20/20 - Price of Fame: The Liam Payne Story -- A Special Edition of 20/20

Episode Date: November 7, 2024

Liam Payne’s rise as a boy band star, his reinvention as a solo artist and the pressures of fame. Originally broadcast 11/3/24 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

We sold so many records. We were in stadiums every day, 94,000 people every day. Once you reach that height, I suppose one of the reasons I struggled the most out of it is because you're never really going to reach that height again. And having to deal with that at a young age, I knew I was always going to mess it up somewhere, is what I would say about myself.

Wonder Rackets! Come on! One Direction! TAKE IT! TAKE IT! TAKE IT! TAKE IT! TAKE IT! TAKE IT! TAKE IT! TAKE IT!

TAKE IT! TAKE IT! TAKE IT! TAKE IT! TAKE IT! teenage heartthrobs. One Direction was cute, charismatic, likable. These are things that really matter with the boy band. One Direction was a boy band on steroids. They were on top of the world, you know? They had the teenage girls were in love with them.

Their moms were in love with them. The boys wanted to be them. It just seemed like everybody loved One Direction. There's nothing like the taste of success. Nothing like the feeling of being adored. And if you're insecure in any way, that feeling must be unbelievable. It's a lot to take on.

It's a huge responsibility for anybody to take on. One of the first times Liam took center stage was during X Factor. They sang Coldplay's Viva La Vida. I used to rule the world Seeds would rise when I gave them work Now in the morning I sleep alone Sweet the sweets I used to own

They were like puppies. They were so small and young and cute. So you had Harry, Nile, Zayn, Liam, and Louis. Liam initially stood out as the best singer and he was also the one with the most experience on stage, so he ended up kind of being the group's leader. Yeah, three, two, one. And we're One Direction! I went on X Factor when I was 14

and from that moment on, I knew I wanted to do this as a career, so I kind of got myself ready for it. They couldn't dance. They didn't try to dance. It was kind of as a joke. And they were so unlike any version of a boy band that had existed before. But I think that's actually what was charming about them, is that they didn't care. They were literally five young boys being boisterous.

One Direction, it was just them being themselves and being super weird, goofy teen boys. The songs were lovey-dovey, they were cutesy, they were age-appropriate songs, speaking to that kind of weird tween years and all the kind of fun and some of the pain. The songs are designed to blast out of a teenager's phone. They were unstoppable with a string of hits

like the aptly named Best Song Ever. And we dance all night to the best song ever. We knew every line. Now I can't remember how it goes But I know that I won't forget her At times you fall out of love with it And also you're not under any impression This isn't going to stop at some point

Like a life span for an average pop star I've outlived most life spans for that sort of thing Which has been amazing, really, really cool And I think part of that's probably from starting so young But you know it's going to end at some point. In Liam's final days, you know, he spent a lot of time on social media. You know, he was big on Snapchat.

He was really posting a lot about, you know, what him and his girlfriend were up to. Niall Horan's playing down there. And I think we might just go and say, hello! Liam has been linked for the last two years to Kate Cassidy, who is an influencer, and shared a lot of their relationship and their lives on social media. They were in Argentina to visit Niall Horan and to watch Nile Horan's show in Argentina. And so we were watching their vacation through Liam Payne and through Kate Cassidy's social medias. The public picture that was being painted is of the very kind of standard, happy, kind of pop star and his influencer girlfriend type of holiday.

And very luxurious. They were only supposed to be in Argentina for a few days. We are doing an OOTN. We are going to Niles' concert tonight. What's an OOTN? Outfit of the night. Oh, okay. Come on. It was very playful, very loving, and sweet. But then the tone shifts.

You know, fans started to get worried about his behavior and some of his interactions, especially at Niall Horan's concert. Kate's been talking on social media and to friends that she intended to go to Argentina for a few days, but it went into the couple of weeks, and that she really wanted to be home. She actually uploaded the moment that she left Argentina. Travel from South America back to Florida with me. I landed in Miami at like 6 a.m. and I was really expecting a nice sunrise, but nope,

we got clouds. So she was ready to go home and Liam Payne stays behind in Buenos Aires in Argentina. Like hours before he died, before he fell to his death, he was posting on Snapchat, like, photos of them vacationing in Buenos Aires together, making it look like she was still there. A lovely day here in Argentina. This is the breakfast table.

People saw him in the lobby acting bizarrely. One guy saw him smash his laptop. Another guy saw him acting bizarrely and having hotel workers escort him back up to his room. So there were a lot of question marks leading up to that night. What happened that final day is really a matter of public record. There are suspicions that a hotel employee got him drugs. The preliminary toxicology report paints a really dark picture, because not only did he have pink cocaine,

which is hetamine cut with meth and ecstasy, but in addition to that, they found traces of benzos as well as crack in his system. He was completely off his head. He was doing damage in the hotel lobby. He completely trashed his room. ABC News was able to confirm that security cameras in the hotel showed Liam sleeping in the lobby those cameras twice

showing pain holding a bottle of whiskey at one point staff using an escort app to call 2 women to the hotel pain offering them $5,000 U.S. but did not pay them. The hotel called the police said that there was a man who was intoxicated and possibly a danger to himself. They were concerned. The police were on their way. It appears to be a very tragic intoxicated accident.

because I don't know if I'm risking the life of the Westpac. It has a balcony and we're a little afraid that something will happen to it before it goes up. Listening to you know the 911 call between the hotel manager and the dispatcher it was very clear that the manager was very very concerned about Liam's well-being. It was very obvious that he felt like something serious was going to happen. He mentioned that he believed you know Liam to be intoxicated. He also pointed out that you know there was likely a balcony in the room that he was in. Finally tonight the shocking sudden death of Liam Payne. Former One Direction member Liam Payne has died at 31. Authorities say he fell from three floors up.

Fans are gathering outside that hotel as others weigh in from around the world. When I first saw the photos from Liam's hotel room, it just kind of makes you realize that, you know, we are fans of these artists or of any celebrity, but we don't really know what is happening in their day-to-day life. We saw candles, we saw a white substance, we saw like pieces of foil. You see a TV that looks like it's been bashed in, completely destroyed.

It's just a room of chaos. And it really kind of illustrates a horrific picture of what the last moments of Liam Payne's life looked like. I think everyone's still trying to piece together what exactly happened. It's interesting because we're learning so much more about Liam now after his untimely passing. And I think one of the things that we're learning so much more about Liam now, after his untimely passing. And I think one of the things that we're learning

is how he struggled with getting fame so young and so early. At this stage in my life, like what even is normal anymore? It's like, you know, for the majority of it, my life's really abnormal. To the outside world, it seems that I've got everything I need.

But, you know, in a lot of circumstances there's so many different parts that are missing and uncertainty is a big thing in my life because I don't know how long this is going to last for. I don't think any of us can put ourselves in a position of fame at the level of One Direction. There's gonna be a level of emotional stress and pressure that starts to seep into your psyche. When we were in the band the best way to secure us because of how big it got was just lock us in our rooms and of course what's in the room? Mini bar. So at a certain point I thought, well, I'm gonna have a party for one.

And that just seemed to carry on throughout many years of my life. And then you look back, how long you've been drinking and stuff, I feel like, Jesus Christ, that's a long time, even for someone who's, you know, as drunk as I was.

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Open your account in two minutes at chime.com slash 20. That's chime.com slash TWENTY. Chime feels like progress. The Chime Credit Builder Visa credit card is issued by the Bancorp NA or Stride Bank NA. Spot me eligibility requirements and overdraft limits apply. Out-of-network ATM withdrawal and OTC advance fees may apply. Terms and conditions apply. Go to chime.com slash disclosures for details. I'm Arisha Williams. I was in the X Factor and also Liam Pay I believe in the world.

The year that I had auditioned, there was over 385,000 auditionees. X Factor was a singing reality show competition. They were a giant, giant thing in the first 20 years of this century. Even though a lot of people in the U.S. never saw the X Factor UK, they all know Simon Cowell. Simon Cowell is a music superstar maker. He found people like Kelly Clarkson, Jennifer Hudson, Carey Underwood, and he took that same kind of premise across the pond and helped to create X Factor.

The first time that Liam Payne auditioned for the X Factor UK, which was in 2008 when he was only 14 years old, was with Fly Me to the Moon. He had a very mature voice, but for a very young kid. And I could never watch X Factor because I was always heartbroken, because I'd been the guy who made it really far and then got let go, and it ruined me when I was 14. He later thanked Simon Cowell for not advancing him

because he said it made him work harder and get better. And when he came back two years later, I think a lot of people were rooting for him. When he did Cry Me a River, the judges were impressed. It seemed like, okay, now you're ready, kid. And now you say you're lonely You cried the whole night through He kind of had to prove himself.

He'd been someone who'd been turned away from the show and they were giving him another shot. Then you get all of the rest of the boys who tried out as individual artists, Harry Styles, Niall Horan, Zayn Malik, and Louis Tomlinson. They were all, you know, equally as strong. They all were individually looking for that solo career. People don't realize, but all five of these lads

were about to be eliminated from X Factor, probably never to be heard from again. I'm sorry, I left it. I still want to go home. I still want to go. He shouldn't be having it at this point. Should he? But at the last minute, Nicole Scherzinger

scoops them up and says, hey, we should make them a boy band. You know what? They're just too talented to get rid of. And they've got just the right look and the right charisma on stage. I think they'll be really great in a boy band together. We have Liam. We have all these other guys over here. Let's turn them into a group. Simon Cowell liked that idea, and next thing you know...

That's the category I want just there You have One Direction They ended up signing to Simon Cowell's management and from there Simon Cowell sort of took them and morphed them into this massive, massive phenomenon The first single that One Direction put out after signing with Simon Cowell and leaving the X Factor was What Makes

You Beautiful. You don't know you're beautiful. That's what makes you beautiful. It was almost scientifically engineered for a 14-year-old girl's heart. Their target audience was obviously young girls. I mean, it's actually the first line of the song, you're insecure.

You're insecure, don't know what for. And here were these five dream date boys basically saying, like, whatever it is that you don't like about yourself, that's great. That's what makes you cool. That's what makes you beautiful. The lyrics are so catered to girls that don't get attention regularly,

who felt like they were sort of invisible. I still remember, you know, we would all, like, write those lyrics and paint the lyrics, and they meant so much to us. Just the message of, somebody sees you. It was, like, the first time that I think Gen Z'ers had a group to look up to the way that we had groups

to look up to. No matter what generation you came up in, there was a boy band. The Jackson Five, you had New Edition, you had the Backstreet Boys and NSYNC. It's always a cliche in this industry. It has been from day dot, you know, the boy band. They're pretty, they've got that it factor about them and girls just love it. It's all marketing dream. They're causing the kind of screaming that

we haven't seen since the Beatles. The most popular band on the planet, One Direction. And here they come right now. Girls know where it's at. Who was sitting at JFK when the Beatles landed in the 60s, or who was in the audience the first time they formed on Ed Sullivan. It wasn't dudes. It was young, screaming girls. You get the young, screaming girls on your side early on, you're doing something right. They didn't let up off the gas once they came out.

They released an album a year, each year for five straight years. Even when life changes, the story of my life. They went platinum, multi-platinum, and they sold in excess of 70 million records. That's incredible. Liam came from a working class background. So can you imagine being that young, coming from a family that you see leave the home to go to work every day to provide to then acquire this level of

fame, access and wealth where the world probably knows what your name is. That's a lot to happen in a very short time and at a very young age. How did you cope with all that fame from such a young age? Honestly, I don't think you do. I think it's a little bit of a crash course, and that's why we have so many accidents with people today. To the outside world, it seems that I've got everything I need. But, you know, in a lot of circumstances, there's so many different parts that are missing,

and uncertainty is a big thing in my life, because I don't know how long this is going to last for. Uncertainty is a big thing in my life because I don't know how long this is going to last for. Someone told me something about fame. You leave fame the age you entered it. So for me that was 14, right? So I'm screwed. Like I'm the 14 year old forever child. You don't grow in other aspects of your life because you have other people do crap for you. So it's quite clear in the documentary A Year in the Making

that their touring schedule is grueling. They're being mobbed all the time. It was a very, very intense schedule for One Direction where they were touring for the majority of the year. You will just be like, plane or bus to hotel, to venue, to backstage, to or bus to hotel to venue to backstage to show to after party to bus. I remember thinking wow they are not getting any breaks. It's constant you are constantly constantly on that wheel to keep up with yourself to keep up

with the public. With every boy band there is almost kind of an expiration date. It's rare to kind of make it to five years. What people don't realize is about this industry, everyone's replaceable. You know, it's that young, young demographic. It's a cutthroat industry, and you can get all of these record company executives telling you, we care, we care about our artists, bull.

Let me tell you, you are a can of beans. There's footage of them recording in like makeshift vocal booths, so they could release an album as soon as they got off tour. Let's keep cranking out the music because the fan base is here and we don't want the middle school girls who are going to high school to go to college and then feel like they've aged out.

We want to keep this group while we have them. One thing that really made One Direction different was their grasp of social media. It was relatively new. It's hard to imagine now, but it was relatively new when they were coming up in like 2010 Twitter and really sort of just become a thing and that was there funnel to their fans.

There was this like huge community of millions and millions of super fans who like loved and why nothing more than to watch these five boys succeed in the world. For me, this really was My Beatles. So I heard of One Direction just on Twitter. They set aside some time in the week to speak to us fans directly, just sit around and answer fan questions. Hello Sophia, hello to you. Do you prefer cats or dogs?

I like dogs, I want a dog, but I don't know whether it'd be good to have a dog on the road like what we're doing at the moment. They would usually go live in their hotel rooms between shows. Hello to Marissa in California. California. I felt very connected to the boys.

We just had so much insight to what they were doing every single day that it felt as if we knew them on a personal level. It really bred a sort of a loyalty and a love from the fans that was at a level I'm not sure had been experienced before. This was the very, very beginning of what we know of Stan culture. The word Stan is interesting because I think actually people forget where it came from.

Comes from the song Stan by Eminem. I wrote you what you still ain't calling. I left myself, my pager, and my home phone at the bottom. Stan is this psychotic, obsessive super fan who's lost all touch with reality. Somehow it became a slang term to me and just someone who's like a super devoted fan. I got started in my career basically as a One Direction stan. I had a fan account growing up. Every single day updating that account with whatever the boys were doing that day.

Essentially be publicists for free. It was taking up a lot of my time. I'm embarrassed to say how much time exactly. Do you like having such close contact with fans on stuff like Twitter? One of the things that they like about us is that we don't try and kind of act as like this big intimidating thing. We act quite like the kind of act as like this big intimidating thing. We act quite like the kind of people that they go to school with.

The boys knew that it was a synergetic relationship. There was fans of One Direction from all over the world. So when you take that, you put it into perspective, it's a lot of manpower. Or fangirl power. The main thing about our fans is that they massively made our band. I mean, we like social media and that these days. It was really the power of the fans that got them signed, that got them, you know, international releases for their music,

that got them the attention. I honestly don't know how Liam handled that pressure so young. And at that age, that young, young, innocent, vulnerable age, it's a lot. It feels like when you think about it, extremely claustrophobic. Imagine that. You're almost a prisoner in your own planet. My life's been so controlled to a point. Day sheets, security guards, you know, anything. And it's all everybody else's dictating puppet master crap over the top of your life when we were 17

I thought the security guard was like in charge of me like I was like, I'll come in either room No, okay, then not to worry. I'll just stay here. So it's like nothing in my life was about Serving myself which then that just put me in a bad place and finding enjoyment from other stuff that I don't need alcohol We're just really it was getting earlier and and earlier, easier and easier to go to. I think for me, super perfection is about a lot of stuff. I don't give myself a lot of breaks on things, to be honest with you, so I don't give myself a lot of breaks on things, to be honest with you, so I don't ever have time to sit and level with emotion.

Liam, he was kind of the leader of the group. In the early days, the lead vocals, and he had more songwriting credits. They were place of bets, like which, you know, One Direction member has the better chance of being the Justin Timberlake. Probably some people would have bet on Liam. After they put out the album Four,

it was fairly obvious by the way that they were interacting with each other in interviews and the music that they were putting out that their hearts weren't really in it anymore. In March 2015, it was just this massive, massive news when one of the members of One Direction left and it was it was Zayn Malik. Millions of heartbroken fans pick up the pieces after Zayn Malik's announcement he was leaving the pop

supergroup. Zayn left One Direction. I'm sorry. Every time I say it I broke into tears. Tonight the meltdowns after learning Zayn was gone. I'm gonna cry to the hospital. My heart just stopped. We were like, what's going on? Why did this happen? Part of me knew that One Direction was gonna end soon after that. It felt like we had lost our community and a lot of people held on to the hope that they would come back fast, and they didn't.

In almost every case, after those groups break up, which they invariably do after a while, there's one superstar. You had, obviously, so many strong individuals, because they were all solo artists coming into a group. Now, I guess they're trying to fulfill their destiny of being solo. With Zayn of course his first single was Pillow Talk and that was kind of a big moment for

him because that was the first solo song by any member. Nile has done very well for himself. You know, Slow Hands was a huge hit. Yeah, I want you, baby, slow, slow hands. Like sweat dripping... It was a little harder for Liam and Louis, but they still had, you know, they had hit songs. But Harry, superstar.

It's just so good to be with you. Oh, my God! This is my song! I think Harry Styles has accomplished what I think all boy banders gone solo aspire to. He immediately came out with Son of the Times, which was his first big, big breakout hit. Just stop your crying, it's a sign of the times. Harry Styles has had an amazing solo career, so much so that he captured the biggest award at the Grammys, besting Beyonce. Harry Styles!

How do you deal with being in a position where he's going to have people in his ears going, well look at Harry Styles, look how well he's doing. The comparisons actually are suffocating. I think we did compete with each other at a point, but I think it's all fairly laid out as it is now and we've all had our success in completely different areas. Liam was the last of the One Direction guys to get on the solo train.

You know I love it when the music's loud but come on, strip that down for me. Strip That Down was a successful song. It was, I think, a number three hit in the UK. It cracked the top 10 here in the US. He only released one album, LP1. I just remember being kind of met with sort of a collective shrug.

We were always going to be there for them to a certain degree, but the Liam stans were much smaller, a little bit disconnected from him because it kind of felt like we weren't able to grasp the identity of Liam Payne as a solo artist. Transitioning from a group into being a solo artist, you now have to go on a personal journey. That can't be rushed. I worked with Liam Payne. I was with him for a couple of tours.

I got to know him very well. When at 16, 17, you are put into an incredible kind of boiling pot of people and demands and expectations, your brain isn't ready for it. Can you imagine being famous from a child and then suddenly you're told you, you know, don't want you anymore. Next one. Almost like having like a weird midlife crisis halfway through because you don't really know if what you're doing is the right thing. For some certain circumstances, I'm quite lucky to be here still.

Which is something I've never really shared with anyone. Explain, explain. There's times where that level of loneliness and people getting into you every day, getting into you every day, like I say, just every so often, you're like, when will they send? I think the hard reality is when you're not the hottest thing anymore.

You look around and all those people that were telling you you're amazing, you're great, they disappear. I pretty instantly picked up on the fact that Liam was not headed down a good path and we saw that in the interview he did with Logan Paul. Hey what are you drinking? A little whiskey. That was the moment that he kind of turned on his bandmates and aired out a lot of grievances. One moment where there was an argument backstage and someone, one member in particular, threw me up a wall. So I said to him, if you don't remove those hands, there's a high likelihood you'll never use them again.

Almost felt like he was high off of his own ego at that point. It stung to hear some of the comments that he made. Liam's been honest about his struggles with sobriety. We see this a lot with celebrities. You know, the signs and the patterns. It's so much harder for people to stay clean when they're famous, because there's always an a** out there

that will give it to you because of who you are. Did you ever go out to sit on stage a bit wonky? Oh, loads, yeah. Yeah, yeah, loads. I'd have a couple of drinks to get myself in the mood. To make you feel more confident drinking? Yeah, definitely. I think it made you confident, made you relax a little bit more into it. But then for me it would just always go a bit too far, a bit too far.

I think because adrenaline pushes you through. You're constantly fighting and every day your demon is saying in your head, go get high. Every addict I've known, Liam or whoever it is, they are fragile. Somebody who likes to use drugs to cover up whatever their dysfunction and anxiety is, inside that person may be feeling,

is this gonna last? Am I worth it? Am I doing it right? So after that podcast, he actually steps away and goes into rehab for 100 days and comes back with an apology. I just took a little bit of time out actually, sorry for the MIA. You guys know there was a few reasons why I did that. And I just need to take a little bit of time out for myself actually

because I kind of became somebody who I didn't really recognize anymore. The actual process of getting clean is comparatively easy. It's what's revealed after the drugs have been taken away that it's important. A damaged, fragile individual who needs to learn all over again how to live life. Addiction is a demon. Everybody wanted a happy ending but that's just not always how it happens. Hi, I'm Liam and the perfect girl for me would be someone who's maybe a little bit shy, very cute, really nice smile and nice eyes. From the beginning of their time in a boy band, One Direction's love lives were like front page

of every UK tabloid. Hey, what's up, brother? I'm your man. Hey, Gigi. They were kind of in these public relationships. Of course, most famously, Zayn has a child with Gigi Hadid, Harry Stahls dated Taylor Swift, Kendall Jenner, Olivia Wilde. It was kind of like Justin and Britney times five. People were very fascinated by Liam's relationship with Cheryl Cole. Their

relationship was really controversial for a lot of reasons. One, Cheryl is a decade older than Liam. They had met when Liam was 14 originally when he had first auditioned for the X Factor and she was a judge again when he auditioned when he was 16. Why am I forever? And I think people were like, what's that about?

They ended up pursuing a relationship when he was in his mid-20s and they had a child together, Bear. So what's your biggest fear? What scares you? What's my biggest fear? I mean, becoming a dad at such a young age is such a difficult thing.

And I think I built fatherhood up so much in my head that he kind of messed me up to start off with and I kind of started in a bad place with it. I think he kind of spooked me out early on and I was just worried that I would not be enough to look after the both of them, you know what I mean? That's so important to me. After Liam and Cheryl broke up, he began seeing Maya Henry.

They were together off and on for several years. You saw them on social media as a shining couple, but afterwards, she alleges that there were some questionable behavior. In the days leading up to Liam's death, she was being more candid about what she had gone through, and people were really supporting her. Fans were supporting her.

Ever since we broke up, he messages me, blow up my phone, mind you, not only from his phone number. It's always from different phone numbers, too. So I never know where it's going to come from. She even alleges that she sent a cease and desist letter because he'd been contacting her so much. Every time I see one pop up on my phone, I'm like, here we go again.

These headlines were really dominating any news about Liam. No one was talking about where's his new music or anything right before he died. And yet again, this is another situation where Liam's personal life is making headlines and not, you know, maybe the best way. What was very sad for me Personal life is making headlines and not, you know, maybe the best way. What was very sad for me was that I had had the opportunity and the privilege really of seeing Liam get better

and enjoy life and bond with people. And I was very, very upset to hear that he had not been able to maintain that. Tonight, a shocking tragedy in the music world. The sudden death of One Direction member Liam Payne. We are learning more about the One Direction singer's final hours. We know that the police responded to the tragedy and did the initial investigation. But it was more than a week later that they raided the hotel and

took computer hard drives and surveillance videos. The fact that the police raided the hotel means there's probably more to the story. We're still finding out exactly what happened. All these reports about what his mental state was, you know, being drunk or belligerent in the lobby. The investigators have said they've spoken to hotel workers who saw him and interacted with him. They've spoken to two women who spent time with him in his final hours. And I think they're just trying to get a snapshot of what was going on in those final days.

There was a wave of reaction when we all found out that Liam Payne had passed away. I've been thinking about you lately. The music that One Direction made in that sort of bright, shiny moment is now a source of healing for the millions of fans who, when they gather, they play that music. Doesn't ever drive you crazy. Just how fast the night changes Liam, even though he was an adult when he passed, he was in my mind still just a kid. He was still a young man, and that's what's so sad. How did we get here?

Liam Payne's father arriving in Buenos Aires on Friday to claim his son's body. Authorities say his body will remain in Argentina as the investigation continues. I think one of the most beautiful moments that came out of something so tragic was the moment where Liam's dad is trying to get into the hotel but there's paparazzi everywhere and people are asking him really, really invasive questions. What happened? What happened? What happened? What happened? What happened? What happened?

And the fans all gathered in front of the hotel, put their arms up to obstruct the view of paparazzi looking into the hotel. And I think that just speaks to just how protective this fandom still is of these band members and of Liam. I think the more difficult thing for us to process is really the dark side of fame and celebrity. When you think about it, like every generation kind of goes through this. Like they have their star that, you know, leaves us way too early.

Kurt Cobain, you have Chris Farley, Jimi Hendrix, you have Amy Winehouse. It's just sad because you have these fans that they're all left looking for answers that they just may never get. I don't think I've ever met an addict or an alcoholic who when you've had the drugs taken away isn't revealed as a really nice person. As somebody who's very gentle and very soft and Liam was no different to that. Just fragile and who need a bit of help and support. Three, two, one. And we're One Direction and start again. Oh, good night.

When you are that young, you can't really process the impact of something as massive as fame. That mountain for me was 1D. And music after that, like I said, you're never going to keep up with. We sold so many records, we broke so many records, we did so many things. How it impacts your relationships, how it impacts your friendships, how it impacts your self-identity. I suppose one of the reasons I struggled the most out of it is because you're never really going to reach that height again. You need to have something to strive for and I feel like I'm finding that a little bit more now.

He even said it himself that he'd quite know who he was after he left the band and he was lost essentially. It's um it's heartbreaking. He was such a bright light when he was on he was such a bright light. That little light has gone. you you