2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer - Married To The Queen Of Garbage w/ Kevin Ryan & H Foley (Are You Garbage?) | 2 Bears, 1 Cave

Episode Date: February 24, 2025

Register for the 2Bears 5K at http://www.2bears5k.com, happening May 4th in Tampa Bay, Florida. Don't miss out on the early bird pricing! SPONSORS: This episode is brought to you by BetterHelp. Give online therapy a try at https://betterhelp.com/BEARS and get 10% off your first month. Secure your online data TODAY by visiting https://ExpressVPN.com/bears. Your summer wardrobe awaits! Get 20% off @‌chubbies with the code cave at https://www.chubbiesshorts.com/cave #chubbiespod Head to https://policygenius.com/BEARS to get your free life insurance quotes and see how much you could save. It's another week of 2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura joined by a pair of guest bears, the Are You Garbage? boys Kevin Ryan and H. Foley! They've got a documentary special coming out and they talk all about the intimacies of behind the scenes moments and the classic comedy bit of shitting your pants on camera. Christina P had the pleasure of recently appearing on Are You Garbage and the trio give the "Queen of Garbage" her flowers. They also talk about how insane Philadelphia got when they won the Super Bowl, the importance of mean old coaches, getting thrown out of restaurants, financial goals, being a big baller when the bill comes, shady banks, and the homicidal shenanigans of Tom's kids. Check it out! 2 Bears, 1 Cave Ep. 277 https://tomsegura.com/tour https://www.bertbertbert.com/tour https://store.ymhstudios.com Chapters 00:00:00 - Intro 00:05:10 - Crapping Your Pants On Film 00:16:36 - Restaurant Chaos & Philly Super Bowl Bliss 00:24:05 - Clip: Old Mean Coach 00:30:18 - The Queen Of Garbage 00:38:49 - Tom's Kids 00:48:48 - This Is Not Financial Advice 00:55:08 - Shady Banks & Money Goals 01:03:08 - What's Next? 01:09:48 - Big Baller Bills Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Go to 2bears5k.com to register. 100%. Cheers. Welcome to another episode of Two Bears One Cave. This is an exciting day here. The sexual energy is thriving. It's charging. I can feel it in my bones.

And we're really happy to tell you guys that on February 25th, you can check out the all new Route 66 tour comedy special. It's coming out on YouTube. And these are the guys behind it. Give it up for the RU Garbage guys, Kevin and H-Folly everybody. What's up guys? Good to see you, buddy.

Thanks for having us, man. Of course, it's so good to see you. Congratulations on the new special. This is a documentary special that encompasses, are you garbage with the crowd? Stand up. And I think actually it's the thing that people want to see the most, which is like the bits, the off stage fun shit. Like on the bus, fucking around in restaurants. That's exactly what it is. Dumping out salt shakers, whatever you do for fun. But it has it all.

Yeah, it was very, like, we did the bus we got, I mean, because we are just dirtbags and like, you know, we just did this ourselves. Like, I just started calling bus rental places and I'm like, can we have a bus? They're like, sure. But we got a bus from like 1981 maybe? You got a purposely bad old bus? No, it was just like, that's what I mean. That we got a bus from like 1981 maybe purposely bad. No it was just like that's what I mean It felt like we were in like a log cabin in the 80s Okay, it was fucking dude the seats were ripped it was fucking how many people were on the bus with you nine guys

Nine dudes it was it was. Yeah. So it was me, him, two openers, Sam and Tommy, a tour manager. And then the crew was three people and a producer. OK. And a bus driver who hated our guts. Oh, yeah. We did. We thought he was either deaf or didn't speak English for the first four days. And it turned out turned out he just didn't like us at all. Because were you guys like rowdy? No. I mean, probably a little bit, but nothing like what did he not like about you? Just our faces really right away

One his kind of guy We do we have it on we have us meeting him after the first night cuz he got there parked the bus and you know We also the venue was there in Chicago Yeah, we met in Chicago and then took the bus all the way to to California over the 12 days And I get there so like we go we do the show the bus calls You know, it's like, you know 2 a.m. Or whatever So like we go we do the show do the meet and greet go out for beers and like something to eat and we're coming Back and he's there smoking a stick. I'm like, hi, I'm Kevin. Nice to meet you. He just put his hand out

No, like no just I said, thanks driving us, and he just fucking strong silent Thank you, so yeah, I mean first of all his assignment is driving the 1981 So this is not their best guy But I think he said it had like 20 like 2.2 million miles. It was a crazy broke down his bus We got him off Airbnb was just an RV so so wait so like Describe it like how old is he here's a he was a Dominican guy from the neighborhood I live in I live in a Dominican neighborhood in New York on Washington Heights. Yeah, he lives He's from him. He's like you fucking live there. I'm like you're an idiot. He's a guy got out

I had a pretty good conversation with him one night. We took shrooms and I was up front. Not the driver, just me. Yeah, just me. Oh. And he ripped heaters, so we were still smoking at the time, so he let me come up and sit and smoke and sing with him.

I chatted him up a little bit, found a little bit of his life story. Nice guy. He's Dominican. Dominican dude, maybe a little bit of a rougher, younger days. He's got a past. Oh, okay Well, he's not a lot in Canada. We found that he's got he's got a past either my It's good the tour didn't go up there sure yeah stopped in LA so he was really cool though So and was he like like from Dominican or just like the not just like a New York Dominican guy

I got you and what really broke them is we were you know We pulled over and we had a drone flying above us like we were pulling into a town Uh-huh like the production guys like yo pull over so they throw the drone up and we're cruising he's cruising and then they hit a fucking power line with the and it fucking just Blew up it fell on the ground got ran over and he thought that was the funniest thing He loves it. I was like a $15,000 loss for us, and he's like ha ha thing a truck in it in a car It's a truck kid. I'm like dude. We get it. All right. Yeah, we lost a lot of money He's sure yeah, it sucks. We're in the red on this fucking thing dude. It's going on YouTube. We're not even selling sleeping

I didn't see it. Holy shit, man. Uh-huh. Yeah, yeah. Like everything they kind of could, in a good way of like it's very us, like so much shit just went wrong. The thing too about the- I shit my pants.

You shit your pants? Yeah. On the tour? Yeah. On five different cameras and tried to hide it, which is the most insane. Where were you? I didn't realize they were filming, so.

I was still on Ozempic at the time and it was really killing me. Killing me. And... Was it helping? No. It was making me... I was so sick. I had burps, the runs, the whole nine yards.

I was in a bad spot. So I was on a clock. Because you get on that bus, you can't poop. He acts like he lives in a typical good spot normally. Like he's not burping and farting all the time. But I had to really time it out and then the bus broke down and I kind of jammed up my schedule. Yeah First day yeah, and yeah, we got to the place where we're getting the bus fixed and You know something happened. I didn't realize fucking Luke our producer was running around like the school newspaper filming me and

I realized fucking Luke, our producer, was running around like the school newspaper filming me. And... Dude, meanwhile he's got a lava on. Like, we're like day seven of production. Was it... Thought it was under the radar. Was it running down your legs? Was it like... No!

No! It wasn't not. He threw the underwear away. Yeah, I had to get rid of the underwear. Didn't break the upper atmosphere. He kept the shorts on though for the rest of the day, which is a wild choice I feel, right? Cause that would have been a dead giveaway I figured. Oh, so it was just to like save face.

Yeah, yeah, so we got there. Were there stains on it? I mean, Tommy. From the outside? Could you be like, oh, these are? Well, they were dark basketball shorts. Okay. So at a glance, I could have maybe sat

in some water or something like that. I remember when I was with my dad one time and we were in Portland, Maine, and we went out. He was like, he's like, let's go get lobster. And so we got lobster, and then we walked. It was like a father-son trip. By the way, it's like, I'm fucking 40. I mean, this is like a few years ago.

And we get back to the, we're in the hotel lobby, and he's like, I gotta take a shit. So he just goes to the hotel lobby, and he's like I gotta take a shit, so he just goes to the lobby Bathroom and I go up to the room. We're sharing a room sure so I go in the bathroom of The hotel room we're in and I'm sitting there taking a shit, and then I don't know a minute later I hear on the back. I go. What's up. He goes, it's me. I go, I thought you fucking, were using the bathroom downstairs. He's like, I shit my pants.

And I go, okay. So he's like, hurry up. I go, I'm on the toilet, man. Like, hold on. So I clean up, I get out, and he's like, I shit my pants. I go, what happened? He's like, well, I was walking in, and it was, you know, it was five feet too far, the toilet.

So I was like, okay. So he goes in there, he cleans up, and then he comes out, and he's telling me the story. I'm like tearing up, laughing at it. And then he's like, all right, well let's go to whatever, like go to see a movie or something. And he starts putting pants on. Are those the pants you just shit in?

He's like, well yeah. I go, well, don't you wanna look at them? And he holds them up. And you see this brown stain. I go, oh you can't wear those. He goes, why? I go, cause there's shit on them. And he goes, it's just a little bit of shit.

That's crazy. And I go, that's not a sentence. No one says it's just a little bit of shit. I go, don't you have other pants? He's like, yeah. I go, well, get the other fucking pair of pants. Yeah, that's why you don't look. Looking is bad. Yeah. Yeah, when you don't want an answer, you don't look.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, it was a bad reality in the cold lighted day. He's a unique guy on a bus. Yeah. To live with. For that nine guys, he'll just be like, you come in, he's like sitting in your bunk, and I'm like, dude, get your proven shitty ass off of my bed. Like that's- I put my socks on.

I put my shoes on. So wait- Dude, he's an animal. He's the only guy just like, his luggage is out and open in the- Was it a slow reveal that you had done this? In other words, they're like- They found, so they were like the so the bus broke down We were getting all that footage and stuff like that

But I realized Luke was like hovering around me with a camera and when I got off the bus is when the incident Occurred and it's like it's a moment right it's like one quick moment, but I wasn't sure yet Oh, right, cuz you have to check some Because we have the two finger dab and then this dude... But I wasn't sure, cause you know sometimes it feels like is it wet down there and you... That means it's not. Dude he comes up to the nose and does that. You got that on camera? All on camera did.

I didn't realize that. And then he goes, you think they got a bathroom in there? So, I mean this poor mechanic shop, it was a family-owned mechanic shop in like Arizona, and if it wasn't if we weren't at that specific Mechanic shop I don't know how other mechanic shops are but this bathroom was like a bathroom at a house like they had a sink They had cleaning products under the under the sinks like a powder they had paper towels in there you took the underwear Right in the trash. Yeah, well first I checked, because you know, sometimes it feels swampy and it isn't. Unfortunately this time that wasn't the case.

There was some action. For everybody involved. So I had loose basketball shorts on, so I thought I did it real quick, I just did like one of those. I knew it was bad news. For everybody. So I excused myself from the group and I went in, One of those yeah, I knew was bad news. Yeah. Yeah for everybody. Yeah, so I

Excused myself from the group and I went in and same thing with your dad Somebody was in there somebody else was was in there and I was banging on the door and I heard the toilet flush It was Tommy Cassidy our opener and I was like listen. I heard the toilet flush next thing I should hear water running get out of there. I got a situation So I go in there have to get completely naked. Yeah, I'm completely naked and it's like a little it's like It's a chilly albuquerque morning. So I feel that draft coming in. Yeah standing in these people's bathroom They're live their livelihood is in the line He's just like got a pair of shitty underwear and a brown ass on them

Oh, so I had I threw them in the I threw them in the trash can, all right? Whoot. Threw them in the trash can, cleaned up, had to clean. I was like the wolf. I had to clean up the bathroom, get rid of everything. And thank God they had, you know you sometimes put a clean trash bag under the dirty one so you could fill it.

They had that. So it was cool. I got away clean Yes, I grabbed my bag. I threw my shorts on I moved out Hook shot it in the dumpster, and that's it now bus was fixed. Let's go thought alright. No big deal Everything's he doesn't think anybody knows and so at this point in your mind You just got away with this right nice at a century of the century, Thug. Yeah. It was like the Lefthansa heist. Yeah.

Jimmy! Yeah. I was sad. Our producer comes out to me at lunch, and he's like, dude, I have something that I probably shouldn't. I'm like, if it's in the world of comedy, if we can get laughs out of this, you have to tell me. I think it was very funny. And he's like Foley. I'm pretty sure Foley shit himself.

I'm like, when? He's like an hour ago. So I'm like, well, we haven't changed. We haven't shot. We've you know, the bus is up on a jack. So I was on the bus eating Cheez-Its at the time when this was all going on. We get back. So he's sitting there eating, snacking away. And I'm like, what? We're like on the we're on the road. The because at this point, we're like, meanwhile, it's like just the duality of the dichotomy of the show.

He's actively has Fecal matter in his underwear alleged and I'm like, can we get to Sprinter van? Like we have to still get six hours to a show. Yeah, that has to go like, you know what I mean? They were behind the eight ball. I'm like, I'm well, we're calling rental car. They're like, no, you can't return the car to another locate We're just trying to figure out we're like, can we get a plant like anything we can do? They were all handling that I had another Bathroom in here and I'm like, dude, what the fuck? So then we finally the reveal, we slow we slow roll it just so happened like we would do on a pot.

I'm like, what happened at the mechanic shop? And he's like, oh, like he thought the service was great. You saw you still downplaying it. I said, yeah, I'm like, do you want to get out in front of this? Or like cuz I know What happened and it's it was just like a see a lie to the end I totally got you on camera. Yeah, right. You need to see the evidence before you yeah, yeah talk to my lawyer Don't answer questions

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This is how intense Novocaine sounds. Oh wow. Imagine how it looks. Is there more? Yeah, big time. Nova King, forming theaters March 14th. Keep my hands on the wheel, I don't answer questions. Oh my god, so that's in the doc though.

That's in there. That's all in there, yeah. I mean that- I wanted that just to be the doc. I'm like, fuck the comedy ass, just release this. That's the best part of the doc. I did it, so yeah. Yeah.

That's gonna be the highlight of- It was the way it was shot and the way the editor did it and like, look back and like, I mean, because we have so many angles of it that I'm like this is the maybe the funniest thing I've ever been a part of it just shows you too that like you can work at comedy for forever so long and a real moment like that will be funnier than anything you ever read a fact that is hitting the dumpster if you want the Emmys to call so wait you were on the Osempis then I was on the Oempis then.

And now no. Now. I had it up and down with the Ozempis. I know it's bad. I'm sure you got a lot of questions. I get bad news. I understand that. I'm aware of what I look like.

No, I'm just, you know. We went to dinner last night. He had lobster three ways. He had three different kinds of lobster. All right, listen. Wait, poached, fried, grilled, grilled, a soup, and then

You ordered the lobster taco. No, it's my fault. You ordered the other two types of lobster for yourself. Sure. Let me start with, there's Eddie V's. Eddie V's. Shut up, Toad. That's a nice joint right there. How was the bill? Heavy. Heavy bill. But that's the one place we do splurge

Food steakhouse, and we really I we don't go anything. It's typical state will go We'll go see houses though. You can't go wrong at a steakhouse, and we only do we only listen We only do it in like you know Once or twice like you know like something like this you know we had like a long week or whatever like the first night We got here. We got the guys with us and stuff like that. You know we you know we want everybody to have a good time Have you been of when you come here when you come here? Have you been to jay carvers? No? No, we went to three forks. How'd you like that love did you get the King's butter? What's that you're dropping that on me now Tommy buns? I don't know King's butter in my underwear

You got to go back. Yeah, you get the King's butter in my underwear. You gotta go back. You gotta get the King's butter, yeah. That place was expensive. Yeah. That place was, that was, that was a heavy bill. Actually, no. Well, you told me, I mean, you got here, you guys were like, we are spenders. We also- We're just bad with money. We also almost got kicked out of Three Forks because we were pretty fucked up. Really? We probably shouldn't have been in there. We called... I'm literally I have this exact outfit on. And I got a backwards hat on. Our producers blind drunk, kicking chat, like falling into things. I was wearing a bathing suit.

What? At three fourths? We are who we are, Tommy. Yeah, that's true. We can't change it. Our money's still green? Were they like, excuse me? Dude, we were... I'm pretty sure they thought we weren't gonna be able to cover the check Yeah, we were in the middle of the dining room. There's nice. There's nice people. Yeah having nice dinners

Yeah, join themselves you guys were just animal and we're sitting with a we started day drinking it like to okay We went to Cisco's and East Tech shot. It's I don't know if you ever in a Cisco's great Mexican food Okay, it started how we're like, let's have a beer here and then that the weather was nice It was like 75. Yeah Let loose man. Yeah We was our only off day We knew we were in trouble when after we ordered they came and they flipped out the leaves And I was like at this point I'm like in the walkway and there's like there's

Two nice couples having having dinner behind us. We're screaming back and forth We're doing this we're doing that We were like we were a scene for that place It's not like we had each other in headlocks and you know trying to put each other out or anything How'd you guys handle the Super Bowl? Quietly quiet at home with my wife because we went to the NFC championship the week before Why I watch it at home with my wife because we went to the NFC championship the week before mmm And I realized very quickly after that whole excursion that I wouldn't have made the is rough really yeah, how so? Had a walk to the subway

There was no cars had to get through Broad Street walking around my feet were killing me as well. We were all fucked up I just knew we couldn't do another weekend like that. Like that. Were you considering going? Yeah. I'm sure about it. You know, in the moment we were excited. Because that's hometown. It would have buried us.

Yeah, hometown. It's also like, we got our, you know, the bottom of, you know, like Tommy Pope, Chris O'Connor, Gilly, and we always go to the game. Like we always go to Philly's games, like Philly's games or whatever big games together. And it was like, it was like Rally the Troops type thing. And I was like, I don't fucking know. Also, we're gonna have to pay for tickets, like fucking schlubs whatever big games together. And it was like it was like rally the troops type thing.

Yeah. I don't do it now. Also, we're going to pay for tickets like fucking schlubs. Oh, my God. I'm hitting up everybody in the lab. Hit up our agents like you made us like seven hundred dollars last year. Get out of here. They're like, we can get you into the party. Maybe Super Bowl tickets are crazy, crazy, crazy. Yeah. I also didn't, you know, just I didn't want to watch that in that environment because I was very anxious about it

I don't want to go to any Super Bowl parties I wanted to sit in the dark quiet and watch it, but you must have really enjoyed it I mean not now because I kept thinking like this fucking guy's gonna come back right anybody could have done a There's a point where like it was probably in the Third or the dagger. Yeah, they're like, or the dagger yeah oh shit this is really this is happening also it was such a beat down crazy I've never I never ever taken also like the the fucking Vegas people must have made out because

there's no way people were betting with these types of spreads no no no no no yeah no way now it was also very like of spreads. No, no, no, no, no way. It was also very like, the Philly mentality is like, we don't win like, like we have to eke out weight, like, you know, just very much like tooth and nail. And then to have that, you're like, what the fuck? Oh, I mean, I, it's just so crazy to see not just how good you guys looked, but like how bad they looked. They looked so bad.

You know what it looked like? It looked like when the, well sometimes when like an old mean coach makes his JV team play the varsity team. Sure. And they're like, these guys are way bigger and stronger. And like, this is not cool. Someone's gonna get really hurt. That's what it looked like.

It looked like two different leagues of teams. Really, yeah. There was a guy in Philly in the 60s, I think. He ended up becoming one of the managers of this restaurant I worked at, there was a guy in Philly in the 60s. I think he ended up becoming One of the managers of this restaurant. I worked out when I was a kid the blue bell in his name was Jack Friel Philly legend He was a coach of a Catholic school in Philly The night before like the city championship or whatever it was The varsity team got in trouble for like drinking or something like that starts benches them all starts the JV team

Wins the city championship what or this? I'm not sure what it was but that's something like there should be a movie about talking about some of these old guys like right before I got to my high school in Florida when I transferred there from Milwaukee we the old like you could just tell the guys mean AD was the also the high school was also the football coach and he transferred out so I never I got to see him when I moved there And then by the time spring came around he was gone and they were like, oh, yeah He's a piece of shit and they go he would like like one time I remember I tried to I asked one of the kids in my class. I was like, why don't you play football?

He's like, I'm not doing that anymore. I go why he goes well that guy He goes just for his own amusement one time to made me like run full speed at a he was a freshman at a senior and just so like and they in the senior was like the big fucking Jewish fucking guy like a neck roll. Yeah, he was like just 40 40 yards sprint at him The fucking senior knocked him out like sent him into the like unconscious He was like it that was the last time I go yeah, that's not that's a life lesson What are you talking about come on?

Next guy's not gonna make you do that. He was like I'm done with that shit. I'm not doing that again He just did it to like bully. Yes, just get just did. That's why these kids are soft now, Tommy. That's right. That is why kids... Do you see the fucking Rick Pitino thing? That's crazy! No, what happened? Dude, you gotta pull this up. This, um...

This is so great. I just saw this. Oh wait, maybe I'm thinking of something else. It's, uh... Go to Bleacher Report on Instagram. They fucking... Rick Pit Pitino still at it fucking he's been coaching yeah feel like 45 years or something old schooler old schooler so he's I think he coaches st. John's now they are scroll down right there where have you guys been and when you click on that

you'll have to swipe and turn the sound on basketball player dig in. This is halftime. Every time you miss a shot, you'll gain the flight. We don't care about your missed shots. Like defense. Oh. You guys keep blowing opportunity apart,

opportunity apart, opportunity apart. You're like children with bad things happening. Instead of digging in and being tougher, you wilt. Where is your fucking toughness? Where have you guys been raised that you're so weak mentally that you just fucking give up when something doesn't go right for you?

Don't you know what adversity is all about? That's the fucking game of life, not the game of basketball. You don't fucking get down when things go wrong. You dig in and get tougher. your whole life is going to be adversity learn how to f***ing deal with it let's f***ing go god damn that's scripted

dude so leave that that's that they're down 13 point 13 that halftime come back and win this game good for them dude this is halftime um yeah and if you scroll down it's just everybody's just ready to be like, I want to play. Yeah. That's crazy. Yeah. That's fucking I mean, like I've always shocked by coach as performers.

You're like, how did you hit all of those notes? Perfect. Like they build the emotion that then it's like, how do they do that off the cuff is crazy Yeah, great think he likes an eddy V's, huh sit down baseball stake with him Get you straightened out you guys are like children. You know you're sitting there. Where were you raised meanwhile? He's screaming at dudes are like six four Just like where were you raised pussy?

Fucking that's what you need all my coaches in high school and college were like that and I loved it. It's great, right? Ah, it was the best. Yeah. It was the best. I love coaches that were, cause there's this line,

you want them to be tough, but care about you. Yeah, of course. And like some coaches don't know that you have to have both. But if they care about you, then they can say anything they want to you. I remember my football coach in high school saying he was he was hard on us me like they were he came in when I was a junior and then like My senior year they got like, you know gotten their foot under them and stuff like that

And they really wanted to like build a program and so he was they was hard on us to like, you know Get everybody ready as the program moved forward and I think I or another one of my buddies, who he always like, you know, was just strong on, was like, you know, why do you yell at us so much? And he was like, when I stop yelling, that's when you should worry. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, it's true. Always stuck with me. Sounds pretty emotionally abusive. If you ask me, I'm doing it for your good.

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I fucking love it. By the way, oh, I had to bring this up. Christina told me to tell you. Shout out to the new queen of garbage. The new queen of garbage. She couldn't come in today, but she was, I go, cause I told her how much fun she was gonna,

you're gonna have so much fun doing this. And then I go, how'd it go? She goes, I'm the new queen. And I go, I go what? She goes, I'm the new queen of garbage. And I was like, oh, I knew you were gonna at least come close to the title. How much of that did you know?

I know a lot. Did you know that when you were like, started there, did that come out after like, as you, Well, I think you know, yeah, know, little by little, right? Like, she doesn't put all those cards on the table the first day. There are some wild like, you know, we go like in the valley. I don't know how well you know, L.A., but we'd be like in the valley and, you know, she'd show me this neighborhood.

And like I grew up in these apartments and I was like, oh, these suck. And then, you know, like, yeah, it was all like single moms. That was pre Indian stepdad stepdad though. Pre-Indian stepdad, that's right. My Indian stepdad is the funniest sentence I've ever heard in my life. And my three Indian step sisters. He was saying that's gotta be a book. That's the name of someone's name. My Indian stepdad.

And then he was out of his fucking mind, you know. Yeah, he was a criminal. He was a real criminal. Yeah, she said they were like shooting out windows and flattening tires and shit that ice cream. He loves his pistachio ice cream And then we pulled into a parking lot He's like, oh, hold on a second and then fucking just stabbed the guy's tire And then the crazier part to me is like that in of itself You're like, that's super psychotic is that he gets in the car and then her mom was like yeah like yeah

And they were like in it together like fucking guy owes me money her dad, too I mean first of all the story of her parents getting out That's crazy that's going to an internment camp. That's nuts we're now because they were they were in an internment camp in Italy and He's like resents Italians so much And I'm like well they you were refugees

having had a slice in 50 years Italians are the cockroaches of Europe that's like his that's his slogan and you're like yeah they took you in though but he's like fuck them but yeah then to Canada and then did she tell you the story about why they moved to the States?

yeah it seems like it's out of a comedy because they're she's working he's working in Windsor Well living in Windsor forklifts cuz Canada well now so Canada. He's a mechanic right right Canada Welcome is more welcoming to the immigrants and refugees So they they settle in Windsor, Ontario Which is across the bridge, basically, from Detroit. So he's going into Detroit to work, but they're residing in Canada. He's like, one day I see a man in Detroit, a black guy, cool guy, with a nice coat and a feather in his hat. And you're like, you mean a pimp? Yeah. And he's like, he's like, this is who I, this is who I would need to be with these guys. And you're like,

pimps. Yeah. And they just get in the car and drive to California. So like, that's the inspiration. He was inspired by the pimp and then went to California and started pimping as himself. Her life is crazy. It's crazy. It's proper crazy. What is your role in that side of the family? Do you have what are your experiences with them? I mean, I don't know. There's a few things like she passed.

Right. He accepted that past. And then to set that past, her mother passed as well. OK. So the first time I met her mother what was funny to me was she was like my mom was crazy And I was like it my mom's every mom's crazy. Yeah, we know like we're crazy. She's like And I go okay So we've been dating. I don't know a few months or something at that point and she's like, okay

So we've been dating. I don't know a few months or something at that point and she's like, okay We're gonna go to this restaurant now and she's like again, you know, just so you know, I go just relax. It's fine so I Got this we go that we sit at this rest her mother comes in She's got her hair is done blonde lady very nicely done like a well put like nice sweater, pearls. Yeah, she said she was beautiful. Beautiful, you know, has her makeup, nails, like she looks very presentable. This is a nice, elegant woman in her probably what, late 50s or something at the time. And I go, hi, and she's like, hi.

And then she, Christina's here, I'm over here, she goes, and she does this little, she had this like little point with her. She goes, I vent to Bloomingdale's and this fucking cunt tried to tell you. And I was like, yo. And I look at her and she goes, I told ya. I told ya. And I was like, and then she just like goes off, goes off on the fucking cunt from Bloomingdale's.

It's wild and She yes, she had a wild mouth the dad did too You know, she told us her dad would take her to Club Med Club Med crazy crazy first time I met her dad This is I can 100% tell you when this happened because it must have been 2005 Because I think that's the year that Michael Richards was on stage at the Laugh Factory. That makes sense.

And dropped the N-bomb, and we went to his house the weekend after, and he goes, what the fuck's the problem with saying that? I go, what? And he goes, why? He's like, if somebody's an N-word, why can't I say it? And I go, right? He goes, there's one across the why can't I say yes, and I go yeah, I go right he goes There's one across the street look at his lawn

Those you see Europeans by by their own fuck that they don't give a shit. They're like words What do you mean? It's like so like I was in an internment camp. Yeah, I can for your words What this guy's in trouble? I go he's in big trouble Chris life is real. He's like I don't get it anyway How long you been dating my daughter? So yeah, they were pretty They were like intense Eastern European like hardcore ones

And yeah her mom you know her mom was complicated like she would be sweet but also had this like sure fly off the handle I remember one time she She had ended up in the hospital I think she had fainted at a lamp store or something like that and we went to the hospital the smells like a slip and Yeah, and she goes I had a stroke. I had a stroke. We were like, oh shit. And then the doctor was like, he took us outside. He was like, she didn't have a stroke.

And we were like, what? He's like, she didn't have a stroke. She fell. But her mother, who was going through a lot of things, was like the attention of that. And then I made a fatal error, which is that I was bedside with her and I decided to try to lighten the mood with a joke.

And it was like a simple playful joke. I was like, well, you know, when we get out of here, would you like to go dancing or something? Maybe we can go find a nice club to go dancing at tonight. And she was like, fucking dancing. I had stroke and no way to dance. And I was like, oh. And I thought it would be like playfully dismissed.

Yeah, like oh Tommy. Yeah, yeah, just like something to like, you know, just lighten the mood. She got really, really mad about that. That like, who's gonna fucking dance if they had a stroke? And I'm like, well, I don't know, but you didn't. One, he did have a stroke. So, yeah, that, but she got very mad about that, that like who's going to fucking dance if they had a stroke? I'm like, well, I don't know, but you didn't want you to have a stroke. So yeah, that but she got very mad about that.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That was why it was a great episode, man. Christina's awesome. She's great. It was the most requested, longest awaited. And like we don't do episodes outside of the studio. Like we've turned down a lot of people of. Sure. Now just we're not doing it. But there's a special level at Trash. But I was like, we have to, you know.

Yeah. Yeah, because she's like, I'm not coming to New York. I'm like, I picked up on that over the past three weeks. And she had all the shit that I know would- She showed up from the emergency room. Oh yeah, that's right. Josh, she said they had a, we had to push it 30 minutes. She's like, she's at the emergency room right now.

Something, something, she's bleeding. And I'm like- They can't stab her. What's going on over there? We can cancel this. She, something, she's bleeding. And I'm like, we can cancel this. She would told me, she goes like, cut myself. I just cut myself by the way, with the same fucking knife. Maybe we should get rid of these. These cigars are a little fucking.

And I filleted open my finger. It was gnarly. And I was trying to like just wrap it myself. And I was bleeding through it. I was like, I gotta go. So I went to urgent care and they put starry strips and everything on. I was just lazy trying to slice something through my finger. She saw these.

My kids are always grabbing scissors, screwdrivers, cameras. Great kids. For what? I mean, I've never met them. You, I love you and Christina. These kids, I hope I never meet. I hope by the time they're there by the time they're adults They're in the correct facility

Deal, man. Oh those like little electric Cars that like kids drive wheels. Yeah, the miniature ones that you plug on a one of those you zip around so They have a couple older ones that like they don't really use anymore. Uh-huh, And I walk up the other day and they're just like, there's no steering wheel. There's two tires on one. The door is off the other one. And I was like, what the fuck happened? So I grabbed them like, what happened? They're like, oh, we've been, we've been hitting them with hammers. And I go, why? And they're like, they don't work. So we just, we put, we took them to the shop and I go, why? And they're like, they don't work. So we just we put we took them to the shop and I go, what's the shop? And then they both pulled out hammers and they just fucking like,

you can't blame us. No, pop. Yeah. And I was like, this is cool, guys. Man. Yeah. Terrors. Yeah. That's funny. That's yeah. I mean, I've only yes. I mean, we were we were just talking about it

The story were like they ran through the construction site and like broke all the shit and them These kids I mean they Little rascals, they sound like criminals Stab their mother, you know their favorite thing to do with me. They call it torture time So they go it's torture time and I go okay So that means you clear the bed and I jump I get on the bed and then they pummel me sure But like they get like really like they punch They they choke me they like and I'm supposed to like I get to pin them and then as soon as they go hey I have to let go

I get to pin them and then as soon as they go, hey, then I have to let go. I was doing that and I had one leg locked. Like I had one leg locked. Man, a dad's leg lock will fuck you up. Oh yeah, and I stopped paying attention to him. And I'm like this guy and then I just, he's like, he just starts crying. I go, what? He goes, your ass is close to my face. And I go, okay, okay, sorry.

And then he calls for his mom, dad, put me by his asshole. And I'm like, I didn't put you by my asshole. Man, meet the saguras. Yikes. Yeah, that was the first time that ever happened. Somebody came in straight from the ER, who should have went to the ER the night before. Yeah, she let it bleed through.

Let it bleed through. Let it bleed through. Oh, that's right. And then find out. I know she was maybe doing it half-jokingly, but also think maybe she didn't want to admit this. She said she got bit by a snake. I don't think she wanted to admit that her son stabbed her.

He had a knife, and she went to grab it, and then he didn't let go. So then her hand went and sliced it like sure okay? Yeah I mean there's been snakes to one time they they caught a copperhead Which is crazy, and they put him in a cooler, and then they put on their own well with her cousin her cousin's like three years older That's on their own yeah, and And then they caught a copperhead, a copperhead, which is very dangerous. Put it in the cooler, put the cooler on the trampoline. And then I go, what the fuck? Why are you doing that? And then my nephew was like, I secured the premises. That's what he said. He goes, everything's secured. Did you know there was a snake in the cooler? No, I go, what is that? What is that on there?

Jesus, good to you. Copperhead. And I'm like, dude, that could really. That could fuck up the day. Yeah, that thing can fuck up, yeah. It can fuck up the rest of what would've been your life. That's like something from Yellowstone, putting a copperhead in there. Yeah. Hey, dad, open this.

Yeah, they're fun. Yeah, it sounds wild. Yeah. They are the best, though, I gotta say. Sure. These, they are, all. I guess they are. All the stories I tell are like people who don't have multiple boys go like, huh? And then every kid who everybody who has boys is like, yeah, yeah.

I mean, it was the same thing with me and my brother. Like we were well, it was lawless. My mom was a single mom. My dad was, you know, there was split custody. So it was like, I mean, at one point they were like, we we weren't allowed home alone together. I just like stay after mean at one point they were like we could we weren't allowed home alone together I just like stay after school because we would just Fist fight like it would just be like it would be hell in the cell until my mom got home

Now these get how kids like adjust your Your emotions. So yesterday I hear this banging. I'm like, what is this and I get out and they had taken you know Like a stretch bait like workout bands. Yeah, they had taken a band and they put it around a different type of toy car and they're pulling it but it's hitting the walls So I go hey guys look at the wall like it's all banged up and I go take that shit off and You know don't do it again. I go now I Have to have this touched up. Like you fucked up the wall, I have to pay for that. And then my oldest, he goes, I can do it.

And I go, no. Get the hammer. I go, I don't want you to do it. I want it to look good. So I would have a professional do it. He goes, it's just a little paint. I go, again. It's also like you're getting in a fight with him.

It's not happening, you're not doing it. Listen, you don't in a fight with him. It's not happening. You're not doing it. Listen, you have the steady hand to do that. OK, you're definitely not doing an estimate. You're going to cost me money by doing this nonsense. And then I'm fired up and I go, just don't do shit like that. He goes, or maybe don't get so upset about a little bit of paint. Hey, maybe stop being a pussy. Yeah, I'm like. Because he's right. little bit of paint. Hey, maybe. Stop being a pussy. Yeah, I'm like. And because he's right. He's not wrong. You're like he's right.

All the stuff you have going on, you're you're worried about paint. I know. I'm like, yeah, of course. What are they three years apart? Yeah, two and two and a half. Yeah, the M.I. But dude, it was the same thing. We were nightmares. One year we we had just moved from upstate Pennsylvania down to outside of Philly.

And the down by Philly, everything was way more expensive. So we were like, my parents were kind of struggling with that. We're living in a townhouse. They were trying to give us a good life. They were working their asses off and all this stuff. And my mom every year, she would wrap all the Christmas presents and put them, hide some stuff, but put a majority of them in one of the like rooms downstairs, like where she wrapped them up, but there'd be no labels on them.

You know what I mean? So like, oh, these are for your cousins and all that kind of stuff. My mom's working like a triple shift somewhere. My dad's away. Me and my brother are home by ourselves. Maybe we're like 12. I'm 12. He's 14. And my brother walks in, I'm sitting there watching TV, he comes in, he's got a brand new sneaker in his hand. And I'm like, where the fuck did you get that? And he's like, come here, brings us brings me into the room. He got a razor blade and slit open the

presence and we slid them out. So once we realized we could do that, we looked at every single one. I got this I got Sega I got this unbelievable. We piece it back together. Perfect crime. Don't do it right. We put it back. Next day go to school. Come home. Usually my mom's there. My dad doesn't get home until whenever he's sitting at the kitchen table. He's like your mom's over at your aunt's. She's hysterically crying.

Busted ruin Christmas. It was like one of those times like no yelling. Yeah, just quiet like bad. Bad. Yeah, we did the same thing. But we mean we was started when Starter Jackets hit early 90s. Hot. My brother same thing with this shit four years older than me and here's a my brother's a fucking

Loose cat. Hey, he's especially as a kid. He was a fucking lunatic Yeah, so he same thing you come upstairs and go back all the way into the deep behind the closet behind the clothes Starter jackets and my mom's in the kitchen and we walk he's like, let's go downstairs with them on I remember being like this ain't a good I like six I'm like I don't know he's like look at this look what I found mom she's like you fucking Pete like just broke down first time ever heard her say fuck you said you ruined fucking Christmas and I was like all right let's go to dad's for a couple of days wow that's what boys do yeah yeah it's tough I mean like I look back at like what we did

to my mind also because they were divorced so I was like He would just be a dick to my mind like not you just you know you're like a boy You're like I'll do whatever the fuck. There's no father figure in the house Yeah, one of my kids gave a c-note to a kid in school the other day. What? Yeah He's got that kind of cash on him. I fucking I was like what the what the fuck, man? I go, what? He goes, hey, don't get upset. No one's upset. And I go, okay. What for? He's like, he's a good kid. Good kid. Smart kid. Could use it. Straighten him out.

I go, what are you talking about? He's a really good kid. I just want to do something nice for him. I was like, you don't have to do that for people. You don't have to give them cash. What the fuck? Where did he get the hundred from? I don't fucking know. He stole it from me. Jesus. Yeah. I don't have to do that for people you don't think of cash Where do you get the hundred from I don't fucking know he stole it from me Jesus yeah, I don't know man. Yeah, I was like hey, okay. Can we just I go I'm not mad at you Can we just make sure that we are not in the practice of giving cash who dimes him out for something like that? Dude school calls yeah. Oh, yeah, they probably got them on fucking speed dialed. Yeah. Oh, yeah. They probably got them on fucking speed dial, dude Yeah, yeah, they were walking around like Henry Hill to give it what the kid ran him out say hey, he gave me $100

I think a teacher saw it. She just saw it and was like is that a hundred dollar bill and But you think you dumb broad I got 20s Here's a little something for yourself keep the chocolate milk cold. Yeah It's a little something for yourself. Yeah chocolate milk cold. Yeah Yeah, it was very I wear that perfume tomorrow either Concentrate So yeah, he uh, I don't know man. Those kids are wild. Damn, that's funny. That's awesome dude.

Wait, let's talk about money. Okay. So what's going on? Can I have some? What's going on? Get your son in here. Get the kid in here. Is your spending out of control?

I mean, we're not buying tigers or anything like that. You know? Things happen quickly. Okay, so you're an impulse buyer? Is that what the thing is? Am I an, I'm just an idiot, man. He's been smart, he's been good. It took me like two years to-

Last time I saw you, or at least when we were podcasting, you were like, you were debating about a car. Do you remember this? Yeah. And you were like, I wanna get this car, I don't know about that car. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But what did you end up getting? I got- He bought two. What? He bought two. Oh yeah, I bought to get this car. I don't know about that. Yeah. Hey, what did you end up getting? I got?

To what he bought to oh, yeah, I bought two well that car So my head of Kia that got stolen by the Kia boys shout out to the Kia boys. Shut up. Yeah, that got stolen So I bought a used Mercedes from Carvana that I'm pretty sure was in a flood, okay From Carvana that I'm pretty sure was in a flood. Okay Little swampy musty, okay But the way I look at it is like I've never had a nice car I've always I've always had you the first new car ever. I was a Kia before that I had like a Mercury Montego and before that I had a Chevy Lumina Actually had three Chevy Luminas. I kept crashing and then.

But they were like 800. They were like 800 bucks at the time. OK, so I would crash them and then or they break or whatever. And then my mom be like, I can give you 400 bucks to a new Lumina. I just had to come up with another 400. So we just kept replacing Luminas with Luminas. And so then I bought a Lumina. I thought, you know, yeah, because I know people buy nice cars buy nice cars and I'm not like a car guy by any means.

And I just smoke cigs in there too. Yeah, you got to. It's a fucking car. It's a 95 Chevy Lumina, dude. You know, put a little 50 cent and relive it. You have a new one? No, I bought a 95. Oh, you bought a 95. It cost me eight grand to buy a 1995 Chevy. How's it running?

It wouldn't get out of reverse. It cost me eight grand to buy a 1995 chicken. How's it running? It wouldn't get out of reverse last time. Yeah, that's it. I got like a powder blue one of those. It wouldn't get out of reverse? Nah, so it's not inspected. Who's running away, huh? Moving forward, baby. So yeah, so that was like a big thing for my childhood though.

I just was like, that will be cool. I just wanna zip around with my boys and just just like do you do any type of saving I do the one thing I was able to do well I bought a house oh I bought a house in the suburbs a little fixer-upper okay that'll be like the plan to get out of the city at some point because the city is fucking yeah going to shit dude is it crazy why currently in my neighborhood actively for like three weeks four weeks now there's a guy just running around taunting women is the word haunting just like you bitch I'll fucking kill you and then like scaring away don't you know

yeah the cops like we can't do anything yeah you're allowed to say that you're allowed to say like you know what I mean like you're allowed to tell a baby you're going to kill it. And that's what he's doing. Cool. So they can't arrest him. So he's just wandering around doing that. So like the plan would be in a couple of years, you know, start spending more time in the in the burbs. But I get so I've been able to. And it's just it's I go anywhere.

It's funny because it's a long time. He's jammed up. It's a they're a sponsor. But Acorns shout out to I downloaded that through. I'm I'm just as bad as money with him. OK, I've the way like we look at it. I've been I've spent every dollar I've ever made. Yeah. Up until like two years ago. I was not now. Right.

I spent two years ago. I had to clean up. I was it was tax. It was taxes. Yeah, we were just because I was still running the books at the time which we got a buck I'm pretty good, but it got above my pain right yeah, and we were it was coming in and I'm just going here Take care if I'll take careful figure this out next year, and I've never learned anything like yeah. Yeah, yeah I said I vaguely remember having an accounting class in high school, but I don't I know I didn't pass it So now I have it but now that you know now that like you've been doing this for a podcast is obviously grown has become successful You're you're selling tickets on the road. Are you when you get money now? Do you put some aside for like taxes and or well we got a business manager? Yeah

We took that out of our control. So he doesn't. He's doing that. That's new. So that's this year. This year is the first year I don't have to kind of wipe out my savings to pay taxes. Good.

So that's pretty cool. And then he should be also easy talking to you about a pension. Pension? We're not there yet. No, like the, like you don't have to start with a lot, but like just contributing, because you know what you're saying, you don't want to.

I'm 49. Yeah, he's gonna have to tap into a lot, but just contributing. Because you know what you're saying? I'm 49. Yeah, he's going to have to tap into it in like six years. Yeah. I got the acorns. When I'm 88, I'll have a couple of mil. He looks at that because if you keep contributing to this, it'll be whatever. Look, you're never too late to contribute to something

that you can tap into after your retirement age. That's what I'm saying. You're not gonna want to hustle the same level when you're an older guy, right? Sure. I am an older guy. He is an older guy. He's older than you. Am I? I guess. I'm 49. Well then yeah. What are you? I'm 45. You're doing pretty good. I just have a lot more gray. This guy's alright, huh? Uh, yeah, I mean, you know, just, yeah, we'll be alright. Yeah. I think. You will be. Just bad spending. All I'm saying is this, like... I'm in panic mode now.

No, I learned this too. I learned this too. I learned this too. Which is like, I've had different business managers and stuff. Nobody... Do you trust them? I trust my guy. I think but blindly yeah I just know he uses other guy like me. It's my friend's got like he's the best our peers guy And I'm like no if you have a good listen. He's not gonna be stealing 10 grand for me He's gonna be stealing that guy's 10 well

This is what you learn what you learn is that you can hire the absolute best, best, best of the best, and nobody will ever look after your money with more concern than you. I gotta get back, I gotta get eyes on it. I don't know if that's true. All you have to do, what I'm saying is, yes, you should trust somebody, if this is a trustworthy person, trust them, right? But ask for a monthly report. I got access to the, I'm so nuts, I got access to, so we moved banks to like, you know, they

move it to like, they don't use TD Bank. They go to fucking, they go to rich guy banks, they don't have storefronts, which is shady to begin with. I used to work for very wealthy, rich families and they were all, it's like Sterling Bank or fucking, you know, all these things. You're like, where's that's that well yeah give me an ATM card cocksucker let me go get my cash yeah but they don't do that but ask here's what I'm saying ask for like a monthly well I have access to the I have a login to the

account okay but then also I'm so nuts I think they might make that up just like no they're not making it up they're not making I'm crazy though if I was robbing you yeah I would go make a fake fucking landing page that says he has this much money and let make a list of transactions well look it might be a Ponzi scheme and in which case you know best of luck but in the in the idea that it's not which I hope it's not and this is somebody who's taking care of you. Just all I'm saying is ask for things and ask questions, and you are only gonna get where you wanna be

if you tell this person what your goals are. Because what'll happen is if you go, I'm just giving an example. If you're like, my goal is like, I wanna buy a house in this neighborhood, and you don't mention it, things are happening, and then when all of a sudden you wanna do it, they're like, well, we didn't know that like they can help you structure.

I don't know what that is, though. I don't know what my goals are. You have a little cash on me. OK, well, walking around, you have any debt? I ask a personal question. Well, I'm saying that could be a goal. I got a credit card bill that I pay it, though. OK, I'm saying I'm giving you examples of goals.

Do you have any non-revolving debt? Do you have any longer term debt? What's non-revolving? Like it's not due at the end of every month. See, I know that revolving debt. That's pretty good. Why wouldn't it be due at the end of the month? Like a car loan isn't revolving debt.

I got a lease. OK, that's fine. I got my rent. Do you want to not have to work one day? Yeah. OK, that'd be one of your goals then. Tell them that. Tell them that. I could do that now. Okay. That'd be one of your goals then. Okay. Tell them that.

Tell them that. I can do that now. Go back to being a bum. I'd be jammed up. Do you have a house? Now. Then maybe you want to get one one day. Yeah.

I'm just saying to tell them, tell them what you have on your mind. Don't assume that they'll know what it is your goal is. That's all I'm saying. Sure. No, I agree. I agree. I actually just did that. I was like, hey man, what would it look like if I got it like, when can I buy an apartment?

Yeah. Right? Just cause rent New York. So crazy. Just running the scenarios. Cause he's like, these are the stuff you need to think about. Yeah. So I go, what would that look like?

And he sent it back. He's like, send me one you like. What's that? A very modest one, like one or two bedroom? You know, really like a one and a half bedroom. And what did it look like? It was like, well, scenario one, you put you put this one down and this is what you're left with, like, like this is what you're left with.

Yeah. And this is what you're left with. And this is what you're left with. And then they all three of them were in the red. Yeah. Like he'd be like, you'd be left with negative left with negative $25,000 okay I didn't involve you well yeah but here's the thing he doesn't think but like I have money in like an eight like a retirement account I'm like let's cash that out and buy a house no no no no yeah that's you rich guys don't think like that what do you mean don't do that no I didn't I shake it up I shake it up I didn't involve him in the planning of my wedding which looking back

That would have been a good time. Yeah, he was hitting them up for payments early. What did this wedding look like? Beautiful Tommy really had a nice nice Hawaii. It's Hawaii beautiful place beautiful. You get married on the beach Yeah, it's called Lonnie Cohen newer in in in Oahu over at Koalina. Beautiful. Oh, Koalina is gorgeous. And I got to I got to give it to the fan. I thought it was going to be a clusterfuck. Yeah, he's never planned anything really for. The tours, the show, like, you know, he's.

I didn't really plan any of it. Sure. But I'm just like, this guy can't book flights like how was how is this all going to go off without a hitch? Yeah. You know, and I mean, do they we got there to say the ceremony was whatever. Four to four twenty. Right. If then at the end you go and get a drink, well, 10 minutes, a cocktail hour. Former Lieutenant Governor did the wedding.

Had a nice quartet. Sun starts going down. Greeting drinks. You see the sunset perfectly hit the horizon. 15 minutes, everybody's got a cocktail. Had to pay for that, that wasn't cheap. Yeah, yeah, no, none of it is. Weddings are... You know how much it costs to get a sunset?

How, wait, how many guests? 150. Shit. Yeah. I told you briefly, I walked in, I went, who the fuck is paying for this? It's crazy. Yeah. You are, Dickhead.

I know. That's incredible. You're gonna have me work until I'm fucking 70. Yeah. He keeps going, we need a big year, we need a big year. Four years ago. Yeah, I just didn't understand it. I mean, I'm an idiot, you know what I mean?

We, this is the first thing that's worked out for us. We can't be can't be more grateful And yeah, you know what I mean? It's like It was kind of there. I think all right Yeah, you know that it just kind of adds up and then you know, man, what was really getting close. I was like Fuck am I gonna be able to physically pay for this? So, what happens? He was in, we get like a monthly check, like deposit. You know, we'll take the rent and pay all the other stuff. Dude, it was like November, he's like,

can I get December and January as well? It's something of good faith. Yeah, yeah. If that didn't happen, I would've been bad. Really? And when I came back in January, I was like, ew. Straighten me out, because here was the bad. Oh, yeah. And I came back in January like, oh, straighten me out, because here was the thing. And it was he was working with he's like, what do you need?

Oh, you can we can take the business matters and we can figure this out. You know what I mean? Yeah. Yeah. I'm going to let you be bouncing checks and fucking Honolulu. The main panic was and I didn't realize this as we were getting closer to the to the finish line is that, you know, we got a room block for everybody that was coming over. Okay, which everybody I mean, got banged out. I got my whole family fly in the Hawaii at Christmas. These guys came in for like three days. I came in

for like had to leave 55 hours. Everybody's a little tense. But wedding was beautiful. I might have a great time. But I've never did a room block before I just assumed that if you get a room block, you're getting like a special, you know You'll discount because you got people coming in It turns out that whatever I tell them like if I say hey, I want 75 nights, you know broken, you know broken up like, you know Ten nights ten nights ten nights, you know, whatever

I'm responsible for that dude, he was 75 nights at a hotel at a beachfront hotel at Christmas in Hawaii. Oh my god, dude. I signed the contract and then I was like talking to the lady I'm like, so wait, what is this? What does this mean? She's like, well, you know if for some reason that you only hit like, so wait, what does this mean? She's like, well, you know, if for some reason that you only hit like, you know, say 50 nights, you're gonna be financially responsible for those other 25 nights.

Holy shit. So around, I would say August of this year, I was basically working for this hotel, pitching to my family. People started dropping like flies. Woo! Yeah, oh, we're gonna stay over here, oh, my friend's got it, your friend's got a place,

got the pool, what are you talking about? So how many did you have to end up covering? Cause you had- None, it all worked out. Yeah, it all worked out. No, that's stressful, that is stressful just thinking about it. I just would have swam out in the ocean

and just kept going. I would have been done. If they were like, like good news you only have to pay for 19 nights Let me put you this way when we got back from the when we got back from the wedding I was I was on the bed fucking rip it open and Holy shit. Yeah, that's yeah, but it was nice, didn't we, Kippy? We had a good time. We had a good time. It was beautiful. Let me ask you this, because for everybody watching right now,

you're either going to know that tomorrow, or if you're seeing this after, that there's a special out on YouTube. It's on the RU Garbage YouTube page. Yeah. It's the Route 66 Tour Special. So it encompasses a bunch of stuff you guys did on the road. You documented a whole tour. What happens now? It comes out. Are you guys guys did on the road you documented like a whole tour Mm-hmm what happens now it comes out are you guys going back on the road? What's what's yeah?

We're resuming our regular tour. We go back out. We go back out in early early March to do a run We're gonna do a run in April We're gonna take a little time off in the summer from the road And then we got we got an AC show and then we'll start back up torn in the fall pick back up in the fall But yeah back you know this this was different. This was our big thing again also. Yeah financially irresponsible We sunk everything we have into this yeah, yeah, like yeah also another thing We're what are we doing here the restitute so our new the one thing we want to do as it You know is we want to buy we're like let's buy a conversion. Do you have an Acorns account?

So you want to buy what a conversion van? Because that's a trashy thing. So we're like, all right. So you start looking, those things ain't like the new like 80 grand. Yeah, nice to see the business manager. Oh, yeah. Yeah. And he's like, absolutely. What? Absolutely not. He's like, absolutely, what? Absolutely not.

He's like, you got to ensure this thing. You got to put it in a garage in New York. I'm like, yeah, but like, we'll just pay a guy to drive us to whole drive to Pittsburgh. Yeah, we'll land in Pittsburgh because we do like strings of one nighters. Yes. You know what I mean? Like clubs are on the weekend, theaters on the weekend. So it's like we're out for a week. You're paying sprint. I'm like, this guy was my I'll just get my buddy Ryan to just drive us around the Midwest. He's like, saving're out for a week. You're paying Sprint. I'm like, this guy, I'll just get my buddy Ryan

to just drive us around the Midwest. And he's like, Saving that in Ubers and shit. He's like, dude, there's no way this will ever financially make sense. He's like, you're going out on the road, 30 cities next year, right? I'm just like, yeah, sure.

He's like, that means it's, you use it one month out of 12 months. It's got Captain's shares though. Yeah, which is nice, right? Swivels. Got a TV in it. I want to be months. It's got Captain's shares. He's like, yeah, which is nice, right? Swivel. Got a TV in it. Yeah. I want to be able to sit in the Captain's chair in the back right and turn around and

talk to the boys. I don't know. Conduct business. I'm a fan of it. Yeah, we're doing it against his better judgment. Oh, you are doing it. Yeah, we're going to buy it this week. So he's like, well, at least-

It'll be with us in Pontiac, Michigan on March 8th. Yeah, exactly. Is buy it this week. So he's like, well at least like- It'll be with us in Pontiac, Michigan on March 8th. Yeah, exactly. So he's like- Is that the first gig? Yeah. Dude, we literally have our idiot friend. He's like, this sounds like the best. I'll leave two days early and I'll meet you.

I'll pick up a dance board. How much was the van? Well, we haven't got it yet, but they're about 80. It's gonna be a car payment. Yeah, car payment a month. Okay. You gonna put something down? I don't know.

So that's why I was talking to the business manager business manager not that now. It's a GMC Sierra Some Savannah right there yeah That's clean living right there pulling up in one of them yeah, BA Baracus. Yeah, that is kind of a garbage Right it's like fun. It's like ours doesn't have that tent on the top doesn't that's where you're staying No, uh yeah, and it's all like sweet on the inside like so it's like all like leather and it got captain's chairs TV Speaker to all nine radio AC uh oh yeah rack and pinion steering, but don't like I like that you point out It's got AC Those are hard to find these days.

I got two words for you. Power windows, all right? But the one thing is, you know you travel. Airbags. You're in different cars. You're just air- All the time. And I go, if that's just our car for the Midwest

to the East Coast, and that's just what we're in all the time, that's not, it's like a home away from home. One thing that is, like somebody pointed this out to me. I forget who it was. Um, I was on the road one time and another comic was staying at the same hotel. This is like 10 years ago and we were playing different places and I go, are they coming to pick you up? And he was like, oh no, no, no. He's like, no one ever picks me up. And I thought he meant like disrespectfully. I was like, what? He goes, oh no no no. He's like, no one ever picks me up. And I thought he meant like, disrespectfully. I was like, what? He goes, oh I refuse.

Yeah. Like, what do you mean you refuse? He's like, these motherfuckers don't know how to drive. They're nuts! He's like, I rent a car in every city I go to. And I was like, you're out of your fucking mind, right? Ten years later, every other time I get picked up in a city, it is some fucking Yahoo who is like, talking to me.

They don't care! I'm like, you're a professional driver? Like, brake checking? in a city, it is some fucking Yahoo who is like talking to me. They don't care. I'm like, you're a professional driver, like brake checking, like just driving like an asshole. And half the time, like I'll ask when we get, I'm like, if the drive isn't far, I'll be like, hey, can I rent the car? I'll just drive myself.

I'd rather be behind the wheel. We'll do like, we'll get like a Sprinter or something. We're like, oh, we're going like three hours between cities. It's like, just get a Sprinter. And those guys, you go, hey, can you slow down? That's another thing that happens. It's so, they're like, we're all looking. Then we're going, can you tell them?

You say it. And it's like, we're like afraid to be like, buddy. I know. And then they go, no, no, no, that's the, it's that guy's fault. I'm doing a speed limit. I'm like, you're doing 90. Yeah, no, we had a dude stop for gas not that long ago. We had a show in Red Bank. We drove from the city.

He was like, I gotta get gas. He disappeared for like 20 minutes. After 15 minutes of being in the car, he's like, I gotta stop and get gas. I'm like, what the hell's going on here? Yeah, there's a lot of fucking... alright. So my thing is like, hey, we got a driver that we know and can trust and can communicate with. Yes. We know what kind of car we're in.

Your friend will do this? Yeah, he's nuts. Chomping at the bitch. He goes, ah, he's like, ah, that sounds like the coolest thing in the world. Yeah, conversion van, we're all, you know, we mean. Conversion, it's the boys. The boys are fucking, you know, it's like.

How many people will travel in the van? It's getting more, it's getting more. Okay. Not 30 of us. It's getting more and more, dude. Uh, yeah, so we go, it'll be six of us. so we go. It'll be six of us. OK, yeah, it'll be six of us to producer. It'll be me, him, a producer.

Your business manager will be a lot happier with this purchase if you use it for a lot more transportation. Sure. You know what I mean? Well, that's the thing. It's like you also landed six guys. You're like, we got to rent a car for a week or whatever. Yeah, it's just, you know, I'm trying to sell it. All that shit. It doesn't make sense financially, but it's fun. And we've we kind of made an oath of like,

let's just spend money on being stupid and fun. That's what the whole show's about. That is what I mean. So it's like Bozo's and the homies. The fans want to see that. We'd be stupid to have a 401K. Let's get a fucking GMC Sienna. There you go. I wouldn't even know how to go about that. Yeah. If you don't know, just don't do it. Yeah. Yeah. Don't ask the guy. Don't ask the guy. Plus if you don't know just don't do it

Yeah, don't ask the guy. Oh, that's the guy plus. I don't know the retirement thing It's like you can't take it out till a certain age. Yeah, yeah what I know I mean clocks ticking Yeah, I mean on all of us. Yeah, I'm getting access to that Yeah, fuck retirement. I got a florist in Hawaii looking for me I Would love to see the bills. Well, man. It's, it's us. We were getting, I thought I had it all mapped out.

We flew from New York to, I think it was Minneapolis, and then got on a, got on a, had a layover in Minneapolis, got on a plane, we're flying in. I got it all mapped out. Everything's been taken out, all the final payments are done. We're literally about to take off.

You know, I'm gonna lose my internet. I look at my American Express bill and I go white. Something was just like an invoice when I thought I paid it but I didn't. And I'm like, man, this is gonna fuck everything up. And then we get, I'm like, wait, wait, I thought I paid it but I didn't and I'm like man This is gonna fuck everything up and then we get I'm like wait wait I thought this was taken out whatever we get into a huge fight on our way there and then I lose it this time I'm trying to text I'm trying to text the you know, the vendor like what did you double charge me?

Whatever and I lose it man. Talk about a long flight. It's a long flight I heard that the, like this is 2007. I had miles and I had like, I don't know, points or something and I figured out the, I went to Hawaii with Christina and she was like, this place is fuckin', I was like, yeah, it's no problem. No big deal.

And I had like, this place is fucking, I was like, yeah, it's no problem. No big deal. And I had calculated that this trip with whatever I was doing was gonna cost me three, $3,000. And then when I checked out, you know, you forget things that like breakfast. Sure, 29 bucks a clip per person. More, yeah. I like a big breakfast too.

Yeah, it was, and then I'm checking out and they're like, here's your bill. And it was like 7,500 and then I'm checking out and they're like here's your bill and it was like 7500 I was like I didn't say anything. I just like And I left and then I don't know six months later I was still being like fuck and and I believe that yeah that bill went to collections sure Yeah, man, and then they called me. Sure. Whoa. Yeah. Man. And then they called me. I still got some stuff in collections.

And I paid it, and the guy, I was like, I paid that off, he's like, oh, the guy on the phone, he goes, oh, you a big baller? Ha ha ha ha, little pussy bitch. He's like, you're a big baller, you paid that off? I was like, what? Ha ha ha ha. I was like, I'm fucked.

Just taunting you? Yeah, he was taunting me. That's great. Big boy. Yeah, I was like, mm. Yeah, my activity activities leading up to this as far as like exploring different avenues of You know maybe loans or whatever has now led to my phone gets blown up I am on some list of I am on the huge sucker list somewhere. I have these random

Hey, you're almost approved for this. You want to do it. I mean, I get like five a day and I'm answering them because I'm like, take me off your fucking list. I didn't fucking apply for this. But we try to explain to them that that's a positive to them. They go, he answered. You were one in five thousand that answered.

So they're going to go, it's fucking fat idiot. It's going to give up at some point. He's going to be behind the eight ball and go, you can get me ten grand today. All right. I'll do it I like to swipe this guy swipes this car. Give me 30% APR and I'll consider it I'm losing my yeah, that's fucking amazing. All right. Well, thank you guys for coming We love you guys Are you garbage route 66 tour special. Are You Garbage? Route 66 Tour Special comes out February 25th. It's on their YouTube channel. Make sure you check

it out. Make sure you listen and follow Are You Garbage? And we'll see you guys soon. Thank you. Thank you buddy. Bye guys. Bert and Tom, Tom and Bert. One goes to the top and swallows the other. Where's the shirt? Tom tells stories and Bert's the machine. There's not a chance in hell that they'll keep it clean Here's what we call Two Bears, One Cave