2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer - Wildest Shark Attacks w/ Theo Von | 2 Bears, 1 Cave Ep. 197

Episode Date: August 7, 2023

SPONSORS: - Go to https://Saatva.com/theshit to get $200 off ANY mattress of your choice.This week we have a very special 2 Bears 1 Cave with Tom Segura and guest bear Theo Von! They discuss having sunglass options, old school comedians with gimmicks, Matt Rife, and the evolution of getting on TV shows. They talk about Ole Miss and LSU College Football. They discuss how money has the potential to demotivate you and the feeling of making people laugh.https://tomsegura.com/tourhttps://www.bertbertbert.com/tourhttps://store.ymhstudios.com/

This week on Two Bears 1 Cave, most dudes that look like that are not that funny. And most dudes look like that are women. How is it in Nashville, by the way? You couldn't cheat on your wife there. Yeah, okay. If we were lifeguards, people would die. That one's gotta go. You gotta let him go.

100% This episode of Two Bears 1 Cave is brought to you by SOTVA. Go to SOTVA, S-A-A-T-V-A dot com slash the shit and get $200 off any mattress of your choice. They have them all. They're the only ones I sleep on when I'm lucky enough to be home. They have a crazy comfortable mattress, the luxury firm mattress. You would find at a luxury hotel, they have a memory foam mattress.

If you're into that, I've slept on it and it was completely different than what I had imagined. They also have the sole layer, which is a mattress that vibrates and moves up and down. Awesome zero gravity setting. It's all about what works best for you. They don't have a storefront, they pass on those savings to you, you order it online, they have mattress takeaway service,

they are the best. I'm a huge huge fan, I have been for a long time, I want you to sleep on a super comfortable mattress too. So go to satvastata.com slash the shit and get $200 off any mattress of your choice. Great, great news. He was on the waiting list for a long time, but Bert was approved for a liver draining treatment in Belgium.

So he is there right now, and because of that, we are fortunate enough to have a great fill-in guest bear, give it up for the one and only Theo Vaughn, everybody. Braaaar. Thank you for coming, man. Dude, thank you for having me here, man. And thank you, I wanna thank you too, for this over the years, like, if I've ever called or had a se-s-signited suggestion about something, you always, uh, off-from-a-suggestion or,

guess my pleasure. I appreciate that. Anytime. I love when you call and it's fun to have those conversations with other comics. It's fun that we all share what we know and what we've experienced on another. I think it's, it benefits all of us to take care of each other. We're in a business where there's no union, but in a way we kind of unionize in our own way. Like we talk to each other, you know?

Yeah, it's true, that's a good point. But appreciate it, man. Yeah, I'm sorry, this happened in a bird. Yeah, it's, you never know what's gonna, it's just God. Yeah, I mean, here's the thing, I mean, it's like his 14th or 15th surgery in a year. Oh yeah. But yeah, my whoopal or my whoop bracelet will get things from him. So now it would be like, Oh, Bert's not doing good. Really? Yeah.

And the, and the whoopal tell you that. Yeah, I think it's kind of, knows because my phone is, at least since we have each other's numbers, it'd be like, oh, yeah, check in on him. Check in on Bert. Check pulse. I think he is the only whoop customer that they're like, other people need to know about his stuff. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, it's the only one they're like, this guy is, it's a problem. Oh, in the middle of the night,

I got a sodium high score the other night. Like, what is that? I'm digging these, we're talking about glasses. Those are, those work, dude. Oh, thanks, man. Are those regularly, like you bust those out or special occasions? Yeah, where these, these are actually kind of disguised glasses.

I'll wear them like if I'm an airport or somewhere. It kind of be a little more incognito, I guess. Uh, I mean, I, I don't think they have that effect. I think they look good, they're good glasses. You think? I don't think I look over them like, who the fuck is that? I think I'm like, I think I'm gonna last the Ova.

Yeah, maybe I gotta get him 10 or something. But yeah, because just to be clear, you did say I have some sunglasses. Yeah, and those are not. Oh, you wear these. I wear them in a sun, dude. It sucks. Oh, no, suck.

Oh, yeah, suck. That's sunglasses. I would say, yeah, I wouldn't put them on a baby. Have you explored why you think they suck as sunglasses? No, I haven't really gotten into it, but I just, it's not, I think a lot of it is more me pretending that they work. Yeah, yeah, that could see that.

But yours look sharp, man, I feel like. I mean, thank you. I really, I don't know about you. I feel in a way a bit like a sunglasses hoe, meaning like, I lose a good bit of them, right? But you find ones that you just have a big wide head, like you have to get the right framing. But a pair of sunglasses that work for you, it changes your whole vibe and your whole day, you know?

Like even if you said, like you could see them on somebody and it doesn't matter who they are, it can really change your perception of them. Oh yeah, I think anybody, if somebody, yeah, like it could be a damn inmate, it could be a damn pdfile, whatever, if somebody shows up with fucking, you know, sit, those look territorial. It means like, okay, yeah, I know what's going on around him here. I've been in a convertible recently. Yeah, I am experienced in this area. Yeah. I'm gonna molest everybody. Yeah.

Yeah. All you soft core boys better get out of this neighborhood. It is a thing where like I, I've told the story before, but one time I had, I hired a, a realtor to find me a place. This is back in Cali. And I noticed that this dude, because you can't not notice it was bringing a pretty big briefcase to every time we met up and like you just don't see dude's rock briefcase you know briefcase

a lot yeah and he's like putting it on the table talking about stuff bringing it to these showings and then one time I go to his office and I see the briefcase and I was like you know you don't really see dudes with briefcases a lot, you know? Like you, yeah. And I don't see him open it much. I'm like, that's pretty unique. And he goes, you wanna see what's in here?

And I'm like, yeah, all right. So he goes, and he opens it. And it is like, it's got like the soft felt interior. It's custom made. like it's got like the soft felt interior, it's custom made, and it's just 12 pairs of sunglasses. And I was like, is this what you're bringing to all of your meetings? And he was like, yeah.

And I go, what's going on? Like, what's this all about? And he goes, oh, you want to see? He, he, he goes, it just depends on what kind of meeting, this is when you're like, this guy is insane. He goes, he goes, depends on what, what I'm feeling like that day, what kind of meeting, and then he busts out of pair and he goes, like, these right here, and he puts them on, he goes,

you wanna fuck with me? You're not gonna fuck with me if I got these fucking things on, and I was like, yeah, no, absolutely, I knew that I was with a completely crazy person, and I was like, right, right, he goes, that's why I got these, man, he goes, these are the don't fuck with me. So if I'm going to a meeting,

I don't want people to fuck around, I put these on. And then he's like, he picks them off and he gives another, and he's like, these are like, for like, you know, I'm interested, I'm interested in your property. I don't wanna threaten you. I'm like, okay. And that was his whole briefcase scenario. It wasn't paper, I don't want to threaten you. I'm like, okay. And that's, that was his whole briefcase scenario. It wasn't paper, it wasn't pens.

It had enough, it was just sunglasses. And in a way, I really, I go, I kind of get what he's going for. But that was that dude's like, that was his mojo. Like that's what carried him. Like some people, you know, they got to have their jacket or whatever, like makes them feel like this guy. It was all sunglasses. It was all sunglasses. Yeah, some people, like, people, you know, they got to have their jacket or whatever, like makes them feel like this guy. It was all sunglasses. It was all sunglasses. Yeah, some people like, guess, yeah, do have like

a fanzor reli head that jacket. Yeah. Who else is somebody that wore like a specific kind of a kutramin or whatever? What about in comedy? Isn't there some people that have like a, you'd never see them without something that I feel like there is is. Well those acts are going, dude, how many acts were there that used to have something? Have a fiddle, have a buddy, have a little, black guy sitting on their knee or whatever? Yeah. Yeah.

They used to have all of it. And now, it's like you're lucky to find a guy who you, Hey Reggie. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. We have to start our bit. Yeah, you're lucky to find a guy who you read But to start our bit. Yeah, you're right. The winners Italian dudes that had like you've saw those guys, right? It was like two Italian dudes and that was like their act. It was like a real yeah One of them owned the act so hey, so he never switched out and then but he would switch out the second guy. Like every few years. Like Joe and Ricky or Joe and Ronnie or something.

Yeah, Ronnie, the second or whatever. That's right, that's right. I'm trying to think, yeah, I mean, yeah, they had a room over there off of all of them. In like van Aiser. Yes, yes. And like when you're early days when you're trying to guess, you're like, hey, and they're like, all right,

and he had like the hair grease back. I mean, it was a real like persona type of... Oh yeah, they were greased up. One of them was real had his hair greased up. One of the other guy was bald. I think he just greased, like put a bunch of grease on his head. Just put grease all over his bald head. I'm like, yeah, do you sweaty, man. That's a good look.

Do you have a thing where, because I have a thing where, if I'm doing stand up, I don't want to be like two, I can't be like two, dress a certain way that's like two, feels too cool, or like two, you know what I mean? Like sometimes you get like a jacket, you know, it's cool jacket, you like it, but then you go like, oh, I don't want to do stand up in this jacket. I can't, and then I go because it just feels like too much.

It feels like, you don't want to feel like you're an action star, you know, doing stand up, right? So. Yeah, that would be, I would, yeah, I feel like if you're too cool, I don't know how you can do comedy if you're too cool. Yeah, it's too, that's the thing is that you, I always tell people like you don't get to be both. Yeah, you can be cool and like you can be kind of funny

if you're cool, but if you're like trying to be like comedian level, like pro level, then you're not like the coolest, you can't be. Well, but then okay, I agree with with you, that would always be like, because I think most comics never really felt cool. So if you went into something, but then so over time you have guys like dice who did it really?

Yeah, but it was like hyper cool. Like it was, it became like it wasn't this is a like guys are pretty cool It was like a put on yeah persona of yeah, I mean, yeah, I mean yeah pussy. Yeah, like so it was cool caricature yeah, yeah Well tension you got that guy you have Matt rife who's like the most handsome or comedian yeah Yeah, I've even made and some people say he's an NPC or something. He's a what? Doing something for Biden or whatever.

What? Jesus Christ, this athletic mat looks like. I see this is like the second time I've seen him. Yeah, and look, I don't even want to see that much. I've never seen, honestly, I've never seen that much of any man. Yeah, I mean, here's the thing. But you don't have handsome, I mean, look at this dude. It's a, but you don't have handsome, I mean, look at this, dude, he's resting.

He just, getting a little rest in on his muscle. No, you know what, this is a good one to bring up because this is actually against everything that you're told is possible, where somebody's like, he's a handsome, like good looking kid. I mean, it looks like a model, you know, he's a model, model body, and then he is a funny guy though. I mean, I, I, he's a funny dude. I've seen him, I've seen the clips that are all viral.

They're all funny, man. And he really knows, like, he's fun working a room. Really good, and he's, and yeah, I mean, he's just good at that. So yeah, you can't say that it's impossible, but also it's unique. It's unique. It's very unique. It's, it's, it but also it's unique though. It's very unique.

It's singular. It's like it works with him doing what he's doing. In other words, like if you go, I'm going to pose like this and like, I don't know, man, you could try, but it's probably working for him because it's a unique thing where he's authentically being himself. I think he is that guy. This guy. He's both a good looking kid

and he's quick and witty and funny and it just it all works. But most of the time, if like most dudes that look like that are not that funny. Yeah, and most of you look like that are women. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha But nobody has, I mean, Matt, it looks better than a lot of the women that I've dated. I think it's like, he's beautiful. The guy is damn beautiful. Yeah, he is beautiful.

I mean, a thousand percent agree that he is... And blacks like him. Yeah. All blacks. A lot of them. Yeah. Well, he has like, he has kind of like, swag down and he, you know, he talks about it. And ladies like him, Shamar Moore got on stage with him the other day. Yeah. I think I saw that. like he has kind of like swag down and he, you know, he talks with his like,

and Shamar Moore got on stage with him the other day. Yeah, I think I saw that. I saw that. That was insane. Yeah, and I saw that. Yeah, because he goes, you know, I'm pretty too. Like he was like standing up for pretty men. Yeah, it was the wildest shit where he's like,

we're people too. All right, and we deserve. Yeah, yeah, yeah, it was wild. Yeah, we need a few more mirrors in the economy. But we thought people too. It was insane. But yeah, it is its own, it's such a unique like thing going on there.

But I mean, look, it works for that kid. I don't think most of the time, like, you know, you see like, somebody can be like pretty cool and funny, like movie stars. Sometimes like, you know, this guy's got like a great personality, like can deliver a line,

but it's not the same as like getting on stage with a mic and like, you know what you see? Like, I was bringing up if you see like, like Rogan is jacked, right? Yeah. But that's almost inter-normally. But he does his best to mask that on stage. On stage, he wears oversized shit all the time.

He does wear that big coat. Because what happens is if he were wearing fitted, like a fitted shirt, then you'd be like, look at this guy's fucking jacked body. Like you're watching muscles. You'd just be watching. Yeah, and you want people to not be distracted by them. Yeah, that's true.

It's like big, crazy, like, tits, and if a woman's wearing really fitted out, you're like, okay, and that's what you're gonna look at. You see most women will wear, if they're really doing stand up and taking it serious, like most of them won't accentuate it. Yeah, I think it's kind of a thing you have to do.

Unless you're Matt Rife, then you're a beautiful woman and you can show it to me. God, yeah. I mean, in any orbit he's gonna do well now. It's like that's what the new thing is. Yeah. You know, he could do a gender reveal on himself once a year and people would fucking lose their moms.

And I only say that out of admiration. Like, first of all, who wouldn't want to be handsome? Like God, can you imagine if you were young, if you were handsome? He must have, I mean, he's really answered. He modeled, because I mean, he looks like, did he not model at some point? I'm sure they're coming at him now.

Yeah, now the offers have to be for S-Day Lauder. But also, I wonder if this is something that we're seeing Tom where it's like, you're starting to see a merge of a lot of things in the world, right? And you're seeing guys like who ran, who were the, who had their own game show, reality show, and now they're president of the United States. You know, it's insane.

You're seeing a lot, you're seeing boxers fight, retired, semi-angered urban man, you know, for big purses. You're, who are pro athletes? So like you're just seeing a lot of merging. So I wonder if this is just kind of part of that where things are merging, you know. I think you're totally right. I think what this is a result of is the evolution

of when it used to be, you had to be granted the right to do something. So if it, whether it was boxing or stand up or movie, the powers that controlled that would go, you're allowed to do this now. And then you go, thank you so much. And now, like you, the Ovan tomorrow could be like, I'm gonna box somebody.

And because there's an internet and you have a fan base, and people would go like, all right, it's like you then be, you're a boxer. You know? And then like, and base and people would go like, all right, it's like you then, you're a boxer. And then like, and the crazy thing is that like, your pay-per-view numbers could be like, right, like they would be legit pay-per-view numbers. So people would go like, oh yeah, you see that boxer thing,

oh, you fucking, like that's how crazy it is now, is that you just have to have the nerve to go, this is what I'm doing. And it's kind of the beauty of it all. It's what brings about both sides of it. It brings about the shittiness where people are like, this is garbage and you're like, yeah, ignore it then. But also it lets things pop because somebody goes, I want to do this.

And I'm not asking permission. For mission. Yeah, you just do it. That's a good point. Yeah, never in the world has there been a better time you could literally set a phone up in your yard and start a carnival. Yeah, you could for the whole world. You could literally say, Hey, mom, come out here. Yeah, hit her with something. Yeah, and next thing you know, you're on tour. Yeah, yeah, they'd be like, do you know this guy? He's fucking wild. Yeah, yeah, they'd be like, do you know this guy? He's fucking wild.

Yeah, he paralyzes the mother of fucking amazing. Yeah, and then you're on the wheelchair mother tour. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, he's two. She forgives you. She's your mom. Like, yeah, yeah, you're not going to go the prison. She forgives you. She, yeah, it's charges are dropped.

And you get her like one of the state of the art sprinter van with the fucking thing that goes up. Yeah, so its charges are dropped. And you get her like one of the state of the art sprinter van with the fucking thing that goes up, yeah. Yeah, those are amazing. And it plays the best is for I think a lot of handicapped people when you put that horn on it, like, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom,

man. Because even if you're handicapped, you want a fucking, at least people have not think you're for you get out of the vehicle I wish that there was a little more like I wish you ran into a few more of them with Like a few more jokes, you know, I mean like a little like just like a little more flavor Like having a song play and that like or just like I don't know like an intro song like when the train opens up Yes, smoke should come out.

Yeah, dude, right? Yeah, you're right. Why isn't that a little more, like have a little, yeah, you're right. A little hot sauce on your, yeah, have a ramp that maybe does a circle or something. Something like that, give me a little juice or like throw a little, like,

I don't know, like an exhaust pipe on your chair. Like as it, you know, have it make it run. Like a noise or something, you know, have it make it a noise or something. You know, like, hey, give me a little action. Give me a little. People can yell out the window, these Asians need to chill, you know. No people that don't know what's going on.

Exactly. Yeah, I want to hear some racism in the distance. That's what I'm talking about. Yeah, like, and you should do black face if you're in a wheelchair. Who's going to fucking? Yeah. No one's going to say anything to you. Not a thing. What who's gonna fuck you? Yeah. No one's gonna say anything to you.

Not a thing. What are they gonna say? Yeah. And who side would you be on at that point? That's an interesting thing to think about. That is an excellent question, because I feel like if you have any amount of decency, you're gonna side with blackface.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, if you are a decent human being at your core, you're gonna be like, this man can't stand it. Let him do what he wants to his face. Yeah, yeah. It's all he has. That's always got. Yeah.

Man, you're out of your mind, dude. God. It's blackface that bad. I've said how I feel about it, but people don't want to hear it. I do. Yeah. All right. Yeah, I think if you're a young kid and you love a guy like Dremont and Greene or one

of your favorite athletes or even, I think it's weird. We're almost perpetuating the racism. It feels like to me, I'm also white, you know? Sure, I understand. And so it feels though like at a certain point, you would say, oh, this kid can do that. He can idolize a black character because he's not, at a certain point,

the malice has gone out of it. It's not like you're making, because they used to have to do it because of the, they didn't allow black people to be in movies and so they would paint white people black, the menstrual shows and stuff, or they would sometimes paint, yeah,

and they would make them look goofy sometimes, so black people really felt offended by it. So it's rooted in something terrible. But that doesn't mean, but your point actually is a very good point, that a kid who's like five and just admires a person of color doesn't go like, is this rooted in a terrible thing? Right. They just go like, oh, I love this guy.

Yeah, I love this guy. I love this DJ Metcalf, yeah, when I, yeah. Yeah, that's who I want to be. So I don't know. Yeah. But I guess it's instance to instance, you know, because you don't want to get like six frat dudes. Yeah, that's true. But I mean, the University to instance, you know, because you don't want to get like six frat dudes. Yeah, that's true. But I mean, the University of South Carolina racism. That's true.

And they're good at it there. Oh, good. Yeah. I think what we're really saying is that if you're a parent of a small white child, do you have any nerve or you're coward, you know? That's true, wow. And you're going to paint your kid's face black or you's gonna be weak. Yeah.

Because now's the time. How's the time to show who you are? Yeah. Halloween is what? August, September, three months away, boy. Plenty of time to order product. Get that shade, baby. Now, what if you came out with cigarette safe shade? For black facing.

Yeah. This clip ain't gonna go everywhere. No, no, it's not. It's gonna hurt one day. Hey, look, I'm just saying things. Bert's texting me what to say. Yeah, despite that. This is very much in his line of thinking.

That's wild, dude. But yeah, do you remember, Tom? Do you remember when you started, because we probably started around the same time. There were more novelty acts, though. Remember that? Yes. That was a... That was a...

That was a bigger thing. And I think it's because we were, we didn't realize it, but we were at the kind of the tail end of having, you could have a 15 minute act that bought you a career. That's what it was ending. In other words, you could have like a, that was when people would see an act and go, development deal, we should make a show around this character that you've created. And so people were

were taking things like, okay, I'm the keyboard guy with a funny hat around the, you know, the Italian baseball guy, and they were just hoping for someone to see it and go, here's some money, here's some money to make that a bigger thing, to make it a sitcom. It's funny how like the sitcom also, in the time that we've done standup, was everyone's like ultimate goal, and then it shifted to like, no one is interested at all.

Nobody goes like, oh man, I really wanna get a sitcom. Isn't that weird? Like we were doing standup at the beginning, they were just like, you know, like give anything, sitcom, you're like, that's what it is all about. Yeah, if a new sitcom popped off, you would almost start being like whoever the star of it was.

I was like, oh, this is how you do it. I mean, I remember people landing shows, and you were like, oh shit, like that's the lottery. That's the home run dream of this whole thing is what this dude just got, you know, and it's so bizarre to me that I saw somebody have a show that what's weird now is that all the the networks ABC NBC CBS Fox they all have secondary streaming components,

they're like apps, like you can watch, peacock. Yeah, I forget what CBS is called, but it's like, they all have one. And now those, those apps and those streaming ones actually make shows, but I don't mean this to sound like super condescending, but I'm like, who, who, I don't know anybody who goes, did you check out that thing on the CBS? Yeah, I'm like, what? Like, I don't know any, but they're making shows,

but the difference is nobody goes, man, I hope I get one of those shows. Right. When we were starting out and starting to do shows, everybody was like, God, I want to get a sitcom. Oh, give anything. Yeah. And then it morphed. It's like as streaming became popular and like specials changed and podcasts changed. Everybody was like, oh, it's like they realized, oh, that's actually not what I want. Because the only people that are really gonna try to get those now are people who genuinely,

genuinely want to do that. I think that we were all like, oh, we were told that's the dream. So you're like, oh, okay, I have to go after that then. Yeah. That's the dream, right? But I think most of us actually were like, I don't think I'm a sitcom guy.

I'd be good at it. Yeah. Yeah, that's a good point. I remember I was going on Ditions and I would hate every minute of it. Yeah. I would hate preparing for it. I would hate and I could feel that I would hate it.

I think I was just too afraid to say that this isn't what I want to do because I felt like it was what the status quo was or what the direction of the river had always been. And he'd be like, well, if I say I don't wanna do this, then it must mean I can't maybe even do, you know, I felt like you couldn't just be a comedian. Like you had to also wanna do this other stuff,

or there was no real outlet for you. I don't know what I thought. But I remember being in rooms, being too nervous to even do one time I went in this room. And sometimes the rooms would be, bro, like a bathroom. They're so small you go into audition in. Yeah, terrible. And there's like, they have a little camera

and you couldn't even see the person, you were talking behind the camera and there's all bright light. And then they're like, all right, you're Anthony or something, you know? You were lost in the woods, you know? You said that so aggressively. Like they were like, you're fucking you were lost.

Yeah, well they would always, I got all these war movie things like P.O.W. type of shit. And so probably 70% of my auditions were for P.O.W.s. Really? Really? Yeah. What did you get a lot? Ha ha ha. Hostage. I got hostage a lot. Yeah.

No, I mean, I got, I don't know, man. You know, friend, it was always like this guy's fat friend. Head butcher. Yeah, but I did, I actually haven't had that much. I can see that. I don't want to say it out loud. No, no, I was a little aggressive. No, I've gotten that.

Fun. He's a good man. He works at the cemetery. I got those. Oh. Yeah. Got Diggs the cemetery. I got those. Yeah. Got digs, ditches, shit like that. There's never like the cool fucking Matt Rife rolls.

Oh, nevermind. Yeah, no, no. Yeah, do I have a, do I get a gun that shoots collagen in my skin? Like Matt Rife probably like, you know. Like, that would be nice. But yeah, I got a lot of POW stuff. And so a lot of times it would, you know, it would be like, yeah yeah, I got a lot of POW stuff and so a lot of times,

it would be like, yeah, I'm lost in the woods, I'm escaping or some shit and I hated it though. But I kept doing it. But that's the thing is that, man, I hated it too. The final thing is, being around you, it feels like it would be, I mean, it feels easy to imagine them shaping a show around you though. Like, you're so unique in your story, I mean, it feels easy to imagine them shaping a show around you, though. You know?

You're so unique in your story. It feels like they would have been jumping on each other to go, like, we got a show for you. Was that not ever brought to you? Never. Really? Yeah, I think they thought I was some crazy right-wing wig or kind of dude. Yeah.

Yeah. A lot of times. And so. That's a great idea for a show I Pitch it But they don't nobody wants If that's the log line good. What's this show about? It's just crazy right wing And his friends Green light at let's go 22 episodes BLM

I could fuck dude. Green light at let's go. 22 episodes. BLM, son. You know what I'm saying, dude? What the fuck? But it was, um, yeah, I thought, yeah, but I am amazing. I was gonna look back at just my own part of that part

of my life. How much I went against probably what my real feeling was of what I was enjoying doing or maybe not able to see that, oh, I really enjoyed the stand-up part. But the acting part was a real challenge. To get myself to do. And it's like, it's so funny, because what you realize is like,

you should just listen to yourself on that. Oh, yeah, I wish I would. Yeah, and then we all realize it with time and age, right? The one that used to kill me when I would go, I would get this thing and they're like, you know, this is the grandfather. And I'd be like, hey, do you think they're gonna probably book a guy who's like 70 doing this?

So, you know, she'd like that. And they would go, they would just be good for them, it would be good for them to see you though. And I'm like, but this is like, this is a waste of time. And they'd like, no, no. And then you prepare and you go is like, this is a waste of time. And they're like, no, no. And then you prepare and you go, and you sit in a room and you're like,

these are all guys in their set. Like the logical thing. And I'm like, man, like I just spent so much time and energy doing something that was for a waste. And there were things like

all the time where they're like, you know, you're gonna play, this, the part is a guy who's 400 pounds or something. I'm like, don't you think they're gonna get like a 400 pound guy and they're like, no, you should just go. You go to the waiting room and you're like,

no, these guys are all huge as fuck, you know? Like, that's what the part is. People are see-pap and there's like a, yeah, there's like a see-pap hub where they're all locked in, they don't see it. They all have fucking carts. Meet me, one of those and big old bird bodies. I was like, no, they're gonna book one of these guys. So, but just shit like that where you're like, you all had fucking cards. Meet me, one of those and big old bird bodies. I was like, no, they're gonna book one of these guys.

But just shoot like that where you're like, why am I even putting this effort into this thing? Yeah. I really, I remember the day where I, because I would really fucking loath commercial auditions. I was like, oh, fuck. And I went on a few, and yes, I booked a few.

I mean, my badding record of our average was just absolutely deplorable. I mean, some people were like, really good. They were always, I think I did four commercials, I don't know. But the point being that I, and I would, I realized that I'm like getting auditions and I'm like, nah, I don't wanna go to that. I'm internally going like, don't go.

And then one day, the commercial agent was like, hey, you know, we keep sending you stuff and you're not going. And it was like, it's like part of your growth as a person I go, yeah, I'm not going to go on anymore. You can take me off as a, and they were like, really I go, yeah, I don't wanna do this. And they were like, okay.

And so I just, you know, I stopped. I just didn't do it. And I was like, oh, that feels better. I don't want to do that. Why am I putting myself through this shit, you know? And the thing you find out is that later on, you know, managers and like your theatrical agents, if there's a huge thing, they find out about it too,

and they go, do you wanna audition? And I would, I found out, I was like, no. The only thing I've ever even sent in, ever since then was like a voice over audition, because you just sit in a room and you're like, here you go, I don't know, it's like throwing it against the wall.

Yeah, doing a cartoon, that'd be fun. Yeah, that'd be fun. But that's kind of it. I mean, I just, I go like, I don't want to, like the whole thing of like, this one's in Santa Monica and you're like, are you fucking serious? Like two hour drive out there to Santa.

Right by that library too. Yeah. And they're always, yeah, they like equipped people down there with weapons. I remember a couple years ago, somebody did a lot of the homeless people. There was like a, I don't want to say it was like a Renaissance fair thing that broke down in the homeless people like, accosted it. So there was like, I would say almost maybe four months. We're at half the homeless people and people in there had swords and looked like fucking

lady or man, Gwynnevere, you know? Like it was like, those can we see a picture of Lady Gwynnevere, sir? Let's see. Yeah. Oh shit. So we got real riskate down there for a while. Santa Monica was, and Venice.

Oh, Venice is that real? Oh, really? It is a, yeah. How is it in Nashville, by the way? Is it, do you, good vibes? Is it like, it's quiet? You couldn't cheat on your wife there. Yeah, okay, all right, cool.

Good. I think it's that kind of town. There's no way you could go anywhere without, you couldn't cheat on your diet there without somebody else. It's just that, it's a small community. Yeah, we're like, it's a bigger city to most people than you realize it's smaller than you think it is. Like you, yeah, I give you a second.

Yeah, there'd be nowhere say if you were gonna do adultery or whatever. There'd be nowhere to invite somebody that you would feel comfortable. Right, yeah. So yeah, and that's really the best way. It's kind of like it, but it's an applicable way to say it to people like, okay,

Austin, I feel like you could maybe get away with it. L.A., you could have a couple families. Yeah, you really could. Yeah. I mean, Burd has three houses in the next door to a different house. That's crazy. He keeps buying them too.

Yeah, yeah. He keeps buying them and then you go, Hey, why don't you donate to charity? He goes, I don't want you to have money laying around. I'm like, I think you do. Yeah, I think you do. Yeah, one of the houses I think is just full of his salt intake. I heard.

He's just like, yeah. He opened the door and the spices and rubs. Yeah, yeah. It's just a lot of, yeah. Yeah, I believe that. By the way, I know what happened a while ago. Did you see that guy eating by a shark? Uh-oh, I didn't see that.

You didn't, I don't watch a lot of that, but I'll look at it. It's a, it's a pretty wild man. Yeah, this is, I don't know that we've actually, like, you know, people have these videos and you go like, oh, you think it's something and you're like, oh, this isn't really what you're saying it is, but this is genuine.

This is, yeah, that guy is just like swimming and it's, oh, this one is censored though. Don't play that. No one wants to see that shit. Yeah, get the real, there's worse than that. Well, I mean, I don't know why they're gonna it's so silly because you're not actually seeing Blood and guts so for them to put like a And why was he doing it? He was swimming off the coast. He's in Egypt. So I guess he's I think he's on vacation I don't vacation anywhere where the Bible happened, really,

because so much shit happened there. Yeah, that's a good point. Yeah, that's good. Wow, can you imagine that? I know, like the absolute horror of that. And the father just kept recording? I think it's someone else. I think somebody else is recording.

I think I guess you'd want to see him at your last time seeing him. I don't know how you'd be. I don't have any children. No, I think you're, oh, yeah. He's just swimming there. I don't think people know what's going on at first. Yeah.

That must have been right when he'd hit him, huh? Cause he'd take tiger shirt. You look, his legs were up in the air. I don't know if when it hit him, huh? Cause they take tiger shrimp. You look, his legs were up in the air. I don't know if you looked, you see that? Okay, get back a few seconds. Look right here where he gets pulled under and then his legs go straight up. What would you do, you think? Well, that's the thing that the most horrifying part of this is you realize that this guy knows what's happening

and it's just absolute pan, like he just knows, like it's people's like worst, I'm getting attacked by a shark. I'm getting eaten by a shark. How does this happen? I mean, you're just in adrenaline is shooting through the roof and you're freaking out panicking as you should, everyone's reaction is panicking.

Yeah. You know, that's funny, like people go, like, we know what you should do in the situation. And you're like, Oh, what should, what should I do? Yeah. Yeah. Well, there are eyes tend to go. So if you can, hit them directly on the nose. And you're like, fantastic. I will, I'll keep that in mind. No, it's like, it is such a horrific thing. And I didn't realize that his dad was there and his girlfriend. I just got a link to it from the dove.

He was like, you wanna see something hilarious? And he sent me that link. That's not how I'm not. I was like, all right. The dove seems like he would send it to someone. He's a sick, sick person. Yeah, I don't know if he's definitely, I don't know if he's sick.

He seems hard to ensure. Let's put it like that. Yeah, yeah. But that's scary, man. Yeah. God, that makes me so scared. Oh, it's terrifying. I went snorkel on last week and it got that,

even got too early. Seriously? Where are you doing here? I was in Hawaii and I went to Newarkland. Oh, that's a place where shit goes down for sure. It was, yeah, it was all, yeah, yeah. Where, it's must've been beautiful though. It was beautiful, but it got so scary

and there weren't even any fish and like, oh, if the fish are going on, I'm fucking, I'm like, which, it was so scary. I was in Maui, and I was just, and then I started swimming back, and I started noticing that I'm not doing super great out there, and you can see like some of the life guards are like in a little group, and that usually means

you're not doing good. Yeah. And then, thankfully I got close enough back in, man, but it was pretty scary for a little bit. I was like, I don't know how much longer I can keep swimming over there, because I got real scared. Yeah.

Well, there's nothing more humbling than the ocean. Truly, I don't think there's anything more. 100%. You know, you can feel yourself in a lot of situations, and if you want to be brought down to your, to the level, just spend some time in the ocean, because you learn real quick. I mean, I've snorkel before. I've, I have been, I had this, I got caught in a, in a rip tide in Florida, like a year ago, where I was letting it, they tell you to let it take you, right? If you, like,

it, you don't want to fight it, you kind of want to, you want to drift out of it. And I was doing that, and I guess I wasn't doing it enough, and every time I would try to fight it, it wins. You never beat it. You know, like it's too strong. It just pulls you back. And I kept going further out, and then I got my, I would swim again. And then what happens is you're swimming against it. So you are exhausting yourself.

You're starting to fatigue. And then I get my feet on the ground, and you know, you're digging through it like you're really grinding through it. And then you feel it again on the ground and you know you're digging through it like you're really grinding through it And then you feel it again it pushes you back and this is like repeating and repeating So you are really depleting yourself of energy and at one point I see the lifeguard and he's he's sitting in the in his tower and Then I see him get down and I see him walk and he's walking closer and I realize he's watching me. Oh yeah.

And as I'm doing this, I get my feet on the ground and I keep pushing and I finally get, like, make some ground. And there's this moment where he goes, like this, like thumbs up, like you good. And I take my hand and I'm about to go, like, come out here. That's how scared I feel. And then I just like, I get my footing

and I make it out of it. And I come out of there with like my heart rates like 160. And he was like, oh, I thought you were in trouble there. I go, that's because I was. Yeah. And he was like, yeah, I looked, I go, dude, that fucking thing took me. And I mean, you just, you have those moments you're like, oh, this could was like, yeah, I looked, I go, dude, that fucking thing took me. And I mean, you just, you have those moments,

you're like, oh, this could end like that. Like fast, fast, that fast. In Hawaii, one time in Maui, I rented a vehicle, and they go, oh yeah, Explorer go here, there, tell me where to go. And we end up at this completely isolated beach, where the sand is at, like, you drive up here and it's at a full decline into the ocean.

I was like, oh, this is cool. And there's nobody there. And I walk into the ocean and just in three feet of water, I realize like, oh shit. Like it's full, undercurrent, you know, like this thing. Yeah, and you have to climb out. So like right away, I get out of that thing and I was like, that was actually terrifying.

And when I get back to the hotel, I tell them where I went and I go, yeah, I got in the water there, they go, oh, you shouldn't get in that water. I go, you didn't say that. You said, go drive around. They're like, oh, yeah, you'll drown there. I was like, oh, cool, cool, cool.

You failed to mention probably the most critical piece of information. But I mean like, yeah dude, like sharks, fucking undercurrents, it's all of it. Yeah dude, that thing, ocean doesn't forgive. It's so heartless man. It's so heartless, it's like wet time, you know? I remember I got out of the snorkel out there

and it kept lifting me up and so I could see like some of the reef, but then it would go so fast that I would be like sitting on the rocks. Almost like a model or something, you know? Like it went so low, it had like an eight foot fluctuation. So I was like, I was like swimming and doing good. And suddenly I was just like in a weird pose or something on this painful

ride, you know, like, God, it just was too much, man. I could eat. Dude, when I was in high, the ocean Florida, the rip tide in Florida killed, like probably 117th of the, or 130th probably of the urban kids in our area. And this is When I hate to say and I don't mean that in any type of way except it was it was a different time and it was Disheartening man because every other graduating class would lose someone every other graduating class would lose someone.

Dude, from, and when they went to Florida on spring break. Yeah. I mean, it was real, real common. It just happened, it just happened where I went to high school in Florida and is the fucking saddest thing where the kids, I guess tradition is that when they are seniors, they just jump in. Mm. You know what I mean? Like they do a collective jump into the intercostal.

Oh. And they did that. I mean, this is like, it's not long. It's not, and it's not in waves and create, it's just like, it's the intercostal. It's like the water from the ocean that you think, it's supposed to be a river. They did that and one of the kids just didn't come up.

They came and figured out how it happened. And he died. Dang it. Just graduated high school. Oh, yeah dude, it was like a celebratory jump. Yeah. Yeah, it's like you're dedicated in Baton Rouge from University high school over there and They went on one of those booze cruises or something. Oh, I heard about this and it's like they put these kids and they dressed the ship up

Like a pirate ship and they started going to fight some you know fight another. It's like is some horrible pirate Reenactment, you know, they were, they went to the Bahamas. Yep. They were in the Bahamas and they were off some island and somebody dared this guy to jump in. And I think it was nighttime. And that was it. They dared him to jump in.

There were sharks. And so when he was going towards the buoy, he saw a shark and then deviate. He went away from it. So like what he should have grabbed, he's like, oh, there's a shark over there. And then that was it. Like they never saw him again.

I can't believe there's not more footage of it. Sometimes you're like, does somebody? But there is footage of him. And then you see the shark, you see the shark. It's crazy that there's a shark. Yeah. God, it makes me so scared. I'm not shocked that we are on, this is why we've chose to be on land. It's crazy that there's a lot more people in the water a long time ago. I mean, we could not handle it.

Living in the ocean. If we were life guards, people would die. That's true. That's true. That's true. People, because they'd see me out there and like, oh, go get your buddy, right? And I go get you and you come out. And they're like, whoa, you're like, no, no, no, no, no.

Yeah, that one's gotta go. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You gotta let him go. Yeah. He's like, you're the lifeguard. I'd be like, no. And Matt Reich just standing there just like it's looking. Looking like he should be trying it.

They're trying to clean some block off the creases in his six pack. I got stuck in there. Yeah, dude, imagine getting lit in your whole six pack. It's gotta be insane. Crazy. Crazy. Wow. I, um, yeah, it's been different though. They used to have guitar acts. Remember Nick Thun played a guitar I don't I'm not saying that he was a guitar. But he remembered do you remember him? Of course of course Yeah, Nick Thun very talented comedian. He played a guitar. There was a there was a that was a big thing for a moment though too were people Who had yeah a guitar act. There was a few.

God, I'm for totally planning. There was cowboy Bill Martin, he's a famous comedian. I believe out of Texas actually. And he, I think he did guitar some, yeah, there you go. He was on the circuit a lot when I was coming up. There's a couple of these like country act dudes that are massive. That what's the like, there's a couple of these like country act dudes that are massive. That

what's the like there's a dude with a big cowboy hat who they were like oh this guy you don't understand the level. Who's like the big one? Country comedian? Yeah comedian. Who's a kind like yeah. Just no you don't have to do with me just like yeah kind of big hat Yeah, that's a total in the dog search. Oh, yeah, Tim. Oh Rodney wasn't it doesn't wasn't doesn't Rodney perform with like oh Rodney Carrington. Yeah, like he's huge Oh, yeah, he's been doing it forever too. Yeah Yeah, he does do. He has a musical component too. But he's got a big, who else? Jerry Clower was my favorite comedian.

Really? Yeah. I didn't know anything about killer bees. I'd do this gig and they were like, oh, that was the thing, you're gonna work with a killer bees son. I was like, from the Wu Tangland. And they were like, they're like, with a killer bee's son. I was like, from the Wu Tangland. And they were like, they're like, no,

like, you know, killer bees that come, I'm like, what the fuck are you talking about? And they're like, you don't know killer bees. I'm like, no, what is killer bees? And then they told me they're like, oh, dude. They go, when he, I was working a club. They go, when he comes here, they go, we'll just put like 11 shows on

and they all sell out. And then so he'll come back in a couple of months and just do it again. And then a third time and I'm like, what the fuck are you, I thought I knew most of like the names at the time, like, who is this? And they're like, oh yeah dude, they're like, kill bees like, like, mega draw.

He looks like Jean-Mene Ramsey right there in that one picture in the middle. Jean-Bene Ramsey. He's not a nod at JB and our reenactment. Oh, there's not. Where's that musical when you need it, huh? Oh my god. Yeah, that story. Where does that story? Yeah. Yeah. Now the picture above that picture looks like that. Yeah, there we go. Yeah, this actually looks the picture above that picture looks like that. Yeah, there we go. Yeah, this actually looks like that. That looks like the story. He's about to be like, do you ever wonder what happened with John Boney Ramsey? Like, you know, when they do the, they're like stone Phillips. Yeah, like he's like, you'll never believe what was at the bottom

of those days. Oh, yeah. And then they were in a moment. Yeah. Yeah, Jeff Richards used to do the best thing about that. He would do Keith Morrison all the time. Yeah, Keith Mord, he had a very specific cadence. He was good. But what about that can opener? Yeah.

Something different about it today. Yes, you know. That's true. Yeah. It was, God Jeff Richards is so fucking funny today. Oh, day, which was odd. Yeah. The spring. Yeah. All right. Jeff Richards is really, really funny. Really funny. Yeah, he's got some great impersonations. Man, I love working over at the comedy store and seeing him.

You know, what other acts were there that I remember? And I don't know if Cowboy Bill Martin did have a guitar. He may not have. He had a, he was a cowboy, that was part of his, but he also was a real cowboy in real life. Oh, really? Yeah. And who'd you say was your guy?

You said Jerry Clour. Pull up Jerry Clour. Now he was, I'm thinking of Jerry Lawler, I think. Well, they're similar actually yeah They look a little bit similar. So was this like when you're a kid was this like your parents were watching like that kind of thing Or just no I was like 14 and my friends dad gave me a copy of this He said if you heard this man and I said I haven't heard of this man And he's from Yazoo City, Mississippi, and he was just like a great storyteller

Ah and from Yazoo City, Mississippi, and he was just like a great storyteller. And I started listening to his albums, and it's just good. It's just creative. Yeah. Yeah, it's good. And then he toured as a comedian for a long time. A lot in the Southeast, I think he played football too at maybe University of Alabama, Mississippi State. No shit, oh really?

So I think he had that crowd, you know, that S&C crowd. Yeahro yeah looks like that's his card right there oh yeah that's it click on that the football I love to have one of those that's crazy what is that and we both look a little bit some we make it more nose oh yeah MSU the Mississippi State yeah wow that's a good place to get fucking human rabies baby and the fucking the penn the fucking, uh, the pennies in the fucking, also they do, they do the, the, what's the cowbells we put the pennies in? And you're like, oh, damn. Oh, I would, yeah, I couldn't even stay for a second.

I went to the egg bowl once. You did with Ole Miss in, you know, in Mississippi state? Yeah. Yeah, it was. My sister went to Ole Miss. My, oh, my grandparents went to Ole Miss. Yeah, yeah, they were really good. Yeah, you were almost, what's it went to Ole Miss. Yeah, yeah. Dude, you were almost, what's it called, a legacy?

Yeah, a running rebel baby. No, a fighting rebel, right? Running rebels is the UNLV. Wow, dude, if you would went to Ole Miss, your life would be different, Tom. Yeah, probably. You'd be like a sharecropper or whatever. Ha, ha, ha.

Probably, man, I definitely probably would have taken a different path. I mean, it's a beautiful going to Oxford is beautiful. Oh, yeah, it's stunning. It's stunning over there. I love it there. It's very pretty. I mean, Mississippi has very, is very archaic in a lot of it's demeanor, you know, it's more royal and more indentured. I enjoy, like visiting, it's such a departure from what you're used to. Yeah. You know, like wherever you, if you from the Midwest

or even honestly from the Southeast and you go to somewhere like Oxford, you're like, oh, yeah, there is like a level of class with which people, they're just more like, it reminds me like old school, old school country club vibes. Yes, it's true. People are like, you know, I was there visiting, I think my mom was there and we were visiting

my younger sister and you know, every guy that she's like, I go, you know, oh, he's in my class, whatever, he would be like, hello, sir. Yeah. And ma'am, it's very nice to meet like very polite, formal kind of stuff and you're like, oh, wow. And everybody kind of, they'll kind of dress the same. Yeah, they put on A, yeah, there is a,

kind of a code of conduct. Yeah, there's like, like in a country club, right? Where you go very much. Yeah, like where, you use a lot of khaki pants and like button down. And the croakers with the glasses on the little rope. Yep, that's casual. That's if you're like out.

Yeah, for the, but like everybody was pretty, yeah, it's like pretty formal style there. I think that's a big departure from what I understand of what's going on at MSU. Like there, that's a little more rural. And like, yeah. Yeah, and Oxford, you would jackulate on a widowily or something. or something yeah yeah it's very yeah it's got that

kind of energy dude your sister went there's a lot of pretty girls went there was he a rule she was pretty yeah she's pretty she ended up leaving I guess that she made me put on some weight and they cooked her out but it'll do that. Yeah. No, she was pretty. She was pretty. I, uh, three and she was like 19 or so. It was, yeah, it was great. It was really great actually. But there were a lot of beautiful, those SEC girls, while I was like, woof.

No, it's probably, the reason my life would have been different is I would be dead if I had gone to school at Old Man there. It's just yeah. I think I first of all I think I would have 1,000% And I'm not I think I would definitely would have gotten somebody pregnant. Yeah as like at 19 or 20 years old And your son would be working here as a PA. Oh yeah sure and so would I. I'd be like we're both PA and here together. I think it would have been a different life. Wow. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That's a whole I kind of I used to you know I was already I had graduated but when I was

there I was like oh this was what I imagined the college experience would be. I fantasized about like the traditional, you know, kind of large American university experience. What I realized I was dreaming about kind of was fantasizing about was the SEC experience. I didn't even realize that. It was like, what you see in movies of. Like this is what a college atmosphere is. And I just didn't have, did you, wait did you go to LSU? I forgot.

He only tell us you for a bit. And that's kind of the, it was good. Yeah, I went there when I did Baton Rouge on tour and I got it, they gave me like a VIP tour of the new football, yeah, the stadium, but at the new facilities. There, fucking locker room now, like the new locker room. It is not that I think it's better. It is notably better than NFL locker rooms.

It's one of the most, that's incredible. Point, it's incredible what they have is it's other fucking level shit, dude. Like you walk in there and you're like, what in the, yeah. Wow. Yeah, like that one on the left there. Oh, wow, it looks like first class seating on a overnight flight. Okay.

So when I walked in, I said the exact same thing. I go, this seems like international first class. And the guy goes, it's funny that you say that. That's what we modeled this after and the reason We do that is we have been doing studies and found click to below that one Yeah, he's like we found that our players need more sleep So we designed these so that they can take a nap and at a moment's notice and these turn into beds So we want them getting more sleep. So we want them to be able to just be here and sleep.

And then I was like, you know, like what's with these like crates underneath? You know, the he goes, oh, yeah, they can put their stuff in there and each one of these has an individual exhaust vent so that the locker room doesn't smell the smell escapes. So they put their dirty stuff in there, the smell is getting and then we come, and we take it out and clean it. I mean, these guys are like lab experiments, you know? Like they are studying them down to the tea, and they know everything about, you know, yeah,

they, they, I don't know, is that true? They have air conditioned helmets? Yeah, that's what our end drink just like, what? I just like. What? I just wonder if they're making any money off that air they're huffing out of there, dude, a lot of fucking people would pay a couple of bucks to huff that air coming off of. A jockstrap coming off with Jaden Daniels or Joe Burrow, dude.

I fucking dude. I'll spend 11 bucks huffing off of Burrow, dude. That keeps everybody fired up in the neighborhood, managing some dad driving across states to get his kids a couple of huffs of LSU football. Fucking body sweat. I could get, I couldn't get the jock strap, but I got you some compression shorts.

Yeah, look at these guys dude. Oh God, what? Yeah, I'm real. And where do they just press a button and a white girl pops out of something? Ha ha ha ha! That's not your recruiting trip, for sure. Yeah.

How crazy do you think recruiting trips get still? Do you think they still get crazy and we don't know it or it's really locked down now? I think it's different. I think the heyday of it is probably in the past can something like that still happen. Yeah, of course. But I think for the most part, there's just, look, there's just eyes everywhere.

It's different, you know? It's like somebody is, it's always kind of keeping an eye on you. Everything has cameras, and now there's, you know, facial scanners and all this shit. I just, I think it's still possible, and I think something, things like that still happen. But for sure, 80s, 90s, 2000, like earlier, I think that was, I mean, it's very well known.

The funny thing is, there's actually very well-known that LSU was the place where like, some of the wildest shit would go down. Yeah. Because, and a lot of those schools in like an LSU, they're like, no, no, even like the girl, they're like, we want you to come here and help us win a title.

Like, they are just down, everyone's just down. Oh, yeah. So, a lot of girls would take a baby off some of these running backs or whatever, just to help them get down the field or whatever. Yeah, exactly. I know somebody who told me a recruiting story, a player, NFL player, and it was for NSU, and it's like one of those fantasy stories.

Yeah, they told me the story and I was like, holy shit, you know, yeah, that was pretty cool. I'm like, yeah. Oh, that's pretty nutty, man. You're a senior in high school. Like that's happening to you. God dude. Yeah.

Yeah it's a, I wonder too sometimes with this, now they're giving the players NIL money. I wonder if some players that we're, it's gonna cost them because you get that money, right? And some people when you get money, when you start to make some money, it's hard to find your old drive because they almost deplete each,

it's almost an even trade-off. You know? Yeah. And so I wonder how many guys would do well enough until they got to the pros and get that big deal. Yeah. But just because they're getting a starter deal of 30,000 or something early and they burn out on that

and it prevents them. You're 100% on point. That's a weird part. That's a weird part. That's a weird part. That's a weird part. That's a weird part. That's a weird part.

That's a weird part. That's a weird part. That's a weird part. That's a weird part. That's a weird part. That's a weird part. That's a weird part. That's a weird part.

That's a weird part. That's a weird part. That's a weird part. That's a weird part. That's a weird part. That's a weird part. That's a weird part. That's a weird part. That's a weird part. That's a weird part. That's a weird part. That's a weird part. Now, here's the thing, you could also probably make a case that maybe that guy was always going to be that guy.

Even he was never going to, the guys that are bred to compete and win at all costs, they're not thrown. They just want more in bet, but I think it is a point that you're going to have some dudes that probably would have grinded a little harder. They're gonna be like, I got money now. So same thing, the kind of thing that can happen in standup where it's like you get money or fans and then you can see people's motivation

to put in an effort and to do work kind of dips. They stop working. Yeah, they stop working. Yeah, because I think sometimes you don't know what your motivation is almost to, and that's almost some of the scary thing about realizing getting a earning for some type of potential or a reward for some effort, is sometimes you don't know what your motivation has been.

It could have been a meat, a woman, it could have been to make money, it could have just been to appe what your motivation had been. It could have been an ameta woman. It could have been to make money. It could have just been to appease your parents or somebody. Yeah. So it's kind of, and you almost don't know that. Sometimes too, you get some, some type of reward or success for yourself that then kind of like slowly starts to clue you in.

But it can be scary. Sometimes if, if all your motivation was, it's scary to realize you might run out of fucking motivation. That's something that's scary. Yeah, I mean, I think that you just, first of all, I think that it's the fact that it's completely what you're describing is so universal. Like it's not unique. People in the position that have the thought you go,

is this just happening to me And then you realize absolutely everybody Feels the same way especially if they're in your position like where they have fans Yeah, like everybody kind of goes What's happening and is this real and and and they have doubt? Why am I doing like all those questions? Happened to everybody so that's actually kind of the comfort in it in that you know it's not only happening to you.

It's everybody going through it. And you have the waves of feeling great about what you do and so competent and proficient. And then I think the other side of it is normal too. You're like, am I any good? Do I even know what I'm doing? Yeah. Am I doing this am I any good? Do I even know what I'm doing? Yeah. Am I doing this?

I think I suck. I think that it's healthy that you don't feel one way all the time. I think that you always are going up, because that's sort of what it's like just to be a person. You don't stay at one feeling all the time. But the real fucking, I think, in standup, the real thing you have to do is you have

to try to find ways to feel uncomfortable again. Because what happens is when you are unknown, you feel uncomfortable. A lot of times, right? Because you get booked on a show and you're like, fuck, are they going to like me? Is this joke,, am I gonna do this joke? You have all these doubts. And then when you become known, you walk on to a stage and they're so excited to see you, well then it's kind of like you have to figure out how do I get uncomfortable to like try something, to get an authentic reaction, right?

Yeah, what do you do? Do you have to go to another country? Do you think or do you have to get like, I think we're kind of in a, in like a, well that's a great thing still about a New York NLA is that those cities are so huge, especially in the world of standup, that there's every type of show.

And you can actually, and you can find them, you can find these outside of New York, but I'm just giving them as an example. You can find shows outside of New York, but I'm just giving them as an example. You can find shows where you're like, this might not be a crowd that knows me. And I think that's good. The other thing that people say that they do,

and they really, it's hard to do this, but it's like once you're having stuff that you're working on and it works, you gotta use sets where people do know you, like on a hot crowd, they're like, ah, he's here and they go crazy. You gotta try to like figure shit out on those sets. Like there's no point at a certain point of like

doing your great stuff. I mean, yeah, at a certain point, that's masturbatory. You're just doing it to feel good. And of course, I understand we all. Oh, it's a really good point. But you have to like go, like I mean, even like I did a spot last night and I was like, I'm gonna try this joke.

And right before I went up, I was like, I think this is not gonna work. And then I go, part of your brain goes, within don't do that. And then I was like, I think this is not going to work. And then I go, part of your brain goes, well, then don't do that. And then I was like, no, do it. And the thing about the reason that that's an important thing is that you go, oh, yeah, it's the doubt that you have to embrace. Embracing doubt of like, maybe this will not be good.

And then there's like things connected to that. You go, if this isn't good, maybe someone will go, oh, he's not that good. And then you don like things connected to that. You go, if this isn't good, maybe someone will go, oh, he's not that good. And then you don't want them to feel that way. Right. So you embrace like, oh, I'll abandon that. And I'll do what works so that they go, oh, he's really good, you know?

Like, it's all connected to these and, but you realize there's no making you a better comedian by doing the set that you know will kill all the time, you know. Yeah, man, it's interesting. No, some of this stuff is interesting to hear from you because you know, you've had a lot of, you know, you've had success and been on, you know, you know, it's interesting just to kind of to hear some of this stuff because, yeah, some of these places are places that I kind of are start to see my moments that start to happen.

It's like, oh, yeah, I'm just like if I kind of start to see my, or moments that start to happen. It's like, oh yeah, am I just, like, if I'm not listening to that voice, then am I even growing right now? Yeah, I think, I mean, what do you approach? Like, because I'm fast next, because I've seen you do shit where I'm like, uh, you know, it feels like it's stream of consciousness, but I don't know if that's like, yeah, actually happening or like that's part of the performance, but do you just, I think I think I can do a better job of trying to be more brave, I think. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, I think, I mean, it's a constant battle.

Nobody ever goes, I have arrived. I want people not to like you. You've worked so hard. Exactly. People to like you. Yeah. And I do miss when it was more of a surprise. When people didn't know maybe that you, having an element of surprise is awesome.

Yeah. Like being able to say something in a group or be funny or know that people don't know you could be funny. Yeah. And then you get to surprise them, dude. Yes, that's the best. That was my favorite thing about being young,

like when a kid would introduce me to his parents or whatever, dude, I'm like, it is fucking on, dude. I am going to low-key ruin my friend's life behind his back with his parents. Like, I would tell, I would always set my buddy, like just, you know, we used to go smoke weed outside with my buddy and his dad was kind of He was like kind of like

Kind of homophobic or whatever you know, and so he would If he thought people were queering around or whatever he'd fucking yeah He gripped the edges of his newspaper and he fucking shake it or whatever you know And so we go and smoke weed outside. I'd come back in early, right? Yeah. And I'd tell him, I'd be like, oh Mr. Mike, dude, those, some of the guys were just,

I don't know, somebody like took their shirt off for no reason or something. I don't know what was going on. I don't know. And what was going on? Yeah, I do. Then I would just go like, I don't know what was going on. I don't know. And what was going on? Then I would just go like sit on the other couch in their living room and you fucking see that newspaper do a fucking 180.

He would just twist it bitch and start out. And then my buddies would come in and they're stoned out of their mind. And they've just been doing nothing. They've spoken weed in a Ford Ranger. And so he'd be he could fucking see him. He like sit down You're like, what are you boys been querying around? He fucking loses shit dude And as white you could hear a light of fucking cigarette in the distance Yeah, and stop making a salad

and stop making a salad. Yeah. And I just remember it was so much fun though, dude. Just not knowing. Like, because I just always had this awareness that like there's always some type of an audience somewhere and the parents were like this distant audience to whatever our lives were. And so it was fun to like set up little things.

And but yeah, the element of surprise was just fun. Like now, if somebody, yeah, it's people know you can be funny. It's not it's still fun. It's awesome. But you're right. And there's a there is a fun thing about like, I don't know, you go into a store or something. And you meet like the salesperson who has no idea who you are. And you, you know, you say something, and you really get them to laugh, and then you're like, you get such a rush, and then you just like, you keep going, right?

And then you're like, you're 30 minutes in to buying socks, and they're like, this guy, you're like, she's like, you're fucking hilarious. And like, it's like, you realize, like, oh yeah, that's what, like, it was in the beginning, is that you were always trying to, like, make somebody, like, hey, I'm funny, you realize, oh yeah, that's what it was in the beginning. Yeah. You were always trying to make somebody be like, hey, I'm funny. You're trying to show them.

And then you get that rare thing, not that, but you know what I mean? We're all telling the conversation. That is totally true. I guess the thing is though, you also realize that as fun as that surprise is, it's not the only thing. There's something about this that it's just in you, it's who you are. You love doing this. And there's just a thrill in making audiences laugh.

It is the best feeling in the world. I think that's why we, I don't think you ever would stop doing it. We were talking about, we were at the club last night, just like that feeling of like, it's so fun to make people laugh. I mean, you see people like rocking, you know? Oh yeah, it's like hitting the table. You're like, there's no feeling like that. Like it's just amazing.

It is dude. Yeah, there's something. I mean, who wouldn't want to do it? I think, yeah. Yeah, when I was young, I just didn't like the, the only, I just wanted to, I don't know. Yeah, there was something. and with people who were laughing, you knew that they couldn't hate you.

Yeah. They had to have some, they weren't, they were gonna remember you. There were all these little things that came with getting people to laugh. Last night, this guy, sometimes you can, you can, you have to kind of look under the lights from the,

on staging, kind of see the front row pretty decently. You know, if you kind of glance under that light line and some dude was just pulling like tears out of his eyes, dude. And that was like them. I was like, oh, yeah. We're doing okay for a little while. Yeah, dude, that's, I mean, we're very lucky

to be doing what we're doing, I think, you know. Oh, yeah, dude, it's crazy, brother. I mean, I wouldn't mind fucking having a little bit of that Matt Rife on I think you know. Oh yeah dude, it's crazy brother. I mean I wouldn't mind fucking having a little bit of that Matt Rife on me now. Oh, damn. Yeah, I mean it's all, I mean his merch, he could just come in this stuff. That's true.

Imagine that just selling your own hair and shit for your merch. Oh my God, I know. I mean he literally is killing it on the comedy side of it for real and then has just thousands of women going like, let me blow you, please, like begging, begging. And they're husbands. Yeah, the husbands are like, I've, me too.

Like, I'll work the balls, yeah, I'll rubber back. It's okay, it's okay, you're beautiful, man. That's fucking crazy. What a life. All right, where can people go? I know you're on tour through the fall into next year. Probably next year, kind of doing spaces. Easier for me to not go from city to city sometimes.

Yeah, space it out, that's a smart way to do it. So we'll follow you on that. We're on like a couple year tour. I don't know when this thing will work. That's the way to do it, you think? I think that's the way to do sometimes. Yeah, space it out. It's a smart way to do it. So we'll follow you on that. We're on like a couple year tour. I don't know when this thing will. That's the way to do it. You think? I think that's the way to do it. That's the way to end this.

When I see that I'm coming everywhere and it's a nice picture. Yeah, that's just now what you want. You're doing it the right way. I swear to God, I will be following your example on the next one. But I just worry, yeah, but if I go out of business in a year and then I fucking miss half the dates, you know. Not gonna happen. Not gonna happen.

You're, you can, the thing is that once you have a, like what you have going on, you have all these fans that people wanna see you, it's like, you don't have to, like, like make it hard on yourself. You can actually, like I think one of the great things I would tell anybody who's in the position we're in is like, hey, you know, when you're booking the dates,

book Hawaii, like put that in like book breaks to enjoy life, enjoy the success that you have earned and to give you some perspective on that it's not just show, show, show, show, show, show, show. Like, where you're just like, well, I guess I just do shows nonstop for like, what is the joy factor in that? I think the joy factor is like,

I'm snorkeling and might die. Or, you know, I'm like, go, go, like, I would tell somebody like when you book these dates, look at that part of that and go, you know what, hey, these, after these like four months of touring, book a month of no shows and just like go enjoy

or do something, go home, just live life. Like what is, you don't have, you're not like, if I don't do these shows, I can't pay rent, right? So it's like you like you've earned that. What is that feeling? Because there's a feeling of something. If I don't, yes, there is.

I think that we all are like, part of it is there's an element of, well, he's doing it. So I should be doing it. So you feel it. Which is also you realize that's not a healthy, good perspective. That's not what you need to be doing. Part of it is a sense of competition.

Part of it is that, is the fear of, it's going to end. So I got there, take the work. And all those things are actually rooted in kind of insecurities. They're not rooted in good, positive things. They're just rooted in like a fear. It's like a fear. So I think once you're like, when I'm done, since I'm done with the tour, I have perspective on it. And I go like, oh, this is like I'm happy that I did it. Yeah, it's like an accomplishment or whatever. But I go, it's not the ideal way to do it. I think the ideal way to do it is like what you're doing. Like, here's some dates, go do them,

when you want to announce the next one. Like, it's a healthier lifestyle to do it that way. Yeah, I think it's a most I can handle, you know. Some people can take it, you know, and handle it all and it burns me down pretty quick. Well, it's really good that you listen to yourself on that. That's a good way to make things last is to go like, oh, this is what feels good to me.

I'm going to do this. Don't feel like you need to copy somebody else's. But for the next two years, people can see you. Yeah. And we'll be out there, return to the rat towards getting fun. Is it TheoVon.com? Yep. TheoVon.com. TheoVon.com? Yep, TheoVon.com. TheoVon.com.

Yeah, it's been fun, man. You have any big ones in the fall? No, I wanna go see some more football games this fall, so I'm gonna make sure to schedule some stuff around that. That's the way to do that. I wanna go back to Neel and Stady. I have you been there for UT? No.

I've been in Knoxville for a show. Yeah, for a show. And you go like, oh, I want to go to a, I want to go to, like I want to go to all the big. Yeah. You know, we went, we got tours of a lot of places. I don't think of, but I remember like, Burr was like one of the first guys who,

you know, you're like, you're doing a show in Tuscaloosa. Really, he's like, yeah, because the next day is a game, I was like, oh, that's fucking brilliant. Like, he was scheduling shows around going to get makes perfect sense. Of course. I was like, yeah, that's fantastic. Oh, yeah. I, um, I, there's a bunch of them I really want to go to. I hope I can do something like that. That'd be fun. Um, do congrats on all your success, man. It's been exciting to just watch and, and just see you, uh you kind of just creating a model

that the rest of us are trying to learn and live, not live up to, but you know, it's like we're all learning from each other like you said, you know, and it's really like a lot of us are having to become business people when we weren't business people. Yeah, but here's the thing is that we all just inherently are like whether we label it that or not, we just are.

You're just that you're an entrepreneur. Yes. The product is the comedy, and then you run it. Like you're the manufacturer, you're the marketing guy, you're all the, and then you learn that, like you've got to bring in talented people around you. Yeah. Like they help.

And I want to meet Danny next time too. Oh, he's the shit. Is he? Yeah. People love him. My buddy just damn fucking loves him. He's hilarious, dude. God, he loves him.

You guys together would be, I mean, you... Is he pretty chill or what's he docile or is he more... He is a chill fund dude, but he has, and it's funny that you bring him up because his mind also just goes places. His analyzing a situation is, for me, I go, I mean, I've seen him do it a hundred times and I'm like, you are funnier than 99% of comedians,

like like, like, yeah, yeah, yeah, he's like, he's that level of Oh, that's awesome. Whitty, funny, very original. Like, that's the thing. He doesn't remind you of like another guy. You're like, I fucking don't know. Anybody like you. Like you.

Um, thanks dude, same to you. Yeah, that's one thing. Yeah, I think as much as even going in LA and trying to be like, other people I remember trying to like take voice lessons to sound like people that were in sitcoms and things like that. And then eventually walking out of a podcast one day and be like, I just said I'm just gonna try and just be myself, you know.

That's worked out. Yeah, yeah. I think it works out for everybody. That's what I was trying to say, I think. It's like as much as it's like there's this push to take you away from yourself. Like, you know, just do your best. It's hard to be ourselves sometimes. It's like as much as it's like there's this push to take you away from yourself. Like, you know, just do your best. It's hard to be ourselves sometimes.

Yeah, that's true. But yeah, thank you so much, Tom. Hey, thank you for coming. I know we both send our best to Bert Hope. Oh, hope you recover. It's tough to see it. Yeah. Best of luck with everything, with the treatments and um god. Yeah, and there've been I've been seeing yet

I saw somebody sent me a couple gifts of what they're doing was Just like yeah some of his canals are used to just be his limbs, but now it's it's up there. Oh God dude, and that's the flood plane on his fucking kidneys. That's a lot. It is a lot. Thank you guys for watching. Thanks for listening. See you next time. Tom tells stories and birds the machine. There's not a chance in hell that they'll keep clean. Here's what we call, two bears one cave. No scripts of bed of booze, amateur, patology. Dirty jokes, ronti humor, no apologies. Here's what we call, two bears one cave.

and cave.