2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer - World's Smallest D***s | 2 Bears, 1 Cave

Episode Date: February 26, 2024

SPONSORS: -Get 10% off your order at https://thefreezepipe.com with promo code BEARS -Visit http://Lucy.co/BEARS and use promo code (BEARS) to get 20% off your first order. -This show is brought to you by BetterHelp. Visit https://betterhelp.com/bears today to get 10% off your first month. -Get 50% off your order at https://factormeals.com/BEARS50 with promo code BEARS50 Welcome back to another episode of 2 Bears, 1 Cave! Bert's back in the Cave this week and he and Tom discuss aging and lower members. Specifically which nationality ages the best and which nation has the smallest average peener size. Two completely different debates for two completely intriguing topics. Speaking of words you can't say without getting flagged online, Bert and Tom also talk about how confusing the content policies are for social media sites and how sometimes it's difficult to tell what's appropriate and what's not. It's not all fun and games this week as Tom and Bert also get a little sentimental and talk about feeling shame for the first time, the heavy weight of people pleasing all the time, and being cynical about people finding fulfillment in silly things. Other things covered in this episode include, ladyboys, Bert's favorite Austrian painter, Queen Elizabeth, the origin of drinking ages, and Shannon Doherty. Tune in and learn something! https://tomsegura.com/tour https://www.bertbertbert.com/tour https://store.ymhstudios.com 2 Bears, 1 Cave Ep. 225 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

First guess seventh grade seventh grade open mouth. Oh, yeah. I only started open mouth. Yeah, that was cool That is I was close Do I was ready to fuck like in in seventh grade? I was dialed in to be a God A god now I don't want to like sidetrack this that is like Hitler like Like sidetracked this that is like Hitler like 100% And on average it takes about 30 days for a person to break their new year's resolutions. It took me to So If saving your money was on your 2024 list your odds aren't looking that great. Luckily

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Cut your wireless bill to 15 bucks a month at mintmobile.com slash bears. Additional taxes and fees and restrictions apply see mint mobile for details and we're back Thank you guys for listening. Thank you for watching I know your health is getting better. How are you feeling today? I feel fucking amazing? I feel fucking amazing I'm so ready for that 10k my hips don't work right now 10k 5k 5k 5k I ran three month 3.2 miles in 32 minutes roughly today. Okay. So I have some work to do. But it's crazy how your brain works when you run

because it is like being on a roller coaster. You just think clear thoughts. You ready? Yeah. Number one, this is, I was listening to a podcast. Are you familiar with the Victorian age? I'm not like well versed in it. Well, let me catch you up. Okay. The Victorian age is when Queen Victoria Became Queen. Oh, she had her jubilee ball

Which means she was Queen for 50 years and I was thinking comedians should get we should do like a kinsen era for comedians We get to 20 years when you get to 30 years you get a celebration. Yeah, there should be like a kinsen year for comedians when you get to 20 years when you get to 30 years you get a celebration There should be like a celebration. We need to bring back the Friars Club. Yeah, man. We need a community again Yeah, it's kind of fractured. Yeah, wait were black people letting the fire club Friars Club. I Don't know cuz I don't remember like a lot of black guys in the front I think it was like a old Jewish man's thing. It was like it's New York, right? And it's New York Yeah, I mean I feel like that was the base, but I don't know if they excluded people.

It was just like their friends. It was like... I went to a club one time, like one of those Soho houses for a meeting and my manager showed up. I went to the Friars Club. You went to, I've never been to the Friars Club. Yeah, yeah, I went to.

I would love to be in the Friars Club. Yeah, it was cool. It was cool. What, is it dead? No, it was in New York and somebody took me there for a meeting because they belonged, yeah. to be in the Friars Club. Yeah, it was cool. What is it dead? No, it was in New York and somebody took me there for a meeting because they belonged. Yeah. Who? Like a business guy. It wasn't like an entertainment. Did you see any old school dudes? No, they just

have really cool, like old, you know, like photos, paintings, like mementos and stuff like that. Top five best old ethnicities. Just as an ethnicity. Is when you run into that ethnicity, like white old is kind of creepy. Right. White old is like, there's some bodies under there. Yeah, it's it's dark. Yeah, there's ironically it's dark. Old black men have to be number one. They're really fun.

They're hands best. I just meant the stories they have. No, they're hands. Old black hands. If I could get all black Do you ever hear a Stand-up joke about I can't do it. It's gonna find I'm sure he's put it out about He hates it. He hates old people. Mm-hmm. He hates old people

But he's getting old that's like being a racist and slowly getting black. Yeah Stay in hope so fucking yeah, he's great. Oh black hands are number one. Yeah with and by the way Black men go gray so good Well, they also I mean, that's like a old cliche thing, but they just age better man. They just they do They do and their stories are better. They slow down get in my nerve pills Yeah, there's dudes that like I mean even someone like Eddie Murphy. Isn't he like 60? No, yeah Eddie Murphy's got to be oh, I guess Yeah, but you look at him and you're like what wait Eddie Murphy's older than Mark Marin

How does he? Mark Marin's older than any two years old. See how old Mark Marin is Mark Marin? How old is he? He's 62 years old. See how old Mark Marin is? Mark Marin's as old as Eddie Murphy? Two years younger. Jesus Christ. Yeah, that's white versus black right there. Oh my God. Yeah. No offense, Mark. I'd much rather be Eddie. Yeah, well, man. I'm sure Mark would too.

I, uh, yeah, I mean, you're not gonna look like that at 62. Okay. Okay. I mean I mean you're not gonna look like Eddie top cedar black men, right? They're up there. Yeah, okay Asian Sure, but I mean Asians pretty broad. Do you mean like specific? Uh? Footnote ten smallest dicks on the planet footnote that foot that. I just learned the 10 smallest countries with the 10 smallest dicks. 10 smallest countries? You know the 10 countries, but they're actually large countries

with the smallest dicks. I don't think you're gonna be shocked. Who did the research? I did the research last night. I love when my brain goes, who's got the smallest dick in the world? Can I just get, can I tell you something?

This is a total kind of a sidebar here. Seriously, so you know the thing we did yesterday. Yeah, dude Your dick looked really nice. Thank you Thank you very much, and I didn't even prop it up. I didn't even I know thank you so much Were you feeling it or is that no, I just you know, just regular old dick I almost put my dick out when Natasha took her shirt off. That's cool I almost because I felt like a camaraderie when she ripped her shirt off Yeah, you don't know Natasha Ligiero followed me at the improv and Natasha took her shirt off. That's cool. I almost, because I felt like a camaraderie when she ripped her shirt off. If you don't know Natasha Ligero followed me at the improv

and then ripped her shirt off. You can find it online. You can definitely find it online. Her and Jason Kelsey. But I mean, like you had some good hang. Thank you. We have the same dick. Well, we do.

Wait, does yours get smaller than it was yesterday? Yes. Okay. My dick, my dick at times. So there was like decent weight to it yesterday. A little bit, yeah, a little bit. I think it's the shoes I'm wearing. What do you mean?

I think I'm wearing fancy shoes. I'm like I'm not wearing flip flops because it's raining. And so I think when I stand a little taller, my dick just goes, okay. And hangs a little lower. Yeah, I gotcha. My balls have been, my balls are non-existent since Testosterone.

They've been shrinking? They're like a coin purse, like just, I mean, I can't find them sometimes. I have to search for them. You know, when you pick corn out of a salad, cause you don't like corn, that's how I feel eating my balls. Eating.

I do that with olives. I'm on so many topics right now. This ends kicking me in the dick really Back to old men back to this is we're gonna and then we're gonna do old men. Oh, hold on. We never even finished Victorian age. Yeah We haven't gotten to like those kings when they get old look old as fuck Yeah, you don't want to be an old white man. No, I mean, I guess I do want to be an old white man But it's like there's a certain age where you're like, oh god Like Cuban old Cuban men have a good look

Yeah, it's kind of that's true. They have stuff old Italian men especially if they're from like Milan or Naples or like they still they fucking, they care about what they look like. That's the thing, you gotta care. I think white American aging men just throw in the towel. They just go like, yeah, fuck it, it's over. And if you have that mentality, then you're okay with looking like shit. And over, for some reason, in those cities,

they're just like, no, you take pride in your appearance forever. I think, oh, OK, you ready for this? This is going to be borderline races. Yeah, that's my favorite type. Go ahead. I think all white men believe they deserve to be old white men. I think all black men are like, I can't believe I made it here. Wow. So they they're actually very insightful, really relish in it.

Like any old black man has beaten so many fucking odds in his life that when you see them and they're smoking a cigarette and they got a fucking drink in their hand yeah god damn it man why in there a podcast to all what old black man let's do it you want to produce one let's get two old black men and just but yeah we'll produce it and we'll give them topics what were the topics I can't wait till Cam and Mace get old. Yeah, that'd be great. They're going to be there because they're like, what? Okay.

New subject. The Tory. You're how old? How old is a? Okay. At what age does a white man get old? And at what age do you consider a black man getting that's a good. That's a good question because a lot of white guys

like at 50 feel old 55 55 old yeah But again, it's your it's your outlook. It's the way you approach things. Oh, it's culture. Yeah Black culture is a youthful culture Mm-hmm, and so like you look at Cameron, he still dresses cool as shit. And still has like,

he might consider himself an old head, but he's like still a young dude. But he's probably what, in his 40s? He's gotta be 48. How old's Cameron? I don't know. God, if I'm older than Cameron, that's really sad that he wrote music that I connected to.

And I was older than he was. He's 47. 47. Yeah. He was a good looking man. Dude, you should rock exactly what he's wearing in that photo. Okay. Pink fur with a flip phone, diamond rings. He got shot. You could do that. I wouldn't mind getting shot. It'd be great press. It'd be badass. Like a nice shoulder wound or something. Yeah. And then I still

do the show. I'm not putting that out there. Don't know when to shoot me. Okay. Yeah, like a nice shoulder wound or something. Yeah, and then and then I still do the show that's not I'm not putting that out There's don't know when shoot me. Okay. Yeah, do that. All right Asian men old Asian men like mr. Miyagi They seem like they be wise wise cool kind of swag of like I've lived I know a lot of things and also they seem a lot more stoic than any other race. Yeah, okay How about let's let's separate whites What about old Slavic men? Tough fucking hair coming out their nose and ears feel tough great thick hair dirty fingernails

Yeah, like you wouldn't say like I have a cramp in front of an old Slavic man my calf's cramping They get baby arms and don't even notice it Yeah, they have like ailments that they just go. I yeah, and don't even notice it. They have ailments that they just go, uh... Nah, yeah, you don't complain. Old Hawaiian men? Same, like tough. I feel like they're very tough. Is white the softest race? Well...

Who's gonna be softer than an old white? Or just any white? You're thinking of American white. Okay. Yeah. Canadian whites a little tougher. Cold as shit. Cold as shit and they have to fight moose all the time.

Do they? Well, that they're always on moose or meese moose. Mooses. Yeah. Mooses are everywhere. They're really everywhere. That's not meese. It's moose. Yeah. Mooses are everywhere. They're really everywhere. That's not me then it's like his nose goes flying off.

I let an hour listening to uh, we listened to these survival podcasts when we drive to school. Yeah The hardest I've seen this kid laugh and it's your laugh was the guy goes uh So the bear attacked me and uh, I was trying to get my bearings and figure out what you know What was going on. And I looked down and I was trying to collect myself and I realized, oh, on the ground, that's my goatee. Yeah. And I went and started laughing hysterically. It's his goatee. Yeah, his lips were on the ground.

His fucking, he was like, I picked up my ear and my lips in my face. What the fuck? I don't want to be killed by an animal on my own territory. Yeah, like I want to be in their territory. You were talking about two different videos, by the way. Yeah, yeah, yeah. One is a guy who's definitely dead. Yeah.

And you're watching him die and a sloth bears. How does Instagram allow that? I don't know. And how do you get in? I've gotten into a thread before where I wish I could keynote the thread. I got into breastfeeding videos once and I was like, there's one breastfeeding video. I think I might have showed it to you

where the kid kind of creeps you out. Like he's sucking his mom's tit and he's a little too old and he's like, looks, winks at the camera. He's like 11. He's like 11. And but I've been in breastfeeding videos. I've been in the, have you been in the, I really love a roast beef sandwich videos

where the girl's got her phone. She goes, I don't know. Oh, is roast beef sandwich videos where the girls got her phone. She goes, I don't know. Oh, you drop it and then drops it on her pussy. Yeah. Yeah. And then goes, I love roast beef sandwiches. I love, I love, I, I, every time it's the funnest thing is try to screen grab and see that moment and see their coach.

Yeah. The, uh, how can they allow, I've seen so many death videos on Instagram. I wish like one of the, you know how like Joe has had Like he's he had what's his name on the guy that ran Twitter before and like oh? Jack yeah, yeah, it's like why can't I don't know no one has asked Zuckerberg I guess it's a correct as meta owns. Yeah, Instagram like why? Why are we allowed to upload horrific deaths and watch them? But you cannot write a word or say a

word. Makes no sense. It makes sure you can see the most print. I mean, I saw two disabled people on a scoot scoot, you know, like a meat and they're's they're meepin across the street in the crosswalk like mmm, and a van just plows through them and they go flying and you're like This is my good morning. Yeah, it's the grand. He needs to step up his fucking game. Yeah, well like where's the so that's fine You just saw two people die I got hit by a van, disabled people. But then if someone's like, fucking Biden, I don't know.

They're like, oh, mute that. You're, you're constantly like, what the fuck is this problem? It doesn't make any sense. There's no, what's, I learned this in a speech in ninth grade. My dad gave me the verbiage. There's no distinction for their bias. Yeah.. There's no distinction for their bias. Like there's no distinction for their bias.

It was on my speeches about lowering the drinking age to 18. That's the drinking age in a few places, right? No. No, not in the states. It used to be in a couple of places. Really? Yeah.

Oh yeah, when I was a kid, you could drink it in New Orleans at 18. There you go. I remember that, That was fucking great. And then I think, what, isn't Mexico 18 or something? And places in Europe, I mean. Yeah. What are the drinking ages around the world? What's the lowest drinking age? Yeah. The majority is 18.

Here you go. The brain is still maturing. 15 in Mali and Central Africa, African Republic. Yeah. Wow. 15. That's not a place you want to wake up on over. Central Africa. At 15.

You wake up with a wig on, you're like, wait, what the fuck did I do? Is this a man's liver in my hand? Holy shit. Look at that. Oh God, ours is so lame. 15? You wake up with a wig on, you're like, wait, what the fuck did I do? Is this a man's liver in my hand? Holy shit. Look at that. Oh god, ours is so lame. Russia's 18. There's all those are 18.

And then what's the youngest? It's 15, right? 15 in Africa? And Mali in Central Africa. They live harder there. Yeah, I would think so Naturally our hunt for a tasty and hefty nicotine pouch has led us to Lucy breakers a totally unique nicotine capsule pouch a breakthrough in

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Mm-mm. No. Can you imagine being seven years old just being like, fuck, I'm gonna fuck we're eating. Seven years old and somebody gives you like an AK-47. There's a civil war going on. No, it's fucking insane. Oh my God.

Well, tell us more about the Victorian era. Okay, so you're gonna like this a lot. So Queen Victoria is like not supposed to be the queen. And then like so many people die, she ends up being the coming of the queen. She ends up slut shaming her best friend. Not cool. Not cool.

And then the lady dies and the whole country turns on her. So then she marries her cousin, Prince Albert, not to do with the thing and his cock. I think that's their kid. But, and Prince Albert, I love this. When they argue, he writes her a letter explaining why she was wrong. And then she has to write a letter

explaining how she understood that she was wrong. She's the fucking queen. Explaining, and then once he write a letter explaining how she understood this. She was wrong. She's the fucking queen. Yeah. Explaining. And then once he received her letter, he'd read it and he found it acceptable. He give her a certificate of growth. Really? Fucking love it. I fucking want to bring that back so bad.

She called him daddy or no, she called him master and he called her. I like that. He called her baby or no she called him master and he called her like that he called her baby or something I was watching this thing about your guy Hitler and there's this is that was fascinating to me which was that they so feared his cabinet all the high-ranking guys yeah Himmler, Gerbils, all those guys so feared disappointing him or telling him bad news, they were so scared to give him bad news that towards the end of the war,

when it was clear that they were losing battles, when he was like, how's that going in Poland and Russia? They'd be like, great. And he's like, are we making progress? And they're like, absolutely, we just need to send some more supplies and troops, but it's going well And they were they knew that they were losing and that it was and they were like so scared They were just like it's going very well

And like the like their Air Force was completely collapsed and they were like yeah, we just got to keep going It sounds like agents and managers It does though, you know, when they're like, you know, everyone's taking sales are low. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Are scared. Are they scared of the night of the long knives? They're scared you're right. Yeah. It's true. It's so easy to be a yes man.

Yeah, so you know. It's so easy to be like, I would definitely be one of those Nazis. Yeah. Do not isolate that audio. I would definitely be, do you think you'd have enough pushback to be able to tell Hitler? I would never. I'd be like, you're doing great, boss. No, I think it's pretty clear that everybody was like

There's a reason that they all were saying that they were super scared. It was more like they weren't like I think they were scared of like you know his Physical violence or anything. They were just like I can't be the one to deliver the real news to this guy that it's that it's not going Well, I love to have that kind of power As I told you today. I told you today. I had an idea for our for our porosos Was it it's probably already done. We've already done it. Oh, hopefully we've done it. Oh dressing up as a gem Yeah, yeah, yeah, and man, I do not have a Himmler in my bed

No, I got a Winston Churchill telling you you don't know how to read. Yeah. That's what he told you. The Queen Elizabeth like was like had like a third grade education. Mm-hmm. And she was a queen and and imagine and Winston Churchill had to be like, okay. So you understand we own all these places, right? She was like, I what does that mean? Really? She was she because at a certain age, they're like, yo, you're gonna be the queen. You're gonna stop. You don't need to learn how to read more. Yeah. Don't math is done.

No algebra, no trigonometry. Yeah. You need to learn how to curtsy and not make eye contact. Right. And so that's what they teach them. And so then when complicated things came up, she was like, what's that all about? And then she took it upon herself to try to learn and it kind of fucking creeped out all the dudes in parliament. They're like, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, what's this bitch doing? Yeah, she's got an opinion

Yo, Elizabeth curtsy to us real quick. Yeah Why don't you write a legit letter of apology and we'll give you a certificate of growth that is so fucking Why don't you start issuing those? Oh? Oh? Why don't you start issuing those? Oh, I would love that. You can. No, we're the exact opposite. What do you mean? I, if Leanne and I fight, I figure out what I did wrong.

Always. I always did. I wanted to talk to you about this. Put a pin in small sticks in the world. I had a moment of growth this morning. I stayed in bed beating myself up over me, about me not liking me. And I had a moment where I realized the time in life,

two times in life that are very powerful in my moment in life, one was about shame, because I never really, and one was about joy. I'll go to joy, shame's stupid, I think I've talked about it before, but like, there was a point in seventh grade, I was really cool. I was really cool in seventh grade.

And I was really happy. I didn't, I'm not a very deep person, so I don't think a lot about life, you know? And I was even less in seventh grade. Sure. I just was about, I liked the clothes I wore. Like I liked my hair. I was on varsity football, varsity baseball,

or JV football, JV baseball. I was a great athlete. I was hanging out with eighth graders. Like, and I was like, I was- It's a big boost. And I knew ninth graders, like ninth graders, I remember this ninth grader let me drive his car, and in seventh grade, like I was cool, I was big, that's a big boost. It was a, and I knew ninth graders, like ninth graders, I remember this ninth grader let me drive his car and in seventh grade, like I was cool as fucking shit.

And I was happy as fuck. Like I was just always happy. Yeah. I remember this girl said to the first girl I ever kissed too. It was the best kiss of my Yeah, first kiss seventh grade seventh grade Best kiss I kissed her like four times Open mouth. Oh, yeah. Yeah, I only started open mouth. You started open mouth started. There was no like fuck. No, I

Went after it nice. Yeah, that was cool. That is cool as fuck Do I was ready to fuck like in in seventh grade. I was dialed in to be a God A god now I don't want to like sidetrack this that is like Hitler like That mean that there's a lot of similarities Hitler had a lot of a lot of road bumps That's an alcoholic. Well, he was Jewish. So then in seventh grade, said to me,

no one's this happy. You you're hiding something and I really wasn't. Yeah, you were I was dumb. I was dumb. I was like forced gum. I was really like like, I don't know what she was saying. And then I realized all the cool kids was like force gum. I was really like Like I don't know what she was saying and then I realized all the cool kids Had like an issue they had like a parents were split up or they were like brooding. Yeah So I watched cool kids brood and I started to look for my brewing Yeah, I started to look for my troubled and then I remember being like fake. It was a lie, but I'd be like

I started to look for my trouble. And then I remember being like fake. It was a lie, but I'd be like, like stuff like that, because that's what they did. Oh, to like match their energy and like, oh, you're doing this, I should do it too. Yeah, and then I started, and I think this is something I'm working to get through. My whole life, I started caring what people thought of me.

I never cared what anyone thought of me. I never cared what anyone thought of me. At that age. At that age. And in seventh grade, I started caring. Eighth grade, I was really cool. And I was, but I could feel it like falling apart. Cause I was like, I wasn't being authentically me. Or at least when you think you're that cool,

you're oblivious to the fact that you're not, you know? Yeah. And so. Which is great. It's so fucking beautiful. My question to you is, when did you, because you authentically don't care what people think about you. That's not true. You do. No, of course I care. No, you don't. I care less. Okay, let's go to the wrestlers. Okay, let's let's let's go to the wrestling wrestlers. So like when you got lit up the wrestlers. Yeah, and I remember So the way my brain works is I won't I mean I may not like wrestling But I would be afraid to share that because I wouldn't want to Alienate someone who likes me because I'm afraid I'm afraid they wouldn't like me and And then I just start researching wrestling and try,

yeah, I think that specifically, I can give you an insight on that. Okay. That's genuine. Okay. I genuinely thought they were retarded. Like when I did that, hold on, hold on. And I was like, who cares about these,

these fucking morons? But, and then wait, wait, on, hold on. And I was like, who cares about these, you know, these fucking morons? But, and then wait, wait, wait, wait, though. But I think, I don't feel that way too, but I stop. But here's why this is my, this is where I've evolved. Okay. This is where I've evolved.

As I've aged the last few years, what I started to get was, I think some perspective on this, where I started to realize that people who enjoy things that are not for me, I started to go like, oh, I'm being an asshole. And that no, no, I'm serious. I swear to God, to me, this was insightful. I go, I started to see how it's all the same, how it's how it's literally it's all the same. It's just what enjoying an NFL game and enjoying Disneyland and enjoying WWE. It's all the same. Hold on. It's all the same, it's all the same. Hold on. It's all the same, it's all the same.

It's just something that somebody goes, this gives me fulfillment. You can make arguments about the nuances, but those are like, it's kind of a waste of energy. And I used to make that argument more, and now I see that whether you like the, like if you like hip hop, and that's cool, or you like folk music, and that's not, it's like, it's, it's the same.

It's something that you're listening to that gives you joy or fulfillment. So I, I didn't really have that perspective. I, I would always just go like now, like that shit sucks. And I still have that. I still feel that, but I, I get it more like when I see wrestling now, I don't even have the same instinct that I used to have. It actually has faded in me. And I just go like, oh, I get it.

Like I see people screaming and cheering. It's like, yeah, and if you go to like, if you put the camera on the Taylor Swift crowd and the WWE crowd and the NBA crowd, they all look the same in the crowd. Like they're all have the same emotion. Yeah. So there's just like a different thing,

but like I just used to want to point out that I think this is, but I realized that it's actually just, it's all the same thing that you're going for. You're going for some enjoyment and fulfillment. So have you ever experienced the agony of harsh smoke, throat burning or coughing attacks when smoking cannabis?

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Whether you're looking for one or not, visit betterhelp.com slash bears today to get 10% off for one or not, visit betterhelp.com slash bears today to get 10% off your first month. That's betterhelp, H-E-L-P.com slash bears. I always, so my perspective was I always envied those people. The people that... Everyone that had things, I envied. I envied girls who cut.

Okay, wait. Cause I was like, they got something. Like I didn't have anything. Oh, wait. Cause I was like, I was like, they got something. Like I didn't have anything. Oh yeah. Like I didn't have anything. I didn't have anything authentic that like was like, that was me. Like I like, I like football.

I was bummed that I couldn't smoke. Like when in high school, when kids were smoking. I was like, yeah, let me try. And I couldn't, like I would try to inhale and I'd be like, and I would just go into a coughing fit. And I was like, do you hold it? And they're like, no, you got to pass it down. Like, you know, I couldn't do it.

And so like, I was like, God, I wish I could smoke. So were there people you identified as cool people and you'd look at them from afar and stare at them and go, I wish I was like that? Yeah, of course. For real? Yeah, but like, I think that happens in, you know, especially like the years you're talking about in like middle school, high school, that's the thing is like, you're because you have the cooler kid, sometimes they're in your class, but especially like an older kid, you're

like, oh, like the way they dress, the way they carry themselves, the way they speak to people, the things they do. I still do that. I still look at people and go, like, like, Jesalnyk, remember one time he just walked into the back bar, Jesalnyk's gotta be like 37, right? What, how old is Jesalnyk? I'm just saying he's much younger than me.

And he came back to the back bar, and he had a girl with them, she was really pretty, and he was like, he was just so cool. Like, he just came back and he like, dapped me up and was like, 45. 45? Yeah. Jesus, he looks good. Yeah, he's got a nice head of hair. God damn. Is it real? It's real isn't it looks like it? That's fucking annoying

I mean, but like he came back and he was just really cool or or Freddie Gibb Yeah, Freddie Gibb one time came back and like he was he was nice and he was cool Mm-hmm, and I was like, and I'm a grownup. I'm a grownup, I mean, for lack of better words, I'm a becker words, I'm a successful grownup. Theoretically, someone should be looking at me going, God man, I wish I was that cool, but I'm sitting there going like, God.

And is it, because I was thinking about, you know what I was thinking about? I was thinking about your, what I was thinking about, you know what I was thinking about? What? I was thinking about your, what we were talking about, your enthusiasm when like meeting anyone. Yeah. Of, and I remember, I don't know if I said it or not, when you were like, oh, but like, when you told me like how I manage it well, like celebrity. Is it real?

Well, I think there's a reason why you think I manage it well. What's that? I don't give a shit about meeting them. Yeah, yeah, I know that. Well, right. So I'm not putting on, I'm not like being cool. I'm just like, I don't care that I'm meeting you. OK, so, OK, so how do you get to there?

But there are people that I would be- Like what happened to you that made you that person? There's just, I have less, I'm still getting, I'm, there's people I would nerd out on. I think my window for who I get excited about is just much more narrow than yours. You said you get excited if you run into a TikToker that you. Yeah. Yeah, I would definitely be like, I don't, you know, I might not even know who they are probably. I walked through one time. I

don't know. I can't remember when this was. I was in LA and I walked through a hotel and Dave Portnoy was at a table and he stood up and was like, Bert. And I went and I said to who I was with, can you believe he knows who I am? And they were like, yeah. I'm like you in that though. I go, I go, I can't believe Dave Portnoy, this billionaire, millionaire, fucking media guy who really,

he's like you, I think, cause he does not give a fuck. He's like you, I want to be like that. Like I don't want to be like that. I don't wanna be like that. But I like who I am, but I'm trying to get to like. I think your enthusiasm in general is a really good quality. I think what you do is something you probably don't think is cool, but it is cool,

which is that you inspire other people that are adults to go, oh yeah, look how he's showing his, because adults kind of restrict their enthusiasm. They pull it, they rein it in, because they're like, I don't wanna, that's like a kid quality, but it's natural for you. So I would never want it to go away,

because it's who you are. So, okay, so we'll just dig a little deeper. Okay. And this is... Now, here's the deeper thing too, like that I thought about. I'm like, why do you care to show the person who I don't even think you're really that excited to meet

that you're excited to meet them. That's the thing that I think about. Like, are you actually excited to meet all of these people? Or you just feel like you feel an obligation to show them. No, it starts welling up in me. Really? Yeah, and I can't control it. Well, then it's who you are.

I DM Shannon Doherty this morning. Okay, what'd you send her? I don't know, I had Leanne reread it, write it for me. Why did you DM her? Because I'm following her journey through breast cancer, and it's like super inspiring. Yeah. And then, but then like, so like you would, so this is, okay,

this is a great difference. You would see this. It's really fucking, first of all, I mean this for real. I am at best a casual Shenandoah fan. Like I'm not like, I don't have her posters up. I liked 90210. I didn't watch Witches of Eastwick, but like I know it was a show. And but I'm watching her tell her story about going through breast cancer

and now it's spread and she's talking about her funeral and she don't want to have a funeral. But it's like, it's really brave. And then all of a sudden I turn into this like fucking diehard Shenandoah fan. And then I get like, She'll want to have a funeral. It's but it's like it's really brave and then all of a sudden I turn into this like Fucking diehard Shannon Doherty fan and then I get like I got a cup of coffee and a zen in me And I'm like I got a DM her yeah Like I wouldn't you would never DM her like I would do and then and then I don't even know what the fuck

Damn says but I'm sure it's inappropriate. You think it's inappropriate. I'm sure it's you know the way I fucking DM and and you've read My DMs I can't fucking. But, but, but like that's something I would do is reach out, like randomly reach out and then go like, I don't know. I, it, it, it overwhelms me. Let's go deeper. Okay. Let's go deeper.

So, uh, you, you know, I've said this, I've shared this on a few places, but I have this thing of, and I'm trying to get to like, are these, are you conditioned to feel this way? Or are these things that you can work through in therapy? Because it happened to you. This is a very crazy fucking moment in my life. I was 10 years old or 11 years old, wrestling was really big and I like our group of friends.

And we were in the outfield, I'm sure I've told you the story. And they were doing, I was like the youngest out there and these guys were doing all the met wrestling moves on me. And I was just scared cause I was the youngest kid. And at one point they piled drive me, put me in like a figure four leg lock and a guy took out a pair of scissors.

I already told you a story. I don't think so. And he cut my hair. Now I'm 11. I'm in the outfield. I really honestly was just like, I just don't want to get stabbed in the eye. Like I was just in survival mode. Yeah.

And I was like, and I was like, Hey, whatever. Oh, okay, that hurt. You know, like, Oh, flip me down. Okay. And like they're doing wrestling moves to me. I'm just trying to get the fuck out of there. I get in the fuck out of there. I get in the car with my dad.

I felt no, I felt no shame in anything that happened out there, not even getting, I got my hair cut, not like bad, but like they cut lock, that's like a wrestling thing. Yeah. And my dad got in the car with me and I was sitting in the front seat. I was oblivious.

And my dad goes, they cut your fucking hair. And I was like, oh yeah. And he goes, weren't you humiliated? How the fuck could you let them do that? And I then I felt shame. Yeah, sure. Then I felt shame. I didn't feel it.

I was like, fuck it, dude, let's just survive. Yeah. And then in that moment, I was like, fuck. And then that has stuck with me my entire life. That, and it's a mantra that I've said, it's when, you know, when Ari drugged me, it was the, you think I'm weak. And because in my life, I'm always just trying to like,

not stir the boat. I don't like confrontation. So I don't want to stir the water. I just go, I don't want to stir the pot. I'm fed some fucking nine things different. But like, I don't want to stir the boat. I don't like confrontation. So I don't want to stir the water. I just go, I don't want to stir the pot. I'm fed up fucking nine things different, but like, I don't want to stir the pot. I don't want to like get into it. And like, there have been people, you know, specifically,

who have wronged me that I will tell you privately, I'll go off on, but I would never, I would easily accept their apology and I would easily move past it as opposed to me then standing up for myself and going, no, fuck you. That apology, you fucked me. I won't accept, you know what I mean?

Yeah, I think, oh, first of all, I mean, the first thing you said was like, is this something you can work through in therapy? So my question was, have you talked about this in therapy before? Yeah. So I feel like it's something that is perfect for it. But it's almost like, it's almost like, I want to say you get, you get taught it as a child.

And then all of a sudden you like get into these self-fulfilling prophecies. We're in a weird way. I don't know if it's like, if you seek those people out and you surround yourself by people. Oh, I see what you mean. You know, like I go and then I go had and look, my dad was an amazing dad. He still is an amazing dad. He gave me a lot of great qualities.

I have to say that only because that makes it sound like a bad dad. But like he told me, you kill it under pressure, which I don't know if it was real or not, but I love pressure now because of that. And so like all of a sudden I love pressure. I love being put in a pressure situation. I love getting a big long read in front of a lot of people

and doing it live. I love that shit. I love it because my dad taught me at a young age, whether it's real or not, when all the chips are on the table, that's when you perform. But at the same time, I got the shame shit. And then in a weird way,

just like I sometimes seek out pressure, I wonder if I seek out those bad people. And so I'm trying to get to like, I would love, I don't want to lose who I am and start not getting excited by people, but I would love a little bit of not giving a fuck. Because I think when you give too many fucks, all of a sudden you don't even know what is real anymore. I guess, I mean, this is very deep,

but do you think you really give a fuck about some of this stuff, like let's say meeting these people, or is it that you feel almost like this, I need to do this for them. Like I feel like when I'm with you and I see you interact with people that it's almost like an extension, like a kind thing you're doing.

Like I'm gonna make this person feel great about whoever they are and what they, like I'm, because you always like are showering the person with like, you know, oh my God, you're amazing. And that's actually a nice thing to do for them, right? It makes them feel like oh wow like you know what you know me from this you know me from that It's almost like maybe you want that reciprocated to right like the you're kind of balancing it out You're telling me maybe I'm doing that to get it back Maybe I don't know but I also feel like what you're saying about like

You know seeking out I don't I don't I mean you would're saying about like, you know, seeking out, I don't, I don't, I mean, you would have more insight on it from your life, but like, it doesn't seem like you're somebody that seeks out these people that were, that will be abusive or confrontational or... Yeah, but I can name like three solid bullies in my life that I've But current?

No, not right now. That's what I'm saying. It's like you, you know, some of this is also like evolving life process. But like, okay, but like, okay. Cause I've been around a bully that you've been around before too, but it's like- Two of them.

But you've, you've moved on. I have moved on. I have moved on. So I would say that if that were a thing, it'd be like. That took me a long time and you know that. There was a period of times where you wouldn't answer my call because you're like, I know what this is about. That's true.

Oh, I know there was. I know there was. No. I know there was. But I'm saying that like. I remember hearing you exhale one time when I started and I was like, I'm doing this too often. I don't think so. But I'm saying, would you commend yourself for the fact that I just asked you who's like that now?

And you're like, well, there's nobody like that now. So that's like, I'm pretty insulated though. I've gotten pretty insulated. I'm a little bit like Hitler. I've got, I'm pretty insulated. There really are so many similarities between you and him. But, but yeah, you have your own bubble, right? Yeah.

That you, you mean you travel with, but then everybody does also. It's not like just you. Yeah. You think you're making yourself feel too safe? Do you feel, do you, cause you have, ultimately you've gotten these same people that I would say that were, I'll use bully as a broad term.

Yeah. So I think they leverage your friendship into unhealthy places. Is that the fair way to say it? Sure. But you've been friends with these exact people too, but, and so I was always like, I felt like I was drawn to them. You were around them too. You've kind of distanced yourself. But you've distanced

yourself in like, like, you were the first one to be like, ah, fuck that guy. Yeah, because I think you it's normal in life to run into toxic people. Like that's just part of life. There's part of life if you are, you know, participating in life, society, friendships, business, you're gonna meet some bad- What kind of people do you gravitate towards? Do you find where you go, you know what?

Like where's your hiccup? Like where's the thing that I wanna find the broken part of you? Oh, come on, you know what's broken about. Well, I know the broken parts, but no, like what's the thing that I want to find the broken part of you? Oh, come on, you know what's broken about it. I know the broken parts, but no, like, what's the thing where you go, how come I always have fucking? Oh.

I mean, I've gotten so much better at this thing. Yeah. Which is I used to feel a certain way feel a certain way and be unhappy with like somebody, whether it's personal or professionally, and I just suck it up. And I just go, that's what I, I guess that's what I deserve, right? That's what I, and the difference now is like right away

when I go, oh man, this sucks. Like personally or professionally, I just go, I'm not going to do this. So it's really like, if you want to strip it down to its basics, it's acknowledging that you feel a certain way and saying it as opposed to going, man, I feel this way and I'll just keep feeling this way. That's what I do. Well, but that's the work, right? Because I don't know that that comes,

I don't know if it's fair to say that that comes completely naturally to anyone. I think it's learned or taught and worked on. Like I had to work on it. Did Bush help you like see things? Yeah, she's good. I mean, because she's done a lot of work in that regard too. She's really good.

I feel like she's done more work than, like her and Leanne have done more work than me and you have done. But I mean, for me, I would say, you know, I credit also, like it's great that she definitely would observe, like more observe me than like whatever my situation is. She's like, well, you're clearly feeling this way. But I also would say that therapy,

that's why I brought, I think therapy is fantastic. Yeah. That's why I would, you know, when you're saying all these things, I'm like, this just is like perfect for you to dive, but to dive. I wonder if people are listening and going like, ah, yeah, I, I, There's definitely people relating to this.

You think so? A thousand percent. A thousand percent. Do you think everyone's listening to this going, get to the 10 smallest dicks? A few people are for sure. Okay. And they're mostly guys. We should need to do 10 smallest dicks.

Try to, I have the, I have the list. Okay. I have the list. This is by nation? Yeah. Okay. I bet, I bet you could guess five without even doing any fucking thought process. Kenya, Nigeria, South Africa, Sierra Lea... Nope. Nope. Okay. Hold on, let me go to my, all my cloud. You got the list up? Yup. So it's basically, it's, it's, you're telling me that the stereotypes are basically correct

That's what you're saying. The only one that's curious is why North Korea and South Korea aren't next to each other There are different on their Wow. I know hmm 10 smallest dicks number 10 Is it at you ready for this? Yeah. At 4.3 inches, average. Okay. Is that flaccid or erect? It's erect. It's not flaccid. No one measures to dig flaccid. No, they do.

Who? If you look up like average dick size, they'll go flaccid, erect. Oh, these are, these have to be erect. Okay. They have to be erect. Okay. Okay.

And by the way, this is the size of mine, flaccid. 10, number 10? Number 10. Which is? 4.3 inches. Uh-huh. It's an island Okay It's an island is it um, oh? Okay, Philippines Ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding this should be a game show. Wow. Yeah, why isn't there a game show called stereotypes? Where you go guys? We're gonna play a game. We need you to be the most horrible version of yourself.

Yeah. To win money. Here's how you do it, too. You don't try to pitch it to a network. You just put it on like Instagram or or TikTok or something. And you have three ethnicities all playing. Yeah. For money. Yeah. So they've got to be 4.3. That was number 10. Now we're gonna get smaller. We're getting smaller. Okay At it's also 4.3. Oh, it's a tie. It's a tie. Give me a hint like you did in the last one South Korea Okay, okay, cuz because by the way by the way, I don't know what I created I guess maybe it's their food, but North Korea is not even we're having even mentioned North Korea yet. No, we haven't no South Korea, okay, and then what's the length of number eight? But North Korea is not even, we're not even mentioning North Korea yet. No we haven't. No. South Korea and then...

What's the length of number eight? They're all, this is 4.1 inches. Okay. And any hint? Two words. Two words. It's going to be a tough one. Oh it is?

It is. But only, like when I say it you'll go, oh Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. That is an Asian country. Okay. Just give it to me. Sri Lanka. Sri Lanka. Okay. Sri Lanka at 4.1 inches. They're getting smaller. Okay. Okay. Number seven. Your dad ran into a lot of these people. Vietnamese. Yep. Wow. And what's that like? Four inches. Four. Four. The average Vietnamese cock is four inches long. Okay.

Erect. And then your dad probably stepped on a few of these people too. Japanese? No. North Koreans? No. They just, they didn't know border lines at the time. Oh.

Chinese? No. That's not even close to Vietnam. Where? Your dad was in Vietnam and then they were like, go left. And he was like, I think we're in Laos. Okay. Laos.

Good call. Okay. And Laos is, yes, four inches. Coming in at number five. There was like, oh, okay. This is how little I know about history and how much I know about history. Okay. There was a huge ethnic cleansing here.

Huge. Oh, uh, uh, pull pot. No. What? Miramar. Oh, Jesus. Miramar at four inches. Okay. There's all these are four inches. We're getting into the three inches now. Okay. And let's just say they're not carrying a lot of cock up to Everest. Nepal. Nepal at 3.9 inches. Wow. I know, right? Okay, your dad definitely killed some of these people too.

Ffff. And by the way, if he made a cock necklace, it would be pretty small. Okay. At 3.8 inches. 3.8. Where? I don't know where else he went. Well, they, because they were all over the map.

I mean, they were in Okinawa. Wait, why was he doing in Okinawa? Just like... Training. It was basically. Oh, really? Yeah. So he goes into Vietnam, he goes into Laos and he's like, oops, I'm in. Oh, God. I don't know. Cambodia. Cambodia. Yeah, he took a boat up there. Okay. Okay, now you ready for this? Yeah. Number two at 3.8 inches. Jesus. Is this the North Koreans? North Koreans. Wow. I think it's their food shortages. Makes their dicks smaller.

I think so. Yeah. It's crazy that he would allow them to measure their cocks and submit this. No, I know. Because they would probably be like, his dick is fucking 15 inches long. I would love to see his dick.

I mean, I think it'd be pretty obvious, but it's not gonna surprise you. I would fucking pay Do dear Kim Jong-un? Mm-hmm. Do not ever drink with me because if you pass out, I'm looking at your cock I'm looking at your cock. Yeah, I'm looking at your cock. I'm taking pictures of you with your cock I'm fucking flicking it Do you realize by the way of this list, even before you end it, that it's an unfortunate stereotype and I guess reality,

but like any group, there has to be guys in each of these countries with fucking hammers on them. And how baller that is. I think it's the ones that moved to America. But there's gotta be just some dude, a few Cambodia, Vietnam, Laos that are like. Beauty of the internet. And wouldn't you love, like, wouldn't you love

if they wrote in to the show and they were like, hey man, you know, like my name is like, Teen Tang or whatever, and I got a fucking 10 inch dick. I would love pictures. I would love pictures and I won't share Yeah, I'll just I just want to see it if you are to by the way if you're North Korean Definitely send us a picture of cock and if you're on the list if you're on the list and

Coming in at number one number one Hey, give me the hint First of all, what's the size three point seven? Okay, and all I'll say is It makes sense why you'd have sex with a lady boy. Thailand. Thailand. Wow. So now let's go to the internet and see the biggest Thai cock we can find. I want to see a big Thai cock.

By the way, I'm not saying I have a big dick. In this whole measurement, I do not have a big dick, but it's bigger than 3.7 inches All right picture. Oh, it's a lady boy, of course. Oh fuck. Oh It's all lady boys. How about you just type in like big Asian dicks. Yeah big Asian dicks and we'll just say there's from Thailand Cuz there's from Thailand. Cause there's got, oh, of course he's covered in tats. Look at this fucking guy. Look at that fucking hammer on that guy. Fuck yeah.

Extremely big Asian dick. You imagine though, like you're a girl and you're like, well yeah, I know it's not gonna be great. And then this fucking guy shows up. Dude, you could run the country. Yeah, you should. Look at that fucking guy, the guy that looks dude. You could run the country. Yeah, you should look at that fucking guy The little guy that looks like he's from from fucking bloodsport the guy squatting. Yeah, and it's hard sultry rooftop Encounter young Asian guy with big dick super fat what head or something? I don't know Jesus Christ

Yeah, or this right here man like these guys should run the world you are You know what you are? You're you're shooting stars. You're outliers. You're outliers. You're welcome glad well Those two guys aging guys fucking yeah, we can't tell look at these very good ass How big is that hog on the left there with the t-shirt up dude? I gotta see his face. What he's he's he looks his skin color That's not photoshopped Can you zoom in he's got like five countries averages tied together he's got big thick Asian dick Jesus No, no go to more Asian dicks. Yeah. No, no, no, chat with them.

No, no, go to the thing, go to that page, now click out of that, now scroll down. Okay, these are the normal Asian dicks. By the way, that little boy right there, let's, so what, okay, never mind. All right, back up. So, okay, this guy right here to the right. Yeah That's like probably a four-inch dick. It doesn't look bad. It doesn't look bad. It does not look bad

They call that boyfriend cock Boyfriend cock that's what the girls call it. What's that supposed to mean? It's not it's like you can still do stuff after Oh, it's like it's not gonna ruin your day like that other that dude from fucking Oh, yeah, yeah, no, no fucking your day up. Yeah, no everything's a and his pubic hair straight Yeah, that's honestly that looks like a like a dick that should be in a museum, right? Like it's like it doesn't even look like it's been touched Back out to the other search before Jesus Christ

Who who's this guy with the boxers right here? Look at the fucking like on the second row, three from the right, this guy. Yeah. What the fuck is that? Dude. The thick cock. You know look at his expression though that guy's an asshole you can tell he knows. He walks around all day like everyone thinks I have a fucking little skinny dick in here You know he does he's like nobody knows I got a fucking walking around the chest tournament just like fuck What is he what is it next to is that like a bottle of shampoo? Yeah, it's a bottle lotion hand lotion. He's like it's wider than this hand lotion. He's like, it's wider than this.

Man, god damn. Well, if you're one of these guys, you know, right in, let us know. Yeah. And we love, we love breaking stereotypes. When we got a new game show coming out called Stereotype That. Yeah. It's like, did you, did you, uh, you ever see the video? Do you think if you had a dick like that, you would have even ended up in comedy? I don't think you would. No. No, I think that that goes back to all the things that add up to me. I said to Leanne today, I swear to God, I was on the toilet. Okay, thank you. And I said, I want to see some lady boy dicks. Okay. I had someone, someone on stage the other night, like made real sense about, I think it might have been, I don't know who it was, about watching Trans porn. Whoa.

So wait, you get a dick that big and you decide to transition? Five. I can understand transitioning with a small dick. But if you have a big dick, why do you transition? That first one is insane. That's insane. That's an insane dick. I wonder how much, like because of what's going on in your like the century overload of looking at her face,

if she's like with you and you're like, no way. And then all of a sudden you're like, I don't know, I guess I was just jerking her off. I don't know what happened. I don't know. I've never jerked off a female. No. But like, I wonder if, so if Salien dies

in like a helicopter crash. Right. I wonder if in when I start exploring my, my, uh. That's pretty thick. Fuck. I mean that smile too is what's really upsetting. I'm like, you know what I mean? You look up and you're like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like,

I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like,

I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, wonder if I go, why not? Leanne's dead, the love of my life's gone. Why not fuck a lady boy? Yeah. I mean, what do I care what people think? No. Yeah, we already covered that. Oh, I do care what people think. Well, what, are you gonna put it on fucking Instagram?

You know I'd tell you about it. Yeah, but I mean, I would give you a high five. Yeah. I'm not gonna make you feel bad about it. For real? No. If I fucked a lady, like a Thai lady boy. I'd be like, that's cool.

Yeah. But then you'd be like, and then I'd leave the green room and you'd be like, you know who did I fuck? Yeah, I'd be like, no, I'd be like Bert's badass, dude. He was crushing lady boys on that trip. You know, can I tell you how meaty I am? When he went to spread her ashes, he ended up fucking all these lady boys.

When I, this is, like, tell me if this snagged you in the hangover too when Ed Helms gets fucked in the ass by a lady boy and then he comes inside him. Yeah, yeah. Get past it. Yeah. Oh, I finish inside him. Yeah, yeah. I couldn't get past it. Yeah. Oh, I finish inside you. That's right.

Yeah. He's like, ooh. Yeah. I was like, what are those things where I was like, you got to tell your wife. Yeah. If you cheated on her with a girl, you'd have to tell her that the dude fucked you in the ass

and came inside you. Came inside you, yeah. Would you tell me that if that happened to you? If someone came inside me? If a lady boy did. I bet someone came inside you. Came inside you, yeah. Would you tell me that if that happened to you? If someone came inside me? If a lady boy did. If someone came inside me, I'd definitely tell you. I'd be like, dude, I just got came inside. It's crazy.

I would tell you someone came inside me before I told you it was a lady boy. Really? Oh yeah, I'd probably tell them like hand in hand. I'd tell you I got came inside and then look at your face And then the reveal is don't worry. It was a lady. There's a lady boy. I've been gone. It wasn't just a dude I'm not gay. No I

Could see you Partying and having it happen and you being like, I don't know dude. Yeah, I don't think it really counts When you wake up out of a blackout, you're like, oh, what the fuck? Yeah, just like that, just like in the movie. My problem with having sex with a lady boy would be that... Cock. No, no, no, no. Who's dominant?

Like if she was like, suck my cock. And by the way, I'm saying lady boys that would be happening in Thailand. Right. I should say a trans person. If I don't think I'd fuck a trans person, I could see that happening in Thailand. Like, just you're on vacation. Yeah, it's fun.

And you're like fucking. Have cocktails, suns out. You've been to the four floors of Horrors, right? Okay. There's a place in Taiwan. Taiwan or Thailand? I've been to Taiwan. I think you've been to Thailand. I think I've been to Taiwan.

Oh. And there's a place called the 4th, Singapore, Singapore. Oh, I have been to Singapore. And they have the 4th floor as a horse. And the first one is just like fucking, or no, the first one's like strippers. And then then then like the 4th floor is all lady boys. That's what they call them.

I'm using their terms. Okay. And so I could see, I could see drunk, especially with a bunch of dudes. Like I definitely grab a dick. Yeah, I've been there. There you go. Oh, there you go. I'm at the four floors of horse.

Yeah. Those are not horse. Yeah. I think that's the promoter. Was this doing gigs? Yeah, I was doing stand up and then they were like, Hey, do you want to go out? And I was like, yeah, where? And they're like, do you like strip clubs? I was like, I fucking love strip clubs.

And they're like, you want to go to the four floors of whores? I was like, abs a fucking lute. And then they were like, this first floor is, Google what the four floors of whores are. I highly suggest it to anyone. It's an abandoned mall. You know how like, in our country, when a mall goes south, it just sells sneakers in jerseys. Yeah.

Well, in their country, they turn it into whorehouses. That's pretty cool. Yeah. And so the top floor is all lady boys. And I was like, go straight there. That's all I want to see. Okay. It's orchard towers.

And it's an old mall. And so like they've got like a, like a sunglass hut, but then But then there's just horse in there and then they got a Yankee candle, but there's just horse in there They got a lids, but there's just horse in there It's a real it's a fucking what does it say the drop-down does it say what the four floors are No, it doesn't I guess you could say what? One's like you can straight get jacked off. Cool. Like they got like massages and you can get jacked off.

Cool. Like they were like, do you want that? I was like, no, I'm not cheating on my wife. I want to just fucking see this. The first club we I don't know. I look like the strip club level, right? They definitely knocked a couple drinks out of my hands because I was taking drinks from everyone and then I was like, dude, stop it.

Because I'm also walking around with a Rolex. Like I'm not the best fucking traveler. Okay. I was walking around with fucking cash in my hand. I was like Pac-Man Jones and the Four Floors of Horrors. Yeah, yeah. So I was like, I want to see Cox. Yeah. Like I was like, I don't care. Like I can go to a strip club and see tits. That's cool. It's fun

But if you're telling me I can go and see fucking Gorgeous chicks with hogs on them. Yeah, I'm like, I'm looking at that. I didn't travel to fucking Singapore for nothing. Totally man well Four floors of horrors man that you guys know Singapore fantastic. Yeah Bert Bert's given is this it? Orchard towers or your towers Okay, it's known as the four floors of whores. Okay overview history. Let's see double murders. Okay. All right That's cool. All right. Well, I think that's a good place to end on This was a good good episode. This was fun. This was a good episode. This was fun.

This was a good talk. It was a little deep. I liked it. I like it. I like these conversations. I know that I can listen to a podcast sometimes and I'll be like, I'll get into it. Like, few, sometimes, they'll share things about like his recovery or stuff like that. Yeah. It's very heartfelt and I was like and I can I can enjoy it So I hope everyone enjoyed the conversation. So they did a pinpoint your trauma Try to be more like Tom be less like me unless you're drinking them be just like me and do not be like Tom Okay, and remember drink porosos porosos Make friends. Bye guys. Bye bye love you.