2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer - Phones Are Making You Unfunny w/ Jimmy Carr | 2 Bears, 1 Cave

Episode Date: September 29, 2025

SPONSORS: - Upgrade to ShipStation today to get a sixty-day free trial at https://www.shipstation.com/cave. - Eat smart at https://FactorMeals.com/bears50off and use code bears50off to get 50% off your first box, plus Free Breakfast for 1 Year. - For simple, online access to personalized and affordable care for Hair Loss, ED, Weight Loss, and more, visit https://Hims.com/BEARS. - Upgrade your wardrobe and save on @trueclassic at https://trueclassic.com/BEARS! #trueclassicpod This week, Tom Segura is joined by one of the greatest one-liner comedians in the world, Jimmy Carr! Tom and Jimmy dive deep into the craft of comedy, comparing Carr's laser-focused joke construction to Bert Kreischer's chaotic storytelling. Jimmy reveals his controversial (and hilarious) take on marijuana legalization—mandating it for people over 50—and the tragic role of "cheap dopamine" in modern life, from social media to porn. The conversation touches on global comedy culture, the variable reward system that drives stand-up and casinos , and why the live comedy experience is 30 times funnier than watching a special alone. Jimmy Carr also gives his final, wishful prediction for how Bert Kreischer will die. Plus: Why the 21st Century is just the 20th century on better screens, the long wait for GTA 6, Jimmy's hilarious interactions with Stephen Hawking, the importance of gratitude, and why Tom should have read the Quentin Tarantino book. Don't miss a conversation that is smart, insightful, and packed with the sharp, dark wit that only Jimmy Carr can deliver! 2 Bears, 1 Cave Ep. 308 https://tomsegura.com/tour https://www.bertbertbert.com/tour https://store.ymhstudios.com Chapters 00:00:00 - Intro 00:01:19 - The Mechanisms Of Reward 00:10:08 - The Spectacular Death Of Burt Kersher 00:15:51 - The Times They Are-A-Changing 00:28:51 - Weed Takes 00:37:22 - The Privilege of Pressure & Boredom 00:43:36 - Beautiful People 00:53:56 - Boinking Bert 00:59:02 - James Bond & GTA 6 01:06:11 - Quentin Tarantino 01:12:47 - Wrap Up Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Sunday, October 19th, at the hall at Live Casino in Hanover, Maryland. I will be throwing it down. It's one of my favorite spots to go to. Get tickets now at tomscore.com slash tour, and I'll see you there. Wow, that 80s music is like people don't give it enough credit. Dude, and then like somebody throws on like a mixtape or something, or you know a playlist of that, and you're like, oh, this is like the best shit. And then, you know what the funny thing?

I have kids, young kids. And they love it? Well, you're like, oh, I want interest in the music. And then you realize everything that they're like, this is good. It's like 40 or 50 years old. Well, you know what? The interesting thing about that for me is there's a guy called Mark Fisher, who's like a theorist on music.

And his thing was culture is downstream of technology. So we don't see it like that because we sort of go, well, well, no, culture is just kind of naturally, it's a wellspring from somewhere. It just comes from the ether. But you go, no, it's downstream in technology. So someone invented a keyboard in the mid-70s in Germany.

Right. And then you get Darf Punk. And then you get all of that 80s pop. So they'd be using this new music. So there's an amazing kind of, flourishing because of this technology that came along or then the ability to loop causes like a lot of the R&B and rap stuff that is kind of what causes that. Right. And it's slightly like there's a weird theory now that the 21st century is just the 20th century on better screens. That's kind of a

good theory. Like what's new? Like we're old dude. So obviously we're going to say that. We're going to say there's nothing new. There's nothing going on. This is too good to waste this though. So we're not that we're probably taping, aren't we? oh okay then that's a good man i was like what the fuck don't waste that that's too good it's an interesting it's a guy there's a polish philosopher called jizsac that talks about it a lot like just the idea the future's being cancelled because you think about like Hollywood now what's the last movie that was like important global impact that you could make a joke about on stage and everybody everyone gets the joke because not everyone needs to have seen the sixth sense

but everyone got that that's what the movie was i know the matrix fight club whatever those things were that people just went yeah that's when we talk about language it's comedies a lot, you know, like about comedy movies. It's like when you want to say a reference that everybody goes like, yeah, you realize that you're like the hangover. And then you're like, oh, that's like 20 years old now. You know what I mean? Like what's the last comedy movie that if you say it and you go like everybody, like you

go borat, everyone's like, oh yeah, yeah. And you're like, yeah, it's 20 years old. Like it's not a recent thing. Well, I wonder if it's that our technology has changed that we're not going to movies anymore to the cinema that's you know it's it's tailing off you know the Oscars is becoming less relevant and if you see the numbers on it like yeah what's what's becoming more relevant so the idea that the phone is the technology now so people are consuming things on the phone so actually if you put up crowdwork all the time it suits people right because it's little bite-sized chunks it and actually

it's it's not as good as the real experience like coming out seeing a comic live there's nothing like nothing like it you don't laugh in the same way you laugh I think someone someone sent me the stats it was like 30 times more at the same stimulus when you're in a crowd. Because it's like when you're performing. Obviously, the illusion is, I'm on stage in Dallas last night and had great fun. And the illusion is, oh, he performed on stage. Yes. No, 1,600 people performed in the audience.

Right. Like if you go, I suppose it's more obvious with music, but if you go and see like Taylor Swift or Oasis or whatever your thing is, and you see the people in the crowd singing along. And like Bruce Springsteen at the top of the show goes, how you doing? Everyone goes, yeah. Try that in Starbucks, see how far you get. You'd be escorted from the building. Yes.

It's all performative. It's all performative. And people love play. Yeah. That's the thing that we're in. The thing that's missing from our lives is play. Think about anything anyone gives a fuck about. It's play.

Sports. It's playing, right. Comedy's playing. Movies, we're watching our play. It's all, we want more play in our lives. You think about what a podcast is, it's play. Yes. It's kind of a conversation.

We don't know where it's, going it's in good faith we'll just see in what happens that's it's a great it's everything it's a good point and it's like and it's the thing that um you realize so many people so many people are missing from their lives you know is like so a lot of people don't remember to play they don't in other words they go like oh yeah I don't go to shows and I don't want and you're like yeah you're missing like fun you don't have any fun anymore and then like last night I was on stage in florida and you know I talked to some people afterwards, and they're like, this is my first, my first comedy show I've ever been to. And I was like, what do you, you know, what do you think? They're like, it's so,

like I've watched so many specials. And I was like, yeah, but you can't duplicate the energy, right? Like being a part of the crowd and like feeling the energy. This is the, the issue with the world, I think right now, not to be all serious, but I think it's the issue is we're giving up everything for cheap dopamine. Yeah. Like young men are looking at porn. And I'm not like puritanical. I'm not saying ban porn. We shouldn't be looking at porn. I'm saying, no, no, go and get your dick wet. Yeah. You've got to go and do it in real life.

That's the better. It's way better. Well, that thing of like, the message can't be, don't look a porn. It's like, no, no, you have to go and meet a girl and take a chance. And make a porn with her. Yeah. And yeah, make your own. Yeah.

Well, that's kind of the thing, isn't it? I mean, this is a thing. And as somebody who, like, I remember being in my 20s and 30s, especially like early on when you move to a new city and you're feeling isolated and you don't know people. And it coincide. You're like, when you look back, especially when you can see things clearly, you're like, oh, yeah, I'm sitting in a room watching porn and thinking that I'm participating in life, right? Like you're just like, I'm just in a room. Looking back on it, you're like, oh, yeah, I was like trying to fill a gap, right, a hole that is not being able.

Trying to fill a hole quite literally. Trying to fill like six holes. But you realize, too, that it's a cheap search for dopamine and then and that you can see how somebody. could easily fall into this gap. What are things that are, you know, they're proxies. So like, porn is a proxy for real intimacy and sex. Yes. Booze and drugs are a proxy for fun.

It's kind of a fast way to get there. Yeah. And it helps and I'm not, you know, again, not puritanical. I'm saying, great. We're not, we're not anti-drug. Yes, do something fun. But make sure you're doing something, you know, fun. And it's like video games for me.

It's like the tragedy of video games is the young men that play them. Like there's levels and a big boss at the end. Yeah. And it's a proxy. for the career they're not having. They need to go out and live the life, go and have the adventure. And I do the thing.

It's kind of easy for us. We're a couple of old men. Yes. And somehow we got dealt the cards like the luck. We don't factor in the luck. Yes, the luck is big. Because we came along at a time when comedy was a thing. If we'd been around in the 1930s, comedy was not a thing.

Like, thanks to the hard work of Pryor and George Carlin, we get to be in a world where it's all the clubs, were there, the infrastructure was there, the community was there. Like, people think they're individuals. No one, our sort of whole identities are dispersed. It's why we've got a mental health crisis, because people think they can solve their problems internally. I always not done like that. It's not. It's done with other people. You have to, you need a village. The other epidemic that is like huge, huge, huge that I become more aware of as I've gotten older is the epidemic of loneliness. Meaning there's so many people that you don't,

Like, you take for granted sometimes that you have a family, you know, a boyfriend, girlfriend, a husband, wife, friends. And then you realize there are a lot of people that don't have any of that. Like, they really don't. They live in their, the isolation of their life. They don't interact with a lot of people. They don't have a lot of friends. They don't have a romantic partner.

They, that's, I suppose it's that thing of like, you know, it's hard choices now, easy life later. Those things are very difficult to put together. and then obviously you get the benefits are downstream. Yeah. So you get that thing of like the good stuff is like you have to put the energy in

like why do people get drunk in like like soldiers? Why do soldiers get drunk? Oh well it's a bonding experience right which is kind of obvious. It's not. It's the hangover. The reason guys get absolutely blitzed

before going into battle is not to get drunk together, not to be drunk. It's not for the night out. It's the hangover. The hangover is the bonding. The next morning, oh man,

what do we do last night? have. I feel terrible. That thing. That's the bonding. That's the bonding. Going through tough times together and sticking together. And now we kind of live in a world where there's, we've got too many options. Yeah. You can't stay in a relationship because people are untended. They've got other options. Yes. It kind of gets back to that. I know. There's a book from like the 80s that this guy, Neil Postman wrote called Amusing Ourselves to Death, where it's kind of like a media studies book kind of thing. But he basically talks about how it's not, it's not, it's not Orwellian. It's not like our power will not be taken from some overlord in charge, some fascistic

leader. Our power will be taken. We'll give it away for cheap dopamine. Yeah. We'll give it away for swipes on TikTok. You know, and all that stuff can be great, but it's the, it's a quick fix, though. Yeah. And it's often the, it's the dosage is the poison. Right. It's like, it's just two, eight hours of TikTok is a lot. It's too much. Well, that goes back to the video game thing, because I don't like to, like, there's this thing where, you know, a lot of people demonize or, like, criticize gamers, right? They'll just be like, oh, you're fucking in your basement playing games. And like, you know, these games are incredible and the people that are skilled at them

are very skilled. The only thing that I find for, like, your average person like myself and gaming is, like, if you don't have control over the time you would put into it, like, you know, if you commit too much of your time, then it's this portal. into too much escape, I think. I mean, listen, we can't be too down on gamers because it's the variable reward system that they use to make those games brilliant.

Yeah. And they are brilliant. They're brilliant. And you go, it's the same as the casinos. Yeah, 100%. And it's the same mechanism. Same thing we do with comedy. Yeah.

It's a variable rewards mechanism. It's kind of what jokes are. Yeah. Because you go, what are jokes? Well, it's taking people to a surprising yet inevitable conclusion. Mm-hmm. like that story. It's like landing that plane. It's like, it's surprising, but it was absolutely inevitable. Yeah, that's true. There's a lot of people I realize that in this moment that are

adjusting their dials, looking at their screens, and they're like, is that Burt? So we should make it clear that you are not Burt, Kreischer. Oh, yes. No, I, I, I, I, uh, right. Yeah, no, we probably should say. Yeah, because of people are like, wow, Bert's like, we get, we get, we get, a lot of people come and see me and they go, wait, this isn't, he's dressed nice. Yeah, he's like, he's dressed nice, lost weight, he's dressed, he's dressed, he's lost weight. He's, he's lost weight. He's really put together. Is this a good time to tell people he's died? This is this is Jimmy Carr. This is not Bert. And just so that people are aware, Jimmy, how, how will he die if we made our predictions now? I'm going to go eaten by a shark. I'm going to go.

Dude, he would be so much happier if that were his. I slightly think that should be, this is, this is, some type of action adventure. If you're going to die, right? If you're, if you're, if you're absolutely committed to unaliving yourself. I think shark infested water is the way to go. Because basically, everything else you've done in your life is like a, is a footnote to, you heard he got eaten by a shark. And that would be the, it's such a Burt story too. Like, Bert lives in a fantastical, you know, like, yeah, he's always, it's always extremes and crazy shit. Like he lives, it's almost like, he's on a train in Russia. Yeah. It's with a bag of cocaine and a grizzly bear. It's all this,

like, almost like fantasy shit, right? So it's like, he's like, If he died, like, oh, heart attack, which you're like, yeah, of course. It's such like a, it's so boring. Yeah, it feels like I would love it and be like, oh, guess what? He jumped out of plane? No parachute. You're like, that sounds right. You know, like that kind of, like something more.

I think eaten by a shark. I think if, and this is obviously, this is a big stretch. I'm not criticizing your security services in America. But I think if Epstein had been thrown to sharks rather than just killed in prison. Yeah. I think that would, I think everyone, no one would be talking about the island. Yes. You heard it got eaten by sharks.

Sharks. It's so insane. It's grizzly. You've got it on film. It's crazy. It is crazy. But so people know, Jimmy is on his laughs funny tour throughout the U.S., UK, Europe right now. You're going to Australia, New Zealand, in early 26. And you can get tickets at jimmycar.com. So make sure you go see him live. Don't feel you have to. Well, you don't ask. You've got other stuff on. There's a lot of stuff you could do. But do go and get tickets for something. Go to something. Go to something. I always think that thing of like when you get your ticket, like you kind of get the benefit twice. Yeah. Like the, we, we, Jim Jeffries came over to London. So we. We went to see OASIS, right? We went to see the gig, and we were like, when we got the, like, when the tickets came

out and when we got them and when we got their passes and the, like, the whole thing was the, the high before the high was so good of like, right, what are we going to do? Where are we going to go? We've got to be careful. We don't drink too much because we want to enjoy every moment of it. It was just, and nothing will be that good again because it's what you put into it. Yeah, exactly. Not the Oasis aren't the greatest, but you kind of go, well, I've put 30 years into this band.

Yeah. I know everything backwards. So when 90,000 people singing along, it was just... Yeah, the energy. Next level. When I blew out my tricep, I was obsessed with elbow braces. And I was more than obsessed with the reviews of elbow braces. It was amazing.

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I was having conversations about those multiple people about how the fact that our generation usually, like, makes fun of the older generation for, like, how they, you know, how they courted and stuff. Yeah. But you're like, yeah, but that type of courting is what was done for, like, like basically the previous couple thousand years. Like it's just man, like, you know, it's an evolution of it. And you're like, they're kind of on to something.

Like it did work. You know what I mean? Like for now. It's really, it's not thousands of years. It's actually, it's not for that long. Well, not for that long, but it's everything was like evolution of an arranged marriage. Which is the nice way of saying cousin marriage. Yeah, yeah.

That's true. It was the tribal thing of like keeping everyone together for years. And then we had this wonderful thing where we would meet someone and full enough. I think the issue is now, the way I think about. relationships is, is it cornerstone or capstone relationships? So cornerstone relationship, you meet someone in your 20s and you build a life together. Yeah. And there's like a reservoir of goodwill and you kind of build a life together. And then there's capstone relationships where guys sort of do everything else and they just solve for career and money and hard charging. And then at the end they go,

and I've got this girl who's super hot, it's 20 years younger than me. Yeah. But you go there's like a yeah, it's a different way of doing it. A different way of doing it. But I think that there's something to like when in the old days and we'll call it which is just like 50 years ago or something it's like you meet someone and you get to know them and then you know like you actually take as opposed to like swipe swipe yes no but i went out with her whatever like that feels like hey maybe take some cues from that previous time if you're not finding success in your swipe swipe swipe swipe swipe. Isn't there some stat that the old people now, our grandparents are having more sex than the children? In retirement communities, it's a big thing. Yes. Which is kind of, it's not the

way it should be, right? It feels strange that they're like, these are the highest STD like numbers that we're seeing in any demographic is within retirement communities. Yeah. Yeah, that's a bit of granny family. So they're like, that can't be good, can it? We're on our way out and we're trying to fuck. Yeah, gilfs. Yeah, dude. I have a friend that's into that. And I, we, we, all were like laughing at first and then we're like what's up like what's wrong with you like he's like well i guess we don't choose yeah it's your wiring right it's a weird thing with like i've think of that with like a sense of humor or like your sense of humor is very much like your taste in food or your sexual preferences like some people like it's spicy yeah in my audience is

self-selecting so people that come and see me they're like the spicy comedy yeah and some people like like plain stuff yeah and that's absolutely valid i agree but like we see it on certain things you go, oh, you don't like that food, you do like that food. Well, like, no one's like cross. Oh, you don't like Indian food. It's too spicy for you. Oh, you're an idiot. You go, well, that's fine. But with comedy, if someone doesn't like that comedian, you go, you're an idiot. No, no, it's just what you like.

It's just what you like. I agree. I agree that, like, that's another thing, the older you get, I think you just feel like, I used to be more critical of someone's... I was annoyed with stuff if I didn't like it. Yeah. But this isn't for me. Yeah, not everything's for you. It's just like when you go to the cinema and there's 12 movies you're like yeah that one's not for you the one that you're like I wouldn't want to see it like don't go see it then go see the one that's for you yeah you don't have to shit on I think having kids really kind of changes that because you go you obviously watch a lot of kid stuff

course and then you and then you find yourself going that's a good one yeah that's a good one I mean I wouldn't watch it on my own but that was a good one yeah because then you realize you're like this is this was done by high level people where they're entertaining children and adults at the same time like some of it is so well crafted you're like oh they got both jokes in there they got the one for the kid that picks our stuff as well where they just go oh this is just perfect that's really really well done yeah absolutely um so how long are you in the states right now for i've got like three three blocks so we've got little kids so like 12 days away at a time so just basically hard charge and do like two shows in a different city every night is is kind of the idea and just kind of i do that

but i mean i'm always on tour yeah i kind of love it i think that thing about going it's not like at the end of the tour the beginning of the tour it's just like i'm always doing shows yeah and i kind of love it. I think it is that thing where you go, it's nice to be good at something. It's nice to travel around. You have a lane. You're like, I get to do this. It's kind of great. Well, yeah, it's very, it's very lucky as well. It feels like there's a, you know, comedy's having a bit of a moment, I think, culturally. It feels like it's, it's maybe having the moment that movies had in the 70s. Right. Or that, you know, that music had. You know, that thing of like, it's the center of the culture. And it feels quite, you know, there's a lot of controversy around comedians because

they're saying interesting things. Yeah, that's true. I always think about the luck, too, by the way, that you were mentioning. Because one of the things I tell people is I'm like, you know, if I was the same guy and the same age, and this were just, forget 50 years ago, if this was like 2001 and I was like 35, like when my first special came out, I go, like the thing that would have happened is like best case scenario, like maybe I could fill up a club, you know? Just the times I'm saying. Don Rickles never played an arena. Right. Like, you got, I mean... Also, the only, like, to be an arena act 25 plus years ago,

you'd have to be a global household name. Like, you'd have to be so... I think it was, yeah, Eddie Murphy, Robin Williams, that was maybe... Yeah, Dice, when he did it was, like, like, everybody knew who that was. But Dice did it in America. He did.

Some people just stay in America. Yes. Because why would you not? I mean, it's so huge. Yeah. You can just do the circuit here forever and never wander out. That's true. But, like, I have a total awareness, I'm saying, of the fact that streaming and the internet change that space where you're like, oh, I'm also just lucky that when this came out, this medium was available.

Like, it wasn't available. It's weird how I'd really noticed earlier this year with, like, White Lotus came out and everyone was talking about the same TV show. And I thought, are we, am I a kid again? it felt like there was one thing on TV. Right. Like it used to, like when there was five channels, when there was three channels, whatever it was, and everyone kind of watched the same thing.

That's true. And it feels like we're getting back to that now. Yeah, the weird. Everyone's kind of consolidating. The thing about movies, too, I don't know if you've ever done this where you go on like the Apple, you know, like iTunes movies.

And you're like, what are the top 10 or 20, trendy movies? And now you'll go through them and you'll see movie stars. Like, it'll be like, Keanu Reeves. And you're like, this is a Keanu Reeves movie? And then you're like, I've never heard of this movie. I don't know what this is. How did this come out? And it's a shift from not that long ago when if somebody of his stature was in a movie, there would, it would always

be a theatrical release, obviously. And you would, there's no way you wouldn't have, you would have a reference, you'd be like, oh yeah, I saw the billboard and the trailer of this movie because it's a huge movie star and there's a lot of money behind it. And now there's like, you'll see movie stars in these things and you're like, I've never, this came out this year? And then it's like straight to a rental thing. Like that's a different path than what we had. And there's a bunch of those now because now that it just, they go different places. Well, there's a, there's obviously there's a theory. There's a theory that we're kind of at the end of a cultural sort of time. So there's a there's a guy called Neil Howe. He's the guy that came up with a term millennium. Millennial. So he's

like a demographer guy. Yeah. And he thinks that like history sort of rolls, certainly America, in 80 to 100 year blocks. Yeah. So you basically have, so 2008 was 1929. Mm-hmm. That financial crash.

And that's the beginning of what he calls the fourth turning. It's kind of the end of a period of history. So you go through this incredibly sort of disruptive period where there's a war or cataclysmic events and you reinvent the institutions. and then you kind of, there's a rebirth. So you go, if you think back to like the end of the last fourth turning was like 1945, 46, right? And then we don't have any culture from before that.

Nothing makes sense to us before Elvis. And even Elvis now is kind of fading from view. Right. Like as the kind of the foundation myth of our society is kind of fading away. World War II, that foundation myth is kind of fading. So you go, so we're kind of at the end of a cultural thing. And you sort of, and then it reinvents. Yeah.

What is, what's like the current, um, point of view of, from Brits of like what the US is right now, you know? I mean, I don't think there's one view anymore. It's like, there's multiple views. Well, people are kind of siloed. I think people are sort of, it's, I know, there's a lot of talk of left and right. And I don't think that makes any sense to me. I think it's about kind of authoritarian and freedom. Basically, it's like that idea of going, some people want to have a conversation and some people do not want there to be a conversation.

Yeah, yeah. And it's that weird thing of like going, you know, what's, I mean, it could have gone another way. You're often thinking about the kind of counterfactuals. So it's the end of an era, I guess. Yeah. It feels like it's the end of something. You've sensed the authoritarian shift. Not even the authoritarian shift.

It's the, it's the end of, so, sorry, it's too boring for the podcast. It's like Pax Americana, right? So there was a thing called Pax Americana, like Pax, Ramana, Pax Britannia, where basically there was a unipolar world. with one massive power. It was the Romans. It was the British. It was the Americans. And it was the Americans for the longest time.

From 1945 until the fall of the Berlin War, America just ruled the seas. The American Navy gave us globalization. They let everything happen. Those brave men made everything possible that we appreciate in the world today. And then since 1989 or 91, wherever you want to draw the line,

the American Navy has shrunk every year because it didn't have a big enemy to fight. It was just this unipolar world kind of go, okay, well, those guys are fading. and our empire's getting stronger. And it's all just sort of fracturing apart now. That globalization thing is just like, it's fracturing. And we're kind of witnessing the end of that.

So some people think, okay, so it's because Donald Trump was elected. So it's contingent on that. And I don't think that's the case. I think it's convergent. I think he happens to be an elect. But this is the force of history happening. It doesn't matter who's elected. It's still going to be this going on.

It's still going to be that. Yeah. I agree. Might be too boring. No, I can do dick jokes as well. What's your morning routine like to look like this? No one plans for hair loss, but through Hymns, you can take the next step with confidence. Access treatments made with clinically proven ingredients like finasteride and monoxidil to stop hair loss and regrow hair in three to six months.

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podcast. So obviously, I do a bit of AG1. You have to do that. There's a certain level of podcast where you go, well, they just, if you listen to a certain amount, they send you AG1 and LMNT. Are British comics as into cold plunges and peptides as Americans? I'm massively into cold plunges. I saw a cold plunge every day. I do that thing. And there's a weird thing of like, I did it the first time and kind of went, this is some bullshit. I've got baby dick from the cold plunge. I hate this. Yeah. That's how you can tell who's got a real cock on them, too. If they pop out of the cold plunge and you see weight, you're like, this guy's got a dick. This is, that's something, yeah.

Yeah. The, that thing of like, yeah, it is good. It's a really, it seems to work. And I don't know about that thing of like, I'm very aware of like what's a fad and what's not a fad. But you kind of go, when you go to, I did a bunch in like Norway and Denmark when I tour over there. Yeah.

And you're like doing like cold plunges where you actually jump in the Baltic Sea. Yeah. Out of the sauna. It's like. This is the best, though. And then for the next six hours, you're kind of on a high.

And then you're like, these motherfuckers been doing this for like a thousand years. Like this works. I kind of think it's meditation. but it's like a physical version of meditation you could be chatting to someone over but your body is in like a in like a, so it's like a workout for your heart

like every blood wrestle opens everything tightens it's good for you. You prioritize sleep? I sleep pretty well. I mean I've got little kids or whatever but yeah I sleep kind of not bad. Yeah.

Not bad. And then does that mean you're like it's the booze thing is hard because you're on the road it's always tempting as a little treat. Yeah. Apparently people started drinking because it was like the it was the sugar at the end of the day.

Just a little treat. Yeah, yeah. And that thing of like going, it's hard sometimes not to have a little drink after a show, but it's that classic thing of like, you're borrowing happiness from tomorrow. Great. Like, our drink is okay, but if you have. Several. Yeah, it's just, are you into edibles or anything like that?

No, not my, not my jam. You kind of can't get them in the UK. It's not, well, I mean, you can, but it's a whole thing? Well, it would be, it would be illegal and it would be, you know, so if it's illegal then. Nationwide? Yeah. But it would be the, it's, I think that thing about with marijuana, I've got quite strong views on marijuana, which I think are controversial.

You do? Yeah, so here's the thing. I think it's a performance inhibiting drug. So I see a lot of young men playing video games, smoking weed, kind of doing nothing with their lives, but it doesn't matter because they're just in a kind of little fugue state. I don't like seeing that. I'd rather they were out doing something. I'd rather they're out drinking, frankly.

Really? I would say the risk to your liver is as nothing compared to the risk of social isolation. Get out there, have a few drugs. drinks but some people can do that socialize on with weed like a lot of people are feel social on it like but it isn't classically a social drug so I think it should be illegal for the under 30s legal between 30 and 50 what you can make a decision and then over 50 mandatory that was an unexpected turn but I think a lot of dudes of like 50 and above like the CEOs that kind of class of people they need to chill the fuck out they do get out the way let the young people have a go I'm much better

social situations with a light dose. Really? Mm-hmm. Just, I'm talking about socializing. But the dose thing is everything for me. The dose is everything. Because when it's illegal, like, marijuana isn't what it was when I was a kid. When I was a kid, it was like, it was weed.

Yeah. And now it's this incredibly kind of powerful, kind of skunk. Like, it's too powerful for me to go anywhere near. And the dosage is not clear because it's illegal. So everyone's, like, the dosage, like, whoever figured out what's one unit of alcohol? that's a genius move. We sort of need the same thing for marijuana.

Like the proper dosage so that you can, it's just universal. And you only get that when it becomes legalized. Yeah. I don't know. I've had like an interesting relationship with weed for most of my life, I think, where I didn't do it for like when I started to do it a little bit in high school. Right. And then kind of stopped.

And in college, I was smoking a lot of weed. a lot and then I got to LA right after and it was heavy heavy use like like not that I was throughout the day doing it like every evening right it was like like the nighttime treat but you never quite give yourself a time to recover fully from that yeah well I what I realized was that like we were you know we're doing like massive bong rips like right before you go to bed so you're like super high right and then you you know you feel like oh I'm sleeping so much deeper but then at my the next day I would be like dragging and especially if I had something to do obviously right like I have to go somewhere so I would like kind of reduce reduce what I was doing because I had an awareness of it

and then I just wasn't smoking anymore just like completely not like I'm anti this I'm like I'm more productive right this way then anytime I would introduce it it would be too much so I would get like anxiety and paranoia I'm like this isn't this isn't fun for me like I'm not enjoying this right And then years would kind of go by. And then I guess you would call it, it's all related to like the dosage where when I was introduced to low dose edibles, it was like the kind of like the nice feeling of like, oh, there's like a little something here. Like having a drink and you go, I have a little buzz. But not like, I'm fucking blitzed. Yeah, I mean, that's kind of my point on it.

Yeah, it's half a joke, but half also, I think actually older guys, like it seems appropriate. the victory lap you made it you made it you've done your thing okay just you need to chill out this will help you chill out have a laugh right yeah but like in the in your 20s i don't know if you need that yeah that's that's a good point i haven't really thought of it like i think well i think that thing about you everyone's got a couple of lost years to like i didn't drink when i started doing comedy i gave up drinking for i think it was like 12 years maybe yeah i went fully sort of teetotal because i kind of suddenly i was like mid 20s but i felt so old and i suddenly felt like this world's incredible maybe I could stay here maybe they'll let me stay here and it was like

it was probably 10 years before I went I think I do this for a living now yeah I think this isn't just a phase I think I'm okay I think I've established something I think I'm gonna be all right because it wasn't like there wasn't really the career ladder that there is now yeah in terms of people can see oh I'll follow that path and I'll do that yeah yeah it was a bit more kind of we were kind of walking into a in 2001 it was like it was kind of walking into a graveyard yeah there wasn't a lot going on people weren't touring in the same way yeah that's 100% true i i also remember that like i i i listened to something i'm glad i did the very first time i did stand up i was in a panic right i was like i can't like i was signed up for this thing i'm like what the fuck am i doing yeah and i

there was a bar here and then you had to go around to this thing it wasn't a comedy club it was like it was a bar that was having comedy night and i was once i was in there because i had prepared or I thought I'd prepared and I'm standing there and I'm listening to the person on stage. I was like, and I pounded a beer, right? And then I got a second one and I pounded that one. Because I was like really nervous. Yeah. And I went up there and it was, you know, it was fine. It wasn't great. It wasn't. It was fine. But I remember talking to someone, not that night, but shortly thereafter, where they were like, make sure you don't get into drinking before your sets because it's going to become like a crutch for you where you'll be like oh if i have a set i have to have

have drinks and then you'll probably have to have more drinks and for some reason it just it's great advice to get early on it it clocked with me and i i've never performed since then yeah with a drink and i always have a drink if i want a drink i have it after a set never before yeah it's a weird i don't know i mean i slightly it kind of makes me a bit melancholic because i think back to edinburgh on the festival and the guys that you haven't heard of that you haven't heard of that you'll never hear of that had such fun. Yeah. They had more fun than I had.

Yeah. But they didn't, they kind of, the comedy was like a little bit of it. It wasn't the whole thing. Yeah. It was like, oh, I'm doing comedy, but it kind of facilitates my incredible capacity for drugs and alcohol. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, great, but it's like.

Yeah, well, we all know so many names of like, you're like, this person was outrageously funny. Well, it's the reason Bert died. That is why Bert's dead. Yeah. This is the memorial show. We should probably talk about him more, but nah, it's fine. I miss you

I miss you bird Still moving on Yeah So are you in the middle of a tour at the moment? Are you? Yeah I'm so I I've been on I've been on this tour for almost two years

And I like that I like touring for like mine It's about a three year Yeah But I like that fact that you get to know it Really well So it becomes

Less about the memory trick Of knowing what the jokes are And more about Okay I'd nailed that I took them with me on that joke And then you're kind of You're adding bits all the time like little, okay, perform like that

and the gap needs to be a bit longer there or... And now I'm in that part where I love this part where I'm going to shoot in November and you can't manufacture the pressure of an upcoming shoot. Because you shot the last one in... Was it Phoenix? Yes.

I played that room. I saw your special and I went, I'm going to play that room. It's fucking great. I'm going to book it. So it's like in the round. Yeah, celebrity theater. Because whenever I do arenas, I always play them in the round.

Yes. And it's kind of a trick I got from, I played a gig with Chappelle in Australia. We did an arena in the round. I went, oh, no one's got a bad seat. No one's got a bad seat. And you kind of turn, but if you put screens above you, just sort of turn slowly, everyone kind of feels like, we've got great seats. Yeah, absolutely.

The thing that I love about being in the round too is that I'm generally a pretty stationary guy, you know, like I'm not going to do a lot, a lot of movement. but when I worked the round it just inherently makes you do a continuous movement and it adds something actually like you kind of don't realize it but it's adding a little bit of volume to your performance because you keep moving around and you become a little more compelling to watch right because you you have movement to you it's more compelling to and then you can and then when you stop it's actually more dramatic because you're it's not a it's not you're not just standing still like you might in a theater where you just go to this. No, no, it's like it's for it. It's

for it. There's an effect that comes from it. So I, I love that venue. The celebrity theater in Phoenix is, is fantastic. It's pretty special. Where are you taping the new one? Where are you going to? The new one I'm doing at the Riverside in Milwaukee. And, uh, it's a cool town to play, though. I like a really good, I don't know, there's something about those kind of blue color towns. People always ask, they're like, well, how do you pick these cities? I go, you pick the city based on your past experiences. So I go, I've had good shows in Milwaukee. I'm going to do it in Milwaukee. But what I love about the tour right now is that because I know I'm shooting, I've noticed how much more laser focused I am on the set. You know what I mean? So like this past

weekend doing shows, I finally, I was like looking at my normal set and I was like, like, crossing off things where I'm like, that's just a gratuitous nonsense. Like that's not helping the set. Yeah, that's going to make it to the edit. I cut it, you know, in real time. And I was like, oh, this made the set better. And then I moved, like, you start to go like, oh, I want to actually really dial it in, adding tags, jokes. And I feel like, even though you're doing that all the time, when you know there's a ticking clock, it just happens at a more advanced. How many do you tape for the special? We're going to tape three shows. Oh, okay. Okay. Great. So you kind of, the pressure's off. One Friday, two Saturday. Yeah. Yeah. Perfect. Yeah. Be fun. It's a fun thing to

know. It's a really kind of. It is fun. And I think I'm enjoying it more now than I ever have before. Yeah. I mean, pressure is a privilege. Yeah. Some people don't get to be pressured at work. They don't get to have that thing and you go it's absolutely a privilege it is i think people like i don't know i think people code stuff wrong in life generally like pressure great stress it's great yeah like the idea of like people talk about problems and you go a problem just means something needs your attention right like you either have a problem or you're bored and boredom i think is wrongly coded i think boredom is just unappreciated serenity. Right. There's monks in a, in a, you know, upper mountain in Tibet trying to get to where I'm getting to in an airport lounge. Yeah. Just at thinking about nothing.

Yeah. I, I, you know, I have two young kids and all the time when they're like, I'm bored, I go, good. They're like, what do you mean? I go, figure it out, do something. And they're like, what? I go, I don't know, man. Just be bored. Figure some out. I used to like write most of my material driving because you were kind of busy doing something but your mind was like so I'd like I'd turn off the radio because it's just a distraction and just sort of go okay think about stuff because a lot of it's kind of word play and stuff so just let things kind of and let things just occur to you yeah just funny little thoughts and let them I think a lot of creativity comes from boredom I think that overstimulation were you good at retaining it like would you just

retain it if you came up with it would you have yeah I've got a pretty good I've got like it's not a photographic memory but like I'll remember if I listen to something. thing. If I say something, I'll remember it like pretty much verbatim. Even years later, I remember where I was when I said it. Yes. Yeah. I'm like that too. I have really good recall for specific conversations. Like I'll be like, this is where we were. You said this. I said this. You said this. You know, like, if I can listen to a audio book, I'll remember where I was when I listen to it. Yeah. The whole thing, pretty much. Yeah. It's a useful. But that thing of like boredom as a, it's like it's seen as being the worst. And you go, no, no, it's, it's okay to be.

bored just sit with yourself it's okay i mean the phone has kind of ruined that for us ruined it and i think it's a bigger ruiner for a young kid now because they don't like we tell them like yeah we don't have any of this shit you know we just take a stick and fucking throw it like like you know like you should figure out something to do you can figure it and then of course they do they end up figuring out some you know yeah they build a fortress in the living room and you're like yeah this is what like you made something happen you did something you know You don't have to just be like, give me some stimulation from the phone right now. Yeah, it seems to be that thing of the, what's that Jonathan Haidt book?

He's the guy that did the cuddling of the American mind, and then he did The Anxious Generation. They're very good on, like, you know, kids can't have phones. It's weird how, but he also sort of makes the concession that, like, stories are very good for kids. Whether it's a, you know, it could be a book, but it could be like a 25-minute, like, morality tale, good TV show. That's pretty good for kids. Yeah. That's good. It's the swiping.

It's just the instant, instant, instant stuff. It just kills them. It kills them. I agree. It's too much. I wanted to ask, because I just had this conversation with someone that asked me the other day, I was like, oh, this is a good one. What is the, have you ever had, what's the biggest surprise person, celebrity, or

whomever, that you came to a show and you're like, whoa, really? Because I know that you've had people pop into shows that you're like, you're here? I remember Stephen Hawking coming in Cambridge. That's a crazy one. Yeah, he was an old friend of mine. Wait, he was an old friend of yours? Yeah, he was a friend of mine, yeah. Okay, so when he came, it was a friend showing up?

Or was it somebody just being like... No, well, he was like, he was a friend showing up. So it's quite a lot of, like, organizing to get him anywhere because he's, you know, he's ever so slightly tetraplegic. Yes. He's just one cheek muscle at the time. Yeah. But I remember him coming to the show and then doing like a barrage of jokes about him.

And then the people around him just going, does he not know he's here? And he loved it. Yeah, he's fine. What was Stephen Hawking like? I feel like I don't know. It was like a fun hang. Like it was a weird thing where obviously if you know someone, if you have people that are severely disabled in your life,

if they're tetraplegic, you have to just be on send. Because you're not going to get any, there's no waiting for an answer. Like people waiting for a yes. It's going to take him 20 minutes to fucking do. Just fucking tell him some interesting stories. You'll maybe send you an email in a few weeks. Really?

Yeah. So that thing of like being on send. Was it a surprise that he came? Were you like, oh, sure? Well, he kind of on the day, it was like, oh, I went to see him for tea and he went, you know, his people went, can he come to the show? Yeah, great. That's pretty good. That was fun.

That's a fun like, uh, popular. Who else came like, really? Um, who's the wrestler guy? John Senna? Yeah, John Cena, yeah. John Cena. I was doing a gig in Melbourne, Australia. And it's about halfway through the gig and I'm looking at a guy in the third row going, I recognize him, suited and booted.

Yeah. Oh, yeah. Sitting with a stunning looking lady and, uh, just like, you know, clearly enjoying the show. I recognize him. Yeah. I know that guy. That looks just like that wrestler fella. Yes.

He's a movie star. It looks just like him. And then sort of finish the gig, go backstage, don't think anything of it. And then like the tour manager comes and goes, there's a guy who wants to come and say hello. He's a wrestler, I think. And then he sort of came back. But he just bought a ticket. He was in town filming something.

That's just such a gentleman. It's like such a menschy move, I think. Yeah, for sure. Yeah. I saw him at a restaurant in L.A. Same thing. Like custom suit. Yeah.

Yeah. And then you see the back like this. Jesus Christ. Yeah, what is that? Yeah, dude. I was watching his show. James Gunn was just here, and there's a show that called Peacemaker

on HBO Match right now. Cina's amazing in it. He's so good in it. Like really funny. Yeah, he's really good. So who turned up at your shows? Who was like a weird? Well, I was like, because you start rack,

like it's kind of like a pressure question. You're like, oh, yeah, because you think back of all the years of like some. I was like, well, like the holy shit, Brad Pitt, that's a holy shit one. Yeah. And then Mike Tyson. I think those are like the, like, what the fuck. I remember meeting Brad Pitt at something.

It was like I met him and Angelina Jolie. Yeah. And here's the thing, right? I've met a lot of very attractive women because there are lots of tens. Yeah. Wander around Austin on a Saturday night. There's a lot of incredibly attractive women do. That could be very attractive. But you meet a guy that good looking and it's like, what? Yeah. What's going on there? Yeah. I've never

seen this before. What's your life like? This seems pretty cool. Yeah. This seems, can I be handsome yeah and then like you stand the fun thing about like he's a celebrity so it goes to another level but if you are with a dude who's that good looking and you the fun thing to do is watch other people observe this person yeah and you go like oh that's crazy that this is how you get looked at all the time you know because like people you get looked you get used to like what normal eye contact looks like yeah and then you see people going like just I think it's I think I know what it's like to be an incredibly attractive woman now.

You do. Okay. Here's why. Well, first of all, you're gorgeous, but keep going. But that thing of like, you get asked, you have the same conversation. I think that thing of like, if I was a single guy, I'd go, if it's an attractive woman, just a disruptive conversation, just something interesting and different is probably the way to start because they've had the same conversation a million times.

In the same way as like, I'm not, like, I love people coming up and saying hello, but it tends to be that it's one of three conversations that they're just going to hear every time. And you need something to shift it. And something kind of weird is like is better. And imagine how many times, I told a young dude this. Like imagine how many times a beautiful woman has heard, you know, you're beautiful. Like how that won't stimulate anything inside of that person. It's the same thing.

It's a hunt. She's heard it a thousand times. You've got to say something different, man. Yeah. It's weird, actually, that thing of like, I was thinking about this recently about how. uh in dating like one night stands for dating men will lower their standards for a one night stand so one night stand yeah what do you mean she's got one eye and a patch who cares she's got three teeth one night yeah so she seems nice whatever she's love whatever we've had a few drinks she seemed great

you're stuff a trash bag who cares women yeah raise their standards for the one night stand a one night stand a one night stand you've got to be brad pitt for one night stand interesting it's weird we go in opposite directions so it's like why is it impressive that a guy has is it sleeps with a girl on a Saturday night and it's not impressive that a girl sleeps with a guy on a Saturday night because it's impressive. Right.

The guy had a one-night stand. That's a big deal. Right. That's a big deal. She raised her standards and he met that standard. That's... That's impressive.

Congratulations. Good job. Well done. It's like we're on the... We're going to take a moment and celebrate every man that's had a one-night stand here. You're special.

All-night, gents. They're in the booth right now. They're thinking about their one-night stands And they were like, wow, I'm a 10. In the booth, they're sitting there thinking, I wonder what it's like to touch a boob. That's what they're thinking. God love them.

Were you a big one-night stand guy? No. No. That's not my. Yeah. No. I mean, I don't think. No one is thinking of me in a, yeah, I'm pretty.

It's happened. Yeah, it's happened, though. Oh, yeah, sure. Sure. This guy. This guy. He's in a fucking three-piece suit. Of course I'm going to fuck him.

Of course. Yeah. Of course. Of course. Yeah. I don't know whether, I don't know whether people are looking at. It's a weird thing where what people are looking for. Like guys go for looks, right, which seems very shallow.

But looks are, it's proxies. Again, it's a proxy for healthy, right? That's what it is. It's like something in us is going. That's healthy. She would give us good children. Great. That's our biological fucking brain just going.

And women are like, women tend not to find boys very attractive. They find men attractive. You've kind of got to be 30 to be attractive because women go for competence. They do. But it's competence like across the board. So it sort doesn't matter if you're a billionaire. It's like, okay, money, well, he must be good at something. Or whether you can put up a shelf and you give me your hands.

It's like, it doesn't matter. It's like, he's good at something. He's resolving issues. Yes. Maybe he could help. I saw, I think it was a behavioral scientist say that the number one thing, whether or not they're aware of it or not, that a woman looks for in a partner, a male partner for long term, not a one-night stand, but long-term,

their brain is going, does this guy treat me better than he treats other people in the room when I'm with him? In other words, does the guy make the woman a special, a priority, right? Treat her better than even the other people around. And that signals to a woman, oh, this is perhaps a good long-term partner, the way that he engages me as opposed to how he engages everybody else. that, yeah. I always think that trick on like if you're dating someone, even if you just meeting someone, hanging out, how they treat in the waiter is a really good indicator. That's the

thing. That is, I still, if someone's like, if someone's told to the stuff, you go, fuck that guy. Dude, I had, because everyone's nice to me. Right. I'm fucking famous. I still remember fucking getting a date with a girl that I was like, man, I can't believe she said yes. Right. This is like, no, I'm, I'm with you. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I'm way. I can't believe I was like, I don't know, I was probably 23 or 4. And I was like, just like, this woman was beautiful. Right. And we walked from the car to this restaurant and she was so shitty to the parking attendant.

Like the, like, she was so rude and dismissive that in the moment I was like, ugh. Like my attraction went down like 50% immediately. I was like, oh, shit. She's kind of a shit person, you know. It's just in an instant. Yeah, I'm still going to fuck you, but there's going to be some edge to this. Yeah, I put it in her, but I was like, I don't like you that much. Yeah.

Yeah, no, I could see that. It's like it's a, it's a real tell. I suppose it's that thing, though, with very beautiful people. My friend Roshin Connathy's got a great theory on this. Yeah. About how really beautiful people speak very slowly. Because they've never been interrupted. that's of course of course

like a beautiful girl that she can tell you how intuitive her cat is and you go oh right yeah yeah amazing like she looks like her face caught fire and they put it out with a hammer you go land the plane is there a story here they're a punchline that's another behavioral thing that's fun to watch is to watch like other men if you're if you're around a beautiful woman and you watch how other men engage her in conversation you're like oh really this is interesting to you like you watch them

go like that is and it's a red cat that's neat and they just you verga yeah yeah oh right with libra rising my sister's a virgo and then that i was just that's really neat i love studying this stuff and they just fully give in to the most boring fucking conversation points and you're like oh okay this is this is how we're designed we're designed to do this just give all this attention to the most boring fucking story ever because it's a beautiful source yeah it seems seems kind of crazy it is yeah well that's how we're made yeah well where's your other half today she's normally around she's uh she's she's in the back i think she's taking her shit or something i don't well you're really you're really keeping it alive yeah nice yeah yeah her and bert

having an affair god i hope i um no he's imagine that imagine walking on on that god yeah that would be my always thing like walking in walking in your wife is like there's There's better and worse positions to walk in on as well. Yeah. That would be... What would be the worst one, the worst one? Well, the worst one would be to see him on top, I think. Because it would look...

You walk in and you're just looking into... There's a pregnant trans man on top of my wife. Yeah. Yeah. That'd be crazy to see. Yeah, that would not be... And I wouldn't know who to even react to first. I think the dream is...

The misses is kind of reverse cowgirl. and oh no i can explain yeah what happened was what happened was yeah yeah i guess he has to lay on his back for it to get in right i think just health and safety he has to be on on his back on his back yeah i think otherwise it's like a wardrobe falling on you with a key in it you got to move the stomach up and they kind of pull you know there's a lot of there's a lot going on there yeah yeah yeah yeah well let's plant that idea in their head for sure I'd love that would be that would be

quite something new YMH live idea right we could do a ticketed event probably sell a bunch of tickets to that I think you could definitely sell it yeah you're in the you're live from the cuck chair it's a new show I think it's a hit man maybe that's like a thing of like I presume the cuck thing is like you want someone to

see someone fuck your wife very well yeah maybe there's a thing where I want my I want my I want my wife to be fucked very badly. I want her to know what this real disappointment feels like. She's not impressed with me, but look at this guy. You think I suck. Check this out. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah, that's a good idea. Do you have a lady? Yeah, yeah, yeah. We've been together like 25 years. 25 years. Yeah, it's a long time, yeah. Holy shit.

How do you keep it? 10 kids and everything. Yeah, it's fun. How do you keep it fresh and exciting? I think the fresh and exciting is the next phase of it. I think like the thing is like happiness is your current situation minus expectations like we've done the

travel the world fancy holidays all of that now we're kind of parents to young kids and it's amazing fun it's an amazing thing to kind of do together how are you so fucking zen on shit I don't like you just have such a Buddhist outlook on everything no I don't know about I don't know about Buddhist

but yeah I'm pretty happy yeah I think that thing about I've always sort of thought this like disposition is more important than position right and the only thing that changes your like we all know like super wealthy guys that ostensibly have everything and they're just miserable miserable yes and you go yeah they've got a terrible disposition and what the only thing that changes your disposition is kind of gratitude you just going well I got this these are the

cards I got I'm very happy with this I'll roll with it yeah great but you actually really practice that seems like I think about it quite a yeah you do suppose yeah I think I'm a I'm an incredibly lucky dude I do feel like when I get away from feeling and expressing gratitude is when I get the most kind of caught up in my own shit. Yeah. And then when I remind myself of that and actually take just a beat of gratitude moments, it feels exponentially better. It's a weird thing though, that thing of like comparison.

Yeah. Like people kind of compare themselves to someone and you go, are they doing better or they're something, but you discount everything else. You discount everything you've got. Yeah. Well, yeah, we're all doing great. It's like a weird, that thing of like going, not to be always, you know, hippie issue about it.

Yeah. But the gratitude that we have is like, yeah, we get to be comedians and we get to do the thing that we love and it's, that's really fun. But it's also that thing of like, if we lived a hundred years ago, like, we're so privileged to live now, not because of the money and the food and fame and whatever. It's that half the kids used to die.

Yeah. 50% of the kids died. If you have a kid, you go, what? That would suck. Yeah. People just had to just live with that. horrific when you think about it yeah having an absolute result yeah

if it wasn't for your wife having such an obvious affair behind your back that everyone seems to know about your life would be brilliant you guys are that real she's in there right now and he's in there right now

no you'd hear him that's the thing there's no there's no not hearing him he's just stealth yeah there's not a stealth bone in his body dude I wonder is there a rom-com

with him in the lead yeah definitely yes I think you could that's definitely something that would work ladies man yeah yeah

yeah but don't like don't be like hey like tighten it up get in shape for it you know no be you know him is the him is the new bond I could really oh my god that would be just him in your suit

walking in double ohsos and soda I mean double ohs seven yeah he'd be ordering drinks when he's supposed to be saying his name. Yeah. Who do you think's going to get it, by the way? Do you know? You probably know. I don't know. I hope it's, uh, I don't know. I, I hope they do something fun with it. I think it's, uh, a sassy black woman. Is that what you mean? Yeah, yeah, that's, that's,

that's, that's, that's got to be it, isn't it? Yeah. Like, the, I really like the Daniel Craig movies. I really like those. I did too. I thought they were, yeah, fantastic. I think if you were, like, you know, if you love the franchise, you obviously have this, you have an affection for the franchise, right? So you know the eras and Sean Connery is, you know, like everyone's like, he's the original and these are great. And there's something fun about, but the Craig movies became, I think, arguably like just the best films. Like he and the producers and everybody around them made the character have more depth, made the character more of a real guy, not just like this is just the coolest guy. Like there was just more vulnerability. And I think

like the stories became better. Yeah, I think they could do I mean, listen, if I was in charge I'd get Christopher Nolan to direct it And I'd set it in the 1950s in the Cold War But there was it, there was You go, we'll just go back Because everything now is just going to be,

I don't know, who's going to be the baddie? He was in talks for it several years ago. I was he yeah, I think he does one thing at a time He's got, he's this guy that goes, He's making a movie, so he's making, I think he's making Is it, Ulysses at the moment? Yes, I think that's what it is. So he's, and he goes, I'll do that

and someone i think he's producing him and they want to talk to you about bond and he got no when i'm finished with this yeah i'm doing this now but the bond of the odyssey the um the at least the story that i heard about with nolan and bond is that he was like interested but hey i'm going to do you know i'm christopher nolan i'm going to do my version of this and it was like well no no no you still have to do and then that's what took him out of it like right like not having complete control yeah you see, it's, it's prime video, so Bond is going to spend a lot of time on his laptop ordering shit in the house. That's right.

It's going to be a whole sequence. Yes. Is that what it said, too? Yeah, same thing. Yeah, major sticking point past negotiations with Nolan's assistance on having, oh, final creative control, final cut, which they resisted. I kind of like the idea that there's, we still care about this one. Because it's weird how franchises can get messed up.

Like the Disney, you go Disney Corporation, like, that's the biggest entertainment corporation in the world right and they've got star wars now you go wow this is going to be great and they made a couple of good seasons yeah something and then they made some absolute dog shit and you go what what how did you mess that up well it's got that that that the arms of that franchise have also just grown so there's so many properties within it now you know the point was you had to make it special yes you have to make it special yeah wait yeah you don't have to do it all waiting was the thing that made it that's right the queuing up and being excited about the the new one that was that was that was it gta six man we're all fucking when are we getting this right yeah

god damn it i want to fucking see how you get to kidnap somebody in 8k why can't we just get that already fuckers what is it when's it coming out this is it's been 11 plus years right or more what is what is didn't they make an official announcement oh they did okay the official release date May 26, 2026 for PlayStation 5 and Xbox. It's just incredible. They say the delay was given the team more time to finish the game properly, noting the significant public interest in it. And when did the last one come out?

Because I think it was, is it 2014? That's an incredible wait time between, like for a franchise. But you go, I suppose, 13. But what's that worth as a franchise? It's like bigger than anything. Do you ever look at anything? I didn't know about this until a few years ago.

the video games is worth more than oh my god movies and music combined oh the revenue is like you're like what i had no idea and i was like it was i forget which game uh if it was like you know call a duty or like redemption whatever it was they were like day one of this anticipated game was like 890 million in sales like day one you're like oh my god like it is blowing that shit out of the water look at this

Look at this, bro. Film revenue for 2024, 33.9 billion, music, 28.6, video games, 184 billion. Can we see where stand-up comedy goes in there? Listen, we've got a dog in the race. We're catching up. It's really incredible. I mean, that is an astonishing amount. And it's kind of weird now how, like, there's less movies being made. Yeah.

Like, there's less, it feels to me like there used to be, maybe this is just two old dudes talking, But it used to be like, I don't know, a hundred albums came out a year that were kind of good. And they, you know, some did better than others. But it was all like, they all did okay. There was bands that all did okay. And then there was like a hundred books a year that all did kind of okay. And now it feels like everything's gone to, because the algorithm, just if you're 1% better, you do 300 times better in sales. Because everyone just goes for the best.

So the top three artists sell all the records. I wonder, will comedy go that way? I hope he doesn't, kind of. The machine that was film coming out, or music, let's say, when an album was coming out, it's like, you had, okay, the album's here. The record company and their marketing division would devise a plan to bring awareness to this album. You knew that the album was going to come out on a Tuesday. They would set up, like, pressers and events.

And then you would be like, it is here. It's like a whole thing. Now it's just like, it's out. I didn't know it was out. Same thing with movies. They're just out. Unless it is like a huge, like a Taylor Swift thing or Star Wars where there's like, this is now we're going to put real marketing dollars behind this.

I've got a movie out in December. Do you? Yeah. Congrats. Yeah. It's, uh, it's pretty fun. It's like the elevator pitch is good. What is it?

Okay, so it's Downton Abbey meets Airplane. Oh, really? We made like a funny version of Downton. Yeah, a parody. That's very cool. I was a big fan of Mel Brooks growing up. I always thought those movies were just. the funniest thing that I could watch again and again and again.

You live upstairs, I'm guessing, in this parody. I'm a priest in it. I just have a little bit part in it. Damien Lewis is in it. It's good. Great. It's called Fackham Hall. Fackham Hall.

Fackham Hall. Fuck them all. Fackham Hall. It's fun. It's a fun little movie. But yeah, that's opening on like a thousand screens in the States in December. And you kind of go, well, I don't know how to tell people now. I guess I'll just tell them on social media because what's the point of putting a post

up? It doesn't do anything. yeah and then at now i mean i've had the conversation i don't know if you had about like promoting other any other projects where you go you know you used to be like well i'll just do like this interview and that'll cover you know these series of interviews and they're like i mean can you do more podcasts yeah like more podcasts like yeah that's what people are watching listening to so just do more of those yeah what kind of makes sense now it used to be that you went on the tonight show and then everyone saw knew it they all knew what you were doing yeah i guess i guess i guess it

on. It is that thing of our culture is downstream of our technology. That thing of like the podcast has become the long form kind of great. Yeah. Kind of great. It's a nice thing. I think the, I think slightly it speaks to the people are a little bit isolated. They're on their own doing things or whatever. I mean, it's nice if you're driving or whatever, if you're messing around, you're listening to something. Yeah. You're kind of not bored because there's a conversation going on. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, I enjoy long form conversations more than watching a, like if I want to see an artist, you know, who's doing late night. It's like, yeah, it might be like a fun appearance. But if you tell me that that artist who I'm interested in is having like an hour

long dialogue with you, I'd be like, oh, I'd rather watch that. Here's that thing of like, you go, I don't know who you favorite, like media or creative is. Like for me, it probably be Quentin Tarantino. And you go, Quentin Tarantino on the Tonight Show, yeah, it's fine, entertaining. Like, they played a game, they did something. Yeah. But him for three hours talking about movies you go yeah all day i could i won't be able to take my eyes off quentin tarrantino was here he sat right there so if you have not seen it watch quentin tarentino come here and he got mad at me at the end but that's not the point why did you get mad at you what did you fuck up um sounds like you fucked up i'm on his side 100% on this what did you get wrong okay so

i get the call that quentin's coming to austin he's going to do the podcast and i was like great yeah sure and they're like he's coming in he's promoting his book and i go okay so i'm in seattle His agent emails me, and he goes, I don't know if I can get you the book before, like, Tuesday. He's like, yeah, the book drops Tuesday, and I don't know if I can get you an advanced copy. And I'm like, fine. Like, I do my weekend. I come home, I come here Monday. And when I get here, the book's here, right?

Is this cinema speculation, that book? Yes. That's an amazing book. Well, it's incredible. I pick up the book. You read it because, I mean, you want to read it before you interview him. And I did. I did read the first 15 pages.

So. So, Tuesday morning. Hey, Quinn, yeah. I saw the trailer for your new movie. Looks interesting. Yeah, I didn't watch the whole thing. I have actually the best conversation with him. And we're talking all about movies, specific stories that he's like, I've never told

this story before. I'm like, great. Tells me the story about like Bruce Willis. I was like, how did Bruce Willis end up in, like, he's like, I've never told this story. Tells the story. It's a fantastic story. Yeah. He starts telling all these things.

And we're just talking. all about his movies, his writing, his directing, his editing, like, you know, all these things about how he's, you know, I'm a huge fan of him. And then we're like, all right, like, I know, I know he has an out, right? He's like, you know, they're like, he has to leave at a certain point. I'm like, great, I know, he goes, we're going to talk about the book? And I go, what?

He goes, I mean, that's why I'm here. Are we going to talk about the book? I go, yeah. So I'm like, I go, whatever question. He goes, that's on like page six. And I go, it's one of my favorite pages, you know? And he's like, he goes, you didn't read the fucking book. Well, no one listening's read the book yet.

You can talk about the book. Yeah, I mean, I don't know. I tried. But you could tell he was just like, the fuck, man. You didn't read the book. I'm like, well, I'll read it tomorrow. The book is kind of great. Did you read it since?

No. Do you know what? It's the book on tape is amazing. Because he reads it. And it's really, it's just effusive. Like he's love of movies. So I did a thing where, there's a weird thing where you go, where do you get your dopamine?

Where do you get your serotonin? So most people watch. new movies and they listen to old music. So I switched it last year and I listened to just new music, just stuff I hadn't heard before, like found playlists and things of new stuff and watch old 70s movies.

It's much better. Like there's something about the new is very attractive. You go, even 70s movies that you think you've seen, even if you go, yeah, taxi driver, yeah, no, I've seen taxi driver. And you go, yeah, you saw it 25 years ago. Right, watch it now. You remember one scene.

Yes. And you know it's great. Watch it again. It's amazing. Yeah, I just rewere, watch the French Connection. Oh, it's, it's unbelievable. Fantastic. Unbelievable. They nearly killed someone in the car chase and just kept it in. Yeah, they also were like shooting in New York with like no permit. They're like, hurry up and get over there. So like before somebody sees us, like just shot

the scene. And there's also this thing about I'm kind of obsessed with the today's film making, like the way that I think audiences have attention on something, there's always like, 30 edits for everything going on. So it's like, here, here, here, why, bap, pop, like everything. And you go back to a lot of 70s movies and there'll be one shot where you actually see life taking place.

In other words, the coffee being poured isn't like thing, like where you see it like you just see somebody put the thing in, put it, press the button and you're like, oh yeah, I'm watching this moment take place. And then the feeling that you're supposed to kind of feel whether it's supposed to be like, this is a mundane morning for this guy. You feel it.

You go, this is like a... There's a really strong case on those, like, the 70s movies as well, when you watch them. And you go, there's a certain amount of toxic masculinity in those movies. Fantastic. And we don't make him anymore. So we used to make a cowboy movie once a week and like a mob movie kind of replaced the cowboy movies, right?

But it was... Those were our stories. In the same way that women have like, you know, they might have romantic fiction. That's their stories. They're little fantasy world. and we've got our little fantasy world. And if you take that away from our culture, which we have,

then you end up with fucking Andrew Tate online because you go, there's a demand for that. There's a demand for that. So you go, well, no, it was really healthy. Those movies were kind of great. Yeah, they're kind of great. And I should say this. Tarantino was fucking awesome here.

Like, I should have read the book. You should have read the book. I can't believe you didn't read a book. I had like an hour, dude. I didn't have enough time. those first 15 just unacceptable those first 15 pages were fucking

this is why you're stuck with guests like me yeah will you come back quentin please come back I'll read it all right check out jimmy car on tour go to jimmycar dot com

he is in the US now UK Europe you're going to be in Australia and New Zealand in early 26 yeah that's going to be a lot always have the fucking best time in both of those places It's the best. It's incredible. It's like,

their audiences are so kind of there and so, especially if you tour, like I don't just do the main cities. I play everywhere in New Zealand and Australia.

Really? And the people are like, they're just kind of, like excited you come. If you go to Invercargill and Dunedin in New Zealand, people are excited that you're there. I have,

you know, you clock, your brain will clock great, like great, where you're like, that was a great night. Yeah.

One of the most fun shows I've ever had was on my last tour. at in Christchurch. Oh, I love Christchurch. And I had no idea where I was going. I mean, you know, I didn't know anything about it. And I just got there and I was like, all right.

And then that show, from the backstage moment where you go like, what's up everybody, like to the House of, you know, the voice of God, Mike, where like when they cheered, we all looked at each other like, what the fuck? Like, it was so energetic and the show was just unbelievable. Yeah, it's the best. It's the best. Thank you, as always for coming in, man. It's great to see you, too.

Thank you guys for watching, listening. we'll hope Bert recovers I mean you can't recover from that it's like Yeah you're dead But we're gonna get

We're gonna get We're gonna do a seance next time And we're gonna speak to him From Beyond the Grave God bless Bert and Tom Tom and Bert One goes top

The other wears a shirt Tom tells stories And Bert's the machine There's not a chance In hell that they'll keep the clean Here's what we call Two bears one cave Thank you.