40ish - Bad Cake, Skinny Jeans & a Tampon Emergency

Episode Date: January 14, 2026

In today’s episode of 40ish: Lauren is spiralling over the sudden disappearance of Hermesetas and asking how is she supposed to drink a hot beverage now? Whilst Nicole is back at her spiritual home (Costco) and thrilled with her new veg chopper. In other news that nobody emotionally prepared us for: skinny jeans are back. We discuss how to wear them in midlife without looking like you’re heading out to a 2010 Topshop launch in a statement necklace and ballet pumps.. A listener writes in with a bad taste in her mouth (spoiler alert: it’s her mother in laws disgusting cakes) And finally, a listener meltdown involving a first day at a new job, peri-menopausal surprise bleeding, navy trousers doing God’s work, and asking a woman half your age for a tampon. Mortifying. Yes, Highly relatable also yes.  Grab a cuppa (with no hermasetas) and some cake (not that cake) and enjoy!  Email [e-mail] Instagram https://www.instagram.com/40ish.podcast  TikTok https://www.tiktok.com/@40ish.podcast Facebook  https://www.facebook.com/share/DVQWb6y2vesgeHEK/?mibextid=LQQJ4d  To order our book HAVE YOU TRIED THIS?” click here  https://www.amazon.co.uk/Have-You-Tried-This-Only/dp/1801293139/ref=sr_1_2?crid=1O7EA4ZF1O5CS&keywords=have+you+tried+this&qid=1699449028&sprefix=have+you+tried+%2Caps%2C125&sr=8-2 This episode is sponsored by London Nootropics Get 20% off at LondonNootropics.com with the code 40ISH Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Hello everybody. Welcome to 40ish. I'm Nicole Goodman. And I'm Lauren Mishk. On this is the podcast where we tackle 40-something life. We dive into all things midlife, the news, your stories, dilemmas, and of course bring you our own stuff and nonsense. Yeah, we really are tackling being 40-something, aren't we? We really are the big stuff. We really are. From mundane to ridiculous, we figure out how to survive midlife together, one rant, crisis and or meltdown at a time. Take your pick. And don't forget, you can subscribe. on Apple Podcasts and that gives you early access on this show and self-care club. You get everything ad-free across both our shows and bonus content you won't get anywhere else. That is on Apple Podcasts and you can watch the video every week of Spotify and Lauren now on YouTube or you can listen on any other podcast platform. And if you do have something to share, big or small, we want to hear all of it. So please email us hello at 40ish.com.uk.

Be in touch. Be part of the conversation. I feel like I was screaming. Scream that? No. Oh, good. What 40-ish things have been going on in your life this week? I did have a bit of a...

I think I had a bit of a breakdown this morning at the gym because I was turning into such Karen. This isn't what I was going to say about my 40-ish moment. Am I going to tell this story? Apparently there's a new word for Karen's, but for the millennials. So, Karen's are for our generation. They're called Nicole's. What are they called? Lawrence.

No. They're called Jessica's. Yes. Yes. That is the millennial Karen Why? I don't know That's just what they've decided to call them

My cousin is called Jessica She's a millennial Yeah She's not a Karen But she's not a Karen Okay What are the traits of being a Jessica I don't know

Because I don't keep up with Millennial life But it's the same shit Anyway go on tell your story I'm invested now Oh Okay Anyway

I was getting coffee in between gym and paddle and for some reason can I just say I am very due my hormonal implant Oh okay It's coming next Tuesday Don't worry it's imminent

See you next Tuesday Yeah I will see you next Tuesday I've warned my husband That just so you know You've got a week of it I can't control it It's not something I can even try and rein in

it's happening ignore it is next tuesday is the appointment okay he looked quietly quietly concerned as he should and actually he hasn't given me any leeway i will say nothing he hasn't been kind hasn't been more patient so rude anyway anyway i can go on a rant about anything which is what my story is for some reason at all david lloyds well they do them at the two that i go to when you get a coffee and then you go and get a sweetener or a sugar in the sweetener and sugar bits and there'll be like a serviet there and everything else there is never a spoon and not even a stirrer not even a stirer i don't understand and at the finchly one they hide the stirers don't they give you a teaspoon with your coffee cup no if you get a takeaway one oh okay takeaway right so they hide

the stirrers i know where those bloody stirrers are now and i cannot for the life of me work out why they don't put them with the sugar and the sweetener. Why don't they? I have asked so many times. What's the answer? Even to the point where I have asked my daughter, who actually works at one of the cafes, why don't they? She goes, oh my gosh, you're such Karen.

Oh my God, that's all she ever says. So I'm like, I'm not being a Karen, it's inefficient. It doesn't make any sense. She goes, I don't know, mum, I do one shift a week here. I don't decide where it goes. Well, maybe you should. Anyway, today, I was in the other branch. Same thing.

So I went up to the very, very nice young man. He was probably in his 20s, early 20s, I would say, who probably also does one or two shifts a week there. And I said to him, why? Why don't you just put a spoon with the coffee, with the sweetener and the sugar? Why? And he was like, well, there's usually stirers there. I said, never stirers there.

And you always say that to me. There are never, ever stirers there. They're never there. I don't know. He goes, oh, I don't know where they are. I say, because they're never there. They're never there. Where are they?

Anyway, then I said to him, oh, I think I just had a real Karen meltdown, didn't I? I said, I'm really sorry. And then I went into the whole thing and what I've just told you about, how my daughter works in the other branch and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Anyway, he basically just turned and walked away.

Wow. He didn't even respond. Wow. And then I was walking towards the paddle court and I had to walk past a table where a lot of my friends were sitting. And they were like, oh, hi, I'm like, do not talk to me.

I am a total Karen. That is quite weird because my most 40th-th-thing is I can't get my words out. I can't speak now. It's also sweetener-related. Something has happened with hermeseeters distribution. They're not selling them. Now, I know this isn't a first...

What do you mean they're not selling them? They're not selling them anywhere. I know it's a first-world problem, But I am. It's problematic because I'm addicted to sweeteners. And I particularly like hermacetas. So do I. Canderol's a bit.

They're too sweet. They are. You're candorils in there. I mean, hermaceta is the grandmother's sweetener of choice. You're not a grandmother. Not yet. No. One day I will be.

Yeah. I hope we both will be. But right now you're not. But I have hermacetas because my grandma always had hermacetas and so that was the taste to which I was a custom. How do you know they stopped selling them? Can I just say? Can I tell you how. I know.

We tripped over the very Karen meltdown moment. You'd not nothing to say about that. I mean, it's not the first time and it probably won't be the last. No, it won't. How am I going to face this young guy again? You're not. Just don't look at him. Don't speak to him.

A bit like Ronald in the Halford's garage, who we actually went back and spoke to last week, didn't we? Ronald. Ronald. The mechanic. Yeah. We actually pumped up your tires, didn't he? He did. And we told him he'd featured in our podcast.

He did not give a shit. He was like, I don't really listen to podcasts, but I'll give it a listen. And then he goes, and then he goes, yeah, yeah, I'm going to listen. And then he walked away and went, Ronald, I haven't told you the name. Send hamisitas fast. Okay. And wooden stir us to any day, but Lord. Maybe you have to bring your own.

Anyway, that's not what I was going to say, okay? I wasn't going to say that. Something very exciting happens to me this week. And it's very, very, very middle age. Share with the group. I was actually so excited. It's Costco related again. Costco lives and breathes yet again.

It is the gift that keeps on giving on this show, isn't it? So, a couple of years ago, maybe a year ago, I bought a vegetable chopper on TikTok shop. Yes. Right? You bought me one. I did. Do you ever use it? Sometimes I find it quite hard.

You find it quite hard? Yeah. The potatoes. I finding quite hard to use. Oh, well, there is a knack. You have to cut them in half and then you slam it down. Oh, I don't. do slamming.

Well, you have to. Okay. Otherwise, you can't, that and carrots, you can't. Okay. Okay. So what do you use it for? Cucumber? Yeah.

Soft things. So I bought it on Tick-Tock Shop a while ago. It was amazing. It breaks. They're only about £6.99. So, and it comes with all these different attachments. And it's fantastic because I make a lot of chopped salads. And I make a lot of homemade chips thanks to these vegetable choppers, right?

Anyway. So I replaced it with another vegetable chopper also from Tick-Tock shop. But the thing is with TikTok shop is it's not. always clear what you're buying. I've never bought from TikTok shop. I'm not surprised. I wouldn't, I wouldn't trust it. Also, I don't really know how to get to it. It's on TikTok? I, I,

I don't, I don't, just full stop. Okay. I don't TikTok. Well, you don't what? I don't TikTok. No, no, TikTok. You are on TikTok. I'm aware, but I don't acknowledge that. In fact, we've got our biggest following on TikTok. Great. Got over 10,000. Brilliant. Followers, subscribers,

Great. Whatever's. Yeah. Anyway, the problem is with TikTok shop is you're never quite sure what's coming. So I ordered the same vegetable chopper, but the same vegetable chopper did not arrive. It was a smaller version and it had a hole in the lid. And I couldn't really figure out how to do it. I got fucked off with it, right? So I haven't really had a proper vegetable chop and I've been using the broken one

because as I told you, I slam it a lot. Anyway, lo and behold, I'm in Costco the other day because that's where I seem to live now. I literally live there. I'm there twice a week every week. What? It's opposite the David Lloyd. Oh. Bang opposite.

So it's easy. Okay. They've got vegetable choppers. Have they? And you know everything in Costco is always so good. Yeah. You can always trust. When you see something in Costco, it's a bit like M&S.

You can always trust it's going to be good quality. Yeah. It's going to taste good or it's going to be good. Did you buy it? I bought the shit out of this vegetable chopper. Do you love it? It's the best one I've ever tried. Yeah.

It's best one I've ever had. I can imagine it's better than a TikTok brand. And it wasn't expensive. It was like nine pounds. Oh. bargain. Yeah. Okay, good for you.

Thanks. Very, very deeply middle aged. All of that, all of the above. Well, that's where we are. And we can only be where we are. Yeah. We had some feedback this week. Yeah.

From Amy. She says, I saw this and I thought of Lauren injuring herself by sleeping a night in her own bed, and it was a photo. And the photo said, I'm writing about the silliest injuries I've had as a middle-aged person inspired by two injuries I've had in recent years. One, hurting my neck whilst tipping grated cheese straight into my mouth from the bag. Oh, that is so tragic. All of that. All of it. Two, doing my back-in while reverse parking in the GP surgery car park before my appointment

to ask the doctor if I was fit enough to do a rowing challenge for a newspaper article. Well, I think they got your answer. That's so funny. It was not funny. I'm so sorry. That is not funny at all. That is very upsetting. Very middle aged. Very middle aged. I do know what? I think I'm really over being middle aged this week. Oh really? Because I'm loving it. Yeah. Yeah. You, you are, I'm deeply enjoying it this January. You are thriving in it. Let me tell you right now. I am. I am thriving in it. Lisa also wrote to us, she said, welcome back ladies. I was so happy when I saw the notification for a new 40-ish episode this morning. I was working a lot through the holiday, so I was saving the episodes for the hardest mornings to get up. Oh, that is so sweet.

It really is. And when I say they literally get me up, I mean it. I drag myself out of bed at 4 a.m. So I got to the Mayo Tea episode a bit late. But what episode? Mayo tea. Tea. Mayo tea. And the title, I didn't even twig. I wasn't expecting you to talk about it. This is the lady who squirted the mayonnaise into her tea and sent us a photo of it. She's the lady who works with the baby elephants. Do you remember? I have no recollection. What?

None. In Zambia. She worked in Zambia on the elephant with the baby elephants. And she sent us a photo. Look what I did this morning. And she squirted mayo into her tea. Remember? Oh, okay.

Anyway. But I am so brain foggy. Wow. I am doing such weird things. Okay. So just honestly, I'm really sorry. Is it Lisa? It's Lisa.

Lisa, it's no reflection on you and purely reflection on me. She said, honestly, thank you. I can't tell you how happy it made me feel. And especially, Nicole, you telling Lauren that my job has nothing to do with her, absolutely. What did I say? I said I felt so proud because she worked on this elephant retreat. And you were like, there's no reflection on you that she does that job. And I was like, no, I love the diversity of our listeners.

Like one was a police woman and one was a rescue this. and then what she works with elephants. Oh, I remember you getting, like taking pride, like she was one of yours. She said, but Lauren is right. You can be proud. You reach a lot of different type of people for a reason. You are lovely, real women, and I frequently laugh out loud listening to you, Lisa. I mean, Lisa, I have never felt more real than I do this January.

So thanks for that. Lovely, lovely email. She did go on to explain, which I haven't put in the show, but she basically gave me an update on the job, on Zambia, on what's going on, blah, blah, blah. A whole thing, if you want to read it. DMs. Do you know what? Did you talk about elephants? A little you saw elephants didn't you? I hung out with elephants. You are so lucky. Oh my God it was so gorgeous and there was one elephant called called oh what was his name anyway he was blind. So he was very happy and very well looked after

so you had to treat him differently because we were feeding the elephants so you had to stroke his trunk and call his name before you gave him food so he knew you were there and he had a friend elephant who was always stood by him and he never left him alone. Like his Guide elephant. Yes. Yeah. But he kept, he kept wandering off at one point in which Lily Rose found so funny because he got

a bit lost. And then the other guide had to actually guide him back. Anyway, I kept calling, what was his name? I can't remember something like Tindea or something. And I kept going Tindaya, Tindaya. So throughout the whole holiday Lily Rose just randomly used to go,

Tindaya, Tindaya. Sounds like Zendaya. She was like, what are you saying it like that for? I'm like, boy. shot a dog such a cow about him anyway it was very funny

that's very funny they and also mine I fed him you had to feed him bananas and you and you had to feed them like little parcels

of like nuts and seeds that are really good for their gut health and then you have to feed them some grass it's all like for their digestion and mine just threw the grass away

wouldn't eat the grass but it kept going and then it had its trunk in my basket it was the cutest thing it was adorable that's so lovely gorgeous.

That sounds like a lovely day. Well, she's here now. She's not actually with them. She's doing a lot of it remotely, she said. How can you look after elephants remotely? I don't know. You'll have to DM, Lisa herself and ask her the ins and outs. Anyway, look, I've got news for you, okay?

Middle-Aid news. You know, where are we with jeans? Oh, I've got my new jeans on. Well, I can tell you where we are with jeans. I've got new jeans on. Have you? Well, it isn't those. Where are we with jeans?

I'm not going skinny. skinny jeans are back and better than before. Go on. Here's how to wear them in midlife without looking like you're stuck in 2010. And let me tell you, I had to actually join Daily Mail Online. Oh, I saw that. And I knew you were going to be like, why have you subscribed daily mail online? No, I knew. I knew why you'd subscribe.

But you'd also subscribe like really late on a Saturday night. And I thought, and I thought, well, she's not having much for weekend, is she? As much as I wasn't, because I saw it at that day on. No, I had actually come back from the cinema and I was in bed and this article popped up on my phone and I could only see the headline. Skinny jeans are back and bedded before. Here's how to wear them in midlife. Then I couldn't read the article. And I thought, by God, I'll read that article and I'll pay the £1.99 to read it and put it in this show for the good of all of our listeners.

Also, I think that's quite a handy subscription to have for the show's purposes. Well, I agree with you and myself, which is why I subscribed. I didn't need you to explain because I knew it all anyway. Did you? Knew it all. But it was for this article and here it is. In the 2000s everyone had a pair in their closet. I've still got them in my closet.

Me too. At the peak in 2010, Topshop was selling a pair of ultra high-rise skinny joanie jeans every 10 seconds in Oxford Street. Jesus. Appropriately enough, it's Kate Moss's model daughter. I'm really sorry. I have to question that. Because firstly, there's no way they were selling them every 10. That is what it says. In Oxford Street. That's what it says. No. That would have to make the shop assistants like the cashiers immensely efficient, which I don't feel like they were in Topshop.

I think it was the best-selling thing, obviously. No, no, I know, but every 10 seconds. That's what it says. Apparently it is Kate Moss's model daughter Lila Moss who is helping bring about the resurgence of skinny jeans. Oh, okay. Now, we're going on the word of stylist Lisa Talbot now. I did a deep dive on Lisa Talbot. She's not a stylist. yet you're thinking of Lisa Tarbuck. Yeah. And so was I. Exactly. I'm thinking of.

And so was I. And I'm like, why am I taking fashion advice from Lisa Tarbuck? No, this is Lisa Talbot. I'm glad our minds work in sync. Or not, don't work. I did a deep dive on Lisa Talbot. She actually has a podcast about fashion. Now, unfortunately, I found her voice much too irritating to listen to more than three minutes.

And I had to turn it off. Sorry. But this is what she says. It's not a good review. Well, you listen to it and tell me what you think. After several seasons dominated by wide legs straight and relaxed denim, designers and high street bands are once again embracing the slimmer silhouette. The key to wearing skinny jeans in Midlife is...

Big thick boots, chunky boots or like a big baggy top or something. Balance, balance, balance. I think, I feel like I've read this. She says the biggest mistake is to try and style it the same way we did in the early 2000s with tight tops or short jackets and flimsy footwear. Because remember we always used to wear them with ballet shoes, like Circa Amy Winehouse. Like ballet pumps.

Kate Moss. Yes. The modern way to wear them is about balancing the lower half with a stronger, structured top. Think relaxed blazer to add polishing structure. I'm not wearing a blazer. What am I wearing a blazer for? I'm never wearing a blazer. To be honest, I cannot see myself.

I can barely wear jeans. I can't see myself squeezing into a pair of skinny jeans anymore. You could do a chunky knit or a roll neck to create softness. But you do that anyway. I feel like you do that anyway. Like you're doing it with your leggings today. I am doing leggings and a cardigan. in today if you're not watching this.

Or you can do slightly longer length tops that skin rather than cling and shoes play a huge role. So ankle boots or knee high boots ground the look beautifully and trainers keep things modern and relaxed but avoid delicate shoes which throw off the proportions. Are you with me? Are you feeling it? This doesn't sound like anything new. She then linked to a load of jeans to buy now. Yeah. Click straight. through to the Zara ones, which were not skinny, but they were a slim cigarette gene. Yeah, good for

you. That's good for you. Obviously, completely sold out. Put myself on a notification, came up yesterday, bought them. Hizah! Great. They're arriving in the next few days, so I'll let you know. They only come in black. But you know what? I'm actually feeling that. A slim cigarette gene. I need a slim cigarette gene. Well, there you go. When they come, I'll show you and tell me how you feel about them. Yeah, but you and I are a completely different shape. Well, I've bought them in two sizes, so one will fit me and the other will probably fit you. So let's see. Let's see how we go.

I've probably just done us both a solid there. I think you probably have. I've sorted us out. You're in what I can call a very baggy, wide leg with a turn-up, cuff in a mid-denim. It's not a mid-denim. It's not a indigo. I haven't had... It's not quite an indigo, yeah.

It's a darker wash. What style would you call these? Baggy? I don't know what they are. What are these jeans? Can I see them abruptly? No, no, no. I'm not having you slack the jeans off.

I just want to see them. You are, no, you are. Because I really like them. Where are they from? Where do you think they're from? Zara. Yeah, okay. Well done.

Where else would they be from? I don't know. Sometimes you go rogue. Free people. That's the only other place I buy jeans from. They're very wide. I can't see because they're sitting down. Okay.

describe them they're like they're like they're they're my new jeans I thought we were done with the baggies no well we're not

because that's all I can cope with okay it's all I can cope with it's funny because I'm going the opposite I feel like I can

only now wear leggings every day I've actually bought a new pair of leggings this is the first time I have worn a pair of jeans since I got back

from holiday okay I've been back 10 days this is the first time I have put denim on my body Okay

I still haven't been able to put on a proper bra I still say where are we with jeans I still say it Where are we with jeans These are baggy I feel like bag is in Skinny's in I feel like any gene is in

You think about it right You've got the bootlegs in The flares are in Wide legs in Straight's in Cigarettes in Basically where are we with jeans Where what the fuck you want to wear

We are everywhere Everything all at once And nowhere These are like the bubble gene bubble, okay like the horseshoe shape that's a good shape for me okay

if you were asking me where are we with my hair today we're in a power cut situation and you couldn't put the hairdryer on that's where we are with your hair we're not anywhere bad

with your hair we're just somewhere bad with the power in your house your hair because it wasn't even dirty but I washed it because I thought oh and then whatever

and so I could have come in with nice hair but I haven't I've come in with like big triangular frizzy hair. It's not big or triangular or frizzy. It is. I think it's like, it's okay. I can't. I don't cope. Put my hat on. I don't. I don't cope if my hair is not nice. I know you don't. Is that better? I mean, you're going for a woodland walk with an owl.

An owl. Yes, the dope or the whole. Toe. Why would I take an owl? Why would I take an owl? Why wouldn't you take an owl? Well, what's the dilemma? Here it goes. Dear Lauren and Nicole, hello from Perth, Australia. Hello. Or good day. Please, please help me navigate. Yeah, or whatever time it is.

Help me navigating a situation that feels petty but is driving me mad. Oh, we're always here for the petty, aren't we? For Christmas, my father-in-law bought my mother-in-law the new top-of-the-range kitchen-aid mixer. She is a big fan of Bake-off and she was over the moon. She has now taken up baking in. a big way. She is producing cakes at an alarming frequency and with the confidence of Prueleith herself. Here is the problem. The cakes are not good. They are dry or dense or aggressively sweet or somehow all three. Okay. The worst was the carrot cake. Oh dear. I love

carrot cake. It looked promising. It tasted like a beige brick with vague orange flex. It was dry but also greasy, which I didn't previously know was possible. The icing was meant to be cream cheese, but it had the texture of wallpaper paste and a suspicious lemon aftertaste, and there were walnuts in it, but not chopped, just embedded whole like a choking hazard. She should have put that in the kitchen aid. Yeah, she said, I think it's my best one yet. And I felt something inside me quietly give up and mumbled, mm-hmm, mm. And yet, every visit, every just popping round, a cake appears. Sweet.

I have tried everything. I've taken tiny slices. I've saved something later. I've claimed I'm not really a cake person. I've blamed being off sugar at the moment. None of it works. She beams. She waits.

She asks, isn't it lovely? My husband thinks I should just eat it and be grateful. So what do I do? I don't think she needs to eat it and be grateful. Do I keep choking down bad cake forever to protect her feelings? Do I lie more creatively? do I tell the truth and become the ungrateful daughter-in-law. Thank you, Melanie.

Definitely do not tell the truth. Definitely not. This woman is in her element. She's loving it. She's having a great time. You're going to ruin her joy. She doesn't need to know that shit. Do not tell her the truth.

Why can't you just say I'm on a diet? I don't, I'm not eating cake today. Why can't you do that? She did say she's tried that. I'm off sugar at the moment. But then I think if she says... But you can't, like, this mother-in-law can't actually force something in your mouth. You can't do that.

No, but if she's like taking the time of trouble, she comes around, she's all proud. And then she's like, just have a little bit. You can't be like, no, fuck off. You're like, oh, okay. You can say, I'm really, please, thank you so much, but I'm really trying to stay off sugar at the moment. You can. You can. You can.

You know what I think she should do? I think she should wait for her birthday because it's got to be sometime this year. And I think they should send her on a baking course. Like, we know you love baking so much. Here is a cake baking. course and just so her cakes are not so horrible. Because the encouragement of the eating it is making her make more cakes and the cakes are awful, so you need to make the cakes better.

Is this really a problem? Well, she says it is. She said it was petty. Is it really a problem? I guess she just doesn't want to upset her. Melanie, there's ways around this and there's ways out of this. I mean, listen, my mother-in-law is such a good cook. So it's the opposite.

I can't stop eating it. That's a good problem to have. It is a good problem to have. So I'm not relating to this. I'm trying to put myself in melancholys position and think, if my mother-in-law was baking bad cakes, would I feel, would I be able to say to her, do you know what? Can't say, okay, imagine if it's me and I'm really into baking, and I do bake a lot.

And imagine if I kept coming around with these, like, beautifully decorated really nice cakes, but they tasted horrendous. You would not want to hurt my feelings. So what would you say? I would eat it and shut up. Well, there you go. That's what I would do. That's your answer, Melanie.

Eat it a little bit and shut up and smile and nod and just be nice to your mother-in-law. And don't dampen her joy. Definitely don't dampen her joy. Definitely not. Okay. This is my meltdown this week. I don't even know where to begin with my meltdowns. This is so minor and yet I found it.

It really irked me. Okay. You know on Instagram when our reels go on Instagram? And occasionally I'm on Instagram. And I noticed, and I've noticed this like the past couple of weeks, loads and loads of people, and sometimes it's one person, and then they do it on every single one of our posts. Just puts as their comment.

Send real. Send real. Post real. Send real. And I feel like, no. Why? Why do I have to send you the real? You're seeing the real.

Send it to yourself. And also, what does that mean? Send real. Who are you, stranger on the internet, to tell me to spend my spare time sending you 95 of my reels? What is send real? What is it? Real. Post real.

I don't understand it. One, I don't understand it. And two, why should I? And I got to the point last night. And I honestly, I'm not being funny. I sat on my hands because I was about to reply, no. Post your own reel. Send your own real.

I would have loved you to have done that. That would have made me so happy. I was honestly on the verge of just replying, No, won't. No, shan't. Can you explain to me? What is send reel? I think, don't you, they're telling you to send it, I think.

I think it's all bot driven. So, you know what a bot is? I do, yeah. Okay. So I think it's bot driven and it's asking you to send that reel to a promotional page. And then they'll say that they'll promote you. And then you'll probably just get spanned with. oh, spend $3,000 and get 20 followers, you know, that sort of shit.

That would explain why it's one person doing it on every one of the rules. Like, why have you got the time to put... The haven't is book-driven. Okay, that makes more sense. So if I am, if I reply to them, I'm not replying to a person anyway, just a machine. So they won't care if I say, no, won't do it. Can't make me. That was what I was about to say.

Honestly, I got that. I'm going to have a look. Let me clarify that. I try and I try and stay away from this sort of shit these days because I find it very intrusive right. Was it on our self-care club?

I don't know. It was on one of them. I did see it. It did come up. What's yours? Don't worry about it is what I would say. I'll let it go. I'll let it go. I think 99.9% of the shit you see on social media we should just let it go. Oh, I do. I really only watch golden retrievers and gay comedians.

That's really it now. You know, because people talk about doom scrolling, right? And I heard Chloe Kardashian talking about this. And I was like, yes, Chloe, I totally agree with you. She's like, they talk about doom scrolling. I'm not doom scrolling. Because my newsfeed is literally filled with puppies. Yeah.

Gorgeous dogs of some sort of poodly mix. And housewives. But that's what I'm saying. I've curated my own algorithm. And that, I'm so loving that. Mine's just gay comedians doing impressions and government truth is great. And then there's the funny, you know, the men that are dancing. And they do the dancing.

And then over it, it says when your house is a mix of perimenopause, autism, ADHD, and a pet that won't stop barking and they're just dancing. Yeah. All those. They tickle me. There's a lot of like autistic jokes in there, which I'm like totally here for. They really make me laugh. So mine isn't, I'm not doom scrolling. I'm actually enjoying.

Joy, your joy scrolling. They're funny. Yeah. I only do it when it makes, when I'm enjoying myself, like when it's making me laugh. As you should. Yeah. Otherwise, I'm not here for it. No, thanks.

No. What's your, what's your, what's your, what's your, what's your, my meltdown? I think it's, it's, it's, my meltdown is, it's kind of come up. I, you know, when you said last week, where are you going? When I said about my style, you said, where are you going? Yeah. You know, that has been like, like, like dark words. Oh, has it like seeded.

It's ceded in your brain. Yeah, like, because that question is daily. You're like, where am I going? Where am I going? But not even in an epic, like, metacense. I'm just like literally where am I going? Like, where am I going? Yeah.

I'm not going anywhere. I'm also not going anywhere. The only place I go to is the gym. That is the only... You're going to your friend's house today? What, it's our 50th? So that's... Okay.

You need clothes to wear clothes. I'm wearing clothes. No, no. I'm not saying you need to get... changed. No, but I have not got dressed. This is the first time I've got dressed. Because last week I didn't get properly dressed, I don't think,

because I felt so shit. I was jet lagged and had a terrible cold. So I've kind of got dressed, but then I had a power cut, so I haven't really got dressed because I've thrown on whatever was there. And so, like, I basically don't wear my clothes. Yep.

I don't get dressed. I don't put on bras. You don't put on bras? No. Okay. When did that stop? I think it's because you've been on holiday for too long. Oh, no, no, no, no. I'm wearing sport bras. Oh, okay.

You're just letting the girls swing free. No, no, no, no, okay. Because I was getting a bit worried there. But a lot of my sports tops, they have like inbuilt bras. So I'm not actually not even putting on a bra. That doesn't matter. The purpose is they are hoiked up and supported. This weekend, right?

This weekend, I did not. go out or do anything sociable once nothing. What I did. I went to the gym. I was either in the gym or I was on a paddle court. I mean, I'm not saying I'm unhappy about it. I'm not. I'm delighted.

But I don't think this is okay. It's not going in the right direction. Can we just be a little kind to ourselves? It is January. It's cold. It's dreary. Everyone's poor. No one wants to go out.

Everyone's not drinking. They're on a diet. It's like it's dark at four o'clock. We're tired. So I'm just not really into I've got one evening arrangement like on the 22nd of January and I've got two of my kids' birthdays

I'm fine with that I'm fine with that, just let that be January and then it's done. Listen to Mountdown, have we got one this week? I just started a new job after years of freelancing which already felt like a big enough upheaval at 49 that is. Oh my God, yes. New office, new people, new outfit

was being shown around mid-morning when I suddenly felt a bit damp and I went to the loo and found a perimenopausal blood bath caused by a sudden, very aggressive period. Do you know what? It's just so not fun. It's not fun. I hadn't brought anything with me

because I hadn't had a period in months so I just sat there staring at my knickers in disbelief thinking you've got to be joking and also so happy my trousers were navy blue. Oh, that's fantastic. The only women in the office near me were all in their 20s and probably menstruating on a neat predictable schedule.

I had to sheepishly ask a complete stranger young enough to be my daughter if she had a tampon. That's okay. That's okay. She was lovely about it, obviously, but I wanted the ground to open up and swallow me whole.

I wanted to cry all day, but had to send this to you so that at least others could be reminded to always be prepared when you are 40-ish, Sarah. Yeah. My mum said this to me the other day. She was like, look,

I'm just telling you, never leave the house without something because at your age, anything can happen. And I was like, okay, Mom. That is really solid advice, Jackie. And she was like, you know, I had it, she said, when I was your age, I was somewhere out, and I actually had to drive home because this period arrived out of nowhere,

and it was horrendously heavy, and I just wasn't expecting it. She said, I'm just telling you, I'm just passing it on, always go out prepared. I was like, okay, mum, thank you. She's still mumming me at 47. I love that. She's hard mumming me. But she's not just hard mumming you. She's hard mumming me.

and she's harbomming everyone that's still listening to this. Okay, all 40-ish listeners. Jackie has spoken. Yeah. Leave the house prepared. Thank you, Jackie. Yeah. Thank you, Jackie.

And you know what? I have her advice and I am. Always now prepared. And you know what? I'm going to take her advice. Yeah. I'm going to take her advice. Because you know what?

You just don't know. You just don't know. November, I just didn't have a period. December, I thought, oh, that's going to be a shocker, isn't it? But you know what? It wasn't a shocker. It was very minimal. Very gentle.

January, who knows what's going to happen. So the other day, I had a period. Yeah. But it wasn't a period. But was it a period? I don't know. I don't know, because you had one for like three years the other month. Eight weeks.

I bled for eight weeks. I was actually wondering if you might just lie on the floor and not get up. How was I not anemic? I don't know. You probably still are. That was so awful. It was so awful. I stopped bleeding when I was on holiday.

Thank God. Well, I had to have a procedure done. You would have got eaten by a shark otherwise. It was a fucking nightmare. Yeah. It was their very friendly in Thailand, the sharks. Anyway. And then I had this like weird period because he said to me, my doctor, he's like,

no, no, you won't bleed now. I've sorted you out. You won't bleed now. And then I had this period and I thought, am I starting to bleed again? And is it bleeding or is it just, what is this? Is this a period? I don't even recognise what a period is anymore. That's where I am.

So I'm at that next level of perimen. menopause, everybody. If you are there, please write in. Please don't let me do this on my own. That's where I am. I don't even know if it's a period. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. I know if it's a period, but I don't know what flavor I'm going to get. No, I've been there, done that. Sorry to tell you. Oh, you're on the next stage. The next stage. I don't even know if it's a period. And then on Friday night I had loads of people over for dinner and I was so fucking hot. And I kept saying, is everyone hot in here? Is everyone hot in here? Is everyone hot in here? As was like, it's not hot in here. Just shut up.

Stop being menopausal around our family Don't let them know that you're 48 They all think I've told them you're 26 No I was only with family and cousins and stuff But I was so hot I just didn't know what to do with myself And then I had this weird bleed

Not bleed It was sort of a bleed It was sort of a bleed And I thought Is that a period Am I just having like You know when you get hot When you're menstruating

Is this what's happening Oh yeah I get hot in the night Or am I just having Like what is going on here What is what I don't know what is what Nobody knows and nobody can solve it.

That's my meltdown. Not about the clothes. I was hiding behind that. It's an easier thing to hide behind than the... I'm so over it. Than the mayhem of our menstrual cycles at this age. It's mayhem. I'm ready for it to be over.

Yeah. Oh my God, I'm so ready. I'm so ready for it to be over. Yeah, I'm also ready for the last one. The final one. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Okay. Well, That's it for Tuesday. That's plenty enough for Tuesday. Need a lie down. I need to source some her mesetas. You need to quick the bosoms. I don't actually.

They're okay today. They hurt. Fuck it. They hurt. Okay. Right. Okay. Save that for Thursday's show.

And we'll be back on Thursday.