2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer - Robert DeNiro Didn't Wanna Be Friends w/ Sebastian Maniscalco | 2 Bears, 1 Cave

Episode Date: October 20, 2025

TEXAS! Tom will be in Amarillo at the Amarillo Civic Center Complex on November 1st, then November 2nd in Lubbock at Buddy Holly Hall and El Paso at the Abraham Chavez Theatre on November 6th. Go get your tickets now at https://tomsegura.com/tour. SPONSORS: - Head to https://DRINKAG1.com/BEARS to get a FREE Welcome Kit, including a bottle of Vitamin D and free AG1 Travel Packs, when you first subscribe! - Protect your family with life insurance from Ethos. Get up to $3 million in coverage in as little as 10 minutes at https://ethos.com/BEARS. Application times may vary. Rates may vary. - Sponsored by BetterHelp. Our listeners get 10% off their first month at https://betterhelp.com/bears - Sign up for a $1 per month trial period at https://shopify.com/bears. This week on 2 Bears, 1 Cave, Bort sits down with comedy legend Sebastian Maniscalco for one of the funniest, most honest conversations yet. They dive deep into Sebastian’s new stand-up special filmed at the United Center, what it takes to stay passionate about comedy, and how fatherhood changes everything. From crying at movies and parenting philosophies to the “arrogance of boring” and buying boats, this episode is packed with heart, humor, and classic Bert chaos. The two swap stories about old-school comedy days, meeting Jerry Seinfeld and Robert De Niro, and the truth about balancing fame, family, and fun. Tim will return next week...promise. 2 Bears, 1 Cave Ep. 311 https://tomsegura.com/tour https://www.bertbertbert.com/tour https://store.ymhstudios.com Chapters 00:00:00 - Intro 00:02:30 - Stand-Up, Sicilians, & Sensitivity 00:14:16 - Dressed To Impress 00:22:27 - Small Talk & Small Comedians 00:34:28 - Playing The Hits 00:39:30 - DeNiro & Casinos 00:46:20 - Wine, Wants, & Life Experiences 00:56:35 - Fun Dad & Discipline Dad 01:03:05 - Pete Correale 01:07:32 - Does Sebastian Do This? 01:16:06 - Married To An Artist 01:19:08 - Edit This Out! + Wrap Up Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Texas, listen up. I've got some live shows coming up, November 1st in Amarillo, at the Amarillo Civic Center Complex, then November 2nd in Lubbock at Buddy Holly Hall and El Paso at the Abraham Chavez Theater on November 6. Get your tickets at tomscore.com slash tour. Your new special, it's not coming out to November. It's so good. I had to stop it. I had to stop watching it. That's how good it is. Shot beautifully.

Shot gorgeous. Really covered top to bottom. I'd say in the round, but it's in the triangle. It's in the triangle. At the United Center, how many did you shoot? And this is inside baseball stuff for comics, but how many did you shoot? Two. We did two.

God. So good. It's expensive. That's it. You're done. Do you need to do anything else? I ask that What are we doing?

Are we, how long is this going to go on? I'm sure you guys are all asking. You're like, how long we have to come to this house? How long does this go on? I don't know, man. I don't know. I don't know. We're friends with Seinfeld?

Yeah. Like, does he still love it? Yeah, he loves doing stand-up comedy. For me, it's like, what else? do you have to do on top of the stand-up comedy? I mean, you're a guy who's dabbling in a lot of facets of entertainment. Is this because you absolutely love doing all this stuff? Or is this the fact that just it's feeding the stand-up?

What's the, where are we going? I mean, that's a great question. I think Sigur is done doing stand-up. He's done. I think so. This is his last tour. This is his last special. I mean that for real.

I think his kids are young. He doesn't want to travel. he loves making movies he really got into this to make movies and television like that's when he moved to hollywood his interest wasn't stand up it was actor a writer director and so i think he's getting the opportunity to do that and it's interesting because i remember when i did the movie he told me he goes do good now and it sets up the next 20 years of your life and i was like ah so that's crazy and it i mean it has i've been working doing tv and film i like it there's nothing better than like like for me, watching your special, you have such an ability.

You have such an ability to make me giggle that I can't figure out. You and Napargox are the two people who can make me laugh and I can't figure out how to replicate what you do. And so the math of stand-up for me is fascinating. And I love it. And it makes me question myself. I literally, I was on the toilet today going like, because I watched it all last night in bed.

And I was woke up and I said, so wait, what do I do? Do I just share secrets? But I love stand-up. I love stand-up. I do. Television does not feed stand-up, I don't think. No, I don't think so either. I think I thought, at least going into movies and film, I thought, oh, okay, if you do good here, maybe this will translate into hard-ticket sales, but I don't think that generally is the case.

Although, I think the podcasting does, if you have a big enough podcast. are awesome together. Well, thank you. That's real synergy. Thank you. We enjoy doing the podcast for us. It's not a large moneymaker. It's what I use it for is almost to populate some of my bits and like, oh, this is a good

story. I'll tell it here and maybe percolate that on stage. But other than that, yeah, I mean, I love stand-up comedy. Other than that, everything else is kind of just gravy, you know? I'm not like seeking out like a big movie career. TV. I'm almost in the Segura bucket where I got small kids. They're eight and six.

And I really enjoy hanging out. My son came up to me the other day and he's like, Daddy, can you coach my soccer team? That's it. I'm bawling. You're a sensitive guy. You cry. And you cry like you have no problems

crying on on iPhone. and this and that. My cry is secret. I don't like show to crying. For real. You show everything, though. I mean, yeah. I'm a little bit more like, I cry, but you're not going to see it.

Someone asked me today in the gym, I think it was my trainer. He's like, so was Sebastian like, when I watch him on stage, is that an act? I went, no. That's who he is. That's who he is. It's a little, I'd say a tabbit exaggerated like we all are, but you really are the guy that will cock your head's side and go, you're not going to put shoes on? Well, what I, yeah, I've often seen your show and go, this guy does it barefoot.

And that's unique. But it's so, it's so, it's so makes sense that you'd, you'd have a private cry. Was it hard for you to open up to Lano when you started dating? Like, no, I'm the, I'm the, I'm very sensitive guy. So, uh, my wife isn't. So she's very, you know, movie, I'll be crying. she's i'm like nothing so uh that's so wait so lian puts everything in a burton lean mode meaning like she goes lian is the person who is not is not sensitive i mean she's sensitive

but she doesn't cry to movie ever would never cry to movie i fucking sob i sobbed and my daughters make fun of me like i can tell you the dumbest movies the rock walking tall when he stands up in the in the in the in the in the in the courtroom and pulls his shirt and shows the scars on his back and goes, I'm here so this will never happen to any of you, bawling on an airplane. Wow. Wow. Now, that increase would age, the sensitivity? Yes. Yes. And I think, I think, I'm curious, when things started happening for me, meaning life dreams getting accomplished, I think it, it re kind of shifted everything. And I didn't know what was real and I didn't know how to react to things.

I didn't know how to react to like a sold-out Boston Garden. And I didn't understand. I think it all the sudden reset all my levels and everything for, I think, a solid two years, everything was on a nerve. Like everything was about, I can't believe this is happening. I can't believe this is. And so I started falling apart just about anything. I mean, anything.

Did that happen to you? Like, how do you comp, how do you wrap your head around going from the guy that sells the most at Madison Square Garden ever to the person that does sells out the most in every single borough ever does that do you sit in the green room and just is there a part of us a 13 year old Sebastian that's like holy fucking shit or is it just like yeah yeah it's a second it's uh I I I I because I know what the problem I have is like really enjoying the moment that I'm in because I'm always kind of looking at the next moment down the way, and I should really take in some of the things that happen and relish in it.

And I've tried to do that in the last two years. But listen, this was never in the cards for me to do this anyway, as far as, you know, I didn't have on my vision board sellout, that, that, that, da, that, that. It's not what I had in mind. So, yes, when it does happen, it's nice. But it's not, it's not like, I'm not like an overly excitable guy. So do you think your culture, meaning like Chicago, backyard, no camp, dad kind of grounded, fucking Sicilian, do you think that had to do with it? Yeah, I think I celebrate a little bit more in private than I would do around people.

I feel like, I mean, the difference between you and I, I just feel like there's a lot of people in your world. Right? Hey, like, when I walked in here, I was like, there's half of me that goes, man, should I have all, should I have another home to house my business? Your business is way bigger than mine. The answer is yes. This is how I live. Like, I love, I have a fear of being alone.

Yeah, so yeah, I'm quite the opposite. to you. I really love the moments. I'm alone just with my family. Not a lot of people around. Yeah. That's kind of, that's my vibe. So we're two different guys in the sense that you really love a lot of energy around you, which is great. So we, uh, what's, so when you talk about getting emotional parenting, my thing, my, when I go back to parenting, I always remember the first day of first grade for Georgia. I think it was actually third grade, so it was a new school. We went to Colfax And she said to me

And this is like the beginning of Me really not knowing how to register feelings She goes What if I'm not cool And I fucking melted down And I got into a fight with Leanne On the Walk Home I was like I didn't sign up for this

Like I signed up to fuck you And to date you take out to dinner We'd have kids, sure But I didn't know that this vulnerability Was going to show up on a Monday morning At 8 o'clock And I would be destroyed for the whole day and she wore a fedora she put it on and she goes do i look cool dad and i you know it's your kid so you go

yeah you look great she goes ah mom said i'd stand out and i'd look like a fool and i went oh should let your mom talk and then she walked in to first grade i mean only a dad can understand this really or a parent really she walked in she had the fedore in her hand and she was like what if i'm not cool and i was like you're going to be cool she put it on and she goes yeah right and i was like uh-huh i was like in my head i was like no one's wearing a fedora you're the only one her a fedora. And then she came out and she didn't have the fedora on at the end of school. I go, where's the fedora? She goes, dad, great call. Everyone took turns wearing the fedora. And I was like, I was like, whatever that energy is, I didn't sign up for that.

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Use code two bears at checkout for 20% off your order of $50 or more, plus free shipping or visit www.scarvesunternational.com slash two bears, and the discount will apply automatically. Well, you know, there's a difference. Again, here in you and I, I'm very involved in what the kids are going to put on the school. Of course, yes, of course you are. So I have no problems going, take it off. We're not, I'm not wearing that today.

So, I signed up for that. So the first day of school was like a fashion show the night before? Yeah, I mean, listen, my wife, I got to give it to her, she really dresses the kids tight. I would argue you started dressing better since you met her. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. She's definitely, I remember dating Lana and we moved in together and I came home and there was a pile of clothing outside my closet and this was going to be donated.

She said, we're getting rid of this, which is fine. I was kind of hanging on to a lot of shirts that, you know, a lot of like a bird on, you know, like seven diamonds. That company? No. No. No. I never, I,

you don't wear a shirt. Yeah, pull up seven diamonds. Seven Diamonds was a company that I definitely was wearing a lot of back in the day. No, not so. No, this is like,

this is new seven diamonds. We're talking maybe 15 years ago. I probably, it probably don't even have it on the internet. Do you feel like she rescued you from being the old dude at the store? Because you were at that. When you met her, you were at a crossroads. Well, listen, talk about wardrobe, and we have to go back to playing baseball together.

Listen, I came to the field. I laughed. With, I was all in black, beautiful wristbands. I think I had the baseball outfit pretty dialed in, no? I don't think a lot of people even know about the baseball games that we used to have. of baseball games. It was just like this home run thing we used to do. Home run derby. It was I'll tell you my perspective. My perspective was I just had Ila and I had two kids and I wasn't hanging out with any men. And Steve Byrne called me and he said, you should have friends. And I said,

I'm good. I had gone through a relationship with a dude that I had that wasn't that healthy. And Steve knew that guy and it was really unhealthy and bad. And I was friends with Cigura at the time. but even still, and Tommy would say this, I was keeping everyone at arm's length because I was like, I was like, you know what, man, this is business, this isn't friends, this is business, I got my family, I'm good. And Steve was like, you should hang out,

you should be doing the store, you should hang out with those guys. It's a bunch of good guys, and he invited me over, and the first day I got there, we were playing, we were going to play on the other field down at Pan Pacific Park,

the one on the bottom instead of the softball field up top. and Steve said, show up. I think Sebastian should be there by now. He's already there. And I walked down and you were getting dressed and you were putting on your outfit. It was all black. I mean, like sliding shorts, shorts on top of that. Like, I want to say like nice socks, brand new shoe.

I feel like you were taking them out of the box shoes, brand new glove, batting gloves on both hands, wristbands, a headband. And I couldn't tell if you were doing a bit. And I couldn't stop giggling at you getting dressed. And you're like, what? No, that was no bit. That was, I looked the part, but I could hit the ball past third base. So I, it was phenomenal. We're talking about all, every comedian you now know, roughly, at that time.

And you were seeing a glimpse of who they are in real life and on stage by swinging a baseball bat. And it was hysterical. I'll never forget, Brett Ernst. Brett Ernst, if you're not familiar with Brett, you should. He's one of the best storytellers in the business. One of our good friend of both of ours. He is fucking hysterical. I'm saying if at one out of 10 meathead, Brett's a 12.

Yeah, he is a lot of anger coming out of that bat. A lot of anger. Raised by a single mom, brother died of AIDS. I mean, just like grew up from South Florida. He used to tell a story where they had punch a honky day at school or something. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I heard that story. Yeah.

Punch a cracker. And he just get beat up all day. The first time he goes up to batty, he sticks. He's like, God, I mean, he looks like he's fresh off the Jersey Shore. Wife beat her, fucking gold chain outside of it. And he's like, come on, mother, come on, come on, come on, come on. And as he'd swing, you go, Gogucker. Ah, son of a bitch.

Yeah. And he would yell profanities as he swam. Oh, God. Yeah. And that's how I met all you guys, really, was that one period. Yeah, it was fun. I mean, listen, I think even to this day, now I'm yearning for that connection with a group of guys, whether it be golf or anything that kind of, because, you know, you get into a marriage and then kids, that becomes your world, right? You need like another outlet.

So, yeah, that's the next step, I think, of my life is getting involved in something where, you know, whether it be golf or what have you, just to have another outlet. You're playing golf now. I try. I had an injury for about two years where I couldn't really play, but now I'm getting sciatic pain on the right leg. So now. The word on the street was you were so, you moved so much on stage that you heard your back. That was what the word on the street was. That's funny.

The word on the street, I'm not privy to any words on the street. so detached from talking to anyone that I never know what the word on the street is. No, the word on the street, for me, the actual thing was they had nothing to do with movement on stage. It was literally, I woke up one day and my right leg was, I fell to the floor. Have you ever read the sciatic? Oh, yeah. Okay.

So it was bad. It was bad. I couldn't really perform like I wanted to perform. The last special I did was I was in pain. Clif the tux one. Yeah, cool move. And thank God I did Pilates and now I'm fantastic. You know it's so funny, I do have to say your movement in this is very different than the last special.

The last special I just figured it was in a tux, a little more high end. Well, that too. I tried it in a tux. I just wanted to do something different. And I generally don't perform in a suit. It was restrictive. And looking back on it, it's not one of my. best performances. I'm like, ah, it wasn't really totally 100% happy with it due to the fact

that I'm not making excuses. It was just funny. It was COVID. I had a special planned, I believe, at the, and then it got destroyed because of COVID. So that material I was kind of sitting on throughout COVID and I wanted to put it on a special. So out of COVID, I started up with that material again and I felt like, you know, when you do a special, you feel like it's got to be. at the height of the time that you really enjoy doing the material? Yes. Right? And then at this point, it was like, ah, it's stale for me.

And with this special, I actually moved it. It was planning to do it six months later. I'm like, you know what, let me move it six months earlier. I did it in the middle of the tour because I felt like by the end of the tour, I was going to be sick of the jokes. Yeah, I bailed on bits where I go, that's not making it a special. So there's a bunch of bits I have that I have just stuck around and I just go, I don't know, they suck.

But they were great when they first started, right? Oh, God, they were fucking, they were like, they were like, so this is the material. I remember telling people to come to my show, God, this is a bit you're going to like. And now I look at it, you know, I was thinking about that today. Wait, does, you are kind of, you are kind of not the dude hanging out in the green room, hanging out and bullshitting, talking numbers, talking. Like, you know, I've been removed a little bit from the green rooms at the store, but I was there last week, and it was like four young comics,

and they were talking about their achievements. And I, in a weird way, I got insecure. And I was like, Jesus Christ, am I doing nothing? These guys are fucking kids in there at the Wilbur already. Like, it took me like 20 years to get to the Wilbur. And, but you've removed yourself from that. is do you have a hard time because when I got to school

when I met when my kids went to school I wasn't famous I was just a dad I was actually a loser because I was comic because is it hard to meet other parents when they know who you are is it hard to be

no no I don't think so have you ever sniffed one out where they're like hey how you doing I'm Bill you're like yeah yeah nice so where you're like and then all of a sudden they're like

yeah Chicago's like and then you go oh fuck you cocks up Yeah, I get some of that. I just had an epiphany the other day. I don't really do well with chit-chat, like just talking to talk. But then I was thinking, am I boring? Like in these scenarios, like even in the podcast world, I don't do a lot of podcasts because I'm like, first of all, by the way, it's a nice watch. Is that new?

Yeah. Yeah, it looks new. You wear it like it's new. What should take on buying things? Are you, are you, are you, I guess, I guess what I'm trying to say is, did you see that watch? I go, yeah, I want to go buy it. Or is it, do you pine over it?

A pine. So the best part of buying something is wanting something. It's not the buying, it's not the having, it's the wanting. wanting is my favorite part like right now we we lost our dog our bull mastiff and i want a new bull mastiff puppy so that our bull mastiff has can play right now she just you'll see her she probably downstairs she just sits there just stares at you stairs at the wall doesn't do anything and you want a puppy so my favorite part of that is searching for a puppy but i'm not a car guy but like when i do need a car i get sent pictures of cars and then i get into cars for like a month

or like but watches is something I was into and the idea of looking at what you want and liking it and going no no no no no because you haven't bought it yet so you're not committed I love that part I love the wanting more than the getting or having and I don't want any new watches like I have the watch I want right now so right now I'm good and then maybe in a year they'll have the new Rolexes come out or I'm also pretty basic in that I don't want anything like I want certain things. I don't want, like, I don't look at Petek-Philippe's and, and APs or, like, nuance. It's like, I think

about Seinfeld with cars, and I go at a certain point, you can't drive them all and you can't sit in a mall. You couldn't spend a day sitting in the mall. What is it about having them? Some people like the collection and like to look at the collection. I like the want. I don't know. It's the chase.

Getting in their pants. That's what I like. Okay. You know? Yeah. It's like, like, like when you make a movie, my favorite part of making a movie or a television show is the development. It's my favorite part. My favorite part about getting ready for a special

is writing the material. Like the writing of the material when you go, only there's only a handful of us in the world, meaning like, I probably like 20,000 comedians that know the feeling. Wait a minute, you think there's 20,000 comedians? You gotta be at least, right? 20,000 comedians that are doing comedy like on stage.

What are we grouping comedians now? As far as, is the guy doing videos in his living room making people laugh on the internet? Is that, is that now a comedian? According to my kids, yeah. So that's in your bucket of comedy? I'm talking like stage comedians doing stand-up. How many stand-ups do you think there are? Working stand-up comedians?

Yeah. I would say 200. No? No. We got a fact check in the back on that. It's got to be at least a thousand. A thousand? Yeah.

Because, I mean, we called ourselves comedians when we weren't touring, right? We were doing open mics. So you figure for every open mic. I'm saying it's someone that goes into a city and sells a comedy club out. Well, sells a comedy club out. Now the threshold has just been raised. That's crazy. because well i mean listen what what makes you well you know i i take that back so open micers are comedians

i'll give them that okay so then you figure for any so let's just say tonight let's just do like take a screen grab it tonight there's probably open mics in 20 cities right now let's just say 20 Atlanta, Miami, Tampa, Austin, L.A., New York, Chicago, San Francisco, Seattle. There's probably 20 open mics tonight. So for 20 cities of open mics, every city's got two of mics. There's 20 comedians for there. I'm going to say literally there's 400 comedians right there. Four open micers.

Easy, easy, 400 open micers that we wouldn't consider comedians. You can't, I don't know if you could qualify the open micer as a comedian. Okay. So then, all right, so then... I'm talking, we're talking working comedians that have established themselves with a act. Wow. And I just came from the four seasons. I did an interview there? I worked there for seven years, and I was doing comedy. When people asked me what I was, I said, I was a waiter.

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Go to Shopify.com slash bears. Shopify.com slash bears. Cha-ching. there is you have sometimes i am astounded how different we are when i worked at barns and nobles i shelved books in the travel section and my boss asked me one day my boss dwayne what do you do for a living and i said i'm a comedian and he goes nah you shelved books don't ever forget that i agree with the the book guy and i looked at dwayne and i was like that's why you will always work at barns and noble and i will be bigger than you because i had this i have a delusional like i i would say i was a comedian

way before I think I was really a comedian. Like I'd be on a plane and people like, what do you do for a living? I go, comedian. There's no way they can fact check that. Yeah, I just think you have to be, it takes a lot to develop the act. You know that.

Yeah. If you're talking about like, I would say it's however many I follow online on Instagram, probably not as many. I'd say maybe 200 comedians then that are working, that are working comedians, working, paying the bills, comedians. Okay.

200 to 400, I would say, just roughly. I guess what I'm trying to say is a very finite group of people that are doing this and making a living. I guess that's what I'm saying. Then that gets even whittled down to more specific of the, and out of that 400, fucking half of them are hacks.

Well, then that's another story that we have to get into as far as like, are these people even funny? Yeah, or do they know? what it's like to write material or are they struggling to keep it going on stage like i remember being young and not knowing how to do comedy but then there's a certain place where you get where the joy of comedy and this is the thing i'm attracted to the joy of a bit is like when you say it and it's and then as you say it you've left it but your brain goes you know what

i should have said with that is this and then that next time you go on stage you got another three minutes with it. And you're like, oh, this is going to be a bit. Like this is, that feeling is so fucking, that feeling is the addictive feeling. And that's the thing I'm obsessed with. But only, only a small, finite group of people know that feeling. And for me, when it comes to creating or doing a special or doing a TV show or any of it, that is what I'm addicted to. I'm always addicted to the new bit. I'm always addicted what's next. I'm never addicted to the hour. Like when I get finally do an hour the month leading up i'm like get me out of here this is like killing me and then the last night i do the show where the last taping i have an emotional moment where i say goodbye to the

material and i'm like i will never say these words again in this order fucking thank god it's almost like graduate in high school being bullied all you know for four years so you you say so long to the material oh except for the machine you know i got to tell you you. I saw you, I mean, you knew I, I came out to see you at the forum. You were the first person I ever saw perform in the round and the first person I ever saw perform in an arena. I'd never seen either of those that night. And, and I had an out-of-body experience as a comedian. I wanted to see all new stuff, but I was hoping because I had friends with me that you'd tell some older stuff. And you did. You told, like, I think maybe 10 minutes of older stuff of like, you know, like, you know, like, got, you know, and I got so excited. And I thought to myself, fuck, should I be doing that? Should I be doing some older stuff? Because, well, if you talk to Seinfeld, he just loves, he goes, why would I not tell

the older stuff? It's stuff that I worked on for years, and I've polished and crafted, and why am I going to deprive people of not showing that material to them, regardless if they've heard it or not. I think I don't do it a lot. I think I should do it more often. The bits that I have in other specials, that that's the reason people are there to see me. Why not give them a little taste of that? So what are those bits? I like the company bit. But you know, and the thing I loved about this special, there were hints of that. There's hints of family and the way you were raised in the way that come back

and it kind of encompasses that, which I thought was nice. Like I always try to do an Isla bit, like something about my daughter because they're familiar with that. But keep going, but keep going. The company bit, fucking amazing. Thank you.

I mean, these are just bits that I enjoy doing and people kind of resonated with the Jewish Passover bit. Just saying that the Italians should cater to Passover. Chipotle I like doing. And so these kind of like, in my world, these little greatest hits, bits that I really enjoy doing that people like. I feel sometimes it's a miss that I don't do them because people, like you, I brought people.

And I'm a comedian and I want to hear what you're working on. But I had 10 people with me. Maybe I had 10. Maybe I had eight. And I was like, oh, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. This is, you're going to love this. Yeah, yeah. I love that.

And I was like, whoa, what am I doing? Well, you, when you bring somebody to a concert and whatever in your heart, fan of that person and maybe they haven't heard this person. You're like, oh, my, this song's going to be amazing. You feel like you're introducing them to a new comedian, new artist, maybe even a new food, a new wine to go out to dinner and you're like, you know, hey, can we get the pasta with the day? Oh, we don't do that anymore. Well, you don't do that anymore. Oh, you know, it's like you get upset that you can't share that experience with somebody else. So, yeah, I think, I think you should bring back a few of the bits that people may enjoy. Put that in your notes.

by the way um i wrote i wrote this i forgot what this was the arrogance of boring what is that you said that and i thought that's fucking i said that brilliant you go you go i i i used no no that's you did say that kind of you said something like uh i don't i'm private i don't talk much i'm keep to myself i'm quiet and then i wondered am i boring and then i thought there must be boring people that are so arrogant that are like, I like to be quiet. Just look at this asshole talking and telling stories. I like, I like to keep it like here.

You're like, well, maybe it's boring. Yeah, I don't know. I had this epiphany where I think if I'm in a group of people, I generally am not the center of attention. Buddy, you are one of the most fascinating people just to watch from afar. But your, every behavior about you is, is interesting. Even your reactions to when people talk are interesting.

The way you take in the world is interesting. And what's crazy is I would, I would argue I'm a very interesting person. I'm definitely not as much of a main character as you. Like, if we go to a party, I would love to hear your take on everything, you know? Like, Tom, I don't care to hear what he has to say. But he is actually boring. He is the arrogance of boring where he's just boring and he pretends that he's he's quiet. You're like, you're not quiet.

You have nothing to say. Yeah, I don't have a lot of information to give you in any topic. That's not true. Well, if you ask my opinion on something, I'll give you an opinion. But like you're sitting here and as you're talking, I'm sitting going, this guy actually thought about what he enjoys to do leading up to the special and he likes the development of the movie. I've never even thought of those things.

Like, okay, you meet, okay, let's, okay, so you're friends with two of the most fascinating people, more than that, but I will argue two of the most fascinating people in the industry, Derek Steinfeld and Robert De Niro. Now, when you meet Robert De Niro, first of all, I wouldn't consider, like, I don't talk to Robert De Niro but you at all but you worked with it

yeah and then even when we were working together it was no talking what was it like so he's a nice man but we would do a scene and he would go to his chair and have like paperwork

beyond the phone and like he would open up a no boo somewhere and then he would come back to the acting nine weeks didn't go to dinner didn't hang out nothing so it was strictly a professional relationship he's got a family you went home uh to visit his family during filming and you know we did the press together but other than that you know trending number one on netflix by the way yeah it was uh it it was it's amazing this this movie came out it came and went into the theaters and it is

was at stars for two years now it came to netflix and uh people People are watching it. Number one, number one. Did you notice a bump in tickets at all? No. None. Yeah. How are we doing movies?

Yeah, I only have, thank God, I only have six, six shows left. And I don't. On tour? Yeah. Just casinos. You know, if this is a real podcast, I go, what do you make a casinos? I like it because it's, there's not a lot of pressure. There's no pressure.

Yeah. I'm doing a casino on Thursday. Yeah. It's the best. It's the best. So thanks for coming in. Yeah. Hey, did you need some money to gamble with?

We don't have to open up a private room. Do you want dinner? Do you want anything? Casinos are the best. I'm not doing enough casinos. And I would argue I am dialed in for casinos. Yeah, maybe you got to look into the casino market. But here's the deal.

You sell a different casino ticket than I sell. I sell a fucking, what's the little thing that drives people around? I had like a scooter and an oxygen tank with no sleeves. I'm good at those Native American casinos in the middle of the country. Oh, I clean up. I'm going to Choctaw, Oklahoma. I've been to Choctaw, I've been there. But you're because I bet your crowd smell good.

Yeah, generally speaking, my crowd has a beautiful scent coming off them. It's the first time I work alone as a grown man was going to see you at the forum. I bought Henry Ford. Henry Ford. Tom Ford. Henry Ford's got the motor oil cologne. But it's a lot of pressure, being a comedian, doing the venues that we're doing, looking at the seat map and seeing blue dots, right? It's terrible.

And the same way we talk about, the same way we talk about what it feels like to create a joke or whatever and have that moment is the same stress that, I would say only really 30 of us, 20 of us know that stress of selling tickets. It's a big undertaking, you know, and you start to think, oh, geez, what am I doing in, I think San Antonio I went to? I didn't do that well. It's just not a good feeling to walk into an arena and see black drapes. When you look up and go, oh, yeah, all right. And then you go, oh, if they would have had them in the lower levels, they would have put them up too, huh? Rockford, Illinois.

I sold out the fucking United Center, not in the round, not in the round, end stage. And then I'm in Robert a year later. I'm like, they don't know I was coming? First date of my tour. And I was like, you know what? I'm going to do a big cream with everybody. It should take too long.

Oh, shit. Oh, fuck. Yeah. No, it's, you know, it becomes, listen, it is a business. I mean, when we first start out, obviously, you're getting, you know, you go to a climate club in Addison, Texas. That was the first place that, that was the first place I knew how well you were doing. Because I went there and they had a drink with your name on it.

Oh. And I was like, Sebastian. You guys know Sebastian? They go, he kills here. So really they go cleans up. Every fucking show sold out. And I was like, wow. And they're like, he's going to be huge.

And then I went back and I was like, I think I was talking to Robert Hartman. I was like, hey, man, Sebastian selling tickets. I hadn't watched your special, the one in the, in the mauve shirt. Is it mauve? Mov. Yeah, like a peach. Yeah, mob is like, Sebastian, huh? And I was like, Sebastian, huh? And I was like, really? I haven't seen him, I haven't seen him do stand up in a minute. And I went back. I had seen you tell a story. I hadn't seen you do stand up, stand up. And I was like, I was like, I had to watch this. And I watched that special in my man cave. And I think I DM'd you or texted you immediately. I was like, this is fucking incredible. Like, this is like nothing I've ever seen. Like, this is.

one of the best specials I've ever seen. And I was like, wow, that's going to be a rocket ship. Oh, that's very sweet, by the way, of you to say. I think the story you were referring to, which you actually inspired me to work on it more, was I think it was at the comedy store. You had said that I did a swimming joke, so learning how to swim. The best. And I was unsure of that bit.

And then you had said, oh, you enjoyed it. Oh, maybe I'll explore this a little bit more. I called like five people. I called five people and did your bit to them. And I was like, dude, have you seen Sebastian? It's one of the best bits. It's one of the best bits I've ever seen because you come from a place. Like, I think I come from a, I don't know where I come from as a comedian.

I think I come from a place of confidence, but an amount of vulnerability. You come from confidence. When your vulnerability shows up, it's such a unique perspective. And your vulnerability in that bit was coming from a place of confidence, like almost blind confidence. And it's, I, it made me, she goes, get in the water. You go, I think that's the fucking problem. So wait, here's my question. So I was wondering this today because I was like, I'm not drinking right now.

And I'm, I miss it. I genuinely miss it. I miss it in not like a like crave it kind of way. I just miss like I'm home and I want to have a glass of wine with Leanne outside. And last time we got in the hot tub and I was like, I just, I was like, I would have been nice to have like a specialty cocktail, like make something together. Do you, how often do you drink at night? Do you? I like wine. I figure you like wine.

And I like the taste of it. And I also, to your point, like the accompanying a act hot tub outside in the yard, cooking, going to make some. food it's hard not to have a little wine on the side right it's just it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's nice to do however without the wine doesn't it feel like you've just eat next someone you're wolfing down food yeah put the wine it's like hey this is nice like it slows everything it slows it down it slows it down I agree with you um however and as I grow older and I start to see the effects in the morning and not that I'm getting blasted yeah if I have more than two glasses of wine. In the morning, I'm foggy headed. I'm sluggish. I'm not, my workout sucks.

And I'm like, it's like a, what am I doing? You know, I obviously, I feel better when I'm not drinking. Yeah. So what the hell am I doing for what, the two or three hours that it lasts, that I'm with my wife on the living room and we're having, it is nice. It's nice. I don't know, I don't know where you live, but I imagine where you live. And I imagine it's a nice yard and that last night was kind of a cool night. It was breezy and it was windy. And I just had this visualization. I was thinking of it of like, you know, the kids, I don't know if you have a jungle gym,

but they're young enough to still enjoy the outside. And you guys sitting in Adirondacks with a glass of red wine talking about life and the kids are running around. That's why you drink. That's great. That's the fucking moment. That's the moment. And I'm sure that sobriety feels, a glass of water feels great. but it's like when you have that wine it just slows everything down the matrix slows down

and you can see the images in the numbers you know well i wanted to drink last night i knew i was coming here right yeah i knew that if i did drink i might not be not that i'm a ball of fucking excitement right now but i would be even less if i had some wine last night so i so i would I would argue the opposite for me. I actually argued with my trainer today that I think I perform better when I'm drunk because I have an inspiration of why I'm working out. Like I know that if I push it super hard in the gym, I'll feel better because if I wake up sluggish and hazy, I go into the gym, sluggish and hazy and I'm like, ugh, it's going to be a rough one. But I have this thing in my head that knows that if I push really hard, that I'll

go, I'll end up on the other side of that and I'll feel amazing. My trainer said today, it's crazy. When you're hungover, you come in here literally zapped and I can see it in your energy. But halfway through the workout, I see you come to life. And then when I leave, I'm like, all right, he's alive now. And when I'm not drinking, I come in alive, I leave alive. I'm like, I don't know. No, but you definitely are built differently than a lot of people.

I mean, as far as your ability. to consume what you consume and live a life that, you know, you're productive. I would have a hard time. Like, you know, like, I would have a really hard time living your life. I would have a, because I look at your life. I don't mean this envious, but I look at your life. I really, there's little things in your life that I look at and I go, that's really cool. That's fucking awesome.

God damn it, that's cool as shit. that's cool that I didn't have it when especially when my kids were that age where it's like the amount of security to know that like that if you do decide to take a couple years off in coach soccer or just pick your projects or do limited casino runs that it's not going to break the bank it's not going to destroy you're not going to be upside down I love that your wife's from Florida I love your wife's friends your wife your wife's backstory of who she is and the fact that she's an artist and she knows what she likes she's definitive on colors and like that that kind of shit. I think your, I think your wife is a fucking awesome partner. Now, I got very lucky with

mine, but I'm just saying from the outside looking in, Lana has always been like, wildly supportive and low grade, cool as shit. First time I ever met her was in a attic somewhere and she just went up and said, you know this person, this person, this person, this person. I know this person, this person, we should be friends. And I went, I fucking love her. Who are you? She goes, I'm Sebastian's girlfriend. I was like, shut the fuck up. And so, um, and so I look at life, I think I have a hard time managing, not overdoing it. Like, when I look at you, go, I have a couple glasses of wine. I go, dude, you're Sebastian, kill the bottle.

Let me see what your wine seller looks like. Let's get fucking lit. You got a great relationship with your parents. Like, everyone's still alive. Like, this is fucking, like, let's fucking get after it. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, no, I, that's, well, listen, I think where you're- Why don't you have a boat?

Boat would be nice. Do you want to buy one together? I wouldn't do any joint ventures with large purchases with anybody. Come on. Do you inside, Phil? I don't like, I don't like sharing homes. Like people, people go in and like, oh, we're going to get a condo in Florida. Now, if I want to go to the condo, I want to go to the condo.

Yeah. I don't have to call you and go, are you using it this week? But boats, that's how boats are set up these days because boats are so expensive. When you get a sailboat, you go in like a timeshare with like four people because no one uses a sailboat every weekend. No, I know. don't. Do you have a boat? No, I'd love a boat. What, what, what boat do you want? Any boat that you want? Like, are you, do you know how to steer a boat? I can drive a boat. I can drive a boat. I can sail a boat, although I'd have to take legit, I'd have to get qualified to sail a boat.

But I think sailing is a little more than anyone wants to bite off, but a fucking boat would be awesome. Can you drive the boat and have like a skier on the back? Yeah. We're not doing that in California. I know, but like in Florida, did you, you did that? Okay. See, I don't know how to do any of that. So I would need someone like you to, maybe we should buy a boat. Maybe we should buy a boat. By the way, I, yeah, I was on a text where someone was someone was like, hey, do you guys want to buy a cave together? A cave? A cave. What is that? It was a cave in Arizona that was for sale for a couple million dollars. And they're like, everyone throws money in and we got a cave. And I was like, Rogan was on that text, and he was like, I'm in. And I was like, Joe's in.

But then it didn't work out because it was Stanhope that sent the text. The same way I feel about slippery nipple is the same way I feel about the cave. I'm good. Is there anything you want? Like I was saying wanting is my favorite part. Is there anything you want that you're like, oh, I find myself looking at these. Like I want a motorcycle. I want a house.

I want a lot of land in either Idaho or Colorado. Like that's something I want. I would love a castle. I have a friend who just bought a castle. We have a friend that just bought a castle. I would love a castle. Like, that would be cool. I want to go to Europe this winter.

Like, what do you want? I want vacations. I want, like, experiences rather than watches or cars or anything of that. I want to... With kids or without kids? Both. Both. I think it's important that Lana and I take these trips to, whether it be Napa or, you know,

Mexico or what have you, just to have a couple of days. days. But with the kids now being six and eight years old, love to get them and let's go. They came to Las Vegas for the first time last week. And they're at an age where they could really kind of appreciate the, you know, whatever, the pool or whatever it might be. We took him to Wizard of Oz at the sphere, which was, did you see it? No. And I know you've been to the sphere. I saw it on your Instagram. I think it was either the Eagles or... I've been like five times. I can't stop. Okay. I mean, I thought that was a an amazing experience for the kids to see a movie with the with the wind hitting you

leaves hitting you there's like monkeys on drones it's pretty pretty spectacular where's where's someone you'd like like where's someone you would like where's somewhere you would like to take your kids that you think would be magical for them and then where's someone you'd like to go with lana and then where's someone you'd like to go by yourself no one else you get on a plane by yourself and go there for be it intrinsic value or just something you want to to do for yourself i like to take the family to japan i've never been to japan japan's the fucking greatest okay i've only been there with the u sot tour not any not socially so that's where i want to go with the family with lana she's i mean she she's traveled a lot right so this is the difference

between lana's upbringing and mine up upbringing um she went on what they call semester at sea Have you heard about this? Fuck, yeah, it's on MTV. Oh, it is? It was like, it was like they did one year of a real world on, or road rules on MTV. Oh, they did? Yeah. Oh, okay. Yeah.

Okay. So, you know, in college, a semester was spent at sea going to, you know, safari, Japan, India, you know, all these different places. And I had semester at home. It was no, there was no nothing. The amount of experience she has had as a youth is dwarfs my experience as far as traveling is concerned. Was there a culture shock when you guys first started dating? Not so much a culture shock. It was, you know, Lana comes from a, you know, a family that's got some cash.

So they've had a different upbringing than I had, which you could see now in the parenting styles. Lana is, I'm the disciplinarian. Lana is more the, you know, happy go lucky, it's okay, have, you know, to have it, you know, and that's good in a way. It's a good dynamic that we share. That's Leanne. Leanne grew up in a trailer going barefoot to school until third grade, like, with nothing. And I grew up, I probably like Lana. I mean, I don't know.

I don't really know Lana's background, but I know it's Florida. I know Florida is certain places in Florida that, you know, I wasn't. I wasn't rich, but I didn't ask for anything. This is how I explained my upbringing. I got a car when I was 16. It wasn't the car I wanted, but I got a car when I was 16. So I think that's privilege. You buy your daughter's a car?

Yeah. I list, I'm still waiting for her to pass a driver's test. She'd take it like six times. Wow. I'm starting to think she shouldn't drive. Like, she failed it so many times. And I'm like, maybe driving isn't for you? How old is she?

19. And she's still only got our license? Uh-uh. Wow. It's this driver test is kicking her ass. I think it's in her head now. It's like she's at the yips. Is it the actual driving?

No, she never even gotten behind a wheel. Wow. It's the written test. She's dyslexic. So it, it, it, she is, like, at one point, I had a, I had a guest on. I'll tell you his name, just bleep it out. And brother was like, you know, there's a guy that can just get you a license. So you don't have to take the test.

and Ila heard about that she's like dad if you're ever going to use your fucking celebrity for everything just get me a fucking license I was like baby you gotta learn how to drive you gotta there's the you got to learn the rules of the road road roads or whatever rude road well you know

what you know what I'm saying but yeah she she she wants a what's it a hellcat she has no frame of reference for the dollar she doesn't he's never looked at a price ever. She wants a Dodge Charger

Hellcat. Type it in. That's a mean car. I think it's $250,000. Yeah. It's pretty expensive. George, on the other hand, I bought Georgia a car, but I bought her the car, just a safe car. I just bought her a nice car.

It's an explorer. She loves it. But yeah, I got a Fox. I got a Volkswagen Fox. I loved it. My favorite car. But what I was saying is I grew up, like Lana, where I was a little more of the fun dad and Leanne was the disciplinarian. Okay.

Yeah. I carry the discipline in the house, which is fine. But also, I have, I'm completely aware and hypersensitive that these kids are growing up in a different environment that I grew up in. So I am really kind of, I stay on them in regards to chores and, you know, this ain't normal. there's a lot of that going around. Yeah, you've got to explain that to them. Yeah, because you could fall into this whole spoiled, entitled Brad shit.

How do you keep... I wouldn't worry about your daughter as much as your son. Meaning, like, I think a boy, it's more problematic. When you see a boy who doesn't understand work ethic, that's the fucking problem. I tend to do it with both of them. Yeah. I'm very, I don't want to say strict, but I'm like, you know, this, no one's going to give you anything in life, including me.

So go make your bed. There's a lot of that. Really? Wash your dish. You know, I'm trying to make it as, because I like the way I grew up. Yeah. I like the way I grew up. I like the way with my family raised me.

Please thank you. Treat adults with respect, Mr. and Miss, you know, all that stuff. And sometimes that gets lost in the sauce when, you know, you're wrapped up in career, what have you. I never want to look back and go, what the hell was I doing at Choctaw and not teaching my kids or not being at the game for them? Because, bro, you know it as well as I do, and you're in a different stage. You probably look at your daughters who I can't believe they're out of the house or they're at college. And what happened to time? It happens so quick.

and I don't think you could be totally satisfied with the amount of time that you spend your kids. You'd never be satisfied. But I think if you have the ability to be with them, then, you know, you should. But listen, my dad was working his ass off never really was with me and we're best friends. So maybe it's off or not. I don't know. My dad worked his ass off. And by the way, he also ran marathons on weekends.

So he was gone all the weekends. He was coached my baseball team And we went to sporting good stores together We have a great relationship But he was gone He worked every fucking day Yeah I always lose that

Like I have massive regrets about how much I spent on the road I spent on the time on the road Same as you But might have kids yet So I was just like I'd have to But I told someone the other day

Young Comics like I don't know They were young comic And he's like We're gonna freeze her eggs And they're not even married yet And I'm like I'm like you just have the fucking kid

I was like you know it doesn't matter like you're gonna fucking work anyway like what are you gonna wait until you're doing theaters and then when you do theaters you're gonna go well fuck now's my opportunity I was like then you're gonna wait till you do arenas and if you do arenas trust me

that's not when you want to start having kids and so I don't know I feel like I'm jealous of you and Tom and like even Joe for that matter because Joe's kids are a little older now but he was really present when they were younger and I go God man that's so fucking

awesome but then I wouldn't have it any different I loved I loved fucking racing home on a Monday morning to pick them up at school Monday a little hungover a little drug still Yeah

I loved it No I mean like listen It all worked out the way it should have Yeah We can't really look back And go hey I wish I should But I'm just very cognizant Of being there for them

Before we get you out of here I want to talk about you and Pete Your podcast is so fucking awesome Thank you It really is so awesome And you guys have such a rich connection How did that start?

I met Pete on one of those tour. I don't know if you've ever did Just for Laugh's comedy tours where you went to all these little small towns in Canada. Met him on the van with two other comedians and we basically spent two weeks popping around Canada together and instantly had a great rapport. I thought he was one of the funniest guys I've ever met.

Without a doubt. Quick on his feet. And I'm like, this guy's funny. We start talking on the phone. Our phone conversations were really funny. I said, why don't we do a podcast? This is, what, 12, 12 years ago? And I started doing a podcast, no guests, just talking.

And, you know, he's a beer and peanut guy. I'm like a wine and cheese guy. So the dynamic is, is, is, he's still smoking weed? Yeah. By the way, Pete's, he's so funny. Like, I, I, this sounds crazy, but like, I wish more people knew how fucking hysterical he is and he lives with his wife and they they're where they still in upstate new york in some barn he recently moved to rochester yeah uh from ferdonia so he um he is a daughter

a 12 year old daughter and uh i never thought they were gonna have kids yeah no they jacky didn't want to have kids you know and then no one day hey let's have fucking kids fucking i know so much about his wife for spend time with him it's like his wife he's got a great marriage his wife is best fucking friend and he's obsessed with her like he loves her completely in love with her they we just spent the weekend with them in Vegas she came down for her birthday and uh we did Vegas together and listen he you're right more people should know who Pete Correlli is uh and the podcast we've been doing it again as like a passion project for the last 12 years called the Pete Sebastian show and he's one funny guy you know Bert I I know I'm going to Israel so I roll like

20 joints. That's maybe one of my favorite things to do is sit down. Jackie takes the dog on a walk. I'm fucking just rolling joints. I put him inside the Marlboro. I then reseal it, right? I end up in a fucking corvette with this comedian. We get pulled over the roadside.

They go, do you have any drugs? Bird, I got 20 joints on me. Pete is one of the, like, you know what he is? He's the one exception, I would say. And there's a bunch of us like this, that he is hysterical standing next to him at a bar. at a fucking soccer game on the sidelines on stage is when he's at his best i've i have so many great peace stories i remember we were smoking pot in in denver do you remember the hotel we used to stay at denver when you do the improv it was that it was that hotel that did this it went like this

was that the the one in the city or the other one it was outside the city okay yeah yeah and it was the hotel was like this and they had a glass sliding glass door and a door and pete i remember i went to the i went to the i went to the vent machine. I took my shirt, my shirt was off, and I filled the vend, I filled my shirt with, with crackers and chips. I just bags and bags and bags. And then I took them into the room, and I opened them all up wide, and I spread them out like we were going to have a feast. And Pete's like, look at this guy. And we got beers, we got weed, and we start smoking weed. And Pete goes, whatever you do, don't open the door. It's going to create a tunnel of wind and all our shit's

going into the fucking lobby. Don't open the door. And I'm going to knock at the door. And Pete goes, don't open it. He's trying to set the window and I open it and a van's worth of marijuana smoke hits two security guards and they're like you guys got to put that out because I told him not to open the door they never would have known. God

I fucking love that guy. God I love he is one of my favorite fucking guys alive and your podcast with him if you have not listened to it fucking go listen you guys seem like long lost brothers. Yeah well thank you. I appreciate it. We do have a great time doing it and

And yeah, once a week, Pete and I sit down on a Tuesday and kind of talk about our personal, professional lives. And Pete's one of those guys to echo what you just said. When he comes to dinner and we're all out on the road, it's like, you know it's going to be fun. It's one of these guys. So, yeah, Pete's a good dude. Take the fucking stuffed animal, Jackie. Hey, real quick, I wrote down some things last night that I go to Sebastian do these, okay? Because these are things I do.

and I was wondering if you do any of these. Do you pee outside? I have peed in my backyard, yes. Yes, I have done that. I don't make it a habit. Have you ever made a spaghetti sandwich? No. I don't know what that is.

Is it two pieces of white bread and then? Yeah, but that's terrible. You never have two starches together. you finish the spaghetti and then you have the bread you never eat bread and spaghetti at the same time Eminem would beg to differ Eminem sells spaghetti sandwiches at your mom's spaghetti and their sandwiches was pretty fucking good how short are two short of shorts like what what what inseam five inches seven inches short shorts like he would wear around the house uh outside around the house yeah uh i'd say I don't know, inch-wise, I'm going to go if it's above mid-thigh.

If it's above mid-thigh is too high. A little too high for... So you don't wear short shorts? No, I don't wear short shorts. To work out, maybe I'll wear a shorter short, but if I'm going to wear... I'm not a short guy to begin with. I wear like a, you know, maybe three inches above the knee. So you wake up out of bed in the morning, this morning.

You get up, you wake up, do you put? on clothes to go into the house, or do you go into your underwear and make a cup of coffee? I put a robe on. Do you have a robe? Oh. I have a fucking rope. I have a robe. I might not wear them.

Yeah, I put a robe on as soon as I get up. What the fuck? You put a robe on? Yeah. You put a robe? And I have robes, different robes for different times of the year. So today it was a little, it's getting colder out. I brought out my kind of cotton robe.

And then during the summer, I wear a thinner, almost like a silk. Kind of Andy Garcia Godfather three robe. Yeah. If there's anything I love, I love learning. Do you wear slippers? No. I don't want your shoes now. I know.

I don't wear slippers. I don't wear, I usually come out butt naked. Yeah, see, you're one of these guys. It's really like comfortable in the new. Dude. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I ain't like that. Really?

No. You haven't woken up in the morning and just walked across your backyard naked with your dog and turned on your sauna and then walked and gotten back in bed with wet feet? No, my, no. I might get some fucking robes. That might be a fucking look. For me, it's more of a, I don't know what I want to do yet with the wardrobe. robe. So it's almost like my, my warm-up. Like, what am I going to do today? Where am I going today? Like, I didn't want to get in this outfit right out of bed because I had to eat breakfast.

Do you have an outfit before that? Or is that your out? Did you go robe? Rob shower this. I don't want to eat breakfast in the outfit that I'm going to go out in in fear that anything might get on the outfit. What did you eat for breakfast? a breakfast burrito, I had a steak breakfast burrito from Airwan. Whoa, what's the price tag on that? 140 bucks? I think that's probably an $18 purchase. But I have no kitchen right now.

I'm remodeling the kitchen, so. Really? That makes sense. Yeah. Yeah, I am naked, coffee, shit, and then I get dressed for a workout. I'd work out barefoot. And then I shower in my backyard, saw and I shower in my backyard, clothes. and then that's what I'm wearing for the day.

What was this always saying, naked? Well, I have kids, and I have a problem, like, with, I know some kids, some parents shower with their kids. There's an age where you've got to stop that. And I never did that. Oh, for real? Never. Oh, I did it up until, like, they were 18.

What's the longest you haven't showered? Longest I've ever showered? No, you haven't showered. Like, how many days have you gone without a shower? One day. One day? Yeah. Wow.

One day. Well, okay. I'm a multiple shower guy during the day. Do you wash your face? Yeah. How many times, like, once a day? So I do. Your skin looks fucking incredible.

Oh, thank you. And mine looks pretty red, I'm assuming. I'm just, I've got acne on my cheeks for whatever fucking reason. Yeah, no, I saw that. I know. And I'm doing a face regimen now. What are you doing? What's it called?

Ocula. Was it something? Was it called Sandra? Leon, I just got it. I went to Sephora because I had right on my beard. I'd had pimples right at my beard. And I don't know. It's only place I have them.

So I went to Sephora and I got a whole face. It's a seven part face thing. It's like a, it's an oil, then a soap, then an stringent, then a white cream, then a pink cream, then another cream, then a spray, then an under eye thing. And I've been doing it every day. Wow. But it's, but it's fucking, I'm thinking I'm going to go to a dermatologist. Yeah, you might have to.

Yeah, do, would you wash your face every day? You have like a routine? Yeah. Really? And I have makeup on. Are you serious? Yeah. I told you I should have fucking makeup on.

God, you look amazing. Well, thank you. Give me a take on the makeup. Like, this seems to be the form of entertainment that a lot of people are watching, right? Yeah. So when you go on Jimmy Kimmel or you go on a Conan, Brian, whatever the show is, you wear any makeup? Yeah.

Okay. So, nothing really different here. We have cameras. This is going to be broadcast to the world, right? I feel like, you know, little, little powder, little foundation. Little powder foundation would have been smart. I said, should I get fucking hair and makeup? And everyone's like, it's a podcast.

Well, I understand, like, the podcast is raw, and it's raw, whatever. But I had a couple, I had a couple podcasts today, so I should have gotten hair. I should have got makeup. No, you shouldn't have got in anything. You have no shoes on. Yeah. So why would we even start with makeup? I didn't even use soap in the shower.

You don't wash your face? No, I did wash my face today. Yeah, but like generally speaking, you don't just. I just started like a month ago. So when you're in the shower, there's no soap that penetrates your face at all. It's just water. Shampoo. You use shampoo on your face.

Like if I put shampoo in my hair, I'll just wash my beard and face. Don't you take a bath in the, pool? Yeah, I'm a pool shower guy. I showered last night in the hot tub was my shower. I got in the hot tub. I shower in the hot tub and then I get out. Does anybody else do this on the team? Like, does anybody else go,

we're going to shower in the pool today? Lian actually showered after the hot tub. It was like a lunatic. You rinse that off. She took a shower after the hot tub. She was like, I'm going to take another shower. Yeah. Yeah. That's normal. No.

It's clean. It's clean. I guarantee you If you asked Lana, she'd count the pool as a shower. No. 100%. I bet she counts the ocean as a shower. No, no, no. She has to. She went from Florida.

Have you ever pissed in a bottle in a bed? No. Never pissed in a bottle in a bed. No. And then put it in the side of the bed and wait to make up. My grandfather used to do that. Yeah? Yeah.

Because he was 80. Do you smell? If you have a slippery smell, do you smell it? I don't have B.O. You don't have B.O? No. I have the whatever the gene or whatever that produces the B.O. I don't have it.

Are you serious? Yeah. So do you wear a diodont? No. Are you serious? There's no time for my body to develop B.O. All right? Because by the time, if I had it, I'm in the shower again.

Really? Like, I'm showering after this. I'm showering after this, and it's a whole routine. Really? Yeah. So what do you guys got going on tonight? Lana is having an event. She is doing a collaboration with Shea jewelry.

She's coming out with her own line of jewelry. For real? Yeah, inspired by her art. So Lana's got jewelry coming out, and she's got a bag line coming out, which I'm really proud of her because. Can we pull it up? Is there anything to pull up? Her art's fucking awesome. I don't know if it's on Lana Gomez Art. Yeah, there it is. I don't know if she has it on her website yet. It's with Shea Jewelry. I don't know if it's here yet. But the

bags, interestingly enough, are one of her paintings, they took and made 50 bags out of her painting. So if you put the bags up, they mirror the painting. Can I tell you what's cool about Lana being an artist is she was an artist. She didn't become an artist. She married some fucking comedian. She's always been an artist. She's always been an artist. And now she is.

And she's always been a good artist. Like she has always been at the highest level of art when you met her. Yeah. And thank you for saying that. She's put a lot of time into it. And she's spent a lot of time with my career and getting my career off the ground. And now it's time for Lana to flourish on our own. Yeah, I'm going to keep me and squashed.

No need for two shining bright lights in our house. Just one light. One lightness. Let's focus on that. Let the moth fly there and make sure that moth is fed. Look at this. Look at this. That's fucking awesome.

Do you have a hard time? Like sometimes I'll take a joke to Leanne and she'll be like, huh? Or like, if I bring it to my assistant, this is what I got to work on this, he'll be like, whoa. You're not going to say that. And I go, please don't ever do that. Don't ever do that. And, but do you have a hard time when she brings you a painting? Because I'm assuming you, you like me, don't really, I probably have the fucking

finest tuned eye for art, the way like art people do. Does she do a painting? And then she's like, what do you think? And you're just like, I really don't fucking know. Well, no, I give her, I give an opinion. You know, she'll go, what do you think? And I'll go, oh, you know, I'd like to see some more color there. I mean, this is my opinion.

Really? Yeah. And then what is she, was she like, yeah, you're wrong. No, very, I mean, she might do it, she might not, but she's very good at accepting any opinion because she's asking me, right? I only ask opinions to hear you say agree with me. Hey, what do you think of this? You love it?

Awesome. That was what I was looking for. Well, you know, as far as telling jokes to people, I never preface it by saying, you think this is funny. I'll just say it. And if they laugh, then I'll know it's funny. Or if they don't, I go, I won't say that. Yeah, I don't know.

I think if you preface it, you set yourself up for like, or set the person up going, okay, now I'm whatever I say. Yeah. You know? I had a joke about edited out, but I had a joke about, dude, I have so much shit I've edited it out. You'd be shocked the shit I had to edit out. I got a call from. Edit that out. Edit that out.

By the way, I just want to ask the team and you, how many hours or days of footage is edited out? Do we have a bin where this stuff lives? Oh, we should have an edited out podcast the day I die. Just post it. That's what Pete and I were going to do is like all the stuff we edit out when we pass away, the podcast is going to go on for another eight years with the amount of material. Your special is phenomenal. Your special is fucking phenomenal. I love where you shot it.

I love. I mean, you're one, there's, when you die, if someone would do a high brow dissecting of comedy, you are in a very rarefied air of people who can take, take anything and make it brilliantly funny. Take the minutia of life and make it so brilliantly funny. I always say you and A. Pargazzi are guys, I can't really wrap my head around how good you guys are

at doing what you. do and I do it for a living and I watch you guys. I'm like, God damn it. I had a joke. I had a joke I had a joke in one of my specials about raffle tickets. I think I might have told you this about raffle tickets, won raffle tickets. I won a raffle, 12 prizes in a row. I bought all the raft tickets. And I kept, every time I did this joke, I said, God damn, I wish Sebastian would do this part because it would be, you would make it so funny. And my brain doesn't see things like that. I can't see like little things you do are so good. When you're talking, I'm watching the special last night. There's a little thing you do with your mouth where I don't even know if you

know you're doing it. And it just adds so much. And I always go back to Seinfeld saying, if I can do an act out and it adds to the bit, why wouldn't I do that? And that is the fucking truth. If you can make a bit funnier, which you have such a gift at doing is taking a great joke and making it so yours. And that is this special. It is phenomenal, man. I'm so happy before you. It is going to be on,

it is going to be on Hulu, but it's, why did I watch it on Disney last night? Yeah, it's under the Disney umbrella. Okay. So it's on Hulu. It's going to be on Hulu starting Friday, November 21st. Is that right after Thanksgiving?

That is right before Thanksgiving. Dude, let me tell you something. This special is going to blow up because every family is going to sit and watch this Thanksgiving week. That's why it's very before Thanksgiving, fucking huge. It ain't right available on Hulu starting Friday November 21st. It is filled

live at the legendary United Center in Chicago. It's so fucking good, man. Thank you. I appreciate you. Hey, when are you and Lana and Leanne going out to dinner? When you stop working. Stop working.

I think the last time we broke bread was when you came to do well done. And Leanne got fucking embeciling that. day. She goes, I'm going to go get emvisaline. I go, okay, cool.

Wait, she didn't eat? No, because she got emvizaline, and she had those bumps all over her teeth. And I go, and she goes, she goes, we're going on TV today. Why would you get this done today? She goes, you can't tell. And I was like, I can totally tell.

She's like, I'm not supposed to eat for 24 hours. I go, you get plastic surgery and you get your teeth done? That's what you get done? What the fuck? I didn't know that. Thanks about him. This is so sweet of you guys. I was like, can you just not talk?

Just put your hand over your mouth like you're fucking, like a wildling. God damn it. We'll go out to dinner. All right, let's do it. Hey, congratulations, brother. Thanks for doing this. You got it. Bert and Tom, Tom and Bert.

One goes top of us while the other wears a shirt. Tom tells stories and Bert's the machine. There's not a chance in hell that they'll keep the clean. Here's what we call. Two bears one cave. Hi, I'm Sophia Loper Carroll, host of the Before the Chorus podcast. We dive into the life experiences behind the music we love. Artists of all genres are welcome, and I've been joined by some pretty amazing folks,

like Glass Animals. I guess that was the idea, was to try something personal and see what happened. And Japanese breakfast. I thought that the most surprising thing I could offer was an album about joy. You can listen wherever you get your podcasts. Oh, and remember, so much happens before the chorus.