2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer - Rob Lowe's Incredible Life | 2 Bears, 1 Cave Ep. 196

Episode Date: July 31, 2023

Bert Kreischer is joined by guest bear Rob Lowe on this week’s episode of 2 Bears, 1 Cave! Rob discusses being famous in the 80s, growing up with other movie stars in Malibu, golf, watch collecting, transcendental meditation, and much more! He also share stories about Cary Grant, “Unstable,” “The Outsiders,” and “Rumble Fish,” gives advice on making a “first move,” and discusses moving out of L.A. to Santa Barbara.https://tomsegura.com/tourhttps://www.bertbertbert.com/tourhttps://store.ymhstudios.com/

This week on Two Bears 1K. I think that young man is banged every one of our daughters. You could FedEx cocaine to a location. I think we're doing that with mushrooms next week. Do you ever have sex with me more? Gentlemen, never tell. Oh. You're just farting.

You're just farting. 100%. This is for this 100% A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A- The legend from his hit show unstable unstable on Netflix Roblo Roblo Rob Fucking low if you told Marie Koval who I was dating in eighth grade that I would I would know Rob low She would have had sex with me She was so into you was she hot. She was so she was the best kisser really. Yeah, she kissed me. I was in, I was in, I was in A, she was in ninth. She was obsessed, obsessed. I guess St. Amos fire must have come out then. What year?

So I graduated 91, so it had to be 80. Yeah, six, that's right. That's about right. And she was obsessed, obsessed with you. And like an advert, And you know what's interesting, I don't know anything about when people talk non-binary shit. But there was like, I put like you, DeRan DeRan,

I think maybe keep for Sutherland. I had pictures of you guys on my walks. I was like, that's what cool is. I wanna be cool. A lot of surfers, Mark O'Callupo. Oh yeah. Probably even Kelly Slater and his brother, his brother, we had like a cool surf, but you are,

do you feel like you're the man? No, for real? No, no, I mean. Okay, okay. There had to be a moment where you're like, bomb the fucking man. Like, like, there was, I remember that Halloween, the Halloween of St. Alamos Fire, that era,

the area you're talking about, and going to a Halloween party and there were a couple of people dressed as my character from the movie. And I thought, okay, I mean, that's pretty dope. That's kind of when there's a Halloween costume of you, it's one of the signs that you're breaking through maybe. This, what was like, I mean, I think every guy,

so every guy runs through like, you had your pick of women, you had your pick of women in Hollywood in the heyday. It was a good time. It was a good time because it was, okay, so in those days, there was no AIDS. Yeah. There was no social media. No.

You could kind of do whatever you wanted to do and there was privacy. Coke was good for you. It was good for you. It's what smart, it's what smart successful people did. Yeah. You know, it was almost Dr. prescribed. So we didn't know a lot of the things then that we know now. So it was much more innocent and much more fun.

I think a lot about just being so grateful, A, that I survived the 80s, but that I got to not only live through them, but I got to really be present in them, because it was a decade that, it's a moment in time that we'll never come again, ever. No, it no, that doesn't exist. I was, I've been talking about this a lot. That doesn't exist anymore.

The coolness, the slickness of Hollywood where, oh, you're just coming through the back door and then, no, no, no, I got you guys. I got you guys. And then, I mean, that happens in waves, but it doesn't happen the way it did, we're back in the day. No.

And I think that's the Hollywood I thought was sexy and cool. Well, the other thing was it was super, you know, everybody talks about things being inclusive today. The truth of it is, it was way more inclusive than because you go to a club and there wasn't bottle service. There wasn't like you had to pay for a table. Like you could be just a regular person and you could be standing next to Andy Warhol or you could be, you know, it was not, I don't

even think there were VIP areas really. It was just all for one one for all. No granted, there were guys. There were always been guys at the door going, you, you, not you, you, you, you, there were guys, there were always been guys at the door going, you, you, not you, you, you, you. But now those same guys are going, okay, you're a rapper, you can come in, okay, you're an athlete, you can come in, okay, you're a star, you can come in, and the regular people get screwed.

Yeah. And in the old days, it was, it was, you know, it was all for one one for all. And you, and you, I mean, like, the bangers that you did, I mean, like, I'm gonna go through that in a second, but you came from like, you're a regular person that moved out here with your mom and your brother. That's right.

After your parents get divorced? That's right, yeah, but we came from Ohio. We were, I was literally a 12 year old from Ohio, you know, moved out to... But you were interesting and interesting in acting before you came out here. I was, I was doing all kinds of acting and to the extent that there wasn't

the acting to be done in Dayton, Ohio, you know, shout out to Dayton. Danes are fucking bad as place. Dayton funny bone. I there's a good people living in Dayton. Dayton pellets right outside Dayton. In yellow spring.

I spent a lot of time in yellow springs as kid. Really? I went to yellow springs probably every other weekend and hiked in Glen Helen Park, which is the most beautiful, you know, woods area right there. And they had great ice cream shop. I remember I got to go visit Dave and Yellow Springs and show him what was like in 1970, 1971, 1972, 1972. How old are you? I'm going to be 60. Oh, I'm fit. So you're 10. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. I'm going to 10 years older than me. And so then, And so then you guys moved out to point doom.

And in a Malibu. But like, I mean, that's another time in history. Like Malibu was Malibu wasn't what it is now. You could live there. Like now it's like everything's six million up. No, when we lived there was, you know, working people, the teachers and firemen and architects and dentists and, you know, working people, teachers and firemen and architects and dentists and, you know,

and police men living there. And, you know, now it's studio executives and agents and tech billionaires and second homes for people. I lived on point two and point two now is probably, I'd say say half of the homes are second homes that people are in for two weeks a year. It's really amazing how it's changed. It's just crazy. What made your mom want to come out here? She was following her second husband who was a doctor who worked out here and she chose

point to because of the best air quality of anywhere in Southern California That's interesting. Yeah, that's not a lot of no she died in 2013 Okay, do we did did um Were you always like a stud? Ha no because when I was a kid in a 12 year old on Ohio. Because your features are arguably inarguably perfect. Like you're perfectly featured individual.

I could argue that, because I was super pretty. You're very pretty. I was in it. It is tolerable now. I'd argue you might be prettier than my wife. Like in a dimly lit room, I think people, if you go, you got to pick one, I would say the majority of this country would go,

I'm gonna roll the dice and see if I'm gonna do this. Like if it was dark and I had a wig on. Oh, if you had a wig on, there's no fucking card. Oh yeah, let's face it, anything with a wig and we're kind of down. Let's see, come on. You a big one. You and Brad Pitt are two perfectly

symmetrical human beings like we and you had to be always like that. Well, I mean, I don't think I was so pretty when I was young that I have never started a story this way. Nor has Tom Sager. Neither. I'm not saying it is a good thing. No, no, no, yeah. never started a story this way, nor has Tom Sagerna neither. Yeah. But I'm not saying it is a good thing. No, no, no, yeah.

I don't wish being pretty on any young boy. Yeah. That's not what, bro, that is not what you wanna be in sixth grade is pretty. Especially with little impulse control problems and you get put in the wrong fucking situation. You're also being like a theater kid. Yeah.

Let me entertain you pretty, pretty. You were like, get, get, get, beat it kid. Yeah. Yeah. So, I never was the, the man because of those, because I was interested in acting and I was pretty and you can do the math. You can figure out what people were thinking. Everyone can go about.

Yeah, yeah. Oh yeah, you're almost stupid. Yeah. So, you know, and then I moved to California, and I wasn't cool then either, because I grew up in Ohio, where it was like kick the can after school, or football, or whiffle ball,

and nobody did any of that in Malibu. They surfed, or they played beach volleyball. And that was it. That was it. So the notion that we go play game of pickle or get a baseball game, this was not happening. It wasn't happening. And I also showed up in Levi Tuff's skins in August.

And that was like an unparticle. Your brother's Chadlo. Yes. And that was like an un-un-un- watching the documentary on Schwarzenegger on Netflix. I was watching, I was watching, I was watching, I watched yours last, I started watching yours last night, started watching Schwarzenegger, got down the gym, got on the treadmill, watched like, probably three episodes of Unstable, fucking awesome, your son's fucking great.

I got a lot of compliments, I wanna pay your son, that you wouldn't want to say online, but like you'd want to say to him personally. Yes. Like there's a fucking, he's got his, I mean, this is sound creepy, but he's got super engaging eyes. Oh, yeah, his eyes like are, you know, like I think I lead with my voice. Yeah, his eyes and like pull you in. Really fucking talented. He really is. I tried for years to ignore it and to try to beat it out of him. And just I wanted it to be a scientist.

And he actually went to Stanford and got in because he was the youngest intern at the ELI Broad stem cell laboratory in high school and did a lot of work in that area. Really? And yeah, and then super smarty pants. And then comes out of Stanford and tells me he wants to be an actor.

And I was like, I was like, really? I mean, first of all, I could have saved that tuition. Yeah. I could have saved it. I didn't need to. And, but the fact of the matter is he, you know, you can't argue with the DNA and the genetics. It's in his blood.

No, it's really good. He's really good. He's fantastic. The show's great. Thank you. We should take a second before we go back and deep dive your beauty and really talk about the show. Did you come up with the show?

My son and I did together. It's a fucking great. You know, I'm really a sucker for cold opens. Like a good cold open draws me into the show and you're cold open. And I've been there so many times, maybe not with the dog in the ice, but like where you are at withs end. And for everyone, please, I can tell everyone what the show is about, but... You tell them everything, yeah, streaming now Netflix, it's out.

You play an eccentric inventor? You can tech like a tech genius. Tech genius. Who is increasingly unstable? Who lost his wife and is trying to deal with it and his own unique crazy bizarre ways and your son comes in and who I think, if I'm not mistaken, was teaching the flute

and then said he was never gonna be involved with the business. And then, and I'll just say, you gotta watch it. It's really fucking great. It's really great. Thank you. Coming for you, that means a lot, because it really does, I appreciate it. No, it's phenomenal, but I've been,

I identified very much with that opening scene. I was, for me, it was the time travelers wife, where I just was, I got caught off guard, numbs in a bad place. I was on the road a lot. I was drinking way too much at the time-traveler's wife, where I just was, I got caught off guard, numbs in a bad place, I was on the road a lot, I was drinking way too much at the time, and I wasn't around my family a lot, and then all of a sudden, getting the time-traveler's wife, and I'm sitting on the edge of a bed naked, crying,

going like, the fuck man, I need a fucking, I can't even get my shit together. But yeah, it's a great show. It's a great show. It's a great show. We, you know, in the the genesis of it was that my son, Johnny, um, would troll me so relentlessly on my social media. He was, he's a, he's a funny little fucker and, and, and, and I love, I love a good joke, even at my own expense, maybe even more at my own expense. You're, you're, no, like the one, that you have leaned into jokes that I don't think

I'd ever thought you'd see lean into. And which I thought is always cool as fuck, like the coolest fuck. Like the, you did an SNL, you did a thing about this thing. You got in trouble with it, the Democratic National Convention. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And you talked about it on SNL. Pro, do that monologue for that episode is fucking legend.

Epic, it's epic. It's really gnarly looking back on it. And then I want to say that was that in my opinion, like you've been, you've always been the cool dude, but when you did something like that, I went, fuck yes. Oh, good. Yeah, and that was, I would argue that's,

I would say the very beginnings of where you started to veer off into this brilliant career you've had since where you've really kind of owned the comedy space in a way that I don't think anyone in your generation of actors that were all the talented dudes other than maybe Charlie Sheen was has ever done. That was the beginning of my of my embracing of comedy. And it was partially because I was such an SNL nerd as a kid. And watched everything, knew everything. And then when I finally got to host it, it was a dream come true.

And I had a good show. I had a really good show. Yeah. And then I hosted a few more times and got to know Mike Myers and Lauren and that led to Wayne's World and Austin Powers and Tommy Boy. Tommy Boy is the mother fucker. Tommy Boy is the mother fucker. It's the one of all of those, Esnoe counties I was able to be in, that's the one that

really feels like an evergreen kind of. I mean, first of all, Wayne's world is one. Wayne's world is one of the best. Austin Powers too is. I mean, you've been in some banger comedies. Like comedies that legendary comics don't have a lineup like you have. And then little things, like like first of all, the, I know it's gonna come up, one of my favorite ones you were in was the one Jared and Jared.

Oh my gosh, the Grindr. The Grindr. My short-lived show, The Grindr Unfox. We had 22 episodes. Fucking good. That's my favorite thing I've ever done as a comedy. It was so good. And I'm not mistaken at that time.

So I knew Jared, I knew Jared from playing poker. And I known him from playing poker. And I met him on a show he did called action. And he was an actor on action. And I met him there. And then I met him playing poker. And then I think at that time, my kids were going to school with Fred Savage.

Fred Savage's kids. Yeah. And so all of a sudden, all these worlds combined and it comes on and it was just a great, like old, like I say old school sitcom, but like a legit single camera hilarious fucking sitcom. Like fucking hilarious.

It was really funny. It was super funny. It was too funny for network television, ultimately, and that's's it only ran one season But it's I think it's on Hulu now But it's one of the things that I urge people to see if they haven't seen it because it it just is one of those One of those shows that's just it's super fun. I mean really obviously and parks and wreck parks and wreck By the way, the street that this house is on yeah, where we are today

I every time I go down the street all I I can think about is that the scenes we, I shot so many scenes, there's a well-known sequence where my character, Chris Trigger, is bicycling. It's a talking head, but I'm bicycling looking into the camera. Yeah. And I talk about, if I can bicycle 15 miles a day, I can outrun a crippling depression. And I shot it right in front of your house. Really? Yeah. Shut up. That's it.

I mean, I feel like I don't feel accomplished. But sometimes I feel like I go, like I got a good body of work. I've done a couple things that have been good. A couple of specials, the cabin was really good. I'm proud of my movie. But then I look at like you're the shit you've done. And more importantly, like the transition,

they were not allowing serious actors to transition into comedy at all. Like that was just a thing that did not happen. Did not happen. And vice versa. Yeah, both ways. You were, first, you definitely pigeonhole. There were dramatic actors and there were

comedic actors and the tween shall never meet, as they say. And all my favorites were able to do both. Yeah. All the people I looked up to as a kid like, and there weren't that many. Paul Newman, slap shot, hilarious, amazing, his big movie star. He made Paul Newman.

I did meet him. I was able, I met him a number of times. He was amazing, yeah. Like as cool as you think. Yeah, he was, he was, listen, there are, what I really like about icons is when they own who they are and lead with it. Like when you meet Arnold,

you know you've just spent time with Arnold. Do you understand? Like, and then there are people, you know what I worked out with them at Venice Beach like a month ago, and I got in the car and I go, he gave it all to me. He gave, see, and Paul wasn't like that. Most of them aren't.

Perfectly nice, wonderful, great, but I want, like, you know who's like it is, Hanks. When you meet Tom Hanks and you're with Hanks, it's like, he knows these Tom Hanks, so he gives you Tom Hanks. Fuck yeah. And I like that. I think it's great.

Yeah. I think it's great. I almost want, and I don't mind if it swings the other way. Like I, I've never met Sean Penn, but I'd imagine he'd be a tabit, Kermudgeon D. He's Sean Penn. He's Sean Penn. He's like, oh, he's on the phone with like, you know, Zelinsky in the other room.

Yeah. You know, some third rate drug dealer in the other room. He's Sean Penn. He's like, oh, you think he's gonna be? I took a piss next to him one time. And we were both flying to DC. And he had like, everyone was wearing truckers caps, but he was wearing like an authentic,

like clearly he got this from someone he had met. And it was folded weird, like, and he was like Sean Penn fucking yogurt. Bomber jacket, tight jeans, boots, great, like, he was pretty, that's your whole group. That's so as the guys I went to school. You went to school. Hold on you went to school. You went so okay. So you and Chad your brother fucking Chad. I can't believe I did. You should see. So the other show I have is 9-1-1 Lone Star. Now that show Chad is in our season finale this year. Yeah, and he absolutely murders it

Murders we play brothers. Yeah, and he you have to you have to go and look at this. It's it's Amazing very Chad fan. He's unreal in it. Yeah, he's so far. You forget so funny. You forget his your brother You really I really honestly I'm sitting here, so you and your brother and your mother, and I'm like, oh, what was brother? I was wondering, because Arnold Schwarzenegger's brother passed away when he was at over here in a DUI, and was drinking and driving.

It's Arnold Schwarzenegger's brother who was really attractive too. So wait, so you come out here and then you go to high school and you meet Emilio Estevez. And then he becomes your friend. and you meet Emilio Esteves. And then he becomes your friend. You guys become like real friends. No one's famous.

No one's anyone. No. Do you know who his dad is at the time? Or do you know? Is that man? When I moved to Malibu, I wanted to be an actor. And there was this actor, Martin Sheen, who lived in that house.

Really? And I wanted to see him. I never seen a real actor before. See, can I tell you, I'm so glad you said that because there's a part of me that I am really impressed by celebrity because I grew up in Florida and we never, the most famous person I ever met was Garo Uprimean.

He was the kicker for those. Exactly. Yeah. Did you try to kick like him when he fucked that kick up? No. I'm not famous. We were birds. We were birds of him. Take house of my kick like him when he fucked that kick up? No. Not my famous. We were birds. Take out some of my dad's like, buddy, that's Gary Premian. Little tiny Frenchman. And I was like, I was like, can we go ahead and say hi? And he's like, ah, you let him have his dinner. And then someone went over and said hi to him. And I was like, that, that's he said hi. So my dad and I went over and met Gary

your premium. And I, this is going to sound crazy. I think he pulled out a pen. And I think he had out a penitent. Like I think he had a bucks penit and he signed it for me. Amazing. And I was like, oh wow. So like, so like going to Florida State, we can have, there's no celebrities.

And then when I moved to New York, I remember like, I remember Tyra Banks came into the comedy club one time and I was like, whoa, she's so pretty. I was like, wow, so this is like, and then the next one I met was not met, I bumped into Tom Cruise. Ooh, and I fucked that up really bad.

I fucked that up really bad. I was like, you have beautiful hair. And he was like, oh, I was like, he did. And he was when he was doing Magnolia, so it was long. And he was like, good, cool, cool. Amazing. And so, but my daughters aren't impressed by celebrity. They have no reference for it They don't care about it. It doesn't land on them. There's no one they want to meet if they meet someone famous. They're like cool

That's really awesome But I understand as a kid from coming from Ohio where you go martin sheen like what's that life like? I understand that oh and looking back on it, it was super great because he was never around. He was like, he was like the Loch Ness monster. You like hope to see him, but he was never really around because he was making this movie Apocalypse Now. I ended up going to the premiere of Apocalypse Now

at the Sinorama Dome, which is just the fact that I was able to, I mean, that's so amazing that I was able to do it. It's one of the Apocalypse Now, I still have the program. They had a, like a seven, like a eight page fold out with photos or production and like liner notes from an album. They handed it out to everybody, so I still have mine somewhere. But anyway, so yeah, I Met Emilio Charlie was really our friend because my brother Chad and you were best friends because all they wanted to do is play baseball They both reds fans of all things we came from Ohio. I don't know what Charlie was reds fan. He was and they were gonna grow up to be baseball players

Really and I wanted to be an actor Emil. Really? And I wanted to be an actor. Emilio was debating whether he wanted to be an actor. Can I change his name at that time? Charlie, no Charlie was, Charlie was Stavis. Oh really? He was Charlie, in my yearbook, he's in the AV club as Charlie is Stavis. Fuck.

That tells you all you need to know. Yeah. Charlie Sheen originally was Charlie is Stavis from the AV club. the most of the most of the most of the most of the most of the most of the most of the most of the most of the most of the most of the most of the most of the most of the most of the most of the most of the most of the most of the most of the most of the most of the most of the most of the most of the most of the most of the most of the most of the most of the most of the most of the most of the most of the most of the most of the most of the most of the most of the most of the most of the most of the most of the most of the most of the most of the most of the most of the most of the most of the most of the most of the most of the most of the most of the most of the most of the most of the most of the most of the most of the most of the most of the most of the most of the most of the most of the most of the most of the most of the most of the most of the most of the most of the most of the most of the most of the most of the most of the most of the most of the most of the most of the most of the most of the most of the most of the most of the most of the most of the most of the most of the most of the most of the most of the most of the most of the most of the most of the most of the most of the most of the most of the most of the most of the most of the most of the most of the most of the most of the most of the most of the most of the most of the most of the most of the most of the most of the most of the most of the most of the most of the most of the most of the most of the most of the most of the most of the most of the most of the most of the most of the most of the most of the most of the most of the most of the most of the most of the most of the most of the most of the most of the most of the most of the most of the most of the equivalent of an AV club today where they're just like the nerds come in and the jocks throw shit at them? I think what it be I think it's probably your book like my dog I'm talking about whatever my daughter signs up for she's in that she's into that shit. She like she signs up for stage hands She loves it. There it is stage hands. She's think loves being a stage hand. There you go. That's it. Yeah, she loves being a stage And I think also the stage hands I think really yeah My my you guys are all foot 15 years old. So I have my I still have my junior high year book There you go, that's it. Yes, she loves being a stage hand. Charlie is also in the stage hands, I think, actually. Really? My, my,

So you guys are all foot 15 years old? So I have, I still have my junior high year book and Sean's in it, Penn, Chris Penn, God rest him. Oh, Chris Penn's a fucking badass. Charlie Emilio Downey. I hope everyone else is as blown away as I am. This is your class. Mm-hmm.

It's just, we're all different ages. So we were scattered out, but within the same school. I think to be totally truthful, Downey was in my high school. He was, Downey and I were in history together in high school. Man, he's pretty interesting now, right? Oh yeah. But before, when he was in, when he was pretty interesting now, right? Oh, yeah. But before, when he was in, when he was in weird science, he had, he had a little something special, like there's something special about him.

We were shooting, we were shooting Sinomas Fire in the state, sound stage next to weird science. And it was weird science on one stage, Sin almost far on one stage and back to the future on the other stage. And we would visit each other's sets all the time. So I'd go visit my friend Eric Stoltz, who was starring and back to the future. That's right, because he got casted initially. Yeah, and then one week I go back and now it's Michael J. Fox starring and back to the future. Doing the scene that I had just seen Eric do. That's crazy. Yeah, it was universal.

It was a really, really, really interesting time. So, do you have any good like, because my buddy, South Kieranatek, texted me, he's coming to my show in Kansas City. And he's like, and I was like, and I was like, oh, Sal, and I just had a good story of like, like, like, we were a party in Newspaper and Beach and some guys were talking shit.

So I wasn't the biggest guy, but he knew that if he threw a punch, no one was going to do shit. And he went to the biggest guy and punched him in the jaw and knocked him out. And the whole room backed up. Everyone was like, what the fuck? And then another one of my buddies took his dick out and just started pissing in front of these guys. And they're like, who's next?

And I was like, just bad ass kid moments where you're like, what the fuck, that's how we grew up. Like what did you guys have any fun, like crazy? Out at the beach party, like karate kid stories where like you're like, and then all of a sudden, Martin comes up and he's like, everybody out of the fucking house. Oh, well, so many of those stories, I mean. Cause you used to party, you've been sober for like, I've been sober 33 years. But you legit used to party. Oh, bro. Yeah. And all of those dudes legit. Some of them

still do legit use to put on. Oh, it was on. I mean, Charlie, Charlie used to go to, I remember when when the first ATMs opened. Yeah. Like I I remember this whole time. And that was a game changer. Cause you could go to the ATM to get the money for the hookers or the drugs. And you know, Charlie was an early adapter and all that stuff. And, and, and, I just farted.

I just farted. And and we would he would import to Martin's house when when when when they were out out of the thing and there's always that moment where the girls would be like who's house is this never never you mind about that. Oh my god. It was just a, it was a sweet innocence. How is there not a movie about this? Well, I want to make one. I'm actually, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm best. I'm best. How many movies do I have?

I'm best, everything right now. I'm actively working on sort of my almost famous version of Malibu in the late 70s into the early 80s because it, sort of like Laurel Canyon in 1968. Really it is. No, it absolutely is. And the stories are beyond belief. Beyond belief because then I don't want to say, I really don't know how to talk to someone like you because you're so fucking much that was my childhood.

Cause then you guys all go on to shoot outsiders. Yeah. That's like, that's, that's, it's kind of, looking back on it, knowing what I know that Cruz who was living in the other bedroom at Emilio's. So as me, Tom and Emilio, best friends, working out, going to the beach, auditioning, acting, and that three of us ended up in that movie.

I mean, I don't know what those odds are, but it was great, because we're all buddies. I went to the house. I went to the house. Did you go to the outsider's house? Of course. Isn't it great? It's really fucking, I mean. It's so sweet that they're doing that. I've been there. I've been to Tulsa a number. Of course, isn't it great? It's really fucking sweet.

It's so sweet that I've been there. I've been to Tulsa a number. Is it Tulsa, right? I've been to Tulsa a number of times. A number of times. Shout out to Tulsa, I fucking love Tulsa. Yeah. But that movie was such a, that was the first movie

where I read the book and then I saw the movie. I never done that in my life. So I think we got it and like, when did you I shoot that? We shot it in 80, I think 82 and it came out in 83, I believe. So I'm more or less. What do you think the math is on that? We read it in class, that and rumble fish, sure, which they made rumble fish. Right. Right. Back to back. Yeah. And I, by the way, I liked that movie too. Oh, Rumblefish was the one you wanted to be at.

What's ironic is at the time, Rumblefish was the cool movie. That was the movie that everybody really wanted to be in. Outsiders was great, and everybody was thrilled to be in. But Rumblefish was like the cool guy club because Mickey Rourke was in it. And at the time Mickey Rourke was like, gonna be the next James Dean and whatever. But people don't really remember Rumblefish, but at the time that was like dope.

And then that was then this is now. That was a meal, and that was a meal, a right, really a rote that movie. You really? He wrote it. That was then this is now adapted it from Suessie Hinton's book. God damn yeah, I know all those books. I read the outside of Reddit and class and then they let us watch it in class.

Yeah. And they do that now. It's part of almost every curriculum of seventh grade across the country. My daughter, I love. Did it read it? The outsiders and I got to sit with her and talk to her about the book

and about what I loved about the book and who I loved and I miss read the book. I'm not a great reader. I mean, I call them the socks the whole time. Ha ha ha ha ha ha. And you wouldn't be the first person to do it. But I didn't, there's a lot I didn't get and then I watched the movie and I was like,

oh shit. And so I did that to, I then did it to rumblefish and then I then did it to that was then this is now as I read the book. And those books were digestible. They weren't over the top. Now they're super easy. I mean, they introduced, they were listening.

Essie Hinton wrote it when she was 13 years old. What a fucking minute. It's the same cast. Pull up the cast of the outsiders. It's Thomas Howell, you and Patrick Swaisley play three brothers. Yep. Matt Dillon.

Matt Dillon. Tom Cruise. Tom Cruise. Emilio Stavis Cruise Emilio Steves Emilio Dian Lane Oh that Dian Lane Dian Lance Fucking God damn sexy Isn't she beautiful?

You know I did a show can I tell you I did a show at the this is what's wrong with me as I have to tell you something like this I did a stand-up show at the driving movie theater where you guys shot the same Yeah Admiral Twin Yeah I did it No way Yeah I did it I just during the pandemic, I did it,

I said I'm driving movie theaters tours. I created a driving movie theater tour. And one of the places were there. And I was so fucking excited. We went to the back gate where you guys snuck into the whole thing, yeah. I remember, we were also young and so innocent. It was my first movie.

I didn't know anything. And we would show up on the set, even if we weren't working. We would show up and watch our brothers work. I was at the, I don't have a scene at the Admiral twin. I was there all the time. Yeah, and then Leaf Garrett played the main. Randy, Leaf Garrett, Leaf Garrett taught me that you could FedEx cocaine to a location.

I think we're doing that with mushrooms next week. Yeah. It would, apparently you can kind of do whatever you want, but I'll never forget it as long as I live. We would wait for life's FedEx package boy. That was always a big thing. Wait, who was Tom Waits? Yeah, and Tom, well, they were always weirdos hanging,

like Tom Waits was hanging around, Stuart Copeland from the police was hanging around, because he would later do the score for Rumblefish. Yeah. Um, one of the guys in the great full dead Weir, Bob Weir. Oh my God, yeah, Bob Weir. He was there all the time, um, Waits, and Waits ended up

playing like the barkeep. He opens his room and goes, get on your knees. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Like one line's wearing like a pork pie hat or whatever. I mean, that, I'm like, I'm kind of at a loss of words when I think, so if you could do, if you, and do me a favor, pull up Rob's movies real quick. If you could do one movie and take a second

to look at your movies, so you've done a lot of things. Oh boy. If you do one movie, Oh boy. to look at your movies. So you've done a lot of things. If you do one movie, for the rest of your life, meaning they get the whole cast together and just like friends, you do that once a week or once every two weeks, you don't get too sick of it. But you enjoyed the script, you enjoyed the cast, you enjoyed the director, you enjoyed everything.

Oxford fucking blues, dude. Oxford fucking blues, where you get your car stuck in between the two things. I've, every time I'm in fucking London I think of that goddamn scene and that's the beginning of shit going sideways what a great fucking movie I've seen everything you've done I think I've seen everything you've fucking done this is frank and check out this is amazing look at this is okay hold on let's go through the list of your movies that you've been, which is insane. First of all, there's a lot of really,

there's some, look, movies, movie-wise, probably, well, for sure it's the outsiders. I mean, that would be something. The outsiders would be saying almost fire because they were ensembles with great people who I loved. And we had, we were all Sympathica, we were all living life and having fun and being really, really, really serious about the work, but then also having a flip and blast at the

same time. I mean, but then creatively, though, you go, when I watch succession, for example, which I love, I love that show, when I watch succession, it reminds me of the West Wing. And I go, in the West Wing. Which you did with Martin Sheen. Which, how weird is that? I'll never forget the day Aaron Sorkin comes in and the president was going to be, hang on, it's going to come to me.

Sydney Pautaie was who was going to be the president. And for whatever reason that didn't work out and I can remember Aaron coming and go What do you what do you think about Martin Sheen? What do I think of a burn sheet? You're kidding right and I told him my history with Martin and and that was amazing that would come full circle like that That's fucking insane Youngblood was a great youngblood Wayne's world. Class was a fun one. Class, we hold on with class is, I know I saw class.

This is man, Dr. McCarthy and Jacqueline Bessette and I. Oh wait, so you know it's so funny, I mix up there. Yeah, I mix up there. I mix up class and I mix up class and Oxford Blues. I mix them up sometimes. Yeah, there they are. Because in the beginning of Oxford Blues, you're like a bartender or you're working in Vegas and you have sex with an older lady.

And every time I do that, I go and then you move to Oxford and you fuck Andrew McCarthy's mom. Right. Yeah, there's actually, no, that's, there should be a mashup. Yeah. Well, that's a better, that's a better movie. It's, it brings them together. That's a way, that's a better movie. It brings them together. That's a way, that's a way better movie

than either of those movies actually are. God. I think. Yeah, there's some fun stuff in there. But also, listen, I also like when I get to do character actor stuff or like behind the candle lobby, that was, is one of my, one of my personal favorites. Yeah, if there was a movie you get if looking at like some of your work,

there's a movie you could take one more shot at where you go. I wasn't I wasn't the actor I am today. Yeah, I'd like to do that one more time. Does it also count for the movie itself? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So just a whole do over, hold do over. You go, I was so it was such a good script and we were so close. But I was too young and I don't know what I know now. And now if I did it now, I was so, it was such a good script. And we were so close, but I was too young,

and I don't know what I know now, and now if I did it now, I could fucking crush it. Because, yeah, to me, what comes up, it isn't, it isn't so much the, a movie, it's a TV series. It's a TV series called Dr. Vegas. And it ran on CBS for one season. And it's, I thought I was making nip tuck in Vegas. I wasn't.

I was making, what's that Don Johnson show where's the sweater vests all the time with, with, with, Cheach Marin? Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, Nash Bridges. What I was was making Nash Bridges in Vegas. Yeah. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh know what he's, we're not speaking the same language because that could have been a really fun show. Could have been really dark, really bizarre. The notion of a house doctor in Vegas. Yeah.

That would be sick. So what was the, what was, here's the thing I keep coming back to is I, all these fun times. Wait, who are the girls that we were age? Like, oh, I know, now all the studs in Hollywood were, you guys were all friends. And then who were the girls? Like, did me was the queen?

Was it me out here? To me, to me more. She was, you know, she was doing all the movies with us. Was she in high school with you guys? No. So who the girls weren't? There weren't. There weren't any.

So these fucking girls are like the chicks that moved to Denver and get to fuck all the studs. Cause you know what, that's what happens. This Denver is like a bunch of 10 dudes, cause they all wanna do is rock climb, mountain climb, and white water raft and mountain bike. And then a bunch of like sixes go out and start dating them cause they're like, oh, there's, it's like salmon,

there's men everywhere. That's amazing. And then I know what they call it, menver. Because all the best looking men in the world go out there for adventure. And all these girls are like, fuck it, let's clean up. No one knows about this And so you guys had you guys were Denver by the way, I apologize to everyone in Denver on my sighting

I'll be a red rocks in October and I apologize in person But but you guys were Denver you had these fucking Just like the lineup of studs that we're gonna run movies for the next fucking 10 years. And then 20 years, 30 years, 40 years, still to this day. And then there were just a bunch of sixes going like, I guess I'll take Rob Lowe's virginity and you're like, what's happening? I was usually happy to oblige. I have to say, I did not get cheated.

I went down swinging. And I have no regrets. It's like when it was time to get sober and like... That's the thing I keep going to. Like a serious life, I was ready to do it. That is that happened. How does that happen? I know how it happens for me.

I'm like, I've never been a... I mean, I've been a... I'm a... I don't know if the right way to say this. I was like, okay, looking guy as a kid, okay, but I was a little weird looking. I think I grew into my head. Could your head?

Yeah, my head was large. I had a very, I look ridiculous as like a, did you have that picture of me in high school? Did you have that picture of me with a big head? Typing. Can I pull up the big head, would you? Yeah, if I, someone just sent sent me it I think it was Whitney Coming or Whitney coming Senate to me

Big head I had a big head. Well, that's me as I just look like I have a big head But um there's a picture of me in high school with a girl and I just look ridiculous I did I did but I was a normal looking guy. I wasn't good at sex I did, but I was a normal looking guy. I wasn't good at sex and the first time I did it, so it kind of pulled me back to my show. Did you tell you you weren't good at sex? No, no, no one needed to tell me. No one knew it was that obvious.

It was pretty bad. I missed, this is the best way. I missed. I missed. After I had an orgasm, she's like, are you gonna put it in? And I looked at my dick, she's gonna be butch again,

and I was like, nah, fuck. And so, so, but that's what for me. So I then, from that point, literally from that point, I was like, I'm not looking for one-eye stands. I'm not looking to just share this with anyone. I wanna find someone I connect with. I wanna, like, all through college,

anytime we went into a bar, I was looking for someone to connect with. I wanted somebody to get me. But then a guy like you, who you go like, you literally aren't an untamed stallion on top of a mountain. We're lightning striking behind you and the villagers are looking at you

and all the female villagers are watching you just, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, and you're sprinting back and forth in the rain. And you've got all these other stallions with you, sprinting in the rain and then, and then one day that stallion just goes, I'm gonna go check out what'sing in the rain and then and then one day that's dying Just goes I'm gonna go check out what's going in the village and you just kind of gallop down and you walk down center the center lane and

you Meet like a pretty regular person like your wife is a Make-up artist make-up is yeah, and you just want hey, I want to be a regular person. Yes Kirito don't saddle on me and yes, I'm not gonna run anymore. I'm not gonna sprint. Yeah done drinking. Yeah I want to have some kids. That's right. I know I want to put my I want to put my heart into the work. That's right How the fuck does that happen? You have to have an epiphany. Oh my god. What was your epiphany? My my epiphany was Twofold one was people have been telling me that I need to see this movie. Oh God.

Shampoo. I thought you were going to say the secret. No. If you say the secret, I'm going to shoot myself in the head. No, shampoo, which by the way is one of the great movies. Oh my God, is this whiskey? Do you mind if I drink? No. Oh please. You kidding me? I've got one of the world's biggest wine sellers. I don't give a sh- I like people that fun. So you have an epiphany. You see the- you kidding me? I've got one of the world's biggest wine sellers. I don't give a sh- I like people have fun. So you have an epiphany, you see the, you see shampoo? I see shampoo and at the end of it Warren Beatty, at the height of his power, he's

playing the ladies man of ladies man, is literally like alone on Christmas Eve with no one to be with. And I remember it vividly like this, like this is gonna be, I felt like everybody was looking at me, like that's gonna be, you know, that Roberta flat killing me Safi with his song, like that lyric, like she thought the song was, it's, I had that moment. And so that was for openers. And then my, so that was emotionally getting ready.

And then my grandfather, that's fucking very real right you are this you are this this I keep using the word stud, but like this this great looking very successful very fun dude Who's living life carefree? Yeah, I mean you watch this movie and they do that and people will do that where they they the whole time they're like what do you think about the movie right yeah yeah oh fuck try watching leaving Las Vegas with your wife keep going there's a lot of movies

and that less you don't watch there's a lot of movies where you go oh this was a bad fucking choice this is a very yeah so you, Boeing. I had that. And then there was a moment where my mom was calling me on the back of the days when we had answering machines. And I was listening to her, leave the message. And she in my grandpa at our attack. And he was in the hospital and didn't look good. And please pick up, please pick up, please pick up. And I didn't because I was super fucked up. And I was like, I know what I need to do. I need to go drink that tequila that I keep by the side of my bed.

So I can go to sleep so I can wake up so I can return this phone call. That was the logic. And I remember walking into the bathroom, looking in the mirror, like a cliche, like a caricature of a moment and going, bro, you're done. You're fucking done. It's over. Really?

And I'd been carrying in my wallet, the business card of a drug interventionist. I like, I couldn't keep my sunglasses or car keys in one place. I guess so you though. That's so you back then. But I kept that. That's the fucking that's so interesting.

Keep going. So I kept that and every time I see it, I see. So you so what exactly do you do? She's well, I help people stop drinking and you know, if they want to get treatment, I said, I'm like, well, that's so interesting. Glad, glad, glad, tell me more. No, I'd go.

Whatever. And so I had I had her card and I called her the next morning and they sent me off to Sierra Tucson. So you went to rehab? I loved it. Oh, I fucking fantasized about rehab. Love it, you should, it's great. I love it.

I would love to go, but I wanna make sure everyone knows I'm not done drinking. Like I just wanna go for the break. Yeah, I understand. I just wanna month off. I wanna month off where I don't talk. I don't have to sell anything. I don't don't talk. I don't have to sell anything. I don't have to do, I don't have to fly anywhere.

I just get to go and fucking really grow, go deep into me. Can I tell you that's part of it? Because when I went, I felt like, oh my God, thank God. Thank you, thank God. Thank God. Because there is a big element of that.

Of like, no one's asking for anything. No one is in your grill about something. You're not, there's no pressure to say yes to things. You don't wanna say yes to. All of these things just fall away. No cell phone, I don't want my cell phone. And it's not a... I don't wanna have to return a call.

No, none of it. And it's just you with you. And it changed my life. And it's one of those things, I mean, you can never do it the first time's one of those things, I mean, you can never do it the first time again, do you know what I mean? But if I could, I would have that experience again, because it was so revolutionary for me.

I said to my wife, when we got done this, this big run of press for the movie, I said to my wife, I want someone to chloroform me afterwards and just put me in a rehab. Just all I want excited to do like a presentation before the movie. Thank you so much for coming out. I hope you enjoyed the movie.

And then wake up. You want some of that Michael Jackson milk he used to take. Good time to Google that. You know you can back chloroform online. You just back chloroform online. It takes five minutes to put someone out, which is really long to hold someone. It's in the movies, it's always like, they're out. It's five minutes is like, we have some

coming for the next two bears when we do one together, we're going to try to chloroform each other. Oh, I'm so down with that. We're doing that. We're going to find, here's one other thing we're going to do. Tom doesn't know about this yet. We're going to find three chicks that we thought we could have fucked in our past, in our lives. And we're going to reach out to them, have the dog reach out to them and find out if we could have fucked in our past, in our lives, and we're gonna reach out to them, have Nidav reach out to them, and find out if we could have fucked them. Now or then, are they gonna say, in those days I would have if you'd only,

I could fuck any of them. But yeah, now I could, now I've got money, I'm way better than I was then. Right. Then is when I wanna find out. There's like three girls where I go, I wonder if I could. Do you think they were just secretly withholding it from you then?

No, no, I'm really bad at first moves. I'm at intimacy issues. I've real intimacy issues. And so I, I know there's one girl. You could have used my advice that I gave my sons. What was that? It's the first move advice. Oh my God, don't give it to me.

Now I'm married. What is it? You might still use it. Give it to me. So inevitably you don't know, it's like you don't give it to me now I'm married. What is it? You might still use it. Give it to me. So inevitably you don't know, it's like you don't know. They might, you think they might, but you don't really know if they're gonna. And usually you're not alone.

Usually it's at a party or so. So I always felt like the best way to cut to the chase was just to say, hey, I'm gonna go take a bath. This is great. And then you go and take a bath. And then if there's a knock on the door, and it's her, you know. And if there is no knock on the door,

then it wasn't gonna be and you saved yourself hours of small talk. How many baths I would have been just sobbing and how I thought she was coming? I thought she was coming. Well, the knock doors, it's my buddy Sal, I go Sal. Well, that's really, I did have that happen once and it was not going to the door and it was Billy Squire.

Are you serious? Stroke me, stroke me. I was like, hey Billy, come on in. Stroke. And so I mean, you are taking your chances. The, there's like three chicks. I was saying to Victoria, we were driving over and we were in the most aggressive traffic and we're just talking back and forth.

And I said, asking her, I go, what percentage of the population do you think you can have sex with? If I just pulled like 20 dudes out of a fucking room. The answer is 100. For her, yeah. Yeah, it is. It definitely is. And she goes, I think mine's going to be a higher than you think. And I went, oh yeah, that's right. You're hot. Yes. I go, what do you think Rob blows this? And she goes 100.

I go, what do you think mine is? And she goes 30? And I was like, for real? She was wanting to, it's not mean, I don't know. Like, well, I was like, who are these women? I was like, don't, don't defend it. You've got hundreds. You go into Red Rocks, bro. You got in that audience. It's the world you're oyster. Yeah, but I messed up. I'm not, I don't, I didn't mess up. So I'm glad I didn't have sex with them.

But like there's definitely three I like to ask. Then I'd like, I'm gonna give them, I'm gonna give them, and I want to know Tom's three. But isn't it funny you never get over it? Then there, I have, I have, I have them where I'm gonna give it and I wanna know Tom's three. It isn't funny you never get over it. But there I have, I have, I have them where I'm like, you know, that one. Wait, wait, hold on. Don't you have to answer yesterday or no,

but I'm gonna ask, but you don't have to answer. Yeah. So you have our sex with Timmy Moore? But gentlemen, never tells. That's one that I was like, she was, she is. She was like, she was like she was like fucking Look there's never been anybody like a 22 year old demy more. No, it never has been voice never has been her voice is so sexy we watched the seventh signs in religion class

Oh, and she takes a bath in that pregnant in real life. She takes a bath pregnant and Bro you heard a bunch of 10th graders go, fuck yeah! At a pregnant check, at a pregnant check. To me more is like, fucking legit. Yeah. Oh, about last night, that's a movie. That's that's, well you guys made out.

That's that's that movie. Was Jim Belushi in that? Jim Belushi, it's a David, David Mammoth. Jim Belushi is really great in that movie. He's great in it. I love Jim. That was it. Jim Belushi's a fucking killer in the gangster.

Yeah. Him in a bow last night, and what was the movie he did with Tupac Shakur? Was it Bullet? It was Bullet. Jim Belushi was great in that movie, and I'll say this, and I don't know anything about anything. I really don't. great in that movie, and I'll say this, and I don't know anything about anything. I'm really don't.

I think that movie, that one role set him on a path for the rest of his fucking career, because he was so good in it. Oh, he was, that role, and you know what I mean? He had a great sexy in the kitchen. Yeah, well, I'll have a place.

All we did was bang in that movie. God dang it. But look at a huge show. She's, she's still fucking gone. Yeah cute she is. She's still fucking crazy. Yeah, she is. And that's of all the movies of that era of mine. St. Almos is the most popular, the most sort of what occupies a very specific place

in people's affections, but about last night's the best movie. And it's not close. Yeah, that's fucking, that's a great goddamn movie, man. You've just done, you will cry, you'll laugh. There are eminently quotable lines in it. The dynamic between men and women has not changed at all.

So it's, you know, it's one of those movies that stands up. And what's so funny to me is that you did turn into a very grounded regular person. Like I just did that movie with Mark Hamill and I said, how did you just turn into a regular person? Because you're Luke Skywalker, you're supposed to be a fucking lunatic. Right. And he's like, I don't know. Like we talk about raising our daughter, he has daughter, he has a daughter. I have two daughters. He's really close, him and his sons are really close, really close family. And you have a very, like, you could have gone down a weird fucking path and you did for sure.

A lot of people did. Again, it's getting sober for sure. But I think that there was something inside me that valued, you know, that my version of success, what I feel is success is more holistic than just career. So what's a day in Roblo's life look like? It depends on whether I'm working or not. And you know, currently I've a TV show in Fox, TV show on Netflix. I have two podcasts.

I did, I did, I did. And we did, we literally with me. I did literally, literally. And we had so much fun. I'm doing, I'm playing Vegas tomorrow night. What are you doing in Vegas? I'm doing, I'm playing the Venetian. I have a one-man show.

Shut the fuck up. Yes. What you want me to show about? Is it about your life? It's me doing this. It's me telling stories. It's me telling stories. There's some good ones. Bro, can you give me to show about? Is it about your life? It's me doing this. It's me telling stories. It's me telling stories. There's some good ones.

Bro, can you give me like a, like, don't give me your best story. Like, I'll, I'll, I'm gonna try to go tit for tat and see if there's a joke I have for my new hour. Right, right, yeah, right. You mean, I don't wanna get back, I don't wanna get back. Give me a g- Type 5. It would be tough, yeah.

But it's hard, it's hard, right? It's tough, I have, yeah. It's hard because they all lead into each other and like, you know what I'm saying? Yeah. I'm talking to the ex, you mean. I would love to see your one, Michelle. It's, I've been doing it off and on for almost five years.

And this is a sort of discussion about whether we would do a residency there. And I love it. I mean, you do it at the highest level and I know why you do it. There's nothing like it. It's you. It's all you for better, for worse. I'm super nervous because I haven't done it in over a year. Really? And it's right to this. And there's a lot of hitters coming to this. Really? It's the smaller room. It's not, I can, I sometimes will do like 2,000 2,500 like

those big beautiful theaters. You do meet in greets afterwards. I do. Fuck yes. I do. And those are great. Yeah. Oh, they're great. I am a big proponent of the meet and greet. I did it. I do it a little differently only

because we were saying this when we were first started talking, I look at everything as a consumer, like a fan. Yeah. And so my aspect of a fan is different that like as a fan of yours, I would like to, I will personally say this, I would like to pay a dollar point to know that I could get a moment with you and say hi and tell you what you've meant to me

and your career's meant to me and get a picture. And I know now that I know you, you are such a fucking, you're like Arnold, you give the people the thing. Right. You know? Yes. Like we were getting taxed, he's eating pop tarts. Like almost like all the women in here, I'm going to rack them all out.

I'm going to rack them all out. I say, hey, I'm running five minutes behind and someone's like someone was like, don't worry. I'll take one for the team, I'll make out within for five minutes. And then everyone's like, no, no, no, I'm getting gum. And then my wife chimed in. I'm coming from the airport.

Tell board, the day time. I mean, but it's like you are, you are. You're very nice. You're, you're, you're, you might be bigger than who you are. I wonder how hard that is. Do you ever have, I know that I can get, I'm not you at all. And I'm not saying it even close. But I can get lost in who people think I am

and who I am when I perform and who I am. Yes. And does that ever happen to you? Mm-hmm. Where you go, like, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm guessing when you're sober and you've been doing this this long, you gotta be pretty grounded. That's the thing.

It's, that's the stuff that would happen in the early years and it's, it's part of the reason why to take the stress off of it that people in our business can, our, our prone to excesses. Yeah. And whether it's, you know, pick a gambling, eating, drinking, whatever, sex, whether it's, you know, pick a gambling, eating, drinking, whatever, what sex, whatever

it is, it's rife in our industry because we're dealing with those kinds of things. And so today, it's so in my DNA after 33 years that I'm used to be, I would come off, come home from a big thing, not you on stage, play, movie, night, whatever, be I would come off Come calm from a big thing and not you on stage Play movie night, whatever and I would just be like And then you have that moment like you're just alone with yourself. Yeah, you know, it's like oh Yeah, it's it's fucking super normal and really not and and now though I don't have that I don't like I can go I Play the I one of the highlights of my life,

I play the national theater in England and London. And, you know, it's packed and I come off of it and I'm alone within five minutes, I'm alone at the hotel. But I'm like, yeah, I'm gonna go sleep. And I'm good, I'm good. I don't have that. I don't have that. I don't have that.

You'll get there. I may not. Rob. You'll get there. I doubt it. Do you, but what does the day look like for you? So say, say, like, you're working, I guess, that dictates your day. I'm curious to know.

A free day is like. Like, I like, if you're, I know you're into TM, right? Yes. I do TM. I want to get into that it's it's with a dude there's a director really a comedy director I'd he's really big in TM he's like one of the biggest dudes in TM wonder who it is um he's he played hockey in Canada and he's got broken fingers. Oh my God. Fucking. Oh man. God damn it.

There are a lot of TM guys out there. I mean, Seinfeld being the biggest. He tried to get me into TM and I signed up for a class. It's like the thing, yeah, because you gotta do like a Friday thing. Yeah. I signed up for it during sober October one year

and I signed up for the wrong weekend and then I was just like, fuck it. It'll be one of those things that'll come into your life when you're ready for it, because one of the things about that being sober is they always talk about prayer and meditation, right? It's a big part of the whole thing. And I've been pretty good about the prayer thing,

but the meditation thing, it took me 33, 32 years to figure out the meditating. Really? So it's not for prayer with. Do you try with a class? I tried all kinds of meditating over the years, I, whatever, okay. And I liked it and I didn't like it, and then I would do it and I wouldn't do it.

And finally, TM came my way. And that is the one that has stuck for whatever reason. I gotta do TM. I gotta do TM. And it's made me super creative for whatever reason. I gotta do TM. I gotta do TM. And it's made me super creative in my unconscious. I had, I have started vivid dreaming. Bravo.

And I had a dream the other night where an entire new game show idea came to me with the set, the rules, and the title. And I was in a junior year and I usually had to wake up and write it down. And I could never do that. But what I realized is all I have to do is go, hey Siri, yes, right down. I have to get up and do shit. Yeah. So I woke up, looked at my notes.

It was a good idea. I sold it to Fox the next day. Right, Siri. It all came to me in my dream. I would like to take a moment for our fans. And I just want to say you're welcome. You're welcome that I'm not going to tell Rob Lowe one of my dreams.

You're welcome. I just want you to know that I know what you're thinking. Oh fuck, here comes Bert telling Rob one of his shitty fucking dreams. Are you a king of shitty dreams? By the way, if it's not that's a great title, the king of shitty dreams. I have the most intense dreams you've ever met out of anyone.

I have Rob. I'm not doing it, I'm not doing it, I'm not gonna do it. Rob, I have dreams. I have dreams that would blow your mind and you think they're not real. They're that intense. I've had dreams where I woke up crying, woke up crying, I've had dreams waking up laughing.

I've had dreams, I've had the most intense dreams that as soon as this shows over, I'm not going to do it because I know our fans are like fucking burnt. He's going to tell the dream about his fucking buddy as a baby or the fucking time that I said, these are well now. I will. I sold a show to Comedy Central based on my dreams. And so they were there were so intense. And there were so vivid. And I go through these periods of like,

I go through periods of varying, I was trying to say to someone of very intense streaming, I then go through periods of very, very intense empathy where I start seeing sadness, wheel clear. And it's kind of seen like a futility in life. I go through, I go through periods of parting. And then I go through periods of not parting at all. I go through these weird swings,

and I can't figure out what it is, but dreaming is one where if my wife was here, she would say like, oh, fuck with his dreams. Like I- That's a gift. I lucid dream where you're dreaming, and you're still awake, and you get to drive your dream.

Yes. And there always, whenever it happens, I always go, let's fucking fly. And I fucking stop. That's the real thing. How did you know the dream the other day where I realized I was lucid dreaming and I could figure out whatever I wanted and I walked into a house and I said,

I wanna have sex with my wife. In a dream, I picked my fucking wife! I'm not telling you any dreams. I'm not telling you any dreams. I'm not telling you what happened. That's... But like, man, I am a hardcore... That's super meaningful.

I'm a hardcore dreamer. And I enjoy dreaming. I enjoy sleeping. But like, going back to, I'm curious what your days look like because, like, so one of the things I've just started doing is I love getting inspiration from, I love fucking pulling out the positive of people and getting inspiration from people.

Yeah. And I started backending my sleep where I started realizing what time I needed to get up and then just going backwards and going, well, then I need to go to bed here because I need to get at least, I want to shoot for eight hours. Yes. And so, and in that, in that eight hours, I don to go to bed here because I need to get at least on a shoot for eight hours. Yes. And so

And in that in that eight hours I don't listen to history podcasts because I've been on a lot of dreams that I'm a Nazi because Because I'm listening a lot of Hitler podcasts and fucking listen to thing about Adolf Haikman And I was like all of a sudden I want his team working in a factory and Argentina and the Creative and they grabbed him know they grabbed him in Argentina and they grabbed him in Argentina, and they threw him in a fucking car, and I was like, hey, don't, hey, don't.

And then I'm gonna send a hominazzi. So I'm not telling you my dreams, so but so I, I back end it so that I can get up early and work out, I have to work out, I have to lift weights, I have to do like a high intensity car training, like I have to do cardio, I have to sweat and burn out the impurities from the night before or I'm fucked for the whole day.

And then if I'm working, my day is dictated by my work. It's usually like three podcasts, some interviews, some Zoom meetings, some stuff. And I'm curious like how your day works. Cause you know, it's gonna sound like a really weird thing to say, but your skin looks amazing. Your skin looks fucking amazing. I wanna know your skincare regimen.

Like your skin looks amazing. I have a skincare line. No, you don't. I do. Are you serious? I do. I haven't really done much with it. It needs to be revitalized, but it's out.

Maybe we need to invest together in skincare line. But yeah, it makes- Fix my fucking face. I know, but- I need under, to invest together in skinkirline. But yeah, I fixed my fucking face. I know. But I need under, I do do an under eye serum. I do. It's my fits are best thing because your under eyes are, I mean, hold on. Let's take two seconds. Are you looking at is your under eyes are like no bags, no dark circles, no fine lines,

quite honestly. I mean, what's your, what's your ethnic descent? Is it like, oh, I did that 23 in me. Yeah. And it was, it was literally like Germany, Germany, Germany, maybe, yeah, yeah. Yeah. Um, uh, well, they say things about that. Finland Scandinavian Viking. It's like, I'm like a German Viking. Next. God damn it. What, um, but what's your day look like? I'm curious. So, and like, I also want to know about your relationships,

how you keep it. Like, these are like, I feel like I'm my wife interviewing you, but like, you've got, you've got, you've had a fucking great relationship with your wife. Yeah, she's great. I picked great. She picked great, we picked great. We're, I mean, it's, it's all one and lost with who you pick.

The boys they don't live with you guys anymore. They are on their own. They're living. So it's just you and her. Just we were, we're, we're empty nesters. Also raised down, ask Rob how much money he has. Keep going. So, um, I'm dying to know how much money you have. So, um, we, so a daily thing for me is for so all, I only wake up if I'm getting paid. So a daily thing for me is, first of all, I only wake up if I'm getting paid. Fucking love that. Peter, if you're listening, keep going.

I mean, that's a great phrase. I've been waking up at four o'clock in the morning to be on location since I was 15 years old. So, and so think about, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20. Those are the years all you want to do is sleep till noon. Yep. Not I was not doing that. So I have a whole thing about sleep

where that's like my thing that's mine. Fuck yeah. I will get up and work and be happy and be the bright-eyed and bushy tailed at 5 a.m. but only for paying me. Yeah. So I've recently started though, not just sleeping, sleeping, so I get up late, you know,

nine o'clock. That's doable. You know, get up nine o'clock, I have my coffee in bed, I do my prayer, my meditation. If you're coffee in bed, yeah. Your wife up? She's up, yes. She gets up early.

She's awake later than me and up earlier than me. Jesus. She's a real night owl. That's my wife too, out there enough. My wife. And my wife will try to draw me into her and stay in that place. I'm like, yo, the other night, she was like,

so the hot tub's on and my wife's going through, I think this is cool to own Roblo about me having sex with my wife. Oh, I had. My wife's going through this thing right now where she is like a fuck, it's like she's trying to give me AIDS. Like she is, she is fuck, I mean, I mean, do you know she did the other day? I got to, I got to get to the coolest. This is the coolest thing this woman's ever fucking done.

I'm over doing a podcast in Hollywood over on La Siena and Sunset and I get done and I get it to my assistant piece with me and he's like, yo, the am wants to come over to do dinner. I was like, cool, he goes, I'll take the car over, want you Uber to a place and then she'll drive you guys back. I was like, fuck yeah. And we're, George's in college, Ila's in high school. But we're starting to have the first steps

of what's life gonna be like when the girls are totally. And Leanne keeps saying, this is what it's gonna be like. Now, Leanne's on this thing, I don't know what's called, it's for menopause, it's like to help her fucking. Get to the, yeah. So I go, hey, I'm looking at restaurants,

where do you want? And then she just goes, just get a room. And I'm like, the fuck did you just say? She goes, get a room, we'll get room service. We'll come back at like one in the morning. I mean, I gotta be honest with you, and I feel weird saying this too. That's so great.

My dick got hard immediately, and I went, oh yeah, oh fucking yeah. And she is doing that, and she's trying to draw me in, I mean, what happened to sex like crazy? Like fucking crazy, like never before, like crazy. The other night, she's up, she opens a bottle of wine, she never fucking drinks. She opens a bottle of wine, she never fucking drinks. She opens a bottle of wine, she's like, the hot tub's on.

And I'm like, I gotta work out a fucking five in the morning. I need to be asleep by 10. What the fuck are you doing to me, woman? And then the next morning, she jumps in bed with me and she goes, I had to hot tub by myself last night naked. And I was like, you didn't say you were going to naked? I would've gone in with you. I mean, it's been, this is all, do you live in the dream?

It's, you know what? You're living the dream. She is, she is, she made a statement, I'm gonna start dating my husband. And she is dating me. So great. And it's so fucking great. And that's what it felt like for us

when the kids got out of the house. For real? Were you nervous when they left that you were like, what are we gonna talk about? What is, like what's's our relationship going to be? No, because we spend a lot of time. I was, I was optimistic that he's the youngest. Okay, so how old, how's the, my oldest is 29 and Johnny's 27.

So you guys have been empty nesters for a little while? Yeah, we've been empty nesters for a few years. And it was, and it was like, you just feel like you want to rip your clothes off and Run through the house and go yeah, yeah, and we kind and so you kind of do that's what what happens? I've been walking around naked a lot. It's so good. Yeah, my gardener freaked out today Like he was in the backyard and I walked around naked and I'm just like fuck yeah look at this Yeah, you got your hose like a mine So so then you wake up your wife's already up.

You have coffee and bed. It's a constant Winston Churchill move right there. Coffee and bed, gotta have it and bed. And I make sure, like I said, I do prayer meditation, have some, some, what's the word intention about my day? Like, what do I wanna get done? What are my goals? Both in terms of practically and then spiritually. And then it's a workout. All

thing. You know, I go right to workout and I'm intermittent fasting. So I'm not eating breakfast. Okay, write that down. but it needs to intermittent fast. Right, so I like to work out fasted. I work out fasted, but I work out very early. Right, yeah, but the same thing, you know, I have a new, anything. So, and- Do you work out in your house, right, to Jim?

I have a gym in the house that I like, but there's a new gym that's open right down the street that I love, and I'm kind of getting into it. Sometimes I like the energy of a gym gym. So it could be either one, but it also could be if I've had a killer workout the day before I'll go and hit golf balls. Because I'm big golfer.

For real? Yeah, I love golf, played today. Are you a good golfer? You know what's happened? Right now, no matter what I do, good, bad, and different, I shoot in 87. No matter where I get, it's super respectable. I have like, I'm in a very,

this thing with my game where this is where I am. I'm gonna shoot in 87. Well close you, I have the new PXG, it's the brand new one. Fucking goddamn Bob Parsons. Bob Parsons, kill it. I love Bob Parsons. Shut up to Bob Parsons.

Shut up to Bob Parsons. You know Bob? I do. Bob Parsons. Kill it. I love Bob Parsons. Shout out to Bob Parsons. You know Bob? I do. Bob Parsons is a mother fucker. He's the best. Let's take a second and celebrate Bob Parsons. Yes. Bob Parsons starts go daddy.

Great. Starts go daddy. First of all, served in our military. Yes. Served in our military. Yep. He's a great supporter of our military. Great supporter of our military

and great proponent of getting these kids through their PTSD. Yup. He's, I don't know if I'm allowed to say this, so someone flag it in case I'm talking shit. Big proponent of MDNA helping through PTSD. Yup. Okay, good, I'm pretty sure.

Big fan of Rogans, Bob Parsons of Big fan of Rogans. Reach out to Rogan's, Bob Parsons of Big fan of Rogan's, reach out to Rogan, get Bob Parsons on. That would be a great talk. You can do that if I do it to Rogan, he's like another one. I love Joe. But Joe's the best, you know. Joe loves you.

Joe loves you and Ed Norton. Ed Norton's another Ed's a great dude. I've made a joke about, I mean, it's the fucking thing about Ed Norton and Joe's like, nah, I'm not gonna let that happen. Because I met Arnold and Ed Norton in the same day and I fucking scared Ed Norton. I was like, I was like, ah, Ed Norton! And Ed Norton's like, okay, Joe's like, you bring a lot of energy to a room. You bring a lot of energy.

But Bob Parsons of Badass and PXG's are the fucking Best God Damn Clubs. They're unbelievable. They really are unbelievable. Did you get fitted at, at, uh, I didn't go to the main place. They, they, they were, I had to go to, what, what, it's one of the country clubs nearby or golf places had it and I, I went to them,

but I've never been to the headquarters. I went and played the dirty nine. Oh, yeah. The dirty nine over there with, uh, I gotta do it. Yeah. Well, I, I'd love to see, pull up, I'd love to see pull up, I was gonna say pull up, never mind. Who's your dream for some you'd like to play with?

Like, like professional golfers you'd like to play with. And if you say Brooks, Capka, I can make it happen. Oh, I love Brooks call Brooks right now. I love Capka, love him. Do you know him? I met him at the FedEx cup. Find around to the FedEx cup. It was a member of the year they had withdrawal.

Find around to the FedEx. I don't have Brooks in here. Fuck, I dare Brooks, I'll pay football. He's the bad. Just Terry Brooks. Brooks, pretty. Fuck I dare Brooks. I'll play football. He's the bad Brooks pretty I'm pretty

but Yes, but you didn't do a real quick. I'm running through questions. I want to get you out of here I appreciate your time, and I don't want to know this great So do you live in LA proper outside of Santa Barbara? You know Santa Barbara? So that's also the thing is like there's a lot of driving in my life Wait, so you drive down here from Santa Barbara? Yeah look Santa Barbara. So that's also the thing is like, there's a lot of driving in my life. Wait, so you drive down here from Santa Barbara? Yeah. For real?

Yeah. How great is Santa Barbara? How far is Santa Barbara from Oxnard? 25 minutes. Do we know each other well enough to play golf together? Absolutely we do. A lot. Dude, do you play music in the cart?

No. I'm surprised. I grew up in Florida. I grew up in Florida. I grew up in Florida like a proper golfer. Same with me. Yeah, and so like. Same. I tuck my shirt in.

Same. I would never talk to a shirt in. Same. Take your hat off and shake hands. Yes. I'm old school proper golfer because of my dad. Same. And my dad was like.

My grandfather created a golf course. I've had them a long line of golf. Oh, for real? Oh, so you can really play golf. I mean, I hear pull up, Bert Kreischer, Liv golf. I'll show you my swing so you can take a look at my, I wanna see how I play.

My phone in the other room I can show you my swing. So Liv golf at the watering hole, that's probably it. Yeah, there you are. Oh, let me see. Okay, so this is my... This is very exciting. So we went out to live golf in Adelaide, Australia, and they said, hey, do you want to hit?

Dude, hang on, hit pause. First of all, if you're a golf fan, I'm fucking everyone's there. Adelaide. Oh, yeah, I was on tour. I was on tour. I'm gonna say. Everyone's there. I'm watching Dustin Johnson. Fucking hit his clubs.

I'm heading to hold on, hold on. I'm watching... I'm watching Dustin Johnson fucking hit his clubs. I'm having to hold on hold on. I'm watching I'm watching fucking who's the lefty with the beautiful fucking swing from I think is from Alabama. Oh, yeah, not Baba. Baba Watson. I watch Baba Watson fucking hit a beautiful fucking fade.

And so I meet everyone ahead and then they go, Hey, do you want to hit a T-shirt at 12, the watering hole in front of all the fans. And I go, fuck yeah. And they go, you take your shirt off. I was like, okay, how, how long, how, what says, what is it? 150, what's it? It's 150. They give me a seven iron. And I go, I need a nine. And then the lady goes, you know, what he's doing? And I go, hold on. I know what I'm doing. And she goes, you know, I'm kidding. You're not hitting a nine. Pro's hit a nine one 50. You're not hitting a nine one 50. I go, I'm you're not hitting a nine, 150, I go, and then I start going like, am I out of my fucking mind?

And I call my dad, I go, dad, what over hit a nine. And he goes, 150, you hit a nine, 150, and I go, and she goes, I need everyone's head away, but he's gonna kill someone, now the pressure's built up. And it's the watering hole, so everyone's around. And so go ahead. This is great. Yeah, you can watch your boys stripe it.

Fuck, yes. Oh yeah, I like the setup. Yeah, you can watch your voice. Stripe it. Fuck, yes. Oh yeah, I like the setup. Yeah, right. Oh yeah, it's a really good setup. Super sick setup. Oh, yes. Boom. Right there.

All right. Oh, you fucking frustrated. You fucking striped it. You striped it over the green. Over the green. Over the green. It's a seven iron. We flew it probably 170.

And so, and, and, but yeah. That's sick. It was fucking awesome. awesome right over that right over the pin and then we watched Brooks brother chase Fucking sink a hole in one right after that. Oh, yeah, I remember so I saw that clip Here's my favorite golf story. I was playing in a pro am for the in in an I a wide flown to Iowa It was the principal group was sponsoring it. The big insurance company, a PGA program, and I killed the state bird in flight with a golf shot. No way. Yes, I did. Now, the state bird is not a fucking Canadian goose. Oh, please say it's a condor. It is. No,

that's it would be easier in there. It's a literal, it's a, it's a, it's a finch. The State Bird of Iowa is a gold finch. It's the size of the palm of your hand. You should have bought a lottery ticket after that. I should have, because they're an insurance company. They had their actual areas run the odds. One in 700 million. I had a sand wedge.

Almost the same odds as a kid from Ohio. Making, becoming a movie star. I remember, I was a kid. K's almost the same odds as a kid from Ohio. Making a movie star. I mean, Roger, killed the state bird in flight. Type in Roblo golf. You'll see, kill Roblo State bird. You'll see it. Really? Should be holding the fence.

No, for real? Yeah, for sure. Hold up. Can you pull it up? There's me holding the bird. Are you serious? Oh my god, that's tiny. That's the type of thing.

Look it. Oh my god. I know, right? That's tiny, that's the type of, look it. Oh my God. I know, right? What's your favorite haircut you've had? Not that one. That's an interesting hat choice. I'm a different hat guy than you. You can wear like unstructured.

You can wear, I have to wear a hat. I buy, I don't, they gave me that. I would not wear another shirt. I bet they did. I don't like that unstructured hat. I like, I gotta wear it with you wear. Look, there's a good shot. Where do I see?

Here, just go to, yeah, I need to pay the paypal beef. Just go and this is, this is it Cypress. Where? It's Cypress point. Oh, for real. Yeah, is it, it's got the video? Here we go.

All right. Not a bad swing, Rob. Well, not a bad swing. Here's a problem with me. I go out. So fun. Yeah, drove the green. I mean, you have to hit. Oh, you play with great norm. No, you know, that is you know that is the great George Roberts, who is the R of KKR. That's KKR. It's KKR is the biggest investment fund in the world. Oh, really? All right, good.

I'm glad you transitioned to money. How much money do you have? Not as much as George Roberts. Do you, like, did you do, like what? I heard rumors, do you buy fancy stuff? No, I like watches. Okay, let's talk watches. My, my, my, that the Tiffany moon phase. Wait, can I see it? Yeah Hold on let me face time Tommy real quick. This is the

Because I was a Rolex guy. I was I've been eyeballing your Rolex the whole interview. Oh, oh, oh, Daytona. Thank you. Well, you met him. Yeah. The, okay, Tommy's going to be excited. So he just showed up in my premiere where I think with one of those on. So me and Tom went to a watch person. We have a great watch person in Vegas. Yeah, we have a great watch person in Vegas.

And and and Tom and I went in and we both, both were both Rolexes. And then he was like, yo, how can we get a protectful leap? And she was like, I'll send you over, I can introduce you when she introduced you. She was like, yeah, cool, I'll put you guys on a wait list. And she goes, when I have one that no one wants, then you can get that one.

And Tom's like, wait, how do we get, how do we get Tom's a legit watch? Yeah, these are hard to get. This is, it's a really hard watch to get. It's a very hard. This is, it's a really hard watch to get. It's a really hard watch to get. It's a really hard watch to get. And, you know, it's interesting because Tom is the one that walked me through this.

I was really shy about like spending money. I didn't want to, I didn't want to, like, I didn't mind putting videos of me on a private jet up because that's like a poor person thing to do. But like, when it came to spending money and stuff, I just had a hard time finding that footing for me. And then he got me into watches and I started enjoying, I enjoyed researching them.

And this was the one I wanted. I have, I am a big Daytona guy. Yeah, you seem like a big Daytona guy. You would be a big Daytona guy. Well, I really want the Paul Newman. I had, that's the fucking fucking that's the one because he's well from my heroes. Yeah. I mean, that's the one at some point. So we so what was your entry level watch? Like what was the first

watch you bought where you went? Yeah, it was a Rolex. It was I think it was just a submariner just get a great fucking watch. My I like now is the James Cameron C Dweller.. I love it's a big watch big it's a big watch but it's really cool it's a fucking badass watch the I gotta I gotta shout out I don't I know Christine probably doesn't want me to shout her out but we have a woman in in it's the coolest funny way she's in face I'm going there this weekend. Can I set you up with her? Yes. Please.

Rob, Rob. Going there this weekend. Shhh. I guarantee you she will be there when you get there. I'm going to set up a tax between the three of you. Yes, please. So Christine, shout out to Christine. She's fucking awesome.

She's in Vegas. Christine, by the way, if you want me to take this out, I'll take it out, but I'm not gonna. She, I'm gonna tell the story, and I apologize. I'm gonna bend your ear for a second. I was doing a big tour, I was doing my third world tour, and I wanted to treat myself. I've always wanted to treat myself,

but my wife told me that people in Scientology do it, and it makes sense. It does make sense. If you buy yourself a present, when you succeed, the Scientology do it and it makes sense. It does make sense. If you buy yourself a present when you succeed, the Scientology makes a lot of fucking sense. I know that sounds crazy, but there's a lot of stuff. There's a lot of shit they say that actually fucking works. And my wife did an acting class with them and she would say things and I'd be like, that

doesn't sound crazy. I'm not a Scientologist, everybody. But one of the things is if you do something big, you should reward yourself. You should get yourself a present to acknowledge that thing. And it's a, it's could be it and everything. Anyway, it's a good thing. And so I go and I get, I do this tour and I wanna get a watch.

I wanna get a Rolex on that and they're really hard to get at the time. And I start really kind of researching which one I want and what I want. And just going to stores and what do you guys have? No availability, nothing. And then I go and I do want and just going to stores and what do you guys have no availability nothing and then I go And I do this a lot of stores around the Tour it's one of the fun things to do on tour and then I go to Vegas and I meet Christine. She's fucking awesome

We have no inventory and I said okay, and I tell her you know I'm a comedian I'm doing a show here and she's like okay. She's like nice and then she starts to we start talking and then very candidly she said What are you looking for? And I said, I don't know, my dad gave me a Rolex a while back. I wear that. I really wear this running watch and I really want the pandas, like the one I want. And she goes, yeah, it's a big first bite. She goes, it's so true. It's such a wash langle. It's a big first bite, which entry level one. Yeah, it's so funny. It's such a wash langle. It's a big first bite with entry level. Yeah, it's so funny. And she goes

Go get the the black submariner and He comes back and he gives me. She goes here's your watch. I said what she was just watch I went I don't what else do you have she goes no, no, this is your watch. So I was like, okay And I was like well, I don't know if I go, how much is he goes? This is your watch. So I go, hold on. I don't know. This is the all or a light. Yeah, it's so good. It's so good. So I, I start panicking. I take a picture. I send it to my dad. I said, I tell me, and I send Leanne. I did the same thing with this. Yeah. Same thing about it. I, yeah. Yeah.

I start panicking. So I was buying another watch. Yeah. And they said, well, and they brought this out. And I was like, and they were like, buy it. I will buy it when you walk out the door if you don't want it. Yeah. So Leanne says, it's up to you. My dad says, that's a great watch. Tom sends me a very long text. I wish I could find it and read it.

It's so, it's why everyone listening needs a best friend. You've worked so hard. You're the hardest working guy I know. You're on tour for nonstop. You're doing this. You did that. Like they you deserve this as a present. I said, I said,

I'm gonna think about it. I'm gonna walk around. And I walk out the thing in the end, calls and she goes, did you get to watch? I said, well, I don't know. I didn't. I just walked out and she goes,

honey, you need to get to watch. She goes, and I said, well, Tommy just text. I told her, Tom's text and she goes, go get the fucking watch. I walk right back in, she goes, I told you it's your watch. Give it the credit card by the watch. Great.

So then the next day, I fucking text Tom, he goes, did you get the watch? I go, I got the watch. I go, what are you doing? He just sent me a pic, and I sent him another pic, and he goes, oh, it's fucking nice. I said, what are you doing?

He goes, well, you know, I sent the text to you, and I realized that applies to me too. So I'm gonna roll X store by and roll X. So then he goes, hey man, set me up with your friend over in what's my call it. So I set them up. I said, just, you know, here's your white whale. This is Tom.

And by the way, it was really cool about this. I sent her text every now and then to let her know, I appreciated, because I loved that watch. I would wake up in my tour bus, and I'd look at the watch, and I'd go, fuck, I love this watch. I loved it. I'd love to look at my wrist and go, God damn it, I love this fucking watch.

Right. So then me and Tom do a thing at the MGM. And Tom goes in, Tom buys a watch from her. I think she had to stop him. And so then I go in the next time we go, I said, Hey, Christine, I don't know if you have any inventory at all, but Tom and I are coming to do a gig in Vegas. We're going to make pretty good money. We'd love to stop by. She goes, your watches will be waiting for you. So we roll in and they're fucking like,

and by the way, Tom and I are both wearing Rolexes and they go, your watches are waiting for you. And we're like, what do we get? And they're like, don't worry about it. Here you go. We just bought two, we just would credit cards down, open the box, I was like, that's the one I fucking wanted. It was fucking, the GMT, I've wanted a GMT

for a long time, so I travel so much. And it was a green GMT, it's a sprite GMT with the left-handed bezel. We both, Tom and I have a picture of us with both. So I mean, it's the funnest thing. It's the funnest thing. We don't get purses and things. No. No.

Like, it's the one to the left, the left, the left, the left, yeah. It's a fucking great goddamn watch. And she's awesome. She makes it fun. She only Rolex, she doesn't say they do it. I'm gonna set you up with them. They'll take care of you top to bottom.

You don't forget you are also Rob Lowe. I would love to. And so, the, APs, what? Do you have any APs? No, so I'm like a dummy when it comes to watches. I know I like Rolex,

and I know why I like them. You know, like almost like the guy that goes, I know know I like Rolex, and I know why I like them. You know, like almost like the guy that goes, I know I like porches. Do you know why I like them? Well, the first person who told me they were right, James Cameron. Literally, the only guy who has a watch named after him who's alive.

Yeah. Oh yeah. And I'll never forget I had a meeting with him, and I was like, oh, he's like, oh, he's like, I love Rolex, it's okay. There's so tough he can do it any through it across the room. I'll never forget it as long as I live. And I thought, wow, if he's like, I love rocks, it's okay. They're so tough, you can do it any through it across the room. We'll never forget as long as I live.

And I thought, wow, it's cool in for James Cameron. When I get to watch, I'm gonna do that. I knew a girl named Chrissy. That does anything with a bonnet shattered. She's like, this is great about these things. During the structural, no, we have nothing to smoke weed out of. So what's, so your entry level watch

was just like a regular Submariner. It's like a black face Submariner. It's probably, Cheryl, my wife got it for me. In my wife's, like, I need, like I am from the Midwest and I'm kind of frugal. And like, your best friend was for you. My wife Cheryl's like that for music, no I know like she always is stepping us up into nicer and there's things that we can afford,

but I left my own devices probably wouldn't do it. That's my wife, I never would have bought our first house. I never would have bought this house or that house. I never would have bought any house we have, but my wife's like, my wife grew up poorer than I did. Same. And she was like, my wife's like, my wife grew up poorer than I did. Same. And she was like, and she was like, yo, this is how you start generational wealth.

This is how you get out of poverty as you invest your money and the safest places and properties for her. But she doesn't buy, my wife dresses legit dresses from target, like buys clothes from target for real. My wife, my wife missed that memo I she has a fucking Birken bag selection. Oh, I've heard about these We're built we're so we're gonna be building a new house that I want those things displayed in illuminated Oh wow I want to walk in and I want to just look at. Like, they're like watches, they're works of art.

Yeah. And I'm like, I wanna see all those lined up. But that's the watch, that's the watch. This is the watch. The moon phase, so from what I know about that watch, that moon phase is gonna stay like, it's gonna be accurate for like 250 years or so. Yeah, it's just, it's a cool thing too

and kind of be able to know where the moon will be. You know, when I watch I love is my, my brightling with the E-Purb on it. So. What's that pull it up, can you pull it up? Yes, the brightling emergency. Wait, what do you mean, emergency? You just hit it and then they find you?

Yes. Yes, so I'm a big... Can I get those for my daughters? Okay, this is the one I have right here. Lower, lower, go, that one. That's one. So, so you can see the bottom, the bottom, the bottom screw.

Yeah. If you unscrew that and pull it, it's a little antenna that comes out and it goes to all of whatever two, there are two emergency frequencies at any time anywhere in the world. And it immediately puts out a bulletin and someone will come and rescue you.

Now, if you do it and it's, you're fucking around, it's a $30,000 fine. You have to sign all this paperwork. So you own your kids messing around with this watch. Okay, I'm not getting those for my kids. watch. I'm not getting those for my kids. But it's definitely not getting those for my kids. But like if I go fishing, am I not fishing? Well, the ocean, if I'm skiing, if I'm in a weird third world country, anything sketchy,

I'm wearing that watch. Jesus Christ. You, so, okay. And so, how many watches do you think you have? I probably have 15. That's not bad. No. And then what about cars?

Are you a car guy? This right now, Tom's listening to this call and like, please say yes. Please say yes. I am a definitely a car guy. Really? Yeah. You got to see my murdered out escalade that I came here in today. Really?

Murdered. Because I'm driving. I'm all, listen, I spend more time driving than I do in my house. Why did you choose Santa Barbara? I moved to there 29 years ago. And when my first kid was six months old. And what happened was, I was, I wanted a new house. I was looking for like, you call like, you know, neighborhoody, prices were insane in LA.

And then I was looking for preschools and somebody said, Oh, for preschools, you need to, you need to talk to Mike Ovitz. And Mike Ovitz at the time was the number one agent of all the time. And I, and I instantly had like a, an epiphany of what my life would be like living in Los Angeles, where I'd have to be coaching Little League with like the president of NBC's kid, or all in I wanted to blow my brains out.

Yeah. And I was like, we're out, we're out, we're done, I never looked back, I moved to Santa Barbara, I did coach Little League, I did all of those things. And you just like a regular dad? And I'm like a regular dad. I mean, now there's a whole new wave of people, like 10 years, 15 years ago, Oprah moved up,

Prince Harry and Meghan Markle moved next door to our very first house. Really? So there's a whole new group of people and very cool and very fun. But when I moved up there, it was really, really, really old school. And we had a pretty normal, for my kids that are really, really old school. You mean, I did pretty normal, for my kids that are really normal life up there.

And like, I keep going back to this. I'm just dying to know. Like, did, you've worked so much. Like, pull up Rob, those networks. I'm dying to know. I've never looked at this. I'm scared to look at it. Tell me if it's, tell me if it's.

I'm scared to look at this. Tell me if it's close. Here's the thing when I look at this. I'm either gonna Wait, I'm really fucking shit wait. I'm either gonna feel really bad If you really it might wait, I've never looked at this. Okay, I've I know that it exists Should I chill am I get feel good about myself? I think you're you're killing it dude. You're killing it You're you're you're killing it dude. You're killing it. Oh You're killing it Yeah No one hey no one put this on the screen. No, don't put this on the screen because right now right now

We're about to go viral people googling rob blows now worth God dammit that I You know, I don't know Type in type in for a crisis net worth I bet it's not even fucking remotely close to that Holy fuck Look at they got Theo Vaughan billburn R.I. She's Shafir, hit R.E. Shafir's net worth. I bet it's 200,000.

I bet it's 200,000. Hit R.E. Shafir's net worth. Go to the right, to the right, there we go. What is it? 600,000. It's actually overshooting it. You can just go, everyone's net worth. Type in Sam Morales net worth.

I'm Divecy Sam's net worth. They're always else net worth. I'm diversity. Sam's not always wrong. One million. Good job, Sam. These are always wrong. Like I know, like, no, but mine's, I'll tell you, mine's low. So viewers is low. They, I think they undershoot. I think they undershoot these.

God damn it. I think they undershoot them. So then what do you want? What do you want out of life? You're, you're, you've done everything. I'm, I'm getting you out of life? You've done everything, I'm getting you out of here. You've done everything there is to do. You lived in hot, okay, let's,

well I wanna do this to you, okay? You had an amazing childhood. You got to live in the Midwest and you got to live the karate kid life where you moved out to fucking California. And you, and you, and you, and by the way, you know the karate kid you worked with him. And but you you had a group of friends that were the inarguably the coolest dudes to crawl up with with the coolest, funnest high school event that if it doesn't turn into a movie.

I know it's literally like everybody has that story in them. Anyone who's an artist a story to our has, the story they were born to tell, like there, and that is for me is what it is. And I've been trying it for 10 years, different iterations of it. I'm going to figure it out at some point for sure. Well, I want you to know not only will I invest money, I would sit and listen to these stories and tell you all I think that's a really good one I think that's the coolest I think that might be the coolest thing about you is that you had these great fucking before you were famous Fun moments with crazy wild crazy people that we all know to be the the biggest stars in the world I got one for it. I'll give you one. I've you wanted a piece from the thing and I have one that stands alone. Okay, please. So I

Meet Carrie Grant I So I'm I'm I'm I'm not telling you the lead up of Carrie Grant because Carrie Grant is the punchline of a big long story part of my one-man show. But then this is the part I'm telling you. So I see him years later. And when I met him, I was 15. I had my first TV after school specials on TV and he watched it with me because I was trying, I was dating his daughter, trying to date his daughter who was gorgeous and beautiful, did anything to do with me. But she did let me come over and watch the TV show with her dad who is an actor too.

I'd know who the fuck she, Kerry Grant, I had no idea. Oh, my dad's an actor too. Oh, really, you think, Kerry Grant? So we watch it together, three of us. He says, you're quite a good young actor. And years later, I meet him. I have a career. I'm so excited to meet him.

It's at a fundraiser for the Princess Grace Foundation and at this big table's Kerry Grant, Robert Wagner, Gregory Peck, Prince Ringier of Monaco and I go up to kiss the ring say hello to all of them as I walk away I hear Robert Wagner say I think that young man is banged every one of our daughters Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah!

Ah! Oh! Roblo, you're a legend. It is such a privilege to know you. It really is. It really is. I'm going to take a picture with you in a second. Is that terrible story to tell?

No, it's a brother. That's... If I had that story, I'd be a better comic today. If I had that fucking story, I'd be a better comic today. Are you fucking kidding me? I could sit with you all night and listen to tell stories.

The life you've lived is the life I witnessed. Just 10 years younger. Just 10 years younger, you guys were like the older brothers that I got to see, like do these killer things that like, I mean really honestly all the girls we dated were obsessed with you and we kind of wanted to be you guys and you specifically, specifically. I told you this when I did the podcast with you, to to this date when me and my girls do anything

I'd say what you said from St. Elmo's fire. Let's rock Right after you got in the fist fight you have blood in your mouth and you have to I mean dude. I almost lost this. I swear to God I almost learned the saxophone because you played it and it was so sexy to see you out on the In St. Elmo's fire when you're out on the fucking out on the window and you're playing saxophone by yourself and the eyes out man he's going on. I mean, you're going into Demi Moore when she's going through the fucking falling apart and you got the fucking I wanted someone to do that to me. If I ever fall off really bad with alcohol drugs, I want you to come in and come rest. I'll bring the Dorian with a fire extinguisher. I

mean every single Woman in this in this building will be asking for a picture And I'm gonna post a picture with you and I'm gonna post it and I'm gonna take all my ex girlfriends and we're like You see no this is my posse. I hope to play golf with you one day. Yeah, let's do it. Your show, your show, I also have to acknowledge. You wrote a book called Stories Only Tell My Friends.

Yes. And that has been passed around here as one of the best books. Every single woman here, Stacey, our producer, was like, I read his book, it's fucking amazing. Everyone needs to read it. And everyone's like, and then they're like, Bert, it's an easy read. You can read this, and I didn't get to it's fucking amazing. Everyone needs to read it and everyone's like, crum and then they're like, bird, it's an easy read, you can read this. And I didn't get to it.

But. But so easy, you're gonna love it. And that's what everyone said, don't like, bird, it's really good. No, no, it's all this. It's all this. You're gonna love it. You'll love it.

I, everything you do, a fan of. Everything you do, a fan of. Thank you. And it's an absolute pleasure to be able to do two bears with you. Everyone check out Unstable on Netflix streaming right now. Him and his son John Owen. I say John Owen because I think it's a badass fucking way to say a name. It's good name John Owen.

John Owen. Yeah, I call my dick John Henry. And so that I shouldn't have said that, but John Henry was hammering on a mountain. He's a steel driver man. He's a steel. He's a driver man. He's a kid. Yeah, he's great. And the big band tunnel on the sea in Old Road is gonna be the death of me, Lord, Lord. It's gonna be the death of me.

That's what I sing when I have sex with my wife. That's right. Ladies and gentlemen, Rob Lowe, thank you. Thank you. That's great. Bert and Tom, Tom and Bert. One goes top and swat the other, wears a shirt. Gentlemen, Roblo, thank you. I like you. That's great. no scripts of beta booze amateur photography dirty jokes ronti humor no apologies here's what we call two bears one cave