2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer - Sampling Your Own Sauce | 2 Bears, 1 Cave

Episode Date: April 21, 2025

Check out Bert's new special "Lucky" streaming on Netflix! The 2 Bears, 5K in Tampa is less than 2 weeks away! Sign up at https://www.2bears5k.com/#intro SPONSORS: - Shop data plans at https://MINTMOBILE.com/BEARS. - Sign up for a $1 per month trial period at https://shopify.com/bears. - Brought to you by BetterHelp. Visit https://betterhelp.com/bears to get 10% off your first month. This week on 2 Bears 1 Cave, Bert Kershire and Tim Segura are hooked up to IV's as they recover from their gay bar takeover and all the love the received from all those hungry bears. They talk Instagram FOMO, the magic of minority women making meals for their husbands, a chola influencer named La Sleep that Bert is obsessed with, and the performative nature of social media. They also talk about the appeal of the Kelce brothers to gays, share the unique name of a cocktail that was invented at the takeover, debate which group of people gives the best compliments, and finally they tackle the subject of sampling your own sauce, which means exactly what you think it means. Enjoy the show! 2 Bears, 1 Cave Ep. 285 https://tomsegura.com/tour https://www.bertbertbert.com/tour https://store.ymhstudios.com Chapters 00:00:00 - Intro 00:00:56 - Post Takeover IV Drip 00:08:56 - Watches 00:15:31 - Car Guys & Dogs 00:21:15 - Bert Is A Mexican Woman 00:28:28 - Gay Black Couple Meals 00:33:10 - The Cholo Life 00:36:51 - Instagram FOMO 00:45:51 - Gay Compliments 00:53:53 - Kelce Bears, UTI's, & Sampling Your Own Sauce 01:01:22 - Clip: Drinking An Ari Cocktail 01:08:35 - How Much To Taste? Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

My new special, Lucky, is streaming right now on Netflix. Check it out. The Two Bears 5K is less than two weeks away. And listen, you can come in person or you can run virtually. First of all, though, you have to sign up at TwoBears5K.com. And here's the best part when the race is over. We've got free samplings of poor Osos,

Garage Beer is sending us some beers. We've got other sponsors sending us a bunch of free stuff, and we're gonna be partying on the infield. We got music, we got cold plunge, we got saunas, we've got other sponsors sending us a bunch of free stuff and we're going to be partying on the infield. We've got music, we've got cold plunging, we've got saunas, we've got everything. It's a full party and whether you come and run with us in person or virtually, you're going to get your shirts, your sweat bands, you get your medals. Come participate, sign up whether you do it in person or virtually. 2Bears5k.com, sign up now. Sign up now. Needles, turn your head. Run that timer, boys. You know, the majority of people, majority of people have this as their biggest fear. Needles?

Needles. Here we go. I love watching it. One, two, three. Boom. She's good, isn't she? Yeah. I've actually never seen one go in right there.

No? Well, you had a big juicy one there, so. Nice. Pick me, pick me. Do you ever hear a Christian McCaffrey story of getting one? Christian? Christian McCaffrey? No. So? Christian? Christian McCaffrey? No.

So his dad used to get IVs every day before big games for him. He'd take him to go get him an IV. Yeah. One time Christian McCaffrey, he's like fucking 12. His dad was a savage. Yeah, dad really prepped him. And the guy missed the vein. And his arm, Coco, you've heard of this?

His arm just started swelling up with fluid. Oh no. And Chris McAfee's like, dad, dad? And his dad's like, ah, take it out, let's go, let's go. And he gets in the car and he's like, dad, he's like, nevermind, these IVs are a bad idea. I think he had him on like nutrition plans and like his training regiment from the NFL that Ed was doing.

But when he was a kid, it's insane. You gotta do that with your boys. Yeah, sure. This is what I, if I could start over, I would've taught one girl, I would've had one of my daughters be a nurse and the other be a masseuse. Hey Coco, Coco, how good are IVs for you?

They're amazing for you. They're amazing for you. It's 100% of that is going into your bloodstream where when you take anything orally, you're not absorbing all of that. And this is going into our cells. Amazing for you And this is going into our cells yeah, this is like getting glutathione which is is it is good It's good for your every time I get this though. Thank you, buddy Every time I get this I think about heroin though how much fun that has to be because that goes right into your bloodstream So the NAD NAD that we're getting at the end of this, Coco is going to give us NAD shots. Yeah. They say, so we're getting 200 milligrams. And by the way, we're not doctors. We were just reciting what Coco said. 200 milligrams is probably pretty typical.

You can do an NAD drip where I do 500 when I get the drip. Joe gets 500 when he does the drip and Joe does the drip with a push. So he gets a bag pushing it so it goes faster. So that's insane. And this guy's giving me my NAD. He does not know that I know Joe. And he goes, he goes, yeah, he said, you know, do you want a drip?

And I said, no, I'll just take the intramuscular. And he goes, you know, there's this guy that gets the drip and he does it fast. He said he can do it in like fucking 10 minutes. I who he goes his name is Joe Rogan and he goes big Intervenous drug user Who he said Joe Rogan I said what makes you say that he goes well, that's who likes the drip fast. Am I right Coco? Intervenous drug users. Oh cuz it's like it crushes you like when I yeah, I do it when I get it regularly I do the the the 500 and they go. Oh, you're taking it pretty quick still takes me

I guess pretty quick for the 500 would be like an hour and and I But so that really Joe Rogan, okay But there is that feeling when you get it where like it actually can like you feel pain, right? Like you feel like you're having a fucking heart attack. So How did like why would an intervene is drug user? Enjoy that here Coco. Come here stand next to me Yeah, like what about it would be well, I don't know I guess it depends kind of like what their high is that they're chasing what sensation they're wanting to damn when you nothing about that Feels pleasurable though. No when you take an ad you feel like you're having a heart attack. Yeah, it's like this

And I feel it sometimes in the head like kind of Yeah congestion Now hold on do it that's what I get when I get NAD. Intermuscular? Would that happen? Because I always get clogged in my nose. Yeah, it could be forever. Damn it.

But then afterwards you feel great. You feel great. I'll tell you the other thing that I, that has nothing to do with this is nitrous oxide. Like when you're, I was just in the office. Hey, Coco, you ever tried poppers? Dude, that was the best. I was laying there and they were like, uh, um, take, you know, inhale five times, breathe back into the thing cause it gives you night.

And then, Oh, you're not talking like outside of Dave Matthews concert. You're talking like a doctor. And I go, okay. And I was, I felt so high and the doctor was like do you feel it and I go not really And they go just keep doing it. I was like okay. I was like oh, this is the best But it's out of your system so fast. Can you get us some of that? Damn what kind of scripts can you get us? Hey, can we get you a bottle of vodka do you like vodka? Oh, we got vodka. We give a bottle of vodka? Do you like vodka? I do. Oh we got vodka for you. Can we give a bottle of vodka to you?

Yeah. We have our own vodka. We have a wedding this weekend so one of my coworkers will bring it with him. Can you give IVs to yourself? I have. So when I had the influenza I didn't want to go to the clinic and get everybody else sick so I stuck it in my hand myself. I will tell you this,

this is the thing that has been so crazy to me. I would say three or four times in the last year, and I wouldn't say this if I didn't have repeated evidence of this. Where we travel a lot for a living, so we're always around people, a lot of people shaking hands, all this. And I regularly get colds get sick viruses

You know and you kind of know when it's day one. You're like, ah fuck I'm getting sick Four or five times in the last year. It's been day one and I got heavy NAD like two three days in a row and just it went away and I'm like, holy shit and I try to I want to tell people that because Dude, like I have seen it multiple times now. We're like I know I'm about to be sick for two weeks and It's like oh, I just didn't get sick. No, what's I? This is where I'm gonna sound out of touch to our fans

I don't know what an IV costs. And I get them every week. I get one a week. And I'll tell you, anyone listening, my blood work came back like two months ago, and partying, still partying, still on a vodka. Best numbers I had ever had. And I said, well, I hadn't drank in a couple days. And Denise said, it takes 100 days to change a bar marker.

So it's not that, it's whatever you're doing. And I was like, it's fucking IVs. You know who put me onto this? Chappelle. Oh yeah. Chappelle owns his own IV company. You're with Chappelle and he's like, yo, you want an IV? I go, it's two in the morning.

He's like, that's okay. Someone shows up in their pajamas with rubber gloves on. And ever since then, I've been that. So if you're like me and you party, what's the cheapest you can get an IV for? Depends what's in it right? It really depends like the most basic trip is probably around $200 but it also depends where you are you know bigger cities it they might mark it up a little more than little towns. Do you know Tech 9? Tech 9 owns an IV company. Tech 9

does? Tech 9 owns an IV company. Dude I does? Tech 9 owns an IV company. Dude, I'm telling you right now, hang on. Jordan is your, owns your company, right? I'm not fucking around. I wanna start an IV company just so I can get a deal on IVs. I get IVs every other, I get- I think there's probably a different way to get a deal. Will you do fractional franchising?

There you go. For $25,000. I've already looked you do fractional franchising? There you go. For $25,000. I've already looked into a fractional franchise. All I need is a brick and mortar, and I'm thinking about buying a building to start an IV company just so I can get fucking IVs cheap. Tell Jordan we said what's up and thank you please. I sure will.

Tell Jordan thank you and thank you. And you're not going anywhere. Okay. No, no, no. You can go stand off there. Sorry. I realize you're not going to. Yeah, no, no, no, no, you can go stand off there. Sorry But I realize you you're not gonna just leave. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Thank you Dripping good. So speaking of being out of touch and not knowing the prices of things You see this new line of Rolexes that came out dude. They look great. They look great

Let's talk let's spend the whole time talking about Rolexes the funny thing to me about if you Talk to like watch people, you know that like people are in that world, they're like scared, people are scared of Rolex. Rolex is terrifying as a brand and a company because they are like the Vatican. They're so powerful.

They will crush people who are, I mean they protect the shit out of their brand. The way that they will, the way that they allow you to be, let's say, an authorized dealer, dude, they send in people that you don't know are there. They check everything from the cloth on the table that you display on,

the way that the logo is displayed on the wall, and they give you critiques that you don't know about. At the end of the year, they come in and they go, you didn't do this shit right, and if you don't do it right again, we're just gonna pull it from here. People get scared. All I'm saying is I will never do anything justice as much

as this podcast acquired. That sounds really cool. They talk about that. They talk about the fact that Rolex does not have a brick and mortar. They have one, it's in Geneva, one Rolex store. Everyone else is certified dealers. They talk about how the guy who started Rolex set everything up in a trust. So Rolex has more money than God. So when the market dips and everyone else scrambles to try to figure out fucking what to do, he's like, yeah, Rolex is like,

we'll be good for the next 100 years. What's also cool, and this is the last thing I'm gonna say about watches, and I just need you- Please continue, go. This is what I think school We don't need them You don't need a watch It's almost like stupid to have you have to be a fucking idiot to have a watch on

Only a fucking moron would spend $80,000 on a watch a A fucking idiot. Right, just to tell the time? But that's what makes it sexy. That's what makes it sexy. That we're using an antiquated time piece. Handmade, handcrafted. If you open mine up on the back, you can see the inner workings of this watch.

And this does it so much better much better you know what also does it really good yeah hey what time is it it's crazy but I think that's so fucking you know what it's like it's like walking to work it's like walking to work it's like it's like it's like fucking in the kitchen it's old-school I just think that's the funniest thing about watches is like it's like fucking in the kitchen. It's old school. I just think that's the funniest thing about watches is like. It's like fucking in the kitchen. Rolex, it's like fucking in the kitchen. Do you say data or data?

Well, at my house, we say data. And for the longest time, I thought paying a fortune on my monthly data plan was just normal. That was until I found out about Mint Mobile and their premium wireless plans that start at just 15 bucks a month. Everybody in the office here has been raving about it because they're saving major dollars.

Say bye-bye to your overpriced wireless plans, jaw-dropping monthly bills, and unexpected overages. Mint Mobile is here to rescue you. All plans come with high-speed data or data, your choice, and unlimited talk and text delivered on the nation's largest 5G network. Use your own phone with any Mint Mobile plan and bring your phone number along with all your existing contacts.

No matter how you say it, don't overpay for it. Shop data plans at MintMobile.com slash bears. That's MintMobile.com slash bears. Upfront payment of $45 for three months. Five gigabyte plan required equivalent to $15 per month. New customer offer for first three months only then full price plan options available. Taxes and fees, extra C, Mint Mobile for details. The origins of this podcast were once just a dream.

That dream turned into the podcast and business you are listening to today. Taking your business to the next level is a dream lots of us share, but too often it remains just a dream. We hold ourselves back thinking, what if I don't have the skills? What if I can't do it alone? Turn those what ifs into why nots and help your business soar with Shopify. Cha-ding.

Shopify is the commerce platform behind millions of businesses around the world and 10% of all e-commerce in the US, from household names like Mattel and Gymshark to brands just getting started. What if I don't have a big team? Shopify helps you handle anything from website design to managing inventory to customer service to global shipping and more all in one place. Turn those what-s into cha-ching

and keep giving those big dreams the best shot with Shopify. Sign up for your $1 per month trial and start selling today at Shopify.com slash bears. Go to Shopify.com slash bears. Shopify.com slash bears. A cha-ching. Okay, flights on air Canada. How about Prague?

Ooh, Paris. Those gardens. Gardens. Amsterdam. Tulip Festival. I see your festival and raise you a carnival in Venice. Or Bermuda has carnaval. Ooh, colorful. You want colorful. Thailand. Lantern Festival. Boom. Book it. How did we get to Thailand from Prague? Oh, right Prague. Oh boy choose from a world of destinations if you can Air Canada nice travels man. I'll tell you right now. I'm not a watch guy. I'm into Rolexes Yeah, I know you are I think I and I and I and I the reason I

Love I take that back. I have two other watches. I have two other watches. A good friend gave me one, one of our good friends. And then I got one in Paris. That wasn't a Rolex. Wasn't a Rolex. Good for you. Never were.

But what's cool about them, and this is a soft pitch to anyone who's not irate right now, is man, Tudor is an amazing watch, and it's made by Rolex. It's in the family of Rolex. Tudor's a great watch. Well listen, I know. And it's a great way to celebrate a benchmark in your life,

and to make you smile. Every now and then you look at your watch. You're either into it or you're not. Like, I mean, I know, like, there's obviously a huge, huge fan base for this, and people get into it for different reasons. Some of it for the art involved, because they are like pieces of art.

Some of it to like you say Mark. I look at this watch and I think my special lucky is streaming right now on Netflix. There you go. And it was streamed in the top 10 for two weeks. And I treated myself when I went to Vegas and I said, every time I look at this watch, I remember that two weeks,

how everyone was hitting me up about their dogs, and it was just a great moment in my life. So I buy something to remind myself of the good feelings. I think that's a great move. And I know, we've heard you, we know the fans love Watch Talk, and we promise we'll keep it up, we'll keep telling you things that we've acquired

that you can dream about. Let's talk about Porsches. Can I tell you what is interesting? Sure. I'm not a car guy at all. I know you're not. I'm not. I was with Kyle Busch, and I said,

he said, what kind of car do you drive? And I said, oh, it's a Mercedes. He goes, what kind? And I said, the white one. The white one. And he goes, what? I said, I'm. The white one. And he goes, what? I said, I'm not a car guy. And he goes, wait, what do you mean?

You just told him my color. Yeah, well he walked past it. Yeah. And I was like, it was the white one. And he goes, you really don't follow cars. And I said, not at all. And I'm being dead serious. After that Porsche podcast,

I think Porsche is the sexiest fucking, just hearing them talk about a brand yeah and the longevity of the brand and what struggles the brand has had you told me last night this is I think in conversations like this are fascinating to me yeah you said the what were the two that are just carrying the brand right now well for several years, the Macan has been like the top seller and the Cayenne, the SUVs, these do extremely well for the company.

And basically, the cars that like, people are, I would say the most passionate about, is like the GT line for Porsche, like GT3s and everything, everyone's those are the like the coolest fucking cars. Those are that line the GT division is Basically supported by the fact that they sell so many of these other cars I think it wouldn't be they wouldn't be profitable if they were like we just make GT 3s there wouldn't be a lot this is a really interesting pivot because

and this is Maybe this is a disconnect where people hear us talk about watches and they don't understand. It's not It's not talking about the ones we actually have it's always about the ones you want Yeah, it's fun for me is like this the chase the chase and by the way, it's like pussy like this the chase the chase and by the way it's like pussy pussy is this is a very good pussy and Porsches are lying like they're just exactly the same thing you just you can't wait to get it and then once you dump inside you're like I'd like to try another one you know that's also it's like dogs slogan for torture dogs Tom you know how I love to fuck dogs Yeah, Coco you're really getting an earful on this podcast

What's what's funny is like when so when we got Priscilla Yeah, and you fucked it and I thought I fucked her to death The best part of Priscilla, in my opinion, was the six months, maybe seven months leading up where I was looking at breeders and I was looking at breeds and I was trying to pick what dog we needed as a family. Yeah. And that was my favorite part. I hope you're connecting to this and understand what I'm talking about.

It's like the funnest part of buying a car is looking at cars. Yeah. Is the funnest part. And I do this, I have ventized my life way too much. Like right now, the greatest part about today is Sunday for me. Cause it's the Masters just started today. Okay.

And I can't wait to Sunday. I'm picking out my outfit, I'm wearing my Masters hat, I'm gonna be watching it all day, I'm gonna be drinking mint juleps, I'm so excited for Sunday because the master started today and that is the whole thing about any good you want and and whether it's watches, dude never buy a watch but look at them they're so fun to look at. I've looked at, dude I look at watches I'll never buy. John Mayer has one of the baddest motherfucking watches. Yeah ever. Yeah, it's very cool. What's it called is AP? Yeah It's a John Mayer AP. Yeah

And by the way, you really want to get blown out of the water. Listen to the podcast John Mayer did with Ed Sheeran Have you heard that those two are? Really really deep. Oh, you can't you can't John Mayer doesn't say nice watch Do you know what he says? Oh? Serial number AP 4579 yeah nice I've got seven eight zero dash two He's really really other level. He's like probably the best celebrity ambassador for that entire Field I think he's the best one.

He's so passionate about it. He really is. And by the way, his collection is like. No, it's world class. Ed Sheeran's also a huge, huge collector. Dude. Yeah, really crazy. It's that, for me, like I'm nowhere near there

and not even remotely, I don't even think, like Sylvester Stallone's crazy you can't tell you what You can't tell you someone who fucking? Shaded me for my watch. Oh Shaq. What do you mean? You stupid? Spending all that money on a watch Invictus Invictus so much better Get get that shit off your wrist get your money back get an Invictus. That's go to Invictus I was in part of me was back, get an Invictus. That's bullshit. Go to Invictus. And part of me was like, does Shaq own Invictus?

Probably. Because I said, what kind of watch do you wear because you're so big? How small is a toothbrush in his mouth? Yeah. Well, yeah, I know, right? You ever sit on a toilet and your dick hits the porcelain? Yeah.

How the fuck does he shit? Every time he shits, he's holding his balls. And he's just like. But he goes, Invictus. Invictus is a great line of watches. They really are. Yeah, he also owns a plane. Did you tell him that when he said to get your money back?

He bought a Challenger. He did? Yeah. He's like, hey man, get your money back. Just buy plane tickets Do you can we pivot and talk about Mexican women sure Coco are you Mexican? What are you? Oh? school Asparagi a company I saw a clip of you on

Yeah, look at your eyes. I Saw a clip of you Yeah, speed at your eyes. I saw a clip of you Yeah, speed me up on Rogan Saying you speak Spanish because everybody in Florida speaks Spanish. Yeah, did you also say you speak Italian? Glad oh, no, I don't maybe I do. Did you say that though? No, I don't speak Italian. I speak Spanish. I Speak enough. Apparently I don't speak good Spanish. Well yeah, you were just in Spain, right? Yeah, I was in Spain and apparently my Spanish sounds a lot like, like, me ice need.

How would you say it? Yo necesito ice. I mean, okay. You get a part of it, right? Yeah. Yo necesito frío. I need cold. There we go.

Okay. You get a part of it, right? Yeah. Yo necesito frio. I need cold. There we go. George is like, Dad, you're not speaking what you think you're speaking. And I'm like, are you serious? He's like, buddy, you sound horrific. But you said it with full confidence. I say it with very confidence.

Yeah, that's good. Tu quieres agua. That means you want. Yo quiero agua. That's good. Yeah. But here's the thing about Mexican women, okay? Oh my God.

So pretend you're my husband, okay? My husband? Yeah, I'm the Mexican woman. Okay. You're my husband, okay? Can you do a wide shot on two of us? Okay, come to me. So, I'm sending you to work.

First off, we're gonna start with Mexican women's lunch boxes for their husband. Google it, It's fucking incredible Okay, they hand them the lunch box and then they do this they go And they kiss you I think that's the coolest shit in the world Yeah, every Mexican woman does it to her husband when they leave the house. They do the signs of the cross on that Yeah, I think that's fucking badass Is your husband Mexican? Oh, but he's gonna like it Mexican yeah of course Mexican women's lunch boxes are

freaking no no no no not the goddamn actual lunch box the stuff they put in it you guys are back or packed lunches Mexican women's packed lunches right oh look at this look at this look at this okay go go to that that's packed lunches right oh look at this look at this look at this okay go go to that that's right lunch five 5 a.m. she's making sure what's this give him the signs of the cross she gives yeah okay oh she's making them oh yeah God there's not a white woman on earth oh no. Look at this. Look, she puts homemade salsa. Okay. She gets, they always do some melon. Oh, look at that. Some lime on the side. Look at this. Perfecto. Dude, he's got a feast to go to work.

Dude. You realize if he brings any of that back, she's going to hit him. Yeah. Okay. That's the, she keeps them warm up top. Oh, they always do fucking smoothies. They always do fucking smoothies for their husbands. Look at that.

Lawn chair for my husband. Look at that. She did the signs. I told you. Yeah. I told you they do the my horse, man. Look at that, she did those, I told you. Yeah. I told you, they do the signs of the cross. Of course. My mother used to do that to all of us, by the way,

leaving the house. Are you serious? Every day, yeah. Guess we're gonna start a secret handshake. Secret handshake? We're gonna do signs of the cross on each other. Okay. That's, okay.

This show is sponsored by BetterHelp. Let's talk numbers. And traditional in-person therapy can cost anywhere from 100 to $250 per session, which brother adds up fast. But with BetterHelp online therapy, you can save on average up to 50% per session. With BetterHelp, you pay a flat fee for weekly sessions,

saving you big on costs and on time. Therapy should feel accessible, not like a luxury. With online therapy, you get quality care at a price that makes sense and can help you with anything from anxiety to everyday stress. You're talking to a guy who's been in therapy a lot. The first time I got into therapy, I remember saying to the therapist, do you own your home? She said, why does that matter? I said, well, as long as you have a mortgage rate, I'm going to have problems. I couldn't get past me giving her money because I was like, she's going to perpetuate this

That's what's great great about better help You're saving money so you'll feel better about going to therapy with over 30,000 therapists better help is the world's largest online therapy platform Having served over 5 million people globally and it's convenient You can join sessions with a click of a button helping fit therapy into your busy life plus switch therapists at any time Your well-being is worth it visit better helpcom slash bears to get 10% off your first month. That's betterhelp.help.com slash bears. It's a whole line of these. Dude, I am obsessed. I'm obsessed. A Mexican culture just really got to me this week. Yeah. It's an awesome. Look at this. Do you go to Mexico? I've been to Mexico. No, I mean like regularly. No

No, unless I need something. Oh My gosh shout out to the fucking guy We were at the bottle signing. Yeah, keep going. Hold on. He gave me Vyvanse. Oh fuck Yeah, yeah, and by the way, is this she just hold on. Did she just make a fucking salsa real quick? Yeah, she did And by the way, is this, she just, hold on. Did she just make a fucking salsa real quick? Yeah, she did. Yeah.

She's just making her sauces. Yeah. She's making sauces for her husband right now. Which nothing. Oh, she just made a homemade queso. This is, dude, Mexican women fucking rock. And all I'll say is if you're a black woman and you're listening to this show,

number one, I'm shocked. Number two, number two, yo, post your video. I wanna see black women making lunches for their husbands. And now I wanna see white women making lunches for their husbands. And this is a game show I would fucking invest in. It's called Which Race is Better. It's called Race Wars.

And it's, look at this. She's making fucking enchiladas for her husband, she's wearing rubber gloves, and he puts his fingers inside her and she's still wearing rubber gloves. Look at this, my God. Oh, different, sauces, oh dear, it's the fucking Mexican flag, Tom. It's the fucking Mexican flag.

It's the fucking Mexican flag. It's really beautiful the way she did it too. I'm ashamed of being white right now. Well, it's not the first time. Look at this. I bet that rice is so soft. Oh, it's all delicious. Oh, she's making churros.

She's making fucking churros? Tom, it's the Mexican fucking flag, Tom. It's the Mexican fucking flag, Tom. I know. This is a, oh my God. I could watch homemade salsas being made on a loop. Okay, okay. You ever make homemade salsa?

No. Oh my God. Look at this, look at this. Can I tell you, the only, I'll tell you right now, there's one gay couple. How is this guy not 400 pounds? I mean, I can tell you how. he fucking moves his body for 13 hours a day Guys fucking you're

You've seen Jesus christ I gave uh The guys, okay. Okay. Hold on. You gotta find find the gay black couple I I don't know what their names are the gay black couple, I don't know what their names are, the gay black couple that make food for each other. One's like a queen, he's got long nails, and the other's like power bottom, like he's a fucking man.

And he's like, hey. And he claps his nails like this, and he's like, that's him, you fucking found him, first shot, first shot, first shot, go, yeah, yeah, yeah, Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah That's it Tom. This guy's awesome That's a ton of food right no right but watch him eat it's so fucking sensual fucking sensual. He's big about his pickles. Yeah. You watch this a lot? I watch this a lot. He's so happy. Wait, wait, you see him eat the mac and cheese? Now, how's he not 400 pounds? I think he fucking slams this dude night and day.

Just fucks all the weight off of him? Dude, this couple confuses me so much. This mac and cheese always looks good. This page is worth the follow. Dude, that's like a 3000 calorie lunch. It's a fucking big meal. Can I tell you? Oh yeah. Oh shit yeah.

Fuck yeah. Fuck yeah. Mmm. A Yeah, fuck. Yeah Fuck yeah By the way Sounds like they're fucking so wait he does This is a misstep if you are if you work at the hot Cheetos company Yeah, this guy fucks with hot Cheetos. Oh, he does dude He does hot Cheetos everything hot Cheetos chicken tenders hot Cheetos fried chicken hot Cheetos He is fucking awesome. Oh

Good let's just go to hot Cheetos good hot Cheetos look at this. What the fuck is that? Deep fried bold egg hot Cheeto balls with custom natural cheese sauce. Deep fried, bold egg hot Cheeto balls. What in the? Mm. Mm. I also got you some ranch on the side. Is this guy not fucking 300 pounds? I mean, seriously, he's not even a little overweight

Can I get a cross-section please that's the only thing I'd say can I see what's inside that? What does he say it's called deep-fried hot Cheeto boiled eggs Yeah, it's insane, bro. I kind of want to watch them fuck I'll take cheese. Yeah. It's insane. Bro, I kinda wanna watch them fuck. You can. I bet I can.

I bet they, see if they have an OnlyFans. They have an OnlyFans, we're going to it right now. By the way, can I tell you what I love about black men? Not these black men. They have 8.7 million followers? What the fuck? On TikTok? Real J-Lin?

Please have an OnlyFans. Please have an OnlyLin? Please have an OnlyFans. Please have an OnlyFans. Please have an OnlyFans. Please have an OnlyFans. He's the nail king. Please have an OnlyFans. No, fuck. By the way, real J-Lin,

that's 25 bucks right there you missed out on. Now I guess you don't, I just am suggesting that I wanna watch you and your husband fuck so I guess maybe that's something you want to keep private but Wait do you think anyone's ever gone on my Guys eating an insane amount of food. Look at the green one go to the green one. That's not fucking broccoli. That's not broccoli What do you think that is Tommy? This is brotherly done fried duo lingo. Before you ask I already got an appointment for Friday so it's covered. Do you need me to pay for it? No I got it.

You sure? Yeah. So for today I made you St. Patrick's Day fried tenders with a loaded baked potato and of course special sauce on the side. Enjoy. Look at that fucking tender. If I had one of these meals, one. I want chicken tenders now.

I would have so much diarrhea for so long. I would have a day's worth of diarrhea. He fucks with pickles too. He puts a pickle on everything. I like pickles. Oh my god. Oh my god. You want a piece?

So you know what? Instagram's kind of like the zoo a little bit. So you know what you know? Instagram's kind of like the zoo a little bit. Yeah like I feel like I'm just Sneaking into their lives. Yeah, I'm watching it and going like that's so crazy Mm-hmm, and then I go back to my life and I'm like, whoo. That was a close call I almost got the guy. Can I tell you whose life I've got? can I tell you whose life I've been stalking? Yeah, sure La Sleepy last sleepy my sleepy, okay lost sleepy

Lost sleepy Yeah, go down that sleep that first one there thing. It says I think it is Nope, that's not her. It's lost sleepy Okay, lost sleepy. That's lost sleepy. That's fucking lost sleepy. Okay. Oh fuck. Yes Fuck you lost sleepy. Hang on. Hang on. Go scroll down you lost sleepy There get the middle one the middle one the middle one the middle one. Yeah, I love this shit Nothing but good vibes at the Whittier Boulevard cruise It's that troll alive man, dude, I love it I want you say you were

So fucking cool this and then then, you scroll her page, they got her with her cars. Oh look at Tokyo, Tokyo. I love this. I don't do enough of this. Posting up. You wanna start doing videos like this? I wanna start doing videos like this. This is so fucking sexy.

They love the oldies, man. Are we almost done? I love this. Look at him. Mm-hmm. Let's see that. Yeah. The old school cars with the old school jams. I love it. Look at Lesleepy. There's Lesleepy right there. I love Lesleepy and you know what? This is crazy. So I follow the sleepy. The sleepy loves pickles. Every time I eat a pickle, I think of the sleepy. Isn't that bizarre?

Yeah, well I get it. That's like a crazy thing. Well you have an association with it now. How do you think she got that nickname? You think she was because she was sleepy a lot or she looks sleepy? I don't know. You know what's crazy?

Is if I accidentally run into her at like a swap meet or something, I'm gonna fucking lose my shit and she's gonna be like, how the fuck do you know who I am? Well, she's got a good following. She does? It's like 38,000. Oh wow. Yeah, that's, she's an influencer, man.

Yeah, it's crazy, like it is like, and I mean I say zoo, I don't wanna- You can book her, there's bookings. What? It just says bookings, right? What can I book her for? I don't know. I think she's a chef.

She's a chef? Go scroll down, I think she's got a taco cart. Oh. Like a hot dog cart. There you go. Yeah. Oh, let's hear her. Who's ice cream truckin' now with hot dogs? The last sleepy, you love hot dogs. It says last sleepy hot dog. Dude now Boo Boo's hot dogs. You love hot dogs? It says La Sleepy Hot Dog.

Dude, I fucking love hot dogs. How do you not book her for a hot dog? The bacon wrapped hot dogs? When I used to leave the Hollywood Bowl, I would go to shows there. There's always somebody with a hot dog, bacon wrapped hot dog, and the corn, the Mexican corn. Okay, hang on, that's a great idea.

It was fun making hot dogs at my bro Boo Boo's ice cream truck. So you can probably get both, Boo Boo's ice cream and fucking Sleepy's hot dogs. I get Leslie Pea to do, maybe I'll have Leslie Pea come make lunch for our office one day. Easy. Create content. That's awesome.

Fuck yeah. Dude, I mean, it's funny, I get in this thing, I yeah. Dude, I mean, you know, it's funny. I get in this thing. I have a real problem with Instagram, you know, so I disappear. But it's not like I've blocked everything. Comedy, I don't want anything comedy. I don't want any like clips of people doing fucking. I don't want to watch.

You know, it'll depress me sometimes when you watch like when you watch like a young kid, there was a young kid on Kill Tony, when your episode, that was actually really fucking funny. And I got, and I was like, God man, I gotta be real honest, I don't know if I could do a minute. Minutes rough. A minute's rough, and the kid killed it.

But so like, I block out, I don't get any crowd work clips, I don't get, I just follow my friends, but like I don't have any crowd work clips. I don't get I just follow my friends, but like I don't have any info from comedy my fucking Instagram I'll deep dive into it and I I can just I mean like anything with a toenail You like watching those I fucking obsessed and then I get into a deep dive. Like ingrown toenails. Or fucking, or dry feet. Foot surgery, dry feet. Cleaning dry feet.

Pimple popping. It's crazy. And I say to myself. My feet's a little different. I said to myself the other day. I saw a picture of me and Leanne when Leanne was pregnant. On Instagram? Yeah, I'll text it to you guys. So that's a picture of me and Leanne when Leanne was pregnant. On Instagram? Yeah, I'll text it to you guys.

So that's a picture of me and Leanne, right? When Leanne was pregnant. Yeah. I want you to see it, only because I want you to see how happy I am. Yeah? And I realized why I was so happy. That you were having a baby?

Well, no, no. Oh. No, she's pregnant. She doesn't look that great. No, but I was happy, Tom, because I was present. I was present. I didn't have any fucking care in the world. I was making zero money. I had zero, look at how happy I am.

Yeah. I had zero, I was still fat, but I was so, I still as bald as I am today, and I was so present. And I was like, you know what? I took that with a camera. I didn't take that with a phone, I took that with a camera.

I set up a camera, I set up a timer, and I took a picture of us in the moment. And I was like, I wasn't on my phone, I wasn't scrolling, I wasn't watching foot was like, I wasn't on my phone, I wasn't scrolling. I wasn't watching foot surgery videos. I wasn't watching sleepy or two gay guys make fried chicken. I didn't have any. I wasn't thinking about Mexican women. For the stations of the cross. I was present. And I said to myself, what am I doing on my fucking phone? What am I doing on my phone? I'm wasting my life. I'm scrolling, just scrolling,

looking at other people live. Do you think, I'm gonna be, let's get meta on this. So I'm in this weird fucking head space because I'm getting back to work in June and I'm in this weird head space of like, dude I haven't sailed around the world yet. I haven't sailed, I haven't climbed a mountain. I need to go to the top of Machu Picchu.

I need to climb Kilimanjaro. I need't climbed a mountain. I need to go to the top of Machu Picchu. I need to climb Kilimanjaro. I need to sail to Hawaii. I need to swim with sharks. I need to go to Thailand and get on a beach and be off the grid. And then I went, hold on. Is that because I scroll and that's what I see? And I see people doing it and them posting it?

Like do you think people were as adventure-driven before Instagram? Well, not everyone, but there's always a segment of society. I mean, isn't some of this just having a bit of an existential crisis in a way of knowing that, you start to get to a certain age where you realize that it's not forever and there's things you wanna do. I think that happened before Instagram.

There's just people that just, you just realize you have one go at this. And if there's things like that that are exciting to you, there's a time, there's a ticking clock on it. You know, there's just only so much time you have that you can do things. I think about stuff like that too. I don't think it's all, sometimes what it is is that the Instagram or the image you see reminds you of that thing that's already in your mind, like, I want to climb a mountain or I want to go to a place.

But you still wanted to go to that place before you saw images of it. You still wanted to do that thing. But I see what you're saying that it can fuel it. But I still think, you know, it's not like 30 years ago, people weren't thinking of those things. They were still having those thoughts. It just wasn't always prompted by looking at their phone. That didn't exist. They still wanted to do those things.

But do you think, like, I wonder sometimes, so one morning, maybe I've told you this, but one morning I got up and we were getting ready, we were on tour, and everyone was meeting at my house and everyone was in the gym and I had just worked out and I was getting in the sauna and I heard them talking and as I got out of the sauna I heard someone say, is he gonna pull, it was still dark out.

And I was like, is he gonna pull her plunge? And I didn't want to, and I did. And I did it so that they heard me do it, because I, you know? Yeah. So it was performative, it wasn't what I wanted to do. Yeah. And then I realized how much of my life is performative.

And I started looking at Instagram going like, how much of people's lives are performative? How many people genuinely want to sail around the world? Or how many people go, I wouldn't mind getting views? For, you know, like well Yeah, it's like motivation for the motivation is performative. So then I started going like as I look at these people all like these people going I'm running the 150 mile race and I'm tracking it here on Instagram and then I go

Okay, like it without Instagram if they shut down Instagram tick-tock How many people you think would just sell their boat and be like, well, no one can see this. Then what's the point? Well, some, but some people also see it as, um, it's being performative on those platforms allows people to sometimes monetize that, right? Which allows them to do the thing they want to do. So for some people, like sailing or running, they're like, if I didn't have this social media thing.

I couldn't do it. I couldn't do it. Okay, that's there. There's a dude, you know John John Florence? I don't know him. But you know of him? Uh-uh. He's the best surfer in the world.

John John Florence? Yeah. You know Nathan Florence? I'm friends with Nathan. I'm friends with Nathan. Okay. So I was overhearing a conversation one time about John John Florence and then I heard it on a podcast. But they were like, yeah, he's got this like 66 foot gunboat and he just sails to like fucking just sails at crazy places and doesn't post it on Instagram, doesn't tell anyone. Yeah. He's got footage from like two years ago

that he's never posted, he's like, eh, whatever. I'm also just the greatest surfer in the world. And I just was like, yeah, man, that's kind of, it's like old school sexy, like to do. Is there anything you would do without posting it? No. Nothing. I'm getting an IV on camera right now.

Well, we both are. Yeah, I know. I mean, that's the other thing Um, I yeah, but you would do that. I would I've gotten a hundred IVs and then this is every time I post it Why I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know why I post half the shit I post and then I was crazy is when you have a great moment and you're like this would be fucking epic to post And your kids are like, yeah And you're like what the fuck really you know what they said to me one time. Mm-hmm. We went to Dodgers opening day

opening day and Dodgers hit me up and like go you want to come I was like fuck yeah, and then I come any I said for And they were great. I said girls you want to go to open a day and they're like, how many? I said, four. And they go, great. I said, girls, you wanna go to open a day? And they're like, fuck yes, that'd be great. So I'm like, fuck yeah. We get in the car and George and I go, hey, no phones. I said, what? She goes, no Instagram today.

Let's just have like a day as a family. And I was like, what's the point if I can't post on Instagram? I was like, wait, so what are we gonna do? No, like there's no phones. Let's leave our phones in the car I go we can't leave our phones in the car But wait a minute. Didn't you still enjoy going to the game with them? Yeah, but yeah, but it was like I Ended up posting stuff anyway, I Don't know Tom it's like I I was like

It was it was I have no idea I Don't know it's it's it's an addiction to I don't know there's something the feedback you like you know what it is It's like everyone wants to be seen yeah everyone wants to feel Valuable yeah and feel Hey, look at me You know yeah, and I'm just like everyone else. Yeah, maybe a little hyper version of that, but that's the thing It's like but like if you

didn't post it's like almost it didn't happen for you like yeah and also there's a part of me that I love going through my speed and seeing stuff like this like if I don't take pictures of this then maybe oh that's Leanne posted that yeah good good it's on her I just want want to say, just gay bars are where it's at. We went to the Iron Bear last night. Eni was dancing there. There was a... Cap, cap, cap, cap.

It was so fucking fun. Eni was fucking going down with that dude. Yeah, he was fucking... This is Cap. We're cutting this out, Cap. I love... You know what's kind of cool? What?

You don't see a lot of homophobia these days. Yeah. But man, black men are holding that shit down. They are holding it down, dude. They're not letting go. And it is nice that there's no end in sight. It doesn't stop. In elementary school, black guys are holding on to that

shit hard. But I will say this, in all sincerity, it was such a fun night. It was so fun. Oh, it was great. We went to the Iron Bear here in Austin. It was a poor Osos Bar takeover, but the vibes were the best. Everybody was there. Meaning like the regulars that go to that place, fans, couples, women, guys. And it was just, everybody was in a great mood. We got to do interviews outside on the street with people, which was way more fun than I thought it would be.

But everybody there was so welcoming. They were just really cool. And it was a fun night, man. So big shout out to the Iron Bear, and I guess everybody that just came out to that. It was a fun, fun time. You guys were a blast. It was fun for you because everyone wanted to fuck you. No.

No. I was, I was, I was. You wore that. And I thought I'd get a little more play What I did is I got Well, you also had those shorts off so your ass I had the shorts off and man You got I will simply say gay men are handsy. Yeah, they were handsy. They are handsy. They hope they grab your ass. I realized Dude, they they want to move you

Finger in the ass crack move you to the side. Not like all the way to one butt cheek and move you over. Yeah, that was out at the- I didn't realize my asshole was showing. Your asshole showed. Yeah. Oh my God, I would have paid so much for it to have any there,

and had a guy move him by holding his waist Hands on the waist and move to him just haven't been like yeah, no. Hey man Dude There we are gay men fucking rock. Yeah, it was but it was fun man gay man They we and they told us the greatest stories we asked for like For stories oh well first of all this is the crazy part apparently I am an obvious bottom Like without a doubt I am an obvious bottom. The way they assess is so quick. Yeah.

They're like, no shade, you're a bottom. I was like, no shade taken. Wait, hold on. Wait, what? Yeah. If you can last. By the way, they've all got hogs on them. There's a couple that describe themselves as like... Also, they said the smaller end

of dicks was between six and... If you're kind of like average small, you know, like six to seven I was like, wait, wait what small? Oh, that's me and that guy rubbing cocks together. Oh, yeah your dicks touched. Yeah Got a little fucking action from that. You said you got a little our tips touched and you got he was in the end He was in a match. I thought he had a backpack on He had he had did not have a backpack on. He had, those were, it was the same outfit I had on, except his was cloth. Yeah, but you got a little chub.

I did a little chub. Yeah. Yeah, it was, we did interviews on the street, and what's crazy is like, we're gonna do more of these. The fucking, the best people to interview are people that don't wanna be interviewed. know if you if someone wants to be interviewed, it's never the best person to interview. Oh my god Yeah, if you had taken your shirt off, they would have lost their fucking mind They would have lost their fucking mind

Yeah, I wear the gay shirt I had and it seemed to work well Yeah, I wear the gayest shirt I had and it seemed to work well. Somebody mentioned this is a death. They sent me this image and they go, you look so miserable. Yeah. You fucking you, you had a good time. That's when I can tell if it's good or not is if you have a good time I had a great get bloated within this episode. I Don't know we got fluids going in. Yeah, my face bloated. Did it get but I'll say this

Can I tell you this? Yeah, it is flattering being complimented Because you men will say it to you in a way that women never will women don't know how to so they go You can know a woman has like digs you but it's like you're sensing it, but the guys are like very Direct I would argue Gay compliments are up there. Oh, I would argue women are dead inside All women yeah, and they don't know how to treat you the way a man can treat you. That's true.

Like those guys, even when they'd shave me a little bit, they'd still make me feel better. Right? So like imagine if that was a hot chick. I know. And she was like, yeah, I wouldn't fuck you. It ends there, right? They'd be like, I wouldn't fuck you,

but I'd let you fuck me. And you're like, okay. You're like, not so bad. Yeah. Or no, no, no, it was the other way around. He goes, I wouldn't fuck you, but I'd like way around because I wouldn't fuck you but I'd like no Yeah, I wouldn't let you fuck me, but I'd fuck you and I'll be like, okay. Thank you. Thank you. That feels good Yeah, no woman's gonna be like I wouldn't fuck you but you could fuck me

It is interesting how gay compliments feel so good. Why it's almost like when black guys compliment you on your shoes I know it's almost like the tragic I would feel like now it's like gay compliments are amazing, black compliments are great, and then a gay black compliment? Unbelievable. Oh my god. And there was a few last night. There was a few gay black compliments.

It was great. Can I tell you also the other cool thing is like just having guys go like, hey, thanks for coming here, man. Yeah, they were super appreciative. Yeah, they were like really, they were just solid guys that I had such a great fucking time last night. And by the way, can I tell you? I didn't drink until we got done. I didn't have time to drink. And you drank a lot.

Mmm, yeah. No, because when we were doing interviews you were like, I'm pretty hammered. No, I didn't. Yeah, you did. I was not saying that. I wasn't hammered. You said that to me. Oh, I drank at dinner, you're right. Okay. Yeah. I was nothing you did wasn't hammered. You said that to my drinking dinner. You're right. Okay

Yeah, and then and you started with martinis and then you had like a bottle of wine yeah, so it's Then we were drinking on the street and we're like hey, we're not allowed to drink on the street and they're like it's fine yeah we fucked on this corner you can definitely have a drink he goes I've been fucked on this corner you right here right around here he goes no right here South by is wild one guy goes if these walls could talk honey also all this shit that like as a straight guy where you go oh you know gay guys have it the best because they just get to fuck whenever and you're like, well, that's kind of a stereotype And then you talk to some of these guys and they're like well You know sometimes you end up in a doing this and then you're all sudden

There's five of you fucking each and you're like wait five of you and they're like, oh, yeah And then you think that's a lot then you know end up in a warehouse in Dallas and there's 200 people fucking and you're like, oh yeah, and then you think that's a lot, then you end up in a warehouse in Dallas and there's 200 people fucking, and you're like, what? What? Tom goes, wait, are you on like a group text? I was like, how did you learn about this shit? He was like, well, if you really like fucking, you find out. And I was like, I like fucking, I like to find out. God dang.

Yeah. And that, wait, what did that guy look like? That was the guy, you asked him about the beard. He had like the cropped out. Oh yeah, he was a good looking kid. And they were all pretty age appropriate. What's crazy though is that not everyone's a bear.

A lot of cubs, a lot of otters. Yeah, it was the fool, and then there was little short dudes. The little short guy. Oh my God. And a couple of tall guys. I wish I had that shirt today. Oh yeah. The Jason Kelsey shirt. Yeah. Yeah. I got to post that for Jason Kelsey. It looks Jason.

Kelsey is probably the king bear. Oh my God. If he went there, dude, he would get fucked so quick. No, they would want to be fucked by Jason. They'd want to fuck? It's a big man. They'd want to submit. A lot of them would. Jason, Kelsey, can I just soft pitch to Jason and Travis? Go fuck guys.

Take, go send garage beers to a bear bar. Yeah. And just send Jason. Yeah. If you sent Jason and Travis, Taylor Swift and Jason Kelsey, they would be like, Travis, we wanna talk to you, but we wanna stare at your brother. Dude, they are, their mom made bear perfection.

Yeah, he is the perfect bear. He is the perfect bear. He's the perfect bear. Although, some might argue, we learned this last night, that to be considered a bear by the, some of the standards for hair are kind of ridiculous. I didn't know this. That like, I thought I have like, they're like, oh, that's not enough hair. Yeah. What are you talking about?

Like, no, you need to be like completely covered. All over your back. All over your shoulders. Every like no you need to be like Completely all over your back all over your shoulders every inch of you has to be here Otherwise these guys would be like you're not really what he didn't even said I wasn't even a bear. No, he was like no Hell yeah, it's the best Jason Kelsey Ty Jason Kelsey mmm, I got him on a cocktail. You want a cocktail? Kinda.

It could be a range. We don't have to work today, do we? We have to do a photo shoot. Hey, do you want to try our vodka? You want a glass? Oh, no, I can't. Oh, yeah. You're a nurse.

What am I doing? Hey, we came up with a new drink last night. You want to hear about it, Coco? It's called a UTI. It's cranberry and vodka. That's it, yeah. I go, I said to someone last night. That was a hit, dude.

That was the fucking hit. I said to a gay guy, he goes, he goes, cranberry and vodka. He goes, cranberry and osos, please. And I went, awesome. I said, do you have a UTI? And he goes, no, but I could use one. I love gay men.

And I was like, and he goes, hands it over, he goes, UTI, give me another UTI. And then we just came up with the UTI. I know, and I thought it would be fun to say that like, hey, put a couple drops of cum in it. And nobody liked it. The one guy did say, yeah, Tom goes, it's called a UTI. It's cranberry and poro sauce and we put a lot of drops of cum in it and the

place went. It just silent. I bombed so hard and I was like, I thought we were gay and they were like, no. I don't understand. I thought I dude come we've had this conversation Not all gay guys like the taste of cum. Yeah, it's crazy to me. It's why? Put on the pads if you're not cool concussions Yeah Like any have you ever tasted cum? No, no have not negative not even your own out of curiosity Like I wonder what my blood sugar you never accidentally sprayed your face when you were laying on your back accidentally no no

Yep, I guess I'm lucky all right everyone else in the end that go cut to that shot again Raise your hands if you've ever tasted come Tasted cum? Yeah, go ahead. Wait, well it sounds like you went close. What do you mean? You just seem to need to specify as though you might have done something like that. I have never tasted cum, no.

You never, like, were curious, hey, you know, what's this gay shit all about? No. No? Z shit all about? No. No? Zolo? Neither? No. Any of you were like, I'm just going to blow a guy once just to see if I like... Alright, what if we said, what if we said, what if we said, a million dollars, a million dollars if you taste our cum.

Oh, fuck. No. No? Any. No? No. Any? No. And I know you could do it too. Alright, let's ask the women in the office.

Do you think, oh it's going to be this, like some will be like yes and some, no we're not going to ask them, but I'm saying it's like anything where some people will be like oh I love it and some people hate it. No, no, hang on, hang on, hang on, hold on one second. What? I can't, I wish we could, I love it. And some people hate it. No, no, hang on, hang on, hang on. Hold on one second. What? I can't, I wish we could, I would. What? What?

Every woman in the office would take a million dollars to taste cum. Oh, I know that. I'm saying some have a taste for it and some don't. Just like you said some. No, I don't think someone's going like, I don't think there's anyone in your office silently thinking to themselves, I want to taste their cum. No, no, not theirs. I'm saying in their own lives, some of them are into it and some are not

That's what I'm saying like some have boyfriends with their like yeah, I love it You're talking about us I'm sick! I'm sick! I'm sick! I don't know how to talk about this. Every woman in here would taste her cum for like a million dollars. Yeah? That's it. That's it? Yeah. These guys won't do it because they think it makes them gay. First of all, yes

They fucking would. You know, if we laid out the cash No, the thing is I know that you could I know that you could and no. Hold on. Hold on for real Yeah, no, this is insane A million? A million dollars? I would gargle your cum and swallow it for one million dollars And I have a lot of million dollars Coco Oh and swallow it for 1 million dollars and I have a lot of million dollars Coco no no that's cocoa Wait you have breast milk. Do you have breast milk right now? Oh, I drink coca's breast milk for a million dollars Yeah, of course. Yeah, any I would do it for by the way cocoa. No offense. I would do it for 40 dollars

I would do it for, by the way Coco, no offense, I would do it for $40. Annie, would you drink breast milk for $40? For free, yeah, why not? For free? Okay, so That's how I think most women would do would come. They're like it's come whatever. It's not a big deal Yeah, I think a lot of by the way a lot of straight guys. If you offer them a million dollars. I think these three lying whores we have in the booth. Yeah. Wait, is it all three you're saying now? No, Solo definitely take the check.

Chag on to it. I mean, if you laid out a million. A million. And I guess it depends on how it was administered, you know? Yeah, you don't have to take it fresh from the source. OK, great. Wait, hold on. Hold on, you fucking queen.

Now you're going to tell us how we're going to get to come to you. That matters. I'm going to tell you right now, Chad is going to be blindfolded and your knees are going to be cold. Did you ever, did you ever see the clip of, of the podcast I did with Ari and Matthew Broussard? It was wild. Yes. I think I did with Ari and Matthew Broussard. It was wild. Yes, I think I did see this clip.

I can't, do not say names. Don't say names. Wait, why can't you say names? Because I can't say the person who did it's name, so I promise I would never say whose name it was. We blurred his face out. It's, Rrrrrrrrr the clip? Did you see the clip? Uh-uh.

Oh my God. So Ari pisses in a glass, right? Yeah. Like he always does. And then he puts it there. And we're like, yo, get this out of here. So Pete goes in and gets the glass. And he's walking to port in the bathroom,

and I go, Pete, for a million dollars, would you drink Ari's piss and he goes no and I go hold on Pete You've got to have a price point. I go one million dollars and he goes well fuck And out of nowhere here. I'll do it for a thousand Pete goes we were just at a million. Yeah Said person comes out Takes the piss and drinks look at this Here you go, you're a little dehydrated Pete a little bit I'll do it. All right, how much to take a sip of it Pete? Oh

How much Let's start. Let's start with the high. No, no, let's come over the real wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, We've got a deal. We've got a deal if you're gonna take a sip of Ari's piss for a thousand dollars Come over here and do it on camera Are you gonna throw up? Look at the look on our weight No one thought you've done it before I can't watch watch this. This is for my family. Wait, I'll just give you $1,000. To not do it? No, no.

Oh, no, dude. He drinks it? Oh! I did it. Oh! I'm gonna give you $5,000. I'm gonna give you... To do it one more time Hey hey someone give him $5,000

Hey how did you go from $5,000 back to one? That's awful. He goes no I just want $5,000. Hey everyone go see Matthew. By the way, can I tell you what's brilliant? What you just did? Right at that moment, I knew people were watching. I plugged Matthew special and you hit pause right before I said it's. It's on YouTube.

It's called it's called hyperbole. Matthew, Matthew. Was Matthew saying that he's Jewish? Matthew is Jewish. Oh, that's wrong. You don't think so because he's attractive? That's not what I, was Ari just learning that there?

That's what I'm asking. Yes. So Ari didn't know. Ari didn't know, no. And Matthew's also, that's French, rightard. No. He's he's he's I Think he's autistic. He's that's not a nationality he we took him to a strip club one time and I was asking if he's French

Not a French last name. Yeah, it sounds like it. Okay. Yeah, I Never seen him with a croissant in his hand. I mean, you can still, you don't have to. You can just be like, yeah, he's a French Jew. Yeah. So. Swimmer? Very good swimmer. Yeah.

His girlfriend or fiance, I think he lives in Austin now. Yeah, he's not gay? No. Oh. No. We took him to a strip club, and he'd never been to a strip club. He'd never been to a strip club. Never been to a strip club and he never been to a strip club. He'd never been to a strip club never been to a

strip club, okay, and He he's a very literal man like he's really smart. Do you know what he does to calm down after a show? math problems What he goes in and does math problems he to regularly regularly he tutors children He tutors children in math For free because it relaxes him What he tutors children in math is one of the most

Do I feel anything no feel anything? No. Most common is like, I said, dog clenching and tingling of the tongue. Or sinus tingling. Here, do you want to give me my shot now on camera? Uh huh, yeah. Holy shit! He's, by the way, he's one of the

smartest human beings I know. Dude, look at this guy! He's so fucking funny. He really is. Hysterical. Wait, is he a college swimmer? Uh, no. This is just college swimmer? Uh, no. This is just from casual swimming? He is, he knows swimming like crazy. Like he really follows swimming.

So he did swim in college? Is he a Division I swimmer? He must have been. You don't know shit. I don't know. You don't listen at all. So, his, I think his wife or his girlfriend went to the Olympics, I think as to, I think so. I don't know. I don't listen a ton. Completely made up. Is that

his page? That's Monday pun day. He's really good at puns. That's insane. He's really smart man. When I was getting ready for this hour, he was just traveling with me the whole time and doing shows with me and the way he assesses comedy is so somewhat analytical yet fun There was a joke I had here we go. I'll let you poke me Oh, sorry y'all. You gonna hit my sciatic? No. Ready? Yeah.

One, two, three. You good? Yeah. I'm putting a band-aid so you don't get any blood. There you go. Okay. The, um... He, he, his assessment for comedy is so analytical. Yeah. Okay. His assessment for comedy is so analytical. Like he really does go, you said this here,

you can't say this again. Like he's just really, he's really smart. You should check out his special, it's on YouTube, it's really funny. But man, he, that moment, I mean we spend the rest of the moment we talk, I mean it was like such a fucking wild thing What's crazy is our my podcast streams live downstairs to all the women downstairs?

Oh my god, and you should have heard the screaming scream Sandra is One of the young ladies works. She threw up. She threw up I mean, I look like Ari was about to throw up, but it's his piss. I know Super gnarly so what's our price point on tasting come boys? No No zero for me zero. It's insane if there was a game show hmm, so why do you drink come? Yeah, man, yeah, what would you call it?

It's online. Cum gum. It's brought to you by First We Feast. It's called hot combs. Taking it from the source, I understand. No, that would be cool, that would be cool. You just, different types of cum in the. I understand if you were like,

hey, this guy's gonna fire it right into my face, that might be like a different price point. All right, what about this, honey? What about this? Okay, soft pitch. I give you a million dollars. You will taste, you will eat cum within the week. You just don't know when you're gonna get it.

That's even, that's just the same thing, but worse. What the fuck? I don't know. But like it's a fucking surprise. Yeah, it's a surprise. I was like, it's in a souffle. Like you don't know. You think you're eating something. I bet you've had come before no Alright new office game. We gotta get any to eat come without him knowing it

Yes, and then we give you the come surprise. Yeah, it has a girl ever kissed you after giving you a blowjob Yeah Come if that's the case. Yes That's never happened as a matter of fact I push them away. They get upset about oh when they try to kiss you wait how long how long? Wow what Coco in here is giggling going as a woman. I'm a little offended. Yeah, of course Wait, so wait if a girl how long do you need to allow a mouth to rest before you go back to kissing it? Ain't amount of time. It's brushing your teeth to go brush your teeth. That's what you say go brush up bitch

You're thinking it I know you're like yeah bitch go get some Colgate Yeah, no, I just say she always well shit. All right. Yeah, they'll come up and I was like whoo You don't think it's kind of you don't think it's kind of hot to have a little bit of your remnants on her mouth She kisses you sure don't I think it'd be hot if she wants to keep it there like hey, that's cool But like don't kiss me. No, all right. Hey, okay. I think this is all chatter being a little more honest Yeah, guys. Have you ever kissed a girl after she sucked someone else's dick raise your hand What what do you mean 10th grade Oh 10th grade, okay Like right after no, I think it was pretty close

All I know is all I know is I told my story. Kind of an animal dating in 10th grade. I told my story. I told my story at lunch the period after the guy told his story. So the guy told his story. There were two periods of lunch. Some guys had both periods, you know? So like there was a group of guys that stayed and you're like, I made out with Kelly. I was like, I hooked up, I wanna say a real name,

so I'm still fucking bitter about it. But I was like, I hooked up with dot dot dot. Let's just call her Monica. It's not Monica. I can't say Monica, because I know a Monica that we all grew up with. But I made out with fucking Frida. Frida Kahlo.

Okay, okay. Got it. I made out with fucking Frida, Frida Kahlo. Okay, okay. Got it. I made out with Frida and everyone goes, when? I said Saturday night at Ty's house. And they're like, when? And I went, does it matter? And they're like, when did you make out with Frida?

And I said, it was at the end of the night. And they go, was it the end of the night? And I said, yeah, was at the end of the night. They go, was it the end of the night? And I said, yeah, like at the end of the night, she got on the couch, she started making out with me and they're like, oh. That's awesome. So what's Sean's dick taste like? I went, what?

They're like, Sean got a blowjob from her earlier. I was like, fucking Frida Kahlo's a whore. Yeah, she is. God man, I'm so. wait a minute, but Zolo back to you and Chad yeah You've kissed a girl after she's given you nice mouth kisses right? I'll do like a tight-lipped peck. Yeah, like you're kissing your grandma I definitely have yeah, I'm not ashamed of it. No of course course not. No, of course not. You're a fucking adult man. You're supposed to like Full French after that. That's the way you do it. Yeah You have her you have her hold a little bit left for you and give it back to you

And we call it the enny and then you go hey You go leave a little bit leave a little in my stash. I want to know it was there Exactly. Enny, I'm really shocked. What are you shocked about? Like just that you hold firm opinions on this. Do I seem like I would like come? Is that what you're surprised about? What's the surprise?

Well you know they usually say... All black guys are gay. Clip it out! Alright we gotta run. Well, you know, they usually say All black guys are gay Clip it out. All right, we got a run. Thank you guys for watching. Thank you for listening and Yeah, we'll we'll see tells stories and Bert's the machine. There's not a chance in hell that they'll keep it clean. Here's what we call, Two Bears, One Cave.