2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer - My Soul Will Always Be Fat | 2 Bears, 1 Cave

Episode Date: December 8, 2025

SPONSORS: - Make life easier by getting harder and discover your options at https://bluechew.com - If you’re 21 or older, get 25% OFF your first order + free shipping @IndaCloud with code BEARS at https://inda.shop/BEARS! #indacloudpod - For a limited time Hollow Socks is having a Buy 2, Get 2 Free Sale. Head to https://hollowsocks.com/ today to check out their huge sale. #HollowSockspod - Get 15% OFF your entire order with code BEARS at https://Manscaped.com. - Anyway, if you want to try Rho Nutrition’s NAD+, the Glutathione, whatever, they’re giving 20% off with the code BEARS at https://rhonutrition.com/discount/BEARS This week, Bert’s wasting away, Tom’s tucking in his shirts, and the Bears are going into hibernation for the winter. Before that good news, Bert breaks down losing 25 lbs in a month, projectile-vomiting in airport bathrooms, and Tom producing Olympic-level protein farts. Tom also talks his new pastry empire and defends his son’s obsession with suits and hair product; along the way they dive into Bert’s DEXA scan nightmare, and some chaotic CMA stories including a Steve Martin panic-meeting and Billy Bob Thornton being a king. They also discuss robe culture, aging out of podcasting, comedian fashion, the future of 2 Bears with guest hosts, tours and the 2 Bears 5K, plus they announce the return of the Summer Bears next week. Enjoy! 2 Bears, 1 Cave Ep. 318 https://tomsegura.com/tour https://www.bertbertbert.com/tour https://store.ymhstudios.com Chapters 00:00:00 - Intro 00:01:02 - OzemBert & Gassy Tim 00:09:17 - Fat Boy Dreams 00:19:35 - Dressing Like An Adult Is Hard 00:28:44 - Country Music Awards Chaos 00:39:57 - Robe Guys & Big Joe Pesci Energy 00:46:22 - Crisis Of Appearance 00:52:03 - Quentin Tarantino 00:55:46 - The Winter Bears, 2025 Look Back, & 2 Bears 5k 01:06:14 - Wrap Up Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

100% Welcome to another episode Two Bears 1K We're here in Bert's Lair It's been a minute, dude How are you doing? How are you feeling? Weak

Why are you feeling weak? Because I'm skinny now And this is what skinny people feel like. They just feel weak and powerful. How are you so skinny? What happened? Natural. Not using any drugs. It's good. It's just self-discipline. You know, I get up at 5 in the morning and I go to the gym and then I barely sleep at night. I do cold plunge. I do aromatherapy. I do red light therapy. I do red light therapy. Awesome. I get my vitamin D. I say my gratitude. I journal. Wow. You're doing all this stuff. And then I go right back to bed. Yeah. No, I'm so fucking tired of this health fit movement. I just gave up. I'm on my majority. Yeah. And it's been how long? I just took my fourth shot Sunday. And so in a month, how much are you down?

25 pounds. That's pretty ridiculous, man. Yeah, it's, I tell you, I don't know, I don't know if I would, I would recommend it if it's a health thing. Like you need to for your health benefits. Yeah. Yeah, so I sent you my, your Dexascan. my dexas scan and it was I went to the doctor and I said my cardiologist and I had blood work it for waste well and my doctor was like yeah you're weighing in pretty heavy like this is the

heaviest you've been and I was like I think I was 275 last time he's like with 274 and 275 were the same pretty much yeah you made you made the point to say I'm only 274 and then I then I told him you know I'm really strong so and I don't know if you're if you know this, but muscle weighs more than fat. You told you your cardiologist says? Yeah, he was like, wow. How much muscles in there? I said, I bench 325 this year, and he was like, really?

And then he just said casually, I bench 315 in med school. And I was like, shut the fuck out. Like, wait to take my, what are we doing? Why are you big time of me, dude? Yeah. And then he said, you know, we have a machine to tell you exactly how much muscles in there. And I'd love for you to do it. And fucking Leanne was in there.

She's like, book it. book it. I'll take him right now. And so they took me. And I didn't really totally fit on the dex scan machine. Like my arms were falling off of it. I couldn't get them close to me. So I had to hold my arms tight. And they did my deck scan. And it was like, I sent it to you. I forget what my numbers were. Yeah. But it was like 45% fat. It was, yeah, I mean, I don't think it was that high. But it was, it was, hang on, I'll tell you the exact. I said, I just texted it to you. Yeah, I have it. But it was 45% fat.

I think it was ridiculous. It was like 40% fat at least. But he said there was 90 pounds of fat sitting in my stomach. Yeah, yeah. That's your danger area. So you are doing it for health reasons, right? Well, he told me you're not diabetic. You're not pre-diabetic.

All your numbers are fine. Even my liver numbers are fine. Everything's fine. He's like, but having said that, I think you need this to get rid of that visceral fat. He goes, visceral fat's a killer. And he's like, you know, I'm looking at your liver. I'm mammogramming it or sonogramming it. And he goes, I'm supposed to see a line right here by can't because there's so much fat. And he was like, and he was like, you need to lose that. And so I said, well, I don't want to do it. I don't want to, because, you know,

there's, I don't know what the fuck, but everyone's turned it. And I'm sure we'll get tons of comments going cheat or whatever, whatever they want to say about it. But that was how I felt. When people used OZempic, I was like, why? Why didn't you just put it? the work. Why didn't you just find self-control? Why didn't you do? I always said that. I did say that. And then I saw Amy Schumer's pictures and I was like, holy shit, she looks fucking amazing. And the doctor said, I can give this to you and you can take it or I'll see you in three months and you'll be 300 pounds. And I was like, okay, and I came back and I was like, and then one night I was just like, fuck it. I give up. I give up. I'm going to do it. And I did it. Oh, like two days later, I'm in an airport and everything's disgusting. I mean, I can't look at

food. I'm like, I can't even have a drink. I'm about to get on a plane to Boston. I can't have a drink. The people at private suite that take care of me all the time, they're like, they're like, dude, what's up? And I was like, I'm on that manjaro. And they're like, I don't like you like this. And they just started violently throwing up for, you did, seven to 10 minutes on the phone with I called Leanne. She was in a meeting about the thing we got coming up in May. And she was on a phone call. And I'm just in the bathroom. And, uh, uh, and, uh, and, uh, and. And, uh, and, uh, and, uh, and, and I mean it's like it's really weird I can't eat I don't want to eat I never want to eat like food I have no interest in food so it's working um it's it's working incredible by and I

but like I panic like I benched 275 three times the other day yeah I'm like trying to make sure my strengths up um but I just don't like I don't know I it it pulls away so much of what I think may have been defining characteristic of me. Yeah, yeah. Impulse and excess. An excess. I love.

Yeah. I love, I love getting three meals at a restaurant. I've seen it. It's pretty wild. Yeah, it's insane. So now you just order one meal like a crazy person. It's bizarre. Yeah.

I just go in and they go, do you want appetizers? And I'm like, no. And they're like, okay. And they're like, well, can't get you to drink? And I was like, I always try to get you. get a drink, but I can't, I like, I can't touch beer. You can't, oh, no beer. I can drink, I can drink, but it's not, it's not like it was.

Like, it's like, uh, I'm almost like, uh, like I, I tried drinking at an airport the other day and I was like, uh-uh. Well, how long will you stay on it? Is there like an end goal or something? Like, how will you dictate whether or not? Until I'm unrelatable. So you're going to try to go all the way down. Fucking 186 pounds.

Hey. People don't recognize me. That's great. Like you. Like you. Like you. No, I just, I don't know. I guess you're supposed to stay on it.

I have been farting so much. We got, we caught one right before we recorded in the mic here. But I've been farting like crazy. And I think it's like, so I've been eating four meals a day. That's the, right? And it's all portioned out. Right? So hit these like.

macros. And I'm eating 200 grams of protein today, which isn't that crazy, but you still have to like... Do you have someone making these meals for you? Yes. Okay. Yes. I'd like to get to that. Well, so it's great. And it does feel like a chore, I have to tell you. Like the, I don't know. I just realized that I wouldn't, if I didn't have it like as a plan, I wouldn't be eating this first meal, then I work out, and then I have a meal afterwards, then I have another meal. Then I have I would be eating less food, but probably my macros would be all off. But the farts are like, it's unbelievable. And I have to imagine that they're protein-based farts, right?

They're just so long, so powerful. I'm so proud of them. But I just don't know if I can sustain this level of farting forever. I mean, you heard that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's aggressive. It was really aggressive. That's how they are all day.

They sound like fireworks. Manjaro farts have a sweet cherry tent to them. Really? They're nice. I like them. You do like it. My Jaro shits are pretty fucking awesome. Are they splattery or like, are they?

Oh, they come out like crude oil. Really? Oh. Like you just, like you were shooting out of deer and you missed it and you hit a spot and it just goes. Yeah. The shits are pretty nice. Yeah, I got.

It's nice to be a person that doesn't. that no one watches eat. It used to just be a spectacle. Look at this fucking guy. I'm not going to tell this in the special now, but my niece was in my niece is four. We were in a hot tub in Hawaii. Yeah.

She was Uncle Bert. Why are you so fat? And I was like, Jesus. This is fun to find out you're autistic, Lola. How long ago was that? This was a month, two months ago. My voice, like a couple weeks ago.

they go where's fat sticks and i was like oh he's he's in l.a and they're like we haven't seen him in a long time and i go yeah no he's still there they're like we want to see fat sticks i'm like okay i'll tell him well i'm going to see him soon while i'm still fat yeah otherwise they're going to be like i don't know this guy someone asked me i had a meeting the other day and this guy goes um hey can i can i get fat astronauts And I was like, what for? He goes, I want to make it with you and Tom. I was like, I think that ship's sail, buddy.

He was like, you guys wouldn't do it? And I was like, no. I was like, Tom's 186 pounds and I'm a manjaro. It's going to have to be just old astronauts. It's old astronauts. Skinny-ass astronauts. Can we pivot it to just geriatric astronauts? By the way, if you want to get fat, you have to come visit in Austin.

Stop, stop. Stop. I'm dying to hear about this fucking pastry shop. Bro. It's unbelievable. I mean, it is, because I'm, I have lost a lot of weight, but I am and will ever, forever will be fat. My soul is fat. It doesn't matter how much I weigh. I'm always going to be fat. And my, my, my weakest point was always pastries. So it's like, it is like my fat dream coming true. Hold on. I have two questions. I have two questions. I have two. questions okay yeah number one and play the video what when did this tuck shirt thing happen nice you so i'll tell you when your shirt in all the time no it's is this day i went in there no no it's at the two bears 5k uh in tampa you're talking oh i got a lot of shit for that too yeah yeah i don't what is this tucked thing in thing is this i don't know i mean i i just feel like i'm going to

start embracing it doing it more now that people are pointing it out i'm going to do it all the time it's so off putting is it off putting it literally looks like they go tom can you put this shirt on and you go uh-huh and they go and tuck it in please you go yes sir well you know what i'm going to do i'm going to tuck everything now i'm going to tuck everything i'm going to do your shirt in and your special no but i'm going to ask him to do it in post yeah i want it i want it so wait tell me okay tell me beginning to end i'm sitting with my dad my dad uh by the way recently just fell in love with charo okay my god he my mom and my dad they're like ever seen tom stand up and i went yeah and they go he is fucking hysterical they go but he's got

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he know his dad died in line 11 yeah you know he dated Kim Kardashian you know he has tats all over and he's getting removed he knows a lot of island ferry he goes yeah Oh, I love this guy. I go, have you watched? Do you like a stand-up?

He goes, he does stand-up, too? I go, yeah. What do you know him for? Capital One. Capital one. And interviews. Like, and interviews. He goes, he's great on Seth Myers.

Yeah. He's like, the funny thing is Pete like straddles. He's a comic, but he's also like a legit celebrity. So he does like celebrity stuff too. Like he's. Very seamlessly too. What's that? Yeah.

Very seamlessly. Yeah. So my, so then my dad. says he goes he goes buddy wakes up he goes what's up with tom and fucking pastries bro there's I just went I just went and I um I was there yesterday

and it was just like it these it's a dream so what it is I just literally imagine if you walked into your favorite I don't know burger shop somewhere and then you're like hey will you come make them in my neighborhood and the people say yes how did it start how did it start it started in

it started in LA five years ago six years ago, where they had a pastry, like, bakery in L.A. that somebody tipped me off to. They're like, oh, do you like, because I was talking about croissants. They go, oh, best croissant in L.A. And I go, where? And they said this place, Chinquatera West. So I went, and it legit was, like, amazing. It was amazing.

And then I just formed a friendship with Giamba and Marlowe. they own it and he's the baker and she's his you know wife and business partner and so that's them right there and then I just kept in touch with them and I always said I wish you would do this in Austin and basically long story short they said let's do it and so we're building a restaurant right now like it's under construction right now but we have a pop-up shop which is the one you've been seeing online and that's at the fairground food hall in downtown Austin right under the Wells Fargo building. And dude, it's, I mean, it's fresh baked, homemade every day, everything. The croissants, the focacha, everything is, and it's,

and like they came up with new things the last, when I was there yesterday, that was just unbelievable, dude, and people are coming in. And the reason it's going so well is because of the quality of the food. It's super legit. It's the best stuff I've ever had. It's great. Do you know, not to get meta about this, but do you know the death by comparison? Death by comparison? You mean like as an idea? Like, you know, like people, people beat themselves up by comparing themselves to other people. Right. The thief of joy, right? Comparison is the thief of joy.

Yeah. So I'm sitting with my dad on the back. Every day when he was here at two, we'd have a drink and a cigar. Yeah. And buddy, it was tough to get that fucking drink down. Because I can't whiskey It sucks so much To not want to get day drunk Or to not to just be like

Ugh So My dad's like Obsessed with this Charo a bit Yeah And between you and Pete Davidson My dad's And my dad's like

So what's up with the pastries I go Yeah Tom's starting a pastry shop I go Tom's more like a businessman And then I started beating myself up I'm like I don't do shit Yeah

And I was like God damn it man am I what if what if I'm just a comic like what if I don't really have great ideas outside of it and then and I was really kind of beating myself up a little bit I and Tom I swear to God it's the reason I wore shoes today because I saw a post that Kevin Hart did that day and he he was like what's up everybody I got this tequila whatever I got this thing I got this new joint venture with Capital One or whatever and he was wearing shoes in the post and I was like I don't ever have shoes on I never put on shoes that's what made you think to wear shoes yeah yeah

Because everyone, all the grownups wear shoes. You're just coming to this realization? Yeah, yeah. I'm always barefoot. I'm always fucking barefoot. It's part of who you are. It is. And then I was like, and then the reason I say this, I think people can be guilty of this.

By comparing themselves to even someone they love or close with. Yeah. And then feeling shitty about themselves. Can I make a point, though, about that real quick? You're thinking about investment in one way, but it's broader. than that. I'll just say this and then tell me if you don't think of yourself as an investor, real estate. I don't do any of that, Tom. That's Leanne. Yeah, but it's you guys. Like you own a bunch of real estate, man. That's that is investing. You know what I mean? The thing that

saved me was I'm not good. You're good. You're good at money and you're good at seeing cool shit and liking cool shit and knowing that if I like this cool thing, other people will like it. Like the two things that I can't mention are really, I would just be scared to invest in because I don't know anything about it. And this pastry shop, I haven't been able to eat pastries. I mean, I still can right now, but I guess I could now. But I haven't been able to eat pastries and forever. I do love croissants.

But then I was like, oh, I just do like, I do like the full throttle thing for Daytona and And then, and, like, and the crews. Like, I just, I just try to keep mine close to me. So I felt better about myself. But I, I was, wanted to share this because I was like, I was really celebrating you with my dad, but in turn, started feeling shitty about myself. I know what you mean. And I was like, and I go, I bet people do that.

And then all it takes is like, that night, I was, I was like trying to, I started journaling in the morning. And I was journaling trying to write about, like, what's good about me. Uh-huh. well i i think you have you're you're very much an ideas guy but like you know i'm an ideas guy i'm a i you know what i just like i had a meeting the other day and they're like where do you see yourself in five years i was like i don't really give a fuck about anything but just coming up with good ideas like that's like like an idea for a tv show or movie or a fucking festival or

a cruise or things to do on a cruise and like or or a or a tour i or just comedy like i love i love the fucking I love, I'll tell you what man I said this to my dad I your special is going to be so fucking big oh boy have they announced when it's coming out yet

yeah it's coming out Christmas Eve on Netflix it's called teacher yeah you've been doing this hour for a couple years a couple years yeah it's going to be so fucking big dude well I mean I hope it's well received

you always do but you know I also I feel like the as long as long we've been doing it, you also, I got to this very comfortable kind of Zen place of when things come out, you just go like, you know, it's out of my hands. Yeah. No, but that's, no, but that's the, I fucked up in my statement. In my journaling, yeah, I was writing the things that are good about me. And I was like, oh, I, I, okay, why am I comparing myself to Tom in business when that's a weird thing to compare. It's not my strong suit. And I do not compare me to you in stand up. Like I,

I look at this special, I said to my dad, I was like, casually in this whole conversation, I was like, Tom's special, this next special teacher is going to be fucking really good. And he goes, really? And I was like, yeah. I was like, he's been doing it for two years. And I saw it two years ago. And it was fucking incredible. Well, thanks, dude.

You're gassing me up today, bro. No, but I was, but it's true. It's going to be so epic. And I, and I, the same as like, you know, I, I, I think. I think, but it's crazy that you can, I am, I have no, I have no comparison with you in comedy in that I think it's, it's the thing we do that's the exact same thing and I don't look at it at all. But then I look at you, like being, like just the idea that like you buy a nice jacket. And I go, I don't even know what a nice jacket, where to get one.

I know. You totally are like a fucking toddler when it comes to like, where do you get something nice. Dude, someone asked me and Leanne, what would you say if Burt came home with a new car? Would you be upset? And Leanne goes, that would never happen. She said it very confidently. And then like, really, she's like, Bert wouldn't even know how to buy a car. That's so funny.

And it's so true. It's so true. I'd have to call Leanne and go, hey, can we get this car? Can you come down and get it for me? You couldn't call, like, your business manager? I mean I guess And then go

Can you come down And get it for me But like And what's crazy is like I start I start I started like beating It's really started with clothes

Because I was I started beating myself I remember this When you're like Where do adults buy clothes I was like What? You're like I don't know

Where to get I'm dressed in like a fucking middle schooler Like But I think that's But isn't that like You don't feel bad about it It's who you want are. You are flip-flops or barefoot and like t-shirt shorts or flannel open. Like, that's who you are.

It feels so weird to be wearing shoes right now. Like, it's like inside a house. I mean, I know. And it's like what, like, it's not who you are. I was like, that feather, that sweater looks really soft. I don't own a sweater, Tom. Do you want me to get you one? I, let's wait until this Majaro kicks in. Oh, figure out a size. Yeah. I put on a suit the other day for a photo shoot. Yeah. And I was like, I was like, oh, this is crazy. It's so weird to wear a suit and have shoes on and be tall and a pair of like Chelsea boots. Yeah, yeah. It's so bizarre.

Was that the CMAs? Yeah. No, no, no. Yeah, yeah, yeah, it was CMAs. The holidays are here, which means it's time to give the gift of smoothness. Whether you're shopping for your partner, your brother, or yourself, we don't judge. Manscape's Performance Package 5.0 Ultra is the ultimate upgrade. From trimming to freshening up, this is your all-in-one grooming kit that keeps you clean,

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But you know why? Because Dana White's in shape. And Dana White's not supposed to be that skinny. And if Dana White looks good, dude, anything Gary Breckis has, I try. So if you want to try Roan Nutrition's NAD Plus, the glutathion, whatever, they've got a bunch of stuff over there. They're giving 20% off with the code bears. That's R-H-O-Nutrition.com and use code bears for 20% off. Yeah. CMA's where I got, hang on, I got to tell you, man. Yeah. I fucking. I was so surprised. I was like, wait, you're in, I didn't know that you were that into that. Oh, well, yeah. I mean, it's, I had three of the musicians.

that were performing that night, I had them on my podcast. Oh, wow. Yeah. So it's funny. I have to say this. And I'm, I got so much unwarranted credit because for, for, for, from record execs. You know, record execs is. If there's one thing I know about you is that you love unwarranted credit, keep going.

But yeah, you would have gotten a real kick out of that. Oh, I'm sure. So we go to the CMAs. They asked me if I would present Stephen Wilson, Jr. Because I'm friends with Stephen Wilson Jr. And I had him on the podcast. And I had him very early before he had really broken, I guess, is what. Now, here's a deal.

I found him somewhere. So I'm not the one that saw him on a street corner performing. I found him on the internet. So he had clearly been doing stuff for a while. Yeah, but you love that. You love when you found somebody on the internet early. I do. I did, I had seen a band called the Red Clay Strays on the internet.

And randomly one time we were at Zanies and I saw them standing in the back and I knew there was a guitar and I made this fucking heartfelt like if you've ever been in love or if you want to be in love. If you've had your heartbroken or if you're with the chick, the greatest song that's ever been played is played by that band right there. And if they'll come up on stage and play it and the Red Clay Stray's. came up on stage and said, she comes from Silver Spoons and sang that on stage and it was fucking incredible. And then I became friends with them, had them on the podcast. Now, these are just two examples. I've had Ernest on the podcast. I've had Hardy on the podcast. I've had some really, I've had Marcus King on the podcast. I've had some really crazy people on the podcast to play music. And in the green room, it was like, yo, you're the guy that breaks these artists.

You have to be so happy. Tom, I was like, yeah. I just have good taste. And they were like, they were like, it was really hysterical. And Leanne's like, hold on. Reg Clay Strays have been on like Theo's podcast like six months before yours. I was like, I know, shut up, Leah, shut the fuck up. She's like, hold on.

Stephen Wilson, Jr. Didn't you see him on a podcast out of Atlanta? And I was like, yeah, shut the fuck up. And so, but it was, it was the backstress. Tom was fucking insane. At the CMAs, it was every music star you could ever imagine. And this is the wild part. You do the red carpet for the CMAs. And God damn it. We do the, you do the- That's such a weird ring. Jesus. It's old people ring. Yeah. Why do you have that? Because, uh-huh, uh-huh. You need to do that. Yours is the best ring.

that's the it's raining men yeah yeah um so we're at the red carpet now the red carpet um is for an event like this there is no hierarchy it's when you get there is when you stand in line yeah and it can be up to about 30 to 45 minutes and you are standing with celebrities or all set it with their publicists waiting in line it's it's that's how it is it's not no hierarchy now granted if fucking vince gill comes through is get a lifetime achievement award they walk him through first, but everyone else, even Shabuzi is all, they're all sitting there. Leanne and I are up at the front. We're with Chris O'Donnell and he's in front of us. And Leanne sees the red clay strays. And she goes, what are them boys doing all the way back there?

I go, Leanne, let it go. She goes, well, hold on, hold on. I'm going to go get them. They shouldn't be waiting in the back. And I go, Leanne, it's, it's, it's, don't, she just goes back, gets the red clay strays and all their wives. She knows them all. And brings them all the way up to the front and goes, guess what else is back there? Grab Stephen, Wilson Jr. brings him up front and causes the biggest bottleneck you've ever seen in your fucking life. All because she just wanted to. All because she goes, well, if we're going to wait, I want to hang out with my friends. I want to talk to them. And Leanne's really close with Stephen Wilson Jr.'s wife, whose name happens to be Leanne as well. Oh, really? Oh, yeah. And so,

but then I ran into Steve Martin. How was that? Not great. Really? Did you corner him? Did you do like, oh my God, oh my God, I'm the biggest fan of my god i love all your stuff i said uh we had to read prompter back to back he was up before me so he read prompter and then i read prompter and uh and we were just he was in a room and i'm waiting behind him and it's a little booth and then he turns around to walk out and i'd said to the person like outside she goes it's steve martin and i went holy shit he first of all he's big as fuck he's a big guy he's tall i thought he was six two but he'd say he's six foot but he's big And he goes, he's like, I go, that's Steve Martin.

She goes, have you met him? I went, no, I've never met Steve Martin. She goes, you should meet him. And I said, can you introduce me to him? She goes, I don't fucking know him. And I go, I know, but can you just say, Steve, this is Burke Chrys? And she goes, no, I don't, you introduce me. And I go, no, I want to meet him.

And we're saying this, like, five feet from him. Yeah. And then he just turns around. And he kind of walks, like, try to get past me. And I block him. and I go hi and he was like hello and I said my name's Burke Chrysher

I'm a stand-up comedian and I shook his hand and he goes okay and then I still am blocking him and he goes I'm sure you're wildly famous and I'm just an idiot and I went no and he went good to meet you

and he just walked out and I went motherfucker that didn't go well I mean that's not that bad actually that's not that bad Billy Bob Thornton Billy Bob Thornton went glowingly

really yeah Billy Bob Thornt came up was on the red he was in the red carpet he came up he was like i was like he's dressed like he's dressed like like like a fucking steampunk hippie yeah it looks like zorro is dude his earring went through his headband really his headband had a hole in it for his earring that guy is fan fucking tastic to watch i love watching billy bob thornton anything well i will tell you this tom you would love to meet him really he's walking by i said billy bob huge fan and he walks up to me

he's walking by with bubbles this and he stops comes up he goes how you doing i said good he said what's your name i said burkechre i'm a stand-up comedian he goes oh nice to meet you having fun here and i was like yeah i'm having a great time and he said uh i'm excited to see the red clay strays and i said yeah and i knew some like inside scoop yeah so i was like i was like yo they're uh the thing they did for land my man or whatever his TV show. I was really fucking incredible. He goes, you heard it? And I said, yeah.

And then I'm like, oh, shit, am I in trouble? Because they played it for me. Like, when we did a podcast and they played it for me. I was like, yeah. And I go, but your version, the thing. And he was like, hold on. You heard that? And I went, I got it.

And we went, like a five-minute conversation. That's great. And I was like, I was like, holy shit. Billy Bob Thor. He was a fucking blast. He's the man, dude. Yeah. But we sat behind Lil Wayne.

and X the plug in big X the plug big X the plug big X the plug they were at the CMAs little Wayne bought four tickets what little Wayne bought four tickets big X the plug is fucking awesome he's great he's awesome everyone stopped by to say hi to him and little Wayne and Leanne and I did not speak for two hours we sat in our seats behind them and just did this yeah it was everyone it was it was a who's who of country music and we had a fucking blast that's awesome man i'm glad you had a good time and uh wait so this all started because you wore a suit so did you not like wearing it or did it fit well did you feel good in it uh i felt good in that suit i felt good in that suit usually i'm i couldn't button it so i want to button it i want to get to buttoning it size yeah

but you're probably there now no not yet i still can't oh jesus Christ, Tom. Yeah. There's one, if you go to the almost the far right picture, it looks like I have abs. Far right. Oh, wow. That's great CGI.

That was, that was, it's my co-to move. It's nice to have a move. You have a move, yeah. I get very uncomfortable on the red carpet. Yeah, I just do that. I just go like, and then they're like over here and I'm like, and I'm like,

and I make like four faces. like can you take your glasses off and I'm like okay okay yeah they get real aggressive wait do you do you bring do you bring Christina with you when you do the right carpet well I've only done it a few times so um she was with me she's been with me like once or twice but um other other times I've been alone yeah I feel so weird oh they always and this is like so crazy they're always like all right let's real quick we'll get one with uh burton leanne and now can we get rid of the wife all right move her off yeah yeah yeah and then and then it's just me and then leanne's like waiting for me yeah i feel so weird i'm like to put my wife in the picture no no no we don't want that get out of here

yeah yeah move her can you get his mom out of here scoot her over to the side his mom Jesus yeah when was that picture that was bad thoughts yeah that was the premiere. Wait, am I in? I didn't know you had a red carpet. I mean, I was there. Oh, this must be Austin. No. That was L.A. You were there. Real? Yeah. You probably have shots in that too. Do not pull up that fucking picture. Why? That's like, that's me at my worst. Is it really? That's, yeah. That's last May. Red, red face fucking, um, pimples all over my cheeks. weeks, no makeup is before. I mean, my skin, look at my skin looks better on Manjaro.

Your skin does look good. It, for whatever reason, it just started. That helped you clear up some? It cleared up my skin entirely, or whatever my diet was doing to my skin. And what was the acne from? Was that from eating too? No, it's, they said it was rosacea. Okay.

What's that? It was rosacea. That's from drinking, right? It's from alcohol, heat, uh, a lack of sleep. It's like everything I do. It's my, yeah, it's my, it's my jam. It's part of your fucking identity. Yeah.

Yeah. It's just like no shoes, no shoes, rosacea, shirts off, you get it. You know, there used to be a time. I did a podcast with Sebastian and I did the two bears. And he goes, and he had makeup on. Yeah. Your skin looks amazing. And he goes, I'm wearing makeup.

Yeah, I saw that. I said, you're wearing makeup? He goes, he's like, yeah, there's cameras. There's fucking cameras. Yeah. You didn't think about wearing makeup. Can I tell you? I think I've aged out of podcasting.

Yeah. I think I'm, I'm wondering, like I, I, the podcasting I, I, I, I, the broken podcasting. Like the, you know, yes. And like, and I, I enjoy, like, I, I enjoy Pete and Sebastian's podcast. It's one of my favorite podcasts. I only watch the clips, really. I enjoy clips. I don't watch, listen to podcasts.

I watch clips. Pete and Sebastian's clips are the best fucking clips. So funny. Best fucking clips. There are, he asked Sebastian the other day if he makes out with his wife.

Yeah. Sebastian's like, no, I don't make out with my wife. I give her like a kiss on the forehead. And, like,

I, Sebastian makes me laugh so hard. You know, he got me into robes. We did a, we did a thing. I think he said he had,

I saw a clip. He has multiple robes, right? He has seasonal robes. Seasonal robes, yeah. And I, I started wearing robes.

How do you like it? I really fucking enjoy it. Winter robe's got to be the best robe, I think. A winter robe? Winter robe. So I'm in Ohio at the Schottenstein Center, right? University of Ohio. Yeah.

And it's cold. Ohio State. Ohio State. And I'm in, and I got this robe from Naples where I spent my birthday. It's a really nice robe. And it's a winter robe. I've never, Tom, when I get off the tour bus and I go into the venue, I am always, always shirtless in basketball shorts, barefoot. That's it. That's what I, everywhere I go.

No matter what the temperature is, if it's really cold, maybe I'll put on a sweatshirt, but I'm always barefoot and I'm always in basketball shorts. Yeah. But then I put on this robe. And I go, you know what? I'm going to wear the robe in there. Tom, four people took pictures of me, like that work there. They're like, oh, look at big time. And just sort of take a picture. I look like the most arrogant walking around in a robe. Yeah. But they're comfortable as shit. So comfortable, dude.

That's why they're hot sellers, yeah. Do you have robs? I do have, I've been given a few robes. I think what ends up happening is just, you just go like, oh yeah, I guess, like, I like the idea of being a robe guy. Like, I like the fantasy of it. But whenever I get them, I never use them. So it's a bad gift for me because I just, I just never wear them.

I've worn, I've worn, you know, like the day I got one, like as a gift, I put it on. And I feel like in 20 years of hotels once or twice, like, you know, what they have like the road. But it's not my go-to. I just, I don't know. I just never find myself putting it on. I just don't know. Oh, that's Leanne's, Leanne always gets the robe at a hotel. Really?

And then if she likes it, she buys it. Yeah. Leanne's a massive robe person. Oh, she does them at home? Oh, Leanne. And Isla is a wild robe person. That checks out. Yeah.

Isla is. Isla steals my robe So she has an FSU robe that I had And then this weird This weird Like kind of like a hippie pattern robe But Isla's always in a robe Dude my 7 year old

Has gotten into suits It's so insane I wore a suit like a couple weeks ago And he goes He goes hey You're wearing a suit I look like an asshole And I go, what?

And he goes, I look like an asshole right now. I go, you don't look like an asshole. He goes, yes, I do. You have a nice suit on, look at me with this stupid shit that I'm wearing. And I go, you look totally normal and fine. Like, he had a nice shirt. And he goes, no, I look like an asshole and you look good in a suit. I want a fucking suit.

And I was like, all right, dude. I go, yeah, we can get you a student. He was looking at my, and then he had, he discovered hair product. He goes, where's this stuff from my hair? I look so fucking stupid without that shit in my hair. I was like he's really getting into like his appearance that we walk out of the house. And he's like, how do I look? I'm like, are you look great?

He goes, does my hair look stupid? And I go, no. He goes, all right. And then I, if you go to touches here, he's like, you're going to fuck everything up. And I'm like, dude, you know, we call him Joe Pesci, right? Because he's just like that 24-7. Are you serious? I swear to God.

And then, yeah, anytime he's not. This is your youngest? Yeah, my youngest is so crazy about that. I thought he was the fucking docile one. Hell no. Hell no. He's spicy, dude. All times. Yes. Super spicy. Yeah. It never had. That's fucking wild. Yeah, that's him, dude. That's him right there. That's my seven-year-old son. So, wait, did you get him a suit? Yeah. Yeah, I got him a suit. Wait, what does he look like in a suit? I mean, it's kind of adorable. But if you say that, he gets mad. So, yeah, you got to be like, you look great. Cool. And you can't show like, if I go, buddy, he's like, fucking say that shit in front of people. people. So does he look at himself in mirrors and stuff? Yeah, like especially, yeah, if we're

walking, he's like, I look all right. Like, he's really concerned about it. It's kind of adorable. He's like, everything all right. I go, yeah, you look great, man. He's like, my hair. I didn't discover, I didn't discover mirrors until I was in eighth grade. You? Yeah. I never, I never, I remember the day I realized I got to put myself together a little bit. Yeah. I had not washed my hair in like a week. And it was like greasy. and I went into the bathroom at school. I was in eighth grade. And I think that's when I also started liking girls a lot.

Yeah, usually, yeah. And I went to the bathroom. I was like, God damn it, I looked like a piece of shit. Yeah. And I was, and I looked at a full ninth mirror. And I was like, is this what I fucking dress like? I was like, Jesus Christ. You know, you realize you're still having those thoughts today.

Today, look at these aren't like nice jeans. That you look nice, man. What are you talking about? I look like a fucking, I look. You look completely normal, dude. You're wearing jeans and a t-shirt and sneakers. Fuck him. Yeah, you look totally normal.

I've been dealing with this. I've been dealing with this one crisis for a long time. Which crisis is that? About my appearance, my dress. But why, okay, if dress is that important, why don't you just like have a, you know, you live in L.A. You can just call a stylist and be like, hey, I want some options. And then they'll just give you a bunch of options. okay we do that

we do that and we do it for photo shoots and then I get all the stuff and then it sits in a different closet well just don't do that make it make it give it like like priority placement

in your closet where you get dressed like why don't you just do that I feel like when I put on those clothes I'm putting on a costume does that make sense yeah and I think you should be comfortable you should wear whatever the fuck you want to wear

when did you switch your clothing like was it when you started losing weight you didn't have a suit when you were like the Kings of comedy size. I've always had a suit, but I haven't had multiple. Yeah, I probably got more of those. But I always like nice clothes, always.

Really? Always. When you were fat, when you were fat, you, okay, you're the one that introduced me to Air Force Ones. Did I? Yeah. I was in a car with you and I said, why are you wearing those shoes? You said, have you never worn Air Force Ones?

I said, no, I've never seen. I don't even know what an Air Force One is. You said they're really comfortable. And I went, oh, okay. And I bought a pair of Air Force Ones. And I began wearing Air Force ones. Well, I mean, I always liked nice clothes and like different clothes, sneakers, shoes. I always like that.

Did you dress sharp when you were in high school? I think I always had like pretty well. Not where you'd be like, oh, my God. But like, yeah, people, you go like, oh, you care about what you wear. Yeah, I think to a degree. And then I probably have the worst. clothes that I ever wore was probably in the couple years

after I got to L.A. You know? Because I was just like the poorest. And like I kind of embraced being like a sloppy comic for a couple years. Okay, that's when I met you. Yeah. So that's when I was probably like the least.

And I also thought that like oh like I remember one time I went to do a spot and I had a t-shirt on with a hole like a notable hole in it and like a stain. And one of my friends is like, are you going to wear that on stage? And I go, yeah. And he was like, why? I was like, well, you know, this is like I'm like two years in a standup.

And I'm like, well, you know, like I'm, it's like, it's almost like fits what I, like how, what I'm talking about. And he's like, I think that's a little not like that's a little much. Like you. He's like, you're forgetting that like an audience is like looking at you. Like you have like holes in your shirt. And I was like, oh. And I was like, all right. And so I probably just like.

cleaned it up a little bit. But I was also just, I also feel like, like, what you're wearing right now is, like, that's the unofficial stand-up uniform, like, T-shirt, jeans, and sneakers, right? And so, even to this day, like, I did shows last weekend. I mean, I was just in a T-shirt and jeans and sometimes a jacket. Like, that's still, like, how I like to perform. But I feel like in life, it's more fun to just wear whatever the fuck you want to wear. And, I mean, I just do like nice clothes.

I don't think it's that crazy. I went to a meeting I went to a meeting and I put on an outfit because it was like a big meeting Yeah There's a bunch of A bunch of Hollywood people

Yeah And I was like I'm gonna put on an outfit And then I kept putting them on And I kept trying on different outfits Yeah And I was like God damn it

I said I was like The thing you gotta like Because I'm struggling with it I go I'm just gonna be myself That's why I wore flip flops jeans and a t-shirt I think that's the key to it

Is to be yourself But also the thing I think I'm struggling with is like, okay, let's use Big J as an example, okay? Okay. Guys got a definitive look, all right? Totally. Yeah. And he's had that look for like. Yeah, it's who he is.

So then I think my question is, will Big J dress like that at 75? Like, he's got a cool look. Yeah. That's a good question. We really don't know. So, but like, do you know the comics that like, They were like, they try to like live young. They want to be young.

And then they don't, they don't age with their clothes. Like, Louie, one of the things I saw the podcast you did with Louie. Yeah. And you looked great in that podcast. That jacket looked awesome. Thanks, man. And, and Louis looked good. And I was like, I was like, okay, so when you get older as a comic, are you supposed to start dressing a little, maybe a little more adult?

Well, I think it's a total fucking choice. I mean, like, I think the reason that Big J, like, why this works for him is because it's completely authentic. It's authentic to who he is. It's who he is. It's completely who he is. Louis, you know, yeah, he's 58 years old and he's wearing, yeah, he's wearing like jeans and a flannel. And like it's, I feel like every time I've seen Louis over the last decade, he pretty much is like, like you're saying, like he's like t-shirt, jeans, boots, you know. That's overshirt. There's a picture of him making out with his new girlfriend on the streets of New York.

Really? Not that I read those gossip bags, but I do sometimes. Yeah. And he has really cool boots on. He has cool boots. He has cool boots. Yeah, he has cool boots. I have to tell, I cannot tell you.

But you have to ask me off Mike to tell you about the jacket that I had on. Because I just, I'll just tell you later, okay? He's always had cool boots. Did you hear what Vincent? No, did you hear what Quentin, Quintino said about Paul Dono. Yeah. What the fuck?

What is that, bro? What is that? What the fuck? That was so wild. It was. It was not, and it was not, it was not, it was not measured at all. It was so fucking, I, can I tell you though? I disagree with him, but I love that he said it.

Yeah, kind of great on both parts. What's one of the thing that's crazy is like, Like, that movie is at least his, as far as I knew, his good friend or maybe formerly good friend's movie. It's like talking about a close friend's movie, right? Like, he and P.T. Anderson, I don't know, unless they had some falling out. But also, it is usually if you're in the business, like the harsh criticism of a performance by somebody who's also in your business, it's kind of wild. It feels like there's something personal here, you know? Yeah.

he's weak sauce man he's a weak sister shit he ruined the movie he said is that what he said can we get the clip because yeah let's see the clip i here's the thing i i i i i who is milly bobby brown i've heard her name so much and she's not related to to bobby brown or or uh my Siris. Yep. And here we go. Is this the thing? If I had a criticism about the film, it would fall to Paul Dano's performance.

Not the performance is bad. There's nothing bad about it. It's just, it doesn't seem to compromise. He's just not in the level and the caliber of Daniel Day Lewis. and if the two characters are meant to be combats throughout the film, then Daniel DeLuis is Muhammad Ali and Paul Dano is Jerry Quark. Okay. Okay, here's what's crazy.

But is there more, because the other stuff is like, he just says it's not a bad performance. And then all of a sudden in the text it says, He's weak sauce. Yeah, weak sauce and like the worst actor in SAG. Like that's really fucking harsh, man. He really says that? Oh, man. This would bum me out if this is a case of the internet being the internet.

Oh, like it's not entirely true? It's like you, the internet, I think the internet's at it's worse right now with yellow journalism. Because like this is saying the most interesting, uninteresting guy. ever, weaks us, the weakest actor in Sack. Like, that is so inflammatory to say. Like, you'd have to feel like it's personal at that point, you know? Yeah. But when you hear it like that, you're just saying, like, well, he's a director and he's

assessing his friend's movie. And he's saying, that's pretty measured. He's just saying that, like, Daniel Day Lewis is, like, other level is essentially how that comes across, you know? Yeah, I'm wondering if, like, I don't know, if you guys can find any more, let us know. Yeah, I think the rest of it's behind a page. wall, but let me keep looking. All right.

Also, go ahead. No, that bothers me because when you take it out of context like that and you read it, you're like, what the fuck? By the way, it is worth pointing out since we're obviously done podcasting for at least a few years, that we'll have

everyone's favorites coming back. Chris and Stobby are going to come in and do some episodes, and you guys will enjoy like to show again yeah for about a month and also I just want to say that like this is we're getting towards at the end of the year this year was pretty

pretty rad for for like the poor sorry for the two bears poor osos world you know this year alone we had another we had an incredible second time doing the two bears 5k

and as promised we'll definitely keep that going so we'll have like announcements about that soon i think it's like the most positive thing that's ever come from our entertainment careers is like the that whole movement feels really special and so fans really love the only fans idea i think right that too but aside from that i think the 5k has been a fucking incredible thing um looking back we take some swings we take some swings and some misses yeah you know you got a two bear sports manager Two Bears Racing, both failures.

Bill's failures, but two bears 5K. Poros? Been great. Two dingers. I will say this. We have the, every time we do these events, they're always genuinely super fun for us, whether we do like bottles. My favorite thing are the bar takeovers.

Those are actually very, very fun. And we did, you know, we did events in Dallas. We did them in Austin. We did FSU. We did Tampa, Chicago. Phoenix, Indianapolis. They're always so fun. We're going to keep doing those.

They're more fun together, I will say that. That's really fun together. I understand it's tough for us both to get together in the same city. But when we are together, like, if you had to, my highlight of the year, without a doubt, was Florida State Alabama game. Oh, my God. It was a highlight of the year. It was my highlight of my year. We still had the, it was fun.

And to another level of like being there. I had never also seen you in Tallahassee, which is just fucking wild to experience the unofficial mayor of Tallahassee. And then going to the game, you know, I'm a lifelong fan. And so, like, I've gotten a game there before, but, like, when it was season opener and the tension of, like, hey, Bama's in town, which I think every week, whenever they go anywhere, that's what those people feel. you're like, oh, shit, Bama's here. And, you know, the new state, like, the upgrades to the stadium, all had, like, this electric feel. And then we got to see just, you know, a great game and see FSU play dominantly

and then disappoint us as the season went on, which is always fun as a fan. But it was such an exciting day to be there. And then, you know, we did, we did events. We were with people, like, for 24 hours straight. We were just, like, it was crazy. It was crazy. you know, you, I got to give you credits. You know, we're doing, have you heard about the full throttle thing we're doing?

No. Rather, I'm doing. So when we went to Daytona 500, two years ago, you were like, you could be the mayor of the Daytona 500. That was fucking great. I was never seen anything like it. I still talk about it. So I reached out to NASCAR and I was like, yo, can we throw a party? Me and Medium Rare.

Same people that do guys parties, Shacks parties, Gronks Beach Party. and that's happening February 14th in Daytona I'm throwing a party the night before the Daytona 500 I got Leonard Skinnered headlining I got Diplo

I got Ernest and I love that the farts are the middle of that yeah you guys fucking perfect that's a great Daytona ad it's a great Daytona ad we got beer barbecue yeah Daytona people love farts

but that was pointed that out to me and I got to give you credit that my favorite moment up this year, without a doubt, it may go down as my favorite moment of my life, was the pump-up speech before the game. And you were the reason it went well. That was fucking awesome. That was great. We got drunk that morning. Yep. And all I get sent, all I get sent is me taking my shirt off and whipping around my head and all these kids in colleges, taking their

shirts off and whipping around their head. Yeah. And I don't think they're tethered. I think I don't own taking your shirt off. But it does fire me up when I see. get. Of course. When I see those, all the boys, their shirts off. It was awesome. They had me doing it at Ohio State. We went to an Ohio State came and the fucking athletic tractor or whatever comes up and he's like, hey, could, uh, first, uh, first defensive possession, can you go over to the corner and take your shirt off in front of the kids? I was like, buddy, that's my thing. Yeah. Dude, it was like, it's, I love it. I love it. No, it's a moment. It's a real pop. It's a real moment. We've had a crazy year. It was a crazy year. Um,

you know, bad thoughts came out, which was really exciting. I'm in the writer's room. Picked up for season two. We're about to shoot that. We're both doing Christmas Day. We're going to both be at the Netflix NFL broadcast.

My special comes out Christmas Eve, and so Christmas Day I'll be at that game. You're going to be at the game. You have something coming out. Have you announced that yet? Is that announced? Oh, okay. I'll announce it.

known's a Christmas day. Okay. Sure. I'm about to wrap up a tour. I'm so thankful for the tour, by the way, for everybody who listens or watches that came out to see me on tour. It was the most fun and like fulfilling tour that I've ever done and it's about to come to an end. So I'm super thankful for that. I also want to say we had like amazing, amazing guests that came in for the year. Like, you know, we had McConaughey here. James Dunn. Tuna salad. Tuna salad. The Undertaker came in. You just said one with Mel. That was great. Mel Robbins. Yeah. Mel Robbins. Yes. And then Sebastian, this, we've done, and listen, I just want to say this. We're doing, obviously, you're seeing that we're doing less together. We're doing more with guest bears and we're having Stavi and Chris do them. Our schedules are swamped. We're not doing it because we're trying to neglect the podcast. That's right. Yeah. I mean, the reason that this happens is like I have such immense, like, immense response.

on my season two show and then I'm going to be shooting it for a while and then I'm also in post and I'm part of the prep it's just super demanding and you just have to like try to figure things out when you can and you have a show and you're on tour like this is just the reality of our lives man it's and this year is going to be kind of chaos it will be and I know that because uh looking at my schedule it's it's going to be it's going to be rough and we're not we're not trying to neglect the podcast. I wish we could do, I wish we could bang out one day on the road where we go in, we do a live podcast at a bar takeover. And I wish we could, I wish we could streamline. God, I gotta be honest with you. I wish I could be in Austin more often. Because I really

enjoy being in Austin because I tap the fuck out and it's not like, you know. I think if we go to do some live events, that would be really fun. Like we'll do some some live ones during the year. If we could figure it, we can figure out like a day here and a day there. Doing live ones could be really fun. Those were always a good time, man. I really like doing those too. And so I just want to say to the fans that love the podcast and they're bum that maybe we're not as together as often, or the fans that are excited that we're not, whatever. I love this podcast. I'm changing Burtcast in 2006 to less because I just don't have time for it. Yeah. And I'm changing something's burning to less, because I don't have time for it. And I, and I, and I hope people

still tune in when I do post them, but I can't do what I've been doing. I put out 156 episodes a year. It's a lot. All I thought to myself, Tom, is I really love Seinfeld. But if I saw 150, 156 episodes of Seinfeld a year, I get pretty tired of him. Yeah. So I was like, I just, I think it's good for the world to get less burnt. Cool.

Yeah. I mean, everybody just needs to like, you know, you have to like figure out something that works for everybody does right like and yeah i feel like my bandwidth i can't handle the amount of stuff i'm doing either it's just too much too much and it's and i have a feeling that it's going to get 2006 is going to be a pretty intense year and i think but uh but i'll tell you what it starts off with your special christmas day that's going to be fucking big i'm super stoked i really hope um you guys will check it out um you can probably uh market now in your in your queue you can

can be reminded of it, but yeah. Can you put it in as a reminder already? I think you can. I think you can. If not, if not today, it's within days. You can definitely put it in. Yeah. And I think what would be great is a video of you sitting with your family,

Christmas morning, by the tree, watching Tom Special with the whole family. You know, parents, grandparents, grandparents, kids, that niece that just got out of rehab and the aunt who believes that the shakers maybe had a few good ideas. I'll tell you right now, the rehab niece will love it. The rehab description. She'll like it a lot. Yeah. Where did you shoot it in Milwaukee?

I shot at Milwaukee at the Riverside. Beautiful theater. Beautiful theater. It's a great theater. And by the way, permission to party. I'm still touring for 2006. I just announced a bunch of dates. I'm in Tampa.

I'm doing a bunch of, and then I'm, yeah. And so, yeah, should be good. Awesome. Yeah, that's great. But, yeah, 20206 is going to be a wild year. And I just want to say to the fans that, we're, We are cognizant to make sure that this is a priority for us And that we don't lose you guys

And we put out good episodes that you enjoy With guest bears and with guest hosts And with each other And we hope you guys are just ride with us Couldn't say it better I'm going back to Old Bert Do it, man, yeah There you go

Fuck, fuck my inner dialogue Yeah, fuck conformity I am Oh, this is who the fuck I am That's when you feel like yourself Is my leg purple? All right, I got to go shoot up Majaro. Okay.

Call your cardiologist to tell him your leg turn purple and see what he says. I love you, Tom. I love you, too. I'll see you guys next week. Bye. Bert and Tom, Tom and Bert. One goes top of the other wears a shirt. Tom tells stories and Bert's the machine.

There's not a chance in hell that they'll keep the clean. Here's what we call. Two bears one cave. Thank you. Thank you.