40ish - Affairs, Armchairs & ATM Rage

Episode Date: September 30, 2025

Today on 40ish: Lauren has a full on rant about people who linger at cashpoints - what the f are they doing? Whilst Nicole is confused yet slightly aroused at her husband refilling the peppermill and putting the eggs away in the right place. (domestic foreplay is real, folks). Our listeners don’t hold back either: one is juggling an affair with a married man and an S&M fling with her gym buddy - we call that multitasking at its finest. Whilst another woman is left questioning her youth after realising her “favourite sofa spot” is basically a shrine to middle-aged comfort. Step away from the side table, Lindsay. We love to hear from you! To share your feedback, dilemmas, rants, funny stories or general complaints about midlife please be in touch at: Email [e-mail] Instagram https://www.instagram.com/40ish.podcast TikTok https://www.tiktok.com/@40ish.podcast Facebook https://www.facebook.com/share/DVQWb6y2vesgeHEK/?mibextid=LQQJ4d To order our book HAVE YOU TRIED THIS?” click here https://www.amazon.co.uk/Have-You-Tried-This-Only/dp/1801293139/ref=sr_1_2?crid=1O7EA4ZF1O5CS&keywords=have+you+tried+this&qid=1699449028&sprefix=have+you+tried+%2Caps%2C125&sr=8-2 This episode is sponsored by London Nootropics Get 20% off at LondonNootropics.com with the code 40ISH To book tickets for our live show in October click here: https://cheerfulearful.podlifeevents.com/festival/40ish---live-from-cheerful-earful-podcast-festival-16-oct-2025-tickets?clientside_routing=true Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

It was like full play. Yeah, yeah, I get that. Any men that are listening, any men in heterosexual relationships, listen up. No, it's not okay. It is okay. If there's sexy things on the table, like a vibrator in the middle of the living room. No.

Like what then? Like a Vogue. We're having dinner at six o'clock. We're turned on by the husbands filling up the peppermil. Let's mother sweet. Hello everybody, welcome to a brand new episode of 40ish. I'm Nicole Goodman. And I'm Lauren Mishkron. I nearly forgot to say my name. Did you nearly forget your name?

No, I knew my name, but I just kind of forgot that this is where I put it in. This is still the best podcast about being in your 40s. It's the best one. It's the only one you should ever listen to. Right. This is where she's going, listeners. Graham Norton, he seems to come up all the time now. Marianne Keyes and Joe Wiley and Zoe Ball they've all got the same podcast as us Well this is the same format

But they're not talking about being middle aged But they are No they are middle age But they're not necessarily talking about it We are solely talking about being middle aged Yeah That's what we're doing right They're solving dilemmas

Yes they are Just they have a similar format And obviously we can't compete With Zobor and Joe Wiley and Groh Norton Like we just cannot No And we must not Well we can try

Well we are Anyway, but so what we need from you, listeners, is to keep listening. Yes. And not only to keep listening, but telling all of your friends. Anyone that you think might even remotely enjoy this show, just tell them. Send the link. Send it in all your WhatsApp groups. Just share the love so that we can grow into a massive show.

Thank you so much. Good pitch. I really mean it, though. I know you do. I really mean it. I went into a whole slump about the Graham Norton thing. Don't slump. Graham is great and so are we and we can all exist in the same space.

with harmony. But we're not in the same space. Okay, we're not. Yeah, we should all be existing in the same space. We should, we should. But listen, don't forget, you can also subscribe on Apple Podcasts for early access. Add free listening across both this show

and our other show Self Care Club and bonus content. You won't get anywhere else. There was a sly little episode that we dropped in for our subscribers. There was last week. That no one you won't hear anywhere else apart from on that subscription.

And if you have something to share big or small, We really, really want to hear it. So please email us at hello at 40ish.co.com. DM us on Instagram at 40ish. Dot podcast. Okay. Are we done now?

Yeah, we're done. A lot of instructions. So many. Can we get on to the juice of the show now? Come on then. The most exciting thing ever happened to me this morning. What? It was unbelievable.

Did John Hamm knock on your door with an Amazon parcel naked? Oh, he doesn't need the Amazon parcel. That was his excuse for knocking on the door. But it would be weird. if he was naked he might get arrested he wouldn't because you'd have him in that house quicker than the police could come i would be terrified would you yeah i mean after what i've heard about it you should be terrified yeah yeah listen all roads seem to lead to john ham yeah we've got to stop doing that because someone might tell him or say that we're objectifying him we are we are

it's not okay it isn't it isn't it isn't it isn't it isn't no it isn't it isn't And you've got to stop with John Hamm. What was it? Well, now you've thrown John Hamm and I can't really remember. Oh, no. I can remember. I went to the gym this morning. Yeah.

I came back. Yeah. And all the shopping had been put away. My Ricardo shop got delivered. By whom? My husband. What? What's he after?

Hold on. I'm finished. Yeah. And then I noticed I started making myself some breakfast. Yeah. He, not only had he taken all of the eggs out of the egg carton and popped them into the egg. holders Yeah

Well they don't It's like you know The egg holes Yeah Because that's an annoying job Like I get like 20 eggs a week We go through a lot of eggs in my house right So that's a lot

Normally he just leaves them in the carton in the fridge Which is fine Yeah Next to the empty holders He didn't do that today The whole holder was filled up with eggs No carton in sight And

Yeah The pepper mill had been filled up with peppercorns I say again what is he after? What is that? Is it just because he was away for eight days so do you think he just came home and decided I must make myself useful in the house

or she'll realise that I don't need to be here so I'll do the eggs and the pepper and the shopping and then she'll know yes must have Adam around because he's so helpful in the house Adam and I have been together 21 years has he ever done this before I have never ever ever known him

to fill up the pepper man What's happening? I don't know, but let me tell you something. Let me tell you something. It was like foreplay. Yeah, yeah. I get that. I really get that.

Filling up the pepper mill. Yeah. This is what I've had happened to me this morning. And the fact that I am so excited about it and so touched by it. Get it. Any men that are listening, any men in heterosexual relationships, listen up. Fill up that fucking pepper mill and salt mill. She will be so grateful.

It is like a minuscule. thing off the mental load one teeny thing you don't have to do in your day men don't realize how much this turns us on and also it's so true can i tell you something else i also did a bit of investigating i haven't seen him yet i haven't talked about it right to him yet right so i must you must i will and i will report back i haven't had the chance to unpick it yet yeah but then i thought oh hold on maybe he had an obelette or something this morning and he needed some pepper and it was empty um did it for himself yes that's normally the reason men do it Because he had a protein shake.

You don't put pepper in a protein shake. He did it because it was empty and it needed refilling. He even noticed. I know. Highly unusual behaviour from Adam or indeed any men. I am blown away. I am too. I really would like you to do a deep dive into this.

Like a proper, full on investigation. Maybe wear a Mac. Yeah. And a magnifying glass. But dive deep. Yeah, I will. I will report back. He will be asking for sex later.

I'm telling you now. Yeah, yeah. That's where this is going. Yeah. I knew you were going to say that. Well, it's true, isn't it? What's going on with you? I don't want to tell you.

Is it as exciting as the pepper mill? It's even less exciting. What do you mean less exciting? This was exciting. It was much less exciting. I saw something online and I'm too scared to do it, but I am going to do it because I am a boring bitch like that, okay? I saw this thing online and I know I'm going to say it,

and then I know that there is a handful of listeners who are going to hear this and immediately go and do this. What am I going to say? You are going to be like, get a lie! There is a TikTok thing going on and it's now infiltrated into the newspapers which is where I saw it because I'm 12 for TikTok where people are talking about

cleaning their wooden spoons, right? You know how everyone has like a big pot of wooden spoons? Yeah, right. And you know you think... Hold on, hold on. Firstly, not everyone has a big pot of wooden spoons. Most people have more than one. I don't have one.

What? You do have one. We've had this conversation before. I don't have one. in your drawer and you accuse me of buying it, John Lewis. You did, you planted as a plant. It was a fucking plant. I swear to God, I didn't.

You did. I would admit it. It wouldn't have just appeared out of nowhere suddenly after we had the conversation. It's like when you never hear a word and then you see it everywhere. You but it suddenly appeared in my kitchen. It was weird. It was weird. But anyway, I have, I did count them nine, right?

And you think you give them a good scrub and a wash and sometimes you put them in the dishwasher. But what they're saying on the internet is actually they are not clean. So there is this thing now. It's like become a TikTok trend and people. are videoing it they get a huge your biggest pot you fill it with boiling water you put the wooden spoons in it for 20 minutes and you look at what comes off them and apparently it is gross and I am too scared to do it but I know I'm going to do it and I now know that a handful of listeners are also going to go oh my god I want to see what shit comes off my wooden spoons and they're

going to go and do it so you know you can tell us yeah it's like your version of a colonic yeah it is so I will do it and the fact that you know that you're scared to do it. I'm scared. It says a lot. You know why? Because I really feel like I do give them a good scrub and clean and they're really clean, but they're probably not. But why haven't you done this?

Why does it have to be a TikTok trend in order to like, you know, just soak your spoons? Do you ever put them in the dishwasher? I said scrub them and then they go in the dishwasher. Oh, well, they're not dirty. Apparently, they still are. You know what? Some things on TikTok aren't always true. Did you know that?

Should we get into our dilemma for the day? Yeah, let's do it. Just before we dive into your dilemmas, a quick disclaimer, we are not doctors or healthcare professionals. So if there is an issue you are seriously struggling with, then please contact a qualified expert. So yesterday I put a post up. It was Sunday night saying,

Just send in your dilemmas, send in anything you want to share with us. And this came in over Instagram. So I'm 47 now. My now ex-husband left me three years ago by email after 22 years together. I mean, just let that sink in. That's a lot, right? He left me to tell our two girls he has left the home for good. Wow.

He said he did not find me physically attractive or make him happy. That is an email that you will never recover from. never never ever ever after lots of dating online all ending in disaster and making me feel utterly shit about myself i met a married man 18 weeks ago and he loved bombed me with the usual shit about not being happy and wanting to leave her for me etc oh yeah i find myself in love with him even though i know there can't be a future with him then a guy at my gym was all flirty and making me feel good after lots of flirting he revealed he's a dom and wants me to be his sub. He came over today and we had sex and it was good, exclamation mark. But what the fuck am I doing with my life? I know both these men are ultimately no good for me,

but in their own way, they both make me feel physically attractive and sexy. But what the freak am I doing? All I want is to be loved as I am. I mean, wow. there is so much in there I feel like we could talk about it for weeks I mean this could be like the basis of an entire new podcast

okay break it down to start with can I just say the first thing I want to say is I am so sorry that this is how your husband ended your marriage after 22 years

it's not okay it must have been incredibly painful what a fucking coward and you definitely are good riddance to him you deserve so much better. I was about to say similar, like the disrespect

in sending your wife, the mother of your children, an email, and leaving her to deal with the fallout of your children that also belong to you is appalling. And then the kick on top of it of... Oh, by the way, I don't find you physically attractive.

And you don't make me happy. It's disgusting. And I'm sorry you had 22 years with a person who's able to treat anybody like that. Terrible. So it is no wonder that you are feeling vulnerable and have now fallen for a married man who has love bombed you. But also, don't you think that it's, none of this is coincidental. And I would imagine it's all a response to her trauma. For sure.

So I think it's interesting that she's. She's fallen in love with a married man who basically is probably a bit safe because she can't have him. And unobtainable. Yeah, he's unobtainable. And also is she really in love with him or is he just love bombing her and she's actually getting from him what she needs. Well, what she thinks she needs. Yeah. Yeah. I would go with you're probably not in love with him. You think you're in love with him. But you're not really in love with him because he's somebody else's husband and probably somebody, the dad of someone else's kids. So let that one go. If you can. was hard if she says that she's really in love with him well he's not really in love with you sorry to say and then the guy at the gym that was rough that's rough sorry

but true it was rough sorry and the guy at the gym I mean if someone told me that he wanted to be the dormant wanted me to be the sub I would be like could you just put that in an email because I don't really know what that entails I need a list of instructions what do I need to prepare yeah what do I wear

what do I should I expect How much downtime do I need afterwards? Can I get it on Amazon? Can I fit around the school, Ron? How fit do I need to be for this? Like, is there going to be throwing around? Like, am I allowed to say no? Not.

Is there a safe word? Do I need to be scared? I don't know. I have a lot of questions. Me too. And also, because she said, it was good. Okay, but we need more information. Like, we need to know.

I need to know. I want to know. Is this something that you've ever done before? Are you into this? Are you now a sub? I mean, I don't know. This is a whole sexual universe that I'm never going to know about. No, but I am very curious.

Are you? Of course, obviously. Yeah, very curious. And also, for some reason, this feels healthier than the married man. Well, yeah, because he's someone else's husband. It feels a bit fun, a bit sexy, like you're getting to explore more of your sexuality, which I think is great timing for you. well she's saying

I know both these men are ultimately no good for me okay if this guy is no good for you and if you're doing stuff you don't want to be doing or you're uncomfortable with then it is not good for you but if it is good and you're enjoying it she said it was good

so let's assume that's all consensual and that's all fine and I think these guys don't have to be your ultimate guy that you're going to end up with and get married I think perhaps you're not ready for that I don't know we haven't met

and we haven't spoken but I say just Loss the Married Man That's a road to fucking nowhere That's a lot of heartache A lot of drama A lot of mess, don't get involved You don't need, you've had enough drama

And enough mess But the guy at the gym I'm all for this Listen, she's been made to feel unattractive, unwanted and dumped And now she's being made to feel desirable physically attractive, sexy

Yeah, love bond Lean into that a little bit But not from the Maripar No no, lean into it with the guy from the gym gym for a short while until you're over being till you've got your mojo back and then find someone who sounds like she's getting a mojo back then find someone who is available or don't just do what you want to do i don't think it's a case of i want to be loved as i am not a secret yeah that

she does she wants to be in a healthy good relationship but i think this kind of exploring here is all right and i think it's important i think it's an important part of the process to lead you to the person that is going to love you as you are. I agree. Can I just say something really cliche and a bit coachy now? Go on. You're going to have, the work is yours to do. So if you want to be loved as you are, then that starts with you loving yourself as you are.

And you can't expect. It's not somebody else's job to do that for you. And it just has to come from you. Self-love is a very powerful thing. And you attract so much more healthy relationships. when you come from that place of self-worth and self-love. I think that's very lovely. Thanks.

Good luck to you. Yes, and thank you so much for writing in and being brave and honest and sharing your story with us. Let's go to a break and we'll come back with some midlife news. Well, Nicole, this week's midlife news, I am fucked. Okay? This is the headlock.

artificial sweeteners linked to faster memory decline in midlife. A large study from Brazil has found that people who consume more artificial sweeteners in midlife lose memory and thinking skills more quickly than lighter users. The research tracked over 12,000 adults for eight years and showed that high consumers aged faster in cognitive terms by about 1.6 years. But what's high consumers? What does that mean? I don't know. How many sweetness is that a day?

I don't know. a day. Three? Yeah, you have one in each coffee. Yeah. Same. Is that a lot? Is that not a lot?

I know that they are killer for the gut. They are like the worst thing you can do for your gut is sweeteners. That's so bad. Every New Year's Eve. Yeah. It's always my resolution. To come off sweetener. We both managed it actually for quite a long time.

Yes, we did. No, we did. Well, I did. I came off it. I did not. I came off it for ages. And then I was like. Ages when?

Last year, the beginning of the year. How long's ages? Like three months. Then I was like, fuck it, life is short. If I want to enjoy a cup of tea, I want a sweetener in it. Fuck this. You know, your words have rung in my head. Really?

Yeah, you were like, it's just not as much fun without sweetener. It isn't. I know, I couldn't agree more. It's just the truth. You know what? And my idea of fun is the fucking pepper mill, so leave me alone. We're having dinner at 6 o'clock. We're turned on by the husbands filling up the pepper mill.

Let's have a sweetener. Some of fucking hermiseet is not going to kill me. Do I care if I age by 1.6 years? What is even 1.6 years? If I've got the brain of a 97-year-old and then I'm 98.6 years, what's the difference? You know what? I'll take that 1.6 years and have the sweetener. Even now, you're what, 47?

47. So if you have the brain of a 48 and a half-year-old? I'm fine with that. Well, that's me, so just say. Okay, maybe I'm not fine with that. I still am voting for the hermacetor. I'm sorry. So bad for us, though.

I know. I know. I have tried. You know what? I'm quite disciplined. You are. I'm quite determined. When I want to do something, I pretty much do it.

Yeah, you do. I really do. I can't kick this habit. No. But you know, there are worse habits. There are. I could be smoking. We're not on meth.

No. We're not in a K-hole every Saturday night. What's a K-Hole? It's a ketamine, ketamine. You know ketamine? It's a drug. I've heard of it. I've heard. It killed Chandler Bing. Keighhold. Yeah, that's what you call it when you take too much. Who? Who's we? The cat community. The cat community. I'm not in with the cat community.

No, but you've got the fucking lingo down. Worrying. Worrying. They're not worrying about sweetener, are they? I've got a meltdown. Come on, because I don't really have one. I mean, it really annoyed me. And as I sat there, with it annoying me, I thought, would this annoy me when I was 20? I don't know, but it's fucking annoying now.

This is what's annoying. People who go to the cash point, but rather than just press their four digits, get their cash out and fuck off, do like a new mortgage while standing at the cash point. Like, they stand there and they stand there and they stand there and they're getting receipts.

and they're getting statements and they're like looking at everything they've ever looked at on the internet. They are there for like 10 minutes at the cash point and it is raining and you're standing there thinking what the actual fuck are you doing? Go home and do your online banking. Don't fucking do it outside Stainsbury's.

On my time. On a Thursday afternoon when it is pouring with rain. It pisses me off. It really pisses me off. That is my meltdown. It's a full meltdown. I love it. It's almost a rant.

I love this for you. And you know what? That leads me on to a lovely meltdown that I've got for myself. Go on. Toilets. In general. Public toilets. Yeah.

What are people doing in there? What are people doing in the public toilets? You go in, you pull your trousers down. Most people aren't pooing in a public toilet. Correct. They're just doing a wee. Yeah. But like people can be in there for like, what feels, 20 minutes.

You're doing a wee. Just do it. You don't need to check your whole, like, photo library and text all your mates back on WhatsApp. Just get in, get out. I'm standing here. Look, I just knocked the microphone. I'm standing here waiting. I don't understand. I'm always quick. Me too. And I always go in and I feel like whenever I see a queue in a public toilet, I always want to say, excuse me, I know I'm the quickest here. Let me go first. I'm the quickest here. I'm in, I'm out. Yeah. You won't even notice me. I'm so with that, even if it's like changing your tan packs, how long does it realistically take?

But don't you find that you're constantly waiting there for ages and sometimes if there's a long queue and And they're like, some doors haven't even opened at all. Like four people have come in, come out. What are you doing? They're not all pooing. What are they doing in there? No, but it drives me mad. And sometimes I mutter around, say, under my breath.

Yeah. What are they doing? Why is you can't? Especially at the theatre. And then I always say to the person, the woman behind me and was like, I'll be really quick. Yeah, I'm really quick. I do the same. In, trousers down, we.

But I'm also, no. You see, you've got that wrong. What? You do it to the woman in front of you to make sure she's quick. And I go, what are they doing in there? I'm so quick. And then they always. set always so am I and then they are because they're trying to prove a point you're right

who are these mystery people taking forever still we in the lose and the cash points yeah who are you and also so much time and also I'm menopausal when I need to go I need to go okay I don't want to wait I don't want to wait 20 minutes whilst you're checking your WhatsApp I'm not into it it's really inconsiderate yeah it is yeah okay good I feel like we've released a lot of anger there I didn't even know that needed releasing. Oh, God, it did. We've got one from a listener. Come on.

Her name's Lindsay. Hi, Lindsay. Thank you so much for writing in with your meltdown. Lindsay, I love it. Here it is. I have noticed that I've got a favourite seat in the living room. Oh, so do I. 100%.

Actually, it's moved. It's changed. My seat has changed. And you know why it's changed, sorry, to interrupt. Why? Because the corner seat used to be. We always fight over the corner seat. But since I've had a bad knee,

I can't get in and out of it that quickly. That is middle age. Isn't it? Yeah. Now she says it's accumulated a few of my things on and around it, like my handbag, sweets, a book, medication, because it's the only thing that helped me remember to take it, a couple of letters that I've opened and haven't put away yet,

and a box of tissues. I sat down in my spot this afternoon, and I accidentally knocked my medication off the armrest. I turned to my husband and I said, do you know what would be handy? a little table next to me so I can put all my bits and bobs on my life flashed before my eyes

before the words finished leaving my mouth. I am 41 by the way. Oh dear. How has nobody told me about this monumental moment when you realise you're getting old? Lindsay, this is amazing. This is amazing.

This is like what 81 year olds do. Even I, by the way, one of the listeners told me that I was verging on being 80 the other week. Even I don't have a special seat with tissues and a book and medication in my living room. No.

First, see, this is not your vibe. No. You wouldn't do this because you don't have stuff. No stuff. There's no stuff anywhere. No. But you do have a table. You have two tables.

Yeah. But should I tell you what's on it? The remote controls. A candle and a bottle of crystals. That's it. No one cares. I don't have. And a plant.

I've actually moved the plant now. It felt too cluttered. Lindsay don't listen to her Okay, I hear you, I get you, I see you I'm with you Lindsay stop it immediately Ignore Lauren You're not allowed any stuff with Lauren

You're not allowed Dare get the side table Lindsay Where is there to go when she's 80 for fuck's sake Lindsay don't worry She'll leave the room in a minute And you and I can have our own private chat Lindsay is halfway to a stand a stair lift at 50

If she continues in this manner Oh you can fucking talk Bringing slippers and spoons To the show There's nothing wrong with slippers I really you are in no position to be judging Lindsay I've got news for you like none absolutely I don't have a special seat on the sofa you do that makes you older than me no I am older than you and no it doesn't you are definitely the grandma of the show I think we can

all and you're fine with it I'm not fine with it yeah but Lindsay it's okay to have a fucking table with some stuff on it ignore Lauren boiled sweets tissues letters and medication Did she say boiled sweets? No, it's not okay. It is okay. If there's sexy things on the table, like a vibrator in the middle of the living room. No.

Like what then? Like Vogue and a really cool amethyst and like maybe a pair of poop earrings that you wore yesterday. That is one thing. Vogue. Yeah. She probably reads that shit online. Leave Lindsay alone.

Okay. Lindsay, please come back and listen to the show again. Ignore Lauren. She doesn't know what she's talking about. She's so old. She doesn't even recognise this. I do because my grandmother, God rest her soul,

was a woman who had precisely this in her 80s. So when I think, I'm thinking about Nana Sadie sitting on the corner of the sofa in her special chair with her books and her little table with all her shit on it.

What's wrong with that? It's comforting. I'll tell you what Lindsay's missed off this list. That's my husband ringing in because, you know, every Monday for the past five years we've recorded a podcast. And yet,

years in he still forget that i have a job and i know what he's ringing me about is it about your anniversary it's not important yeah um what she's missed off the list what she missed off hand cream fundamental to old people's side tables fundamental i've got hand cream in my bedside drawer so do i oh but that's okay it's in a bedside drawer why is that why is that why Is that any different? It's not open on display and your favourite seat in the living room. No.

Lindsay, I'm old, but I'm not that old. You are. Lindsay, I'm with you. Lauren is out of touch, it would seem. Lauren's smashing up the studio. I think it's time to go. Lindsay, I think, I actually don't think Lindsay is the winner this week.

Who's the winner then? I think we are joint winners, you and me. Because I think we've got a really valid point about this whole business of the weighting. Loitering, I'm going to call it. I'm not into it, especially in the toilet. Public loitering. It's not okay.

No, it's not okay. And I don't have the patience for it anymore. Patience for anything anymore. No, no, we've noticed. We will be back next week with a brand new episode. Please keep your messages coming in. We love you being in touch with us. Please go tell your friends about this show so that we can share it with everybody.

And we'll be back soon. Yeah. Bye. Thank you.