40ish - Awards, Awful Food and Sleepovers

Episode Date: April 10, 2025

This week on 40ish Lauren and Nicole have been nominated for THREE podcast awards! You could be fooled into thinking they actually know what they’re doing. One listener asks how to politely navigate being invited over to dinner at friends who serve the most awful food and a mother is struggling to deal with the emotional fallout from a sleepover that went horribly wrong. Join them, as they tackle life’s little (and big) midlife messes. To share your feedback, dilemmas, rants, funny stories or general complaints about midlife please be in touch at: Email [e-mail] Instagram https://www.instagram.com/40ish.podcast  TikTok https://www.tiktok.com/@40ish.podcast Facebook  https://www.facebook.com/share/DVQWb6y2vesgeHEK/?mibextid=LQQJ4d  To order our book HAVE YOU TRIED THIS?” click here  https://www.amazon.co.uk/Have-You-Tried-This-Only/dp/1801293139/ref=sr_1_2?crid=1O7EA4ZF1O5CS&keywords=have+you+tried+this&qid=1699449028&sprefix=have+you+tried+%2Caps%2C125&sr=8-2 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

A shower not a grower they call it. A grower not a shower. Oh a grower not a shower, do you know why I said it that way around? Because I prefer a shower not a grower. This fucking guy comes up next to me, I've never seen him in the gym, like really beat up and he goes oh, he says I'll be careful. I'm like why? He's like would you think the wall can take your weight? Bake your party! Also, why would you cook a goat casserole with a fruity mousse? It's disgusting! It's actually disgusting! This is why middle, in the stone ages, we died before middle age. Because it was better than the stone age.

Because it was better than the stone age. Because it was better than the stone age. Because it was better than the stone age. Because it was better than the stone age. Because it was middle in the stone ages we died before middle age because it was better, it was better that way. Just be gone at 40 before it all falls apart. Hello everybody welcome to 40ish I'm Nicole Goodman and I'm Lauren Mishcon. This is the podcast that navigates all the challenges and absurdities of 40-something life in every episode we discuss your problems,

your issues and your rants that you've shared with us. Thank you. And we also share our own stuff of navigating midlife. We do. We do. What's going on? Well, we have been award nominated. Oh, we have. Yes, we have. We have for this show. Want to share with the listeners? Well, we've got nominated for three awards. I know. At the Golden Lobes.

Yes, the Golden Lobes. It's like the Golden Globes, but for podcast comedy. It's a new award ceremony, isn't it? And we've got, yeah, we've been nominated for like the podcast of the year. We've been nominated for- Best listener moment. Thanks guys, cause that's down to you. Yes, and we were nominated for a show that we had to show

like how we've grown. A show or not a grower, they call it. A grower, not a shower. Oh, a grower, not a shower. Do you know why I said it that way around? Because I prefer a show or not a grower. Do you? Yeah. Don't you? Do you never thought about it?

A grower, not a shower or a shower, not a grower. Neither of great are they because either one is taking off. Like you want it functional. I think that's the most important thing, isn't it? So I think a grower, not a shower is probably better. Maybe we're not the right sex to know which is better. Maybe you have to have one to understand which is preferable. Yes, but we interact with one. I think we are the right sex. What's your preference? I think a shower.

A shower, not a grower. Well, if it's a shower, it doesn't need to be a grower because it's all already there. Yeah, it might look good, but it might not be able to do very much. It's not like shower, not grower and not functional. That's not part of it. Functional is assumed. Anyway, can we go back to the awards? Right. The awards. Yeah. So we've got nominated for three awards.

Go us. Go us. For 40ish. It's in May. It's in May and we're taking James. We're always taking James. He's our special guest. Well, we're going as the throuple. Oh yeah. We're going on a night out. A throuple's night out. And then he'll be so proud of us. He might take us to McDonald's afterwards. He did take us to McDonald's last time. I actually took us to McDonald's. James took us to a very nice restaurant in Kings Cross when we last went out. He totally did. He did. So that's not fair to say about James. I took us to McDonald's after. Anyway, should we have a little, because I think we've discussed this many times on self care club, but we've never discussed it on 40ish.

Like how it all works with the award nominations and the award submissions. Should we talk about it? Shall we? Yeah. So they send you an email and they're like, hi, it's the independent podcast awards or it's the British podcast awards or it's the women's podcast awards or it's the golden lobes. And I look at the email and I don't the email and my heart sighs and I ignore it.

And then Nicole says, why does your heart sigh? Because I know what's coming next. And then Nicole's like the British Podcast Awards are open now. The nominations are open now. So can you listen to 47 shows and then write down every five minutes, which bits are the best and put in the timestamps. No, no, actually I can't. So what Lauren does is she becomes an ostrich. Death, blind and mute. And you just bury your head deep, deep, deep in that sand. And there is no getting your head out until I am literally on the point of a nervous breakdown because I have listened to so much content. So what she did when we were at the beginning of, oh no, yes, when we were submitting for

the golden loads, because that was the first one that came out and what she did was she started listening as she wrote notes, which was amazing. The first like 10 shows are 40 ish, but she didn't write what show they were from. It was just a time stamp of 1543 for five minutes. I'm like, okay, what shows are we talking about Costco? I'm like, so then we have to troll through. It basically was not remotely helpful. No, no, no. And what happened last year when we won the British podcast award? Have we mentioned that we won a British podcast award for self care club? Lauren was so disinterested. She didn't even know we'd entered. I didn't. And also these awards submissions, they take weeks. But it's not just the audio and see,

it's also the there's also accompanying writing. That's like a whole load of written bullshit that you have to also put in to describe. Bullshit, you have to. Written wonder that you have to put in to describe the bit you're submitting, why you're submitting it, what it is. Why you deserve the award, what your show's about. And you have, and for the British, you only have like 200 characters.

So you've literally got to put everything in, in 200 characters. It's impossible. And bearing in mind that like you're not Stormzy or Paloma Faith or Josh Widicombe or Davina. I don't know if he does. It's like the weirdest person to choose because he's not huge in the podcasting space. If he has a podcast, like you would have picked like maybe a Stephen Bartlett or a Davina McCool or people that are like very prevalent in the. All these people also get nominated. So you're also up against like the gods of podcasting. We are actually up against Shag Married and Annoyed twice.

There's only four podcasts in one of the categories, us, Shag Married and Annoyed and another two. That's a 25% chance of a win. It is, but not when you're up against Shag Maridan annoyed. Listen, let's see. Imagine if we won over Shag Maridan. We won over Gabby Logan last year. Yeah, we did. We totally did. And she's got a massive show. I will go and kiss Josh Woodacombe if we win against him.

Will you? Whether he wants it or not. Are we in a... He probably doesn't. I don't really want to either to be fair. I mean, love him, but yeah. him. Whether he wants it or not. Are we in a category with him? Are we? Which one? Shagged Maridinoid. Josh Whitcomb isn't Shagged Maridinoid. Yes he is. Is he parenting hell? No. Which one? Yes, he is parenting hell. Who's who's Jack Maradona then? Oh, the husband and wife, the Ramses. Yeah. Chris and And I was doing a wall sit against like a wall. So basically you sit down and you crouch down to like 90 degrees and your back's against

the wall. So it's like a, it's a quad work it doesn't matter anyway so I was doing this workout and this guy this fucking guy comes up next to me I've never seen him in the gym like really beefed up and he goes oh he says I'd be careful like why he's like would you think the wall can take your weight? I beg your pardon I said it's a wall he said yeah do you think it can take your weight I said, it's a wall. He said, yeah. Do you think it can take your weight? I said, with all due respect, your weight and my weight are very different. It might not take your weight. He goes, Oh, well, you're doing a very good job. Carry on. Was he joking? No. Was it like a wall made of cardboard? It was, was it like a pretend set? It was a mirror. It was a wall with a mirror over it.

It was a proper wall. A proper, proper, couldn't be more of a wall if you tried. It was like so much a wall like Shirley Valentine, hello wall. You're not exactly a 10 ton Tessie. No, I'm not. And even someone much, much bigger could probably lean on this wall. Okay. But then to finish it off with the condescending, oh, you're doing very well.

Like literally go fuck yourself. Do you think it was like a really, really bad attempt at flirting? Just very misguided. I don't think so. What was it? Didn't seem that way. Men are so weird. It was, it was quite rude. It was mildly insulting. And then it was, and then it sort of veered into condescending. Do you think he was worried about the mirror? Like not that you would knock the wall down, but like, you know, if you hit a mirror, was smashing a mirror, not with your weight, but like just the smashing of the mirror.

I wasn't doing, I wasn't like throwing a ball against the mirror or doing anything to the mirror. I was leaning on a mirror. Okay. I'm going to show you what I was doing. Okay. Okay. Now you're doing it against the screens. You see, I was doing this. A wall set. Right. Yeah. Right. I mean, I'd, I'd, I'd be amazed if you could knock a wall down like that. That'd be really impressive. You'd have to be like the Hulk. So what's that about? And then, and then I left and I was left feeling, I didn't know what to feel. I didn't know where to feel insulted, confused, demoralized. Mm. Yeah, just another reason why I don't want to be in a gym.

Have you been back to the gym? No. Oh, were you supposed to go? Oh, you're not, you're going this week. How are you feeling about it? Less than delighted. What day are you going? Like I'm telling you what day I'm going.

Why? I'm not even sharing the gym information with you. I reckon it's a Friday. No, I reckon it's a Thursday. It's not a Friday, is it? Because I do Pilates with your sister on a Friday. That's why I changed it very quickly. I reckon it's a Thursday. I reckon it's a Thursday and you're going to go there and then Friday is Pilates and then Sunday is Pilates. And that's your week. I reckon that's what's happening.

I did go to Pilates on Sunday. Well done. Thanks. Well done. New teacher. Yeah, she was cool. We had a hug at the end. She said, I like your vibe. Can I give you a hug? I was. She was cool. We had a hug at the end. She said, I like your vibe. Can I give you a hug? I was like, I'm not really a hugger, but sure. Wow. Yeah. Wow. She miss read that one. I mean, not I like the vibe because I

like your vibe very, very much. Yeah. I really like your vibe. I'm going for the hug though. I went in for a hug today. Right. It was a little bit scary because I wanted it with, I wanted to do it earlier than when I went in for the hug. Right. But you're not huggy. So, you know, and I wasn't getting the yes, I'm open to a hug vibe. Yeah. So I don't know where she got that from. She did say at the beginning of the class, I'm good. I touch everyone. I'm a very touchy person. If you don't want me to touch you, then say, don't touch me. And I was like, okay. Did you say don't touch me? No, because actually it's really, really helpful when someone puts a knee in your back or pulls your arm or whatever they're doing to help you. I find that extremely helpful.

What I love most about my personal trainer is that he doesn't touch at all ever. No. in your back or pulls your arm or whatever they're doing to help you. I find that extremely helpful. What I love most about my personal trainer is that he doesn't touch at all, ever. No, I've been to him for years. I think he has to be very careful about that because you know, you could get other trainers do touch. Oh, do they? Yeah. Well, they just adjust. They asked. And so I'm so used to his style now that if a trainer did touch me, I would find it really because it's not actually necessary. Pilatus is very different. Yeah, it is necessary because you need to be adjusted sometimes. It's very different.

Even just move your foot or whatever. Yeah. And it's like, Oh, that really hurts now. Yeah. Yeah. That was easy before. Now it's fucking kills. Yeah. Yeah. She's very good. She was very tough on me. Right. Good. Yeah. I was like trying to do stuff and she was like, don't you dare. I can see you over there, Lauren. Don't you dare put your leg down. Keep going. What are you? Who do you think I am? Don't make me punish you. And I was like, Oh, I love her. I love her. Yeah. She was very cool. And I was doing the hundreds. That's like sit ups. Oh,

they killed me. They are horrible. And she came over and she was like, keep going. And I was like doing the nice shaking my head and she was like, don't you shake your head at me. Don't you try and be Jamaican. She is Jamaican by the way. And I was like, I'm not, I'm not shaking my head at you. It's just really hard. Come on, carry on. I feel like with Pilates teachers, is this never, it goes past the hundreds. It's like, I'm in the three hundreds right now. Your sister does this thing where she's like, nine, nine. I'm not really counting. Count yourself and like, you know perfectly well

you've gone way over. Yeah. The number. Yeah. Yeah. It's like I've done more than a hundred. This is, this is 900. You've set me up badly here. Yeah. Yeah. Anyway, you know what? It was a good class. Great. Should we get to a list of dilemma now? Oh yeah, that would be handy. But before we go to the dilemmas, a quick disclaimer. We're not doctors are we? We're not. I mean, we're not qualified. No, we're not qualified. We're not medically trained. We are just very opinionated middle aged women. That's it. That is right. So if there is an issue that you are seriously struggling with, please contact a qualified expert. In fact, we're so opinionated. We had to make a podcast. That was nice. James. What was that? It's his hay fever. He was playing his ways. Oh, Paul James has got hay fever.

He's really, really suffering. You can see he looks like he's been crying all morning. Oh, maybe he has. What? Cause he had to see us. Do you always James been maybe because he's missed us. He cries every Monday morning when we're coming. Maybe because he's missed us. He cries every Monday morning when we're coming. Poor James. I offered him a Benadryl and he shouted at me. He's in quite a bad mood because he's feeling a bit, feeling very happy and also there are builders next door smashing the roof and he keeps having to leave the building to shout at them. It was massive drilling before we started recording goes, that's a nice noise for a podcast studio.

Anyway, what's our first question today? The first question is this. We have some good friends who invite us over for dinner once every few months. That's lovely. We really like them, but they are the most god awful cooks. Everything they make is inedible. Oh God. Last time it was some sort of goat casserole. Oh, but not cooked long enough. So it was really tough and also

had no flavor. Oh no. The dessert was supposed to be, Oh my God. What a fruit moose. Oh no, like a strawberry moose or passion fruit mousse. Nice. I mean, I'm not a fan of a fruity mousse, but nice for the summer. No? What's wrong with a fruity mousse? That's not, that is not my dessert. Well, not mine either, but- A fruity mousse. That's okay. No, just leave fruit as fruit. Just leave it alone. No one needs to mousse it. What about a chocolate mousse? Chocolate mousse is a whole different ballgame. Love a chocolate mousse. My aunt does the best chocolate mousse ever.

And all she uses is Bournville and sugar. That's it. Your and egg whites. Yes. Otherwise it wouldn't be a mousse. It would just be a sauce. In fact, it would be a ganache. You and your ganaches. And You are like obsessed with ganache. Before I was friendly with you. I don't think I'd ever had one. Now I feel like ganache just comes out of every five seconds. It's falling out of your mouth. Does she not use cream? No, she doesn't use cream. Interesting. Yeah, I think it's egg whites. Yeah, it's definitely egg whites, cornmeal and sugar.

I'm about to make chocolate mousse for 21 people this week. So you know, maybe I might hit your aunt up for that recipe. If you're telling me it is banging. What are you doing with 21 people? It's a big family meal on Saturday night. Oh, you're bringing a dessert. Yeah. In fact, she'll make that dessert because I'm also going to. Yeah, I'm saying I might get the recipe anyway. If I have my phone here, I would check. Okay. Because she has texted it to me once before. Right. Fruity mousse. Yeah. The dessert was supposed to be a fruit mousse, but it hadn't worked. So she served it anyway. oh my God, with a sort of cold, sugary fruit soup. Oh no, that sounds absolutely gross.

So she served it anyway as a sort of cold, sugary fruit soup. Gross. The time before they very happily served up a garlic chicken dish and they said they had just made it up. Right. I mean, I like garlic and chicken. I do too. That absolutely works, but I don't think I'd trust them with it. Right. I mean, I like garlic and chicken. I do too. But I don't think I'd trust

them with it. No, we try to subtly suggest eating out or inviting them to our house, but they insist as they say they love hosting so much. Oh, I think the question is what should she do? I mean, the fruit mousse has put me off anyway. But goat, I mean, I've had goat curry. It's good, but it has to be made properly. That has to be flavored and cooked nicely. And then it's like, you know, tasty, like a lamb dish. But you know, it's got to be really flavorful and really like succulent meat. You don't want like tough watery goat.

Anyway, wow. We're not going into how to cook. Okay. Cause then it's a different podcast. I mean, this makes me sad. It makes me sad. It makes me sad for that. But also it sounds like they're totally unaware. Like I host a lot. Right. And I think my cooking is quite nice. Yeah. Your cooking is nice. I've eaten your cooking. You promise. I promise. Your cooking is nice. No, I think it is. And I made a gorgeous dinner on Saturday. I made a gorgeous dinner on Friday night and everyone was owing and awing. But then you think, Oh, are they owing and awing just to be polite? Or is it? It was, I thought was yummy. What was it? Oh, it was just like

Schwalmer and Israeli salad and hummus and big pitters and I made homemade chips like chunky chips. Who doesn't want that? And it was absolutely with all chili sauce and it was just delicious. My dad's favorite so I made it with him. And then I finished it off. The desserts were? A watery fruity mousse. No, Ninja Creamies actually. Ninja Creamies.

What flavors? The only problem, I've actually come across a problem with the Ninja Creamy. You'll be delighted to delighted. What flavors? Oh, I did an original. What's original? Oh, like a, like a, sorry. A frozen. I just do frozen yogurts now. Oh, okay. That's all I do. Plain. Plain. Yeah. And I did chocolate and I did, there was another one. I can't remember. Um, there's a problem with the Ninja creamers and I know you've already found loads of problems with the Ninja creamers.

I have, but bring it anyway. Yeah. The problem is, is that you can't pre-prepare. Yeah. Ninja creamy. Yeah. Right. So whilst I've got people over and each one takes about six minutes, seven minutes to

prepare and it's very, very, very loud. Yes. To turn it. Oh, and then you've got guests and then you've got for about 18 minutes. It's just the, but couldn't you do that? Yeah. Then just leave it in the freezer for an hour. You'd have to turn it up again because it goes icy to get it creamy. It needs to just been turned. I could and it would be quicker. Yeah. But it's

never the same once it's the, once it's been turned the first time you put it back in the fridge. It just doesn't, it goes watery. Oh, yeah. So you just can't. No. Okay. So that's the problem. And I've got people over for dinner tonight and I want to serve my Ninja creamies because they are such a crowd pleaser and they're so healthy. But maybe like a bucket of ice and then you could just put the pots in the bucket of ice, keep it really cold for an hour. Maybe what a fucking hassle. I know a bit of a hassle. It's supposed to be easy, but anyway, back to the reasons of why it isn't. Yeah. Right. What would you do if this was you?

Have you got any friends or people you go to that can't cook? I actually don't. All my friends are lovely cooks. So am I. And actually, I'm very, very grateful because there are a few things I hate more than bad food. Really can't stand it. And also when you cook all the time. Also, you know, like if you

go to a restaurant and the food's not great, then you're like, I can actually make this better myself. I've just spent 80 quid. I've had a shit meal. I hate it. Yeah. So I never, when I'm in a restaurant, I never pick anything that I can or will make at home. I never have chicken in a restaurant because there's no kind of chicken that I can't make myself. So I always pick something that is too much of a faff or I wouldn't want to make. Yeah, I get that. Like I would never really eat pasta out because it just feels like, unless you're in an Italian, but yeah, it just feels like what waste. I know what you mean. So this is, this would be really, oh, I would hate this. I don't know what I would

do. You can't know what I would do. You can't say no because you really like the people and you want to like hang out with the people and they love hosting. Maybe you just have to say something like you're so lovely but you remember you hosted last time you made that delicious goat casserole please give me the recipe but why don't you come to us. But also why don't they understand why don't they know like I know when I make a meal that isn't hasn't gone well or how I hoped, I know. But also why would you cook a goat casserole with a fruity mousse? It's disgusting. It's actually disgusting. You know, it's like how everybody thinks that they have good taste and a good sense of humor. Not everybody can possibly have good

taste. I actually do think I've got good taste and a good sense of humor. But you know, everyone, I think I'm all right in both of those departments, but everybody thinks that about themselves. But of course not everybody does have good taste in a good sense of humor. So it's like the same with these people. They probably think their cooking is fine. Oh, a fruity mousse. I think the fruity mousse here is not the problem for me. It is the inedible, flavorless, tough goat casserole. I think that is very ambitious considering you can't cook. But they think they can. I think you just insist. No, I've, or when you make an arrangement with them, just book

a table somewhere and say, no, no, no, I've booked it. Like they insist that they host, you insist on going out. No, no, we booked it. Or eat before you go. Oh, that's a good idea. And push it around your plate. Or why don't you say like get a takeaway? Or just drink until you're too drunk to care what you're eating. That works. Just keep pouring the wine, pour it and pour it and pour it until you're actually so hungry and drunk that the goat casserole tastes okay. That's what I would do. I don't, I don't think the fruity mousse is ever going to taste okay. Especially when it's like a cold soup. Okay. I would like to issue a retraction. A retraction. A retraction and an apology. Okay. Good. To you. Oh, thank you. Nicole Goodman. Thanks. On unfiltered last week,

my moan, my midlife moan was that you had given me an air fryer tip to hardball an egg, a recipe to hardball eggs in the air fryer. And it was just an ultimate fail. Raw, then raw, then raw, then exploded to the shell off. And you were like, I'm sure I don't, I haven't told you that it wasn't. Anyway, I couldn't understand your confusion because I was absolutely convinced this was your doing. And as I was driving home from the studio, I suddenly remembered it was not in fact you that gave me that cooking tip. Was my sister in a realizer.

I've always noticed her. I said, I just want to let you know, I have just gone to the studio. I had the biggest go at Nicole for giving me this boiling an egg in an air fryer recipe. It was a complete fail. It doesn't work. And it was definitely you and it wasn't her. And I've had a massive go at her and she was like, well, I do it every single morning and it works perfectly well. So I just don't know what I did wrong. I think it's a different air fryer. It must be, but also I'm sorry for accusing you wrongly. It wasn't you. Thanks. I know it wasn't me. I said that to you. I said it to you from the beginning because I've only ever done it once or twice. Yeah. I was so sure it was you. Yeah. But it wasn't. Yeah. Thanks. Thanks for trusting me.

So I still don't know what I did. I think it's your air fryer. Maybe. Maybe. I just, I'm too scared to even try it again. Don't bother. You don't need to. They don't, they're not as nice as boiling an egg. Okay. My hair is going frizzier by the second. Is that a middle age thing? Well, I think it's a perimenopausal thing. Yeah. Well, your hair changes. Okay. Um, also the guy came to highlight my hair. I talked about it, didn't I? You did. You wanted to go blonde. I wanted to go peroxide blonde. I saw him on your driveway and I said, do not bleach her hair. And he basically turned around to me and when I said, I want to go peroxide blonde.

He goes, okay, well you're clearly going through something. So we're not going to do that. Yeah. Great. Good. And I really pleased he didn't. Yeah. What a responsible man.

And he's done it beautifully. Yeah. It does look very nice. He's done it beautifully. Um, and my hairdresser friend who I went out with on Saturday night, who also listens to the show and he said, Oh, your hair looks great. Yeah. And great. And I went to tell him the story. No, no, no. I know, I know the story. I listened to it. And then I went to tell my other friend, his wife, something else. And she said, Oh, about paddle. And she said, Yeah, yeah, I know. I listened to the show.

And it's like, what's the point? Can't have any conversations with your friends because it's like, yeah, sharp. Heard it already. Next. You're like, well, I've got nothing left to talk to you about because I've shared my life on the podcast. So I'll just sit here in silence and you guys can talk about your lives. Okay. So basically I had nothing, no input. Nothing to say. No, they knew what I'd been up to because they listen to the fucking show, which I'm delighted they do. Well, maybe Adam got a chance to share his feelings for the evening, his thoughts and what he was up to. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Anyway, what I'm saying is I'm just feeling more middle-aged as the, as the days go on more and more and more and more and more physical stuff, just emotional, mental, physical, you know, then it turns into spiritual and then

it just becomes a whole mess. Oh no, I have got a new thing. Now you've said that I've got a brand new thing. I wake up in the middle of the night and I speak to God. Yeah, basically I wake up in the middle of the night. Sometimes I might do a wee. I have a full on existential crisis. Like who am I? What am I? Are you still doing that? Where am I? I do a wee, I wash my hands, I get back into bed, go back to sleep. It's very short lived. Explain like what's the conversation? That is the conversation. It's a full on existential mental breakdown for approximately 90 seconds and then I go back to sleep and it's fine. My friend said she has it too but hers is she wakes up in the middle of the night and her thought

is every single person I love is going to die at some point. That's her one and then she goes back to sleep. That's fun isn't it? Apparently it's really normal. Is it? Yeah, like nighttime anxiety. Oh God. It's common. It's the one time where you can turn off anxiety. Common as anything. I mean, it's almost a standard part of the perimenopause. I thought it was just me. It's completely. It's like as common as a hot flush. Nighttime existential drive. There is no end to this. To the same. There is no end. None. None at all. It's like an endless well of shit. It is. Yeah. Just when you think like something's ended, something else pops up. Yeah. Like my eyesight or my hair's freezing.

I mean, I realized these are not the things that I can get around. Well, the eyesight thing is problematic. I have, I have dealt with that one, but just as I've dealt with that one, this new things come up. It's like whack-a-mole. Yes. Isn't it? That's exactly what it is. It's just one thing after another thing after another thing. I was trying to explain it to Ollie. He's like, what do you mean? I'm like, I wake up in the middle of the night. I don't know who I am or what I'm doing with my life. I have a full breakdown. And then what do you mean you don't know what you're doing? I just don't know. It's like settled. I know, but it's just like a full crisis. Very acute, very short lived. Then I forget about it. He's like, that sounds awful. I'm like, well, it's not

like a barrel of laughs, but it's very quick. My friend told me the other week that she's got a whole new thing going on, a travel anxiety. She said that's hit her with the perimenopause. She's a person who's traveled multiple times a year for all of her life. But now when she goes away, she gets all this like completely irrational anxiety about traveling. Oh, I mean, what the hell? Who designed us like this? This is why middle in the stone ages we died before middle age, because it was better. It was better that way. Just be gone at 40 before it all falls apart. Don't say such things. Just all falls apart. Stop it. Just move on.

Let's just hear the next dilemma. Okay, here it is. Let's immerse ourselves in somebody else's problems. Yeah, let's. Hi ladies. As fellow moms, I'd like to hear your thoughts on this situation. My son is 10. He doesn't own a phone. He went on a sleepover to a friend's house on the weekend. When I picked him up

the next day, he was a bit quiet. I asked him if he'd had a nice time and he said, not really. To cut a long story short, after spending all afternoon trying to coax info out of him, he finally admitted that his friend was allowed his phone in his room and they had ended up watching porn. How's he got the parental control like how is that right gone? He knows what sex is but only in the most basic way the sleepover friend kept scrolling and it went down a dark rabbit hole pretty quickly and my son is now traumatized by what he saw. He's now oh my god he's now started asking me if me and daddy make loud noises when we have sex and if we do all of the things that the people

in the film were doing. Oh my God. I am furious and extremely upset. How would you handle this? Oh, my God. This is for well, listen, she's got to have a very, very uncomfortable conversation with the mother. She's got to. She's got to. The mother needs to, the mother needs to know what's going on. She needs to sort out the parental controls on the phone or not. Let her 10 year old have a phone in their bedroom at night would be my top tip. You can do all sorts of stuff now remotely. Yes, you can. Yeah. I mean, I turned my 14 year old's phone off yesterday just from remotely.

Oh, I always do it. Oh, clever. Mad clever clever. Then it makes it forces her to come down. She has to ask me for screen time. Then I have a conversation with her. Somebody told me that they have an app on their phone. I can't remember the name of it. It's called screens. It's like, no, no, this is another app and you can basically turn your child's phone off. You can limit which apps they use and limit the time they use it on and you can see what they've been Googling. Now

I don't know about that because I obviously I want my, well my other two children adults, they can do what they like. The 12 year old like, do I, should I and do I want to know every single thing that they're Googling? Is that an invasion of privacy or is that responsible parenting? Oh, that is such a good question. Well, I always go through my daughter's pockets. Oh, what are you hoping to find? I'm not hoping to find anything. Hoping to not find cigarettes, vapes and snus.

What snus? Oh, it's that stuff that the footballers put up on their gum. Why? What is it? Like it's nicotine, but it's in a little gum sized pouch. I find that in my 14 year old's pocket. Am I? Probably not, cause she's not a boy, it's more of a boy football thing.

All I find is a lot of lipsticks. I often find my lip liners. Okay, annoying, but okay. I swear it was. And a lot of change. I don't know where she gets all this change from. Okay. Pretty banal stuff.

And a house key that I lost. So I was very happy with that. Yeah, I'd be delighted. And I found my Charlotte Tilbury lip liner. Wow, we've been better. Also very happy with that. What a find. But like it's that question of, you know,

what is responsible parenting? What is snooping? Because listen, as a teenager, a 10, I'm not, I don't think it's okay with 10. 10, I think you need full control. I agree. 10 is a very young child. I agree. That is prepubescent. I agree.

It's too young to be looking at anything apart from Peppa Pig. That's the limit. But when you've got a teenager 13, 14, 15, do you like, it's normal for them to be curious and I don't know, it's a hard one, right? But this woman's talking about her 10 year old. Firstly, I would deal with her own child. And I don't know if this is a very over the top suggestion, but do you think it would be crazy for the child to maybe debrief what they had seen and how it had made them feel with a professional person, not with the parents, because it might

be really embarrassing. I think if he is very traumatized by it and it sounds like he is and it's left him with a lot of questions and I actually think that is a very good idea. To be able to talk about it. But he sounds like he's very open with his mum And that he can ask his mum, which is amazing. Yeah. So perhaps she could get some advice as to how to talk to him about it. Yeah. Because it's easier to explain to an older teen who maybe has been watching porn, listen, yes, it's sex, but it's performative sex for a camera. This is not how real people in real life have sex.

This is not how you treat a woman. This is not what this looks like and feels like. And the noises are for the camera. It's easier to explain that. But when you've got a 10 year old whose brain is not even formed, it is, you say it's easier to explain that, but teenagers, older teenagers aren't always willing to listen and hear what you have to say. Whereas the 10 year old probably is, but they can understand the concept of this is performance sex. Yes. Yes. Yes. This is, this is how sex is. But if you've got a 10 year old, he's never assumed that, but she has to say all of those things just make it a bit more in younger language. Yeah. Um, and I think she definitely has a duty of care to speak to the parent. Yeah. It's horrible. Father. It's a horrible conversation to have to have

really difficult. Yeah, but I wouldn't, I wouldn't call up the dad. No, no, no. I wouldn't call up the dad, but I mean both parents assuming there are two parents around should be involved in that conversation. Well, you would, I would assume that she would call the mum rightly or wrongly. And I would assume that the mother would then tell the dad hard. That is hard. And then those conversations are never, you know, to be on the receiving end, I've been on the receiving end of, you know, all your kids done this, your kids done that. We've all had those and they're never easy conversations. But also if that mother isn't horrified and dealing with it, then I'm not sure I would be wanting my child to be having sleepovers there anymore.

I would agree with that. I would agree with that. I mean, there are lots and lots of people who don't agree with sleepovers full stop for various reasons. I'm, I'm not one of those parents. I've always felt like as a kid myself, it was some of the most fun times I've ever had is sleeping over at friends houses or them sleeping at my house. What what fun bunking in a room together, having a midnight feast, watching movies like it's, it's part of childhood, right? But I know that lots of parents don't allow it, don't like it, don't want it, whatever. So I wouldn't say stop it, but you know,

well, I think you have to go through the motions and if you're not getting a good feeling about how the mother is dealing with it, then I would, I have stopped my kids going to people's houses for a number of reasons before when they were much smaller for sure. I have, there were things that just didn't sit right with me and they just, they never went back until they were much older and they were a bit more independent than fine. I'd be so, so upset if Josh came home and told me this, I'd be really devastated because you can't unsee it. That's the thing. Like you can't take it away or make it better and you can't unsee it and you don't know what exactly what and how they've

absorbed those images. Yeah. I completely agree. That's tough. I'm sorry. That's our show on 40ish this week. If you want to be in touch with us, please, we love hearing from you. Hello at 40ish.co.uk. That's 40ish.co.uk. Please be in touch. Keep your emails coming in. You can DM us at 40ish.podcast. I always have a blank about that. I don't know why, because you're correct. At 40ish.podcast. You can find us on TikTok, you find us on Instagram, and we would love to hear from you. And we'll be back on Tuesday with a brand new Unfiltered. See you then.