40ish - BBQ, Birdwatching and Bedroom Antics

Episode Date: July 10, 2025

This week on 40ish: Lauren has a keen interest in birdspotting, because nothing screams midlife like getting excited about tits… the feathered kind. Meanwhile, Nicole is experiencing a full-blown sandal crisis—too strappy, too orthopedic, not enough ankle support, why is summer footwear so emotionally taxing? One listener is sweltering through a heatwave, but her husband’s libido is showing no signs of cooling down. She’s hot, bothered, and not in a good way. Cold flannel, anyone? And what exactly is a midlifer supposed to do when your young, trendy neighbours make BBQ their entire personality? Is there a polite way to say “please stop smoking brisket at me”? Join us for passive aggression, mild despair and probably a few unnecessary Amazon purchases. To buy tickets to our live show click here -  https://cheerfulearful.podlifeevents.com/festival/40ish---live-from-cheerful-earful-podcast-festival-16-oct-2025-tickets?clientside_routing=true Get 10% off Daily30+ today. Go to zoe.com/daily30 and use promo code 40ISH10 We love to hear from you! To share your feedback, dilemmas, rants, funny stories or general complaints about midlife please be in touch at: Email [e-mail] Instagram https://www.instagram.com/40ish.podcast  TikTok https://www.tiktok.com/@40ish.podcast Facebook  https://www.facebook.com/share/DVQWb6y2vesgeHEK/?mibextid=LQQJ4d  To order our book HAVE YOU TRIED THIS?” click here  https://www.amazon.co.uk/Have-You-Tried-This-Only/dp/1801293139/ref=sr_1_2?crid=1O7EA4ZF1O5CS&keywords=have+you+tried+this&qid=1699449028&sprefix=have+you+tried+%2Caps%2C125&sr=8-2 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

What's better than a well-marbled ribeye sizzling on the barbecue? A well-marbled ribeye sizzling on the barbecue that was carefully selected by an Instacart shopper and delivered to your door. A well-marbled ribeye you ordered without even leaving the kiddie pool. Whatever groceries your summer calls for, Instacart has you covered. Download the Instacart app and enjoy $0 delivery fees on your first three orders. Service fees, exclusions, and terms apply. Instacart. Groceries that over deliver. Lauren, I know we're middle-aged but have you heard about the fiber maxing trend?

No, obviously not but I do know that mid-lifers need fiber. Well, everyone's talking about it in a moment because it's flipping the script on food hacks. Instead of focusing on what to cut out, it's about what to add in. More plant, more texture, more variety. Well that's what you get with today's sponsor, Daily 30 by Zoe. Every scoop of Daily 30 has 5 grams of fibre from over 30 plants. It's created by Zoe's scientists to help you get more fibre and plant diversity. No extra prep required.

It's one of the simplest ways you can fiber max any meal. I'm adding it into my favorite dish which is a miso cod and mixed greens tray bake. And I love it with green tahini chicken salad but you can add it to absolutely anything you like. Pasta dishes with vegetables on top of yogurt or with eggs. It tastes great and it fits easily into a busy routine. So if you've been meaning to give it a go now is the time head to zoe.com forward slash daily 30 and use the code 40ish10 for 10% off plus you'll get a free bright yellow zoe tin and a magnetic scoop. That's 40ish10 at zoe.com forward slash daily 30. This episode is sponsored by Zoey. 30. This is the podcast that navigates all the troubles, the woes of midlife.

Well we talk about midlife in a humorous, relatable, resonant way. We try our best. No we don't try our best, we do. And we share our honest truth. We do. About all our shit. All our shit. All the mundane shit that is talked about here. It's basically like free therapy.

Is it? It isn't. It's not like free therapy. It is for me. Is it? Yeah. This is your version of, this is, this is your version of therapy. This is my version. This is, this is not therapy. This is like couples therapy. I watched that show last night, couples therapy. I love couples therapy. I find it fascinating. So do I. Don't you just want to go to her as a couples therapist no god no but I also don't really understand why these people want it all filmed well they probably get free therapy out of it do you think they would get free amazing they're like paying her to do the show do you think the production company can you imagine what she must charge a session? I have no idea. She probably charges $250-$300 a session. But still, but still it's a lot of airing of stuff. Oh I mean it's not for me but I just think she's amazing. It's very

relatable stuff. It is but anyway it's not about couples therapy. We don't need couples therapy. We're in it. We're here. And if you want more couples therapy in your life, then don't forget to follow and subscribe. We have got an Apple subscription. And when you subscribe, you get early access, you get ad free across this show and self care club.

And you get early access. I said that twice. Did I? You're so bad at doing this. Did I? Did I say it twice? I think you did. This is happening to me a lot.

A lot. What, you're saying things twice? Yeah. It's not good for podcasting. It's not good for life. It's definitely very bad for your job though. Really bad for my job. You're saying everything twice.

Well you're just, do you know what? I have noticed you're repeating yourself. Don't say that. I won't. OK. Because on top of me forgetting where I parked my car now I'm getting worried. Getting worried. What are you getting worried about? You got early onset. Do me a favour. You haven't. You haven't got to worry.

How do you know? I haven't got to worry. Oh, only my grandmother had it and her mother had it but I'm sure it'll skip. Your mum hasn't got it. It wasn't my mum's side. I'm just saying. Who are you again? I'm really, it's worrying me. Zach said to me yesterday that I had the identical conversation with him 10 minutes apart.

I didn't remember. I think it's probably more likely that it's your hormones. I really hope so because I can sort that out. Yeah but would you? Anyway I'm gonna do the subscription bit now. Go on please, it would be better. Because the listeners are probably a bit confused. Over at Apple podcast we have a subscription where for 4.99 a month, you get this show and self care club ad free. That's right. Ad free and early access, which means you get everything one to two days earlier than everybody else and you don't get the

annoying adverts. So what more could you ask for? You get us completely uninterrupted. Wow. What a gift. Our husbands would pay extra for more adverts. What a gift. Can you imagine them paying to be part of us as scriptwriters? I can't imagine them listening to the show. They don't listen to the show. No, never. Thank God they don't listen to the show because I think it would be a very different show if they did listen.

It would and also we wouldn't be able to talk about them. And also sometimes it's so embarrassing because it comes up at dinners, like when we go out with another couple and they were like, I don't know, I listened to your show and oh, do you remember the bit that you said about Adam? And I'm like, what did you say about it? Yeah, and he's like, well, what did she say?

And they're like, well, don't you listen? He's like, no. No. And then I'm just sort of like, no, it's just, no. Yeah, yeah. And he's not really on social media, so he doesn't see any of the social posts. Oh And he's not really on social media. So he doesn't see any of the social. Social media either. I mean, he is, but he isn't, you know. Yeah.

Anyway. What's your most 40 moment? Hold on. I haven't finished the subscription. Oh, please finish. No, I guess. They'll subscribe. They won't subscribe. I was going to say what if you want to be in touch with us. Oh yeah. That bit. Oh yeah, that'd be really nice. Yeah. If you wouldn't it if you want to be in touch with us and you want to be part of the conversation, please email

us hello at 40 ish dot co dot UK or you can DM us at 40 ish dot podcast. That's it. I did it so beautifully. What is going on with you? What's your most 40ish moment of the week this week? It's deeply 40ish. I know you're going to take the piss. I don't care! And even as I was in the midst of doing it as I was doing it, half of my brain was doing it

and the other half of my brain was like if Nicole knew what I was doing now, she would be laughing at me and teasing me. I went on a walk with my friend yesterday evening. It was delightful. It was like five o'clock. It was really nice. What friend? My friend Kate. I knew it was going to be Kate. Because her dog had lost his collar and it was she was very upset because she'd bought it from this woman and it was like a gay pride

collar. It was handmade. It was rainbow and you know, he's an ally her dog and he'd lost the collar and she was very expensive. She was very annoyed. So we went, yeah, of course he's, he's an ally. Yeah. He wears his pride collar with pride, with pride during pride month and he's an ally. But anyway, he'd lost his collar. So I was like, is your dog homophobic now what's going on here? So we went to look for the collar we couldn't find it anyway whilst we were out there was a group of very loud very active birds above us in the trees and I was like I keep hearing these birds and she said me too and I said do you know what they are? She said I don't know what they are and we stood still for ages staring and staring and looking at these birds and listening to them and I was like I think it might be a swallow. Anyway I got home and then

I shit you not at quarter to one in the morning on my sofa I was on the RSPB website, that's the Royal Society for the Protection of Birds, listening to different birdsong, trying to identify the birds in the woods. That's why I say half my brain was doing it with good intent and the other half was like if Nicole could see me now, she'd just, she just sigh. She would just sit there, roll her eyes and sigh at how middle-aged I am. I was actually invested in this. And as I was doing it, I thought, I swear when I was 25, I wouldn't have been interested in what bird it was. Okay.

I have questions. Yep. Ask away. The RSPB website. Yep. It has all different sounds of what the birds sound like. Yeah. It's fucking amazing.

Why? It has a bird identification thing and you can search for the birds. How did you know that? Well, I just looked up how to identify British birds and you can look by season. You looked up? Yep. So, so you typed into Google. Yep. How do I identify British birds? I actually think I looked up small black bird, very loud song and then it kind of took me down this wormhole of bird identification. It's amazing. They show you the bird and then you can play and it plays you the bird song. Right. My next question is, did you identify

the bird? I don't care. I think I did. Swallow? I think it was a swallow and then I was really proud of myself. I believe it was. Second question is why at quarter to one in the morning is this on your mind? Because I hadn't identified the bird and it was bugging me. But why does it matter? Because I was bugging me. Is it a bit like when you see an actor in a program and you know they're... Yeah, you're like I know them from something, they played the baddie and this, but who are they? Then you have to Google them.

Yeah, is it like that? It's exactly like that. Like when I watched the other week, A Real Pain. I haven't seen it. Okay, it's great. And there's this older woman who's a tourist on the trip and I'm like, why do I know her? Why do I know her? Do I know her in real life? I really know her. And then at the end of the film, I had to Google it. It was Jennifer Grey. You didn't know it was Jennifer Grey? Well, Jennifer Grey.

Different face. Different face. Different person. Because she was in Friends. And I didn't know it was Jennifer Grey? Well Jennifer Grey, different face. Different face. Different person. Because she was in Friends and I didn't know she was in Friends. What? Different face. Who was she in Friends? She did like a cameo. Okay. I mean different face. Different face. But still so familiar. But different face. Like Renée Zellweger when she did her whole

face. Different face. Yeah. And also because she still sounds like Jennifer Grey. That's what I mean. She was so familiar. She doesn't look anything like Jennifer Grey. It's not even like she had a face lift. Yeah. Had a new face. New face. Like face off. But why? She was so pretty. I don't know. But anyway, it was the same thing. I get the Jennifer Grey thing. I don't either. But it was the same thing. I don't know if I'm more perturbed about Jennifer Grey's face and why she did it or you and the birds. I really don't know. It's a toss up. Do you know what? I actually feel quite comfortable with the fact that I'm interested in the birds.

I feel like it's very fitting for someone of my age. I just do. I just feel like this is where I'm going. I don't think it. I'm okay with it. I'm all right with it. You know, I spend my life worrying about bandages and things like that. What? Yeah. Sorry? I think it's called a bandage. Is that a plant? It's a paddle shot. Oh. You know, that's how we differ. Why has it got such

a cool name? All the names. So ridiculous. Anyway, I'm not even going to go into it because I can't pronounce half of them. I also don't think this is going to help me when your friends say that I'm like an old lady because this is just adding fuel to their fire. Well it's just confirming it. Okay. But I am an old lady. But you're not an old lady. Well I'm not a young lady. Depends who you're talking to. This man outside Waitrose kept calling me Miss yesterday and I was with Josh and I was like I love it. Bloody hell what is going on with you? No no he was like a charity guy he wasn't chatting up guys. I was like trying to get cash out with me for the air ambulances. And I said, why is he calling me miss?

I'm ancient. And Josh was like, what do you want him to call you, madam? And I was like, oh, good point, Josh. Good point. But miss, I'm definitely not a miss anymore. When did you stop being a miss? When you get married. anymore. When do you stop being a miss? When you get married. No, but I mean like looks wise when do you stop being a miss? When's it not appropriate anymore? Because also you

wouldn't say that to a man. You wouldn't say mister to a man. You would only. Oh yeah, you wouldn't would you? You wouldn't. If it says mister, mister you'd call them sir. Yeah. Excuse me sir. Yeah. Excuse me, sir. Yeah. Would you like to give tons of cash to this charity? Excuse me, miss. Yeah. I suppose you can't call someone missus

because that's too rude. All right, missus. No. So what would you call the ma'am? Yeah, madam. Madam. I prefer madam. Do you?

I'm more of a madam than I am a miss. Well, not with the birds. I don't know what's going on with you. I don't know if I'm here for it. No. I ever miss. Well not with the birds, you know I don't know what's going on with you. I don't know if I'm here for it. No! I'm 48, I have no fucking interest in the sound of birds. And at quarter to one in the morning I'm not going to be googling, fail to identify a black British bird and then being directed, redirected and then going through all of the audio sounds on this website. It's weird. It's not weird. It is weird. It's not weird. It is weird. It's not weird.

I have an interest in nature. I have a no shame about it. None. I actually really enjoy nature. That's fine. David Attenborough has made a whole career out of this. Would you take the piss out of him? Oh David, I can't believe we're going to the Galapagos Islands again. Oh, it's so old of you. Go look at turtles. I just find the conversation boring oh i'm sorry i'm boring now you know i never thought i'd say it but it's happening yeah it's you are you don't bore me please don't please please i'm worried because the most fun i have is with you so please You're looking at birds all the time. You want to hear my 40th moment? Yes.

Sandals. What about them? I don't know. That was a big sigh about sandals. Because I don't know what to do. In what respects? I realise this is a silver spoon problem. Come on. Share I don't know what to do. In what respects? I realize this is a silver spoon problem. Come on. Okay. Share it. Share it with the group. I think

that most women of my age must be having this problem. Probably. Right. I'm going away soon. We do a lot of walking on holiday in the evenings. No, not like, we're not going on a walking holiday. I mean, like we walk around the markets after dinner. No we don't go on walks because my husband won't walk. Okay. But we walk to a restaurant or sometimes we have to park a long way to get to the beach. Yeah so it's not heels and it's a holiday. And it's very casual where we go. Very very casual. Heels are not necessary because there's a lot of walking at night. Yeah. So all the sandals that I have, or actually I have one pair of dress sandals that aren't a plastic Birkenstock. Like leather, you have a pair of leather sandals.

Yeah. They're not comfortable. No, they never are. They're very nice. Yeah. And they look great. Yeah, I have the same. But they're not comfortable and they're quite sweaty. And then when your feet are really hot and you're in like 30 degree heat, it gives me blisters and et cetera, et cetera. Yeah. So I want a nice pair of sandals. Here we go. Come on. Here's the 40th moment.

Come on. That I can walk in and that are comfortable. Oh, hello. Foot glove, foot glove, M&S foot glove. Hello. Being middle-aged. Yeah. Hello. Hello middle aged, you are here. Here I am. I now need a shoe that is practical.

What do you feel about ankle stability? Is it something that concerns you? It concerns my sister, so we've had this whole conversation and she just says it off the cuff as if it's no issue Like, you know, it just doesn't give me enough support. Yeah, I'm thinking. Oh my god I have to think about support now. I know I might actually have the solution for you You know fit flop Fit that is not a solution

Carry on no, they do loads of different styles. No, no, no. And they give good support. And they're comfortable. They just look shit. How can you seriously think this is a solution? I'm just thinking of like what is comfortable and practical. Fit, flop. They do new styles.

I just like to say I don't own any. I've seen them. But it's alright for I've seen them. But it's alright for me to wear them. I've seen them. Why can't you just... Do I strike you as a fit flop kind of person? Well maybe not now but maybe after the summer, yes. Why can't you just wear your rubber Birkenstocks? Get like a pair in black or something sheep kind of.

Because I'm over the rubber Birkenstocks. Yeah, I am too. And I'm wearing them today. But yeah, I mean I sit here with my clogs on. Yeah, my Birkenstock clogs. But I'm over them as well. What about just Birkenstock sandals like nice ones? They've got some studded leather ones this summer. They're only 200 pounds.

They a they've rocketed up in price and and two I've got so many Birkenstocks and I've got the black leather ones and they're too expensive and I'm done with that style. There has to be another style that a 48 year old can wear that she's comfortable that isn't a Birkenstock that doesn't cost £175. That I haven't finished is on trend and that goes with my wardrobe. is not a fit flop no offense to anyone that wears fit flops it's just not my style ancient Greek do you know them yeah but they're also expensive they're really expensive we have an affordable no I know what you mean and it is an issue it's an issue yeah it's an issue

I still want to look stylish yeah I still want to feel nice. I don't want to wear a fit flop. I have to say, I don't know if this is a solution, but I discovered when I last went on holiday that in the evening, actually, what I ended up wearing was just a gold Havana flip flop. And you can wear that with a dress and you can walk in it and it's comfy. And I know it's not like a stylish thing, but's like at least it's metallicy and it's very comfy and it's definitely not sweaty and Okay, I don't you know, I really want to wear flip-flops for dinner But you know what I mean when it's metallic it feels a bit better. It's also because you had a terrible blister on your foot

Yeah, yeah, I had to wear them but I'm saying then I realized like oh you can just wear these in the evening and it's fine I've got some Zara ones, but it's the same thing. So I've just bought the Zara ones you know like the sandal over the top and I've got them in red and of course because they're flat and they're 25 quid and everyone's going to buy them this year because they go with everything but they are not going to be comfortable. They're never comfortable. And they're never going to last for another summer. No I really I get it I get it, I get it. Thank you. I get it. Thank you for validating me. But I'm just saying, have a look at the photo. No, forget it. I'm going to get it.

I'm going to get it. I'm going to get it. I'm going to get it. I'm going to get it. I'm going to get it. I'm going to get it. I'm going to get it. I'm going to get it.

I'm going to get it. I'm going to get it. I'm going to get it. I'm going to get it. I'm going to get it. I'm going to get it. I'm going to get it. I'm going to get it.

I'm going to get it. I'm going to get it. I'm going to get it. I'm going to get it. I'm going to get it. I'm going to get it. I'm going to get it. I'm going to get it. Before we dive into your dilemmas, a quick disclaimer. We are not doctors. We are not healthcare professionals. We can't even find a pair of sandals. So if there is an issue that you're seriously struggling with, please contact a qualified expert. Question one. Dear midlife meddlers. Well, that's not kind. Is it? We do meddle. We do meddle. But that's our job. My husband seems to have heat-induced libido swings. Ooh!

The higher the temperature, the more frisky he gets. I am trying not to stick to the leather. I am just trying to not stick to the leather. Leather. Hello? Where are your teeth today? I am just trying not to stick to the leather sofa. It is not a summer of love for me.

It is a summer of please leave me the fuck alone. I'm so sweaty and hot and bothered. We have a fan in our bedroom and two open windows and I've just bought a portable air conditioning unit. I'm still hot. My husband keeps turning everything off because the noise keeps him awake. That's not fair. I always say to Adam like when he shuts the windows, I'm like, you're living with a perimenopausal woman. Open the fucking window. You know. I just heard it. Leave it alone. He also wants, like this woman carries on, he also wants to spoon with me. Oh my God.

I cannot bear a human hot water bottle near me in this weather. He thinks I'm being mean, but I am one sweaty night away from moving to the sofa until autumn. Can you recommend a solution for one 43 year old hot mess? Fuck in the shower. She's only 43. That's my solution. She's not asking where she should have sex. Yes she is. Do you have a solution for a 43 year old hot mess? Fuck in the shower. Is that what she's asking? Oh I think she's asking how she can get her husband to leave her alone. It's funny how you and I read that differently, isn't it? She's asking how to get him to leave her alone. I have the opposite problem so

Ollie likes to have everything open, like we have, we're in the loft and so we have these big doors and at night when I come up he's often already in bed but the curtains are open and the doors are like wide open. There must be a lovely breeze. There is a lovely breeze, but I feel like I'm on stage at the theatre. I honestly feel like hello, because there's like curtains and it's all open. Hold on, you haven't got air conditioning up there. No, we don't have air conditioning up there.

It does get warm in the daytime, but I'm not up there in the daytime. It's not fine at night. Because I leave it open during the day. But at night, I like the doors and windows shut and the curtains closed. I don't like to be on display. And then he is like totally fine with that. I'm like, no, nothing is going on when everything is open. Sound and visual is open to the neighborhood.

Like no. He always says you can't see up here it's too high but I'm just saying when I've walked down my own street from time to time and Ollie's got out of the shower I can totally see him upstairs in our loft bedroom and I'm like when you walk down the street you're on the back of the house yeah but when you walk down the side of my street if I look up into my bedroom and Ollie's like just got out the shower I can see him so just no so then we have this whole to-do about shutting the windows and shutting the curtains oh but it's so hot I'm sorry no and the reason I'm

so funny about it and I'm not joking when I tell you this a bat once flew into our house through the open window. Oh that's horrible. An actual bat. So this is in London, a bat. So I am a little bit phobic about being in bed and a bat flying in my bedroom. Who wants that? No one needs that. Do you know what I mean? No one wants that. What's some vampire diaries shit going on in my bedroom it's enough so it's enough with Ollie it's enough with Ollie so I don't need it open no you don't need a bat no I don't need a bat it was really scary by the way all right well she Lauren said fuck in the shower so I'm just gonna go with that I mean what makes him happy it keeps you cool and then he won't want to spoon with you because he'll just get into bed and go to sleep. Well he might still want to spoon with her Lauren.

What after? Yeah. Well it depends how long they've been together. Well she's midlife, she's 43 so let's assume they've been together a while so really do you still need to spoon? He does, he needs to spoon otherwise you wouldn't be spooning her would he? He sounds a bit needy. I mean he sounds a bit needy to me., he sounds a bit needy to me.

Why is your husband so needy? I think that's more of a problem than the hot nights. Get to the root of the needy husband. I think it's quite sweet to have a needy husband. I have the least needy husband in the whole wide world. Really, you want a needy husband? But then he always says to me, you would hate it if I was needy.

You would hate it! I would, I would, I would. It would drive me crazy and I could never have been with him. Where are you going? How long are you going to be at paddle for? Will you be back so we can cuddle? No! Oh no. He still asks me every single morning when I get up at half past six, I put my gym gear on and he's like where are you going? And I'm like, Adam. He knows where you're going. They're every day.

Why is he asking you? 7 a.m. every day. Is he just checking or is it just something he says verbotically now? He says it every day. Why? To annoy me. Tell him one day something different

and just see what he says. Well, I used to play a game like, because he used to ask me on Monday, what are we doing Saturday night? And then he'd ask me on Tuesday, what are we doing Saturday night? Wednesday, what are we doing Saturday night? By Friday, I refuse to tell him what we're doing on Saturday night because I've told him four times. It's like you've asked me, I've answered you patiently four times. I'm not answering you again. If you can't listen or remember, then you are going to have to be surprised. Write it in your diary, put it in your calendar where we're going, then you are going to have to be surprised. Write it in your diary

put it in your calendar where we're going then you'll remember. Or just hear me how about that how about that but like doesn't Ollie do that what we're doing Saturday night? No because he puts it in his calendar so he knows what we're doing and also we do a diary meeting at the beginning of the week. Every week? Pretty much or every fortnight so we know who's out, when we're out, what we're doing, where we're going. So no. But you still have the babysitting thing. Yeah. So you still need to do that.

We don't do that. Yeah. Because it doesn't matter if both of us are out. Yeah. I mean, it's always nice to know where the other one is. Yeah, it is. You should tell him one morning, where are you going?

Just say, I'm going to meet my lover and just see what he says. Just mix it up a bit. Just don't say you're going to the gym. Say one morning, say, I'm going to get a consultation for a facelift. One morning, just really go there. Really go there. This episode is brought to you by Dazon. For the first time ever, the 32 best soccer clubs from across the world are coming together to decide who the undisputed champions of the world are in the FIFA Club World Cup. The world's best players, Messi, Holland, Kane and more are all taking part.

And you can watch every match for free on Dazon starting on June 14th and running until July 13th. Sign up now at dazon.com slash fifa. That's D-A-Z-N dot com slash fifa. So I was in the car with Josh the other day and he was going to school and it was baking la boiling hot and he was wearing his P shorts and the school P hoodie. I said I really don't think you're going to need the hoodie today because it's going to be 32 degrees. He went cold. I said no, no, it's going to be hot. He went yeah

cold and I realised this is a new piece of teen slang. I didn't know before. Do you know cold? Didn't you ask my kids this? I think maybe I asked, I think maybe I did. Ross Lily Rose. Yeah, cold. She'd heard of it, she uses it, she just thinks I'm the saddest woman on the planet anyway. So when I started to discuss it with her, it was like, who are you? You fucking loser. That was the look in her eyes. Yeah, that's the general teenage look. He's also started to say TS. Hold on, let me guess. Give it to me in context. We went to the post office. It was a fuck off massive queue. So I said, oh, forget it.

We're not going. And he went TS queue long. I like what is this TS he's like you'll get it you'll get it I won't get it you keep saying it too slow no it means it's short for this I said why can't you just say this but this is shorter than TS that's what I mean I said it's not do it at the same time we'll see who finishes first I I'll do this. You do TS. One, two, three, TS. See what I mean? I said, why can't you just say the word this? Why do you have to say TS? It's just what you say.

I said, I just don't understand. I don't understand. You're also not meant to understand. I just felt so old. But we didn't use weird language. Yeah, we did. What did we say that our parents didn't say? Don't you

remember like when you used to talk about whether you were kissing a boy? Yeah. You'd say get off. You went with. No, not him, no. We'd say get off. I went with him. No, get off we'd say. And then if you were like with him but not like boyfriend and girlfriend you were seeing him. Yeah. There was that. Yeah but that's's perfectly understandable. Even to my parents if I said I'm seeing this boy they'd understand what that would mean. They would get that. Now it's like linking and... Oh talking to. Talking to. But that means you're just texting or snapping. Yeah I mean we didn't have a snap. We had our own slang. I don't feel like we had as much. No I agree we didn't have a snap. We had our own slang. I don't feel like we had as much. No I agree we didn't have as much or maybe it just felt a little bit more natural

to us. And also I'm like you know. Oh and you know what Lily Rose does which I can't stand. Oh a CBA to do that. I can't be asked. Yeah. Yeah. And she's like, I'm not gonna lie, a CBA. That's what she says a lot. I can't, I'm not gonna lie. A CBA. It's very grating. I'm like, why did you leave all the popcorn there the other day and you didn't throw it away? Oh, CBA to eat it. Can't you just say I didn't, I didn't want it. Why can't you just speak? Why can't you just, you know, talk? Yeah. Words. Yeah. Use words. Words. Words would be good. Oh, a CBA. Interesting. Yeah. So cold, I haven't heard. Well, you have now. What does it mean? Like, cool. Good. Cool. Like sick. No. Like...

That's what I said to Lily Rose. Oh, does it mean like, you know, sick? Yeah. As in like a sick used to be cool. She was like getting a hole and die. Yeah. She looked at me like. It means good. The tragedy of this woman is too much to bear. Like, for example, would you like a Solero? Cold. A Solero. Oh, a nice lolly. He loves a Solero. Right. Yeah, cold. It's pathetic. It's pathetic. But we're not 12. She's 14. She's nearly 15, by the way. And she's a CBA

tit. What is that? I'm not going to lie, a CBA. Either they're annoying or we're middle-aged or both. I think both are true because I'm definitely middle-aged and I own it. They don't own that they're annoying. They don't realize, you know, here's the thing with teenagers, right, and pre-teens as in Josh's age. Tweens. Yeah. They don't realize how annoying they are and they think that we're the annoying ones. And also that we're the annoying ones. And also that we don't know anything.

I remember thinking that my mother knew nothing, understood nothing. I remember having that thought process of, oh my god, she just does not get it. Now, by my mother's age, from that point, she got it. Oh, did she get it? And also she was sitting there thinking, no, mate, you don't get it. I remember my mum saying to me once, I know that you and your generation

think that you invented sex, but I assure you we were all having it before you. And I was thinking, no, you don't say anything, but she obviously did understand because she managed to have me and my brother. She got it, she understood, she got it. She's also been married three times. Yeah, she definitely got it. Yeah, I don't know what that is. It's the kind of arrogance and ignorance of youth. And she thinks she knows everything. Well, they try and get away with things and they think that you don't realize

what they're doing, but you know everything because you clock your children because you've grew them. And also you've done it before. Yeah. My 21 year old said to me the other day, you don't really know, you don't really know about me. I was like, I made you, I grew you, I birthed you, I kept you alive with my breasts for six months. Like I know by looking at your eyes, what kind of day you've had, what kind of mood you've been, who you've spoken to, where you've been and what you're doing.

So like don't ever tell me I don't know you. I know you like I know me because you are me and I know you might not like that but that's just a fact. And it is. Yeah, I loved that. Like to all of it. Yeah. And sometimes I'll say something to Lily Rosish because well how do you know? Well because of all of that. Because I grew you. I grew you. You see those fingers, the fingernails, every single hair on your head, I grew. So don't tell me that I don't fucking know. I fucking know everything.

I know more than you know, and you don't even know that. That's how much I know! Dear midlife ladies, we recently got younger neighbours next door who have a barbecue and have made it their whole personality. They have relentless late evenings, smoke-invading, music-playing, marathon evenings of meat that never end. I like a barbecue as much as the next person, but at the grand old age of 46, I just want peace in my garden, not to feel like I'm living in the middle of a food festival. The noise and the smoke drift through our windows, making it impossible to relax in

the garden or be inside with the doors and windows open. I am trying to be a good neighbour and also not a sad boring arsehole, but I am also middle-aged and craving quiet. How do I stay polite and also preserve my sanity? Any tips of solidarity welcomed? Louise 46, Dreaming of a Silent Summer. I have got building work going on next door. Oh, that's not nice in the summer. It's really not nice in the summer. And I do not get along with my neighbors.

It's the drilling. But it's also the, they're having like a loft conversion and there's like loads of men on the roof a lot. Oh, so you can't be like in your garden braless kind of vibe. Right. Yeah. Or even in a bikini. I don't know. Yeah, no. So I feel like I can't really of vibe. Right. Yeah. Or even in a bikini. I don't know. Yeah, no.

So I feel like I can't really be in the garden. Yeah. And our neighbors, we don't get along with them. And for one reason or another, they don't speak to us now. And so they basically demanded this whole that we have to give them side access and all this shit. Anyway, because they have been so difficult to deal with, we've just kind of gone along with stuff because we cannot be bothered to get into the legalities

of it. And I've spoken to the builder who's in charge, and we've kind of got an agreement, and we've taken photos, and I said, if any damage is done, he's going to fix it. Because I can't deal with them. So I also just want to be a quiet, happy neighbour. I don't want the drama of all your shit. I just don't. And at the same time, I also want to enjoy my garden this summer. So I am with you, Louise, and I am ready and waiting to hear Lauren's response because I have no answer. I have younger neighbours. they're like in their early 30s, they do have a barbecue and he does barbecue. I don't mind, I can't really smell the barbecue, I can smell the gas which was very scary the first time because I thought

I had a gas leak but it was his barbecue. They also have very young children who really, really are enjoying their garden in the summer as they should as little children and their garden is like Thorpe Park. They've got a paddling pool, they've got a slide, they've got a swing, they've got a this. I mean, if you were three, you would think you were in Disney. Right. So they are thoroughly enjoying it after school and on the weekends all day. They have their little friends over and every single time I see him outside my neighbour, he always says, oh, I see him outside my neighbour he always says oh I'm sorry, I'm sorry for the noise today, I'm sorry for the noise today. I'm like listen, your

kids are having an epic time in their own garden, it is fine, they are children, they are supposed to be enjoying the garden, playing and being three and five. We're waiting for the solution, hello? I'm just like, I think just, you have to just be a little bit gracious. I know it's annoying. I know it's annoying, but there's nothing you can do. You have to be able to let people be themselves in their own homes, you know? And I'm sure when my boys were younger and they were outside playing football all day, that was annoying for my neighbors. But the question is, like, that's fine. Like, oh, they can get on with their building work. I can't stop their building work.

Louise can't stop them from having a barbecue. She can't. And them socializing however they choose to in their own home. The question is, how can we enjoy our own garden without being disturbed by what they're doing? Well, you kind of can't. I would actually just make friends with her neighbors and get invited to the barbecue.

Well, I can't make friends with mine, so. No, you actually can't. You know what I have been doing, actually. I don't know if this is helpful. I laid in the garden the other day because it was boiling hot and I put on some headphones. I've got like noise cancelling headphones. Oh, good idea. So I put them in. I was going to say bikini. No, I did put a bikini on because I am in my garden and I just, well with the noise

cancelling headphones I can kind of tune it out a bit more. They had a treat the afternoon didn't they? Thank you Lauren I mean do we have to focus on that? They did. There are many men who'd like to stand, they'd pay to stand on a rooftop looking at you in a bikini. No they wouldn't. Oh they would? No they wouldn't. They totally would. No they wouldn't that is fucking weird. Have you managed to find matching top and bottoms? Or were you just going bikini bottoms and a Marlboro light as suggested a few weeks ago? You know what? The Marlboro light is sounding... if I hit any more edges of perimenopause, the Marlboro light is going to be a very strong reality. I don't know Louise, make friends with your neighbours and get invited to the barbeques

because it actually sounds quite fun next door. Yeah it does. They sound better than my neighbours. I'll be honest with you Louise. Not to like compare and then, you know, minimise your experience, but they do. I mean, I really like my neighbours, but I don't think I'd be invited to the slip and slide paddling pool games. But I do have lovely chats with them over the fence. I think it's just one of those things that we have to suck it up. I'm sorry Louise. It is. I'm sorry. It's just we become more intolerant as we reach mid-life and, you know, other people are young and enjoying themselves and that's great.

That is our show. We're going to be back on Tuesday for an Uncilted. Yes. Please keep your messages coming in. Hello at 40ish.co.uk and we'll be back next week with a brand new episode. See you then. Hello, I'm Sarah Cox. I'm Clare Hamilton. See you then. Audio Panic Room. Join us every Monday for the main app and Wednesday for your turn where we hear your teen tales past and present. Teen Commandments, find us where you get your podcasts. Yes, teenagers, pick up your wet towels.

And don't call us bruh.