2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer - The Machine Premiere | 2 Bears, 1 Cave Ep. 188

Episode Date: June 5, 2023

SPONSORS:- Go to https://Saatva.com/theshit to get $200 off ANY mattress of your choice.It's another week of 2 Bears 1 Cave with the OG bears Tom Segura and Bert Kreischer! Bert's movie "The Machine" just came out and you should go see it in theatres! They talk about the making of the movie, Tom surprising Bert at the premiere, fun stories about working with Iva Babić, Mark Hamill, Arnold Schwarzenegger and Mark Wahlberg. Bert recalls how good some famous people at the premiere were great at interacting with people, and how it's completely different from Joe Rogan's energy, there own energy and Jason Mamoa. And we wrap up with people flubbing Bert's last name and Drink Champshttps://tomsegura.com/tourhttps://www.bertbertbert.com/tourhttps://store.ymhstudios.com/

Like, I'm having a hard time getting my finger in my ear. Really? I sell jacked, I have. Because your arms and your shoulders? Myiceps won't allow it. Wow. It's all in my fucking head. Yeah.

It's not real, but I believe I'm getting a big surprise every fucking time. These are Tom's say, that's a good fucking movie. Because I know you, and I go, where's Tom? They're like, he's at the after party already. I go, motherfucker. Motherfucker. 100%. I'm a-a-a-a-sue. already I go motherfucker motherfucker. 100% a shit and get $200 off any mattress of your choice.

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choice. You will thank me later. We are back and I gotta say congratulations to my boy, your movie premiered at the box office doing well and give it up everybody for the star of the machine. Bert Kirschner, hear it, give it up. Thank you, thank you, still movie theater, still movie theater, guys, support the movie. It's growing, it's doing great in the box office, but just go out and see the movie.

Go out. Tell your friends. Tell your friends, spread the word. That's the coolest thing about the business that we've been in is that this podcast only got big because people started sharing it with their friends. And so do that for the movie. And then, and I'm telling you,

good things to come for me and Tommy. Yeah. We had a lot of really good conversations that night. We did. It's been a whirlwind, I'm sure of a week for you. I've overwhelmed. I mean, I've never seen you, you usually go hard, but I don't think I've ever seen you press this hard. It has been, I mean, really, you've been like, really,

we were talking about this. I don't know if it's exact. You know, it's, it's so funny that the whole process of promoting a movie is, is, you have a new appreciation for it. Oh my God. Dude, Tom Cruise, he deserves every fucking bit of $25 million or whatever the fuck you get. I get a lot more than that, but the other thing is, don't you have a new appreciation for just, it's almost like how much it takes to make him, like everybody, you know, it's such a collaborative thing. I'll never be shit on someone's movie. I will only do it for select people, but it does make you go, I've been involved in a few, and you go like, it's such a huge collaboration,

and you just don't know what's going to happen. I mean, everyone's trying their best to make the best thing the best result, but it does when it's done you go, man, we all worked so hard to make this. You know, it's so funny. One of the things was told me, there's a young lady, I don't forget her name,

but she's now a director. She was, I think, our AD on the movie. And she said, you know, I forget how the conversation happened, but she said, you know, you need to really promote this movie because, you know, like, you do your stand up. It was when we were in Serbia. And I was like, yeah, yeah, yeah, I know. I wanted to do well.

And she was like, yeah, but if it does well, it does well for Serbia. Like, like, then people will trust that we can in Serbia. And I was like, yeah, yeah, yeah, I know. I wanted to do well. And she was like, yeah, but if it does well, it does well for Serbia. Like, then people will trust that we can make movies. Sure. Because, you know, that is a weird thing. It's like, we made this movie in Serbia. And you saw the movie. Yeah.

It, I mean, the opening shot when we go into the casino, you know, and that spoiler alert, but when you see that, with that opening shot, it's fucking gorgeous. Yeah. And the reason we can afford that shot is because we shot it in Serbia. Did you do the stuff that was supposed to be in LA in LA?

Oh no, Serbia. So even like the party at the house. There's so much I wanna fucking deep dive on this movie. That house, they redesigned the entire kitchen. That's like someone's living room. Yeah. And they just turned it into a kitchen. Nothing worked in there.

Set designers are actually the most impressive on a amazing production. The man cave. Yeah, they built it. They entirely built it. Yeah, they they paved the driveway. And what's crazy too is that they do that and you it's like one scene and they're like moving on and they're just done with that shit. Well, you know the I mean not I mean, I I don't wanna get into the weeds on this movie, but I'm very proud of it. And I think, I think I can attest that it's a lot better than anyone imagined it to be. A lot better than anyone imagined it to be. The reviews have been very, very, very kind. And like, I haven't read any, I don't read any

of the critics reviews. I mean, it doesn't matter to me. It really doesn't matter to me. The fans. Is what the fans think. Sure. It's like stand up. It's like stand up.

If you go like, hey, there was a stand up critic at your show tonight. You're like, okay, but you care about the people. There was 250 critics in the room. Yeah. That's the critic you play too. No, I'm not dismissing critics. I think there are important and it's an essential. It's interesting.

It's interesting here. Someone who is in the movies insights. But you can't play to a critic is the point. If I make a movie for a critic, I'm probably going to lose my fans. Because I know I don't understand the ones they like. Yeah. Like the movies they like, I go, I don't get it.

Yeah. And so, but the reviews have been really, and the one thing people keep saying is like, this is way big. This is like a real movie. I thought this is going to be some rinky dink, low budget movie. Well, yeah, but you had a fucking real budget. And that's it.

We're in a real budget, and you know, and we're doing great, and I, and I, and I, like, I just want people to go out and see it in the theaters. And, and that is so important for me because I think it's a movie that needs to be seen in the theaters. Like when I saw Top Gun Maverick, I was like, dude, fucking, can you imagine the idiot that's like, oh wait till it comes out on my phone. Yeah.

And you're like, that's not. You're sitting across from him. So I've seen it, I never saw it. Oh, it's so good. But I just didn't see it. Don't do so good, it's in the movie theaters, you're going to fall in love. No, I do think that those big movies

are made for the theater. And like, yeah, I mean, he really has actually played a huge role, Tom Cruise, in keeping theaters a thing. Because he refused to have that one go to streamers. But the other one that some people don't know is that he's been shooting the latest to mission impossible and he does that at Paramount and they were like, hand him over and he just kept going, they're not done since he controls them.

And they're like, it's been fucking like two and a half years and he's like, not done. And then when they go shape my contract, when they finally were like, all right, it's a full, you know, theater window release, he's like, all right, it's a full theater window release. He's like, guess what? It's done. Yeah. Then I'm over. Dude, I, I'm telling you,

when you, like it's so funny because you watch a box office and then you go, it must be so frustrating to be like, Giovanni Robisi or like someone who's not a Marvel star, you know, yeah, just a good actor. And to know that you're always competing against fucking Thor and gardens of the galaxies and Avengers and Superman and Batman and fast and the furious and little mermaid and Like you're always battling us those yeah mega

Hundred million hundred I think little mermaid made a hundred and nineteen million and you know that your fans are like I got fans that I know went him and I love you But my little girl what's good here and you're like no I get it, but to be like just a good actor Oh, it's gonna see her. And you're like, no, I get it. But to be like just a good actor, just like a solid actor who could kill it. And knowing that you've got to wait for your thing, your franchise thing,

because that's the only way you can make movies. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I really think it's, this whole fucking thing has been so fascinating. My biggest thing, my biggest takeaway, and look, everyone knows I love talking about me. I love talking about me. I love it. I'm so good at it. I enjoy it. It's never bothered me. I don't notice. Like I have a thing where when people shit on me, they're like enough, Bert. I go, yeah, unless you like me,

then it's not enough. Like, right? And so, but then I understand understand I understand fucking Johnny Depp and walking Phoenix and those guys I understand them going like I don't want to I can you just let the work speak for itself or Adam driver like you get it because it is it There's a moment where you go. Oh, I Yeah, I need to shut the fuck up for a little while like I'm talking way too much. Do you feel like this dude? to fuck up for a little while. I'm talking way too much. Do you feel like this? Dude, after you tell the fucking, and it's because I'm podcasting,

you know, I try not to repeat stories, and I know I've done it on Rogan, but even like in promoting the movie, you're telling the same five times. Five times, yeah. A hundred times and you're just like, you're like, oh God. Yeah.

Well, and let's just get to the real meat of this. Me surprising you at the premiere. So that, for people that don't know. For people that don't know. I gotta also say something that I thought about a lot. What? There really is a difference. And this goes for like, all people

in different relationships is that there are things that are important to some, like one person in a relationship, that's not important to the other person. And sometimes you have to like, like what I mean is, I am not a, a birthday party guy, I'm not like, I'm not like. Your wife and I were just talking about this outside.

I'm not really, I- We were just saying, we were watching you about this outside. I'm not really I we were just saying We're watching you do red flags. Yeah, and she said first date first date. Yeah And so yeah, we're watching you do it the new podcast and you said something and It's what something people probably don't know about you and then I just whispered that he's dead inside and and Christine He goes, you're telling me. And then we started, she said, you know, we're identical, right? And I said, yeah, she was, he can just, and we were sort of talking about you. And I said, you know, and then we started talking about the premiere. And I said, I was so, I was so silently hurt because I was like, was what, tell the story from the beginning.

So what I was trying to say is that there you come to realize that sometimes you go, well, if this is not important to me, I don't mean your event. I mean, going to things like, I've been invited to dozens, dozens of premieres after parties events and I have attended I think counting yours now either two or three because I have only attended for

the person not for like some people go oh there's a thing. Oh yeah I'm not I'm not that person. I'm not going to anything like that. Why I detest events and like I just don't have a good time. I'm also I was telling somebody about, as I get to the story, I go, the difference, I go if I had been my premiere, Bert would have been like, when's your premiere? And I just said two weeks ago, and you would go, what, I go, I don't, I just didn't bring it up.

Because, and I'm trying to say it not like, I'm not saying it's, but I'm saying personality-wise, I would just go, I would think that you wouldn't wanna go, so I didn't even bring it up. Because that's just how I think. I started texting you, I started texting you probably a couple weeks ago. A couple, a few weeks ago, when you were in Europe,

and I texted you and Joe first, and I said, I have a private leaving Austin on Wednesday, going into what you want to call it, why don't you guys hop on. Joe texted right away, I got to protect my parks with Ari and Shane and Mark. I can't do it, I got shows that night. I appreciate a good luck and then you didn't reply.

And then I went, okay, Senator Texte you and Christina, hey, I got a private leaving one, say night, no reply. Senator Texte you, hey man, what's going on with the premiere? Because in my head, there was a number of things. And number of things. Number one is, you know, secret time we have business over there. Like we have business over there.

Like, and so I was like, I was like, I wanna introduce to everyone. I wanna make sure you know everyone. I wanna let everyone, you know. Yeah, face time with people. And number two, it's like, like, I remember saying to someone, I remember saying on a radio show, they're like, so it's Tom coming in, like I don't know, and they go to someone, I remember saying on a radio show,

they're like, so it's Tom coming in, they're like, I don't know. And they go, wait, what? And I said, what do you mean? And then I go, I don't know, I haven't heard from him. But to give it full story. Okay, full story. I was in Europe, and this is not a good thing,

but I was there for 40 days. That is, you tore like a lunatic. And I tore you in World War II. I know, you know, you tore like this fucking, like a lunatic. And I tore you in World War II. I, it's, look, the tour is over. But one of the things was, I don't even, I think I probably saw one of your early texts and was like, I gotta try to make arrangements for this. Yeah.

And then when like, I got home, I have, a wife that's not thrilled that I've been gone for four days. My kids are young kids. They're not teenagers, they're young kids. And they're like, they're like, oh, you're the dad, right? Like, it's not good, I'm saying, you know? So when the idea of like,

hey, do you wanna come this premiere in another state? It's not like you're down the street. I was like, you know, bringing it up, I was even like, you know, hey, I'm gonna, it's like, no, you just got home. So at first, it really was just like, and I honestly, I got to, I'm curious what the break tell of this was. Okay, I honestly thought,

I'm curious to know when you've folded, when I told you that, when I told you that, I really thought, because I think people with parents, because I think this way, I thought you were just like, oh yeah, totally get it no problem Okay, and I know so let me back it up, okay When you said it to me the first time I said

I really meant it totally get it no worries. Yeah, totally get it no worries and then and then I did press two things of press And it came up and I was like, he's not coming. And both of them were like, what the fuck? What's happening? And I was like, I don't know, he just got off tour from Europe, he just got home, and then he can't fly out for the day. And people would make it,

people would almost convince me that I should get heard about it. Well, I understand that. And so it built. And then I said it at the dinner with a bunch of people, and they're like, Tom's like, come on. And I was like, and mean, but meanwhile, meanwhile, as you're saying, as you're saying that, I'm really just like, we talked about it and you're like, no worries. And I just take you, I take it at that. I was good. And then it started building. And then Leanne found out. Leanne found out and texted. Fucking lost her shit.

She lost her shit and I said, hey, she goes his Tom comment and I said, no, he's not gonna make it. He just got home from Europe. She was like, are you being serious? And I was like, I wouldn't joke about it. I have no reason to joke about it. And I really was genuinely,

like I was good with it. And then Leanne sent you a text. She sent me a text. You and Christina a text. Together. And did not include me on it and did not tell me about it. She goes, are you guys really not coming to the premiere?

And I was like, I mean, I thought we had, I thought we had, this was a, you know, where it's at. I was like, and so now mind you, I've had three builds up so people like getting in my head. And then Leanne sends the text, and then you text me, keep going the text was even worse. It's like, she goes, she was like, you're really not coming, we're like, well,

no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, she's saying it to the two of us, bro. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, it's gonna be very clear. You guys didn't reply, because she said, I never got to reply from them. We replied. No, it's maybe it to the two of us. Nothing on loan, let's be very clear. You guys didn't reply, because she said, I never got to reply from them. We replied. No, it's maybe privately to her.

To her. Really? Yes. Okay. We replied to that text. Christina took, like, oh yeah. We're really, it was like, hey, he just got home. He's been gone for this long period of time.

We, you know, for us to leave for, like, the two of us, we have to have somebody come watch the kids. We don't have somebody live in that, you know, so it's a whole thing. And just thinking like, I don't know, that explanation, and then she replied, your wife replied. She was like, yeah, I get it. Still, it really is a fucking bummer

that you're not able to be here, and it's a huge night for a bird and all of a sudden, and I felt bad in that moment. Now, I did not, I was not a fucking bummer that you're not able to be here and it's a huge night for a burden all of a sudden. And I felt bad in that moment. Now I did not, I was not a part of this conversation or this text. But what I did then, because by the way, for people that we have not had this conversation you and I. So what I did then was I called PR people that I work with and I said, I would like to try to make arrangements to go to the premiere.

Can I do that? So as they're trying to make the arrangements, they remind me, and I had genuinely forgotten that- Okay, hold on, hang on. So wait, just so, Yes. Hang on. Before that, you said to me,

Hey, I'm gonna try to make it to the premiere. Yes. So you said, man, I got a pretty heavy text from the anime. I got a heavy text from the anime. I told the anime, what the fuck did you do? And she goes, this was her reply. There are friends. I'ma speak to them like there are friends.

This isn't business. There are friends. If I can't speak to them the more I wanna speak to them, then we ain't friends no more. And I said, I said, well, baby, you gotta understand. She goes, no, I don't need to understand shit. I don't need to understand shit. I'm gonna talk, I'm gonna talk, tell me the way I wanna

talk, tell me, I'm gonna talk, Christine, the way I'm gonna talk, Cena, because I would hope that they would talk to me like that and respect our friendship. It's not like you're doing an impression of someone you have locked up in the backyard. Fucking, that's why I feel like I live with sometimes. So I, and so I go, babe, I go, I'd already talk to him. She goes, no, no, let him reply, let him reply.

So then, okay, I send that message, I go, hey, I wanna try to make it to the, to the premiere, can you help make the arrangements, you know? And I'm telling you, I'm like, I'm trying to make it. I tell you that. You text me that and I go, and now, and now? Yeah. I feel like we're gonna fuck, like meaning like, if we're on a date, I go, oh shit, I feel like we're gonna fuck.

Like, meaning like, if we're on a date, I go, oh shit, I just got into our house. She just poured cocktails. Nice, oh shit. Now my heart's hot, my goat's hot, he's coming. I go, I knew he'd fucking call, I knew he'd fucking call. The next reply I get is like, oh, so, for people that don't know, my book came out last year.

Thanks to, again, the fans, it did well and it's being reprinted. It's in paperback. So that's like a new, that's when like a book comes out in hardcover and then if it sells enough, they do a reprint in paperback. So they go, you have an event that night at Barnes & Noble that people are attending, that there's your signing books and taking photos to celebrate the reprint in paperback here in Austin. So I go, oh, and then they send me the thing, it's already been sent out, it's been emailed to people, it's a whole thing. So I go, oh, and that, and again, I'm like, oh, I'll just tell you that. I send it to you.

And it's genuine. I'm like, I have a book of that. I didn't open it. Okay. I didn't open it. I didn't open it because I didn't open it. And then, and then like four hours later, you go, hey, I'm not gonna reply about this.

Yeah, yeah, I felt weird. Yeah, this is feeling weird. Yeah. So I opened it and then I was like, and then part of me goes, I swear to God. Yeah. Part of me goes, he has to God, part of me goes, he has someone at YMH Photoshopped that to get out of this.

And I go, fucking, and now I'm like, fine. And so now I feel like if we were gonna fuck, now she just walked in and she goes, I'm tired, I'm going to sleep. And then I'm like, what are the drinks for? She's like, I'm just poured them out and goes, you need to leave. And so I'm like, and so now I'm like, what are the drinks for? Yeah, yeah. She's like, I'm just poured them out and goes, you need to leave. And so I'm like, and so now I'm like, okay,

he's, I go out, I can't, cause now my emotions are going up and down, I go, I can't fucking deal with this. I can't deal with it. And I don't, I don't even want to fucking deal with it. I really, really go. This is again, like I'm just, I'm thinking that by sharing that with you

that you're like, oh yeah, dude, like, of course. I want to go back to, hey, no worries. I totally understand it. And I take that as like genuine. And then I come in here, this is the day before I think. And I talk to Ryan, he's going, and we have a conversation. I'm like, I think I could probably try to move it. I mean, I can, you know, see what they say, because I know they're not going to be happy,

but they'll, I think they'll move it. So I send a message right then in that moment, in that moment, I'm in Ryan's office. And I go, you have to move the book event. And they're like, we do. Like, yeah, it's, it's the next day. I'm like, yeah, I go, we gotta find me a new date. I go, I'm gonna go to the premiere, so I go, but I'm not gonna tell them. So just make arrangements, let them know I'm coming,

but don't let him know I'm coming. And so, and then I get the idea in the morning to just start documenting it, like documenting myself going. So I like record myself. And then like it was scripted, I sit in front of the two fattest pieces of shit with their crying turd of a child. On Southwest. On Southwest with like real gross pores. And it was just, yeah, it was, and I just the whole time I'm like, God, I hope he fucking sees this.

Oh yeah, it's that one there. And it's like, yeah. It is a premiere of the machine in Los Angeles. I'm currently in Austin and I'm the surprise him at the premiere. I told him I couldn't go because I really couldn't go. I actually had a book event tonight and instead I'm flying to surprise my friend at his premiere. South West. I'm flying with the regular folks. I just want you to ever forget this dude. This is what Southwest. That was the whole flight.

I hope you ever surprised. I'll tell you this, this flight was a nice surprise. That's fun to do for a Christmas. You do? How would you describe him? Funny. Basically, would you describe him funny too? Funny.

Yeah, that's super diplomatic to you. Not the guy in Mr. Driving. You're really over-different. I knew you would. You're super over the top. That's what I'm meant. That's what I'm meant. That's what I'm meant.

That guy we met. Yeah, I'm burrowing. And this was it. Coming out. But... What? What? What?

What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? I'm fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking asshole! Oh, at least I'll start this off tonight.

Such a birth speed. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That was, uh, it was, it was, it was, it was, and this is that one of my favorite memories. I'm so glad that I went and did this. Well, it's so funny because the real humorous part of this is so I have a go back to that page real quick, the Instagram and go to the next, the next, the still photos. No, up on the right. Yeah. These photos are great. It's Roy Conrad. It's Roy Conrad takes the best fucking pictures. Yeah. He got us in that moment. It was, it was, it was fucking amazing.

Yeah. It's such, I really love those, those photos. And then in front of your, God, you have a big head. I do. It's so fucking large. Yeah. Looks great on screen. Yeah. Look, that's my favorite picture. That's so fucking large. Yeah. Looks great on screen. Yeah. Look, that's my favorite picture.

That's going to be, um, so, you know, so this is the really fascinating thing. Yeah. There should be a therapist to break this down. Okay. So we get in, um, so I fly to, I fly to, uh, Leanne, Victoria and I fly to, I fly to, Leanne, Victoria and I fly to Austin to do Rogan. Oh, last week. Last week.

Would you shout out to the comedy mothership, Ryan comes out, see Ryan talking to Leanne of Victoria and I pull Rogan aside and I'm like, something's going on at all. I can't tell, something's going on. I'm like really broken up and I'm like, and he goes, he go to the premiere and I went, no. And he went, what?

And he's not going either. Yeah, but me and you were different than me and him. Yeah, okay. And so, I mean, I start breaking it down. I go, I feel like he's lying. Something's going on. He was in Europe for 40 days. So I'm sensing some sort of distrust.

We need to get really get to the bottom of this as his friends. I'm just getting bad. Okay. We do Rogan the next night and then we fly home and then I'm going to that morning, I'm going to the premiere. And I say to Peter and Victoria in my car. Now I have a syndrome that I always believe people are about to surprise me with presence. Every one of my birthdays, every single birthday I've ever had. I'm like, wait, where's the surprise? Where's the surprise? Yeah. People are throwing me a surprise party. I've never had a surprise party

ever in my life. I will, I will, my sisters came out one time, divised me an LA, and I go, there's more. My buddy Wuchos flying out, and the whole time I kept looking over their shoulder, I always believe someone's gonna surprise me. And it's, and I'm always let down. I'm always let down, because I never get the surprise, because it's all in my fucking head. It's not real, but I believe I'm getting a big surprise every fucking time.

So we're driving to go to the just scout the premiering and like early at like fucking, there's so much to this. It like three o'clock to two thirty. It was actually 11, 11 a.m. And I turn, we're at fucking cold water and Ventura. And I turned to Victoria and Peter and I go, I need to tell you something.

I go, I always feel like I'm getting a surprise. I always feel like I'm getting a surprise. I just want to, I want to put this out there so that you know what's going on with me if it doesn't happen. I go, I feel like Tom's going to surprise me today. And Peter goes, that's super interesting. I said, why? And he goes, because he explicitly said the exact opposite. And I went, I know. And he goes, no, no, no, he actually said,

hey, I'm not coming. And you believe he's going to come. I go, I always do this. I always believe it. And he goes, well, okay, you really said, I said swear to God in the car. And Victoria is like, Victoria is like, Hey, if he doesn't come, don't let that ruin your night. If he doesn't come, just enjoy it. So this is a party thrown for you, by you, for you, by you. So enjoy the night. And I said, I will, I will.

I get to the thing. Now, in a red carpet, is the way you're supposed to do it? Yes. No years was not there. No, oh, no, no, no, no. It was the most insane thing I've ever seen for a premiere. We should not have.

And now we're talking to like there's a bunch of producers that were there, some involved in the film and some not just like at the thing. And they were like, they're like, yo, this shit is like, they don't have premieres like this for Iron Man. They're like, I don't know what they're like, this is a wildest fucking red car, but we have ever seen. The red car, it was fucking insanity. It was an entire, if you go to my, hey, go to mine, I do a walk through of the red carpet.

Scroll down a little more. Scroll down right there. That one, yeah. And it is an entire street block, like a quarter of a mile. Yeah. And there was act was activations everywhere to kind of inspire people to take pictures and tag the machine.

That's will call, we had shot skis where you put shots on a ski right there. We had a Dave Williamson interviewing people right there. We had a big punch boxing thing right there because I get in the movie, I get punched. We had food trucks, food trucks aren't there right now. We had food trucks lined up, bars lined up there, DJ, liquid death activation. We had a little bit of waste management on the 19th hole. I mean, and then we had axe throwing, we had flip cup, and then we had the step and repeat. It was all us. Like it was me going

I want this to be fucking epic. I want fans to come down and fucking enjoy the fuck out of this. I think they did I'll never forget this so so They tell me they go get there at five. We're supposed to be seating at like six o'clock. Yeah, get there at 540 I go you're already fucking mind. You're like, I'm fucking burnt. I go, I'm gonna be there. I'm gonna be only great people when they get there. And they're like, that's not you're the star of the movie. I go, I'm not gonna, I'm not gonna fucking have this huge fucking red carpet and not enjoy it. I'm gonna enjoy it. I want to see everyone. I want to say hi to everyone. Yeah, you're the people. Yeah, I want to, I just want to fucking have a blast. And they're like, the star of the movie shows up right for the movie starts

and then that gets everyone inside. And I go, I'm getting there at three. I was supposed to be there at five, 45. I show up at three, and I greet everyone. I get out of the car shirtless. I greet everyone the whole time. I'm looking over, like going, where's Tom? The whole time.

Really? The whole time I'm going like this, where's Tom? Where's Tom? And then I said, and then I start getting very active, I have to go and do interviews at CNN and all these interviews are stationed at every orientation. And then I get really busy and I realize,

hey, it's okay, he's not coming, it's okay. It's one I'm throwing axes. Apparently at that moment, they were trying to get me to freeze there so you could, you could, because I guess Victoria, everyone was, because I guess Victoria everyone was in on it. Yeah. Liam was in on it. Yeah.

And so I, but I had already given up on you. I completely given up on you. And I was like, he's definitely not coming. He's actually not coming. But I'm having a great time and it's totally cool. Busting with the boys, Leanne flew them out. They flew out, yeah. On 24, Lil and Taylor.

Leanne's such a fucking gangster. She fucking booked them tickets. I did it for the KFC guys to Amsterdam. She had the mountain psyche. Oh, I got taste for you waiting it. They report 24 hour notice. Come on out to LA. They fucking flew out.

And I'm like, this is awesome. Cowhead flew out, Rover. So many people flew out. Did I'm like, this is totally cool. This is a great night. This is amazing. And I'm like, this is totally cool. This is a great night, this is amazing. And I'm like, I'm good. And then we do flip-cup and you came out

and I fucking fell apart. I was, I've cried harder than one of my show kids showed up. Like, well, I teared up too. I teared up too. I had sunglasses on, but I teared up too. I was, yeah. It was such a fucking great surprise, but I was like, I said to Liam, you know, he could have just said he was coming because I didn't know there was any reality to any of it. Yeah. I could have just said he was coming and then I wouldn't have had been so angry at him

for a fucking day. Yeah. And then I could have just said, hey, it's so great seeing you. Yeah, and she was like, that's better this way. Yeah, it was, it was better. It was better. Yeah, I didn't expect to get emotionally. I just feel like, you know, the difference I swear to God, if it was my premiere, I would have been like, I'm sorry, man, I'm sorry.

I invited you. Well, there's a part of me that was like, I didn't mean to fucking bury you. There was a part of me that was like nervous to have you come because I was like, I was like, well because you have to watch a movie. Yeah. And I was like, and I never watched it in front of people

so I didn't know if you were gonna like it. I liked it. And then all of a sudden in the movie we get to that we're already on the train and I'm like, fuck, this is moving fast. Yeah. I was like, go and know what scene's coming up next. Well this is gonna get a big laugh. Oh fuck, I already know it. Oh shit, we're almost done with the movie and I'm like, fuck, this is moving fast. Yeah. I was like, oh, I know what scene's coming up next. Oh, this is gonna get a big laugh.

Oh, fuck, I already know it. Oh, shit, we're almost done with the movie and then the movie got done. And, uh, Leot Thompson came out to me. He's the first person to talk. I had two things, something the movie happened. Everett. The swimmer?

No. No, that is interesting though. I've been saying that name. Am I saying the wrong name? I don't know. Leot Thompson. Let's see. Wow, I didn't know they had the wrong name? I don't know. Leah Thompson. Let's see. Wow, I didn't know they had the same name.

Oh, Leah Thompson. Oh, her, okay. Wait, she's not in the movie, is she? No, she just was at the premiere. Oh, okay, okay. And she came out to me and she said she was like, through the roof about my acting and through the roof about the movie and how fun it was.

And she's like, you know, this is like, she said all these great things. As a first person, I see. And I'm like, holy fuck. Then I see her daughter, Zoe, comes out and Zoe is an accomplished actress. And she starts complimenting. And then my dad comes out. And my dad is shaking, crying uncontrollably. Really?

And he goes, I just, I've underestimated you. And this is, I couldn't talk. And then me and him held, I held, we gave him a hug and we cried together. This all in the corner. Jimmy comes out, Jimmy Teatro, and he's like, dude, the fucking movies. And all these compliments are showing me,

and then I'm like, I'm like, I just need to hear Tom. I need to hear Tom say that was a good fucking movie because I know you and then I go, where's Tom? They're like, he's at the after party already. I go, motherfucker, motherfucker. And so then I go, I go racing over to the after party and I go race over to the after party. And then the first thing you said was that movie was fucking awesome. I was like, dude, thank you. I had a really good time. And so I was like, that was like the... Can I tell you something? I really enjoyed the movie.

And I honestly was, I mean, I was surprised that you could act. Okay. I really thought you were just gonna be stammering through it like a Joe Biden speech or something, but you, you actually, you did a really good job. And I thought that it's a fun ride. Like it's enjoyable, there's these fun ride. Like it's enjoyable.

There's these huge laughs. Your cast is great. They really, they are just fantastic. Like the girl that plays the Russian daughter. Evelyn, Evelyn Babbage. She's fantastic. She's fantastic. She's like a really, I mean, it's super, super fun.

It's super enjoyable. And I laughed and I like, it's also like feel good, fun. Like there's a nice, I don't it's super, super fun. It's super enjoyable. And I laughed and I, like, it's also like, feel good, fun, like, there's a nice, I don't wanna give it away, but like, a fun, like, ending to the movie, which always feels like, it's actually one of the most challenging parts I think to a movie is how is it gonna end?

You know, because you go on these rides and then everything kinda falls, so I really enjoyed the movie. But do you remember that what I said to you, like I came over to you at the after party, and I go, man, that was really fun. I laughed, it was a great time. I had a good mood.

I enjoyed it. And then I go, I go, did you just fart? And you go, no. And do you remember what you said next? You go, that. And do you remember what you said next? No. You go, that's just me. And then I talked to you for another couple of minutes, and that smell didn't go away.

And I was like, what is that? And you go, that's just me. Yeah, I think I had worked so much in the heat that day. Uh huh. Did I just fucking smell like shit? I just smelled like absolute shit. I was like, I was like, man, that really smells and you go, that's me. Oh, yeah, I'm fucking. I'm on a burger man. I really enjoyed the movie bird. It was a thank you. It was it was it was a fun really glad you could be a part of that. There was so much fun.

It was so fun. There's like these, there's a couple, like huge laughs that I definitely won't give away, but like that I really, really enjoyed. And I also got a couple really cool shout outs from you in the movie. It was fun for the fans. Did you see the spray paint one? Yeah, of course. And I was sitting in a section too, everybody was like, I like the

fucking wall time. I was like, I got it. Yeah. Yeah, it's interesting because I feel like the whole time, the one thing I'm excited for is if and when we get to do a project. Yeah. The funnest part is having done this. I kind of know, I know what I know it works for me. Yeah. And I know what would work for you.

And so that's the funnest, is it? Well, I thought about, I could hear you, because we had talked about the film, even though I hadn't seen it, and then I was watching it. And I kept hearing what you had said, which was like it's best when I fail Yeah, and I and I thought that too as I was watching the movie for some reason I fail really good No, it's like it's a fun it's fun. It's fun. Yeah, and the and there's I mean there's so much that I can't wait I can't wait until I can talk about the making of this movie because that was the

funnest part, was the getting to know people and getting to know what they liked and then adding it to their character. Like, Eva Babbage, the villain, is really funny in the movie. Well, you told the audience that's watching there something that you said, I don't wanna give it away, but you're like, she had said this about her taste in television and film. Yeah. And then it's in the movie, right?

So you guys. Yeah, it's in the movie, we put it in the movie, because it was so bizarre. So bizarre. She's so bizarre. We had taught her, I said this and the thing, I can share this, but she's Croatian. So she's very dry like very very dry and so

The first day is 46 no is she what it says she's got great skin. Yeah, she doesn't look 46. She has great fucking skin She um, by the way, I kissed her too You did yeah in the movie? I totally forgot. Yeah. Wait, in the movie? In the movie, they edited it out. We had a kissing scene. And it was weird when we did it, because I was like, I was like, well, there should be no sexual chemistry.

Yeah. But it was, it's just a weird moment. When was it? Oh, we edited the whole chunk out at the end, at the end, and not at the end end, but at the before my last fight scene. We edited it all out. But um, she, we had taught her these nuts. Oh yeah, yeah. We had said to her, you know, I did it to her.

I said, well, started with Smada Baby. I said, oh, we got a Smada Baby on your life. She goes, what's the Smada Baby? And I said, nothing's a matter baby. What's the matter with you? And she didn't get it. She went, huh? I said, nothing's a matter, baby.

And she goes, no, what's the Smada Baby? And I went, no, it's a joke. And she goes, I don't get it. I said, you didn't do that kid stuff when you were a kid like an up doc. She goes, what's up baby? And I went, no, it's a joke. And she goes, I don't get it. I said, you didn't do that kid, it's tough when you were a kid like an up dog. She goes, what's up dog? And I went, I'm an up dog. She goes, I don't get it.

And I went, hold on, you don't get any of these? Like, you never did these nuts. And she goes, no, what's that? And I go, you go, pass me these. And she goes, these what? And I go, these nuts. And she goes, it's all funny. I said, it's really funny.

And she goes, no, it's not. And we said, no, it's really like if you do it to an American, they'll get it. It not funny. I said, it's really funny. And she goes, no, it's not. And we said, no, it's really like if you do it to an American, they'll get it. It's funny. And this is so who she is, the next day we're in the tent, and fucking Mark Hamill comes in. It was like 74. And she goes, Mark, watch out for these.

And he goes, huh? These. And she goes, these nuts. And he goes, what's that? And she goes, I don't know. And he goes, it's a joke. And he goes, it And he goes it's a joke and he goes it's not funny. He goes I know it's not funny And looks to me goes why would you have me do that and I'm crying laughing. I am crying fucking laughing That's fucking you you worked with Mark Hamill. I know crazy right?

His fucking bizarre to me to me was even more bizarre is to know him like to know him as a dude Yeah, like I know him as a dude. Like I know him really well. And then to not, to like, to know parts of his personality and like the, like to, it's crazy. It's just crazy. Like I'll go Mark, tell me that about meeting Arnold Schwarzenegger. And he's like, oh yeah, Mark met Arnold Schwarzenegger,

Arnold wanted advice on his acting career because he was going to start doing movies and market just on Star Wars. So they went to lunch and Mark said, I'm going to tell you two things. Number one, lose the fucking accent. He goes, it's never going to work. No one can understand you. Lose the accent, get an American accent. Number two, you got to lose the last name.

He goes, it's not going to fit on Marquis. So lose the last name, lose the accent. So then I go and I work out with Arnold. And I go, hey, he goes, he goes, your dad's Mark Hamel. And I said, yeah, and he goes, he gave me two bits of advice when I was young. And I was,

but he, lose the fucking name and lose the fucking accent. Never listen to that guy. Ha, ha, ha, ha. Yeah, it's art, man, I gotta be very candid, because I know Arnold's team watches this and puts this in front of him. Arnold's a fucking gangster, man. Arnold's a gangster.

I think he's doing well. He's so sweet to me throughout this whole week, the first weekend. I know that I saw that for people that don't know that you did a little press thing where you went and you worked out with them at gold, right? Yeah, we worked out at Golds and Venice Beach and he was fucking awesome. Dude, shout out to Mark Wahlberg.

Shout out to the rock. Dude, all those guys are solid guys who fucking reposted all my shit. Mark Wahlberg shot another separate video and posted it for me. Did he really? Dude, go to Mark Wahlberg's feed. Let's go. Let's hear.

Good was feed. Bert, Kai's here. What's up, baby? Don't struggle through this video. I saw your video yesterday. Saw your promoter machine. Got your gloves on, your chain. You were doing them hammer-grows.

They looked a little weak, but I get it, you're in character. Put all that weight for the movie, drag a lot of beer and a lot of wall burgers. But now we got to get you in shape for the next movie that you got to do with me. So you can only drink fletches so you can lose weight and you're going to get your S-F-45. I got about 30 ladies over there that are going to kick the living shit out of you. They're all going to make you feel bad about yourself because they're stronger than you. And they got more drive, more determination. But that's going to change.

It's going to end up motivating you. Do you want me to do an action movie together, right? Nice. Only Flexchizool and training. I took Big Mike from 280 to 206 in 91 days. That's pretty wild. You're next. Let's go.

Big action movie. Make sure everybody goes and checks out the machine this weekend. This That's pretty wild. You're next. Let's go. Big action movie. Make sure everybody goes and checks out the machine this weekend. These guys. Yeah. The biggest one in the world, man. Stop messing around, bro. And you, uh, you better.

Honestly, you're, what, you're 270. Imagine if you did that for 90 days. I'm pretty jacked, though. Like I'm having a hard time getting my finger in my ear. Really? That's how jacked I am. Because your arms and your shoulders. Myiceps won't allow it.

Wow. Yeah. No, man. I mean, him, the rock, Arnold, they were all like, that was so cool of them to repost. Yeah. And it's like, and they didn't need to. They don't need to.

It says, no, it says a lot about them, honestly, that they would do that. It really does. I do think that the coolest thing is that you got to work out with Arnold. I do think that's the coolest. Can I tell you? Yeah. When we, first of all, he is, he is consummate celebrity. Like, he is, he is everything you want from a celebrity. Yeah. He doesn't let you down. He doesn't let the stranger down. The person that stops him and wants a moment with celebrity. He doesn't let you down. He doesn't let the stranger down.

The person that stops him and wants a moment with him. He gives it to him. He gives it to them and I was really blown away at just how generous he is. You look like a kid. I see. He's telling you that his dad is so nice and you see your shoulders and your calves.

And you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, it's amazing. Fortune, fortune, fortune, yeah. Fortune was funny and shit enough. Yeah. And she said to me,

I didn't talk for the whole time. And she goes, hey, what's going on? Are you star struck? I go, yeah, I am. I was just caught. You know, like, I know that people don't see me as like,

oh, workout guy, but I have worked out my whole life. Sure. And pumping iron is the consummate workout movie. It's amazing. It's amazing. It's amazing. I made him laugh in this. I said something about Lou Fregno's dad being the first helicopter parent. And he was, he was. And then, and, and then my favorite line,

I thought you were about to die right then. My favorite, my favorite line is I said to him, I wonder if we posted this clip, we should post it. I said, Arnold, what's the one movement you miss doing? Now that you've gotten older and real quick, he goes, dead lifts. I said, really? And he goes, dead lifts, I love dead lifts. And I said, really?

Cause I had just seen on Rogan's podcast, Robert Obers to say dead lifts are pointless that you shouldn't do them. And I was like, I mean, really? It was like a deadlift, seven, ten. Oh, it's great for the, if you do it right and you just walk, and you know, it's like so funny watching Pumping Iron, you watch him almost like coach everyone about bodybuilding.

Yeah. He's coaching everyone throughout the entire thing. He knew more about it than anyone else. And when he does that to you, it's surreal. Yeah, it's surreal. I hold it here. Now hold it. anyone else. And when he does that to you, yeah, it's surreal. Yeah, it's surreal. I hold it here. Now hold it.

Hold it. Let me feel this, Deltoid. Oh, God. This is him saying they make cast of my body. Look, I don't know if they have enough fucking clay. You have to be ordered the whole shit. Dude, he was so fun. And I'm telling you, I burn it pretty hard. Yeah.

What is beautiful about his life and I won't go into too great a detail, but he shared a little bit of how his day works. And he's just got it, he has no fucking phone. He has no fucking phone. He's got an iPad if he wants to FaceTime his kids or whatever, but he has the same schedule every day and he's just set up to be so LA.

And he goes and works out at Gold's Gym. Everyone knows he's there. He does the rounds. He introduced me to like 20 people. This is the next action star. This is look at this body, isn't this great? They wouldn't, you know what I said to me? He goes, they wouldn't let me do comedy

because of my body. And now they're letting you be an action star. Ha, ha ha ha. He was fucking awesome, man. Like there, there was so, I have to say this, I had the most spectacular two weeks leading up to this movie. Yeah. I worked out with Arnold.

First of all, I stayed at Shudders. I never would stay in a place. I stayed at Shudders. It's fucking gorgeous down there. You'd never been there? No, I'm never fucking down there. Why living LA? Why would I get a hotel in LA? Because it's fun to stay at the beach. It's fucking fun And shit to stay at the beach. Yeah, saw Edward Norton a breakfast. Yeah, definitely overwhelmed him with my energy. I could see how that I could have definitely overwhelmed him how that go. Not good. Not good. Really like what's up, dude? I love this

No, I saw like And Lee and goes did you just seal clapping him? And he was like, hey, how you doing? I was like, I was like, I don't know what would be a fucking actor or what would be a movie star. And then, and then, where it work, where at the office,

everyone's at the office and we get a text, you know, do I have yokems in town at the Greek? And, you know, I forgot that I'd performed at the Greek. Yeah. I mean, I didn't forget, but I just was like, I wonder if we should get tickets. And then Leanne's like, text the Greek,

just text your promote text, your agent. So I send a text and they're like, tickets will be waiting for you at will call. And so, man, Leanne and I've always wanted to be this person because I don't really like have much of like a fucking family life, like a home life. It's all on the road. Okay. And so we got, we like, we didn't even change. We just were like, let's go to the Greek. And so we got in the car and we drove over to the Greek.

We were late, but it was cool. I go to pull in the park. And I was like, I'm texting. Do we need like parking passes? And they're like, no, just tell them who you are. And I pull up and the guys like, what's up, Mr. Chrysler? What's up, Mrs. Chrysler? I go, Hey, he goes park wherever you want And we park anywhere we wanted we parked right up at the Greek yeah, and then And then we get a call to go to the Lakers game the next night. So you're telling you're basically what you're saying is like I really love being famous. I love it. I Love it. I met shepal. Yeah Where here there? Oh fucking Lakers game. Oh the Lakers game that guy I love it. I love it. I met Shepel. Yeah.

Where are here? There. Fucking Lakers game. Oh, the Lakers game. That guy, dude. You know, it's like, it's funny. I got a little bit of an experience with watching like celebrity at work. Yeah.

I don't know, I don't know what the tax is on it, right? I don't know, I don't know what the taxes on it, right? I don't know, but when I watched Arnold and Dave Chappelle within one night interact, I will tell you this, Dave Chappelle made me, I've never met him. I told him a couple times, I'd run by him and we had been in circles, like, but not like a real, in that. Never had this as a birth crisis,

a stand-up comedian, never met him. He made me feel so amazing. Yeah, he does that. Snoop. I got high with Snoop when Leanne, the same fucking week, Jimmy Kimmel. They all have this thing that, and I don't know if it's like,

if they had it before they were famous, or they got it now, Dave Chappelle made me feel like that I was his peer that I was a contemporary of his that I was like also one of the funniest people in the world. And I know I'm not, but he made me feel like that and he made my wife feel like that. And he made everyone in that room think like, God damn it, man, I need to watch more bird the way he talked to me. And look, if you asked him this he's he'd He'd probably say yeah, I don't really remember I definitely saw him yeah, I don't think day

I don't think Dave did it on purpose. I don't think he did anything but he was so gracious like that though He's just gracious, but he's larger than life and he fills the fucking room up Jimmy Kimmel I see Jimmy Kimmel walking at the thing and I and I do not know Jimmy Kimmel like I mean I don't know him, no one. But I may know him, but I don't like, he's not a friend. And I see him and I just did this thing where I went like this, like, hey, anyone, hey, and he came over to this wife and he's like, what's up, how you doing?

Congrats on the movie. And I'm like, is this really happening? And you like shook my hand and he's like, yeah, let's get a picture with the wives. And I was like, okay. And then he's like, yeah, this is my, you know, and then all of a sudden, I'm like, and the aunt's like, he leaves and she goes, do you know Jimmy Kimmel? Cause I know I don't okay and then he's like yeah this is my way you know and then all the sudden like and the ants like he leaves and she

was do you know Jimmy Kimmel said no I don't and then snoops there I go out let's go fucking get high with Snoop and the ants like we can do that I go I think we can do anything right now I think this is called Hollywood this is fucking amazing let me just walk back and got high with Snoop sent 45 minutes of Snoop dog and Snoop does the same thing all them done all them do where he just makes you feel like I think I Want I would like to be like that. I think I do something the opposite where I make everyone think I'm the star Like I think I do like all these people are gracious with their energy. Yeah, I think I'm like oh move out of the way mother fuckers Yeah, it was really fascinating

It was a really fascinating everyone that you have mentioned is super famous. Yeah, so it's like it was really fascinating. It was a really fascinating experience. But everyone that you have mentioned is super famous. Yeah. So it's like, it's really, they can do that if they want to. You know, like it's nice of them that they go, I'm gonna put some of this out. It's so, I say this critically as a friend, but it's so different than Joe's energy. Really? And Joe's, I think the most famous person. He's very famous. Joe's energy is so honest.

It's so humble. Oh, yeah. It's so different. It's Joe. It's also like he shuns away from me. Yeah, so it doesn't want to go to anything that you mentioned. Nothing that I mentioned. The only events that Joe goes to as a spectator are fights.

Yeah. And he's literally going because he really wants to watch that fight. He is not going to be seen or he wants to like talk to people or hang out. I want to see this fight, whether it's Moitai or Boxing or MMA, he just goes and he goes, I want to watch this fight. And then he's ready to roll, that's it.

Joe has, Joe has, so I hope I'm not being too critical of anyone. All those people I mentioned have the, hey, come sit at the cool kid table for a second and they make you feel special. Joe has the, we've known each other for since fifth grade, let's not fuck around energy. Yeah.

Like he has very honest direct. Yeah. Like maybe it's because I've known him forever. Maybe I don't know what it's like to know him. Like Shane Gillis said, I think Shane Gillis said, you didn't know, it might have been Shane, I'm sorry, but you didn't meet Joe when he was famous. You knew Joe.

So you never got to be overwhelmed by, and he goes, they said he has, that Joe has the same thing. He does the same thing, because he does do it to people where he just gives people big hugs and, you know, what's up, he does make you feel special when you walk into the green room of the mother ship,

but it's so funny that Joe I know is such a, like pull you to the corner like, hey, what's going on? You know, it's like, it's really weird. Yeah. I wonder if you get to, I wonder if that happens if you know Arnold and you're like, probably, he's, because Joe's checking in

on you as a friend at that point though. You know what I mean? The difference is that you actually are friends with him where like those other people you mentioned are kind of like meeting you, right? They're just kind of, so they're trying to just be gracious, nice, kind of like meeting you, right? They're just kind of, so they're trying to just be gracious, nice, kind of super famous people in the room.

We're Joe's gonna be like, hey, crazy man. Yeah, it's crazy that like fame is like so weird to watch it. Like I don't know why people don't like it. Thank you. Cause it's cool when you can make someone's day. You love fame. I don't know if I love, I don't know.

Feels like you love fame. I enjoy it, yeah, I enjoy it. Like do you like it? I think I have a different perspective on it. That, well, like I don't enjoy that many interactions, which I think you do. I love the interactions. Like I love when like, like I was at the air.

Makes me anxious though. It doesn't make me anxious, it makes me comfortable. That's the difference. It makes me feel like I'm home, like I'm with friends. Jesus. Like when people come up and they're like, like I got on the airplane the other day, for when I was fine too, I got on the airplane

and the two flight attendants, two dudes, were like, Mr. Christcher. And I was like, what's up? And they're like, we know how you are. And he pulls out double jack in the rocks, locks the rocks, outside that speech about never ending quit drinking. And he goes, they'll keep coming.

And I went, oh, it's almost like I grew up with that guy. Yeah. Like he knows me. I like it. And Leanne doesn't like it. The girls fucking hate it. That's what I would assume. The girls absolutely hate it. Like they don'tanne doesn't like it. The girl's fucking hate it. That's what I would assume. The girl's absolutely hate it. Like they don't have any interest in it.

And I don't think they like that it happens to me. But I love, I love like if I can, if you know if you can make, someone makes you feel good with giving you a compliment and then you can make them feel good by being nice. Yeah. Then all of a sudden that's like a cool interaction. Well, sure.

I mean, I don't, I like what you're talking about, but I'm saying like, I think you see a large group of people and part of you go, like, you kind of open up. You're like, oh shit, like these people are here. I'm gonna say, and I would, I think I would just try to go around that group of people. We've been going to movie theaters. I've seen my movie 10 times now. Jesus. We've been going to movie theaters I've been going I've seen my movie 10 times now Jesus. I'm gonna move theaters and watching it with people

Yeah, just sitting in a watching and then at the end Getting up and going hey thanks for coming and people like lose their shit because they don't know The very few people that are in movies go to the movie theaters and watch themselves. Yeah, so unique individual. Yeah And so we've been doing it and it's so fun. It's so fun to see the look in someone's face like what the fuck are you doing in here? Yeah, you're like, let's get a picture and they're like for real and you're like, yeah, fuck yeah, and then it's it's it's I don't know. I Tell you what? It makes sense. It started making sense to me while you move to Austin Yeah, cuz you're not you're you're more like a Joaquin Ed Norton

We're more about like I just want to enjoy doing the work I do Mm-hmm, and I don't really give a fuck about the other stuff. That's pretty good I love the work. I do I love doing stand-up all I want to do is stand-up podcasting I mean now movies. I mean I can't wait I can not fucking wait For you to for us to do a movie together. I cannot wait because I Can't wait to show you what I like about it and to see what you hate what I like That's what you're looking for it to that yeah, but the creative aspect is fun. Yeah, the creative aspects What are you talking about making a movie? It feels like camp. Because everyone has to live somewhere for like two months,

three months, and then everyone's just like, immediately I was talking to someone the other day and they're like, if you could make a movie with Tom, anywhere, where'd you wanna go out of the country? And they go, why? And I go, I don't want his family near us. Like I just want him all to myself for three months. I go, if we do it in Atlanta,

he'll just fly home every weekend. He'll fly home on a Tuesday. If you don't have to work on Wednesday or later Wednesday, he'll just go back and forth. But if we're in Australia, I go, we're locked in and it's fucking camp. And we're going to fucking be party and every night and fucking and you're going to you're going to have each have assistance and we'll make him fight like it'll be fun. It'll be so fun. And the creative parts, the amazing, the creative part is fucking amazing. And when it it's rewarding and you feel like, God damn it man, I'm so close to the thing. But the funnest is like, the funnest is like when

you guys got a Saturday off and you're like, and everyone's in a different country or a different place. Yeah. And you send a text to everyone and you're like, yo, sommelier will be in my house at 12, come over wearing a white shirt, just fun. And then everyone comes over. It's like, I look at Jason Momoa's life. I'm so fucking jealous. He bought a fucking, I don't know, maybe I shouldn't say everything. Well, he has a good time and he takes care of his crew and his people and-

They go riding motorcycles. Oh, that dude is like motorcycle addict. He loves motorcycle. They go riding motorcycles and they drink beer and they fucking dress cool. And then he oh dude He told me he has some insane amount of motorcycles Like it's really crazy. He's got an interesting style

kind of thought that was me for a second Shoulders Look at that guy look at that guy look at that fucking guy. I know that that's a real guy Look at they in high school if they were like, yo, you can be gay. Yeah. And then they showed me a picture of my wife and Jason and Moa, I'd be like,

oh, I'm gonna go gay. I get that. I can ride next to that. I can hang out with that guy and play with that guy every day. Just fucking ride motorcycles and grow our hair out and get extensions and throw in axes. He's a fucking badass. Yeah, he's cool dude, man.

Very cool dude, a lot of fun. For the, what's it called? For the press you did this TV show, I just saw this short clip. I had like 50 people send me this, even like privately. What? He's pulling it up right now, where you were doing like just some, I don't know, you did so many, I'm sure.

I'm gonna machine himself joins us now to tell us more. Please welcome comedian, Bert Kersher. Bert! Do you ever, correct? I'm gonna play the beginning of, play the beginning of, go to drink champs. Drink champs? Drink champs, nor is worse.

Really? Oh, yeah. Go to drink champs. Drink champs? Drink champs, nori is worse. Really? Yeah. Go to, go to drink champs Instagram. Is that up now? It should be up. Where does that air? Is that on? I think it's on, um, vault.

Oh, so it's not on YouTube? It's on a revolt or something. You're gonna drink champs, scroll down. We drink a, uh, papi. Yeah. Yeah, that's a, that's one of the funnier fucking podcasts I've ever done. There's one about there for Christchurch Drink Shamps on the right, the far right one there. Is that could that be it or no?

Yeah, yeah, here we go. That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it. Brad Chrisher. Happy vanwink shut the fuck up I got pretty fucked up on the podcast Oh my guys, look at this shit

If I can sneak around and put my dick on his shoulder He'd be like, gotta be... I roll his stuff I get pretty wild Yeah I said some stuff I think I'm gonna get in trouble for Really? Oh yeah

I called him that morning, I was like, hey, you gotta take something shit out Really? And he was like, done But then I was like, hey, you gotta take something, shit out. Really? And he was like, done. And then I was like, we were both drunk when I sent it. So I don't even know if they made it out. It was, I said some, we know man, his energy, his, that podcast is fun as fuck. Ghost for three hours, you get pretty fucking lit.

Yeah. There's a ton of marijuana smoke in there. And, and it's so funny, I really wanted to talk about hip hop because you know, despite what I look like, I am a big hip hop fan. Sure. And they didn't want to talk about hip hop. They want to talk about me. And I was called off guard and he was like, yeah, I'm a fan. And I was like, shut the fuck up. He was, I told my wife, who's on the podcast. She goes, you mean the fat shirtless white guy? And he was like, he was like, that's it. You know, it's, it's funny when I, one of the things I'd never said this on the podcast to him.

I'm a big fan, big right? Yeah. Dude, he's great, dude. He's great. He's great. Drake Shams Gray also like him just as an artist. Like, a couple of those albums were fucking wild. Dude, first of all, his reverence for hip hop.

That's what I think the coolest thing about him is. You know, I sometimes, I get asked often, you never really talk about yourself as a great stand-up. You know that the hustler did what? Melvin Flint, the hustler. Someone said to me, you never really talk about yourself as the a great stand-up. You always say that your friends are better than you and I go, they are. I go, but I have a reverence for stand-up. I appreciate, I only hang out with, I only hang out with the best standups in the world. What am I gonna say that I'm better than everyone?

I'm not. And when Nory talks about hip hop, the way he talks about Scarface or DMX or even Trick Daddy, like he treats them with such reverence. Yeah, that I fucking love it. That is very cool. It's really cool. Man, he's fucking nothing.

That was listening to that the whole day, I did it on the treadmill. What? That's all, nothing. Oh yeah. It's a great song. My captain's in that music video. Yeah, is he?

Yeah. But it's like, I've listened to a lot of drink champs a lot of drink champs Yeah, they're good podcast. He's just get fucking wasted and talk shit in the best shirt Yeah, the best are when you get the behind-the-scenes stories like DMX stories are always the best. They're really good Yeah, it's such a good you should do it. I would do it in a heartbeat. I would do it in a heartbeat You gotta do it Miami do it next time you home. I'll set the two you up because you're down in Miami, okay? Yeah, we did communicate one once or twice about it Yeah, and I exchanged a mess, but it was like down in Miami. Okay. Yeah, we did communicate once or twice about it. Yeah.

And I exchanged a mess, but it was like, it was a while ago. Yeah. It was a while ago. All right, look, we're gonna wrap this up. Okay. Congrats on the movie. No, but the movie, if you're watching this the day or within the days that this podcast comes out,

if you're down there, if you're listening to it, you can still go see the machine in theaters. So, it's a fun, it's really fun to watch with other people. I watch it in a full sold out, obviously, the premiere night in Westwood. That was really fun to watch it with like a thousand other people. I'll tell you, and this is what I say, if you go in theaters, I understand it's a little more expensive, but what that does is it makes people at the studios and money. And once you make them money,

they are incentivized to make more of these. Yeah. And that is our thing is we wanna make more movies. Well, all comics wanna make more movies. So if you do us a solid, do me a solid, I'm talking for me right now. Do me a solid, go see this in the movie theaters, then that will incentivize them to go,

man, we really start, should start making more of these for me also, but I guarantee you I mean, I know for a fact Tom and I would like to do one. Yeah, I'd love to do one and so and Tim Dylan would and so at Andrew Schultz. We all want to make this video. So Jesus Christ, dude, my tries are fucking, I mean it's fucking crazy. When you look at like, I've been 285 the other day. Wow. 285. It's fucking half your body weight. It's crazy. 285, that's almost twice my, or... Alright, we'll see you guys here and love you.

Thank you. Simon Bert, one goes top and swap the other, wears a shirt Tom tells stories and birds the machine There's not a chance in hell that they'll keep clean Here's what we call, two bears one cave No scripts to bet a booze amateur for topology Dirty jokes, ronti humor, no apologies Here's what we call Two Bears One Cave