2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer - The Sebastian Maniscalco SiriusXM Drama | 2 Bears, 1 Cave | 2 Bears, 1 Cave

Episode Date: October 12, 2026

SPONSORS: If your revenues are at least in the seven figures, get our free business guide, Aligning for the Agentic Era: How AI Is Changing Everyday Work, at https://netsuite.com/BEARS. Start your free online visit today at http://hims.com/bears for personalized care-from hair to ED to weight loss and more. Thanks to MANSCAPED® for sponsoring today’s episode! Get The Lawn Mower® Ultra Gen 6 for 15% OFF + Free Shipping with code BEARS at https://Manscaped.com! Sign up for your free Shopify trial at https://shopify.com/bears This week on 2 Bears, 1 Cave, Tom Segura and Bert Kreischer check in from the road, with Tom in Atlanta and Bert in Philly on his Permission to Party World Tour. The Bears debate whether they'll watch the Pentagon's livestreamed firing squad execution of the Fort Hood shooter, then dig into the SiriusXM Raw Dog Radio shakeup that had comics coming after Sebastian Maniscalco, and how one video turned into Bert starting a comedians union (Leanne is handling it). From there, Bert swears he'll die with his beard, finally tells Tom about the shot in Bad Thoughts season two he can't believe made the cut, and gets fired up over hood horse racing in Mississippi. Plus: Mike Ditka's one-take steakhouse commercial, Michael Jordan finding his lost championship rings in a forgotten safe, Chamillionaire's $25,000 autograph, Barry Sanders and The Fridge, and Tom getting pitched hair transplants. 2 Bears, 1 Cave Ep. 343 https://tomsegura.com/tour https://www.bertbertbert.com/tour https://store.ymhstudios.com Chapters 00:00:00 - Intro 00:06:15 - Should You Watch The Fort Hood Shooter's Execution? 00:12:14 - Black Horse Racing & Sprinting On A Horse 00:19:31 - Bert Will Die With This Beard & The Bad Thoughts Shot 00:24:52 - SiriusXM, Raw Dog Radio, & The Sebastian Maniscalco Backlash 00:35:19 - Bert's Comedians Union 00:41:25 - Spam Calls & Mike Ditka's One-Take Commercial 00:46:34 - Michael Jordan's Lost Championship Rings 00:56:52 - Barry Sanders, The Fridge, & Elway's Two-Minute Drill 01:03:07 - Tommy Time & Wrap Up Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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100% age before beauty. Huh? Age before beauty. Age before beauty? Yeah. Is that your new motto? Oh, I guess I'll go.

Hey guys, brand new episode of Two Bears One Cave. Tom Segura is wrapping up his movie in Atlanta golf trip, and then he will be heading out on his preposterous world tour. Thanks, buddy. My name is Burke Kreischer. You can get tickets at tomsecura.com. and then my name is burke reichner uh i'm in philly at the met on my permission to party world tour wow you really had to stretch to find photos where i looked bad didn't you like i just used your

headshot yeah i just used your fucking headshot but googled your name we were like wow these are all stunners is there anything we could do to find a bad photo so let's just let's just let's just recap last week i pointed out to tom yeah that he looks older then he feels older than he feels feels like it's so interesting i actually pulled up a picture of gondi you're too you look too old to play gondy and that's crazy and you kind of look like him now yeah can you pull the picture of gondy any so that we can see a picture of what tom was just a spray tan and ben kings look there's tom doesn't that kind look like tom it's very similar but i have too much hair right now you do yeah i'd have to take it down yeah yeah and then for you it was crazy

because we googled you and all these images from my 600 pound life came up and then we had to kind of dig through them to find which one was you and which one was them but thankfully there's that TLC logo to make the difference it's pretty cool yeah

I mean I just want to say I got a ton more comments and a ton more likes on my video the one that you mean the one how you didn't actually accept my collab that one I just accepted your collab I posted it I completely posted it You didn't accept the collab. I know, I think I might have just posted it.

I'm not good with social media. Right. So the one that you posted. I'm giving up on it. Oh, okay. You're giving up on social media? It doesn't bring me any positivity. That's for years now.

I know. Well, it did for a period of time. And then every now and then I'll get like an autistic kid that's good with math and it'll cheer me up. I get those feel good stories. I saw these like four little black kids in the hood. And they were talking. about how they're getting out of the hood and they had boxing gloves on.

And like, those fire me up. I get excited. Anytime I see Black guys racing horses, have you ever seen that? Black guys racing horses? Racing horses in the Mississippi. Do you mean like they're jockeys? Yeah. And they do it like for money.

Like car racing, they do it off. Like, Annie, can you find this? You're black. You'll be able to find it in seconds. It's so good. It's black dudes racing horses. in the deep south. In the deep south, in like Mississippi.

Okay. And they're in cowboy boots and cowboy hats. And it's like a cookout, but they got thoroughbred horses and they're sprinting on them. And they're like, it's no, not black jockey. I mean, that's kind of what you described. It's not a weird search. It's black horse racing. Type in black horse racing.

Okay. You'll find it. Black horse racing. This came up in your algorithm? Yeah, type in, God damn it. I mean, it's literally what you're saying. I know, hood horse racing. It's in Mississippi.

Come on, baby. No, it's definitely not him. It's you, just so you're clear. No, it's not me. Trust me, it's not me. Kyle, can you find it and find me a link? I'll tell you about it, but it's so good. It's these guys that take their horses back into the,

into like, where you'd go mudden or something like that. and they race their horses and they race four horses and they race for money and it's fucking is there a bunch of spectators awesome and there's yeah

it's just like a barbecue it looks like a cookout and they all go out there and they got money and they're like talking shit it looks like I swear to God Tom you would think it was

like they had there you go there you go send that to send this to me send that to any right now I found it it's so fucking good so those times

like that's when the internet makes me smile When I find something that I like. Like black hood horse racing. Like black hood horse racing. I follow a couple junkies that I like I kind of keep up with. Do you ever examine why that makes you feel good? Because you like also like when like a really.

The poverty stricken people that are making cheap food for their spouse and it's like. She blocked me. Huh? She blocked me. Yeah, but there's a bunch of those. Yeah, I follow a bunch of them. Why does that make you feel good? I think it reminds me of Leanne's family.

Really? Yeah, a little bit. Like, Leanne's family makes recipes where you're just like, like, they're like a stick of mayonnaise, stick of cream cheese, some velvita cheese. You're going to put these papatio tamales in there.

You get them right from Ralph's, or get them right from Costco, shove a bunch of those in there, and then get a cup of brown sugar. And get a pixie stick. So you think that that is why you identify with it? I guess, I don't know. I mean, it makes me, it makes me happy.

It kind of taps my brain. They're so depressing. I, oh, I don't know. I don't find him depressing. And I, like, the junkies, there's this one junkie that I, he's, he's clearly on meth, I think. And you're like, that's not depressing either? No. I don't know why.

I think I identify with his dreaming big. Dreaming big while on heroin. It's meth, I'm pretty sure. Meth, right. You're like, that makes me feel. good. Yeah. I found the.

Okay. So, I mean, maybe they're making me feel bad and I don't know about it. But, but yeah. And so then the other day I was like, I got to get off social media. This isn't, it's not good for my brain. Are you going to watch that, uh, live stream of the Fort Hood shooter? The killing, execution of them? I just found out about this.

Yeah. Well, 10 minutes ago. You think you're going to? Well, let me real quick. Let me run my take by you. Okay. Okay. Yeah.

Yeah? What are you thinking? I want to hear more about your yeah. I was thinking if they're doing it at like a Buffalo Wild Wings. I don't think that's where they're doing it. Where are they going to do it? Probably out of prison? No, they're going to live stream it just to your phones?

Well, they're going to live stream a firing squad. It's a firing squad? Yeah. I don't know enough about this. I just learned about it. Tell me about that. I don't even know about the Ford Hood Killer. Well, my recollection is that it was a army guy, and I think he was Muslim, right?

Yeah, it's, yeah, it's a major. Oh, is this the one from like 20 years ago? No, not 20 years ago. It was several years ago now, but he went back to his base or former base and he killed... Yeah, 14 people, wounded 32 others. Damn. Yeah, and I had no idea. I had forgotten about that guy until...

the Pentagon was like we're going to live stream it I think that's fucking crazy to live stream it but it's That's wild Huh? That's wild Yeah of course it's fucking It's fucking

And are we not supposed to want to watch it? I don't know I think it's it's probably pretty split amongst people who are excited by it and people who find it Repulsive Yeah it's pretty down the middle And which one are you? I don't think that's a good thing.

No, no, no. Let's morals aside, watching it. Are you, I'm not, you've seen people die online. I've seen people, yeah, but the thing is for all the, like,

I have a very specific thing that I like watching wild videos. I do like watching crazy accidents, but I don't like watching gore. I don't like watching, I don't like watching knockout videos where a guy's head bounces off the concrete,

like the pavement. I don't like that. Yeah. You know, I like a specific thing. And it's not that. That to me is like, really, too much. It's off-putting to me. But-

I don't, I tell you, I'm going to tell you, this is a, once again, I should run my case-to-chat. I think he's a terrible guy. I want to be clear. Like, I think he's a terrible guy. And for sure, I'm not opposed to his execution, but I think live-streaming it is sort of, like, indicative of where we're at and where we're headed with everything in the world right now.

feels like a weird choice to me to be like log in yeah but you're excited to watch it I'm I'm not excited I'll tell you what I feel like I got to feel like I do remember this guy doing this but it was 2009 so it's been some time it's been a while so it's like if Ruben stuttered went on on tour right now you're like you got to go while you're still yeah like in the merit like if they killed him like the week after I think I might have been more into it yeah I don't really have any emotional attachment to this guy I think he's a piece of shit but I'm certain it will come across my feed at some point. There's no way that I don't accidentally see him get shot in firing squad.

I mean, it's impossible. You're right. I've seen everything at this point. You're totally right about that. So why not just watch it when it happens and get it over with? I mean, fair point, dude. Fair point. You're going to end up seeing it.

It's very, you know, it's very primal. And I think it's very indicative of cancel culture. And, you know, cancel culture culture, permeates itself in so many different ways in society. If you simply don't agree with someone's politics, they go after you on every place they can. Cancel culture is in fact identical to what happened in the reign of terror in France,

where they just started beheading people. You know, shooting CEOs in the back in the back is no different than cancer, that is what they were doing back to Marie Antoinette, you know? And so I think it's a very primal feeling for Americans or for people to want to seeing negative things happen to other people

to make themselves feel better about who they are. Yeah. And this is, I think there's a little bit of for sure trying to galvanize people of like, this is what we do now. Like, you do some fucked up shit like this, we're going to kill you and we're going to show you. Which is how some people do public executions

still to this day across the world. It's definitely how it used to be when you would execute in the 10th, square, right? It was to like show everybody. There was some sort of perverse joy in seeing that, but it was also a message, you know, it was like this can happen if you do something bad. But yeah, it's pretty loaded, man. It's a loaded issue, I think, to have it be live streamed. It's strange. I mean, it, I don't, I'm, now that you say this, I go, yeah, I, I've never watched a beheading video and those are out there. Yeah. I've never watched one of those because I don't want to, I don't

want it in my brain. It's yeah, yeah. And maybe I don't want this in my brain to know that I was part of society that celebrated an execution. I do, I don't mind the guy dying. I think he should die, but I don't know. But it's also, it's like one of those things like if you're, if you're against, if you're against, if you're for meat, then you should be able to hunt type things, you know, like, I get it. Know where, know who, how your food gets processed. So if you're for execution, God damn it, you should have to watch it. I guess. I mean, I don't totally disagree with you, Ben.

That's incredible. I never thought you'd say that. I know. I never thought I'd say it either. Put on black horse racing and cheer each, let's cheer each other off. Yeah, this is such a bummer. This is in Mississippi, I'm sure. Let's see.

That gets you going, right there. Dude, and especially when they start fighting, and one guy's got a handful of money, no shirt on with a cowboy hat and boots and jeans are sagging. And he's like, faux show! Fo show, motherfucker. Is there other more of those? Oh, that's, I mean, you can follow this guy. I'm certain he's got a ton of them.

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Get free shipping on your order and 365 day returns. now available in Canada and the UK too. And when Quince asks where you heard about them, you let them know it was two bears one cave. The best way to support this show. Are you a horse guy? Bert? Me, yes.

100%. You like horses. Dude, one of the coolest feeling in the world is to sprint on a horse. There's nothing like it. Have you ever run a full clip on a horse? I don't know if it was full clip. I mean, you know, some pace. Like a full sprint on a horse is the baddest thing you can ever do.

You've never been more connected with an animal, more out of control but in control at the exact same time. I'd say, I mean, I've talked about it on stage a bunch, because if you've ever done it, you know exactly. There's a moment where the horse's neck and you are in this symbiotic motion. It's almost like great sex. And you're like, you're just like fucking hovering and holding on. And then you stop him and you can feel the whole horse like sit his ass down.

And you're like, whoa. It's fucking incredible. It really is. Yeah. When was the last time you did that? It's been a while. When I was on trip flip, it was the last time I rode horses.

And we had to live with these horses. We were running Buffalo across Houston, like through Houston. And we had to live with our horse because you had to be able to take your horse and you had to spin him, move him sideways, back them up. So you had to really know how to ride your horse.

So we were there for five days and on my fourth or third day, They were like, you're really comfortable. You want to run him? And I was like, yeah. And me and this other person just took our horses and took off. And it was, I mean, it was better than, it was better than booze. It was better than a buzz.

It was so cool. One of the coolest things I've ever done. And I mean, surfing's pretty fucking incredible. I think to be moved by the earth is pretty insane. I can't imagine big wave surfing has got to be like that much better. I've only done like baby waves. But man, I've been pushed by the feet. by dolphins, I've been, I've ridden on, on like mammals, like in the ocean, you know,

in like in tanks and whatnot and in the open ocean. But man, getting on a horse and especially having like full domain over that animal and knowing how to use it and get it going and slow it down. And then they read your energy. So, yeah, I've been bucked off a horse too. On that show? On that show, I got bucked off a horse in Costa Rica. I got bit by a bat the night before

and the horse could tell and the horse is like I don't want any part of this motherfucker that's got to suck right getting bucked off it wasn't that big of a horse I know that sounds crazy but it did feel like a smaller horse

and it was terrifying it was terrifying and I was wrapping my legs around him tighter because I was scared and that was making him buck harder and it was just a nightmare and then I just got off the horse all together and I started drinking

sounds like a familiar story Dude, I'm so, yeah, I'm fucking, drinking always solves everything. That's a great way to, yeah, fuck yeah, dude. You got to lean into that more. Dude, I tell you right now, I wish I could. I wish, I used to drink the way I would run on a horse where it was careless and it was free. I didn't think twice about it.

I wasn't worried about it. I didn't like calculated or like, oh, that's enough. And now I feel like I just canter when I drink. I just go, chuk chuk chokka, chuk chuk chokka, chuk chuk. So you're not going to, you're not doing it at all now or just really minimal? No, very minimal. Like, very, very minimal, which is good. I think I'm maintaining my weight.

My health is still good. My blood pressure is still good. My resting heart rates in the 50s. Everything's still good. And I have a drink, like I'll have a porosos and soda on stage. And, but then I get back to the bus and I have water and I go to sleep, read a script, put my anti-aging mask on. How's that working?

It's fucking incredible, dude. Everyone's been, like, bumping into me like, whoa, you look like you have a filter on your face. Yeah, yeah. It's crazy. Yeah, I haven't seen anyone. Just stay hydrated, Thomas. I think the best thing you can do at this moment.

Yeah. Stay hydrated, and I can get you some of these lasers that they really help. I drink a lot of water, some good there. What are we going to do with this beard at the end of this filming? Oh, I mean, I'm adopted as a new, look. I like the chin strap look. Pretty exciting. You don't take enough chances with that facial hair.

I think I'll probably go back to my beard. Yeah. You think? I think so. Why don't you do something different? I can't. We've seen that for years. Do something different. I'm stuck with this forever, Tom. Why?

Wait, why won't you change it at all? My double chin is bad. No, it's not. It's bad. There's shots when I was watching edits of Freebert season two. Yeah. I can't. There's things I can't get

past is like and a side shot of me it just looks like a fucking tire like a fucking but the inside of a bike tire just right here so you'll always have the beard i'll get for the rest of my life i'll die with this beard i'll never i never get rid of this beard i will always have this beard wow what a statement i know i'm so i would be so sad if i shaved it i the look of my face would make me so depressed i don't think so man uh a hundred percent my nose when I this my head's fucking weird like my nose is too big my teeth are too big and but then when I have this beard it makes everything look like it fits my face right and then when I shake this beard off you're like oh you don't have a chin at all like there's no chin there you're like

you're like a you're like a ski slope backwards and then oh my god that jaw goes right into your chest that goes chin chest would you do goatee I would I would but I don't know if I don't I don't know if I could, I don't know how it would, I don't know. Would you do just stash? I would love to do just stash. Dude, do it. I would love to. You can do it.

What do you mean? You're the guy for that. No, I'm not. What are you talking about? I gotta get, I gotta get, I got it, I'd have to get to like 200 pounds or something. What are you now? 230, 2.25, right in between there. Hmm.

Yeah. So now we know what good stakes are for like a bet. No. Yeah. I will never make that bet. What? There you go. You look good there.

Where would you find that? Oh, that's so bad. That looks cool. I like that. That's the worst. My little envelope lip. That's the worst. That's what I'd look like.

If I had alopecia. Yeah. That's exactly You look happy You don't know who would recognize me No, Ila did that Wait a minute How are you seeing it in Freebert

If you have a beard Do you not have the beard? I can see it I can see it through my beard Oh Oh I'm just like I'm not a great You know I should stop talking

So honestly about everything Because I think people hear it And they go Maybe he is a bad actor But like I'm a bad editor Because I just watch myself I don't watch anyone.

Like when I watch a scene and I go to give notes, I just watch me. I don't watch the scene. So I'm not good at given notes. And I just look at like, I look at my double chin or I look at my like my one, I have one bottom tooth that kind of sticks out for, there's certain things where I just look at myself.

I go, how the fuck can anyone watch this? Get the camera off me. So I'm not good at that. I don't love what I look like. Oh, but what's crazy is I liked. It was weird, leaning into fat wasn't bad for me.

Like I just was, I was like, hey, yeah, I'm fat. Fuck you. Yeah. And now that there's some vanity attached, I'm like, oh, God. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It sucks.

Like, there's a shot in, in Bad Thoughts season two that I can't believe you let in the cut. And I think about it. I took pictures of it. What is it? I don't want to tell you. You just tell me.

You guys got to do me a favor. Go to Bad Thoughts Season 2. if you're watching. Okay. Jesus. And stream it. It's in the very first sketch. Stream it.

Take a picture and tag me in it. And I'll let you know if you got it. And if you did get it, I'll repost it. Give you a follow. I'll comment on it. Just tell me if you can. In the season two. Season two, first episode.

First episode. The thing that opens the show? I think it's, I think it's season. Wait, no, season two is. opens with the with the black dad no season two opens i'm in the doctor's office with kevin neelan yes season two and then and then it turns into like a musical number and everything yes season two so everyone go to season two and in that episode in that episode in that sketch in that sketch yeah that i saw it and i went wow i was really proud of you i was like that is damn that is like yeah i was like

i would never put that in really uh it would it drove me nuts it drove me nuts i never said anything to you right until right now. I took pictures of it. I showed it to Leanne. No one noticed it. I noticed it. The second I watched it, I noticed it. Whoa. Can we talk about my, my, my, my. I didn't post it. You didn't post it? No, I never posted it. Leanne didn't let me. Why? Because she's, because she was like, don't get in the middle of that shit. That's not your brand. Your brand isn't controversy. You know, it's not, it's not like to try to I go, I was, I was, but my whole point was to make people laugh, which I thought it was funny. Yeah.

For anyone doesn't know, this past week, there was a big hubbabaloo in our comedy scene. And Sirius XM made a transition from Raw Dog Radio to Sebastian Manascalco Radio. And in doing so, it terminated the income of about 500 comics, all of which it seems live in New York, which was odd to me. There was no one else. It was all New York comics. Was it? And so. I didn't.

Yeah, there was, it was no one else but New York comics. And I talked to a few of them. I think they had an inroad to get their stuff played at Series XM because it's based out of New York. So I think that's why there's so many in New York comics. But they did what would be a targeted campaign. Is it probably the best way to say it? Well, yeah.

I mean, a bunch of people voiced, they were like, hey, the thing was weird was they targeted it to Sebastian. I noticed that some people said, Sebastian bought this channel, which was insane. But then they were like, what for people don't know, Rod Dog would just stream clips of stand-up. Like you get an album and there's 20 tracks. They would stream a whole mix of tracks of different standards.

It was a great way to discover new comics in all honesty. And they played all kinds of comics on it, right? Like everybody was, it was awesome. You'd play it in your car and it would just play. And I'd be like, who the fuck's 20? White Slade. Yeah. And there was like...

He's a brilliant comic, by the way. He is. And there was like 800, I guess, comics in the rotation. But what Sirius XM did was make a programming decision, which they've done for a bunch of other channels that should be said. Like, there's, like, oh, you know what was the oldies station? It's now 70s rock. Like, they've done it many times with different... And they've done it with celebrities.

They're like, we got Johnny Knoxville Radio now. Yeah. And then Shady has had one forever. Yeah. Slim Shady used to be a different channel too. Shade 45. Right, but it used to be something else. Yeah, it used to be something else. So they just did that again. They're like, this is a programming choice. We're changing, and now it's Sebastian's channel. And in doing so, they removed a lot of the comics they used to play on there, which I totally understand.

They became used to those royalties, and they're like, those are gone. but you know it wasn't sebastian's choice to do that he didn't like say we'll do that that's them saying we're making a choice a change here into this anyway a bunch of people made these videos they're like come on dude don't do this like why'd you buy this channel um you got to you got to say something to serious but he's really just hired to do it he's he's hired to do a job and the job is what it is and their programming change is theirs.

Like they made that choice. He obviously heard from everybody and he said he's working on something which is cool. Like he was like, I'm going to do what I can. I don't know exactly what he's planning. But yeah,

a lot of people were kind of like pointing their frustration to him, you know, which was like, I don't know, it was a little misguided. It's like it's not his decision.

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Because I obviously have opinions. And, you know, here's the thing that kind of is, like, I think as comics we need to take ownership of is, you know, Sirius XM was a great platform for a lot of voices for a long time. to discover comedy. And then we as comics kind of killed it. Like we just started going like, fuck that. Let's just put out podcasts.

Yeah. Let's put out YouTube specials. Let's put up clips every day of crowdwork or bits that we are working on or bits on social media. So now I mean this, but this is the truth is if you're a fan of comedy and you're looking for, say, Kim Congdon, who's on tour with me right now, the last. place you're probably going to look is serious xm, which affects their bottom line. The first place you're going to look is her Instagram, then her TikTok, then you're going to hit up YouTube, then you're going to follow her podcast, and then you're going to go, wow, I got a lot of Kim Kongden. I don't

need a bit with a bunch of people that aren't Kim Kongden. Yeah. And so now adversely, if you're Sebastian and you don't have a lot of free streams for your material, which is quite wise as a businessman. He doesn't have a YouTube special. He doesn't have him and Pete put out their podcast, but it's very sporadic. I just see clips. He doesn't put up stand-up clips. He's very kind of sparse on social media. Then Sirius X-M goes, wow, from a business perspective, he's one of the biggest comics in the world. I would like to have Sebastian fans come to Sirius XM. Yeah. And so that's, I mean, we need to take a tab bit of ownership as comics for creating the podcast format and leaning so heavily into it. We all have podcasts.

It's, you know, it's got to be a bottom line for serious extent where they're like, it doesn't, it doesn't, the bottom line doesn't meet for us to pay $15 a play when people put out that exact same bit on any bit that they have. I mean, they put out on. They're making the change because they obviously are like, we feel like we can do better with this new format. I mean, that's what that's what radio stations, whether they're a terrestrial satellite do. They just go, what's the best way to maximize our profit on this channel? And after a while, if they're like, it's not working, then they change it. That's like, that's not new.

That's what they do. That's what they've done. It stinks. Number one, this is to Sebastian. He needs to give more people his phone number. That's number one. That just shows you how many people don't have Sebastian's number. I texted him.

I was taking a shit in the airport. And I saw the first, like, chunk. of them coming in. It was like Liz and Adrian and and Sam Marell and Dan Soder. I saw those four back to back to back in my feed and I texted

Sebastian and I go, this is going to be such a great day. He was like but you know I think what's what's kind of crazy is like I don't I didn't I didn't

I get I'm very empathetic for anyone and I think and this goes back to this goes back to you know what's happening in this country a little bit is I think people look at Sebastian and they go yeah fuck the rich you know he's rich what does he need this for what is he doing why would even do this to us he's fucking the middle the the little guy is that's how the perspective it was and my first thought and you know we never me and you never really got we were in a little bit different a generation where we weren't we always got fucked doing a special we always got fucked with our albums we always got fucked with all of that we never got good money i never got money from serious xm but what we can

identify with is when the clubs would lower our rate yeah and you were like what the fuck and but that's how these kids feel when they lose those income streams of course because some of them are paying like their rent or their insurance or their like tuition or their meals for their Like, they're paying that every month, and so they rely on it. So I totally understand the frustration. What I'm saying, though, too, is that blaming him, it's like, it's like your favorite TV show comes off and they replace it with the show and get mad at the guy that's hired to do the new show. It's not, that's like it's not him. Anyway, I totally understand why the comics are frustrated.

I think all those messages should go to Sirius XM and less to Sebastian himself. Yeah. It's funny. I was really moved by it. Whatever was wrong with me is I get very empathetic in situations and I feel like they're happening to me. I don't know if it's soft narcissism or what. But like I got really worried about Sebastian because I also understand how that trickles down. And I'm not to get like serious, but like,

You know, when you make any video about someone and you kind of, you know, target them in a little bit of a way, it is a little bit juvenile to not think of the shrapnel that happens around that, and the lunatic that may see that video, and then it all of a sudden they send like a crazy email to Sebastian, or they send. So, like, I got really sensitive to it. And that's why Leanne told me not to be. post the video but then the next day I woke up and I was like I can fix it you know how my brain works and I was like got online and I was like guys my name's burke Kreischer and I'm a stand-of

comedian this message to all comedians we're going to start a union yeah and uh and then uh everyone in the world hit me up and then Leanne called me yesterday she goes I guess I'm starting a union and I was like yeah baby I'm sorry I was like can you start it for me how are you doing that Leanne's doing it. Leanne's going to, like, it's what's crazy is I got to say a lot of really fucking big comics reached out and told me they're in. And I mean, my phone blew up. I haven't read the comments, but, you know, all the people that were in the, you know,

Sirius XM kind of spokesperson area, Liz and, well, Liz is the only one, really, Matthew Bessard. They hit me up and they're like, we'd love to be a part of it. You know, Greg Fitzsimmons hit me up. I won't say everyone's names because I don't I don't know how that works but a lot of very big comics DM'd me or texted me. I woke up this morning and my phone was lit up and they're like, how can we help? You know, it's so funny, Tom, because I was talking to two comics in the bus last night about it

in, in finance and Kim Congdon. And they're, this is how stupid comics are. This is how we, we, not just, I'm not pointing fingers. we were like, what's something that a union could help with? And they were like, feature, feature rates. And I was like, guys, what about health care? And they're like, we can get health care. I was like, guys, that's what a union gets you like,

your health care. And then they were like, well, how to, and then I think both of them are like, well, how do we get into the union? Like, what's the threshold for getting into the union? And I was like, guys, it's very simple. You have to have done Byron Allen's comics unleashed. Yeah

If you've done comics unleashed You deserve to be in that union No it's but feature rates is a fucking legit thing 700 dollars hadn't changed Or it's a hundred dollars a show right? Yeah Hasn't changed like 35 years $50 for hosts

Yeah it's crazy Travel buyouts are exactly the same That's so crazy Hadn't changed in 20 years More than 20 Yeah Isn't that insane Tom Yeah, I remember I brought it up one time on Twitter and I was like so many people lashed out at me for bringing that up.

They're like, don't tell people how to run a business. You know, why don't you fucking pay more? I'm like, I do pay more. I pay more. I'm saying that these and they're like, that's somebody else's. People were like actually really upset about it. Yeah. Well, I said to the guys, I was like, you know, I wouldn't, here's a deal with here's a deal with.

comedy, in my opinion, and I could be off. You got it. There are people that will do it for less. You know, like, that's the, it's a supply and demand type thing. Like, in a weird way, like, you, I would fight to get those host gigs. And I would be, I would never complain because I wanted those host gigs. And then when I got to feature, I was like, I'm not going to make a stink because I want the feature job.

Yeah. This is great. Like, this is a way into getting into a headliner. And I got my first offer for headlining. It was $1,500 a weekend. And that was 2006 or 2007. And then the next year I got my next offer, and it was $1,300. So it was 2008.

And the economy had just crashed. Yeah. And I was like, shit, do I take it? And there were guys that didn't take it. They walked away. And they never, like, I just continued working and literally worked my way up the chain, whereas some guys took that year and didn't take it and thought they'd do like B-Club. like hyenas and stuff.

And then they never got back on track. Yeah. And some of them never, you know. So it's a weird thing. You got to let, you got to let the comedy clubs make money because they've got to stay alive. We can't just do a break even with comedy clubs. Of course.

Comedy clubs have to make money because then that's why they'll have the business for us to work at. So that's like, it's a slippery slope. That's why I'm not going to be a union leader. Yeah. But you, you're kind of in it now. So. I'm not.

I'm, uh, God, I get so many spam risks. You get what? Spam calls. I get spam calls like 25 a day. Why do you think so many? Probably because you post your phone number online or something? Never posted my phone number.

You have done that before. I have posted my phone number. Yeah. I definitely posted my phone number the other day. As a matter of fact, when everyone was going at Sebastian, I posted it in my stories. I was like, hey guys, just call. him. This is his number. And you posted yours? I posted my WhatsApp phone number. Jesus. Well, isn't that your

phone number? Yeah. And then everyone was like, I mean, they're fan. I love, I love the fan that hits me up. He goes, do you think it'd be cool if I called? And I was like, yeah, call, man. Definitely call. Fucking yeah. Get after it, dude. Jesus Christ. What's fucking talking about? You're insane. You see Mike Dica died? Is that real? I thought he's been dead. Buddy. I thought he's dead like 15 years. Is that wrong? He's been around. He really did just die. He had a series of strokes, I think, is what you were remembering.

I just heard a story about him. I just heard a story about him. Somebody told the story on set that they were filming a commercial for like his steakhouse. And we were talking about like when non-actors get hired to do, you know, basically an acting gig, which is like a commercial. Yeah. So the director of this commercial was like, all right, this limo is going to pull up. You get out of the limo. You look at your place and then you walk in, right? Like that's the first thing they want to do. So they did it. Limo pulls up, Dicka gets out. He looks up at his place and he walks in. Then he came out and the director was like, okay, on this one, when the limbo pose up, get out. I want you to get out and really take your place in. Like really look up, take it in. And, like, really look up, take it in. hang for a beat, then go into the place. And Dicka was like, yeah, okay. And then he got into his limo and he just left.

That was it. That's what he did. And they were like, he was just done after one. Because I'd heard the same thing, not the same thing, but another Chicago guy that when Michael, you know Jordan used to do so many commercials? It was like a Haynes ad every three minutes. He would show up.

they would be like holding the boom like you'd had to it wasn't like oh he's going to be here for 12 hours he would show up they'd be like stand here and they're like you have them for maybe an hour maybe an hour for a fucking three million dollar commercial and he would just be like that's it so if you don't get them in like a couple shots what you're looking for that's what you got you know which is very different obviously from how most of those are done it's like you're doing this for just all fucking day like not these guys but dicka was just one and done another thing i remember about dicka was reading that in like i guess it would be the fucking 60s when he was if he had a cold he was like yeah i just need to run like if he he would be like really sick he would go run hills and he was

like yeah that's how you beat a cold you know like he's a real barbarian i mean dicka was as tough as they get but He would have the flu and go for like a run. That was just how he was wired, you know. It's a different fucking guy. I could listen to stories about Michael Jordan all day long. Same, same. I watch almost everything that pops up on my phone about him. I am so fascinated by that individual.

I was with, I've, I've got to stop. I think celebrities won't want to be around me because I always tell the story they tell me. But like I was with a guy. I was, never mind, I got to change the subject so you're going to be able to figure out who it is. Why? But like, because I'm obsessed with Michael Jordan golfing.

I'm obsessed with him golfing. Yeah. And I want to play golf with them, but I want to be around him. But I just kind of want to, I don't want to talk to him. I just want to be around him and watch. Mm-hmm. And they're like, he doesn't play golf on television.

He doesn't let it get filmed. He loves to gamble. He loves to drink and smoke cigars. And he's got a great golf game. And they're like, the best golf game out there is Steph Curry. He's very good. But man, I look at that Michael Jordan racing Tiger Woods. Look at that stride.

Are they both running on a golf course? That's fucking crazy. Is it? Oh, that's not about Tiger Garcia. Oh, Sergio. That looks like a fucking lying about to tackle a gazelle, though, dude. Look at that leg. I wish Michael Jordan would get obsessed with me

so that we could just shit. Garrett. That's not going to happen. Yeah. Did I ever tell you my favorite Michael Jordan story? Which one? About when he lost his championship rings? No. I'm going to paraphrase. And by the way, I'd love to get this writer. Wright Thompson is the guy who wrote. He wrote a great book. I got it from your boy, The Daily Stoic.

Oh, yeah. Holiday. Ryan Holiday. Ryan Holiday. Ryan Holiday gave it to me. It's one of the few books I've read that I really enjoyed. Let me rephrase that. It's one of the few books I've read. Any book I read, I think I end up enjoying because I'm like, oh, shut up. So Michael Jordan is moving.

He's doing an interview with Wright Thompson. Wright Thompson's like the baddest motherfucker. I love this guy. He did a whole book on Pappy Van Winkle. Anyway, he's a sports writer. And Michael Jordan is moving from Chicago to Miami with his new wife. This is a book about,

Michael Jordan? No, it's an article about Michael Jordan. Oh, okay, okay. And Michael Jordan. But it's in the book. It's in the book. It's so good. And by the way, I'm paraphrasing, you know, and I remember a story the way I remember it.

Yeah. So Michael Jordan's talking and he's like, you know, things happened to me so quickly in life from my 20s and 30s that I didn't really get a time to slow down and appreciate a lot of it. And I just kind of like, it happened. And I didn't really pay attention. And like, what do you mean? And he was like, like, I lost like two of my championship rings. And they're like, for real? And he was like, yeah.

Like, I can't find them. I don't know where they are. Like, I guess they might have been stolen. He goes, in my, in my will, I put that if you find these championship rings, I want them bought back for my kids. I want my kids to have them. But he goes, I guess they were stolen or I don't know, man. I can't find them.

And he goes, and that's like two of the things I really wish I had as they're moving. So they're like, really. So as he's moving, he finds. a safe he didn't know he had, which is indicative of this time of his life where he's like, God, man, it happens so quick. And he goes to do his fucking safe code, apparently. I think they say this is his number, you know,

what, 32, 32, 32, 32, 33, 23, 23, 23, 23. And he does his safe code. And he, he finds two of his championship rings and three gold medals. He was like, I didn't even know I lost those. And what I loved about this, Tom, and I think, I think you probably can identify with this now. But it's not about anything.

I don't have championships, and I think I got to appreciate anything career-wise. It's at raising the girls. Like it happens so quickly. Yeah, it's fast. It happened so quickly that there were so many times that I didn't really cherish it, the way Michael,

Jordan kind of looked at championships and gold medals and was like, yeah, this just is going to happen. This is what life is. And you kind of think like, man, I miss, I miss taking them to school. And I miss them getting done school and running up and giving me a hug. And I miss them giving me their backpack. And I miss walking home with them and hearing about their day. And I miss riding bikes with them and them singing Katie Perry songs. And I miss them introducing me to Taylor Swift. Like all these things happen. And much like a gold medal for Michael Jordan, those. Those are my gold medals and I don't know if I appreciated it enough when it fucking happened. Like when they introduced me to Taylor Swift, instead of realizing, I didn't, you know,

it was going to be Taylor Swift that we know today. Like I just was like, oh, this is great. And they're like, Dad, Dad, you're going to love this. Dad, this is your music. And I was like, okay. But now I remember it and I'm like, God, man, I wish I could go back to that gold medal. Like, and you're in the fucking throws of it. Yeah.

And I'm like, jealous because you're. winning championships right now with your kids yeah it's the best but you're right I think no matter what you still feel like that thing's gone like right now you're with my their ages I think about that that toddler stage and like kindergarten first grade and like not the same feeling of like damn that's that shit's gone already so now it's this phase and you still already miss that you miss that and you think about it wasn't I was gone so much it was yeah it's the same thing Same thing. Yeah. It's, it's funny. I think that, you know, it's like I was watching Shaq with his kids. and I mean his kids are always around him

like he's always like he's like still like number one dad and I and my kids my kids love me but they do they're they're they're I'm not Shaq I can't just fly them in to go to an event like you know like I have lives like Georgia is starting her real adult life and I list in college and I go I look at it and I go man I was with Shaq a couple of month ago or so and with all his kids and I was just and he's like the ultimate fucking dad and I'm and my and I keep thinking of this Michael Jordan thing I was like he's still winning championships like he's still like fucking

and his kids are like the sweetest just like the they're like the best fucking adults like and they're young adults too but yeah yeah I don't know man I I'm obsessed with I'm obsessed with all of those guys I don't know what's like uh like name your top five athletes you could listen to stories about all day long. Oh, I mean, Jordan's definitely number one. Jordan's number one. I've watched, I feel like I've watched 800 different Jordan stories from the best story, like some of the best stories are, yeah, golfing, hanging out with him.

Like when people tell stories, when we were there and he bet somebody this or like, he challenged someone to that. There's, um, there's, what was the? the fucking, oh, there was that Camillionaire story. Have you seen that one? No. We're like, you know Camillionaire, the rapper? Yeah, yeah. So they're at some event.

And, you know, he always got like Charles Oakley with him. Derek Jeter, he's very close with a couple other guys and a chameleonair came up and knew one of the guys. And so, but somebody else was like,

hey, hey, hey, back off. And somebody turned back to Mike and was like, hey, this is a chameleonaire. And he was like, hey, man, I got this like jersey. Do you, will you sign it? And that Jordan was like, you got 25 grand. And somebody was like, no, no, he's cool. He's, he's, his chameleonaire is cool. He's like, I don't give a fuck.

Do you have $25,000? And the guy was like, no, he's like, Dine's signing a shit. And you're like, holy shit. Like, that's fucking. crazy that he can he's the only person that would talk to somebody like that you know like there's no one that would talk to somebody like that i think at that level the jr writer kevin garnett one is one of my there's a million that are also like that you have to watch garnett tells it so amazing i can't do it justice but basically garnett's a rookie jr riders guarding

him guarding jordan and it's like going into the fourth quarter And Jordan's having like a so-so game. And so at a timeout, they're walking to their respective benches. And Garnett starts to like pop off like, yeah, he ain't all that. He ain't shit. You're shutting him down. And he said, Jay, I writer was like, shut the fuck up. Shut up, dude.

He's like, you don't know what you're doing. Shut up. And that Jordan stood there just with his hands on his hips like he used to, just kind of stone-faced and he was like dude you never do that you don't do that and then he went ever like jr was like hey man he's a rookie he doesn't know sorry about that Kevin's like what are you guys doing he don't do that to him and the fourth quarter he dropped like I don't know 22 or something and ended up winning the game and they were like that's why you don't do this so he's like that he's like garnett talks shit to everybody he's like I never said shit to him again like I learned and

there's so many of those stories if you're like that's like that's so many of those stories you're on YouTube and you just, there's like hundreds of them where they're just like, I love, I love those podcasts like, uh, like all the smoke. Oh my God. Yeah. I love when they tell stories. You ever heard this story about super Crip? I know who that is, but what story? Is it, is it super Cripp? Any, do you know the one I'm talking about? Of course. He fell asleep. Yeah. Wow. He's out. He's out. Uh, they were, they were, I forget, I forget the, the, the, guy was telling the story. He's a pro. He's like, he's like, he went pro and he's like an

all star. Everyone, they all knew him. And they're like, you played against super cripp. And he was like, yeah, but I didn't know he was super cripp. And they're like, what? And he was like, we were just playing and I was going hard on the pain on him. I was just found him. And then the coach comes up. He's like, man, you're not scared of super grip at all. And he was like, who am I garden? He was like super cripp. And then I got on this like super cripp. Like, where's he now? and it's like it's like i love i dude athlete podcasts are the best thing to happen to podcast the the the locker room banter the the one who's the one that i just saw this one it was like josh allen and another guy we're talking about this guy that was the ultimate athlete in texas

who now just is like fishes he never went pro he never did anything those are the best stories it's Trent something don't know him don't know him dude but it's the It's great. I love the MJ stories are, I think it's because it feels like lore and it feels like fantasy, but you have all these people confirming it. They're like, no, this is real. And these are other fucking pros talking about it. And there's nothing like it.

There's nothing like. He's like the closest we have to a superhuman. Who do we, who do our superhumans in sports right now? We've got, I mean, not right now, but like Kelly Slater was always surfing. Oh, yeah. Kelly Slater was surfing. He owned. And he defined surfing for, he turned surfing into what it is today.

And I just say that casually as a fan of surfing. And I know there's some incredible, you know, Tom Carroll, Tom Curran. Everybody gives it up to Kelly Slater, dude, everybody. Yeah. But. People were talking like that, by the way, you know, up until his retirement about Aaron Donald and how dominant he. I mean, I've never heard or rarely heard people talk about. interior defensive lineman like Aaron Donald, like how dominant and how they,

they doubled them and tripled them about 90% of plays. And they're like, we still couldn't stop him with two fucking professional NFL offensive linemen. I mean, it was crazy. People talked about Lawrence Taylor like that. People talked about Bo Jackson like that. Yeah. Lawrence Taylor interviewed him one time.

You did? For a TV show. He was wild. He showed up in slides, no socks, and wild feet. Yeah, but yeah, they all have banged up feet, dude. Banged up feet. Yeah. He was great.

He was, I think at the time he was smoking like a hundred cigars a day. Yeah. Yeah, there's nothing like you. LT was the shit. You know, it stinks that like Kyle's a huge football fan. We're going to London to go see the Jags in a couple weeks. And I'm really excited, but he's a huge football fan. But I'd be shocked if he knew who.

who Walter Payton is. Do you know who that is, Kyle? What? Yeah, do you know who he is? You ever seen him play? Do you know what his nickname was? Tom, do you know Walter, Walter Payton's nickname? Sweetness?

Easy. Yeah, easy. I couldn't hear anything he said, though. He's like, Walter Payton, the guy they name the award after? Well. Yeah. Yeah. But, like, watching Walter Payton.

Those highlights were fucking. To me, though, if you're talking about something that we've never, like we've seen other people run with the ball well since Walter Payton, but we've never seen anything even close to Barry Sanders. Barry Sanders was the shit. There's nothing like it. There's nothing that comes close to it. I'll tell you as a Bucks fan.

There's two things I remember. I distinctly remember. I remember a bunch. I remember a bunch. I remember watching the refrigerator Perry run in for a touchdown. As a kid, my dad said, buddy, stand up, you're going to want to see this.

And I said, what? And he goes, they're giving it to the big guy. They call him the fridge. He's like 600 pounds. Watch this. And he went through that line. I remember that. And I remember watching Barry Sanders

because he was the Lions. We played the Lions. That was our division growing up. And he was, I mean, just, and he was tiny compared to them. I'll goon to Barry Sanders highlights, for sure, all day. Yeah. Yeah, they're incredible. I mean, they're still, they don't make any sense at all.

Talk of like nine guys will touch him, and they can't bring him to it. It's fucking so stupid. I saw Walter Payton play. I saw Jim McMahon play. I saw Fran Tarkington was like, I was like, I thought he was, I saw him throw a pass from his ass. to the end zone in the rain and I was like what Doug Williams was my hero prime time I mean it what about Dion prime time

incredible god he was so electric the fucking greatest I loved it well I mean I would watch any game he was in I would watch just to see what might happen yeah he was like that the best dude who is that now who's like that what's that I was like that so I was going to say I mean Tom Brady was pretty

great oh we got to see it A real dynasty. Tom Brady, Gronk, Edelman. When it was a two-minute drill, he was something, it was like, they might do this, and they did it a lot. Better yet. Who's better at the two-minute drill, in your opinion? John Elway or Tom Brady?

Oof. I mean, ultimately, I think Brady has it up on him, even though Elway was incredible. Elway had the crazier arm, but as far as running that two-minute drill, I think it goes to Brady, dude. Do you remember? Now, we're,

what, four years difference, five years difference, but do you remember on Sundays, in Sundays when John Elway... Go ahead? Five years difference. Seven, go ahead. I keep looking at you when I get confused. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

John Elway would run those two-minute drills on a Sunday when my mom was making dinner because those were later games because they were in Denver. And so they'd be at like five o'clock, six o'clock on a Sunday and it would be, or maybe seven o'clock, and you knew you had school the next day. And the sun is just hitting that stadium halfway halfway.

It was just halfway filled with the sun. And you were like, all right. And he's covered in mud. He's got mud in his helmet. And you're like, let's see if John L. can do it this time. That energy, oh, I fucking look for that in life. That's why I drink.

That's why you drink. There you go. Block punts. Two minute drills. Fucking fake punts. A drop kick free. Do you see the drop kick? like, uh, um, on sides kick the other day last week. No, no, I miss. Oh my God. Like that shit,

I get so excited for that shit. No, it's, yeah, there's the excitement of watching those guys is the fucking greatest dude. It's the greatest. Maybe you should do that as a single guy. Get really, really into sports. I'm, no, I don't think so. Just go just travel every weekend and do what you Gillis doing. Go every fucking weekend to every fucking game. He is like, he's like almost like a make a wish kid with fucking sports. Yeah, he does. He goes to a lot of. He's at every game that he wants to go to. It's fucking great. I think it's a great thing to do. He is. I mean, look, you're, dude, you get you, you, you, put your parent half the time. You fucking live some life, have some Tommy time. Yeah. No, you're right. I should. I should. You should do a new web series called Tommy Time.

Tommy Time. Where you grow and you learn things about yourself and you go very, you go to an anger management coach. Mm-hmm. You go to, to you go to, you take sailing, Tommy Time. Tommy Time is sailing less. And this is a series for divorced dads. Skin care. All that stuff. Yeah.

Yeah, you go to Turkey, you got hair replacements. They pitched me, they're like, you're a perfect candidate. Let me see, what's your hair look like right now? Dude, it's so full everywhere but here and they're like, that's why you're a good candidate. For real? Yeah. Let me see, let me see, let me see. Yeah, I'll give you the peak.

Oh, no, go up, go up. Wait, you're not losing it that bad, Tom. What? You're not losing it that bad. I am, obviously, there's nothing here. I think you have the same amount of hair I have. Hmm? I think we have the same amount of hair.

What? Nothing. Okay. I said, I think we have the same amount of hair. Yours is more missing here, though. Mine's more missing here. Yeah, mine's missing here. Oh.

Yeah. Yeah, you're the perfect candidate. You could fill in real easy. And you got thick back hair. Like the back head of your head is really thick. Yep, there we go, man. New look. I mean, what are we doing?

Should I do the full replacement and then just shave all the time? Yeah. Dude, you're entering a new, this is your salad days. It's a new part of your life. I think you get, you started off with hair transplants. Yeah, yeah. You started off with hair transplants. you I mean I told I've been telling everyone just so you're clear just so you're not blindsided by it yeah

that you're living an apartment just outside San Antonio perfect someone's like someone's like everyone says to me how's Tommy doing and I go not good man not good thanks baby he's living in an apartment just outside San Antonio they're like wow there's no way they doubt that right they're like damn that sucks dude Rob Lowe was like are you serious I was like yeah cool he was like Rob Rob Rob's like Rob I was like, thank God I never got divorced. I was like me either. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, tell her when you're living in an apartment outside San Antonio,

it's a pretty sad apartment. It's an efficiency. True. You're making all your meals by yourself. Yeah. You'll have a trainer anymore. Yeah. No more personal assistant.

No flying lessons. Just you walking down to Target. Getting dinner. Get dinner at Target? Yeah. Out of microwave. Let's see the back of your head. Nope.

Why? I have a neck problem right now. Show me. Nope. Don't be like that. Come on. Nope. Show.

What are you doing? A hundred percent will not. Guys, you're cutting out. I think we're at 105. This has been a great episode. Oh, you're not going to. No, I will not show you. Why?

Because I'm not going to. Because I have, my hair is a mess right now. Just show it. It's fucking hair. You're not a chick. Show the back. Nope. It was good talking to Tommy.

Holy shit. You're like a girl. You're like a girl. You're cutting out. I, we lost volume again. You're like a guy who's like, don't worry about my age. It's, I'm 80.

And you're like, just fucking out. Check out his new series, Tommy Time. Unbelievable. Tune in for, hey, you know what we should do, Tom? Show your hair? We should do a fight companion to the live execution. Oh my God. Such a good idea.

Yeah. We'll stream it live. Like, we'll give our takes. I mean, it's going to be about three seconds. So we have to do some pre-show and post-show, right? We'll do a pre-show and post-show. And we'll play the assassination. or not the assassination,

we'll play the death over and over. We'll just get, you know, like slow-mo. We're pretty sure it was shooter number seven. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm a big fan. Yeah, I think we do a live stream. Guys, tune into our live stream. There's seats, there's cabin still available

on fully loaded at sea. I can't believe you're this. Insecure about your time. Proposterous tour starts in October. When does it start January? Do you think some people are going to be baffled? January. When does it start January?

Yeah, it's January. January and his new movie golf trip is wrapping up. I'm really happy for you, Tom. Thanks, buddy. I love you to death. I love you too, man. Have a good show. Where are you tonight?

I'm in Philadelphia at the Met. I'm going to be in San Antonio. I'm going to see you in a couple weeks. In San Antonio. I'd love to stay with your apartment with you just outside San Antonio. And then? Corpus Christi, McCallon, Texas, I just added. And Lubbock, Texas.

Nice. And then I'll be in London. If you're in London, come holl at your boy. Hit me up in the DMs. go have a beer somewhere. Sweet. I love that shit. All right, I'm going to grow this out.

Grow it out, Tom. I think it's going to look good. And by the way, you should totally get hair transplant. Yeah. And we can do a go-fund me. If money's tight, we can do a go-fund-me. That would love to start one. And definitely, everyone's fooled by your beanie.

No one thinks that you're missing hair. Full head of hair, everybody. I'll be on stage with a full head of hair tonight. Okay. All right. Love you. Good night. Goodbye, too.

Bert and Tom. Tom and Bert. One goes top of the swall the other wears a shirt Tom tells stories and birds the machine There's not a chance in hell that they'll keep the clean Here's what we call Two bears one cave