40ish - Beckhams, Bed Injuries and Best-Before Dates

Episode Date: January 29, 2026

Today on 40ish Lauren has done her back in by making the bed. Tragic? Yes. Painful? Also yes. Meanwhile Nicole is floating serenely on a cloud of oestrogen but despite the hormonal induced glow her family are still approaching with caution. They discuss the Beckham feud (because it’s deliciously unavoidable)  Lauren's apparent inability to choose shoes that Nicole doesn't deem "DISGUSTING" and why underwear is not optional (and why Nicole needs to repeat this)  Plus: A listener dilemma about hairy arms and meltdowns over Best Before dates and the pronunciation of the letter “H”  It’s Midlife, Minor injuries and Major opinions. Get in touch! Email [e-mail] Instagram https://www.instagram.com/40ish.podcast  TikTok https://www.tiktok.com/@40ish.podcast Facebook  https://www.facebook.com/share/DVQWb6y2vesgeHEK/?mibextid=LQQJ4d  To order our book HAVE YOU TRIED THIS?” click here  https://www.amazon.co.uk/Have-You-Tried-This-Only/dp/1801293139/ref=sr_1_2?crid=1O7EA4ZF1O5CS&keywords=have+you+tried+this&qid=1699449028&sprefix=have+you+tried+%2Caps%2C125&sr=8-2 This episode is sponsored by London Nootropics Get 20% off at LondonNootropics.com with the code 40ISH Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

What happens the next morning? The whole Victoria Beckham, Brooklyn, Beckham dance, wedding dance, scenario happens. And I'm sorry to say it, but really it's the memes have given me life. And also I felt like I needed to drum that shit home about 20 times just to make sure that you will be wearing a bra. Because I really was quite happy to just let the girls swing free. They won't be swinging and sort of held, you know, okay, all right, it's all right, I'll get a bra. No worry. Anyway, the problem was shoes.

I show her the picture of the shoes, and make, look, what I found I found these. Nicole, look at the bit she's going. So everybody, welcome to 40. I'm Nicole Goodman. And I'm Lauren Mishkon. This is the podcast where we tackle the chaos of 40-something life. Would you sound very springy stepping today?

Yeah. Diving into stories, dilemmas, bringing our own mess of how we are navigating this new decade. It's not a new decade. I'm nearly out this decade. It's definitely not new. I'm only 41, this new decade. You're about to be 48.

Don't spread it. Then everyone will know. They do. Don't forget, you can subscribe on Apple Podcasts for early access, ad free listening across both our shows and bonus content. And you can even watch us on Spotify if you really, really want to. Oh, and the YouTube. All 33 people that are on YouTube watching us.

You can watch with them. Hi to them. And what else? They can share stuff with us. Oh, we'd love to hear from you. So if you've got something to share, big or small, ranty, any celebrations, we just want to hear anything that's going, why you laugh at any celebrations? Like what? Shout out to Susan for her 45th birthday.

Hey, Helen, congratulations on your boob augmentation. I mean, what are we celebrating? Anna, muzzle top of on remembering to part. park your car properly. Like, what? You're only saying that because you didn't remember to park your car this morning. No, but I have now. Well, okay, a celebration for not getting a ticket when you didn't part your car.

I am celebrating that. There you go. For 60 quid, I didn't need to spend. There you go. They could write in with those things. I mean, they can. And maybe we'll read them out. And maybe we won't.

I don't know. But yeah, please. Maybe we could start a new segment. Celebrate with us. Celebrate the small wins. Yes. Yeah. Yes.

Okay. I actually thought of a news segment yesterday, which we've toyed with a lot. What is it? Anyway, the point is, can I just give the email address? So they know who to contact us when they want to bring us their very small wins in life. Yeah. Hello at 40ish.com.com.

That's the one, yeah. We could do that as a new segment. Small wins. Okay. Small midlife wins. Yeah. But that wasn't the one you were thinking of. No, I like the Amazon basket.

Oh, what's the most tragic thing? Going through, like, the last five items in your Amazon basket, we should do it every week. It's hilarious. I love the fact that Ollie's Amazon account is linked to Zach's. So every time he buys something, Zach always text me and he's like, you will not believe what dad has bought now. And I'm like, tell me, tell me, tell me all the things. What is it? Oh, it's the most boring.

I can't even tell you how boring. This is what made me think of it, because Adam, a package came from him from Amazon and I opened it. my mistake. But whenever it says Adam Goodman on it, I'm like, oh, it's going to be so dull. Yeah.

What was it? It was like, and I opened it and Dave says, what is it? What is it? And I'm like, oh, it's like a battery or,

you know, a light bulb. Oli's this week was an ankle support. And, and even sexier, cold packs that can also be hot. I've got those. Don't knock them. I'm not knocking them.

Because I'm using them as we're about to come into. A cold and hot pack is very, very, very. useful in midlife. No shit. Show up. I'm living on them. Maybe the segment should just be what,

Adam and Ollie have ordered. Order from Amazon. They won't even know. They won't even know. Every week. Yeah, I think we should. Shall we do that? Yeah, let's.

We just did. We just did for this week. Well, I'm starting with my most 40-ish moment, which I think, I think tops, maybe all accidents so far, made the bed on Tuesday morning. Now, I wasn't like,

turning over the mattress. or hoiking something or moving the actual bed, what I was doing was bending over and then just pulling the duvet, just the little duvet over, something went in my back. When I say went, it was like white hot pain across the bottom of my back. I had to lie down immediately and shout, ow, ow, ow, ow, out. Honestly, it was like worse than labour.

You don't need to tell me because I've listened to it all week. I thought if this pain sustains, I will have to go to A&E because there was no way I can live like this. I lay there for 10 minutes, not knowing what to do with myself. And then, thankfully, in a weird coincidence, Ollie happened to be home that morning. And I just came downstairs, I've hurt myself. What have you done? I made the bed.

Well, he's also got about 12 injuries that he keeps telling me about. Mainly ankle. Yeah, ankle and hamstring. Anyway, he's had to walk the dog. He's had to do the dishwasher. He's had to do the laundry. It's been amazing. I mean, it's been awful, but also it's been amazing.

Anyways, then Ollie was eating the lunch that I'd brought around and he goes, I feel like I'm living in an old person's home. Yeah, like you've come to care for us because we're decrepit. He goes, I mean, it's very nice, but also weird. It was a big care in the community, wasn't it? Wednesday. It wasn't there. It's funny.

Well, everything's funny now. Is it? Everything's funny now. I found my humour again. Oh, that's nice. You know why? I found my humour again. I do know why because you had your implant.

My implant has been injected. H.R.T. has been injected into my ass cheek and I have never been so happy about it. Everyone's happy about it. Although I'm happy about it. I am so happy again. Yeah. I am so happy.

Like I just feel so happy. Estrogen is a wonderful thing. Like if you are on the fence about it. HRT, let this be the advert for it. Can I come and lick you? Because I think I need some. You definitely need some. I'm not squeezing any of this shit out.

Keeping it all for me. No, I fucking haven't. Fuck off. I was really overdue. Anyway, my family, what I noticed, are still talking to me as if I haven't had the implant. And I'm finding it a little insulting. Really? Because everything I'm saying, they're like, oh, you're so menopausal.

And I'm like, actually, I don't feel menopausal. I just don't want to look at your shit all over the floor. My daughter walked in, I swear to you, she took her coat off in the middle of the hallway. One shoe was in the middle of the hallway and the other one was in the middle of the kitchen. What is that? So I said, could you pick up your coat and your shoes? I mean, it was like in the middle. Yeah.

It's like, oh, oh, when are you having the implant? Like, no. Because I've had the implant and then you do something. It's still annoying me. Yeah. Yeah. They seem to think that it's a magic wand. They seem to think that nothing is ever going to annoy me again.

Like, I'm not high. No. It's not a drug. But you're a bit like one of those rescue dogs where you've like trained them and it's all fine. But actually, if you approach them with a hairbrush or something that triggers them, you don't really know. So it's like you're a bit cautious still around them, just in case. Just in case. Yeah.

Yeah, but you know what? I'm over it now. It's like I've moved on. Wow. That was quick. everything's well that's how quick it is everything's fine now great so what's the problem don't know just pick your coat up well yeah also

pick your coat up pick your coat up estrogen no estrogen progesterone no progesterone that shit's still going to bug me yeah so the other day um Josh's having a sleepover tonight actually 10 kids in my living room I cannot wait

living life can I make dinner for you all or do you pizza no we all want McDonald's I'm like, oh, great. You're not going to make dinner for 10 people. I would rustle up something. No. No.

Well, I'm not. No. Because they want McDonald's. Well, it's too late. Nice and healthy. Because you, you should not have done that. I didn't. But you can't even move.

No, I know. I just said to you, could you get up and ask Jay's at the videos on? You're like, oh, don't make me get up again. But you would gladly stand in your kitchen making 10 kids dinner. You'd probably make a whole roast chicken and a whole this. I wouldn't gladly, but I would have done it. But anyway, they've demanded McDonald's great. can I get you snacks? No, no, no, no. My friends are bringing snacks. Okay, well, at least I'll do the birthday cake. No, no, no. My friend's getting a birthday cake from Tesco. It's going to be so funny. All I'm doing is basically supplying the venue. Well, that's a lot. I'm just the venue higher. Anyway, I said to him as a joke of the day before yesterday. Oh, Josh. I was singing in the kitchen. He came in. He was like, shut up. I said, oh, Josh, I was just thinking tonight on Friday when you have your sleepover, I thought that maybe I do a little before.

for your friends like a song. I said it completely deadpan. I went, what? I said, I thought it'll be really nice because you're not letting me cook or like do snacks or anything. I could, I've made up a song and I thought I could come and sing it to everyone. He went, mum, I'm not, are you joking?

I said, no, he said, mum, I'm just telling you now that if you do that, I'll kill you. And I said, okay, all right, I understand. I won't do a song, but how about a dance? How about a dart? His social status would be finished. He said, I said, what about just a short dance?

He said, if you dance or sing in front of my friends, I will not speak about you in my bimits for speech. I will cut you dead. Then what happens the next morning? The whole Victoria Beckham, Brooklyn Beckham dance, wedding dance, scenario happens. And I'm sorry to say it, but really it's the memes have given me life. I can't with the memes.

I hate myself for how invested I am in this story. Oh, it's just... But also, from a feminist point of view, it's completely wrong. I know. So I am hating myself, but I'm also really enjoying it. But the feminist in me is also screaming that why are we only pointing our fingers at the women? Where are the men in this? Just putting it out there.

And I hate to be a Debbie Downer, but there is that issue in there. I feel very torn on the whole thing. On one hand, I feel like Brooklyn is being a bit of... a wow-wam baby. On the other hand, I feel like who actually copyrights their own children's names. Very weird. Also, yeah, it's always been a brand. Also, did she do that dance at the wedding? Did she? And was it the first dance? Did she? I think what's now emerging in the news is that the inappropriate part wasn't the way she was dancing. It was the timing of the dance. I heard that she nuzzled into his neck. But you know, do you think she was doing that thing that we

always talk about where you want to smell your child? Yeah. Inhales. them. But maybe not on his wedding day. In front of all their 500 guests. I will curb that shit. Like when my sons get married and I probably won't still be smelling their baby smell, but if I want to smell their baby smell, I won't do it on their wedding day in front of their wife. It's a bit weird.

Maybe I'll give them a sniff like in the hotel room before the wedding. Maybe don't. Or don't. Maybe just rain that in. If they're old enough to get married, they're too old for you to be smelling them. Yeah. You know? Yeah. I really I am really pleased.

We've got to the bottom of that. I don't understand that. She was just nuzzling him. She's like, oh, you're getting married, my baby. We're never going to know what is what because they have shut that shit down. No one's ever going to see the dance. No, never. Never going to see the dance.

How much money would you pay to see the footage of that dance? I would definitely go behind a paywall for that shit. Me too. Use media spaces to generate a presentation. Grabat. talks, your permits, your moves, AI levels of your pitch, gets it in a groove. Choose a template with your timeless cool. Next those two.

Drive, design, deliver, make it sing. AI builds the deck so you can build that thing. Acrobat. Learn more at adobe.com slash do that with Acrobat. Before we go into your dilemma, as a quick disclaimer, we're not conscious or healthcare professionals. So if there is an issue you are seriously struggling with, please contact a qualified expert. But before you read the dilemma, I just want to give you the context as to who it's from. Do you remember our friend who wrote in to say that her husband had left her via text message?

And she was now in a subdom relationship with the man from the gym and having an affair with the married man. Then she told us again that she'd binned off the married man because we were like, nah, nah, that's too much drama for you. So she wrote in again to say, I just want you to know, I am now in a proper relationship. Am I going to read out? No, this isn't the dilemma. This is the pre-out. She just wanted to say that she's now in a proper relationship with the man from the gym and they're in love. And she is so happy.

Isn't that so great? I'm so thrilled for her. Well, she's obviously got a dilemma. She has. What's her name? We're keeping her in on for obvious reasons. Yeah, fair enough. Ladies, this is a genuine 40-ish dilemma. Arm hair.

Do you have it? Has it become darker or longer since hitting perimenopause? Do you deal with it? I work in a school and lots of the girls tell me that they shave their arms. Is this a thing now? I'm now obsessed with having hair on my arms and genuinely worried about what I need to do about it. Please help before I actually lose the plot over hair on my arms. Oh, that's an interesting one.

Okay. Shall I start? Right, I'm going to start. Arm hair, do I have it? No. Why don't I have it? You may ask because I am a brunette with very dark hair. Because I laser that shit.

On your arms? Yes. On your arms? Yes, my friend. Your four arms. Yes, my friend. Her lazered, that shit, away. Why?

They are now, what, for the same reason as her. I don't like, I didn't like, having hair on my arms. No, I don't have any. Gone. Finished, zilch. Let me tell you something, subdom lady. I actually, this is one problem I don't have in perimenopause. Okay.

So I don't have to worry about it. And you know what, I don't want to worry about it. And I don't want to start to worry about it. it. So I don't, I don't appreciate the question of now I'm going to have to sit and worry about it because now I feel compelled to look at my arms. Well, have a look. No, they're okay. Okay, great. I don't know if this is necessarily a peri menopause thing. I think either you just have hairy arms when you're 15, 20, 30 or you don't. I don't think it's something that suddenly appears. Well, it hasn't appeared on mine. Well, then it's not going to. Oh, so if it doesn't

appear on mine, I, I'm the spokesperson for all peri menopausal. But it's not going to start now. I'm saying I had furry arms when I was like eight. My face has got a bit hairier though. That's pretty normal. So is this, I can't, I have daughters so I don't know, but is this, the girls shave their arms? Yes, one of my girls was shaving her arms and I went absolutely mad about it. Well, yeah, because it would get stubbly, no?

Yes, yes. And then you're like just in this terrible, terrible cycle of shaving arms. No, it's not good. No, no. So the young girls do do it, but I don't like that. Right. Well, I would say to this lady, yeah, just, if you don't like it, just laser that shit off. But I don't think it's a perimenopause thing.

I think it's just a brunette thing. You know? You either have them or you don't. Yeah. Don't you think? I mean, I would have preferred a dilemma about the subdom relationship. Can we have a, can we have that? Like more questions about the relationship or just more of an update, please.

What she's saying is she's not that invested in your hairy arms. She's invested in like what knots you're using. Nots. What knots he's using. I know. K-N-O-T-S-I-N-O-T-S. Yeah. I wasn't actually.

No. Or like where does one buy silky ropes or I don't know. What were you interested in? Kind of dilemma. Her emotional well-being. She's in love. So her emotional well-being is tip-top high. They are in love.

Good for her. Good for her. Good know. It is good for her. I'm thrilled about that. Come on. What's your meltdown? I know your milk.

Okay, my meltdown is. It's all your fault. No, it's not all your fault. In two weeks time. Excuse me. You found it very funny. I did. Immediately.

In two weeks time, it's my son's for mitzvah. I've had to change dress at the last minute. And now, even though I had shoes... You didn't have to change dress. Well, I chose to change dress at the last minute. But your other dress that you were going to wear is still fabulous. But anyway, with this new dress, obviously, don't have shoes, don't have a bag, don't have a hairstyle. Don't have a bra. Have you got the bra?

No, I haven't got anything. You really need to sort the bra. I'm very worried about the bra. Because when I said to you, she put it on and it's a fabulous, it's absolutely gorgeous in it. But I said to her, you need a bra. You looked at me. We'll get onto your meltdown in a minute. But you looked at me like I'd gone fucking mad.

Like, like, if you are watching on Spotify and YouTube, you will see. She went like this, like that. Like as if, well, I don't need to. a bra and I felt like saying you're about to be 48 and you do need a bra and I know you've got good boobs but they still need lifting a little bit. It hadn't occurred to me to put a bra on. I could see all over your face it hadn't occurred to you. Really hadn't. And also I felt like I needed to drum that shit home about 20 times just to make sure that you will be wearing a bra. Because I really was quite happy to just let the girls swing free. They want to be swinging. They're

sort of held but you know, okay. All right. It's all right. I'll get a bra. Don't worry. Anyway, the problem was shoes. And also because in the photos, all you're going to see is your lack of bra. My bosom's not hoiked. Like, you've got you've got to wear a bra. Why don't you tell the story

of the shoes? Oh, I'm much more invested in the lack of bra. Well, you said, oh, I think I've got a pet because you had the whole outfit for the gold dress. You had the gold shoes, you had the gold bag, the gold dress. We had the hairstyle. We had the makeup. We sorted the whole thing out. Yeah. I feel like I'm part of the glam team

so I was advising you accordingly well no one else is so it's just you alone well I'm actually not even doing it I'm not even advising myself no no so um yesterday you have to tell me what knickers to wear I thought yes sir you were like no because you're not particularly with it

so I thought I just would double check that you're not actually going to wear your normal because you're very into wearing big knickers yesterday you were like by the way I just want to say, you know you can't wear your normal knickers with that dress because there'll be a line and you'll see it, okay? So you can't. Oh, so what knickers you could have?

And I think I just said to you, well, maybe I just don't wear any knickers. You were like, no, no, no. You have to wear knickers and a bra. It's like dressing a four-year-old. Put stickers on. It is a bit. Yeah. It is a little bit.

Because you're so like, my knickers don't give me a knickleine. But when you tried the dress on for me, you were obviously wearing your everyday knickers, and I could see your knickers, not see your knickers, I could see the line of your knickers. And I'm telling you, you don't want that shit on the day, because it's a beautiful dress, it will ruin the dress. Okay, okay. So we need to get some underwear. Right. Okay.

But that's not even your meltdown. No, it's not. I wasn't melting down. I'm fine about it. So I'm more melting down about the bras. And every day I've asked you about the bra. No, no, I haven't got the bra. It's like, but if you need to be melting down, I'm fine.

But if you need to order a bra, because you might not be able to get it in Phoenix or John Lewis, it's a very specific bra. So could we just, could you please put my mind at rest and just start looking for the bra? I'll start looking, yeah. I will. I will, I will, I will.

I'll get some tit tape or something. I've never used it, but I'll figure out. You don't need to, it needs a bra. Okay, I'll find a bra. Anyway. I can't be any clearer. Anyway, I said to Nicole, I think I found, I think I found some shoes.

I think I found some shoes. Can I just say it's a bright red dress. Yeah. A beautiful like pillar box red dress. I think I found some shoes. Floor length. So show her the shoes. But it's like it's a beautiful, very elegant, very classic evening gown.

It is stunning. It's only the hostess could wear this dress, right? So Lauren, who often reverts to like an 80 year old, decided to show me a pair of shoes. She said, oh, I found these shoes. Yeah. And they were also red. I'm not into red and red.

I'll show her the picture of the shoes and make, look what I found. I found these. The whole look at the picture. She just goes, disgusting. They had. I mean, literally just. They were a bright red courts shoe, which is fine.

Yeah. But then they had like this. Applicate flowers all over the. Fabric 3D flowers all over. Like, I'm talking 30 flowers on this shoe. Yeah. They were like sculptural They were vile

She was just away You didn't even Skip a bit of it Disgusting They're absolutely disgusting And then I just cracked up I just laughed But isn't that the sign of a good friend?

I found it so funny But you know you can trust me Anyway you know what They arrived the next day Because I did order The package came You never told me that The package came

How much were those disgusts? these shoes. How much were they? Come on. 80 pounds. Fucking hell. Where were they from? They're fucking H&M premium. They were. Anyway, the package came.

I didn't even open it. I've got to see them in person. Oh, you set them back? I didn't even open the package. I just opened the return table, hit return, went to the every, start the sticker on and set the back. I never even looked at them. I never even opened the bag.

So it's like, if I even wear these shoes. She'll never speak to me again. So I don't even know what they look like in person. All of this is so that you look and feel amazing on the night, which is what I want you to feel. Thank you. That's it. That's it. And you're not wearing like a matchy, matchy shoe and dress.

That's the first thing. Like my mum, your mother, they were doing that in the 80s, the 90s. Listen, I'm into matchy. I know you are. It's fine because now I've spammed you at like 8 in the morning with like so many. So many shoes. I don't mind that. Do you like these?

Do you like these? Do you like these? And there's three pairs of shoes coming. And then you showed me a pair that were £800. Was that a joke? They were also not amazing. But you weren't going to, there's no way you're going to spend that on a pair of shoes. Which ones?

They were like a Charlotte Olympia pair, like really funky. Oh yeah. The bird ones. No, not the bird ones. You see what I mean, clubbers of you're listening. See what I mean? See what I'm dealing with the bird shoes? I mean, they were absolutely very cool.

Yeah, they were so. That dress. They were so cool. Anyway, the meltdown is trying to find shoes that are not disgusting. And also, like, I don't want ones that are unrealistically uncomfortable. Because you know when you get to our age and you've worn all the shoes in your youth. And you know. And you know.

You just know. You look at the shoe and you're like, they're nice. They're going to be in agony after three minutes. Yeah. I don't want that shoe. No, because it's going to ruin your evening. Yeah, I don't want that shoe because what will happen is what happens at every function I've ever attended. You take them off.

I just go barefoot. Yeah. And I have to tell you, and I'm going to be very honest, it has crossed my mind to just not wear shoes. I will. So hold on. So we're not wearing shoes. We're not wearing a bra. And we're not wearing knickers.

But what we are wearing. What we're very clear on is we're wearing a hairpiece. Just a dress. And a dress, yeah. I mean, it did occur to me. So basically, I'm going to turn up to this venue and you're just going to be in a hair piece. and you're just going to be in a hairpiece and then a naked Lauren.

Yeah, it did occur to me. I was like, do I even need shoes? Do I even need shoes? I was like, okay, no, I will wear shoes. This is what I mean by your disappearing. This is what I mean. I've got a little bit of feedback. This is from David.

Okay, who's David? Who's David? He's someone on TikTok. This is harping back to when I had to go to Halford. David says, I still have to go on my phone and look at Ringo for my car reg. I think it's an age thing since 40, it's not relevant.

I feel so happy that a man has said that. Because I thought we'd get slagged off being women who don't know our car reg. But this is a bloke saying it, and I'm really happy. But it's the same as like, we live in a different culture now. So it's the same as like, I don't know my children's phone numbers. No, me neither. But that is terrible. Yeah.

But these are things we should, you should know your own car regge and you should know your children's phone numbers. Not as in you. one because I don't either like I do not know my child's phone number well learn it learn it for God's sake learn it do it make it your weekend now that I'm full of estrogen

you can suck that info up yeah someone else said jeans on the bed definite no any outside clothes on the bed I'm glad I'm not the only one you told me I was wrong for that no I told you you were wrong for like verbally abusing him not for the jeans on the boat

I didn't verbally abuse him. Okay, you just shamed him. You know what he showed me in those last few days of me being really rageful and menopausal? He's got the aura ring. Oh, yeah. And he basically went on to the app and his stress levels were much, much higher. Oh, no. Oh, I feel sorry for him.

Oh, my God. I know. I hope they come down this week. It's okay. It's okay. I told him, I came downstairs yesterday. I went into the kitchen. I was like, hi. He's like, hi. Hi, what you want? Yeah, no. Hi. Like I am back. I'm back in the room. I'm back in my body. I'm back in my own skin. Like I'm back. Yeah. You've got your wife back. It gets really scary when your implant starts to run out. It gets dark. Does it? Yeah. It gets scary. I never know what might happen. I never know. I feel like one day, I don't know. I just get scared. Do you? Yeah, a little bit.

A little bit like you might just go, okay, bye, see you never. I'm like, it could happen. Hold on a second. What? I don't know. I get a bit like, where is she? Where is my friend?

Oh, there she is. Why would I, why would I say? You just get a very like, like, Winnie the Pooh. What's his name? E-or. I get quite eaw, but when you're low, you get, I didn't get low this time. I meant low on estrogen.

No. Oh. You get Eori. Eory. I didn't get low this time. I got grumpy. Grumpy. You, excuse me.

All right, okay. I'm always grumpy. If we're going there, let's go there. I'm always grumpy. You're not grumpy. I wouldn't call you grumpy. Oh, I am. Well, you, you like disappear.

Okay, you disappear. All right. It's like, where the fuck is she? And it's not because you're grumpy or a bit more volatile. It's not because I'm at a party that I haven't invited you to, I assure you. No, you're just like, you literally disappear. Yeah. Go quiet.

Yeah. I talk to you. It's as if I haven't said anything. It's like, you're just baking at me. It's like, is she in there? Is she there? Where is she? Listen, I mean, I'll give you a bit of podcasting background.

Yeah. There was an episode that we recorded a couple of weeks ago. I think it went out now. I mean, Lauren brought two segments that I couldn't use. I just scrap the. I had to take them out. So if you listen to a show, which you probably wouldn't notice, and it felt a bit one-sided because I was doing all the talking,

that is because Lauren was not actually coherent. She wasn't making sense. She was telling me things, and I was like, I don't understand. What? You were like, okay. I just feel, one of your sentences was, it's like a baggy gene chicken. What was the other one?

What? A baggy gene chicken boyish energy. Do you know what I mean? Can we go to a listener, Mount there? Yeah, okay. Just let me vent, please. Okay. Yesterday, the 19th of January,

I was driving near an M&S food store. I popped in and stunned myself at my strong will not to buy biscuits or chocolate. Good, good. I did buy the vegetable samosas. They're dairy-free, which is great for me. They sound disgusting. I don't like a samosa.

Got home to eat it, and the used-by date was the 70. Sorry, is this listener very angry? Yes. Because you're saying it a very angry tone. got home to eat it and the used by date was the 17th of January. Oh, that's terrible. I am a bloody idiot for not checking the date and M&S are bloody idiots for having stuff in their fridges two days out of date.

Okay, that... Okay. Fair enough. Hi ladies. Oh, we're on to a new one. My rant is this. My son is five and he is learning to read and write. His teacher pronounces the letter H as H.

He is not a northerner He is not Irish I have no idea why he is teaching this So now my son is doing the same Every time we do spelling or reading at home And it is grating on my tits Like I cannot tell you I appreciate

I am generally more intolerant As I am in my mid-forties But it is making me irrationally rageful Every time I correct him And he tells me Mr Miles is right I have to say I don't like that I don't either

H It's a H H H. You know so many B-ball spell my name with an H.

Sorry, a H. We've had this conversation before. Nick H. H. H. Nick H. Why?

Why would you put an H in it's not necessary? Or even worse, an H. It's like putting a H in your name. It's just as necessary in your name than it is in mine. So weird.

It's not niche hole. Nick H. No, but it would be niche hole because C-H is ch. Yeah. Does Mr. Miles tell them that? I don't know, but Mr Miles, I, sorry, I'm sorry for anyone out there who says H. Also, the vegetable smosis, like, did you take a receipt?

Probably not because who the fuck takes a receipt? No one. Because I always think I'm never going to take it back because who needs part of that mental load to take something back that's already expired? Then you've got to find the receipt and who's got the time and who's got the head and who can be bothered. With the exception of flowers. You know sometimes you buy flowers and they're dead three days later and sometimes I have a few times taken back this wilting bunch. Like, have. And you take them back, you're like, these are shit.

Have you got the receipt? Well, no, because who keeps their receipt from the supermarket? You know, if you bought three things in the supermarket. Okay, and what do they do about it? Nothing. No, in M&S they replace. In waitros, they do not. That is a fact.

M&S, they're like, sure, go and take another bunch. But the MNs flowers rarely wilt. The waitrose ones, not such good quality. Same with the fruit. The fruit goes off so quickly in waitrose, but anyway, doesn't matter. Who? I mean, do you check the sell-by date on every single thing you buy? Yeah, most things.

Do you? Yeah. I don't. Well, I do a lot of online shopping, so no. Yeah. I would never check it on online shopping. I don't think you can. No, you can't, but I do resent it.

But when I'm in the shop, I'm not, I'm never doing a massive shop because I've always done a big online shop. Yeah. And then I'll get bits and pieces. Yeah, like some bananas and yogurt. You don't check the date. I wouldn't on a yogurt because it's always quite a long-term date. Yeah. Bananas.

No, no. There isn't a date on the bananas. But I would on most other things. Like if I was buying chicken breasts or if I was buying anything fresh. You know sometimes when you do your online shop and then a chicken arrives and then you look at the date and it's like the next day. And I'm like, no, no, no, I wasn't cooking this the next day. I find that a bit annoying. It is annoying.

But not rageful. It doesn't make me rageful. Well, it might in another month. Come back to me about that. Okay, I'll come back to you with that and my underwear. Okay. That's it. that's it.

That's it by? That's it by. No funny music today. No taking the piss with, you know, one day more. I hope you enjoyed that. Because I had a lot of fun editing that. I mean, I was literally sat with David Lloyd in the workspace. Yeah.

Editing that laughing. To yourself. To myself. Every time I put it in. Yeah. And then I had to keep listening to it back, checking it was okay. And it just really made me laugh. Wonderful.

Yeah. Okay. I'm off to the osteopath. Have a lovely week. I'm going to go watch traitors. Enjoy!