40ish - Bald Eyes, Bad Jeans and Christmas Cockapoos

Episode Date: December 9, 2025

In today’s episode, Lauren somehow manages to accidentally pull out her own eyelashes and is now sporting a festive single-lid look… while Nicole is still spiralling about the state of jeans. Are we meant to be in wide-leg? Straight-leg? Bootcut? Low-rise?! Nobody knows and honestly we’re tired. We also tackle a listener dilemma: How do you tell your brother his dog is not invited to Christmas Day?(but honestly what Xmas isnt improved with a dog there?!)  Plus, your glorious Christmas meltdown stories make a triumphant return: The mother-in-law who gifted bathroom scales for Christmas anyone?  It’s festive mayhem, midlife angst, questionable grooming choices… and we wouldn’t have it any other way. Got a dilemma, meltdown or rant of your own? Send it our way.  Misery loves company, and we absolutely live for your stories. Email [e-mail] Instagram https://www.instagram.com/40ish.podcast  TikTok https://www.tiktok.com/@40ish.podcast Facebook  https://www.facebook.com/share/DVQWb6y2vesgeHEK/?mibextid=LQQJ4d  To order our book HAVE YOU TRIED THIS?” click here  https://www.amazon.co.uk/Have-You-Tried-This-Only/dp/1801293139/ref=sr_1_2?crid=1O7EA4ZF1O5CS&keywords=have+you+tried+this&qid=1699449028&sprefix=have+you+tried+%2Caps%2C125&sr=8-2 This episode is sponsored by London Nootropics Get 20% off at LondonNootropics.com with the code 40ISH Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Hello, everybody, welcome to 40ish. I'm Nicole Goodman. And I'm Lauren Lishke. This is the podcast where we tackle the Christmassy delights of being 40-ish at Christmas. I'm nearly 50. Stop saying it. I am. I am. You are 2.3 years away from being 50.

I'm not. I'm not. I'm going to be 49 in February. Oh shit, I thought you're going to be 48. No, you're going to be 48 in March. Oh my God, you are nearly 50. Stop! Stop now! So are you, by the way. You're near a 50 than you are 40.

You're going to have to do it for a whole year before I do it. You can test it out first. Thank God, because if you had to do it before me, that would not be good. I don't think we'd be podcasting for the full year while I've got over the breakdown. Oh, please don't have a breakdown when you turn 50. I won't have a breakdown. You will. I have my breakdown.

We all know you're going to have a breakdown. I have my breakdown here. No. Right here. Yeah, well, yeah, but this is just the companion part of it. I really can't take a whole year of you having a break down about 10. It's going to be fine. Let's not worry about it yet.

Anyway, listeners, welcome to a little a Christmassy, tinged show today. We're going to be talking about your Christmas rants and our own stuff. And also, please don't forget that you can subscribe on Apple Podcasts. Think of it as a Christmas gift to yourself. You can get early access, add free listening across both this show and self-care club and bonus content. And you can watch the video on Spotify.

And we have a subscription. We've just said that. And I wasn't listening. And if you've got something. I was sitting there thinking about who else's head, this hat had been on. Well, I'll tell you what I was thinking. I was thinking I would really love the listeners

to email us at hello at 40.org.com or DM us. Oh that. And tell us what's going on for them over Christmas because, you know, come January, we want to hear like what's been going on over Christmas. We want to do like a little debrief rehash. Because there is so much material just in that, isn't there? Oh, my God. Can I please also just let you know people that we are releasing one episode a week

up until the new year. Correct. We're taking a couple of weeks off for Christmas. We are. Because we all deserve a Christmas break. Yeah. And in order for us to keep. up with the shows because I am

off on my holiday soon. Stop boasting. I'm not boasting. She's flexing. She's getting really annoyed that I'm going away. And I know it's not the annoyance is building. You know what I've noticed? We'll get back to that.

Okay. So we're releasing one show week. So if you're expecting it on a Tuesday and a Thursday, please don't be disappointed. Actually, don't be disappointed. We want you to be disappointed. We are only going to be releasing on a Tuesday. But then come January,

We'll be back. Normal service will resume. Thank you. That's the one. I will tell you two things. One, I mean, I already told you this, but you know, I like to share with the group. I've been on my own a lot this weekend. Ollie's been away.

Max is away. He's Axe in America. Josh has got his own social life because he's nearly 13. And I wasn't hating it. And the longer it went on, the more kind of just content I was. And then yesterday we spoke and you were like, what are you doing for the rest of the day? And I said, I'm going to read the Sunday times. And then I'm going to kind of watch a bit of TV on my own and have some soup.

I mean, it sounds absolutely delicious apart from the soup. I made, I actually made the soup from, excuse me, from a TikTok recipe. Who even am I? It was a roasted tomato soup. It was so delicious. I can't tell you, made from scratch. Did you roast the tomatoes first and then put them in the soup? That was the soup.

Roasted tomatoes, onion, peppers, garlic, all roasted, beautifully and then blended. Oh my God, it was so good. So you roast all the vegetables. Yeah, and then you blend them. And then you blend them. Yeah, but you need it with water and a stock. Chicken stock. With chicken stock.

That sounds nice. Oh my God, it was so. That actually sounds really nice. Yummy. I'm not massively into soups, as you know, but I do feel quite cold today. What I'm saying is I spend a lot of time alone. I know, I know that you, you say you were okay. I'll tell you the reason, why laughing?

I know what you're going to say. What am I going to say? I know the reason that you weren't okay. What was? I was very chatty. No. What? The reason I know you were spending too much time alone is because, wait for it.

You actually called me on Saturday. No, you actually called me. No, I didn't. You called me on Saturday. Did I? I will show you the missed call. You see, you see how rare it is now. Yeah, what was I calling you now?

about? I don't know we didn't speak. Oh, you didn't call me back. No. What I'm saying is... You did call me back on Sunday. Yeah, called you back Sunday, yeah. That's all right. You never, ever, ever, ever call me at a weekend, ever. You're always in a pebble court and I'm doing very little. That's not why you don't call me. You used to call me. You did. You did used to call me. Now you don't call me. So I did find it suspect that you called me on Saturday afternoon and then when I spoke to you about midday was it on Sunday and you're like I've been on my own all weekend and I thought oh there is she's a bit lonely but I did say to you I'm probably going to be quite annoying on Monday so I don't need it also I haven't found you annoying at all today I really haven't If I can, should be time, and I'm going to try and do it in 30 seconds. If I can.

Should we time you? Let's put a timer on. Ready? The pressure. The pressure. It's 8 minutes and 27, 29. 30 seconds, go. Okay, got a package from Uniclo, two things.

One was stuff for me, one was stuff for Max for Christmas. Two packages arrived. One was addressed to me. One was addressed to a stranger. They had delivered the package to the wrong address. The woman lived. a minute and a half drive away from me. 15 seconds.

I rang the company. They said send the package back. I said, no, she's around the corner. Why am I going to send it back when I can drive to her house? So I drove it to her house. Yeah. She had mine. I had hers.

We swapped. Five. Four. Four. But it never occurred to her to drive my package to my house. Two. What? Did you get it?

Do you get it? Do you get it? What? I'm saying. You were kind as she wasn't. I'm a nice person. You were kind as she wasn't. When I got to her house and I said,

I've got your package, she was like, oh, I looked you up on Facebook. And I thought, you know what, bitch, my address is on that package

and I live a minute and a half drive way and I know that because I've just driven the minute and a half to your house and you could have done the same to me. But you didn't,

so I'm the nicer person here, which is fine because she got her package and I got mine. The PS was, this is a bit, I can't fit into 30 seconds. That night,

the delivery driver arrives at my front door hello I believe I delivered a package to the wrong house I'm here to take it to the right house I said I've already done it for you and he said I got a phone call saying you'd made a complaint I said I didn't make a complaint I just asked

where my package was and I've done the job for you and he said yeah I did think it was a bit weird they were sending me here to drive a package that's a minute and a half away I said well you can go now because I've done your work for you bye was this the story that you were being all cloak and dagger about no and you were like this is so bad no it wasn't are you going to tell us that story it's my meltdown so i will be but later yeah

i don't really understand the point of that story sorry i don't really think that's got anything to of being middle-aged it is a very nice nothing to do with being middle-aged oh well if we're giving stories about just life in general it does in a way of like it's very mid-aged it's a way of like it's very middle age to complain about delivery people delivery things because it's very my mother and you actually made a comment the other day what did i say what did i say there's something quite rude about jackie and me i wasn't rude about jackie no you were like oh what did i say oh don't i can't go back because i love jackie it was something about a complaint oh i know what it was i know what was what was it what did i say i sent you a screenshot

of my mum's Facebook post complaining about every saying, E-V-R-I the delivery service and saying this is the most classic Jackieism.

She thinks that Facebook is a personal place for her complaining about delivery people and the only person who liked her was your dad. It was my dad. And they'd been divorced

how many years? Over 40 years. And then you said it is funny it's made me laugh all week. And then you replied saying something like basically this will be you in 20 years actually it's already you now yeah and then i thought oh my god i totally stand by

myself i am correct and then i thought oh my god this whole delivery debacle happened to me on the weekend i didn't put it on facebook but i have brought it to the show which is the equivalent of putting it on facebook so i am already my mother and you were right so there you go what a perfect way to end the segment i have nothing else to say Tell me the feedback. Oh, we've had lots of feedback. The feedback is coming in thick and fast. I think I say that every week.

I love it. But I absolutely love it. And sometimes if we don't reply to you, usually it's because Lauren's seen it and hasn't replied. No, also because I'm probably going to use it in the show. But I think what we should try and do, if we can't always keep on top of it. But I think we should always try.

and reply back and say, oh, we're going to bring this to the show. We do try. But thank you and we love, love, love your feedback. And a few people when I've replied, have replied back saying, is this Lauren or is this Nicole? Oh, it's a surprise. Bethany. This is regarding the accidental kiss.

What was the accident? Oh, in the stables when the woman kissed her friend on the lips. By mistake. Question mark. Her friends, yeah. As someone who has in their 20s managed to kiss their cousins, 70-odd year-old granddad square on the lips in front of everyone in capital letters, that is hideous, while greeting them at their cousin's naming ceremony,

including the granddad's own wife, oh my God, Bethany, I can 100% confirm that this is an entirely plausible accident dredged up such cringe in capital letters, memories with laughing emojis. Logistically, we both kept aiming for the same cheek. rather than opposite before planting on each other's smackers. Oh, I can so see that. They were like, hideous. Oh, that's hideous.

Regarding telling their partner, I think I'd be so mortified by the social faux par. I wouldn't be able to help leaking this to mine for a good laugh. I get every relationship is different, though. Oh, but the thing is, this wasn't like a good laugh. This wasn't like they were aiming for the cheap. No, this was like, do we have a chemistry that I wasn't quite aware of? This was, yeah, this is not quite the same, Sitch. Is it?

Get you, Mrs. Gen Z over there. I'm so Gen Z. Yeah. Well, this sounds a lot more accidental than the one in the stables. This was clearly accidental. The other one had like a whole ring of Bridgeton to it. Agreed. Yeah.

Hi, girls. I have more male friends and female working in the fire service. I love them all dearly, but I would never think of kissing them hello or goodbye. It's weird. Oh, I've just remember something my friend said. Are we talking about kissing our friends hello? Yeah. In fact, I've got to get James in for when

I tell you the next bit. The horse lady just needs to ask herself if rolls were reversed and it was her husband that found himself in that position would she want to know? That's a very, very good point. That's a really good point. Oh my God. If Ollie came up, I would be... I'd have anything I'd want to know. I'd be mortified if I came home and told me that. She said

their friends and she doesn't see him romantically and she's very happily married and well this what's the point? Although the thing is if all he did tell me I would at least feel like well he's told me so there's nothing there if he didn't tell me he's hiding it. I don't you know but isn't he hiding it because there's nothing really to tell and why upset you unnecessarily because there's nothing to upset you for. Would you want to know if it was Adam? I actually don't think I would. I think I wouldn't either. If she is standing by what she says, and if it's like, this was an accident, I am very

happily married and this has not brought up any doubt for me. What do I need to know for? I just feel like there's a bit of self-denial there with this woman. I agree. I agree. Yeah. Oh, she says that. This is Gabby.

I feel like maybe there's a little bit more to this friendship than she's letting on. Also, if they do kiss on the cheek, sound. Friends would just laugh off the fact that they missed surely. And she didn't say that. She didn't say to us, we meant to kiss on the cheek and we just missed. She said, we kissed on the lips and it was weird but also normal. Felt very normal.

Yeah. Yeah, that was weird. And that is weird that it felt normal. Also, it then sparked off a conversation about kissing each other hello and goodbye. Oh, yeah. And I said about that I don't, I wouldn't kiss my paddle friends hello and goodbye.

And we would never kiss James, hello and goodbye. Anyway, my friend, James, are you in there? My friend phoned me up. Yeah. And she said, oh my God. Are you joking? You never kiss James. Hello and goodbye.

What was this? My friend Sarah. Okay. And I was like, no, Sarah, I don't. She's like, I just find that so weird. What? Why? Why does she find it weird?

I don't know. But she thinks it's weird and I said, I cannot tell you how weird it would be for us to kiss each other. Hello and goodbye. I actually don't think it would be that weird. It's coming in. Okay. Yeah. That we don't need to actually kiss each other.

It's a verical fist bump every time you walk in. We do. That's cute. That's very cute. That's very cute, Jays. I'm taking a Christmas while you're recording. Yeah, oh, great. Okay, we need to get on with those.

Anna in Worcester, she says, Hi, Lauren and Nicole. I wanted to say I'm loving your podcast. You had me laughing out loud on your commute this morning. I too have concerns. Oh, wait, wait, I'm in your camera. Oh, great. I too have concerns about ankle boots,

and I thought loafers might be a solution. Thank you for bringing a splash of sunshine to my morning. P.S. Your podcast is so much better than Graham's. Oh, but when I got in your car this morning, you were listening to Grahams. I always listened to Grahams. I told you from the beginning that I enjoyed the podcast and I'm listening to it and I like it. I have no shame about that. Listen to this from Lisa. Hi, I have only ever written into self-care club, but I just wanted to send you a quick visual of my 40-ish brain in action yesterday. She sent a photo, which obviously you can't see if you're listening, but I will describe it to you.

It's a cup of tea with some Helmand's mayonnaise squeezed into the top of it. Yes, she says mayo in a cup of tea. I mean, if that is a brain fog, I don't know what it is. As you can see, I managed to squeeze quite a bit in. It was quite a lot. Before my brain shook itself awake and I don't even have the excuse of it being in the morning. Thank you so much for the podcast. They literally helped me get out of bed.

Lisa. Can I just tell you something about Lisa? I had a look at Lisa. Lisa's job is she decodes elephant behavior for conservation success. I know. I cannot even tell you she has like a blog and a YouTube. There are baby elephants who have been orphaned who they cuddle and they give milk to and they look at it is the most amazing thing. Is this going to be your next job?

I don't know because I feel like she's in Zams. or somewhere like that because she's she you know it's it's incredible it was the most fascinating I thought wow we've got a firefighter writing into us we've got an elephant behavioral conservationist writing into us we have such a diverse listenership I felt really proud of us in that moment I did I felt proud of us Lisa's job has got nothing to do with you but you know what I was okay wow you don't get to take diverse ears elephant ears baby elephant ears. Oh my god, you've got to look at her videos. They are the cutest little things. Thank you. Oh, gorgeous. Anyway, thanks Lisa and loving your job and your whole vibe.

Should we get on to some dilemmas? Yes, please. At Vandal Casino, you get even more ways to play. Dive into new and exciting games and all of your favorite casino classics, like slots, table games and arcade games. Get more on Fandual Casino. Download the app today. Please play responsibly 19 plus and physically located in Ontario. If you have questions or concerned about your gambling or the gambling of someone close to you, please contact Connects Ontario at 1866-531-2,600 to speak to an advisor free of charge. Before we dive into your dilemmas, a quick disclaimer, we're not hot doctors, and we are not healthcare professionals, we are just two very middle-aged women, and I don't know where

that sentence was going. But if there is an issue that you are seriously struggling with, please contact a qualified expert. I was thinking, we didn't do a disclaimer last week. What? And I'm just trying to think of what the dilemmas were. Can I tell you why? Why? We didn't do a dilemma. Oh, there we go. Yeah. So that's okay. Okay. Few. Yeah. I mean, I don't really think someone's going to sue us over ankle boots. Listen, you don't know. We could end up in court over defaming ankle boots. You know, every time I look at my ankle boots now, I think I must chuck them away.

I must give them to a charity shop. I can't get into vintage. I only said that to windmill up. Okay, well, it worked. Well done. What's that dilemma? Hi, Lauren and Nicole. As dog people, I wanted your opinion on this, please.

We always host Christmas for both sides of the family. It's always a lovely day, but very chaotic. This year, my brother is coming. He has to travel about 40 minutes, but only stays about three hours because of sharing his kids Christmas Day with his ex-wife and he wants to bring his cockapoo. We don't want the dog in our house. We don't have pets. We have nice flooring.

We don't want scratching. We have nice furniture that we don't want a dog jumping on. It's a spoiled dog and not very well trained. My daughter isn't keen and my mom has had a hip replacement this year and is still a bit unsteady. And it's still a bit unsteady still. So I think it would be stressful. But how do I tell my brother kindly without coming across as a dog hater? Thanks, gee, like I am not into this.

Gee, you are a dog hater. Yeah, you are a dog hater, G. Gee, I don't know what you think the dog's going to do, but he's not going to scratch your floor and ruin your furniture. I don't know how badly behaved this dog is. How badly behave can the cockaboo be? I don't know. A lovely breed.

Don't be a dog hater, G. Let the dog come. And you know what? How do I tell my brother without coming across his dog hater? Well, we've figured that one out. Do you know what? I've got a friend. Hold on, can I just say something?

She said, my daughter isn't keen. and my mum has had a hip replacement this year and is still a bit unsteady so I think it will be stressful let me tell you something the dog is a de-stresser so for all of those reasons the dog needs to be there to add joy

and comfort and cuddles and just the furry beauty of a dog let's try and be a little objective you and I have dogs have dogs love dogs okay not everyone does I don't understand I don't understand I have historically

over the year when Barker, RIP, God rest of soul, was alive. When we had Christmas Day, some years I had to leave him at home for various reasons. It didn't work to take him. And we also live like 40 minutes away from Christmas. So what would happen is we would go to Christmas and then one of us would drive home, take him for a walk, feed him, spend some time with him and then pop back. So this guy is only 40 minutes away.

If he can only stay for three hours, dogs can be left for three hours. If it was like an eight hour event, no. but for three hours you could have walked them, walk the dog before, leave him some food and water and he'd be fine. So he could leave the dog. It's a bit sad for the dogs to be left on his own at Christmas. What are you doing with Bieber this year?

I'm not 100% sure. I'm hoping to bring her, but it's not always convenient for everybody. It depends who else is coming and lots of other people have got dogs and then, you know, I have a friend who doesn't love dogs and doesn't have a dog, but her in-laws have two dogs and she hosts Christmas and she basically

has to just suck it up. And she really, really, really doesn't like it, but she just kind of accepts it. But they're yappy and they're annoying and they're spoiled and like all the same things that are going on here. So I understand if you don't love dogs, you might not want dogs at your Christmas Day. We do because we love dogs, but not everyone does.

I don't understand why you wouldn't want to have a dog there because dogs make everything better. I mean, there is nothing that my dog doesn't make better. She makes everything better. She does shit on my rug sometimes. That's not really better. And if she came for Christmas Day, she would definitely shit in my house. A thousand million gazillion percent

I actually think that is defamation I'm not it's not it's defecation I'm not here for that you don't know You don't know I do you don't know I think that you and I both know Should we talk about dogs and rugs then shall we Yeah

Shall we yeah I've had to bring back Yes because she chewed and ruined James's rug ruined it was nibbled Nibbled it was ruined It was ruined It was ruined it's back in the studio You say it's ruined like flippantly There is a corner nibbled

from it yes but it'll just be like a little marker of her puppy days yeah james is not seeing it like that i'm just saying like but not everyone loves it's not a given that she is going to shit on your rug she doesn't want to come and shit on your rug because you're going to be in thailand for christmas i am so she is not even with you i don't even know where she's going to grandma no grandma's away not to grandma no no turkey nope wow poor myly i know my little get the violins out for her Miley will be okay. Do you think?

I hope so. You're just going to leave her at home to fend for herself for a couple of weeks. Are you joking? Are you joking? Let me tell you something about my dog. She is very much enjoying the heated blanket. I bet she is. She is all over that heated blanket.

She cannot believe her luck. I believe you. My husband and I are fighting over the heated blanket because we just basically want the dog to sit on top of us. She's no fool. She knows where the warmth it is. I mean, what are we going to say to Jeep? You know what, G, it's your house. You're making Christmas.

You make the rules. I get it that you don't want the dog there. But how do you tell him kindly? Will you just tell him kindly? Listen, I love you. But we don't really want the dog there. Sorry, I'm not into this. Like, just, just, why don't you try having the dog?

You might actually enjoy having the dog. Why don't you see it a little bit differently, have a different perspective over it? That actually the dog is there to bring absolute pleasure and joy. She doesn't like dogs. And she is making all the excuses. Her daughter doesn't like dogs. her mom, the hip replacement, all those things.

Like, if you love dogs, you wouldn't care that your mom had had a hip placement. You just keep the dog away from your mom. So it didn't jump with your mom. I mean, like, I think Miley would help with the hip replacement. Miley is very healing. She's also very tiny stuff away very much. No, she could sit on you. No, that's true.

With her tail. Right. She'd knock you over. So, it is a tricky one. They didn't, they didn't say that the dog was a puppy, though. No. They just said it was spoiled and not very well trained. Oh.

Bar humbug I say Come on I've got to hear this meltdown I've got to You've been You put me on pause For like 48 hours Because I was obviously

As soon as it happened I was desperate to phone you and tell you Desperate Because you know I was alone And then I thought Is that why you phoned me Saturday Maybe it was

oh that must have been why and then i couldn't get hold of you and then i was like no i'm keeping this for you okay it was saturday morning i was getting dressed let's just be clear i wasn't going anywhere i really doing anything but i was just putting very basic makeup on and as you and i do you put basic makeup on if you're not leaving the house yeah very very basic do you yeah if you're not going to see anyone i will literally put a bit of concealer under my eyes come i let's just put some mascara on and some lip liner done like it will take me 45 seconds anyway you and I both have the magnifying mirrors yeah right mine is a kind of stick on so it sucks on and you turn the suction and it sticks to my big mirror so and it lights up so I'm curling my eyelashes and looking in my magnifying mirror and it fell it just came undone the suction came on done and it dropped the floor and I got a fright and I got such a fright that I jumped and as I jumped and I had the eyelash curlers on my eye

and I thought to myself in that split second now and secondly oh my god imagine if I'd pulled my eyelashes out and then I looked in the mirror and Nicole I had pulled my eyelashes out and all my eyelashes this is my real eyelashes are on the eyelash curler

and my eye is bald it is bald but I'm looking at eyelashes are they fake it is bald so I panicked and also it hurt a little bit and I didn't really know what to do

so I thought fuck this isn't great this isn't a look I don't know what to do so it was quite early so I had to wait for the like local I like Google which is the nearest lash extension clinic to me

well you can't extend them if you have got any lashes you've got to put the lash on the lash bring the bring the bring it as soon as they open high do you do lash extensions yes you can't you can't extend a lash that doesn't have a lash can I come in today you need a 48 hour patch test I'm like no I don't have time for the test I'll sign every single form you need me to sign to like get over the patch test you have to I need some lash extensions what's happened so I tell her the story I can hear her trying not to laugh trying really hard not to laugh and she said we can't give you last extensions because they extend to your lashes you don't have any lashes because you've pulled them out at the root yes

yes I was like you know how long it takes eyelashes to grow back eight weeks she said oh I was going to say six I said not too long I said what do what do I do she said well she said you get some reviter lash serum you use it every day it's like 50 quid I was like right Amazon order immediately and it was Black Friday weekend so that's good yeah I got like six that's good and she said and then life is looking up she said then you'll have to get some like sick on but you can't really use the glue because you're gluing onto your eyelid yeah so you're going to have to get like this special glue anyway you can get the magnetic ones anyway the thing is uh you know what am i looking at I'm looking at lashes as we know it's only

one eye I didn't do it to both I'm not which I which I you tell me which I no you're not allowed to come right up close to me no as previously discussed at this show I can't see anything I'll go to the optician on Wednesday. That one. Your left eye. Correct. Correct. As we know, as previously discussed,

I'm not very like high maintenance when it comes to the beauty thing. So sticking on lashes is not something I have ever, ever done in my life. But it wasn't until I came up right up close to you that I noticed. Right. So you need it's a little long. That's the only reason I noticed. This is the shortest one they do. No, you cut them.

Okay. I mean, I am now going to have to do this every morning for like the next three months until I grow my own lash. I mean, it was fucking special. Must have really hurt. Do you know what? It's surprisingly not. That's why I thought in that split second. No.

Oh my God. Imagine if I'd pulled my lashore because it didn't hurt enough to warrant what happened. But it was so quick, I guess it was like waxing your eyelid. I mean, who does it? who how how stupid is that i know i know i know i'm sorry thanks because that's annoying yeah and i have to tell you when i like took it all off took my took them off last night and i was looking in the mirror i was like this this makes me feel very sad having one bald eye does it really like it really gets you down yeah i know there are worse things in life

You know what? It's not the worst thing that can happen. It's not, but I really, I'm giving that to you. It's a real meltdown. Yeah, it really is. One full die. It really is. Okay, I've got a meltdown.

I've already discussed it with you. Because I really feel like we've discussed it a link. and I'm still no clearer because all the options that you gave me were wrong. Okay. Jeans. Where are we with jeans? Where am I with jeans? You've sorted yourself out.

You're okay, Jack. But it's taken me time. Anyway, I was watching this fashion influence of the other day. Yesterday. Yeah. And she was doing all these different changes. Yeah. And she's like, these are old things from my wardrobe and look how differently I style them.

And I thought, oh, great. Here we go. Brilliant. And she did it with like five different pairs of jeans. Okay. One was like a skinny straight. One was a wide. One was another wide.

One was a high weight. Basically, I've got all the jeans, all the jeans that she is wearing and she looks fabulous in, I've got them all. And they all look wrong. They all look wrong. What am I going to do? So to the point, today I'm in a pair of leather-pleather trousers from Zara that are about 15 years old. No, you're not even wearing jeans. Because I don't know what to do with jeans. Okay, I had the bubble jeans in the summer. They're great for the summer with a clog. Lovely and a little like a vest top. Yeah, we're over it now. We're over that now. I've been wearing the baggies. I'm so over that. I'm so over the really wide leg.

They don't look right. So I've got a wide leg. I've got a bubble. I even went to the bootleg. I mean, I feel like I've come out of the fucking 90s. And I look awful in them. They're not flattering on me. They're awful.

It's all awful. What am I going to do? Okay, I think you're going to have to do the really hard thing, which is you're going to have to take half a day and you're going to have to go to somewhere. I'm not saying, buy them there but like you go to somewhere like selfridges where they have 80,000 brands of jeans and you actually have to just try on maybe with like an assistant to help and you just

find what works. Do you know I've done that? Not recently. Because it takes half a day. I did it about three years ago. Yeah. It takes time. And she was very size shaming. Really? I would say. She was, I've discussed this on self care club. I'm sure I have. She was basically because the thing is if you go to the denim department at Selfridges and if you don't know it, it is. It's, huge it's so overwhelming it's so it isn't it isn't because if you know what you're going for and you know what color you want that it's like laws of probability but you don't know what you're but i don't know what i'm going for find someone and ask her firstly are you like a body positive girl anyway she was bigger than me right i think she looked maybe two dress sizes bigger than me

yeah and she was basically like oh well you must be a 12 because i'm a 10 and i just thought excuse me i'm smaller than you yeah and so then she kept bringing me dreams that were far too big but insisting that they fit me, but they didn't. It was really weird. Okay, you need a different helper. It was really weird. Half a day. And that's the only way you're going to solve this.

But it's not half a day, is it? Because you've got to get salvage. Time and effort. Time and effort. We could go together and have lunch next week. And it can be our Christmas outing. Oh, I love this for us. Instead of a big boozy dinner.

Yeah. I mean, we can have booze. We can go to the champagne bar. We can go to Selfridges. Yeah. Find you some jeans. Yeah. have a lovely lunch

or we go like afternoon and then we stay out for an earlier dinner I can do that yeah okay I think we should do that suddenly I feel a lot cheerier okay

let's do it let's do it okay I'm so down for that oh thank you welcome and it's so much better than your bald eye it really is and you can't fix that if you could fix it

I would let you fix it how have you stuck it on without any lashes though to my eye ball basically to my eyelid. It's not comfortable. Also, you've got to be careful

that that glue doesn't drip in your eye because the hair... Believe me, it's been a whole weekend of bald eye drama. No wonder you called me. Yeah.

A listener meltdown. We've got so many listeners. We asked the listeners for their Christmas meltdowns. Oh, okay. They've brought the goods, okay? This is from Faye. She says,

my mother-in-law my mother-in-law once brought me a pair of bathroom scales for Christmas and said it was so I could keep an eye on my weight. I said thank you and pretended I was grateful. I was a size 10 and I had given birth to her three grandchildren,

two of which are twins. I would have been over the moon with earrings. Oh, that is so awful. That is worse than the shop assistant in the denim department of selfridges. Faye, that's awful. I mean, what do you do with that? And the thing is that...

You say thank you and you smile. Yeah, but that's not okay. Say thank you and you smile. Because that is a passive-aggressive dick. That is not okay. Of course you say thank you and you smile. Brilliant. Absolutely brilliant.

Hi ladies. A historic Christmas meltdown for you as you asked. I'm Australian so Christmas is about barbecue, salads, veg, grilled seafood and a million and one desserts. Sounds dreamy. Usually by the beach or in someone's garden. Loads of family and friends in a celebratory atmosphere. My first family Christmas in the UK was with my British husband's family.

I was expecting the holiday vibe. A charming, cozy chocolate box cottage in the snow. That's just never going to happen. I don't know why. I had visited their house before. It's a semi-detached in a cul-de-sac. It was his parents and my sister and brother-in-law. It was his parents and my sister and brother-in-law.

Who were there, I think. Right. The starter was a prawn cocktail. A couple prawns were still frozen. That's not good for your tummy. In a shop-bought pink sauce. No. Hate Marie Rose sauce.

But you're really weird about salad dressings. Followed by one small just-cooked chicken, the fat was still jiggly. Oh, yuck. Boiled potatoes and over-boiled Brussels sprouts, no seasoning at all, not even salt or pepper. No music playing, no one said anything, and the heating wasn't on either. After we were done, my father-in-law picked the chicken skin and fat from everyone's plate and ate them in front of us. Oh, this is amazing. Once we had kids, I have insisted on Christmas in Australia every year, Melanie.

I don't blame you, Melanie. That's disgusting. That's all disgusting. And I have never had a holiday Christmas. Right, that's us for the week. No show on Thursday. We might be jeans shopping. No show on Thursday.

Yeah. Don't miss us too much. We will be back next Tuesday. Yes. And then we're going to take a little break. We are. Well, I'm going away. Lauren's got the hump about it.

Yeah. Is it because you've got the hump because you're going to miss me? Or is it because I'm having sunshine and you're not? I think it's a bit of both. Although I don't ever go away at Christmas and I don't want to be away at Christmas because I really like home Christmas. And I've never done a Christmas away. So I don't really know what it's like.

I can't imagine it like not being in my own bedroom with this looking at my dream Christmas Day. I can't imagine it. So we will be back next week on Tuesday. Please keep your messages coming in. Hello at 40ish.com. Dot UK. And we'll speak to you then.

See you then. Bye.