2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer - The Summer Bears Phone It In w/ Stavros Halkias & Chris Distefano | 2 Bears, 1 Cave

Episode Date: August 25, 2025

Stavros Halkias Tickets: http://stavvy.biz/tour Chris Distefano Tickets: https://www.chrisdcomedy.com/tickets SPONSORS: - Eat smart at https://FactorMeals.com/bears50off and use code bears50off to get 50% off your first box, plus Free Breakfast for 1 Year. - Order a bottle of Por Osos and some killer merch online https://drinkporosos.com The Summer Bears’ reign has unfortunately come to an end! Stavros Halkias and Chris Distefano return for their last fill-in as hosts of 2 Bears 1 Cave, and they’re going out with a bang. From roasting Tom and Bert’s absence to spiraling into wild tangents about parenting, moving, sex robots, and pie diplomacy with the NYPD, this send-off is chaotic, hilarious, and the perfect finale. Stavvy and Chrissy talk about the shock of how much fans loved their takeover, whether they’d ever come back as the Fall Bears, and even get Bert on the phone. Tom of course doesn’t pick up. But that's okay, because Mark Normand and Sam Morril crash the party near the end, bringing eclairs and stomach bugs to help close things out. It’s been a wild six weeks, and the Summer Bears want to leave you with one last memory. You're welcome, f*ckers! 2 Bears, 1 Cave Ep. 303 https://tomsegura.com/tour https://www.bertbertbert.com/tour https://store.ymhstudios.com Chapters 00:00:00 - Intro 00:01:01 - The Summer Bears' Last Dance 00:10:10 - Stoic Shit + Jump Scare Ad Break 00:17:14 - Moving Around & Finding Peace 00:24:12 - Bribing Cops With Pie & Being Addicted To Losing 00:33:06 - ChatGPT Sex Robots 00:41:26 - Swingers & Phoning It In With Bert 00:55:22 - Mark Normand & Sam Morril Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Hey, gang, I am going to be on tour starting this September. I'm going to be in London, September 7th, second show added in London. Then we're going to be in Dublin on September 12th. After that, coming to America, November 6th in Memphis, then Huntsville, Alabama, Chattanooga, Tennessee, Knoxville, Asheville, Greensboro, Wilmington, and then Myrtle Beach, Classy Myrtle Beach, Austin and Boston. and we will be adding more shows soon. But if you want to come see me, please check me out there. That's it, baby. And then I will be the big one, September 5th, Chicago Theater,

September 11th Theater at Madison Square Garden, and then September 27th, Saudi Arabia, baby. So come see me. I'm also in Boston in October. Got shows lined up at the Wilbur, the Chevalier. Just go to chrisDcomedy.com for Tikiwikis. Thanks for all the support. 100%.

Cheers. what's up everybody welcome to the final episode of summer bears with chrys de stepheno and stavros halikis halikis motherfucker damn it there's no the i is after the k it's okay and stavro sagura dude by the way tom now yeah i think you are tom yeah you know we are tom i thought about this actually because a lot of our dynamic is me needling you to tell embarrassing stories. Yes. And that kind of is Tom and Burke. That is Tom and kind of sits back and goes, oh, tell me about that.

Right. A horrifying thing that your family is going to be pissed about you revealing. Yes. That's kind of what I do to you. Even though I'm fat. Yeah. Open up your comedy special talking about your daughter's period. And see it and then film her in school.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, by the way, you do look nice in that purple shirt, which is probably the same color as Bert's liver. What's the royal color? I think. He doesn't have a disease liver. He has a royal liver. That's true. You know, look at it that way.

Now, I, this is our final summer episode. It's the last one. This is our final. I actually can't believe six, it's six weeks. This is the six weeks. We were only supposed to be signed on for five. They let us go to six because Tom and Bert just don't want to do it anymore. No, no, no.

I mean, we think this is our last one. If they make us a big enough offer, we'll come back again. But listen, we know we got the bargaining power now. Yeah. I thought, honestly, I had no idea what to expect. I was like, oh, Chris, it'll be fun. I love doing pods with Chris. Tom and Bert, love those guys if we can do them a solid.

Yeah. Great. I thought people would hate it. Because, like, I'm trying to conceive of a world where you step into someone's podcast and everyone's not pissed off. Right. Right. Like, to me, I was like, this doesn't make any sense.

They listen for you guys. I have been shocked at how much people love this episode people have been stopping me in the stream be like thank you for taking over two bears it almost feels like someone is making them listen to this podcast I don't understand like they're strapped in the fucking clockwork orange chair and they have to watch two bears one came

and it's like oh my God thank God it's two guys we don't really know that well and it's a better show I have to go back and why I guess the show sucks Yeah, like, I always have fun when I do it. I didn't realize people hate it, but, you know, this has been great for me. Hey. Because this is sort of like the, this is kind of how I want to do. This is what I think of my, what I want in my life.

I would love to be a, like, second husband, stepfather. Yes. Because it's just nice. Someone has set the bar so low. Sure. Tom and Bert are sort of like the guy that knocked the lady up in high school. Right. Promise they'd be there forever.

They changed. Right. right right they don't treat her well anymore they they're off to hollywood right now we're just some guy who pays the bill we don't do we don't we're not doing a good job no we're just not i guess just really bad at i don't even understand they set the bar so nice and low we're just kind of fucking around and people act like this is the best entertainment they ever had in their lives like i kind of feel like where that where those guys that like yeah you know like we're on an NBA team and like you know the team the starters are blowing the other team out and the

fans start to cheer for we won Stabby and Chris We're like a 7-8 Chinese guy Yes and then he gets up and takes off And they're like ah But you can only have him play for a minute or two Of course So maybe it's going to be

You know what? We come in Every six weeks Whatever it may be Yeah I to be honest I was really Worried that you Because you've had this problem in the past Anytime anything semi-success happens you decide to change your whole life

And plan it around that Yes And I was really dreading the phone call I'm going to get in two weeks when you're late on your mortgage. It's like, summer bears, let's make it every week. I'm really, like, don't, let's not do that. Or I'll do the thing where it's like, things are getting really, really good. And I'll back, let's stop it here. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Let's stop it. Yes, yes. We could actually go on to superstar. I'm like, why do that? Shouldn't we suffer? That's what Marcus Aureli is said to do.

Let me tell. No, first, oh, I love that. You're into stoicism now. Now, I've been for four years. Okay, okay. I can really tell. You're a very stoic guy. You didn't talk about fucking a media company fucking you over on the last episode for a half hour. That's how Marcus Aurelius when I handled it. Yeah, what I did was I talked about a media company. Disrespecting you. Yeah, for 30 minutes feeling disrespected like a little bitch. And then I begged Benson Spoon to edit it all out.

It's a 20 minute episode? Yeah, then he just let it all rip. And now I'm being actively sued by that media company. Hey, if you want to sue me, get in line. Today's one of the first days we've recorded this episode. They didn't have to run right out and go to court. Go to court. That's true. That is true. But no, I want to be very clear, we are, this is it.

There is no, we're not making a podcast. No. We're not, this, this show about life is, like, these are little surprises. I didn't even expect this to be this fun. No, neither. I really thought there was going to be bullshit. Yeah. And I was just kind of doing it because whatever.

Right. You know, who gives a fuck. Right. It'll be fun. Let's plug some dates. I haven't fun. Me and you've been friends a long time. Yes.

I always have fun when you do my. iPod. Right. We don't talk every day and now it's like we catching up with each other. It is nice. It's been nice. Like, oh, our friendship is blossoming here. It absolutely has. But that's the thing. These things are beautiful. They just, they are. You don't have, let's not commodify everything. Yes. Let's let the summer bears be a memory we have. Right. This is like, this is like when you're plenty of these listeners, now they're 40-year-old men. Sure. 40-year-old women. The love is gone from their lives. Right. Right. And you're jacking off to the, you know, getting fingered in a car, when you're 18, you couldn't have married

the guy that fingered you. If it became a long-term relationship, you would start to hate us to. But we're just here. We're the guy you cheat with and always, we're the ones that got away. Let us be your podcast, ones that got away, folks. We will not be here.

This will not continue. But this is, it was fun while we last. Summer loving. Summer loving. This pod was okay. For six weeks, the pod was okay. It wasn't good. Yeah.

We just both turned into John Travolta, just massaging with boys. We just, yeah, neither one of us was living in John. We're just, John Javolda, holding our ass open for a masseuse. Yeah, yeah. Remember that? Yeah, oh yeah, he was trying to get the massage, like, fuck his ass or whatever. Now, I love what we're saying all this, and then we leave here, and the head of the network is standing there with an immediate guaranteed offer for another six, and we sign it on the spot with Yamakas on. Just right away, full Yani's on, and we are back for.

Hey, it's not the summer bears. It's the fall bear. Autumn bears. Hey, pumpkin bears. We're back. It's a different show. We swap seats. We have a different set.

We're coming to you live from a wicker basket. But yeah, you know what? It was one of those things where I didn't even know. Because when I got a call about it, I was like, what? Well, like, well, I didn't even know what was happening. Yes. Because then Tom was like, hey, I really need to talk to you. And I was like, oh, when Tom texted me,

I really need to talk to you, call me back. It's important. I genuinely thought that maybe his phone got hacked and our text messages got leaked. Because the things that Tom and I say back and forth to each other is a felony offense. So I was like, oh, maybe I'm going to, maybe this is bad. You didn't think it was an opportunity.

Maybe Tom wanted you in a movie. No, but that's where my brain always goes. It's always like, what did I do? Sure. Who's mad at me at what did I mess up? Sure. But Tom was immediately like, no, no, I have a, you know, I think you and.

would be good on the show. And he was right. Yeah. He was right. We are actually a good mix for this. Nice duo. For this specific thing, we're a good mix. We are good.

And I think that, I think, yeah, I think we're, what we've been trying, the last two episodes, we're really tried to make it big. And then the last three were trying to run it into the ground. We're like, well, this. Yeah. Yeah. Well, I think last week's did it. Yeah, last week's.

I think last week, if we really, just hopefully we can really get into the weeds of comedy and, and, uh, vaccines. The process. Let's talk seriously about the geopolitical climate. Bring up Mom Donnie as many times as you can. Votes are on for sure. Yes, that's it. That is true.

Do that. Don't get me going. We talked about trans children last week, which was awesome. What else could we talk about? Well, we wanted to, we figured last episode, Tom and Burt must have sent some fun videos. Sure. They don't give a fuck at all. They're out.

Didn't even send videos. Couldn't bother. We saw the production value last time. It was literally just Bert doing this outside. Yeah. Couldn't do that. So, you know, it's been eight minutes. Maybe, you know, this is really the one where we're like, all right, fuck it. 52 minutes. This is, because you know what this is. This is, ironically, it's the last day before summer vacation for us. You really? This is our last fucking show. This is it. What are they going to do fire us? Seriously. It's like, it's like, what does Rick Flair say fire me? I quit. I don't know. Rick Flair has a good quote. Like, I don't think Rick Flair is one of invented. You can't fire me. I quit. That's not Rick Flair?

Was it Marcus Aurelius? Yeah. Didn't Marcus Aurelius like fucking kill his wife? He got cucked and then he like killed the guy. Yeah. He did a really not stoic thing. Yeah. And it's also like, it's also like I was into it for a minute.

And it's kind of like I get it. I mean, it is. Well, it was like Taylor Swift for guys with high blood pressure for a while. Yes. It was like crew like that's all you. So people were like doing hubber. sunlight protocol and listening to Marcus Aurelius. I feel like three years ago, every guy was doing that. It's like I went through all the phases. It's like I started taking creatine. I started getting

natural sunlight upon rising. Of course. You know, grounding myself with shoes and socks, listening to Stowe's syndrome. Whatever you put your nuts in the ground? Does that help? Allegedly, all you have to do is get some part of your body on a living thing, like that's rooted in the ground. So you don't even have to be barefoot in the ground. You can just put your hands on a tree and also get the same kind of energy. I've got the ground. grounding mats. I've done every peptide protocol you could think of. I've went through it all. Now I'm done. I'm just done. I don't care about it anymore. Suburban dead. Because it's the same thing. It really is that really all these, I mean, I get it. It's different

examples and whatever works for you. But for me, I found like every philosophy, whether it's stoicism, Buddhism, whatever it is you're trying to do. It's all basically telling you the same thing. And that's being the present. Your life is happening now. Everything is for right now. If you just do that, which is, by the way, the hardest thing to do in near impossible. Of course. But that's every single saying is just that. It comes back to that. It's just so I'm like, okay, I got that.

I can't do it. Yeah. I'm trying and I can't do it. So instead I'll just, you know, not do any of that and just try not to go on social media and I can not jerk off, which is both. What are your numbers a week, J&O? J&O. So it depends if I'm on the road. If I'm on the road, it's still I bleed.

But if I'm at home, you know what I've noticed, being at home. I don't know it's because I just have so much We have so much to do Like in the house or whatever But like it's actually It's funny you bring this up Just this morning Just this morning for the first time

I got the urge And I brought my phone in Because my iPhone's waterproof And I just was Because the only place I can save your jerk off Is in the shower Like actually physically in the shower Because of your children

Yes So I'm jerking off You don't even have like a little Do you have a little office Do you have anything? Yeah but there's all boxes and stuff in it And there's guys doing work in my house So it's like I could

But then And you'd come really fast because you smell their pheromones. Exactly, dude. You smell those real men. Yeah, I don't think this guy wants, yeah, and I don't think the guy wants come on his table saw again. Mr. DiStefano, is there like sap? Yeah. Is something around here?

Yeah, I noticed that my powwageo's a little sticky. Did your kids drop apple juice on it? Why did it smell like chlorine and pineapples? So, you've been, you've been, that's a protocol you're following. That's protocol, the pineapple juice protocol. But I noticed. like, I haven't in a while. I haven't like done any of that in a while. I haven't even really been having sex. And I'm like, it took me like a while to even get like aroused in a while to

even like get the. And normally it'd be like three pumps. And I'm like, am I reaching that age where it's like not testosterone's going down, but like libido's going down? And I'm like, is that. Is that kind of a good thing though? Like where you're not like fully motivated of course. Being led by your dick everywhere. It's what I can't wait for. I can't, I dream of a world where I'm just a fat, sexless grandpa. You know what I mean? Like, I just want, like, it just, like, I think you were telling me, like, your dad still fucks at his age.

He tries, yeah. It's crazy. You know, it should be done. I mean, this is the same guy who was hospitalized for lasagna over here. Exactly. And he's still trying to get pussy. It's like, let it go, man. Yeah.

Have some fucking sauce and spaghetti and just die. Just chill out. Just chill, eat till you die. Yeah. Folks, summertime, it's hard. We're the summertime bears. we have our own podcast, our own tour dates.

It's hard staying healthy. You know I'm trying to be health conscious, Chrissy. It doesn't help when Benson's Spoon is trying to sabotage me with desserts. Yeah. But, you know, who's the anti-spoon? The anti-Benson Spoon? You know who's the devil?

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purchase. This is the best vodka in the world. You're talking to a man has put 10,000 hours into a couple things, eating pussy and drinking vodka. I'll bring my wife in if you want. I'm pretty good at the first one too. But this is better than pussy. This is the best vodka you're ever going to have. It's clean. I sleep court. My sleep scores through the roof because of it. It tastes clean. Everyone I've given it to loves this vodka. Tom, tell him. It's absolutely fantastic. We have a proprietary distillation process. And listen, we are winning competitions. We have gold medals in various competitions and honestly you the people are the ones telling us how great it is too this is not just smoke that we're blowing here we're telling you because you're telling us this is now your

favorite vodka so thank you and if you haven't tried porosos get out to the store uh if they don't if they don't carry it tell them you want them to carry it tell them request it when you go to the bar you say hey do you carry porosos and if they say no you go you should it's pretty freaking awesome and then walk out you know what i do i go do you carry poros and they say no i bring out a bottle like give it to him. I go, now you do. Can I get a bottle of glass of boros those? That's awesome. That's awesome. Well, you're, see, that's, you're much better. You're one of the best guys I've ever met at just kind of not, it's not necessarily, you're in the moment, but it's not that. It's like kind of just trusting that whatever your decision is

making is the right one and not overthinking it. You don't spend 99%, but you don't spend 99% of your day being like, what should I do? No, I, would I, I obsess over a decision, right? I do, but when it's done, I'm just like, all right, you've made it. I did it. But don't get me wrong. I overthink quite a bit. Right. I overthink quite a bit. Well, I do think that's one thing because I was like living my life with like straddling two things.

Like, do I move? Do I not move? Do I get married? Do I not get married? You do love making decisions. But now I just make the decision and right or wrong, I just do it. And I still do have some residual like, was that the right move? But I notice quicker.

I've noticed actually, and people have noticed this, my friends and family, how much less stress, even though I'm, you know, at times coming off stress, how much less stress I have that. I almost like don't even know what to do with the tranquility and peace. So I'm telling myself actively what I've done subconsciously many, many times in my life is I found some kind of problem. I found some kind of issue to like make me because you're addicted to that adrenaline. But now I'm trying to actively not do that. I'm really, even though I went publicly and trashed a media company on this podcast last week.

But other than that, I'm actively trying to be like, no, no, don't put yourself in that situation again where you're at peace right now. Yeah. What do you do with the piece, though? Swim in the pools. Well, that's the thing. The piece is not making, I can't even come with the piece. I can't even get horny.

I'm trying to jerk off in the shower with the shampoo. What was the inciting incident that made you want a nut this morning? What do you mean? Was there something that you, you know, was, was Hoda and Kathy Lee looking good and good, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Because I remember, you know, sometimes you just be watching TV and, like, just like, an ad for, like, stack or two will come up, and a girl looks good at a sports bra and you're like nice no you know what happened is today we were in the kitchen and my girl went to go lift to get the pancake mix for the girls and her

shorts that she was wearing to bed just kind of creeped up just ever so slightly and the bottom of her butt cheeks popped out and then she had to she shorts she had to jump and it kind of jiggled so jiggle and we can't have sex because my house is full of construction workers and children right so i just said now i'm now i'm going to go into the shower and jerk it to transborne oh really so still what you're yeah you wasn't like you weren't you weren't just thinking about your girl you were like let's fucking take it up a notch yeah of course it's like of course let's fucking put an electrode to my dick and that's the only way i can come yeah just i have to think of you having a penis but but but yeah man i mean i can't be i i can't lie dude i am sad

and i do know that the the the the head ad guy of this network is here outside and he's looking tan and extra diesel. Oh, really? To try to get us, I think, possibly some type of deal. No. What he's trying to do, he's trying to honeypot us is what he's trying to do. He looks good. He looks hot. He's going to go out there with no shirt. He's going to have, he's going to throw into this next deal, unlimited tiramisu. He's going to do the things that we know he can't say no to him. He's going to say, what if I give you guys tiramisu?

That's a mistake, because I've already had tiramisu. So you got to get me early. You got to get me early. Now I'll be like, I'll make a stand. I'll be like, how dare you, sir? Yeah. After just, it's like, like, you know, when like a, uh, uh, like I'm sure, like when a politician just f*** the kid and then they go and they're like, now we're done. Yeah. Now we're going to release from now on we release the client list, but not back then.

Yeah. We, we clear it out. We can't do it yet. We can't, we can't do the old ones. Like, or like how closeted, how so many like people that are like, like, like, do you see that guy was like, he was talking about, uh, child prayers and he was on, he was, he was, distributing child under the name Joe Biden

69. He was like a Republican senator. Which is like, even when you're being a... You're thinking of Joe Biden. It's like crazy, dude. Yeah. But no, that's what happened to me if you tried to offer me desserts now. It's like, I just had desserts. Yeah. So I'm fucking free of dessert.

Right. Yeah. You can't tempt me with that shit. Suck it. I, um, yeah, I think, I think that I can be, here's the thing with me is I'm very principled in my beliefs until you say hey what about it but you can have this money and then your kids you can just pay for your kids college which they inevitably aren't going to want to go to college because college will be obsolete yeah by the time they're college age but for me i'm so

ingrained in the old school way of thinking like i'm the guy got to pay for my kids college sure that's just all i think about it's like if you can give me an amount of money that can pay for a semester of my kids imaginary college 15 years from now i'll do anything yeah don't you think you're using that as an excuse oh my whole life is an excuse me Yeah, yeah. Like, ultimately, you're fine. Your kids will be fine. But now you can be like, well, I need it for my kids. Yeah. I have to go suck the Amir's dick. Yeah. I have to go. No, I need it because, you know, we needed a new kitchen. Yeah. Yeah. We can't be gone. I needed to move again. How long do you think you'll be at this house? No, so what's happened is is this hat, what the actual, I'm almost like trying to give myself like a no way out clause of this house because I cannot, I cannot even think about. moving number first of foremost my kids again I can't think about that yeah I know you're like look whatever it's if I have to go to Saudi Arabia and do comedy that's for my kids now they won't have stability for the first five you know you know the most important time for development

for a child yeah age is zero to eight no stability is zero yeah but I will leave them to do stand-up comedy yeah yeah but I will go to Saudi Arabia so I I will just add another podcast right To do, you know, I, I, I think like for me, what I'm, you know, I can't, like, we've had a conversation. I will not, like, philosophically, we cannot do it anymore. It's actually, like, wrong to move again. No, there's something psychologically wrong with you to move this many times. Right, right. There's already something psychologically wrong to do it up to this point.

If you do it again, it's actually, like, diagnosable, like, you need to maybe be institutionalized. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Like something's happening. You need, yes. So, so, no, but what? Because you never moved as a kid. You grew up in the same house. same house. So then I don't know like what is this escapism, my pad and my brain. Because I, you know,

I have been the one being like, let's move. Like I've been you. I've been the one initial. I've been the one being like, let's go here, let's go there. You know, dude, I saw my house in Staten Island to move back to Queens because like, oh, I want to be closer to my friends. And I was like, what? Yeah. I mean, I love my friends, but it's like, dude, you have a family. Like, what are you doing? Staten Island was crazy. Stunning. Yeah, that was the first, you know, but I like the house there. but so now for this one it's like we're like what I've been doing is like I'm trying to like ingratiate myself into the neighborhood in a way I've never done dude I went tell me if you think this is tell me what you think the people the the the the what I'll tell you what I did

and tell me what you think the people who are on the other end of this thought I for no reason I didn't even tell run this by my family I went to the farmer's market in my neighborhood and I got two peach pies that are delicious and delectable love that and I walk walked into my local police precinct and gave you preemptively gave you the local police of each pie that was your first stop was the cops I said hey you're my name's christopher I'm new to the neighbor and I gave them my address hey yeah I go boys and this is what I do you're like listen uh my children of Puerto Rican you see any Latino children in any trouble I'd appreciate if I got the call first yeah don't book them here's a pie I literally go I literally

I had these two peach pies and to the female commanding officer I go just know these peach pies are for you boys and I respect what you boys do she hit her with the double boys so she looked at me and she was like what's your name again? And I told her my name again

she was like where's your address and I told it again and then she wrote it down on a piece of paper took the pies and didn't even say thank you to my face she said thank you as she was turning away so I pretty much think I gave them pies as an effort to be like hey I'm in this neighborhood I'm not leaving if you actually try to see me leave this neighbor to move arrest me yeah like i am here yeah and i think

that i offended the commanding officer probably who was the and i think they also think like what kind of nefarious things are you up to what's in this pie yep why would you bring us peach pies just because you moved to the area not your neighbors no you went to the police no i mean that really is the most no no no i've put up electrical fences around my house so none of the neighbors can even walk in you didn't go say hello you didn't give zero you went to the police yeah Dude, actually, yeah, it's, I went to the local police precinct and then I've introduced myself to Not the school where your kids go. Every store I've been into in my neighborhood, I introduce myself to whoever's behind the desk and tell them what my name and address is and where I live.

Yeah, where jazz has said, I know what do you do? She was like, what do you? She said the same thing. I was like, oh, it's a small town. Like we should know like we're a part of this community. She was like they'll know like when they go to school, they'll go to school like we'll meet people like, please stop telling. people where we live. Address is insane. What the fuck is wrong with you? The police precinct is okay, though, right?

To say the address? I mean, to say the address, but I don't understand why you would start with police. You didn't start with your neighbors. You didn't go to your kid's school. You didn't go to like a church, a place of worship or something. I went to the local law enforcement. The cops are what you think your community is going to be. Yeah.

That's crazy. That's what you see yourself hanging out with is the police? Yeah. You're like, look, you go. You're like, by the way, Massachusetts Square Garden, November, September 11. September 11th. you're just going to your like bread you're just you're essentially like flyering yeah you're like you're like two for one tickets you go there you go to the that's just a weird it is honestly

bizarre it's a bizarre thing i think i think that i think that i think that i probably why is that i think i need professional help or i think i just need to be on some kind of medication because i think that i just need a little space sure that's what a pill does it just gives you a little space so you think that was an anxious move yeah that was an anxious move you're like i got to go and grace you're myself with the police yeah and i do think now being like you're like in that house and facing the, facing the thought of like, this is your home. Like, this is your home. You decided on this one what my brain is doing this thing now where it's starting because it's like these same patterns, but I'm combating them all as best I can. It's saying,

oh, you bought this house for the next 15 years. You want to be here for at least 15 years because, you know, a little one to get through school. And so it's like, and I'm like, you know what, but I could, I could move, but in the same neighborhood. You know, it's like, it's like, it's That's crazy. That's what I'm saying. So what I'm doing is to try to combat that. I'm just saying it publicly and letting the fans shame me into stay. So this is my, this is my.

This is crazy. Because I've lost health insurance. Why do you think, yeah, why do the fuck do you keep wanting? Do you just feel trapped? Is it because you feel trapped by everything else? You know you can't abandon your family. You're not that kind of guy, even though in your heart you want. You're even though you are a crypto crowd.

Sure. You're still Italian. You're culturally Italian. 100% so what you want is either a gumar or to abandon your family right but you're a good guy so you can't do that so all the only change you have the only thing you can control is where you live right and so you're like I am going to I am going to show control by moving right think that's what it is you just want to have a little can do you feel like you don't have control Chris I think I don't feel like I don't have control and I think I think that what it really is if I'm being honest and this is and this is

where we get philosophical. Let's get philosophical. And hopefully this is where the numbers are plummeting. Dude, we try it. This is the last one. Yes. We're going to fucking tank it. That's 100%. Don't watch. If you're still watching now, you've already registered one view, at least on YouTube. Stop now. Stop right now. Yeah, dude. But before you do, I'm going to be in London, September 7th. Really got a, got to sell, added a second show there. Hell yeah. I'm going to be in Memphis at some point in November or something. Well, maybe we plugged at the beginning, Hell yeah. Well, let's put it back, Benson.

I've never been in Memphis. Memphis seems like it's going to be cool. I like Memphis. Yeah, yeah. Having a hard time selling tickets, though. So you could buy them. It's good, though. That's good.

I really, I'm excited for London. I'm excited for Dublin. So I think what happened is with me, I think what's going on is, you know, my father was like a gambler, and I think gamblers are, you know, everyone thinks gamblers are addicted to winning, but I think they're addicted to losing, right? Janice and I've had this conversation before. He's actually the one that he was like, oh, I think that could be it. and I think he's right

and I brought up to my therapist and my therapist like that's interesting it's like no that's interesting another $200 please yes please yeah my I think I'm addicted to losing so when you move

or try to like run out like because the last two moves have been we move and you feel like we feel like we lost everything we had and then my and then I spend two years trying to get it back that's what gamblers do they lose

and then you're trying to get it back and you addicted to that feeling of get it back get it back yeah so I would do that even in like relationships I'd be like oh everything's going good let me ruin it get it back get it back

Let me get some head on the sneak. So I'm realizing this pattern. Now, I don't know if I can necessarily stop it, but it is, I am never been more aware of like what's happening. So that's why when these feelings pop up with the specific moving, I'm like, you know what's happening now, it's you're addicted to that losing. You're not going to do any of that. Don't do anything.

Even I, dude, we immediately moved in and I said to jazz, I was like, oh, you know, like this, the house, like, you know, we really got to be careful financially. Like, we got to build back up. You know, it's a lot. You know, you've got to invest in a house. and for anyone buying a home at any level it's like you deplete your of course and it's tough and it's scary

and so and so I'm like we gotta you know really be careful she's like Chris totally like I get it like we don't need much honestly and then 10 minutes later I'm like should we renovate the kitchen why don't you get let's get a cut and then I'll start texting contractors get a quote and she's like stop

stop it you're doing the same thing you have to do something now you're doing it within now you're not moving but you're putting yourself so like just stop it yeah and so because her whole thing is always like if you because even like with certain gigs that I want to do she's like Chris if you don't want to do something don't do it you carry so much strain with you all day like should I've done that she's like just let it go either do it or don't she's like just

let it go this is why I'm having an affair this is why I have to keep cheating on you with real men yeah yeah why do you think we can afford the uh the new kitchen yeah you think you were actually paying with money no or do you think yeah you think you think I really hit it off. Let's just say you gave the police a pie. I gave the contractors a little pie. But I, yeah, but I, but I do, I know we've said it last week, but I think this all goes down to Catholic guilt. This is, dude, riddled with guilt, that's a religious thing. It's a freaking thing that you're overcome with. You just don't have it. I got to go Greek, dude. I have guilt. I have guilt, but I have immigrant guilt. I have family guilt. Right. But I don't, but morality

or like doing so you know i like and also there's no real pressure every family i saw was bad right you know what i mean like i just so in my head i have to reorganize where i'm like i don't have the pressure i mean i'm single obviously i think that's probably that's part of the problem is that i'm scared i'm scared to end up like you yes where i'm like i'm with a family i want to fucking i keep either one of the you're the best case scenario because like you could just be fucking doing something worse than moving. But, like, I am scared to just, I do have the same thing

of not wanting to feel trapped. Everything you're describing to me is, like, feeling trapped. Yeah, like, I keep asking chat GPT if I can have a do-over. And they're like, what do you mean? We're so fucked, by the way. When they fucking put Chad GPT into sex robots,

like you have a wife and kids, think about someone who gets no pussy just in their fucking house, has no emotional connection to anyone. And they put Chad GPT in a fucking, It's just going to be so bad. In a big-titted fucking Japanese sex robot. Maybe it'll stop shootings, though.

You think it can limit shootings? No, because now the CIA will just hack your chat GPT girlfriend and be like, you should assassinate, you know, whoever, you know, it'll be so much easier to set up assassinations. Interesting. Because they don't have to send fucking, you know, the guy who shot Kennedy to Cuba or whatever. You know what I'm like? CIA can save so much money on training.

Yeah. And now they can just hardwired into your sex robot. while you're fucking you're like you know triple d and you can pick any kind of the sex robot technology is going to be a big problem i think about myself 18 getting no pussy what i would have done for a like fucking next level sex robot yeah told me i'm a good guy that like i've been chatting with on chat gp t so it knows all my wants and needs yeah what i would have done for like a fucking fat titted curly-haired sex robot, maybe a red bone. Because you can't talk to chat GPT sexually right now.

It doesn't acknowledge it. It says, I can't do that. Oh, they're about to change that. They're going to change that real. They're going to change that real soon. And then it's going to be like, you know, telling you who to vote for. Oh, yeah. You'll do what, they'll be able to control us so easily.

Oh, yeah. I mean, people are going to chat GPT so fast. Stop, by the way. Stop talking to chat GPT, everyone. Take it for me. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Take, yeah. Don't, you'll end up like Chris.

And now, look. Do I have it all figured out? No. Am I fat, you know, do I have my own vices? Do I have my own problems? Yes. But a computer will not solve it. A computer that's spying on you, by the way.

Will not solve it. But you do, just from a stress level, even though I do love my life, there are times, even though, again, wouldn't change anything because I love coming home to my kids. Yeah, do you ever think about what happened if you just worn a condom on your first day? Well, I think about that. Like, if we're just talking about very specifically stress, like my father, before I had my oldest daughter he literally said to me the night before she was you know going to give birth he goes oh this will be the last night of peace you ever have wow and i was like what do you mean by that he's like

i'm not trying to scare you i just want you i just want to be honest with you're this tonight the baby's inside the mother you're going to go to sleep with your head on the pillow and it'll be the last time that your brain and body are in the same place because every time from now on unless you're in the same house right your child your brain will be one way and you'll be worried about the child. And it never goes away. He was like, you know, your time I was 30. He was like, you're 30 years old.

And I still worry if you're home or not. Wow. Okay, he was like, I don't blow up your phone and text you. And I can usually tell myself, Chris is okay. He's a grown man. But he was like, you're having a daughter. It's true. So I don't know.

He's like with girls, I don't know if it ever goes away. Well, yeah. You know, I feel like, isn't it like basically when you're a parent, you have a kid, it's like, you're constantly playing a version of final destination in your head? Always. Which is like all the ways your kid can fucking die. without you even thinking about it. Dude, because it's like anything that happened,

like my daughter, my little daughter, scab keeps opening, and I'm like, well, what could that be? She's going to bleed out? Yeah, is it going to bleed out, or is like, was that some type of skin disease? I don't know about it. How am I going to save her? Do I have to John Quit and just, you know,

shoot myself in the head, like Denzel Washington? And it's just this paranoia of parents that I'm trying to learn to control now. Yeah. Because it's easy for people to be like, just let go. Just let Fade take its course. It's like, no, you can't. It's like, it's like you are, like, right? now I'm doing this podcast with you. I'm looking at you, but my brain is kind of looking at my phone

being like, am I going to look at my phone and I'm going to have nine missed calls from Jasmine because something happened to her, one of the kids. So that idea of like peace and just settling in, I don't know like if I can get to that without a little medication. I think I might just, I think I'm at the point now where I just need, I can't figure out. I've been working out. I've been trying to do everything. I've been meditating. I've been going less on stoicism. I've been trying to do everything I can. I've been, you know, watching Hitler rallies in English. That's the last one, sorry. I don't know about that last one. You're like, hopefully one day society will be organized in a way that makes sense. You just, you're talking to all this, like, that is true that

we are getting like spiritual Nazis right now. Yeah. Like people, that is back in a big way in a way that's like, we, we all agree Nazis are bad, right? How are people just like cool with being Nazis? It's insane. Well, it's or it's gotten all the way around to where even the good ideas are like, it's all become, if you don't, if you don't agree with me, you're done. You're not talking of Nazism. You're talking about the good ideas in general. Right. Because the way you phrase that, you're like, and it's gotten to the point where we won't even

acknowledge the good ideas. It's like we have to cut and then we come back. Yeah, no, it's like, it's like, look, you know, it's one of those things where society is now, if you don't agree with me, then you're wrong. whether that person has a good idea or a bad idea. It's like there's not that middle ground anymore, which is what being a human being is. It's like we're just all gray zone idiots.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. But that's becoming like, oh, you don't like who I, it's not even about voting anymore. It's like, oh, you don't like this idea that I, I'm very much like, I would assume we're not going to agree. Yeah, it's weird. Everyone has to have an opinion on everything. On everything, but that's social media.

I'm telling you, do get off it. Well, it's funny because like even all the controversies that are happening where it's like, you know somebody gives a fuck like Sydney Sweeney like with her fucking American I have good jeans like she has big tits and she's selling jeans yeah that's what that means yeah it's not an Aryan fucking dog with like and I you know it's like or just like or it's like when people get mad it's like or like conservatives getting mad that South Park is making fun of Trump it's like yeah wasn't the nice part about being like a Republican that you didn't have to care about what media said.

Wasn't it gay liberals that fucking tattled when they didn't like stuff? It's like, why do you have to know, why do you have to have opinions? Why can you just watch a movie and just have a good time? Oh yeah. You know what I mean? In fact, it used to be trans stuff. The funniest thing you could do is put a guy in a dress. Yeah.

That's like through humanity. Yeah. And now people would see like Monty Python sketches and be like, Is that okay? This is trend. They're like, you're trying to chop my child's dick off. Yeah, dude. You know what I mean?

Patrick Swayzey in a dress was a man. Oh, yeah, that, what was that movie? Two Wong Fu? Yeah, yeah. It was him, Wesley Snipes, and, um... Was it John LaGuizmo? It's amazing. Classic movie. Classic, dude, love it. What's wrong with a little cross-dressing?

What's wrong with Sidney as a Nazi? Well, again, that is wrong. But what's wrong with her having huge tits? That's not, yeah, there's no problem at all. By the way, it's like, are they not paying her? Why does she keep doing commercials? Yeah. Like, it's like, does she not make enough money?

Well, no, you know what, you know what's happening? By the way, this episode sucks, and I think we're doing a great job. That's the whole point. This is, we're 35 minutes into absolute bullshit. I mean, real fucking stinkers. Yeah. Which is great. Yeah.

That's the point. That is the point. It's over. Yeah. We told you. It's, it's, this is like, usually, they throw like a ice cream party at school. Right. You know what I mean?

This is like, it's July for, it's June. It's the end of June. Yeah. We're about to go on vacation. Dude, like Labor days. We don't like this. By the way, we don't like this podcast either. Yeah.

We don't fucking care. We, Sabby and I have. both made burner accounts and we're just absolutely we're galvanizing some of these comments we're fueling all this stuff no but wait what was I saying I was going to just jump in and say something before damn it it's okay man I'm forgetting

remember the show sucks I had a good point it probably wasn't that good yeah you're right it probably was going to be something dumb dude we if you want to see real comedic gold go over to we might be drunk me and stave jumped in on we popped in that was actually really fun

that was really actually where the gold comedy that was the funniest thing we've done all day but it's okay it doesn't fucking matter but there was something there was something that I was just literally going to try to frigate it's not going to be worth it's not you're going to do this and then you're going to say it's going to be like a C plus yeah and all the hemming and

hawing no one's going to like it right it's all right who fucking cares we're in here we're in here trying oh they said they're asking us did any swingers reach out after the episode from two episodes go I could not I don't know I haven't been on social media did you get any no swingers no swingers and by the way okay that is an important thing. I would like to reiterate. If you listen to the podcast and you want to suck me

off, I'm open for business. 100%. Okay, hit the DMs. Show me a titty or two. I'm not going to say no to it. Remember, Stavi's merch that we coined last week. Somebody will suck you off. Somebody will suck you off. Yeah. Yeah. I think, I think, um, I swingers, now I, in this state of my life, would say probably not a good idea. No. For me. But as we get old, why not why not why not in our 50s you've been married 20 years why not open it up I think as life goes on just a lot of it gets complicated I feel like and then also think about I mean I guess if your kids are out of the house but I've met people whose parents were like swingers and it would be like you have to go like to a pizza party and you just know your mom's getting fucking

spit roasted while your dad's in the chair jacking off yeah that can't be a good that can't be good That's guy, you're not really enjoying Zelda and Papa John's pizza. When in the back of your head, you're thinking like, I know what's going on in my house. Yeah, no, you're doing comedy at the revisionist lounge. You're taking the ham track up to see what's, I mean, they, you know, this is amazing, is that literally it's our last summer bear's episode, and Tom and Burt didn't even send in videos. They couldn't have cared less. Don't give a fuck. Should we call them?

Do you want to call them? Or see if there's some famous, some of their most famous videos, too? Let's just see. I bet you they're not going to answer. Yeah. So just call, see what we got. Okay. So who should I call?

Tom or Bert? Whoever you got, whoever you got first of them. Should I try Bert? Try Bert. Yeah, because like he's doing. I have 17 numbers for Bert. All right, here we go. Here we go.

Let me call. He's up, right? Oh, good point. Point. Yeah, 9.30 in L.A. What's up? Bert, what's up, baby? It's me and Stavi. We're live, the very last summer bears. We wanted to call you. Hang on.

Oh? Taking my blood pressure medicine. Oh, you really? How many milligrams are you on? I have no idea anymore. I don't know. Los Arden? I'm on Los Arden. Yeah, Los Arden and amelitapine. Oh, wow. You got two. too nice the cocktail yeah yeah yeah i like to take care of myself how's what stavi's weight

dude stovia actually looks good but uh benson spoon josh zolo brought us in uh tiramisu and cookies and all that and really put stavi in a hole before the podcast started it is tough you guys you guys killed it this fucking past this past six weeks seven weeks whatever it was thank you of course thank you this you haven't seen the last two yeah the last two they're bad we've been trying to nose dive it we're trying to like leave it we're trying to bomb the last two You know what I mean? We thought it would be fun. We thought it would be fun for you guys to just take it out of, I mean, an even bigger gaping hole that you left it with us, to us with.

It was like, do you remember that pilot in Seattle, that guy that stole the plane and did a barrel roll? Yes, the first four episodes was like doing little tricks. You guys are like, hold on, it's still fun. I want to try one more. Just one more. And now we're in the side of Mount Rainier. He cleared the water by 10 feet in a funny commercial aircraft. A hundred percent.

We, uh, no, we just because we, we thought maybe you guys for where we're having fun here, we thought maybe the last episode we'd send in a video, but we didn't even get that. So we're like, let's just call it. You guys are just checked out as we are. I was about to, but my first, my initial instinct, because I like when you guys break down other comics, that's always been fun for us. Mm-hmm. And so my initial instinct was, you know, Tom and I have a vodka,

but Joe's diversified himself so much that I think having a vodka is just hack these days that you need to have a real brand based on the comic. So I was going to have you go through a list of comics and say really what their fans would buy based on who they are. Okay. Okay. Like, like, like, like, Sam, Sam, Sam, Sam, Sam Morrell has, take a cap, but what could he really sell to people based on his? dull personality.

Sure. Right, right. Yeah. Maybe an eyebrow, maybe a wax kit. A wax kit? A wax kit. Yeah. What would his fans that go, oh yeah, that is what I love about Sam?

Yeah, he could sell like Nick's jerseys to special needs kids. Yeah. That's okay, yeah, so that we'll think of Sam. Some branding. We'll pick some comics think of some branding. Brand deals. Like I had a flip-lop that did really well and then they changed brand on it. And I was like, I'd be down.

Right, right. Interesting. Yeah, you are branded, you know, flip-flop guy. What are you? Flip-flop. You could sell your own blood pressure medicine. That's the next frontier. Forget about Pfizer.

It's Chrysher. Chrysher. You know for a fact that I treat my body the same way the Bronn James does. 100%. I know you do. No, that is good. If I can survive, take the men. And I know that your liver is the same color as his skin.

Yesterday I did a podcast With a guy Who has blood pressure issues And his face would be red And he was like He's like just you know It's not my blood pressure And he's like 270 pounds

And I was like Sure And then he's like no you got it too And I was like fuck I need more blood pressure Wait hold on We want to go back to something you just said So we're over here Doing your podcast

And you just said you're doing the podcast So you could have been doing this show I just wrapped Dude It's Tom This one that bailed on it I was going to I'm going to

I'm going to I wrapped my TV show Oh hell you Tom's like Oh man I need another week I got another week of production

I can't do anything I love it Well we're done So fucking You're gonna have to go To the bottom of the barrel If you need another week I don't know

Who the fuck you're gonna get If we can't do it We don't know We don't know Who you're gonna have to drag out Who can they drag out After we're done You're gonna have to get

Like, who the hell? Yeah, who could be, who. You know, the real challenge is, I want you guys to do one podcast with Tom each, where he's just dull and gives you no feedback and no energy and doesn't laugh at you anymore because he's dead inside. I love this. We're doing couples counseling. Yeah.

Someone, I watch, I watch. He does on the phone. And I watch them still laughing each other. And I go, oh, I remember those days. Oh, yeah. Yeah, you guys are like the married couple at an orgy watching the newlyweds just fuck the shit out of each other. Oh, yeah. And you guys are just trying to jack off each other's limp dicks.

Off these is an eye roll. Oh, yeah. That's it. Okay, yeah. All right. All right, that's good. That's good feedback. You know, we'll call Tom.

He probably won't pick up. Right. And then, you know, we'll see if we can, you know, we can, we'll see what he has to say. Yeah, we'll see it. We'll see if, we'll see if that's, that's the key. We'll see if Tom, at least Bert answered on the first. That's true. We'll see if Tom even,

Tom even answers. Tom back, I can't answer. I'm thinking of different ways to shit my pants on Netflix. I'm crafting an even bigger

fake dick for season two. Season two bad ideas. Yeah. All right, baby. Go enjoy the blood pressure medicine,

enjoy the flip-flops. We appreciate it. I love you guys. Thank you so much. Love you, I like you, I love you, I know you six episodes

of something. 100% all right thank you about later so if that didn't plummet the ratings I honestly

if calling burr if you're still listening after we just called burr and I believe he called bad ideas yes

which is called bad thoughts right so if that if you're still listening now you truly need more mental health

than I do we literally just called Byrne and Bert talked about himself for 10 minutes I love the first idea and I do feel bad

because you were holding the phone So I couldn't really shit. But his idea was like branding. It's like, his idea for a bit is like, what could a comic sell? Yeah, that's better than alcohol. Yeah. It's like, how about we tell a joke?

Yeah. How about stand-up comedy is what we sell? It's like, yeah. But he will be rich, you know, we'll all be. Oh, my God. When the apocalypse happens, we will be living in one of Burt's eight tour buses. That will be, I'll be sharing one of Burt's decommissioned buses as are like, I'll be like your child's nanny.

Yeah. You know what I mean? Yeah, we're paying, they're paying us from just dividends of poor Osos. They're not even going into their pocket. This is just runoff from Osos. But, yeah, I feel like, I feel like, I mean, Bert's idea of branded, I mean, dude, I don't know. Yeah, Sam Nick stuff, Mark Norman, freaking, I mean, they already have a Brandon bodega cat. You know, we, you.

I'm not sound. I mean, the one thing I would like to get into at some point in my life is, leisure wear for the plus-sized gentleman. I like that. I would love, and that's not even because I want to make money on it, it's because, like, I know what it's like to be a fat guy

that can't find clothes, and I want to find fun pieces for the fat. Instead of Lulu lemon, call it Moomu Lemon. Mumu Melon. Moomou melon, yeah. Moomel melon, that's what it is. Ooh, mu-mou melons. Now we're selling

clothes for fat-titted ladies. Mo-moo Melons actually is a great name from Big Tidoo. They also are asking us, what should Tom and Berth do when they come back? How do they win the audience back and the show? Right? How do they, how would they actually win them back at this point?

I think a murder suicide. I think a fight to the death. Yes. And whoever dies, whoever kills the other one keeps the podcast. Yeah, kind of how like I forgot it was one of them bought Hitler's teacup. They can pull a Hitler and just do a suicide with Eva Braun, like just an assisted suicide. And that's, oh, you know what? A game of Russian roulette.

Nice. And that's the one of them dies. Yeah. I think that's the only thing that will. satiate the fans bloodlust I think they need to watch one of them and just like and the thing is you know Tom even though he wants

to live he actually wouldn't be like that shaken and Bert would be like crying every time the like they'd be like he'd be sad for both Tom and himself and Tom would just be there fucking Tom would probably rig it somehow to kill Bert

if we'd probably figure it out and I love that like Bert wins like you know and blows his own brains out and then the team at what like Benson Spoon would know to edit Bert's brains flying out of his head with his tour dates in every speckle like they would just know that that's what I have to do

because he's got a big date at Red Rock so he's like what if it what if Bert shoots part of his brain out and he survives and it just doesn't affect his act yeah he says the same thing that's hilarious Dude, bad ideas is funny

That he called it that. But you think that was a bit Or you think he actually thinks The name of the show is bad? You think he's looking on Netflix Like, why can I find Tom Schell? You know, actually you know Yeah, that's so funny.

He's just like, where is it? It's not on Hulu? Yeah. You know how they say? I like that though. There was a little snipping. There was like him being like, you know, he just sits there dead eyed.

I think they have it out. I think they start arguing for real. Yeah. I think a little them, them airing out. Like kind of go back to, Like that episode of Maren where it's Louis, and it was like a three-part, it's like everything they have against each other. Yeah. We could be the moment where they air all their grievances.

Yeah, we actually, that could be fun. We saved the show. Yeah, we didn't. No, yeah, there's no chance. There's no chance. But why don't we call Tom? You want to call Tommy? See if he picks up?

Yeah, like we said, we're phoning it in. Yeah. We're quite literally phoning this one in. Yeah, we're phoning. Yeah, all right, so let's call Tom. I love how they all have, this is the seventh number I have for all of them. Yeah. All right, let's call.

Tom Segor. I have Tom Segorah a new, new, newest. Yeah. All right, here we go. So now we're calling Tom. That makes sense I was texting him last year and I was getting nothing. No response. Let's see if.

But I got the new one. Tom being the true professional. No chance. No second ring. He's not going to answer. No way. No way, Tom answered. Even a fourth.

Your call has been forward. Wow. The person you're trying to reach. No message, right? At the phone, please record your message. Yeah, leaving a voice memo is gay I think And I respect Tom for that

I respect Tom for saying You know what I know what you guys are doing He was like listen We paid you to fucking fill in Yeah I'm not gonna fucking He's gonna dock our pay five minutes If he talks five minutes

Yeah yeah He'll be like hey listen This is five minutes you didn't have to do your job Right Yeah right yeah I love Yeah so Tom just being the professional That he has said guys don't call me.

Don't call me. Okay, like, what are we doing? Yeah, yeah. So, well, you know, I mean, here's the thing, here's the thing, is we could come back as the fall bears, but we, it would just... We won't be the autumn bears, no. You don't think so. What about the winter bears?

Winter bears. Or should we just look forward to this where we are the summer bears? I don't mind being the summer bears. I'll come back in the summer. Listen, in a pinch, if they need us to, like, you know, fill in for an episode or two, that could be fun. but we need a break. Oh, there it is.

Congrats on the last episode. Come on. Come on. Come on. What is this? What is this, baby? You guys earned it. Whoa.

We got... San Francisco Chronicle. That's it. We got cocky clears. Look at those. One for you, one for your ass and one for your mouth. That's it. Come on, get in here.

Hey, buddy. We're doing. This is the last 10 minutes of the last summer bears ever. summer bears ever. Whoa. We got Mark and Sam came on. Hey, hey. That's it.

Man. Now that I have black cock in my face. Yeah. Yeah. We'll, we'll, like Lisa Lampinelli. We'll just fucking vamp for five

minutes. Then we'll spend the last five minutes eating Eclaires. There it is. Sit down. Or did you guys just finish with Harland? Yeah. I got neurovirus

and Mark's stupid barbecue. I really love. How long were you pukees? Everybody's sick. What was it? I think it was a Eurovirus. It's like a bug thing. I feel like. When did you guys? What was

the last puke or shit you guys took? I never got it. You never got it? Salmonocks. This is bullshit. He's always skating around. I never got it. When's the last puke? I was puking, shitting, and stomach cramps at the same time on Sunday night. Well, hold on.

You accused a hand roll restaurant. I did. I'm getting you food poisoning. I pulled a bitch move, dude. And I love that place and it broke my heart. We ate there together. We've been there together. No, we went to Nami Nori. Oh, we went to a different place. I would never turn on Nami Nouri. Okay, good, good. I turn on Kazuori. Oh, Kazunori. I turn on Nori Davis. No one will get that.

Yeah, and not true even. Yeah. A great guy. It's just like, pun, pun, pun, Nori Davis, activate. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Do you think you will just be in a nursing home? Oh, yeah. Just doing word association? You won't remember your child's name. No. You don't remember his face?

But you'll be like, he just keeps doing his letterman sack. Yeah. So time for your pill, sir. I'll tell you who is a pill. Joe lists. What? Lists.

Noddy list. Where'd you get these? We went around looking for, I appreciate this man. We were calling for cock in the village. That's beautiful. I mean, actually, probably are good. We do need to eat that.

I would eat that. We need to take one? Let's take five more minutes. We'll do our contractual hour. Right. And then we'll get the fuck out of it. We see how much we give a fuck about this show. We just have a countdown the second.

And the second it hits one hour. We're like, all right. Yeah. Cut the checks, Burton, Tom. This is what they're here for. This is what their fans want. They just want to listen to an hour of just a shitting on them and shitting on the show. It is weird.

This is what podcastings become. This is like Brett and Shob's Reddit. Yeah. We have run this thing into the ground, man. I heard Tracy Morgan back in the day would do 45 on the dot. He was like, I'm getting the paycheck, I'm obligated to do 45, and sometimes

mid-joke, he'd see the light, it would come on at 45, and he'd go, and then, oh, thank you very much, guys. Mid-joke. Respect. It's not an art form. That's the thing to remember, this is not art. You know, and we've deluded ourselves into thinking that.

Yes. So do you guys have any, you know, do you see yourselves going down the, do you guys like very thinly veiled will you do a podcast while you clearly hate each other still or what do you think do you think that? Well we better not because we got a pod, a movie, and a whiskey.

Now Mark's easy to get along with. I love it. I love it. He can't do confrontation so we'll never fight. He'll just silently resent me if he hates me and I'll know but that's how it'll happen. But I'll drink it away. Yeah. Oh actually maybe you guys are on the two bears path. That's it.

No, we, like, never fought. Have you guys missed an episode of We Might Be Drunk and whatever since it's started? No. No. No. There's been one. We nail it. Every week.

You have 52 in a row. Yeah. For the last, whatever it is. I went to Australia. We're going on. He goes to Europe. We bank them. It's amazing.

Oh, yeah. Yeah. See, that's good. That's, I don't have. That's a consistent? No, I mean, I'm starting to let them fall by the wayside now. You're talking about your kids? Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. No. You got like nine pods. Yeah, well, we got this one. I'm doing the history I mean is, and then everything else is starting to fall apart. That's not Chris, I'm dreading the phone call of him being like, we got to start a pod together. After the summer band stuff.

I was like, Chris, let's nip it in the butt right now. We're not doing another podcast. I'd love to do your podcast. You can come on mine. I mean, but you guys are still going strong with the pod. You still think it's the way. Just keep it going on. Something to do.

Something to do. Well, what about you? now that you got a kid, you want to do it more. Like, as the kid gets older, I'm going to be interested to see going on the road and doing all this stuff. If you're going to be like, yeah, do I do a less? Do I do it more? You're talking to a car? I don't want to do anything. I don't want to do any

little thing. You know, my wife's like, what about this wedding? I'm like, why don't want to go to a wedding? Yeah, I don't want to do a pod. So, like, yeah, every little, small shit you can do, you do it. Right. Maybe Mark will turn into a recluse. I could see that for you. Oh, I would love to be a reclulous. You got the nice house. You could be, you got

I would love to be a recluse. You know, you're studying where you yell at your kid if he fucking comes in? Yeah. Like, I'm studying my, you know, my, instead of like books, you're just watching old fucking comedy. It's like you're a recluse, but you don't have any knowledge. Right. It's not like a library. You can't teach him anything.

You're like, here's the rule of three, son. Yeah. And that's pretty much all I got. Yes, and. We really have nothing to give the next generation. No, no. He's not going to know what to read, but he knows who Mort Saul is. Yeah.

What? I was thinking about that, too. It's like, it used to be, like, younger women would fuck, like, professors or, like, Titans of Industry. And they would learn things. And it's like, now it's like, if you fuck with me, I'm like, yeah, George Clooney was Batman once. And, like, a 24-year-olds, really? I'm like, yeah, he had nipples on his suit. Like, that's the fucking, like, wisdom I have to give people.

We used to rent it a blockbuster. Blockbuster. Let me sit you down. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. It was great. He started to go get movies. It was glorious.

It was 24 your lowest you'd go? I think so, yeah. Age-wise? Yeah, I think that's a good cutoff. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But they say, they say now the newest studies, 27, they think now is when the brain fully forms into the adults. Bump it up to 25.

Yeah, yeah. Yeah, I know. The Los Angeles comedians. Yeah. Yeah. I know. 27. When I saw the news, I was shocked.

When I saw that 27, I was like 27. Come on. What about like a young female CEO? Right. How's that work? This is awesome. Just like inventing a woman to allow yourself to fuck younger people in theory. You know what?

I'm just saying if you can't fuck a 23-year-old, then a 23-year-old shouldn't be a CEO. Name a young female CEO. I don't know any CEOs, but they're out there. Well, yo, what about a girl? What about like a war-torn girl? Like, you know what it is? What are you talking about?

She's lived. She's lived. I said get the fucking refugee. Hey. She's telling her, but she grew up in Ukraine. Yes. She's going to 35 unto an American girl. That makes it 38.

Right. It's like doggy. Exactly. Law years. She didn't see any of the war, but she left, so she's still affected. Right. Right. Yes.

I see what he's doing. 100%, dude. Yes. Yeah. She grew up like near her. She was in Ukraine. This is good. This is, our goal was to tank the podcast by the end.

from being like, you should be able to fuck young refugees. Yeah, but unfortunately, this is the part of the podcast that these fans love. This goes viral now. Yeah, yeah, that is true. We're on CNN.

And you know what's really going to go viral? The last minute of us silently eating big dick Eclares. Oh, yeah. Which one do you? Do you want the one with more jizz or more veins? I want, I want the veins. Oh, look at that little candle cock.

This is like New Year's. This is great, man. The countdown and everything. Oh, my God. Oh, you castrated. Look at that. That is fucking. I'm not going to eat the balls.

You know what? I'll eat the balls. That's it. Two bears, one came. Here, should we dock it? Yeah, let's die. Oh, come on, Mark, get a ball? I'm taking a ball.

I'm taking a ball. I feel like Joe de Rosa. That's fucking good. Oh, man. I could eat this whole thing. This is good. What if it was just ten more minutes of it? Well, we've become.

It's a bird. people hate when you eat into a mic we really have finished that was me and Chris's goals to tank the pod I feel like the last minute being our friends just coming in and us catching up you're not even on camera but this is meant for two people

we're like those billionaires in the submarine oh my god pretty good it's pretty good yeah it's fucking awesome we gotta eat more chocolate cock yeah that's great Thank you for having me on Comptown.

That's an hour by. Hey! Perfect. Chris and Stalby, Stal and Chris, neither grows a beard, and they both wear a shirt. Stalby's a Greek, and Chris is a gay, and some may say the show is better this way. Here's what we call. Two bears, one K. Yeah!