2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer - Nick Kroll Convinced Netflix to Air Animated Animal Sex | 2 Bears, 1 Cave

Episode Date: June 1, 2026

Gape your 4th eye with Kurt Metzger and Duncan Trussell's new podcast Mystery Boys and get to the bottom of what's really going on in the world: https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PL-i3EV1v5hLfZinN-4ZV4wmZ862wupBWF Also, check out Tom's new bakery, Ciccio Bomba, at the new third location at 1100 South Lamar Blvd in Austin, right across from the Alamo Drafthouse. SPONSORS: - Sign up now and Acorns will boost your new account with a $5 bonus investment. Join the over 14 million all-time customers who have already saved and invested over $27 billion dollars with Acorns. Head to acorns.com/bears or download the Acorns app to get started. - Protect your family with life insurance from Ethos. Get up to $3 million in coverage in as little as 10 minutes at https://ethos.com/BEARS. Application times may vary. Rates may vary. - Don’t let your mind get in the way of a good time. Discover your options at https://BlueChew.com - Right now, Babbel is offering listeners up to 60% off. Go to https://Babbel.com/BEARS - Sponsored by Better Help. Sign up and get 10% off at https://betterhelp.com/bears - Sign up for your one-dollar-per-month trial and start selling today at https://shopify.com/bears This week on 2 Bears 1 Cave, Nick Kroll joins Tom and Bert to break down his new Netflix animated series Mating Season, why animation produces tighter comedy than anything shot on the fly, and the emotional formula behind Big Mouth that turned a filthy puberty show into something people actually shed real tears for. Along the way, they get into an all-timer story from a legendary comedy industry gathering featuring basically every comic you've ever loved, Tom's Charlie Murphy sushi dinner story, Bert's 50-pound weight loss and very specific relapse date, a true urban legend about Michael Landon and a javelin, a genuinely compelling movie pitch called The Quad Squad, and somehow end up in a deep dive on the Eichmann trial, featuring Sir Ben Kingsley showing up to a table read entirely off-book with a swastika-covered script. 2 Bears, 1 Cave Ep. 330 https://tomsegura.com/tour https://www.bertbertbert.com/tour https://store.ymhstudios.com Chapters 00:00:00 - Intro 00:06:30 - Why Animation Forces Comedians to Actually Write 00:18:31 - The Greatest Comedy Photo You're Not In 00:25:25 - Tom's Charlie Murphy Sushi Dinner Story 00:39:33 - Raccoons, Black Voice, & Building the Mating Season Universe 00:54:46 - Did Michael Landon Kill a Man With a Javelin? 01:01:18 - A Completely Serious Movie Pitch 01:04:19 - Clothes, Bert's Transformation, & Relapse Date 01:13:07 - Nacho Figueras & the Argentina Horse Riding Disaster 01:25:13 - Gay Moose, Goats, & Nick Kroll's Full Project Lineup 01:29:54 - N.O.R.E Calls In 01:32:30 - Nick Kroll Speaks Spanish 01:36:45 - Hunting Eichmann & Sir Ben Kingsley's Unhinged Table Read 01:44:11 - Wrap Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

100% It's crazy to me First of all, how hard animated it is because I You know, it's like we are in love with a certain Homer Simpson Sure. Because, and then when you watch the old Homer Simpson,

you're like, dude, what the fuck is this? I'm gonna strangle! And that's it, right? He was just really angry at first. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He was like super pissed. He wasn't the lovable dope. No.

And it takes time. It takes time. And shows and it's not even shows, it's just the landscape of it for attention is such that you can't, you don't have that time and there's not that money to like really let something become itself. It has to become itself very quickly and successfully. But having done loudmouth and now the new series.

Are we on? Yeah, we're on. Open season, not open season. But I love if we just promote both shows as Loudmouth and Open Season. He always does that. So guys get a... Was it mating season? Dude, it's mating season.

It's mating season. And Big Mouth. Oh, it was not Loud Mouth. I thought... Wait, so I was in... So I watched five episodes this morning. And I said, I'm having Nick Crollin. They go, was he promoting Big Mouth?

Yeah. And I said, no, he's got a new show called Open. Mating Season. And then they said, God, I fucking love Big Mouth. And my trainer and his girlfriend, who are staying at her house, were like, I love the characters. I love the... And then they've married,

because you're what, how many seasons of Big Mouth? We did eight seasons of Big Mouth. Eight seasons of Big Mouth. You've given an audience time to fall in love with the animated character. Yeah. And now they're tethered

to the hormone monster or whatever, right? Who isn't? And then you introduce new characters and that you've got to give them time to fall in love with them. Yeah. Well, and I... It's such a...

It's so much harder than just presenting Nick Kroll, who we know. Does that make sense? Of course. But I feel like, one, the only other person that called Loudmouth is Andrew Goldberg, who I created the show with, his dad, Michael Goldberg, who is more like any of the characters in real life. Andrew's dad, it's Richard Kine did the voice. And he's just like the funniest, but he called the show Loudmouth, like his own.

He was like, I'm excited for Loudmouth. And he had T-shirts made that said Loudmouth on it with like a budget version of each of our characters. wrong. He got him pirated. And that's the only person who's called it Loudmouth. So you're in good company. Thank you.

But I do think it's, it is the challenge of it. But I think in specifically animation, the reason we do love like Homer and all of like the whatever, the shows that people fall in love with South Park or family guy or any of those shows is because animation, the process, the other side of it,

the process lets you polish and fine tune and really like think about the stories you're telling or the fucking jokes you're telling because you have so many steps to hit it and get it right. Like when you guys are doing your shows, like you hope you get it on the day and you hope you can figure it out in the edit, right? Totally. Yeah. I with animation, you have like a animatic, like a black and white sort of rough draft of it. So you get to screen it. Do you have a radio play even before that where you listen to the whole thing and

be like, these jokes are not working. This storyline is not working. A radio play. A radio plays. Like a podcast. It's literally like the scripted podcast. Like only the audio of it. And you can then go in and fucking tighten it up. And then there's the color screening. At that point, you really get to be like, okay, what does it look like? And you get to hopefully get time to rewrite and read.

So it's dialed in. So it's dialed in. It's why I think we also love like animated movies that are like the classics that our families, our kids fall in love because those things take years to make. Did you always want to do like a spinoff up? Because a lot of people who do animation are like, God, I'm so glad to be done with all the time commitment of doing animation. But you obviously love it, right? I love it.

And I've got incredible partners who make it their like full time, every day, all day job. So like, like, Burr, I feel like Bill always was like, it's fucking show. I'm losing money. You know what I mean? Like he was finally back on the road and makes him fucking money. Yeah. He was always like, yeah. Which I get because he was, you know, you're.

You have to be so, but my partners are so. I haven't heard him celebrate a lot of things, though. How's the flying hell? I blew out of fucking rotor the other day. Yeah, yeah. He's always a complaint. But I, so I love, I, I, uh. You were happy, though.

You were happy. Like, well, I was like, I was doing it. The big mouth was really a story about me and my friend growing up. It was like, based on me and my buddy Andrews was like my very personal, like, autobiographical story of a, uh, a tiny little dick kid. and that was like a late bloomer and Andrew was a very early bloomer so he had puberty hard and early and I was late and so it was really about us and then we because we had eight seasons and we were on Netflix at that moment when there wasn't a ton of other content and we could really kind of

it really come in and be like and people are like oh shit and they gave us completely complete creative freedom and really push it so when we we we were lucky to come in at that moment. Because I think it's hard to figure out how to make something that a ton of people will tune in for immediately and stick around for. Yeah. Especially in that, you know, in that way. Like specials or your guys shows, like it's you've built in this particular audience that is coming with you guys to watch the stuff you make. But when you are making like a random animated show, it is harder to kind of like make sure that you get, get an audience to pay attention. Yeah. But, but

Big mouth. I remember, you know, you think you got a little swagger. You're like, wow, my fucking special was number one for like two weeks, top 10 for two weeks, three weeks. And then Big Mouth was number one for like a month. And I was like, what the fuck? I remember, I remember like when I, I never really paid attention to the trending. And the year I did, Big Mouth came out right after my special. And it was. And then I was like, God damn. And then my daughters were both wild fans. Like, everyone was a fucking huge fan of that show. This show is so good, man. Thank you.

It's so good. And I, you know, I haven't, I've been really angry at comedies lately because... We were hearing it downstairs. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And I'll be very candid. I can, I'm...

I think the idea that we no longer shoot on film, I feel like now writers don't put it on the paper. And they go, you know, when we get there, let's just, you know, free ball it. Loose. And then there was a generation of actor who was good at it, right? really good at it. Jonah Hill is the greatest, Vince Vaughn, the greatest that ever fucking lived. And then there's a bunch of hacks. I know, I'm getting, but I get angry because I go, just, let's just name names. If we're going to do the pod, let's fucking name some name.

The fucking, that movie made me so, okay, edit the name out, but, but, but I'm sitting there watching what it seems like a director and writer didn't do their job. And now they're like, hey, you're talented. Can you improv a bunch of shit? And then I go, it's not. great. It's not great. And then when I watch, and when I watched your show, I was just telling you, and there's a list of things I loved in your show, but the one that made me giggle out loud when he was like, we're going to role play as humans. And I was like, I was in my head. I'm getting ready to do, I'm in the gym, I'm getting ready to do bench. Oh, what's your Wi-Fi password? I mean, it was just, but it's like so, it's so well written. Thank you. And like, I feel like that is the,

where people are dropping the ball these days is they're not putting it on the page. And with animated, you have to put it on the paper, I feel like. Yeah, I mean, I think that, so this new show is, it's, it's called, uh, open, what is it called, is it open season or is it called mating season? Oh, it's called mating season. Open mating season. Loud season. That season two, they're all in open relationship.

By the way, I did that to Sandler, the worst I've ever done it to anyone in my life. Were you like, my favorite movie is Billy Madison? Dude, no. A bit, uh, happy Madison. Did you say, no, it's better. It's better. Oh, I said, I really liked your movie, precious gems. Oh.

And he was like, thanks. That's fair, though. And I said the other day, I tried to get my daughters to watch Billy Madison. Uh-huh. No, no, happy Madison. And he was like, and I was like, hey, man, do you have Netflix? And he was like, I do. And I have not spoken to him since until yesterday.

He's the sweetest guy, though. Yeah, you're fucking, like, weren't you just in his, the new movie? I'm in his, yeah, the movie roommate said it's, it's, uh, uh, uh, Dady, his daughter, and this girl, Chloe East. It's very funny. It's like a hard, funny, like, hard. Talk about a genuinely, like, hard laughs movie about, like, two toxic college roommates.

I saw the trailer I liked it. It's funny. It's got, like, the two of the writer, S&L Riders, it's really funny. But the thing with mating season is we, it's, the show is basically, it's mating season. It's like animals living, dating, falling in. I'll take it from here. And Tom, you haven't watched it. Yeah.

The bear, who I love, falls asleep, oversleaps his, his hibernation and loses his chick. And at a certain point, and what I fucking love is everyone starts coming together as you get to like later in the season. But they're all kind of looking for something. And they're all looking for love. And they're all experimenting. And it's very wide open. And there's brilliant parts in it where I wondered if you wrote from your heart when the lesbians are getting together. and they're hunting for truffles.

You said you're operating out of a, out of a, out of a, what is it? You're not in a life of abundance. Do you know what I'm trying? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Is that something you believe in? Because I saw that and I went, that seems like a Nick thing. You never seem like you operate out of scarcity. You always seem like you operate about abundance.

Uh-huh. Like, because you're always working, you're always creating. You never have a fearful, like, what's next. You always kind of like, are doing something cool. Yeah. Well, that's a nice observation to make. And I am right now more than most operating out of a place of abundance because I've had, frankly, abundance my whole life.

So it's not as challenging for me to like, but I think there are plenty of people who have a ton who do not operate from that place. So I definitely, but I truly feel right now slightly like I am being like, wow, especially at a time when our business is changing and they're not everybody, has the opportunities that we have and people who we came up, you know what I mean? Like it's gotten, everything's getting tighter. Tighter. So, but so if you do have it, if you get to make stuff, like, what a fucking privilege.

You know what I mean? Like, what a true. So I am feeling that particularly right now. And then also like, yeah, also probably, I think it's funny to talk that way too a little bit. Well, it's so I operate I constantly operate out of scarcity. Yeah. I have my whole life. Is that how you've been in your whole life?

By the way, yeah. And I was, I mean, I listened. I watched your show in bed, in the hot tub, making breakfast. I watched it all in the gym. I've been watching it all morning. So it's really on my head. But I was in the hot tub thinking I have a life of abundance, but why is it that I see scarcity?

And I, then I thought, wow, holy shit. I wonder, because I know you're smarter than me and probably as smart as Tom. but like did you when you make when you make something like this are you thinking are you thinking just laughs are you thinking bigger picture oh yeah i mean i think we learned on big mouth that we are trying to do on on mating season i think i think i hope successfully is that it's like big laughs and then big emotions like that's the game like you gotta have both you got to have both for them to for it to really sing especially if what we learn on big mouth is like we could get so fucking dirty and dark and blue, but that only worked really well if we also were selling the real emotional reality

of it for our characters and this show for the same thing. I think that's like sort of what we have tried to. That's always the magic formula though. I think so. For film, TV and any storytelling, like especially if you're doing comedy, if you leave out emotion, it'll never resonate as much. It just doesn't work right. It like, you keep, you want to be like, it's just, let's just make it fucking funny and da-da-da-da, and I believe that. sticks like because like I think if you have like a really funny joke people are like that was hilarious. Yes. But if you like even on stage, right, you could do like a really funny joke and people are like,

that was really funny joke. But then the comic goes up there who like talks about something real life. Yeah. And has maybe like it's funny too, but the part about connecting really connects with the audience. The audience remembers that guy. Of course. Well, I was watching we, I was watching you the other night and you were doing, you were doing a couple of a joke about your.

mom and a joke about your kid. And they're both like, you're like, oh, he's joking around here, but you feel the emotional like realities of it, which makes the joke that much more potent to me. Right, right. You know?

Yeah. And, but you're saying fucking wild shit. But I think that speaks to some emotion. That's why I was like watching. I was like, man, you know, I'm doing impressions of fucking navigation apps. You know what I mean? Like, you also brought me up as Jeffrey Epstein. Yeah, I did bring him up specifically.

Welcome to the mystery boys. I'm Kermis, Trez, White Clausevus, Dunstan Trudeau. We're here to gape your fourth eye. Free eye atlas. JFK's doctor. Hamas. Hitler's doctor. M.K. Ultra.

Drina Krum. Alzer Krow. You ain't heard the mystery boys get to the bottom of it. I didn't see one dick in those catacombs and I looked everywhere. Well, this is the show, guys. I hope that your mom's house is happy. I've always been afraid to invest money. I've always been the guy that I feel like I get money.

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dollars in coverage at ethos.com slash bears. That's E-T-H-O-S-com slash bears. Ethos.com slash bears. Application times and rates may vary. We're at the store in the OR and I was like, this next guy coming to the stage is really very special. We've not seen a lot of them recently, so it's exciting. Please welcome to the stage Jeffrey Epstein. Because what I've been doing to people for a while, my big bit, well, if I do intro of people is I will say like Eddie Murphy and then and then and then just bring out like whoever. Oh, that's really cool. That's really cool.

Tom's got a great Eddie Murphy story. Tom, why don't you tell it. Oh, my God. Please. Okay. Oh, wait, before I do. No, I'm going to tell it. Wait.

How did it go with Sandler? Not as good as Nick, but good. This is the, but did you have an interaction? So wait, hold on. So the thing that made me say that you operate out of a place of abundance is I watched you walk in to that group picture with Sandler. And you were very, you're so good at feeling like you belong. Like, watch, like, and I think I give off that energy.

And I think people think Bert feels comfortable in his skin. But there is a part of me that in that moment, you're like, where will I sit? Of course. Well, how do I get to a place? I mean, I'm happy to walk through for the next 45 minutes, the dynamics of finding where we were going to all sit and be, enter into that picture. because it is, it's like, it is the thing. I sit down, I watch you walk in with Sandler and I am like,

well, so, but here's the reality of that. So this is at the, this, the Sarando's branch, everybody in comedy is at this thing. Like, everybody goes to this particular thing. It is the most concentrated version of dynamic, of comedy, the current people who are successful in comedy in one space at one time. You have to be a comedian to really appreciate it.

I said to my trainer, if you had been there, you wouldn't have gotten it. because there's a lot of people you wouldn't know. You wouldn't. But we know every single one of them, and we know how important every single one is. And to make it even more specific, there are roughly four people there

that are the reason the majority of us are dooming comedy. So, yeah, like, so Eddie Murphy's there, David Letterman's there. John Stewart. John Stewart's there. Yeah, Seinfeld, Sandler. Chris Rock. I mean, it's like, and Chappelle and everybody else.

So, but like, so I roll in late to the, I see the picture happening, and I'm sort of like slowly making Wyoming. So I'm walking in with like Santino and Ronnie Chang. And then and then Louis is behind us. And we're in the last, like the stands are basically full at this point. So I'm standing in the way back. You know, it's like, it's like this.

It's like a, right? Like it's a tiny, tiny little amphithea, right? Or like three or four rows. And then there's the middle section. So I'm walking up and I'm like, I think I can see the land. And I was sort of like, that's okay if this picture is like, I'm just like in the deepest of background, just sort of like a barely seen face. Because I'm operating from a place of abundance, like I'm like, I think I'm okay. Like no matter where I am in this picture.

And then eventually, like, Louis peels off. And then I'm sort of like, I'm about to climb the tree. I'm like, or will I be the guy who climbs the tree? Yeah, yeah. And that would be funny. Or I'll be the guy who climbs the tree and falls and breaks. is back at the fucking, which would be amazing. Which would be an unbelievable story.

I know. But I'm not currently paying for insurance. Crawl's got to go fund me. It's incredible. Please. Start it regardless. If you guys don't mind. So I then I'm like, I'm like looking around and someone's like, oh, you can, they're

actually want people up front. So I then go around front and then I see Sandler by chance who's like, so then we say hi and then we walk in. And it looks like we're like walking in together. Yeah, yeah. But I saw him like 10 seconds before. It's so funny, the backstory your brain says. Of course. I go, yeah, yeah, they just did that movie together. And I was like, God, man.

And I literally, I was like, he just is so cool. Nick just kind of rolls in and he's always like, I go, I wonder what they were talking. In my head, because I rolled in, I saw Tom already had a seat or a place in the stands. And I was like, the stands were packed. And I was like, oh, I'm, I don't know if I'll be in this picture. I couldn't find, I was looking for you. And I was looking for, I was like, is he your support? Well, it's just like it was overwhelming to be standing there.

I was looking to stand next to him 100%. And then they grabbed me and they're like, oh, we want you right here. And I was like, oh, fuck, they're gonna want me to take my shirt off or something, which I have to say the year before, two years before they had said, hey, will you jump in the pool? And I was like, I was like, yes, obviously I'll do it. I'll do whatever you guys want. But you got to understand, there's a lot of ego in this room. And I don't want to be the one to try to try to draw focus out of this room. Yeah.

And so I ended up getting in the pool. and fucking God bless Chappelle for like having my back as I did it because you could see egos rearing like, oh, so you're going to get in the pool? And then Chappelle the best. He's a goddamn rock star. Of course, he's getting the pool. Yeah. And then I was like, thank you, Dave.

And yeah, Tom and I were talking shit about you while that was happening. Oh, that's that one, yeah. Yeah. I, again, I remember. So this, it's this, I remember, yeah, this picture. It's so funny to be. I look fucking jack. Oh, right.

Sarando's put his legs in the pool, I think, in us. And Stewart's, I mean, it's like, you look great. I look great. Dude, whatever tanning salon, whatever tanning salon you're going to or whatever you're doing, it's looking great. I was a spray tan, for real. Was it? Yeah, really well.

I was going through a spray tan phase. I'm going through a pretzel phase right now. But so, and that, by the way, I have to be honest with you, double the comedians this year. Yeah, yeah. Without a doubt. Well, because every comedian who wasn't there looked at that picture. I'm like, I don't want to fucking be there. I'm not there.

You're not there? I couldn't be in town for this. Yeah. But I, and then I ended up sitting. So just to, so then, so I'm walking up with Sandler and then they're like, Adam, please come this way to go sit like, you know, which of, I was like, of course. And so then I'm, I just like, I sort of literally, there's like a tiny amount of space where I just sit down front.

And then Chappelle sits next to me. And then, you know what I mean? So you're just like, I'm like, oh, you know, as you've tried to figure out like where you live all this stuff. As soon as Chappelle's next year, you're like, I like my seat. You're just like, I guess this is, you know, but it's just like all of it. It's all of it at once. Yeah. And I think,

you know, it's, and it's so funny. I mean, I saw Letterman who I know a tiny bed and said hello to him and he, I walk up and say hi and he just looks at me goes, inner species romance. And I was like, I just had

no idea what he was referencing. Yeah. Yeah. And only later I went back to the writer's room and they were like, I think he was talking about mating season. 100%. Which I had truly did not. Because, you know, because I just pictured Letterman being able to say a truly random, bizarre thing to deal with whatever interaction he's about to have. Yes. This is going to be a good build to the worst story you've ever heard in your entire life. And please make sure you have my phone so we can post pictures of the visual of Tom bombing. The best in front of it.

I'm not even close. You're ruining it. Okay. So hold on. No, no, no, no. What's billed to you? Yeah, well, so first, I have to start with like, almost 20 years ago at the height of Chappelle Show fame, I did a tour with Charlie Murphy.

Oh, wow. He's underselling this, by the way. I'm telling you up. And Joe Rogan. Yeah, yeah, but Charlie's the key. Charlie Murphy, Joe Rogan and John Heffron. It was called the Real Men of Comedy Tour. Uh-huh.

The Max and Bud Light, Real Men of Comedy Tour. Sure, sure. I was on the Axe Body Spray comedy tour. It's not a big deal. So I do a couple dates, and I think the last night is in Phoenix. And I'm just doing three minutes, by the way. Three. You're on the road doing three minutes?

Three cold. You go out first, and I open. And after that Phoenix show, Charlie, and I'm like, hello, you know, just keep into yourself, really, you know, staying out of the way. Yeah. Charlie's like, he's like, that's funny shit. And he's like, you want to come to dinner? I'm like, what?

Yeah. Yeah. He's like, all right, come now. Let's go to dinner. So the show's still going on. I go to dinner with him. We go to a sushi spot. He's like, I like, I like sushi, but I don't know what to order, you know?

He's like, what kind of fish should I get? I'm like, I'll handle it. So I order all the, you know, hamachi and tuna and everything. He's like, how do you know the difference between, what's the difference between, what's the difference between, like, dark red tuna and the light red? I'm like, I don't know, but I'm going to find out. I'm going to find out, but I'll order the show. out of it for you. So we order, we have like a two-hour dinner. And he's the best, right? And at one point,

at dinner, he goes, let me ask you something, man. He goes, do you think Oscar de La Jolla could whoop your ass? I'm like, I go, yeah, a world-class champion boxer? Yeah, he goes, right? I go, 100%. Oscar DeLoya could whip my ass. And he goes, yeah, you know who thinks he could whoop his Then I go, who he goes, Keith Sweat. Like the R&B singer? He's like, he's like, yeah. He goes, he thinks he's too pretty. I go, Key Sweat wouldn't know that it started and it would be over.

After the boy, we would fuck him up. We go on about this for a while. So yesterday, I'm at this, hold on, I'm at this thing and I see Chris. And I know Chris. Sure. So he's always very, really nice to me. And always like overly nice, gasses me up. Very, really cool.

So I just say hello to Chris. Chris says, you know, casually, he's like, talks me a little bit. He goes, Eddie, Tom, and I say, hello, that's it. Yeah. And I should have walked away. Yes. Chris leaves. Like, he just stands over here.

So now I'm standing there with Eddie. And I'm just like, I should, hold on, I should set this part up. I always imagine that if I would ever meet Eddie Murphy, that I would tell him this story about his brother. Would you do the impression of? No, not an impression. Not impression. Leave it to our imagination, Nick. Tell the story.

And I always imagine. What's the difference between red and all? I always imagine that he would love this story. So that's the fantasy is that he would do. Well, I tell him, not with the fish details. I tell him about De La Hoy and stuff. And he's like looking at me. And as I tell him that, he goes, is that the end of the story?

Do you know what I said next? I said, no, we kept having dinner. He was like, and then I started to stammer. I was like, I'm holding a glass. I was like, we kept eating though. And then he's like, and then he laughed. But he laughed because he saw me dying. Right.

Right. And then he goes, yeah, yeah, we used to do that a lot. We used to talk about whose ass we could kick. Oh, that was like a big point of conversation. That was a big point of conversation. What's up? Are you in Austin? Are you visiting Austin?

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But when he said, is that the end of the story, you know, if there was been a camera on me at that time? Oh, there was. There was. It was right after. That was right after. So cut to a jelly roll going, dude, your boy's talking to Eddie Murphy. Now, I always like, it seems like Andrew Schultz always has someone filming him do everything.

And I always thought that was cool, but I don't have that. And so I'm like, oh, I'll do that for Tom. Oh, that's Jerry. I start taking pictures of Tom. And I was like, oh, I'll get this. And then Tom comes over. I go, that looked so great. And he goes, I just bombed in front of Eddie.

And was, and this is after. Were you bombing in front of Jerry as well? Jerry comes up after. Okay, great. There's the picture of Tom where he looks at me like, help. Yeah, yeah. That's coming up. This is when I'm processing what happened, the next photo.

This is Tom going. There. Oh, go on. Yeah, take a sip. Just take a sip. What else? Dude, that's brutal. What's happening here, if I could describe it,

it's that Eddie is so glad that Jerry is here to get him out of talking to me. Yes. You know what I mean? Of course. So he sees Jerry. Well, that's what that part of that party is, is like, how long do I talk to these guys

before I can figure out how to get myself out of it so it doesn't go badly? The other thing that I was thinking about after because I was telling this story to people was that I'm normally so good at meeting very famous people. And I realized what happened was that normally when I meet someone very famous, there's not anything, I'm not emotionally charged with it.

I didn't idolize them, even if they're very famous. Except with him I did. And I lost my sense of self and my judgment. And I was like, I got a funny story for you. And he was like, is that the end of the story? But it is a funny story. Do you think you delivered it badly because you were in your head from the jump?

Like you were probably. Probably. You know what I mean? Yeah. When you're like, you do a couple spots in a night, you like your first swing, you're just not acclimated and it kind of is like, and then you. I also think I just, my other mistake was just deciding to just, I got to just, I got to to tell you something.

Like it wasn't a natural way like into the story. But it is like, it is what he deals with all day every day, which is like, here is my personal way into your like greatness. Mm-hmm. In some way or other. You know what I mean? and for Eddie's daughter is in roommates, the Sandler movie. And I was thinking today, I was like, why didn't I go up to him and say to him? See, that would have been a great way in.

Because I think people's kids also, I mean, this is like if we're getting, we'll see what I actually want to use of this of my actual Weasley dynamics. No, that's a great way in. Right. And so in my head, I'm like, you bombed. I'm like, I should have said, I'm, yeah. And everybody was talking about how you bombed. I should have been like, I was in a movie with your daughter.

And then he'd be like, oh, really? And I was like, actually, you know, also, I went out with your brother one time. Yeah, yeah, right. That's the follow-up. Yeah, yeah. I hit dingers yesterday. Did you? Oh, 100%.

What did you? Oh, I mean, I could not have been better. I mean, Seinfeld, this is the best one. Okay, well, let's just start with Sandler, which was a fucking solid trip off the fucking fence. The left fielder stumbles, I round third, clear fucking home run. Yeah, get grown out at home. Chest bump. Sandler just sits down and he goes, hey.

Hey, boy. Hey, buddy, how you doing? I was like, hey. And he was like, good to see you. In and out. Clean, clean, clean. We're probably got a project lined up for the fall. And so the best one.

Chris Rock, Chris Rock, Chris Rock taller than I thought. Yeah. Honestly, I think six foot with the hair. Yeah. And I turn around and I say, hey, Chris, I'm Bert Christ. He goes, Bert, I know who you are. I was like, probably opening for him next year.

And then do it three minutes. Oh, easy. Easy tight three. Tight three. My three was an impression of a black guy in the middle like Tom does so well. The best one, Jerry Seinfeld. So a long time ago,

I'm always fascinated. And I don't know if it, I don't know why I do it, but I'm always fascinated by the fact that I am in an industry, I'm doing pretty well in an industry where my heroes live. And I wonder if they know who I am. I've always wondered, Sure. Does Jerry Seinfeld know who I am? Does Chris Rock know who I am? Does anyone know who I am? Or am I still operating in a vacuum like when I was an open mic or because it feels like that in real life. So we pontificated one time on the podcast whether or not Jerry Seinfeld knew who I was. And Tom's like, of course he knows he goes. I don't think he does. I go, I go, Jerry lives. And who knows what I fucking said, right? Who knows? To him? No, on a podcast. Oh, sure. On a podcast. So I'm sitting down and I feel a hand on my shoulder.

And I turn around and it's Seinfeld and he goes, Bert, I know who you are and I went what and he goes Very funny someone sent me the clip of you talking about whether or not I know who you are I didn't know who you are. I watched the clip. I know who you are That's very that's really good. That's fucking great. He is he is a fascinating Cross section of Northeast America like the same way you look at oasis and you're like that's Manchester sure you look at Jerry Seinfeld tucked in white shirt, tapered in the back, Brooks Brothers jeans, sensible shoes. And you're like, oh, he looks like you could throw a football at Hiana Sport. You know?

That's interesting. I mean, I just think of him as a Jew. So it's hard for me to see it that way. Like the Kennedys weren't, you know. Oh, you can say, you can't say Jewish anymore. You can only say Jew. Oh, really? I thought it was the other one.

No, they wanted to shorten it. Oh. Everybody decided it. I feel like that's not going to be well received, but I'm going to give it a shot. Well, why do you guys both say it? Just say that you're going to, we're here with Nick and we're going to Jew them down. Oh, I want to use it about somebody else. Okay, you can do that.

Stacey's a Jew. She collects cans around her office and I think is very Jewy. Can I say Jewie? Jew's even better. Oh, even better. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, you haven't talked about Kanye being at the... No, he wasn't.

The best, the best interaction I ever had was like two years. years ago, Cat Williams was there in what I could only describe as an evil-knebel outfit with a, with a fucking schistion, all bedazzled, all white. And he comes up and he goes, Mark Chrysha, you're a rock star motherfucker. And I was like, I hope this is Cat Williams. It was Lunel. I mean, I said hi to Lunell. Yeah, of course. Yeah. And she'll hold on to your hand while you talk to her for the whole you know you shake hands with somebody and then it's over yeah she'll like i was like we're gonna we're gonna keep holding hands for this whole interaction and i'm thrilled about it yeah she and i had the same eyelash technician it's great you do have great lashes

thank you yeah thank you beautiful isn't it crazy how social media works lunel posted a picture of a sandwich like four years ago that i think about every time someone mentions lunel i think about this fish sandwich from compton really good and i can't trigger her members to tell her me where it's from. She goes, fish sandwich. I've had so many fish sandwiches, Bert. You know I spit the mouth? You really hit the, again, and I love how many

different black voices you guys are doing in the room today. I'm really enjoying it. But you hit a weird tone and tenor in the quality of her that really is Lunel, like the literal color of it. Give me a dialect of black. Like, you can do Canadian. You go, okay, ready? I'll do, you do Canadian really good.

Thank you. And I'll do black, like southern black. Tom, where do you want to do your black? Any black you want? Can I get like a, be you ready for this? I want an old school Eddie Murphy black, the kind he grew up with. Not like not early Eddie Murphy, but in fact where he grew up in like New York City. In Long Island?

Yeah, Long Island in the like late 60s. Because I heard, I heard Patrice one time say about Eddie, I think. I think it was Patrice. We went to go see Paul Mooney. Patrice's like, you gotta go see Paul Mooney. I was like, I don't really give a fuck about Paul Mooney. I didn't know who it was. Yeah.

And then Patrice said, trust me, we need to go see Paul Mooney. So we went and sat and saw see Paul Mooney. He has a bottle of champagne. He's destroying white people on stage with a bottle of champagne. And I'm looking at Petrie's. I go, why are we here? And then all the sudden, they're, you know, Eddie Murphy's laugh. That was, that was interesting.

That's actually one of the last seals still alive at Sea World. That's pretty. And I go what? And he goes, this is Eddie Murphy's favorite comic. And I went, yeah? And then Patrice casually goes, he needs to update his black voice. Paul Mooney. Well, the Paul, do you don't do a Paul Mooney?

You don't do a Paul Mooney? Of course I do. Yeah, Nick, your white man. That's pretty good. That's a good, it's a good point. It's not bad. When did my impressions get so good? I could do a great Tim Dillon.

Ah, it's not good. It's not good. Rogan voted for Trump. Yeah. And is Tim Dylan Black? Or is he? Yeah. You nailed that, man.

What was Georgetown like? No. Wait. How did you, you're really good at impressions. Not my strong. I'm sort of more voices than impressions. You do a lot of voices.

lot of voices. Impressions I'm okay at, but I feel like there's certain guys who, like, you know, the people who are so good at it, it's like scientifically, they understand it how to do something that, like, I'm, you know. Who's the best in our business at impressions? Like, Frank Caliando. Caliando is pretty amazing. He's like, he's amazing. Caliando on the internet, finding Caliando on the internet talking about him, how he creates those voices. Like you are, it is like, wow, this is really it's a it's like getting to watch literally how a magician does it because you also find out though that like it's not just the voice that they end up nailing you got to speak the way the person would like say the things they would say yes that's what sells a good impression yeah because you're also

writing their you're writing their jokes as well and it has to he's he's amazing at it yeah one of the funniest things he ever did you know like the sidebar funny things comics do are my favorite like Jim Norton when I first went to the seller first time ever I was like I saw Jim Norton I go hey how you doing man I'm Burton he's like hey I'm Jim I'm a comic and I go hey what's the bartender's name he goes Doug and I went hey Doug Doug and he goes louder he's hard of hearing oh Doug Doug he goes you got a shout I go Doug he goes it's fucking bill asshole and then Jim just walked away Frank Callianda one time we're doing radio and he goes and they're like can you

do an impression everyone he go I can do an impression of Bert I can do an impression of Bert so good that he could fool his wife And I was like, for real, he goes, call your wife on the phone. We're on radio. I call Leanne. I go, hey, babe. And he goes, and I go, hang on one second. And then I hand it and he goes, pushes it back to me.

And I go, how you doing? And Leiav was like, what? I just did an impression of myself. Like, he just did it like a fucking. That's crazy. I should have told it to Eddie Murphy. We'd be like, is that the end of the story. This episode is sponsored by BetterHelp.

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Go to Shopify.com slash bears. That's Shopify.com slash bears. Chahing. Wait, I had, I don't know, I thought I had something to say and now it's gone. Can you do an impression

of Malini? I did it today and it was off. Let me hear it. Olivia. Yeah. Oh, I do, I think I do the guy from, uh, from tin roof, rusted. Love Shack Baby Oh, that's funny

I think I do that guy The guy from the B-52s, that's your Malaney. Was Malaney? When you first met Malini, was he that intonation? Hi, Nick. You know, kind of, I mean, we met in college, so I've known him forever,

so it's hard to figure out, but he, I mean, he, I mean, from the moment I met him, I was like, this motherfucker is so funny that, and he knew his voice already, he has then obviously fine-tuned it, but, and he has found I think with all like the great status,

I was watching both of you guys, you see the like, oh, okay, this is the song. You figure out your song, and I think he's fine-tuned it, but it was always some version of that, you know? Can you do an impression of him?

You know, weirdly I can't. It's like sort of I don't do great impressions of my family. Yeah, yeah. Weirdly. Like, I don't, you know what I mean? That's the opposite for me. I only do impressions. You do, yeah.

Yeah. Do your dad. Do your dad. His dad's past. He was good at his dad. Rest in impression. Rest an impression. No, my dad would, he just had like a cadence that I could do.

He's like, hey, hey, buddy, yeah, you're sold out last night? That's real neat, you know? Uh-huh. Saw your car. Really, really super neat, pal. That's just how he talked. Yeah. So if I talk about him on stage, I can do an impression to him and you feel like you're doing

another person. Yes. But like a famous person or something, I don't. Yeah. Yeah. I'm like, weirdly, I don't. I mean, I guess I do, but I think, honestly, my impressions come more in like, in like Big Mouth, for example, it was, I have a, I had a mom and a dad and I had two sisters

and a brother. They all end up, there's some version of them in there, but they're pretty, they ultimately felt pretty different versus me doing like, I will now do my, my father, my, my brother, my sisters or whatever, you know what I mean? And like, similarly with Malaney, I don't quite, I weirdly don't, like, I almost like won't allow myself to lock into an impression of them. Yeah. Weirdly. I, you know. Hey, pal. I heard you. you're bombed with Eddie Murphy. Neat. Yeah.

That's pretty neat. That's all right. Yeah. When you do this, when you do this impression, when you do the show, yeah, uh, mating season. Yeah. And your, your character, how close is that? How close is that?

How close is that to you or do you find a variance of it in you? Oh, mating season is a little like, I'm doing a little, like, I play like a dirty little raccoon. So I'm sort of, I got, I have like the smallest amount of like a little something on it. But weirdly, it wanted to go big, but then, like, you know, like, there's Bradley Cooper doing, like, Rocket Raccoon or whatever the Guardians of the Galaxy. So I was like, I couldn't, I didn't want it to get too close to other kinds of, like, versions of that. And also, it's like you want these four, these, like, friends to feel like they come from the same little world. But I'm a dirty little raccoon, ultimately. I'm just like a fucking.

Did you always know you're going to be that? Did you entertain doing other animals? I've always been, I've just, truly my work has a lot of raccoons. They are a major theme and like, oh, hello, me and Malini's thing. There's like a big raccoon theme. On Big Mouth, there's like a recurring like raccoons that were like caterers and stuff. And I just like, I love, I love little raccoon hands and I love that. You know, and like they're funny.

And so when we were doing the show, we were like, all right, I'm going to do, I think it'd be funny for me to be like Ray, like just a little fuck monster of a raccoon, you know. Like the first episode is me and Sarah Silverman's a skunk and we have like a dirty. That's Sarah Silverman? Yeah, Sarah Silverman. Can I go ahead. So we have like a dirty little one night stand and then we get caught in a copulatory tie. You know when like animals fuck and then they can't separate? Yeah.

It's so great. They're like facing different ways. And so but our way in emotionally is that it's like, oh, these there's. And so then now he's going through the day with like a one night stand. It's like what happens when your one night stand won't leave. Yeah. You know what I mean? Like in the classic like friends.

how I met your mother kind of story. It's such a great comedic delivery because the raccoon shows up. Like as you deliver a line, you forget she's there. Yeah, and then she sort of pops in and she's like all of a sudden a part of all these other cameras. So it's very fun fucking doing that shit. But oh, the raccoon. Yeah, I mean, I love, it's like, I've always loved, I, the night before we started doing table reads for this for mating season, I was home with my two kids and my wife were sitting.

in the living room and there's like a little courtyard off the living room and this raccoon just like walks down and just sits there and is looking at us and I was like hey get the fuck at you know what I mean like you yell at it or like get the fuck out of you know what I mean he just didn't move at all so I go outside I'm like get get you know and he he will not budge so I take a bunch of like kids tennis balls that I have I'm like whipping them at the raccoon and he slowly kind of like walks away like climbs up a tree just like a little bit and just keeps staring at me as I whip fucking tennis balls at him. And then he finally, after like 15, 20 minutes, like finally like walks away. And I genuinely felt like I was visited by the like raccoon community to be like put some fucking respect

on my name. Yeah, yeah. Don't don't keep treating us. The way that. Yeah, be mindful. Black people are dealing with Jack Harlow right now. Right. Right. Or you're very. serious impressions. Yeah. Oh, my impressions are so tight. Wait, hold on. Are you, is he catching a little? Yeah. Hold on, motherfucker. Shit. He tried, Jack, what do you do? I have no impression at Jack Harlow. What is? What happened with him? He, he dressed, he's dressing up as black people now. He's kind of like dressing like Keith's sweat. Yeah, yeah. He really is before getting in a fight. Wait, they're just catching on this? Shay-Shay, typing club Shashay, Jack Harlow, he put on this hat where this black chick's like, No, he need to get maced for that. Type in Jack Harlow maced.

He need to get mace for that. I know what you're doing, Jack Harlow. It's working for him, though, I guess, right? I don't know. I've never listened to one of his songs. People are talking. I'm done talking shit about people. I love Jack Harlow.

But, you know, I talk shit about, I talk shit about people. Hold on. He's going to get, I'm going to mace the fuck out of his ass. This is, you got Wi-Fi here? Oh, this is. You got the-en-Sholtz. I don't know. Just put in, stop the mace thing.

Just do Jack Harlow. No, I'm going to mace the fuck out of his ass. We just want to see the image, dude. That's it. Oh, man. He wants a little. He got me fucked up. Look at his hat.

Is that what he's wearing? Yeah. Nah, he got me fuck. Yeah, don't trust me by him. Oh. Yeah, Jack got to give me. He looks, I mean, I feel like maybe like the Malsetong fan base might be a little pissed about it, too. Yeah.

He's appropriating from, uh, that's a, that's, that's quite. the way to wear that hat, though. Yeah. I don't understand. Either of you guys tuck your people who tuck their ears into their hat. I feel like there was maybe a period where you would have done that. I wish I could. You can't.

But like that's a real thing. Like that seems like deeply uncomfortable to me to tuck your ear. Unless you got big like, unless you got big old ears, right? I never occurred to me. You know that you can fix that now? I knew dudes in college who had to get their ears pinned. Now they just put like clips on people.

You can mold a child's ear to be perfect. Oh, really? At a certain age. you just put like buttons on, you know what I mean? And snap it back. Snap them back. Yeah. Because then you have the option to pull it out.

Yeah, then you pop it out. It's nice to have that. I knew a girl who got her ears like fixed when she was like the pinned like she had big ears and they like pinned them when she was too little. She was like five or six. And so when she was 13, she was like beautiful. But she had these like tiny little ears because they never got to properly grow. Oh my God.

Watch the way I'm so good at maneuvering a conversation. Okay. I was talking to Dimitri Martin yesterday, whose son is an amazing javelinist. Javelin in the state of Florida was outlawed because Michael Landon killed a man with a javelin in high school. Michael Landon has huge ears. Pull in Michael, that's why he grew his hair.

Whoa. Because his ears were fucking massive. That is, I don't know how I, I don't know where. Wait, I'm still, let's just take a second to be like, Michael Landon killed a man by throwing a javelin? like a track and field meat or like out hunting humans. On the perch or at an event? He threw a javelin and the guy was like, said to the guy there's measuring.

There's someone who was like, what time is it? He looked at his watch and javelin went through his heart. Oh, shut up. Stop. That's what I was told. So you don't believe this. Do we want to look that? I mean, I don't know what way.

Type in Michael Landon ears first. Yeah. Michael Landon ears. So he had big old ears. Yeah. Did you guys watch a little house? house in the prairie uh they're rebooting it yeah they are yeah um yeah yeah he had big years you know we had massive years oh like the the black and white when he's little like he's still

even like yeah oh i mean he's still a fucking smoke show he's good man now type in michael landon jabblin that's crazy and then he's there is michael land and and killed a man jablin this is where you guys realize that i don't actually know how to read yeah just looking at i'm like Look at all those letters up there. Wait, does it say that? According to Guinness, Landon, through a javelin, 200 feet high in high school and was all...

I can't see where it says. But he grew up in Florida, right? You can't see where it says to it doesn't say it. Wait. I didn't know that anything was outlawed in Florida. That's a really good point. It's the most chill state to do anything you want.

I know. You're like, go fucking... They're like, do you want dynamite? That's okay. You can keep it at your house. Well, hold on. It is crazy that I... that he did throw javelin.

Yeah, that is true. But there was a big part of the story where you're like, he killed a guy and it was outlaw. And just remember, this is like the past when there was like at most three sports. Yeah. So like one of them was javelin. And Michael Landon made it go away. Hold on.

This is a story I remember from high school because I said, why don't we have javelin? It's almost like, do you know the guy from Little Prayer, house on the prayer? I go, Michael Landon. He killed a man in the javelin. Wait, go to Michael. It's crazy that he did throw fucking javalin. Yeah, but I like that whoever your gym teacher was, and what a blessing of us to have been.

Oh, are you confusing the fact that he's dead with that he killed someone? No, it said 1991. That's a late time to kill someone. He was in 1991. Overshadow by the O.J. Simpson. Oh, that was 90 later. I'm so nervous, you guys. Wait, wait.

Wait, hold. You said Florida. He's from Eugene Oregon. And he went to high school in Jersey. I'm absolutely dying here. He went to high school in Jersey, bro. Michael Landon? Yeah.

He went to high school at Collinswood High School in New Jersey. Yeah, but he was doing a field trip to Florida. It was the track and fields. It was the nationals. The nationals were in Florida.

Yeah. What a cool thing to kill someone with because you go Birdcratcher murdered his wife with javelin. Everyone assumes, oh, he must have been throwing javelin.

But like, no, it was in her bed. Yeah. That is a cool way to do it. I think that was what was so titillating about the Gaco Pistorius. Not Jaco Pistorius. That's the musician. Pesta out the runner.

The South African? Yeah, the South African. Yeah, who had the razor, who has the like razor legs. You're like, he killed his wife or girlfriend. And it's like part of it was like, did he use them, I mean? Yeah, yeah. Did he use his little razor? Or the quadriplegic that just got charged with murder.

And he, they, then you see footage of him shooting the gun. And you're like, this is crazy. How? How do he do it? He, sorry, he's a quadruple amputee. Oh, okay. Quadruple amputee. Yeah, wait, hold on.

Go back and tell the story as a quadriplegic. He just goes like this. Actually, when you see this guy do it, you'd be like he could probably do that too. Sure. This guy's like, he has no arms, no legs. And you see him loading a magazine, pulling it back. See, that's like what my only fans is. That's what I watch exclusively.

It's fucking. And you see them, there's footage really in a tree stand, hugging. And then upside down, doing Coke off of a, off of like a $100 bill, then comes around, it shoots a gun. It's like, this guy's fucking. rat. Is this the guy? Yeah, that's him right there. He's a professional cornhole player. Yeah.

Dude. Look him up. Look him up doing coke and shooting his gun. I mean, he's also yeah. I mean, not to diminish what he was able to accomplish there, but he had more than just a, you know. Yeah, this is him here. Look. This is him upside down, doing a rail of Coke. Okay. Wow. Wow. This guy's kind of a hero story. Yeah, he's kind of amazing. And then he comes down, waddles over.

And then he's like, Oh, he can't hold the dollar bill of your coat. No, but look what he can do. What the fuck? And he just shoots that out the window. He's just shoot that out the window. Like at his neighbors. See, I don't know.

I still, I would say allegedly, like, murder, right? Because, like, there's the burden of proof. Yeah. But when you first hear the story, like, when the story first broke, they were like quadrupley amputee charged with like gun murder. You're like, he can't do that. No, you know, like, so that's crazy. You know, like, you see this.

Yeah. This guy's pretty bad ass. We have one piece of evidence we would like to show during the trial. This has nothing to do with a murder, but this is him to me. But it is right. It might be worth seeing him do upside down cocaine and then shoot a automatic weapon out a window. Guys, unreal, man. And what a loophole.

Put your hand on the Bible and he's like, sure. This is a great time to pitch Tom and I, our next project to you and see if you're interested. Sure. So we have a movie. We play FBI. We're looking for two other people. We think you and maybe whoever you think you. A quadriplegic alleged murderer.

Yeah. Have you gotten the pages? I play FBI agents who within the first 10 minutes of the movie, our van gets blown up by ISIS and we're left quadriplegics. And we have to solve the murder of who left us quadriplegic. It's four of us. It's called the Quadriplegics. Yeah.

You're in? I'm in. But I want it all practical. Okay. So we have to, we got to, I go. I go Daniel Day on this, so we got to, we got to do it. Yeah, yeah, we got to do it. We got a shoe.

Oh, your character has no arms, no legs. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, shut the fuck up. I didn't even think of that. Oh, I thought that's, uh, okay. Oh, no, I'm just in the chair with a straw like this. Like, and then think about this. Sure.

All right, we pull our van up. We're like, all right. Well, everybody out, go, go, go. But you got to watch us get out. Here's my pitch. Here's my pitch. Is it sort of a Voltron situation. So you guys, it's a Voltron meets kids in a big, uh,

trench coat. Yeah. So you guys are down low in the, you're the legs. So you're moving us around. Big overcoat? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Big overcoat. I'm in, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm just the quad bod, right? And then whoever our fourth is is the head is Eddie Murphy. Murphy, I was going to say, because I would love a chance to just redeem myself. So maybe, you give them this pitch. Yeah. I could probably set up that Lisa Zoom. You just, what do you think? You just following around in a wheelchair all day on set being like, well, and then did I mention the sushi? I didn't tell you about the sushi. Yeah, I never tell you about the sushi. If you ever meet Eddie Murphy again, you're going to be like, hey, there's more to that story. And he's going to like, what? And then go into you, and your brother's like,

shit. Yeah. I didn't do the voice for you. I think that would help. He's like, he's like, you remember your brother who's past? Yeah. Let me do his voice for you. Do you ever hear the best, you ever hear the best Charlie Murphy's story ever? It's my favorite. It's my favorite Charlie Murphy story. So he gets out of the Navy and he comes out to LA and his brother is like famous. And he comes and his brother's like, yo, we're gonna go out tonight to the Century Club.

And he's like, and that's the hot spot. So he goes, yeah, but I don't let me do the voice Tom. I don't let me close, say it to me. I ain't got no clothes. Yeah. And so Eddie Murphy gives him this bedazzled bus boy jack. You remember the band of Bus Boy Jack? It's a bedazzled Bus Boy Jack.

And he's just where you're paying. pants and that, you're tight, no shirt. And so he's like, oh, yeah. So he's like, I'm looking fly. I walk into the Century Club, and my brother's popping. He's a huge star. And everyone's like, oh, shit. Oh, shit.

That's Eddie Murphy. That's Eddie Murphy. And they're like, yo, who's that with him? You go, that's his brother. And he goes, yeah, I think he's a magician. And Charlie Murphy goes, that jacket started burning off me. Do you have a fear about how being? underdressed?

Yeah. You always look nice though. You always have like a button down or something. I always like, but I'm like, you know, I just got rid of like a ton. I'm literally am in a moment where I'm like, who, what do I want to? Because it's also like, I don't know, we're all, you get a certain age or you're like, what am I supposed to? So with these graphic teas that I have?

Yeah, yeah. Or these like short sleeve loud shirts that I felt like were cool six years ago. The shirt that says I shave my pussy for this. Yeah, or like the tucks that says that. And so I'm like, I'm kind of in that moment where I'm like, what do I? Anyway, so truthfully, I mean, like, what, you guys both have lost a ton of weight. So how do you, have you had to buy all new shit? Yeah.

Do you like? Is that fun? Yeah, and then I went overboard. I bought so much shit. Uh-huh. that I was like, I have a department store at my house, and then I got rid of just hundreds and hundreds of articles of clothing. It's just too much. Yeah. And are you happy with where you, where you are now? Yeah. Yeah. I think I have a much better grasp on it now. I don't think I've

ever seen him wear the same outfit twice. No. Really? JPs maybe, but like that's it. But like you, you always have a new outfit. Yeah, I guess I like it though. I like clothes. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I like it sometimes. I'm trying to figure out what my relate. Because also it's like you get to a certain age. Also where you're like, what am I supposed to? I don't know. I just feel like I'm right.

There is an age where you're like, okay, this feels like young. Yeah, like I'm like a man. Yeah. Right? You know what I mean? I'm like, I don't know if I should be wearing this anymore. Yeah. But like I'll still wear the booty shorts.

You know what I mean? Oh, thank you. Like also you're pretty caked up. I don't mind when you wear booty shorts. You know. Yeah. I'm going to, I want a big. high, tight little ass.

You know what I mean? Oh, wait do you see my outfit? I send it to my daughters and I was like, if I don't get a response quickly, you guys are getting dick picks. God. Not his. Tom's, right?

I'll send it to the group. Wait, how do I send? I'm turning into a boomer. I got race shorts, so they're super short. Oh, you look great. I got Ray shorts, and I got a. a tank top and I got brand new shoes ons. Not flexing so hard.

I'm barely flexing. You're about to pass out. About to, I'm not about to, I'm not about to pass out. You're literally about to have an angerism in this photo. And that isn't the hundredth of that picture that I took because I felt like my arms was the last one. That's the best one. You look great.

I look fucking incredible. Yeah. But that's on my brand. You've ever been in? Yes, without a doubt. I haven't drank in four months. I'm not counting. I have two months left.

But my blood work is. Perfect. I mean, I want to do a game show called Check Your Blood Work. It's so good right now. And I'm stronger than I'm, not stronger than I've ever been, but like for my body size, I'm down 19% body fat. I've lost 50 pounds. I feel better than I've ever felt. Now, will I roll the dice and see if I can get fat again? Probably. Yeah. Yeah. See if I can get fat again. Like, it's a challenge. It's funny. You've never been bad. Like you're really not sure. No, not really. I've been, I've gotten big, as I got old, I've gotten bigger at times where I'm like... Like, what, 140 pounds?

Yeah, each leg. Wait, how much you weigh? What do I weigh right now? I'm less than I... Where am I, like, 175, 180? Wow. You have to rain it in? Do you have to rain it in?

Yeah, I'm raining it in right now. More so than I have. What's that for you? Like, I'd skip the pasta, that kind of thing? Trying to. I had a ton of weird food allergies and stuff that have made... Like, drinking, for example, I've just gotten physically my body cannot like see. seemingly tolerate alcohol very much anymore, which is a bummer because I would like.

But, but it's, I mean, it's pretty proven that it's really good for your body. It is. Alcohol, yeah. Yeah. Do you do gummies or anything or smoke or anything? I do alcohol gummies. Oh, nice. I would love to try that.

Fucking genius move. I do, I go do cognac. I do Hennessy Gummies. I just started gushers. Oh, you know what I'm saying? I like Hennessy Gummys, yeah. But that is not a bad idea. Alcohol gummies is a very dangerous concept.

It's funny. people envision my life like sometimes I met John, I mean, no John Mayer, but I saw him one time at an event and he came up and he was like, so are you fucking wasted right now? And I was like, no. He's like, wait, are you wasted all the time?

I was like, no, I'm, are you wasted right now? Yeah, but I think people think I'm drunk constantly. Yeah. And then, but they're not that wrong. They're not that off. I mean, like, yeah, they're not crazy. Like someone's like, everyone said to me yesterday, the one thing everyone said to me

What's wrong with you? Yeah. Because you've lost weight. Well, because he's sober. Oh, because I'm sober. So I'm not drinking. So I guess I'm louder. When you're drinking.

Do you feel louder when you're sober or when you're drunk? I don't notice it. You're definitely quieter like this. Definitely. Because it could go the other way. Especially in a social scenario. Uh-huh. When you see it like, I think at that,

if you'd have been like knocking them back, you'd have been like, eh. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's you when you're drinking. And you were just more like, hi, how are you? Who do you prefer? No, he likes soberbert way better. Everybody does.

You said that to me one time in, like, in private when no one was around. You're like, just so you know, I like you sober better. And I was drunk when you said it. And I was like, cool. That was his version of intervention. Everyone that loves me, everyone that loves me likes me sober better. Anyone that doesn't love me and just likes me, likes drunk burnt way back. Well, I guess that's telling that I was going to say, I like drunk bird.

Yeah. Everyone does. Everyone does. And it's not that I don't love you. I just don't know you well enough to love you. So right now, I just like you enough to want you drunk. Thank you. I like, I like drunk. I like drunk. Is that Charlie? No, I like, but it's interesting because I was like you're a great shape right now. And also there is a thing when people are not drinking regularly. They are more connected. So like you feel you feel very engaged and crisp and clear right now. Yeah. Yeah. You sound like my daughter my daughter ila was like she i shouldn't see me like i didn't drink for like three

months or whatever and she came to one of my shows she was like wow i want what she goes you look incredible let me see your fingers and i was like what she goes oh my god i can see bones in there they're not these fat red sausages she goes let me see those ankles and i was like what she goes whoa look at your ankles i can see your bones i was like what and then she said and then we hung out It had a great time. And then at the end, she was like, so just quit drinking forever. I like you like this.

She goes, you're listening to people. And I was like, yeah, but that's the, I don't make my money listening to people. Do you feel like your shows are better or worse? Oh, they're way better. I'm way better comic sober. Yeah.

Stone sober. I'm so much more creative. I'm so much more present. But I think that there's something to be said for, I wish I could redefine my drinking. Like, I really wish I could be like, like you guys or like, him really where he goes like he'll have a drink and then it's almost like like he's not allowed

to drink like his parents are going to check his breath like your mom your mom does check you know he'll have a give her a kiss good night yeah he'll have a drink he'll have last night he had a drink and then he was like all right I got to go then I was like ah yeah that's like a guy who has a horse and just canters it around the stables I go I bought a horse because I want to fucking watch it sweat yeah I want to get on a run and get in a symbiotic relationship where the fucking, you got to put this in next season. You heard. Yeah.

By the way, I would love to see a horse sweat. What's that? Have you heard somebody talk about drinking like this? No. Hang on. Hold on. Have you ever run on a horse? Yes.

You've run. Yes. How great is the feeling? Yeah. When the horse's neck and you are one. Yeah. And you're not in the saddle anymore. You're above the saddle.

Yeah. And you feel like you, that is how I drink. Like, that is the feeling I like to have when I drink. It's that flow. You're in that flow state. Yeah. And you can have that sober, I guess, but not. Is that what it feels like?

Yeah, it is kind of. Him just majestically barebacking a horse through a grand field at one. All these like analogies that he paints about drinking. Sometimes you're like, God, I wish I felt this passionate about anything. Sure. It's so good. I've ridden horses a few times over my life, not many times.

But one time I was in Argentina shooting a moment. movie and I got connected to this guy, Nacho Figueras, who is like one of the greatest polo players in that he's the, he's the face of Ralph Lauren Polo for polo. I think I know who this guy is. He's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's a fucking, and he looks like a beautiful arch. I mean, he's like, and we, I got connected to his place to go outside of, uh, watches Buenos Aires.

And then I went, look at him. I mean, look at that guy. You sound just like a Nazi. that moved. We were shooting a Nazi movie. Look at this fucking guy. Yeah. Look at this fuck.

What's his name? Nacho figetas. You want to know something crazy? Virgin. Isn't that wild? Yeah, he's a virgin. He's never fucked a horse like you have. Oh, fuck.

Look at this cock out. Holy shit. And I might jerk off to him. I went down. I went to his polo, his personal ranch, his polo facility with like, and it was just majestically. And Argentina is famous for their polo and their horses. And go out there and he takes us out on his,

he takes us out on his, this is his incredibly beautiful family. And like, and it's really, those are the horses. I mean, like, and we're out of his ranchet and I brought this incredibly,

like, beautiful woman who I was in Argentina with. And like, we rode horses and I rode like a motherfucker. Like I, and I don't, I have not ridden many times, but I got on that horse.

And I was like, Tom, you know, at like 4 p.m. in Vegas on day three of some, sort of thing. Just fucking ripped. You know what I mean?

Just riding. But I really rode beautifully. And I got off and we like went. I went back into B.A. with her. And then I was like, I feel like the coolest fucking guy in the world. You have to. And then my face just like started to explode with like red allergic reaction.

Because I like rode the horse and like pet the horse's like beautiful fucking main. Maine. and then touched my face and my skin exploded. And I was like, yeah. She looked at you and she was like, oh, you're not so cool. She's like, maybe I'll stay at my place tonight. And I was like, yeah, fair enough. I was like, that's life.

You know what I mean? When I was a kid, I'd look at Bazaar magazine and Vogue magazine, and I'd see models on boats that were like oiled up in bikinis. And I would get so sad to think I would never have that. I go, that's probably not going to be in my life. And when I see that picture, I regret every choice I've ever made. But Tom, there's just no way. I want that so bad.

You know, we're born with a fate. Yeah. You know what I mean? He's not funny, dude. Yeah. I bet he is. He's actually fucking funny. Shit.

Sorry, I was trying to help him out. No, he's doing like, and he's doing like theater's small aren't. Like, oh, good, good. He does hockey arena. Yeah. And Eddie, Eddie and him are developing. Eddie Murphy and him are doing a movie. Are they really?

Yeah. You know, I'm a friend with him. He's got the best head of hair I've ever seen. Yeah. And he honestly, the biggest unfortunate thing, he couldn't be like a fucking nicer dude. Although I guess if you look like him, by the way.

The only problem with me riding a horse is my dick gets caught in my boot. You're like, oh, that's a pretty good Argentine accent. That's true. Even close to it. But that second photo, too, where he's squinting. That's a, he's not posing. That's a genuine photo of that guy. Yeah, he's on the polo field right now.

And you're like, that's a perfect picture. Yeah. He's just like, and there's like a bunch of horses right off camera looking at him being like, that guy's so hot. I will be recreating all his photos in green screen. I want that. You want that? Yeah.

Anyway, even, even rides a, him riding a horse around is like you, is like how you feel when you're drinking. Have you? Yeah. That's the only, that's how natural. That's how natural. It feels. Yeah. When you, especially when you have a moment where everyone falls asleep and the house is done.

and you got a bottle of wine like a little bit left and you go, I'll pour it and then you fill it to the glass but it just gets to the bottom and you go, I don't think that's going to cut it. You go, let's dip into some whiskey tonight. And then you, ooh, I wouldn't mind deep diving, New Order or Joy Division or the Smiths and getting alone time with the lights out,

getting a couple candles lit and just get fucking after it. And then you're dancing and you're dancing and there's a part of your brain that knows that if anyone saw you, they would laugh hysterically at how free you are. But you're dancing by yourself in a fucking, in my man cave, or in a gym. And you're just like in my gym. And that feeling, I miss it so much.

And you can't get it sober. You just can't. In a hotel room when you're like, it's Sunday. And you go, you leave the funny bone. And they're like, can I get anything for your room? And you're like, can I get a 12 pack? And they're like, yeah, sure. And then you load it up me.

I'm going to have two. And you have two. And on the third one, you're repacking your bag. And all of a sudden, you're like, God damn it, I haven't listened to some hardcore hip hop in a while. Or like something you just haven't got into. Will you genuinely drink alone and listen to music by yourself for hours? 100%.

Wow. It's one of my favorite things in the world. Now, I don't do it all the time, but I will. Do you ever invite him into the room? You ever come by the hotel? It's only good alone. Like, I like drinking with people. It's fun.

I can't remember. I feel like when I drink, I want to fucking chat. You know what I mean? I don't want. I don't want. Way more. Yeah. I don't think I would.

I'll get stone. I mean, I'll, I'll, you know, I'll get high sometimes and hang out. But even then I don't. High alone, I like, I like that high hang. But drinking, I'm a real chatty. Yeah, I want to fucking chop it up. You know what I mean? Like, well, so you'll just listen to like Joy Division alone.

Oh, get into radio head. And just get into a band where you go, I'm going to deep dive it and I'm going to fucking feel the music. Dude, you should pop an oxy and do that. That's a good run. Yeah. I mean, there's, there's something to be said. It's not like therapy, but there's something to be said to be getting, getting fucked up alone. Yeah. And with no one around and just, just you and the bottle and, and just going like. Somebody. You're with the box. Yeah, you're with the bottle. I love, I miss it so much. It's a one thing I miss. It definitely doesn't sound like you have an issue with it. Yeah, to me, I don't hear any sort of. I don't hear it at all.

Here's the deal. Here's the deal. Here's the deal. Leigham. Leanne, fucking Leanne. I haven't drank in four months. And I barely ever bring it up. I brought it up three times today. But I barely... Shut up. No, I would imagine it wouldn't come up for you at all in conversation.

But I feel great. I don't miss it. Like, I don't miss it like... Like yesterday, I did not think about it once other than other people coming up to me going, Hey, man, are you okay? And then I was like, yeah, I'm fine. And I'm like, I'm just a little quieter.

It is. It is. You like this. I said to Sam Relle... Samarrell goes, hey man, are you all right? And I went, yeah, I'm fine. I go, I'm not drinking. I think that's what everyone's noticing.

I go, man, you'd be shocked how many people have said that to me. And he goes, really? And Dionne Cole walked up and goes, are you good, buddy? And I went, and Theo came up. Are you okay? Based on your size or your demeanor? I have no idea what it is. You said it to me at the store when I walked up.

You're like, are you all right? Yeah. And I was like, I don't know what I'm doing. Maybe I'm just. Well, you came up real, like, kind of stern. And like, that's what I said. I think it's regular people faces. Oh yeah. I think I'm doing regular people faces. I think when I'm I used to be good going like I think that's a part of me putting on

Maybe putting on to cover up the fact that maybe I'm not feeling a hundred percent. Yeah, I don't know. Yeah, yeah, I work out I work out pretty hard now, but like I was really punitive in the mornings I wake up and I get to the gym and I'd be like let's fucking go like and that's not when you're so when you're not when I'm when I'm drinking when you're drinking when you're drinking right you it's like a it's a it's a it's a a reward and you have to punish yourself yeah yeah yeah I don't know it's it's happening so much and I go I can't wait to start drinking so no one talks to me all these are all normal healthy thoughts dude I got the most aggressive text from edit his name out that like hey man did I do something to you like what happened to you are you okay this is going yesterday yeah no this is the night I saw you really and I was like well like and by the way can I tell you this one out entirely.

And I was like, what the fuck, dude? Yeah. Like, and so I kind of just want to start drinking to not deal with people. Sure. I mean, it's like, it's, I know that's a cheap. Well, but I think it's like, I guess if you people are used to you in a certain vibration, right, of like, you know, a little loose and even if you're not drunk, you're just, you're, you're sort of in that. People like, you know, people are more, they understand that version of you. But if you're like not drinking, you're sober, you're clear.

but you're also just a little less like fuzzy. That might be what people are used to. So if you're not coming, if you're not approaching that way. Yeah. I said we were at, I never understood. And I'm certain you're probably like this type of person.

But Tom, I only used, I used two examples in this story to Leanne. We were at a, I did a big show in North Carolina. And we had a huge meet and greet like 40 people. And I said to Leanne, I'm at the very before it started,

I said, I could go to bed right now. And I said casually, you know, I never understood the part of Tom where he could go home. Like Tom, if Tom is like, like they go, hey, we need to be here from 930, Tom is the first person to go, how long do we have to be here for? And then I'm always like, I never understood it. Nikki Glazer, we would do big shows and Nikki would be like, I'm going, I'm going to bed. And I'd be like, why don't they want to get after it? Why don't they want to hang out? And I said to Leanne, oh, I get it. When you're not, if you're not partying, this is a waste a fucking time. And I was like, I could go to bed right now. And she was like, what's wrong

with you? And I was like, I don't know. I mean, like, I think that's a normal. When I get in bed, I do a dance. I love getting in beds. When I'm sober, I get in bed and I'm like, yeah. That's great. I love it. And I love sleeping. Yeah. And I love, I love waking up. And then, but also it's like, I have a show tonight and it's going to be packed. And I'm, How are the fan interaction? Like, how is it dealing with like meet and greets like fully sober? It's different. It's, you feel less like a person, I think.

Less like a person sober? Or less like? So when you're sober, you feel a little bit like an object. Uh-huh. But when you're, when you're a little lubricated, you just feel like you're in the, you're in it a little more with them. When I'm lubricated, I am there. You do. Yeah.

And I'm present. And I'm talking to you and I want, because I have a drink and I'm not going anywhere. You know, you notice everything. Yeah. sober and I was at an event and they had I I thought to myself have I never noticed this but they had me by the arm and they were taking me from station to station and I was like I'm being led around yeah yeah and I was like drinking I don't think I'd notice this but I go I'm not yours I remember and I was like I'm not yours I'm mine it's the literal definition of a handler yeah it's just like handling you

around like Bob Hope like at the end of it go over here yeah get in there and I do think it is you or not. I mean, I think that is why a lot of celebrities, famous people end up with substance abuse issues because the actual interactions with in situations like this are so much easier. Like I found when I'm like, you know, a little, you know, like have had a few drinks. Like it's so much easier to move through those moments than like Stone Sober. But then you also find you have like really beautiful. You can have really cool moments with people otherwise. But I only had two.

Yeah. Yesterday. I didn't think about drinking. I never, I didn't think about having a drink. And I definitely noticed when people got wasted. Oh, yeah. Oh, interesting. Sure.

I definitely noticed it. Oh, that's interesting. Yeah. We should remind people that open mouth and loud season are streaming. Oh, yeah. We've been going for a while. We've been like an hour and a half, I think. I don't know.

Loud mouth and open season. Yeah. A.k.a. Yeah, mating season. Do I promote it? I get so desperate to make sure I fucking sell. Do you feel that way? Yeah, but also it's so lame when you go on anyone's thing for a promotion.

And you go through the whole thing. And then you're like, hey, hosts, you fucking say it, man. Yeah. Like you mention it. Yeah. That's why I came on, asshole. I did someone's podcast to promote FreeBurt. And four days ago, they did my podcast.

And after it, they're like, by the, the way, your show is fucking incredible. I go, you could have said that on your podcast the week I was on. That's why I watched yours. I get, I appreciate it. I was so, I was so blown away when people actually watched mine. Yes. That it meant something to me that I was like, there's no way he's coming. Because I do, I, not just do I respect you, but I like you and I like what you do. And I go, I will like this. I'm not going to not like this. Sure. And it was, it's fucking great. It is funny as shit. The, it is dirty, but it's not overly dirty. It, it, it, It's interesting.

I only think once in the whole series you say, then why don't you suck my dick? But like I noticed that. Like you measure the dirty. So it's not just a dirty, even though they are all all fucking and eating pussy and sucking dicks. It's not, that's not what it's about.

It's about interrelationships. Yeah. And it's about a community. And I mean, I don't, no spoiler, but the one that when dude comes out gay, I fucking laughed out loud.

Oh, gay moose. Yeah. Okay, there we go. It's gay moose. It's the moose. Yeah. By the way,

good reveal. Yeah. But that was always the joke in the room. It was like, oh, gay moose. Yeah. Oh, he's gay moose. But it's such a great series. Thank you.

It really is. Thank you. I appreciate it. I appreciate you watching it and your kind of words. Tom, I'm curious what you thought about it. One of the things I love, I love animals. And so just seeing. Oh, so you both watch.

Commit, like, so much energy into animals. What was your favorite animal? I'd love the raccoon and the moose. You like gay moose. I love gay moose. I love Raccoon. I was like, I bet that's Nick, you know? Yeah, yeah. And I found out I was right.

Tell me about goats and adults. Hmm? Goat and adults, his new projects. Oh, my God. I don't even want to, you know what? You take it because I don't want to fuck it up. Well, because he fans out. It's like he's trying to talk to me about my brother, Jeremy Kroll.

Oh, yeah. We went to a steakhouse. It was great. He was like, I don't know what to get. He was like, hello, Tom. It's good to see you. Should I get the strip of the rib? So wait, what's adults and what's go?

Adults is the show I produce on FX. It's coming out at the end of the summer, season two. It's like 20-somethings in New York, like classic 20-something, you know, first place in New York. They live in like deep queens. And it's just very funny, you know, again, sort of like big jokes, but also some heart emotion to it. It's like kind of a, it's, the cast is phenomenal. The five kids are really fucking funny, all of them really talented. And then Goat is a new film.

I'm in the, it's a Steph Curry's basketball, kids basketball movie. I'm the, of course, as we all know, I am an agent. The referee. The referee. I'm a Komodo Dragon who's sort of the Dennis Rodman of the team. Right. Modo. Love it.

So good. Basketball is such a fun sport. So you're into basketball and animals? So much. Yeah. And I like hormones too. Yeah, there you go. Yeah.

Fucking, there you go. See, he fucking did the work. Yeah. Does Nick Crowell read comments? I'm off, every once in a while. I'm off social media on my phone because it just, not because I get so inside the comments, but because I just get lost in the fucking algorithm.

But just for, to be specific, you want people to say Jew or Jewish if they're leaving a comment. I really think it the only, if it's a threat, I want Jewish, ironically. Okay. If it's a compliment, I just want like, hey, he really jewed that episode. But they mean it's like he nailed it. Got it. You know what I mean?

It doesn't sound as bad when you go, I want to kill this Jewish person. Right. Versus I'm going to kill that Jew. Yeah, that sounds bad. It lands so differently. Yeah, yeah. And I just realized that will be clipped out to me going, I'm going to kill that Jewish person. Yeah.

We're not saying. Oh shit. It's nor. Oh, right. Okay, you ready? Norie. Yeah, what's going on? Wait, are you in L.A.?

Nah, I'm not. I couldn't make it. But I saw a picture of you. I just wanted to congratulate you, man. You look fucking awesome, bro. Hey, you're being recorded right now. Oh, you're on the podcast, Norie. I'm here with Nick Crawley's got a new show called Ope, mating season on Netflix.

Tell him I say, what's up, man? Tell him I said, what's up. Hey, Norrie. How you doing, man? I'm great, man. I can't wait until you. to see you in person. Well, I'm telling you, man, you know,

Bert looks good on in the picture, but in person, woo, dog. Yeah. Yeah, I'm proud of you, man. I'm proud of you. Do you still having drinks since the last time I saw you? No, I haven't even talked about that. Did it come up?

Okay, so, and you're going to relapse in July. I'm relapsing in July, yeah. You guys have a wonderful day, man. Hey, I love you, Norie. Have a great day. You didn't say I love you back. Do you know who Norie is? Yeah.

Noriega, the rapper? Yeah. Yeah, yeah, of course. Yes, is it Norrie? No, it's Noriega. The rapper. Is it really? Yeah, it really was.

That's amazing. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's, uh, seriously? I swear to God. Yeah, yeah. That's so funny. Yeah, he's, he's, he's one of the best guys around and he's a big drinker. And I did it, I did his podcast and he was like, how can you, how can you stay healthy?

I go, I run. He called me the next morning. He was drinking, uh, Japanese whiskey on his on his on his overlooking the ocean and he goes I think I'm going to start running So I stay healthy and now he's got a huge 5k he does he runs every morning he's got a running podcast He's really in a group that he's got a huge group and it's it's crazy and he still does drink champs Did you oh he's drink champs yeah he's I didn't realize that you would be great on drink champs Yeah I mean you got to get drunk though great yeah yeah I'll drink uh I'll have a couple hennessee gummies

Yeah. And, no, but I would genuinely, I mean, that would be so fun. I would love to get, be drunk on a podcast. Like, I do think that would be fun. Yeah. You guys do that. How often were you guys doing that? We? It's happened. If I wasn't feeling it.

Yeah. Give it a little. A little. Yeah, yeah. I'd say, I'd just tap the horse a little bit with my heel. Yeah. Come on. Here we go, girl. Yeah.

Yeah. And then you're fucking galloping away. There you go, man. Yeah. That's what nachos, Figueras, the both players play. How did you meet nachos? I connected through some random guy. I was down there for a couple months and was just, and he was incredibly warm. Just like, come on out.

Did you shoot out in the country or in B.A? We were shooting mainly in B.A and then out a little. What's B.A? Do you go back to Peru? Yeah, but not a lot. I mean, I used to go all the time. Last time I went was two years ago. I went to Buenos Aires, then Santiago, then Lima, and then Mexico City.

I did a tour. Oh, really? Yeah. In Spanish or in English? Both. I did both, yeah. The silence was in Spanish. Yeah, it's true.

It didn't go well. How is your Spanish stand-up? I mean, you could do bit, like, I know you can- I had to practice. It's really hard. So I realized how much work it was going to take after, I did a set like in Burbank somewhere in Spanish. And I was like, yo, that was rough.

It's different. And then I started, you know, when you're doing stand-up in English, your focus, like your mind is present, right? And then do you have to dial that up 100% for me in Spanish? So I did, I put together a tour. I did I did a Arizona weekend. I did like three different weekends. Full Latin, all Latin markets.

All Spanish shows. Then I did a Texas tour. I did Dallas, Austin, Houston. I was doing it at the clubs. And then I had like 40 to 45. Of your insane material or completely. material in but i translated it and then but then you have to like work out things right because it can't be like an exact translation and then by working it out i was able to be like okay i could i can present this

to like a spanish speaking market but when i went down there i announced it as english shows because they told me they go everyone's going to buy a ticket knows you as an english speaking right comedian so it's going to go better yes you do that so what and they were right what ended up happening is the audience came, their native Spanish speakers. Who also speak English. Who also speak English. I would do the show in English, and then I would do like half an hour.

All in Spanish. And then they lost their fucking minds. And they lost their minds, yeah. Yeah, that's fucking. That was really fun. That's, that's, because I speak Spanish, but I don't, I'm not a native speaker, so I. Like, how good do you speak Spanish?

I'm not bad. Do you guys do it real quick. Do it? I want to watch. Okay. He wants to hear that. We can't we can't We can't even if you want to, but you're

with an accent of Argentino? Yeah, a little. A little, yeah. Yeah, a little, so. So, it's not. But, see, it's not. See, bulludo, this, look, this is gourd.

But, me. Oh, Gordo! Because no, he's not gourd, because he's not being that's the most gourd of the world. The boludo. Yeah, boludo, is the world, is the world, so.

It's like he was embarrassed with gimelos. Jimelos of whiskey. Yeah, whiskey, also you have of vodka, of all. There's

there. In July, when when he will be to turn, you're you're going to

put to you're going to you're going to die. I'm going to die. I'm going to know.

You really can't speak great. Wow, that's great and you do with the

accent and everything. Yeah, I can sort of do the a bit of the access problem.

So I could do, I could do a tight three. I could open for you on your next Latin American tour. Let's do it.

Let's do it. I'll do three in English and then two in Spanish. That's perfect. Just to, you know, make it all make sense. But I, because I can do like, I live, like, the Spanish, do you do the Spanish one or no? The, the, of Spain. Yeah. But I lived six months in Madrid.

Yeah. Oh, you've been in Madrid. Yeah. In the Valley of Jesus. I live in Barcelona. Ah. Put a artiste. You're a chaffo.

This put a mother. Look. Hili polla. Yes, yeah. Also in San Sebastian. In Santa Bastian? San Sebastian. I see the Basque.

I want to know a Paise Basque. Yes. It's a l'nesty. Wait, where did you get this from? Just a, like a true infatuation with Latin culture. No, I think I lived in Spain and then from there, like, was like, oh, I can sort of now speak this. And so I spent a lot of time in Latin America

and then randomly shot a movie in Argentina. What movie was it? Oh, wait, was it? Hold on, hold on. Was it the Eichmann movie? Yes. Yeah. Operation finale.

You did an Eichmann movie? I did an Eichmann. It's hunting for Eichmann. It's me and Oscar Isaac. The House on Garibaldi Street is the book. Yes. Yes. I read that book.

Oh, yeah. And Sir Ben Kingsley is Adolf Eichmann. Yeah, yeah. And I got to tell you, Eichmann was a real knucklehead. I don't know who he was. Eichman is the reason that Israel believed the Holocaust. Sorry? Israel did not.

So I watched it. There's a huge- You're gonna keep that one in? Yeah, no, no, no. Israel did not believe, a lot of people in Israel did not believe the Holocaust was real. I think most of the people in Israel believed it was real because they were the only people who survived the Holocaust.

No, no, no, no, no. First of all, I don't speak about shit you don't know about it. Guys, guys, guys. Okay, get ready. So they kidnap Eichmann, right? From Argentina, right? Yeah, yeah. They pull them into Israel.

They put them on trial. And there were a lot of people that were like, their exact words were, were, if this Holocaust thing was so bad, how did you get here? Like, if they killed everyone, why are you here? The Israelis were saying that? Or the rest of the world? Maybe it was the world. I think that.

But, no, hold on. There's a moment. There's a moment. They bring Eichmann over. And him, his trial, proved the Holocaust. Yes. Let's call it the alleged Holocaust, right? We're on a podcast with a couple of little fellas.

and we can really get into that. But no, but there was a moment. There was the moment where they brought the, no, but this is like, I just watched a, like, like, there's a huge documentary on that one. So they, Ikeman, they got Eichmann. Am I, it's like, I'm one of the guys who goes and captures Eichman with Oscar Isaac. I saw the movie.

You did. Oh, Oscar. And thanks for all the kind words about it. Yeah. By the way. And great performance. Thank you. And we, anyway, we come back.

They bring him back to prove to have a trial. be like this guy stood trial. What's, I was just talking to someone recently. There's another documentary about Mangala, who was like a true monster in the Holocaust, the doctor. Yeah. He was in Brazil and they, when they brought Eichmann back, they were like, we're not going to keep chasing these other, we're not going to chase Mangala.

We know where he is. We're not going to bring him back. We're bringing back Eichmann to stand trial to, and that will be the symbol of this, of all of this. Yeah. Versus like continuing to hunt. I mean, I think they did continue to hunt these guys down. Yeah, they got, they still, yeah. And I, and then Mangala, didn't he get like, he died in, he died at the beach.

Did he get killed there? He just died. I feel like. He got hit with a javelin. Did he? And is that why they don't participate in the Olympics? And that's why Brazil doesn't do the, the, uh. The Ikeman's story for people that don't know is a fucking, it feels like a made up mission

impossible story. It doesn't feel real, but it is. It's, it's super real. And weirdly, I knew a guy disconnected from it who was one of the guys who was one of the guys who went and captured. him. You know the guy who did that? I met him. It was like I had been like a, you know, the, you know, Israeli Mossad guy back in the fucking day. And the guys who went and got him. And and so, yeah, it's a, it's a crazy story. And Sir Ben Kingsley, who you do refer to as Sir.

Sir. Sir Ben. And he, in method acting, really leaned into the Eichmann of it all with us. Like he was not, he showed up at the table. You know, a big table rate. Everyone shows up. Everyone was like reading the script, everyone was there. He shows up with a leather bound script of the movie. With a swastika on it. But like the Asian swastika. Right, right. It's a symbol.

It just happens to be a similar symbol. It was peace before. Yeah. And he did the entire, he was off book for the table read. So he would turn the pages with everybody and then just did all of his dialogue with ever looking down. And it was, and he's playing. playing Adolf Eichmann and it's the six of us like we kidnapped this guy, we have him kidnapped, and then we smuggle him out and get on a flight, go back to Israel.

And he like, it was such a fucking baller status move with us that we were all like, holy shit. Yeah. It was cool as hell. And that crazy thing. Oh, go ahead. Well, about that story, because I remember reading that book, it's a really good book, is that the Eichmann's son bragged to his girlfriend about who he was.

And that's really what got the whole ball rolling on it. Yeah. Which is like a fascinating thing. Yeah. So funny. The only thing I remember from the whole, the thing I remember from the whole Eichmann trial was that there was, I guess maybe it was the world didn't believe the Holocaust happened. I thought it was people in Israel. I think there were no one in Israel.

They were on board with it. They were like, no, no, no, no. And then there's a moment where the guy talks about. The guy. You motherfucker. There's a moment in the thing where the guy goes, I was rescued by. an officer and and and and they have the guy on the thing and the guy had a number written on his and i'll never forget that guy and then the guy stands up in the in the trial and walks up and he's the

guy and that's the moment you're right in that a lot of people in the world were like this what are you talking people still believe the holocaust didn't happen oh more and more yeah there's more and more it's incredibly uh scary it's incredibly encouraging but there's there's a lot of people wait so wait Hang on, this is a dumb question. So everyone in Israel, they were all like, we know. Yeah, I mean, literally Israel was formed out of the Holocaust, like the atrocity occurred. And then everyone was like, let's give them a country. You know what I mean?

And everyone who went there, I mean, there were like Middle Eastern Jews and diaspora from America or the Far East or whatever who came to Israel. But the majority of the Jews who went and settled in Israel had been in the Holocaust or been in Europe during the Holocaust. or had gotten out and went there. Yeah, but those trials did inform a lot of people. Yeah, that's what I... It informed the world and, yes. Maybe that's what I heard. Yes.

I miss hear things. But I remember hearing that the Igman thing was like super pivotal in like proof of the Holocaust. Yes. Yes. And this is, uh, this is turned into quite an episode. We've really hit them all.

Yeah, we really have. This is, uh, well, Are when are you going to start a podcast? I got to start one. But yeah, for the record, you do believe that it was real, right? Yeah, well, just the numbers are a little critical. No, yeah, yeah, yeah. No, I believe in the Holocaust.

I believe in it. I believe in it, too. I believe in it, too. To me, it's like evolution, you know? Yeah. It makes sense. Or just like pop music. I just, like, believe in the power of it.

You know what I mean? Yeah. I'm a little monster. Whether it happened or not, is secondary? Yeah. This is my heart. I believe in it. Do you think you can do an animated show about the Holocaust?

I feel like Jerry Lewis covered that with... There's that movie you made that has never been seen, like, the day the clown cried. It's like his Holocaust clown movie that I... It's like never seen the light of day. But every couple of... Life is beautiful, right? That's a classic Holocaust. Yeah.

There's some fun movies out there. Yeah, go ahead and check it out. Check out mating season. check out roommates or goats. Also, just check out any Holocaust movie you can get your hands on. Yeah, see if you believe it. All right.

I think that's it, man. Thanks, guys so much. I think we covered all the base. Yeah, we got through it all. Thanks for coming, man. Thank you. Genuinely. Congrats, buddy.

That's a surprise. Thanks, guys. Bert and Tom, Tom and Bert. One goes top of swat the other wears a shirt. Tom tells stories and Bert's the machine. There's not a chance in hell that they'll keep the clean. Here's what we call. Two bears one cave.