2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer - Trippin' Balls On A Plane w/ Russell Peters | 2 Bears, 1 Cave

Episode Date: November 4, 2024

Get tickets for Tom’s Come Together Tour at https://tomsegura.com/tour SPONSORS: This episode is brought to you by BetterHelp. Give online therapy a try at https://betterhelp.com/BEARS and get 10% off your first month. Tune in to the NASCAR Cup Series Championship race on Sunday, November 10th at 3:00 PM Eastern on NBC, check the schedule over at https://www.nascar.com/nascar-cup-series/2024/schedule/?cid=_SC_TP_WL_2B1CAMS_230202 Try VIIA! https://bit.ly/viiaymh and use code YMH! Go to https://Babbel.com/BEARS and get up to 60% off your Babbel subscription. Once again, it's 2 Bears, 1 Cave this time with Tommy Bunz taking a turn in the cave with a guest bear! This week Tom is joined by comedian Russell Peters, who may or may not have a thing for Tom's mom Charo. The two have a lively discussion about hip-hop and Big Daddy Kane, whom Russell knows personally. They also talk about places they don't like to travel to, crazy international flights, older porn stars, doing a special in Abu Dhabi, being a super dad, and the worst place to be tripping on something. They also share their thoughts on cold plunges, their moms, and Tom shares some info about his upcoming series on Netflix. Check it out! 2 Bears, 1 Cave Ep. 261 https://tomsegura.com/tour https://www.bertbertbert.com/tour https://store.ymhstudios.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

This week I will be in San Diego at the Pechanga Arena on November 8th and I'll be in Phoenix at the Footprint Center on November 9th. Next month I'll be in New Orleans, Louisiana at the Lakefront Arena on December 7th and I'll be in Pensacola, Florida at the Pensacola Bay Center on December 8th. All the tickets are at TomSigara.com slash tour. And welcome to another episode of Two Bears One Cave. Pretty crazy news regarding my co-host Burt's nervous system. He has some type of nerve issue, neuropathy stuff that they're doing, they're treating them, and right now, thankfully sitting in for him today is the great Russell Peters, everybody. Hey, I'm sure the people watching are going,

who or why the fuck him? No, you're beloved, man, you are beloved. In the comics. Yeah, but I mean, I think. But real people, no. You don't think real people love you? Eh, some, I think it's, but I mean I think. But real people, no. You don't think real people love you? Eh, some, I think it's 50-50. I think it's split pretty decently.

Really? Yeah, it's half hate, half love. But doesn't that mean that like, you've actually made it? I could be. I don't think that people who are. Like usually, the most beloved comedians are comedians who haven't quite hit yet.

Right. That's who's beloved. Like they're kind of ascending and people are like, we want them to get a shot. And then when once you're like, once you get the shot, then the people go, oh, fuck this guy. Yeah, yeah.

It's like when people are like, oh, I used to like Eminem before people knew who he was. And you're like, okay, shut, calm down there. What is, by the way, you are, I've told this before many times publicly, that you're one of the people that like, if I had to say like the things that I identify that like, you know, make up what I am, what I like,

I would definitely list hip hop music in there. And then I'm like, yeah, and then I met Russell Peters and I was like, oh, I guess maybe I don't like hip hop because I don't know a fucking one one hundredth of your knowledge of hip hop is absolutely astonishing. Do you know the ironic part is I don't really listen to it. Really? Yeah, I generally listen to just probably classic rock

most of the time. Really? Yeah. I love hip hop as a culture. As a culture. As a culture. Because it's part of your foundation. It made me who I am.

Yeah. Made me dress a certain way, walk a certain way, talk a certain way. Dance, I've seen you dance. Dance a certain way. And I've seen you DJ. DJ a certain way. And I've seen you DJ. DJ a certain way. Do you still get on the turntable?

Absolutely do. You do, you do. I thought you were gonna have a set set up here, we're gonna get busy. No, but I've seen you do it many times. Yeah, it's fun. Yeah, so. Do a party for you guys one day.

What is, because I find this fascinating, specifically about Eminem, and I'll say this. Eminem, almost like to the point we were just saying about having made it, has people who go, I love this guy, whole bunch of people that will be like, I hate this guy, like hate somebody. You're like, wow. And then every time there's like,

the two things I've heard about the criticism and then in defending them, people will be like, oh, they ain't playing M&M in the hood. Like they're not, you know, but then every time an elite MC is in a radio interview, like fucking Rakim or somebody, they will all be like, M&M is like, he is either, they're all either, they'll say he's the greatest or this is one of the greatest of all

Guys, incredible. Yeah, they all say he's in a different different lane What's your take saying? I would I think Eminem's dope. I mean Does he does he make some flop out sure but who doesn't? Yeah, it's not like everybody's banging out, you know bangers every month No, he you know, he takes his time He sits and he waits till they get some ideas and he comes because I need to do need to do it. That's why. He does it just for like... He does it just because he remind you, but I can still do this. Yeah, and I'm super creative and... Yeah. He's a recluse though. Like he does not leave his house. Yeah. He's just in Detroit. Just... Yeah, he's somewhere in Michigan. Somewhere in Michigan. Every time I play like Windsor, you played Windsor, I call Royce and I'm like,

Royce, why don't you come to the show? He's like, I'll come, why don't you call Marshall? He just sends me laughing emojis. And I go, what? He goes, Marshall ain't coming there. Marshall's not crossing the border to come see your dumb ass. Staying at his house.

Yeah, are you a recluse? No, you used to go, you, when I started a tour with you, I should inform people that you're one of the people that showed me how to do this, like how to be a touring comedian, how to fucking treat people. Like you were always been extremely generous.

You treated everybody with respect. You put on great shows, big shows. And so like you're somebody who I was like, oh, this is how to be. You need examples. You have an example. And I would tour with you, go all over the place. I feel like you're a bit of an extrovert though, right?

Cause you really always like people. I know, I like people. You like people. I like people, but I don't leave my house very often when I'm home. Just cause I'm like, I'm never home. So when you're home, you're like, I might as well just stay here I paid for this. Yeah Yeah, that's true. And you have a nice house. So it's a decent one

I moved back to the Malibu house that you came to really yeah That's why I introduced you to Big Daddy Kane the first time that is where you introduced me which was one of the more Surreal moments I've ever experienced That was like one of those. Oh This is what like there's these that was when you were a big-headed Harry Tom Yeah hair and a big head big head. Yeah, but there's like these things like when you hear Hollywood stories You know I mean like so and so and then I got the call and then I showed up and then they're like you got The part it was like my version of that where I My first special came out. I talk about Big Daddy Kane,

then one day, because I lived in this really weird guest house that I was renting in Redondo, I would always just get voicemails. Like the phone wouldn't ring, it would just be like, voicemail. And I'm just like, it would be for everybody. Everybody would just go straight to voicemail. And I press play, it just goes, sup Tom, this is Big Daddy Cam.

What the fuck? I'm chilling at your boy Russ' house. Like I still remember the message. And then you were like, yeah, you should come over. And I just was like, I have to go do this. Yeah, well you know how it happened. Kane was staying with me, and he said, hey Russ, you know this guy Tom Segura?

But the way he said it, I was like, oh shit. What did he do? I go, yeah, of course I know Tommy? But the way he said it, I was like, oh shit. What did he do? I go, yeah, of course I know Tommy. He goes, he's a funny dude. I go, oh, okay. He did a joke about me, I liked it. And I said, oh, let's call him. That's amazing.

That's exactly how that happened. Yeah. I still stay in touch with him. I still have my Sub Kane T-shirt. Yeah, Sub Kane. Sub Kane. Yeah, people yell that to me. He says it gets yelled at him all the time.

Oh yeah. So yeah. Yeah, that was fucking, that was such an amazing moment. You took me to London. That was fun. You've done the O2 on your own now, right? No, I've only done Wembley. Oh, only.

Oh, yeah. I do, I just did, I think I'm doing Wembley again next year. It was great. Wembley's fun. But you do the O2 now just as a revisit. Next year, it'll be your 15th anniversary of doing it. That's funny. The reason we couldn't get O2 on this tour was scheduled.

Because these things, people don't realize, especially with the big venues, they're just like, oh no, it's not available. You just can't have it. And you're like, okay. You can have it next fall, and you're like, I'm not gonna be there then. Yeah, they always try to, well that's a thing,

and also the bigger the name, the more likely you are to get bumped down. Taylor Swift just bought the arena for a month and a half. Okay, cool, yeah. I had a kind of a surreal thing with that where I have this tour lined up, and then I get a call and they're like, hey, are you willing to move

this date at this one arena? And I'm like, why? Iron Maiden wants it. And I'm like, no. I love Iron Maiden. No, but I was like, I'm not just giving it up. I'd lose it to Iron Maiden. No, they're like, well, you'll get some kickback.

Like, and I was like, tell me, and then they told me and I was like no that's not enough oh that's not a kickback that's more of a here's here's a dollar kit thanks for holding the door for me um is there a place you hate to tour I've been like very vocal about where do you hate I I got like on the news and eerie for talking about eerie Pennsylvania yeah I was like I mean it's eerie Pennsylvania what else do they got going on you know who's it's from Erie, Pennsylvania I know weird facts for apparently about Erie There's a newscaster named Maria Sansone that used to be on Fox 11 and now she's somewhere in Boston

She's from Erie, Pennsylvania, but I knew that because there's a porn star named Rebecca Bardo. That's from Erie, Pennsylvania, too Oh really? Yeah Have you met these two women? Well, I banged Roberta. What's her name? Rebecca, year before. Really? Yeah.

How was she? Crazy. Can you look it up? She's an older one, so you know, I have a little, I don't like young girls. I can't see her on our bigger screen. Okay. Oh nice.

I like them old like that. You like them old? Older, yeah. That's why your mom's on the table for me. Holy shit. I'm scared. It's why your mom's on the table for me. I'm So crazy I'll show her one bear Nice okay, how'd you meet the do you meet her online? How do you meet her? No, I don't know how I met her probably from Yoshi. Oh My god, you know if you're gonna meet a porn star, it's gonna be from Yoshi. He's the perfect conduit. Oh, yeah

Yeah, he's a. Has he introduced you to a bunch? He's a come to it. Yeah, he's a come to it. Yeah. Oh, he's introduced me to a bunch. I remember one night I had, this was like maybe 17 years ago, I had, for some reason, Yoshi had brought Joey Silvera to come see me perform.

Yeah. And Joey and I were buddies already, so that was cool. But then Rocco Soffredi showed up. Yes. And this other guy, I forgot his name, he used to do these smothering videos for Evil Angel, where girls would just sit on your face until you couldn't breathe and you'd see the guy,

legs kicking, so she has to get off his face. But anyway. That's nice. Yeah, family, family viewing. And so we ended up me Rocco So Freddie Joey silver and this other porn guy at in and out I'm like I look at him I go, you know guys is the most ironic thing ever Three porn stars and me at in and out of all fucking places. No, it's a perfect California get-together

Rocco came to the taping I did with you. He was at that in Showtime. No, no, no, that's the one I'm talking you. He was at that in the Showtime one. No, no. Yeah, that's the one I'm talking about. Oh yeah, that night. That night. Oh, that night you went to- It was that night.

Shit, you were on that. Yeah, I was on that, yeah. I forgot I put you on that. Yeah, yeah. That was- Russell Peters Presents or something? Mm-hmm. But-

Was that 2007? No, that was nine. Nine, yeah. Early nine. What, okay, but so wait, is there a shit place though? Is there a place where you're like, I fucking, I don't wanna go there. Just let them have it.

There's nowhere that stands out in my mind. Really? Yeah, there's places I, there's nowhere really that I haven't. Well, how about this? There's been places I've not enjoyed as much as others, but like, but I don't know, I can't, they're not coming to me. Now you do, you're an incredible mimic.

You do so many impressions, you can do accents really well. Is there, I feel like for myself, when you go impression, it's not part of my standup, but I'm just saying in life, there's things that come naturally to you, like you just go, oh, I can do that one. Oh yeah, I do it right back to people immediately

if I hear it. Is there one that was tough to crack, but then you got it? Like you couldn't- I never worked on them. Really? It either happens or it don't happen. So it's the same kind of thing?

Yeah, it's kind of like, you know, I'm not gonna, because if you're working on it, then what am I doing, a character? Yeah, yeah. I'm really just like, you know, I talk to you, and if you're working at it, then what am I doing, a character? I'm really just like, you know, I talk to you and, you know, even if it's just an American accent, but if they have a wimpy voice, a deep voice, whatever, I tend to just repeat exactly what I just heard. And for the foreign ones, it's just like that too.

Same thing. So you just have a great ear. So I just do what I hear. Yeah. But you also pick up on, the whole thing is you pick up on like, the social aspects of that culture. Like you have a, you don't just do a voice. Yeah, I know you got it. Well, if you're also doing a voice, your body has

to change. Okay. You can't just do an Indian voice like and be straight like hello everybody. How's it? But your head at your whole body. Hello everybody. And then if it doesn't do this, if it doesn't flow, you know, what the fuck you doing? Because this is what they do. It's what we do. Yeah. That's why you never have to worry about India and working on AI robots are you doing? Because this is what they do. It's what we do. Yeah, yeah. That's why you never have to worry about India working on AI robots, because you know how hard it is to make a robot do this? It needs to be on a gimbal.

Yeah. This podcast is sponsored by BetterHelp. I want to give a shout out to my wife's therapist, because this month is all about gratitude. And along with the person I just shouted out, I won't say her name, my wife's a therapist, there's another person we don't get to thank enough, ourselves. It's sometimes hard to remind ourselves that we're trying our best to make sense of everything

and in this crazy world, that is not easy. Here's a reminder to send some thanks to the person in your life, including yourself. My wife's been in therapy for 23 years. This woman has been a part of our relationship for 23 years as an outsider. She is not my sister, she is not my mom, she is not my other sister, she's not someone we work with.

We talked about this today. It is so valuable to have someone that's not involved in your life, helping you along with your life. 23 years, this woman has been with you along with your life, 23 years. This woman has been with, in our family practically for 23 years and we have a really happy life. And I'm not, I am not kidding when I say it is in part

to my wife's therapist that we have a really happy life. If you're thinking about starting therapy, please give BetterHelp a try. It's entirely online, designed to be convenient, flexible, and suited to your schedule. Just fill out a brief questionnaire to get matched with a licensed therapist and you can switch therapists at any time for no additional charge, something my wife has not done in 23 years. Let the gratitude flow with BetterHelp. Visit BetterHelp.com slash Bears today to get 10% off your first month. That's BetterHelp, help.com slash Bears.

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Here's a special holiday deal for our listeners right now. Get up to 60% off your babble subscription, but only for our listeners at babble.com slash bears Get up to 60% off at babble.com slash Bears spelled B a B B e l dot com slash bears rules and restrictions may apply No that one Yeah, the Indian obviously the Indian one, you're. Have you done India yet? I've never done it.

You should do it. I've done South Africa. Great, isn't it? Yeah, I've done a lot of Western Europe. I've done Hong Kong, Singapore, Tokyo, Macau, in Asia. That's like my extent of Asian touring. You've done fucking everywhere. I've done all the worlds.

You've done the Middle East, I've never done. Yeah, the Middle East is great. No, I have, well, I've done Abu Dhabi. Hey, you did it last year. Earlier this year. This year, yeah. May, right? That's the first time, sorry, that's my first time going there.

Etihad. Etihad. I opened up that arena. You did? I was the first guy in there. That must have been... It was in 2021, it was during pandemic. And I tell you that like after, so they gave me the,

you know, the pregame speech of like, don't talk about Islam, don't talk about the Royals and like, don't be fucking gross. And I was like, I can help you with two of those, but I'm just gonna be gross. And you could tell that like, it's a release. You could see the people, like when I'm saying things, like actually cheering,

like the guy, they're enjoying it, right? And then afterwards, I'm back in like the dressing room and then somebody comes in and they're like, hey, some of the royals would like to say hello? And I just was like, like just kind of frowning. They do? And they're like, yeah, you wanna come down here? I go, okay.

I go out in this room, and a lot of times these post-show, meet somebody things are bare, like it's empty. I mean, but like I get in front of the, you know, the backdrop thing for the photo, and I suddenly, there's like 40 people in the room, and I'm like, what the fuck is going on? And then these three gorgeous girls walk up,

and I'm like, who's this? they're like, these are the royal daughters. I'm like, oh, fuck. And I did this thing where normally, you're like, hey, arms around. They have your arms in front of you? And I was like. I do that too. I was like, hello.

And I was scared. I was like, I'm sorry about what I did. And they're like, no, we enjoyed it. I was like, okay, am I in trouble? And they're like, no, everything's fine. We loved it, we can't wait to see you again. I was like, okay, am I in trouble? And they're like, no, everything's fine. We loved it. We can't wait to see you again. I was like, okay.

And I just wanted it to wrap up. I still felt scared. I was like. That happened to me at one of my shows in Abu Dhabi years ago. One of the princesses came back to say hi and she was beautiful. I was just like, what?

And I couldn't, I was like, and she had like a all female security team and they all had automatic weapons underneath their burkas. Uh-huh But you could see the strap and you could see the guy. Yeah, and I was like, oh shit Yeah, and they didn't look like like like girls are like, oh my god. How do I fire this? They look like let's go motherfucker Yeah, and but she was really sweet and very kind. They're very sweet. They're very and they make you feel very comfortable Yeah, every royal person I've ever met is all the're very sweet. And they make you feel very comfortable. Every royal person I've ever met is all the same. Those know how to make you feel like, oh, they take your defense down because you're

like, hey, don't worry about all the formal stuff. Let's just be people right now. Let's just be people, yeah. Well, you have the best story ever about King of Jordan. Yeah, that was cool. That was a cool story. It's my buddy. That's...

And then Prince Charles, I met him. What was he like? Same thing? Yeah, I meet him at this function in London, and he's like, where's the Indian detective? And I go, oh, he goes, ah, Russell Peters. He talks very like that. And sounds like my dad almost. You dad had that, British?

British with an Indian twang to have a not heavy It was pretty good like you know, but so we're walking me and Prince Charles and I got my hands in front of me Yeah, and he's got his bloated hands in front of him Have you seen his hands? Yes, they're fucking disgusting person. It's even worse. Yeah, they look like blood sausages They do it's that's just go. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah so sausages they do it's that's just gal yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah so so we're walking and Camilla's walking behind us and I go oh sir do you want your wife to walk with us he goes oh no he's a real guy he's a real guy like I've had enough of that was there was the nicest way of saying, fuck that bitch. That's fucking amazing.

Look at those little sausages. Oh yeah. It kind of makes me want a sausage. Yeah, Jesus. Like a nice little breakfast sausage right now. Imagine if he pricks his finger, he'll flood the place. Oh my God. He just deflates.

Vroom. That is, is that explained? What are they? Is that gout? It's like, definitely. It's some sort of circulation thing. Retaining fluid, right? Cosmite, did I say?

Have you done this update for fuck's sake? I can't find shit on it anymore. No. I like how it keeps saying, do you wanna know about his fingers? Yeah, yeah, what is it? Click with your fat fingers Let me show you this photo Dima Okay, all right, we learned absolutely fucking nothing from this article

Do you want to know and then it just tells you like all the possible things that could be like so do we do we know? No, but we got you to click this thing here Okay, this is you guys yeah And those those little digits oh yeah, he's holding a drink to his own water. I think that's lame I mean, I'm saying water cuz you know yeah, you look sharp, buddy I don't want to get killed by the royal family So where is this in England? But I mean is this at at a royal place? No, is that a function in London? They wanted me to perform some South Asian cabinet thing, you know and Katy Perry was there I was there

Prince Charles was there Wow, it's wild and I bombed You did? Yeah, I'm pretty sure I bombed. Anytime there's music, I always feel like this is gonna go. Well, she didn't perform, she was just there, but they were just so stuffy in that room. Yeah. And I said to Prince Charles, I said, hey man, I'm a big fan of your family, I even got your mom on my money.

Cause I was Canadian money. Yeah. Anyway. Listen guys, you wonder why I bombed, did you hear the fucking jokes I said? I said. Are you going to Middle East anytime soon? I think so. Well, if it's still there, yeah.

If it's still... Well, how are we gonna resolve this? You've been there. I mean it's... Can you fix it? I think we know who needs to fix it. I'm not gonna get into that fucking bag of monkeys there. Well, who's causing it? Okay. Depending on what side of the fence you're on, you're gonna think somebody started it. I don't know. What do I know? I'm just asking the guy questions. I don't know. I don't want to go down this road either. What is, okay, of those like, of those cultural things, is there... Oh by the way, I shot my last special in Abu Dhabi at the At the at arena you did yeah last year in November

How the shit I don't know where it is, but it's we've got sit in the can somewhere Oh, it's not even it's just not even out. We're just fucking sitting on it. Why I don't know. That's my brother Should we call him you should call him ask if we call him right now. I'm going really go for it This will be fun. He'll answer your call. I just call him be like where the fuck is Russell He said he said he was supposed to be here. Is it that number, the 3101? Yeah, yeah, no, no, no, no. Not the other one?

Okay, hold on. I don't even think that 310 exists. Really, 416? That's the one. Keeping it real. FaceTiming him or? Should I FaceTime him? No, whatever you want.

Hello? Hi, may I speak to Clayton Peters, please? Speaking. Clayton, this is Tom Segura. I'm sitting with your client, Russell. And we're on the air, so just giving you a heads up. Don't say the N word. I just wanted to ask you, where is Russell's special? Why haven't we seen it? Why is it not streaming on platforms all over the world?

He said he shot it at the Etihad Arena in Abu Dhabi. He did, we did. And we ran into all kinds of complications on it our financial partners defaulted and holding the bag and then that lets the whole string of other problems in terms of Chain of title etc. We finally put it out for distribution It's with the agent right now and waiting to hear back if we don't add any traction on it Watch for coming soon on on YouTube and or pay-per-view to end or both. Okay, but it's in a ship show

I'll tell you that we've had a lot of trouble. Well, he made me call you Made him he made me call you to get that answer I told him to ask you where I was make you believe I wasn't here yet. Yeah, he's here He was on time and everything. I Know I got a text. I was shocked. Amazing. I was shocked.

You know, it's funny, we pull in at 11.50 and I go, fuck, I'm dead ass on time. You're dead ass on time, dude. Yeah, all right. Well, there'll be some more follow-up questions with other business inquiries later, okay? All right, man. Take care, guys.

Thank you, Clayton. Bye. Be back. All right, see ya. He gave it a very like, very. Yeah, my brother gets very businessy. You know how he gets. He's very businessy. We're the complete opposites of each other.

Yeah, it's a good pairing. You need that. You don't want two people. You don't want me and another me. We're not getting anything good. Nothing will get done. We're barely getting through this podcast with me being me.

Now I know why Bert's here so he can laugh anytime time to fill time. He mean to talk? All he does is talk. What happened to him? Is he sick? I guess, yeah. But he's in the hospital, he's okay.

He's not in ICU, he's just getting general care. Okay. His liver's fucking up on him. Yeah, he's had a lot. He had a kidney transplant. Really? Yeah, he's had like a lot. He had a kidney transplant. Really? Yeah, he had a kidney transplant and he had like, I guess they drain livers sometimes.

I don't know, there's a way of cleaning them somehow. Yeah, they did something like that to him. And then I know he had his spine, spinal fluid was drained. My back's been fucked up. Maybe you should hit him up. He's had a lot of operations. I had to cancel work a couple of weeks ago. For real?

Yeah, I canceled the whole weekend because I was walking with a cane. No shit. Yeah. And how did it get resolved? Just I rested it. My lower back goes from sitting on planes. Ew. Those fucking seats are uncomfortable as hell.

You gotta get a bed on a plane. Yeah, and every time I'd get out of bed, I'd have to grab the cane, I'd look at it, say sup, cane, and then I'd go to the bathroom. I call it a callback, guys. It is a callback. Wait, I want to ask you,

because I'm genuinely interested in this. Because you've done all this world, you're like the global comedian. Is there, like, when I did Europe and I did, oh my God, where do they speak Flemish? Oh, Belgium. So I was in the Flemish side. That crowd, they were like, I would finish a bit,

and then at the end of the bit they would go. And then I would start the new bit, and then you'd hear very little chuckles, and then you get to the end of it, and I would get applause, I was like, huh. Like, is there? I never did the Flemish applause, I was like, huh. Like is there- I never did the Flemish side, I don't think. You did the French side.

Yeah, I did whatever side understood English. Did you ever, have you encountered cultures that have like, you know, left an impression on whether like they're really like big laughers or they're- Lebanon. Really? I love Lebanon, I love Beirut, it's amazing. Really?

But the shows were always like, it's all Lebanese. There's no, there's nobody else there. Yeah. So if you're not talking about them, they're like. But then as soon as you make it about them. Mention them, bam. Even if I did an Indian joke, they wouldn't get it cause I'm like, I don't understand.

This was a long time ago, but I had a great time there, though. Really? Ever been there? Never. It sucks what they're doing to it right now, but that place is amazing. Did not know that.

So good. And Asia, you've done all of Asia. All of Asia. When you do India, because you're also, you know. One of them? You're one of those guys. Do you make it, do you like make the show more about them? You have so much reference.

Not necessarily. I mean, I can pick up local references, but just for like the, just for that moment, not like, I don't write the entire. A show for them. No. Can you do other, like in the same way, like India is Indian people.

Yeah, but India is one of those places where they're really smart. Like India was the one country in the world, and I'm not saying this because I'm Indian, but it was the one country internationally where I'd go on stage and I could talk at exactly the same pace and say the exact same slang words that we use right now.

Yeah. And they're right on it. Really? Yeah, they're right on it. They? Yeah, they're right on it. They're sharp as fuck. Oh, interesting. That's why they're gonna be a superpower in the next three years.

Yeah, man. We just gotta get used to it. It's tough. I know if you're watching, you're like, fuck. We already infiltrated Christina's family. Yeah, I know. She's a big fan. Yeah, she knows him well.

She knows him well, dude. She lived with a guy. He was fucking stepdad. Yeah. She B-Y-O-B, bring your own brown guy. Need a break from crowded stores and endless gifts lists? Restore your zen and embrace the natural power of cannabis this holiday season with VIA Unlock,

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Sunnybrook was the only hospital in Canada who could provide Andy with something special. Three neurosurgeons, two scientists, one movement disorders coordinator, 58 answered questions, two focused ultrasound procedures, one specially developed helmet, thousands of high intensity focused ultrasound waves, zero incisions. And that very same day, two steady hands. From innovation to action, Sunnybrook is special. Learn more at sunnybrook.ca slash special. How about the fact that like, in the time that we've known each other, and like- I've known you since you lived in Florida. No, I was living in California.

Oh, you just happened to come back, right. I was just taking, I was on that really cool system where the improvs were like Yeah, we'll give you a middle week. You got to buy your own airfare, which is $500 and you'll make 700 for the week But go for it. Yeah, and so I was like, okay, that's how I I met you in the Palm Beach. Yeah but I Remember how apprehensive you were when I first met you really? Yeah, you were so like I was like, hey, how you doing? I'm Russell. He goes, hey, I'm Tom.

And you were really like shy almost. Really? But then after a show or two, and I said, man, you were fucking funny. He was like, oh thanks. He was like, I think you weren't sure about me. And I probably was. You were a little hesitant back then.

I was probably. You were so young then, how old were you then? Oh yeah. How old are you now? 45. Oh yeah, shit. You would have been much younger then. Yeah, yeah.

When I met you, that would have been. 2007, six? Yeah, I was like 27, 28, man. Oh yeah, yeah. So there's like, you're hesitant, you're not confident, you don't know how the week's gonna go, you don't know if the Heidelander's gonna like you, you don't know how the crowds are gonna be. And you didn't know me, like you is gonna like you Yeah, you don't have the crowds are gonna be and you didn't know me like you didn't know me from Adam

Like yours are this fucking guys in here sold out. It's I never heard of him. Who is this guy? Yeah, so I'm sure you were like fuck is going on here. I kind of yeah, that is true I definitely was because when they told me I got a week first of all You just so happy to get a week period and then I was like, who am I working with and they're like Russell Peters and I was like, who is that and then I was like who am I working with and they're like Russell Peters and I was like who is that? Yeah, and then somebody was like, oh somebody told me one of the comments like oh no, he's great and and then it was like all the shows are sold out and also

Then when I got with you you're like, oh, yeah, this is just like a Like a warm-up week. I'm just like running stuff. I was like, huh? All the shows are sold out and you're like, yes, what I do before I go to like my shows. This is just like I Think I was just doing I hadn't started doing arenas yet. I was about to start doing arenas that year I think yeah in 2007. I started doing arenas That's pretty crazy. It's not why it's pretty wild, right? Yeah, that's pretty wild I'm doing Scotiabank arena in on December 14th. Yeah in Toronto in Toronto. That's gonna be my ninth time doing it. I just did it last weekend.

Yeah, you killed it. That was my first time. Who opens for you? I mix it up. That show I brought Jordan Jensen and Jeff Tate. Jeff Tate? Wait, I haven't seen Jeff Tate in forever. Jeff Tate's great.

He lives in Portland now. He was a Cincinnati, he's a Cincinnati native, but he lives in Portland Jordan lives in New York fuck. They're both fucking hilarious Oh good, and they they legit crush that show that was a really fun audience Yeah, they're good my city can be drawn. Oh, yeah, those glasses are ruinous keep staring at what are they? I don't know I can't read I Legit can't even see what's past me. Yeah I'm over here. I'm I can't read I legit can't even see what's past me. Yeah I'm over here. I'm I don't Did your vision deteriorate mine is horrible. Yeah, I

Think it's the other side that has the name though. I'm sure yeah, I can't see shit. I can't see that How sad what a dad fucking moment that was where I was like here you go and we were both like I don't know. I need my glasses. I need my glasses. Yeah Fucking super dads. Um, yeah, are your kids now? How are they? Yeah, they're fucking maniacs. Yeah. Yeah, dude. They're both the older ones probably chill more children the other one though Yeah, yeah. Yeah, it's like me and my brother. He's the older one. Yeah, the older one and he was more level-headed He's more level-headed. He he he also understand just really gets that like here's the exchange on something You know, and he fucking manipulates 11 now. No, he's much younger. He's he's eight. He'll be nine in December

But like I met him when he was an infant. Yeah, you met him very young. That's right We were in there taking the neighborhood for a walk. He had him on a leash. I met him when he was an infant. Yeah, you met him very young. That's right, we were in the neighborhood for a walk. You had him on a leash, it was nice. It was nice. He got, I come home the other day and he's like, hey, I'm like, oh, this is nice. He's like, big hug, are you just wanting to hug dad? He's like, I love you, man.

And I go, I love you too. And he's like, so, can I get some more Roblox for my iPad? Yeah, Robux. And I'm like, is that what the hug and kiss was all about? So, can I get some more Roblox for my iPad? Yeah, Roblox. And I'm like, is that what the hug and kiss was all about? He goes, I give you something, you give me something. That's awesome. Fucking A, man. My kid's five, my son, and he's,

I don't know where he gets his shit from the other day. He goes, hey, he's obsessed with planes. So I picked him up, he's like, hey daddy, I wanna go to Dubai. I go, go what where'd you get that from because what do you how do you even know about Dubai I want to see the Burj Khalifa I'm like what the fuck really and then I dropped him off to his mom and his mom goes to me you know he asked me if he wanted to go see the Burj Khalifa go wait he said said that to me I go I'm sure she's coaching him. And tell me you want to go on Emirates, first class.

Yeah, well they hate long flights, right? And so I took Ellis, the oldest, to New Zealand to visit the Minecraft set, because he loves Minecraft. Well, how'd you fly? We flew on some fucking... Emirates? No, no, no. It was from Dallas. So it was like, I don't know, it was a US carrier.

And it was fine, but it was a fucking 18 hour flight. And so then I told them about Etihad, and I showed them the little apartment thing they give you, and I was like, check this out. And they were like, how come we didn't take that? They got a point. I go, well yeah, but that doesn't go the route that we did. And they go, if we're doing long flights,

I want that fucking apartment. I'm like, yeah, okay, cool. So then they're like. Ellis has this really deep voice already. He does, he's always like, hey man. But he does, and then the other guy's like, hey, how are you? He has like a little cartoon voice.

He's six, right? Yeah, he's six. But anyway, then they're like well where does that, where does that plane go? Well you could take a plane like that to like the Middle East or like Asia, you know, fucking Hong Kong, Japan. And so now they're like cool, that's where we wanna go. Like they just wanna go.

You gotta do Singapore Airlines. Singapore. Singapore Airlines A380 First Class suites. Proc, it was the best. Listen, I'm an Emirates guy, but that Singapore Airlines one kinda, as far as I was concerned, kinda beat Emirates on that one.

It's the best of the best, right? It's so good. And if you get, say you and Christina get the rooms side by side, the wall comes down and it becomes one big bed. And you got this giant room. Like about the size of this. And then you can just bang in the sky?

You can bang in the sky if you're still doing that to each other. And look at that, see? That's when they got the double set up there. And I like that he's fully clothed. They're like, this is how we enjoy our flight. I don't know why he should have been wearing the pajamas. They give you pajamas on board.

Pajamas are nice. Pajamas are nice. It's a real experience. Oh yeah, I take my underwear. I free ball that whole flight too. Why let my balls get sweaty in my own underwear? yeah, I take my underwear. I free ball that whole flight too. Why let my balls get sweaty in my own underwear? No, just let them out.

Let them out, dude. And that chair, you see that recliner chair there? It has a button on it that turns it automatically. But wherever you turn it, and if you turn the TV on, the TV will follow you. It'll turn with you. TV keeps moving with you. Unbelievable.

Yeah, it's pretty wild. They really know how to do it. Yeah, it's good. And the food's good and the service is good and the flight attendants all have open toe shoes on and pretty toes. Nice. So for me, it's masturbation in the air.

Wow. It's cool that they- I said too much, guys. It's cool. Hey, I just got a text saying I'm banned from Singapore Airlines, guys. It's cool that they thought of that. They're like, you know what, we'll get these guys hard.

I do appreciate that when we flew Etihad, the flight attendants were all attractive. And I was like, let's bring this back. Like, you know, it's not like when you fly Delta here where you're like, look at fucking. Oh, and then you end up with Delta Burke. Barbara fucking bringing her problems down the aisle The old flight attendants are funny cuz they you could tell like they're like, yeah seasoned. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, and they're uh

You want a drink? That's what they do it. You thirsty and then they're real casual with everything. Yeah. Yeah take it off now. Yeah It's not like that in those international carriers. No, they're all very professional. It's a whole other level. Fucking love it. It's good stuff out there. It's real good stuff. Yeah. Wait, what was I gonna ask you? Oh, this is what I wanted to ask you. So, it was a thing when you popped.

I was like, how did this happen? And I think you and the general observation was that your stuff was cut up and put on YouTube And that was after so what happened first was People remember when people would email you a clip. Yeah, it would just be audio even They would it had chopped up and they would email people like yo listen to this and that's 2004 They were doing that before YouTube started Wow And so they'd email you three minute clip take you fucking 24 hours to download the thing sure and then you'd hear it and people

Like I want more and then when YouTube started in June or May of 19 of 2005 Somebody dumped the whole special on there So now people had a video to go to the audio and it was all in one place They didn't have to listen to it in sections and then that YouTube Explosion though made things really change for you. Well, look the the file sharing is what started it. Yeah, because the February of 2004 I did DePaul University for 700 bucks and Only 13 people showed up nice and I was like, ooh and I felt bad I was like, 700 bucks, that's a lot of money for a show.

You know what I mean? Sure. And I felt bad. I was like, should I give them their money back? I mean, nobody showed up. But I gave them the full show. And I went back to Chicago, like, November of that same year,

and I did like a theater for three nights. And I was like, what the fuck is going on? I still didn't know what was going on. You still. I still had no clue what was happening. I was like, people suddenly like me. This is great. No, no clue. No clue completely clueless I still don't even had to upload shit to YouTube. Do you? I've done it before but I haven't done it in years now. Yeah. Yeah somebody. Yeah, but I mean promo shits real guy

I don't I do my shit on my phone. Just like hey, that's them. They know how to do that They know you got a team now. I don't have a team. Yeah Joe Rogan's got a seal team and he's got a seal team. He's got a seal team You got a I know you got a team. I got you got the a team a team for sure. These guys are good But you have well, you have your brother. Yeah, that's a Team Peters, he fucking he knew what was up. He gave a very professional answer. He's very, very, very professional. By the way, when he called me yesterday to tell me what I'm doing today, he's like, okay,

so you're gonna go do Segura and then you're gonna do a bunch of other ones there. And remember, the focus of this is to promote the Relax Tour. It starts in Canada at the end of the month. Make sure you, I'm not a fucking idiot, all right? Yeah, I knew you were gonna say that. Okay, so. Okay, well, can we pull up the Relax Tour? Can we pull up the Relax Tour, guys?

Did my brother send you any artwork for that? Let's see, Russell Peters. Yeah. There we go, right, there we go. Hey! It's not that serious. That makes sense. Yeah, right, there we go. There it is right there. Hey, it's not that serious. That makes sense. Yeah, right, there you go.

There you go. All right. So you guys got that? So here we are promoting the Rolex tour. What's your name of your new tour? Come Together, okay. And that one, the last one was Coming All Over? I'm Coming Everywhere.

That's right. Oh, you're hitting the road bro. Oh yeah these are just like the get it ready. Get it ready dates and then there's the big ones there. Yeah I see that. Can I tell you my big, there's Scotiabank, I see it. Didn't you just do Calgary a couple weeks ago? I did. I did it for the great outdoor. I did it too. Can I tell you the the market that I learned about on the last tour and I just did it for the great outdoor. I did it too. Can I tell you the market that I learned about on the last tour and I just did it again for them, that I'm like, man, this is fucking awesome.

In Canada, Halifax. Oh yeah, you don't know about Halifax? I mean I didn't before I went. That's where the Underground Railroad ended. No. Yeah. Harriet Tubman took them all the way to Nova Scotia to Halifax. Really? So if you go to a place called North Preston in Nova Scotia,

it's like the black area. Do you know that they're doing a documentary about her called Get My Steps In? No. No, they're not. I was going to say, I was going to say, that'd be amazing. And Tyler Perry's directing it. Harriet Tubman played by Tyler Perry. Ah.

Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah.

Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah.

Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. So, but that place is fucking awesome, dude. First of all, it, it's one of those places. A lot of times if you're, you know, you're American and you go, Hey, I'm going to like Calgary or Edmonton.

You're like, yeah, it's just another city. Right? Like you don't go like, Oh, this is so fucking different. Like Toronto is like, we always, you know, it's Canada's New York. It's just this huge metrop, whatever. But Halifax has it its this really interesting maritime culture Like it just feels does but they got a lot of soul out there, too It's very cool and the food's good out there foods good people were great. Did you buy lobsters at the airport?

I did not buy love, you know You can buy live lobsters at the airport at the airport and they pack mints and make a shipping ready for you They didn't carry it on the plane. Oh, did you know that? I was on news, on radio shows, all these people got mad at me in Quebec? What'd you say? In Montreal. I think I was doing the podcast with Nick Swartzen. And we were talking about Just For Laughs,

which we'd done many, many times. And for people who don't know, that has been this benchmark of like, I'm for real now. It's a validation thing too, right? So, and just about, we were just talking about the festival and how in the conversation about it, how funny it was to us that like the first time you go, you're met by a guy who's picking you up,

who's like, you are in the show? And you're like, do you not speak English? And he's like, some, yes. And you're like, but you live here? And he's like, all my life? And you're like, how do you not and then the the French Canadians Were like that is so fucking disrespectful. How was that disrespectful? I have no idea I was like great then we got woke French people now. Oh, dude. They were so mad. They were so mad

They're like that is so disrespectful I'm like dude It just blows your mind because what happens is you go there right as? As an American, you go there and you're like, wait, we're in Canada, right? And yes, you know that like French is also a national language, but like every Canadian you meet goes like, I can count to 10, you know? Like, but when you go to Montreal, you meet people who are so immersed in their own culture that they have like broken English. Of course it

stands out to you. Oh yeah. Well now what's frustrating when I went last year to Quebec when I was in Montreal, they used to have, so in Canada everything has to be in English and French. Right. But in Quebec it used to be French and English underneath. Yeah. Well now they've X'd the English, everything's in French. I'm like, I go to a cafe, I go, what is that? Because I knew what it said, but I wanted you to, no, I'm still in Canada, tell me what the fuck that says. It said Payne du Chocolat, and I'm like, what is that?

Ah, Payne du Chocolat. I go, no, what the fuck is that? I'm getting so mad. I go, English, why is this not in fucking English? Now tell him, he's Canadian, you give him the fucking business. Give me the business, because you guys fucked it up. Because we respectfully put your shit on ours and

then you disrespectfully took our shit off yours. And now I don't know what the fuck I'm looking at. I could like to me, I at the first time it was beyond my comprehension. I was like, wait a minute. And I would sit with the guy who was very nice. And I'll be like, you've lived here your whole life. And they're like, yeah, we yes. And I'm like, well, why don't you speak better English? They're like, because I live here and French is how we live.

And I'm like, I just can't believe that you're in this country and that you can, the bubble is this suppressing where you could actually just go through your life not really doing English. That to a lot of French-Canadian people was beyond like... But it's just that was also your experience. It was my experience. It's funny how people get mad if you say what

you saw. I know. Like I'm telling you the story from my honest place and you're fucking giving me shit. It's fair to hear my version and go oh you're ignorant. I'm like that's fine. Yeah. You. Oh, you're ignorant. I'm like, that's fine Yeah, you're like, yeah, I'm ignorant. I I had no idea. I literally had no idea now. I do I've gone back many times As a Canadian, it's frustrating just to watch them like slowly push us out, but we have to slowly put big them up I'm like, hold on. This is supposed to be a fair exchange here. Yeah, we shaking hands and I Close a few times. I remember separating to secede I really not really kind of close. No

They still want the that would be such a fucking crazy thing if they split I mean, I feel you know what I feel like Texas could do that in the United States if they want Texas probably has come the closest. Yeah, I because Texas is the only place when I come here is the only place still feels like America really I mean like it doesn't matter where you are in Texas. Yeah, it's just it feels like that's how I picture America to be Mm-hmm, and that picture is dissipating around the country What is LA like now because I feel like it changed from when I lived there. It's definitely changed since you left I don't go out much and I don't wear jewelry when I go out. That's fucking I don't go to fancy restaurants You know really? Yeah, they got people watching you in restaurants now. There's fucking. I don't go to fancy restaurants. Really?

Yeah. They got people watching you in restaurants now. There's a lot of follow home robberies. Yeah. And if you're gonna follow me home, you're gonna have a long fucking drive pal. Yeah, out to Malibu? Yeah, cause not only that, I always take different ways.

I don't go the same way every time. Yeah. Cause that's to my ADD. I'm just like, nah, I'm gonna go this way today. I'm gonna go that way today. Yeah. I think I'm gonna go around the whole city before I go home, you know? Yeah, yeah, yeah. But it's still nice out there, I'm gonna go this way today. I'm gonna go that way today. I think I'm gonna go around the whole city before I go home, you know?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. But it's still nice out there, I bet. The weather is, there's been a lot of earthquakes, especially in Malibu. Yeah. When did I leave? I left yesterday. Are you a beach guy, though?

No, not at all. Not at all. I look at it, and that's it, there it is. And the water's cold. It is. Do you like cold water? No. I like cold water.

You do? Yeah. After the accident? Mm-hmm. Do you do the water? No. I like cold water. You do? Yeah. After the accident? Mm-hmm. Do you do the cold plunge? Yeah. Often?

I didn't this morning. I did yesterday morning. Oh, you have one at home? Yeah. You fill it every day or? Do I feel it? Do you fill it? It stays filled.

Oh, it stays filled and stays icy? Yeah. It's plugged into the wall so it stays. It's like a refrigerator. Yeah. It stays at 43, 44. I've never done it. You have to try it.

Yeah, do you do it naked? No, because I don't wanna see what it does. You don't wanna, well you won't see it after that. It's so small. It's already, it's not a good starting point. Yeah, here's Spinexide never came in on that. Nope, no, I got my dad's dick. good starting point. Yeah. Yeah here's spinax. I never came in on that. No No, I got my dad's dick Isn't sagura a gift?

Yeah, no I do I do it in like shorts like underwear or a truck yeah, but you do feel fucking amazing I don't know. I know people get so sick of hearing about it, but you know I will say I want to do it I think would help my back. It's good for inflammation. Yeah. Yeah, that's true. Well yeah, it definitely gets rid of inflammation. I mean, yeah. If you're inflamed, you won't be.

You do ride this high. How long do you sit in there? Three minutes. That's a long time. Breathe. Yeah. Just keep breathing, and don't start at like 40. Start at like 52 or something. Then it just feels like you got in like a lake,

you know, and you're like, woo! But you can get through it. And then if you want, you keep lowering it. Okay. Yeah. It's fucking rad. I think you'll like it. I won't be doing it, but it's great to hear about it. Yeah, yeah.

I do wanna try DMT is what I do wanna try. I got mushrooms in gummy form that are incredible. I did mushroom, chocolate mushrooms around Christmas time. Yeah. And you know, it's a little bar that says take three pieces for microdose. Yeah. So I took three pieces, that was too much for me.

Three, yeah, I always, whenever somebody tells you what to take, just go in half at least. And I was like, how much can be in there, right? It was like a little piece for a Rocher. And I was the only one on it, and we went to a restaurant. Fuck. And there was like 10 people with me, my kids, everything. And it kicked in right as we got in the restaurant.

So I can hear everybody's conversations around me. And then everyone's like, I'm like, I'm like, I start panicking, I'm like, what the fuck is going on? And then people are like, hey, what's good here? What should I do? Just order your fucking food. Don't talk to me right now. Nobody fucking talk to me.

Just order your food, I'll pay for it. And everyone's like, what's his fucking thing? Yeah, they thought I was having a meltdown. I was like, just leave me alone. I'm fucking tripping out. Dude, I had a friend who, he gave me an Oxy. And then he's like, here you go. He gave me two, actually.

And I'm like, okay, I'll take one, obviously, not taking two, I take one, and I'm on a plane, and I'm like, ah, and I'm just fucking drooling onto myself, and I'm, ah, and I get off, and I was like, yo, dude, I just took that on a flight, he goes, did you take the whole thing? I go, yeah, it's a pill. He's like, oh, yeah He's like, yeah, you should have taken that in half. I go fucking you gave me two

Why would I think to split it in half? You think one is for now one's for later? Yeah, why would I think that? I don't even give me a four day dose. He gave me the fucking strongest one they make What are oxy supposed to do though? Yeah, it's supposed I mean, it's a pain pill and it's supposed to do have that effect But he also gave me an extremely strong Like the horse pillow. Yeah, I'm just fucking drooling on the chlamydia pill of oxy You think I was in the plane like how do I crush this thing up? No, can I get a knife? I just cut this pill. I've got this pill cutter narcotic in half. Yeah, do you mind? Yeah

I have to cut this. You have a pill cutter? Narcotic in half, do you mind? Yeah. This is the heroin in pill form. Yeah, I did mushrooms for the first time about two years ago in, you all right there? Yeah. You want one?

No, good, thanks. What was that, are you doing? Nicotine. Oh, wow. Yeah, they're awesome. I haven't done it. Just try it. I smoke cigars, I'm good with that.

Oh yeah, you do do your cigars. Yeah, I'm a cigar guy. No, so I did it with a shaman in Amsterdam two years ago for the first time. And? It was cool, I did it laying down with a mask on, like a eye mask. So it was a cool trip,

because you're just laying down, it feels like you're floating everywhere. And you think you're dreaming at first, but then you realize you're tripping, and then once you start realizing you're tripping, you start to enjoy it more, because you're like, okay, then once you start, realize you're tripping, you start to enjoy it more. Because you're like, okay, this isn't real. This is cool though.

That mushroom gummy I told you, the first time I took it, I took it during the day, before a flight again. And I was like, I enjoyed it. And it was like, oh, this is a nice chill high. The second time I did it, I took it in bed and I put an eye mask on and it was such a different experience with colors and movement.

It felt like a proper trip as opposed to the other one where I was like, oh, I'm just like kinda high right now. And you're just kinda dopey around the scenes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, it was wild. I saw myself dead. I was dead in New York on my head on the sidewalk, my body on the street, and everybody's around me

crying and I could see myself and I'm floating away from it and I'm laughing at them. I'm like, I'm not there anymore, guys. I don't know what you're wasting your time for. And then the only person I recognized was Crazy Legs from Rocksteady Crew. Crazy Legs. Crazy Legs was like running to get help.

And I go, legs, don't bother. And I just kept floating away. Okay, bye. I just left Don't bother him. I'm I'm and I just kept floating Okay, bye. I just left I just I didn't even I didn't like stop to say I just kept floating away It's floating right away. You have so many fucking hip-hop friends. I'm an official Rocksteady crew member Are you really I am yes, you're like a jacket I do have a sweatshirt that says Rocksteady crew and Brown comic on the back Wow legs gave me that for When he when he made me a member. That's pretty fucking rad, dude.

Yeah, it's pretty cool. And your friends, I'll tell you when I go, oh, I wish I was a friend. Your friends was Cedric, right? Yeah, he was at my house two nights ago. I think he's so fucking funny. We get the, next time we come now, we gotta come over, because we have these random nights

where people come over, just smoke cigars on the balcony and hang out. Just shoot the shit? So it was me, Cedric, David Justice, and Bentley Evans the other night. You know Bentley, he created Martin and the Jimmy Fox show. Jesus, yeah. So it was just the four of us talking shit.

That's great. On my birthday, Sunday was my birthday, Melly Mel dropped by and hung out till like four in the morning. It was your birthday? Yeah, yeah. Happy birthday, man. Yeah, you know, four years ago you sent me

a pair of shoes from Brunello Cuccinelli and this year not even a fucking text. Wow, how old are you? 54. I think I texted you on your birthday earlier, Sean, I never got a response. Did you? Let me just double check that for you.

Let's check the tape on this one, guys. Seg Yura. Let's see. Let's see. Yeah, I text you on April 18th, happy birthday. Wow. No reply. Then May 11th, I sent you that photo of. Wait, what number are you texting, though?

I'm texting the right one. You are? Yeah, because I text the right one. And then I sent you that photo of you, me, Rogan, Burr, and Ian Edwards, and you said, damn. Wait, are you a 323 of you, me, Rogan, Burr, and Ian Edwards, and you said, damn. Wait, are you 323? Yeah, yeah.

And then June 8th I text you, and you replied the next day, that was nice of you. And then on August 14th you asked me what the best hotel to stay in Toronto. Did you stay at the one I suggested? I did. It's nice, right? Yeah. Oh hey, Tom just sent me a happy birthday,

that's so nice of him. You guys see Tom's cigar, Tom thanks for the message. But the Cuccinelli's are much better. Fuck. I gotta get that address again. I'll send it to you. Okay. I need the address.

So my, wait, both of our moms are casino moms? Casino moms. Your mom is, I know you talk about her mental state, but your mom's still physically in good shape. She can get around. She can get around. Her mental's still there, she's still manipulative. Like I saw the way, I saw your, like she's hilarious.

She's very funny. And I love your relationship with hilarious. She's very funny and and I love your relationship with her She's very funny my mom still sharp in the head, but my mom I just found a video of my dad's 70th birthday Yeah party and it was 1995 Wow, and I was 25 in the video. Mm-hmm. And my mom was my age. My mom was 54 in this video My mom was my age. My mom was 54 in this video. Wow. And I was like, holy shit, that's,

but my mom at 54 looks exactly the same as she does at 83. Yeah. Like they just, my mom's packed it in as soon as she had the kids. All right, that's it. No need to look like anybody anymore. Yeah, yeah, that's what women do. But your mom stayed, you know, she got a Hispanic mother.

She's gonna, you know, they take a lot of pride in that stuff. I don't know. I don't think she puts a lot of effort into it, to be honest. She looks good. I sound creepy, but yeah, she looks good. Okay, hey guys.

What's your mom's name, Charatine? Charo. Charo. Charo is a nickname for Rosario. Her name is Rosario? Her birth name is Rosario, yeah, and everybody whose birth name is Rosario, which, yeah, it's, they call it. I mean, I could see how she was a catch back in the day.

She was beautiful. I have. Nudes? Photos, nudes of her, yeah. That's definitely not her there. I have that T-shirt. I have some good ones. I'll send you some better Charo pics.

Please would you? Yeah, I'll send you some good ones. How's her feet, please. We're using good ones. Yeah, how's your feet good feet? Not now. I mean they guys they get older they get more fucking weird on this thing guys. It's okay There's people who like can you bring back Bert that creepy brown guy was terrible Believe me. They're not saying that What what's what ethnicity is your wife What ethnicity is your wife? Filipino nice feet very nice feet really. Yeah, that's actually why I noticed her you saw her feet first Yeah, where were you at Nordstrom? Was she trying on shoes? She was I was walking by and I was like damn

We were girls feet and then she caught me looking and I and I didn't know what to do someone I Just winked at her and then I walked away And then and then her sales guy is my sales guy. He goes, you know who that is, right? She goes, no. He goes, that's that comedian Russell Peters. She goes, I don't know, I don't watch comedy. I'm like, what?

Really? And then, now that I'm married to him, I'm like, ah, yeah, you don't watch comedy. You miserable bitch. Just kidding, babe, don't get mad. But keep that in. Oh, there's Charo. Which one?

Leaning forward. With the blonde? Or on the ground? The one leaning forward on the right. Oh leaning forward, oh wow. Yeah, that's Charro. Trying to see, do you look like her? Are you an only child?

No, I have two sisters. She's very dark there by the way. Yeah, well the Peru. Well they used to just lay in the sun from like 9 a.m. Yeah. Yeah, now she has some pre-skin cancer. This photo's great because so that's. This is like the 60s though, looks like.

Yeah, this is definitely back in the day. 68 or something. Her sister Blanca's sitting on the ground. Yeah, Blanca's pretty good though. Blanca's very pretty and then her best friend who adored my mother, who died, is look how she's admiring my mom. Yeah, she looks like she has a crush on you.

Yeah, that's Chato Fugatti, also Chato. Oh wow. Yeah. Oh, they're all Peruvian women there? Yeah, they're all smoking. Yeah, like the one that admires your mom looks like a white girl. And then it looks like Karen Carpenter on the ground.

And the lady smoking looks like she's about to rip one right after. I know, she does look like that. And the lady smoking looks she's about to rip one right after Yeah, that's a bunch of Peruvian ladies right there No fucking Most are dead. Yep. That's what happens to them. Yeah, they just got at the end of the run Yeah, it's the end of the run. You just die Speaking of which how is Christina? Oh, yeah, she's alive. She is alive

Where is she? She's home right now. Well, I think she had radiation today localized radiation and then she's like, you know after Four fuck she said it gets tired. Yeah, she gets tired. So she'll rest take it easy today And what is this TV show you're doing now? So I'm in pre-production It's been fucking crazy as soon as we wrap here. I go over to the production office And what is this TV show you're doing now? So I'm in pre-production. It's been fucking crazy. As soon as we wrap here, I go over to the production office.

We start shooting next Wednesday. Yeah, I know. I saw you had to cancel dates. Yeah, it's been, yeah, because like, I know. And people were like, why don't you cancel that thing and do the dates? I'm like, it doesn't really work like that. Yeah, it can't do it.

So yeah, we're shooting in Austin. We'll shoot for about six weeks. The show is basically, every episode has three short stories. So kind of like, remember the old Twilight Zone? That type of presentation, but they're short stories that are dark and funny. So 10 minute stories, three of them. Kind of like that, yeah.

Some of them are very, it's like one episode we have a 15 minute story and then like a five minute, like so is some of it, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. There's no rule to it, just this is what we plan on doing. Yeah, exactly. So they're all, I mean everything's obviously written, ready to go, we start shooting Wednesday.

Excited? I'm super excited. And you wrote the whole thing. I wrote it, I wrote with, I got a writer's room with like great, great writers. So I brought in a bunch of them and then that room made everything better. And then there's also original ones that came from that room from being in the room together. But it was, yeah, I get to direct a few of them, which I'm excited.

Really, you excited, you want to direct? Yeah, I want to. You really want to direct? I will, the thing is that this is a perfect place to- Because it's yours. Well, it's also mine, and it's not like, hey, I'm directing this movie to start. I'm directing a short story.

Yeah. It's like directing a short film. Yeah, yeah, it's an open mic. Yeah, so I get to do, I don't know, the first one I do is like six or seven pages, the next one is like, I'm doing one like eight page one, and the next one's like six page so it's like a

Stepping into that and like yeah, if I fucking hate it, I'll know and it won't be like oh because I directed a movie I directed this thing. So a lot of work. It's work. It is work I mean, I'm in everything except for like one so it's a lot of work. You're number one on the schedule, too Yeah, you're number one on the schedule and then you guys you're you're gonna direct, you're gonna be number one and directing. You're gonna be beat. Yeah, it's gonna be long, long days, but... I mean, I'm saying it in a good way, but it's just, like, people that don't know, like, shit is exhausting. Yeah, it wears you out, for sure. Yeah.

But I think I've always loved, you know, features and I love, like, I love this world. You haven't done much acting though, right? Not much, no. I've done a few parts and things, small parts over the years, but yeah, I'll be acting a lot in this. Yeah. Yeah.

You're gonna like it. I think so. When it's yours, it's different. Big time, yeah. Because you really understand it. You're like, I know exactly what I'm doing. Because you've had your shows and- I've done some stuff, nothing crazy.

Do you like it? It's okay. I mean, it's a lot of work and the payoff's just not there anymore. Yeah. I mean, I look at it as well. I could stand here and work for a month and a half for 14 hours a day, six days a week,

or I could go do a weekend and make way more money than I did in this month and a half of my entire life being wasted. That is crazy. I know. I remember I yeah I've had one time I was I was shooting one a movie small part but they need you know they're like you gotta be here for like three weeks or whatever. Yeah. And for the three weeks I was like man this is they really don't pay you shit. Yeah. And so I just did one show and I was like man this is they really don't pay you shit yeah and so I just did one show and I was like oh I like just supplemented my salary by more than double yeah it's it's one of those things we're like I'm doing it for the love but you have this one thing you have to love it so I mean yeah like if my

friends are doing something they'll do you want to do oh yeah but if like they're like hey they want you to audition like I'm good yeah someone so and so wants to know if you want to is it an open audition or they asking for me? Well, they're open to you. I'm gonna I'm not doing it. Yeah I'm fucking doing this shit 35 years now. I don't wanna I'm sick of jumping through hoops. Fuck. Yeah, you know You know what I do, you know who I am. You want me or you don't want me? I don't give a shit 35 years 35 years since 89 Wow That is I first did just for laughs in 96

Wow, that was a good that was a good year. That was when just for laughs would like still that's when chicken got a deal That year. Yeah, tell people the chicken story real quick Chicken was this guy was a comic called of some chicken. Did you just been a chicken suit? I think I think he had a either did that or didn't he have like a prop chicken with him? Something like that. He got a million dollar deal. It was the last million dollar deal they gave at

Just For Laughs. And then he killed himself a few years later, right? Yeah. That's a good story to end on. I mean, you know. Did he hang himself? Because that'd be even funnier if he choked his chicken. I believe he did. I believe he did.

I think he did. That'd be amazing. Just fucking. He's just going for the punchline right to the end, you know? Oh, fuck. I love commitment. Yes, you have to commit. You gotta commit to that one.

You gotta commit. Pull up the dates again. We're gonna go, cause we don't wanna let Clayton down. Yeah, I don't want him to think, I don't want him to, I don't want to prove to him that I'm an idiot. Stay relaxed, just relax. It's just relax, relax, it's not that serious. Just relax, or as the, I feel like there's some places

in the mall called Just Relax. Yeah, those fake, and they have the really shitty artwork on their board. Just relax. Just relax. Like they Google, how do I get a logo? So it's like, and they have a really shitty Artwork on their board. Yeah, just relax Just relax like they Google. How do I get a logo? Yeah, and then they're like here. I generated a logo for you Well Russell's touring well those are the good days See it's funny cuz I'm doing the arenas and the club dates in between the arenas too It's kind of a yeah a mishmash of things. I think that's the best way to actually do stand-up

I agree because if you get stuck in the arena headspace Yeah, and you go into a club you it throws you off it does You're doing the actually the right way to do it, which is you kind of you hop in and out So you can see Russell all over this is looks like mostly North America But you'll probably go to other places in the world. Oh yeah, next year is pretty hectic. Hectic, once we get into. Let's see, keep going, February. Once we get into March, February, March,

it's gonna be nutty. Oh, they haven't announced it yet. Oh, no they do, there we go, good. Okay, no, yeah, no, okay, no, after that. Oh yeah, they haven't put it out there, but we go international after the Peacock Theater in February. I think it's like Australia, New Zealand, all that stuff.

Asia. The hot spots. The good spots. Go see Russell Peters on tour. You can get tickets at russelpeters.com. You're one of the best, man, and you're a fucking great guy. Thank you for... Thanks, Thomas.

Thanks for taking me along all those years. Come on, kid. I knew it when I saw you. I said, this kid's going to be something if he shaves his head. This kid's got to shave his head. All right, I did. We love you. Thanks, man.

High five. See you next week, guys. Bert and Tom, Tom and Bert. One goes to the top, the other wears a shirt. Tom tells stories and Bert's the machine. There's not a chance in hell that they'll keep it clean here's what we call two bears one cave need a break from the crowded stores and endless gift lists restore your zen and

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