40ish - 40ish Live: Menopause, Midlife & Audience Chaos in London (Part 1)

Episode Date: July 23, 2026

Part one of our first ever live show — recorded in front of a sold-out audience at Kings Cross, London in July 2026. All the usual 40ish chaos, midlife meltdowns and menopause madness you know from the podcast, but this time with a room full of women (and two blokes) laughing along in real time. We're talking the everyday absurdities of being a woman in your 40s and beyond — the stuff we normally only say behind a studio mic — now with bigger laughs, live audience reactions, and the full 40ish experience taken to the stage. If you've ever wanted to know what a room full of women who all secretly think the same things sounds like, this is it. Grab a drink, settle in, and enjoy Part 1 of our first live show. Part 2 coming next week. New episodes every week from Self Care Club / 40ish. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

You've been looking forward to this all week. And with Cutwater's cocktails, this? Took only seconds, because tonight's about catching up. Not catching the server. Whether it's our Cutwater lime margarita, lemon drop martini, or rum Mai Tai. They're expertly mixed and ready before the snacks hit the table. Cutwater. Expertly mixed cocktails.

A perfect pairing for an evening with good company. Please enjoy responsibly. Must be 19 plus. This episode is brought to you by Accenture. When your advertising operations fall out of sync, everything else follows. Spotify and Accenture are working together to reinvent the rhythm of ad sales, using automation, analytics, and smarter workflows to simplify campaign delivery and access better data across the business.

The result? Less time spent on operations, more time connecting brands with the moments and fandoms that matter most. Learn more at Accenture.com slash Spotify. Everybody. 40-ish, the live podcast. I'm Nicole Goodman. And I'm Lauren Mishkon. This is the podcast where we dive into the chaos of being 40-something.

Each and every week, twice weekly, in fact, diving into all things mid-life, the news, your stories, your dilemmas, and of course, bringing our own mess and challenges of navigating this beautiful, wonderful, special decade of mid-life. It's very, very special. And we forget everything. I've even forgotten to put the time of. on. So I'm going to do that now. It's a good start. It's chicken for later.

Please remember that you can subscribe on Apple Podcasts for early access, add free listening across this show and Self Care Club. And you can watch the video every week on Spotify and on YouTube. Please go and join our 33 followers on YouTube. That would be nice.

They need some company. And you can listen on any other podcast platform. And if you've got something to share, big or small, we want to hear it all. So be in touch. Hello at 40ish. Dotco.com. That's the same.

that please be in touch, be part of the conversation. So today, we are live for the first time in 40-ish history. It's taken me about six years since I've known Lauren to get her to agree to doing anything live. Thank you for being here. Thank you for supporting the show. Thank you for supporting our podcasts. And before we begin, we want to say a big thank you to some of our sponsors. You all have lovely goodie bags on your chairs.

I assume you're not sitting on them. And in there are some hand-picked products. So they're not just, we really love them. There's London Utropics in there. There's some coffees we've had ours today. I live on them. And there is a gut health bar by Indy. And Opatra have been immensely generous.

And they've all given you a lovely... Selectic acid, selactic acid pan. We can't say it, but apparently it's really good for your face. So just enjoy those. We have no idea how today is going to go. We really haven't got a clue. but so far it's better than the first life show we did where I was heckled by an 80-year-old woman

sitting basically in the front row there. It was like having your Jewish grandma just talking to you, like we were in a living room. It was horrendous. She had no awareness to anyone else. No self-awareness. It was very funny. But we're going to kick off today

because some of you may know, some of you may not know. I know there's a lot of our listeners here, but some of you have probably been dragged here by listeners. So, and people always assume that Lauren and I are, childhood friends. We are not. We're basically strangers. Well we used to be strangers. Now we know each other pretty well because we've done a lot of stupid shit together. So we thought we'd take you back to the beginning of how we met. Our origin story, as it was. Our love story. I love, I love story. So I had an internet radio show and Nicole had her own podcast. It's called

Femelling and you can actually download it. She just talks to herself on every episode, but on one episode she talked to me. I did. It's actually you can go and listen to it and it's the first time Lauren and I ever met and it was recorded which is great. Yeah, I came over to her house, I think I was about to go on holiday. I can't even remember what the subject was but basically all we talked about was packing. And all Lauren did was moan about the packing.

Yeah, I mean you have to listen to this episode. That's exactly what happened. We've improved since. And then she came on my radio show and then I wanted to do something on the internet put the radio show on the internet? She still doesn't know how to do that. I still don't know how to use the internet, but basically I asked her to come over to my house to show me how to do something,

and she did, she came, I still don't know what she told me to do and I obviously didn't listen, and then she left. And then she phoned me up, but we basically had a rant and a moan about the mental load of a woman, and we both said, even looking after yourself

and taking care of yourself and your own self-care, has become another job. And I left and I really didn't think anything of it. And then about 15 minutes later, Laura phoned me up and she pitched me the idea of the self-care club, which is our other podcast. And that's now been going for six years.

It's won awards. We've written a book off the back of it. So we did quite a lot after that conversation. We did a lot, but I still don't really know why I rang you up. And also, like, I would never ring anyone up because I don't really like anyone. She doesn't like anybody.

So I don't really understand why. I still don't even really know if she likes me, But apparently, it depends if your HLT is working or not. It's true. That is true. Anyway, in that time, we've done a lot together. We've huffed a lot of trees together. We've steamed our vaginas together.

That is a true story. We have done yoga with dogs. We've done yoga with goats. We've sunbade our butt holes. We've been whipped by Russian men. In a sauna and then had buckets of ice cold water thrown over us. Again, a true story. We have done a lot of stupid shit together.

We've vabbed, we've put snail serum on our faces. Yeah. We've done it all. So needless to say, we now know each other quite well. Quite well. And then after that, after we kind of completed self-care, we decided that it was timed for another podcast because apparently one podcast isn't relentless enough.

And that's how 40-ish came along. We were kind of hitting middle age, and we went looking for a show that was funny and fun. and making fun of being middle age. And we searched and searched for it. And all we found were shows that were really important. Dry. So dry.

Dry. Dry. Important. And medical led and doctors telling you what to eat and what to rub on and when to sleep and when to wake up. Anyway, fuck that. So we couldn't find the one that we wanted. So we basically made it. And here we are.

And here we are. Anyway, Nicole Goodman. What is your most 40-ish moment of the week? Well, my most 40-ish moment of this week was trying to put together this live show when I'm sorry to tell you, but my HRT was like running on empty. Let's talk about the day that we plan to do the live show, shall we? Should we share it? Yeah, well, can I just give a bit of context first?

Because for those of you that don't listen, I'm very reliant on my estrogen. Hands up for anyone else that is relying on estrogen. Thank you. Thank you. Not loads of you. They're very young here, obviously. And it had just decided to leave my body, and I had to wait to go and see my...

I actually had to beg my gynecologist, but that's another story. We were... It was a boiling hot day. It was a couple of weeks ago, I remember when it was the heat wave? It was boiling hot. I know you remember, you were there.

They weren't. And I just couldn't cope. She was strugs to funk. She just was not functioning. She was not functioning so much I had to go and buy salad because she couldn't make salad. You know, you keep saying that, but now I'm thinking, why didn't you make the fucking salad?

You know what I could have done? What, you keep saying? I don't know why I didn't actually. Every time we rehearsed, she said, I had to go and buy salad. Just make it yourself. You know where my bridge is. You're right, I could have done.

I apologise for that. Anyway, it was, the day was just basically a shit show. It was a nightmare. I'd had a panic attack in the morning on the paddle court. I'd stormed off the paddle cord. That wasn't the first time. I'd never done that in my entire life. So there was that.

My adrenaline was like all over the place and you weren't very nice about it. And basically I then just couldn't cope and you were like, well we've got to write the live show I said, you know what, I'm just going to have a sleep. Her and then my dog basically went to sleep together and I went out into the garden and then she woke up eventually a few hours later.

The show was written. You're welcome. And here we are. You'll be all pleased to know that I have had my implant redone before today. Thank you. Lauren did actually turn around to me last week. She did actually turn around to me last week and she said,

are you going to be all right? Like, is this going to have kicked in by the time we hit the live show? I'm like, who's to say? Well, just have to go with it. It has. It has. It has. It has.

And your most 40-ish moment? Outfits. Outfits. Mainly your outfit. Your outfit drama has become my 40. year's dilemma. There was a lot of drama about what does one wear in one's late 40s to host a live show because like this is not a normal thing. It's not normal to do this. Normally I would be in my tracksuit or my like shitty garden shorts today. So it was very hard to plan. And also because

it's so hot. Like what do you wear on a really hot day when you're doing a live show that you've never done before and it's boiling hot? It's never boiling hot. When is it ever boiling hot here? Never. Yeah. So my laziness reached peak today and I just went with what I'm literally just going to wear what I wear in the promo photo because, yes, amazing, amazing, because continuity. But also, and also blending with set, so important and also, so easy. And also, she then phoned me up, she goes, I think, I think I'm just going to wear the denim jumpsuit. Okay, I'm just going to wear the denim jumpsuit. What did you wear in the photo? She knows exactly what I wore in the photo. I didn't, I don't remember. She was so wanted me to just basically copy her so that you.

You didn't feel like you were alone in that photo and in real life. Anyway, we went through many iterations, and then we were like, see what the weather's like, see what the weather's like. I bought everything. I literally bought everything. Everything went back. A lot of things haven't gone back. I've still got to send them back. I've actually got two dresses that are arriving next Wednesday.

So that's like really, really handy. I just think that as you get older, it takes so much effort to look effortless. Or just like normal? Yeah. Not shit. Yes. Yes. Because even to look effortless,

basically takes like it takes everything. It takes a wax, a spray to, I don't even have to spray tan. It takes a blow dry. It takes loads of makeup. It takes 12 good night sleeps in a row. It takes, you know, your HRT being on point. It takes being hydrated. Like it's never ending.

She FaceTime me this morning. I was in my nighty. It's white and it's like lacy and it's basically transparent. I didn't have anything else on because I was on my own in the kitchen and she was like, you look lovely. No, you said I might. You might want to put a bra on later.

You set me up. You honestly, you tell half the story. She set me up. She goes, I might just go like this. And I said, well, you might want to put a bra on is what I said. By Victorian 90. Anyway, I want to talk about the audience

most 40ish moments. Oh, there's some gems. Can we just say a big thank you to those who have written in and I know that we've asked you a lot of questions before coming today and you probably felt, my God, I've got to do so much homework. God, it's like fucking homework to go and see a live show. Yeah.

But actually what it's done is it's really helped us build today, and we are going to get you involved, and we really hope that you play with us. But the people that have said they want to remain anonymous, you absolutely will. If you want to stand up and join in with us, we would absolutely love that. We won't throw you under the bus in a nutshell.

Anyway, here we go. The first 40-ish moments. Loving this. applying testosterone gel to my hair and regain to my bum whilst wondering if it could be patched change day it was but also

regain to your bum like where on your bum no as in she meant to put the test no no I understand where on her bum did she put it I don't put testosterone on my bum I don't take it so I don't know where you're supposed to put it because it sounded like it was up your bum

but I'm assuming it wasn't. It did a bit sound like it was up your bum. But I don't think anyone wants to stand up and talk about that. And that's fine. That's fine. You can remain a lot. Later. Let them settle in a bit more. There was one.

So I get in my car to go home from paddle, only to realize that once I'm home, I've taken my daughter's car from the gym and wondered why my knees were by my chin, why my knees were by my chin, and I'm listening to rap crap on the radio. So I have questions about this. this is a friend of mine, I know who sent this in.

Was it, do you have the same car as your daughter? Do you have a key to your daughter's car? Yeah. Okay. Oh, you have the key to your daughter? And you have the same car as your daughter? No. No, she just...

Oh, no! Oh, brilliant. That's even better, actually. That's special. Wondering why you're officially on the shelf and your love slash dating life is pretty much over. Richard. Oh.

I'm assuming you're Richard because you're the only man in the room. You're not Richard. You're not Richard. Richard, where are you? Oh, you're there at the back. Hi, Richard. Hi.

Richard, thank you for coming. To the men in the audience, you're very brave, and we appreciate you. You are so brave. Yeah. You might not be able to get involved in the patch chat and the estrogen chat. But if we're good, we're pleased you're here. But also, like, I don't know, Richard, there may be some single women right here in your own age group, so use it. Use it later at the bar, buy the drinks.

Well, you actually don't know how old Richard is. I don't know, but I'm going to make an assumption he's not 23. Richard. Richard, are you 23? I didn't hear you shout, Richard. 40 plus. Okay. So Richard is 40 plus.

And he's single, everyone. So bear that in mind. The next one. Buying Crocs, so I have something easy to slip on for popping outside to the shop to the bin to pick up my teen. I'm at always. always still my teenagers crooks. To my surprise, they're fashionable. What color crocs?

Okay, standard. Classic. Classic. Classic. Not very adventurous. Sorry. Okay. Lauren's got furry crocs. I have, yeah. Realizing I needed to walk away from a relationship

and be more proud of myself than sad, I am 50-ish. That's from Andrea. She's in Canada. She's not here today. But she got involved, which is lovely. She's very involved. Getting cross at myself for being cross.

I love this. I love this because I didn't want to be cross. Whoever wants to be cross. I didn't want to be cross. And in the end, I had to go and night down and try to decross. That's from Kim. Kim, are you here?

She's... Anyway, I loved that, Kim. Well, I loved that. De-crossing. So they are the 40-ish moments. Now, we're going to... There's a prize for the most 40-ish moment. Lauren and I can vote,

or you guys can join in with us. Or are there any others, Someone wants to share with us a portish moment or is it a bit too early in the show to start sharing? Oh no, you've got one. Oh, please. Roaming mic, somebody? Is there a roaming mic?

Someone's coming with a roaming mic? I think Ellie. I think you might. He's coming, he's on his way, he's been paid so he can do his job to bring the roaming mic. He's wearing lovely shorts. Can I also tell you that Lauren is always edited by me

and this is her own editing. Unedited. Be very afraid. That would have been edited out. What's your name? Hi Pip. Hi Pip! Hello.

A lot of each moment this week was turning 40! Were you dragged here? Were you like, oh my God? Thank you. Yeah. Brilliant. So you're turning, I mean, that couldn't be more 40ish. Turned 40.

Yeah, I think she should have the prize. Because it's her birthday. I agree, but there might be some others. You're welcome. Any other 40ish moments that want to be shared with us today? Yes, there's one at the back. At the back.

It's a good thing you wore shorts because you're running, you're running. He's going, he's running. Just leave it. Leave him alone. Leave him alone. We could have got one of our kids to do this, you know. Not your kids, no. Hi.

Name please. It's Alana. I know the voice. I can't see anyone. It's just a silhouette in the dark. Yeah. At the David Lloyd. Nice.

Just played a panel game. Lovely. Into the toilet. Into the toilet. I've obviously picked up one of my daughter's swimsuits, but that's okay. I've just got to go with it because I'm about to go in the spa. I'm thinking of the lipids. Don't see, but fine, whatever, I'll just have to wear it.

Anyway, I walk out, and a friend literally stares at me, and she goes to me, now I go very, very, like, just thinking this is genuine. Oh my God, I've worn, I've got my daughter's swimsuit, and she says to me, what are you doing wearing my swimsuit? And I look at her and I go, what are you talking about? Anyway, she has made a few other people whilst I've been in the toilet, look through their bags

because she thinks that someone else has stolen their suit. Well, they had. You were the thief. I was the thief. But we laughed and laughed and laughed. That was brilliant. Thank you. Thank you, Alan.

Alana is Nicole's paddle BFF. If you listen to the pod, you'll know she talks about Alana a lot. Alana is like basically my rival for her affection so hi we haven't actually met it's lovely to meet you I don't like you

but it's nice that you came for Nicole so I don't want to play paddle I want to do everything else with you I do not want to play paddle with you I don't want to pay paddle full stop no I know that's why we don't play paddle together have we got time for one more is there one else at the back yes

I think this will be the last one and then we're going to go to the prize It's very exciting. The amazing prize is on today. Hello. Hi. My God. That's quite bad. That is quite bad. What's your name? Lucy.

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enjoying a punch. At the same time, creature is enjoying punching people. Wow, he's still punching people. Entertainment meets fast delivery. It's on prize. Okay, so to go through, because now we're going to pick a prize. It was the applying the testosterone to, where does she part, to her hair. That was special. Her hair. Getting in her daughter's car. car, wondering if you're officially on the shelf. That's from Richard. Sorry to repeat it, Richard. The crocs now that they're fashionable

and just buying them because they're practical. Decrossing. Decrossing. Getting cross at myself. Being 40 from Pip, Alana with the swimsuit, and Lucy with not being able to work. What do we think? I still think Pip should have it.

Everyone agreed that Pip should have it. Happy birthday, Pip. Pip, come up. choose her a prize. Come up and choose your shitty, shitty, middle age prize. What do you mean there's stunning prizes? Hand chosen by me. Oh no, she won't be knocking this.

She won't. There's either. Don't spoil it, Nicole. Just give her that thing on the left there that's on the floor. That's what she needs now. She's 40. Yeah, that large thing. Yep, that. Happy birthday, it's a house coat. Do you? Well, now you're the proud owner of one in pink. Yay!

Can I tell you, Lauren and I have had so many discussions about whether the guests should pick the prizes. I was like, they should pick the prize, but now she's just been Mrs. Bossy Boots, and now apparently you're not picking the prizes. I just made an executive decision on the spot because I felt like when you're 40, you need a housecoat in your life. Who else is going to buy her a housecoat for her 40th birthday?

Not one of her friends will choose that. That's because they're friends. Okay, so we're moving on to dilemmas. And if you of you have written in, Thank you so much. If you listen to the show, you will know that we always try and solve a dilemma, but we don't really solve it. There's a lot of chat going on over there. Yeah, share it, share it. This coat is, okay, let me explain, for those who are too trendy and young to understand, a housecoat is basically what your grandma would wear when she came home.

Because you don't want to like wear your clothes, you're nice clothes. You would take it off and it's like a dressing gown, but with a zip from floor to neck. Normally in fleece or towel. You don't want one. You do want everyone. Right. Hi Lauren and Nicole. Am I doing this one? I'm doing this one.

Come on in. Hi Lauren and Nicole. I've been a mum at my daughter's school for a year now and over that time I've become part of a close-knit group of mums in my class. We chat constantly in our WhatsApp group and we meet up and have coffees and help each other out with the kids. I genuinely feel like I found my people. However, the other day a message popped up on the group chat from one of them which really unsettled me.

It said, yeah, I know exactly what you mean about Sophie. She can be a bit funny sometimes. Within 30 seconds, it had been deleted. No one mentioned it and the conversation carried on on the group about sports day arrangements as if nothing had happened. The thing is, I am Sophie. and I have no idea what they were referring to or who she meant to send it to. I can't stop wondering if this is how they talk about everyone when they're not around or if it's just me.

It's made me question if I can really trust these friendships, but at the same time, I don't want to overreact over one deleted message that I only got a glimpse of. Do I ignore it and assume it was something not horrible, or do I ask the mum who sent it what it was about, knowing that it could make things awkward within the group? Have you ever done that? What? Have you ever sent the wrong message?

I mean, I have done that. I have, but not something like that. My friends are in the audience, they know exactly what I'm talking about. I have done that. I have sent something where I was talking about someone and I sent it to her. And it did not.

The people in the audience said it wasn't them, but I was probably sending it to them, but it didn't go down well. I've never done that. I've done something boring like, it's at 4.30. Oh, sorry, wrong person. But I've never like done,

I've never done that. I've never done that. Okay, well, thanks for sharing that. You're so welcome. Wow. Yeah, wow. I think I know what you're going to say to this. What?

I think you and I are going to disagree quite strongly in how we would approach it. I am never, ever, ever, ever going to say to any of these women what were you saying about me on the group. I'm going to suck that up, swallow that down, give myself illness, and live with it. Exactly. and live with that shit forever,

never really knowing what it is, they think that's a bit funny about me. Because like, even whatever it is, I can't change it, can I? They might just think it's a bit funny about me. And there are funny things about everyone, even you and me. Okay, so if someone was saying,

like, if someone said that about you, she can be a bit funny sometimes. What do you think they would be referring to? It could be a plethora of delightful things, couldn't it? I don't know. Like if someone was going to say that about me, if I came to you with this and I said,

They've said, look, I know what you mean about Nicole. She could be a bit funny sometimes. Would you know what they meant? Probably, yeah. Like, what would they mean? What would they mean? What can I be funny about? Food.

Okay. It would be like... But they wouldn't be slagging me off on a group text about food. No, but they might be like planning a dinner. It would be like, oh, Nicole's going to be difficult about it because it's got choose. No. I could go to any...

Don't know. I can go to any restaurant. I might be funny about... I'm not funny about your emotional support water bottle. But actually isn't with you. today. So how are you even doing this podcast? Because, I'll tell you why. Why? The lovely guy at the back, Ethan, who's

arranging today, he, he, as I walked in, as I walked in, he said, do you want water on the table, so I knew it was going to be okay. I mean, look, the thing is, I know that we met as strangers and, you know, then we do the pod and everything else, but like, no joke, if I saw you on a dating

site, I would swipe the fuck away so fast. I'd be like, Hi, I'm Nicole. I love paddle in the gym, and here's a photo of me and I have pleasure and I love water and I don't eat cheese. Swite. I have nothing in common with this person. I don't really want to be friends with you.

I don't know what we would do together. No. You're not my person. I mean, did that go left or did that go left? Like, why were we even discussing? If you saw me, would you be like, yeah, I really want to hang out. It would be exactly the same. I love to bake and churn butter and...

I have never... I do not churned butter. butter, I have done it once. Have you actually? You've churned. Once! Don't judge! This is what I mean, that you're funny about things sometimes.

Lauren always bakes bread. I turn up to her for lunch on like a Tuesday and we've got like shitloads of work to do and she's like, I'd be so busy this morning. The house stinks of like this amazing baked goods. I'm like, what have you? I've baked us bread for lunch because I ran out. I'm like, go to deskos.

I don't understand. We have nothing in common. Literally nothing. Nothing in common. I would say nothing on that WhatsApp group. I would take it to the grave. I would say something. You would not have the bandwidth for saying nothing.

How could I say nothing? How could I say nothing? I think I would find the person that I feel most comfortable with. And I would ask her, I mean, I would have to like really pluck up the courage. And I would have to say, did you see that message come up? And do you know what it's referring to? And were they messaging you? And is there anything I need to?

know. Like, what's wrong with that? It's quite funny because neither of our husbands are remotely interested in the job that we do, just that we're basically home for dinner. And I have never seen Adam more animated than when this dilemma came in. He like wanted to talk about it and get involved in it. He was like, Adam, what is there? He was very invested in this dilemma. Yeah. Why? Why? I don't know. Because he's not been invested in this live show at all. No. So I don't really know, no. Should we ask the audience what they think? I think so. Okay. So anyone So hands up if you would say nothing. Not many.

No. Not many. Hands up if you would go with what I said. Find the person you're closest to and ask them. Yeah. Yeah. Hands up if you would do something else entirely. Okay. Can we ask this lady what it is you would do?

What else it is that you would do? Sorry, there's a lady at the front. Thank you. What's your name? Shavon. What would you do? Oh, you'd go straight to the source. Straight to the sauce.

That is. And what would you say? What the fuck was that message? It's direct. The thing is, the thing is with that, is that I don't think they're ever going to tell you the truth. You know, I think that they're just going to lie and just like bat it off.

I don't think you're ever going to get to the bottom of it. I don't think you'll ever really know. It wasn't. It's not though, is it? Come on. Come on. It's not a different, Sophie. It's definitely your mum's in the class, Sophie. It wasn't. But it could be something really banal. You know what I mean?

I know what she can be a bit funny sometimes. But it could be nothing. No, it's not. They're bitching about her. They're bitching about her. There's no... Does everyone agree that they are bitching about Sophie? Undeniable. Poor Sophie.

Oh, poor Sophie. Well, thank you for writing in if you're here, Sophie. I hope she's not here. Okay, the next dilemma. Hi, Lauren and Nicole. Love the pod. Help me, please. I have a close friend who I love dearly, but lately her behaviour has become...

I didn't write it. Don't give me that. Lately, her behaviour has become really difficult to deal with. I know I've been difficult the last few weeks, but at least I have awareness about it. She's definitely going through perimenopause. she has terrible mood swings, gets upset or angry over the smallest things,

cancels plans at the last minute, forget stuff and sometimes says quite hurtful things to me, then acts as if nothing has happened, oh, I don't do that. I've tried to be understanding because I know she's struggling, but it's starting to affect our friendship. I feel like I'm constantly walking on eggshells around her, never knowing what mood she'll be in or whether something I say will set her off.

She refuses to get any help. She won't speak to her GP, won't consider HRT. and shuts me down if I suggest it. I don't want to pressure her or make her feel judged, but I also don't know how much longer I can keep absorbing the fallout from something she won't address. I missed the friend I used to have, and I don't really like this version.

I feel guilty even admitting that. Do I keep being patient and hope she eventually sorts herself out, or do I have an honest conversation with her and risk upsetting her even more? Ooh. Well, it sounds like she has tried to have the conversation with her. and it hasn't gone down very well we wouldn't know anything about that would we?

Well we've both been in this situation with each other yeah remember when Princess Diana went to like the landmines and she was in the white hazmat suit which remember the outfit and she was like treading very carefully it was an iconic photo you're such a canal I can't believe

basically that's been my life for the last three years no no six weeks I don't know sometimes I'm Princess Diana and you just don't know know, like you could tiptoe and it could be smooth sailing and you get made chicken salad and everything's great. Sometimes it can just blow up, you can just explode, the landmine can just go, you just don't know, you just don't know. It's frightening. But to be fair, at least mine is all

out in the open. So when there's an explosion, you know there's been an explosion. You do. You implode. So you're never really quite sure what's really happening, what's landed, what hasn't landed, like, you know, you kind of, you disappear, don't you? I'm more submarine. Yeah, you're beneath the surface, for sure. And then I, listen, I have had to have this conversation with you. You have. I have actually had, this has actually happened in our friendship. How did you pick your moment? Um, uh, it was, it took months. It took longer than months. It was the course of a year I'm not going to lie

And then at one point I think I just sat you down No because I thought I did I just didn't think that you and I were going to have a working relationship anymore That was like you literally just disappeared So I then basically said to you Are we going to work together anymore

Like what is happening? I really hope that you take this the right way And I hope you know It's said with love but Please go to the doctor please I just was like this woman And I was like no Fuck you

I'm not going I'm not taking any end. And what else does she do? Terrible things. Council's plans, forgets things, gets upset about the smallest things. Well, the woman's disappearing, right? So she's disappearing in her own life. Therefore, she's not going to be able to show up in the friendship in any capacity

because she doesn't have any bandwidth for anything, because she's really struggling. So then do you carry on an attempt to keep the friendship, or do you just bin it off until she sorts herself out? You're not going to bin it off. You might have to bin it off. No, I wouldn't bin it off. Good to know, know where you're at.

Good to know. No, I think I would sit her down with somebody else that she trusts and loves and do it in a way where she feels safe and loved and held. I wouldn't be like, you've got to go some HRT or, but I would really try and listen and have a conversation with her and say to her, look, I've been there and I know that everything can feel really hopeless and really difficult and really you can just feel so, low and like your life is just can't be bothered with it but actually HRT really helps with that and maybe you might want to try it okay should we ask the audience what they think about this what would you guys do would you let it go and just walk away from the friendship hands up good we have a nice loyal crowd here be patient would you and talk to her again okay try and talk to her again and try and get her the help that she needs because you know what she needs right now She needs a good friend.

And sometimes being a good friend means you have to say the things you don't want to say. Any other alternative advice? I know we've got therapists in the audience, so speak up now, forever, hold your peace. Oh yes, there's a hand, there's a hand. There's a mic coming. This lady here.

Hi. I take a very different approach. I think if somebody does not want to get helped, it doesn't matter how hard you try to have friends. If they don't want it, they don't want it. And I've been in that position where I didn't want help and nothing anyone did would help me. So I think when you're in that position,

as a friend, the best thing to do is be there but have a step back for your own wellbeing, not their mental health. Because if someone doesn't want you to help them, they will not let you help them. That is true. That is good advice. But you still need to be their friend. And when they're ready and then to want the help,

then you come back, And you're there because you're all their friends. Thank you. That's very nice. Very nice. Round of applause. That's very nice. Have we got time for audience dilemmas?

Very quick ones. Very quick ones. And then we're going to go to an interval. Okay, lately I found that the filter between my brain and my smart ass mouth has fallen away. Oh my God. I know. I say something funny at questionable times and I'm wondering if this is lowering of inhibition is perimenopause-related or I truly don't give a fuck anymore. Or if that's the same thing.

This is from Andrea. Andrea? Yes. I am. So, this is me now. I mean, last week I said that I couldn't be out in public. No. I wasn't fit for public consumption.

That's why I went to get the salad. No, I couldn't. I literally, you got in my wall path last week. And also, the thing was, I didn't care. I literally threw the biggest tantrum last week, and I didn't even give a fuck. Normally, I would have woken up the next morning with some sort of rage remorse.

I didn't have any rage remorse because I just thought, this is a really interesting part of menopause. I'm here for this. Are you? I can throw a tantrum and not care. Yeah, I'm really here for this. Great to know.

So I'm with you, Andrea. My oldest and dearest friend rolls up to events in clothes with holes. How do I gently tell her to dress with a bit more care in brackets she can easily afford something new, closed brackets, Louise. Louise, you say to her, what the fuck are you wearing going to buy a new t-shirt?

That's what I would say. Well, I would be a little bit kinder, I think. Are you like, what is this? Yeah, yeah. Why are we in holes? What's going on here? It's a statement. Would you say something, guys, if your friend was wearing holes?

No. No. That's quite unanimous. What? I would. Hands up if you would say something. If they're wearing holes. Don't let your friend go out wearing holes.

Can't let your friend go around like a tramp. No, no. Let's assume it's not. a style choice. It's not a style choice. It might be that thing, that weird thing. When you get the holes at the front of your top. You got to stop wearing them.

You've got to stop wearing them. Okay, we are going to cut to an interval, a 15 minute interval, and we're going to be come back, and we're going to come back with meltdowns. We're going to come back with a few games, and those lovely forms that you've filled in are really going to come into play. After the interval, 15 minutes, come back to your seats.

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