2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer - Ripping Beers & Running 5K's w/ Jason Kelce, N.O.R.E, and Beau Allen | 2 Bears, 1 Cave

Episode Date: May 12, 2025

SPONSORS: - Head to https://bubblycleaning.com/Bears to get your first 3 hours of cleaning for only $19. Thanks so much to Bubbly Cleaning for sponsoring this episode! - Head to https://acorns.com/bears or download the Acorns app to get started. - Start your free online visit today at https://Hims.com/BEARS. - Upgrade your wallet today! Get 10% Off @Ridge with code CAVE at https://www.Ridge.com/CAVE #Ridgepod This week on 2 Bears 1 Cave, Tom Segura and Bert Kershire are LIVE from the 2 Bears 5k in Tampa Bay Florida! They aren't alone either, the bears are joined by not one, not two, but three guest bears! Joining Tom and Bert are rapper/running enthusiast N.O.R.E, as well as, former NFL players/Super Bowl champs, Jason Kelce and Beau Allen. The group all get together to talk about the real challenges of the 2 Bears 5k, who the best drinkers are, running, nicknames, dictators, Hype Williams, stupid purchases, and so much more. Enjoy the show! 2 Bears, 1 Cave Ep. 288 https://tomsegura.com/tour https://www.bertbertbert.com/tour https://store.ymhstudios.com Chapters 00:00:00 - Intro 00:04:17 - N.O.R.E 00:14:48 - Japanese Whiskey 00:20:12 - Beau Allen & Jason Kelce 00:26:33 - The Best Drinkers & Worst NFL Matchups 00:35:33 - Nicknames & Dictators 00:42:02 - Hype Williams 00:45:39 - NFL Rookies 00:53:51 - Drinking Before A Big Game 00:58:23 - Stupid Purchases 01:06:16 - Wrap Up Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

100% Welcome to another episode of two bears one cave i'm tom and this is burt everybody say hello What of am i i'm hammered yeah, that is not weird This is incredible thank you guys so much for coming out. If you're listening, we are at Raymond James Stadium in Tampa, Florida. And there's a 5k, which was, I think it was your goddamn idea. This idea is almost dumber than 2Bear's sports management. Yeah, that really didn't pan out. 2Bear's racing, 2Bear's AI porn. Yeah. We've't pan out. Two Bears racing, Two Bears AI porn.

Yeah. We've had a lot of dumb ideas Tom. Quite a few and I put this near the top but it fucking panned out. We were so hungover this morning. I was like there's no way I'm running this fucking race. I was tapping out. I smoked DMT yesterday and I had like 20 shots at Bar Howard, was it? Bar Howard. Yes. Let's just break down the bartenders at Bar Howard. Holy cheat on my wife.

Holy. Those fucking women. I will hit subscribe on that OnlyFans. If those girls wanna get it going, I will fund that. Hey, can I get an IV? Oh, my God, she's looking at how fucking quick she comes. Holy shit. Holy shit.

Hey, can I get a blowjob? Why don't we... Oh, no, no, you keep... Just the IV from you, please. Or both, if you're into it. Just IVs, be cool. Okay. I mean, if you're doing... There's two of us. All right, so... this is a crazy thing that actually worked out that so many people wanted to participate in exercise, which is

we did this because we started realizing our fans are a lot like us. Fat. It's crazy how anytime I'm in public and I see a guy that looks like he doesn't take care of himself I'm like this guy's a fan and then as soon as I see guy. There's Bell, big fan, big fan. Dark side of the grill check him out he's a great chef. Yeah anybody that's like this guy's falling apart he's always like what's's up bro? Big fan. Like, so yeah, two middle-aged guys who, you know. We gotta keep it going. I mean, look, this was a pipe dream that we started at, in Austin, because we were looking

to fill content and we were like, yo, it's gonna be January 1st when this drops. What's our New Year's resolution? And then we just jokingly said 5K by May. And then we called all our friends that had been canceled. And they all said no. This one? And then we did it in Los Angeles. And now we're here in Raymond James.

And we've got over 7,500 people here. Woo! Woo! And it's just amazing. And I got to keep it going for all the bucks they showed up. The bucks came out. But let's break down that, uh, do not take my fucking blood pressure. Just give me a goddamn IV. I do not want that. Or just give me the IV. Or don't. Or don't. But do not take my blood pressure. How bad would your blood pressure be? I do not take my blood pressure.

Is that a good sign? No, it's I get the white coat syndrome and I don't want to listen I normally get two bags I'll be fine with one bag just do not take my blood pressure. What's his blood pressure right now? Still thinking? Well does it register he's dead inside? What are you talking about? You you you're so frustrating your blood pressure is always perfect well it might not be I don't know what well 40 over 70 yeah it's not great it's not terrible she just said I personally would rather lower on the hot top number if you're gonna take my blood pressure I don't need an IV good stop no I'm not getting one why I'm not there's seven fucking thousand people

here I'm not getting my blood I'm not there's seven fucking thousand people here. I'm not getting my blood and guess what? 7,000 nope. No, I want you to get your blood pressure Stop Games over I'm not playing stop games over. Nope. It's my arm and I hold them tight nori get up here nori. Come here Nori come here, please over here on the stairs Nori will you let them take your blood pressure? That's my man

Here we got a mic for you nori and Jason Kelsey's garage beers are up here. Have you had one yet? Here sit down I never met Tom, but I feel like I know you bro. How you doing? It's a pleasure to meet you Ladies and gentlemen from drink champs. That's right, how you doing? And a fucking massively successful rapper himself, Norrie. Yo, can I say something? This is brilliant. I'm also an alcoholic.

Nice. That likes to jog. Yeah. And I get a euphoria high of a jogging. And the fact that you have all of these maniacs out here. I Did the race I? Didn't read a disclaimer. Yeah These hills do not pay the bills

That shit is killer. You didn't like the nine corridors up that you have to understand what's going on That's what neither did I and it was fucking awful. But it's brilliant, because you know what's crazy? Even if it rains, you can still stay. It's like you're outdoors, indoor, not outdoors. You're right, because you're covered. Yes, but this is brilliant, guys. This is brilliant.

Thank you for coming in. Make some noise for them, god damn it. And he was fucked up early. Yeah. Where's my Yamazaki? Where's the Yamazaki? Hold on, I got a gift for you guys. Where's my Yamazaki? Where's the Yamazaki? Hold on, I got a gift for you guys.

What's this? Gifts? Yeah, I got a gift. Oh, shit. Has he been on Drink Champs yet? No, Tom. No. You know he's got a new series coming out on Netflix

on April. May. We're in May. It's May 13. Really? Yes. Who got it? You got it? Oh,

when you was on drink champs, I gave you a bottle of Pappy and we drank the whole bottle. Holy selfishly. It was just me and him. We didn't share with nobody in the room. We drank the whole bottle, the whole bottle. And I'm looking to do that here. Let's do it. Yeah. I'm a zombie. Let's open it up. Let's open it up right now. All right. Let's do it. Let's open it up. Can we get some last size up here? Can we get glasses of ice please? So we have our whole crew called run champs. You see, I don't know if you see the shirts. Yes. But, um, so we came here to run another 5k, but apparently Yamazaki is going to win. Yeah. If we're doing Yamazaki, there's no second race. No more second. Okay. No, no, no, we can do it. Oh boy. My favorite thing

ever. And I swear by it. Box of wine on the treadmill, Guy Fieri diners, we can do it. Oh boy. My favorite thing ever and I swear by it. Box of wine on the treadmill, Guy Fieri, diners, drive-ins and dives. I can put 14 miles in. Wait a minute, wait a minute, can you say that one more time? Box of wine on the treadmill, diners, drive-ins and dives, I put in 14 miles in a night. Oh wow. Dude, jogging drunk, you watch, you know what I watch my dog. What's the I watched the movie? 1918 about World War one where the guys got to run and give a message

Yeah And I every time he ran I ran so I was drunk like I was in World War one And I had to give the message it was fucking awesome Dude, I watched football drunk on the treadmill and every time they run I run it's a fuck you got to play games with yourself That's a really good training regimen. I called him one day. I was like yo um can I go to the sauna drunk? And he was like I do it all the time, dude So I was never ask him a hell We were a bill about these first

Because I can see them in the sauna, and I was wondering, I was like, is he drunk? And then I got drunk, I did it the same night, and I called him, and he was like, yes, dude, you can do it. And I went to the sauna drunk as fuck. A polar plunge hammered, sobers you right up. Say you're throwing a kids party, you get too drunk. You get into the polar plunge, the cold plunge. Oh, cold plunge.

You cold plunge, sobers you right up, you come back, done. Right. Right. Holy moly guacamole, man. Sure. Yo, listen, guys. This is really, really dope, man. I've been all year. We just came from Maui.

We ran six miles in Maui. I did a Miami half marathon. I did a... You just recently started running. Yeah. I was going to say, talk about how you've changed, dude. You got after it. Oh, thank you, man talk about how you've changed, dude. Like you got after it. Oh, thank you, man.

You look great. Thank you. I just fell in love. I've been doing this. I've been doing this on Nike Plus. I know we got Spartan here today, right? Yes. Yeah, big up to Spartan.

But I've been doing it. I just wasn't recording it. You know what I mean? And so I started to travel, and I wanted to rewrite my life. I wanted to go to all the places that I performed at and I did shows, but I wanted to go back there as a jogger and participate in the races. So I did Puerto Rico, I did Maui, I did Naples,

I did Tampa, and this is, so my point I'm trying to make is out of all the races I participated in, this is by far the coolest. Let's make some noise for you guys, guys, this is by far the coolest. Let's make some noise for you guys, guys. This is by far the coolest. Wait, let's make some noise real quick for Drink Champs. Yeah, that's right, that's right. Hang on.

Is that, look, I know there's a lot of white people, but everyone loves hip hop, that's the truth. And Drink Champs is a deep cut into hip hop. Yes, it is. Like if, I'm telling you, the interview ever. Yeah. DMX any interview about DMX. Wow. Fucking amazing. This is the drink. It was the first place I heard Diddy say he wanted to party with someone. Oh shit. Yeah. He went to party. You're fabulous. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. It's true. Dude. It's on camera. We can't deny it. Shout out to Diddy. Great

guy. Yes, yes. It is such an amazing podcast. And if you haven't listened, you gotta check it out. Yes. And tell him you gotta do it. Okay, so now I need to answer our age-old drinking question. Yes. Can you mix ice with Japanese whiskey?

Ooh. You should have it neat. Is that what you're trying to go for? You're asking. I'm out of idiotity. Yeah, because I don't actually know. I know that some bartenders won't even serve you if you ask for ice. Here's what we should do. OK, let's have let's have a little bit neat. And OK, how we like it. OK. And then I like that.

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and oral minoxidil and finasteride prescription products requiring an online consultation with a health care provider who will determine if a prescription is appropriate, restrictions apply, see website for swirl details, and important safety information. Yeah. And by the way, when Jelly Roll gets here, no one take pictures. Let him get here up here quick. Yeah, that'll work. I see Jelly Roll last night at Carbone on the beach. It was dope. And he was playing a lot of hip hop in his show. He was? I liked it that. Yeah, I liked it that a lot Yeah, yeah, I've never met jelly roll super nice guy. It's my first time meeting you too as well, man

I'm a big fan. Yes, please. I follow you on the ground. Wait, wait, wait, let's talk hip hop real quick Okay, let's talk you talk about who you love cuz Tom's like a real deep cut hip hop guy. Okay Well, I mean, I just I I don't know, I'm like- And you got on Alpha Flies. That's right, dude. I can tell you serious about running. Those are real nerd running shoes. These are nerd shoes.

Yeah, yeah, like if you are a running nerd, you got Alpha Flies on. And they trick you. They trick you into thinking it's not as hard. Like your brain goes, oh yeah. No, no, no, no, it does. I think I'm faster in it. You know, yes, thank you. We drink a Japanese fucking whiskey, man.

Come on. So if you start seeing me sweat, just think I was running the 5K earlier, that's all. Yo, Salud, man. To you guys, man. To you, brother, to you. Cheers. And to all of you, thank you so much

for coming out today, guys. And by the way, is this my first time on two beers? This is my first time, right? This is your first time, bro. Yes, I've never been. Bro, we gotta do it again. Yes, I don't mind. I don't mind, I'll fly with every track. I'm telling you, man, is this my first time on two beers? This is my first time, right? This is your first time, bro. Yes, I've never been. We gotta do it again. Yes, I don't mind. I don't mind.

I'm proud of every track. I'm telling you, man, you're my guilty pleasure. You really are. I fucking love drink champs. And just so you know, woo hoo! Very good. Ho. Did that just come out of me?

There's a whole drinking, running community that wakes up in the morning. Is it true community that wakes up in the morning. Is it true? That wakes up in the morning and looks at your speech where you say, I will always keep myself healthy enough. You remember that speech? That is like in a drinking, running hall of fame.

I get... The best thing I ever saw was... It kept so many people from going to rehab, you know what I mean? There were people that were like about to go and they saw your thing and they're like, I ever saw. It kept so many people from going to rehab. You know what I mean? Like, there was people that were like about to go and they saw your thing and they're like, I'm fine. Yeah. They're like, I'm fine. Because there's a second speech that he goes.

He goes, if you're thinking about quitting, don't. Don't. This is two of the most brilliant speeches in drinking history. Yeah. Do you understand how important those two speeches are? I speak from the heart. Yeah. If you think you have a problem maybe it might be you she's standing behind you no no I'm a black man I'll get my shit taken take

his blood pressure first no no no no don't even get near my fucking arm don't even hear my arm wait how what do you know it is because I don't want to deal with it I'm listen listen I'm having a good time, okay? By the way, I didn't even know you could deny having it in your blood test. When you do an IV. I always do it and I feel shitty about myself. They always, they always... What is it, like 260 over 150? What is it? I'm not getting, my blood pressure's taken.

Holy shit. Look, there's a medic right there. You're fine. Oh, thanks. I got beat in this race by a guy in a wheelchair today. Yeah His name is Jerry by the way. Oh, his name is Jerry. Yeah. Shout out to Jerry. I see you right there Jerry But uh, I gave Jerry a lot of credit and then I thought about all those, you know, the the downhill shit. Oh, yeah Jerry's smoked by the way. downhill shit oh yeah Jerry smoked by the way come on for real Jerry smoked me on the uphill he did he passed me on the uphill and then flew past me again I kept neck and neck with the disabled guy with another that's good I had a couple when I ran the LA marathon you ran the LA marathon I ran the LA marathon with no training at all and I got beat by an Asian dude dressed as Big Bird with a tuba. I got beat by a dude with

cerebral palsy and his dad who was wearing jeans. Jeans is rough on a marathon to Mexican and the mom was with them it was bad I got smoked remind me what is just finished right yes just finished yeah I haven't ran a marathon yet but I'm looking that's on the yeah have you ran a marathon no fuck no and you did the LA marathon or the LA marathon no training at all no training it's not the best way to approach a marathon no no yeah he's a lunatic. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, I would train. Do you know who might like? This whiskey who have you met Jason Kelsey? Hey someone grab Jason and Bo Jason and Bo Bo Allen see if they want to come out you get some Jason Kelsey

Let's get some with the stage Jason and Bo. Bo Allen. See if they want to come out. Jason Kelsey. Let's bring them to the stage. When you guys caught me up in my mind, I was thinking I was going to have to jump on the stage. So I was getting my Hulk Hogan impression on. Quick flip motherfucker. Could you still freestyle right now? Hell no. For real?

Yeah. When was the last time you like rap battled? I rap battle myself every day. In the mirror? Yeah, if I'm running, I rap battle myself. I tell myself I'm a... You know they say you should never talk bad to yourself because yourself doesn't know how to do it. I think there's an exception to that rule is like right before you run you just say some

bullshit that you think someone else will say about you. Yeah so and then it fires you up. Yeah yeah yeah. Oh they're making their way. Yeah so I always do that. Ladies and gentlemen Bo Allen and Jason Kelsey give it up. What's up? Thanks for having us. Of course. What's up? Yeah, anywhere you want. We got to give a shout out to Jason. Jason donated all this garage beer that you're drinking today. Oh shit. Time out. We donated that. I just feel like I'm somebody's son all of a sudden. I'm just here with my dad and my uncle. Jesus Christ. Oh, here we go. You want some whiskey?

I would love some. Oh, let's get some. I can't. Can we get a couple more cups? She just took my blood pressure, 120 over 60. That's a lie. 120 over 60. Tom, I hope you're at my fucking funeral.

120 over 60 is good. Yeah, I know. He made that up, bro. Tom's an asshole. Yeah, over know. He made that up, bro. Yeah, over here. Another one over here. Do you like, do you like kind of hate your brother and love your brother? What does that mean? I think everybody kind of hates and loves their brother, right? It's a normal brother relationship. Yeah. Like I like Tom, but I kind of hate him. Yeah, yeah. That's a normal, that's a healthy male relationship, I believe. You want one too, right? Yeah, sure. Fuck yeah. So you guys running at two o'clock? Running at two. Kelsey's got

this great idea. Kelsey why don't you run everyone through with this idea that you had for this 5k. We're gonna try something. Have you ever heard of a beer mile? Are you being fucking serious? So beer mile, one beer every lap, so every 400 meters, so four beers every mile. Four beers a, wow. So I'm gonna try a beer 5K. So we're doing 12, 12.

I'm gonna try. Dude, you can do it, you're a fucking champion. You're a god damn champion. You think you can do 12 beers? Absolutely no chance. A thousand percent, I believe in you. When's the, I don't know. I've never tried drinking 12 beers that fast.

And here's the thing, you're earning it with every 400 meters. That's my thing. Like if we're going to do it, let's do it big. And also there's water in beer. There is. It's like mostly water. I brought some like hydration packets I'm going to throw in there too. In the beer.

We're going to be safe out here. Raspberry garage pants. We're going to get you an IV and just wheel it behind you as you're running. This is how I know I was white in the past life because everything they said makes total sense. Like nothing at all says to me this doesn't make sense. Everything about it was like yeah, I see it. You got to do it.

Let's go for it. I'm going to go for it. All right. Beers. Had to be whiskey. Now can you do it with whiskey? That's fucking rough. Holy shit. I mean. So what would it be? A shot every 400 you do it with whiskey? That's fucking rough.

I mean, so what would it be a shot every 400 meters? I think it would just be 12 shots. 12 shots. Jesus Christ. If anybody can do it. Hey man, thank you for gassing me up. There's plenty of time to test this theory. Yes. Yes. There's plenty of time. Now do you do, cause you're retired now, you. Still lifting strong like a psycho trying to get your meathead mentality. Can't not go away. Right. You got to keep at it. Yeah. Do you do any type of training to prepare for the 5k any running training. I've done zero. Awesome. Yeah. Yeah. I went on a jog on Bayshore Boulevard here on Thursday. There you go. Texted Kelsey right after. I said it was the first time I went for a jog in like 15 years.

I've done a lot of prep for this. I feel really good. You feel good? Yeah. This is right in my wheelhouse. I'm a big jogger, big runner. So very excited for it. Running is like such a big man's kryptonite. Like it's we I say we but like us bears no I fucking despise it but I make myself do it you know I make myself do it yeah I think it's healthy it is I've heard it's supposedly it's good which is the only reason I think anybody does it right yeah well the reason big people swimmers are psychos that's true people who swim who swim. By the way, bye mom, bye dad, I love you guys. Thank you very much for coming out. Bye mom and dad. Bye. Dad, you want to try Japanese whiskey? You want to try Japanese

whiskey? You have some at home. He's fly. Remember I gave you the Pappy Van Winkle. You FaceTime'd him. He was like, that's the 10 year old. I was like, oh shit. Yeah, we did FaceTime my dad. That's fly. Remember I gave you the Pappy Van Winkle. You FaceTime him. He was like, that's the 10 year old. I was like, Oh shit. Yeah, we did FaceTime my dad. All right. Love you guys. Swimmers are crazy. So you can't listen to music. And you just stare at the bottom of a pool. Yeah, yeah. That's swimming. Yeah. checks out.

It works. That's how it is. Yeah. And on at least was it like that at Wisconsin? The swimmers at Cincinnati were usually the craziest too. Oh, yeah. They are the freakiest and the weirdest people on the. Ders was a swimmer at Wisconsin. That checks out. And he's kind of I mean, from workaholics. Do you ever have sex with a swimmer chick? Thick. Yeah, thick back. Thick back. Yes. Like bro. I mean, swimming is all lats. It's almost like a trans back

It's almost yes, and if they cut their hair short you're fucking the dude then you're in yeah Great cardio though great cardio great cardio that last all night, but man. There's a couple times. You're like so I am kind of fucking to do How come black guys are still homophobic Couple times you're like, so I am kind of fucking a dude. You're like, all right. Nor are you ever fucking a dude. No, no, no. Fuck no. How come black guys are still homophobic? I can't speak for the black race on this one. I was going to let it be. Are we going to take a shot of this?

Oh, shit. Should we take a shot of this? Are these the Shandies? These are the Garage Beer Summer Shandies. Summer Shandies? All right. Garage Beer Summer Shandy. Have you ever had a Summer Shandy?. Summer Shandy's? All right. Garage Beer Summer Shandy. Have you ever had a Summer Shandy?

I've never had a Summer Shandy. Hold on, I got one arm. I'm making the Virgin Eyes right now. We're here. They're passing me. Yep. So this is? Wait, so this is how they open or they made a mistake?

This is how they go. Did they make a mistake? Yeah. Ronnie had some tool over there that you can take the top off of it. I've never seen it before. It's pretty snazzy. Wow.

It makes it more convenient for drinking when you're on the move or running a 5K, you know? We're running a 5K, hell yeah. He did so. I'm gonna take a shot of this first and then I'm gonna down it with the whiskey. Perfect, all right. Okay, everybody, cheers.

Yes, cheers. A shot of whiskey first. The whiskey? Oh. Chasing with the shandy. These 12 beers I'm about to drink while running is really gonna follow this. Cheers. Cheers, cheers.

Cheers. Say both. Both, tap it, Jason, tap it. Cheers it? Ah, ah, there we go. Here. Cheers. Both. Jason, tap it. Here we go. Oh my god. That's fantastic. I like that.

Can I ask a racial question? A racial question? Yeah, please. Those are the only questions I prefer. I feel like you're the best one to bring it up. Go ahead. What race is the best drinkers? White or Latinos?

Oh shit. Latinos in the building? Here's the thing. Latinos are the most fun, whites are the most terrifying. So it's kind of what kind of vibe you want to go for. I need you to break it down though. Break that down. Well, break it down and reverse it.

Let's eliminate who are the worst drinkers. It's Asians. The Asians. Asians are the worst. They get red. They're allergic to alcohol. Native Americans, Asians. You say this is the reddest face I've ever seen.

We're, you know, I was in unison. You know this? This is for a fact. This is for a fact. Oh yeah. There's a thing. Bert's got some Indo-Europeans half Asian blood going on. This is a fact. You did get red. And thank you. First of all, thank you for bringing this up. But yeah, you know, there's a lot of Asians that have an enzyme that doesn't go with alcohol. Plus they'll start bowing up on you, shit that you're not expecting. So I feel like, yeah, it's not the best. Okay. You know, whites are the craziest. Google drunk Asians businessmen. No, there's no, like some redneck or some Irish guy drinking, they're out of their fucking

minds dude. They'll do shit that you can't even conceive of drinking and they'll do it for days on end. They're the scariest. And I think Latins are the most fun. That's because of the tequila, I feel like. I mean based just on crowd action. Sorry, once again we left black people out. Sorry. No, no. I'm not sure. I don't think we make that card. No, black guys are fun to drink with.

Always. Always. Always. Always. Hey, hello. Hey, hello. That is never not fun. You know, I didn't realize that black dudes could be alcoholics You didn't realize that until two pots occur

Tupac yeah, you didn't get drunk with Tupac. No Wait, I need to hear this story when you Listen to Tupac you're like this guy's a fucking alcohol. No, no, no, I didn't realize you had a drinking problem Oh, and then in one day I was like why was drinking all day. Yeah And then one day I was like, why is he drinking all day? Yeah. Thug passion is like an all day drink. Right. And so, but I just never, I never saw,

and then when you moved to New York and you hang out with the, when I got to New York, all the black comics partied and all the white comics were all sober. And I was like, oh, black dudes get down. Yeah. You ever done coke with a white dude? You know, you know, I've never done cocaine in my life Are you sure what never done coke never like backstage?

I used to sell cocaine. I used to sell it. Let's make that clear. I think some people didn't hear that I used to sell cocaine. Yeah, I never even tested it What's the most you ever sold in like one transaction probably a half a key half a key Oh, yeah, I've never I never was a big that's got to feel good, right? Probably a half a key. Half a key? Yeah, I never was a big guy. But that's got to feel good, right? Oh, no.

I mean, I've always wanted to do that. It didn't feel good? No. Really? No. It was out of necessity. But like when you're holding the... Like how much do you get paid for half a key?

I don't know. I haven't sold drugs in 27 years. Well, I mean, you know, was it like... I kind of had a career. I know. But it's like... But wait, if you you know, was it like... I kind of had a career. I know, but it's like... But wait, if you hadn't sold drugs, you maybe wouldn't have had a career. Yeah, maybe. Maybe.

You got to be grateful that you went through. It gave me some shit to talk about. Yeah, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Gave you credibility, man. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's the credibility that's definitely shitting the hat, though. No, it's the best, dude.

I would fucking put that in my Instagram bio. I sold coke You ever rob anybody? It's a lot of credit Does anybody want some more, one more shot of whiskey? This is a dream podcast for me. It's my favorite people Let's go, let's go Cheers What's like you guys ever commit any crimes? Just petty crimes. Petty but shoplifting. Yeah, just illegally pirating media. That's a big one for me

Now you're big strong guys. You ever just beat the absolute fucking shit out of somebody. Yeah I used to do that to Kelsey on the football field 2018 it was the hottest football game I've ever played in. It was really miserable. Right here at Ray J. Eagles, we won the Super Bowl the year before and Kels and the Birds came down. It was like week two, it was like 95 degrees. It was the hottest fucking game of all time. The glass reflecting the sunlight on the field, it was fucking terrible.

It was so hot. We went out to warm up and we were out here for two minutes and the coach said, boys, just go back in. Just go in. Yeah, like you're going to get more tired out here trying to warm up and we were out here for two minutes and the coach said, boys, just go back in. Just go in. Yeah, like you're gonna get more tired out here trying to warm up and wow, ball. So we just cut warm up short. Yeah. So he used to play football on this field. Now we're just fucking ripping beers and running 5k is around the stadium. It's a better use of life. Quick retirement. I gotta

ask you this. First of all, big fan of you guys. I love football, like as so many people do. It is so much fun to watch NFL action. Who is the worst like the who is the matchup of your career where you circle it you're like it's gonna be a week like this week is gonna Sunday is gonna be rough with this motherfucker lined up. I can start I mean when we're in Philly Dallas is online was incredible It's Zach Martin Travis Frederick Zeke was cooking and I was a nose guard. So I'm eating 30 double teams a game They're running duo which is just like a very basic straight-ahead run play and I'm just like

Grinding my ass off and get like one assisted tackle the game. I'm fucking eating double teams I mean, so that's one where I was always like, that's a rough one. Bo played the worst position in the NFL. Yeah. Like just be fat as fuck and try and take on two offensive linemen every single snap. The worst. Yeah, the worst.

I mean, I don't know why he signed up for it. Kelsey played the easiest position. He's a center. You're just a help guy. I always have help. Yeah, you're a help guy. I get to make all the calls. Yeah, yeah, exactly.

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vodka. I'll bring my wife and if you want, I'm pretty good at the first one too, but this is better than pussy. This is the best vodka you're ever gonna have It's clean. I sleep court my sleep scores through the roof because of it. It tastes clean everyone I've given it to loves this vodka Tom. Tell them. It's absolutely fantastic We have a proprietary distillation process and listen we are winning competitions we have gold medals in various competitions and

Honestly, you the people are the ones telling us how great it is too. This is not just smoke that we're blowing here. We're telling you because you're telling us this is now your favorite vodka. So thank you. And if you haven't tried Porosos, get out to the store. If they don't carry it, tell them you want them to carry it.

Tell them, request it. When you go to the bar, you say, hey, do you carry Porosos? And if they say no, you go, you should. It's pretty freaking awesome. And then walk out. You know what I do? I go, do you carry porosos and if they say no go you should it's pretty freaking awesome and then walk out you know what I do I go do you carry porosos and they say no I bring out a bottle and give it to him I go now you do can I get a bottle of glass of porosos? That's awesome. What's up? Are they like when you're a center like when you when you're a long

snapper are they not allowed to hit the long snapper? Not anymore. You are not allowed to hit the long snapper. Holy shit. Oh I'd be down. Oh my gosh. That was a close call. I have blood pressure just raised Wait, but who is who is your like mother fucker this guy for me? A lot of them a lot. Yeah, like who are pretty much every week Uh, no, so dexter lawrence up in new york. Yeah towards the end of my career. Yeah, really really good player Uh guy that has everything You really if you play a guy that's big but doesn't really have any speed to his game You can kind of work around it if you play that a guy that's undersized Fast doesn't have that like length or that size. Yeah, you can play to that

Guys that have both of them are just like I don't I'm working with nothing here Just trying to I'm gonna try and outsmart this person and usually it works like thankfully I played Dexter young in his career so the first couple times I played him I could use all these like little tricks that I accumulated over a decade yeah and then after you play him again oh shit just throws you to the side but yeah Dexter was up there. A guy named Snax. Oh, Snax. Yeah, that's a great nickname. Wait, for the Giants? For a noseguard, that's like the best. Yeah, for the Giants. I meant for a daughter. But yeah. What's up, Snax? That's a great nickname. That's a great nickname really for anybody. That's a great nickname. Yeah, Snax Harrison was unbelievable. Limbaugh Joseph was very good. A lot of noseguards that nobody in this audience probably is going to be that with. Yeah yeah. Vita Vea. I didn't see Vita. I don't think Vita's

run him any 5k. I wanted Dez Watson. He's a big guy. Yeah. You see Dez Watson? He's 460 pounds right? 7'2. Yeah yeah. I wanted him to run it but he doesn't have to report another week. Wait, how do you guys come up? This is good. I like the nicknames thing. Did you guys have a lot of nicknames in the and the old school players had all had nicknames? Yeah. That's one thing I wish we'd bring back. I'm trying to the NFL is like the great nicknames of like the past. Yeah

How did you in hip-hop how did you come up with Nori? Oh, no, I've read a book about the manwell, Noriega and Shout out to men. Oh, yeah it just dropped and person picked it up and asked me a question about manwell noriega and He didn't know that I had the the the page it was actually where I was just reading. So I said it and then he just started calling me Noriega. And so it was like just given to me and then I knew that I would face legal problems so I shortened it to Norie. That's how it happened. Do you ever hear from like his... I actually reached out to him when he was in up in Florida, in Kindle, in the prison.

I lived in Kindle at the time. So I reached out to him and they had their attorneys reach back out to me and I was like, oh, let me just change my name. So you were like, what's up? He was like, actually. Yeah, because I don't spell it the way he spells it and I never named it. I never sold a product with that name on it that way. But I wanted to do that just out of respect.

And people sometimes just see a payday, they don't see a relationship. How dope would it have been? Oh my God. Noriega the rapper, Manuel Noriega, the fucking dictator or whatever the fuck he was. I don't even know what the fuck he was. You know what I mean?

Whatever the fuck. That would have been dope. I tried to go see him. I really wouldn't have wanted to go see him. But I think his family saw a payday and they... So I got away from it. He's a big Putin fan, so that's cool. Hardcore. Yeah.

I'm a big fan of anybody. If you're famous, I'm a fan. Yeah, that's pretty cool. I want to party with Kim Jong-un What's the worst? Wait Kim Jong-un drinkers Oh Kim Jong-un's alcoholic By the way of Kim if you're listening to this, yeah He's a big fan of the pot. Did you know he listens to podcast? I don't think he listens to Rogan less little bit? Western media's undefeated.

You know? You think, all right, who's the most fucked up person you think listens to your podcast? Mine? Probably my own family. But no, you gotta have a deep, you know Putin listens to Rogan. You know he does. For sure. You know he does.

You know, when you know Trump listens to it. You think Putin, he doesn't, does Putin even when you know Trump listens to it Even you think he listens to English-speaking podcasts fuck yes, where these booze going on new heights next week actually Numbers it'll be fucking insane All right, what's the worst hip-hop name you heard? We were like, yeah, that shit isn't going to fly. My very first name. What was it? MC Yahoo with the ball of the bean. MC what?

MC Yahoo with the ball of the bean. It's a lot. It's a mouthful. It's terrible. Imagine I would have went with it and been successful. Imagine that, like, if it had worked. Like, you'd have been saying hey when I walk by MC Yahoo with the ball to be like

you all like oh no, it's by MC Yahoo with the ball to be. Yeah, yeah, it was a terrible. I was a little bit last. I was 11 years old 11 from 11 to 11. Yeah, yeah, I mean it's a child's name. No, I thought I was a grown man at that time when you put together when you're 11 years old. Yeah, you're 21 sir. Yeah, a black 11 year old is more of a grown man at that time. When you're from the ghetto and you're 11 years old, yeah. You're 21, sir.

Yeah. A black 11-year-old is more of a grown up than me. Yeah, I'm telling you. Without a doubt. Yes, yes, that's a fact. Without a doubt. Definitely got laid more than me. Yes, yes.

We went through a whole bunch of shit. But I'm glad I didn't choose that name, though. I'm so glad, too. I'm blessed. Norrie's way better. Wait, Tommy, do you have any nicknames? Buns. Tommy Buns, you know what that's from? Not from belly. Yeah, of courserie's way better. Wait, Tommy, do you have any nicknames? Buns. Tommy Buns, you know what that's from?

Not from Belly. Yeah, of course it's from Belly. Your nickname was Tommy Buns from Belly? From Belly because a lot of people- Let's make some noise for that, god damn it. Yeah, yeah. I'm sorry to make this drink chance, I apologize. No, I love it, I love it.

No, I love it, I love it. Yes, yeah, yeah. But, so how did you, so you was watching Belly, somebody was like- I mean, I'm in college, Belly comes out, we're all hip hop fans, we're Hype Williams fans, and the soundtrack's crazy and you know we're just watching this movie. I'm Tom, Tommy, parents call me Tommy, just kind of, they're like you know you remind me of DMX, I was like I know, and then they just started calling me Bunz man.

Best DMX interview ever. Let's make some noise for DMX. Yeah. Best DMX interview ever. I'm going to give you a Hype Williams story real quick. Yes. Best DMX interview ever. Let's make some noise for DMX. Best DMX interview ever. I'm going to give you a Hype Williams story real quick. Yes. I love it.

I love it. I'm number one coming out of Left Rock City, Queens, 97-37, 57th Avenue, Apartment 5E, Corona, New York, 11368. I make it. I finally get a chance to get a Hype Williams video. Hype Williams is the man in hip hop that- That's what I'm just intervening to say that at the time, Hype Williams, just imagine it's Christopher Nolan and Quentin Tarantino, he is that level for music videos.

Jason, I know what Hype Williams is. Hank Williams? Hype Williams. So put it like this, guys. So put it like this, guys. So wait, no explaining it. Hype Williams is every hip hop video you loved. Yeah, yeah.

So put it like this, if you get Hype Williams, you basically win the Super Bowl. Put it like that, right? Nice, nice. But you gotta get him. He's like, he's weird. Exclusive. He's weird. He's very hard to get out.

Like, he's just weird. He's just eccentric. Like, you know, I don't think he wears deodorant, like type of shit. You know what I mean? Kelsey probably loves him now.'s just eccentric. Like, you know, I don't think he wears deodorant, like type of shit, you know what I mean? Kelsey probably loves him now. That sounds great. Yeah, yeah, so I mean, you know what I'm trying to say? You know, like he's eccentric, you know?

So we finally get Hype to agree to it. Hype meets us at the Trump Hotel, and he says, yo, get a room at the Trump Hotel. I said, get a room at the Trump Hotel, meet Heidi Williams. It's just me and him. It's weird. So he says, Roy Jones is the number one box at the time. So he's like, we're going to call Roy Jones,

and Roy Jones is going to be a part of your video. So I'm like, OK. He had Roy Jones' number. I didn't have Roy Jones' number. He called Roy Jones, and he says, I need you to be in this video. And Roy Jones said, he said, act out the video. And Roy Jones said, no, no, no. I'm not gonna act this out.

I have a fight this Saturday. You guys could come this Saturday and film. I immediately hit mute. He says, say it in the mic, they can't hear you. Oh, I'm sorry. I'm like, what if this guy loses? He says, when say it in the mic, they can't hear you. Yo, I'm sorry. I'm like, what if this guy loses? We don't want to film that. But Roy Jones was so confident at the time,

he said, you guys are good. Came, filmed it, he wins. He can't be touched. He wins. This is when he was untouchable. That's correct. That's the song. We filmed the Hype Williams video.

Hype Williams gives me a bottle, three bottles of Cognac. At the time, we're from the hood, we're used to drinking Hennessy and Coca-Cola. I drank three bottles of Louis XIII. What? Wow. With Pepsi. We thought it was Hennessy.

You're drinking like $100,000 bottles. Louis XIII, we're sitting there, so I'm having a ball of it. I go backstage, he has a case of crystal. I'm having a ball of it. Everywhere we go, Mr. Chiles, he had Mr. Chiles flown in from New York City to Las Vegas. Do you know I paid for all that shit? You did? You?

I'm thinking I'm balling on a budget. I'm thinking I had no idea. See a artist, all of that is charged back to you. See nothing is more fucked up than the music business. Nothing is more fucked up than the music business. Thank you for saying that. It is the most predatory business practices in the world. So it was the most fun I ever had. It was the most ball balling I ever had but I did not know I was paying for this whole shit

whole. What was your bill. Do you have any recall. Absolutely. One point eight million one point eight million. Absolutely. Bro imagine that like wasn't today fun. Here's the bill. What was your friend. What was your rookie dinner like? Jeff didn't know. I wasn't that bad. I got. I mean, you have to pay for the kind of like an initiation of a little bit of a line. So that's a lot of fucking food. So I was a seventh round pick. We had a good group of vets, guys like Kels and other dudes. I think I got out for like seven or eight grand, but I was I was still hurt over but it wasn't one point eight million dollars. I wasn't drinking Louie. Some dude tried to order Louie at my rookie meal. I said, no, no, no, I'll show you're not doing

that brother. Not on my dime. I wasn't. It wasn't really that bad. A lot of it comes down to like how good the rookie is. Like, do the vets like them? They're going to have some fun with them. But if a guy's a dick, you're going to get got at the rookie dinner. Really? Oh, yeah. So you will be like, do the vets like them? They're going to have some fun with them but if a guy's a dick, you're going to get got at the rookie dinner. Really? Oh, for sure. Yeah. So, you will be like, I've seen guys take Louie

and they don't even want to drink it. They just take the shot and pour it into a glass. No. Oh, yeah. Yeah. They don't. Just because the guy's a dick. Or like if you're a first round pick like like Vito was drafted by the Bucks here and he was a

rookie and like we had a nice we we kind of we kind of fucked him over and what is it like like a rookie like first of all just you don't imagine rookies being dicks because you kind of in your mind you go no they're definitely there's some that are they come in with an attitude and they're just what like not friendly not like usually usually the ones that do come in with an attitude are actually like they're usually really insecure yeah. They're usually like trying to mask something sure So nine times out of ten, they're really good players and the guys end up being great players in the league aren't like that, right? There's a they're confident but they're also, you know, just excited to be in the NFL Yeah around NFL players and vets. So that's the way it usually goes but I don't

The higher pick you are the bit the more that rookie dinner ends up being sure I've seen it is high like you've seen in the 20 thousands of dollars for a meal that's pretty crazy right I think our rookie year we had a first-round pick we split it three ways and it was something like 15 somewhere between 11 to 15 I can't remember that's a nice meal split it but steaks steaks some wine Louis. I mean it's all in drinks. Yeah. And guys are taking bottles of wine. Home. Home. That's hilarious. Right. I love it. Can I ask you a football question? I would love a football question. Why did Deon Sanders' son go so late in the draft? Yeah. I think it's, there's multiple parts of of that I think the character stuff and like all the interviews is probably being overplayed a little bit

Okay, then the reality is if he was viewed as a first-round talent or a guy that would be like a Organizational changing player right they would have drafted him in the first round right like if Michael Vick or You know cam Newton or any of these guys had the same interviews with those type of traits They would have been drafted that high. Wow. Because at the end of the day, teams want to win games. Right. So the reality is, when he starts falling, all that is is a metric of these teams that

are in the market for quarterbacks don't feel at a high level that he's going to pan out to be that player in the NFL. Right. Now the interviews and stuff like that, did that cause him to fall more later in the draft? Potentially, but I think most of it comes down to the arm strength isn't like crazy elite, the athleticism isn't crazy elite. So what is the trait that is gonna stress defenses?

Well, it comes down to, there's been a lot of quarterbacks with his traits that have had success, but a lot of those guys have some it factor that you can't measure at a combine, right? They see the game in a way that you can't measure, right? And if he's one of those guys, which he was through our college, he had amazing success, he can still pan out in the NFL,

but you're not gonna spend a high pick on a guy that doesn't have those measurables that they're looking for So I think that's the biggest reason But it had nothing do you think had anything to do with D on and himself? I think some of those distractions later in the draft do play a little bit but I still think by and large the majority of it comes down to Like if you're at that pick right and you have this this group of quarterbacks let's say you got four guys that you think

are in this tier if D if you know if Chador was that high above those other guys that they thought was like had that probability of panning out the next level like we think this guy can be this player if he's that much higher you take the baggage because at the end of the day That's what you're drafting for you're trying to draft a win game The NFL is always close if it's close or it's like hey this guy can do this really well If he pans out, you know Is it worth risking it with Chador and having to deal with the stuff on the side and all the noise?

The way teams dealt with you know, like Tim Tebow coming out, right? He was a guy that had a lot of years as a backup and not to his credit I mean Tim was a great person but because he had such a fandom and such a following that is something the team still have to think about this is gonna be a media circus there's gonna be like it's gonna be they do they do but my only issue with this whole topic I think that has been talked about way too much. I think that that has taken the overwhelming majority of the spotlight in this instance. And the reality is the majority of reason why he was not selected where people had him pre draft selected. Yes. Is because the NFL did not view him is that

caliber of player that they had the potential to be like right Mel Kuyper jr. almost had a seizure on television talking about his because as he analyzed him as a tropic but the really the where he got drafted is just as the statement of the NFL saying we don't think you're a top to your talent exactly well Exactly. Well, now the other stuff might have made him... Well, apparently no one read black Twitter. Yeah, you gotta go to black Twitter. Black Twitter. Hey man, black Twitter is where I was. Black Twitter is different. What is black Twitter saying? It was called, and I'm gonna say this wrong, I apologize. Don't say the N-word.

No. Oh. Please don't say it. They wanted to break a black man. Yeah. That's what black Twitter said. Said what? They, they, you can't come in as a black man. They did it to Kaepernick yeah this black Twitter I was that's all I want but also to be fair

back to black Twitter there's a few black NFL players like it's not just no but no but they they let hold on they let this shit happen with the with the with fucking Eli Manning oh I, I see what you're saying. Eli Manning's dad, Archie, was a little controlling. Dude, this is all black Twitter. I'm just telling you what black Twitter says. Yeah, yeah, I see what you're saying. You be on black Twitter.

Buddy, that's all I fucking do. Let me tell you something, man. Because you know what? Bert Kreischer is a piece of shit, doesn't show up on black Twitter. Yeah. Yo, I should explain the point you're making. The point you're making is that people were saying,

they were hypercritical of Dion having said, my son will not play, I will not let my son play for certain teams. And people were like very vocal about that. And they would point out that when Archie Manning did it for Eli several years ago, that it wasn't an issue. So that was like one of the things When Archie did do that and when Eli was doing that that it was controversial at the time Like it was it was frowned upon but at the end of the day

There were still teams that viewed Eli as being as hot here like that's all comes down. Yes I might keep coming back to that. Yes, or You know Brock Purdy Dropped because he didn't have any of these outstanding traits, right? Right, he's panned out in the NFL and the same thing it like all these there are quarterbacks are selected later in the round that just don't have these these attributes that

Allow teams to accurately project whether they can be the best quarterbacks in the league. When you're drafting the first round, that's what you think you're getting. You're trying to get a guy that eventually is going to be an all-pro, one of the best quarterbacks in the league. Right. And they get it wrong all the time. But when you're making that assessment, you have to pick quarterbacks that have some type of trait that leads you to think that. You see this guy's arm or like, his athleticism is going to allow us, our offense to do all

these types of plays. Or he just reads the game incredibly incredibly but that's a harder one to gauge and that's where there's the viewpoint and decision-making and all that stuff is way harder to judge coming and now he has the other let's get back to like like let's get back to goofy okay what do you think's better okay let's go being an NFL offensive lineman an NFL quarterback a Platinum selling artists rapper country musician, whatever or a stand-up comedian if you could and we're assuming we're good at all Bro there's millions of dollars of talent on this stage right now. Yes. Like so, you get to-

I want to be a platinum selling artist. I record it. That's amazing. Fuck. It's just you up there, you know? It's you. I want to be MC Yahoo with the B in the Modelo. With the Baldurbee?

Yeah. What the fuck is that? It's a love bug. Yeah, I ain't gonna lie. That's white people bugs. I've never seen that type of bug. It's a Florida bug. No, I live in Florida.

They're two bugs together. They're fucking. Oh, they're fucking! Go make it! That's why they're called love bugs. I've never seen that type of bug. It's a Florida bug. No, I live in Florida. They're two bugs together. They're fucking. Oh, they're fucking. Oh my God. Yeah, that's why they're called love bugs. That's two bears. That's two bears. That's two ants. Wait, wait.

Okay, let me ask you. Ballers is one of my favorite shows on earth, right? You ever saw it? Of course. How accurate that is because... Completely ridiculous. So it? Of course. How accurate that is because- Completely ridiculous. So it's not accurate? I mean, I think that all of those stories and some semblance can happen,

but that's like a much more dramatized version of like what reality is. Okay. But yeah. Yeah, but also he's a good guy, you know? It's like, it's no fun. Jason's like, Jason's the worst at being famous.

Him and his brother suck. You wanna ask this question to a different player. Yeah, you need some guy raw dogging bitches in Cleveland. Ask that question to Johnny Manziel. You'll get an interesting answer. Look, Jason's such a good guy. He says he's gonna come and he shows up. You and him are the same camp.

The bar is low. You're a regular human. That's all it takes. That's all it takes. That's all it takes. You just got to have availability, you know? That's beautiful. That's beautiful. I ain't going to lie.

I had to get my medal because I was out here earlier and I did it. Can you tell... So I've never done a 5K where you're like, we're going upstairs? No, no, no. Give them the... I'm going to be honest. I thought these guys are my friends. Yeah. So I thought they would like give me like the VIP warning.

This hills motherfucker. These hills are not funny. Yeah, yeah. Like no one is talking to each other. They're just going through and you just mean mugging. Everyone gets mad at the hills. Yeah, of course. How could you not? And you go down the hill you get happy and then it tricks you because there's

more hills motherfucker there's a lot of hills bro there's more hill but did you walk the hills or run the hills i don't walk nothing sir you didn't walk a single thing i don't walk nothing sir what was your time they called me nr e on the run eating i'm eating these miles. You have your time. I don't have my time Want to come here to do two beers And drink Osos and rock my metal rock your metal Right here wait, did you guys ever play a game drunk high or hungover? No, no never nothing hung. Never hungover. I wish I could tell you otherwise but no. See these are good guys. They're great people. Great people.

I could tell. I wasn't good enough for that. That would do like a shot of whiskey or something like that before they play. That was the thing. Marshawn Lynch famously I think has talked about. Yeah. Like a shot of Hennessy before he played you play wild The league has also changed quite a bit Yeah, even just in my time like more more the young guys just don't even drink like it's not even like a thing that they really Enjoyed doing whereas earlier in my career when you first came in the league. That's all anybody did was yeah first thing you did Thursday Practice that's out. We're going to the bars. Yeah, thirsty Thursdays. Let's go I was talking to some of the young guys about team meetings Yeah, and they and I was like you drinking them and they're like no I go

I know guys that used to just drink in all their team meetings the sports sciences ruined camaraderie. Yeah Damn science How do you get after a Super Bowl win Is it a blackout? I mean enough that you don't remember. That's okay, that's a blackout. But you wake up going, what did I do yesterday? And your wife goes, you won the Super Bowl. That's right, at some point you remember

winning the Super Bowl and you remember going to the after party. And then that's kind of it. Kind of hazy. And then you kind of have that brown out, oh I ran into that person and this person and then you're trying to piece it together, yeah. That that's a super after party. How about a fun one? What is? Your you know, you're a college kid. You want to play in the league you get to the league

What's the stupidest purchase you made when you made? Oh, let's go around the table. Hold on. Let's do what's the dumbest shit? I'm guessing Jason's is gonna be mild. Yeah. Yeah, Jason I bought a whole fucking relatable. I'm sorry, man. I got a tree for the yard I didn't call that they're telling me my pancakes are ready. Oh shit I'm like the most needy person. I asked for pancakes and you guys have such a wonderful staff here They just are whipping up pancakes. They were They love you. I mean the dumbest purchase I made? I don't know.

Hold on, you're famous for wanting to bring your kids to the Super Bowl. I bought an F-150 was the first thing I bought. That's not a dumb purchase, right? Oh, an F-150? No, no. No, that's good. No, but you were famous for wanting to bring your kids to the Super Bowl when they were infants. Yes. And your wife wife was like I actually brought my kid to this Super Bowl My first child my brother's playing here. Well actually take the back that was in Miami. Sorry this Super Bowl sucked by the way for me I Came here to watch my brother plays your boat They got killed and then I got like and they didn't even know who I wasn't like that was when nobody knew who Jason Kelsey was, right? I am walking through Raymond James state of

getting shit talked, wearing a chief's jersey, just use sock. And I am getting it like berated endlessly with my parents. Then I just got to get out of here. We got to walk away. It was the best. I've never felt like such got to walk away. It was the best I've never felt like such a one NFL fan. It was it was incredible. It's pretty amazing no, I tried to bring my kid to a Super Bowl and Apparently for a shoe bowl each kid has to have every heartbeat has to have a ticket So we have an infant with us. We think we're gonna be able to get in we show up and

They tell us no you can't bring that child in here. And for anybody that doesn't know to get to the shoot bowl it's like a whole process. It's like the White House. Yeah. We're already like halfway through this meandering maze to get into the stadium and they finally tell us no you can't come in. And we start panicking and thankfully the NFL like we call like, you know, what is it? Seven ways to Kevin Bacon or whatever that yeah, yeah, we're playing that game and eventually they get us in they're like, yeah Don't worry about it. You can come in the stadium. But Wow, I don't really know where we're going with that But here around a garage beers Jason. Thank you so much for sending these years. Thank you. Thank you Thanks for being here. You're a fucking legend. Thank you.

But hold on. Wait. Yeah, so worst purchases. I must be the fat guy. Here you are. Only one with light beer. No, this is not. No, no, no, no, no.

Only one with light beer. They must be. You have to have. Norrie, you gotta have a wild wrapper purchase that you've made. Oh, hold on. Hold on. Hold on.

I thought he was going next. Okay. Okay. Save it you're more excited than I am. Save it for Norrie. Yeah. No. I mean, mine was like, okay, not when I was young, but the most like aggressive purchase was the Super Bowl when we played was in Minnesota. I'm from Minnesota. I grew up there. So we had, I had 30 people there. I had to buy 30 Super Bowl tickets for my family. Oh my God. It took a little bit of a hit on my Super Bowl check that year. Yeah. Shit.

I was a seven round draft pick. My big purchase, I think I got a $50,000 signing bonus my rookie year. It went out to McCormick and Schmitz, Steakhouse and Philly and was like, I'm ballin'. You know what I mean? Like, I'm the man. That's awesome.

It wasn't anything super exciting, honestly. Bo and I had the privilege of being drafted very late in the NFL draft, which I think there's this conception that everybody in the draft gets paid a ridiculous sum of money right away. Yeah. We get paid, it's good, but to make a truly absurd purchase like a McLaren or some ridiculous house

that is never gonna ever get paid off, we didn't have that kind of money yet yeah minor like yours I'm a very relatable regular guy too fucking asshole go ahead come on very your very way I don't I don't I've spent money on houses and watches that's it. I used to think my brother was making bad purchases. My brother bought some Marty McFly shoes. Apparently they're like big collectors, right? The next, yeah, yeah, yeah. They're like $9,000.

He spent six at the time. They're worth $9,000. And I know that now. Jesus Christ. At the time, I crushed him. I'm like, dude, what are you doing? Like you're buying shoes for this much money? What the, like you're an idiot

And now they're like nine they might even be more than that crazy Yeah, how much these things appreciate it and like incredible especially if you don't wear and he doesn't he just keeps Yeah, yeah boxes. Well, I shouldn't even say this cuz I don't want people to know that He's got all sorts of sneakers and he's got money under his bed So my most ignorant purchase, by far, is when I bought an iced out diamond Newport chain. Do you realize how many people responded to that? That's incredible. Some of them know. Some of them was like that's fucked up. I smoked cigarettes

one day and I was just like I kept missing my cigarettes. I kept misplacing them. Like what do you do to not misplace your cigarettes? By the way, I don't smoke cigarettes no more. But I was like, fuck it. Let me get a chain. Let me get a chain and diamond it out. By far also, the most embarrassing moment of my life. I'm riding in an elevator, and this old white woman just

comes in an elevator and this old white woman just comes in the elevator and I'm sitting there and I'm just, it's just a natural impulse and I open up my change and it's a full box. She just looks, she's just horrified. Nothing threatening, but I pulled out my cigarette and the way she looked at me, I got rid of the chain immediately. Really? I was like, this is a bad decision. I've never wanted anything more, man.

I want it now too. Did you sell it? Yeah, I sold it back to TV Johnny, big up to TV Johnny for doing it, but then my other purchase is recent, also terrible. Yes. I was in a Lego movie. Yeah. I don't know if you know, Pharrell and the Neptune's like first hit on television was with me.

Yes. Super dog, what, what, what, what, you know. Yeah. That shit. Look it up, Googles, right? So he puts me in his Lego movie and I was looking to do another chain so I said ah And I just made a Lego chain

Fuck yeah, my chain has a chain Just fantastic make some noise for me. Thanks. I'm going to go chain. So I got a Lego and I know that I'm 47 years old It's no way. I should be running around the fucking Lego chain, right? You still have it? No, I just bought it. I just bought it yesterday, like type of shit. Oh, fuck! Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,

yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,

yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, God damn it. Thank you. You got bars. Fuck yeah. You got bars. You entered the sentence. He was the one that introduced me to Richard Millay. Richard Millay, yes. Yeah, I've never... It's like... I gotta pee. And you ran. I gotta piss. What you got on?

I'm gonna go piss. Those are some great shorts by the way, Tom. Another shot. Thank you. Are we doing another shot? Let's do another shot. We have to because you also have to wrap up. we gotta get to Jelly's Run Club so we gotta wrap this up.

Alright let's do it. I also got pancakes. I got pancakes. Did you know that your electricity bill increases the more you use the lights? I don't even know what he's rambling about. No. This is a standard thing I go through most days. Tiny shots, tiny shots.

Tiny shots, tiny shots tiny shots tiny shots okay okay Frank shout out to Frank Frank how much weight are you down right now you're doing good, right? This is Frank from Barstool Sports. He does walk and talk with Frank. He'll be doing it today with Antonio Brown. Antonio Brown will be out here. And I don't think,

A.B.'s coming. Metz fan, he's already a good guy. He got a Metz hat on. A.B.'s a big fan of Garage Beer, isn't he, Kels? He's the best follower on Twitter, I know that. I see that going to City Field. That's right, left rack. It's not Le Freak, it's left rack. But I got you, my man.

Got you. But also, let's just, first of all, thank you again, everybody. You made this possible. So thank you for coming out today and supporting. You guys are amazing. Big shout out to Norrie, Bo Allen, Jason Kelsey, everybody that came and supported us. Can't thank you enough. The Run Champs. The Run Champs and the Drink Champ and supported us can't thank you. The run champs the run champs and the drink champs. Thank you. Cheers. Thank you to Mike.

I'll take you to all the celebrities that said they were going to show up and fucking showed up. There's a difference in celebrity. The people that show up and the people that don't show up. Cheers everybody. Cheers. How you running it? One champs. Holy shit, you're gonna be hammered during this run bro. That's what I'm about to say.

Yeah, I'm drunk already. All right, here we go. All right. That's why I gotta eat these pancakes. Pancakes, let's get those pancakes. Let's go eat pancakes. Yeah. I'm hammered already.

I'm pretty, I'm good. You was hammered since I saw you earlier, sir. Buddy. Reed, get that DMT pen. All right. I'll do the IV after. We love you. We'll see you out there. Thank you everybody. Thank you guys. Thank you. Thank you. Appreciate y'all. Tom and Bert, one goes to the top, while the other wears a shirt. Tom tells stories and Bert's the machine. There's not a chance in hell that they'll keep it clean. Here's what we call, Two Bears, One Cave.