2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer - Starting A Cult w/ Stavros Halkias | 2 Bears, 1 Cave

Episode Date: October 28, 2024

Get tickets for Tom’s Come Together Tour at https://tomsegura.com/tour SPONSORS: Get 10 FREE meals at https://HelloFresh.com/freebears. Head to https://bluechew.com with promo code BEARS to receive your first month FREE. Head to https://PolicyGenius.com/BEARS to get your free life insurance quotes and see how much you could save. It's another week of 2 Bears, 1 Cave with Burnt Crystals being joined by guest bear, Stavros Halkias! With this episode, Stavros earns the rare "2 Bears Triple Crown", having been on the show with both guests individually and together. Stavros has a new movie coming out called "Let's Start A Cult" and Bert can't help gush about it. Stavros cares a lot about this film and feels quite proud of it. Naturally it's a comedy, so Bert and Stavros eventually discuss their personal Comedy Mount Rushmore. They also get into some of Bert's regrets from "The Machine", track suits at movie premieres, the upcoming NBA season, F1 in Vegas, Donald Trump's frequent podcast appearances lately, Charlie Murphy, and a controversial opinion about dentists. Check it out! 2 Bears, 1 Cave Ep. 260 https://tomsegura.com/tour https://www.bertbertbert.com/tour https://store.ymhstudios.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Tickets are available now for my November shows coming up November 8th. I'll be in San Diego at the Pachanga Arena November 9th. I'm in Phoenix at the Footprint Center November 27th. I'm in Hollywood, Florida at the Seminole Hard Rock and November 29th. I'm in Tallahassee, Florida at the Donald Will Tucker Civic Center. Get tickets at TomSegura.com slash tour. Hey guys, brand new 2 Bears 1 Cave. Tour. I think I've completed the the two bears Grand Slam where I've been a guest bear both ways Yeah, and I've been on with both of you You know what happened is me and you were supposed to do a bird cast today

Yes, and Tommy is like I guess I don't know how his epic works for real. Oh, this is an ozempic issue Oh, yeah He does joke ones about me and I just tell the truth I just just tell the fucking truth and everyone goes. Oh, it's a joke No, it's not a joke. Oh, wow. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. He's been on he's been on his epic for Uh, it's the second it came out. He got on it really and he that's how he lost all the weight Everyone's like no no hard work really Really wasn't hard work. Do you think he looked in the mirror one day? He's like this is pissing you off. I can tell that he's the sexy one now. No I almost got on it I almost got on it when he got on it before

anyone was doing it and he was like you just got to get on this stuff it really like cuts your weight loss. I'm a metformin I'm not saying that I'm not I'm not pervious like metformin helps with your blood sugars it's pre-diabetic medication. Metformin? Metformin yeah I don't know what it does. Smart. Smart. Don't look into the thing that's altering your body chemistry. That's right. You're super healthy every other way Do anything else that might fuck you up either? I Just got my blood work back. How's it looking? Love to hear that perfect. Love that to the point where she said this is the healthiest you've ever been Wow And by the way, I've been partying up until like two weeks

before I got my blood work. So it's not, biomarkers take like 110 days to change. So if you wanna lower all your results, you gotta quit everything for 110 days. Do you ever think that you might've been capable of something so much better than what you're doing and you're using your body to just not die from alcoholism? Do you think like you-

Every day, every day. Do you know what what? I don't know what it would be. Last night, I was sick. I was legit sick. And I got sick in the morning. I worked out anyway. And I was like, I was doing a podcast and I started falling asleep. And then I was like, yo, I don't know if I can go to the premiere night. Your premiere. Let's start a cult. It's fucking, we're gonna talk about that in a second. This is the one time, and I've said this before, I said this with a machine, and I mean it. And I know I got a lot of negative backlash because it sounded self-serving when I said it.

Well, it's not self-serving when I say it about you. You will be in movie theaters October 25th. October 25th, this goes into movie theaters. Let's start a cult. This, I mean this from the bottom of my heart. When you support a project like this and you give it love in the movie theaters, it creates more opportunities for other comics to do stuff. Yeah. Because places like Dark Horse, Dark Sky, go listen we invested'm guessing, seven million dollars in this project.

No, less than a million dollars. Are you serious? Yeah. It is so funny. Yeah, it's an incredibly shoestring, it's a super low budget comedy. We're gonna talk about this ad nauseam, because I do want, I know it sounds crazy,

but like, here's the deal, you know. And look, a million dollars is a lot of money, but we shot, that's like, we shot a movie with a ton of locations a ton of actors over like four weeks So to do that with a bit from four from less like I think it was like 750 something like that Yeah, it was it was crazy. It was so cool This is you I just say this where there's gonna be a link in our bio or whatever in our descriptions, go support this in movie theaters. Go support it in movie theaters, buy a ticket.

Stavi's going out with the whole group and they're doing like Q and A's and they're going out to a bunch of cities. We're gonna talk about all that. We're gonna talk about all that. I wanna get back to what we were talking about before. The medicine that's keeping you alive. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

So, but, so I felt sick yesterday. And then I was like, you know what I'm going to do? I'm going to take a nap. And I, and I haven't been drinking. And then I took a nap and immediately I bounced back and I was like, nice, I feel good. I think I have superior genetics. I wouldn't phrase it that way. I think I've watered them down my whole life.

Yes, yes, yes. And I've, I've put myself at 50% and achieved 100%. Yeah. I can't imagine Yeah What I would have looked like had I been the guy at 25 that said fuck stops here. I'm gonna start eating clean Let me ask you this though Bert. You know how let's say you know take an egg right? Yeah You crack an egg and you put it in on the fucking sidewalk or you even you keep an egg in a fridge

Let's say right perfect conditions eventually will go bad you pickle that egg with booze and that egg can last forever you might have preserved your yourself in booze somehow dude I look at you're like beef the beef jerky of guys I'm gonna tell you example I have a friend he's been he was aggressively fat his entire life sounds cool yeah and then when he started trying to get healthy, he just started looking old. He's maybe, how much younger is Tommy than me? He's...

He's... Tom looks like he's a 70 year old man. He looks like a 70 year old man. That's more salt and pepper though. But it's like, it's like aging. Like if you put me and Tom together, you think we're the same age. I'm like a generation older than him. Interesting. But I look so much better. It's like it's like aging like if you put me in time together you think we're the same age I'm like a generation older than him interest, but I look so much better. It's wild

I think this this is also another one of your great skills completely over rating yourself That much better Bert you're jacked I'll give you that you're stronger. I'll tell you what my great skills are I am amazing I'm amazing at recognizing talent. I'm hardcore amazing. I really am. And I'm not even fucking around. I said to Leann, I'm embarrassed in this statement. The tour is great. I mean, everybody on Fully Loaded is awesome. Think of all the... I mean, I'm not going to toot my own horn. But I will say that I met you probably 10 years ago and fell in And fell in love with you, immediately. Immediately.

Thank you, thank you, bro. And I said to Leanne, I'm embarrassed of this statement because it's, so like, she goes, what? I said, we watched the movie yesterday, we went into the screening, it is so funny. You are so fucking funny, but more importantly, you produced this, you wrote it. You co-wr wrote it with my buddies

Yeah, Ben Kittnick and Wes Haney who Wes is amazing funny so funny up, but you filled it with such amazing talent Yeah, Eric, Ray Hill. So funny to pay the Puka guy. Yes. He's so fucking funny. He's in the new office He's he's a he's a cast member. He's right. He's part He's a part of the writing staff, but Eric is fucking hilarious Katie full in his hilarious Katie's Daniel Simonson who Daniel Simonson shows up for anyone who's on two years ago Daniel Simonson shows up and delivers what I could only say is competitive to coffees for closers monologue am I right yeah he has a great it's a great moment in the film and so it but the one the one thing I was driving home with

Leanne and I was like I said it and I don't know if it's cuz I'm getting older whatever so I'm getting older or whatever So I'm so proud of Stavi. She was you have there's no reason for you No, but I feel like I met him when he was younger I met him with a shaved head no to yep You legit Carry a movie you carry a movie. You're in 80% of the scenes if not 95 of them Yeah, you're yours a lot you carry the fucking movie from the opening from the fucking this movie is so good within the first seven seconds You are laughing out loud within the first 30 seconds. You're like, I'm taking my coat off I'm in like legit and it got yeah huge laughs in the screen. Let's talk about the movie right now

Let's talk about yeah. Yeah. So do me a favor, on the wifi, will you pull up all the places you're taking this movie? Yes, and we, yeah, we're, so right now we have some special screenings in New York. We're doing, on opening night on the 25th, and then we're also adding Saturday. We have a Tuesday screening in New York, and we have one in Baltimore as well Thursday

But then yeah, we're trying to take it more places a lot of AMC's are showing We're trying to get some regals to show it so it is super indie right like and dark sky to their credit They're a small you know production company But they gave us pretty much as much money as they could like the budget kept going up And they were like look we cannot do any more than this. So just like, do what you can. And we're showing it in, I think right now, 20 cities, hopefully that's gonna be a few more. And yeah, I just think it's important. I loved, I mean, I think we're similar guys where,

you know, I grew up on comedies, watching them. And I love the like, super confident idiot, right? The best, the best character that exists in, like from Adam Sandler to, it's kind of like Adam Sandler, Will Ferrell, to- Bill Murray. Bill Murray, yeah, Bill Murray, you know, all that stuff.

Bill Murray joined the army in stripes thinking this is a no-brainer. It's like, it's the confident idiot is my favorite. It's so fun and there's so many different, you know, you know, pieces to that, right? Danny McBride, I mean, East Bound and Down, my favorite show ever. And I think I want to do a version of that. That's what I've loved growing up and I loved watching those movies on DVD when I was a kid and then, but I remember even seeing Anchorman in a theater and like seeing all the Apatow movies,

all the Seth Rogen movies in theaters. And like, they don't make, you just, they don't make like, and it's 90 minutes, right? It's 89 minutes, because that's the other thing. Fucking brief, full, it's about the last. You said that last night, you said an 89 minute comedy is fucking perfect. It's great, Dirty Work was 82 minutes, you know what I mean?

And it's like, that's one of my favorite comedies of all time. And yeah dude, it was like, we had a weird opportunity to make, like what I wanna do is just make the shit that I loved growing up. And so, Dark Sky kind of approached us about making us, we made a short version of this. And we just, they let us write the script,

they let us do whatever the fuck we wanted. As long as it was- Were they involved with the short? No. Okay, so you made a short version of this and we just they let us write the script They let us do whatever the fuck we wanted as well. They involved were they involved with the short? No Okay, so you made the short you West Nick and Ben is the director, right? Yeah, you guys made the short and you improv the short short was completely improv and then this was kind of the exact opposite where we had to really write it because What we were going with the money we had we we couldn't fuck around, unfortunately. And that sucks, because dude, Eric Rahill, Katie Fulham, like these people are so funny fucking around. Bobby Kelly plays my dad in it. You know what I mean?

Yeah, Bobby Kelly. He was so funny. We had so much stuff. Dude, fucking, what's his name, plays your brother. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, Ethan Suplee. Ethan Suplee, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, we had great actors and really funny people,

but it was great, man. And basically, and we had a lot of stuff we had to to cut because I think there's something so fun about a movie that Honestly, we cut plot stuff out because we were like this is boring It's not funny enough to be in this movie. We'll figure it out We'll paper over it with a fucking voice over who gives a fuck this scene was a funny enough What was what was the plot thing? I mean I just just like establishing certain like mean a Conversation me and Wes had in a hotel room that had some jokes But it just was it like this is a movie fully the point is it's a movie fully made with jokes

Permanent short you're in and out. You're just having a good time. You're not gonna fucking waste an entire evening You could throw this movie on and just fucking laugh for half hour, pause it, come back, and like, you know, great cast, funny people. It was honestly a dream and yeah dude, I just, I want, that's what, the one thing I really love doing is just working on stuff with funny people. Doing tires is really, this was right before tires, but it's like I shot this and then we shot season one of tires and like season two of tires are so fun

everybody's so fucking funny and that those two experiences really were like Dude, let's just make something fucking funny and stupid and you know There's and there's plenty of nudity most of it is male unfortunately, but next time we're getting titties in the movies That's another problem I have. You can always count on a nice titty break about 17 minutes into an 80s comedy. We've got to bring those back. Make this fall season the tastiest yet with farm fresh produce and easy autumn inspired recipes delivered right to your door with HelloFresh.

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My biggest regret with the machine is there was a moment where we're all in this jet and we all wake up after everyone's been doing coke. Yeah. And in the moment in Serbia, I went, we should have someone show their tits. And my and my my producer, Kale, was like, yeah, the way the industry works now, we don't just start asking today. I don't know, you could have figured it out. In Serbia, I've done another 100 bucks and you're gonna have gotten tits in there.

I've seen some interesting films from Serbia. I've seen what women will do for a ride to the town center. I think you could have gotten some tits in the machine. Dude, it was... Mark Hamill sucking on some titties. We had a... I'll tell you who it is off-camera. Yeah. I know this is the part... this is the reason I'm not the first guy on everyone's call sheet these days. Yeah. I love telling the secrets. Yeah. We had a huge celebrity who wanted to be the dad in that movie who was like I feel like there should be a sex scene between me and the mafia gangster We were all like

He's like a main character not like it would be funny if the dad had a sex scene like no I should fuck the actress Everyone was like on a zoom like cool. Yeah, I Guess we won't have That's awesome, I know right and completely make sense Bleep Burt's mouth to put it together the We I meant it was so fun and you you sold it so well you got up there and you're like you know and I was watching everything from 3,000 feet up because it was like I've been to a lot of

premieres lately because the girls aren't home and they're like let's go see a movie sure and there is a grandiose-ness to presenting your project with them which I'm sure I was probably guilty of too. You walked up, track suit, by the way, I had the same track suit. Yes, I saw it hanging. I was like, did I leave it here? No, Leanne goes, baby, he's wearing our track suit.

I bought matching track suits for me and her. That's awesome. But you walked up in a fucking sick-ass track suit and you walked up and you went, I haven't seen this movie in a while. I hope you like stupid comedies. That's what it is. And you just walked off stage. And then everyone's like, what are we in for?

Within seven seconds, everyone's having, and there is a communal feeling when everyone's in the movie theater, where you laugh hard, it's so fun to laugh at strangers. That's the point, dude, that's the fun. And that's why it doesn't really make sense to put it in theaters, like my fan base is all on the internet, you know what I mean?

But I just, and it's a risk, and I, and we're going, you know, town to town, we're doing Chicago, Baltimore, New York, and if places will put us in theaters, and I'm off of tires, I'll show up to a screening, just because I just believe in, I just want people to go to theaters and see, because people have been, we've been very lucky,

people have been paying to see us do stand-up, and that's awesome, and that that's cool and that's communal, but like, why not a fucking comedy movie again? Like why, that's so, I'm just trying to like, and that's why it was also super low budget, you know what I mean, like. Well, you have a real small threshold to break to make this profitable for your buyer,

for the people making it for you, which I think is brilliant. And I think, and I gotta be honest with you, I think, you know, I think you, I really see this, I could, I see this movie easily, and I'm not even joking around, with a limited run, I see you making a wild profit on this, and just making that the business model,

and go, all right, let's make another one for like four million. Yeah, that's the thing. The only thing I wanna do is like, cause it was kind of a little, it was tough because we were working like long ass days and like it was pretty grueling. We shot in 17 days.

We shot in 17 days and these are like, you know, 12 hour days but we also wrote and executive produced it so like every night we're going over, you know, which scenes we're doing, we're going over all the, you know, we're talking the cinematography. So they were like 16, 17 hour days, and then I would just get high as shit

and eat Taco Bell until I passed out every night. Like it was. When did you shoot this? This was right after I shot my special. Last, this was last June. Wow. So I shot my special in May, and then a week later we shot the movie.

And then it was a crazy, it was a crazy year. That's crazy stuff. But all I want is to just make it a little more, because if we had like one more week, this would have been the best month of my life, but it was a really tough three weeks. But who gives a fuck, I'm not crying about it, it's just like, it's fun, something came out of it,

and yeah, I just want a little bit more money so that I can also cast, you know, pay all your friends what they should, like, you know, make a, and it wasn't, it honestly is a labor of love in that stand-up last summer, dude, we were fucking, I don't know what the fuck happened in the economy where stand-up comedy was the only profitable business for like a year, but like, I just didn't go on the road

cause I, and I was just like, I just need to make this movie right now, because these shit, you know, you never know when someone will let you make a movie when you get the chance you gotta take it I would argue what you I think you're in us. I think you're in a sweet spot You're in what we call the proverbial catbird seat Oh, yeah, because you're making things that you think are funny which it would styles right into your fan base I kept saying you know one time I was with a comic who said I'll say his name. It's a weird statement, but I've been overusing it. Okay. I want to give him credit. Okay

How's on Minaj? Yes, and we were we were at the Tom Brady roast and I was in a tux I was very uncomfortable and he said, you know, you don't look like you're enjoying your outfit and I said I'm miserable right now Yeah, yeah, and he was in a fucking crazy dope suit. And he pulled it together. And he goes, buddy, this is my fastball. And the idea that this is my, it's a really brilliant statement, because I love fastballs, I could never hit a curve.

I couldn't. And your whole movie was your fastball. It was everything I love about you. And it was everything, it was everything. I mean, it was like, from your silliness to your seriousness to your heartfeltness, like your character was fully developed in like, in that everyone that was working on it

knew what your fastballs were. Yeah, I think, I think, and that's, you get to, you know, we wrote it ourselves, and I'm not a fucking actor. I mean, to the point where like, no, I'm not even fucking around. I was like dude, they milked this cow from ass to hoof like There was like there's a part of the movie that is all I felt was an omos to your calendar

It was sure it was so fucking great there were things I definitely wanted to do, you know It was so fucking great. There were things I definitely wanted to do, you know, without, you know, without spoiling, but there's some very fun, yeah, probably the biggest laugh of the movie is one of my favorite things to do. Hold on, there's, there's, there are, there are, I'm gonna say like,

within the first, I've never seen a movie that opened this funny this fast. And I'm being serious when I say that. Even happy Gilmore. It's like he builds into it Yeah, happy Gilmore is pretty funny when he just starts fighting everyone. He's like I disagree for the record Okay, but I appreciate it. Let's name movies that opened fucking hysterical like a movie that opened and you go Ha I mean I can tell you the best trailer I ever saw without a doubt was Fucking Austin Powers. Yeah. Yeah, Austin Powers does open really strong It opens really strong says that prologue and then it has the like or it has I think the credits

It's just like him coming out and everybody fucking loves him. That's a great. That's very that's a that's a contender for sure Yeah, I'm trying to remember how I just You know, you know, it's fun to do, like your top four, if we did letterboxed comedies, that would be really fun. Where, like, have you ever seen that letterbox thing where it's like your favorite four, and they go and ask like filmmakers and whatever like their top four?

But anyway, it's basically, it's essentially your Mount Rushmore of like, of comedies, and that's a fun, cause I don't know what's opened the strongest, I can't off the top of my head think of it, but like, you know, for me it's definitely like, type in most profitable comedies. Billy Madison, I was a slow take too.

I love, I mean, see, I think I was also the right age, like I was discovering, like I was a big, as a little kid I was a big Sandler on SNL fan and then getting that on, maybe it was even VHS. And you know what's funny? One thing, a comedy that legitimately I loved and I watched maybe as much as anything was Night at the Roxbury,

because I was a huge Will Ferrell on SNL fan and I loved that sketch and I watched it recently. I think it holds up personally. I think it holds up personally I think it fucking rules Can I also tell you one that is a sleeper that I still think to this day is one that I I quote all the time Yeah, yeah quirky quirky Romano Want some cookies and that scene where Chris Penn, you can't read he's ordering ice cream like that is so fucking

funny. And it says like ice cream flavors, chocolate vanilla. He's like pistachio and they're like, uh, and he just keeps saying shit. He's great in it. Yeah. That's a very, there's a line when Corgi Romano does coke and he goes, there's going to be, we should buy a boat. Who's my boat?

I say that all the time. I said we should buy a boat. Romano's good, dude. Your motto is good. Um, but doesn good. But doesn't crack my top four. These are the most profitable fucking movies? No, I don't think so. That can't be right. I don't think that's possible. That's absolutely not right. There's no way. But these are some bangers. I mean, for me, for me, it's probably, like Billy Madison was definitely one for me. I mean, Superbad, Stepbrothers.

Okay, hold on. Yes. Okay, hold on. Let's slow this down. Sure. So Billy Madison, better than Happy Gilmore? For me, yeah. Okay.

For me, yes. I think it's stupider, which I like, it's so absurd and there's so much like and One thing I'm really excited about is like cuz we had some moments where I think this the move the starter cult gets Kind of more unhinged the more it goes on I said it to Pete. Yeah Yeah, it's my it's there are two things in this movie that are subtle things that I don't think anyone's gonna pick up on That I'm not even gonna say I'm saying you can bleep it out But I where I made me laugh out loud the two things the two things are the fucking Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, just just cut to him. Don't you?

I love that we love that and then cut him again. This is the other one when when the guy comes out and takes the That's one of our favorite jokes, yeah fucking that's That killed me. Yeah, I've been thinking about it all day. Yeah, I've been thinking about it all day With big wireless providers what you see is never what you get somewhere between the store and your first month's bill the price You thought you were paying magically skyrockets. With Mint Mobile, you'll never have to worry about gotchas ever again. When Mint Mobile says $15 a month,

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like we had nothing but funny people. Like our main cast was all super gifted improviser standups. It was me and Daniel and then it was like Wes, Eric, and Katie are all incredible improvisers So even in this even though we couldn't really improvise the scenes that much there were little moments like that that we were like This would be really funny if we did that, you know, you know, it's so funny inside it Yeah for me, that's why Billy Madison they have so many moments. They're

the penguin the the dance sequence that That that that where that music comes in. And just so much, you know, so many fucking, Jim Downey's speech, you know, may God have mercy on your, where he's so over the top at the end, that's one of the worst dances I've ever heard. And may God, everyone in this room is now dumber

for having listened to it. And may God have mercy on your soul. A simple no would have been, you know, like, anyway, so for me, that's why it's more absurdist. Happy Gilmore, still crazy, still has like Sandler's weird, but yes, absolutely, I take Billy Madison. I'm gonna find out the answer right now, hold on. About what?

Hey everyone, I am here with Stavi, and he has a new movie, Let's Start a Cult. Let's Start a Cult. It's gonna be out June, or October 25th in theaters. You have to go see it, but here's the question we're asking. What's a new movie. Let's start a cult. It's gonna be out June or October 25th in theaters You have to go see but here's the question. We're asking. What's a better movie? Happy Madison No, or Billy Madison Billy Madison or Happy Gilmore. Yep, Billy Madison or Happy Gilmore. Let's see what the polls Billy Madison hive Billy Madison hive check in

Madison yeah. Yeah. Yeah the B hive we, so I'm a little bit older than you, and we saw Happy Gilmore in theaters. And then we came back and there Billy Madison was on VHS. And we watched it the first time and it's so disconnected from reality that we had a hard time connecting. And it wasn't until I smoked weed with one chick that I dated over the summer and she started quoting Billy Madison that I got the brilliance of it. I mean, Norm is so funny in it too. Norm is fucking good.

That moment where they're like, coming up next, a story about a disgraced millionaire son who's cheating his way through high school. And Norm's like, now hold on, they could be talking about somebody else. It's like... It's so good, man. But yeah, I think I would go with Billy Madison, Superbad, Step Brothers.

Step Brothers is perfect. It's awesome. And then I don't know what my four spot is. That's hard. There's so many. So I got, I remember seeing Ghostbusters in movie theaters. I remember seeing Stripes in movie theaters. I remember seeing stripes in movie theaters Yeah, I remember I mean Fletch for me was the perfect comedy. Yeah, cuz that here's the problem

I love those. I mean, you know, here's the problem with Fletch is that he's smarter than the room Which is a weird thing in comedy because it's like well Fletch is also they made a really They just made one with John Hammers John Hamm. John Hamm, and it was directed by the same director Superbad, Greg Mottola, who's great, and it was a different take on Fletch. I think Fletch was never supposed to be like that.

It wasn't really supposed to be Chevy Chase. It was supposed to be like a little, I don't know, like a little dryer, which was really good, but I liked Fletch, you know, like, there's something a little generational, because I like all those movies, and there are parts I really enjoy,

but there's also parts where some of those movies are slow for me, like when you talk about things building, and I think each generation gets a little faster, and I'm sure kids younger than me are gonna be like, you know, I mean, they're already better editors and video and Directors just but like and they get to the point fast But some of those 70s movies I love scenes of them and there's real and the characters are great and John Candy and stripes Is so fucking funny John Candy John Candy might be I

Have such a tether to him because I heard Steve Martin I was talking to someone about this the other day heard Steve Martin talking about Ooh, maybe the Jerk Maybe getting a Steve Martin movie in the top four, you're right The Jerk, Trains, Planes and Automobiles, Uncle Buck Yes, Planes, Trains and Automobiles is so good Uncle Buck is so fucking good I really want, I know remakes are overdone. I would love to play uncle buck

I would love they should do the way the Joker is the way every like actor proves They're like every fat comedian should get to play uncle buck. That should be our Joker You know what I mean? Like why does fucking everybody prove themselves? They did it with Mike Epps Oh, yeah, they had uncle buck with Mike Epps. Not the same gotta be a fat guy in my opinion Yeah, gotta be a big fat slob. Gotta be white. I don't know if it has to be white, it has to just be white. No, it has to be white.

Okay, this goes back to you. But no, there's a family dynamics in a black household are different than in a white household. No, you can have the fuck up uncle in a black family. No, but it's so much more makes sense to have that fuck up uncle in a white family. Can you not imagine a black family with their shit together?

Is that what the problem here is, Bert? You can't imagine a successful black family. That's a fucking dumb ass uncle because they exist. No black uncles are always around. They're like, they're like good. They show up. I'm not going to go do. I'm just saying you could have a family that's well off and they have the black sheep. Like you could have a family that's well off and they have the black sheep. Like you could have a complete train wreck black sheep. That's the generational part is I only, cause I had so many fuck up uncles. I had nine of them that I identified a me all my uncles right now are like, hold on.

They were all fuck ups at one point that all moved to Florida and lived with us. So I got that so well. I was like, oh yeah Uncle an uncle just crashing out is so funny a grown man needing to because he can't move back in with his parents Cuz they're dead With his sibling that's so fucking pathetic Uncle bucks one of the best so bucks one of my favorite I watched uncle buck when they was giving birth to Georgia She was like going through contractions.

And I was like, well, you're not gonna watch. Can you keep it down? John Candy is being very charming and you're fucking yelling in my ears. Here's a question I wanna ask you. I just had, I don't know if it's aired or not, but it will air, is we had Judd Apatow on as a guest bearer.

And I know Judd's gotten some negative feedback online because of his politics. Yeah. And because of his. I think the slap was kind of hard. He said like he could have killed him about it. Like I thought he overdid it. A lot of people kind of got.

With Chris Rock? Yeah. He said he would have killed Will Smith? Something like that. I think people got a little like, all right, let's relax. It was, these are two millionaires who's, and Will Smith's brain has melted because of being famous since he was a child, and he got so cucked

that his brain turned to mush. And it was actually an insane moment where he kind of, he was about to, people forget he was about to get his Oscar. He got an Oscar like 40 minutes later, and for, it was like a Greek tragedy. So it was like, there was so much more going on, I thought, than an overreaction. But Judd is the man.

I mean, those movies are, he, I mean, oh, 40 year old Virgin, which, you know, he produced. Pull up Judd Apatow's movies. It's almost like what's crazy, and I said this to Judd, is like, anyone who ever gives him shit online, they should start with, before I start, hey, just thanks for my sense of humor. Yeah, oh, dude, forgetting Sarah. I Sarah I mean heavyweights you want to about a

movie I want to remake I want to make heavyweights bad dude dude no he this is 40 fucking amazing amazing pineapple Express fucking amazing yeah I mean this it's crazy when you look at his body of work, that like you go. And not just the movies, but like, you know, what he was a writer on, who he collaborated with, the Larry Sanders show, I mean all this stuff. Who he shepherded along the way

and would be like just cool with and go like, I mean you think of all the kids like, I said this to, I don't know who I said this to, but I said, for real, for real, luck or talent, do you think Seth Rogen is who he is today had he never met Judd? Yeah. You think he would be still, I mean, I don't think.

Not who he is today. He wouldn't be, he would never. But that's so much of it. I mean, he's definitely an insane talent. He is an insane talent, but you need luck. You need luck. Yeah, yeah, absolutely. A lot of life is luck. And a lot of life is like, I always say my luck was,

I know my luck, and I always try to quantify that sliding glass door moment. Tom got invited to dinner with Charlie Murphy. Hell yeah. And Charlie Murphy was like 45 minutes late. And as Tom waited for Charlie Murphy and his group of friends Rogan walked up to him and said hey man. I'm Joe and Tom's like I'm Tom

Tom Joe's like you're really funny. We should hang out and Tom's like cool that moment Because had I never met Joe I wouldn't Think too many people think they're the fucking shit. You got to remember we think Charlie Murphy's They're the fucking shit. You got to remember we think Charlie Murphy's Tardiness set off a series of events that led us to this table right here with To this to this vodka existing with I would argue Charlie Murphy is the reason we're all here today. Wow Fuck think about it. Okay, let's leave him a let's let's just sit. I love spell spells like one of my, a friend, but I say hero, and he knows that when I hang out with him, he knows how I feel about him.

Chappelle show was pretty great. Awesome. However, without the Charlie Murphy, Rick James sketch, does it become the juggernaut it was? That sketch was so. It was fucking. It was like cultural, I mean, I was in high school when that came out, and you could not you heard. I'm Rick James, bitch

Constantly constantly. Yeah, he had to stop touring. I get it. They would yell. I'm Rick James bitch Yes, she feels like I do stand up. Yeah. Yeah. No, let's think about Charlie Murphy. Mm-hmm Eddie Murphy's big brother Wow Eddie Murphy was just oh Charlie Murphy. This is an incredible take. I know where you're going. Go ahead, lay it out. Eddie Murphy, notably tough guy, learned how to box, but a soft dude. He's an artist. He does not exist in Brooklyn without Charlie Murphy as a big brother.

You're absolutely right. We do not get Eddie Murphy. If we don't get Eddie Murphy, we don't get Chris Rock. If we don't get Chris Rock, we don't get all Rock. If we don't get Chris Rock, we don't get all, think about Farley, Sandler, Spade, all of Chris Rock's best friends. Without Charlie Murphy, we are not. You're losing me with them.

No, because think about this. Dude, Chris Rock's a fucking legend. Spade, Farley, all those guys are amazing. Sandler, all those men. But Chris is the fucking fuck guy. Chris Rock L though. I mean he had on SNL He's kind of flopped on SNL and he had to go do his own thing Did he flop or was he just not the guy that popped on scenes think about Chris Rock?

He's had a prolific brain, right? Don't get me wrong I think Chris what Chris Rock has accomplished is so much better than SNL don't I respect Chris Rock so much more don't get me wrong I'm just saying he was the one who didn't, that was not his medium. He clearly needed to go be a standout. But he might have been the guy in the room that gave them the idea. You know, sometimes you got the guy in the room. But Charlie Murphy is so pivotal to this.

Listen, Charlie Murphy, just giving us Eddie Murphy and then the Tom meets Joe domino, those are two big dominoes, man. Yeah, I mean, I start getting like I start going down rabbit holes I do believe in time travel Hardcore Don't say that so Online trolls you're back. All right, gotta go back in time and kill Charlie Murphy

You said that some fucking nerd is working on the math right now You said that some fucking nerd is working on the math right now. He's going to Brooklyn in the eighties with a sniper. He's setting up shop. Enough of this guy. Believe in sleep. Alcoholism. You don't believe in sleep apnea. Wow.

I don't. You ready? You ready? Okay. Here's where this is where I become. Either you love me or you go. I've had enough see back. Yeah. Wow. I don't you ready you ready? Okay. Yeah, here's where this is where I become Either you love me or you go. I've had enough of him for us. Yes. Yes. Yes. I Want Dennis or our quacks that don't believe in okay. I love this great takes You have and I did see two gold teeth in your mouth. I have four who did that Dennis Here's the reason you can have a sandwich right now

without excruciating pain. But all right, I'm willing to hear you out. We'll throw that aside. Okay. There are some good ones. I think what happens with dentistry is a guy goes to school for four years and thinks that they should have if you go to school for four years and you get to wear white then you go I should be getting boats and like, I need the finer things in life. But you're just a dentist.

You're just technically like cleaning teeth and then replacing a tooth, right? Every now and then. But they go, fuck that, dude. It's like when club comics go, I gotta start working theaters. And then they do theaters, but they get a shit deal because they're only doing one show.

And they're like, well, fuck. It was bad shit if they stayed with clubs. So dentists always upsell you on stuff. They always go like, yo, you know what you need? I'll tell you right now, I had a dentist tell me what we need to do is we need to break your jaw, pull all your teeth, replace your teeth, and then you'll be comfortable. And I was like, what? I mean, this sounds like one bad guy. Oh, I've had a number. You know what you need? I can't replace that tooth. And then you just go to,

if you go to a non-English speaking dentist, they can always do the work for you. Yeah, that's true. It's like a mechanic. Mechanics are always like, you get good mechanics and then you get bad mechanics. Sure. I think the same happened with sleep apnea.

Okay, okay. I think sleep apnea was such a thing that was in the ethos. Well, this is the fatt that was in the in the ethos and that you know Well, this is the fattest country in the history of time So that's probably part of it And so and so what they started doing was going like yo we can sell these like $2,000 machines and tell people they need them look they'll buy them. I don't give a fuck. They use them

Yeah, not gonna die, but they'll buy them then they're gonna realize I can't do this every night and everyone's got a sleep apnea machine. I have three sleep apnea machines I've never used a sleep apnea machine. Yeah that's three of them. You should do that. What? You should use them. No I can't they're fucking bullshit. They're not bullshit. You have a sleep apnea machine? I do. You fucking cunt. It literally changed my life. Oh hold on. I swear to God. I have sleep apnea, I'm fat as shit, I was getting horrible sleep, I was waking up with headaches I put the fucking thing on I sleep with it if I don't if I forget it it ruins my day Okay, have you ever passed out and had good night's sleep without it? Not really really I mean if I'm so fucked up I pass out and I'm kind of groggy sure but that's the drugs

Drugs that's edibles. Yeah, but no it always I mean these are just do you travel with it? I do I have a travel seat. Do you pull it out on a plane if it's a long night? I have done that before. For real? Yeah. Joe Coy. So this is they're outliers like you and Joe Coy. Yeah. We're the outliers You're like you gotta have a dentist that doesn't even know English and sleep apnea is fake. If a dentist can read English, no good. Why doesn't the black men always agree with my theories and white guys always poke holes in them? I was with two fucking brothers the other day and they were like, yeah, fuck sleep apnea and fuck alcoholism. Well, you know, the black community is dealing with a lot of, they have a lot of health problems.

I think they should not be going to you. There's hypertension is tough. I bet sleep apnea is a problem. Are you on statins? No, it's that. That's the next one. That's the big one. What are you saying? Dentists go to school for eight years? Dentists go to school for eight years?

Yeah, they're like real doctors and they're very- Dentists go to school for eight fucking years. I guess. So you're not, no one's getting a 25 year old dentist Every dentist is like 30 years old. That's a great question. Wow, that's crazy I guess maybe you could get a if he really crushes it or she 26 year old if he goes right out of eight from 18. I'll tell you why I tell you I really trust is What's the ones who just do root canals I Don't know that it It's endodontists.

Endodontists. Endodontists just do root canals. So within. They're fucking legit. Okay, okay, so you have specific tooth-like doctors that you trust. Oh, no. Interesting. Crowns, veneers, I don't trust those guys.

They always go, we can make it better. And you're like, yeah, but then you get like the guys from 1856, that Yellowstone remake where everyone's got perfect teeth You're like what year was this? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. What year was this? I gotcha. No, I'm with you I think what you're describing is just that some people are better at their jobs than others And I don't think we can say that a whole industry is of frauds I love when people poke holes in like what especially when you try to do a bit or you like Work something out.

Someone pokes holes in it and they go, you know, obviously, my favorite one, I forget who I told this to. I was dropping George off to college. I almost want to read the fucking text. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm dropping George off of college. I posted a picture of me crying. Oh yeah.

I was talking to Isla. Yeah, that's tough. You gotta stop doing that, man. No. You gotta stop posting pictures that, man. You can just save that for the family scrapbook. Nope. It's what I do. It's me. It's me. It's a hundred percent me. It does. It does. It does. It does. Today can be the first day of the rest of your life, Bert. You can be the guy who keeps that to himself. Did you unfollow me? No, no. Okay, then that's all I care about. I wouldn't unfollow you. You're my friend. I go unfollow me because I don't get unfollowed. I wouldn't unfollow my friend if he relapsed on heroin, but I'd be like, buddy, this is bad for you.

I, god damn it, what was I looking for this text? How'd they do? I'll tell you, you know why I posted it? How's college going? It's going great. Yeah, it's going great for both of them. George's in her third year, she's having a blast, and Isla's really thriving. That's her freshman's first semester, right? Yeah. Wow, that's a fun time. It really is. I gotta tell you, her texts are fun. Her texts are like...

That is awesome. I do understand it is an emotionally charged time. Your last kid... Yeah, I loved the first semester of my freshman year and then I got caught smoking weed and I had to move back home and that was horrible. Oh, for real? Yeah. Different time, your kids will be fine. Yeah, they found a... I'm not going to get into it. Hahaha! Good. See? See? Wait, is this the new part of Bert? This is new Bert.

No over sharing? No over sharing. Look, we just did it. Oh, shut up. You just did it, buddy. You know, this will make my daughter so much happier. See? I mean, it's happening in action.

We're watching it with our eyes. You know what happened? The first time when I would drop Georgia off, I was crying and I got a picture of me and then she posted it on my Instagram. Yeah. And what happened is all my friends that were dropping their kids off hit me up and they're like, dude, I'm going through the same thing. Yeah, yeah, Instagram. And what happened is all my friends that were dropping

their kids off hit me up and they're like, dude I'm going through the same thing. And so when I dropped Ila off, I was like, she posted one of me and of Georgia when I dropped her off, I'm gonna post one of me, we were on the plane and I was like, I'm gonna post a picture. And I posted it. I don't really care about like the Instagram,

what people feel about it, like I don't really care. What was funny was all the people, all my friends that I grew up with, that's what I use Instagram for a lot is- No you don't. All my friends hit me up. You're fucked, now this is lying. You use Instagram for your fucking career.

Oh yeah, you're right, yeah, yeah, yeah. You don't use it for your friends. No, but I still post pictures of my family. But it's your, you know what I mean? It's like a business thing. And I struggle with this too because- But it's your, you know what I mean? It's like a business thing. And I struggle with this too. But it's like, when I first got on Instagram, it was just for friends and family.

That's over, we know that. I know, but I still post pictures like, like I still have, I post pictures of like, the last first day of school, I posted that. Then that's cute. Yeah, and so like, so if it's just a business account, then I should get rid of, I should scrub everything daughter-wise. But it's also weird because my entire career

is about my family. No, I get that. I get that. But I guess it's like, because this is something I struggle with too, which is like how much of yourself do you put on these social, you know what I mean? You're way better than I am.

But it's also, it happened, to your credit, it did shift in the middle, where it's like, it did start as kind of like a fun little photo sharing app, and it somehow, especially once Twitter kinda shit the bed, it kinda became the main social media platform that everybody uses, and it did kinda, you know, it just came, it just kinda like shifted

out from under us, but I don't know, I just feel like once it has become that, and it is hard because you post stuff like that and it does get traction, but it's like, for what? And I've even thought about that sometimes with my act, where it's like, there's stuff I'm working on right now, we know, for the next hour, and I'm really excited about it, I'm not gonna cut anything yet,

but there's stuff that I'm like, is this too personal? Do I need to do this in a specific context? Do I have to do like a maybe, as much as I've made fun of them in the past, does this make more sense as like a one man show type thing? Or is there some other, do I need to be, do I need to be milking this? At a certain point, it's like,

people will, these people in your life do see this thing and I've thought about that it's like how how open and honest do I want to be and then on the other hand it's that's kind of what you're doing that's kind of what the job is but does it have to be that do you have to be that candid and I'm speaking you as in like you know we can talk about me personally I mean I have to be that candid? I've shared everything with, I've shared everything with everyone always. I mean, I've shared the most intimate details that,

and we've had, I talked about Isla getting her period on one of my specials. You know, like, but for me, here's the thing, and I know there's people that, if you don't understand a little bit of it, you're never gonna understand it with an explanation. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So like, and there's people right now that are going, no don't understand a little bit of it, you're never gonna understand it with an explanation Yeah, so like and there's people right now going no. No, I understand all of it and I don't even need the explanation but the explanation is I I think in comedy I try to connect with people more than I want them to I want I want to connect

I want to sure you're definitely like I'm a storyt'm a storyteller. I'm not like a joke guy. I don't care to offend people. I don't... The show was fucking a good time. Everybody's like, it feels like a legitimately friendly atmosphere. I think, yeah. The audience is there having a good ass time.

I'm not like... Which I think is the point of comedy. You should be having a fucking sick time at every show you go to. When I watch Shane, for as long as I've ever watched Shane Gillis, every time I go, I wonder how many dudes in that audience go, I could be friends with him. And by the way, you could.

He's so fucking fun. He's the man. And he is who he is offstage and onstage. He's the same fucking guy. He'll just go drink at a, he's just the most fucking famous guy in Philly, and he'll just go to, I mean, the most famous guy almost every city he's in, and he'll just go to, I mean, the most famous guy almost every city he's in, and he'll just go to a fucking bar and just hang out.

And he's the, like, I tip my, and he's having a good time. He's the man. But I think that I watched when I started comedy, and maybe this is one of those things, once again, generationally, I watched people put on, they were personas, they were an act, and it always rubbed me wrong.

If you were some guy on stage, and then you got off and they were personas, they were an act and it always rubbed me wrong. Yeah. If you were some guy on stage and then you got off and you're like, Hey man, please don't touch me or talk to me. I was like, wait, what happened to the fun guy? I'm with you. And so I never got that. So I, I've taken, I've separated church and state and entirely. I've just, I've turned it into one fucking org where I go, everything you get, whether it's on Instagram, whether it's on Instagram, whether it's on stage, whether it's on a podcast, everything is fucking 100%. I'm gonna give you all of it.

And if it rubs you the wrong way, like what's crazy is like, well, I'll use Norman, cause you know, I love him, but like, Mark Norman makes a joke that it offends people and people go unfollowed, not funny. I have someone in my family that has that. That's the same as me posting a crying picture and people go unfollowed, not funny. I have someone in my family that has that. That's the same as me posting a crying picture and people go unfollowed, unfunny.

I don't need to see this and I go cool, then that's my, you know, like, because I don't know another way to do it. So I just go eh. And the joke I was gonna tell you is, that I think is so fucking funny, is I post that picture and what happened is the day I posted it, my texts from everyone,

so you gotta realize, my age, we're all dropping our kids off of college. We're all dealing with this exact same thing at the exact same time. And it's one of life's heaviest things because have you seen that, I don't wanna make you fucking start crying now, but have you seen the statistic about,

I don't cry anymore. Yeah, oh, let's see. Have you seen the statistic about you spent, by the time time like your kids 18 you spent like 90% of the time You're gonna spend with them. Yeah, that's fucked up dude. It's so I get it Yeah And so I started getting texts from all my friends and they'll contact and I'm just gonna try and make you cry and they'll talk To you less and no they're talking better It's been better since they've gone. So that's true

I have a cuz you get to actually relate to them as human beings that feels nice where they're don't have to just be a little Kid anymore. They're like, especially when they get into their 20s and you could just be friends. That seems like the cool part, dude It's it's the funnest. I mean we're talking it's been the funnest like our tax our texts are hilarious our Our Instagram because we you know, we'll DM each other on Instagram, because we, you know, we'll DM each other on Instagram, like, anytime we find something funny.

They're fucking wild. The jokes they make about Leanne now, privately, are hysterical. Like, I said, I said it some the other day, but Isla said to me, because, you know, I'm with Leanne a lot. It's just me and her. And Isla told me.

Time for, you know, you should open it up. Guys do an open marriage. You know what I mean? Just to talk to, we don't even need to have sex with you. We just want to split up the conversation just to bring it to swing or Bert. Let's go full. Look, who are we kidding? Bert Florida. Every Florida man returns to his roots. every Florida empty nester on fucking TRT You're not doing it not to swing The you can't do it though because you would just be it would be the old age old thing of like the war the wife Fucks way more than the husband. Oh, yeah. Yeah, I

Lianne and it would be a woman and we're not bringing a dude in yeah Yeah. I, I, Leanne and it would be a woman and we're not bringing a dude in. Yeah. I'm not a fool. It's a woman and, but Leanne would just, Leanne would fucking get her against me. She'd be like, and then all of a sudden

I have two women saying, you're a mess, you're a pig. Yeah. Yeah. Two women not sleeping in bed with me going like, you snore like a fucking monster. Yeah. You have sleep apnea. You have sleep apnea, we believe in it.

Yeah. We're going gonna go get our teeth cleaned Island text I like called me like a month after we dropped her off and she goes how's mom doing? I said good She goes yeah, I said yeah, she goes you're getting all her words, huh? It was so funny that that's the way she saw it. She saw us all divvying up mom's words. Yes, that is hilarious. And she was like, and then she goes, that's how I felt when you're on the road.

I get all mom's words. And it was like so interesting, but I spent a lot of time with Leanne. Yeah. We're going to Vegas tonight. Wow, nice. We're partying. We're having fun.

Yeah, it seems like it. For the first time, her liver enzymes are up, thank God. Yeah, yeah. Her insulin's through the fucking roof. Yeah, hell yeah. We're going to see the Eagles. Fucks. With Fluffy.

Oh sick, dude. Yeah, fuck it. Dude, Vegas? Wait, wait, wait, Fluffy is opening for the Eagles? No, no. The Eagles are just right next to each other? Can I tell you what's cool about getting older? Please.

Is you start, I think you start valuing your time with people. I've had more people reach out to me now that I'm like, especially now the girls are out of the house and go, hey, would you like to, would you like to go to this Bruce, Billy Joel concert? Would you like to go to this? Would you go? go to this?

And Fluffy hit us up. I mean, we- Oh, you mean you're going as friends? That's awesome. It's crazy. I may have to edit this out because, you know, Fluffy's a private guy. But he just was like, hey man, we should hang out.

And I was like, fuck yeah. And the kids were out of the house, he's like, let's do something. And he just hit me up. He's like, would you like to see the Eagles at the Sphere? I was like, dude, I gotta be honest with you. The Sphere looks awesome for a concert. The Sphere is fucking insane.

I'm going, have you watched this show Drive to Survive? I haven't, yeah. Do you follow F1 at all? Not really. Dude, I just got into the starting five. We're gonna talk about basketball in a second. I love basketball. It started with Drive to Survive.

And Drive to Survive is in Vegas for F1. And I am going to Vegas for F1. I am going to milk Netflix for tickets. Yeah, hell yeah. Because I know Netflix can get me tickets. Absolutely. How great is it? How great is it?

Because here's the deal. F1 is like, you can travel wherever you want. I think that's awesome. But the highlights are when they go to like Monaco where you have that casino gambling vibe. Especially Vegas, you can travel wherever you want. I think that's awesome But the highlights are when they go to like Monaco where you have that that that casino gambling Yeah, especially Vegas. You can go have a great suite walk out of your fucking hotel walk across street Go in have a drink a little a little spritzer. Yeah, come back Gamble the night

They I don't know what they're selling on Drive to Survive, but I bought it. The Drive to Survive series, if you watch it, it's as good as Starting Five. It opens on a yacht in Italy on the ocean, and it's just the racers jumping off. People say it's good, yeah, for sure. It feels like it swept.

That show did a lot for F1 in America, but I missed it for sure. Dude, they got, okay, that show did a lot for F1 in America, but I just, I missed it for sure. Dude, they got, okay, I'm planning a party. They seem cool, I mean those guys seem fucking awesome. I'm hitting up Ted, I'm getting us tickets. Hell yeah. Are you in? Where, when?

Would you go Vegas, Grand Prix in Vegas, when's the Grand Prix in Vegas? I only know it's in Vegas because they did it last year, and I wanted to go so bad, and then they're doing it again this year. It depends what it is, but if, I mean, Vegas is like Hawaii, they always deliver. They make sure you have the best time of your life.

When you're rich, yes. Even when you're not rich. Well, the point is to take your money. And if you have a lot of it, they'll treat you really nicely. Dude, I'm planning a mega trip to F1. Dude, if I'm fucking... What is it? Oh no.

Of November? 23rd of November? Yeah. 23rd of November? I don't think so. I think I have to shoot tires. Oh for real? Yeah. What if I call Shane and I go, Joe, bro, shut it down for a day.

I would rather just finish doing my job. I would rather. I mean if I'm on the West Coast doing, because I might come back to promote the VOD and if I'm on the West Coast and it lines up, I'll come. But if we're shooting. Dude, I'm if I'm on the West Coast doing because I might come back to promote the VOD And if I'm on the West Coast and it lines up I'll come but if you're planning a huge party I'm trying to reach out to sign folks. I know he's a car guy I want to get some car guys there that are into cars like I'm trying to get Tommy to go I talked to Judd about it job is on the fence. Yeah, I would like to get an eclectic group Yeah, get in at Vegas. I mean, I mean Jay Leno was she up every year

I do the Super Bowl and last year the Super Bowl was Vegas and what was beautiful about Vegas is that broke my heart Oh the Ravens. Oh, that's right. Yeah, that's your Ravens guy that was gonna be the best week of my life if we want it was my this the Super Bowl was on my 35th birthday and We lost and I was at the game when we lost to the Chiefs and it was like people were already like hey if they make It we want you to do this this and this I would have I lost a lot of money I think I reached out to you because I was doing the show I was gonna come to the show if the Ravens were there yeah that's it that's an opportunity there was a bunch of shit bunch of advertising shit I was gonna cash out and hopefully watch my team win and instead I went on a fucking bender

for like two weeks I kept getting fucked up I was eating ice cream and smoking weed just every three hours like it was my medicine dude we're good we're good for like two weeks, I kept getting fucked up. I was eating ice cream and smoking weed just every three hours, like it was my medicine. We're good, we're good this year. Actually, we're playing each other. This Monday, I'm going to Nashville to do Bustin' with the Boys, the Monday Night Football. That's awesome.

I'll hit you up about F1 in Vegas, if it happens. Because I'm planning on, when I'm all fired. Can someone reach out to Ted and just see if he can open his up? Because they, Netflix is doing things so right with F1, with Live Golf, with how fun is starting five. It's awesome.

Dude. And if you're not, it's great, like I love those guys and I've been, you know, I know about, I follow the season very closely. But even for me it's fun, but if you're not a big fan, that's so perfect and like how cool is fucking Anthony Edwards? Daddy, I'm in love with the man. I'm in love with the man. I love Minneapolis. I love that team They're so they're so he's so fucking fun And so yeah, it's so cool. I love Anthony Anderson for me

Yeah, it's so cool. I love Anthony Anderson for me. The scene when it's Thanksgiving and they're trying to get him to quit playing video games so they can eat dinner. He's a kid, that's the other thing. I don't know, what is he, 23? I think he's 23, yeah. Now he's 23, but it's like he's a fucking kid.

He's literally so much closer to your daughter's age. He really is. Oh, you know, he's like three years older than Georgia. Two years older. So wait, I'm gonna get really into the NBA season. I love hoops, dude. I'm telling you, it's the thing that F1 did for me was the second they, I watched that,

all of a sudden I had people to root for. So I knew what to watch. And I'm being serious with the NBA. Is the NBA, I think because age-wise, my hottest time at the NBA was the NBA I think is age-wise what my hottest time the NBA was the all-star game when Jordan did the dunk sure Larry Bird hit the three corners like crazy magic didn't have like that I was so no he didn't he didn't yet I don't think he did no you're right he came back at a different all-star

game yeah right you're right yeah and I remember that so vividly Dominique Wilkins yep spud Webb sure Muggsy Bogues, all those, that was like my thing. Dude, Starting Five has gotten me so into basketball that like, and now I'm a little invested in Bronte, because I know, I'm seeing Charles Barkley kind of shit on him, people are shitting on him. Yeah, I mean, I think it's, I like it because it's about time, Like that's how, that's how LeBron is so good at basketball. He has turned, he's got a job, he's signed a job on the Lakers. It's not making him the vice president of a division

that nobody gives a fuck about. He's on the team, that's awesome. That's fucking crazy. That's how good he is at fucking basketball. And it makes me root, like it's hard to root for LeBron cause he was so good. Like when I watched him go to the heat, I was like, I don't know, I kind of want to watch the perfect thing not work. I want to see the underdog beat the fucking Goliath. Sure, I get that, I get that.

And now I see Brawny and I go. I don't know that he's quite an underdog. Brawny? Yeah. I don't think so. He's, it's, I mean, nepotism, you can't really be an underdog if you's he's it's I mean nepotism he can't really be an underdog if you're if he's benefited off nepotism he gets on the court he's a millionaire no matter what happens his life has been awesome from

the mo he's you know like he's in I guess in pure basketball terms he's an underdog but in the in life he's one of the least underdogs possible. He's a rich kid. It's crazy seeing him open Christmas presents. You don't often see NBA players open Christmas presents as a child. Yeah. Like he was opening Christmas presents. Yeah, yeah, it is hilarious.

I mean, it's cute. And I can understand, especially if you have kids, that is, like that's the thing. I don't have kids, so I don't know that feeling. I understand why when you have kids, that is, like that's the thing, I don't have kids, so I don't know that feeling. I understand why when you have kids, you're like, I will do anything for my kids, but, and he is up against a lot, because people will, in the NBA,

the other motherfuckers that are struggling to make the team, they're not the most famous player's son. You know what I mean? And like, they will play hard as fuck, they'll probably try and embarrass them. So I see what you're saying And like, they will play hard as fuck, they'll probably try and embarrass him. So I see what you're saying, like, it actually, it is interesting, because they've sort of created the only circumstances you could even maybe

consider him an underdog. But it's, when you zoom out of life and you're like, this guy will be fucking fine. Oh, he's doing interviews with his brother and his sister. How, what kind of ass is Deuce Tatum gonna pull in 20 years? That kid, that kid. He seems pretty soft spoken every time I see him. His dad is fucking in his life.

His grandmother is in his life. He's got love all around him. And stuff, I don't like the Celtics, but yes, he's got a nice family I like to root against Boston. He's got a great Jason Tatum's a fucking man. He's great. He's a good player Um, I love fucking Damos. What's what's his name? Oh, yes a bonus. Well, that's enough to be fair I said the same thing about Ronnie, but his His dad is maybe was the coolest like for one of the first cool foreign players He was so good our Vita Sabonis But he was in the you it was when the Soviet Union still

Existed and they wouldn't let him out to play in America and he only got to America when he had like bad knees He was old and he was still pretty good But him in his prime he might have been like if he was allowed to come to America in his prime He could have been one of the greatest players of all time. Don't you think it would be better if they did starting five during the current season kind of like the way they do hard knocks? Well I think the way they're doing it is once it finishes the new season starts so like starting filming filming yeah so like so oh wait who are they doing now I don't know I don't know who would you like to see them do a starting five with

I would I'll tell you right now joke Djokovic, I would love I'm fucking love that dude. I fucking love that guy. Yeah, the joke would be great I don't know how I don't know how yeah, he would be he's very interesting, but I don't know that he would give Because his brothers are hilarious. He has like two goon huge Serbian brothers I mean not to be a I would love to see what's going on with, I mean, if they don't do it for the Knicks, they're crazy. Because this team has a ton of hype. Jalen Brunson is, you know, he's like, he's become great. It's hard not to say Anthony Edwards again,

because he's just so charismatic. I mean, Victor Wambayama, who's the like French guy, even though he's starting to sound fucking boring He's just talking about being great and like, you know not having fun You need a couple fucking headcases like I would have liked a classic when JR Smith was really was really fucking doing it Like I would have loved a fun crazy player, but they won't let you they won't let you look at any of that Damn, that's a great question. I would obviously love to watch Giannis. He's my favorite player of all time. You know, just because it's great to see a Greek guy.

And he's a character and his brother's cool. He also, again, I'm going to, not to be a hypocrite, he brings his brother along. That's what I love about Giannis. He runs a basketball team like it's a diner. It's a very Greek way to do it. It's like, get my brother a job too. He'll fucking run, He'll work the register

We were angry if I'm I could be wrong about this we were in Greece and they had a store for him in the air Yeah, the the kumbros. Yeah. Yeah, they have their own brand. Yeah Yeah, yeah fucking badass. Yeah. No, he's the man. I mean, he's the fucking the best athlete Greek, but you know Greek athlete He fucking rules. Yeah, I mean, he's the fucking the best athlete Greek, but you know Greek athlete He fucking rules. Yeah, I mean The NBA is the NBA is fucking awesome I mean it's badass NBA is badass and I'm telling you man even following Chris Paul who's Pat I mean clay on the Mavericks would be fascinating He spent his whole career on the Warriors and now he's with the Mavericks with Kyrie who's hilarious, you know hilarious

Luke is the man. Yeah, So there's just so many personalities, so many different, so much shit is just going on. Are you still doing the podcast with Sam about basketball? No, we love doing it, but we just got too busy. How many podcasts do you have now, just one? Just Stobbies World. Just Stobbies World? Stobbies World, yeah.

Would you have Trump on? No. Why not? Not interested in it at all. Not interested in having him on at all. And it's also hack at this point. He's been on enough podcasts where it's like, ah, it's kind of like when a guy's doing a special and he's been on every podcast and you're like, I'm skipping it.

I heard this story. I heard this on YMH. I don't want to fucking listen to him on. Are you garbage? He's going to say the same stuff. Trump has gotten to that level where he's doing every podcast where it's like, all right, we get it, man. Trump should do all your garbage.

Here's a question. Yeah. Have you ever anyone, how many abortions have you paid for? Even though now you're not for abortion. Do you Republican? The would you have put on? No. That's what we're getting.

We're, we're whitewashing on? No. That's what we're getting. We're whitewashing history. What are we fucking talking about? No. Kim Jong Un? Maybe. I like his... You both like basketball.

I want to talk to him about his tailor. I need some of those wide legs. Fuck it. I think we have the same body type. He's got some nice clothes. Yeah. Then I can make it a step. Yeah, he likes basketball. I've had politicians reach out to be on my podcast and I've always been like, no.

Yeah. I was like, no, I'm the wrong guy. Well, the thing is like, I mean, I have strong political beliefs personally, but my job is to be funny. Yeah. That's my job. And like, you can tell if you pay attention and you look at what I create you can see what my beliefs are they come up But I don't want to hit anyone over the head with them and if I were to have a politician on I

I I would have to really you hunker down and do research and real and like that's not who the fuck I am and the only the only you know if I if I ever had any kind of political person on it would probably just be it would just be because the way I look at my podcast is, I only have people on that I actually want to spend time with and talk to as human beings. And to be honest with you, the only one that I can think of is literally, I mean, not to be hacked, but I'm a Bernie bro.

Bernie Sanders, I actually, I admire him as a human being because he has been, he has believed these things. There's black and white photos of Bernie Sanders being pro trans That's a guy who's like who's been on the on the right side of shit and who I like, you know I believe I just believe in in in what he says about inequality and I just think he's an interesting funny weird crotchety Brooklyn Jew Fro that went to Vermont and then it's had went to Vermont and then had an interesting political career.

And I wouldn't feel like I would have to do a ton of research to talk to him. And I don't want to do a ton of research to talk to anybody. What it comes down to is if it makes it hard for me to do my podcast, I don't want you on it. You know what I mean? I want it to be a fun, easy, I want Eldest to be like, hey, I'm turning the mics on.

I'm like, oh, who's on today. Oh Cool, that'll be fun. You know what? I mean, that's it. That's the amount of preparation. I like to do so Yeah, that would probably be it. I am NOT I don't I'm my dad I always let me know how ill-informed I was about life. I'm just I really honestly I Have no skin in the game with anything. I got really lucky. I have no skin in the game with anything I got really lucky I have stupid thoughts I say them on stage and I should never be you should never if I if there's someone listen this right now going who should I vote for you shouldn't I should never give you a direction right you should never listen to me right none of this I got really lucky yeah so just you have to do your

own research and you have to listen to the right people. For sure. It's like, but with sleep apnea, I'm right about that. It is fun that you're not an anti-vaxxer. You're an anti apnea. That is a funny guy to be. I remember getting a call from Joe. He's like, you're not getting the vaccine.

Are you? And I just snuck in line to get it. No, dude. Spanish. from Joey's like, you're not getting the vaccine, are you? And I just snuck in line to get it. I spoke Spanish, I was like, oh yeah, come on, let's go. Jab, jab. That's you fucking coming in, taking the sleep apnea mask off my face, neck's fully loaded, you're like,

what the fuck is this shit? Not allowed on my bus. By the way, on your fucking bus, you say no sleep apnea masks allowed, someone's dying. It's me. On that bus? Yeah, on that bus, dude. Me, Jay, whoever, You say no sleep apnea masks allowed someone's dying Me Jay, whoever who there's a lot of there's a lot of who else was on Joey Diaz

That's a guy that needs he's been he sleep apnea is on On planes on like an hour and a half flight like he'll throw his mask on an hour and a half flight I'm like, sorry cocksucker respect yeah oh man uh stop you i love you to death i love you thanks for coming to the uh premiere that meant a lot and thanks yeah please go watch let's start a cult in theaters uh we're trying to get it to wherever you are guys and if not we're going to get it to to be a rental uh at some point later later after the release but please go see the theaters, we're gonna get it to be a rental at some point, later after the release. But please go see it in theaters, like we said. It's special to see a comedy with people.

And it's just like, it's a funner experience to laugh in a group full of people, so. And realize that you're doing a solid, it's like when we say on podcasts, like, you know, hey, use my code to let them know that we sent you. It's the same thing. We just go to the theaters to let them know

that we sent you so that if this does well, then guess what? Dark horse, dark sky, call Stavi and they're like, yo, we got $5 million, what do you wanna do next? And then you get another one and you're getting them, all they're asking for is like 20 bucks to go to them, take your fucking check out. Call your boys up.

Let's have a guys night. It'll be a fun night. The more of these that do well the more we keep making Yeah, and I made a movie that if I wanted to see you know what I mean like it's I want to go see dumb comedies that are fucking quick and just Joke just about the jokes first and foremost then you're not gonna learn any lessons We'll end on a perfect question regarding the movie regarding your sense of humor and regarding what you guys will see Were those your real testicles?

Unfortunately, they were not. God damn it! I was like, why not just save the money on the budget and use the real ones? I wanted to use my real balls. I wanted to use my real balls. They wouldn't let me. That's the reason you should go see the movie.

Go see those balls. I love you, Sabi. Love you too, brother. Bert and Tom, Tom and Bert. One goes to the top and swallows the other, wears the shirt. Tom tells stories and Bert's the machine. Sabe. Love you too brother.