2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer - Recapping Rogan's LIVE Special w/ Ron White | 2 Bears, 1 Cave

Episode Date: September 2, 2024

SPONSORS: This episode is brought to you by BetterHelp. Give online therapy a try at https://betterhelp.com/BEARS and get on your way to being your best self. Visit https://zbiotics.com/BEARS with promo code BEARS. Don’t miss out on all the action this week at DraftKings! Download the DraftKings app today! Sign-up using https://dkng.co/bears or through my promo code BEARS. Welcome back to 2 Bears, 1 Cave! This week Bert Kreischer is out of commission after hosting last week's episode and sitting in for him is guest bear Ron White! The bears talk about how Ron's not so serious retirement is going, his golf game, competing with old men at sports, Eddie Izzard's marathoning, the Olympics, Rogan's recent live Netflix special and more! 2 Bears, 1 Cave Ep. 252 https://tomsegura.com/tour https://www.bertbertbert.com/tour https://store.ymhstudios.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

100% Obviously we have to address the fact that my regular co-host is Is is not feeling his best. He is He's getting Multiple treatments and everybody's sending him well wishes You know, I heard about that at the mothership yeah, because I told him I was doing the show,

but I didn't think that Burt was gonna be on it. And then somebody said, yeah, I heard that you were asking for prayers for Burt. Yeah. And I'm like, oh my God, because you know, I love Burt. Of course. He loves me.

Yeah, you're great, yeah. We don't see each other every day, but when we do, it's an unbelievable hug. Yeah, yeah. Great fun. So I was gonna come in here today and tell you that I would be willing to sit in for Bert until he got better, you know?

Once a week, right? How often do you do this? Yeah, once a week. Once a week. I live not very far from you. That would be amazing. I could hop in, I wear a mask, or I could just come as me, you know.

Or we could change the name to Three Bears, 1K. Yeah, no, dude, I love it. And we could just tape a three over that. So when you go back and you find out this is a dead end street, you can go right back to where you were. That's great. So as soon as his hearing and vision and everything get resolved, You find out this is a dead end street. You can go right back to where you were. That's great. So as soon as his hearing and vision

and everything get resolved. So stick that in your pocket. Okay, I love that. Thank you, Ron. Like some extra cash. Yeah, you got it, man. Thank you so much. And another thing, and I know people don't know this,

but that you gave my son a job. And my son actually has a degree in recording arts engineering that I didn't think he would ever use because that for a long time those kinds of jobs didn't exist but now they do Yeah, and so You gave him a great job with an amazing benefits package. He is legitimately funny and Kind easy fucking hang. Super easy hang, super nice guy. And there was that little stretch in his life

where I was like out doing standup while his mother was raising him. That was like maybe 30 years or so. And so, you know, and so, and now we see each other quite a bit. And we do get along great. We play a lot of golf together. He also beat me at golf for the first time in his life

last Saturday Or no, what day was it Marshall? Are you back there? When was it? Yeah Saturday. He beat me a it We're playing it. Where were we playing? Yeah, Barton Creek foothillsills Golf Course. That's a- For years, he's been playing golf since he was five. That's a day that everyone remembers,

the father and the son. Yeah, right. Right? And it was, we didn't even realize it until we added it up in the clubhouse. We were having dinner after, we were just night halls. And he had made an early quintuple bogey, and, but he fought back and I was playing

kind of shitty and, uh, fucking he clipped me for the first time. Yeah, it was a big deal. It was a big deal. You don't have to answer his calls anymore. Fucking great. Well, you're, you're my only heir and it's a lot of money. I keep picking up that phone. That's, um, that's incredible though.

So you, you had beat him every time since you guys had ever played? Well yeah, because it's golf. It's like violin, you know? If your dad's a guy that plays violin every day, you don't play violin as much. It's gonna be hard to beat him at violin. Yeah, sure. But he got a little more focused on his violin

and then he gave me one. And then we played yesterday also, which was a grudge match. I just wanted to beat his face into the ground. When I was in college, this was sophomore year, one of the guys got me into playing racquetball and it became this thing where I was like, I'll make, racquetball is an intense, like when you start like getting into it, it's an intense game to play, also incredibly, you know, cardio heavy.

I mean, you're dying, right? And addictive. Addictive, yeah. I was, I was a long time ago, I fell completely in love with it. And that's, you know, the smack and a clean one and you're going for points, you're running around and my dad comes up to visit. And I'm like, you know, just on some weekend,

he comes to visit and I've been playing racquetball all the time and I go, yeah, I've been playing racquetball. He goes, oh, I wanna play. And I go, you've never played? He goes, yeah, yeah, but I mean, I wanna play. I go, okay. And we had played tennis before, but I mean, racquetball is a completely different sport,

right, it's just, there is some, obviously like some stuff that translates. I mean, you're a racket and a ball but obviously the the game is totally different dude I'm like yeah this is how you do it and he fucking beats me on the first game fucking threw a tantrum I was so upset dude I'm so upset that he beat me I was like this is fucking bullshit I think I broke that racket I hated it so much I got into it and I thought I was good at. I hated it so much. I got into it and I thought I was good at it. And this is the time I weighed like 165 pounds.

I was quick. You kind of have to to fucking be any good. Well, my dad, my best friend, Mickey McMillan, his dad was a coach in a college, but he played racquetball. And he beat me so bad. And I thought I was almost unbeatable. I had gotten so, and he literally beat me so bad. And I thought I was almost unbeatable. Yeah.

I had gotten so, and he literally beat me so bad and I was so exhausted and he just toyed with me the whole time that I literally left there, I got in my car and backed into a ditch because I couldn't just turn my head around and look to see what was behind me. I'm like, I'm just gonna take my chances. I hope that's completely spent, gone.

There's something just. Didn't think I'd tell a story about Mickey McMillan's dad today, but there we are. There it goes, Mickey McMillan's dad. You got the shout out. The thing about being like humbled by another man in something that you think you're proficient at, you know, that just happens with sports, especially. It's like you're like, I think I'm pretty good at this. And the way another guy can just check you to you're like,

Oh, wow, I'm pretty not good. I'm bad. I used to do that in ping-pong, you know, because I was pretty good. I had a table. I was pretty good at pool. I had a pool table. Yeah, but if somebody that came into town and we were all playing a lot of ping pong and this guy from Kenya came and moved down the street and he would just see us playing ping pong out there. And then we there was one bar in town that would let us have a tournament and get a couple of trophies. Literally, I mean, he let us know this slowly, but he could beat me from his knees left-handed. And just nothing, nothing I could do about it. There's, I mean, nothing you can do.

The effortless thing. You've seen, like, uh... I thought it was good. You've seen the Olympians play? Like, world-class? I love to watch those guys. It doesn't look like, it doesn't even resemble ping-pong games that you participate in.

No, no, no, no, no. It has zero bearing on it whatsoever. The ball can go fucking 10 feet off and the other dude will just swing it back and it'll land at the corner of the other table and then that guy will return it and you're like, this is insane. I think it's crazy fun to watch. It's so fun to watch. I'm thinking about starting a league.

A ping pong league? Yeah, a ping pong league. Yeah ping pong league not for me to play in but you know get some I think it's more interesting than people they're giving it credit for I think it's undersold yeah I think it's better than bowling you know tennis because you can get a whole room full of it going on at the same time and get a lot of it going I think once it grabs all gets a little bit of traction people are gonna be talking about me and this day that I said on this podcast I believe you this

Professional tennis league which probably exists already people don't stop fucking talking about pickleball. It is non-stop conversation played of you never played it my neighbor Built a pickleball court. They're out there at 7 a.m. Playing tournaments. My neighbor has one too like all day They he's like he's like it's the, you got to come over here and play. I'm like, yeah. And I've never gone and played. But also everywhere you go, the conversation about pickleball, what I find fascinating is that people are all talking

about this thing and that tennis diehards really fucking hate it. Because tennis clubs are now converting their courts and they're like, Oh, every one of them, every one of them. I got it. I got this thing at my 67 a year old approach to living is I got one set of knees. What am I going to do with them?

And because they're not that great, but they're pretty good. And I do a lot of charity golf stuff. And most of the charity golf tournament celebrities are athletes and they're all, you know, older guys that are retired and they get up, man. Every one of them is just, eee, creak, creak, creak. And they all played football, you know, all their

life and I'm like, get up, I'm fine. I need way better in there, isn't it? And one of them asked me about it one time and I said, I think that smoking pot and watching cartoons is really good for your knees. And that's what I did while you were playing football in high school. And I was on the golf team and I was the worst guy on the golf team, but I was still on the golf team. And you know, I've been playing that game ever since. But anything else, you know, direction change back back and forth, golf's hard enough, you know

and I want to play for a long time. So one set of knees baby. They're still working. The fucking hardcore, like my uncle played tennis racquetball and handball. He loved handball, dude, two knee replacements and a hip. Like once hequetball, and handball. He loved handball. Dude, two knee replacements and a hip. Like once he got old, like yeah, I mean,

just banging on that, like running around. And then all these guys now, there's these, I guess you see it more. All these people that do like these fucking 100 mile runs, like the ultra marathoners, I'm like, how are you, like it's amazing, it is amazing. That physically it's amazing, mentally, you have to be among the mentally toughest

people on the planet. You can push through on a hundred mile run, but what's going to happen to your fucking body when you're 67? And that ultimately is what decides how smart you were during your life. Yeah. How did you spend it? Yeah.

Well, I decided I would just learn how to run a hundred miles without stopping. Yeah. Was that right? No. Yeah, not really. That wasn't how to run a hundred miles without stopping. Yeah. Was that right? No. Yeah, not really. That wasn't the point of this whole thing. No.

The whole thing was just to be nice. Yeah, I know. Yeah, but I could do it. I can't remember. What's the... It's like about the way I drank. Yeah. I drank like it was a fucking sprint, but it was a marathon. It's a marathon.

You know, it wasn't a how much can you drink in a short amount of time. It's just enjoy your life. Have a cocktail. Have a cocktail. You know, with your friends. Don't fucking, whoa, get it all down my throat. Like Bert Kreischer.

Yeah, that's. Bert Kreischer. Bert drinks. What's all that madness? Bert drinks like he's gonna get caught. You know what I mean? Like that's how he. He drinks like he's trying to get rid of it. Yeah, like they're like.ert drinks like he's gonna get caught. You know what I mean? Like that's how he- He drinks like he's trying to get rid of it.

Yeah, like they're like- I'm like, oh no, somebody's gotta drink this. The cops are on the way, and you're like, I'm fucking put it down now. It's like, no, you don't have to drink like that. This show is sponsored by BetterHelp. Kids are learning and growing, but as adults sometimes we lose that curiosity.

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Excuse me, it might be, I might have misgendered someone. Eddie Izzard? Yeah. Eddie Izzard did this thing a few years ago, because I think Eddie Izzard identifies as a woman. No, that's why I said that. No, he's just a cross-dresser, right? Not now.

I'm pretty sure, if you looked that up. Oh, I'd be curious, because I don't think he's just a cross-dresser, right? Not now. I'm pretty sure, if you look that up. Oh, I'd be curious, because I don't think he's surprised I'm confused. No, I don't think so either. I think that is what we're doing. And that's what I would have to say about everybody that is trans and is, you know, to try to give me a break too,

because I have a hard time keeping up with exactly, I mean, I have a friend whose wife is trans and I don't know what to say exactly See this she says out see the sentence. She would keep using as eddie as her public name. That's my point This is the point i'm trying to make eddie. Izzard one time did Uh, I think it was 50 days in a row or 30 days in a row one of the two I'm sure you can find it where they ran a fucking Marathon every day in a row or 30 days in a row? One of the two, I'm sure you could find it, where they ran a fucking marathon every day in a row. Imagine running a marathon and then the next day doing it and did it for like a month.

How many? 27 days in a row, dude, come on. I don't understand how somebody really is like mentally and physically capable of doing this. I really don't. That is like one of those things where you go, I don't know how you, I just don't understand how you do it. And what was the point?

Eddie is or runs and runs and runs. It's just kind of a forest gump. I think I want to say forest. Gump. Do you have somebody pointed me to this? They said it was a, I had a massage one time and somebody said, did you have a happy ending? And I just said, Forrest Gump had a happier ending.

And then I got a blank stare. I'm like, remember, Jenny died at the end? He goes, yeah, he was single and had all that apple stock. Yeah. That's not sad. No, that's a good day. You had to get over Jenny. But anyway, it's kind of Forrest Gumpish of him, right?

Yeah, I want to say this was a... It was a tribute to Nelson Mandela. That's it? Yeah, Nelson spent 27 years of his life in prison, so he ran 27 marathons. Just as a tribute, it wasn't a fundraiser or anything? I don't believe so, here on Leap of the Sun. I don't respect any leader this much. This is insane

So go like I'm gonna go ahead and fucking break my body as a tribute to you. That's crazy I bet Nelson would have said throw in a fundraiser while you're doing it. Yeah Get some housing by the way scroll up to the to the text right here. Hold on Wait, scroll up to the text right here. Hold on, hold on. On one day, ran a double marathon because they spent day five in the hospital. So I went to the hospital, so today I'll run two marathons. What the fuck is going on with Eddie Izzard?

I just don't, I always thought Eddie was kind of a little fat. A little doughy? A little doughy, but that may have been the dress. I don't know. I give up. I give up on trying to keep up. Yeah, I don't know. I really do.

Practice forgiveness if you're a trans. You know what I saw in New York? Practice forgiveness. Yeah, that is. If I don't get it right, give me a fucking break. Give me a break. I'm trying. I told you, my my buddy his wife is

Was a man still has man junk and And I don't know what to refer to whereas and I like her and I think she's hot and she has a penis And I know he loves her and I just want to know I'm just is it What do and all I'm saying is you have to learn forgiveness and you also have to get a little bit thicker skin because people are always going to make fun of that and when they're confused and scared, whatever. So it's up to you to kind of let it run off your back a little bit. Gender is so fluid now too that you also have to learn

to forgive yourself, because I find myself, I'm like walking through the airport, and I see Brunette carrying a guitar case, and I'm like, wow, she's pretty beautiful, you know? And I just get closer, I'm like, oh, that's a guy. And then I just turn and I keep walking, and I'm like, holy shit, like there's just, people are fucking morphing in to other people

all the time, and you're like, I don't even know what I'm looking at. I'm sorry, sorry. I was looking at mannequins the other day and I couldn't tell. It was the hottest mannequin. It was down in California. It was a beach bikini thing.

And it took me a minute to realize they were mannequins. They were so well done. I thought I was just staring at these chicks and then it took me another minute to care. I'm like, you know, I can't wait till you can fuck robots. That's all I want. That'd be great. That's all I want from them.

Let me live till I can fuck a robot. Yeah. A little robot. I mean, also, like, nobody can get mad at you for fucking a robot. You know what I mean? Like, your lady's not gonna be like, you were with someone? Like, no, you for fucking a robot. You know, I mean like your lady is not gonna be like you were with Someone like no, I was fucking a robot like I was in the garage

Always I was with wheezy or whatever. Yeah. Yeah, I don't know what I would name my robot. Yeah sex machine, but Probably not wheezy horrible Something sexier. Yeah, but like, I mean, that's not that far off. Fucking robots. No. No, and you know what, I was talking to Duncan Trussell, and he has these headsets that, you know, the VR ones.

Yeah, it's like you're actually having sex with somebody else, and his wife was wearing them too, and she goes, she goes, I felt like I was cheating. And I said, how do you know what that feels like? You know, if you did you cheat that reminds you of that feeling that you had when you did fuck around on board. He must've loved that. He did. He kind of looked at it at it. Yeah, how do you know? No, those VR headsets are insane.

Those are crazy, man. Have you seen porn in them? I accidentally did. No? Come on. Tom, accidentally? The accidental porn. I accidentally signed up at VRBangers.com for an account.

And one thing that is fucking nuts I accidentally signed up at VR bangers.com for an account and One thing that is that is fucking nuts is like it's the way that you know that it's filmed anywhere you look It's like it's because the guy that they wear that a camera that specifically for so anywhere you look you're seeing is up This guy this guy who's did a great job is banging like three girls in a yoga studio And you instead of just like looking at a clip you're just like looking down at the other ones who are all playing the camera and so it's so immersive yeah you could definitely it's a good thing I haven't used that in a while yeah I would never I'd never leave the house but also has a great space program there's a space app

that you feel like you're on the fucking space station. It's pretty incredible. Are you fucking three chicks on it? No. That's why it's way more boring. Boo! Boo space. We're trying to sell tickets. Yeah. I have been seeing you at the club for a while now. The mothership, it kind of brings you back into what you do, you know.

Exactly. And reminds you that, you know, you get to hang out with some really cool people. And if you're in the arts, and we're in the arts. We are, dude. And I got to tell you, in Fritz, Texas, they didn't talk a lot about the arts on career day. No? No, they did not. They didn about the arts on career day. No. No, they did not. It was welding mostly.

Yeah. You really wanted a shot at that bass boat. Did they ever, did they offer anything in the arts when you were like, no, nothing? Not a thing. Not a thing. Not a gaffer, not a cameraman, and not a, they, you know, they would teach you how to fix a lawnmower, which was way more practical than being an actor. Yeah, for sure. If you're from Fritz, Texas, because your lawnmower was for sure gonna break

and you were for sure not gonna have the money to get another lawnmower, and you're for sure not gonna get a part in a movie. All those things have been mapped out cleanly. Yeah, but you might be able to fix this lawnmower, which... Right, which you'll need to do. Very much applied to your life, yeah. My kid came, my kid started school again this week,

kindergarten and third grade, and the third grader, I was like, how was school? He was like, great. I go, yeah, what are your favorite classes? He's like, science. Oh, you like science? He's like, yeah, that guy's the smartest. He actually knows stuff. I go, okay. And then he goes, I like drama. I go Are you like science? He's like, yeah, that guy's the smartest. He actually knows stuff

I go, okay, and then he goes I like drama. I go you like drama really I was like so I was like, what do you like pretending to be like someone else? He goes what I go like, you know Like drama is acting or were you acting? He's like, what are you talking about? I go what the fuck did you do in drama? He's like, we got to throw a bunch of shit in the room. I was like, what kind of fucking class was this? He was like, yeah, it was like, just be like reckless. He's like, so that was fun, cause we got to like break stuff.

I go, okay, I don't know what kind of fucking drama class. When you do your son's voice, he's 66 years old. That's how he sounds, man. That's how he sounds. That's how he sounds. Dude, the eight year old sounds like he smokes cigars. And the six-year-old sounds like a cartoon character. Yeah.

Oh my god. Yeah. The little six-year-old is like, I want to talk. He talks like that. And his brother's like, what's up, man? And he talks like a grown man. It's really fucking alarming. Oh man, it would be.

Do you know that feeling when you're going to shoot a special? And you're like, oh my God, I gotta shoot it. Then you get into the confidence of like, I've done this show 200 times, like I'm ready to shoot it. And then you shoot it and you have the taping that goes well and you're like, there's my special.

And then you get to the edit and like, I don't wanna watch the edit and then you have to watch the edit. And then you're like, okay. And then you're like, good and then you watch it like, you know a few more times You're like, I think this is pretty good And then there's that moment that it's about to come out and you're like, what the fuck am I doing? And it's scary, but it's scary because you care right, you know I've always been a pretty good comic and but I've always done the reps

Yeah, I've always done the sets and I've always done what it takes to be a good comic. Right. You did the work. Did all the work. So I was always happy to go on stage and show everybody all the work I've done and how fucking funny I am. And that's old hat. I've done it for fucking decades.

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in Pure Michigan. Keep it fresh at michigan.org. Let's buy a plane. All right. You wanna do one again? You know, I had one for 15 years. I remember this. Well, you know what's weird about, and I don't know about you, but I didn't, I got famous

on the road. Yeah. Right. So I never had to go to New York or LA and spend, you know, like, like Tony Hinchcliffe, you know, who was at, at the comedy store since he was a child. Yeah. Like a fucking teen. Yeah.

Grew up there and wrote his first joke there and all that stuff. But he knows so much about all the comics that came through LA because he knew every one of them. He was there a fixture. And a lot of people were, or they were a fixture at the cellar in New York. And I was just neither one. So I never really knew a lot of comics because if you're a touring act, yeah, you're not just me in an opening act I don't have six guys in my show like some of these guys do. Yeah, just an opener and me and

and it's It's really really Really really strange you still are doing the road though. I did 36 cities strange. You still are doing the road though. I did 36 cities, nearly all casinos that I'm going to do about the same next year, but I'm going to spread it out a little more throughout the year. So you were like something to do. You were condensed this year? Like yeah, front end loaded by June, I was done and had like four dates the rest of the year and I just feel like that, you know, I'm keeping my chops at the club. So, you know, I feel like I should go out

every once in a while, all year long, and just a light schedule. Cause then it's, you know, it's fun. I went down to San Antonio and helped open the shows for Rogan. How was that? How was that? That was, that was fun.

I'll tell you the truth though. I was in Costa Rica and I had told Joe, like I'd heard about it two months before. I said, listen, I know you're gonna do that Netflix thing in San Antonio and if you want me to, I'll come down and open it for you. And he goes, that sounds like that'd be fun. Which is not the same thing as yes, right?

Right. That's what I say when I'm saying no. Right, that sounds like fun. Which it did, but I didn't say I'd do it. And so. And then I see him 20 times, you know, and he doesn't say one more word about it. And he knows a million comics. So I figured he'd just rather have somebody else do it. I don't care at all. I just want to make the offer. And so I assume he doesn't want to do it. And then I'm in Costa Rica and I go up there I want to go to a rhythmia which is my ayahuasca place

And I get up there and I really hadn't been paying attention to the drop out the drugs I was on and I was on the wrong drug and they wouldn't let me do the ayahuasca and I'm on the board of this place And they were still like yeah, this isn't a toy Ron. Yeah, you got to remember that This is a medical facility and just because you're on the board doesn't mean you can party down and pop in and do fucking hallucinogens. Yeah. It doesn't. I thought that's why I got involved with this place. Yeah.

I became what's righteous indignation. What are you talking about? No, I understood. And, uh, and then, and then Rogan called and he goes, uh, he goes, Hey, Friday's going to be fun, right? Are we ready to go? You popped radio. and he goes, hey Friday's gonna be fun, right? Are we ready to go? You pumped, you ready to go?

I'm like, oh fuck, he wants me to do the thing in San Antonio and I'm in Costa Rica. But I just found out I can't do the ayahuasca, so I was like, oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I'll be there. I got on a plane in Costa Rica and flew to Los Angeles and picked up Genie and the dogs and then flew here and then drove down there and did that show.

And which was fun, you know, it's so much fun to do sets now that there's no pressure for me to deliver. I just get to go and that's one of my favorite rooms that, what is it called, the Majestic. Yeah, the Majestic in San Antonio. It's such a great room. It's a great room.

So I just get to go up there and blister a crowd for 20 minutes and go, here you go. Yeah. And that's just the funnest thing in the world to me. That's very, and with multiple, were there like three of you opening the show? Like did you guys all do sets? Yeah, Ari Matty, the guy from Estonia,

the killer from Estonia, and Tony. And I was in the middle of that. So, you know, it was just glorious. And then we went up to New York, to Madison Square Garden, to where I watched the Kill Tony stuff there. And that was a hoot. Wow. It was just so much surprise stuff, you know?

Yeah. I noticed that when I got in there I said is that Marcus King on guitar just in the band I'm like I would have paid to see Marcus King in that building all by himself absolutely and and he's just a side note on the band people want to be involved in the show so bad so much yeah and and then Jelly Roll came out and sang New York, New York. And I'm like, wow, I'm just having a ball. And I thought I was gonna be in the one the next night.

And so I kind of mushroomed up a little bit. And I was standing out just a little in front of the stage, just watching it. And it was fucking great. I got a big smile on my face. I love this shit. And then I get tapped on the shoulder, and it's like, Tony wants you to go up now.

And say what? I'm not going on until tomorrow, right? Like, fuck it, yeah, I'll do it. Let's go, I know what jokes I'm doing, I'll fucking do it now. And it was just glorious, and then they said a bunch of really nice shit about me while I was up there, and that was, you know, 18,000 people heard that and then whatever million

people streamed it. Yeah. It's just, I do three or four minutes of material and then I get this fucking all this adulation and nice things said about me. I'm like, I don't know. I'm like, yeah, it's, it's so cool. What's happening with podcasts and that one particularly. If you have an idea, you don't have to, it's showing you just how uncreative

TV executives really are. Truly. Because people left to their own devices know what's entertaining. Yeah. And if you'll get out of their way. And we keep saying that. Right.

For years. Over and over and over and over. And they truly justify their own existence. Let the person who's creative do it. And they're like, no, we'll have this other guy do it. Yeah, this guy knows these numbers. Yeah. So then all of a sudden, the biggest media outlet in the world is a podcast out of fucking Austin, Texas.

Insane. And so it's an odd thing. Yeah, it's so cool, Texas. Insane. So it's an odd thing. Yeah, it's so cool, man. I mean, first of all, this whole thing that Netflix has gotten into, I think more people are gonna go back to it, is like, we left broadcast TV, right? Broadcast became like, oh, that's of the past,

and everything became on-demand streaming. But what they realized in this last year especially is that there's something about eventizing something live. And that only traditionally happens on broadcast. And now that streamers are doing it, like the people are flipping out for an event, like these live roasts and the live specials, Rock did his special live, Cat and now Joe.

And like the numbers are, like people are like, oh, I wanna watch it in the moment that it's happening That's still a thing for people. They still want you know. I just I guess I I Tried to talk Joe out of it. I said Joe that's stupid. Why yeah on earth I was telling him this in front of the Netflix executives. Yeah, it's ridiculous is what do you get from it? Record three pick the best one fucker. What do you say? He goes, I don't know, he goes, it's scary. So I want to do it.

Yeah, cause it's scary. He'd jump out of a plane kind of guy. Yeah. And, you know, and, and, and, and also he was prepared to do it and he did it. And I could tell cause I'm watching it live. He's going to streaming from that room and I'm watching on TV in this room. Yeah. And I can tell Joe when he's having fun,

his lips kind of turn up in a jokery kind of way. And I'm like, that motherfucker's having fun. He is having fucking fun. He knows what's going on. He's fully aware. Well, I told him, nobody's more ready, because he has run that set hundreds of times. Hundreds of times.

So as far as when you shoot, you're like, am I ready? And it's usually, you hear about, there's people I know who did their, do specials now after like 25 sets. Non-roadworking guys, they're like, yeah, I've done this like 25 times. And you're like, what? What are you talking about?

How many times do you do it? I'm like, 250 times? And they're like, oh, really? And you're like, yeah. But he had years it? I'm like, 250 times? Yeah. And they're like, oh really? And you're like, yeah. But he had like years of running this set. So I mean, he was super ready. Yeah, and I think my last two, I think, I shot at this little theater in Atlanta, 800 seats.

And you can go in there and do shows for a week and then maybe record, you know, four of them or three of them or something and see which one you like. And it's a pretty safe way to do it. Yeah, full proof play. Yeah. But the Tony thing too, it's like, we were talking about it, where he's just like so, he's been so persistent that this is the show. You know what I mean? Like he, I feel like in the years he's been doing this,

that dude never took a Monday off. I don't think he took a vacation to do, like he was just always like, this is the show and building it piece by piece. The show really is about watching him be the captain of that ship, I think. That's what the show is. Yeah, and then you also get some guests,

I mean some panelist guests that are also good at doing the same thing. Yeah, yeah, but that's but the best thing I would I do it I I'm not that get a guest on it but the But I just try to stay out of his way because and then if I think it's something to say I say it But for the most part I let him do what he does and it works out just fine. It works out just fine. Yeah. I see some guests try to kind of overpower him

or try to be just over the fucking top on every fucking comment. And I don't think you can do it any way you want to, but I like to just stay out of his way. But I saw it years ago at the store and I was intrigued because it just sounds like a bad idea when he told me you know what one of you come out these comics never been done you know one minute I'm like huh and then I saw him do it I'm

like okay I guess I guess it makes sense and yeah but he never wavered one and was doing it for 15 people and now now he's, it's just crazy. And I kind of believed in it and I encouraged him to move to Texas and all that. And, uh, and I, I believed in what he was doing and all of a sudden I was right about something. Well, you definitely were. I mean, and that not wavering thing is that story you always hear from Hollywood about, like, you know, someone writes a script and they're like, this is what I wanna make.

And they tell you like, you know, like I think Star Wars was like that where he's like, they're like, what the fuck is this, something in space? People were just like, you're out of your mind. But when you're like, so believe in something, whether it's a podcast or something you wrote, you really do.

And like then it's like everyone comes around later. Like Bohemian Rhapsody. Mm-hmm. Nobody believed in that album. No. But they did. They fucking believed in that fucking album. Yeah.

But it was sure fun to watch and all the bombs going on. It was so fun, man. Rockets, Red Glare, Big American Thing. That's very cool. We loved it. Everybody had a great time. The audiences were great too in New York. I mean they were the audiences were funny. They had timing. They knew when to laugh at somebody. It was really weird. If you ever go

back and have a chance to watch that, that audience that first night had timing and rhythm. Like sharp. Yeah. Just cracking. That's cool. Yeah, it was great. Everybody killed. Everybody killed that. They went on the show. That's fucking cool, man. I had to ask because it was just everywhere. Were you a big fan of the Olympics? Were you watching it? Did you keep up on any of it? I did. You know, I I watched it almost every every night.

And I thought it was I thought the bronze medal I started I still don't know where they're standing now. They're saying they could give away three bronze medals for that This is the gymnast. Yeah. Yeah, I don't understand the story. Well, the story was that She got her score and then her the and her coach said you didn't judge that with the correct difficulty level. So they went back and they said, and they said, and they had already given the bronze to somebody else and they said, you're right. We didn't, we calculated it wrong. Here's the score.

Now she's got the bronze medal, the American. And then there, the other team said, said hey you only have one minute to file anything About this after the thing and that was a minute and four seconds So they said yeah, you're right. So then they took it back. So it clearly wasn't her fault She did it and the judges got it wrong. They miscalculated it because of the difficulty level. But then they didn't catch their mistake within a minute and four seconds. And now they're saying, and now the solution is

give them both a fucking bronze medal and get on with their goddamn day. Let's not send one of them home crying. Cause they both been crying. First she cried cause she lost, then she cried cause she won. And then she cried cuz they took it away You know, they're gonna cry this poor girl to death. Is there an update on it? Do we know?

I don't know where they were gonna give Let's see If there's one thing to understand about the Browns metal saga It's that it has barely anything to do with the level of gymnastics chill chill chillies chills or child trials da da da da Okay, do we know okay scroll down? The International Federation of the Court officially and as of this moment the the other lady that bar boosts a score is credited as third place and

that Barbusa score is credited as third place. And Child's score has been pushed back down to third. Okay, that's, I guess, that's just one article at this moment. I don't know. Well, I'm gonna call some people, get that straightened out. Oh, and it looks like right now, scroll down a little bit, that he says according to a video that's time stamped, he began his inquiry table 47 seconds after the score was posted, followed by a second segment 55 seconds after. So maybe that's within, that's the arguments

within the minute. Yeah, within the thing. Wow, that's dramatic though man. So now they're just going to mail her one. I mean surely they'll end up giving it to her because they'll realize that's the right thing to do and then She just gets it in the mail instead of going to the ceremony, you know There you go take a bunch of pictures plus she already has gold from like it the team stuff, right? Doesn't she did win a team gold? Yeah. All right. Well fuck man. Did you watch? the shooter the Turkish shooter with the that went viral the guy the Korean girl No, no the Turkish guy who didn't wear any eyes. So, you know what? I didn't watch much of that It just didn't come on. Yeah, I saw I saw her because they were going she that that Korean girl

She was so sexy with it, but I had never seen that eye configuration before until I saw it on that Korean girl, she was so sexy with that. But I had never seen that eye configuration before until I saw it on that Korean girl. And that was hot, hot, hot. You like that? Yes, it was. Look at it, it'd be just kind of like a robot, you might be able to fuck. Not to keep bringing up a same subject.

There's Wheezy right there. Yeah, right, there's Wheezy. Yeah. A little wheezy. That's awesome man. Yeah I watched I watched I couldn't believe how exhausting I'd never seen anything for three on three basketball and I was in a hotel gym right and it's on and you know that like as somebody scores like as it goes through the net The other team grabs it throws it to the top of the key and they're like so there's no Pausing in it. There's no like checking the ball. Is that actually played anywhere in the world? I've never I didn't I couldn't believe I was like this is an Olympic event. I had no idea I always thought it was the full court five on five, but like, they were like, it is like rocket.

It's incredible. And they have to sub out the three at a time. Like they sub out three and three because everyone's like dying on the court. You know, they can't maintain. How big are the teams? I think they can, I think they each have seven. So you can do like three full.

And it was the same as our Olympic basketball team? of those players were on the I don't think so totally different players how'd we do I think we didn't win in in that at all that's a horrible yeah I think we got our asses kicked in men's and women's but we won both golds for traditional right yeah our birthright. Yeah, Curry fucking cut him up. He did. But that was fun to watch. Holy shit. Where everyone was saying we finally get to see what it's like to be a Warriors fan for

the last decade. Right. It's just like, this is bananas. This guy's shooting from three people in his face, fucking a half court, and he's just going in. It's crazy. He's a real jewel. He's brilliant. It really is fun. And I did watch a little bit of it because as a kid, the thing that was like the

biggest that I remember like watching Olympics as a kid was track and field. So I got to watch a little bit of like, Kerry Richards, Noah Lyles is that his name? And yeah, watching that was fun. Yeah, he went, he got COVID and he went out partying afterwards. And like, somebody's got to, he needs a better PR team around him. Probably. You gotta go to that event disguised as someone else. I know, right? But he was really feeling himself after winning by five one thousandths of a second.

It was called wrong. I saw it wrong, but he sure did. He fucking won it, fastest man alive. You can't take that away from him. You can't, dude. That was crazy. That was crazy. I like watching that stuff too.

I really, you know, and pole vaulting, I mean, there's a big dick joke on pole vaulting, but back when I was a kid, pole vaulting was my favorite thing, because it was just, really, a guy's gonna get over that thing with a stick. I mean, it was something that you can imagine not, you know, that could be really difficult to do. And the two biggest dicks of the Olympics were both French. They were both French cocks. And one of them was a swimmer? One was a

diver and one was the pole vaulter. The pole vaulter's dick knocked him out of the event, right, because his dick caught the... Well, the diver's dick's gonna make a splash. The diver's dick. It's gonna make entry more difficult. You know what they were calling the diver? They were calling him Baguette Baguette cause he's a French diver and he has a monster dick. That he seems like a very, like a humble person.

Like a normal dick guy., like a humble person. Like a normal dick guy? He's a humble personality guy, and then he looks like he has three dicks tied together in his Speedo, and he's just like, fuck, I just don't know what to do with all this dick before I dive, it's really crazy. And then the place that you learn about it is on Twitter,

you open it up and they're like, check out this guy's dick, and then you realize you're in a gay Twitter thread, because they, gay Twitter is its own thing. Like it really takes, they don't hold back at all. Yeah, this is the guy here. I mean, he's just like, I don't know what to do, man. I just, I'm trying to dive. Everyone's talking about my dick.

Everybody's gonna find out I have a huge cock today when I go out there in this bathing suit. Apparently he also got a, I think he got a massive underwear endorsement after this like from the Olympics, you know Some underwear company was like hey, we saw your huge dick. Do you want to wear our underwear? And he was like, yeah Can I get millions of dollars and they were like sure fuck? Yeah. Yeah, that's gotta be an amazing feeling that phone call I guess so, you know, whatever. Especially now that the Olympics are over and now they're all over there,

just bundle fucking each other, right? Yeah. You just gotta pry those gymnasts off these fucking swimmers and divers, you know? That's what they're fucking going for. Yeah. That broad shoulders, big dick. Well, this is the, this is like the perfect male physique That's what they're fucking going for. Yeah. That broad shoulders, big dick, you know.

This is like the perfect male physique is like a swimmer diver, right? Yeah, right. They're slender and muscular or whatever, and they're also incredible athletes. And then those chicks come off the fucking trampoline and they're just like, I need to work out some of this energy,

so I have a lot of anxiety You think you could dive off of the roof into my pussy is there So there really is a gay Twitter or is he making that up? Well, it's when a topic Takes off within any like subset community it becomes like so it's not separate but it's like, you know, people will say black Twitter. What they're just talking about is like a topic will take off and it's just dominant in the black community. So like that top, so there probably is a gay Twitter, but in this case, it's just a bunch of guys being like,

I wish I could see that guy's dick. Right. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, I'm one of those guys. Yeah, yeah. I wanna see the dudes, I'm one of those guys. Yeah, yeah. I wanna see the dudes, I'm not gay at all. I don't wanna touch it or anything, but I'm gonna look for sure. I mean, I've watched porn.

Yeah. I don't want small half-flashed penises. I want big hard throbbing cocks in that fucking porn. I think the gayest I ever feel is when I'm disappointed at a guy's dick in porn. I'm like, look at this guy's pathetic dick. That is a pretty gay. It's pretty gay. I go Jesus. I'm all that I'm dick It's not a dick. I want to see a big old dick in her mouth And then you're like wait a minute what and then and then you find one you're like, that's a cock

You start talking to it. So I'll tell you the story And yeah, I probably should tell you it was yeah, was, Jeannie was out of town and I was talking to her on the phone and she said, I bet you're just jacking off a lot. And I said, yeah, of course I am. And she goes, well, why don't you send me a video? And I'm like, I am not going to video tape me beating off and send it out into the fucking ethos. And then the middle of the day, no reason, I decided to jack off and I realized this

is going nowhere. Nothing I can conjure up and I don't have porn anymore because they made it where you can't get porn in Texas unless you know that UVN number which I can't figure out. So now I'm pornless. It affected nobody but me. You guys got to put a VPN on his phone today. And so anyway, so I know this is going nowhere, but my dick looked pretty good. My phone was there and she wanted that video. So I got my phone out, I got a camera on, I came in like three seconds of looking at my dick through a phone camera, a masturbation session that was going nowhere ever, all of a sudden comes into a, ah, ah, ah. And I don't know if it's that it was hotter to see another guy's dick in my hand on a,

I don't know what it was. I'm like, get out of there. Get out of there. We don't need that nonsense. Did you send it? I did. I did, I sent it to her and she was like, that's gross. Aw man.

Yeah. That's heartbreaking. I thought you were gonna. You know, she didn't say it was gross. I just thought it was gross. Yeah, yeah. I looked at it 15 times afterwards, it was sick. Yeah.

Ron, you're disgusting, Ron. If you comment on the YouTube page, Ron will send you his three second cum clip. And that's a promise from me. It really does exist. So don't think we're making empty promises. We can't fulfill. Do you still have the video or do you just leave it?

I still have it on my phone. Wow. Well, I don't have it on my phone, but I have it on where I sent it to Jeannie. Oh, I got you. So it's on her phone. So yeah, so I can scroll down on that, get some, it's really good fit. It is also brief. Oh, I got you. So it's on her phone. So yeah, so I could scroll down on that, get some, it's really good fit.

It is also brief. Yeah, yeah. And I thought I was gonna be filming it for an hour, getting something to go, but. That's another thing is when I'm watching porn, sometimes I'm like, you know, scene's kinda over, you're ready for the pop shot, and they're standing over her,

and they're just like stroking, and you're like, hey man, can you come already? And I'm like, I'm a little, like, let's get to it, and then they're just like stroking and you're like, hey man, can you cum already? And I'm like, I'm a little, like let's get to it. And then they're just like, you know, can I, you know, like if I can pull your hair or like, just trying to like conjure up that, try to get that nut out. And they're really struggling.

And then I'm sitting there being like, just fucking cum. And I realized that I'm just like cheering for a man to cum. That feels kind of gay. That doesn't feel as gay as the other one though, right? No, the other one, yeah. Judging the guy's cock. just like cheering for a man to come, that feels kinda gay. That doesn't feel as gay as the other one does, right? No, the other one, yeah. Judging the guy's cock. Yeah, where I'm like, look at this.

That's just not enough. A mediocre dick? That's the thing too. I'm just like. I'll watch myself to it. Yeah, I'm like, this kinda looks like my dick. I don't wanna watch that. I wanna watch, fucking. What happened to this podcast?

This is supposed to be good, clean, Christian fun. good clean Christian fun. Yeah, what you told me when I When you talked me into this and a few random cocks You know, I know a good dick from a bad dick. Yeah hard to tell, you know Pictures of vaginas. I know what would fit what wouldn't fit You see like as you've seen beautiful women that you're like Oh my god, and then you get with them and you're like Wow, I know that if if I had a pussy I would ruin it I would buy everything you could possibly cram into it fucking every buzzer twizz or

dildos the size of traffic cones Jamming it all in there. Yeah, just to see how big I can get. Yeah You used to have a really nice pussy didn't you run up there? I ruined it Now it's where I keep my shoes Thank you for coming in today and Honestly, man, I'm I really am really happy that I get to spend any time with you. It's always fun It's always good to see you. So thank you very much. Hey, I feel the same way Tom and we're Best wishes to all of it. Of course. We all send our best to Burt and hope you make a full recovery

Yeah, Burt and there you know, if you need me for anything, you know, I'm right down the street. I definitely will call you. Yes Thank you. Thank you. Bye guys. See you everybody.