2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer - The Hottest Instagrams | 2 Bears, 1 Cave Ep. 165

Episode Date: December 26, 2022

It's another week of 2 Bears 1 Cave with Tom Segura and Bert Kreischer! We start with Bert learning about numbers in other languages, they talk about countries they would run away to, and Bert really considers starting an Only Fans page. Tom then shows Bert a WILD loophole some Instagram models found and they look up the girlfriends of George Clooney, Chris Hemsworth, Henry Cavil. They talk about Nate Diaz and freak athletes like Barry Sanders and Charlie Ward. We call Bert's wife, LeeAnn, and ask her about vacations, boy shorts and selling nudes online. https://tomsegura.com/tourhttps://bertbertbert.com/tourhttps://store.ymhstudios.com/

This is not porn, but this is like sold as, oh hey, are you trying to get more fit? Hahaha. I mean, as a person who exercises a lot, I wouldn't mind saying that from a different angle. There we go. That's the thing. I mean, I wish I were. That's how I was looking for 100% Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah Yeah. Does Japan use the same numbers we use? Numbers?

Yeah. Numbers are pretty universal. Are they though? How are numbers different there? I don't know, that's what I'm asking. I'm putting the... Because I ask ridiculous questions, and sometimes people are like, oh, he's an idiot. I don't know the answer.

I just looked and I was like, someone was like, check out these Japanese watches and they didn't have numbers on them. What do they have? I don't know. It looked like things you could order in a Japanese restaurant. Okay.

It looked like those things. Chimi, San, C, Go, Roku, Roku, Roku, Roku. Roku is in Roku. I mean, Roku? Roku, Roku, Roku. Roku is in Roku. I mean, Roku? Roku? Roku is in Roku? Is that what Roku is? The number six, I don't know.

Shut up. I don't know. I've been watching six this whole time. Maybe. Seachy? Oh, is that just how you say them? That's why you put... Yeah, that's how you say the number in that.

Oh, so they don't go one, two. But that's English. Hold on, okay, now I'm confused. I mean, but do they draw the number one or do they do? Well, it looks like they're writing, that's how you write the number one. Right, really?

Yeah, it looks like it. I wish we had a Japanese friend we could go to right now Do you think it's like that? I know Korean? Their math is based on the violin Korean math is based on the violin. Yeah, like so they they when I learned Georgia went to a predominantly Korean school in LA And they would teach the kids violin lessons to help them with math because those all based off the same system. So you take violin lessons and then in, I guess in short learn math.

What? I, Tom, I barely listen to a parent. Okay. I did such a bad job as a parent because I was young and I didn't have any money and I, my focus wasn't on this family, my focus is on me and getting me to the next level.

These guys had to spend for themselves, so I don't really know if George will learn the violin or not. So while learning the count. Yeah, I don't know, but that's what I just learned. I learned. You're not fastening about French, right? No. Tell me something fascinating about French.

It's about how the French count. Like, you basically have to do math while you're counting. What? Because in French, if you look at how they count, right? They count one to 10 and then, you know, if you get in, okay, you hit that. Du, tuis, cuarte, cinque, si, si, si, I can guess, six, seven, eight. I can guess, I can guess the language.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, you were right fucking there. Make it bigger. You want to slap him like Nick Diaz, slap someone in Jake Paul's crew. All right. Why is it going away? Dix, onze, doze, treze, katuruze, quinze. Okay, so easy, you can guess these numbers.

Multiple, so like 20, 30, 40, 50, 60, 60, so see how it says, for number 16, 19, take the right most digit state. So you think you start saying 10 plus, right? So you go 10, 6 six scroll down a little bit. So for 17, you say 10 seven, right? For 18, like, see, seven, 10, like that's the example. But that's how they do in Spanish, yes, it's it, it's it. Right. So they're, so you're like, okay, so then you get to other numbers, like when you add, you add one, right? So 50 and one. So that makes sense for you. But then when you get to,

what is it? Is it 70 or 80, you go like 50 plus, right? So you scroll. So it's equal to 30 plus one. Yeah, so, yeah, so it's a 70. 70 plus 60 plus 10, right? For real? Yeah, but then imagine if you're saying 73,

you're saying 60 plus 13. You gotta like add the, you don't say 73. I bet that makes you better at math. I'm sure it does, or if you say 80, you say four 20s, right? But 90 is four 20s plus 10. Which is quarter to the Vinte dirty horse. I've got 80 dirty horse for you Would you like a dirty holler ball? So why you pig?

71 is 60 plus 11 you have to actually But doing the accent hey Sreson a once So a quadre vintenga dirty horse your pig 95 90 is is 80 Swakwatdevin Tanga Dirty Horse, you're big. 95. 90. Is 80. So it's four, it's four twenties plus 15. That's how you say 95.

Fucking stupid. Catch a Vonguins. I mean, it sounds complicated. That's what it says in here, but it's not okay. I like to take it to sabbatical to France. Just kind of chilled there for me. Like if Leigh and got really sick with COVID, like go get out of her way, just go to France.

Get out of her way, not out of her way. Get her cleaners off up and go to, I would like to go to France. I'd like to live in a little village. We'll do it village? No, I keep pitching. Okay, well, I mean, you could do a little French village, or I could do a French village.

We're on the tallest guy in the village. Oh, yeah. Yeah. And then you do it. Imagine they start bringing you six bottles of wine a night to just- I'll be fucking great. Yeah, you really would turn into what's his name.

Under the giant? No, I was thinking the other guy, the actor. Oh, Gerard, they powered the large. Yeah, Gerard, they powered the large. Hey, I know't know little French and I sit in this village and I play with Bigs all day. Yeah, I would love to I would love he pissed in the aisle of a plane on the plane. He's like he used to be a good looking man. He was he was a handsome dude. Um, but the bottle got to him. I think that's your phone, isn't it? No, it's not Aaron Rogers. What's he saying? He said We're talking about steroids

And he was just asking me he's like, hey, look great. Are you on an ETRT? No, no, I don't believe in that stuff. I'm all natural and he did me to Okay, so I don't put stuff in my system that I haven't researched first. And he was like, that's so funny. That's like me. And he's like, what about Tom? I was like, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh. Anyway, I live in a French village.

I think I'd like to live in Paris. Okay, as far as I'm here at. Leanne's got long COVID. I need to get out of her wakes. I don't want to cast long COVID. I'm too important to the family. So I go to Paris and I live, I would like to live right by the river. What's the river in Paris?

Yeah, the The balls all this Sudoles the same. Yeah, the same. I live right by the river. I have a little studio apartment 800 square feet I've already started smoking by the way. Okay. I've got a little balcony that overlooks the scene I've already started smoking by the way. I've got a little balcony that overlooks the scene, scene, and every morning I wake up, I go down and get a quesal. I come back up, I have a cigarette

and a glass of wine with my quesal. Or coffee, I'll have coffee. Coffee to start. Coffee to start my day. And then I write jokes, poetic jokes. And then I have like a little villa that I go to where I harvest my wine on the weekends. Or I could do this, dude.

Why am I not doing this? Because Leanne doesn't have COVID right now. But why is it, here's the deal. You bust your ass to get a great life. And then all these things, I would like to live, I would like to live in a bunch of different villages. Like I would like to live. What are my friends did this, by the way?

For real, who? He's a director, so he's directs TV, movies, all that stuff. He lives in LA, and then, you know, a lot of people were like, ah, this is crazy time. I'm leaving. Yeah. He moved to Italy. Why the fuck, what the fuck am I doing?

He moved to a village just outside of Florence. With his family, why they all live there now? And they're staying. Why don't, here's the thing. You can do that, and you can live there, live there and then just come to tour and then fly back. Why wouldn't I, this, okay, how about this? This is why I know that there are people that list this podcast that won't allow me to shit on my wife the way I want to. But I love her and I'm married to her.

But like, go ahead, go ahead. Why won't, like, what if me and her lived, it moved to Switzerland for a summer? Why can't you do that? Because she won't. Why? She goes, ah, I can't. Why can't? I can't know. Got no dogs in the cat. I can't. I can't. I can't burn. I can't read no Switzerland language. You magically am trying to communicate. I need to borrow chocolate. You got chocolate in the pocket, man! You guys are like, I don't know you save them. Uh, you can definitely do that.

But like, I would love to live. Buddy, you can spend your summer anywhere. Why can't you just go do that next summer? I... I'm working. Okay. Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck. Fuck.

Do you think there's a guy in Switzerland going, I wish I could live in LA. Sure. Yeah, I bet there's a lot of people going, I wish I could live in LA? Sure. Yeah, I bet there's a lot of people going on like to live in LA. Okay. Get ready, ready, ready?

That wasn't a crazy thought, by the way. Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's the dumb. Okay, third world country, you'd like to go in and live in. Third world country. I don't, pull up some third world countries. What did you know, Dov? Hahaha. By the way, we are not offending any third.

We don't have a lot of third world fans. Do we? Really not sure which ones are third world countries. It's that's it seems like it would be racist to call something a third world country. Well, it's a third world. That's a term that they stopped kind of using, you know, real. Well, yeah, they just the term. I don't even know what it means I know the term third world, but it just means like kind of grossly underdeveloped. Yeah, so like a banana republic So well here's the here's the 2011. So this is a more than a 10-year-old. Oh, well, okay, let's go pull them up Afghanistan

India American Samoa Argentina Armenia What is that Bhutan Bolivia Brazil? It looks like all of South America. Okay. Okay. So you India, American, Samoa, Argentina, Armenia. What is that? Bhutan, Bolivia, Brazil. It looks like all of South America is in it. Okay, so you get to pick one place where you live like a colonizer in a third world country and one place where you live like an actual third world person in a third world country.

Fuck. Okay, make it bigger so I can read it. I can't see anything. I'm not going to, I would like to be a, like, live like a colonizer. That means white suits, a fedora, cigars in the afternoon coffee, a spritz early in the afternoon, a dinner with a dignitary from that place, and then back to your villa, where you have another cup of coffee and read a book. Okay. Well, that'd be fun to do that in like, I think, for me, you know, I'm real comfortable in

the Latin American countries. Yeah, Cuba. Cuba or Haiti would be a fucking pin pass place to be. Okay. I think it would be, for me, I'd like to go somewhere, or the way I don't have that level of comfort. Oh, interesting. Jamaica.

Maybe like Indonesia or Jordan. I don't know what Indonesia means. Like when you say Indonesia, I don't really know what that is. I know it's like Indonesia is like in. Do you want to pull up the map? Pull up in Indonesia. If it's islands, I'm in. Indonesia. Pretty, the flag looks like, uh, Swiss flag kind of

Okay, oh Indonesia. I love Indonesia. I've been in Indonesia. You've been there. Yeah, fuck. I love Indonesia Oh, I could definitely live in Indonesia. Oh Indonesian dudes are awesome. Yeah, Indonesian dudes are top notch bad of all the dudes in the world you can run into, you wanna do business with an Indonesian dude. Why? Hit the other map of it. Just an Indonesia. If you're buying doors or statues.

Make it bigger. If you're looking to buy like, Chester drawers, Indonesian dudes, follow through. Indonesian furniture makers are the fucking greatest. New Guinea, Kalamata, you don't want to go to New Guinea. Sumatra, this is, I've been here. I haven't been here.

Is Bali Indonesia? Bali is close by. That is, I know that being a colonizer is bad, but I think they make it look so romantic. Why don't you pulling up more stuff so we can fucking Java. I'm looking up on the other screenway. Sumatra.

Yeah. I'm getting five friends that went to Sumatra. That had a good time for real. I thought Bolly was an Indonesian. Yeah, I think it is. It is. Oh, oh, Bolly's fucking. And you went there.

It is awesome. It is fucking awesome. Which is- Bolly's next level. I could be in it. I could be in it. Wait, you went there and you were like, where's Indonesia? I didn't know that was in Indonesia.

I just went to Bali. I didn't know Bali was in Indonesia. You cannot bring drugs in to Indonesia. No, I would not. They are pretty strict and then you, that's where- This is actually, like, isn't this one of the largest Muslim populations in the world? I Could be in that I could go into Muslim is

Looking for a religion. Yes, correct type in Indonesian women. I wouldn't mind seeing what this looks like Okay, Indonesian women bikini Well, that's not what I thought it would be. The red headed Chinese people. I think they're selling the bikinis. Whoa. Now there's the 20 hottest Indonesian FHM models. Okay, I've been in the 20 hottest Indonesian.

Okay. There's Ratu Kirana. All right. Oh, just a dice. Okay, meet Indonesian girls online. Sure. Yeah, to putry, very attractive. Emma, Kurnia, very nice.

Yeah, they're very pretty. Yeah. Oh, okay. Ooh chasey Chasey Luna Calista Banya Chico she's very pretty Yeah, they're all I mean what you're like mm-hmm, okay I mean does this mean you no longer want to be a colonizer? No, I'm not. I'm looking for a little more. I think I've lived in America too long.

Okay, and I see so much of variants in women. Oh, right. These are all kind of similar. They're all kind of similar. They're all dark hair kind of Indonesian. Right. Yeah, like I want, like when I link hot women, I want like a selection.

I got like, like, you want variety. I want variety. I want like a dark skin black chick. I want like, selection. Like, like, you want variety. I want variety, I want like a dark, skinned black chick. I want like a, but that would not be an Indonesian woman. Then, oh fuck. Do we create, do we create options in women America? We created that and no one knew about that. This is why America is great.

We created, we created, before America, all the chicks looked alike wherever the fuck you were Right if you were in Switzerland it was all blonde hair blue eyes chicks Yeah, if you were in Germany blonde hair blue eyes chicks if you were in Israel dark-haired dark-eyed chicks And then all of a sudden we were like hey, we want to make America first dude comes to America And he's like what the fuck it's like a it's like a food court He's like shut the fuck up. I can get sabarros. I can get Mexican food. Holy shit They got Chinese food. They got the great steak nation place. Yeah

Yeah, that's all America. That's America and then there were Native Americans too. Yes Type in Native America hot Native American check. That's you know, this is a perfect segue for what I have to show you Oh, please. Oh, wait, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. But yes, yes, yes. So I don't know if you've noticed this or not, but there's a thing where hot chicks get their profiles deleted or removed on Instagram. For why? For posting like, racy photos. Like if they lean too hard into sex, sexy posts, you know, like they're like, racy photos. Like if they lean too hard into sex, sexy posts, you know, like

they're like, and you'll see this like from time to time, like, oh, you know, my account got whatever deleted at X number of followers. And then they start over again. But they're posting like pretty, I think, racy stuff. Like new to close to new. Well, I think the current work around for this is they post under the guise of it being for fitness, like yoga, and they are posting straight up, if you know about this trend. No, I do not know, and I'm already so excited. It's, it's, this would be a great time for me

to announce my only fans page. Keep going. Okay. Are you starting to only fans? Yes. Is it nude? Yes. But I'm gonna, here's what I'm Okay. Are you starting to only fans? Yes. Okay. Is it nude? Yes. But here's what I'm gonna do.

I talked to some pros about it. Yeah. I'm going to do tasteful, tasteful, tasteful, noobs up until a certain amount of subscribers. And then I want to say hits. We're going full cock. And then the next thresholds full asshole. And then fucking everything.

You're gonna see every part of my body you want to see. Tastefully. Yeah, tastefully. Taste tastefully tasteful assholes Are you gonna like jerk off on camera? Yeah, that's what people want. Let me tell you right now. They do. Yeah, if we can get to like I'll be right Let me just make this very clear. I'll run this career into the shitter for $50 million I can't believe I stand up. I'm at my height. I never thought I'd be here anyway. Let's take it to the next level, get an only fans page,

and I will jerk off for money. I will straight up jerk off for, I'm not gonna do it. I've never jerked off for somebody. Yeah. Yeah. How do you think I made the baseball team? No, I did. You got it?

I've done it a couple of times. For someone you're dating or what? She's like, I want to watch you. She's awesome. Yeah. It's one of the coolest things. Same. That's so much fun.

Yeah. And try doing it in front of your wife, see how they just go. What the fuck? One time. One time. One time she is not going to be happy to hear this. Tell me. One time.

I don't think you're going to be happy to hear this either. As I started telling this story, I realized where it happened. Is my house? Yes. Great. I almost told you a story about jerking off in your shower. I already know now. So just if I can tell me, you just, you already told me, I'll tell you the stories.

If you don't know it's your house, what it one time we were showering together. And the person that we were showing with had soft water. Okay. And everything just felt slippery. I feel like I was watching in a loop. Yeah. I never like I've only had soft water before. And at one time it was when I was at this person's house before. And I turned off that too.

But you did it. And it was in front of you. She would be in the shower and I was playing there. And I turned off that too. But you did it. And then it was in front of you? She would be in the shower and I was playing there. And I started just getting hard. Then I was like, ooh, what if I, and then she was like, yeah, go ahead. And she let me do it.

And she was like, that wasn't bad. I wouldn't mind you doing that more often. She asked you to do what to? I jerked off and just kind of like, play with her body. And she was, she liked it. And she liked it. She was like, that was kind of no harm, no foul. That she was, she liked it. And she liked it. She was like, that was kind of no harm, no foul.

That was nice. That was easy work for her. And I was like, I'll do that all the time. I'm very cool with that. And you didn't, but you haven't. I haven't, I didn't, no, that's the only time I ever did it with her. And but I, but I've,

but I did it with a girl, I dated a girl. I did, I kind of hooked up with the chick in New York. I did it with her and I did it with the chick I dated once, but I always liked it. I thought it was cool. But they had to be doing it too. Oh yeah, that's another one. Exactly.

I wasn't just into like, wasn't my thing, but like if they were like, oh, you want, then that turned me on. I got asked her to perform like that once. I liked it. Yeah, it was fun. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Do you do it the way you normally do it? Where you just hushed over and you're like, No, I put a little performance into it. I put a little performance into it. Yeah, sparkle. Little show. Yeah, so I wasn't like, Yeah, we were having a lot of fun.

You're like, oh, feed yourself grapes. All right, go tell me about this. So this is not porn, but this is like, it's like, it is, it sure feels like the work around, and no one here is mad about it, but it is interesting that it's like sold as, oh hey, are you trying to get more fit? Oh, you know?

Like, so this is somebody who's like, I'm trying to teach you how to stretch, you know? And, and it's like super like the clothing obviously so tight that you can see it like outlines of of every body part and then they're just telling you this is fitness. This is like yeah, this is yoga. This is fucking brilliant.

It's kind of brilliant. This is what I love about America. Yeah, it's like this shirt doesn't seem like it doesn't seem like a stretch I've ever seen in yoga. And if they have this in yoga class, please tell me where and I'm signing up for yoga tomorrow. I mean, look at her coach. Like you can see her whole coach. Can you mute the line or do I have to mute it?

I'll mute it. Yeah, we'll mute it. I just muted it. But yeah, it's like she's just like, I'm stretching. Do you want to follow my yoga page? And you're like, um, I'm stretching, you know, do you want to follow my yoga page? And you're like, um, and how can you deny that? Cause it is stretching. She is stretching. Yeah. Keep playing more. Please say there's like an hour. Whoa. And here's like, and you work on your flexibility, you know, well, I've it. It's clearly that

woman is a expert in flexibility. Yeah, she's, yeah, and helping you. Whoa. Hel helping you. Helping you stretch. I wouldn't mind, I mean, as a person who exercises a lot, I wouldn't mind seeing that from a different angle. There we go. I mean, I wish I were. That's how you're looking for. I would, oh my God, dude.

I wish actually, I wish I was this flexible, but I, I think it's cool that she's teaching everybody and hiding her face like you can't put my face in the shot. She can do that with her body. That's fucking wild. It's wild. Yeah.

That's, you know, I'd get stuck like that with my feet stuck by me. Keep going. Please tell me there's more. Okay. Whoa, whoa, shut up. I didn't even thought I thought she was naked. I know. And, well, the thing is, you can see the outline clearly of her coach.

Yeah, 100%. It's completely there. What are this? What's their pages? Oh, there's so many. I, we can send you directions. So let me just do some research so that I can bring this up next time I talk to you.

Well, because also you want to get better at yoga too. I'm going to be much better at yoga, hit play again. I like to see her breathing. Yeah, it's, um, seeing and that right there, that's how your back stretches and then, I mean, you know what's crazy is that it's fitness. It is fitness, her feet are dirty. And that's kind of nice.

Keep going, keep going and dog. I don't know why we keep it. You don't want to just on her feet. No, no. No one. Another one. I love this. This is brilliant. This is a great workaround.

Jesus Christ. It's so many of these. It's just like, oh, I got it. I'll see the best hip opening stretch that I have. Just for hips. These girls are really attractive too. Yeah, I mean, I think they know what they're doing. I think they know.

It's so funny. Why, like, do you feel like women, do you feel like women are more willing to be horrors now than they ever were before? I don't know if there's ever been a reluctance to be horrors, but I mean, like it seems like more women are willing to sell their body. I think ever in history.

You know why though? It's because access has been granted to the, like no one has to say you're, same thing with comedy, no one has, goes like you're allowed to do a special. You can just put up a special. No one is saying like I've deemed you to be hot enough to do this. Any girl can just with her phone go, but here's my IG, here's my only fans. This is what I do. And, you know, if you are able to cultivate some type of following, it becomes monetized

and, you know, you did it. So yeah, anybody can just... I'm not, I'm not only to talk bad, I mean, that is... That's the best thing I've ever seen in my life. That's the best thing I've ever seen in my life. That's the best thing. This woman deserves a fucking Oscar. This is the best thing. Lose, pants, no underwear. It's crazy. I just fell my best thing. This woman deserves a fucking Oscar. This is the best thing. loose pants, no underwear. I just found my new thing. Yeah. I just found my new fucking thing.

And this is on Instagram. What is her account? Let's blow her the fuck up in the DMs. This girl's fucking got it. She's creative. You saw a fucking four second. I thought I'd lessen for. Start at the beginning and count how long I actually saw. That's one of the sexiest things I've ever seen in my entire life. Someone get my wife on the fucking phone and buy her these pants at Target in a double XL. Hahaha.

Jesus. These are, that's the hottest thing I've ever seen. That's the hottest thing I've ever seen. Pretty wild. What happens when you keep playing? Okay. And she's doing the face like, I'm fucking working out here, you know? I'm trying really hard.

So they say the biggest thing for dudes on only fans, my experts said, pay for play. Gay guys go, hey, this is what I want to see. And then making a straight guy do it. Oh, really? Would you do that? I mean, that's what you're going to do with your only fans. I mean, look, I've got to hit a price point because it'll, it'll, it'll, it'll, it's gonna ring my coat. You know, the most, the most people paying and like asking for that will be gay guys. Yeah. Oh, yeah. That's my, that's my bread and butter.

Yeah. Yeah. My fan base. And so you're gonna, you're okay with that though. Well, yeah. Yeah, I mean, yeah. I mean, like, look, if there's an article. You're not gonna be one of these guys that goes, I'll start doing this at once, you give me a million, you can't do that. Give me some requests, give me some gay guy requests. Well, first of all, it's gonna be like,

shit, the same kind of thing you think about, like, someone's gonna be like, hey, where loose, where loose shorts? Done. Done. Okay, but what price are be like, hey, where loose shorts? Done. Done. Okay, but what price are you doing that for? For how much? 20 bucks?

50 bucks, 100 bucks. 20 bucks by end, I wear loose shorts. Okay. My junk kind of flops around. Yeah, exactly. Oh, fuck, easy money. Done. Done, give me another one.

Take to the level, let's find out where I draw the line. Oh my, oh my, only face. Put on an apron. Done. Already done. Naked, naked. Make it, and we should see the kitchen floor. Yeah, I'll show the kitchen floor 20 bucks No, I'm just gonna say to cook like go done fucking done. Okay, then after this is easy fucking money Okay, we want to see you shower. Just take a shower done Don't shower twice a day

I'll shower twice at three times a day and it's hundred bucks bucks, you can watch that. 100 bucks, you can watch me shower. Fuck, yes, fuck. What does that mean? I think of this. I don't know, I don't know. She's gonna object, I think. I think here's a problem. I think she's going to be a little,

give a little put a push back for me to take what is a legit entertainment career and turn it into a porn star. I think that's- You're really saying you're gonna do this? I was, so I got these, I got some tasteful nudes done. I don't even know why I did that. Does she know about-

Yeah, she was there, she was there. Okay, and? And they look great and they look awesome. Did you fluff yourself at all? No, no, no, they're tasteful, so you don't see my cock. Oh, okay. So they're like full they're like full. Here I'll see if I can see someone.

Is Peter still there in the dog? Yeah, he's in the lobby. Hey, tell Peter to pull up one of my tasteful nudes. Okay, he's got him. And so I did him and they look like there's some from the back, it looks, they look good, right? Okay. So I was like, I jokingly, I said to Victoria,

my social media person, I was like, I jokingly, I said to Victoria, my social media person, I said, legit, I wanna start it, only in fact, maybe I didn't say it or maybe I just said it to you. But then I was like, I'll do these stretches. And she's stretching. Yeah. I mean, it's so smart what they're doing. I know. It's so smart. Well, then what if somebody asked you to do this on your own? Yeah, it'd done. Done.

Done. Wait, can we see it? I would definitely do this. I would definitely do this. Would you really back down though if Leanne says no? Well, yeah, I mean, here's the problem is that, right now I'm... Is your teasing everybody? No, but I have a really good thing going.

Well, it's got to be a price point. Like, for me, I go, if you... I'm not going to do it for like $10 million, I want to break the internet. I'm going to do it for like $10 million Well, I don't I want to break the internet Right how are you going to start by knowing what you're going to make though? You don't know what you're going to make you do thresholds Right, but I'm saying how are you going to get started without knowing you're not going to know what you can generate without doing it You can't just go I need 50 million dollars. I thought that's all work.

No, the people, you have your page up, people start subscribing and tipping and asking for messages, and that generates revenue. Like you can't just go, I need this amount of money. I got to fucking reply to people. No, well, I mean, if you want to reply to them for money, you can. But if you're gonna have subscribers,

you have to put content on. I might just post new pictures of myself for free then. Okay. This changed real quickly. Fucking, let me call Leanne. No, my social media check first. And see if she likes the idea. Yeah, see if she likes the idea.

And then once you see these tasteful needs to me, you're gonna go. Do me a favor. Just tell her we have some photos ready and I'm ready to go live with them now Not like not like it's a future idea just to see that make it like urgent because you'll get a more real reaction Like we're about to go live. Okay with my only fans. Okay I mean it's a it's a yeah I mean, it's a yeah. Be a game, the game changer.

You just retire. Total game changer. And then all you do is to Hey, Victoria, you're on two bears, one cave. I'm sitting with Tom and I wanted to. Hello, as my social media ahead of social media for me. What are your thoughts on me doing a only fans? In general, in general, because you were there for the tasteful news I took, right?

Very tasteful. Right. So we post those and then we go more towards what they want. Do you know what they want? I think we all towards what they want. Do you know what they want? I think we all know what they want, Victoria. Like Tom was saying, Tom was saying like a video of me showering, a video of me cooking in an apron naked. Like how much money do you think I can make?

And do you think it's a good career move or a bad career move? I mean, I think it's a career move. I think that there's a lot of different opportunities that you're not doing on other platforms But also why give only fans a cut when we can just put that behind a paywall Which paywall though what paywall? We just do it on my website. Yeah, why give only fans a cut when you can take it all Because we you're about to go live with this page right now, so But do you talk? Okay, good tasteful nude very tasteful very good very tasty very sexy, right? with this page right now. So. Fuck. But you drink. Tom. Okay.

Good tasteful, nude. Very tasteful, very good. Very tasteful, very sexy, right? You look good. Yeah, I look good, right? You do. Don't play it. He's a madame.

Don't show him. Do you know that you're also considering, you know? No, no, no, no, no, no, we work together. Hey, Victoria, I'll call you back when we have more thoughts on it, okay? I'm good. All right, thank you. She's a respectable young lady. Oh, you're like, I'm not gonna tell her my truck off.

No, I'm not gonna tell anybody. I gotta pay the play. That's a good tasteful new though, right? Yeah, that, yeah. Yes. It looks good. So I thought- So you put that on your-

I mean, I could do like, like, okay, let's picture, I'm like, okay, my equivalent in comedy is like Whitney Cummings, when you talk like about what we look like. What? Like, if Whitney did only fans, and she did tasteful news, would you sign up for it? Well, I haven't signed up for any, I really haven't. Oh, for real? I swear, the only time I've even seen only fans logged in

is because it's on this show. But if Whitney was, you're saying that she is like you? Yeah, like we're similar people. Like we're a little out there and different and, you know. She's much more attractive though. We're the same probably. We're probably the same. Like, she got to think, what guys like is Whitney,

what girls like is me. Girls, there's no equivalent. Like there's no equivalent to Whitney looks wise and comedy. Like, who's the best looking guy comic? Mirry you? That's not us. It's totally us. It's not us.

Name a better looking dude. Gary Goldman, okay, probably yeah. Okay. You're right. Okay. Now, can I tell you that I'm not thinking of like regular comics. I'm thinking of like, well, me, you, Ralphie, Laurie, Big J. There's got to be it.

There's a few. Jeff Dye. Jeff Dye can be like a really good looking guy. And he's got a hog on him. He would be someone that I get to say probably pay. Oh, I see what you're saying. The winnings really pretty. Yeah, that there's the, I think I get it.

Yeah. I get to say probably pay. Oh, I see what you're saying. That winning's really pretty. Yeah, that there's the, I think I get it. Yeah. I don't think, I don't think I saw it that way. Fuck. Yeah, you're right. No one will be technically, I'd have to have a very niche audience.

If I was better looking, I might make it. Now, here's the thing. You could do something where you lean into the fact that you're not a pretty guy. Stavis has already got it. Right. Stavis got it. No, no, I'm saying, like, Stavis got it, but I'm saying, you don't do what he is.

I'm saying you lean into the fact that you are who you are. You're not trying to be a fucking, you know, look like Jeff Dott, you're who you are, and you just do that. So, so more like, more like, like, almost like, um, voyeuristic shots of me, where you're like, that's the guy I actually could get. Well, sure, or you, but you'd be burnt in them. I mean, I don't think you try to be anybody, anybody that you're not. Let's see more of these lady stretching moves. All right, there's only enough you left here.

Whoa, why would we end on this one? Look at that. Yeah. That's a flexible person. Why wouldn't me and you do a tasteful nude catalog for Christmas? You've pitched this to me before. I bet we could make great money on a tasteful nude.

Me and you're doing these poses. Well, it's too late this year. Why? Because of doing our cell phone. Now you want to be, you want to be... You want to be... Oh my God. I mean, that actually is a stretch.

That is a stretch. But you could also do other things. Well, if she's stretching. God. I mean, you could really literally... That's not where you want your face to be if you're getting fucked. I mean, right? I don't know. People have fucked. I mean, right?

I don't know. People have different preferences. That is insane that she can bend like that. Yeah, it's amazing. Yeah. It does make me, honestly, I really do think about the fact that I'm like, man, I really need to be more flexible. Oh, I think about that all the time.

Yeah. Can you touch your toes by like, just bend over and touch your toes? I don't even know. Really? Let's try. I'll't even know. Really? Let's try. I'll just watch this. Oh.

I mean, full outline. It's crazy. It's crazy. The things Leanne could get me to do around the house. If she did this. Yeah. If she just put on a pair of boy shorts and just stretched. Yeah.

I swear to God, my dick just got hard. Thinking about my wife stretching in boy shorts. stretched. Yeah. I swear to God my dick just got hard. Thinking about my wife stretching in boy shorts. Really? Yeah. Asker, call her right now. No. Why? What am I gonna say?

Let's picture the only fans and then ask her about wearing boy shorts. See if she would actually, I mean, you're not making a ridiculous request. Yeah. Just stretching boy shorts when they wake up. And be like, If she doesn't wear a bra around the house,

I'll do fucking anything. Does she know this? Yeah, but I think it's the threat of having sex with me. Like the, that I get to worked up and she can't calm it down. She's like, oh, fuck. Yeah. God. I's like, oh fuck. Yeah. God. You're calling.

Yeah. I'm gonna take her fucking phone away. I hate that. I hate that. They're not answering. Not answering. Just going, no. I guarantee you if it was someone else, she'd fucking answer. I also don't understand why she wouldn't do summer, somewhere cool. If you guys can do that. I would love that. Where would you, where if you and push could go anywhere.

Boys are taking care of you. You don't have to bring the boys with you. Oh, we gotta bring the boys. But you guys went to the beach for the summer. That was cool. That was cool, but I mean, I would do that again, and I would pick another destination. Yeah, but we only got eyelets.

Time to depressing, we just one of your kids. Why? You want both of them. I mean, it's summertime. You don't think Georgia would wanna at least spend some time with you? I know, but Georgia wants to go home and see your friends and fucking and I don't want to spend time with their friends because they're all fucking Chrono, but Liana and I need to go somewhere Jamaica like Jamaica would be cool and go to that um Yes, I don't even know. You know, he's a heed nism too. No. Why? She's not gonna do that. She's a buzzkill

She's gonna want to go if it was Leanne, if Leanne could summer somewhere, she would wanna go places where you could re-books, and I don't know, go fishing. She wants to go to the fucking lake. That's not so bad. Why don't you pick a cool lake to go to? I'm just texting. Aaron Rogers replies to me quicker than my fucking wife.

That's sad. What did he say? Am I allowed to talk to him? I'm just, no. You wanna call him? No, I don't call him. Face time him? No. Aaron Rodger's could have sex with any of these girls.

He could. And that's fucking crazy. You think he's good? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, he's dated the most beautiful one in the world. What's that like, do you think? That you could date anyone you wanted to? What do you think that feels like?

I don't know. You got to feel dead inside a little bit. Dead inside? Well, yeah, like if like if you're dating the hottest women in the world, then what are you trading up? I bet you really discover their personalities. For sure you do. If you're dating someone like if you're, oh, that's so interesting. Like hot chicks could get away with so much of being a garbage person around me that I was like, no, you gotta give them

a little swings, but like ugly guys let beautiful women do horrific things. Totally. Gorgeous guys, forced beautiful women to be amazing people. If you see, if you just reveal who you are, that's really what it is. Let's keep playing these videos of these girls. This is it, that's really what it is. Let's keep playing these videos of these girls. This is it. That's the last one. Yeah. All right. Let's go. Who's

one of the best looking guys in the world? Who's one of the best looking guys? George Clooney, type in George Clooney's girlfriends. George Clooney is truthfully in love with his wife and her personality. Yeah, like, I don't aid a history of dating. Ooh, George Clooney would be a cool friend for us to have. These are all his chicks. He doesn't have a type. Who's that one? Which one?

The one on the bottom left. Holy fuck. I don't know. They've all got really striking. What about Chris Hemsworth or Henry Coole? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Type in Chris Hemsworth. Yeah, he'd be a good friend for us to have. Yeah.

Hey man, his brother. We could be hanging with his brother too. What is brother in like small village? Something. He has brothers and actors too. Yeah, yeah, yeah. There's his brother too. What is brother in like small village, something? He has brothers in active too. Okay, there's his dating history. Let's see. Yeah, let's Zimbo.

He's been with the same person since 2010 though. No. Yeah, it says it. Why? He married her. Chris, you're doing it wrong, bud. You look like a cat. Oh my God, that's her.

That's his wife, I think. You're doing it right, Chris. Yeah, holy shit, Elsa. Packie. Pataki. Pataki? I think, I don't know how to say it. They met in the summer of 2010.

Yeah, through their mutual representatives. Oh, that's okay. Next one. And publicly announced their relationship. No, he hasn't dated a lot. How about Henry? Henry, Kaville. That's, uh, uh, Oh, looking at him as a little kid. Yeah. Oh, he's a good a lot. How about Henry? Henry Cavill. That's a...

Oh, look at him as a little kid. Yeah. Oh, he's a good looking little kid, you know? Henry Cavill, he's Christian. He is? He's very Catholic. What? Yeah, he's very, very Catholic. You being serious?

Yeah, Henry Cavill is very Catholic. You play Jesus and Mel Brooks's movie. Or Mel, you're thinking of somebody else. You're thinking of somebody entirely different. You're thinking of Jim Cavizel. That's the thing enough. So who's that? Who's that Henry Cavill?

Yeah. So he's dated, looks like Kaylee Cuoco, Gina Carano. He dated Gina Carano, the fighter. Yeah. Shut the fuck up. Look, they're right there in the picture. Henry Cavill's a fucking gangster. Who's the girl with him in there with the glasses on? I think that's his current girl. Scroll down. Let me see him. I like Henry, Kavill now.

Who's he been in? What's he been? He was Superman. That's Superman. Superman. The Ben Affleck Superman. When cat Von D, Von D got down on bad with names today. Okay, so this was his Ellen Whitaker. That was his first. She was a championship horse jumper. He asked me to marry him. He's got a thing for horse jumpers. Thought we were there. So as birthday, all right, can you make it a little bigger? However, they quietly called it quits a few years later. There was no fallout. They just agreed it wasn't working Okay, I like him then he started dating her as junior carano Right is that junior carano that's junior carano. Yeah

Fall of 2012 She's a complete firecracker. I'm going to say it starts saying that about Leanne. Okay. And they dated through 2014. All right. And that's Kaylee, right? Quoco. Kaylee Quoco.

Yeah. One of my closest friends. Oh, they dated. Does this say they dated for 10 days? No. Yes. They fizzled out as quickly. That's really fast.

I think Kaylee Quokone and our friends again. Oh really? Someone said something about someone said something that she they were on set with her. Yeah, she didn't completely and totally trash me. So I think we're good. Oh, that's good. What were you not friends for? The fucking cabin. The cabin. Yeah. It didn't go well, it didn't go well It didn't go. I was her miss Pat right? Yeah, it was her miss Pat Yeah, and by the way, I fucking I picked teams And I picked miss Pat. I'll still pick miss Pat every fucking day of the week She's my rider dive it that did not go well for the be man. Who's this that girls gorgeous? She's gorgeous

She's like a Tara King. Okay very pretty And what does this say? In February, then 33. Sorry, dating. Oh 19-year-old girl. Yeah. 33 19. That's what's happening. Um, it's fantastic. Okay. I wonder if there's a girl named Tara, So, one of those girl named Tara, Dispussy Apart. Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah!

Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah!

Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah!

Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Lucy Cork. She's a stunt woman. Henry's got a thing for fucking physical women. Physical fucking women. All right, we should become friends with Henry Covell. We definitely see who Henry Covell's best friend is, the dog. Hold on, keep going, don't change the page.

And then I think, oh, who's this? This is his current one, right? This one's fucking Natalie Viscosa. Yeah. This is me looking quietly confident shortly before me wife and me brilliant love Natalie destroys me at chest Just teaching me dear Henry had to play some chest chest maybe he'll let me wing she wrote at the time Hey, may they read carpet day view in 2022 she's an all of you. She's in all homes. I don't know that she is. Tobin Nally Viscosk.

This Kusso. Viscosso. She's beautiful. She's like her. I like her. I like her. I like her for him. Okay, there you go. What does she do? She got 350 followers. That's it. 125. Vice President of television and digital studios at legendary. Mother fucker. Mother fucker.

Huh? I'm fucking talking shit about her. I fucking she's our boss. Sorry, Natalie. Natalie, I'm just playing around, you know? Yeah. Just good old fun. Huh? Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha And Natalie and Henry are there and they're like, Oh, look who it is. I don't think she's British. They're both British. I don't think she is. Pretty sure.

It's all Tommy and Buddy. Tommy Buns and Buddy Baggats. Oh. Well, am I taking a liquor too, boys, huh? And Henry wants to fight us. Oh, no. And then we have to fight him in front of the big fucking two at one. That sucks. Do you think we could beat up of the big fucking two at one. That sucks.

Do you think we could beat up Henry Cabell? Two on one. Yes. Really? Fuck yes. Okay. Who couldn't mean, do you think we would beat up Nate Diaz two on one? Fuck no.

Hold on. Do you think we could jump Nate Diaz? No. Hold on. Hear me out. Nate, using our powers right now, meaning like, do you think they tears would know who we were? No, you don't think you okay. I mean it's possible. It's possible. It's possible. Okay. He's watched Netflix or something Yeah, okay, you get the fucking shit out of us. You don't think we could take him if he wasn't expecting it

Hell no just so you know Nate if you ever see me and Tom together watch the fuck out. Hey man That's all him I'm a fan and I'd be like, what's up dog? That's how you get in there. That's how you get in there. That's how you get in there. Yeah. No, you're good.

You should try that. You should try that solo. No, I would, no, I'm not fucking around with NTS. I like NTS a lot. Oh, there's a picture of you in NTS. What were you doing there? What were you doing with them? Just hanging out in a casino, man.

Nathia slapped one of Jake Paul's dudes. Yeah, yeah, somebody from Snapchat. Is that a hypnotist? Yeah, it's breathing coach. Breathing coach? Nathia is the bad motherfucker. Yeah, he was just like, I like it. Yeah, I like it. It's good energy. It's fun energy to be around. I like him, Jorge Masvedal. I like my fight. You like scrappy fucking dudes, it's a start shit. I want dudes to talk shit. Yeah. I like guys like him Jorge Monsfadal. I like I like my scrappy fucking dudes a start shit. I want to do the talk shit

Yeah, I like guys that talk shit. I like guys that talk wild shit. I don't like I mean I can respect The humble fighter, you know like that goes in. It's like, you know, hey, she won't get the work done Yeah, but you like a little razzle dazzle. Love it, I love it, I love the fucking, I love the fucking, that's how I'd be. It is how you'd be. I bet I would be an amazing fighter up until the actual fight. Like up until, by the way,

fucking style better set me a nice DM. He did? Yeah. That said. I don't know, I'm not sure. I'm just here or whatever. He's like, no, he was just a nice DM. I was a video from when Chris the 7-0

and I were on two bears. You know, we got emotional about being dads. But it's Stahlbender was just like, I was whatever, he didn't really say much just like it was cool But like I like that shit. I love that shit. He's fine. He's fucking awesome You're only alive once why not fucking sparking I like I like his personality on top of his hammer tomorrow I just fucking I make the as style bender all that shit That is the fucking energy.

That gets me fired up, dude. Nate Diaz, I can watch Nate Diaz fight videos of him. When he put some guy in the fucking leg lock and the fucking flicks off the fucking auditorium, that shit, if you don't love that, I don't wanna know you. Like, I don't want to know you. Like I don't ever want to run into you. Like the guy that goes,

ah, actually you've been there, no man, that fucking Nate Diaz, just a bad motherfucker. Yeah, he is, he is. I don't know, in football, you know, the humble one, he was fucking fun to watch though. Who was Barry Sanders? Banner's F Barry Sanders was fucking. He did so much on the field.

It's crazy. What he was doing on the field was the equivalent of him doing a celebration. That was highlight. Yeah, that was a good point. His highlights are the craziest fucking things I've ever seen. They still, if you, since in like the 20 years

since he's been out of the NFL, you cannot find somebody with equivalent highlights. Think about that. You cannot find somebody who has equivalent highlights. It's been a fucking, almost a full generation has gone by. He made people look so silly. It's absolutely unbelievable if you've never watched Barry Sanders highlights

and you like football. Can I tell you a life for fun? I think it's sending signals. Yeah. Can I tell you a life for fun? I think it's sending like signals. Yeah, can I tell you a life to finding moment for me? Yeah. I was at Buck Stadium and I watched the fridge score touchdown. Really?

This is the fridge's rookie fucking year. That's cool. And I watched him score touchdown I said I remember being like I remember I spent the rest of the day trying to figure out why haven't they been doing this more often William Perry the fridge type in Tampa Bay box must be like Tampa Bay box. I remember the end zone they went into I remember watching it and my dad's like, they call him the fridge, buddy. I would put in scoring touchdown, you know?

Next. You might be able to find it. I got to see Walter Peyton play. I saw Frank Tarkin-Tin play. I saw Doug Williams play. I saw a lot of great things of athletes. I saw a lot of great athletes. I was about Jordan playing person three times. Remember we talked about this, and I don't Williams play. I saw a lot of great things of athletes. I saw a lot of great athletes. I was about Jordan playing person three times.

Remember we talked about this and I don't know if I did or not, but I don't want to lose the memory. Okay. I saw Charlie Ward play. He's one of the greatest athletes I've ever seen to this day. People, when they list those great dual athletes, he gets left like dropped, forgotten, and you forget this guy won the Heisman Trophy and played in the fucking NBA for like 10 plus seasons and people never mention him. It's crazy, like the guy's unbelievable. One of the best, what does Charlie Ward look like now?

Does he still look like, he's my age? Yeah, he's probably 52. He's a lean like Lanky dude. So he has no CTE. No, but we don't know about that. But yeah, Charlie Ward. Yeah. Oh, look at him.

He looks like he looks like he's starting to look like a grown up. Like like he looks like a young man when I watch him, but he looks like, uh, yeah, he was unreal man. I know. I know. I remember like hearing too. Like you're not going, like, what do you mean he's not going on the NFL? I remember thinking he's been trophy winner and and champ national championship.

Can you be a, has it been a white dude named Charlie Ward? There's two. Oh yeah. You're never going to live up to Charlie Ward, Charlie Ward, men's soccer, Georgia State University. There's a bunch of white guys named Mike Tyson, you know. No, for sure. Typing white Mike Tyson. All the time, I'm sure. Can I tell you what I did the other day? Can I tell you what I did? So I can't tell you what I did. So, well, this is people thinking,

yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. He's the white mic, like this is just. So yesterday, the other day, Michael typed on my phone, and I typed in fat white chick, and then I went to images. Yeah. And then I went, oh fuck,

what if when you type in fat white dude, I come up and I typed in fat white dude, type in fat white, fat white guy, fat white dude. Yeah, I'll tell you exactly what to type in before you do because it's pretty funny. I screen grabbed it because it was that fucking funny. Um, I typed in fat white guy and not only fat white guy, they all kind of look like me. They all have their shirt off. They're all flexing. They're all like, yeah, I'm strong and I'm bad. Hey, what do I do?

Yeah. But how crazy is it that that like I panic, panic Tom as I scrolled and I was like, please don't have a picture of me. Please don't have a picture of me. Is your first image on a search flattering or not flattering? Of me? I don't know, type in Berk-Ryser. I'm sure it's gonna be fun.

Oh, it's Chris Farley. Oh, that bumps me out. Yeah. Oh, it's very flattering. It's good to get you. Yeah, well, some. I like that image from the tour. Which one?

That one right there, the highlighted one. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah, that was an accident. Really? I think it was sneezing. No. Yeah.

It looks like you're just laughing. I know, I think I'm about to sneeze in that. Oh. I think he took the picture and I was like, and we liked it. I need a tiny picture. What are you calling, are you doing your, everything's just coming everywhere?

Well, for the rest of this tour. Yeah. And then are you done after this? Yeah. Hold on. I'm not going, I'm not talking to him for a while. Pull up his Tommy's tour dates. I'm not gonna tour for a while.

I have the, hold on. So we move just to you know. We moved a couple shows. We moved. Scroll, scroll, scroll. Shivalier, Shivalier. You're the Shivalier. Shivalier.

You going back? Going back. I bet you're the ones. I did. No, yes, the arena. It's almost sold out. That's great. Yeah.

Yeah, I did Boston already, but we're doing more dates. Okay. So you're in Australia in January. Stop scroll, scroll back, scroll back. Yeah. Let me see. Let me see. Whoa, look at you, Tommy. Brisbane, Brisbane, Brisbane. Holy shit. You're in Australia when I'm in Europe and I'm in Europe when you're in Australia. Okay. Correct. Yeah, I think so. Okay. Now go back.

Go all the way down to the end. So you end your tour. You end up coming everywhere in... Yeah, so I do... I do Santiago, Chile, I do Lima, Peru, I do Mexico City. Then I do... Hold on. Let's slow this down.

Slow this down. I haven't looked at these tour dates. I know that... And the only thing I knew is that when you're in... In Australia, I'm in Europe. Yeah. And when I'm in Europe, you're in Australia, I'm in Europe. And when I'm in Europe, you're in Australia. Right. I think I just said the same thing.

Yeah, as you did. Also Copenhagen, Paris, I'm not doing Paris. Athens were both doing that gig. Yeah. Prague, I'm not doing, I'm not doing Zurich. Vienna, Barcelona. Jesus. Madrid.

So the Dublin one got moved. By the time this came out, it be it's it's moved to the Arena and then glass name of the arena. I don't know the name, but glass god just got moved to that arena the Ovo Hydro and then my London show got moved to the Wembley arena And so yeah, and then and so you will end your tour in the Iceland. Yeah, May 15th. Yeah, hold on May And so you will end your tour in Iceland. Yeah, May 15th. Yeah, hold on. May 15th, you're ending your tour in Iceland.

Yes. May 15th, we will not be seeing you again doing stand up on tour for I'm guessing two years. A while. Are you done? These last runs of stateside dates and then you're done. Yeah. May 15th.

Yeah, I'm not going to tour. I'll be, I, me on the other hand guys, I'll be touring. May 15th, I'm going to be an... All right. What do you say? I will be getting back from Asia. Yeah, I'm in Asia until the 10th. What are you doing in Asia?

Singapore, Bangkok, Hong Kong, Tokyo. I think I was, yeah, I know. Proposed the same. You said no. Well, I think I can do it. Do it. Yeah, it's fucking fun as fuck. Well, I mean, I know it's fun, but yeah. And, uh, and so on the 15th of that Monday, yeah, you're in Iceland. And you're where? No, where? But I'm coming back from Asia and I'm one then should I swing by Iceland and go hang out with you in Iceland?

And we do, and we invite Aaron Rogers. He's not doing shit in May. We invite Aaron Rogers. Uh-huh. Kevin Costner. I would love to build Murray, Kelly Slater. What if we do- Just do a boys trap? Boys trap. Two Iceland. What if we do just do a boys trip boys trip to Iceland Give one as fuck Sure, okay great, and then you're done. Yeah, you know, are you not doing anything in the summer? I'm not doing any gigs. Jesus. What are you gonna do? Hey, what's going on with your can you talk about that yet?

I Got it He done it's done. It's done. It's not done, done, done because there's still a couple post things, but it is cut and locked. Do we have a trailer for it? Not a public trailer yet. A teaser? I don't think that we've cut one, but it's fucking rad. Yeah. Yeah. I went to a, I went and did ADR. I saw on your Instagram. Yeah. Yeah. What are we going to get to see that? I don't know, man. It's going to be completely, completely done later this month. Really? Yeah. And then when do I get a taste? I mean,

I'll show it to you then. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. But you got to be with me. Yeah. Oh, you're not going to send it to me. Oh, no. I'm not allowed to show anyone this trailer. Teaser might leak it. Right? Wow, that one's there's a shit in between that fart and the body. I like that you're going to that you're I like that you did it that way. It's fun. I mean, I'm it's you know what it is. It's more exciting. I like the thrill're going to, I like that you did it that way. It's fun. I mean, you know what it is? It's more exciting. I like the thrill of this path.

It's not, there's nothing wrong with the other, I mean, other path is great, but this is an exciting one. It makes it, oh. It makes it, I like the energy behind self-funding and self-releasing something. It just gets it like... I, uh, it juices flowing.

And I was saying to someone, I was saying to someone, I was talking to a guy about doing, uh, your phone's going away. It is, it's Liam, it's Liam, it's Liam. Okay, hey, babe, what's up? Uh, it was calling you back, I was finishing the podcast. Oh, with who? Paulina Pinsky. Oh, hey, was calling you back. I was finishing the podcast. Oh, with who?

Paulina Pinsky. Oh, hey, I just saw Drew. It's Lee and you're on two bears, one cave. Oh, hey, what's up? Um, I was just with Drew two minutes ago. We were, we were my current dinner tonight. Hey, real quick, would you, would you be adverse to spending a summer in Paris with me? A whole summer. See what I tell you say six weeks, six weeks.

I don't know. The whole point is us putting down roots, drinking wine in the morning, having cigarettes and sitting by the CN and writing poetry and getting to know who we are. It's a sabbatical, baby. Sounds like a bird thing. Okay. All right. Next thing. All right. We'll put

a pin in that one. I mean, parents will be great, but six weeks is a long time. Four weeks? No, it's not her. Nothing, nothing else. No, I'm talking to Tom. I'm talking to Tom. Hey, um, second thing, do you ever use your body to get me to do things? No. Okay, you know you can. If you stretch, do yoga in boy shorts at the foot of our bed and I wake up to that, you know you'll have power over me all day. I think that you would laugh hysterically

if I was in boy shorts doing yoga at the bottom of our bed. No. You probably laughed out loud. But okay. Yeah, well, laughing back into the bedroom woman. All right, next one, next one. Those tasteful nudes that I took on that photo shoot. What would be the price point for me to start an only fans page of full nudes and actions?

And action. Yeah, just like put a pin in that like hours like shit like I I fell myself showering for people like what would you go other at 50 million dollars that makes sense you should do that. I don't know. I mean, I don't know. I don't know. I don't I mean, I feel like you're naked all the time anyway. So you give it up for free. So what why would I have put a prize plan on it? I love this conversation. Is this a newly am I you sleeping good all of a sudden? No, I'm sleeping like shit, but no, I don't know what you're talking about. You're halfway naked all the time. Oh, maybe maybe I just ask. Yeah, ask no. Yeah, yeah, I got Tom has a question

Hi, Leanne So he also proposed the idea of like generating some more revenue He said but by actions was actually like possibly you know playing with himself on camera No, that's pretty gross. No. But what if it generates a ton of revenue? I don't give a fuck. No.

Okay. All right. All right. It's what I said, Leon. I was like, no way I'm going to do it. That's not what you said. You said you would totally do it. I mean, I'm married to guy.

This is an expositionist, but not exactly in that way. Exhibitionist? Yes. What I say, exposition? Yeah. Yeah. Exposed right? All right.

So, but you're good with him being new. Just not jacking off on camera. Um, yeah. I mean, yeah, I guess. All right. Cool. Good. So. I wouldn't be like, woo. Can't wait for you to take All right cool. Good. I wouldn't be like, woo, can't wait for you to take those new pictures.

Yeah. But I feel like you're already kind of naked, but you're also not sexually naked. Can he shoot scenes with other people? Like, you know, is he allowed to have other people involved? I would say no. Okay. That pause. That pause. Yeah, that was a good Okay. That pause. Yeah, that was good pause.

All right. All right. Real quick, you had to pick one person for me and Tom to be best friends with Henry Cavill, Chris Hemsworth or Aaron Rogers. Is this choice for you or for me? For you. He's going to be a part of our lives. Oh, Chris Hemsworth all day long. Okay.

100%. I just freaking stare at the guy all day. Yeah. All right. I don't really know who Henry Cavill is. Oh, he Superman. Superman. Oh, no pass. Hard pass. Oh, I'm taking the mind. No. Okay. Superman Superman No pass hard pass

Oh, I'm taking the mic. No, okay, and then Aaron Rogers seems like a nice guy I'm sure you'd have a good time that Chris Hensworth is the choice for me. Okay. All right Chris. I'm sorry that is all right There you go. All right. Love you. No love you too. All right, bye. I should have done. I wasca do it with me Let's do it. Okay. Why't we do it in a few weeks? Why can't we do it in a few weeks? Let's do it. It was a great episode, man. We had a good episode.

You don't want to do it? No, I'm already getting anxiety about it. I'll just set it up for then. You did that with stem cells and it freaked me out. And you were fine, you loved it. And you asked for it to come back and do it again. All right, I gotta go work out. Okay, I'm gonna do it.

I'm getting anxious. Okay, we're gonna do it. I'm gonna set it up. Bye, bye, bye, bye, bye, bye, bye, bye. Bye, bye, bye. Okay, I'm gonna set it up. Bye guys. Bert and Tom, Tom and Bert. One goes top to swap the other. Where's the shirt? Tom tells stories and Bert's the machine.

There's not a chance in hell that they'll keep clean. Here's what we call, two bears one cake. No scripts of beta booze, amateur, They'll keep the clean, here's what we call, two bears one cave. No scripts to bid a booze, amateur, pathology, dirty jokes, ranchy humor, no apologies, here's what we call, two bears one cave. you