2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer - Tom Cruise Pulled His Own Tooth Out w/ Rob Lowe | 2 Bears, 1 Cave

Episode Date: September 28, 2026

Presale tickets for Toms new tour Preposterous go live September 30th at 10am. Make sure to get yours over at https://tomsegura.com/tour and use code: TOMMY SPONSORS: Head to https://superpower.com/bears for $50 off your membership. Get 150+ biomarkers tested every year plus a personalized health plan and on-demand care team. Detect early signs of 1,000+ conditions. #superpowerpod Start learning a new language TODAY with Babbel. Right now listeners can save up to 60% off at https://Babbel.com/BEARS. Get out there and enjoy the outdoors with Mountain Dew. An American Original. Tasting Great Since ’48. Look for Mountain Dew in stores near you. If your revenues are at least in the seven figures, get our free business guide, Aligning for the Agentic Era: How AI Is Changing Everyday Work, at https://netsuite.com/BEARS . Get started with ShipStation today and get sixty days free at https://ShipStation.com, with code cave. This week, Tom is off somewhere, so Bert Kreischer is joined by the legendary Rob Lowe, back in the Cave to talk about his new movie The Musical, the Sundance comedy with a twist so audacious the big distributors were too scared to buy it, now playing in theaters. Rob breaks down the 18-day shoot, the moment that makes audiences gasp, and why a small theatrical run still beats a mystery streaming "hit." From there, the two get into learning stick on La Cienega, LeeAnn's endless story recaps, Tom Cruise pulling his own tooth for The Outsiders, and Paul Newman's legendary hangs. Bert opens up about his Free Bert season two meltdown and the night he forgot how to yawn, Rob shares what 36 years of sobriety taught him, and they pitch the ultimate Netflix show: 24 Hours with Rob & Bert, starring Mark Wahlberg as Dirk Diggler. Plus: Usher's house tour, Bryson DeChambeau's eagle, and the national anthem bit. 2 Bears, 1 Cave Ep. 341 https://tomsegura.com/tour https://www.bertbertbert.com/tour https://store.ymhstudios.com Chapters 00:00:00 - Intro 00:00:39 - Skinny Bert & Driving Stick On La Cienega 00:10:43 - Bert Doesn't Listen & The Cousin Who Can't Eat Anything With A Hoof 00:23:54 - Tom Cruise Pulled His Own Tooth & Butch Cassidy Cool 00:32:05 - The Musical & The Twist Nobody Would Buy 00:48:40 - The Night Bert Couldn't Yawn 00:54:54 - Measured Drinking & Rob's 36 Years Sobriety 01:00:37 - Paul Newman 01:05:43 - Rob's Headshot Composites & Growing Up Before Phones 01:11:15 - Timothée Chalamet, Press Tours, & Tom Cruise's Perfect Day 01:20:22 - Mark Wahlberg's 4AM Club & Bryson DeChambeau's Eagle 01:32:11 - Stunt Flying With Tom Cruise & & The National Anthem Bit 01:41:58 - Humble Sons & Usher's Netflix House Tour Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Hey everyone, I'm excited to announce the first leg of my new 2027 U.S. stand-up tour, preposterous. I'll be going back to some of my favorite cities, so don't worry if you don't see yours. This is just the first leg. Get tickets starting this Wednesday, September 30th at 10 a.m. local time with the code word, Tommy at tomsegura.com slash tour.

Many more dates to come, including international dates. I hope to see you there. 100%. I'm just feasting my eyes on skinny man. Can I tell you, like, I never, I thought I looked good when I was fat. I was like, it's a big, hard fat. Everyone's like, I love a big guy. And I was never had any self-consciousness.

And when I started losing weight, I started getting self-conscious of my body for the first time. That's hilarious. I know. Like, I look too good. I'm not sure. if I should look this good. No, you know how it started? One day I was looking at my stomach

and I was like, wow, I've lost some weight. And then I looked up and I was like, I'm losing my hair. And then I was like, I never noticed it because I'd only focused on the belly. Yeah, you were like, when you're fat, you look at whatever works and you're like, hair loss doesn't look that bad

compared to the rest of it. That's a good point. Yeah. I like, well, take off the hat. Let me judge the hair loss. Not happening. No. I just woke up in the ball.

I literally. We pulled in from tour. You know what I said? I was like, I should have done this at your house. We were in Pasobleau last night. No way. Yeah. You were?

Yeah, we were in Pasobleau last night. Yeah, that's a good drive then. Yeah, that's a, it. Do you sleep while on the bus? Incredible. Right? Are you in the, like, the coffin ones? Are you in a big bed in the back?

I'm in a bed. This bus is the best bus I've ever had. And I loved my, my bus burned down. But this bus is a double slideout. And it's. set up like my old bus, but my area slides out. It's the best. It's a queen-sized bed. But wait, how do you do that when you, it slides out? So you can't do that when you're moving. No, when you're parked. Can you sleep on the road when you're actually moving?

Oh, I'd sleep like a dream. And this bus is a little bigger than the average bus. So it's a little smoother. And we have this driver, I hope my current driver doesn't hear this. We have this driver who's like, just so you know, I don't go over 60. And we were like, it takes forever to. get places, but you're asleep, so it doesn't matter. Right. And you never feel the bus moving. It is. Wow. That driver wouldn't last long with me. I have one, my driver would tell him, I have one rule. I'm like, I like to like get places. Yeah. So I'm like, if I see anybody hauling a ladder, pass us, you're fired. It just keeps it really simple. Like, you know exactly what I mean when I say that.

Yeah, yeah. Like, you know exactly how fast to go. When I see a ladder passing me, fuck it. How were you with teaching your kids how to drive? Not good. I mean, I mean, I did it, but my one son, Matthew, is it, I'm like, dude, you got to calm down. My other son, Johnny, drives like an old lady. So I have both sides of the thing.

But, you know, you don't, that amazing hand-me-down parent-to-child thing of, teaching how to drive in the parking lot is kind of gone because there's no no no manual cars anymore yeah i mean you had to learn how to drive a dude i knew i learned how to drive a stick yeah remember that dude i was so proud i knew how to drive a stick yes it was like it was like a badge of honor it's like the closest i've ever been to be a man so how well do you know like the streets of l a lady pretty well okay lasianica and sunset boulevard 100% that it's like yeah it's steep as shit it's steep as shit it's steep shit. There used to be a boot barn over there. There's a pink dot. I know these streets.

So that street. Hold on. That street, if you're going on a clutch. North. Yes. If you're going up the hill, you're the third car from the light. You're in a stick. There's cars behind you. That was fucking gnarly. And I remember that being like the right of passage.

Hold on. Can you, okay. So for everyone who's really having a hard time because this is actually almost a beautiful thing. Can you explain with your eyes closed what you're doing with your feet on a hill with a stick? Okay. So first of all, you're smashing that break and like there's no tomorrow. With your right foot, right? Yes, with your right foot. Now you've got your left foot on the clutch. Yes. And it's not engaged. No. And you've got your hand, you're ready to be. It's in gear, right? So now what you've got to do. By you this is. a 45 degree hill. Your car's on a 45 degree angle and there is another car behind you six inches from you. Now you have to quick as you can get from the brake to the accelerator and it has to be seamless.

And you have to feather the clutch. You feather the clutch so you're not sliding backwards. And you can't stall it because if you stall it, you slide backwards. And you just have to mix those two just perfectly to engage it and go forward. Do you know they don't, I'm not a huge car guy. Leanne is very much so. She wanted a Porsche, but she only wanted a Porsche in Stick. And they were explaining to her, we don't do that anymore really because our automatic switch faster than a pro driver would do it normally. So you're not going to gain anything from getting a stick.

So we just do automatic. And Leanne's like, I don't care. Listen, how about, I'm sorry to know it, but it made me think of this. How about the new Elon Musk roadster that supposedly flies? You don't have feelings about these electric cars because it's almost like, it's almost like AI. It's almost like a game changer. It's almost like my daughter's being smarter than me because they have access to the internet. And I go, this isn't fair.

You shouldn't know these information. But like, I remember hearing Joe talk about those, they were like go like zero to 60. in one second. That's right. And it almost is like, is that what indie cars are doing? Yeah, I'm sure. Is F1 cars? Are those F1 cars all electric? Yes, they are. I should, are they, we're looking it up. But I'm obsessed with the flying part. I'm actual flying. I'm so sorry. I don't think I know what you're talking about. Oh, no, no, no. The new, I'm using flying as a euphemism. The new Elon Musk car, the roadster, that's coming out, hovers. At a minimum, it hovers.

They're talking about it flying. It doesn't really fly. But it has, I have a friend who saw it. And it hovers. I could be really, yeah, it's coming up here. And so it's starting to leak and Elon's been very cagey about it. Maybe it actually moves, but I know it hovers from what I'm told. sick is that. That is. I mean, you kind of have to have, if you're a gearhead at all,

yeah, that ends any conversation about anything else. Like, there's no other, like, if you don't have a car that hovers, why bother getting any other cool car? Yeah, it's so, yeah, that is, you know, it's like for, I don't really have a, and it also looks dope. It's a good looking car. Fuck yeah. My, my, my only thing is, and I don't think they solved it, if the car is going to fly, then you don't want it to be heavy. But I don't want it to be heavy. But I don't want, love the he could the interiors on those teslas are a little um utilitarian i remember the first time i got in the tesla i was high shit on edibles amazing in in in Amsterdam of course well as one is yeah why go and it just picked us up and i went this is the thing i've heard about i'm always so late

to the game we went and did a tour of space x back i mean this had to be like 12 years ago maybe and I had no idea what SpaceX was they invited me to come do it and I was like I was like now I'm gonna pass and Leanne's like what are you doing and I mean my managers and agents came everyone wanted to see it and I had no idea and they were like and I want to say Elon Musk was there but I wouldn't have known because I don't know who the fuck he is especially at the time like I don't know who anyone is I'm always the guy that goes oh shit you're that person fuck and then my energy shifts and I'm like And I'm impressed. I played it so much cooler when I don't know who they are.

But that's amazing. So wait, do you have to have a pilot's license? Well, that's where I go. It's like people drive poorly enough as it is. Yeah. Like, I'm not excited about flying cars. People can't even drive now. Yeah.

It's crazy that you think that I think Bill Burr said to me one time, he goes, I was, I talked about being afraid of flying. And he goes, flying, flying. Buddy, we're on the 405 in formation. We got people that don't know what the fuck they're doing from different. all over the place and we're all fucking going at 70 miles an hour. And when you really take a step back and think about that, it is chaos on the roads. And I can't believe they let even my daughter I let drive.

I mean, did you ever take flying lessons? No, I have no desire. Tom, well, he, when he had money, he started and now he had to stop. He had to sell his plane. He's going to do like a big yard sale for everything. The plane was over here. Can I tell you? Can I tell you?

So like I didn't know. I mean, I'm not supposed to talk about his divorce. with anything from the wife. I've been like, I don't give fuck what's going on. I'm not giving half a way. The first canary in the mind was when he started selling all his watches. You're like, oh, there's trouble at home. I was like, wait, because I, like I said, I'm oblivious to everything. And I was like, why would you sell? You have some of the hardest get watches in the world. Why would you sell them? And he called and he was like, you want to buy this truck of mine? And I was like, what? And he was like, you know, I'm just downsizing. And I was like, that's not the guy I know. He's a guy that built.

He dug out his garage so he could put nine cars in his garage and then still had so much spill out of extra cars and then I go downsizing. I should have known. I should have known. I'm always the last. Let me tell you a story here, Rob. This is how bad of a listener I am. Oh, so that way, wait, you just, so the reason you don't know is because you don't fucking listen. I don't listen at all.

You don't listen. I don't listen at all. One of my best friends in the world, Eddie Fernandez. Eddie Fernandez. I've known him since we were 18 years old. We're 26 years old. We're sitting on the beach in Santa Monica. And he's telling a story about his brother. And I go, you have a brother? And he says, I have two brothers. I go, you have fucking two brothers? And he goes, and a sister. I go, why didn't you tell me this? He goes, I have. You've never listened. I was like, that guy Mario's your brother. That guy, Mario. I am. I'm dealing with it in therapy right now because you don't listen there either. Unless we're talking about me. Of course not.

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Yeah. We got a good living. We're happy. Our kids are really well adjusted. Yeah, Leanne does a lot of the heavy lifting with that shit. But like, everything seems to be working. No one's really upset. So, like, what are we asking for?

So the thing. What are we asking for? You ready? Yeah. I'm doing it really good. good is um i'll do it to you this is what i'm supposed to do to my wife okay i'm i'm okay i'm okay i'm i'm i'm i'm i'm i'm gonna how was your morning thank you for asking it was really good thank you what did you do you know i i i did some work and um i help what uh see then you

like i start going like when do i get to talk about like what and and and really it's not only when do i get to talk let's face it because i'm a brother brother in arms here i'm not judging. It's when do I get to talk about me? Well, sometimes my life is so much more overwhelmingly interesting that like I go, do you want me to tell you the joke I wrote last night? And like, and I wrote five new jokes. Let me tell you about my shows. But like I have to find a way and I am finding a way to be interested in things in her life that aren't, aren't interesting. I'll say it. You don't have to say it. I'll say it. So it's like, Rob below interesting. As a matter of fact, let's just say, let's just say this is how life should be.

If you stand in front of a crowd and tell your story, people shouldn't get up and walk out. Right? Hello. Yeah. I mean, how hard is it as a professional storyteller to suffer through an amateur's storytelling? The word that comes to mind is tedious. Okay. Can I tell you, I'm this bad.

This is how bad I am. I sometimes will tell you. Can I just punch your story up for you? Can I tell you how to tell it? Because you're giving so much facts that no one needs. Oh, my God. Okay, dude. So here's what happens is my wife,

who is wonderful at many, many, many things. Very long, successful marriage, which is rare in Hollywood, let alone this podcast. 36 years. Beloved, love it. And I realize it's like we all have separate skills to have. make a hole. I write books and tell stories for a living. She doesn't. She's a jewelry designer. She's a jewelry designer and great. When I'll walk in and say, what are you watching? And then she begins.

Now it should be, it's a murder mystery story, full stop. Yeah. Right? That's all it takes. That's all I need to know. Wow. Right? That's all I need to know. Yes. What I get. I'm not kidding. What I get is. So that girl there met this guy and they were at a Bar, well, no, actually, it wasn't a bar. Okay, it was a restaurant. Yeah, it was a restaurant. Yeah, it was a restaurant. It was a Chinese restaurant. And they met there, and then, then there was a murder, but he doesn't know anything

about the murder, but she does. And 20 minutes later, we get to the answer of what she's watching. All I need is, it's a murder mystery. Don't need to know what restaurant the first scene took place in. Don't need to know the name of the third lead. It's amazing. Yeah, I'm blown away at how long Leanne can draw out, like the simplest story. Like, just like...

How about how many details that you don't need? How many details that you don't need do you think you get? You know what kills me? She doesn't include the details that I find interesting. There's that too. Yeah. Her dad's got a fib and the doctor told him every now and then just take a stick of licorice and bite into it and have a shot of white lightning. and I go, that's the craziest shit

I've ever heard in my life. And then cut a half of onion and leave it in your room. That should help with your AFib. What? Exactly. And she goes, well, he said that one. I go, it doesn't matter.

He said it to him. He was a doctor and he said it to him. He was a doctor and he said it to him. She got a cousin who can't eat anything with a hoof. And I go, why don't, well, these are the things I hold on to. Yes. This is the most interesting thing I've ever heard in my life.

Just a phrase. He can't eat anything with a hoof. You can build a fucking entire 10 minutes on that. When he said, you know, I was sitting, Her entire family was panning for gold without sunscreen one morning. Everyone's beat red. And I said, what are we having for lunch?

We're sitting. Everyone's panning for gold. This is amazing. The fucking donner party? Buddy? This is my family. And I said, what are we having for lunch? And I said, I'll run and grab some burgers.

And her cousin goes, well, I can't eat none with a hoof. And I went, huh? No one blinked an eye. They're like, yeah, you can't eat none way to hoof. And I went, hold. on. It's very, so specific. I can't date girls with hoop earrings. Like, wait, what is the? And she just glazed past it. And I go, this is one of the most interesting facts. She goes, well, it's common around here. It's common. You can't eat it. You got bit by tick. Tick got

to do you. Can't eat none with a hoof. Wait, now ticks are involved? Yeah. I'm blown away. And I go, she does tell a good story, but she gets caught up. People get caught up. Yes, it gets caught up. And there was a UFC fighter one time. And he was telling me about his story. training regiment for the championships. And he got so caught up in the tedious of the tedium of his training, of how hard he was training that he never, he lost me by the time he got to the championship fight. And I was like, dude, I really don't care about the incline on the treadmill. Like, tell me what it was like to go into the cage for a UFC championship belt.

And then, and then when he did, it was so brilliant, the little bits of what he noticed. He was like, I didn't realize there was going to be celebrities. there. And I was like, keep going. Super interesting. Yeah. And it's so funny, but like, that's why I love being around great, great, great storytellers, like Colin Quinn or like, like, especially the older you get, like, like, like Bill, not Bill, but Jeff Foxworthy. I was with Jeff Foxworthy. And he told such a great story about swim playing with his grandkids. He goes, grandkids, he goes, grandkids, trust you. My grand kid looked at me and said, pop up, copy in the pool. And he goes, hey, don't tell anyone I said this, but we all be in the pool.

He goes, thanks, pop, pop. And again, this kid gets out of the pool, drops his pants and pisses in my pool. That's amazing. Like, it's just like it's such a great, it's like Ron White, one of the best storytellers in the world. You have, can I stop this whole thing and say, I really just, I watched Tommy Boy again the other day. Chris Farley was a brilliant actor. Yeah, he was. But, like, I think that slept on because he was overweight, because he was high energy.

Yes. But he was a brilliant actor. He was a brilliant actor. And so spade in that. Spade is a moment in it as well that's brilliant. They're both incredibly, incredibly underrated actors. And what I'm really obsessed with this because right now that's going on the internet internet is, and I find this fascinating, how the celebrities from which young boys draw their charisma. Oh.

I've been obsessed with this for a while. The first hint I ever got of it was when I was in college, and I noticed guys doing an Ace Ventura impression to be funny around girls. Then I was like, wait, what's that? And then guys would, and I knew that I would kind of do a little bit of a chevy chase around girls, like a cool guy, like a, oh, well, you know, you know. And then I watched it, like people would do a borat impression, but and now they're saying like boys are doing a Ryan,

Ryan Reynolds impression that of that charisma. And what I find fascinating about Chris Farley is he gave us a language with within which to be funny. Like he gave us a currency of that we still do today. It doesn't hurt so much here or here. Like little things he did as an actor, we stole and put into our lives for the rest. I find that so fascinating. but as one of the coolest guys I know

and you have your charisma's fucking through the roof you have a whisper in the way you talk I watch it I'm being serious you've had it your whole fucking life you've had it as long as I've been a fan of yours you've had it like even you were the softest greaser in the outsiders so so I think too soft

but no but that's what we fucking drew you to you soft I'm like I look back at what's with the body language I like I'm like a gumby I'm out there like flopping around and Tom Cruise like Ah Tom Cruise was off on that If we're gonna be

If we're gonna critique performances He was he was reaching He was he was working very hard He was working really hard He took his tooth out one day He was like he was like I figured my tooth would get knocked out On the rumble

It was like took his own tooth out Took his own tooth out Jesus And it had a just the put Not only had like a post It was lew But you know that's commitment Yeah

I don't have that commitment That's, that was, see, I thought I was a soft greaser. I'm glad that it worked for you. But where did you get your charisma from? Like, where do you think? Like, who were your heroes when you were a kid? Oh, for sure. That's, and okay, now, okay, yes, 100% mine, 100% is bitchcasting this audience kid.

It's all based on that. There's a meme going around right now of Paul Newman. Is it Paul Newman? Yeah. Have you seen this? where he's carrying four beers. No, but that would make sense because he loved his course beer,

but it's cores. Apparently, Paul, it's such a great. Apparently, Paul drank a lot of beer, apparently. Yeah, and he was, and he's there, this is the, oh, look at him. Get really stoned. Oh, look at him. That's my guy right there.

He is. Is that Grosch? What does he, what is he carrying? It looks like he'd, Remember the beer Grulch? Yeah. Oh, yeah, of course.

I think it's... See, pictures like this are why I will never be totally sober. Because I see this and I go, well, he seems to be in control. You know, that's where I think. And he was. Yeah, yeah. He drank every day. Apparently, he drank every day.

And there's another thing going around about his body type, that his body type was the perfect body type. You kind of share it. I've seen that. It's this athletic, it's this athletic, not overly built, but really flexible, really healthy, fucking body type. Yeah,

he and Redford and their whole patter in that movie, it's like self-deprecate. It's like, it's interesting. Like we could be fun to break down like what, what,

what is Chevy? Because I love that. His Caddyshack architect archetype is a great one, right? Caddyshack and Fletch were like two. Yes, for sure. But like Newman and Redford,

it's like they're, I think the number, one thing is they're self-deprecating. They don't take themselves seriously. There's a great moment in Butch and Sundance where they've been shot up, they're surrounded by people, and they're trying to figure out

who's gonna go out and get the ammunition that's out by the mule. And Redford goes, we gotta figure out, one of us needs to go out there and Newman says, it's no time to be a hero kid. I'll let you. And to me, that's it.

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and fees apply. You know I'm not certain I've ever seen that movie. I've seen bits and pieces of it, but I'm not certain I've seen it. I was just watching Aaron Sorkin, great writer. He's got a movie coming out and they asked him. They said, what's the perfect screenplay? Which casting

the Sundance kid? The musical. Musical. Dude. If you, I'm going to tell you something. I I am really obsessed with authentic writers and real acting. And only because, and I don't mean this shitty, but like a lot of the things coming my way these days feel like they've been at least run through AI,

just for structure, you know? Yes. And I'm, I understand that that is a young thing to do and a lot of young people are going to write screenplays, but what I do love about the musical is it's it's it definitely is written for guys that have let spike drive their lives it is and you're looking at one of them I there is there there was a period of time where I wanted at least two to three girls to see what I was doing in my life I without a doubt right and if I I won when one of them called and was like you're really killing it my parents are proud of you oh yes

Her parents called me. I probably have to edit this out. Her parents called me one time. And I was broke. I mean, it looked like I was doing well on paper, but like I'm sitting in an apartment that Leanne's paying for by doing, by working for the company.

We were getting just free rent. That's it. No money. I'm making $700 a week on the road. I got two kids. We're drinking two buck chuck. And her dad called and he was like, Bert, buddy, I am.

I am appalled at how wrong I was about you. Amazing. I was like, huh? I was like, is he drunk?

I'm going to put Jan on the phone. Hold on one second. She's like, we had you all wrong. You were, you're such a success. And by the way, I was not.

Absolutely. And now they must think they're fucking, they called it. But like, I, that, but this movie

is, it is an you can tell an artist wrote it you can tell an artist what's really brilliant is the entire now I'm not giving anything away but the entire the entire drive of the movie is

an intellectual who's not writing from a place of his own experience and then learns to write from his place of his own experience I will say that within the last 12 minutes I am crying laughing crying laughing crying laughing

great music selection great. The kids are fucking brilliant. The kids, the kids kind of carry the show. Oh, they steal movie. Jillian, um, Gillian Jacobs is their name? Yep. Jillian Jacobs. Gillian Jacobs. She's awesome. Yeah. She's awesome. She's awesome. You're awesome. In the show community. Yeah. That's her big thing. Yeah. You're awesome. Thank you. The lead is Rob Bill Bill Will Will Burr. Will Brill. Bill Brill. He's awesome. But those kids, man. How, I'm a question for you. Going into it, Did you know what the big reveal is?

Did you know what it was about? So you had no idea. So you had no idea. It's a really, it's a, it's, there's zero AI. So, so for those of you who are, so this is my movie, the musical that's out right now in theaters, it is the most audacious, breathtaking. I cannot believe they did that movie that's come my way ever. And there is a moment in the movie where I've seen it now with audiences where they,

I can only honestly compare it to... Let me guess. Don't say it. Little Miss Sunshine. It's Little Miss Sunshine election. Election. Yeah. Yeah.

And it's very... It's dark. It's super dark. It's super dark. It's super funny. Super dark and I love the elements of levity of like just the little things. Like you're doing lunges and like, like it's such a thing. It's written from a perspective.

It's great. It's really great writing. And I will say the directing was pretty phenomenal because the actor Will took chances at things that I wouldn't have done. And I was confused at, but they played very perfectly for that movie. He, like his, his tone. He's in it for real. Yeah. There's not a moment, like the way he speaks to those kids. Yeah. There's a scene where he makes these fourth graders, watch the Manchurian candidate, which makes me laugh so hard. It's just like I said, it is unapologetically insane. And in our day where all movies seem the same, it's, it's, it's really, really, really special. Can I ask you a question that you don't have to answer

and we don't have to put in the in here, but I want, I want to know the, I want to know personally the answer and you may not know it at the very last scene the very last cut where the camera pulls back to reveal the lead actress who he's got something going and is it history's repeating itself okay here we go again yes okay i like it where he's he's gone to new york yeah yeah yeah and it's the same thing i'm telling you there's not enough um i don't know what the budget was nothing i was assuming based on Pretty much one location. It's one location. We made it in 18 days.

It's a first time director, first time screenwriter. And it's just one of those things where, you know, nobody made any money, but we all believed in the movie. And it plays, it's just fun to go to a theater and watch it because it plays like flipping gangbusters. I think that's the thing that's missing a little bit is like, listen, if you're asking me, you know, a couple movies and immediately I go, just because of the peril of public display of like, do you want it? Like if it just goes to streamers, everyone thinks it was a hit. Yes. It trends number one. Everyone's like, oh, wow, you crushed it. And then, but there's no payoff. You don't get any box office. No one makes their money back. I mean, I guess they do. I don't know

how, I really don't know how streamers. There's no, it's a thing. You go to a streamer and you have a movie on it and they can say, I mean, sometimes you know, it's number one on Netflix for 10 weeks and everybody talks about that. That's clearly a hit. But there's other times, you don't know. You say it was hit, was it? I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. But who knows? Yeah. And now, you know, they'll be, we're in 300 theaters. It's tiny, tiny, tiny, gem. So we're never going to compete with with the big movies that are out there. But, but it's, you're right. You could go out there and you could sit in a theater in A, no one's there. and B, no one laughs.

And luckily, that's not the experience this thing's having. It is, how about, I don't think we're ruining anything to say when the little kid goes, what will happen to me, Rudy Giuliani? Literally, the fucking place explodes. It's so wrong. I mean, look, and we're not giving anything away. when the twin towers show up I am

when it dawned on you no it's tower one you when it must have when did it finally dawn on you when the paper airplane hits the so so I oh that's how we got the idea yes yeah I didn't get it then but most people the penny drops when the paper

airplane hits the fake towers when they're rehearsing west side story which by the way the towers weren't there when they made West Side Surrey. People were listening to this going, what are they talking about? It is a, it is a

I'm really in love with big swings. I don't want safe. I like a good big swing. Yes, me too. And I love a chance and I love I love all that. And it's really it's really tough to do

when you make a movie because in all honesty, the safe play is what makes everyone feel better because no one gets in trouble. But when you take a big swing... Right. Well, how about this? So the movie, this movie plays at Sun Dents, gets into Sundance,

accepted at Sundance, very hard to do. Plays at Sundance, huge. Literally, nobody bought it except this tiny little company that's releasing it. It played huge. Was it Bayshore? Because they were afraid of... Twin Towers?

The big swing that's in the movie. They were afraid of that moment. that we're talking about. Yeah. That we're dancing around that takes your breath away. That is so un-PC and so like Team America, Borat, like any of those movies where you go, I can't believe they're doing this. Yeah.

That moment prevented all of the big distributors from buying the movie and they loved it. Yeah. So the notion that a movie is good is not enough now because people are so afraid of getting dragged. That's what audiences are. eating up. They don't like safe comedy. No, the audiences wanted, again, the musical kills in a theater. Audience are,

they're literally starving for the PC gatekeepers to get the fuck away from them and let them experience you know, breathtaking comedy. Yeah, it was, you know, it's fun, I got, we did the show last night

and then everyone was going to stay up and they wanted to watch some movie and I was like, I'm going to go back and watch Rob's new movie, so I got my bunk and I started it. And I literally was like, you know, I'll watch half tonight, half tomorrow. I watch the whole thing. I watched the whole thing. In bed, I didn't go to sleep until like 2 in the morning. Amazing.

I'm just sitting there in my phone, just on my phone, driving down the fucking 5 or wherever the week. And I'm just, and I was like, wow, this is, you know, if I could give it any compliment, it was inspirational because I thought, dude, this is a guy who's clearly writing from a very personal place. And then I did the research. And it is a personal place. This guy, I don't think he even wanted to be a screenwriter. But he went to NYU because he got cheated on by his chick.

And I was like, oh, yeah. I was like, oh, this is written out of spite. This is, he's not processed it yet. Oh, I identify with this guy. Oh, you know who it also reminds me of? He's very Travis Bickle and taxi driver. Yeah. Like, it's very, and like, it's, it, I, I, I,

I've never seen a movie like it. It's really... I knew I had my character down when I picked the big, huge, ugly white hokas. I was like, oh, yeah, I know that guy. It was such a choice by the director to just show you with... The hocus? Yeah, to go hoka first. Yeah.

I was like, oh, I know that guy. It, uh... Yeah, it was a great movie, man. Congratulations. Thank you, man. Thank you. And your show. Let's talk about your show.

Well, I mean, can I tell you... Let's talk about your show. Let's talk about how much fun we had. I wish I could tell you exactly who gave me the compliment. It was someone very, it was like someone in the business. They were like, I think it just happened on a podcast yesterday. They go, can I tell you how great your show was? And I was like, please.

And they're like, you know, starting it off with Roblo is such a great. He goes, you really like expose exactly what people may think about you. And it's such a great. and he goes, and Rob Lowe was fucking perfect because there is a party that goes, yeah, I bet Rob would like that. But then that moment of you guys at the bar, which, by the way, is my greatest acting moment ever. I mean, all the actors I've ever worked with,

including Mark Hamill, yeah, that's awesome. But acting across from you, do you know, did you catch, did you catch the subtle Rob Lowe references when I was with Pac-Man Jones and, oh, yeah. And I go from young buds. Yeah, amazing. And they're like,

Who the fuck's rock? That's amazing. Pac-Man Jones saying that is one of the highlights of my career. But I love that I picked young, you know, are they remaking Youngblood? They remade Youngblood. But you think that my phone would have rung. No. No, they've remade it. Apparently it's coming out.

Apparently might be out? I don't know. Pull it up. It was such. But I think they made it. I think they, there was a lot. lot of talk of remaking it over the years and nobody could ever do it. And I think it's like a Canadian production. And here's Youngblood. He's black. Youngblood's black now. That makes

so much better, made such a better sense. What's up? Youngblood. Dude, you'd think that people would have a problem with that. Yo, young blood. I'm like, hey, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Because I'm because I'm black. You calling me that? Yeah, but yeah, Youngblood's black now and I have not seen it. but I bet it's a great story. Yeah, it was a great story. But, you know, they, did they call me to be the old coach maybe? But then my name wouldn't have been young. That's why they didn't.

Because if he's the new young blood and I'm in it and I'm the old coach, there can't be two young bloods. It can't be young blood and old blood. Old blood. Yeah. Yeah. It's, I love that my reference was that and Pac-Man is like, what? Yeah. It could have been worse.

come in Oxford Blues. Really random 80s. But no, that's that first scene that we did, the first two scenes, I love, I think that I love those scenes are really, really, really. And Jared and Andy, who wrote it, those guys are so smart and so funny. And they just murder all the time. They are really great writers and really great directors and really great directors and really great partners. Like they, I have to say that like I don't, you know, I'm always weird about compliments because

it sounds like something you do in Hollywood just to, that's like that's part of the, you do it and wrote. There's a lot of people I wouldn't work with again that I don't, I didn't enjoy the process. But man, I had like a, I'll say this and they're love that I'm sharing this. I had a little bit of a temper tantrum in the middle of this season. I didn't realize what was happening to me. I had all this stuff happen in the beginning of the year. My dog died. I got a blood clot my bus burned down blood clot traveled to my lungs so pretty low like and then and then all the stress of touring and releasing season one and and then we go into production and and when things finally settled and I'm towards the end of the finish line I had a absolute meltdown with panic

attacks and I had like another health scare out of nowhere and it just manifested itself in like and not in bad behavior but just in like anxiety and and we're halfway through and I started panicking that like maybe that I and I you know it's like also you got to trust those guys like they wrote a scene they wrote a scene and you know look I'm not the best actor and I'm not the best writer and I'm not the best reader they wrote a scene and I didn't have any lines in it and I was like what the fuck am I supposed to do and they're like you're reacting off everyone I was like guys like and I and I'm reading it I'm like it's it sounds ridiculous and they're like that's what's funny about it and I was like yeah but I don't understand it I didn't understand it right

And then we did the scene and I realized they're being ridiculous and I'm the only one grounded in reality. And that's the comedy. I didn't understand that. Yeah, I make sense. And I threw a tad bit of what, I wouldn't say a temper tantrum, but I wanted to have a meeting with them and have a come to Jesus. Yes. And we had like this come to Jesus. And they, I got to say they were perfect because they held their ground.

They refused to bend at the knee and be like, well, he's the star. He must be right. They held their ground. They explained to me why they were doing what they were. doing. They told me everything I wanted to hear, but they told it to me in a very firm, like, this is what it was, and I walked out and I literally, I've never had an interaction with two guys where I was like, thank you for doing that. Like, thank you for being firm, but yet also really understanding that I'm going through some stuff right now and I'm stone sober and I don't have any,

I feel like life isn't fun anymore and I don't know how to do a production because every production has always been a party for me and now it turns into a job and I'm like wait what the fuck is this what is life like it you know sobriety is sobriety you gotta do work if you're gonna do it

you can't just go like no because everything's different like you said there's a world where every production is a party to you wake up to what it is for people who are not partying which is 99% of the people and you go oh I see

this is fucking there's insecurity There's tension. There's boreddom. And when you're sober, you're reading all of it. Yeah. It's like all of a sudden you have dog senses where you're like... You know what I...

I was like, wow. I was like, so I said to them, I was like, so does everyone come in and draw focus? And they're like, yeah, you guys are actors. I was like, but it's kind of like annoying. And they're like, oh, you haven't seen you walk in a room. I was like, what? I do it. They're like, you do it worse than anybody.

Yeah, no, everybody doesn't know when you walk in the room. It's such a fucking, like, when you're sober, it's all of a sudden, it's like, it's like taking the noise reduction headsets off and you hear everything. Isn't it? It's like, you press the button and they go, and then wha-loop. And then, you're everything in the fucking plane, every baby crying. I don't know how you did it. I literally, I've found a middle ground where I can have a, I got to be honest with you,

I don't even know if I'm feeling the beers. Like I had two beers the other night And I got in bed and I didn't feel buzz But I went that was stupid That's just 300 calories Yeah that was dumb I could have easily had water But for whatever reason doing a

You know a 600 person meet and greet I was like having a beer in my hand Just made it seem palatable Yes 100% And but like I really like So where are you so where are you've been sober You've been not sober I've been your

What we would call California sober? Would that be fair to say? No, I can't do marijuana because I've crazy. Panic showed up in my life in a weird way. Like, and stone sober. This is what, I think that if you're going to say, like, what the last, the, the, the, the, the, the last straw was for me is I had a, I had a, like a 36-hour panic attack. Oh. And.

And a real one. I've only had two of my life. And they're, they're no joke. Yeah. It was, it was like, it was like. What's a panic attack look like for you? I'm not going to go into great detail because you'll laugh hysterically. But I'll tell you, I, I, I, um, it was, you know what?

It came, I didn't understand where it came from. I didn't feel weird. I was, you know, going to bed, sober was my favorite thing in the world. Like, I loved it. I loved going to bed because I knew that my heart rate was going to drop in the 50s and that I would get great recovery and I'd be ready to work out. Working out was all I look forward to when I was sober. That was my favorite thing in the, my favorite thing in the, in the, in the,

in the world was getting up, making coffee, going to the gym, and working out. Did I take my meds today? I don't think I took my meds today. And thinking about what meds to take. We're living the same life. This is all my life for the past 36 years. And so I get into bed and I go to yawn and I couldn't yawn. Uh-oh.

And I was like, ha ha and then i was like wow that's weird that's so crazy i normally can yawn really good oh i'm stealing this this is a great fucking bit i'm so i'm i'm not kidding i'm stealing he can't yawn and putting it in a scene to trigger an attack i'm like so i go that sounds crazy it's kind of like a sneeze that goes away yes i was like yeah that's weird then i'm really tired and i start to yawn again and i just go ah ah amazing. And then I'm like, what if I can't yawn? Oh my God. And I was like, come on, let's just get this yawn out. And then now that I'm thinking about it, as I start to yawn, it goes away. And then I start panicking.

And I go, a panic attack always has a sit-up in bed moment. We're like, hold on, this isn't real. None of this is real. We know that. We're good. We're good. But I'm not drinking and I'm not using drugs or anything. So I'm like, I'm like, we can get through this. Don't worry about it. Don't worry about it. Now, in my head, I go, alcohol's in the other room. If I take a sip of alcohol, this goes away. Immediately. Immediately. Immediately. You relax. You forget about life. That's how, that's why I drink on planes. And so I go in to the bathroom and I Google how to yawn. And it says, look up at a light, raise your neck back and say the word leather. What? I know. I mean, I'm like leather. Leather. Like you go leather, leather. And what's crazy is I start to relax, but I'm not yawning. And then I start getting really bad. I'm shaking and I'm trembling and I go to Leanne and I wake her up first thing the bitch does is yawn. And they say it's contagious. I don't yawn. I don't yawn. And I'm like, and I told her, I can't tell her what I'm going through because I know she won't understand it because

she doesn't have panic attacks, but she's there for me and and was your heart racing. Oh, through the roof. I was tracking it. It was 120, 20 beats per minute. Are you sweating? I'm sweating. I'm shaking uncontrollably. Okay. I'm naked. I grab a blanket and we walk in the front yard for about 30 to 45 minutes. I'm walking in the front yard. And she's going, tell me things that are real in the front yard. That's not good. And I'm like, and I'm like, I'm going crazy. Tell me things that are real. Yeah. Oh, bone chilling. And then she goes, let's go into the bed and let's just breathe. And by the way, and what's crazy about the not yawning is I felt it in my jaw and in my nose and in my chest. And I felt like I was almost

hyperventilating. And so I go to the bed and Leanne is breathing. so deeply that I start having a panic attack about my breaths because she's like like a fucking baby beluga just in for eight out for eight I'm like who has fucking eight in them like she and then and then I go listen so I fall asleep and I wake up and it's still there and I'm like what I was like this this isn't real like hold on so I go to the treadmill and I ran like seven miles I did a hundred pull-ups I did a hundred squats I did what time of day you night is first thing in the morning first thing in the morning like seven in the morning and And then, of course, word in our house gets out that dad can't yawn.

He had a panic attack. So both girls come back, mock me. I mean, they're like, first thing in Georgia does is yawn. Yeah. And goes, how did you sleep last night? I was like, fuck off. I was like, but it kept going. It kept going.

It kept going. And at that point, I was very, I got to tell you, I was very angry. And I kept saying to Leon, I'm doing all the right things. Like, I'm not drinking and I'm not doing drugs. And I'm not taking Xanax. And I'm not taking NyQuil. I'm not doing, and I was so mad. I'm like, I'm doing all the right things.

And I know a drink would make this go away. And I'm suffering unfairly for fucking nothing. I was so angry. We went to couples therapy and I brought it up. And by the way, Leon started telling the story about not yawning. And I yawn. The second she talked to couples therapy, I was like, I should have just had her talk to me the whole time.

Just tell me a story. Tell me about your aunt's back. So and at that point I said, I was like, dude, I'm not like, and then I had, and then for like a week, I had fear of going to bed. I had a fear of going to bed because a panic attack would show up when I just laid there. And then one day, I forget exactly how it happened, but one day I was just like, I think we're getting on a flight to two. go to somewhere with my daughter and I was getting panic and I was like you know what I'm a glass of champagne I'm not dealing with this and it went away and then ever since then I've kind of I've kind of uh I I would say very measured with alcohol but like I enjoy it but I don't I'm not

I haven't gotten hammered or anything but uh and I've been doing pretty good and I don't know what I'm going to do with it like I really enjoy the problem with me now is if I have a couple glasses of like last night I had a couple glasses of rosé and immediately I went well I want to be present tomorrow so I'm going to stop I'm going to have some water I'm going to go to bed and I'm going to watch his movie that's as opposed to like staying up late and look that's good that's normal people thinking that's great shit yeah I don't know I mean I don't I didn't ever have that but I don't know if I do you know I think it's sometimes there's a little bit of a honeymoon phase with it it's and I've had that before we have a honeymoon where you're doing really good look I didn't want I don't

look you didn't ask my opinion but I'll give you my opinion because having 36 years of recovery, I've heard it all. And if you have it, if you have the ism, and you may, you may not, but if you have it, my guess is eventually it shows up, there's no running from it. So, you know, when I hear people go, yeah, I'm back drinking, but I'm, you know, I'm doing this and I'm like, good for you. I couldn't do it. good for you and write it as long as you can.

And if you, if that works for you in the long run, you didn't have the ism. Yeah. You didn't have it. I don't know if I ever did or if I didn't. And I never really explored any of it. I always just went, I don't. And then when I quit drinking, it was medically suggested because my blood clot.

And so I did it spitefully. So I didn't enjoy it for the first month and a half, two months. I didn't enjoy it. He did it under duress. Yes. And then when I started to enjoy it, I really started to enjoy it and I started to enjoy it too much. Like, and I was like, I was like, dude, I remember saying like, I could do this for the rest of my life.

This is, this is light work. And then when everything, and then what I realized is I didn't do any of the work. Yes. On myself, I just was, I just quit drinking. Yeah, you then knew what they call it dry drunk. Yeah. That's what they call it. And I was like, which is unsustainable.

unsustainable. Can I tell you why I thought that it was doable? Because honestly with marijuana, I could never smoke marijuana again and never think about it. And there have been times where I smoked marijuana every single day for like six months. And then I would just be like, I'm done. And I'd stop. And there was never, but I think alcohol got into my life so young. Same. That I don't, I don't, there's a lot I didn't deal with. And a lot of everything I didn't deal. How were you when you got famous? 42.

Okay, so you at least were a grown fucking man. The thing I was going to say is for people who get famous early, you also get, you get stuck there. Like, however you old you were when you got famous, most people are like trapped in amber developmentally at the moment they got famous. So in theory, I'm basically still like a 19 year old. How great is that? I hate that I'm a 42 year old. I'd love to be a 19 year old.

Your Bert was a fucking loose cannon. Dude, I can. How great if we can go back in a time machine, you and I. Let's go to the, let's go to the outsider's location and a time machine. I've been to the outsider's location. I've been there a lot. Anytime I'm in Tulsa, I go to the house. I go to the house.

I performed at, I performed at the, I performed at the drive-in movie theater. The Admiral Twin? Well, yeah, I performed at that drive-in movie theater. I performed there, and I was so excited. I was like, this is where Pony Boy met Jerry Valence. That's right. And everyone was like, everyone was like, what? Do you know my assistant had never, doesn't know what the outsiders is?

That's crazy. He has no idea. And I said, and he goes, yeah, it's like a thing, right? Like a thing. And he goes, well, I know Rob Lois in it. And I go, that's because you were here for the podcast. And I was like, did you know Tom Cruise then? He goes, Tom Cruise?

And then he didn't know who Patrick Swayze. He was. Like generationally, these kids are like, are, are, when it comes to art, things turn over so quick. And by the way, and it's always been that way, but now it's quicker. Like, my kids have no, we know connection whatsoever to Robert Redford or Paul Newman or. I'm watching, I'm watching, none. I'm watching that ASAP. Oh, it's so.

fucking good, Witch Cassidy. And what it is, it is the, it is the perfect, it's the, with the very first buddy comedy, really.

Yeah. And, and they're such movie stars. Oh my God. Oh my God. They're gorgeous and cool and tough and vulnerable and hilarious and hilarious. And it's, it's great.

It's just great. Does it break your heart? I think about death a lot. I think it's because of the year I had. It's been showing up on my plate. And I keep thinking like, and I think that's part of the anxiety I was going through. It was like I kept thinking this. The shoe was about to drop with my life.

Like I kept thinking, and I'm stone sober. I'm the healthiest I've ever been. My numbers have never been better. I'm working out like crazy. I'm running an eight minute and 34 second mile. Like I'm really in great shape, but I'm still like, you know, healthy people die too. That's the crazy thing.

Yeah, fuck it. But like, does it mean? The other thing is drunks and drug addicts get healthy and then die. That also happens. Not, I mean, you know, I'm just sharing that. No, no, I appreciate it. That was a nice. Well, we got our clip for the week.

But, um, but it's, but like what really upsets me, what really breaks my heart. And it makes me think, um, I think the word is listless or, or, or hopeless. is that my assistant doesn't know who Paul Newman is. He doesn't know who he is, nor does he really care. He doesn't care. He doesn't care. Why would he? And Paul Newman, in Hollywood terms, and look, I understand that people now think Hollywood's just where people eat babies, but like, in Hollywood terms, Hollywood defined cool for a very

long time and it still does. They don't understand that they're getting fed it a different way, but it still does. But Paul Newman was the epitome of cool, of masculine, of of, of the coolest guy in the room was Paul Newman.

By the way, you realize the outsiders begins with the first line of the outsiders, I had two things on my mind. Paul Newman and the walk home. Oh, they had just seen that movie, right? He'd just seen, I think it's the hustler.

Yeah. But yeah, Pony Boy Curtis, in The Outsiders, hero is Paul Newman. Paul Newman, I mean, this is how cool Paul Newman is. Paul Newman had his, this is my favorite, this is one of my favorites, Paul Newman's stories. And this is everyone knows the story, but I'll share it if you don't. Paul Newman's daughter brings her boyfriend home from college or whatever. And Paul Newman says to him as they're making dinner, what time is. it and the guy goes, I don't know, I don't have a watch. So Paul Newman goes, hang on, goes back,

gets a Rolex Daytona, gives it to him, he goes, now you got to watch. What time is it? Kid tells me the time. Find out how much that, I think he sold it for $3 million, $30 million. Pull up, Paul Newman's Daytona. He, then they broke up. You know the story, right? I did not know. I mean, I know about the Paul Newman Daytona. I know. Paul Newman's Daytona. I've seen the gift. Go go back. Go back. Go back. Go back. Go back. In 1968, Paul Newman's wife bought him this card. She engraved drive carefully. That exact, he gifted it to James Cox in 1984.

He gave the watch to James Cox, who was dating his daughter at the time, became because Cox didn't own a watch. Cox then put it on sale through Phillips auctioneers. It sold for $17 million. That's how cool Paul Newman is. The watch he gave some dude that was banging his daughter sold for $17 million. million dollars. Paul Newman was the first. Paul Newman was the prototype for like, for all these people. I have a new beer. I haven't knew this. He had he literally his, it was started as a salad

dressing, Newman's own. And then I came everything. And by the way, he, do you know he never made a nickel off of it? It was all went to charity. 100% went to charity. 100%. Then the, Paul Newman, Newman's Lemon's lemonade is the greatest thing ever. Newman's own lemonade to this day, greatest thing ever. There's people that don't even know that that's Paul Newman. No, for sure. Or they think Paul Newman is the lemonade guy and had no idea as an actor. I know that I've seen people go, the lemonade guy? The salad dressing guy?

I'm like, yeah, salad dressing guy is the greatest actor ever. There it is. Oh, that's my jam. Now, I just got to say, I didn't love that he did all the goofy, like, ads for this. I didn't love that. I think he's, I thought he was too. There's like him eating the pop. popcorn and like a clown suit and all this shit that I don't like.

I think he's, but I think he did anything to sell that shit. Now look, see, there he is. There he is. He's tossing something up in the air. What's crazy is, and I don't mean this as a slight, because I don't mean to talk negative about someone at all by any stress of means. And I love this man's body of work, but it has to be acknowledged that he's had a side story on the side. People will remember Mel Gibson more than they will, Paul Newman. because of the extracurriculars that have happened around Mel Gibson,

because he can be fodder for the internet, and Paul Newman has no fodder for the internet. Because he was long gone before the internet was a thing. Yeah, how old was he when he died? He was in the 80s, right? He was in his 80s, and I think he died in, like, I'm going to guess, like 2006, maybe, something like that. I'm just guessing.

Look at Paul Newman. 1925. Yeah. Is that the greatest generation? What is the, type in, there is a, a term for the greatest generation. And my grandmother was a part of it. Yeah.

They witnessed like two world wars. That's right. Like the Vietnam War, the Korean War, the telephone showing up, the car showing up. That's the greatest. He'll be. Americans born between 1901 and 2007, grew up in the Great Depression and served during World War II. They are the greatest generation.

Look at the shit they witnessed. I mean, like, I think. by the word our kids are going to see the same stuff in terms of like technology can I give you a compliment they're going to see all of it okay I'm all over the map with you right now and we love you for that but wait what year were you born in 64 64

god damn it I gotta get some fucking I gotta get a laser for my face so you you got a childhood with no phones whatsoever I just said this either day I lived in the best time in the history of mankind. I had a childhood out running a muck, bikes, parents didn't care, no, whatever, do whatever. Then, you know, drugs were good for you. There were no sexually transmitted diseases that could kill you. There was no phones. It was the, like, I wouldn't want to be a famous, you know, single guy now. You know, I, I, I, we, we, we, we, I, look look at me with that stupid rabbit that picture me with a retarded rabbit

what the fuck is that dude do you know this right behind this is that the worst photo ever would you kid if you saw that kid I would kidnap him and you do and you do the other thing well you're an actor so I bet your attitude would shift pretty quick you you know would kidnap you'd find a way to get me you'd do Stockholm syndrome with me yeah to get me to you to get me to let you go. I would. I pull out that rabbit. So that was in the days when to be an actor, you had to have a thing called a composite. Do you know what a composite was? Yeah. So it was like you had to have, it was not your headshot. It was a head shot with like four other pictures that would show your range. Yeah. And usually you literally at one point had to show,

because you had to do commercials, you like would hold like a fucking bottle of Coke or like a can a pop was so bad. But like, I guess this was me showing that I could be a magician. But like, look, but the hat's wrong. It's a Gilligan's Island hat instead of a top hat. That's what it's really bad. It's really, it's really not good. Yeah, that generation, I mean, I always feel like I got really lucky because I also grew up

in the middle of nowhere in Tampa, like very, very north Tampa. So we didn't have cable. Like I remember, I can remember. I can remember, like I said to my daughters, I remember when fajitas came out. Like, and they're like, no, you don't. I remember the first time seeing fajitas. I remember the first time that who I remember when Hooters showed up. I remember when.

I got one better. I remember when Taco Bell came to Ohio and you went there and they phonetically spelled. Because people, Tach, Co. And chalada. Like they phonetically spelled it on the menu. Do you know why they call it Taco Bell? No. Because the guy's last name was Bell.

I think. Oh, wait. Here's another good one. Here's another good one. Here's my composite. Here's the other fair. And this is like, this is a lesson it took me forever to learn. When a director tries to tell you something you intuitively know is wrong.

By the way, I must have slept on a sight saver thing. I was like, what is on my back? I just, I slept on this last night. And it was stuck to my back. I was cleaning my teeth with it. Keep going. So I remember shooting this photo. And if you notice, I'm dressed as a soccer player, but yet I'm kicking a basketball.

And I remember telling the photographer, I don't think this is right. And he was like, oh, it's fine. And I just remember, like, you know, you got to trust your instincts. That looks ridiculous. Why is that soccer player kicking a basketball? Do you think, do you think, do you think, that like do you think you could make it through let's let's let's let's pull you out AI let's pull you out say you're born in nine 1994 right yeah so your success would have shown up in like

2012 yeah do you think you would have made it like your personality all your behaviors all your everything about you now hold on there's a lot that like you the best representation of you at the time. Maybe my tiger beat was out. You were on there. But you would have been so much bigger because you were, you are camera friendly, but especially at like 18, you were heart throb. I mean, a legit, legit defined. That's crazy that I'm saying this. Defined the phrase heartthrob. And and and but with the exposure. Whereas if you look back to being born in 64, there was a little bit of a, like, you know, a padded room around you when you went through life. Well, what I think about is the jet fuel that Instagram, social media would have been on top of the sort of what I had in those days, which is the tiger beat.

Like, we were siloed off. like the kids knew. Yeah. Do you mean? Yeah. Like the 14 year old girls, like they knew. But like sort of the, it was, we were like ghettoed off over here.

And then the serious actors and people when adults kind of look down their noses, you know, do you know what I mean? Yeah. And and that's all flipped. And now all anybody cares about is what is what is moving the needle for today's. 14 year old girl. And so it would have been, it would, it would have been bananas. It's funny because nowadays, you have to be a little bit of a jack of all trades,

which I think you've always had, but which showed up for you later in life. Like your comic chops showed up much later in your life for everyone, but they were always there. Whereas today, Timothy Shalamey, yes, he's a fantastic actor, but he almost like if he couldn't rap or, you know, then like we would be like, Who is this kid? He's a great market. Like you, going back to Paul Newman, my heroes in those days,

it was beneath them to sell their movies. Yeah. They didn't do it. They did not do it. I defy you to go, how many times was Warren Beatty on the Tonight Show? I don't think he ever was. No.

And it was beneath, it was like you wouldn't sully your hands today, Timothy Shalame is like wearing suits and doing a potato sack race. A potato sack race and doing no psych. And he's great at it. I mean, what he did with Marty Supreme, I mean, he single-handedly opened that movie and made that movie. I thought it was dope. The fucking pop-up stores and the swag.

Oh, him on top of the fucking sphere. He was fucking sick. And it's just a different, different, like you would never have done that. Yeah. I remember people giving attitude to like Johnny Depp when he didn't want to promote movies. or he was difficult promoting movies. Now that's like such a sexy thing. Well, they have in your contract now.

Yeah. They put it in the contract. Well, I got to be honest with you. I think the, I'm going to bite myself in the ass by saying this. But I think sometimes the only reason I get offered a movie is because they know that I can promote it. No, it is a big part of it. If you're a really talented actor, that's great. But if you can't get yourself on the Tonight Show, then they're like, what are we doing here?

And today's version of the tonight show is this. Yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, I guess this too. No, no, no, this is it. It's so funny. Here's what's really amazing is, and I love it so much because I fucking hate, I shouldn't say it. Those shows are, but they're so produced. So they're going to say this and then you're going to say that.

And then they really love the story where you say this. And then if you say that and if we have time for it, then we're going to, it's like, it's so produced. And that's why most people are terrible on it because they listen to it. I don't. I just go and do it over the hell. I want to do. But now podcasts are the way that people get to know celebrities. And it's great because there's no hiding in the length of this conversation. No. Like you know what I'm about. There's no, there's no way to get around it. It's been fascinating to watch Tom Cruise in this new

press tour he's on because it's him, it's Tom, just talking. So you really get a sense of, of Tom, which you've never really gotten before. Which has got to be scary for his team. Because, you know, like Will Smith, when he hit Chris Rock, I was like, yo, I've known Will since I started this business. And I was reaching out to everyone going, like, have him come on my podcast. And I think they were like, I think in a weird way, they're like, you ever see someone with a pretty dog? And you're like, oh, that's a great dog. Can I pet it?

And they're like, no. And you're like, it's better if you just keep walking. Yeah. And like Tom Cruz, I think he would admit he's got some nooks and crannies. Maybe not his people want to see everything about it. You know, I know people that worked with him. I mean, he's like, I would fucking kill to work, Tom. I don't even care about working with the guy.

I want to just, I want to live. His life is fascinating. I can't say how I know this. But like, he has everything planned out to a T. He has a person who trims down F1 and soccer So that in the gym They've just cut out all the commercials and all the highlights So we can go oh this race is great

And he sees the best race anyone's ever seen And then he works out And then as he works out they're like T C's coming to Dover Yeah get his food ready And he walks into the room food's ready And his shower's already steaming Like everything's planned out I find that pretty fascinating

Part of Tom Cruise I don't really care about the relationship That doesn't bother me. Whatever floats your boat. Whatever you find solace in. Yeah. But like, there's some parts of him when you're that, do you see that interview with Mick Jagger? And it is so good.

I think he's New York Times. It's so good. And they're like, John Mullaney made fun of you because you weren't nice. And Mick Jagger's like, yeah. I'm like a slap. I've been a rock star for 70 years. He's like, and John Mullaney's like, you know, Mick Jagger's not like the kind of guy. you'd be like, hey, do you have a charger for your phone?

And what the fuck you're talking about? Sure. And Mick Jagger's like, you know, you get very insulated. Yeah, for sure. Look, I'm not that famous and I am very insulated in my own life. See, here's that, look, what you liked about that Mick Jagger moment is what I really admire is people who own it. It's like, dude, you're a fucking famous.

Yeah. You've been famous forever. Don't give me your fucking man of the people bullshit. Oh. Do you know, do you know what I mean? It's like, you, like, you can. You can, as they would say today, hold space. Yeah.

With being Mick Jagger, famous for fucking ever, and also being like a human being, but he's not going to be like giving you his charger. I got very passionate. Now, I have to say this. I always take the wrong side, whatever that is. Whatever that is, I take the wrong side. For whatever fucking reason, I always hear the wrong side in my head that makes logic.

There was a makeup guy, and I apologize to this makeup guy who I'm about to slam. He was like, they were like, what was it like working with Ryan Reynolds' wife? What's her name? Blake Holiday. Blake Lively. I like Blake Holiday better. That's a great. They were like, what was it like?

Blake Holiday is the, she was in the porn you watched last night after my movie. They don't have name. Anyway, they're just in a mask and a ball gag. And so he goes, what was it like working with Blake Lively? And he goes, well, I can only answer that question to say, was it as bad as Anne Hathaway? Oh, Jesus. And he slams Ann Hathaway. And now I said, now, I was talking to my assistant on my tour bus when I had this conversation.

So let's just acknowledge how distant I am in reality. I said, but, you know, let me just, it's not the star's job to go and strike up a conversation for hair and makeup. The star is also working that day. and they could be working on sides. They could be running lines. Running lines, getting into character, or also they're humans, and they could be going through.

Now, the guy's defense was that he worked with her for like six months. She never said a word to him. His daughter was his stand-in. He never said, do you have another daughter? He never asked about him. Also, once again, I got the tires rotated in my daughter's car the other day,

and I really feel bad. I didn't ask the guy doing it about his family. What the fuck are we talking about? Like, he's doing a job, I'm doing a job. That's the way commerce works. Sometimes you, Just do the job. You just do the job.

And then my assistant was like, you know too much about the people you work. He's like, you're not like you're defending it like he's talking about you. It's not you. And he was like, do you remember your hair and makeup lady? I said, jury? And he was like, yeah. I was like, she's on blood thinners because I'm on blood thinners. Her husband has like, and I was like, okay, I definitely, maybe I go too far where I'm like,

I should shut the fuck up. But like, but I also allow a celebrity. to be a little different than me and like be a celebrity and not, you know, like, like I, and if they don't want to talk, they shouldn't have to talk. I stand by my friends.

I always stand by my friends. Have you ever worked out with Joe? Yeah. Is he a beast? Yeah. It's a beast, right? Yeah. I'm obsessed with people's workouts.

I like, like when you're talking about Tom and the workout, like, ooh, oh, first of all, I really am obsessed with Mark Wahlberg's. 4 a.m. club stuff. Would you be interested in going to Vegas with me and going to work out with Mark Wahlberg one morning? Because I bet we can make that happen. That would be really fun, actually.

That would be fun. And then we'll go play golf with them. I would love that. Hey, let's make this happen. Let's make this happen. I would love to work out with Mark Wahlberg. Same. And I would want to eat with his chef cooks.

Then I want his whole program. I want the whole program. I want the whole program. And then I want to go play golf with them. Because, you know, I think. By the way, I shut my best. best career round yesterday. I shot 74 or two days ago. Congrats. I know. Wow. Do you know who I just played with the other day? Who? Bryson Di Chambot. Oh, he's the great. I don't know him,

but I have friends who know him really well. He's great, great dude. He's incredible. And I was his catty. And we were playing a course. I played a million times. Robinson or it's called something else. But the Robinson Ranch is what I called it. Sand Canyon. And I was like, this is par one. It's, uh, it's 350. Got to go over that tree and you can land on the green first shot first drive he's four feet from the pin eagle i'm like shut the i go this is like playing with my controller i got my superhuman guy it's insane let's go let's go to Vegas i would love to do that i listen i'm obsessed with i've known him forever my my longtime best friend the late actor bill paxton cast mark in his first real dramatic role

in a movie called travelers this is years and years and years and years ago. Yeah, really, really a long time ago. And so he was like not taken seriously as an actor at all. And I was very supportive of the whole thing. And he's always been great because of that. But I love Mark. He's a great dude. But I am obsessed with this 4 a.m. Really 4 a. Yeah. Do you know he just said, if I'm not mistaken, there's a couple guys on rider dives for. Like, you know, like Mark Wahlberg, when he was in that movie with Reese Witherspoon, do you remember that movie oh of course oh yeah with jimmy fully directed it it's it's great movie and uh that movie i was like dude this guy's legit and i was a i was a marky mark fan because i was i'm that age yeah yeah

and i was a new kids on the block fan because i'm that age yeah so like but uh i've been a fan of his the rock i love the rock there's guys i love that i love their i love their mentality i love everything about them and but i heard that mark started slowing down the 4 a m because he was like he started realizing how important recovery is. So he goes to bed a little earlier and wakes up a little later just because recovery. That's what I heard. That's probably true. I heard it.

Just the other day, he's going to bed at five in the afternoon. It's so insane. It's so bananas. But I love it. I love the dedicate. I just love this whole vibe. He's in there with these cast of characters. Yeah.

It's like he's got like the complex. Like, is it in his garage? Like, I'm just fascinated with it. Oh, I'm fascinated. Like, I met a dude who's like his son and, Mark's, Mark Wahlberg's son went to high school together. And he's like, yeah, Mark's a cool guy. I go, what?

He was like, he goes to Cresby games. He does, this doesn't happen anymore. I'm sure his son's out of high school. But like, back when he lived in L.A., he goes, he goes to go to Cresby games. I'm like, I'm going to start going to fucking Cresby games to meet Mark Rolberg. Yeah, dude, I would love, we're going to do a video after this. We're going to post it on social media. Just a very, Mark Wahlberg, Burke Kreischer and Rob Lowe here.

We would love the opportunity to just simply spend a day in your shoes. Walk a mile in your shoes. By the way, we'll be wearing, what is the name of his shoes? Oh, yeah. What does he have? Provincial, Providence. What's the name of it? What?

We would love the opportunity to walk a mile in your municipal shoes. Municipal. And we go in, right? Right. We get there like, we'll get there like, I'm sure we should probably be like weekday. It'd probably be the easiest lift, right? So we say we fly in on a Monday night. Me and you, we'll go to dinner, right?

Yes. We go to dinner early. We get to bed around eight. Eight. For sure, eight. Yeah. And then. For sure, no later than eight.

And then I, should we spend the night at his house? Yes. I think we should. We should spend the night at his house. In his house. Yeah, we spend, okay, so we get into Vegas. We should definitely have dinner and like plan some stuff out. We should eat a very heavy dinner so we go immediately to sleep.

And then because, because the thing is you're waking up and you're working out fasted. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. We're going heavy pasta. Caccio Pepe. Yeah. Fucking. 100% Eggplant Parmesan.

That's right. And then I want to do an upper body day because he's, he's like I do it all in one day. Yeah. It's probably not right, but I just don't want to get it. Oh, yeah. I don't want to do a leg day with him. No, we're not doing legs. Fuck that.

No one does legs. No one does legs. But then if we do upper body, then we're playing golf and then we're all swole. That's not good either. No, I think that would be good for us because it'll slow down our swing. Oh, see. I think it'll slow down our swing. Yeah.

So we go in, me and you go get dinner first. and then we get dropped off at his house. He's already going to be sound asleep. It'll be eight o'clock. Yeah, because I don't want to see him. We go into a back entrance through the garage. We don't want to see him until 4 a.m. No, yeah, right.

And then should we share a room? Do you snore? I have a feeling you snore. I definitely store. Fuck that. No, absolutely not. Okay. Absolutely, we do not want to share a room.

I think his kids in college. I'll sleep in his kid's bedroom. You sleep in the guest bedroom. And then he wakes us up. He wakes us up. Or should we have like the way he gets woken up, like, like, No, no, no, we want him to wake him up.

My brother got woken up by Clint Eastwood once, and it was the greatest thing ever. He was, they went, he was married to Hillary Swank at the time, and she was shooting a million-dollar baby. And so they just wrapped, and they were at Clint's house. This is my favorite story my brother tells. It's fun to have famous people wake you up. And they're going to go skiing in the morning.

And so my brother's asleep. He's just, take it. Tick-day, he, uh, it's time to go. I'll be in the kitchen. And then he goes into the kitchen. He walks in and he just sees Clint like in silhouette with the rising sun over the mountains, the steaming hot cup of coffee. He says he'll never forget it as long as they.

So you want, you want Mark Wahlberg. What would Mark Mark, Mark's, I don't do a good Walberg. Hey, man. Hey, we're going to go. Hey. Hey, hey, so I go. Hey, bird. Hey, bird.

Hey, bird. Hey, Bert. Hey, Bert. It's 4 a.m. Hey. No, this is how he wants. I want him to wake me up. I'm ready to fuck, Bert.

I'm ready to fuck. I get the big dick. Who am I fucking? Come on, Jack. Dirk's a king of dirt, Jack. It's simple arithmetic. A plus B equals C. Come on.

It's rock and roll, man. I want the broken Mark Walker. Is my big dick? Yeah. I say when we go. I'm ready to fuck. Jack. Dirk's king of dirt.

That's what I want. That's how I want to be woken up. But he hates that movie, though. No, he doesn't. I think he doesn't like it. I think he doesn't like it. we are going to change that. It's the greatest movie ever.

It's one of the greatest movies I've ever seen. That Three Kings, I'll go through a list of great Mark Wahlberg performances. Dude, I like the one where he's in the oil rig. Oh, which one? Are you talking about the greatest storm with George Clooney? Oh, that's also great. Yes. They shot that on the Warner Brothers lot.

I would go from the West Wing set in my suit and like be in the, in a tank and go. Aaron Sorkin Row West Wing. Yes, you did. Dude, did you see, God damn it. Finish with Mark Wahlberg. Go. No, but it was just to go and watch that shot on the Warnerboro. There's a lot.

Like literally there's a scene where there's a, on never, it was like Hollywood movie magic. It was the, they had built a Coast Guard ship trying to rescue a rescue swimmer. And it's on the lot. It's in a tank. It's fucking insane. Dude, how do you want Mark Wahlberg to wake you up? What character do you want to play?

Dirk Diggler, of course. Dirk Degler. So he wakes this up as Dirk Degler. Yeah, I think that's really good. And then I know that's a lot to ask, Mark, but that we want to be woken up as Dirk Diggler. And then we go to the gym and his chest day. Because listen, yeah, yes. He better drink coffee.

He better. Oh, dude, I better have espresso. What if he's like one of those, I cook caffeine years ago? I don't even know who you are anymore. Yeah. No, no, no. And so then we would do a big chest day. I want to see, can I tell you what I want?

And I'm just playing this. I see, I'm fucked because I bet you guys lift heavy chest. Oh, I will blow out my tit for that guy. God damn it. I will fucking max out. I will max out. But this is what I want. This is what I want.

Because you know he's got these. I want you doing bench with the chains on the side where it goes and then and then we go back to our rooms. No, we cold plunge. We got a cold plunge with him. Do you not supposed to cold plunge after you lift? I don't know. I don't know.

Maybe. You're not. Okay. Because you're all swole and then the cold plunge reduces that. Can I tell you the part that I'm married to? Yes. That I'm afraid that we may. lose you on. What? And Mark, I want you to know, I'm being sincere. I want to get prayed up with

him. Me too. Oh, 100%. Good, good, good, good, good, good, good. I know, 100%. I'm going to get prayed up, hard fuck. And I'm, I got my Jesus piece, everything. I want to get prayed up. I want to go to his little garden where he prays. No, no, 100%. We'll do that after the workout. Yeah, yeah. And then go in, have breakfast, go to our rooms, get dressed in golf tire, top to bottom municipal. You you can use us for all the municipal promos you want. That's right. And then out to the course. he drinks, you don't drink. I'm going to be fucked. And also I hear he literally runs from shot to shot.

Like he's, like when you ask, like I ask always celebrities who's a good golfer. And whenever you say about Mark, what everybody says is, he's fast. I like someone that plays ready golf. Me too. My dad would love that when he was younger. My dad was always like,

hey, don't stand over the goddamn pot, put it. You're not that good. You're not reading anything. Just bought it. That's right. I bet we get Bryson D. Chambot to come out and play as a fourth of us. We need a fourth. Let's get Bryson. We have Bryson, me, you, Mark.

I bet. Dude, I'm feeling a Netflix special. I think this is. I'm feeling this is a Netflix special, actually. I bet he, I think Mark has a tequila. He does. Los Pantelones or something. That's not, that's hilarious.

It's not Los Pantelones. It's not Los Pantelones. It's like that, though. It's like that. La Corazon. Los Pantelon. Fletcher Azul. I like those pantalones.

Fletcha Azul's Spanish for the right-handed. The right-hander, right? No. The old right. Those pantolone. Those banselones. And then is it just 24 hours with Mark Wahlberg? Do we get in and out of there?

Do we spend the night again and we just get the fuck out? There's something great, the phrase, 24 hours with Mark Wahlberg is really good. By the way, there's a great, hold on a second. You are pitching a great Netflix series. I'm saying. Just 24 hours. And me and you go spend 24 hours. We're the modern Butch Cassidy.

It's all come full circle. Let's do our list of 24 hours with, okay? 24 hours with Mark Worldwork, easy, peasy, no brainer. 24 hours of Tom Cruise. Okay, we're in. It'll never happen, but you never know. I just want, this is what I want. Tom, obviously, you know Rob.

Rob can vouch for me. I will creep you out at times, but not a ton. But I just want the time when we're in the gym with Tom Cruise, we get done the workout and this is the shot and this is the the okay his security detail going r l tc and bk are heading up for the showers that's right yep that's but that is how it goes down because i've seen that he's and tc's ready to get what will we do with tom cruise will we run race cars oh you have to be careful because he'll have us doing fucking climbing k2 yeah like and i don't want to go to base camp yeah i don't yeah i don't want to die shit no

He's not going to die, but I'll be the dude that dies in the thing. Would you go in the acrobat plane with Tom? Tom's flying it. He's like, let's go do some aerial maneuvers. Yes, I will. Yes, I will. Yes, I don't want to. But yes, for our show, I will.

I think you have to do it only because what's the worst scenario? We die. And it's the most famous thing that's ever happened in the history of the entertainment business. For me, right? I die with two fucking legends. Do you know how fucking great that would be for my profile? Dude. Like my digital footprint after this, my daughter's going to do documentaries about me.

It'd be like the day the music died, Buddy Holly. It'd make that look like a non-event. Easy, easy, easy, easy. Okay, stunt pilot with Tom Cruise. Yeah. Okay? Yeah. Full workout, eat with them.

I'm being serious. I'll get fucking, I'll do that. Do we want to do, we need, we need, well, a day with Mc Jagger? As he's prepping for the tour. Yeah. He's in his Capizio dance shoes. Fuck, yes. Dancing in front of a mirror for 15 hours and singing stone songs.

I would love to do Mick Jagger, Tom. I don't know why someone doesn't buy this show. Look at our talent list. Me and Mick Jagger. I mean, this is a goldmine. I can call Netflix right now. Shaquille O'Neal, I can get that one to really happen. Shack is a great.

I mean, there's a lot of guys that have interesting lives. Yeah. The thing is, it's like, you watch these. these kids replicate. I'm going to get you out of here. You have a meeting. You got to go to you Tom, but it's okay. Bobby Lee still sound asleep. Bobby Lee's asleep still. What's crazy is like, you have an interesting life and I have an interesting life, but these people have very unique lives. And when you watch kids, to go back to like replicating charisma. Oh, you know, we need to do a Formula One driver because those people have freakish lives. Yeah. Oh,

the fucking Spanish dude. Well, who's the one I play golf with? He, I think he, he, he, He, he, he, he's McLaren guy. Really? Yeah, I know, but I play golf with, with a great, I don't know enough about Formula One. Are we playing golf with a lot of these people? If they play golf, we should play golf. Can I tell you who I'd really like to do? Okay, now here's a deal.

Steph Curry, he's great, but yeah. Steph Curry's, I heard he's an incredible golf. He's incredible. By the way, I, I'm like late to the game on Steph Curry. Like, you know, he, because he's, I think he's. Same. He was so good. I was like, when people were so good, like, yeah, yeah, yeah. Why do I do that?

It's like he's clearly the best to be able to play. The internet's changed it where everything looks like everyone's good. And you're not getting a free, like look, here's a deal. When I was a kid, I knew James Worthy was pretty good. But he wasn't the greatest that ever played. He was just James Worthy. Kurt Rambus was just Kurt Rambus. Today, if it was Kurt Rambus, there would be a highlight reel around him.

And because he had the goggles, the glasses on, and he was white and he was gangly, you'd be like, who the fuck is this legend? That's right. And so the internet can make anyone really great. That's right. But they're just edits. And then you look at a body of work and the internet can make people. That's the problem with all content today is it's so in your face that it makes me go,

I'll be the judge of that. Thank you. And then you go and you see Steph play in person. Or you go and you see Patrick Mahomes play in person. And you go, holy fuck. these guys are Shohei Otani and you see

Soho Tani is my definition of of greatness in my opinion I don't think we'll ever get a baseball player better

than that But he last year in the playoffs he pitched eight innings and hit three home runs one of them out of the stadium

in one game it's insane out of the stadium the pitcher it's unreal it's so good I would love to do a day with show hey

Otani. I was going to pitch that. I know it would be tough because we don't speak Japanese. I think it might turn into a very long day because of language barrier. No, no, no, no, no. It's a lot of me and you guessing what he's saying. Oh, that's great. How about we don't have the interpreter? Oh. How about that? No one wants

the interpreter these days. How about that? No interpreter. Just me and show hey O'Donimo. Just trying to figure out for an hour what we're eating for lunch. Rob, I think he wants to go swimming. No, I don't think he's put on a bathing suit. I think he's putting on a bathing suit. No, no, he's just taking a shower. Oh, fuck.

We're in the room with him. Let's do that. I'm going to have, okay. Oh, here's the thing of what I don't understand. Here's really what we need to do. Okay. And I'm not actually not kidding about this. Okay.

Because they've talked to me about it a little bit. I'm going, I'm going to be very clear. I'm going to have my team write this up, send it to your team. And then I'm just going to send it to Netflix and go, can we please do this show? Yes. And we'll say whatever, we'll do something. Like, I think it's such a great. No, no, it's a great idea.

We have to do it. Here's the other thing is, how have we not done our national anthem bit at the baseball playoffs? Buddy. Ladies and gentlemen here to sing the national anthem from the new movie musical and from Freebert and also from Freebert. But isn't the bit that we don't know that it's me that I come out and surprise? Isn't that what we did at Santa Barbara? Yeah, but I. So wait, so you want to do it, you want to do it.

Okay, so do you want to do it like, did you see the guy with the trombone do it this weekend? No. It was amazing. He's got a trump, not a trombone, maybe a trumpet or like a trumpet, whatever. Did you see it? Yeah. And it breaks in the middle. He goes, me, mear me.

And then he goes. By the don't. Oh, amazing. People went fucking berserk, right? Okay. Now listen, if you're seeing this, don't spoil alert this. for the NSLNCLS. It's what we did in Santa Barbara. Let me pitch your idea to you.

Okay, yes. That's agree. Ladies and gentlemen, here to sing the National Anthem, Bert Kreischer, mediocre applause. It's not going to be, that's not, this is part of the cell. No, they're going to, hear me out, hear me out. Shirts on, right, Dodger's shirt. I go out and I start it. and my mic cuts out

and you come out with your mic and another mic in your hand and you hand it to me and we finish the National Anthem together and ever because it's a real moment everyone like and I'm tapping it

and then you come running out and you have two mics and you're like oh shit we should we should try it like a we should dry run it at like a minor league baseball game we're running out of time. Yeah, we are.

We're running out of time. We should get, we'll reach out to the Dodgers. We should do that. That would be great. Right. What? Savannah bananas. But then, see, the problem with the Savannah bananas is you're, you're already primed for hijinks.

They know something's up. The thing with the, with the National Baseball League is they go, that'd be great. And then Shoha Tani comes out and sings the rest in Japanese. Or. I wonder if it's so sacrosanct that MLB won't let us do it. Yeah, it is weird. People do get weird about the national anthem. But not your mic going out.

Well, they did the trumpet thing. When they find out it's a bit, we've been practicing. They're going to be like, the good thing is, is I have seats. I'm traditionally in the seats right there. Yeah. So I could literally come out of my seat. and be right there for you. Like it would take me all of 30.

Yeah. I just hop the fucking thing and be there. It would be wild if you had to climb all the way up over the net and then back down the net. Oh, how if I climbed a foul net? Oh. And it just goes on forever. Like I love comedy bits that go on forever. Hold on.

He looks like he has two mics in his hand. He's climbing up. Whoa. He's losing his footing. ladies and gentlemen, he just took his shoes off. Just, hey, Bird, just one. I'm on, hang on. Just a, still climbing.

Two, two, 24 hours of Robin Bird. That's such a great show. And by the way, you know, Netflix. I like the way he gave me for spilling. Let's not renege on that. Don't worry. Okay. The, the, you should, I don't know how you haven't done a show called the lowdown.

I know, right. I have the low down line on my podcast, but I never, you know why? Because I felt like it was, is it too low hanging fruit? No pun intended. Low hanging fruit. Now. Yeah. Oh, low hanging fruit.

Were you going to gay bars? Yes. And you're just hanging out with like low hanging fruit. And it's like the ugliest guy at the gay bar. Wait, what is what? I try to pick up the hottest guy at a gay bar. Low hanging fruit. Oh, wow.

These are, these are, these are, Old minds. I am writing up 24 hours of Bert and Rob, Robin Bert. The, uh, what was I going to say? I had a thought that I wanted to share and I can't remember it now. Fuck. It was about low hanging fruit. It was right around there. It was right about our show. I don't know. I wanted to pay your son a compliment. We were at a party. I can't remember where it was. And I knew he was your son. And we were with a bunch of celebrities. And it was, it was, Ted Serendos' house. And people were casually, like, kind of, you could see, I call it, like, ego maxing.

Like, you could tell, and I'm bad at it. I'm really bad at it. Like, because I have a low self-esteem. And so people were kind of like saying who they are and what they've done and what they do and who they've talked to. And did you know, Eddie Murphy's here? And your son did none of that. Do you know what he did?

He listened and smiled and chimed in and was so pleasant. And as I, and he walked away and I was like, do you know what I would have said if I was him? What would you have said? I would have fucking been like, do you know who I am? Do you know who the fuck I am? I'm fucking, I had a meeting the other day where the guy was like, you know, Bert, I don't know what size venues you do, but hopefully one day you'll get into theaters. And I went, and my wife's like, I'll stop this in the bud. He does arenas.

All right. And I was like, me, my, my self esteem's so low, I can't help it. I wish more people would see this clip right here and go, oh, I can identify with that as opposed to you're gross. And you're like, oh, we're all gross. We're all fucking gross. No, by the way, you just tapped on my favorite thing is when people give you career advice and they don't know what they're talking about in terms of what you've already accomplished,

I had a, I'll never forget it. I had a guy up where I live who's like a big businessman and knows the world, knows shit. And he said, you know, I just have some advice for you. And I was like, great. He goes, you know what you should really consider doing? I mean, I don't know if it would even be a possible. But if you could do it, you really should think about being on dancing with the stars. And I fucking wanted to, I don't know if I wanted to kill him first or kill myself.

And that's the same thing as like, you should get into theaters. Like, it's like, ah, I've played out the Enormo dome. I was, I, I am so bad with that. Like, and I wish I was better. Like, my dad, your son, like, are types of people that that doesn't drive them. They don't care about what you think about them. They know who they are inside. Right.

My dad is that. My dad really is that. And I am. I love that. Well, thank you about my son, Johnny. He's, both my boys are. It was so interesting because I was watching it happen. I was watching everyone doing it.

I'm sure I was a part of it too. I'm sure if he told you the story, he was like, Bert started it. But he was just very casually comfortable in his skin and not, didn't have to be like, oh, yeah, I have a series on Netflix too. Yeah, I mean, yeah. What are we doing here? That's sweet.

That's great. Yeah. It's a real testament is the kids you raise is like a real reflection of who the fuck you actually are. You know, like my daughters are great. I don't know if that's reflection of me. It's more reflection of Leanne. Usually it's more reflection of mom. Yeah.

Well, my thought, yeah. Yeah, exactly. I phoned it in. Yeah, exactly. You and me both. Yeah. This has been a great podcast. We've got a new TV show coming out.

We have a new TV show coming out soon. Yeah, I'm going to have them write it up and just send it over. Yeah. And be like, and then I, listen, there's a big thing on Netflix right now that they're doing shorts. Have you seen this? Ten minute shorts. A lot of them from architectural digest from GQ.

Wait, is this the only, hi, welcome to my house. Is it that? I'm gonna, I want everyone to, if you're gonna watch any part of this, it's right now. Yeah, okay, great. The greatest piece of entertainment that's ever been made. Look, I've talked a lot,

ad nauseum about some things that are some hits and misses. Usher's showing of his house is the greatest thing I've ever. seen in my life. I might do a breakdown of it today of how brilliant it is. It's on Netflix. Oh, I'm definitely going to watch this. It starts with him in his car. Clearly, so clearly they, they said to everyone, you know, Gwyneth Paltrow is on there. There's a lot of really great ones. The Kendall Jenner, one of the Generers is on there. And they're like, they're like, say to them,

you know, we want to do like a cribs, for lack of better words, a cribs for you. That's right. And, you know, Gwyneth Paltrow, you can see her thumbprint. She wants to show that she, you know, cooks and that she has beautiful taste. She does have beautiful taste. Yep. I've seen the Gwyneth one, yeah. And then same with Benaflex Jen Garner. Jen Garner. Jen Garner's got great taste.

She wants to let you know that she reads and that her kids read. There's a little, you can, and I say that because you can tell the things that they want you to know about them. Yes. It's very revealing. Which is totally, it's totally fair. But as a viewer, I find that the most interesting. 100%.

When they go, let me show you my garden. They want you to know that they do, in fact, garden. Let me show you where I meditate. Yeah. They want you to know that they're, you know, evolved. Usher starts with him in a car, and then it comes to reveal the car's parked, and it's a close-up shot, like a drone shot of him that goes to his front door, and he is standing in a leather unitard with a cigar, and the cigar is in an ashtray.

I'm just very clear I smoke cigars Never do I carry an ashtray with me With my cigar if I'm outside God my wife would love it if I did But he's holding on to a fucking crystal Astray And he doesn't acknowledge a camera

And then he just walks in He walks in This is the greatest thing It's a single shot It's a tracking shot And he walks into his kitchen Hands on the counter Thanks for a second

Same leather Unitarred halfway zipped Goes over to the sink It's a glass water takes a sip puts it down and keeps walking. And it is clear that Usher decided he would show you who he is. There are no less than eight costume changes within it. There's no addressing the camera. At no point does he tell you about the room he's showing you. He shows you the room and what he does in there. For instance, his son is in his pajamas playing piano quite well. I got to say he's a great and ushers in a white tuxedo standing behind him nodding.

And white tuxedo? Rob, it's the greatest thing I've ever seen in my life. I watch it once a day. I'm going to be watching this immediately. You kidding me? He gets back in the car for no reason. He's back in the car, just driving. And then back in the house, his whole family is dressed like they're going to a cotillion of some sort.

And then they all jump in the pool in those outfits. Sure. It is the wildest, yet so artistically driven. When I say there's zero AI in this, it is. You get usher shows you what usher. Beautiful house. Absolutely beautiful house. I assume in Atlanta, very well decorated. I mean, well, there's some, I have some notes. Like there's parts we, there's always going to be notes. Takes you in a room and there's an orb and he stands in front of the orb for a little bit. You're like, what the fuck? And then he leaves. Never explains it.

Rob, it is so great. The orb. That I go, if you, if Netflix lets me do. I bet Cruz has a Scientology orb. I bet he does. I just, I just, okay, I want to, I just want Tom to know that we are a safe place. Say to me, like, just like a little role play. So you be Tom Cruise. Okay. Hang on. And then say something Scientology.

Oh, my God. Say something Scientology so I can show them how I'll play ball. Okay? Like maybe I want to get tested or something. You want to get tested? I'm up for anything. Tom, you know, I think if you find solace in anything, that's what's important. You know, Bert, I just want to hear people's stories.

I just want to learn. I just want to tell all I want to do, Tom. I just want to tell my story. I just want to tell my story. You want to tell your story? Yeah, because I'm interested in movies. You know, you've got to go to the theaters. You got to have movies.

It's a communal experience. That's what I'm interested. That's what turns out. It's for other filmmakers. I'm interested in other filmmakers. Look at this camera. Was that good? Yeah, that was pretty good.

That was really good. That was really good. Dude, I'm telling you, we have too much footage here. This is a two-parter. you know what I would love, I would love a 101 interview with you and Tom Cruise. Like a like legit because I really think because you've known him. Yeah, I know, I've been trying to get him. You know, he just doesn't do much of it.

Get to the nuts and bolts of like going through like tip for tat of where you were in life and what was happening to you. And when like when he made decisions to lean heavy into religion versus lean heavy into relationship. Like I would love that. And I think only someone like you. Who I think he trusts in that he would have the conversation and know that if it doesn't turn out right, you wouldn't air it. Like, I would love that.

Yeah, because I, he's, dude, he's the greatest. I mean, he's. He's worth every single fucking penny. He's so funny. So, Jerry McGuire is one of the great movies of all time. He has access to touch into so many things that we feel. He's really phenomenal. I got to get you the fuck out of here.

Dude, I love you to death. Congratulations on the new movie. And congratulations on our new series, 24 hours with Robin Burr. Coming soon. Streaming soon. Dropping soon. Dropping soon. I can't fucking wait.

I got a call with Netflix today. I can't wait. We're in. I love you, buddy. Love Bert and Tom. Tom and Bert. One goes top of the swall the other wears a shirt. Tom tells stories and Bert's the machine.

There's not a chance in hell that they'll keep the clean. Here's what we call. Two bears one cave.