of me and you from back in the day. You know those pages that they're like, I wish there was a page dedicated to just Tom and Bert being funny, and then it's like a good clip. I go, don't watch it, I don't wanna watch it. She goes, what, it's funny.

And I went, I know, but if I watch those, then I get excited and I start looking for those. And I don't want that, I don't watch anyone's clips. All I do look at is fucking boat disasters and Puerto Rican guys getting their hair cut. And she's like, okay. And then she goes to the next one and it's me and you and it's from your mom's house page and it's the talking during sex.

And I go, hey, yeah, I don't watch these. I don't watch these. She's like, wait, hold on. I want to see this. This is recent. I go, stop, take it off, turn it off. And then she goes, wait, when was this? And then it's like me going, whose pussy is this? And she stopped and started laughing hysterically.

She goes, you told him this? I said, yeah. And she goes, why would you tell him? That's like humiliating for you. I was like, yeah, I know. I figured that out later. Yeah, I figured that out later. That is fucking hilarious. But there is something like, That is fucking hilarious. But there is something like, it's fascinating. I remember the first person I ever watched change, right?

And I could be fucking this story up, but like the first person that where like celebrity changed them a little bit was like Daniel Tosh. And Daniel Tosh made a joke on stage. He's like, I didn't like who I was. That's why I changed. That's so funny. It was such a great joke. And He's like, I didn't like who I was. That's why I changed. That's so funny. It was such a great joke.

And I was like, yeah, that's interesting. I think I've changed in a lot of ways. Like celebrity does affect you. You have access to things that you never would have had access to. And I think those are all cool. And I'm sure it'll happen to her. Like I'm watching it happen to our friends

who are getting like ultra famous and I'm watching them be uncomfortable our friends who are getting like ultra famous and I'm watching them be uncomfortable with it and it affecting them. But once it affects you, once you start dressing down to go on stage to seem relatable, like say you go like, say you show up in a suit and then you go, yeah, but I gotta go out in old sneakers

and a stained shirt. It's inauthentic.. It's inauthentic. Then it's inauthentic. And the funny thing is they're trying to, they're doing it to be authentic. They're like, this will make me seem like I'm the same guy. And it's contrived. And it's actually, you can go as far to say it is unethical

because you are completely manipulating people to think that you are something that you are not. And I know a dozen guys like this. I know more guys like this than the other. And the funny thing is, they're full of shit. These guys are full of shit. And people will sometimes like talk about these guys like hey look how nice this is like he's he's one of us and he's

like no he's not he's manipulating you he lies manipulating you yeah it's yeah it's nonsense and what I think is cool about this young lady is like I don't think wow that's what I fucking love. That's what I love about those videos, Tom. About like Mama J. Ray and Trailer Park Tammy or whatever, Trailer Park Tassie. Just being themselves? No, I, no.

I love that they are themselves, but I love when they do try to manipulate. Cause I can identify it and I go like like like anytime you do a shot of the store you're shopping at it's because you're looking for a little something you're trying to manipulate the store and I think and oh how cool like there was yeah and so there is a weird manipulation of that. And I think that's what's gonna be fascinating about Haktua is like as, I wish her all the success in the world.

I really do. I think it's gonna be fun to watch, but like the day that she starts changing the way she, she's gonna have to change the way she dresses because all women do. Like at a certain time, you can't wear jeans. It will happen just naturally. Just naturally?

Yeah, it'll happen naturally. But people will associate that to looking at how different you are. I miss the old days. Always, 100%. And it's so fascinating. It's so fucking, it's honestly like, it's to be expected, but it's so silly to be like,

yeah, somebody, this person, this woman shouldn't evolve. She should stay exactly like the day that we discovered her. It's silly. Do you know what's so interesting about Joe Rogan? Is that at the very crucial moment when he started having wild success and he would have changed to the suit wearing, fucking jewelry, uh,

unrelatable guy. He, he changed in the most authentically odd way of becoming a hunter. Yeah. It was an evolution. It's still an evolution. It's still an evolution. It's still an evolution. It's just that the first time I saw him wearing sunglasses backwards on the back

of his hat and I was like, what the fuck? Yeah, he did. He evolved into, but there's a couple other things about him. He genuinely does not care for clothes. No, for clothes. He doesn't like, and the other thing is, he's one of, certainly one of the only people I've met

who goes, do you know how I buy pants? Like what my criteria for buying pants? And you're like, what? He goes, I only buy pants that I can kick in. So like all of his pants are just like, can I kick in these unrestrained? And that's it. Can I tell you the second I stopped wearing boots?

Yeah. The day I stopped wearing boots is because of Joe Rogan. I wore Fry, oddly enough they're called Fry Rogan boots. Leann bought me a pair for my birthday and I love these fucking boots. Can you pull up Fry, F-R-Y-E, Rogan boots? They're so fucking badass. And I wore these boots, you'll remember these boots, Tom. They're in the dead center, dead center, dead center, dead center, dead center, right there. The Rogan Engineer boots, I wore those boots.

And I had a different shade, mine were more like a darker color, they were badass. I loved them, I'd get them shined at the airport. Why'd you stop? They got stolen, for one. But they got stolen, but right before they got stolen, Rogan and I were on a podcast and I told him, yeah, we were talking about what you wear on stage.

And I said, oh, I always wear the same thing, jeans, Rogan boots, and then no shirt. And I didn't say Rogan boots, because I didn't know they were called Rogan boots at the time, these fry boots. And he goes, you wear boots on stage? And I said, yeah Rogan boots because I didn't know they were called Rogan boots at the time these fry boots And he goes you were boots on stage. I said yeah, and he goes what if something happens you have to get away I was like, yeah, what do you mean? He's like if you like your if you're attacked wouldn't you need some traction? He goes I would start wearing shoes fire you and I was like, okay

and the next week a dude rushed the stage and took my drink out of my hand, and I was in boots, and I slipped, because the stage is wet, and I was like, I'm never gonna wear boots again. And I started wearing sneakers from that day forward, because Rogan got in my head. I only buy pants I can kick in, is hysterical. It's incredible insight into how people's brains

work differently in different things. He is somebody who thinks about exits and being able to move and what happens. He's always talking about security breaches. He was doing this even before he was super famous and I was always like, huh? Like, what, dude? But that is definitely how his brain works.

And his clothes, he's like, don't care. Always was like, I don't care what clothes I wear. Can I kick in it? Can I punch in it? You know, I just need to be able to like fucking drop down and whatever, get on the ground and fucking move around in it. And you're like, what? Like, that's just how his brain works.

Like, that's what he does. If I'm home, I will only wear active wear clothes. Like, it like- I always change when I get home. When I get, like if I wake up in the day, I throw on, I mean lately it's been those, my favorite shorts in the world are like the Champion mesh pants, I love those so much.

And I get them every school, every arena I ever go to, I always get those pants. But I put on running shorts, almost everyday running shorts, my running shoes, and then a t-shirt, maybe a sweatshirt over it, because I need stuff in all the pockets in the running shorts. And I'll keep that on every day, because I always want to be able to go work out.

I always want to be able to do another workout. I always want to go for a hike if I can go for a hike. Or like, I go for a walk, like after this, I'll just go for a walk around the neighborhood and just walk for an hour. And I always like to be in active wear. Yeah, I get that. And even on the road, if I go on the road,

I put on active wear to do my day. And it's usually, shout out to Burt Sorin. Burt Sorin has the best silkies. It's what the Marines wear. And they're so fucking comfortable. It's basically like wearing nothing, but they he sent me he sent me maybe 20 pairs in XL and I got black and an army green and I wear those almost every fucking day. That's awesome That's awesome. Yeah

Yeah, those are them Sorenex black silkies, they're so comfortable. They're so fucking comfortable. And if you move your dick around a little bit, everyone sees it. They see it, that's nice. Oh, funny. That always feels good. I love when you get like a little poke. Hey, I gotta piss real quick.

I gotta do a quick piss. Okay, go piss, go piss. Yeah. We are back. That was an amazing pee. Do you wanna know what chat GBT says we should talk about today? Yeah. Fucking. Do you have a good childhood adventure, Tom?

A childhood adventure? Just a funny story from your childhood and then we could compare our experiences growing up. That's, okay. I don't know. We don't need any. We don't need Zolo. I don't need Halston. I don't know. We don't need any, we don't need Zolo. I don't need Halston, I don't need Christian, I don't need anyone in my office when you have CHAP GBT.

It's gonna start getting rid of everyone. AI will get rid of everyone. They're gonna get rid of doctors. Do you remember when we met the guy who's doing the app where they're gonna just AI will scan your body and tell you what's wrong with you? Yeah. And you're 100%, you'd be 100% right.

Well, what happens to humanity and the workforce in general? and tell you what's wrong with you. And you're 100%, you'd be 100% right. Well, what happens to humanity and the workforce in general? It's when we start going to one of those fictional movies where we all sit on beaches, but we're being drugged because AI will come up with a drug. Like, I mean, we're already there. We got semi-climatic. What are they doing, harvesting us for organs?

What are they going to do with us? I don't know, but we're useless. We're useless. You know who's the only, people that are gonna be useful? People who can dig holes to bury bodies. Yeah. That's it. People that- Physical prowess.

It's gonna be physical prowess. Guys like Joe Rogan, who wear shorts because they can kick, will be the most valuable people in the world. No, like NFL players. Like, you know, any big bodies. We're going back to fucking revenge of the nerds. What you don't, what nerds don't realize they did is they just outsourced themselves.

They created a fucking app to replace them. Ooh, could be on, Burt. They're too smart. And now they're gonna go back, and you know who the most valuable man in the world's gonna be? Gronk.

Right. Because he can run through a wall. This is a good premise, Burt. Am I right? Yeah, I think it's very fun, but it's a fun story too. That like, the nerds create the thing, and then they're like, look how smart I am, and then everyone celebrates the nerd,

and then the thing and then they're like, look how smart I am. And then everyone celebrates the nerd. Then the thing that they created fucking puts the nerd in their place, destroys the nerd. And then the only person left who's just there is just grok on me, no more. And then, yeah. And then he just smashes the machine or whatever. It will take someone to go no more AI Good. I mean it makes the Unabomber look like a fucking genius That's yeah, this is his entire manifesto

But we're gonna be on we're gonna be up in Ruby Ridge me and you yeah and fucking and living off the grid Let's do this now chat GPT Let's do this now. Chat, GBT, let's find out. I'm obsessed with chat GBT. I'm using the thing that's trying to kill me. Where are we gonna go to when we get off the grid? Well. Do we stay in the United States?

Should be a fun time to leave. It's gonna get crazy here, man. This country. LA is gonna be the fun time to leave. It's gonna get crazy here, man. This country. LA's gonna be the first to fucking fall. Right, it's a fucking wild country, man. I think you might wanna go somewhere a little more chill. We can conquer them?

No, we can chill. I wanna be able to conquer that race of people. This, now you're speaking like your forefathers. I like this. Yes. I wanna be a colonizer. You gotta think, you gotta start all over, okay? So once AI takes over, we have to start all over.

And it starts all over with colonizing. Yeah, that's true. And you take a little bit of chachi-pt. Let's find out real quick. You're gonna need people who are small or physically in stature. What would be the best country to colonize? This is fantastic.

To give you an answer. No, it's see that we're getting, we're getting, we're getting the, the weak ad friendly version of chat. GBT, the kind that they're giving the kids, they're like, uh, colonizing is an outdated practice form. And, and you know that they're giving the kids. They're like, colonizing is an outdated practice form. And you know what? They're making the one where one day you're gonna go, how do I exterminate a race of people? And they'll be like, very simple. They all have a protein that, and you're uneasy, blah, blah, blah. I mean, it's gonna, chat GBT, I guarantee you there's a chat GBT that could create,

hey, how do I pump up the coronavirus? And it would be like, very simple. Yeah. Is this something you're interested in doing? Just kind of a reliving the pandemic? No, but here's the thing. I'm just a comedian. You know, there's someone actually thinking this true. How do I do this? Yeah, that's true. That's true. There's a, there's a dude out there going, he's stealing my ideas. Yeah, they're Persian, buddy. This is called the fucking people in charge in Iran are thinking the same thing.

Dude, if you don't think Kim Jong-un is fucking thinking it is fucking AI. All they wanna do is fucking wreck shit, yeah. Yeah. I would love to see his fucking searches, his Google searches. I don't know, I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know.

I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know.

I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know.

I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know, he can't get his hands on a nuke, but he's gotta be always just asking what else he could do to fuck people up. That's all he wants to do.

Yeah. Flex on people, show, you gotta take me seriously. Fuck this haircut, make, take me seriously. You know, he can't listen. His uncle tried to give him advice and he killed his uncle. Yeah. He was like, yeah, but you know who he'll listen to? Yeah. AI. He might. Do you know how he killed his uncle. He was like, yeah, but you know who he'll listen to? Yeah.

AI. He might, do you know how he killed his uncle? How? He put him in a field and then had everybody in bleachers, like in stands, whatever, a thousand yards away, and then he had an anti-aircraft missile fired at his uncle so that there wasn't one hair left. It's pretty intense.

I don't want one hair remaining. All right. Yeah. All right. Let's just, let's just role play for a second. Sure. AI takes over Los Angeles first. All right. Yeah. All right. Let's just, let's just role play for a second. Sure. AI takes over Los Angeles first. That's canary in the mind.

Yeah. Los Angeles, San Francisco shuts down. San Francisco will be the first city. It shuts down. AI shuts it down. All transit systems are gone. No more cell phone usage. The homeless start raging against the machine.

It's the gronks taking over the nerds. And we get a sense of it. Rogan calls us up and he's like, because you know Rogan will be the first one, they'll be like, you know, I just talked to Elon, it's started. Yeah, and then he'll have his exit strategy ready to go. Yeah, and you're not gonna like where this goes,

but let's just take it. So me and you decide to colonize like a country. Okay. Let's start with like a small island or something. I think I was gonna say you're gonna need So me and you decide to colonize a country. Let's start with a small island or something. I think I was gonna say you're gonna need a small population. Small population, uneducated. But also I think it would help to get people

that are for the most part smaller in stature. Papua New Guinea. Yeah, I was gonna say, what about the Seychelles or something? You know what I'm talking about? Yeah. Isn't that, aren't the people there naturally smaller size? Or like, you know, like a Fiji or something? So we liquidate all our assets early, okay? We take all our money together as a team and we go into that island and we say,

ultimately we're gonna make life great here. Everything's falling apart. We're gonna hold arms. No one's gonna come and get us, we're going to... How are we getting there? Oh fuck, because planes are gonna be fucked. Boats? We got to take a boat, you got old school, you're gonna have to take boats again. Yeah, big boats too, you gotta take a big boat dude. Okay, what we're gonna get, what we're gonna get, for I heard, I heard for, find out how much, what we need is a,

one of those shipping container boats. How many people live in the Seychelles? Do you say Seychelles, is that how you say it? I have a lot of people to take over. Oof. Jesus Christ. How many people live in Papua New Guinea? But the problem is,

they have people in this. They need, god damn it, 10 million. Go back to the Seychelles, we're taking over the Seychelles. Okay. Okay, what's like, we're trying to get like, what kind of size people are we looking at here, you know? What is the, what are they looking at?

How big is the average St. Chillion? Yeah. Average size. Average size man. I was a guy on vacation for sure. I can take you. Oh, no. Sorry.

For a man there is 169.2. What is that in? Well, if they're still using centimeters, we can take them. We're feet. Yeah, that's true. What does that convert to? Five-five. Come on.

Dude, that was a good call. First of all, we walk in and we're like, giants are here. The giants are here. Okay, we're taking over the Seychelles. Now here's the question you're not going to like. We're going to have to overthrow the government. We're going to have to kill these people. Now you brought up Kim Jong-un.

Do we do it in a public thing? Like we bring them into the stadium and bring all our new, the people, and we kill them in front of people, that way we establish real dominance, or do we do it on the DL, like Kim Jong-un, where he's like killing them in the airport with the little. Labor camps and shit, yeah.

Yeah, I mean, there's definitely arguments made for both, but I think you're gonna want to have that public panic. And maybe you don't have to kill as many because people just fall in line. They're like, oh shit, Whitey's here, you know? It's like, it was something he was saying. Do you remember when he was like, all right, lock the doors?

And they're like, what? He was like, hear the names. And everyone's like, shut the fuck up. It's almost like being on Last Comic Standing. When they call your name. You just immediately walk away from everyone else and you're like, ugh. Yeah.

You did Last Comic Standing. Yeah. How far did you get? Last Comic Standing too. I don't know, to the semi-finals, to New York. You went to New York. Or maybe to the finals. Maybe I got to the finals, I don't remember.

I got to New York and then they picked the people I think going to the house. Yeah, I did the regional, I did a regional set in San Francisco and then they picked, I don't know, whatever. Do you remember what jokes you did? No, but I remember I had a great set, like an objectively good set.

And then when they didn't pick, I was like, what is that? And then one of the producers was like, this is casting, man. This is a casting call. I was like, oh, that bummed me out. I definitely wanted to do it. They told me, I mean, I guess there's a, the Statue of Limitations is up on this.

Everyone knows the show is not rigged, but it was kind of like, it was cast. It was cast, yeah. And they were like, hey, I was like, I'm gonna go out for it this year. And they were like, yeah, I wouldn't do LA or New York. And I was like, what? And they're like, go to Nashville.

I was like, I've never been to Nashville. And they're like, go to Nashville. So I went to Nashville and it was a bunch of people that like, that I didn't really know anyone, but the only other person there was John Heffern, who was definitely not from Nashville. And John was like, they told you to come to Nashville. And I was like, yeah, he's like,

they're looking for white dudes. And I was like, oh, so that's why they came to Nashville. And he was like, yeah, that's good. He didn't say it's gonna be me and you because I don't think we knew going in but we were the two dudes who flew into Nashville to do it and we were the two dudes that got selected that's pretty good yeah yeah yeah but back to this killing everybody I just also we have to show up with more people you know that right well buddy first all, you know for a fact

if Rogan's like, hey man. You guys. He's gonna participate? If there was ever gonna be a leader of a country, it's Joe Rogan. You think so? Fuck yes. Fuck yes, dude, we're just his henchmen.

So how many, but we have to go, if we're gonna arrive and like really, you know, scare some folks, we gotta come in kinda deep, dude. Naked with wigs on. But like 10 of us or 100? Dude, they'd never, here's the thing, no offense to the Seychelles,

I don't know anything about Seychelles, I don't even know where it is to be done, honestly. I don't know how long this boat ride's gonna be, but I bet they're not like as deep into culture as we are about wild shit. Like I bet they've never heard of General Butt Naked, right? So we take from the greats, all the great fucking dictators, we take from the greats a little Saddam Hussein, a little Kim Jong-un, a little Putin, a little General Butt Naked, a little... General Butt naked? A.H. General Butt naked. You don't know who General Butt naked is?

See, if you don't know who they are, he is, then the Seychelles don't know who General Butt naked is. Pull up General Butt naked. This guy's a fucking legend when it comes to dictators. Dude, he would have his boys roll in naked in wigs, and fuck, that's how they roll into war. General Butt naked, Liberian. Liberia is old. I'm not going to Liberia, dude.

That's the wild west. There's a lot of places in Africa, on the coasts are fucking insane. East Africa has got Sudan, don't wanna fuck with Sudan. Don't wanna fuck with Sudan. I think that is where Sudan is. And then West Africa, wild as shit. And that's where Liberia is.

So he would roll over there? Just go to the part, roll down to how we, keep scrolling. Okay, here we go, you ready? The unit, including General Buttnaked himself, frequently wore no clothing for their shoes and magic charms, earning the name General Buttnaked. He claimed that his practice made him and his soldiers immune to bullets.

During the conflict, his forces penetrated numerous atrocities, including cannibalism and human sacrifice. Jesus Christ. They would go in naked with wigs on, fucking kill the people with charms, kill them, and then eat them in front of the other people and be like, yeah, these hearts give you magic powers. And then he'd tell them, if you guys eat. Shit.

What? Recalling the atrocities he and his soldiers perpetrated against civilians during the conflict, he stated in an interview, sometimes I would enter under the water where children were playing. I would dive under the water, grab one, carry him under and break his neck.

Sometimes I'd cause accidents,, I just slaughter them. Fuck, man. General Butt Naked, by the way, I think he's still alive. I think he lives in France. Says he's alive, I don't know where he lives, but yeah, he's alive. There's people who like really hate that dude. I'm sure.

Fucking A, man. General Butt Naked. General, but naked. Never knew about him. He's only 52, he's your age. Are you serious? Yeah, he's 52. So wait, I wonder what I was doing when he was taking over and being a warlord. What year was he a warlord?

In 89. What? He became a rebel leader. Yeah. Oh my God, I wasn't even in college yet. Yeah, he was pretty young. I had just lost my virginity. He was probably well past that. I was still playing high school baseball. Yeah, he's he was pretty fucking young dude doing his general but naked shit. I mean. How'd you know about him? Podcasts? No, Patrice O'Neill was the first person

I heard talked about General But Naked. Really? I think. I think Patrice had a joke. Patrice had a joke about going back to Africa. And he was like, he was like, I'm not going back to Africa. Gotta walk around with a machete and a wig on

and a wedding dress, going in and eating baby's hearts. I'm not going back to Africa. And I was like, I think that's the first time I heard of General But Naked. Oh, you asked him like, what's that all about? Yeah. Fuck, there he is. Or there's one of those guys.

See, here's our deal. I am not ready. I'm not ready for this world. And this world is coming when AI takes over. This is the world that's coming when AI takes over. And you better be, and we need to prepare ourselves for it. Yeah. I'm not even fucking around.

And I know that sounds like the chicken little the sky is falling, but think about, think about the worst things you saw during COVID, right? COVID was fucking baby steps. That was a runny nose compared to the virus AI can create, compared to the fucking chaos that AI can create. COVID was just a couple guys in a lab, right?

Couple guys in a lab and the world shut down. Dude, AI, we gotta kill AI. I'm not even fucking around, we gotta get rid of AI. I know. It's not good for us. You're right. This is, you know what this reminds me of? Now I know, I feel like I'm getting crazy, Dom.

Who is the dude in China? Was it Mao? No, that's, is it Mao who killed all the intellectuals and they had the Cultural Revolution? Yeah, he type in. Yes. General Mao. Chairman Mao, yeah. Chairman Mao.

He, he was like, you know what he was doing? He was doing AI before AI. He was like, he was talking like, we are going like, yo, we gotta get rid of the intellectuals. No more doctors, no more lawyers. They're too smart. We need dumb people and the dumb people will uprise. And that's what they did.

And that's how we have China today. Yeah. Ha ha ha. Ah ha ha ha. I feel like, I actually feel crazy. I should never have smoked pot last night. Yeah, you sound crazy. I should have just gone last night. Yeah, I should just go to bed. Yeah I was up all night long. This is gonna be a good month of cleansing for you. I

Hope so. I hope so. I wish I could do Xanax. I wish I still took Xanax No, stay away from that. I know I my cardiologist says it melts your brain I would love to shut my brain off because all I'm thinking about today is AI. And then it starts trickling into like, like, like, what are the what are the fingers in the pie that we don't know about? Like, right? Like, like, when you start talking about, like, I don't know, like, neurodivergence and like, and the acceptability of all that and like you know hung out this autistic dude this weekend and You did meet he was yes some comic was autistic and he was just mean and I was like I'm autistic I can be mean and I was like, okay

He was mean this how was he mean just just rude To everybody you're fat. No just to me And I was like, I was like, oh cool, it's fun hanging out with an autistic guy. And I was like, I can't say anything, I gotta just take it. What fucking world are we in? And it's AI, it's AI.

Yeah, he's just like, you're fat. And you're like, cool, thanks. I don't like your stand-up Well, I don't like every jokes All right, what are we doing? Like he's got a podcast. No, I'm autistic. I'm autistic. I get to say these things Sorry, and you're like She would be pretty if she had lost weight and you're like Okay, okay, and you're like and and then and it's it's this I mean listen I understand man. The guys got a thing right, but it's like it's like I don't know

Once AI takes over and gronks are when they're running the world. I think we'll have a lot less of that talking freely shit. Yeah Yeah, maybe maybe with gronks out there just beating people's heads in you mean? Just gronk, gronk for president. Yeah, I mean, there was a thing about, you know, back in the day, less civilized societies, yeah, you could just say something and someone could just fucking take your head off. I mean, think about how different our society is just from like from like fucking 40 and 40 years in 20 years and then you go back like a hundred years and it's unrecognizable. It's true. Unrecognizable. It's what's wild to me is like too much diversity. Right? Is that not what you were saying? No?

Right? Is that not what you were saying? No? I thought we were, okay. They're just everywhere, right? Yeah, it's just too much. I was watching fucking, what the other night, some TV, shit, I mean like the commercials, every commercial, it's like, here's a mixed race family and you're like, okay, again, how many fucking are there?

I'm like, I love when they do a mixed race commercial and it's a dude who you know could never pick up a black chick. No. And you're like, come on, they're in a Subaru. What are you guys doing? And it's all just because, did we do a good job? Is everybody happy now?

Do you remember the first commercial where you saw two dudes kiss? And you were like, what the fuck? On a commercial? On a commercial. I don't know that I've seen. Type in, or they don't kiss, they like hold each other in a pool.

I remember the first commercial where two dudes like popped up out of the pool. I remember the first commercial where two dudes like popped up out of the water. Yeah, hotels are doing that. They'll show like if the resort's thing. Gay commercials, typing gay commercials. I wanna see one where you don't remember the product. You're just like, whoa, they're gonna make out.

Best gay ads. Yeah, oh, that's gonna be pro gay ads. Oh yeah, Chevrolet with a lesbian family. Other Chevrolet ad gay friends. Oh, let me see that. How do we know these guys are gay? Yeah, I'll tell you when I think they're gay. Okay, right now they're just like.

They're just dudes. They're just dudes. There's a tent. Oh, that was kind of a warm back rub. But that's all they alluded to is that one guy went like this. Okay, that guy smiles. Yeah. Hold on, hold on. So the gay to is that one guy went like this. Okay, that guy smiles. Yeah. Hold on, hold on.

So the gayest thing is that guy's like kind of smile, like eked out smile when he gets out of the car and he's like, eh. Yeah, but he also did it. Watch his eyes. I know. Yeah, that's a little gay look. Yeah.

But then look at this, look at this little back touch right there. Oh, and the hands on the thigh. The hands on the thigh. Then you have to watch it a third time. Okay go back, go back, go back. His hand, his hand is on his thigh dude. You gotta fucking pause this. I don't argue these aren't gay enough. Pause. Get ready to pause. Okay hold on. Stop. See? Oh dude, here's the deal. Dude, here's the deal. Okay.

You're trying to fucking infect us, Chevy. I'm not falling for it. Fall for the guy over here. Go ahead. I think they should make them just more gay. Yeah, of course. Like make them very fucking gay. That hand should be all the way up in his crotch.

Don't kind of support the community. Don't be like, like, like, listen, you either like an abolitionist or you were like, or you weren't, right? There was no middle ground. Do you know how much they had to fucking edit for that commercial too? Like they were like, touch him, wait a minute, not so much. Touch his kneecap.

No, that's not obvious. Like yeah, it's so much trying to figure out the right amount of gay to make that work. What about this couple in bed, the Westinad? Oh, let me see this. Yeah, I wanna see them fucking scissor. Let's see what this has. Okay, oh.

Oh, Mercury, shooting through every degree around the world. Checking in with a kiss. One the world. Okay. A tip begins with a kiss. Roll if you want to. One of us is active. Roll around the world. One of us likes to stay in bed. Find wellness at Weston.

Yeah. Around the world. That basically could be just two girlfriends on a weekend trip. Two girlfriends, yeah. That's not gay enough, am I? Definitely not gay enough. I think, how would we, how would we gay that about that? How about these guys? Well, this is door dash. Oh

This is like kind of over-the-top style though. Yeah, it's like highly stylized. Yeah I'll be safe with the love I will see in the soon to come. More from the present. This is only- Stupid. Delivered with DoorDash. Okay, so the last frame's gay. Yeah, but I don't have a problem. I don't like, it's not saying I have a problem with any of these. No, I know.

But that's not, that's not gay to me. Well, what's gay about it is that they have great table settings and they prepared multiple different things. And I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm not saying I have a problem with any of these. No, I know. That's not gay to me. Well, what's gay about it is that they have great table settings, and they prepared multiple dishes for their guests. Like, they had charcuterie plates.

Like, that's fucking gay. And that's the kind of thing you appreciate about gay men is you're like, hey, this is very thoughtful. But the only gay frame is this last one. Yeah, I want it. I think it's like here's my point right it's like during the go ahead go ahead and I'm just looking at but like during during times of a movement right yeah you're either a hundred percent with

that movement or you're a hundred percent against that movement if you remain in that in that middle ground where you just kind of like shrug your shoulders and go doesn't affect me it doesn't affect me not a big deal then you're actually against the movement So like I say if you're with the movement before the fucking movement and make a straight gay ass commercial like make Let them know yo, we're chevrolet and we fucking love the lbgtq community That's what you got to respect but like doing that fucking trans things. They took a swing. Okay, that's your shirts off That's a shirtless guy. I'm bad. Let's turn this guy off. That's good I want to see this other guy talking about shoots a load on his stomach. That's what I'm oh, okay

All right, this is gay. Oh shut up Fuck yeah, this guy's got a body. Oh Yeah Oh yeah. Uh, that was a dick and ball almost. Almost. Yeah. Oh, he called a prostitute. Oh shit.

Oh, yeah. Yeah, baby. This is what I'm talking about. Fuck yeah. This is what I'm talking about. Oh, it's European. That's why. Fuck. All right. That would never air.

I'm ordering that drink right now. What's that drink? I'm ordering that drink right now. Clean, what is this? Swedish organic beverage brand Clean Drinks. Dude, that? It's called Clean Drinks? What a fucking terrible name.

Hey, would you like some Clean Drink? It's probably translated differently. All I can think about now when I see these fucking, that guy's body was incredible. Dude. It's like, I'm gonna be naked on my show and we're going into production you're gonna be naked I'm fucking naked in one of the stories for like a gay thing it's kind of gay dude can I just give you a hint real quick yeah play with your lip a

little more that guy played with your lip a little more. That guy played with his lip, and it's like the fucking hottest gay thing I've ever seen. Really? I'm gonna start playing with my lips more. I don't play with my lips at all. Yeah, yeah. If your lips sell it, man.

Everything, it's like if a gay guy sees something they like, they do one of these. Your lips sells it. Yeah, gay guys. Wait, what are you getting naked for? Are you gonna trim your body hair? Are you gonna dye it? I Gotta dye the hair. Yeah, that's probably great. I Should tan the skin a little is what I should do. You look better tan. I should get spray tan, huh? Oh

I don't know. That's hard to get through that hair. Oh Yeah You can't know like a zebra. I don't know. I think, I mean, sometimes I forget about it and then I'm like, oh shit. What are you getting naked for? My series.

One of the parts of the series, I'm naked. And I fucking signed up for it. And now I'm like, oh God. Like, I just, and then I just go, oh fuck it, who cares. I can't wait. Yeah, I know. Do you need to be on set that day? Do you need a body double?

I fucking wish I could have a body double. You should have a body double. Just get a fucking, I told you about the guy that pulled over, right? That pulled over? I told you about the guy that stopped his car and saw me on the street, right? Yeah.

The gay guy, the bear? I don't remember this. Oh, fuck. I'll save it for the next episode. It's such a good story. Okay, save it. It's such a good story and it's so long. But wait, wait.

So that's why you're working on getting your body fat down. You're really focused on that shit. Dude, I've lost a bunch of weight and I keep like, I mean, I've lost a bunch of weight, and I keep like, I mean, I'm on top of my training and my diet, like I haven't fucked around with my diet in months now. I've had like a couple of cheat meals in a couple months.

I haven't had like complex carbs or starches. I'm watching, I have like a protein intake every day. I do at least 60 minutes of cardio, sometimes 90 minutes of cardio. You know, it's, and I keep trimming down, but here's the thing, it doesn't happen at the rate. Like what happens now is you go, okay, can I have six more months?

And it's like, no. You can't. When do you shoot your first naked scene? From today in five weeks. Oh, dude. Yeah, but it's not gonna, here's the thing. What I'm talking about is you just have to accept it's gonna be what it, like, you're not gonna get to what,

like, you're not gonna look like that, I'm not gonna look like that guy. You're just gonna be like. But if you get on, have you thought about doing like legit steroids, like windstraw or something? Yeah, I've thought about doing like legit steroids, like Winstral or something? Yeah, I've thought about it. Yeah. Yeah.

What would be the best one? Winstral's like the shit, right? Yeah, that's about Deca, Winstral, yeah. Anivore, all those are like anabolic, yeah. But I don't even know if it would be, I don't think it's enough. I don't think it's enough. I don't think there's enough steroids on earth to change me enough in five weeks.

I'll just be naked and just, yeah, that'll just be it. Whatever it is, man. Well, you know that I'm tuning in. I kind of get upset when you get naked. Yeah, and I am with other guys. Naked? Yeah, yeah. with other guys?

Naked? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. When we did the cabin, I had a bunch of naked scenes. Yeah. I was naked a lot. Yeah. And on the last day, we're shooting this thing

and I'm just laying naked on the ground. Yeah. And I'm having a glass of wine and we're not even rolling, I'm just naked. Yeah. And the cameramen are there and we're all kind of talking and there's just one female camera assistant

And uh, she's down by my dick Fixing a camera and I said hey when you got when you guys sign up for something like this Do they have you like sign something like finding out if you're cool with nudity and not smiling at all She goes I was told this is getting to me getting coffee and comedians with cars getting coffee And I was like, huh? She goes, this is not what I signed up for. And I was like, oh, sorry. Yeah.

I was like, fuck. Yeah, I think you've probably surprised a lot of people with nudity in your life. It was on the thing, it was like, I mean, the first episode, I don't know if that first episode was you, but Bobby Lee and I got naked. I mean, we were like,

Nikki Glazer saw my asshole George fortune saw my asshole asshole yeah well it's all cuz I got mud my asshole so fortune had to squirt it out with a with a gun with a hose and fortune started laughing I said what she goes I've never seen a man's asshole before oh yeah and I was like are you seeing it miss Pat saw me completely naked what What'd you think of that? She said it looked like a, it looked like a chicken wing. I mean, I'm naked throughout the entire series. Yeah, that's true.

Oh yeah. There's fortune spraying you. Yeah. There's me and Bobby. Yep. Um, okay. All right. So I feel better now having talked about AI with you. So I feel like we have a game plan. We have a game plan. We're going to go do our thing. Yeah, we're going to.

Worst case scenario, honestly, worst case scenario, not even fucking around. Leanne and I bail out of LA. We come down, we stay at your place with you and push, and we just fucking shadow Rogan. Whatever movie he makes, we make two. All of a sudden, Elon wants to take us up to Solar S1, his little space station that he's built. We go there. Or honestly, I think the people of the Seychelles

are very nice and we just live there. We don't have to kill anybody. What if, oh. Oh yeah, we could also just move there. We could just move there, yeah. We don't have to murder them. It's a beautiful place. Well, after this episode,

I think they may not be so welcome to our tourism. I think they're gonna be a little offended when we get there. No, no, no, we're just coming for the beaches. Where are the Seychelles before we go? It's in the Indian Ocean, off of the, let's see, where's the, there it is. Oh, it's out by.

Yeah. It's off of the east coast of Africa. Wow, that's crazy. Yeah. Supposed to be gorgeous, man. We'll just take over a small island. Yeah, great plan. We'll do it.

All right, I gotta run, I gotta go run. We gotta go fucking try to drop more body fat. Did you take a naked picture of you before and after? Did I take it? I have a naked picture. I have a naked picture. A picture of a towel. I have a towel picture.

I mean, that's what I have. Take a naked picture. Take it now? Today? Yes. Naked picture in front of a green screen. Uh-huh. Green screen?

Post it online. Post it online? So people can put you anywhere in the world. I'll take one too. I'll take one first and I'll send it to you. Okay. Okay. And then you take one, send it to me, and then we'll post them online.

Uh-huh. And then people can plug us in anywhere in the world. Are you going to fluff first? Yeah, of course. Okay. I'm going to take a blue chew. OK. Those things really work. They do.

Take one at 4 o'clock, 11 at night. OK. All right, we're going to run. I love you, buddy. Love you, too. Bye, guys. Bye, guys. Bert and Tom, Tom and Bert.

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